Rural Concerns - Balatro, Irish delicacies & rigid denim

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Chris has a hot lead on discounted wristwatches, Sunil’s setting up a new business and Producer James evokes an exciting story about the workplace. Trigger warning: Chris briefly talks about an incident of indecent exposure he experienced. Thanks to everyone who’s listened to Rural Concerns so far! We really appreciate your time as well as the reviews and ratings. And remember, if you have a rural concern you’d like us to discuss, drop us an email at [e-mail]. Rural Concerns will also now be released on Tuesdays! Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. The music comes courtesy of Sam O’Leary. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast that's been set up to make sure that one of the hosts is doing all right because his wife is quite worried about him. I didn't know. James, are you okay? I didn't know james are you okay i didn't know about this it's you chris it's you yeah it's not obviously you my wife would have betrayed me like that shout out nick let's stop texting us so what should we do for the first bit i'll just find a point where we can cut into the conversation just start talking nice what's balatro oh well we can talk about that what is it just tell just tell me what balatro is would we do that fake little introduction just start i think because we're gonna cut in halfway

through a conversation so just start let's start doing that conversation okay yes are we recording the video no could we record the video too? I think that went badly last time. I know, but I'm in a quest for content. So let's start the conversation. Let's go. 40 minutes from now. Yeah, but what is Balatro?

Is that how I'm pronouncing it? Is that right? I don't know. I bought it. Let me. Is it a chocolate? It's not a chocolate, but it's sweeter than any chocolate

I've ever tasted in my life is it just sugar is it caramel Bellatro is a video game that is for the Nintendo

well it's for various platforms but I'm playing it on the Nintendo Switch right and it's basically a hot new card game that has

sort of gone a bit mad. God, you're such a fucking dork. Am I a dork? You bought a PC to play computer games. Yeah, but like pretty cool ones. City Skylines 2 Farm Simulator. What if I told you that Bellatro was a poker simulator? I can't play poker.

Too much maths for you. Too much maths for you. Too much maths for me. I'm just a vibes-based guy. Yeah, I could imagine you like walking sims. But Bellatro, you've got to do... It's like a poker, free of a kind. How much is it? It's £12.

Okay. It's changed because they've added all these like it's like a base poker game and on top of that you add like special cards and like tarot cards you upgrade your hands with these other cards you like there's loads there's 150 jokers to collect and when you have the jokers they like power up your run and change how points are scored and stuff. It's just rare to hear you so enthusiastic about something. All I'm saying is,

it is incredible. Someone said to me, said it's very addictive and I've had to uninstall it. And I know that it got removed from the Nintendo store in Europe because of concerns about gambling. So that just sent me into a wild purchasing frenzy.

You can actually gamble on it? No, this was the point of the makers. It's poker, but they worked very hard, as they say, to remove gambling mechanics. You earn money off the things, but you don't put money into it to risk gambling more. So they argued it back and it got reinstated and i'll tell you what lads i couldn't have bought it any quicker after that

after that and it had like like everyone must have done the same because they had like 500 000 downloads in a week or something like that are you making new friends online playing this no no it's a solo endeavor i don't like playing online do you know like being screamed at by an american teenager yeah no i get it especially over a card game it's a solo endeavor which is how i like to you know like play my game it's so addictive do you know i found myself opening a book um and pretending i'm reading the book but really i'm playing the game inside the book that's the level the book is bigger than the switch what book is it where's wally it's a coffee table book that's all i'll say just nudie lady book what's christing in the living room reading reading a nudie lady book quietly he's reading about naked women

he's reading about naked women for hours on end mom he's not really reading about nudie women he's playing that card game i could be in any more trouble the good thing about my new haunted house is there's enough it's big enough that we can get lost in it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like a lot of the time I could just hear Nicola screaming through the house and the paint's coming off the walls.

She's like, where are you? And I'm hiding in one of the like cordoned off bedrooms, you know, playing Bellatra. You need one of those GPS trackers around your neck. I don't want to be tagged. In the countryside,

surely it would make sense for you and your family to all be tagged. I would like to tag it would make sense for you and your family to all be tagged. I would like to tag my son. Like, so I know where he is, whether he's up in the den. Why don't you get him a smartwatch and then you can find out where he is.

I don't want to give him a... He doesn't need electronic things yet. He can't tell time. The thing is, we've moved here so we can open door and we're like, go on, go off.

See you later. See you at seven o'clock. It's dangerous out there. It's dark, isn't it? No. There's no no one out there the kids might as well be from the past do you know what i mean they're not like the scary kids where we go where we were in manchester or wearing black and stuff what's he um what are his toys of choice stick and stick and hoop or what stick and hoop abacus yeah um no he likes the toy now he likes absolutely caning uh the nintendo switch yeah he's he was into like roblox and stuff and i put an end to that because i think they're bad

games designed by manipulative people okay so i've got him onto bellatra train the boy Train the boy. Train the boy to win his dad a fortune at the table. What kind of countryside figure do you think he'll grow up to be?

