Rural Concerns - Dad Chat: Pre-Church Edition

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

With Sunil out on the lash it’s down to Chris and Producer James to set the world to rights. When was the last time you were scared?   We’re performing a Rural Concerns live show in Manchester (UK) on 22nd November 2025! It’s going to be a heady mix of slander, skits and choice-based adventure gaming! Grab your tickets here.    If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery.   Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to rural concerns Sunday morning dad edition. Sunil Patel, AWOL, shitted, in his own words, a text message yesterday, cunted out of his mind. at a friend's birthday party. He's not shown up, and we have a cod in this, pre-church. So get your coffee, get your croissant, or at least the half of the croissant that your kids will let you eat, and settle down for some Sunday morning dad chat. I'm at me-in-laws at the minute,

which is why the sound sounds a bit different this time. You're right. I'm frightened. Yeah, always. Just so scared all the time. When was the last time you were scared? I'm properly scared. Oh.

Fear's not something you feel loads as an adult, is it? I feel nervous a lot. Do you know what I mean? If I'm doing shows or something slightly mad like that, I feel nervous or like adrenaliney or excited or whatever, whatever that feeling is. Intense adrenaline. It tends to adrenaline.

And when I used to do, when I started doing stand-up, so that feeling, I am nervous, that feeling would. I knew I had to do something on the Friday, so it would crowd the week, do you know what I mean, the level of being anxious. And now I've been doing it a long time.

I still feel the same intensity of nerves, but it's contained to two minutes, two minutes before, like, you know, like it zones in. But fear, the nature of fear, I don't know when I've really felt, scared. Oh, well, I'm afraid of heights. What, like, as in, as in, as a condition. Yeah. Is it vertigo? No, that's a, that's a thing, isn't it? Is it? I think you've nailed it.

I think it's called fear of height. I don't think there is some other term for it. I think you nailed it first time. But as in, you don't like going on planes. You don't like, how debilitating is it? If I'm around someone who's more afraid of heights, e.g. my mother. then I am pretty fine. I can be fine. It's like I need to be the most afraid of heights out of the group of people. For it to be an ascendant issue.

This is kind of similar with me and Nicola and spiders. I used to be quite, I really didn't used to like spiders, but since me and Nicola been together, she really does it. She's a lot better now since we've had a son. An eight-legged son. Yeah.

What she doesn't want to do is go mad. so she keeps a lid on it in a way that she didn't use to do and then we sort of problem but because of that I know she's doing it basically I've become chief spider wrangler I don't love them I won't like love millions of them running all over my face but I am at a comfortable at a point

where it's no big deal to put a pint glass on and a thing and then and also I've like adopted a strategy of like this is their house do you know what I mean it's like a non-fatal a non-fatal approach to spiders, but if it does not fit under like a UK metric pint glass, it has to die.

It has to die. It's in a front of God. So it has to die. Yeah. You need to take that out of the gene pool. Take that out. Yeah, it's gone. It's gone.

It's not doing anything. So, yeah, but with heights and stuff like that, yeah, my dad's got a fear of my dad really doesn't like heights. so enjoys a lot of things enjoys a lot of European cities from the ground level let's say you know what I mean oh yeah no I mean it's not like

debilitar I'll go up and look at things but I'm not like lackadaisical when I'm up there I'm aware so but so I combined that fear of heights with a the travelling fair came to town so you know like the you know when the fair comes to town

do you have that up you must have that up your way we have it it's not something like a medieval fair I don't mean with a why I mean, F-A-R, F-A-I-R. You mean a giant waltzes or ride, which has got like a spray paint on it, that is like a mix of, like it's got Annie Interminator 2,

yes. Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, and Pamela Anderson from Babbed Wire. Do you know what I mean? All spray-painted on, approximate likenesses. There's one called, there was one called the After Party,

which was kind of one of those swing ones that goes around, and the background images, there was like a cool looking guy DJing and like a couple of scantily clad women dancing and then a cool looking guy playing a saxophone as you would get at any after party, I think. We used to have them. It used to come to Wibsey at the top of where I live there,

Bradford, this big empty field. I didn't love it. It was like I could have, it's somewhere I couldn't call without my mum. it was violent. Do you know what I mean? A lot of fights at the fair. Once it gets to nighttime. Yeah.

A lot of predatory, like, a lot of predatory teenagers preying on people, you know? I think that's fair to say. It was violent and scary, so I didn't go loads. And everyone's hyped up on candy floss. What can you do?

No, it's, but I always liked, I was never won for rides. I don't have that in me. But I always loved, I always love a good, like, ghost train, fun of House of Horrors, House of Fun type thing. I've not been on, I never been on them.

