Rural Concerns - Dues, wolves & Les Dennis

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Chris and James go celeb spotting in central London, whilst Sunil hits upon a unique strategy to make all your problems go away. The lads also play another riveting game of 'Would You Consume the Shroom?' Live shows: If you want to experience the full force of Rural Concerns Live, you can grab tickets to our Manchester show at Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Chris is taking his new show to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 15th - 19th August! Grab your tickets now!  Chris and Sunil are performing on at A Lovely Time with Amy Gledhill and Friends on 30th August. It’s a charity fundraiser for Gaza! Contact & support: If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Welcome to another crucial episode of Rural Concerns podcast, a very important podcast that will prepare you for the upcoming AI and robotics revolution, while we also talk about life in the countryside and the city and the suburbs and whatnot. I'm Sunil Patel and I live in London. I've seen it all down here. From my back window, I can see the gleaming towers of this nation's money laundering industry. And from my front window, I can see my neighbor Boshing a spliff at 8am. I'm Chris Cantrell and I live in a countryside where my windows look over this nation's green and pleasant land. Where I can watch over my family dancing in the fields and sacrifice its city folk to appease the old gods.

I'm producer James and I live in the suburbs of an unknown town in the middle of some sort of county. From my massive telly I can see all sorts of people fucking. You bastards. I'm working on my revenge. Oh God. We're starting again from the beginning because we've just fixed Sir Neil's microphone issues. I'm sorry, but sorry, by starting again from the beginning, I mean re-recording from episode one. Sir Neil, Sir Neil.

Yeah. We think we've tweaked your ongoing audio issues. Please, can you just say a few words for us? Shout out fucking, It's Beep. Donald. Obviously.

Yeah, but did you hear the crystal clarity of that? Sunil, welcome to the podcast. Do you know what this means? I'm going to take a bit, I'm going to take a bit of space and like give you more room now. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to take a bit of space and give you more room now. Do you know what I mean? I've been overcompensating. You're going to go off on one about mushrooms. No way. Because you sound like you have been recording most of these episodes in a swimming pool. But no one told me this. No one said anything until the last one. Then a comment on Instagram. To be honest, I thought it was as good as it could be. The overriding aphor, so this podcast is marginal gains. We've been ticking off this, we've

been ticking off this, we've been going through all this stuff. Now we've ticked off all this. Basically we've mastered the format. We've mastered Instagram reels. Do you know what I mean? Last one, make sure Sunil doesn't sound like he's in a swimming bath. Well, no one tells me that though. I mean, you can go for marginal gains if you want from your top performers, but you have to communicate that to your top performers, haven't you? I'm very happy with it being solved, but it can't, Sunil, this simply cannot be my fault. Marginal gains needs marginal coaching. So it's just like-

It needs some coaching. No, it just like- Marginal coaching. It needs some coaching. No, it's just a look or a turn. Not just lagging me off behind my back. No. Abs, that's just- Bloody work though, didn't it? 67 episodes in. That information, that's slacking off his fully public domain on the Spotify comments. People saying, why does he sound like that? And me going, we've tried- No, you haven't tried. You can't lead a horse. I said to James when you went off, then I went, he doesn't deal well

with not knowing the answers. Do you know what I mean? He's a boy who's entire personality is built around knowing things that other people don't. Pardon me if that's too bold, but it's true, isn't it? Can I also just give the full image of what happened when you were away, Sunil? Oh, why are you doing this? Chris just disappeared also completely when he came back. He said, I just wiggled something and it all stopped. Well, did he go and get his wife to sort it out? Did he? Marginal gains.

Shout out, Nick. She's not here. She's not here. So, Sunil, good to have you back, good to have you at full, full, like, I'm honestly scared. Like, you running at full, do you know what I mean? You running at full pelt. You running at full pelt. It's like a clown car with an F1 engine in it. Do you know what I mean?

It's scary. So, so no, like, I've got something to say to you. Do you know I've been reading, you know I've been studying mushrooms? No, I didn't know that Chris, please go ahead. Farmer Liam and Lauren gave me a book about mushrooms and I read, I've been reading, intermittently, pages of that, intermittently pages about the history of the Board of Eva's, intermittently some comics. Do you know what this is? It's a rich life, a rich cultural life. You read, yeah.