Is he going to be like, you know, tweed suits or like, can of monster in a white van? Yeah, that is the two types.

Tell you what I've been going for recently at the Costas at the most toy services. Kit Kat hot chocolate. Ooh. And i've had to overcome like a real block in my head where i'm like they're not going to think i'm a pussy they're not going to think i'm a pussy and then order it with the extra cream on top and they don't bat an eyelid and it's been a real breakthrough for me i think you'd be surprised how little i care about what people think about me at motorway services someone tried to sell me a watch at a

motorway services oh yeah what kind i don't know i didn't get close to like i'm gonna he was operating out the back of a van yeah so he tried to get me to buy a watch i was like i'm not buying a watch do you know what i mean i just got loading because someone was being polite to me yeah okay that's probably where my watches ended up after they got stolen yeah it's probably probably buying it back for you engraved on the back says thank you for a great quarter it's a no-for-tell but i i did some bad inner services recently where i basically flashed someone by accident. I can see how this happened. You were pissing and then turned around quick.

Opposite. Like, I really, I really. No, no, no, no. You took your pants off before you got to the urinal? Like. Down by his ankles. I was so, I was bursting. I'd been driving, you know, like driving.

And I always push it to the next service station. You know what I mean? I always like, I always like, I could do the next one. I could do another 22 miles. You're getting on though. You're getting on a bit. Exactly. The plumbing started to creak.

So I get to this like Lancaster service days. I'm absolutely desperate for a wee. Burst out. Needed a piss since Scotland. They did a piss. Yeah. They did a piss since,

since I can say like, like messy. Got through, kicked open the door to the toilet. And I was so, like basically I got my knob out too early because I got through the door. The toilets were so big

and I was so far away from the urinals. Do you know what I mean? Like we're talking, we're talking 24 or something like that. So I was like. Had you got to the bit where you choose male or female even yeah yeah yeah don't don't worry about just for the listeners chris is also famous for

pulling his trousers and pants down to his ankles when he's at the rhinos so this was he was waddling he's waddling 20 paces with his dick out setting off the hand dryers as it goes and I can't believe that nobody is complimenting my brand new watch I think we might have to run that section past the lawyer I've been

this is a bit of a bleak content warning, trigger warning bit, but I have been flashed when I was in London. No, it was horrible. At Finsbury Park. When I lived in, I used to walk, I used to work in Camden and I lived in Finsbury Park and I'd like walk all the time home to keep of a fitness. But one night I was walking home after a few drinks,

so it's dark. And when I sort of got getting towards Holloway Road, I had my headphones in. Yeah. So I was listening to music and it was about 2014. So it probably shouldn't have been, but it definitely was Linkin Park. Do you know what I mean?

It all happened very quickly. And then about 25 foot away, there's like a little hobbit guy, like little guy, ginger, glasses. Yeah, he looks like- And you flashed him? No, he flashed me. Okay. He stopped 25 foot away and I was like, what's happening? And then he pulled, he starteded me. Okay. He stopped 25 foot away. And I was like, what's happening?

And then he pulled, he started pulling himself out. And honestly, that's just so much balls. Really? Like, yeah. Pulled out loads of balls. Okay. Yeah. Like real big ball.

Like just some, like a pillow of balls. And then like, he looked at me and I'm like, I froze in terror. And it's all happening. This all happens over the course of like 30 seconds. So my headphones are still on. Still I'm getting like, I don't know, like some winking bangers in my ears.

And then he marches towards me and he's like shouting something like this. And I don't know what it is. I can't hear it. And he got really close to me and he's like shouting something like this and i don't know what it is i can't hear it and he got really close to me and i just sort of put my fist up into his chest almost and just said fuck off but no no i was not at like terror was my voice was high do you know what i mean like fuck off like that like please please fuck off that was the tone of it he walked past me and i turned around as i was walking away he's still shouting something at me and for years i've just thought is there anything that he could have been saying that would have given it context

yeah that is weird isn't it so he got his ball he's he got his balls out and then started shouting at you yeah i laughed it off initially but then started shouting at you. Yeah. I laughed it off initially, but then my friend said, you need to report that because it's really sick. Because you could be a stepping stone. And over time, like at the time I wasn't that bothered, but over time it felt, it got, the feeling of what had happened felt increasingly worse. And then I rang up, so I rang up and called the police.

And then a bit later they rang back. Um, I got victim support, you know, like the follow up survey call and they rang him. Are you all right? Is that, have you seen that sort of thing before?

