Rural Concerns - Dad-law, chips & cafe culture

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Can we all agree that the concept of community is disappearing?! In this episode Chris is persecuted for his political beliefs, Sunil is harassed by a former housemate and Producer James is locked into a rant. If you haven’t listened before it’s just three lovely chaps dealing in van humour.  Rural Concerns Live is coming to Manchester’s Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Tickets are already selling fast so grab your tickets here.  Got a Rural Concern? Drop us an email at [e-mail]. The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead and the music is by Sam O’Leary. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Edit that out, James. Edit it out. Keep it in because it's a good joke. It's a good joke. Come on, let's do this. Do you know what you're going to do? No. I've got to figure it out.

You're going to riff it? I think we should just all say hello and then I'll riff it. Okay. Go. Hello. Hi, guys. How are you doing? Quick answers, Sunil.

Yeah, good. Okay. That was quick. Yeah, good. Okay. That was quick. I didn't say boring. James? Still tired. Why are you tired? I'm a dad.

Oh, right. Just a tired dad. Yeah, just perpetually tired. So thanks for joining me. Two things. One, just want to say, tickets are now on sale to Rural Concerns live in Manchester on the 22nd of November. The second thing that I want to say is, how about this week we don't do a Rural Concerns episode?

Let's just not do one. Oh, that'd be good, actually, because as I said, I'm quite tired. That'd be good. I could probably spend more time with family and stuff as well. I want to watch Yellowstone. Not just during the recording, but also during the editing as well. That That'd be good. I could probably spend more time with family and stuff as well. I want to watch Yellowstone. Not just during the recording, but also during the editing as well. That's actually really good. Yeah.

April Fools. That's crazy. It's April Fools. You didn't know. You got me. You actually got me. You didn't know. You didn't know.

And now it's April. We are actually going to do another full episode. Sorry, James. Most people are going to listen to this after 12. That doesn't matter. That's an American thing. No, he's right. It's an American thing.

And you can prank people, actually, all throughout the year. Really? There's no... But it's peach. Are you one of those people, like, you don't like New Year's, you're like, I won't have a party whenever I want to have a party, as you don't get told. I party every day, don't worry.

He's just in a shopping centre. He's in a shopping centre in Outer London. Just starts doing his own countdowns in February. You know, like 10, 9. Like no one's telling him when to count down. So you've got a Prosecco in one hand. Yes. So I hope you enjoy this non,

this April Fool's edition of... People might not even listen to it on the day of release, you know. They don't mind. It's like a timestamp. This is going to be live forever. We have to celebrate the day. We can't let it go without talking.

It's Comedian's Christmas, isn't it? Yeah, because you'll listen back, won't you? You'll be listening to all these episodes and it'll timestamp it for you. Do you know what I mean? And you'll feel so pranked. Hello and welcome to this shiny new episode of Rural Concerns. My name is Sunil Patel and I am a pampered oaf. I live in London where I spend most of my time worrying about the cut and length of my trousers and how exactly they break above my tasseled leather loafers. Then I do a Zoom call

with my mates and tell them it's great here. I am Chris Cantrell and I live in the English countryside among rocks and wild grass with only distant memories of Wi-Fi and cappuccino to comfort me. my trousers are made from the sacking of the bags of flour the cargo plane drops to us

if we behave I'm producer James and I live in the suburbs my driveway is thick with pampas grass my neighbours call me the bull and my trousers

are stiff stiff with what? I'm going to read stiff with not using fabric softener. Okay, let's open this podcast up and let me tell you that there is a new coffee shop near me. Here is the city mate there are now two

three coffee shops near me and that's unprecedented one is a chain but it's a small one so you can allow that one is definitely a scam and the other one is newly opened and promises freshly baked bread I would like to immediately just

circle back there onto when we say scam, what do we mean? Please elaborate. What we mean is it used to be a... Without saying the name. Without doxing myself. It used to be a takeaway that no one went into. They painted it white and said it's a coffee shop now. But if you buy anything from there,

