Rural Concerns - Burratas, collisions & corrections

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

The lads are back from their holidays with much urgent business to discuss. James has moved to Digital Lenses, Sunil goes ringside and perhaps inevitably Chris is getting into steam punk. Also, we’re thrilled to announce that the Hunterian Museum opened after a refurbishment in 2023! Live shows: If you want to experience the full force of Rural Concerns Live, you can grab tickets to our Manchester show at Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Chris and Sunil are performing at A Lovely Time with Amy Gledhill and Friends on 30th August. It’s a charity fundraiser for Gaza! Contact & support: If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello, we are back with a fresh new episode of Rural Concerns, the podcast that has just had a little holiday and is now back to provide a huge boost to this nation's morale. I'm Sinell Patel and I live in London. I live a life you could never imagine if you weren't here on any random. day, I could be tweeting from a bath of asses milk, eating north of 5,000 calories of various pestoes, or simply tending to my bonsai in full silk suits. I do not want a Nintendo Switch 2 because my life is full enough. I'm Chris Cantrell and I live in the countryside. It's tough up here. When the sun rises in the morning, I know I will step into the world and see death again. Despite my efforts, the land around me yields, no crops, no respite, just suffering. And my wife will let me have a Nintendo Switch 2.

I'm producer James. I live in the suburbs where I dream of violence. Asleep in my drowsy villa, sheltered by benevolent shopping malls, I wait patiently for the nightmares that will wake me into a more passionate world. My Nintendo Switch 2 is full of hentai.

Can you handle a second screen though? Not on the minute. No, I can't. What have you got on the second screen? Stocks? Chairs? No, it's the notes. Good food recipes? It's the notes, but in order to look at them, I have to go like this. Yeah, so put it on the bigger screen then.

But then where am I going to put you guys? I want to be looking at you when I'm looking near the camera. I have you both on split screen? But then why have I got a second screen? Yeah, why have you got a second screen? Because this is much easier. Can you click on your, can you click on your thing and change your name and change your name in the corner of the screen?

So it reads, Icarus, please, because you're flying close to the sun and you don't know what you're doing. Do you remember when I did this was Sidebar? iPad, but it meant my eye line was always not at the camera. So there's no point having second screen. Well, second screen is there for notes. Look at us, James, when you're talking to us. I need to get that eye replacement, so it's replaced with Chris's eyes. The notes have six bullet points and one of them is puffing wife, right? I don't think they're crucial for the running of this podcast. That's true. Well, we all know what we're going to be talking about. We've, this is, I mean, we've had an holiday. This is, we've been, it's been a couple of

week since we've properly got together, a lot to catch up on. It's been a good break, I think, for all of us, from the stress of doing this podcast. Hmm. Okay. But I do think some of us might have had too many beers. Ever? Over the last couple of weeks. That's all I'm saying.

What do you mean? I've had a lot of beers. Oh, you. No, I was joking. In the group, you were sending pictures of cans quite a lot. You're in Italy, of course, weren't you? Yes. One, two, three.

Holiday Report. South Italy. Home of Dreia. Mafia. Mafia. Dr. Dreya. Yeah. The Italian guy.

What's Dreya? I don't know what Dreya is. It is a beer that is big in South Italy and Hungary. And it's that one with a little man on it. I sent you the pictures of and they do a Radler. Where's it made then if it's big in Hungary? Well, I think they've got two breweries. They've got a brewery in Hungary, and then I think they have a brewery in South Italy.

But it's one of them weird things where you've got a brand that's in two sort of seemingly completely disparate countries. And what's it tastes like? Amstall. Just like crisp, crisp dreams. Holiday, crisp, holiday dreams. Oh, that's nice. And how much pasta did you eat? Malto pasta.

And pizza. Pizza's up the wazoo. Are they better than the ones you make in your pizza oven in your garden? Yeah, they are a bit better than that. You can buy fresh dough in the supermarket that's like in like a sort of styrofoam pack and it's just ready to go, poofsh, get that in your pizza oven that you have in your garden in your outdoor kitchen. When I went to supermarket in Italy, they had a tiramisu the size of my desk in a fridge.

Nice. Do you remember which supermarket it was? Was it Doc? Was it Conad? Was it Famila? Was it Coop? Which is Coop. No, no, I don't know. I don't know. It was in northern Italy, though.

Oh, wow, that's not really my area of expertise. Probably a bloody Tesco's up there. Was it Tesco Metro? Because you recognised it. It was Aldi. Ah. So, yeah, obviously, James has been keeping us up today with his holiday. Holiday updates. Holiday updates. Looks like you've had quite the fine time.

Sent us a picture. Did I send you... What? I was going to say about the picture of me outside a pizza oven. Did I send it you, Sinell, or did I just send it, Chris? It was not that one I was going to zone in on with laser focus. It was the, you went to, what's it, like a mozzarella farm? Yeah, mozzarella farm.

