Rural Concerns - Blue Monday, perfume & necromancy

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Welcome back to the first Rural Concerns of 2025! Sunil’s scared of the dark, Chris is a slave to his criminal impulses and Producer James wants to kick off the new year by dredging up the past. Sunil also gets very excited about a garden centre grotto and Chris gives us a rendition of Cicero’s thong song. You can email the lads your Rural Concerns at [e-mail]! If you’d like to support Rural Concerns, you can drop us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts! Alternatively you can support us via Patreon. For the price of pint you’ll get bonus episodes and access to The Creamery; our groovy Discord server. Music; Sam O’Leary. Art; Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to the very first Rural Concerns of 2025. I'm Sunil. I'm Chris. And I'm James, the producer. Sunil, what do you want to achieve in the coming year? Thicker head of hair and a stronger jawline. How about you? Exactly the same. And also conversational Italian.

Really? Grazie, grazie. Like that. I want to be like that. James, do you speak Italian? Piccolo. I'm doing Duolingo for it. That means a tiny coffee.

Just means small. You look like you could be Italian. Venti. Venti. You look Italian, yeah. So you should be able to speak it. I thought it was Spanish slash Portuguese Peninsula. Turned out it was Welsh all along.

So you're a Valleys boy. I guess so. Well, it's sort of Italian, isn't it? Yeah, it's the Italy of England. Britain. Sorry, Wales. Well, it's sort of Italian, isn't it? Yeah, it's the Italy of England. Britain, sorry Wales. Sorry Wales. Right. It is the first proper rural concerns of 2025.

And here we are. It's the first any rural concerns, let alone proper. What do you mean? I don't know why he's defining it as proper. Have you been putting out side ones? Have you been putting out side episodes, Chris? Have I been putting out bootleg ones? Yeah, did you do one without me the other day?

Yes. Because as much as we were, like, committed to, we're going to have a break. We deserve a break. You panicked, didn't you? Well, Chris, can I say what my understanding of the situation was? Yes, but, can I say what my understanding of the situation was? Yes, but, but... Please, please bear in mind this is the start of a new year.

But we've got to dredge up old ground in order to make headway in the new year. We've got to comb through our mistakes. You have to till the soil to expose all the bullshit. So, so, so go on then. So we did the Christmas episode. Yes. And then you said you had a monologue that you would record and we would pop that out as the next one.

And 24 hours before release date, I got a little text saying that started with the words, hello, James, which I always know, like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. It was off the group, was it? It was a side chat. Yeah, it was a sideoh. Uh-oh. It was off the group, was it? It was a side chat. Yeah, it was a side, a little sidebar. The general festive vibe is Sunil doesn't need to be.

Sunil's, he doesn't need to be worried. We don't need to bother him when he's back of house admin. Let him have some peace. He's worked hard. He's worked hard this year. I've been very ill, actually. Thank you. I was going to write a little short story about the future,

but it's just, it is a mad time of year isn't it and stuff just got away from me I thought you'd already had it written you seemed to be saying like you had a monologue like pre-prepped like a drama student No I didn't I thought I could bang out you know 20 minutes

of the Tempest or something like that but just decided to... So me and James just had a chat and then we put your voicemail in. It was just a dad, just general dad stuff and cocktail recommendations, which I think we're going to come... We'll circle back to that later. I was expecting some sort of poem though, Chris. One of those bullshit Christmas poems that doesn't scan that are in all the adverts.

What do you mean? It's the thing I hate about adverts at Christmas. It's either for perfumes for what seem to be very difficult people or shit, shit poems for supermarkets. Perfumes are like the only thing that's truly sold on a purely aspirational. Do you know like every other product in the world like even if you buy a car it's got like a form of cars are sold on there you're wrong no no no let me finish the thought right so like most products are sold with like this is how this product this is what

it does this is how it will change your life and i understand that like with a car with like you are selling to a personality but a car still does something tangible whereas perfumes is like you are just selling on pure emotion pure like self self-image like here's a picture of i don't know johnny depp playing guitar in the desert cars are sold to people like us of our age okay that's who they sold to. And they play the music we liked when we were 16 to remind us of freedom. What? BMW.