It's some of the things that I read. I read a couple of articles that my friend Lee sends me from the FT. You know, as an FT. Ooh, how are you getting into that? Are they paywalled? Lee, as a subscriber, can gift us. Is Lee the dog sex correspondent? One and same. I was hoping you wouldn't put those two dogs together because it was a chat about how I'm actually quite erudite by proxy. No, the dog sex man has an FT subscription. Plus, I've been reading this periodical magazine called Mushrooms,

New Developments in the World of Mushrooms. And they found a mushroom. They found a new mushroom. Yeah, it's true. True. This is like, if it weren't true, why would it be seen? It's true. Do you know? Yeah, go on. So, this, like basically a team of scientists from our friends. Get ready to edit this down, James, yeah? I think a team of scientists from Harvard University.

This is going to be a dick joke and I know it. I don't think you can slander mushrooms, fortunately. Harvard University. Son of a, do you know Harvard University? I'm not going to listen. Address it to James, fortunately. Harvard University. Sonno, do you know Harvard University? I'm not going to listen. Address it to James, please. No, no, no. This is for you specifically. All you're going to say is they found a mushroom shaped like my dick or something funny like that. I know you're going to do that because you did that joke in 2014. I would never do that.

You did that joke in 2014 and you drew it and put it in your Edinburgh show. Totally. No one came to that show. Son no, the one person who came to that show the final day was reviewer for Ed Fringe magazines. You know what he said? Five stars. That's right. So, I think you published that document in the discord for this podcast. What the review? I did. I did. I just found the full picture. I found the p-dia. It's like a mad. That's why we don't let you in. But great for an audio based medium that he's talking about a

picture of a mushroom. Yeah. But let me tell you about this. They've found a new mushroom. There's so many new types of mushrooms being found every day. Just get it over and done with. Because we know where it's going now. You have no idea where this is going. So now as we've been studying mushrooms before, we know that mushrooms have so many like health benefits. Yeah. They can do things that completely- I didn't know that.

What kind of health benefits? Well, they're good for your body and your gut biome and stuff. You know what I mean? Like if you've, mushrooms can. If you haven't got enough blood, they'll give you more blood. So if you've got too much blood, they'll thin it out. Do you know? These are what mushrooms are. So no, so no.

If you've got too much blood, you shouldn't thin it out, should you? Cause then there'd be more of it. It makes it go away. Do you understand? This is a power of the mushroom. But basically the cost of the new mushrooms are... I demand this bit get edited out. The cost of new mushrooms is it gives you something. It gives you a boon, but it takes

away. It also takes away. So this new mushroom, I think they found it in a cave. You know, in that bit of... Like that... Yeah, they found it in a cave, yeah. The fact... Let me... Let me... Let me tell you a story.

Paint the picture. Paint your way little picture. Like, the bit in between, like, Russia... You know where, like, Europe merges into Russia, that sort of, like, mysterious land? There's a cave down there, and an expedition led by some people from Harvard University, which I have heard of. So far everything checks out. These are all things.

Caves, mushrooms, Harvard. I went and found this new mushroom. It's got like a, it's sort of like a yellow base, but the cap is like a sort of luminous, also bioluminescent blue with little red flecks. Yeah. If you eat one of those, and this is a question to you, Elliot, it can give you the power to like parallel park circumstances. Yeah. So stressful. Do you know what I mean? In a city, London, there's like, there's literally one inch bigger than a car.

Sounds like a lot of room to play in. So there's like, like, so you, whatever the circumstances, there's someone behind you beeping around so you can power the mushroom gives you the ability to power L park in any space that is giveable. Yeah. So that sounds good, the mushroom gives you the ability to parallel park in any space that is giveable, yeah? So that sounds good, doesn't it? But if you do that, it gives you like a really, like it makes your arsehole really long. So, question to you is, would you consume the shroom? That didn't need five minutes of explanation. No, I do need some more explanation on the long arsehole.

I also just have to say, there's a bit of feedback coming from someone. Is that me? Maybe, oh, he's gone now. Yes, Chris, I'll go for the longer arsehole, please. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How do you mean long? Is it long like a trunk? Yeah. longer asshole, please. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How do you mean long? Is it long like a trunk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is it long like a... does that mean like it's a slit?