Yeah, which was great. You actually went into the Motser. Made my own barata. You made your own barata. We said, we got a little video of you making your own barata. There was anything interesting about that video, Sunil? No. We both clocked it.

Come on. Come on now. I'm not going to say. Pure white, tiled room, indoors. Clearly indoors. Clearly indoors. James sunglasses. Very sad to see. Man of your age.

Look. Sunglasses indoors in a cheese factory. Insanity. Their prescription. Get some transitions like I have. I don't want transitions. I've just been to the opticians and I'm getting, they've rebadged varifocals. Oh, you're hitting varifocal age.

Yeah. And they've called them digital lenses. But what does that mean? Do you should have to lean down if you want to read a book? Yeah, basically the bottom bit is going to be a slightly different prescription. Yeah. So that's like a digital. So I'll be able to look at my second screen.

So that's a digital for second screen. For the digital age. Yeah. So if it's like, guys, if you need to download this manuscript, you need to do it via the second screen of your eye, this is how you market it to the model. God, what do you think the big health milestones of this podcast are going to be? Jameses, bear me for our calls.

Well, I do need reading glasses as well, unfortunately. Sun Hills, Sun Hills, first and second hernius. How'd you get hernius? I've already had the testicular cancer scare. Scare, but not a real one. No. Yeah, so thank God. That's just for the live listeners, actually.

Sorry, that was only on the live. No, it's got to stay. Really, really brought the mood down, didn't it? No, yeah, it was very intense. because it wasn't pre-planned, so it was just like ever quite serious. I'm just going to riff a bit about a cancer scare. Did we talk about that on the podcast?

But it did contain the words a bag of worms. So what? We talked about that on the podcast. We talked about it in the live. Did we? That's the sort of stuff you get if you come to a live show, harrowing. I think you were just doing some sort of internal,

some sort of mental thing where you put yourself in your mind palace and don't listen to what's going on. Oh, of course, in my happy place. Yeah, like happy Gilmore. So James's testicular, cancer check, Sunil's double hernias, Chris, world's oldest,

world's strongest man. How are you getting there then? What did you think about that? That'll be the next big thing in this podcast. Because there hasn't been a strongest man your age. It could be me now. And as soon as I could track down the purchase of a monster truck tire to lift,

then I'm away. What would be your favourite event? The big ball, the Atlas balls. Carrying a big bowl. No, you'd pull the truck, that's the best one, or the aeroplane. It's an aeroplane now, is it? I think you can pull a small private plane, yeah.

Yeah, I would pull a small private plane and then... Full of fat cats. Billionaires in the private plane. Do you know what I mean? Right, fat cats in the plane. Fat cats in the plane, yeah. Yeah, that's what I do. No, no, no, no.

You said what would get, what illness would we get? Being the strongest man in the world is not an illness. Being addicted to perfection. Being addicted to crunching. Being addicted to roids and protein is not the same thing. Yeah, like, honestly, I'm eating like 16 chicken breasts a day. You don't think that's a sickness. Do you want some more holiday facts from me?

Yeah, go on. No, that's a weird way to phrase a conversation. Do you want data? I'll have a holiday. I've got three holiday. odd balls burning a hole in my pocket. All right, go on then. Let's go. Yeah, get them out. Present these oddballs on the table.

Right. Did I tell you before about last year's beach oddball? No. It was a guy on the beach and he had like a thong, but it was basically, it was basically completely bare naked apart from like this sort of green cup over his genitals. Right. And it just had one string going round the side. Yes. Yes. Now that you mentioned this, we did discuss. I remember this guy. remember that guy. And he had a Bluetooth headset on. Yeah. He was taking calls. Where was the phone?

Where was the phone? That's interesting. We'll never know. We will never know. How far does Bluetooth go? Little bag? Little bag? Inside? I don't know. Right. Okay. So this is what we've got. So that was last year's Beach Oddball. This year's Beach Oddballs. We went to one beach one day. It was quite breezy, quite big waves smashing in the sea. and this older person came up and sat in the surf like further in than you'd sit normally like their legs were fully submerged kind of

you know normally you sit in the surf but you can still see your feet and the waves kind of lap at you yeah this one was sat like waist deep out in the sea getting smashed by every fifth wave like they're getting knocked over they looked like they either did it every day

or had never done it before basically and we went back to the beach another time and they were there again doing the same thing, just getting battered by waves. Like a workout almost, isn't it? But they were just sat there, and they sort of looking surprised and annoyed every fifth wave when they got knocked over,

like they didn't know what the sea was. That's odd ball one. Oh, ball one, okay. Obball two is, I called him Brightburns because he was completely tanned, very tanned. We saw him a couple of times at the beach. He went to the beach every day, sat in the sun all day, nut brown.

He was the color of my dad who was known as the human Chesterfield in his lifetime because he basically he became so tanned he resembled a leather sofa. This guy completely bald-haired, completely bald beard two white hair sideburns. Just randomly.