Can't I joke? Well, BMW is fine. But if they're trying to sell you a Renault people carrier, they'll play like one of the hits from when our age group was like 18. So you're basically like, yeah's anywhere he lives in a house a very big house in the country i don't yeah yeah exactly stuff like that yeah yeah but like nobody cares about the features they're all the same anyway i think perfume is a more is more extreme even than cars because like a car will get you from a to b perfume is just a yeah you know i mean smell burnt cedar or something like that so it's just i guess because it's often given

as a gift isn't it so people just like oh yeah i'll get that for them johnny depp's on that yeah she likes johnny depp have you seen the one with natalieman? No. That one, I just think that doesn't seem aspirational. She seems difficult. What's she doing in it? She's doing everything. She's dancing on tables. She's running into the sea fully clothed. How are you getting back from the seaside?

You're not coming in my Renault Espace. You're not coming in the Renault. You've got to live your life. Have you brought a bin bag? Yeah. You can live your life on your own, actually, Natalie. Yeah. You can live your life on your own, actually, Natalie. Yeah. I don't think I've ever done anything

by impulse in my life. Do you know what I mean? I've never impulsively... You impulsively recorded an episode of this podcast of Capricorn. Yeah. You impulsively said

that you had a monologue. I've done some impulsive theft as well, so it's not... It's not... It's strictly true. Yeah, yeah yeah i would say actually if i get an opportunity yeah i'll impulsively commit crimes so we should probably go it's now early january everyone listening to this it'll be it'll be deep into january and this will probably be coming out when everyone's medically very sad yeah i think it is one of the worst days of the year.

I think that's my birthday. Blue Monday. The sad day, yeah. Or near then, isn't it? Is it the end of the month? Is it the 23rd that's the sad day? It's like the third week of January. But it's also not true.

It's a marketing thing, yeah. What are they marketing? It was a PR stunt from a brand, and I can't remember which one, about 20 years ago. They created Blue Monday. Oh, is that Thomas Cook? Oh, to book holidays. Thomas Cook, the holiday bookers, created Blue Monday,

I think 15, 20 years ago, as a PR stunt, which was designed to encourage people to book something in the dark to book a holiday that they could look forward to in the future so it was very good clever pr and now it's basically since been taken up as like a fact like a scientific fact like carrots make you see in the dark do they not they don't that it wasn't a marketing thing it was so no no he eats his carrots but we all know he's scared of the dark. He's doing all the yoga. I am actually scared of the dark. Yeah, I mean,

January is the best time to go on holiday anyway. Depends where you go in. Wales. Cool, all right. If you're going to go to a beach holiday, January is perfect, isn't it?

Because it's so grim, dark and cold back at home and no one's doing anything anyway. There's probably something in that. and now what i'm trying to do we're in that post the build up to christmas the build up to christmas starts in october the minute halloween's done the little boy is just like kind of absolutely wired from october through to christmas so we're now in a bit which is, my son is displaying all the characteristics of, well, if he was an older person, I would be like, oh, that person's very hungover.

But he's not, he's a little boy. He's just had too much Christmas. And by Christmas, I mean Quality Street chocolates. He like, we went to the pub for the New Year's Eve party and he had to go home. He blamed it on the singer that they booked. He was like, the singing's just like too... It's like, what?

He got excited? Yes. Stephen Sondheim. So he just, he went to a buffet and he got like three brownies and like four Quality Street chocolate. And you're like, could that perchance have anything to do with it? I don't know. What did he go home with?

Like over excitement? Well, he was like, suddenly got very sick, but really what's happening is he's crashing because we've gone through Christmas. Yeah. So we've just been,

and basically we've had, it's been brilliant, but we've seen a lot of people. So I think he i think him sitting on his bottom watching like be like watching moana on his own is like an essential bit of self-care that's kind of been lacking because we've been sort of going out and seeing people and stuff which has been brilliant we've got my my wife's, but they're kind of sisters in terms of relationship. My wife's cousin is here with her daughter, who I don't see as often as I would like,

and that's lovely. And so they're staying with us, and it's been brilliant. And she's called Charlie, and she's asked me to say, because her and Nicola, basically I was very sensible yesterday and cooked tea and looked after, did what I could with the kids so they could sit and just natter and chat away. Put them in front of Moana. Put them in front of Moana.