Like a long slit? Normal sized diameter comes out like an unshaved mollusk. James, can I just say, if you engage with what he's saying, he will sit back like he's one more. Which is what he just did there. He just sat back knowing that he'd done that and he's fucking delighted with himself. Cause now he gets to talk about assholes on the podcast, doesn't he? But I don't need it cause I can already parallel park like that and I haven't looked at my

asshole but it does feel pretty long. James, to be honest with you, I won't recommend you taking this mushroom because, but this is specifically a mushroom for Sunil who, as we know- Oh, my arsehole can't get any longer. James's arsehole can't get any longer, just length. And Sunil famously struggles with parking. That's not as absolutely not true. The pressure gets to you. It's stressful living in London.

I've got a reverse parking camera. I can press a button, it parks itself. That is quite neat though. That's like saying I could just press a few buttons and then I've suddenly got all the chaos emeralds on Sonic. Oh, what have you done there? You skipped the entire game, have you? Yeah, he's got a fair point actually. So there you go. Okay. Yeah. I'm going for longer. Arsehole. There you go. And that's just one of the many things that the world of the mushrooms. This was in the FT.

This was, you see, I've got a feeling we'll be learning a lot more about mushrooms over the coming, over the coming, really a while. There's so many. You still only read the beginning. There's a new mushroom being found every day. I've got a text and I've not yet replied. Go on then.

A number I don't know. And it says, dad, save this new number. I've not yet replied. I don't know which way to go. So let's just get out. This is a, this is prelude to a scam. This is a scam. My kids are at primary school.

They're not texting me. I had a scam. My kids are at primary school. They're not texting me. Mason- I had a scam yesterday. Someone called me and they said, who's this? And I said, I don't know, you called me and they went, but you just called me, I got a missed call from you. And I was like, no, that wasn't me. And they went, oh, all right then. Mason- So where did it go from that point in terms of scamming? Mason- We both hung up, but my phone number's been cloned by someone to use for scam calls. Yeah. Because I did always wonder why they're all just random normal numbers now and not blocked

or something. They clone other people's numbers and use them. I think last time I mentioned this I got absolutely roasted, but if there's such a, some cold call, I'm bringing you up. I always present like, you know, it's someone's ringing me and then I have to prove my identity. Yeah. Yeah.

It really p- fucks me off. So they'll be like, yeah, can I just ask some security questions? Just say, am I allowed to take you through security? I've done that. I took your advice, Chris. I did it. Fucks them off. Fucks them off.

Someone was doing the mobile phone one where they're like, okay, I'm going to send you your six digits and then you read them to me. And it's basically so they can get in your account and order a load of phones to their house. So someone started doing that to me and I was like, oh, okay, cool. Can I just take you through security? And he was like, yep. And I was like, great. So can you just text my, can you text my, this number to me and I'll know that it's you. And he was like, yeah. So it's five nine, right?

Yeah. Seven. And he was like, and I was like, have you got it? And he went, yeah. And he carried on and I was, and yeah, he, I said, well, can you text that now then please? And then we waited for a bit and then he hung up. Ask him for your address and the company number. You know what I mean?

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. And then they don't want to give you that. They just disappear. So what is, what do we think? What, what shade of scam is this? What are they up to? Well, they ask you to put money into a bank account.

I think that's what the ultimate one is. So they're creating like they're trying to put money into a bank account. Toby James I think with this, rather than go hyperbolic with it and create mad stuff. Like, I had one once where someone said, I can't remember what it was, but I responded to him saying, did you, did you, it was like, did you get the gift? I went, yeah. And now Brian's dead. You know what I mean? And like, and they didn't know where to go from there.

But I think that with this one, be subtle, just say, dad saved this number, just say, cheers, son. Oh, that's nice. Or something like that. Like play the bluff or something like that. Well, keep, spin it out for a bit. I spin it out for a bit. And then ultimately there's the slam. Cause I remember doing, I did a similar one where they were doing the six numbers thing and they're like, Oh, I'm going to send you a code. And I was like, yeah, okay, got it. Oh, it's A55BEEF. And he was like, oh, it shouldn't be letters. I was like, no, it's A55BEEF. Looks like it says ass beef. And he just went, fuck off. And I got... That is very good. That's good. Yeah.

But this work, wow, I don't know. I mean, there's obviously the first response is like, how did you get out of the basement? And stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, are you going to send the text now? I'm going to send it now and see what happens. I don't think that's the first response. I think lure them in, the feeling that they are being taken seriously. The basement one, I believe is message two or three.

Okay. So they've said, dad, save this number. I haven't, I'm not a dad. But my children are very young. Well, this must be an error, but this has to be an error. You know the test results as well as me. Oh, so you're calling me. Oh, so you're contacting me now. What about something like that?