Oh, good. Yeah. Well, that's very Italian. Just like two bits of fuzzy felt stuck on the side of his face. That's very Italian to me. Is it? Third one, third beach odd ball, similarly tanned, similarly bright white hair, but long. He had something of the Saville about him. That's very Italian to me.

Yeah. To me that speaks Italy. The Jimmy Saville, look, look, the Jimmy Saville look, that's all I'm saying. Saville embodies the Italian sense of style, though. Shell suits, white hair, not brown. Is that not right? I think because there are other things associated with Saville, more than fictional. it for people. I do understand that. That make it a bad idea to say that people are

like that. Hit this guy, however, at one point we were on the beach. He's having an argument with the lifeguards gesticulating wildly. We don't know what it was. He was pointing and other people. He was shouting this, shouting that. They're having a real go. Then later on, me and the kids walked past the bit of beach where he'd been. And in the surf, one of my kids was like, oh, what's that stone, daddy? We looked a bit closer. It was a little bit of poo.

From the guy? Just washing around in the surf. We don't know that it was the guy. So you can't officially cover those two dots that right next to each other. I'm just saying that these two things happened. Wouldn't stand up in a court of law and you know it. Nah.

I don't know than this guy would stand up in a court of law. He was contemptuous. Just another thing about Italians. Oh, God, right? Yeah, you need to understand the Italian mindset, So, basically, the gesticulation and stuff doesn't mean that they're upset or angry, does it? It means that's just how they communicate. But if someone's accusing you of shitting in the sea, I'd just walk off.

You'd just walk off. You'd leave the beach. Yeah. Well, you would, wouldn't you? You wouldn't just argue your case after you've shit in the sea? I think it was pointing out of the people. If that is what the conversation was about, I wasn't close enough to hear. Yeah, yeah, well, you can't understand Italian either?

This feels like a perfect opportunity. get $250 quid out and go make this problem go away you know what I mean this feels like how can 250 quid can make

this day and also is it illegal to take a shit in the sea because it is like what is the what it's not what is well it's a lifeguard a lifeguard's not a law based lifeguard isn't law based

they're just guidelines right that whistle is not there's also two police in Italy as well isn't there two different types there's the local and then there's the federal yeah but every

Tottenation as a... We don't. We don't. No, but America, like, you would have the... You've got Hamish Macbeth. State, Federal and CIA. Hamish Macbeth. Hamish Macbeth, as a reference,

is so unbelievably niche. Yeah, I guess. Okay, yeah, but they have both of them patrolling the streets. Yeah, you see the two different, the Polizier and then the other one. That's it. When I crash my car, head on,

on a motorway near Turin, the federal police turned up and everyone was like, you should be glad they turned. Oh, do you know what I mean? So the federal police are often apparently, this is, I don't know how true this is,

made up of a lot of people from southern Italy who want to really turn their backs on the like criminality and the sort of organized crime and they decide this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to join the federal police because I, you know, it's a sort of point of... And I can imagine if you were, if you had that crash absolutely pissed off your nut.

Was it the wine or the large tiramist? Sue, I just don't. There is booze in a tiramisu, and if you eat it in enough quantities, if you eat a tables worth... I have too much amaretto, Yaris is going to fucking... Pyramassoed yourself blind on an Italian airfield. A whole inside of the windscreen was covered in cream. It was just on the back seat.

It was the back seat. Can we just drill into this crash a little, or is it quite a traumatic experience? 2018. I was on the correct side of the road. A car in the lane... Post-Brexit. Yes, post-Brexit. Car in the lane, going the opposite direction, tried to overtake and swerved into my lane and we hit each other. Ay, aye, aye, aye. I don't believe that popped up really in conversation at all around that time. I think it did. Were you injured? No, no. It was in a... The Yaris was a complete right-off.

Took it back to the higher place. Well, I didn't even get to take it back to the higher place. just, yeah. Yaris's are pretty small. They're basically made out of crumple zones, aren't they? Exactly. So it was very safe. Loads of airbags went off everywhere. There were airbags everywhere.

Side impact, front impact, steering wheel. Couldn't believe the number of airbags that had gone off in that thing. Well, you're on your own aside from airbags in a table-sized portion of Turimousseau. Just scooping it in with my hand off the passenger seat. No, it was with other comedians. We were on a holiday out there. Oh, no. Were they all all right?

Yeah, everyone was fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, full of airbag. Yeah, and obviously, because of my excellent driving, I avoided too much of an impact. How did that manifest itself? Taking your hands off the wheel, covering your eyes and going, oh, no! I just went, oh, shit. And then we crashed.

Oh, nice. That's classy. That's a classy last, potential last words. So that's my holiday update. Lovely. Apart from there was some fish in the sea. Oh, you've sent a photo 14 minutes ago. Oh, yeah, that's me making the pizza looking proud as punch.