But basically that was like Nicola didn't, she really, she had like one drink on New Year's Eve preparing for the fact that on New Year's Day she had to pick these guys up from the airport in Newcastle at 8 a.m. in the morning. So yesterday they basically drank a bit and it got a bit out of hand. And Charlie asked me to tell you last night, James is fit. Not affecting the judgment then, accurate. No, she's still, yeah.

I mean, she couldn't walk a straight line, but then clarified, Sunil's fit too, but sort of in a different, in a but sort of in a different in a different sort of way like just in a different way yeah it's more like a bearded guy

with glasses and my mother and father-in-law were around and now that point these two are pissed but then my mother-in-law

was like should I tell you the attractive thing about Sunil and I said I said what she said he's very smiley

and I went no I said he's i said that's not so i said you're thinking of a different man you're thinking you're thinking of an ai picture of a mesh hanging over i'm smiling now i'm smiling now shout to everyone. Shout out to everyone mentioned there who thinks I'm fit. But this is yesterday and they've woke up this morning and literally I had like Charlie give me a PR manager's good morning response that was, thank you for being amazing when a kid yesterday.

And I'm so sorry for objectifying men. And I was like, I'm going to say it. You told me to say it. I'm going to say it. You told me to say it. I'm going to say it. You don't get to get out of that. What did they say about you though, Chris? Nothing. I'm not objectified at all. I'm generally revered.

I'm thought well of because I do. Honestly, I think this speaks to the dregs that is masculinity in 2025. I am held up as like a model of a brilliant husband and I do the bare minimum. Do you know what I mean? I made everybody a cup of tea and I made us tea. And I talked to the children for 17 minutes. But that is like, this guy's amazing.

And you're like, I don't believe I am. I'm not one of the bad ones, but I'm also barely pushing the envelope. What were you doing with the rest of your time? Were you on your PC? No. And I need a bit of time now. On the PC? On the PC. On the PC.

I'm at that point of the thing where I need silence and solitude. Let's go back. Time. Time travel. Let's go back to Christmas. Where were we all? Do we need a time travel sting? Yeah.

I'll say, what year is this? Who's the president? And you say, I'm a dinosaur. Do you know what I mean? That's time travel there. Okay, yeah. Go then. I'll do that.

Yeah, yeah. Underlay this sound effect. Oh, my God. What year is it? Who is the president? I'm a dinosaur. There we go. Locked in.

Nice. So you've gone too far back, have you? In this scenario, yeah. I've been messing around with powers that I don't understand. So how do we explain what we did for Christmas if it's time of dinosaurs? Well, no, it's not. That's just a sting to say we're talking about time travel. We're going back in time.

I thought it was another improv thing. I thought we were improvising. No, we're not improvising. It was like a full play rather than a sting, but yeah. It's a full play with a cast of characters. Motivations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Motivations.

Yeah. What year is the president? Because I'm going back in time to get a herb from the past that can save my, which has died out due to people using too many little yogh yogurt pots in the future. Yogurt pots are made out of dinosaurs. Have you ever thought about that? Oh, no, I hadn't thought about that, but now that's all I can think about. I'll tell you what, I know that I've been drinking a little bit too much over the festive period

because I woke up very anxious about the climate crisis the other day do you know what I mean like I didn't want to get out of bed because I was so anxious about it and even though those concerns are legitimate I did think probably just best knock it on the head for a bit you know I mean time to definitely knock the thinking on the head you shouldn't be thinking as much as you do anyway no No, but it's exacerbated by alcohol. It's like when you have a drink, you push all those away, but then when you get the hangover, they're all at once. All the thinks.