I like that. It's subtle and small, but it's packed with drama. Yeah. Oh, so you're contacting me now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like this. We're in the middle of the soap opera. I didn't know whether to go stupid or like what number or anything like that. I think that's a bit of a narrative. It's a bit of a narrative dead end. This is, we are, we are in the middle of an episode of EastEnders here immediately. I mean, they're going to reply immediately, aren't they?

They've got, they've got a mug. Let's go for it. Move over, baby's new shoes for sale on one. This is the shortest story. Okay, well, that's there. We'll see if they reply. All right, great. Countryside bits? Can we do a city bit first? Yeah. Here is the city bit.

This is me in last week. Oh yes, yeah. I was in London. Yes you were. Doing a show. Producer James came to the show as my plus one. I was meant to have two plus ones, but my secondary plus one,

well he sent me a text saying, "'On holiday, got too shitted. "'You know I drink and drive normally, ha ha ha. But too cunted to drive. Even mind I won't be there for London. Good luck getting rid of the ticket. Who was it? Who was it? It was Sunil! with Sun Hill. Yeah, listen, about half an hour later, I felt absolutely fine. But I got back just as the show, I got into London just as your show was starting, unfortunately. Yeah. That was not a transcription of his message and we do not encourage drinking and driving

nor endorse it. No, I wasn't hunted. I just thought I was very tired, you know, and I didn't, I just wanted to be a bit less tired for my journey. That's good. Safety counts. I mean, safety first. Safety counts first. Safety counts first. I'm sorry I missed it, but it would have been another night of drinking because you lads absolutely got on it from what I gather. We did a little bit. I couldn't have handled that. I had too much. It was a big show. I was really nervous. And then because

it was a big day out, I tell you what is it. The problem started earlier in the day, you know, like, cause what you do is I'm going to get on a train at eight o'clock in the morning to get me into London at noon. Obviously I arrived at the station and the trains are, just to put it politely, fucked by every possible metric ever. Do you know what I mean? Like so fucked, so immediately, so thoroughly fucked. Do you know when they don't know what's going on, they don't have any answers, which is really stressful. And they're also basically, they basically gets to a point where they just start saying, get on any train that's broadly going to a different place. They're trying to make you someone else's problem. They're like, just

get on that train and see where it goes. Do you know what I mean? Like they're trying to get you get, get to crew, get to Preston. Just don't be here. To be honest, to us down here, it is all the same. That's not a joke. It does also, it feels the same to us. What are your backups though, if the trains are absolutely balls? You look so angry at me saying that. I am, but I'm trying to keep it. Do you know what? I'm like, I'm going to let this pass. I'm not going to give away my power in this situation. I'm going to let this hit the airwaves and you'll be devoured by like a mob of rabid regional-

What are people on the discord that I'm not even part of? Come for me. No, take it back. Don't, don't turn the boys against me. It's Pandora's box though. So basically I get to London at three o'clock. I'm rushing, I'm rushing to get there. Basically I had to go in, check in, check the tech, like rushy stuff and I'm not eating since like a croissant at like seven o'clock in the morning. So I forced myself to inhale a falafel, uh, wrap. You're in London now. I'm England. No, like from them, from Tesco, you know, like, so just a meal deal wrap.

So I just ate, inhaled this sandwich. So I wasn't going to do it on an empty stomach. Cause I did that, had a great time at this show, but then had so much adrenaline in my body that I drank seven pints and I didn't feel it at all. No. That's nice. Not on the day.

Yep. Next day though. But me and James were basically, so James came, he was a guest, we were having a pint after, basically as well I'm using it as an opportunity to get bottles of mead from one end of the country to the other. Your bottle of mead, James has his bottle of mead. Should I be keeping that mead in a fridge by the way, or is it alright on a shelf?

I think it's okay on a shelf. It's alcohol isn't it, it's alright on a shelf. So no, your mead is at Amy Gledhill's flat. I ain't going up there. You have to. It's so far. But you, you have to, Jordan Brooks lives there. You have to try and you have to try and broker a meeting.

