Rural Concerns - Air beans, man milk & a dog on a surfboard

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

With Chris on his way back to full health, Producer James reflects on his time queuing for Oasis tickets. Meanwhile Sunil has started frothing his milk which is at once surprising and inevitable. The lads also ask, what’s a goblin a metaphor for? The answer will shock you. You can now support Rural Concerns via Patreon. For less than the price of a pint, you’ll get bonus episodes once a fortnight and access to The Creamery, our nifty Discord hangout for top chillers. Do you want Sunil to look something up for you in Which? Magazine? Drop us an email with your rural concern at [e-mail]. You can see Chris’ Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show on his debut UK tour! He booked it almost exclusively over the half term so Nicola is furious. He’s kicking off at the Soho Theatre on 19th and 20th September! Grab your tickets, here! The Rural Concerns music suite is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. 

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast about the people, culture and rituals of the countryside and the city. We also talk about phone charges a lot and we have affiliate links yo what's up i'm like i'm chris cantrell that one who's just been talking is sunil patel you probably heard of him um and the ominous presence lurking in the background that's our producer james hello scary The look here, I wouldn't want to meet you in an alley, but you're very nice. But if I just took you on what you look like,

you look like, yeah, you look quite intimidating. I could absolutely batter him. Who do you think could win in a fight between us three? Me. I think Chris has probably got a knife. None of you are prepared to go for the eyes do i sound a bit better today than our last recording yeah you're not eating raisins on mike i'm not eating raisins on mike but but they were medicinal guess what i had i think i'm pretty

confident i come back from Edinburgh with COVID-19. 19? No, no, no, no, 19. The average COVID was 19. No, no, no, no, 19. I came back ill, but I don't know. How do you know if it's COVID? Well, a friend of mine sent me a photograph of a positive test result. And now you think you've got it. That's not the same as you doing a test. That's how i'm basically tested do you think a month of getting shit faced and stressed isn't enough i didn't get i didn't get shit first i got drunk one night did get stressed i did yeah yeah yeah yeah you're clever

you noticed i left that one very stressed i feel like i'm coming back alive now I've had my medicinal chocolate raisins I'm drinking some water I'm back at home the boy's back I'm clashing with the boy on a constant basis like we're back we're back and you've had your little holiday as well oh yeah but

it's not a holiday is it going camping it does it sounds like it is for you but it is for you. It is for me because Nicola's like, I mean, James, we've both got lives that would be the ones that tell us what to do when we do it. You know what I mean? We're powerful women. I'll check in on that, but yeah, I'm pretty sure.

But so we went after post-Edinburgh debrief, a bit of family time, to a lock in Scotland called Lock Ken, where it was like we went to a campsite where we borrowed my mother and father-in-law's mobile home that they made, that they converted over lockdown. So we stayed in that. This was meant to be sort of like an easier option to use in the tent that we've got. So I would go do that. So you have to put up like an awning over the van.

This is actually quite fiddly. So my mother-in-law came with us, drove an hour and a bit to the lock to help us put up the awning. And my father-in-law has many brilliant qualities and skills. You know, he's a community leader he's uh someone who i definitely want to turn to in a crisis but one of his positive traits is not delegation so that basically and i think i was quite ill with covid and basically i my job while we were putting it up was holding up an air beam you know like against it against the elements keep it and i't very, and when we entered like hour three

of putting up this awning up, I thought, is this easier than the tent? Is this what we're saying? It sounds like you're just putting a big tent over the van. It just sounds like a bigger tent, but a comfier bed. Comfier bed, bigger tent on the side. It was nice. It was very nice. Did it have a hole for the exhaust?

What? For us? To let it out. No, because it didn't need it. It's on the side of the van. It's not on the back. Oh, I see. I see.