Yeah, I don't mind that. And I love doing stuff like that. I don't know. It's because fundamentally I think I know that I'm safe within a world of immersive theatre. Do you know what I mean? No matter how scary it gets, I understand that I'm in a theatrical work

and that sort of grounds me. Have you been to like a London dungeon or anything like that? Me and Sunil went to the, when we were doing a weekend, in Edinburgh together, which was very much a tale of two halves. But on the Saturday, we went to the Edinburgh, went to the Edinburgh dungeon and I grabbed his arm and he didn't, you know what I mean?

He was uncomfortable. I didn't like it. Okay. What my fear that I have in that is that I'm going to reflex, through reflexes, I'm going to break the nose of an aspiring actor. You know, when they come at you. Yeah. they like jump out

you're the people the people in those things no when we went to Edinburgh dungeon they did this really like they're giving you a bit of history and it is interesting and it's really interesting but um it's like we're in this Victorian street and the girl is sort of telling us the history of like

the oh I don't know I can't remember it but I want to say plague picked to Edinburgh yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't know like the catacombs and stuff she's telling her Zays but then it's obviously a very I've had a black emigre I do used to work in the York ones. I know the inner machina,

I know how, but it's like you're on a, you're on a continuous six minute loop, aren't there? And then moving people through constantly. So, but basically the girl was giving a talk and in this dimly lit Victorian alley.

But then it's so rehearsed that there's a, like a, like a, the light goes out. Within that moment, she moves. So she, do you know what I mean?

The light flicks out. So where she is, She, in that darkness, which she knows that she's not phased by it. She knows the layout of the floor. She's moved about like three foot to the left and she's directly in front of someone. Do you know what I mean? So it's like a very simple trick, but put the absolute fear of God into everyone. Is it a jump scare?

It's a jump scare, but that was, yeah, that was good. But I think with you, it'd be your, I don't think you'd snap and break someone's nose. I think because of your drama school background, there's a risk that you will become part of the production. I think I go to leave and I just go back in. Just go back in. Co, blah, blah. But I, I mean, in terms of being a performer at these things,

what I don't want to do. Like, my idea of a living hell is to basically outshine the performer. Do you know what I mean? Or drive attention away from the performance by being, able to speak confidently. So, but, like, me and Amy went to one, which I fact, we talked about four, but we went to the War of the Worlds. Oh, yeah.

And it just felt like, uh, it just felt like, um, basically it was a bit of a weird group and they weren't getting any. And in that one, it's not a historical thing. It's a story. Do you know what I mean? So, like you're being passed from a soldier to, uh, Like from, you know, the aliens are invading. So you meet, and you meet a soldier who's on this, like, line funneling people through

these tunnels and stuff like that. So they're like, what's happened? What happened to this person? And there was one girl there who worked there it turned out. So she knew everything. It was basically jumping in front of everybody. Do you know what I mean? To, like, move the story along.

But, but like, like, she knows everything. Do you know what I mean? So she knows the thing. And she, like, she told one guy off for not being engaged enough. she was but then at that point i was like in the audience or one of the actors she told off she was no she told off one of the the audience like our group and she was like and she kept telling us where to be you know like where it's like a total mystery and she's like you want to sit down here and you're like let me get there let me get there on my own steam so in that world where

she was like basically she was taking over the group so then i said to amy and said i've got to my light out of the bushel. And at that point, sort of became a cast member of the, do you know what I mean? You fought fire with fire? I fought fire. No, because then like a lady came up and you're like, what happened to the soldier? And I was like, bloody hell, you wouldn't even believe this. He got blasted, but had some thing, some sort of creature.

It didn't look human. You went in, you went fully in. Yes. Fully in. Yeah. You went, yes. And. Yeah, I matched their level of acting.

So it's absolutely, it's mad on there. We're not safe. What can we do? Do you know what I mean? Chats it like moving on. But I'd like that, but I think might have missed, that could wrong foot them because not many people would come in. I can't imagine an English audience or British audience would engage that much.

They just be like, yeah, I don't know. It was a weird group because we were in. There was this girl that worked there. Yeah. There was also a giant... Two Edinburgh nominees. Two Edinburgh nominees. Not one.

Two. And a winner. Not one. But she didn't know she was a winner then. We were having such a good set. At that point, but we all knew she was a winner. Come on. At that time, she was just a lowly, regular double Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee.

Do you know what I mean? She was just basically someone off the street. But there was us... Yeah. Like I say, we are the best audience members in this thing. We're pitching it just right. until the piss got taken out of us. But there was another one which was this giant Scandy man.

Who, it turned out. I was, because there was a break in the middle, because there was a bar in the middle. You know, like we basically part of the immersive experience. We took refuge in this, in this like, I don't know, the story didn't make sense. Do you know what I mean? But there was a bar in the middle,

an in-feem, in-world bar. Pricey. Very, very price. They're not Edwardian prices. A very pricey bar where we had a very pricey cocktail. And in that, I got chatting to this big guy, and he was basically, he designs these. He was over on a fact finding Trippie designs immersive theatre experiences in Greece.