All the thinks. Too many thinking. I had a lot of chocolate Baileys, I'll tell you that, the other day, and that, actually quite nice. Doesn't make you hungover at all. Felt fine. I think I found the drink that doesn't make you hungover chocolate baileys full bottle on your own you'll be fine it sounds like a good antacid drink as well yeah as long as you warm it up on a radiator beforehand

it's lovely we had me and my friend had a special martini cocktail tins and then i give i give him one and he went that's nice he went you think it'd go with Baileys? Got a glug to the bottle in a bit and I tell you what, it did. You've made a latte martini there. But that's double the amount of alcohol from both ends, not just one shot of alcohol, is it? Right. Right, for this next chat,

James, play the time travel sting here. Play the time travel play. Oh my God. What year is it? Who is the president? I'm a dinosaur. We're going back to the 21st of December.

I was invited to cocktails over the road with my new friend, Dave. Is this the blacksmith? No. Is it the textile? Textile style. Yeah. Textile style with tattoos. Is this the blacksmith? No. Is it the textile? Textile styler. Yeah. Textile styler with tattoos.

Is this the apothecary? That's a chemist, mate. What are you on about? I don't know, but it sounds like you've got medieval friends. It's like a blacksmith or a textile person. Or there's the guy that gives you the missions in the mines. What's the one that turns metal into gold? Alchemy, but they use the philosopher's stone.

I think my middle-aged job would be necromancer. Middle-age is job. Your middle-aged job is something to do with spreadsheets. No, necromancer, it's like a dark offshoot of magic, which is magic that involves the dead. Like, forbidden magic

is sort of meant to be. Oh, what, so they help you with the magic? No, like, it's help you with the magic? No, it's like summoning the dead, basically. Think it was a job in the Middle Ages. Yeah, there was that. Think it was at best a hobby.

It was a hobby. It was a frowned upon hobby. So much stuff to talk about. I'm so excited. Right, 21stst of december right tell me about yours two cocktails over the road guys have you been on christmas cocktails so no i've had one what early december i had a christmas cocktail my friend nick fluger made it at his house and it involved burning a little bushel of thyme on it. Hmm. Yeah, sorry. Sorry.

That was a nonplussed face. Sorry for having a nice time in London. What was the drink, though? I can't remember. Doesn't matter. It's all about the first sippers with the eyes. It had like frosting. He did frosted sugar on the edge of the glass because it's Christmas themed.

It sounds brilliant. All right, go on then. What's yours? No, no, no, no. It just feels a bit much burning time. But do you know what? I'm being cynical, which is what I'm not good at. And a £50 note as well.

Burn a £50 note into it. Crumbled a £50 note into it. So what did you, Sonal, were you at home? For Christmas? Well, I had a couple of days in Sherbourne just before Christmas where I went down to stay with a few friends.

Jordan Brooks booked an Airbnb and a few of us went down to stay in it. Very cosy Christmas vibes. Which Sherbourne? There's so many. Is there? Oh, the one in Dorset. The one with the waitrose.

Ooh. I think Sherbourne, just fun etymology fact, it means like clean river. Yeah, this one had a river. But it also had, and this is something I don't often see because I don't go to garden centres that much.

Didn't realise how big having a Christmas grotto in a garden centre was. This one was absolutely fucking spectacular. i've never seen anything like it a massive grotto and this is coming from a man who as you both know used to run a grotto in london didn't i and seeing that was like that blew out blew it blew blew mine out of the water it was incredible i forgot that you ran a grotto until you just said that but now you said it yeah you were an elf weren't you no no i was show running the elves so i ran the show you weren't you were the chief out which it makes you i was wearing a black roll black roll assistant

i was taking the ticket money all right don't worry about me yeah garden centers make a big deal of stuff like that i think but the amount of money they spent on it they were like animatronic penguins six foot tall singing songs coming at you coming at you they're bloody coming at you but yeah did they charge tickets to see santa is its own thing i don't think santa was there when we were there there probably was but it was like it's, it's the kind of thing that you should charge money for, but they're just selling stuff all along the way. Yes.

So it's like a bigger, it's a big event, isn't it, for the show? And people will probably go, we need to go see the display. You know, like what's Liberty,

it's the same thing as like what's in Liberty's shop window for Christmas. It's like, it becomes a marketing event type thing, doesn't it? Absolutely.