the receipt still has the name of the takeaway on it. Okay, maybe not a a scam but a hasty rebrand from making chips and pita bread to making coffee clever pivot when i lived in london there would be when my friend lived i'd go to his house and there was like a restaurant a takeaway restaurant on like the back of this industrial estate uh no business going in and out but vans pulling up and up and out yeah just do you know when you like this is i think do you know what no if somebody don't want to pay tax the traditional way to my mind i'm not look if there's vans going in and nothing coming out it's either a scam or

someone's in there eating all the chips on their own just saying and that's not libelous or defamatory in any way when i said that people shouldn't people don't have to pay tax if they're like nice people in society that's that's just a theory it's not do you know what i mean if somebody's doing something for the community should they get a tax should they get like like, you know what? Community's dying, isn't it, James? Can we all agree on this podcast that the concept of community has disappeared? For 40 years of the neoliberal project, the overriding summary is, do what you want, everyone else could go to hell. So if I do a little thing, if I bring cheer to people. You're just saying, because he's not listening, is he?

Because what you're saying is that there's no community, but you ought to be given a little bit off your tax bill because you're a nice guy. Is that your... Because I'm doing like a village community. Do you know what I mean? I'm doing stuff in my little village hall. I'm bringing people together.

By opening a takeaway and changing the name of that takeaway. By rebranding your takeaway. Can just a summary of this entire section be that I am being unfairly persecuted for my political beliefs? Are you worried about tax year end? Is this what's happening? I believe on some abstract. Yeah, yeah.

You understand it's April the 5th soon and you're worried. I think I'm a good lad though. But there's no way to put that on the forms, is there? Sorry, I'm just getting... I'm going to turn this phone off because I'm getting messages from ex-housemate Helen Bower. Breaking. Because she moved out this morning and left me with no sofa or coffee table. New coffee shop.

I'll go on to the news of the move in a second. New coffee shop. I'll go onto the news of the move in a second. New coffee shop. I haven't been there yet. It's got one big door and it's around the corner from the established coffee shop I go to five times a week. So loyalties are going to be tested in this period. Do they have a loyalty card? They might have to bring it back, but I think I definitely have to try the new one, but I have to do it without the old one finding out even though they're I think within 20 metres

of each other when you go to the new one are you going to have to walk past the old one yeah unless I go the long way round which is too long coffee be cold

coffee be cold it's at least three minutes longer the long way round hold on do you drink takeaway coffee in your house

I walk it back no I sit outside I sit outside the cafe with it right and then i go home because it's london what does that mean well you can go and sit outside in it on a cafe in a little piazza oh yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah that's what i do cafe culture can we just make sure that the audio clearly captured me saying cafe culture i think that's important uh yeah it did don't worry

take it from any other accent please cafe culture i've seen your cafe culture chris and it's holding a wild bean it's holding a wild bean coffee outside of the petrol forecourt the petrol the garage you can get a coffee in the garage how do they fit it through the drawer the night? But I get my, the coffee shop we've got is the house of Meg in the countryside. There is the countryside bit. Which is run by Andy the Tray Bake Man. Shout out Andy the Tray Bake Man. Provided Tray Bakes at our first ever live show in London. Provided us a little clip for the birthday episode.

Andy is so much more than just a coffee retailer, basically. This might be a bit hyperbolic, but he's the beating heart of the village. He's always going above and beyond. He runs the youth club with my wife on a Monday evening. He's always getting like, he's always doing stuff, you know, like he's doing a Christmas fair at his tea rooms. He's doing, he always gets like, you know, like food vans from like Newcastle or the city that, you know,

like they come down and they do like mezzanine and different stuff. So you come and you get a bit of food, you socialize and stuff like this. And basically as well, it'll host groups. So, you know, like basically there's a lot of, I call them like twilight community groups, you know, like people that are a little bit older. So like Domino's and the Women's Institute and like basically it's hosting lots of people all the time and stuff like this. So it is, it's very different.

Like you just sort of summed up the difference between the city and the countryside. Now you've got like many options and you know, like they go to your whims, don't they? As in, you know, you haven't impressed me, so nobody tell the consumer.

