Rural Concerns - Early starts, robots & Gordon Blue’s pastries

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Chris is on another plane (astral), Sunil gets all his meals from Deliveroo and James absolutely loves that he’s the fittest DILF at the UFOs Are Real Festival. Please also note that Sunil must say yes to everything for the next 2 weeks. We’re performing a Rural Concerns live show in Manchester (UK) on 22nd November 2025! It’s going to be a heady mix of slander, skits and choice-based adventure gaming! Grab your tickets here.  If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. In this episode Chris also references one man band, Bob Log III! Check him out if you want to rock! Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, a podcast about life in the countryside. My name is Sinalpital and I live in London amongst the still smouldering ruins of the UK TV industry. As a student of history, I understand that all regimes perish, but it's in those final days when ship It really gets wild, so I intend to gorge myself from free canapes, shampas and gack until the working classes rise up and pull Soho House down. My name is Chris Cantrell and this podcast was started after I relocated to the countryside. Despite having grown up in the big city, I fully acclimatized to rural life. That said, as the only lettered man in my village, I'm often called on to help compose responses

to correspondence and act out the entire plot of Babe 2 pig in the city for the village. My name is James and I'm the producer of this show. I haven't given you full name because people keep using it to type into Google. Does James, redacted, have Captain Tom tattooed on his bell end? I don't, by the way, it's been replaced with a picture of Martine McCutcheon. I'm not saying what you wrote. Here, let's chat a load of old cock. I'm really tired.

What do you think about that? Guess what time it was up? Guess what time I was up? 10 a.m. 9 a.m. Ah, real early. What have you been doing? Why are you so tired?

4.30? 3.33.m. No, that just means you didn't sleep. That's late night. That's the time you go to sleep. 3.33 a.m. Guess who's up? Nicola, what are we doing?

Strategising. We are 3.33 a.m. We are having discussions to optimise our lives and improve our work for. Big birthday, was it? Yeah, it's absolutely, yeah. You know, when you're like, I'm saying it out loud, I'm listed to it back, thinking, you know, when you're in a mad regime and you don't know any different. It's like, that's where I am.

Did she wake you up by pouring a bucket of cold water over you? She don't let me sleep. She hits me. She puts things in my ears. I'm never getting to sleep. She, don't put that clip out. We'll tank a business. She doesn't domestically abuse me.

It's a coincidence. I was up before first. It's a coincidence that you've got bruises. I walk up at 333 off my own. back. Then I made a mistake of just picking up my phone mistake. What I should have done is just read my book and then I'd have gone back over. But I once at my phones and then my brain's sort of like, the pistons are firing.

But then I read, I'm reading a really good book. And do you know that when you are, I don't know, it's hard to read into it when you've got so much, you've got commitments, you've got job stuff going on. I find that working up before dawn, technically and yesterday, it's like a pure time. There's no pressure, there's no, there's no reason to be doing anything. You know what I mean? So then there's at an hour, an hour of reading, pure reading. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that means that come, how past six, you're fucked. Yeah. Even worse is that you get to 11 a.m. And you're like, oh, so much left to this day. You've done a full working day by 11 a.m. You know what I mean? I mean, you've been.

Would you have your lunch? What did have? I did podcasts. So I recorded a podcast. So I was. I had two slices of toast and a banana. But now I'm... What time?

About around 11.30. But now I'm getting to a point where this is going to be a surreal recall. You know, I can feel my brains on another plane. That does not mean bad podcasting. It means it'll be interesting. That's all I'm saying. You know who else does this kind of regime? Mark Wahlberg.

I thought you're going to say Margaret Thatcher. I know. She did as well. Yeah, yeah. Mark Wulberg, Margaret Thatcher, Chris Cantrell. Yeah. or crook-blokes, the lot of them. What is it we don't like Mark Warbur?

Racially aggravated attack. He should have got up or sleep? Should he got my sleep, should they? Hey, he's up praying. If he'd have been, if only, if only he'd been on that plane. It's Matt Wahlberg gone God. Yeah, well, that's one of the things he does in the morning when he gets up is prey and around a golf or something.

It does like two workouts, doesn't he or something? Yeah, and around a golf. Yeah. It's like you in a way. I've done a round of golf and it took me eight. eight hours. Between the three of us, we've all got a little bit

of Mark Wahlberg. Do you like, when you listen to that people, people like Mark Wahlberg, people like Sunil's life, basically people without kids when they describe their regimes and how they're working on themselves.