And she's away as well for a couple of weeks, isn't she? You have to try and broker a meeting. I took it, I, I, I chartered an expedition. Put this up as a socials clip and tagger in and ask her to bring it down to me. Can I tell you one more thing about, so we were in London. Um, obviously we were drinking in the Soho theater. Really in terms of, in terms of the West end, it doesn't get any bigger than that. So we were having a drink in the bar

afterwards, quickly, quick drinks, I'm inhaling them. I'm using Chris's artist's card to get, what is it, 10% off? 10% off. 10% off is eight quid pint. Yeah, seven pound forty-four pint, and they go, Christ. But the only thing is, we're having this drink is we're having a chat. We're missing you honestly, Sunil, so much. Oh, thanks. Yeah. But then when we're in there, like it's a celebrity plate. Do you know what I mean? Celebrities coming in. So while we're sitting in there, in comes a celebrity and it was, what's his face? Keith Lemon. Do you know what I Right. And I said to James, I said, Keith Lemons over there, don't look at him.

He don't want to be seen. And now the important thing is that he was wearing the biggest hat he ever had. He was wearing that, you know, he looks like Pharrell Williams. So I was like, he don't want to be, no, don't look at him. Don't look at him. But... A 10 gallon hat? What are they called? 10 gallon or however many gallon hat?

I don't know. It's like, it's like hat for your hat. Yeah. It's like hat. That's a silly hat to wear in Soho, isn't it? It's definitely eye catching. Anyway, good luck to him. Nice to see him.

Well, right. So London, celebrities, I'll tell you what, I won't say who it is, but before I did comedy, I remember going, this is years ago, this is about 20 years ago, I went to like this channel four event that was like for new comedy writers and there was some new, there were some comedians off the telly and I said hello to one of them who I loved and it was terrible. It was a terrible experience and ever since then, I will not seek out a celebrity. You know what I mean? Why was it terrible though? You're not allowed to say.

Yeah, you didn't say who it was. He was horrible. Like, just sorta no grace. Didn't want to be speaking to us, would rather have been speaking to the 25 year old production assistants, you know, and you're like Taylor's older time really. Play your cards right, that'll be you soon, won't it? God willing. God willing. No, but fingers cut like, but it's these sort of experiences that are like, that form how

you want to be in the world and to, you know what I mean? So after that point, I'll never be seeking, I never actively, I'm not fussed about celebrities anywhere else. I get starstruck at odd people, do you know what I mean? I got starstruck meeting Henry Packer for free being salad. And also I get like starstruck seeing, I don't know, you know, like minor characters that were in black books and stuff like this, like this guy.

They're almost more interesting to see. You're like, fuck, I recognise that guy. And then you get it. There's a, there's a involvement to it. There's a, there's a puzzle to it that makes it more interesting. But if you see Tom Cruise, you're like, about 20 odd years ago, I was at a party in London. Heidi, can you water the plants, please? Can you water the plants, please? I mean, I could continue with the anecdote, should I wait for him? As he just checked out.

Does that need to be done now? It's just while it's still light. Yeah, but not sunny. That's good. It's good that you need to water your plants at night time, not in the morning, because otherwise they'll burn. Some of those plants, the leeks, we can get back to that. Will Barron Can we just ask Heidi to do things?

James McGrath Some of the plants are hers. We share responsibilities for the plants. Will Barron Okay. James McGrath Yeah, sorry, James. Will Barron It was about 20 years ago and I saw Les Dennis in a bar and I was like, I'm going to go speak to Les Dennis. And he was really pissed. And I was like, oh, what are you up to next? And he was like, oh, I'm going to be doing a job with Ricky Gervais. And I remember thinking bollocks. And then extras came out and he was in it. And yeah, that's, that's, you know, that's a lesson for me really, isn't it? Mason- Yeah, great. That's good.

And he also went out on the Razz with Rex from big brother series nine, one Edinburgh. He paid for everything with a fresh £50 note. Mason- I know someone that went out on the razz with the guy that wrote a song. You know that one? Al- We're not. We've got to be careful on copyright. He went out on the res with him. And he didn't have to work again. No, and he said anytime he faced any sort of problem day to day, he'd have 250 quid on him and he'd give it to the person who was causing the problem and said, would 250

quid sort it? Yeah. So it feels like, you know. Hell that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that 250 pounds a day? Say you're in a taxi queue and you want to get to the front of it. Yeah. So it feels like, you know, hell that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So 250 pounds a day. So you're in a taxi queue and you want to get to the front of it. You go to the person at the front and go is 250 quid. Let me in. I like that. I like that. Oh yeah.