But what you're telling me actually in a way is that he should be getting money off his tax bill for doing a good run I knew it was a good call it was a I knew it was a good call back

but I didn't want it to be because I didn't want to include the earlier round that's it you've locked us in there you've locked us into a terrible run because he seems to do a lot for the community in the countryside, whereas you go and just

have a bit of Greek food. Is that right? Like my friend Dave, who lives down the road, when we were looking after his kids, basically Nicola, my wife, organised, she won in a raffle, you know, like for someone to come to the house and give her a facial. And both me and Dave were like, I'll give you a facial. Do you know what I mean?

And that sort of humour that has largely, that has largely fallen out of, What does that mean? It's country humour. Country humour. What does it mean? It's largely fallen out of humour. What does it mean?

Countryside humour. Amongst the intelligentsia. You only hear it in vans these days, that sort of stuff. You know what? There is, I've seen it in the window of a chemist, that joke. I think it can only be that joke.

This is in London as a chemist, and it's some sort of facial treatment thing, and the tagline is, just don't call it a facial. Why? Because a facial is a cheaper option than it? Because, I guess it's because it's a bit rude sorry what you guys what do you guys mean when you say facial do you mean the facial treatment what's chris chris explain it audio in an audio way don't just do the hand movements his mind sort of shaking a small hand i don't want to this is not this this podcast has an e for explicit but quite people attach on to us because we are quite asexual sort of chat we are

non-threatening have you read the intro i've done for this week no not yet are we in a lot of trouble maybe james james do not read it don't need it james do not read it. James, do not scroll down. Do not scroll down the document. But what I'm saying is, so when Dave was, when our wives were busy getting this facial, I said to Dave, I was straight on the WhatsApp. I was like, Dave, let me ask you a question. Do you believe in supporting local businesses?

He said, yes, that's a principle that's very close to my heart. I said, right. Well, we have to look after these kids for two hours. So how about we put some money in a local boozer? Do you know what I mean? And we took the kids to the pub and me and Dave quietly put away four pints. Bit of fun. Kids completely on screens for that entire time. And we did forget to buy them chips.

It was, and I said to Dave after, i said we didn't we should have got on some chips or something like that do you know what i mean we felt bad what happens to kids if you forget to feed them they complain oh is that it they moan yeah and then you go well you should have eaten more of your dinner and if your kids are complaining what happens if you've had four pints well then you sort of just you know like you rationalize with them in a way that's a bit more shall we say 1980s in vibe you know because nowadays there's a lot of like i'm down on one knee or fall asleep i'm looking him in the eye i'm talking to him about my feelings and stuff you know four pints is like this is is how everything is. This is the rule of law.

Dad law. Right. Okay. A raised voice and big eyes. Do you know, like the past, it's how I was raised. Yeah, I get it. Hmm. I'm a good dad.

So, good news. No one said you weren't. No one said you weren't. I think we were silently agreeing with you. Our silence is telling. Yeah, the silence of support is often not talked about enough. What do they say?

It takes good people to be silent to let evil flourish or something, isn't it? Exactly, exactly. So we're not going to do that now by supporting me by being a good dad who's had four pints. Have you got any other countryside updates? I believe I have, actually. Otherwise, what are we doing about this Leicester live tech nightmare?

That's been on the docket for about 100 years now, James. I need to know. And you keep saying moving it on. Are we doing it at the live show? Because you said it was a big one. It's a neat story that might fit in the live, but if the live's not going well. It needs a hot audience or zero audience.

It was a full audience. It was more what I had to do in front of that audience. Oh, shall I just stay? Shall I just say? I just basically... Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. You know, like a classic anxiety dream.

