rSlash - r/Trueoffmychest My Wife Cheated on Me with a Clown!

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash True Off My Chest, where OP's wife cheats on him with a literal clown. Today's episode is brought to you by Manscaped, the global brand for men's grooming and hygiene products. When I record R-Slash episodes, I do it in an airtight sound booth, so trust me when I say that I really don't want to be stinky. Imagine farting in an airtight box. Yeah, not pleasant. So, that's why I'm happy to be sponsored by Manscaped, which specializes in caring for a guy's stinkiest regions, your pits, your butt, and your balls. Yep, that's right, they've got ball deodorant, cause who wants stinky balls? Not you, and certainly not your partner, either.

Their performance package 4.0 comes with a bunch of stuff. Body wash, shampoo and conditioner, the aforementioned geodaran and ball toner, as well as a nose trimmer and hair trimmer for keeping your lower regions under control. Order now and you can get a travel bag and underwear thrown in for free. Go to manscape.com today and get 20% off plus free international shipping plus two free gifts when you use the promo code R-slashit checkout. Our next reddit post is from Mike's throwaway for me. It's humiliating enough to get cheated on by my wife, but in my own home with the clown that we hired for our Sun's birthday. Okay, I realized the initial amusing nature of this idea, and if it had happened to anyone else,

I'd probably laugh. My wife insisted on hiring a clown for my son's birthday despite my protest because, hey, who the F hires clowns anymore? And, B, I have a mild fear of clowns. I gave into my wife because I love her, and now that's the biggest regret of my life. She was pissy at me all day, and she disappeared during the party around the same time that our clown was on break. I'll skip the details, but I put the pieces together pretty quickly. I'm currently sleeping in the guest house. I just needed to vent. And then, because people were begging OP for details, OP posts in an update. Okay, okay. I'll try to keep my cool because this were begging OP for details, OP posts in an update. Okay, okay. I'll try to keep my cool because this whole thing feels so ridiculous, and like I said,

I'm humiliated. I had noticed that my wife and the clown were chatting in the kitchen right after his break. He was making her laugh, which I guess he's paid to do. It didn't seem overly flirtatious, so I went about enjoying the party. Later, when I returned to the kitchen, neither of them were there. I wandered around the party looking for my wife, not to concern with where the clown was at all. Anyway, I eventually hid to the study, and she

literally, this is where it gets ridiculous, had some clown makeup on her lip and cheek. I pointed it out to her and she wiped it off without explanation. Then she escorted me away from the study. A few minutes later, I was within an eye line of my study and the clown peeks his head out and then waltzes back into the party. He finished his shift, but he seemed more distracted and he kept glancing over at my wife

who was clapping with the kids. Once the party ended, I noticed something peeking out of the top of her dress. Being suspicious, I took it out, and it was the clown's business card tucked into her bra. That's when I confronted her, and she confessed almost immediately. Down in the comments, Fog for Days says exactly what I was thinking. I had a coworker insist to his wife that they hire an Elsa impersonator. You know, the character from Frozen.

He had been sleeping with her for 6 months prior. Sorry, but I have to agree with other people in this thread that she was sleeping with the clown before the party. Yeah, I agree, OP. It's just a little, like, suspicious, strange, like who insists on hiring a clown anymore in 2022? Our next Reddit post is from Throwaway Sleigh. The title of the post is My Late Boyfriends Memorial Picture that his family posts whenever they talk about him was his reaction to my boobs. The picture is beautiful. He had glowing blue eyes and the most beautiful smile. The sun was shining

on his golden blonde hair. He'd look like an angel in the picture. The smile that had been used in every Facebook and Instagram post was induced by me flashing him to get a nice picture. I forgot about it entirely until I saw it in an old Facebook post. So now, the picture that his family keeps posting of him on social media is his genuine reaction to his girlfriend's boobs. I think that's exactly how he would have wanted to be remembered. Opie, I think you're taking the subreddit name. True off your chest a bit literally here. Our next reddit post is from Clean Stable and the title of the post is, Tomorrow I'm going to ruin his life. I've been with him for three years now. We planned on getting married when our lives settled down. I wanted to start