And what's an air bean? You were holding up an air bean. Is this like going for a long wait? An air bean. They are with modern tents and stuff now, instead of it being like a little click click clickety things that you put together poles as the as the completeist would refer to them as you blow them up when you've got like an air beam so they are they're more modern i think

they do they could potentially have downsides if the burst you're in a lot of trouble and there's no backup yeah that's easily get a leak you can't get you're in a lot of trouble and there's no backup. Yeah, they'd easily get a leak. You can't get a leak in a pole. They are a standard practice. I think they're a little, they're quite, I'd say frivolous from my point of view of camping. I think the modern pole with the string through it is, I mean, that's as kind of, you know, fancy modern as I would go.

I think the air beam is. To me, what you're saying now is keep your colour TV. I'm going to stay with this black and white telly that's got a dial. What are you all doing for toilet? Well, there was a toilet in the mobile home. Come on. But we weren't allowed to use it. No, of course not.

There's a kitchen next to it so we so we had to go to we had to go to this like block like a shower block type thing to do wheezing poos and stuff or or or keep it in for a week until you can find somewhere with some dignity keep it no but there was this this shower block had like proper toilets and stuff like that but i just found it did it have gaps up up above the door and below the door to make sure no one's shooting up heroin? Yeah, it had some of those. Proper, is it?

That's proper. It's legit. But that was, I just thought, why have we got this toilet? Why have we got this sink if we can't use them? Don't be in the sink, Chris. I didn't wait in the sink. Good. I didn't weigh in the sink. Good. Every morning you wave hello to people going to the block to empty there.

Do you know, like, everyone's shitting into, like, a little plastic thing that's on the side of the camper van, and then every morning they wheel that receptacle to the chemical waste disposal. Are you like, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? I suppose what is the least dignified? I think carrying your shit around. Yeah, carrying your shit around in a bucket,

like behind you. And you could, I suppose you could say, this is not my shit, actually. But if you're walking to a toilet block, carrying a toilet roll without a spring in your step, people know you're carrying your own shit in your tummy. I actually used a chemical toilet this weekend. Yeah, I was on a boat.

Ooh. And that's worse than camping, I think. What sort of a... We haven't even touched on the naval affairs at all. Yeah, and this was naval because it wasn't canal, it was a river. Which river? It was a narrowboat on a river.

It's called the Thames. Oh, I've heard of that. Why? It was a narrowboat on a river. It's called the Thames. Oh, I've heard of that. Why were you on a narrowboat on a river? Were you going on the Thames Clipper? No, I wasn't shitting on the Thames Clipper. Were you on a duck tour? No, I wasn't. I was on a canalboat on the Thames in Henley, of all places.

Very much my sort of vibe, except for the fact i was pissing into a chemical toilet were you there for the regatta no the regatta was a couple months ago i wasn't invited to that oh i'm sorry i think you have to be invited don't you to get into the royal enclosure a bit i think it's like a very locals focused thing isn't it well i mean yeah i can see why they'd want to keep outsiders out it's a lovely place i can't remember where i I think me and Nicole went to Henley Regatta. And I can't remember why. I can't remember why we were there or what was going on. But we saw Sting soundchecking and that was really cool. That does sound cool.

You're not allowed to watch him actually play his hits. No, I think maybe we had to. Maybe I was working it. That's the only reason I can logically think I was there. I was doing silver service table waiting. I can't imagine. I don't know what you were doing there then if you were working. I don't know.

It feels like maybe I got some, you know, like a ticket from somewhere complimentary, like a work thing or something like that. Yeah, I'm sure anyone can go and watch. I think it was part of mine and Nicola's courtship where I would shower her in free complimentary gifts for my company. All of our dates were free restaurant vouchers or free cinema

or free theatre tickets. The most romantic tickets, the free ones. Yeah, the Thursday matinee. A fiscally responsible ticket, that. What's that, Sonal? A bit of limescale in my coffee. Oh. You need to clean your kettle.