And like the amount of stuff, like on, I couldn't believe how big this place was, but there was a lot of stuff for sale and it wasn't tat. It wasn't tat. And one of the biggest model railways I've ever seen. Never seen a model railway that big. It was brilliant.

So this trip was lads, lads, lads really in a way. It was lads, lads, lads. So a big model railway and I bought Robert Harris's Imperium in a secondhand bookshop.

Cheers. Boom. Very nice. Is that an alternate history? No, it's, well, it's as accurate a historical fiction of Cicero's life as you can imagine. The rapper?

Yeah. Cool. That thong, thong, thong, thong thong thong so what presents did you get I got one present I got a book that I wanted and I bought it for myself I was in London and I said Nicola will you buy me this

for Christmas oh you told us about this was it the graphic novel the graphic novel and that's it that's all I got is that all I got did George get me anything this Christmas I don't know this Christmas is That's all I got. Is that all I got? Did George get me anything? This Christmas, I don't know. This Christmas is very,

oh no, I've got some chocolate, but then I said to give it to the poor. Oh. You know what I'm like. What do you get, James? I got a lovely backpack for,

for when I'm cycling. Very nice. Nice new cycling backpack. Basically the, the inside of it is made from a bag for life material like a good like a waitrose bag for life material it's fully waterproof yeah and what do you put in there water yeah that's where i keep my water yeah yeah my soups and stocks. Yeah. And. The heat generated from your big back while you're cycling. Yes. Will turn.

Keep it to a simmer. Keep it to a simmer. That, that, and the turkey carcass and some vegetables. By the time you get to the station, you've got a stock ready to go. Well, it's like tough, almost tough watching kids. It almost, Christmas to some degree almost feels unfair on children or it's too intense. It's a magical time, but it's so revolved,

it revolves so much around them getting things, which as you get older and drifting away from, do you remember, you know, in Watchmen, the graphic novel dr manhattan drifts off into the cosmos because he's like grown tired of earthly concerns that's what i feel like at christmas i'm like losing interest in things on any the things that i need i buy i don't buy anything i buy little computer games. That's all I buy. And that's the only thing in my life that I look forward to buying. Well, I mean, you've barely talked about the Steam sale with me this year.

Because the PC is still sort of on the fritz. How is that still not fixed? Get that fixed as a present to yourself. Because I'm running a... It's pathetic. I'm running a... Basically, I've got a little payday comes in. It's going to the PC shop and I'm going to get a new motherboard. That was a thing I got I forgot to mention.

From my brother-in-law, he always gives us his hand-me-down consoles and he's just got a PlayStation 5 Pro. So we've got a PlayStation 5. Very ugly machines though, aren't they, James? Very ugly. Yeah, it's hidden behind the telly. PlayStation 5 Pro. So we've got a PlayStation 5. Very ugly machines though, aren't they, James? Very ugly. Yeah, it's hidden behind the tally. But that's a good bit of kit, that.

It is. I was playing the cowboy one yesterday, trying to get into, yeah. How are you finding it? Apparently you've got to play it for four hours before it gets interesting, and I've played it for two hours. I found it dry. My friend was basically saying it's like, because it's by the guys that did grand theft auto you would

often approach it with the same high adrenaline mindset of but basically what it is my friend was saying is a very detailed cowboy simulator and if you like commit to like, basically like the travel is slower, the like, like the pace of it's very different, but he was saying that it's very in, very in depth. There's loads of mad stuff hidden away. Like,

and he was telling me what, one of the stories and was like how it developed. And he's so, there's lots of strange stuff in it that what's the word? Like the reward course of watching and stuff like that. But I couldn't, I bounced off of it a couple of times. Do you remember Grand Theft Auto San Andreas? Yeah, the one where you have to do exercise.

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get into it because of all that stuff. Like you had to make sure you ate regularly and do exercise and all this sort of stuff. And apparently there's quite a lot of that in this so i'm not looking forward to that you've got to get haircuts and shave shave yeah and be clean and you don't do that in real life do you exactly why should i have to do that in a sim yeah exactly it's too much i did play the on red dead redemption one do you remember they did like a undead,

like a zombified version? Yes. I played the heck out of that. That was brilliant. Cowboy Zombies. Oof. I remember playing that, but it's literally a million years ago.