So he's got the guy who was like 250 quid and he's like, listen, I think that was the number. He's a songwriter. He writes loads of songs for other people as well. He's like, he's a very successful songwriter. Can we confirm that? He's a successful songwriter. All right, he has 250. That sounds like a good way to live your life. So if you're listening, you're stressed out, get to that cash machine.

Take your daily allowance out. Maybe as well, depending on where you live in the country. This is obviously Sunhill's celebrity friends in central London. If you're in some of the regional places, you could probably change, you could probably change your day for 50 quid. Oh yeah. Yeah. 50 quid buyout money. I think, and you know, like when you think, do you know when you ask hypothetical questions and you're like, how much to kill someone or someone like that? Do you know what I mean? And you're like, would you kill someone for a million quid? And you're like, honestly, I think people would do it for 50 quid in this economy.

And depends who it is as well, doesn't it? Depends who it is. You could see it as taking out the trash sometimes. Oh yeah. Edit that out. Edit that out. Edit that out. Edit that out.

The Sun Hill's a superhero, he's had enough. He's taken too much, he's the Punisher. So I do, I've got a couple of updates. Yeah, go for it. Here is the countryside bit. One, League Club update. Small one. Have we got a date?

No, September 20th. Richard messaged us, oh no, not a firm date. Do you know what? I've got stuff to do. Claire messaged me and I need to send her the rules. Claire will give me my leaks. I need to do that. Right.

Was it Claire who couldn't- I got £65 out to pay King of the League club, Martin. Can you make this problem go away? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just, yeah. Yeah, just give it, just give it. 65 pounds, like, please do I not have to do the League Club? But I gave him the League Club. I took the money out and then basically I've got this money and I frittered the money away.

I got a haircut. Seven points in London. I went to like a summer fair type thing. I bought some, you know, like some honey. Do you know what I mean? Like the money got written away. I still haven't paid. I still haven't paid.

So that's bad for the league club. That's well overdue. It was like this is like six weeks overdue. It was end of May, wasn't it? I do. I do think, and I don't say this lightly, it might be time for you to duck out of the league club competition. I'm just saying that as a friend.

Get fucked! Don't make me say get fucked that loud. I'm just saying it as a supportive friend. I'm saying, look at me, don't embarrass yourself. That's all I'm saying. Don't embarrass yourself. That's all I'm saying. Don't embarrass yourself. I've never, I've never been more certain that I'm going to place in this league competition. That's all I want to place.

And what I was doing there is called reverse psychology. And that's how you coach top performers. There you go. Think on that. I read that in Robert Green's book, the 48, no I didn't. The 48 Laws of Power. Yeah. Right.

That is lovely stuff. I've got another, do you want to, I've got another, just another bit. I was going to say a letter, but let's. Give me two minutes. I want to talk. Right. So the other day, farmer Liam and Lauren. Is this the same farmers from earlier?

Same farmers. It's a very Liam and Lauren centric episode. Right. Okay. These are the mushroom gang. The mushroom gang. They come around. They're like eco farmers.

They come around our house. They bought a second hand PC. They wanted to test it. It wasn't working on their monitor. They wanted a backup monitor. They used your kit? No, used my their monitor. They wanted a backup monitor. They use your kit? No, use my monitor. I've got a good monitor. So they were like, we'll come around, we'll bring some cake and we can have a cup of tea and test the monitor. So I was like, yeah.

So Liam shows up with his second hand PC. Immediately, we don't have the right cable to plug into my monitor. Do you know? So immediately the exercise is futile, moot. But we did, we had a cup of tea and a cake and it didn't feel earned, but it was lovely. It was like a nectarine cake. Anyway, so basically we're just catching up. We haven't seen each other in ages because we used to, we're good friends who who like their daughter was at my son's school, but their daughter is now at secondary school. So we just don't see each other as much as we used to do, but we get on really well. So I was talking to Lauren and I'd be reading this article and it was about the rewilding of the links. And I said, are you into like the idea of having links rewilded into the UK? She said, do you know, I'm on the, this board of this group that is looking at bringing in rewilding links

in the UK. And I was like, please tell me more. So basically, there was an article that come out this week, and it's between, and it's like a different Lynx charity. There's a guy who is basically very, we just need to do this. We don't need to talk to anyone or consult farmers and stuff like this. So which to me doesn't sound out the world works, you know, but Lauren's group are very much trying to work with the farming community to look at how Lynx could be reintroduced. Now she, I was like, tell me about this. I said, I said, fully full disclosure, when we talk rewilding, I think all anybody is ever talking about is wolves. We want a wolf. We want wolves. We want to be out and see a wolf. But basically lynxes, they sound like really interesting animals.