That's London water. Can I ask a question as well you put on a light did you put on like have you put a sunlight on while we've been speaking i noticed in the in the reflection at the back of the room like there's a red light in the in your art you're quite red it could be you chris could be a reflection of you oh yeah that's true it's the lamp above my desk reflecting behind and it's got a slightly reddish glow it's usually just on in the evening is that to help you get ready for sleeping yeah it's like a sun sunset thing isn't it oh it's like it's got a smart bulb in it and you can change the color

where's chris gone i'm here you can't reference me just disappearing a bit that's how i when we set up this podcast, basically one of the little sub clauses was two things. One, I want to be able to spend 50 quid and no one's allowed to say anything. That wasn't a sub clause. Two, I'm just going to be disappearing a bit and that needs to happen without comment. Right. Okay.

Well, that's fine. Did you message, this is bad, but do you think you can message Nicola to make me a cup of coffee or something can you message her I don't know because I can't

message her and say get Chris a coffee I look can we just briefly talk about milk yeah of course always

I've got a new milk it's called Graham's Graham's milk which sounds like gum but it's is it dairy is it non-dairy? It's dairy. It's the creamiest dairy. The only thing we know for sure is it's thick.

It's viscous. Graham's viscous milk. I had a good explore of the dairy section and a hell of a lot going on there in terms of non-proper dairy milks. More like an alternative to dairy. and a hell of a lot going on there in terms of non-proper dairy milks. More like an alternative to dairy. That's right, James. I'd shake your hand now if I could.

I think there's a pushback. Do you know we went really mad on oat milk and alternative milks, but now we're coming back. Do you know what I mean? We thought things were getting progressive, but they're not. We're actually, the dial's shifting back. We don't have to do diversity anymore. Return to tradition. You can be racist now, that's

fine. No, no, no. We're having normal milk. Chris has been bought by big racism. We're having normal milk again. Oh, your wife just texted me saying no. Is it re-being racist again? Yeah, I think she can hear saying no. Is it re-being racist again? Yeah, I think she can hear from outside.

It's either no to racism or no to getting you a cup of coffee. Either one, I'm behind her. Either one, yeah. What happened in the milk section, Chris? You got derailed by Chris's anti-woke mind virus tirade.

Because, Chris, I knew where that was going. I've started frothing, I've started frothing my milk for my coffee. Oh, la la. My flatmate's got a velvetiser, one, one of those Hotel Chocolat things, which is essentially a milk frother and warmer.

Not a good hotel. Try and ask them for a room for a night, see what happens. Go into the one at Euston and ask for a room for a night. They've heard it before. I've been in there. Imagine if, because of their bylaws, they have to honour it. Froth the milk in the velvetizer you pop that in first and then you put instant coffee in which is all i've got

absolute game changer it makes the morning an absolute delight why have you only got instant coffee you live in london i know but i can't be arsed making good coffee at home when there's coffee shops everywhere no no no no listen listen listen You need to buy yourself an AeroPress, like a hand AeroPress. Come on, it's so simple. I've been through the phases of grinding beans. Look, if I'm going to have a nice coffee... No, no, no, you don't have to grind beans.

You buy pre-ground coffee. Take that. I know, I know. I've done it all. I've done it all. I've been there, done that. Pour over. You've done it.

I love this. The world's best baristas, you know, like absolute craftsmen, wizards. And you know everything that they're doing. Still, you've ended up at Maxwell House. Maxwell, there's nothing beats an instant coffee. And I think a man is at his peak performance when he is only drinking instant coffee and frothing his own milk in a velvetizer. I have never heard a sentence that is more destined for no context don't put that in no context i think no i look i've been through the whole you know i think

making good coffee at home fair enough if you want to do it but you shouldn't feel like you have to especially when there's so many good coffee places around you where you can a professional can make it for you it's i think that's a he's got a point there chris if you're in london you don't need to know how to make coffee i make myself one fancy aeropress coffee like a day to wake up it's very much part of the morning routine i can't be going in there's no coffee shops open till 10 you can't be walking all the way to the garage to use the Costa machine for a good coffee. Oh, Nicole's here. Oh, hello.