And I was like, yeah, just context into it. So they didn't find the man. Well, I mean, they probably knew. I never got a follow up call.

So it just sounds like someone who's like pretty mentally ill as well yeah I don't I don't yeah I don't know I'm not I mean I don't know why

what what sort of angle you coming at this from protecting it but me no I'm just like obviously it's bad but yeah like

yeah that that sounds pretty crazy it doesn't seem like it's a it's London for you innit no come on that happens that where you are. No flashers in the country.

No. As if. There's a lot more open space to do it. Do you know what I mean? Less chance of them finding someone to flash, I guess. Yeah, so that's that. I don't think... I mean, it's not exactly what we planned to talk about, but...

Shout out to the police, though, for... They're all right sometimes. Shout out to the police. Has they're all right sometimes shout out to the shout out to the police has someone put a downer on that probably extras that bit

yeah fair enough Chris's dark dark chapter can we keep in the bit of him pissing early in the urinals oh absolutely

that is pardon the pun gold so Sonno so Sonal you tell us what you've been up to well I recorded my stand up special wait wait wait wait

that is not a good link Chris I do not want that come on keep it natural Sonil you tell us what you've been up to that's my job and then you turn it into human speech I do not want that. I want some, come on, keep it natural. Oh, natural. Okay. Sunil, you tell us what you've been up to. That's my job. Okay. And then you turn it into human speech.

Yeah. Okay. I was just trying to get us back on track after the flashing stuff. That's very kind of you to do that though, Chris. I'll start with, I'll start with this. This way you can do a stigma for it.

Okay. I understand. I, um, I'm going to become a member of an artist social club what do you think of that? excuse me? it's for like artists sort of creative types but not like ones that are like in like in Shoreditch or Soho

this is for like you know so actual creatives and artists do they have to have earned money? like do they have to earn money? or can they just be posh people that sort of mess around? No, no. Come on. Like Madonna's son.

Not everything is class war. No, that's true. But go on then. So are you paying money to be a part of this collective? No, basically what happened was we found a venue to record stand-up at. Yeah. And it was this amazing little um it's an old community hall that had been taken over by like a social organization for artists that they provide like

studio spaces for people and then they took over this community hall turned it into a bar and like so we went down there and filmed our stand-up specials there me and jack barry and realized i wasn't actually a member and it's like i think it's it's like 15 quid. But it's just a nice little space down the road. But yeah, we filmed the special there, and it was possibly the most stressful day I've had in a long time. Two shows. Turned out all right, though.

I noticed you weren't there. I lived 350 miles away. Yeah, but you're down here a lot. But I shared it. Oh, you did? Okay, yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I was like, you need to go to this. It turned out that I and Jack don't really know anything about ticketing events and like how to let people in and we just let too many people in so it was over full yeah because people from the the

bar next door were like what's going on and we're like yeah come in more the merrier um and it got a bit uh it got super like we had to we were like putting out chairs like two minutes before I had to go on stage and stuff. Um, but it was a really good vibe, but it was really, it went really well. Um,

uh, but yeah, it's good. Looking forward to seeing, looking forward to just like taking the video of all my standup and just burying it in a hole somewhere. No, putting it out for free,

but taking it all the money that you spent on the recording, which I presume is coming out of your, yours and Jack's pocket the money that you spent on the recording, which I presume is coming out of yours and Jack's pocket, taking that, turning them into finished, turn it into a finished piece of art and then stripping it down to 30 second parts so that you pump out on the internet for free. The content game. But I think it was worth doing. It was definitely a big challenge, but yeah. How often as a man in your 40s do you say that you think about instagram reels i actually i i always enjoy talking about them with other comedians i feel it's like a big dividing line into like um i was talking to other old men of comedy i'm not old but not brand new and it's just like i don't know i was like guys come on we have

to get that together we have to but when i talk to my friends that don't know i was like guys come on we have to get that together we have to and but when i talked to my friends that don't do the performing arts they'd like my friends from uni all turning 40 or like professionals they don't talk about instagram reels at all no like it blow your mind how much day-to- day the thought of Instagram reels doesn't factor in their lives. They may be looking, but they wouldn't know what they are by name. They don't think about putting them out. Do you know what I mean?

Little videos on Instagram. They call them little videos. So I've seen this little video. Have you seen it? I don't get it. I don't get it. I've got nothing in common with them. I've done it. I've tried. I'm trying my bit because it's either this or it. I don't get it. I've got nothing in common with them. I've done it.

I'm trying my bit because it's either this or it feels like you either get your head around it or try to get your head around it. Or the answer is definitely oblivion. You just need to destroy more hecklers on camera. If someone doesn't make me with instant reverence and awe, I'm quite close to tears if anyone says anything immediately. Content. That's content. I'm quite aggressive, do you know? I'm like on them straight away.