A-levels, that kind of stuff. Yeah. Or going on to do a play and you don't know what the play is and then you realise you've got the first line. I've had that one a few times. In essence, 80 people were let into the room 15 minutes too early and I was still on stage doing the tech setup for the live stream and testing microphones whilst Alistair was at the back of the room. This was for a Lawman Live. Alistair was at the back of the room this was for a lawman live Alistair was at the back of the room ready for me to test the mic so I had to

test mics with the you know 70 odd people that were there to see the show that was meant to start in 50 minutes knowing that basically from their point of view the show has begun, but I needed to simply test microphones and get a- You were just making popping noises into the mics. I just, I counted to 80 and you know what? Yeah. I've got a couple of laughs. What? That takes ages.

Not just on 69 as well. Alistair Beckett King doing nothing, just talking on a, what, like a clove cigarette or something like that. Classic. He was at the back because he was setting up the backup recorder. And then I had to do things like locate stream keys and get things ready for a streaming link. But yeah, it was lit.

It was like an anxiety dream, basically. Sunil, you're really glitching out for me. His internet's poor, it dips out, doesn't it? I thought it'd be better now Helen was moved out. What? She's not downloading a full series of Angel. Oh, my internet's gone. Fucking hell.

Sunil has Riverside opening other tabs. What should I do? No, you're all right. Should you have a tab? I can't, it's still uploading. That's all right. If it does balls up the upload, I'll send you a link afterwards.

No, I didn't mean that. I thought it would work okay. Yeah, no, this is a problem with my upload speeds, of course, isn't it? But I'm improving them soon, don't worry. I've got a plan. When's that happening? When I call them and say, please, please, sir,

when it's finally put in my name, and I say, please, sir. Ah, is that the next step? Please, sir, you are highly rated in which magazine? Help me. You are. Can you just say, oh, my internet's gone fucking hell. Oh, my internet's gone fucking hell. Oh, my internet's gone fucking hell. So we're back on, James.

Are we recording? We're back on. I've done my amazing Leicester Comedy Festival anecdote. Glad we didn't save that for the live show. Yeah. It sounds stressful, but do you know what I mean? Marginal gains. Learning every time.

I've got some questions for you, Chris. Okay. 10K. Yeah. I'm doing a 10K race on Sunday. Oh, what? In the Lake District. Basically come up last minute.

It's only small. It's come up last minute because my friend booked it and she can't do it anymore. So she was like, and I was like, you know what? Yeah. But I feel really ill. I don't think it's like.'t do it anymore so she was like and i was like you know what yeah but i feel really ill i don't think it's like you think it's i don't feel like it's like a cold i just feel a bit down do you think it's 10k related i think i'll i'll have to do the 10k but i just feel a bit i'm not very good at being ill does that make sense where is the illness is it is it is it like throat and chest or tummy it's not a

throat but i don't have a sore throat it's just a bit gummy and it's like a general feeling of flatness i'm very conscious that it could just be it's covid it's covid i've had this do you think it's covid could be i don't know i'm not a doctor can you normally run 10ks what are you trying to get at well it seems a big difference you don't i didn't know you I'm not a doctor. Can you normally run 10Ks? What are you trying to get at? Well, it seems a big difference. I didn't know you ran that much. I normally do one 10K lap a week. A week?

The rest of them are about 6K. I do like three runs. I've been doing about three runs a week. That's where I am physically. I'm going to Grasmere on Saturday to do 10K, and maybe I think I'll get like a T-shirt or a little medal at the end. Will it not be in your mate's name though? Not bothered.

Do you have to pretend to be your mate? No, because she swapped it over. She's paid, she's paid, I think a fiver that I owe has been paid to swap the admin. So it should be me. It's just one of the many countryside things. I'm just, my aim is not to come last. Just like with the admin. So it should be me. It's just one of the many countryside things. I'm just, my aim is not to come last, just like with the leaks. I just want to go.

Although I found out on the leak front that the guy that came last last year is over the moon that me and Dave have joined because he told someone else, he's like, I might not be last this year. So that's humiliating really. Are you ready to break his heart? Break his arm?

Yes. That's the real thing behind League Club. No. Are you ready to break his heart? What, as in by smashing? By him still coming last. What, by me not placing at all? So he still comes last.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The topsoil wasn't ready to order. So I'm waiting on, I've ordered some leeks. He's coming together, but it's slowly. I need to check up on, I need to ring up and chase the topsoil. When should they have been planted? Oh, don't talk to me about this.