D-Hell, that's a hell of a pizza. Isn't it just? Lovely shirt, James. Where did you get that from? My wife. Okay, let's not ask any more questions about clothes from you boys. James has gone on. I think it's a Zara, but it's quite old now.

Okay. James has gone on to holiday to work at a pizza oven full time. Oh, it was good, though. Pure dad vibes that picture. Quite. Yeah, it seems like you've had a great time. Are you refreshed? Do you feel refreshed?

Yes, Malto refreshed. You're pretty touchy starting this podcast. That's because I've just had a couple of espresso. Oh, he's still living the Italian. He's come back with the Italian. It's pronounced espresso. Expresso, sorry. I dusted off my beauletti.

He's come back, living the Italian life, and now he's on what happens after holidays, the one week transition period from living the holiday life, trying to get the same continental beer and realizing it tastes like liquid shit in the UK, not because of the beer, but because the people and the culture are bad. And it was never the beer that was special, it was the holiday.

Yeah, you're a week away from blaming it on Starma. I believe this is a holiday special, in it, I believe. It is a holiday. I'm going to play the holiday jingle again. One, two, three. Holiday report. How many holiday specials have we done now? You've had the most holidays, I think.

I've had two small holidays. I've been on one holiday, which I had to leave in the middle of to go to London for a work thing of. Do you know what I mean? I'm a fair weather figure at these things. And then I get there and I'm freaking out about how much money things cost. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think I'm an easy holiday companion. I don't think you would be.

No, there's a lot going on in my head. And it takes me three full days to start. The last three days of the holiday, I had a good time. I'd been to London. Nicola told me off for stressing out about money. too much. And so, do you know what I mean, like the anxiety of it? But we went to Whitby, which is a classic.

It's a coastal town on the north-easts of England's coast. It was famously where Dracula lived in the 1700s. It's where Dracula made landfall, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's where Dracula made landfall. And the flat that we stayed in this year has a blue plaque outside it because it's also where Bram Stoker stayed convalescing to run. right Dracula, the bulk of Dracula, from 1890 to 1896.

And I read that and I thought, posh people, man, do whatever you want. Six years in a flat in Whitby. Yeah, but it wouldn't have been a flat. It would have been rooms. Yeah, yeah, but six years in Whitby. Racing cities, it's kind of a beautiful place. There's this, it's very gothic place. There's this old abbey.

And when we arrived, when we arrived, it was steampunk. It was the, like, oh, no. Whitby has a couple of big events that attracts like an alternative community. One is a goff weekend, a huge got off weekend in, I think, October or November. I can't remember when exactly. When we came this weekend, it was a steampunk weekend, which is... They're your favourite kind of punk. Why didn't he send pictures?

This is why I was torn moreover, because I was... Because his phone wouldn't have fitted into the aesthetic of his outfit. Yeah, my phone doesn't have a cog in it. Oh, the cathode. But I got it out several times. to be like, look at this mad one. And then I put it away because I was like, these are just people having a nice time in their own way.

They're not figures of fun to be made fun of. You know what I mean? I did get a picture of the guy with the white sideburns, actually. Did you? That's Italian style. That's Italian style, isn't it? That's Italian. That's goals.

Life goals. Life goals. It's, well, this is, I'm going to go to Milan next weekend. so I'll take pictures of, like, people who are very... I know you're going with a friend, our mutual friend, Ben Sutton. What for? For a film festival.

They're promoting a short film that made, but they're tacking on a day to go to Milan and just have a relaxing day because they've earned it. It's pronounced Milano. Milano. So we get there, basically, steampunk that, if you don't know what steampunk is, it's like a mix of...

Goggles. Victoriana, and I would say if I'm seeing these people, colonialism and, like, high fantasy. sort of like Victorian age. Victorian age, sci-fi. Yeah, is that what it is? What if the Victorians kept bloody going? Yeah, what if the Victorians kept going?

Like, and it's basically so it's stuffy steam-powered. It's goggles. It's a shotgun, but with like a big, you know, like a filament light bulb coming off the top of it. It's cogs. So many cogs. Who came up with this? Because it is a fascinating concept.

and it's interesting how it's taken off. I don't know the origins of the steampunk. Actually, if there's any listeners out there who are steampunks, let us know what's what it's all about. Yeah, and also how do you get into it really? Like, what's the gateway drug to? Because what I saw was, basically, so they're all walking around the town

amongst the regular holiday makers. They're sort of, like, there's a pageantry element to it. Do you know what I mean? So they don't mind being talked to. There's some really inventive stuff in there. There was like a guy who was carrying this like, you know, like an old-fashioned steam punk, like an old-fashioned camera, but it had been like, it'd been rebuilt in this steampunk style. Some of, some of it was a lot easier.

There was basically a lot of guys dressed up in like top hats and checkered trousers and waistcoats and stuff like this. And lots of women in like, like, corsets. Do you know what I mean? Average age, you, it's an older, it's an older, no real, young steampunks. The youngest sort of stane punks were like, I would say late 40s.