Now if they were going to do rewilding of a lynx, where I live, Northumbria, is I think the only place in the UK that could sustain them. So basically they've been putting them in my area. I think the cats, big, big cats, not massive, but they're completely non-lethal to humans and they stay within forest areas. And that's you slip them 50 quid. So they stay within forest areas, unless you slip in 50 quid, but apparently they will not leave the forest apart from maybe like a hundred meters. Oh, right. There is like a risk to livestock, but this is the thing that they're trying to work out with how, how you can

work against it, you know, like how you can make it happen without it being some of the, the farmer is having to pay for undue or I find this very interesting. Can I ask what the benefit is of rewiring? One, it would look cool. Two, and I'm talking exactly squarely out of my own arse here. It's, it's about, I think it's about putting links, oh no, about connecting the tapestry of a natural ecosystem. I will research this, but from what I read, it's like the UK does not have an apex predator in its wildlife, which-

Are we doing a podcast with one? Yeah, but we contained you in the zoo that is a weekly podcast. And now because of the podcast, you can't go out and roam and do exactly what you need to do because everyone's watching. What's the, I mean, there doesn't really, I mean, anyone can rewild some links, can't they? You just need a sort of empty room and a couple of fucking links. You don't need a, what is a board going to do? Where do you even

get them from? I think it's someone to, yeah, exactly. This is someone, but basically it's happened in Europe and apparently basically they went on a fact finding trip to Europe to talk about these. And basically there's bits of Europe where wolves have re-emerged and stuff. Some of them have been rewilded, but I think some of them are just naturally populations of naturally re-accured. So they were talking to these farmers and basically the farmers in Europe were like, like links, we have no problem with links. All of our problems are wolf, wolf related.

It's really tickling. Yeah. You say that I'm on the Wikipedia page, Sunil. In January, 2025, several Lynxs were illegally released near the King Gussie Cairngorms National Park. Oh right, so someone's already doing it. Someone's having a go, freelance, they got captured and taken, and they're in Edinburgh Zoo now.

If I was to meet a Lynx, could I batter it? Or is it quite, Will it have me? Jason McNeil But they sound like, not peaceful per se, because they are... I think that the sheep farmers, it is a concern. But they're like, most animals, they're not like, apart from foxes, they're not like mad blood-thirsty, they're killed to eat to survive. Do you know what? I'm going to look at, yeah. They've got quite, they've got like those two pronged beard things.

They look quite wise. Oh yeah. They look like you probably have a chat with them. They look like the Samoyed from Five Children and It. They look, the reason we want Lynx back, I'm filling it in, piecing it together now is that they can grant you wishes. Lynx can grant you one wish if you catch it. So I just opened the letters. Is that a new one for the, to go with the internet speed test and bin color when people join the Discord?

So what Lynx flavor did they have? So no, that's £52 a bottle. It absolutely isn't on Prime Day. Is it Prime Day today? And it is prime time £52 a bottle. It absolutely isn't on Prime Day. Is it Prime Day today? And it is prime time. It is. I got this last year on Prime Day. Very good.

James, what are you thinking next? Letter? Letter. Have you got one? There is a good one. Do you want to go to the top one from Greg? This is from Greg. Speed test irrelevant.

Bins black, green and blue, just like an organized society should be. Shoved a lawnmower into the tip, but only after a fella helped back me up far enough so I could kick it off the tailgate. It was bloody heavy. He looked pissed. Bugger the rest of you, this one's for Snill. That's me. Okay. I found a small slug crawling through the middle of my room, making its way towards the window. My bedroom is easily larger than your flat. I keep a clean shop and had vacuumed the day before. The window has a screen. It was two metres away. I don't get that at all. I read that earlier and I didn't get it and I hoped one of you Love for the others and best for the rest. BC bothered but slow can slugs. Is this another

joke we're not going to get? I don't get that at all. I read that earlier and I didn't get it. And I hoped one of you two would get it. Oh, I was going to do my head in. Greg, thank you for getting in touch with us with this important letter. Interesting as always, like many of the letters, like many of the letters that come to us, it has a tone that is I like you, but if you don't look at me for one second, I'm going to headbutt you. You know what I mean? It's like, there's an energy to it where you're

like, are you pissed off with us? What have we done? I have actually got to the bottom of the mystery of the slugs. Yeah. So they come in the bathroom because the tiling is done so badly at the back of the toilet. There's huge gaps in there that basically lead around the gaps outside. It's basically a motorway for slugs. So you have to re-grout it? My landlord should be, but he can't really be asked to do much. The house is subsiding, he can't be asked with it. So yeah, I've got to the bottom of it. It's not like we're letting them in. They're coming in through clearly marked routes. So are you going to, are you going to move? Probably. Yeah. I mean, I have to, at some point.