Like, who are you? What do you want? That sounds like a rubbish name. Do you know what I mean? I get nasty immediately. I find sometimes, you know, the one thing about doing it, it's made me completely incompatible with the rest of modern life in a lot of ways but um i do think in general we used to process in day-to-day slightly higher amounts

of adrenaline than most people so when something happens in your life i don't know i've been on you know when a fight's broken out and stuff like this and i feel nothing yeah where some people like panicking like i remember being on a train, a cancelled train and I would have been the guy, but the guy's like losing it because the train's been cancelled and he's been put out.

And I was just like, steady palm. Do you know what I mean? I was like, we'll be fine. We'll get home. Our adrenal glands have been numbed by years of this. Yeah.

Not in a good way. I don't think that can be a good, there's no way that could possibly be a good thing. We've got ice in our veins. Ice ice cold killers and that's how that's why we're leaders of our respective packs i think yeah big yeah that's what i was gonna say yeah can you say in a slightly deeper voice please no i don't want to do that i don't want yeah so um so you've recorded your special it was a big success it was a big success in the

sense that the actual shows went well like people laughed so that's good but you always find someone you could have done better do you think you could put the full uncut version of this special for free to our patreons um i can do i wasn't planning on putting it out as a special i was just gonna know just secret in the background yeah if they want yeah yeah they have to ask so much to do innit yeah if you want

to see it like we've presumed a lot there but if you want to see Sunil Patel you can just watch it you can watch the best bits in reels

I'll tell you what I'll put out the bit that made that absolutely bombed and you can only hear one other person laughing and it's a comedian at the back

I'll put out that bit for the patrons and then they're laughing because it's bombed rather than they're laughing because it is a good joke and they can see why it bombed because it is um just an incredibly rough change of tone can't work still put now um and can i just ask quickly while checking in on sunil producer james how has it been in the edit mind oh chipping away basically i'm taking the recording and everything that's all i'm doing is like michelangelo everything that isn't great content i'm just taking that away everything that isn't the david just taking that away. Everything that isn't the David is being taken away. Exactly. And in this case, the David is Sunil complaining

about people wearing jogging bottoms and Chris trying to claim that he doesn't wear jogging bottoms. Which bit of the podcast is the David's little penis? I think it's that bit that we just put on the extras. I think it's Chris at Lancaster, Lancaster South Services. James did have to have a chat with me because he was like, listen, you need to, your stance on wearing jogging bottoms is inconsistent. So we need to really, like you say you wear it,

you say you despise men wearing them but you admit to wearing them to feel comfortable but i'll tell you what i think that's setting my frontal lobe so much that just i was in because we record these on sunday mornings um and that's when i like basically i was still in my jogging bottom loungewear for the morning but just 10 minutes before the recording i was like like, I can't do it. So I went up to put some rigid jeans on because that felt like business time. We're working. I put my best shirt on and I've got it back into bed.

I was, I was wondering if the jogging bottoms contributed to the, to the toilet story earlier. Was it cause you were wearing jogging bottoms? It was the ease of access. I know Chris. I thought we were cutting all that out because I don't think no it's just the second half um if i buy some jogging bottoms i wouldn't know even i wouldn't even know where to start what do you mean you want the way to start i mean the

choice is just huge isn't it and like oh to buy which to buy i thought you meant like the act of wearing them i don't know i put them on and't know church what you just sit you watch you watch june one yeah but i can do that in my in my denim jeans yeah and then it'd feel the rigid denim would feel like the harsh sand of arrakis keeps a man's back straight that's all i'm saying actually sonel you'll be proud of me here. I've got some jeans that are so new and rigid denim, I daren't wear them to sit on a sofa because I'm worried that the ink will come off on the sofa. That's a real man. That's a real man there.

A man who can't sit. Can't sit. I've got to lean in doorways. He'll leave his print on the world if he sits. Rigid, rigid traditional cut jeans, white gym socks, white trainers.

You betcha. Is that what you're saying now? Yeah, that's a dad. White t-shirt, black biker jacket. What's up with dad? He's alright. It's what happens to men in their 40s in the early 40s it's just it is harder to dress at this age but you know you can just make it simple for yourself as long as it hurts it's good that's all i'm doing i just dress like a 20 year old do you have any friends that have done like sometimes i'll meet men my own age and it fills me with dread because of how they dress you know but young people now dress like oaps

they dress very 90s don't they so they're just to my eyes bad yeah because i lived through that dress sense the first time around and it's like oversized washed out clothes and you know what i don't i've been the first to admit i don't get it but i can't join them in that It's like oversized, washed out clothes. And you know what? I've been the first to admit I don't get it, but I can't join them in that. I just wear, I've started wearing, like I wear Levi's. Do you know what I mean? I don't have money per se, but it's like I dress,

not dressing in cheap trousers anymore. I wear Levi's. You can get very cheap old Levi's on eBay, like 10 quid. Can you? Yeah, and they're very good quality. They're the old stock from 20 years ago, which are very high quality. Oh, that's good. There's thousands of them. Get Levi's.