I'm going to send you some game recommendations. Well, can you do it before 10 p.m. Pacific time? Well, yeah, but James can't get the Steam sale on the PlayStation 5. I've been playing one of many people's top 20 games of the year. Thank goodness you're here, Chris. You're in the top 20 game of the

year. Hey! What do you do with it? You don't do much. It's sort of like, I would describe it as, and I have described it as, an interactive sitcom episode. So you basically basically in terms of functionality you don't have like an inventory or anything like that you're a little guy that walks around and the only real you can jump around and the only other real action you can do is slap

things you can slap every character in it and when you slap them they save things you know so the puzzles are very simple but they're basically scenes in a sitcom and you go into the pub and there's a piss cobbler i'm the cobbler this is the city this is it so i'm a pissed look yeah that was the one where i was doing a voice that isn't i think there's a couple of other characters that are just me and you would just hear that it's me basically being me but that one i was doing something a bit different which i really loved as an opportunity who's the guy you come down the chimney that's me that's you that was good i recognize that guy yeah so you'll go around and the the guy has the cobbler or the key cutter or whatever he is he has a key for a thing that you need to get into the butchers or

something say but he drinks his he's a piss head he drinks his pints and there's a problem with the taps so you basically jump go down into the cellar and slap the beer barrels to foff them up and get them going which unlocks that with via a dream sequence type thing so it's yeah it's a lot of fun what did you get for christmas sunil yes very good question did secret santa secretly you know the truth i know what happened because i got given a present by my secret santa which apparently the others had seen was so bad that they all chipped in and bought me a stuffed toy instead so i got a stuffed penguin that i've called m&s nice and he's sitting

outside now he's sitting on the sofa. How big is it? Six foot? No, he's about the size of my head. Okay. Is this the Secret Santa with friends? Yeah. As opposed to what? Work colleagues. Ah, okay. Strangers. Traditionally, I would say the Secret Santa

is the area of the work of the office. You know. I've rarely done one as a group of friends, that situation. Are you at liberty to reveal your secret? I'm at liberty to reveal what I bought as my secret Santa present for one of the lads, and it was a Wind in the Willows calendar. Oh.

With the artwork by Christopher Dunn, I think his name is i think that's a kind and considerate present yeah i i won't opening that i won't feel anything you know calendar everyone needs a calendar i don't know whether they do you don't want to see your month up ahead on on a wall yeah come on yeah i could do with that actually yeah well my my calendar this year is country steam trains i'm gonna get a calendar i'm gonna get a calendar and put birthdays in because i need to be better at birthdays put a week out as well put it a week out your alarm forum on your phone one at least a week more than a week two weeks two weeks though but then you'll be like oh i'll get to that a week is like i've got to do that now

but a week is not enough time to source a gift when's your wife's birthday christopher oh why are you asking me that questions in september september yeah for some reason i thought it was the same james have we got a similar birthday? No, Chris's birthday. Yeah, that's next week, isn't it? Is it? Oh, yeah, it's in 10 days. I was saying this because I was saying I don't want to be drinking loads

and it's your birthday. And I was like, no, but my birthday is for many years now. They are the birthdays of an eight-year-old boy, you know. And the kid's like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I want enchiladas and I want to watch a film or play computer. I want to be left alone to play computer games. So these are not an adult's birthday.

But a lot of it with kids, like this year, I don't like doing loads. There's something about the attention of i don't like being the center of attention in that way i understand that's odd for what i do as a job but like yeah when are we going to plug the solo show chris when are we plugging the solo show no that makes sense we're going to plug it very soon it's going to be intense but i don't know that's like something that i've made that i'm presenting and the context is right there's a birthday party of like just come and celebrate me you've done nothing to deserve it exactly so it's like except cultivate some lovely relationships i know so i but as well it's like birthday is a thing where it's i don't know like a big time with my son and stuff, he's fleeting,

he's getting big so quickly and time's zipping by. So it's like, so I think this year, this year what I wanted to do is, I think me and him are going to watch, there's a new animated Lord of the Rings film. I was like, will you come and watch this with me? He went, you know, like you could sort of see he's like chuffed to be asked. Do you know what I mean? I was like, will you come to this with me?