Now, they should be planted quite soon. Well, don't talk to me about this. Now, they should be- You brought it up. They should be planted quite soon. Well, can't you just use normal mud? Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. But I've ordered the mud. You've got mud in your garden. I don't. Gardens are full of mud. You haven't got a yard.

Yeah, but our beds were full of rubbish, so we've had to clear them out. And my mother and father-in-law have got some old leaves and some cardboard, and then we're going to put the soil on there. It's too late for a proper mulch, but I'm invested in the future. All right. Oh, Sunil's...

I think Helen's taken the internet with her, Sunil. I think Helen took internet with her. I think that's bad of her, actually. What do you think of my new lounge? Are you... What do you mean? Have you had to move out? No, Helen's moved out, hasn't she?

She's taken the sofa with her. So what do you mean, a new lounge? Well, it's, Helen's moved out, hasn't she? She's taken the sofa with her. So what do you mean a new lounge? Well, it's new in the sense of it's like, it's a new look because it's got no furniture. Yeah, it looks like Patrick Bateman's living room. Yeah, well, I've got a better facial routine than him. We're losing him, James. We are badly. Can I hear about beer mats, Chris? Yes, you can, James. So, two things. We went for a day out at coast.

Where did we go to? A place called Silith on one of the sides of the country. I can't remember which one. I think the west side of the country, but the Silith. Were you there at dawn or dusk? Neither. It's hard to tell them. Midmorning, couldn't track it.

I got some Pokemon there. I caught some Pokemon. Pokemon goes. couldn't track it i got some pokemon there i caught some pokemon pokemon goes pokemon went i got some pokemon i so we went there for a day family occasionally we do that like our son is best parented out on a beach loves it absolutely he's like low low key we're just like knocking around all day so we we went to this place, trip around the charity shops, see what's going on, see what's what. We went to an,

we found this arcade, went to another nearby town. I can't quite remember what the name of it is, but got there, giant wall mural of Captain Tom painted by the community. But it was, it said they painted Colonel Tom, Colonel Tom Parker on the wall.

What, Elvis's manager? Yes. Yeah, and it said, painted on it, it said not all heroes wear capes and it was Colonel Tom with his little walker. If you don't know, internationally, during lockdown, this country lost its goddamn mind. And basically there was a little old man called Captain Tommy

walked around his garden loads of times. A hundred times. He was a hundred years old. A hundred times for the NHS. He was in his nineties. He was a hundred. He was a hundred. That was the point.

And he's basically was, it was a great story. Everyone was blown away by his generosity, but it's not quite as straightforward as that because it's- Don't look into what his kids did after he died. Yeah, it turns out his daughter was a bit of a- Let's- Ooh. It turns out his daughter can afford lawyers.

His daughter can afford lawyers, but she didn't- Be, obviously. So basically I looked at this big mural, but then I found a charity shop and I found a big box of beer mats, old beer mats, vintage beer mats. So I kept all these beer mats. And so I paid for basically, I got 40 of these beer mats and I paid a tenner for them.

And I said to Nicola, I said, can I give this lady a hundred pounds to have the full box of beer mats? And she said, Chris, that's mental. I said, fair enough. Thank you for talking to me about this. Do you know what I mean? Like, but they're beautiful. Why? It's like a type of design from the 1980s.

Oh. They're like old-fashioned beer mats. Yeah, sorry, it's worth saying. So they're like beers that are defunct, European beers. I really like, it's like a really old-fashioned style of like screen printing on heavy paper. So they're like, I don't know what the name of the printing technique is, but there's like bleed and they don't quite line up

and imperfections and stuff like that well just give me a little i like i like old things i like looking at old pictures of pubs and takes me back to my childhood yeah yeah like that i've got a mixture of like do you would you if you had unlimited resources and you had bought the entire box would you also redecorate your house with that sort of mottled brass table? You know, the hammered brass. It's got a name, hasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the sort I'm talking about.