Do you know? No crotch blowouts either. It's better than that. Is that what happened to Chris? It's definitely staying in. I don't know. Well, now it's becoming the spine of the show that everything's connected to then.

So shall we? It's not my poster, sir. James, you've scared him. You know you've scared him. From what? Having opinions? No, from changing to different segments. No, that's fine. You just need to do it

just ever so slightly subtly. Nope, I'll just stay. Poor little Chris. No, it's good to have him running the ship. That's section one. So I would say in section two,

I think you can just bring it up. So Neil, what's... Well, I don't know the context of what it is, so I don't know how you would just get into it. One of the greatest creative challenges I've ever faced, and I'm in it right now, is I need to come up with a name for my business. So like a company name. Yeah. But I just don't even know where to start with it.

Because ideally you don't want your name in it in case it folds and those people money. So it's just like, I've just been looking around and come like word association and I just can't, I just can't think I need to get out. I need to brainstorm. I need to get out of this mindset.

Well, can I just stop you there and say, thank you so much for bringing this to our attention. Yeah. Um, I think we can help you. First off, what is, what is your business?

What's necessitating the need? You're a branding consultancy now. I believe so. You look like one. Little glasses. Little glasses, expensive. Jogging bombs. Bioral headphones. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. My business is just, I'm going to set up a company for my comedy so everything i do which is like you know acting stand-up everything just comes under one company rather than just like coming in in separate drips and drabs but you don't want it to be called sunil patel solutions i don't want to be want it to be called sunil patel solutions i think i was told to avoid putting my name in it in case i end up folding and owing creditors and stuff. I don't think that'll happen. I don't have any suppliers unless I start like buying in Yorkshire puddings or

something. We owe this guy some money. Okay. Let's run the name Sunil Patel through Google and see what comes up. So I looked up, I went on Companies House search, just like putting some ideas. Someone's already taken Business International and so I'm out of ideas. So what do you want? Do you foresee this being printed onto stationery?

Do you foresee yourself having a little letter-headed paper? It'd be nice to have that as an option in the future, but at the moment I'm thinking it would just be something to put on invoices. If you had a company, what would you call it, Chris? Well, I briefly did for a while. what would you call it, Chris? Well, I briefly did for a while. What did you call it? Awful Productions Limited.

Okay, yeah, that's you. That's very you. That's cool. Well, it was connected to my double act business, but yeah. Awful business. Yeah, to the awful business, but it was just, we weren't in the place to have it done and it was very stressful it was very stressful i'm not keen to rush back to it

to be honest with you so let's look at sonil's business so you're uh what about something to do with like what are you known for look i've written down three, three names. Okay. One is Business International. Lamp, lamp, lamp. One word. Were you looking at a lamp when you came up with that one? Yeah, I was looking at a lamp. And thicken nugget. Thicken and nugget.

Or thicken as in to thicken. To thicken and then nugget. Two words. Thicken nugget as in chicken nugget, but you got a lisp. Thicken as in to thicken. To thicken and then nugget. Two words. Thicken nugget as in chicken nugget, but you got a lisp. Thicken nugget. I really like that. I think that's really solid.

Thicken nugget should be my... Yeah. I prefer lamp, lamp, lamp. Is there an exclamation mark in it? No. Yeah. Gone off it. One of the lamps is upside down,

though, if that helps. Which one? Middle. Middle. Oh. That would look like it spells ramp, wouldn't it? Yeah, good point, yeah. So we're back to Thicker Nugget.

Thicker Nugget. The thing is, if you don't want Thicker Nugget, I think I could take that. I could do a lot with Thicker Nugget. What would you do with Thicker Nugget? I would use it to I could do a lot with Thick Nugget. What would you do with Thick Nugget? I would use it to probably set up a charity. Doing what?

What is this charity doing? Offering buttermilk chicken. To Fickos. To Fickos. There you go. You've been no help whatsoever. No, that's not fair. You're supposed to come up with more names for me to thank you

okay let's do it what about what about June 2 oh June 2's good I've got a feeling that'll be locked up what about the Austin Butler

fan club I can't call it that okay but clearly I haven't seen June 2 there is he in that yeah

Austin Butler's in that yeah and he's brilliant in it I've just been watching Masters of the Air he's good in that? Yeah. Austin Butler's in that. Yeah, and he's brilliant in it. I've just been watching Masters of the Air. He's good in that. Have you seen Elvis? He's still playing Elvis Presley in Masters of the Air. I think he's not quite broken out of it at that point. Didn't he genuinely have to have like a speech therapist

to lose the accent? Yeah, I think so. He went too deep. That's what I've done. You would though if it's Elvis. Sorry, what's Chris gone too deep on? Oh yeah, wait a minute. No, he's gone too deep. York's what I've done. You would though if it's Elvie. Sorry, what's Chris gone too deep on? Oh yeah, wait a minute. No, I've gone too deep.