And from that point on, it's 50s, it's 60s. It's high carcets. It's shotguns with cogs on. It's a handbag that's got a cog in it. Do you understand? Yeah, it's a leather iPhone case. It's a leather iPhone case.

With some wires seller tape to it. Chris, is this more, is this more of a realistic goal than world's oldest, world's strongest man? Could you be the world's youngest steampunk? Maybe steampunk is the 2026 league club, that's all I'll say. Obviously, I might...

I'm not entering though because it's too expensive. I see a gap in the market to become the king of the steampunks. I don't think podcasting for steampunks is a good idea because I don't think iPod have cogs. That's what this has been missing, this podcast. How do you go niche? You do a podcast, you don't go broad, you go niche. You go, I want to do a podcast for people setting up their own business. At what point is this podcast broad?

That's a good point. We're talking about leaks. We're going to have to record this onto a wax cylinder or something for that. A wax cylinder delivered by a mail. Yeah, guys, if anyone's interested in a vinyl copy of any of these podcasts, let us say. A Victorian. If vinyl would chaper, we put every episode out, do you know what I mean? Fill a record shop with this.

But, you know, this is why the Victorian should come back in power. That's all I say. Yeah, like I said, a couple of guys. It looks like Kaiser World War I Germanesque type vibe, you know, like, I don't know. Just, yeah, so I'm watching this. I'm taking that in. I'm enjoying my holiday when we were also there. So it's a holiday of like British seaside stuff,

which is basically my son spending unfathomable amounts of money on tat that's destined for the landfall or the ocean, not appreciating it or caring about any of it. 100% just about acquiring the thing and then moving on. So he's like playing the arcades. We go to the arcades. Do you know what I mean?

His eyes are rolling in his head with like the world of plenty that is the arcades. I, yeah, there's like one of the arcades has an upstairs floor that's full of vintage games and I like that.

Nice. The Simpsons brawl them up. Do you remember that machine? I remember that so well. So like playing that never get past the first level, the wrestler. But it's a lot of fun. It's nostalgic fun.

While we're also there as well, over the week, basically four people died falling off the cliff. Four? Falling. They just fell off it. Yeah. Over the week. Yeah, basically, it's like all week, there's like emergency services. Oh, my gosh.

Is that normal? My son's like, my son's like, what's that? and you're like, don't worry about that. Just put more two peas in that machine. Do you remember when your kid was a baby and like a siren, a go past, you'd be like, oh, oh, it's an ambulance. And you'd be like, oh, yeah, actually.

But this was like you could physically see it. No, you don't. Where we live now, all we get is these military grade helicopters going over as roofs. So we're like very, very helicopter jaded in our family. We've got a hospital one. Yeah, we're back. We've got a red,

We got a red hospital one. And occasionally a Chinoo. So that was that, that was the holiday. It was a lot of fun. Obviously, come back from the holiday. Yes. One thing, I come back. I hadn't seen my leaks for a bit because I've been away.

They find they've been looked after. But I can tell that these guys are yearning for my piss. Do you know what I mean? Are you supposed to piss on them right up until the contest? Or is it just like at the beginning to get the ammonia and to get them going? I don't think you're meant to piss on them like every day. I think it's meant to be sort of, they've got to keep them. Do you know what I mean?

You can over, you can have to, like, simply put, you can have too much of a good thing. But I could tell when I've been away for a week, they were still watered and stuff like that. Mine are looking pretty healthy now. And are they coming round? They're stronger and straighter. Ah.

But I've given them a bit of shelter because they were right in the, it was very windy here recently. so that they got battered about. But they're looking all right, but I just need to do a bit of, I think I just haven't got enough space for them. It'll buy just a couple of extra pots. I know,

but do you understand the cost of pots and compost? Yes, I do. This is like 40, 40 or 50 quid I've got to spend just for having a leak. How much is that per leak? That's insane. Yeah, but basically, if you get composty,

like once you've filled up this plant pot and the leak comes out, then you've still got a pump pot with compost in it. And Pierce. That you would have to feed still, but when it comes around to next year there could be something else going in there you could put some strawberries in there

some carrots compost isn't just one use is it I realise that single use compost single use compost with your vapes but can I take give you an update about like coming back

to the countryside there is there is the countryside so we've been away we've come back like I say the leaks yearning for piss. So I obliged.

I obliged, and he can... Straight away? Yeah, do you know what I mean? Straight out of the car, pissing into the leaks. I've started pissing. Family unpacking. I started pissing when I'm going through the front door and then it's like a rush job to get to the back of the house.