Oh, yeah, I'll have a coffee if it's one day. Oh, oh. I noticed now, she's like, this is the second time in as many records that she's suddenly appeared.

Well, although to be fair, I did ask her to come in to make me a coffee, but she's trying to get in on the podcast and I don't care for it. James does have a top on. Sorry.

She's like a gannet. So this is where Chris gets his good coffee from. What kind of coffee does she just make you or is she going to make you? I think she's going to make me an instant one now. And what instant do you have at home? Somewhat cheap, like some sort of like Tesco because the cost of it's gone so bonkers.

This is why I'm trying to, I'm trying to just, i've got an old one that i'm just sort of working through but after that you always need instant in the house i think because oh james don't look like that what's wrong literally don't i was just thinking we don't even have any interest in it what what a disrespect so if you've got what's a disrespect if If you are, no, but do you know who this is disrespectful to? The tradesman community. What are you doing? You would insult a burrito. You would insult a Tyler or a Joyner if they're coming into your house

and serving them. They won't know what to do with a proper AeroPress coffee. I haven't got an AeroPress, to be fair. It's just standard French press slash cafetiere. You've got, no, no, you've got, I can see it now, a giant thank you very much, love. No, I would say James is pathetic because he's got this

Italian machine. Do you know what I mean? I would love, I haven't, but I would love. The household are keeping an eye on the money that they're spending, but James is like, I need this to live. And it's some thousand pound ex-retail coff spending, but James is like, I need this to live. And it's some thousand pound ex-retail coffees, you know, like

steaming up. You absolutely don't need that. Rattling. According to which magazine, to which I have a subscription, if you ever need anything looking up, ask. You can get a bean to cup machine for less than a couple hundred quid. That's a message for the Patreons. If you want Sunil to do something.

Look anything up. Look anything up. Take it easy. I can't screenshot every page on it and send it through the Patreon. No, but you do the research and you send them to, like you do, you look through which, and then you give them one or two links.

Right, that's eight quid a month I'm paying for that and I don't know how to cancel. You give them one or two affiliate links. French Press. I've got one of them fancy stovetop kettles with the weird neck. Moka pot. I've got a moka pot as well, but it's broken at the minute. The gooseneck kettle, yeah.

Yes, with the thermometer in the top. I got that and I do the old V, you know, the pour over V. But no, I've never done AeroPress. All I want is hot sugar and milk, hot milk and sugar, and the coffee is merely a vehicle for that. I tell you, over the years, I used to be like your caster coffee. Do you know what I mean? I used to be like a very milky-based coffee drinker, you know,

like a latte. But over the years, I went latte, then I went cappuccino and now and now I'm like filled to the top I don't want the faffet milk barely I'm not going

I'm not going like black was it americano white americano white americano that's where I've got to it feels like honest and pure like basically

I'd get to the point where I was drinking I had so much hot milk in me so much of Graham's hot milk curdled Graham's curdled hot milk in me. So much of Graham's hot milk. Graham's curdled hot milk sloshing around as I'm trying to get,

you know, like rushing for trains in city centres. But I don't want it. I want to stay light on my feet. I want to have a white Americano. So going back to the start of this, I've got two questions. One. Yes. If you're velvetising or frothing a milk, do you want a higher fat content?

I would only really go for high fat content milk. Right. And two, was Graham there when you bought this milk? You have to milk Graham to get it out of him. He's like, lad the proper stuff he can only produce two bottles a day so it's pretty expensive shouting at his wife i think i'm sort of seeing him do you know those little french coffee like citron type tiny you know it's like like they almost look like tiny rickshaws but they're

like fruit they're like um french very french little you would put you would put like a baguette in the back of it oh he's got it's in the mic is so it worked up about my bigger baguette i mean about a little french market stall thing you know like some rickety old citron thing from the 80s oh and it's like really it looks like darth the 80s. Oh, and it looks like Darth Vader's face. Yes, it does. It's like a little trike, isn't it, really? I can imagine Graham's got one of those that he takes around the market towns of his area.