Yorkshire, you know. Who's the real Chris? We'll never know. The mask is on too tight. Did you watch Kez too many times? Too many times. Mandatory. And then there was like,

they were playing it to me like, it's the only way you're going to get any projects commissioned to lean heavily on the working class but really got an estate born of the manor so this business how much can I invest in it? You could invest

you can be a company secretary if you want. Yeah I'll do that in less than 10 minutes we're not going to have any meetings. We could have a meeting. We don't need to. We have meetings

for this podcast. We could have more meetings. Just need your signature and your legal liability. Can I ask you a question now just to associate to meetings for this podcast? Yeah.

Is the WhatsApp group for this podcast muted? Yes or no? Yeah, but most of my groups are muted. I know. It's just... Individual conversations are never muted, but groups are always muted but most of my groups muted i know it's just individual conversations are never muted but groups are always muted looking at my groups rural concerns that's one

yeah um there's another one which is just four different emojis i don't even know what that is uh crusty dogs uh brook at birthday operation lamborghini don't know what they all mean we used to be in a whatsapp group together didn't we and um it was like a very london whatsapp group so after a while when i'd moved out of london i removed myself from it i was like listen guys i like it the the group was 99 organizing little coffees in north london i was just like this in my life anymore i wish you all well i'll speak to you soon message me if you want to have a chat um and then one person in the group uh just kept like re-adding me to the group which really really wound me up who was that

oh yeah yeah a bit i mean we will have to bleep that yeah um out of interest with the whatsapp groups are you the sort of when you're invited to a whatsapp group and it doesn't have a picture what's your do you even notice that do you ever that's interesting thought about that i find i can't believe that's half the fun yeah but sometimes a group is set up like on the day for something happening on the day and to ask the person to choose a picture it's for a lot of, it's a creative jump too far. There's a lot to think about. What?

Yeah. I mean, it does it itself. You just go to search. I mean, it uses the name that you've given the group as an initial search. You just change that to sad clown, and then boom, you've got your comedian friend group. Yeah, that's what I do in WhatsApp groups. I keep the vibe going. If they let me, if they let me into an admin role, I'm changing the name, I keep the... That's what I do in WhatsApp groups. I keep the vibe going.

If they let me, if they let me into an admin role, I'm changing the name, I'm changing the image, I'm changing the colour scheme. Everyone... So you never know where it is. Do you know what I mean?

It's so hard to keep track of. Are you in any parent ones, like school-based ones? I don't think this sounds great, but I pass that sort of thing, that sort of thing to the wife. Oh, yeah yeah the invisible load yeah all right the invisible load is real so she does that and i get like messages from that

and the pta and then i sort of action the messages so that that feels like a good a good setup could i get on that group yeah i'll send you Yeah. I said, yeah. Are we going to do cultural highlights and then we're done? Yeah. Yeah. Let's do that and keep it. We do need to do that. Do you think you've got enough for an episode from that? If we do cultural highlights?

Yeah. That'll easily, that will, that will mean that we've definitely got it because i think there's a there's a there's obviously the flasher story that won't go in the not you flashing the other one um story is good no offense but some of that business stuff was pretty dry yeah yeah i didn't know i was hoping we'd throw around a few names so what things do you like do you want to should we try harder on that or should we leave it what

things do i like because mine so i'm, should we try harder on that or should we leave it? What things do I like? Cause mine, so I'm egg mountain because once I inadvertently said the words egg mountain in front of someone who bullies me and they gave that, they made that my nickname. So I've made it an attempt to reclaim the term egg mountain. How did you stumble upon the words egg mountain together? Well, we were working for a company that was owned by an American company and it turned out after about three months of this american company having bought our company

that the offices in america they got free breakfasts and i said where's my free breakfast i want three months of free breakfast i want an egg mountain yeah and then he laughed at me and said egg mountain that's your new name. Egg Mountain. That's fun though. But is this you getting bullied in the workplace? Oh, yeah. As an adult? Yeah. That's a 20 grand payout.

What are you thinking? When I got my phone nicked, and then obviously reported that to the police, they gave me the nickname of Snitch and Snatch. What sort of workplace is this? Who is this person? I don't like it. Oh, it was a long time ago now. Yeah.