a family with him. I loved him more than anyone else in this world. I've sacrificed so much for him. I've moved away from my home, turned down jobs so I could stay with him, and stood by his side as he went back to school. I gave him my world. And then he cheats on me. I found out over a month ago. The scumbag got cocky and I found out he was cheating on me with two different women. One is a teaching assistant at his university and the other is his best friend's girlfriend's. I am livid. I'm writing this post choking back venom. I loved him so much. He was my world, but now he's gonna be the world that I burned to nothing but ash. I pay for everything since he quit his job last year to go to school. I was more than happy to help him. I make

enough money to support both of us. The only upside is that the student loans are in his name with no connection to me. It'll financially hurt me to push this scumbag out to sea, but I'll survive. I've held out for a month, enough time to create what I call the day that his world burns. Tomorrow, we're hosting a party. I arrange for his family to come, but my family sadly won't be able to make it. I've packed everything valuable already and the suitcases in the back of my car. My brother will come to the event tomorrow to take back the car that's in my name that this dirt bag drives to my parents house. Our joint account,

which is all my money anyway, is already empty. This event is going to be great. He thinks that it's for us to announce our engagement to his family. What will actually happen is that I'm going to dump them. I've already taken a job out of state and have lined up a new place to live. I'll start by telling everyone what he's into. The screenshots of him asking his friends girlfriend to pee on him. And I'll also announce all the other degenerate fantasies that his deranged mind came up with. I'll hand him the notice to VK because I've already broken our lease.

He'll need to be out by the end of the month. I'll then tell him that I've told the university that he's sleeping with one of his teaching assistants, and it's too bad that I won't see the fallout from that. His friend also has a message for him that I'll deliver, informing him that his friend group never wants to see him again as well. And with that, I'll leave. I will not look back. I will set his life on fire and walk away.

Okay, so for this next story, before I start telling the story, I'm going to tell a story from my own life because it'll provide some important context for this upcoming story. When I was in college, I had a creative writing class, and this one guy in class wrote about a wedding, and in the story he said something like, oh man, you see that flower girl, she's so hot, I hope I can get her number after the wedding, or something like that. And all the girls in the class were acting really like weird around the guy who had wrote that in a story. And we found out later from the teacher when he read the story aloud to the class that the reason for that is because flower girls are typically children in weddings. I didn't know this. The guy who wrote the story

didn't know this. And most of the guys in the class didn't know this. However, most of the girls in the class did know this. So all the girls are like, what? Why does this character in the story want to get the phone number of some child? So anyways, I'm sharing this story with you because it's kind of funny and because if you aren't aware, flower girls and weddings are typically little kids, like really, really young. We're talking like 10 to 6 years old. Anyways, our next reddit post is from Throwaway account. My stupid, ignorant sister asked my other sister and her boyfriend who are dwarves to be the

flower girl and ring bear in her wedding because she thought that it would be cute. All of us are over 30 years old and we don't have kids. Neither my dwarf sister or her husband have developmental delays. She's a medical coder at a hospital and her boyfriend is an insurance underwriter. They're just regular adults who happen to be under four feet tall. When they were both asked to be in the wedding party,

they thought that it would be as bridesmaid and groomsman, not in roles that children do. There are kids invited to the wedding, but they're taller than my sister and her boyfriends, so they were asked instead because my bridal sister thought that it would be cute. I was stunned when she told me that she picked these roles for them and didn't see a problem with it. I can't believe her ignorance, and both my sister and her boyfriend are obviously upset.

Okay, so yeah, obviously this is super, super, super insulting, but I have to wonder, OP, is it possible that your sister is unaware that this is a job that normally kids do? Because like I said, I was like 23 when I found out that flower girls are supposed to be kids. The whole classroom of guys in the classroom that I was in had no idea that flower girls are typically kids. So in her defense, it's possible that she doesn't know, but if she does know, then yikes! Our next reddit post is from Dolce Cabana. My wife came out this month and I feel like I'm not allowed to be mad. My wife just came out. She saw it fitting with it being

June and all. Her dad recently passed. He was infamously homophobic, so much so that he disowned my wife's brother for being gay. We've been together for 24 years. We started dating at the age of 20 and married at 25. We're now 44 and 43. We had a family, three kids now between the age of 16 to 10. Their lives are about to be torn apart from our divorce. As I said, we started dating when I was 19 and she was 20, so I gave her my entire youth. While my friends were out partying with other women and experiencing their early 20s, I was inside with my girlfriends. While my friends had finally made it out of college and started working and living alone with their expendable incomes, I was married. When my friends were in their late 20s and early 30s, I was with my wife and our baby. Everything that I gave up was worth it, however.