And he went, yeah, yeah. So we're going to do that. And then I think, I don't know. Is he 40? It's a 12A as well. So it's like, he was like, can I watch it? I went, as long as this guy says it's fine. I'm going to the cinema.

What are you going to see on this beautiful day? Nosferatu, the film. Oh, I want to see on this beautiful day? Nosferatu, the film. Oh, I want to see that film. With the boys chucking popcorn at people. This is a guy, this is Robert Eggers, isn't it? Who sounds, I know that for his film, The Witch, they like, it's not just a set of a film. Everything in the, everything in that film,

like the farm, the set, all the stuff that was like made with era authentic, like 16th century hand tools. So it's like that sort of a mindset, you know, it sounds expensive, doesn't it? But it also be, I don't know what that I'm sure that'll make it more authentic, which means that the rest of it. But I did watch how he loved the witch. What else has he done? He did the lighthouse.

I like that. There was a lot about that that I liked. It's still. I like the lighthouse. What about the Northman? Norseman? Norseman? I've not seen the Northman.

I've heard it's a bit so-so. No. It really does make you think how life would be different if we were all ripped well that's my new year's resolution we've got now we've got less than a month until the live show we're getting ripped how long we got we've got three weeks to get ripped three weeks to get ripped that's the new year's resolution i'm going for a run with two ladies from my village at five o'clock first run of the year first run full full stop? You know, you've been running, haven't you?

I'm starting it up again after a period. I went mad on running, hurt my leg, and then my interest in it dropped off a cliff. What are you running on? Grass or pavement? Kind of a mixture of both. A lot of the time I'm running on tracks, basically, but like well-trod gravel.

Nothing mad like fell running up and down. Right. James, should we nix? Yes. So? Let's, should we give it an ending? No, that's, we'll get an ending here. The click, you clicking, that's the ending.

That's, that's the ending. New Year's resolutions. All right. You got any New Year's resolutions, Sunil? Because we're not going to talk about them. We're not going to do them. No. What have you got?

We're all getting ripped, aren't we? That's it. Just going to get ripped in time for live show. It's not a New Year's resolution. It's more of a pact or a bond between like-minded men. High performance male leaders. I think we're going to do that. I think we're going to do regular marketing for the podcast.

I think as well. I've now got, I told you we've got me and Nicola coming to blows over the piano. The boy got off his grandparents a keyboard. So I've got a Yamaha keyboard. So I've got two pianos. Like over 50% of my downstairs is pianos so i was like i've got to sort of maybe i maybe i'll learn to play piano chris your house is enormous though you can have two piano rooms two piano this show of what a gaudy show well that's like michael

jackson in his heyday isn't it you know just like lived in? Yeah, if he lived in Cumbria. If he lived in Cumbria. And I took me out. But that's what a tinkle tinkle. I don't know. Do you think, I often think like, it's very hard for me not to do stuff, to enjoy stuff. When we sort of do a job.

Yes. Very well put. As in, we're sort of all freelancers or have dallied with it. So we understand it. And it's basically the workload of, it's like you've been at university your entire life, isn't it? There's always something to be doing. Everything that we do comes off of the back of something that we initiate.

No one tells us what to do. So this means there's always a pressure to be turning everything into some sort of professional public facing do you understand i don't think about articulating it well no no you're doing something for its own sake rather than to monetize it or to turn it into content yes so i find it very difficult to do things that i'm not working on with a view to someone else seeing it. Is that the ending you wanted, James? Sorry, what is that thing, though? I don't know, like little pictures or something like that, or play piano.