It was in the height of Pokemon Go. That was how I got my phone nicked, because I was playing Pokemon Go in the street. I was at a gym on Ayr Street in London. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't tell the policeman that when I reported the crime. I think I said I was doing something to do with a mortgage. in London. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't tell the policeman that when I reported the crime. I said,

I think I said I was doing something to do with a mortgage. Very nice. Yeah, yeah. Trying to get a shiny Charizard or something like that. Yeah,

we're going to pay this mortgage off, babe. Yeah, that's a good story and feels fine to listen to and I hope you're okay thank you for the evaluation of that chris is that what happens in your head when someone

finishes talking but i've had a tough time in the workplace too i used to work in a place full of psychopaths and bullies um and i think it really like sort of altered my brain as to like how to treat people in the world in a good way. But it was a bad thing to live through.

Do you know what I mean? I never really met any psychopaths or bullies in the workplace. Do you know what that means? I was always in too low a position to be a psychopath

or a bully. So what did you, what sort of jobs have you had then, Sonal? What sort of jobs have you had since or no what sort of jobs yeah well just like lots of random little jobs isn't it a lot of temping a lot of um a bit of kitchen work a bit of uh a bit of self-employed sort of cashing and it's driving jobs and that yeah that's what i say that it is but like people ask me what i do i don't open with um i'm a professional entertainer

yeah i say i do a bit of this bit of that i've done a lot of stuff i'll keep doing a lot of stuff don't worry you know i mean just don't ask me all through the business yeah like basically don't ask me what i do tell me what you want and I'll do it. I'll be whatever you want me to be. Yeah. A bit of guttering, a play. You know what I mean? Anyone who's listened to the previous episodes of these podcasts know that you are incapable

of either guttering or controlling a play. I did briefly consider setting up a business doing gutter cleaning during the pandemic. Did you? Yeah, because it's like, what are you going to call that? See that, take that. And that's the thing. consider setting up a business doing gutter cleaning during the pandemic did you yeah because it's what were you going to call that see that take that and that's the thing like a lot of these names of businesses it doesn't need so what is it you know yeah i wasn't gonna i didn't have to get so far as coming up with a name for it i was just gonna i was gonna get a gopro strap it to my forehead and then clean out people's gutters and show them that i'd done it on the video okay look

at your gutters. Yeah. PLC. So they've got proof and they can watch me do it if they want from downstairs. Yeah. On an iPad. Imagine that, some pervert paying, one guy paying good money to watch you clean gutters all around the city. And it ends up being a really gracious act because he's just such a pervert.

And it's the only thing that turns him on. So he's just like paying for getting like lots of like entire areas of gutters are being done. And just for him to pursue. I thought he was, he was blocking his own gutter. Oh, with kind of.

How? I don't know how, but yeah. So James, you thought that previous section was a bit dry there you go that that we just moistened that right up you can always end anything with a cum joke and it's just great again great names for businesses cum joke yeah phoning my accountant on monday i've done it it's called cum joke. Right. So I've basically, and this is the Holy grail for London living.

I've, um, I found a pub. There's open late central and isn't rammed. It's open till 2am. Shush. And to top it off, it's an Irish pub and it's just

a lovely experience to be sure and it's downstairs underneath a restaurant and that's as far as I'll go I'm not telling you where it is

is it kind of empty um not the night I went but normally it is kind of quiet yeah this is the thing that I enjoy places like that

but I know they're gonna shut down it's just pints no dancing it's great and then upstairs for what sort of cuisine would you say there's a restaurant upstairs but i don't think it's part of it yeah but what sort of cuisine is it i'm trying to narrow it down irish irish food i don't know maybe if i tell you the name of it it might give it away and i don't want to yeah

okay so you're just in there with of a late night 2 a.m that is late because i believe it's a myth that london is a 24-hour city it is unless unless you want to go to s.o garage fabric or the s.o garage s.o garage a and a egg nightclub around the back of king's cross that's that's all you got That's all you got. That's all you got. It's a big, like the pandemic's killed the 24 hour city thing. Yeah. That's my cultural highlight.

A new pub I found that I had no idea existed. Amazing. That sounds brilliant. I would love to check it out. As someone who is married to an Irish. Person. Person. Yeah.

I'm always, I enjoy Irish bars. I'll go to them with my father-in-law. He'll be talking to a guy from Limerick. I have no idea what's going on, but I feel mostly safe. And I think that's as good as you can get these days. I was going to say they're all nice, but they are all nice, but they don't all love english people and i get it like with irish and scottish people i always think please like me you know i mean like the reason that they hate the reason that they hate the english i think i'm

closer to them culturally than like i, I hate those lot down south. No offence, lads. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I want to hang out with these cool lads. Yeah. What's cool about them? Salt of the earth, lads.