You have to take Heidi with you. I will take Heidi with me if I get a flat that's big enough. That sounds like a fucking crafty bastard caveat. Why is that? That sounds like, yeah, you could stay on my city as long as it's big enough. Oops. I've accidentally bought, I've accidentally bought one that's too small. Same with a how. No, come on. I was, do you know what? There's always a spare room at yours for Heidi.

That's what I was saying. It's not for Heidi. It's for you. You can't be on your own, Samuel. You know, I know you're right. I was with Sean McLaughlin last night and he choked on a couple of chips. No one realized, but he just had his hand around his mouth and he was sort of choking. And I just quietly said, I think he's choking.

And then he just like spat it all out. He managed to get it all out, but that could be any of us if we're on our own. Thank God he was in a busy pub. So that could be, yeah, exactly. If that was you at home, that's either you dying on your own. No, I'd run outside and run into a car bonnet. Or it's Heidi sitting watching you die. Not, not, and you like reach for the phone and she just moves it away from your hand. Turns the Avengers up in the background. Turns the volume of the Avengers up.

Turns Endgame up. Up to volume level 50. So let's unpack Greg's mystery. So you've solved your slug problem. Where are the Greg slugs coming from? Greg, there is no way that your house is airtight. Yeah, you'd be dead. No chance. No, yeah. That's like a foolish thing to say that you live in an airtight house.

I think if you didn't have slugs in there, you'd be dead. So you should be happy there's slug inside because that's air coming in. Also, have you ever seen a little mouse fit through a hole? Oh, it's the size of a pencil. Yeah, like a slug is even less constant, like, substance than a mouse. So I believe that they could really get through anything. Yeah. How big was the slug? Proper or baby? He can't answer back, Greg. Let us know proper or baby.

Reslug. Yeah. Greg, I'm not just to finish this. I don't want to scare you, but I think there's a strong chance the slugs are coming out of your own body. Thank you for emailing, Greg. Yeah. Good luck. Thanks, Greg.

Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. If you'd like to experience the full force of the world's leading countryside affairs podcast, then you can still buy tickets to our last live show of the year in Manchester on the 22nd of November. The link for the tickets is in the show notes. Can I just say I've had a lovely time recording this episode. And if you've had a lovely time listening to this episode and learning stuff, why not come and see me in the flesh, the physical flesh in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival sort of thing. Do you know what I mean? 50th to the 19th of August.

I lost a lot of enthusiasm while I was saying that. 2025 it is. The best way to support us is by becoming a rural concerns Patreon for a small donation. You'll not only be supporting an independent podcast, which means that we have the power to chat any old shit about mushrooms that we want and we don't have to answer to the man or big mushroom. But you'll also, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Support this. Support this. Why would you not support this? Why would you not support this?

You'll also get weekly bonus episodes and stick around for a sneaky peek after the credits. Our artwork is by, oh my days, the magnificent Poppy Hilstead. Our music is by Manchester's naughtiest little boy, biggest little boy, Sam O'Leary. Our legal due diligence is by Calderick Entertainment Lawyer, who I believe is picking up the courage to speak to us in the near future. We've got to work on the time difference, haven't we? Royal Concerns is edited by Joseph Total Recall Boroughs and it's produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. All I'm going to say is I have insights into both of your schedules and I think the chances

of you maybe tottering up today is a bit more doable than it is her. You're both busy. No, because tomorrow I'm going puffing watching. Alright, I've got four days of puffing watching coming up. Four days? Well, yeah, I'm away for four days. Some of it I'll be in at a abbey.

You're not going to hurt yourself for the rest of my day. What? No, I'll hurt the fucking puffins. You'll go puffing watching and I'll be like, this is the perfect cover to throw myself into. And then take a few puffins with me. Yeah. BONG!