You know what I mean? Like, but Brother Ingall is always working on himself. He's always like doing a new, do you know what I mean? Like yoga meditation, you're just like, I'm doing as much as I possibly can

in the 14 minutes that I have to myself every day. You know what I mean? And you listen to like Sunnill's life. I've got to go, I'm going to a new gelato cafe that's opened up and you're just like, oh, fuck off. How does your brother-in-law do yoga when he lives in a van? You don't live in a van now, he lives on a farm near Scotland. Much more room.

He lifts kettlebells and sled jammers, I think. Threateningly. No, I think he does a workout. I might be wrong. I will check with him where he picks up a sledgehammer and he like spins it sort of around his head as a muscular thing. The Thor He's trying

Is that what is Yeah It's probably It has a whiff of a Marvel thing He's trying to And he's also trying to Like get his 73 year old father

Into picking up a sled jammer And you're like Let him be Leaving him be Someone I knew Who didn't have kids Who was telling me That they have like ice baths

Yeah And I was just That's disgusting Sort of an ice plunge To even have the time for a bar No, like in his own house. He'd have an ice, but he's got loads of ice in his freezer, and he'd fill the bar, so he does sports on that.

I'd love a freezer. The absolute gall to have enough time to have a bath and then piss it away on being a nice bath. Everyone's got it rough, right? Some of us haven't got a big enough freezer. You just got a shelf. All right, I've got a freezer, but not very big. You just got the cold shelf.

I haven't got ice. I haven't got ice cubes. You don't need a fridge when all your meals come fully cooked by deliver-oo. They do not come fully cooked by deliver-a. Every meal of delivery. I've had two deliveries in a month. That's absolutely rubbish. Every, no, this is, this is, the rub of life for us, James, is that we sat here with

no time for any, like we're working, we're doing family stuff. We're loving it. But when you think you're like, oh, I'm going to have this time to myself, we're going to get that time when the kids go and we're going to not want the time. That's going to be the rub of life. We're going to hate having time. Tell you what, once you guys, once your kids have grown out, you can join. join me, pottering around Bloomsbury yesterday,

went to the Cordon Blur Cafe. There is the city, but. Ooh, what's a Cordon Blur Cafe? You know the Cordon Blur School of Cookery? The French. It's the classic French cook. Yeah. I didn't know that's what that meant. Yeah.

James thought it was a guy. Yes. I thought it was a French guy who over here would be Gordon Blue. Cordon Blue is Kitchen Nightmares. He was a very, he went to a good one. I went to a chef training college because they've got their own cafe at the back and I thought, I'll see what the coffee's like here.

Absolute dog shit. Absolutely rubbish. No. That's another sponsor, Downer Swanee. I know, but they're a very, very nice service. I went in, I got a flapjack. I wanted a duck baguette, which is their speciality there. That's what they do for lunch, but they didn't have any left.

And they also wanted to buy a Le Cordon Blu hat, which all the boys in London are now wearing. I just got a bit shy. Like a chef's hat? No, no, just a cap. You can't buy the chef. You're not allowed to buy the chef's hat or the overalls because that's stolen valour.

What do you mean? You have not served 35 Chinese tourists, a prefix menu. A busy Saturday morning, sir. Yeah, it's that. But you can go in there and you can see the food that all the chefs have made while they're training. It's good. Yeah, what's that?

What have you just described there? Where is it behind a window? No, no, no. As in like, you can buy it. pastries and stuff they make, but they'd run out by the time I'd got there. When did you get there? 2.30? PM? Yeah, before getting a train to...

You want Chris? Oh, you want to be up there? 333? knocking on their door at 4. Yeah, well, that's when they're baking, isn't it? I can't get... James, James, I can't get to Bloomsbury. 3.5. That's three night buses, isn't it? Three night buses have an airport pick-up. I'm getting out of here actually I'll pay you all the way

but anyway La Cordon Bleu Café Thank you La Cordonberg Cafe Coffee dog shit

That was good as hotel Chocolat But if you're ever in London Check it out I think that comes with a stamp of approval Yeah 9 out of 10

Are we Are we groveling back For sponsorship No Do you know what I think their coffee was all right. Who's coffee?