He can't travel too far because otherwise he'll get tired because he's fully spent, you know. Parks up, gets in the back. Attaches a rubber seal so not a millimetre is lost that millimetre is lost now it's not Graham's gold top it's Graham's gold smooth okay so the cream isn't on top.

It's mixed throughout to give a nice creamy taste all the way through the whole bottle. Good. It's good fun. That's all it says about it, to be honest. I'm going to meet the Grahams. Who's given us this milk? Do you think we could get a brand sponsorship?

Not after we've said Graham's milking himself. It's Dr. Graham. It's Dr. Graham. It's Dr. Robert Graham. Oh. Yeah. Is he on Jersey or somewhere? Yeah, he's got a Jersey herd, but they're based in the Bridge of Allen.

Yeah. 400,000 pints a day. Wow. That's how much he's getting out of himself. Milk's one of those things. Milk, the cost of milk is going up now isn't it i don't know got why everything's gone up there isn't it yeah but i think milk was one of those do you know there's like mad eu subsidized things where it was very

like price wars on it and stuff like that so they were just like easy just just flow throwing it all down drain because they were producing so much of it that there was no value to it. And you're like, something's not right here. That sounds mad, doesn't it? It sounds mad. And I don't want to get, I don't want to like half-cocked say some mad stuff about the EU. No.

No. Neither does Joe because you'll be making more work for him. No. I respect Joe's time. And I respect the farm. I have to say this, but I have to have this said. I respect the farmer's right to produce milk too. All right, let's leave that.

Let's leave the milk topic alone. I'm finished with milk. Let me cross that off my list. Farney, I didn't expect it to be as farney as it is, but it's quite a passionate subject, isn't it? Can I have a biscuit now? Let's have a biscuit break. What do we need to talk about?

Both your holidays, have we done that? We've talked about my holiday. I'm trying to think whether there's anything. What do you do on a camping holiday in the day? Honestly, right now, for this time, I read one full book. My son's just away around the camp. My son's a very ill go up.

He's an only child and he's developed a set of skills that I think will do him very well in life, where he'll just go up and be like, do you want to be my mate? And most kids at that age are knocking around on campsites and they're like, yeah. Then you just see him at nine o'clock at night. That's pretty impressive. He comes in, grabs with his unwashed hand but which i know has been prodding a dead frog they'll just grab a handful of milano salami that we've taken and

then other than that was just ill i read a brilliant book called i think i've referenced it before but there's an author called christopher buhlmann who wrote some really cool books, and I've read a small handful. And I read a book called The Daughter's War, which is about – it's set in a medieval world. Oh, hello. But it's very, like, grimy. And what I really like about his stuff, and I won't labour the point, but – right, and I'm not slagging off Tolkien here, but do you know when you read

like Lord of the Rings, they're very genealogical in terms of like, they read like you're reading family histories. Yes. There are some boring chapters. Of like, oh, this is foreign, begat of Jorin and like, and it's like, it shows, he's really good at showing a family like ages of time pass like the first age of man or whatever and it like and then it should it'll take that right through to the fall of the kingdom whereas this guy's

books is christopher bielman he writes very presently and i think he does a real, like, it's a world that's sort of like a medieval light world, but where every region has its own character. You can sort of see that he's based on like historic societies from our world, but like it's got its own religion, it's got its own money. And I think the way that he shows rather than tells in terms of like, this is how this religion works. There's a group of people that worship death and they become the instruments of lady death.

And it's like showing how their brains perceive death and process it and what this is beautiful and what overseers are borrowing. It's very practical and I think it's great. So I read a full book about a goblin war and had COVID-19. I've just gone on the page for the book and it sounds interesting, but then it lost me on the second word of the synopsis. Go on then.

The goblins have killed all of our horses and most of our men. They have enslaved our cities, burned our fields, and still they wage war. Now our daughters and most of our men. They have enslaved our cities, burned our fields, and still they wage war. Now our daughters take up arms. Yeah. I'm not having goblins. No, but this is the second book. So the first one, it very much builds you up to goblins.