I know exactly what you mean. A big cut glass ashtray on every one. But I've got these beer mats now and I'm like, I don't quite know what to do with them because they're so beautiful. I like looking at them. My thinking was. Stick them to the ceiling, of course. My thinking was that what i would do is

have them for guests do you know like nice have them so that when people come around we use those as coasters but they will degrade yeah do you know what i mean like so it's like but that's the beauty isn't it that's the beauty of them in the the transition from you know the one point the best point of them will be when someone, you know, goes to put the cup down. You've been practising, you fling it like a... That Indiana Jones is hard to sum up. Yeah, and it lands at the perfect point, the cup goes down,

they take it off and they start to shed a single tear because of the memories that that Carlin Black label has brought up for them. Yeah, and it's a passive-aggressive way, isn't it? But everything we own is like charity shop. Like all of our furniture is this like, it's come from British Art Foundation. It's like we're in this temporary,

we haven't gone deep on bits of furniture that we really love. Everything's about it being a temporary measure while we're doing up the house. Do you know what I mean? So we've got a chest of drawers. It's like 15 quid for this. So basically it's stuff that are in various states of, they're being loved by other people.

The most likely use of the beer mats is going to be propping up tables. Yeah, exactly. Like balancing out wonky legs and stuff like that. Right. So that's beer mats. Beer mat gate. You missed some big news there,

Sonal. You bought some beer mats. I saw an Instagram post with some beer mats. Oh, was it on the gram? Yeah, I thought what a good use of eBay space to buy that. Yeah, I bought 10, no, I bought them from a charity box. Oh, was it? I was saying I wanted to give,

I asked Nicola whether I could give the lady £100 to take the entire box home. And Nicola said, no, because that's mad. I said, okay, babe, thank thank you babe. I thought Nicola said you weren't having any money problems. No, we're not having money problems. She's just like It's because of choices like that. No money, it's like we're doing

very, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I got a shrewd hand on the tiller. But I'm like a low key I'm a low key husband. I'm not He's gone loud. He's gone loud. I don't have, I'm like a low-key I'm a low-key husband I'm not he's gone loud he's gone loud I don't have

I'm not like getting regular injections of mad tiger blood into my head I'm not going out not many other people I'm not doing testosterone

I'm not doing cocaine or drinking every weekend I have two pints a week in the local pub yeah what are what are your vices apart from old stuff

what are your vices basically I think stuff? What are your vices? Basically, I think my vices are, you know, when you go for a job and they're like, what, okay, what,

what, what, if you had to pick a fault with yourself, what is it? And the answer is always some version of, if anything, I'm too dedicated to being, doing a good job.

My, I think my vice is perfection. And I think that's fair to say. It's a sickening answer. I think my vice is perfection. And I think that's fair to say. It's a sickening answer. I think my vice is not being able to ever do something half-assed. And you're also... Which will be, I'll be honest, to people listening to this podcast will be a shock.

Well, let me take this moment to apologise for my internet connection. I've currently got three tabs open, still uploading the old records. Oh, gosh. Have you lost your internet along with your housemate? Is that what's happened? No, she shouldn't have taken internet with her. You can't just take internet with you and leave someone without internet. She's put it in a coat.

She's packed all the internet, packed it tight in that Robert Dias bowl. I bought her a new Robert Dias bowl. Oh, that's quite sweet. I bought three of them. They're very easy to buy. She keeps saying you can't buy them anymore. I went into Robert Dias

and bought three of them. £4.29 each. Absolute bargain. Best bowl you can buy. Robert Dias, nine inch. That was her leaving present. It's her birthday present. It's her birthday tomorrow.