The Cullumbole? It wasn't dog shit, but I was expecting more. That's all I'm saying. Did they do the thing where they put the milk in the freeze-dry granules and mix it up before they put the water in? That's a little tip for you.

That's what I do. That's how you do it. Yeah, that's how I do it. That makes it better. Look, basically, long and the short of it is, I've been working, I haven't done much that it's worth reporting on. So going to a cafe to try and buy a hat is my story of the week.

Every time you keep saying this, you're too busy to enjoy your life. I'm going to go away and come up with a question about your life that you have to answer. How many GCCs did you get? No, 10, 9. What grades? 5A's 3Bs and a D. Near 10, 9.

What's that got to do with anything? 5A's 3Bs and a D. What did you get a D in? French. Tense cordon blurb. If you can't be asked doing the work, we're going to find out more. I'm going to put you in the most uncomfortable situation I can imagine, which is you having to talk about yourself.

If I can't be asked doing the work of going to little cafes and reporting back, then do you know what's pointing in being alive? The stuff I've done would be stuff that goes in the Patreon because they've gone to see some films or something like that, you know. Apart from that, I have my weekly men's mental health meets up every Tuesday morning where we just vape and have a coffee outside a cafe. Basically, Sunil, if you're not going to pot her around to Bloomsbury and things like that, you're going to need to bring it in your NRA.

I put it around Bloomsbury. I went to Watford. I went to Watford, played driving range, golf. Huh? I went to the big Battersea Sainsbury's to pick up an office chair with Eddie Hare. The BBS. You thought you were saying that you'd done nothing, but here we are you. Like, there's a wash with wonder.

How did you get back with a chair? He stuck it in the back of his car. Any other questions? Oh, driving. Was it flat packed or was it in chair format? Boxed. Mm-hmm. Like a bit of a box that you could fit a full chair in.

Half a chair, like split in two. Chair split in two, basically. He's got him from a tech startup going bust. Yeah? No, but Argos. Oh. I feel like I'm being grilled. Have I told you about how I used to work at Argos?

Yeah, you told us. But was it the one when you were on cocaine all the time? I wasn't on cocaine all the time. Not all the time. I don't know, no, no, no. Cocaine. Out of the three of us, I'm probably the one who is drugs the least. I've never done the cocaine, though.

I've never done it. Yeah, this is my starting point. I sound like I've had a key, you get him in. So I'm not like, I'm not the user. This is the base. But we've got serious issues to discuss. Sunil has done, I would say, almost nothing in pursuit. But you know what I mean?

This is why he was brought into this podcast pursuit of leisure. I'm out working on myself, working on the land in equal measure. Sunil, I don't loads of stuff. There's a big issue. Sunil's done. I've done stuff. been up early. Sunil done buggerall.

No, I went to that cafe. He does nothing other than pursuit of his own pleasure. I went to Shrewsbury. I went to Watford. We know this. You talked about it last time. So you've done nothing since then. Yeah, that's what.

That was all in the last two weeks since the last record. Yeah. I'm looking through my calendar now. I went to Crystal Palace. I went to see court stealing. Aronovsky. We don't want to just listen to people. I'll do one countryside bit and then I think there's a big,

no, I won't do a country. Listen, there's a big issue that we haven't talked about yet. which is, James, you might remember several episodes. I'd go so far as to say every single episode for the last three months. James has mentioned that he was due to interview a national treasure, I think. Can you say that? Yeah, I think he's a treas. James, would you like to take it from here?

Yes, I interviewed Brian Blessed. Interview, I think, is a very, very strong word for what happened. I was on stage next to Brian Blessed while he told a series of stories. He was wicked. He absolutely smashed it, but it was quite an experience. He is quite a force.

But this is what I said to you when you were like, I need to do my prep and I was like, you just need to say this is Brian Blessed and he'll just power. Was that kind of what happened? Yeah, he'd sort of pause every five minutes and I'd ask him a question

and he'd go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then say whatever he wanted to say. for about five minutes again. And then in the end, he did sort of come around to what I'd said, but like three anecdotes later. I've got a question.

Go on. Is this the festival about Bigfoot? Yes, it was the festival about Bigfoot. The Strange Days Festival of Fortiana. He has seen and hunts Bigfoot.