There are no goblins in the first one. It's set after the goblin wars, so you don't really see a goblin. There's a treaty in place. But they mention goblins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't really see a goblin. There's a treaty in place. You know, we don't really- They mention goblins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't really see a goblin until like the final bit of the book. Whereas this book, The Daughters War, is set in the middle of the goblin wars.

So there are lots of goblins. But the way- What's a goblin a metaphor for? Big tech, I think, or AI. But they are like, in this book, they have a legion because the mystery

of the goblins and their world, I think they communicate through underground network of mushrooms. Say that again, Chris? I think they communicate through an underground

network of mushrooms. Right. But there's a legion of warriors, of goblin warriors called the Moth Knights. And they, because, because to the goblins, they said,

because to the goblins, moths are like a holy creature. And these knights wear human dried out faces as masks and like a sort of facial decorations of human bones. And they carry these big axes that are in the shape of moth wings. And these goblins are like five foot tall. So they're pretty much giants of the goblin world. What do you think you're going to read? Yes or no? I need a binary answer.

Yes. I think the communicating through mushrooms is actually based on some science though, isn't it? Is it like, do they sort of do it old school? Like they hold one mushroom up to the mouth and another one up to their ear and go like, operator. We can't like analyzing fantasy and taking the mick out of it. To me, it's just one rung above, you know,

like comedy that analyzes song lyrics, the lowest form of comedy. You've absolutely got us there. How dare you? He's nailed me. Why can't we, why can't me and James have fun at your expense? That's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is I read a book.

I read one book in a week and I couldn't put it down. I was having that much fun. Mushrooms do talk to each other. Yeah. And they're basically one big super mushroom. Don't put that in no context, raw concerns. Yeah. I'm building that from The Last last of us and star trek discovery

the mycelium network so i think there's something i really want to understand more about mushrooms i want to study mushrooms because i remember going to a fair not a fair like there was a nature day at a local park there was like a little lake where you can walk around it and on a field they had a nature day and it wasn't the most exciting thing that we've been to as a family but there was a lady who was like a mushroom lady and she had like loads of information about mushrooms and she had little packs of this mushroom that when dried out you use it as kindling and stuff like this right yeah yeah don't worry james It becomes illegal when you dry it out. That's the point when it becomes illegal,

when it gets dried. It goes class A at that point. No, but these are, no, yeah. Would you go mushroom foraging like that? Me? Yeah. Yeah, all right. Seems like something to do, doesn't it?

It seems like something to do. I think what's so fascinating about mushrooms to me is just how long they've been around, isn't it? It seems like something to do. I think what's so fascinating about mushrooms to me is just how long they've been around, isn't it? Survived all this time. And who knows? Someone was saying, I was reading somewhere, that they don't actually know if it's native to this world, mushroom. I think people say that with octopuses too.

Yeah. People say that octopuses are such an alien form of life that don't have... You know, with a lot of life on Earth, you can see it's basically progression through evolution and stuff. Whereas with octopuses, they could have crashed here on an asteroid because they're so different to a lot of the life here. The answer, of course, is God, but no one wants to accept it.

We aren't ready to accept God yet. This heathen world. Is God an octopus? God... Who knows? She is a brilliant octopus. Is that Nicola shouting at you? No, I don't know what she's doing.

Right. She's just... I just wait for her text. We're both at this point now in the... It's the summer holidays. The boy goes back tomorrow. We are both, we're ready to get working again now. You're going on a tour. Yeah. Speaking of. Speaking of bleak futures. Speaking of bleak financial realities, help me turn this into a great time. Yeah. I'm going on a tour, a debut tour. The first time I've ever done a tour on my own,

which is a huge deal. I'm so excited. It's the bulk of it, two things. One, I'm doing two dates in September 2024 at the Soho Theatre in London on the 19th and 20th.