Well, there's three, isn't it? Leaving, birthday and Mother's Day. Yeah. Shout out Helen Bower. Shout out Helen mother's day yeah shout out Helen Bower shout out Helen Bower birthday shout out Helen Bower birthday happy birthday

hope you have a good one enjoy the card I got you as well shout out moon pig oh god it's mother's day coming up that's fine isn't it just send a vase or something

my mum and dad are coming from their Malta holiday to stay with us for the weekend first time we've seen them since then so looking forward to it it does buy me an extra couple of days as well because i could just i i'll be thinking about the gift yeah a lot do you know what i mean but i can smash it out if needs be on friday morning do they listen to the podcast they listen to the podcast because my mum writes letters,

doesn't she? She writes letters as if she's, she writes letters into us. And this doesn't come out till after Mother's Day. Yeah, exactly. It'll be too late. She'll be already too happy.

She's going to know that you knew and yet still you got her a cafe. You planned to fail. Cafe latte from the Broadbean Cafe. What's it called? Wild Bean. So now we've had a letter in. Hello, Chris.

Yes, it's aimed at you, this one. Hi, Chris. 488 MBPS download slash 101 MBPS upload. Nice. That is actually quite tough to hear at this stage of the podcast, you know, after what's happened this episode. Yeah, when we've had to cancel yours three times. It is quite tough here because you keep breaking up.

Anyway, you recently spouted the non-secretor pistachio latte and the lads called you out on it immediately. Well, I'm from Dublin, but was over in Leeds recently and saw this picture of a pistachio latte. So I think this proves that imperialist organisations like Starbucks are paying attention to what you say. Thanks for all the laughs. Hope your show gets to Islandside time.

Regards, Wayne. I think that's a what's the name, isn't it? I think that's meant to be I hope we get the show Islandside at some point, I think.

Oh! I think that's a suggestion. It might be incorrect. And that's from Wayne. Yeah, I mean, I get the vibe. I agree with it. World tour.

With regards to Passaccio Lato, though, did you say that that was a thing that existed and we laughed at you fundamentally i think this is a chicken or the egg situation do are we informed by what starbucks are putting out in seasonal drinks or which i think it's happening starbucks are being led by the cultural pointers this i read a book when i was younger called, oh God, what was it? I can't remember what it was,

but it was by Alvin Toffler. And it was about the theory of time. Future shock. Future shock, that's it. And one of the theories in it was that basically there are certain places in the world that are, you know, like for all intents and purposes, like people living in japan are like living in the future compared to do you know what i mean someone living in tokyo with the technology

that they've got and what not to basically to someone living in like darlington some cultural backwater they might as well be living in the future the stuff that happens and you see this that when i go down to lond happens and you see this that when i go down to london and you see the adverts for theater and you're like oh that'll be if that'll be that'll be going to a touring house to a theater in five years or something like that the people of london are living the life that will gradually disseminate through so i think that this podcast i think someone in in Starbucks is like, you know,

like they're paying someone a fortune to be like, well, what are future trends? Yeah. And I, when I used to work in restaurants, it was like, you know,

like people coming in and going guys next couple of years, it's all going to be about Korean flavors. Do you know what I mean? Like these are the trends that are going to influence. And what I'm saying is I think this podcast is the future. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, pistachio latte is an idea

whose time has come as well, really. Big time. Pistachio is popular, so is latte. Why hasn't it happened before? So what is it? Is it, can you get pistachio milk? Is it, is that what it is? Or is it just flavoured?

I think it's just a flavoured syrup. A regular latte flavoured with pistachios and a little grating on top. I'm guessing it's coloured green. Was it coloured green, Chris? I mean, technically it should be, but then you're mixing it out with a matcha latte, aren't you? Well, that's, yeah, that's the real...

That's the concern. That's for them lads in the future to sort out though, isn't it? For those boffins at Harvard University in their lab coats to figure out. Exactly. Another letter? Or should we dance to the intro? Let's do one more letter. Skip.

Skip the next one. Okay. And the next one. We did that one, didn't we? The hawk one. Did we do the hawk one? I feel like we did. It's been on the docket for a while.

Maybe it's just because I've read it loads hi chris sonil and james currently listening to james talking about seeing a hawk in london and the owner being very london about it i have a similar experience when we were in new york we went into a pet shop to buy a holiday gift for our dog and two cats in this shop was a man pulling a skateboard that his french bulldog was skating on the bulldog was wearing a hawaiian shirt on the man's shoulder he had an iguana with dragon wings this obviously gained our attention and we sort of expected that the man would be up for some degree of small talk considering that he's the sort of person who walks around new york with a skateboarding hawaiian french bulldog and an actual dragon however when we at him, he shot us a look that very much read as, what the fuck are you looking at, you cunts?