I'm doing your belt as you get out of the car. Seat belt, actual belt. Nicola's like, please take some of these cases out, you know, like that. Take the cases out of the car. I'm like, no, my darlings need their liquid nourishment. So, but. But we've had one big development where, because we've been away,

Paul the plumber, my friend, who's like new to the village, as I've said before, not perfect from Lancashire. But he's basically, you know, we've had this problem with a leak of the underground pipes. Basically, because we were away, Paul looked into it, which involved taking up some flagstones and digging, taking apart this box that takes the toilet pipe from the top floor, dug down. basically we're like how big is this job going to be it's been a great anxiety that's been sitting in the back of my head everything i do everything i say for months now you know like it's just always there that we've got this like issue that we don't know what it is how much is it going to cost me one quote to like reroute the pipe through another bit in the house which was digging up the entire kitchen was about seven grand so i've been living in a state of terror for ages but paul got in dug it up what the

issue is is that basically the pipe that takes our toilet from upstairs and our kitchen waste from the sink was not really connected to anything. It was just going into a void under the house for a period of time. So while we've been away, Paul's got in there, dug it out and removed like, I don't know, a year, like loads of shit. Like he described it as a Victoria sponge of like feculence and toilet paper. Yeah, he didn't have to say that.

I didn't, did it? But he's taking all that out. He's fixed the pipe. He's got some bits to bridge Victorian pipes to modern piping. He's packed, he's cleaned it all out. He's packed it in with gravel. He's cemented over it.

It's fine. And he's cost me basically a tiny fraction of that original quote. And I'm like, I'm very happy. Nice one friend. That's good. That's a weight off your shoulders, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

It's been, when it's just been working around. Yeah. That's really good news, Chris. I'm really happy for you. Yeah. I'm upset that it's spoiled victoria sponges for me. What's the jam? What's the butter cream?

I don't want to know. He said to my fathering order, he couldn't, you know, like he couldn't even face a steak pie for a couple of days. Come on. And he's a plumber. It was great.

It was great. But then it's like there's another issue with a roof. Like this house, this cursed house, elderly cursed house is like, we're moving on to something else. I don't think anything will be quite as stressful as that. Is it because you took the broomstick down? No, I haven't taken a broomstick down. Is it because you haven't taken the broomstick down?

Oh, God. I think I need to come down. Are you saying you're moving house, or you're moving on to another job within the house? Moving on to another job. There's like an external pipe issue. There's some guttering with my adjoining. we might have joined neighbours wall that needs looking at like all of these things it needs

it's a sort of split responsibility thing so if anyone in london knew how cheap this house was they'd be furious yeah but it's obviously there's an extra cost that it's building up over although most houses just have stuff on going unless you're buying some always best to rent yes i don't know it'll be nice when it's done it's just it's obviously a five-year job to get it to a semi-livable standard. But there we go. So that's it from the holiday and the countryside. So I know, have you been away?

Since we last recorded, which I'm just looking at my diary now, I haven't been away as such. I've been to Ealing for a gig. Does that count? Yeah, yeah, basically. Did you take your passport? No. No, it's still within the Cheeb zone. Now, I went to most exciting thing I've done is go and see the heavyweight boxing at Wembley Stadium.

There is the city, mate. Wembley? Ringside seats. How have you got a wingside seat? Have you paid for a ringside? Me, Gordon Ramsey, Jason Statham. Really? Excuse me?

They're quite far away from me, but, you know, ringside as well. How ringside is ringside? Like, you front row? No, no, it's basically all the seats that are on the pitch rather than in the stands at Wembley. Oh, right. If that makes sense, you know, because the ring is in the middle of the pitch, and then the ringside seats are their seats they set up around the

ring in the middle of the pitch. On a football pitch. Yeah. So you could be the equivalent of in the goal. Exactly. No. In the middle. And they're in the centre circle and you're still ringside. Well, it still counts as a ringside seat. But we were quite, we were basically maybe eight rows back on our ringside seats. So like just edge of the D on the penalty area? No, edge of the D in the center circle. Did you just pay for these? No, no, no. They were Red Richardson had a connection that just got us four tickets. Because of down the gym probably Because of him down the boxing gym

Yeah But yeah We didn't even know where our seats were going to be When we picked up our tickets And they said ringside And we were like What is that? That can't be

We thought we'd be like Right underneath the ring But obviously ringside Is quite a big area It's a football pitch Yeah Well not the whole pitch The middle of the pitch

Yeah Because they bring seats in Don't they To yeah I don't think he's He's saying he understands But I don't think he understands I just get the fee

that he's yeah in the goal yeah no James the ring is in the middle and then there's

four every are the four sides of the ring there are ringside seats that go back about 20 or 30 rows

and that counts as ring side kind of as close as you can get without being like friends and family inside an extra in a circle

it was full of just incredibly rich people we were we had four empty seats in front of us and we were like wondering

maybe they didn't turn up but they turned up Just as the fight started, the main fight, it was four lads, incredibly wealthy, sort of Arab lads. They sat down very polite. They were like, can you see everything? We were like, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah.

One of them lit up a cigarette, started smoking it. Not a single person stopped him. Nice. Fight finished, they got up and left. So they come in, they're like... They came in for a total of 15 minutes, and that's thousands of pounds. They don't care, it's like...

