rSlash - t/TIFU I Accidentally Ate a Mouse Whole

Episode Date: June 21, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:05 Lasagna 7:31 Kitten 12:29 iMessage 14:40 Mouse tea Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Canada Life. Insurance. Investments. Advice. Welcome to r slash Today I F'd Up, where OP's butthole is on fire. Today I F'd Up by eating a homemade family-sized lasagna for every meal for over two days. I've made a terrible mistake and learned a valuable lesson. Allow me to walk you through the last three days of hell. My housemate went on holiday Tuesday morning,

leaving me alone for the week. I don't often get time alone, so I plan my time around working a little each day, then playing games for the rest of the day. About 12pm and several joints in, I was getting hungry and had an amazing idea. I was gonna make a massive homemade lasagna and eat it over the course of the week. At this point, I had no idea what it would do to my body. And if future me could talk to me from Tuesday, I would have warned him. Day 1, Tuesday morning. So I get all the stuff and spend an hour or so making a massive 7 layer lasagna with nearly

a whole block of cheese, several tens of tomatoes, and a layer of apple sauce in the middle to give it a sweet tang. It was enough to feed 10 people, easily. It smelled so good. Tuesday lunchtime, portion 1. I fried some chips and garlic bread and sat down to eat. It was amazing. I was so thrilled that it turned out great. Tuesday evening, portion 2. Still just as delicious.

Even better maybe after letting it sit for a few hours. Nothing brewing in my body, yet. It was the calm before the storm. Tuesday midnight, portion 3. I believe this was my first mistake. I'd been smoking a few joints and watching AVGN on YouTube and all of a sudden I remembered that I made a mass of lasagna. I tried to resist but my stoner brain only lasted about five minutes before I had more and cooked some midnight garlic bread to go with it. It still tasted good. After eating I noticed I was starting to get acid reflex and I took some medicine and tried to sleep.

Wednesday morning, portion 4. I woke up and my stomach was grumbling, so I went and plated up another helping of lasagna. It tasted okay, not as delicious as my previous three helpings, but I put that down to it being early and I'd just woken up. It's at this point my stomach acid kicked up again and I needed to poop really badly. I ran to the toilet and had the runniest poo I'd had in a long time. It was almost painful. Now at this point you would normally go, hmm, maybe I should lay off the lasagna for a bit. But it never occurred to me at the time that 4 meals of lasagna could produce such bad bowels.

I felt better after, so I quickly forgot about it. Wednesday lunchtime, portion 5. I know it might seem crazy, but at about 2pm, I was hungry. I had work to get on with, and I didn't have time to cook anything and nothing to grab quickly except lasagna. So, back I went. At this point, half the lasagna is gone, half remains. This time, the lasagna didn't taste that great. But I ate it, because I needed to have something to give me the energy. I realized at this point that my stomach felt weird, like painful and uncomfortable.

I made myself some coffee and expected a poo, but nothing came. Just a horrible feeling that something wasn't right. Wednesday evening, portion 6. The final portion. After finishing work, I looked at the remaining lasagna. I thought, maybe it's because I have no salad or no vegetables with it. That'll make it taste better and give me something to sort my stomach out. So I made some salad, more garlic bread, and the final portion. I knew immediately after eating it that I'd

made a terrible mistake. My bowels started aching and making noises. I ran to the toilet and as my butt hit the seat, a volcano of red hot poo erupted from my butt hole. It was so painful, my butt was on fire. Some of it came out so violently that it somehow shot upwards, pebble dashing to the toilet lid behind me. I don't even know how that's possible. Maybe poo collided with other bits of poo in motion and exploded?

Either way, it was the worst toilet experience of my life. Then came the smell. It was delayed almost. Like I was in so much pain, the universe said, let's give him a minute before we hit him with the smell. It was like acid. This putrid gas almost instantly made me feel sick. I wanted to run out of the toilet and seek fresh air, but the poo was still exploding out of me.

I had no choice but to hold my nose and breathe through my mouth, which was horrible. All I thought was I'm getting this acidic poo smell in my mouth. After what seemed like five minutes of lava bursting out of me, it stopped, but at what cost? My butthole was still on fire. It's like someone was holding a lighter to my anus. The smell was so bad, I had to wipe quickly and escape this hell I'd created. But my anus hurt so much that every wipe was like dragging sandpaper over it. I winced with every wipe and almost in tears and it was so messy it took a lot of wiping. I stumbled out of the toilet like a cowboy who had been on his horse for days. I couldn't sit down.