Yeties. Sasquatch. Hunts? Sasquai? Huh? He hunts them? Sasquai. You go.

Sorry, Hugh Hans. That's why. But James, I'm more interested in the festival. Right. Because James obviously was there in Keptus. I sent you a picture the first night of the band. I got intermittent pictures and little videos. Yes.

I had no fucking idea what I was looking at. It was the maddest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. And then I saw a picture of James on. stage with Brian Blessed. All I can describe is like James dressed. I don't know what were you. You're like Miami Vice or someone or Magnum P.I. What do you?

Yeah. What was that? What was your outfit now? Flowery shirt. A vest, coloured vest, neckline, plunging. The neckline of his vest, punch below his sternum. This is... That's my high vest.

That's my high necked vest. I looked at that and thought. I had just seen a video of someone with a homemade... I wish I was 20 years younger, is what you thought. With a homemade alien costume that they made. And I looked at you on that stage and I thought, James is the hottest dilf at the Mad Cunt Festival. And he knows...

And oh boy, does he know it. Any jewelry on or anything? No, apart from a wedding ring. Oh, right. Okay. But just a blank canvas of a chest, really, isn't it? It won't come off, sonil. He's tried. They don't care.

They don't believe in, they believe in aliens. They don't believe in, like, organized government. Do you know what I mean? They definitely don't believe in the construct of marriage. I met a listener. Oh. To this podcast. Brian Blessed?

I wish. Rob. Hi, Rob. I was walking past. Oh, Rob. Just before a band started. And this bloat went, that's James. And that doesn't happen very often to me.

So I went, oh, who are you? I grabbed him. He said that he listened to lawmen and to rural concerns. Any positive feedback or? Did he say like... Yeah, he likes him. Did he say, yeah, like, did he comment on when we, 67 episodes in turned off Sunil's noise echo cancellation button

and the quality improved, he's like, yeah. He didn't mention that, he didn't mention that. So shout out to Rob. Do you want me to turn it on, the echo cancellation? Was it back on? No, not have you got headphones on. Right, okay, yeah, good. James, when you came home after the festival,

What did you tell your children? My mind had blown and I'd open my third eye. You're going to tell your kids that Bigfoot exists? No, probably not. But I like all those. I love those mystery books. You know, like the Osborne Book of the Weird? Yeah.

All those sort of things. Were there guest speakers actually talking about experiences having met Bigfoot? Not personal experiences. There are a lot of people from the 40 and times. Oh, yeah. Talking about, you know, weird shit, basically. Lots of people talking about weird shit and I was the emcee for the day on the stage. So you were just on the day?

Yeah, just that day. There was one of the other musical acts I thought you would absolutely love, Chris. I sent you a picture of him, Paddy Steer. Paddy Steer, yeah. He's a plate with a really long beard and he's sort of dressed like a neon bee. Paddy Steer. He reminded me of, I really like it as an American jazz guy called Boblog the Third, who I love. And he's a one-man band and he wears a mask.

And it reminded me of that when I saw it. And there was the other guy who was accompanied by a sort of tin foil robot. That was like, it was like a two-person music act. But one of the music, the drummer was like a homemade robot. It was really fun. Someone dressed as a robot? No, just sort of made out of tinfoil. It was clearly covered in tinfoil and it was like a series of tubes.

And it could sort of drum. So this is an alternative life. It's more like an alternative to lifestyle. It's opposite of your world, Sunil. You should, it's, it's not like order. We've got mad, we've got mad stuff where we are. London mad stuff's all sex stuff. It's not sex stuff.

It's not all sex stuff. It's a French cafe that sells hats. London, London alternative lifestyle, open relationships, sex stuff general, codobler caps. That's it. London's actually incredibly very boring. Unless you've got money and then you can go as depraved as you want and you're on your way to that route

I'm not doing it I'm having a nice time I'm not doing anything like that Sunnel's life is basically if you've ever I need to get deprave before next year all right look I'm looking at what

If you've ever seen the film Hostel by Eli Roth that is Sunil's life Sunil is one of the big hitters who could drop money and murder people whenever he could drop money

and murder people I'm going to guarantee now that by the time the next episode comes I will still have nothing to talk about because I'm genuinely, I've got, the only thing I'll have to talk about is I've gone to Northampton

and Tombridge Wells. All right, that's all, that's it. But don't you like, in terms of how you live your life, like, you're working,

but our life feeds off in, like, doing things. Yeah, yeah, so like, if you drive it to Tombridge Wells, stop off if you see a sign

that says miniature tiny model village. Did that mean? I always would. I always would. If I saw a sign that said miniature tiny, Village. I 100% always stop off there. I'm asking you to say yes to adventure. Okay.