You should stop showing those to other people, Chris. You should keep them just to yourself. You cannot monetize those, unfortunately. Not on most websites. I know. Permaban for Betsy. Yeah, the CEO sent me a letter it's enshrined into the company there's a no hentai policy there i'm afraid maximum seven i'm a victim i tell you one thing one thing i noticed the sickness that i have is like a family sickness because I'm a mum and dad all over

none of us they can't sit still they can't be they can't just sit and be they always have to be doing a task do you know what I mean and it's like over years you're like oh just like sit down enjoy yourself but it's like I've now come to the realization that they can't enjoy themselves sat down but neither can I so we're just all like a family can't enjoy themselves sat down, but neither can I. So we're just like a family of people that have stood up all the time doing stuff. Well, you're happy then, aren't you? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think we are broadly.

Just accept people on their terms and be like, whatever this thing is that we've got, we're all the same. So, mum, you do that. You peel those potatoes. Dad, there's a – one of the dogs needs a bit of a screw tightening. Can you do that? peel those potatoes dad there's a there's a there's a what a dog needs a bit of a screw tightening can you do that do you know i mean like managing a work you've got to get them to work you've got to set them to work and then they're happy but a little bit a little bit of insight don't you want to isn't that what slave owners used to say

yeah they just can't enjoy themselves relaxed. They need to be doing stuff. What a lovely Christmas message. Go on. What a lovely Christmas message. Work your parents until, until they like the hands are bleeding and their bones are cracking. Happy new year please

leave us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts it has to be five stars it simply must be five stars. Otherwise, what happens? Otherwise, I got Sunil a drone for Christmas

and he'll fire it up and he'll follow you around with it until you die. So you better put five stars. There you go. And please remember that if you have a rural concern, email us at christopheratalovelytime.co.uk. And just a reminder as we start the new year, that that is an email address that we use to sort of ferry the,

the wisdom of our listeners to the audience. But I do personally have like, they don't have access to it. So if you want to make any comments about those two and what they do, they will be treated anonymously as an anonymous whistleblower system that's all i'm saying and if you've got any issues about chris it will be instantly trashed yeah trashed blocked printed out and shredded so the best way to support rural concerns is by wanging us a few quids on patreon for less than one fiver you'll get bonus episodes and access to our online chat community, The Creamery.

Rural Concerns was edited by Joseph Alexa. Is it legal for a man to own a tiger burrows? Our music is by Sam O'Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hilstead. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for A lovely time productions. Oh, I haven't plugged a live show. You need to come to this live show. I'm playing in Edinburgh, Manchester, Bristol, Leeds, Leicester. Barnard Castle. Come on now. We're having a good time.

This is a good show. Somebody said it was, you know, some people said it was good. I saw it and I enjoyed it. Yeah, and James's friends saw it and they liked it and they had no reason to coddle me. Said that Chris was a master storyteller. A master storyteller. This is it.

If James says he likes it, you have to take that with a pinch of salt because if at any second either of these two, like even hint that they don't like it i'll delete the podcast i'll delete it all do you know i mean i'm blocking i walk away but james's friends call me a master storyteller a master starter i mean i do understand why if you listen to this on a regular basis that might be quite a hard couple of dots to join up but it's true it's true this is just me off the hoof when i've had time to plan it you know masterful some may say you'd finish most of the sentences i finished i don't i don't talk in complete sentences if that's what

2025 is going to be about and it's it's the the big money coming into podcasting and making it illegal to talk in half sentences, then take me out into the street and shoot me in the head with a gun. That's the end of the episode, James. Sunil, have you got any final thought or a quote or something? Yeah, I do, but I can't be arsed, but I'll find one. What a good way to start the new year.

It's a new year, it's a new me, and therefore I'll be doing this law. The law is discover each man's thumbscrew. Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need. It can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it's a thumbscrew

you can turn to your advantage. It's nutty clouds. a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it's a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage. It's nutty clouds. So we were like, we're going to do a cocktail party over the road. And basically everyone was like, three couples and a few other people, but like the three couples were going to do like a cocktail each. So I did an old fashioned, which is a very simple cocktail,

but I really like them. But basically what we did was the first cocktail when I got through the door was a snowball. So I had a snowball, but then we were like, this is dangerous. So what we're going to do, a beer in between. So basically. Zebring. We've talked about this, haven't we?

Yeah. I know Sunil doesn't listen to the podcast, but you're basically now recounting the last episode in, I'd say, more detail. Should have done a monologue. Oh. Bong. Like that.