It's safe to say we did not attempt to engage in small talk and therefore found out nothing regarding how you teach a dog to skateboard. It's like a dragon pirate. But what, is he strapped on these wings onto this, you know, this iguana? Yeah, I guess a little, you know, like a little shrug. Yeah. Type, you know, what's it, oh a little you know like a little shrug yeah type

you know what's it oh god i'm too my words are all gone angel wings for children yes like a little angel with little bits of elastic but it's dragons for iguanas that's from dan too thank you dan yeah wait like my family once saw we saw when we're on holiday abroad many many years ago we were in a church and we saw a man with a rabbit on a lead i mean to this day not a year goes by where we don't reference it on some level you know formative memory for our family is the man with a rabbit on a lead core memory and i know it was a rabbit and a lead and a parrot on his shoulder that was it so a similar vibe to basically somebody who's, I don't know, an attention seeker, but with an animal.

There's that video that occasionally does the rounds on Instagram of an Australian man walking an alpaca down the street. Yes. And he's angry that anyone would even pay attention to him. Yes. He's very annoyed. He uses the C word as well. Oh, he called it a llama.

So the owner said, it's an alpaca, you cunt. Yeah, you blind C. You blind cunt. I saw another guy with a hawk in London, you know. What? This is the second one. Where?

This was in a different part of London. And I think this one was, I think it was like one to get rid of pigeons or something. This one looked like it had a job. Oh yeah, there's some of those around Trafalgar Square, aren't there? Yeah, there. I think so. Well, that's two.

So that's two hawk, two definitely different hawks. Have I done my sad pigeon fact? Yeah. Oh, I have. No, no, I want to hear your sad pigeon fact yeah oh i have no no i want to hear you sad we've got so many pigeons because obviously some time ago in our history we we used to use pigeons for like transporting messages and for friendship and then we stopped keeping them as friends and we kicked them out onto the streets i have done this fact no you haven't or maybe i did it on another podcast. It made people sad though.

Yeah, so now they're all out there on these streets sort of half domesticated and they don't really know how to look after themselves. Oh. That's really... Is it Nikolai Tesla who fell in love with a pigeon? That's right. I think he, to me, one of his last things

was he hallucinated a pigeon telling him how to do transfer energy without wires. Wow. Oh, wireless. So wireless energy transfer, which is actually a thing now. Yeah, yeah, he did it, didn't he? But I don't think it's got anything to do with pigeons. I don't think the pigeon's the estate of the pigeon. Oh, it's something to think about, isn't it?

Thank you for listening to Mobile Concerns. If you'd like to go the extra mile, please recommend us to someone IRL. Alternatively, you can drop a five-star review on Rural Concerns. If you'd like to go the extra mile, please recommend us to someone IRL. Alternatively, you can drop a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. There's a few ways to support us. One is we've got a live show coming up in Manchester in November. There are tickets still available for that. But the main one is by wanging us a few quid on the Patreon. This helps us continue.

Plus, you get a bonus episode now every week, and you also get access to our online community, The Creamery. You can also email us if you have a rural concern at christopher at alovelytime.co.uk. Rural Concerns was edited by Joseph E.T. The Video Game Burrows. Our music is by Sam O'Leary,

and our artwork is by Poppy Hilstead. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. workers by poppy hillstead rural concerns is produced by egg mountain for a lovely time productions have you noticed my new glasses oh no they're quite old but i don't really i rarely wear them what do you do wear instead i wear different colored glasses i have three of the same frame so yeah so no no i haven't noticed your different glasses. Because, quite crucially, they're not different glasses you've just pointed out. They're just glasses that you had before and you wear the same glasses all the time. Honestly, chatting to you two is like having an awful husband. Bong!

Like that.