That's very soon. That's really soon. It's like next week, I think. It's not fucking... Oh, as in when this is being released. Yeah. It's, so I'm very keen to shift some tickets for that.

So people would like to come to that. And then the bulk of the tour is happening around February. I've booked it almost exclusively over a half term. So I could not be in any more trouble in that sense. But I think we've got me and my, me and John who's producing it for us we just got carried away out easily all line you know like we really got it to line up so it's like it's Manchester it's Leeds it's like we've got it geographically

going down the country day after day and stuff like this and you're like that's unheard of so but I really really should have checked the family calendar before I agreed. So I won't be doing it again. So please come. And they can buy internets for that off the internet if they search Chris Cantrell easily swayed. Yeah, I think if they go to alovelytime.co.uk, all the ticket links will be up there.

We're going to add a few more. I'm going off Broadway with this one. Oh yeah. Yeah. Bristol. So, so I'm going, I'm going to like Manchester,

Leeds, Bristol, Leicester. Is that part of the festival? Edinburgh. That is part of the festival. Edinburgh. And I'm going to,

I'm going to, I'm going to add, yeah, you've got to go back. You've got to go back outside of the festival. So I've got, I'm going to do that and I'm going to add another couple more because it'd be nice to do a North East one.

Getting there quick because of surge pricing. We've all heard a lot about that recently. You don't want to get those in-demand tickets. You go up from, what, £13 to £360 to stand. Have either of you two got the tickets for Oasis? No, we got through after seven hours and it was £400. And I got very worried because my wife had, you could see the red mist had rose in her eyes.

She was on the thrill of the hunt. But fortunately when she put them in the basket, they disappeared. So she'd have just done it just to, because you've got- Because it had been like seven hours or whatever, yeah. I'm going to go out, I don't want to make an enemy of the Gallagher brothers. £400 is an awful lot of money. It's not the working man's festival, is it? Yeah, swizz that.

I mean, it is a sort of once-in-a-lifetime event for a lot of people, isn't it? So they're prepared to pay it. It's like a holiday. They'll do it again. Yeah. They'll do it again. But there's going to be so much cocaine at that gig.

It's going to be... My goodness, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be a bad time, I think. Yeah. It's going to smell bad. It's going to smell of chemical farts. I mean, how much do you reckon a pint will be there as well? About 12 quid?

Yeah. I lived in Manchester for a few years, and there's a calibre of man in Manchester for a few years and it's like, there's a caliber of man in Manchester that I've not really spent too much time with before. And it's the sort of man that are going to be out in full force for this. And there's basically a haircut for the man in Manchester that you probably would have seen around. But it's lads that are like now pushing 50,

not knocking on the early fifties. They've got this like little Ian Brown type haircut or Liam Gallagher haircut. Their heyday was early 90s, mid 90s, and now they're totally off on one. They do look like that Lowry painting though. Little matchstick man. Not the matchstick man.

There's a Lowry painting of a man's face and he does just look like an absolute mank. Head of a man with red eyes. Should we see whether we can get complimentary tickets via this podcast? I mean, I think we've burnt them bridges now. I actually don't really want to go. I don't really like live events.

I don't really like Oasis. I mean, they're fine. I don't think they're good. But, you know, I don't. I like, definitely maybe, a lot. I like them a lot. I like, I mean, they're fine. I don't think they're good, but you know. I liked, definitely maybe, a lot. I like them a lot. I like them an awful lot. And at the time I liked What's the Story, Morning Glory.

I've gone off it. But it'd be odd to be around people that fucking love it. Like it's their life. Yeah, it'd be like going to that with Neil and I screening where they do it at the house. It'd be like, you'd be like, oh, I like it. But this is a bit bit this is a bit intense isn't it i think it do you think it has the potential to turn into quite a unpleasant time

no everyone's too old do you think it might go like the battle of wembley someone's going to shove a flare up their ass i think it's like in, psychologically, it'll be a last hurrah for basically an era of man that is soon to become a granddad. Do you know what I mean? When they did those English race riots over August, there was like a 17-year-old man was arrested, and he was like, I remember reading it, he was like, when they arrested him, he was like, I'm 70.