I loved my wife, and I was willing to give those things up to be with her. To me, the sacrifice was worth it. She didn't feel that way, though. What I thought was two decades of bliss was agony for her. She was just forcing herself to be with me. We only made love once or twice every few weeks. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, but it's just that she didn't want to be with me. Now I'm mad. I'm furious with her and hateful towards her. And yeah, I get it. She was so far into this lie that it was difficult to find a way out.

However, she still lied. She lied to me for nearly a quarter of a century. I have built my life with someone who I thought wanted to be with me on this lie that she fed me. I gave her over half of my entire life. I gave her my everything and she didn't even want it. And now she expects me to understand. She wants for me to be supportive and to not see her as a villain in this, but I can't. What she did is villainous. What she did is worse than cheating. This is heartbreaking and I can't help but hate her. But I can't even act like

I hate her. I have to keep a unified loving front for my kids sake. That way they can still love their mother and not see her as the villain the way that I do. I just hate this and I hate her. Man I'm with the OP. I think that what she did lying to you for 25 years is actually worse than cheating on you. Because if she cheats and that's just, yeah, it's a betrayal, but it's over, it's done. You can process it, you can move on, you can get it divorced. But this is 25 years of lying and deception. That's just, I don't know how you can do that to someone, man.

I mean, I can sympathize with her that she was in the closet and that her dad was a homophob, but what does it have to do with you? The solution to that, if you don't want to upset your father, it's not have any partners, not to ruin the life of some random guy just because you need a beard for your entire life. Our next reddit post is from Sungrounding. I'm a 31 year old guy, and I took my terminally ill friends' virginity before she passed. Today is her one year anniversary since she passed, and I can't stop thinking about her. She was my friend for six years. Her cancer came back aggressively.

She told us she doesn't want to go through chemo again, so she planned to enjoy the time that she had left. Before that, she was also kind of a homebody, who was only close to a small group of friends, which was us. One night when we were all drinking, she admitted to me that she was still a virgin, but she doesn't want to lose her virginity to just some stranger. She said she wants to lose her virginity to someone that she trusts before she goes, and that person was me.

She didn't force me to do anything that I didn't want to. She asked me, but she was willing to drop it and just pretend that it never happened if I decided against it. But I agreed, and we decided to make it extra special. We got a nice hotel room and set up fake candles all over the room to make it more romantic. That was the first time that I ever passionately hugged with someone that I loved, but I wasn't in love with, if that makes sense. It was still a very intense experience, but not in a bad way. There was still a lot of emotions, even though she seemed so happy that she got to lose her virginity to someone that she trusts. Part of me wonders if I did take advantage. If I was wrong for saying yes, it's just hard because I miss her so much, but I'm just

glad that at least I got to give her something before she left. OP, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Sick people have needs too, and she asked you, so I don't see how this could possibly be interpreted as you taking advantage of her. Our next reddit post is from Monomuse. My girlfriend and I live together. My day starts off much sooner than hers does. I'm usually in the office by 6.30am, which is about the time that she starts waking up.

I'm one of the first people in the office, so I always put headphones on and listen to music as I start my day. I get about 15 minutes of music before it stops and I get the notification that the output device has changed. This is because we have a Google home that's hooked to my Spotify account. When my girlfriend wakes up, she starts her day off by telling Google to play a certain song. That way, she can listen to music when she's getting ready. I always just leave my phone open to see what she's listening to, and when she heads out around 730, I get my account back. I'm sure she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and when she heads out around 730, I get my account back. I'm sure she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and I have no intentions of telling

her. Sure, it'd be easy to swap it to her own account, but I love to know that she's awake and starting her day listening to her favorite songs. Another benefit of this is that I know what her current favorite songs are, so when we get in the car together or we're just sitting around, I know what songs will spark joy. Some days, I think she's on to me. We're both very happy together, and I plan on proposing here in a few weeks. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her. OP, I like to imagine that while you spy on her music listening activities, meanwhile, she found your Reddit username, so she spies on your Reddit posts.

That was our slash true off my chest, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.