All I could do was lie on my side in bed and try to sleep. Thursday morning. I woke up and could instantly feel my anus burning. Before I'd even registered I was awake. What's worse is I needed another poo. I was terrified at this point. After yesterday I had toilet trauma. I knew there was still a portion or two inside of me and it wasn't going to be good. It went just how you'd expect. It was another foul smelling liquid poo that each strain felt like a knife in my butt. I held on to the towel rail and forced as much out as I could each push. I

figured if I could get it all done quickly it wouldn't be so bad. It kind of worked but I think the damage was done at this point, so I painfully cleaned myself and waddled to my desk and worked standing up for the rest of the day. Thursday, lunchtime. The constant pain subsided, but I still had bad gas, and every fart was agony. The smell was just as bad, though. Something was still rotting inside me. At least I could sit down to work now.

I wasn't hungry and decided to fast for the day. I didn't dare put more food in me. Thursday evening. As I type this, I'm lying in bed on my side. I can feel the last of the lasagna on its way, and I'm dreading going through this, even if it's one last time. My anus still burns when I fart, and that's happening often. It's freezing cold, but I need the window open to let the smell of my approaching poo out. There's a lesson to be learned here. Don't under any circumstances eat nothing but lasagna and garlic bread for every meal for two days. Nothing good can come from it. Down in the comments, people are asking OP about the applesauce and OP is describing his cooking recipe. Why anyone on earth would take cooking advice from this guy is beyond me. Today I effed up by unintentionally betraying the trust of my new kitten.

So my girlfriend and I adopted a new kitten a week ago. She's a very curious kitten, as many are, and she always has to be wherever my girlfriend or I go. She also has very little concern for personal space, so that also makes for some interesting moments. Well, my girlfriend was in the bathroom washing her face before bed, and I had to take a piss like a fire hydrant as I'd been drinking some beers throughout the evening. So I went to the bathroom and began to pee.

As I was standing there next to my girlfriend filling up the sparkling white bowl with power washer type pressure, the sound of my piss splashing in the water suddenly disappeared, and all I could hear was a sound that resembled water draining onto a carpeted floor. I looked down into my bowl of golden fury, and to my horror, the kitten was standing inside the toilet bowl with my stream of piss splashing off the back of her head. I started screaming, oh no, and managed to pinch off my stream. The kitten didn't seem to mind getting wet by a golden shower, but as soon as I pinched off my stream. The kitten didn't seem to mind getting wet by a golden shower. But as soon as I pinched off my stream, she bolted out of the toilet and started sprinting

around our apartment. This all happened in a matter of seconds and my girlfriend was standing there, jaw on the floor and began laughing hysterically yelling at me to go catch the cat. It took me a few minutes to get our kitten cornered and grab her soaked, shaking little body and bring her back to the bathroom. I set her in the tub and had to hold this piss covered feline still while my girlfriend sprayed her down with a shower head. I got her dried off and then she ran away from me and has since been very cautious whenever she comes anywhere near me.

The last few nights, I've woken up to her sitting on my chest, face to face, and staring into my soul. I don't know what she's planning, but I'm sure she'll get her payback sooner or later. My girlfriend thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen, but she's still a little salty that I pissed on our new kitten. Today I effed up by getting a tattoo of my mom in a bikini. My dad passed away a few months ago. I was really close to him and I miss him a lot.

My dad had quite a few tattoos, but one of them I remember dearly. It was this pinup style tattoo of a lady in a Hawaiian skirt and coconut bra on his calf. I always liked that tattoo, even though it was pretty badly done. Most of the color vanished over the years, and I remember our dad letting us color in the tattoo with markers when he wanted to take a nap and keep us busy. My mom always disapproved, and I never understood why, until now. One day, about two weeks after he passed

away, I was walking around the city and came by a tattoo shop. One thing led to another and I walked out of that shop with the same tattoo my dad had. The lady with the coconut bra. The artist did a great job at recreating the tattoo and I was very happy. Until I got home and wanted to show my mom. My aunt was there, my dad's sister, and started laughing like crazy. My mom looked quite shocked. Not the reaction I was expecting at all. I didn't understand what was happening until my aunt told me, well, now you've got your mom on you forever in a skimpy outfit.