And the couple was like, well, why the fuck are you in a riot then? Do you know what I mean? So I think the centre of Manchester has potential to get very messy and I would like lock up your shops. I imagine the state of that McDonald's on Oxford is Oxford Street. I've never seen that kind of business in a McDonald's. There's a cattle cage around the area where they hand out

the food. And the Burger King in Victoria... Is it Victoria Square? Yeah. No, no, no. There's a McDonald's in... Is there a McDonald's up there now? I always used to know the Burger King in there was a right old mess. I wouldn't order a Burger King if I was hammered. They take ages. So you're still optimising even if you're hammered. I'm still microman a Burger King if I was hammered. They take ages. So you're still optimizing

even if you're hammered. I'm still opti- micromanaging my time when I'm hammered. Efficiency is all. Yeah, what else could you be? Yeah, this is going to take ages. I could be pissing on that

war memorial with this time. No, I think I'm- the more that I drink alcohol, the more that I continue to drink less alcohol, the more I'm the more that I drink alcohol the more the more that I continue to drink less alcohol the more I'm like I believe I believe at some point

there will be a point in my life where I turn it off fully but I'm not quite there yet you know do you want to get battered when you come to London for the Soho Theatre

yeah let's do it one night 10% off in the bar no but it's always one of those things where I didn't do it in Edinburgh like a lot of people I don't know how you can do it no you can't really you do it when it's your first couple of

years there but after that yeah after that it's like basically there'd be a lot of people that you'd bump into you know that are like blurry eyed and passed out and you're just like i don't want to be well you have the law but yeah you were doing it wrong you you also have and the good thing is you have an early show which is it really keeps you honest because there's a couple of nights where it'd get to midnight one o'clock and then really at like one o'clock i'm like i i gotta knock this on the head yeah i've gotta and i don't sleep in even if i'm really tired and stuff out like i will be up at seven o'clock with just with a slightly better head or not. But what I did a few times was,

so I didn't want to go away from the party. I would just not drink. And I can be tired, but if I've got a hangover, it's a real bad time. But if I'm just a bit tired, I can go to bed a bit later and be up at eight o'clock,

at seven or eight o'clock. That's fine. That's one for the no context rural concerns. Thank you for listening to rural concerns and if you enjoy us making light of drink driving you can support no okay if you enjoy us making light of um different types of ways you can milk a man you you can support this podcast via Patreon. Head to www.patreon.com, mind slash rural concerns. And for the price of a pint, we'll shower you in bonus content and invite you into the creamery, our full-fat Discord chill-out room.

Alternatively, you can drop us a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Please note that it must be five stars four stars or less and it'll cause a computer glitch that will fire all the nuclear missiles in the world directly at your mom's static camera she won't know anything about it she'll be out like instantly out like a lie but you won't be able to visit that place because it'll be too irradiated, even after the fallout's dropped off. You know, it'll be 250 years

where that's all still nuclear. And here's a review. Here's a five-star review from Apple. Excellent work, heartwarming and disturbing. Rural Concerns was edited by Joseph the Hitman Burrows

do you think you'll like that and and and it's produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead

our music is by Sam O'Leary and here's an inspirational quote from 50 Cent death gotta be easy cause life is hard oh well that's a good one that hits doesn't it is that the good way is that's a good one that hits doesn't it

is that the good way is that like a good way to end the podcast it's quite bleak isn't it love you like a fat kid love cake all right all right uh g g g unit g unit do you remember g unit g unit d 12 d12, purple pills. Come on. This is when rap peaked. This is when Chris comes alive. Keep shouting G-Unit and then it just fade you out. No, I think I'm sort of a, do you know what I mean?

I've lived a life. That's all I'll say. You've never been in a fight. You've been fought. I've been hit in the head. And I think that's the same thing. BONG!