They just do not care. Money's not just not fuss to him, is it? It's like, yeah. Because it was a Ukrainian fight. there were lots of Ukrainian people there and they were having the best time because he won. Oh, nice. Was there like lots of floods, like I said. Yeah, it was

actually, if we weren't ringside, we'd be up in the stands and most of the people there I don't know, you know, I hope this isn't rude or anything, were on cocaine. It was the queue for the men's cubicles I've never seen a queue that long for toilets. It's absolutely, it's genuinely, yeah, everyone was like pissed up

on Coke, but around ringside it was much more was it late? Well, the actual fight itself, the main one, started at, I think, 9.45pm. But the actual, the whole event with the undercard fight starts about 5pm. I went to some big, I can't remember. Does, is Clitchco someone? Yeah. Yeah.

I went to maybe one of his fights. But it was a big fight. And it was a, the years ago now, at the O2 in Greenwich. Yeah. And it, like, it was one of these ones where it was synced basically to have a global. So it basically, it started very late in the UK, like half 11 because it was like... Can't get home from that. Piping, it was like piping over to America simultaneously.

And obviously the undercard thing started much earlier. Oh, it's always called undercard. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Yeah, it was that, like, that happened much earlier. But by the time, the main fight, come on, I was shocked to see how many people were passed out, like, passed out, pissing, like, down the... Like beer everywhere, in these, like, sort of tuxedos that you'd wear to, you know, like your work Christmas do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like that sort of vibe. It's a big event. It's a big, like, let's dress smartly event. It's not like football. I just wore jeans and trainers, and I was very much underdressed. Like, the people around us were, like, very smart. Or they were, like, completely disgustingly dressed in, like, full Gucci track suit. They'd probably think that you're something that you're not because you've shown it.

Do you know what I mean? You've got the easy, relaxed fashion. sense of like a tech billionaire. Yeah, yeah. They'll probably think no one's taking it this. No one's giving this less of a shit unless there's something pretty powerful. I just didn't know what I was going to

until I was on the tube and we were nearly there and it just started filling up with some of the biggest bald men I've ever seen. It's like the boxing labs. Well, that sounds good. Would you go again? I wouldn't go again.

I think once is great. I think a lot of live sporting events I prefer just watching at home, except for the cricket. I like being there for the cricket but haven't been for years. What have we got on? I'm in Edinburgh, at the Edinburgh Fringe, back in my friend, back in my friend, Sean's house, which this moment for the room that I'm in, I'm sort of like relaying it with John, who I run a lovely time with the production company in Manchester. and we're looking after a couple of shows.

But basically, I've stayed in this flat for years and John's new to it. So we've just swapped over yesterday and I said to Sean, I said, how's John? Has he done anything mental? And Sean said he's actually a really kind of, like, considerate house guest.

And I was like, who's that fucking aimed at? Do you know what I mean? And he was like, nobody, nobody. And I went, yeah, but I bet he hadn't left the fridge open and the door unlocked, has it? Is that what you were doing last? I remember you saying there's a few issues. Yeah.

I do it all the time. I had another flat, my friend Katie and Chris, they had a flat and Chris got really, like Katie's my friend from uni, Chris is her partner. Chris got really fucked off me because I kept leaving his fridge open, his fridge door open all night, you know?

I think it's when you're doing shows that you just lose it, don't you? Not lose it, I'm just... Not lose it, but you've got so much other stuff in your head. Yeah. Now, at first, I'm doing a... Working Progress at the end in a month. Fridge doors?

That's no excuse, Senile. To be fair, to me. Fridge doors like help you make them closed. They have like a suction to them. Not if you've got like a cover for it, like a cupboard cover that catches a little bit. So it requires a bit of an extra push.

Oh, you weren't just leaving, you weren't just leaving the fridge arms full of chalky and then leaving the door open. It was just like putting a barata on and what else does it go? Just knocking, pine bottles of milk out as you go. Yeah. Nope,

didn't do that. So I'm gone. I'm done. I'm up here. It's going to be a bit hectic. There's a lot of it is just like sticking things to things, stapling, you know? I'm going to miss you. I'm coming up in a couple of days, but you'll be gone by then.

And then I'll be, when I come back, you'll be gone. When are you back, what your dates, anyone are you doing any shows? We better plug it quick. 15th to the 19th. Also, the shows that I'm looking after are Molly McGuinness and Stuart McPherson. And they're both great shows. Molly's new. It's a debut, but it's a very interesting story about when she just madly went into a coma for a while.

And Stuart McPherson is just, I would say, just like this peerless joke machine. Like, it's a brilliant show, interwoven really brilliantly. But he's a dead-eyed killer of a brilliant stand-up comedian. We could learn a lot about, Sunil. Eats, Sunil's doing it. I just want to announce here that Sunil next year is doing an Edinburgh fringe. Well, no, we don't know that. I can't do, like, I've got four days off this August.