Great choice. Well, long story short, my dad got this tattoo about a year after they started dating. She wore this outfit to a party, took a photo, and he got it tattooed a few weeks later. Great! F-ing great! I was a bit confused because my mom had always had blonde hair, and the tattoo ladies got black hair. But apparently she had a short phase of dying her hair black for a few months. My mom's always hated the tattoo. They almost broke up because of it back then. She made him swear that he's never gonna tell anyone the story behind the tattoo. Hence why I

don't know anything about it, and I never asked. I thought this was just a random tattoo that he got on one of his mini vacations. Well, now I have a tattoo of my mom in a coconut bra Great! My mom told me she doesn't mind and that it's kind of funny now But I'm really thinking of getting it removed at least it's on my rib cage so I can hide it for the time being I really don't want to show the world my mom in a bikini. Hey OP, I'd like to share this fact with you I've heard this. I don't know if it's real It's definitely one of those things that could be an urban legend, an urban myth, but also it sounds super plausible. I've heard that in prison, prisoners like it when other prisoners

have tattoos of sexy, beautiful women, because they can use it as adult content and pleasure themselves while looking at it. So just be aware, OP, if you ever, you know, I don't know, accidentally run into someone with your car and end up in prison, it's possible that your cellmate could be gooning to your mom on your rib cage. So yeah, maybe you might wanna get that removed. Today I F'd up by not realizing iMessages

were being delivered to my iPad and my kids were reading my texts. So first off, Apple, what the hell? Why the hell does an iPad get text messages on it? Apparently I'm a 40-year-old moron who didn't know that's a thing. I'm new to Apple's OP-types ECHO system, but OP means Ecosystem, which just adds to OP's overall cluelessness. I got a new iPad a few weeks ago and signed in with my Apple account.

I rarely use it. I learned shortly after getting it that I hate tablets and prefer a laptop, so my kids watch Netflix and stuff on it. My wife and I are in our early 40s and been married 20 years this July. We have three kids, 12, 10, and 8. Oldest is a girl and other two are boys. They're out of school for summer and were apparently watching my iPad this morning. My wife works from home.

Today I'm at work and thinking about her, so I sent a message joking, but also not joking. Hey, let's do some passionate hugging tonight. She responded with a laughing face and said okay, but that was it. I wasn't finished with the conversation. I'm gonna wreck that word for a body part that girls have. This has been a long day, so get ready. Sure big talker, you'll probably fall asleep early again. Not tonight. Tonight's a good night for effing and sucking. That was pretty much it.

Now I don't normally talk like this. I was just trying to be funny and risque. My kids have certainly never heard me say any of those words. But a few minutes later, uh, did you know the kids are on your iPad? And did you know that your texts are going to the iPad? Because they just read those messages. I have no idea how to look them in the eyes when I get home. My precious 12 year old daughter thinks I'm a degenerate. All three of them will be telling their spouses about this someday. It's like I just created a lifelong memory, just like we all have

certain moments from our childhood that we don't want to have. Hey, look on the bright side OP. At least you didn't send a dick pic. Today I effed up by exploding a mouse down my throat. My partner is a farmer and we get up at 4am every morning. We also live in an old wood house up a mountain. This happened to me this morning. We woke up as usual and I went to put on the coffee machine, which we set up the night before because 4am is a ridiculous

time to try to do anything. While the coffee was brewing, I absentmindedly began to clear the sink from the night before. We're pretty lazy at night, so all the dishes just get soaked. So in my 4am haze, I'm fishing about in the sink trying to clear out the rice from yesterday's meal so the water will go down. I grab what I assume to be a tea bag and go to put it in the bin. But of course, before I can do that, I have to squeeze the liquid out as I don't want the awful water in the bottom of the trash bin. Here's the screw up in case you didn't see it coming. The tea bag is actually a dead mouse that has drowned overnight and has become waterlogged and swollen. I squeeze the mouse and it explodes, covering my face in its awful pink water and viscera. No idea why my mouth was open at the time, apart from it was 4am and I was probably mouth breathing

and half asleep still. It tastes like pennies and sadness. I may never be the same again. So I exploded a mouse thinking that it was a tea bag and I drank its divine juices, which I assume shot out of its waterlogged anus. Ah, aren't you guys glad you clicked on my video today? That was r slash today i effed up, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.