I've said he was Scandia, and then I've just remembered he was from Greece. He looked, he was a giant big bloke with long blonde hair, so he looked Scandinavian, but I remember him saying now he was from Greece. A Thor type. Yeah. He was huge,

but then he's like studying it. Was it Alexander the Great? Because he was famously quite big and quite blonde and from that neck of the woods. I know it was Macedonia. Did he weep because there was no more theatres to immerse? I don't remember him saying his name. I don't remember it being Alexander.

But he was definitely, he was designing these games. So at one point, he's on his phone making notes, which gets him a bollicking from the girl that's on the tour. Yes, they didn't have smartphones in Edwardian, England or Victoria, which is rude on his part,

but also he's not working, basically. But he seemed like a weird guy. And stealing. But he told me he was talking to me and aiming, he was telling me his idea for like an immersive, something about Greek heritage, about the gods and stuff.

But basically he was like, he said something like, at the end, you can decide. whether to go back to the real world or become, like, one of the gods and as part of the experience. And I went, oh, wow. And I said to Amy, that is the maddest fucking shit I've ever heard in my life. Let's get out of here immediately. Oh, my gosh.

So the reason I was scared was it was my kid's birthday and the fair was in town. So we took the kids to the fair and they had two goes on, they had two goes each. on a thing, you know, on a stall on a ride. And one of them was like, wanted to go on the chairs. You know, the chairs on the chains? Yeah. And it spins around. It's like the tallest thing at the fair, basically.

And it spins around and goes up this pole spinning around on a chairs. They're like double chairs. Yeah. So, and a grown-up's got to go on. So I was like, all right, I'll go on. And my wife was like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah. it would be fine and I went up there

and it's just me and this one kid was kid's friend and it was I was absolutely terrified but I had to put a veneer of this is fine this will be fine so it's not to scare the kid and also just not to

be embarrassing basically because it was it's one of them things where it's like if some I think the fear is if something bad were to happen at your funeral kid is a tragedy

at mine people are asking questions like what sorry he died on what why did he go on them you don't really find out they're faulty until something terrible has happened

well now you've said that I don't think I'll ever go on any of them again I'm sure I'm sure people would think it would be tragic at your funeral I'm fairs no but it would also track wouldn't it

do like Should we In Sunil's absence Should we do our own city bit Because I think we've kind of cut We've broadly covered countryside Living Traveling Fares

Here is Here is the city bit Yes boys Just woke up maybe 1030 Cultural highlight Is that Last night I did my first vomit

Since pre-9 11. That's London. This is London. Um, with regards to the vomit, got off the bus, got off the bus to have vomit before I got home. Um, got off bus, stood by tree stump, projectile three times into tree stump, uh, walked 10 minutes, got another bus. I went to Maccas, got two cheeseburgers, one of them made, had one felt sick, put the other one in pocket, just found it on dining table. This is London. Hi, guys, thank you for listening to that episode of Rural Concerns. Another reminder, we are doing this live show 22nd of November in Manchester at the Fairfield Social Club.

Get those buddy tickets. Get those tickets in the show notes. It's going to be a live show. If you would like to support Rural Concerns, though, you can give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, other places. Alternatively, you can go to patreon.com forward slash Rural Concerns, where for less than a pint, you'll get access to weekly bonus content. And it's lots of different things.

Every other week we talk about a film or something from high culture. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for love. lovely time productions. Our artwork is by just the enfentereble of the podcasted circuit, Poppy Hillstead.

Our music is by Sam O'Leary, who will never not seem with a fag in his hand or a vape, and our legal due diligence is by Calderick, who's an entertainment lawyer.

Who exists? Thank you for listening. Good night. And remember to sign, like, you have to opt into being an organ donor. So make sure you do it

because if you get it by a bloody ambulance speeding and your organs if you don't take that box they're just going to throw all your organs they're just going to put them in bin they're going to put them in bin and your kidneys

and your liver is going to be in a bin with like cigarette ash and like old coffee grounds and stuff and it'll be useless where what they could do is put these organs into like a sort of young person who's, do you know what I mean? Or someone who is in need of him. So sign up to become an organ daughter today.

James, I know that's not what we, come on now. This is not the outro as written, but it'll do. Sorry, you seem to be coming across with a bit of an anti-ambulance agenda. Not an agenda Just like Look up the stats How many people Ambulances and police cars

Hey every year It's a lot All right I nearly got I nearly had a collision With a police car Right Because I wasn't paying attention to the road

This is still recording Let's do the outro Oh Bong Like that Thank you.