I don't know what next August is going to look like. But sometimes you have to invest in yourself. You know that way? Turn down every other bit of work. Turn down every other bit of work. I'm interviewing Brian Blessed at a festival. Oh, yeah. In September.

Which festival? Weird. Stones. Let me let it up. There'll be a link. Yes. Please send me that link, James, and I will put it in the show notes. Yeah.

Is it like a weird festival, though? Do you have to be at the weird festival? Probably. I think you might be able to get day passes. You probably have to be there, don't you? I do. I do. Yeah, you can't zoom it.

Strange Days Festival. Weird stones. Yeah. Not weird stones. Strange days. Is it like a... Henge are playing, if you've ever heard of Henge. Is it a sex thing?

No. I'd better not be. No. No. I'm on a poster and they've spelled my name right. James. There we go. Right then.

Should we do the intro outro because Chris has to go? Can we do one left? really quickly because it's been burning a hole in my mind. Which one? Sender, Bruce. It's on page, the bottom of page seven. The most recent. It just needs, it's a correct, it's something we need to address.

Okay, yep, I'll read this out. Okay, this is a letter from a listener, sender as Bruce, and the subject is, please, please stop saying the Hunterian has been shut down. Hello, Chris, and all at rural concerns. Firstly, a big fan of the work of all of the. Rural Concerns, Lads, Lawmen, Ikewick FM and Sennel's Adverts. No, it's funny.

I mean, it's nice. Money's good, money's a good thing. Could I ask slash beg that Chris stops saying that the Hantarian Museum has been shut down? We've closed for a complete redevelopment of the building and museum for six years, but reopened in May 23. Oh, okay. Okay, it's a couple of years ago, Chris. We now welcome around 100,000 visitors a year to the museum.

Museum, which traces the history of surgery and anatomy from ancient times to the present day. Our website is here, hontarianmuseum.org slash about. Please do pop in if you get a chance. It's free entry, Bruce Simpson, Senior Curator. You've been told, Chris. I know. He told me, and I didn't. Simple Google.

This is because you just will not Google stuff? No. And now it's come back to bite me. And I message Bruce back. I message Bruce back and said, I'm so sorry. I said, I've not hooked up anything at all. and he was like, he was like, it's absolutely, like, he's a fan. Do you know what I mean?

He likes the podcast. But this specific issue where he is uniquely qualified. Although, all this is like one man's opinion against the Uber. So if I would say to our list is, if you can visit the Ontario Museum in London, they're holding and confirm if it is open that would be great. Because we don't know for sure. On a Sunday or a Monday, Sunday or Monday it's definitely shut.

So don't try that. Send us a picture of it. shot to confirm it shot. We just don't know. But thank you, Bruce. Again, thank you for contacting us. And I am thankful for this opportunity to correct the record. There we go.

That is so, that would make me furious if I was Bruce. Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. Just a reminder, you can get tickets to our last live show of the year. It's on the 22nd of November at Fairfield Social Club in Manchester, and tickets for that show are in the notes. The best way to support us is by becoming a Rural Concerns Patreon. For a small donation, you'll not only be supporting an independent podcast, which means that we have the power to say,

whatever we want about Italian people, evidently, but also you're what yeah go on to know you tell them what else i was going to say you'll also get weekly bonus episodes where we slag off italian people stick around for a sneaky peek after the credits our artwork for this magnificent podcast is by it is by keep it injure art work is by the magnificent poppy hillstead our music is by samo leery and illegal due diligence is by calderick entertainment lawyer who i think lives in michigan We're going to find out of the Royal Concerns is edited by Joseph D. Rex Burroughs

and it's produced by Egg Mountain for a lovely time productions. So, Neil, you want to make your money back for this trip? Bring a spare case, fill it with Limoncello. Limonchello there is like five or six euros a bottle. Over here, I saw it on sale for 13 quid. It's also rank. No. Limoncello spritz. It's the drink of the summer after the raddler. Okay. All right, I'll sell it out of a suitcase.

I have to say, I think I'm slightly veering off of the rattlers. Yeah, what's all this about? Because you texted us this, and I think we wanted to ignore it. Yeah, I just ignored it. I just ignored it, frankly. I thought it's a moment of madness. My wife got me something for a holiday, and on the first night I was back, like I was back quite late and there was nothing else in house. But basically, I think it's my fault. I was drinking a raddler at 10 p.m. Was it a warm? Was it a warm radler? No, it was a cold one from the fridge, but... And what's your problem with it, though?

It's too... It's not a 10 o'clock drink. It's quite sweet, yeah. It's too lemony, it's too. And basically, I'm feeling an urge for Mr. Barman can have a lager. You know what I mean? Take it back to the... Take it back to the route. I think, is that the opposite of a radler?

Shanda? No, a lager top. It's the opposite ratios, isn't it? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, that was actually a very clever comment from me. Reverse Radler. Reverse Radler. Reverse Radler.

Bong. That out.