No, what's cool about them? The crack. Just banter. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pints of Murphy's style. Murphy's you've gone for. Okay.

Well, that's guinnesses for the tourists, isn't it? Oh, is it? Right. But my wife introduces me to Northern Irish culture. And she had this like box that had come. This box that she was like, come over this box from the postman. And she said, this is a taste of my childhood. And she went, I can't believe you're going to get to taste this.

Opened it up, cut off. It said air mail on it. You know, it's come on a plane. Cut open, opened it. She was just talking about club biscuits. You can still get them in Sainsbury's. Yeah, you can get them in co-op. What?

I don't know. Like apparently they have a Northern Irish staple. And I was just like, I didn't want to break it to her. I remember club, club and gold bars. Yeah. As in, if you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit during a club. Yeah, exactly. It's not some niche prospect, but they've done that.

They've got Tato crisps, which are alright. That's a thing. Alright. Golden crisp as well, which is like a Cadbury's spin-off bar that they have over there, which is really nice. But she introduced me-off bar that they have over there, which is really nice. But she introduced me to this thing that they have in Northern Ireland called Super Chip.

It's like a takeaway thing and it comes, it's like chips in chicken gravy and it just looks like slime. Do you know what I mean? But I was like, this is, I think that's offensive to poutine, but I tasted it and it's a nice, it's so nice. Wet potatoes is good. Yeah. Wet potatoes covered in chicken gravy.

It was very, very exciting. Yeah. Potential name there. Potential name. Yeah, you can put that in your business, wet potato.

I've actually, I thought maybe just to round out this episode, I could read a poem that I've written for my wife. Is it a sexy poem? There's sexy bits in it. You know, you get that with me, don't you? All right, well, let me mute my mic while you do this. James, maybe when we get in the edit underneath,

we could put some, you know, like Irish sort of type. Do you listen to the episodes when they go out yeah yes okay all right i'll find something but maybe we get music don't worry i'm somewhere from the you know dig into into the vault so this is a poem called dreams of donna go no it's called chris's irish poem no don't read it. Don't read the title as written in the document. I dream of spending fall in Donegal with lovely Irish ladies

brimming with blarry, ready to take my English seed. Chris. Yeah. Who's that drunk man over there? Shh. brimming with blarry, ready to take my English seed. Chris. Yeah. Who's that drunk man over there? Shh. That's the mayor.

A pint of Murphy's stout at all. To be sure. There you go. Wow. What recognised rhyme structure is that for poetry? I think it's an A, A, C, D, F. Is it? Yeah. I think they're studying that in schools.

Well, I was charmed by it, I have to say. Thank you. And I'm sure your wife will be as well. I hope she's listened to a few of them, but I think she's... Stop now. It's an A, B, C, D, E, E, F, G. Let's just wait till the emails come rolling in saying more poems

and then we'll see. One day, one day you'll be studied at GCSE level and I'll know it. Exactly. That's all I want. Ambition is to restructure, you know, like really make some 16 year old summer a misery. It'll be Siegfried Sassoon's war poems and

Chris Confield. And they'll be like, like with the World War I poems, they'll be like, we don't have many examples from the working classes. And then they'll be like, yeah, that's because when they do them, they're shit. He certainly was playing with the form. It's almost as if he didn't understand the form at all. This is what they call art brute, isn't it?

Yeah, big time. What does that mean? It's outsider art from people that have no concept of what the art form is. Yeah. Good for you. That sounds like a compliment. I'll take it. Let's leave it there.

It's like when the elephant did a painting, isn't it? That sounds like a compliment. I'll take it. Let's leave it there. It's like when the elephant did a painting, isn't it? Let's leave it there where it's a compliment. Anything else, I feel like every morning I said the letter's a compliment. Let's stop. Please stop it there. Gavner, Gavner. What's that, Street Urchin? Would you bob us a gold crown for me babby?

I'm not made of gold crowns. What about a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or that there Spotify me lord yes that's fine see that's what I was saying the power of theatre are you doing Joe Pasquale

no I'm doing a Victorian street scene to show that charity which this podcast most definitely is, starts at home. Do you know what I mean? Do you do many, do you get much voiceover work?

I get the sensation at my age and, um, it's not regretted putting me on the books, but there's a very specific, um, field of sort of like jobs that I could go for. I mean, I'm not shifting a Range Rover with these tones, am I?

Can you even say Range Rover Evoque? Say what? Evoque. Oh, how embarrassing. Oh, that's good. Can we capture that, James? Can we make sure that that bit where you look like a knobhead goes in? I want that in.

I think the recording has become corrupt. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for Lovely Time Productions. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead and our music comes courtesy of Samuel Leary.