For the next two weeks, I'll say yes to everything. Okay, there we go. Not from you to. Nothing from you two. Fuck. Anything cash related? No cash related stuff, no sex related stuff, no drugs related stuff. Damn it. He's a good boy. If anyone's listed

to this who's a sponsor, if you are the CEO of CEX and he listened to this, we're good boys. Or the CEO of CEX. The CEO of CEX. He's going to say yes. to it if you want to, any deal. Oh no, that's bad.

Send us an email, Christopherolvertime.com.com. UK, if you want Sonnell to do something, he has to say yes. Yeah, within the next two weeks. No, he has to say yes from when this comes out. Well, that's four weeks away then, isn't it? So I've got four weeks of, six weeks of saying yes to everything. You've got four weeks of still to still saying maybe. I've got to go for an omelet on the second of October.

What are they going to ask you? what yes no questions are they going to ask you about omelets like are you allergic no no but i mean like they'll be like oh do you want this topping and i'll be like yeah and they'll be like do you want this one i'll be like yeah and it won't stop and it'll be less egg and more topping where do they where is this omelet restaurant strutton is it french no it's just a cafe all the trainee chefs shitting them shitting themselves well all right look i've done other stuff as well look hang on I said I played golf. How are you doing?

You're getting better? Yeah, I'm actually really good now. And then I try to buy some clubs off Facebook marketplace, but the lady didn't reply to me. I do feel like this is like someone asking me what I've done after my summer holidays

and I've done fuck all. Yeah. Yeah. That is a bit. It's an unfair question. The only thing I would say is, is that we speak once a week for an hour. So it's not like there's that summer holiday thing

of like, what you've been doing it last five years? I went to ASDA. Do you know what I mean? That's not. We literally see it every week and you don't know. Don't worry about it, though. No, thanks, yeah.

Don't worry about it. Do you know what I mean? I'm an award placed. I'm a competition placing league growing champion. Yeah, well, these are big things that happen. Next week I'll probably get a tattoo. I could be skateboarded. We don't know, literally whenever you jump on this call,

you don't know what I'm going to be doing. That is true. Well, I'm looking at the things you've written down to talk about. A lot of it's about other people rather than what you've been doing. Nasty. Yeah, I've got some general countryside stuff which is false under the category

of nothing really to do with the countryside. And more to do with your family? More to do with family. One. There is a, there is this countryside bit. We're already in the process. We move forward. Now the shippipe situation resolved.

We're moving forward. That's great news though, by the way. It's a lot of psychic stress out of the back of my skull. Now the stress is out, you know, like the shot in the ship pipe out is like treffined the anxiety out of my head. So now I'm feeling a lot better. So we're moving forward at a guest bedroom, had the plasterer in, he's plastered the ceiling and the side and it's done. We've had the electrician in. Sorry, sorry to interrupt this monologue.

Not monologue. It's an open conversation about plastering. That Brian Blessed experience, it wasn't that different to talking to Chris at points. Did your chat with the plasterer? Yes. Did, is that your plasterer friend with the wife that said there's ghosts in your house? No, that's the roofer. The roofer's coming back on Saturday.

Oh, I'm sorry. Right. So, yeah, basically I've, there was a day where I ticked off all these tradesmen. Do you remember? Yeah. So I contacted like, ticked off the tradesmen. Is it like messaged them? Of it like the roofer.

The plumber. The pummer is doing another. bit of work. I'm doing tick, tick, all of this stuff. It feels good. I've got a plastered room. It's like when my mum and dad are away and are in Thailand. Basically, my dad has to come around for the weekend, help me decorate his bedroom and work his way out of the

sofa bed, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, we're in Thailand? What? I don't know. They've gone to Thailand. Are they going to like moon, full moon parties or somewhere? They mad. They mad heads. My dad don't like flying. My mum don't like coriander, so they've got drugs

and they've got a tire. I don't know what that, but they've sent us one picture. They look like, they just look great. They look like they've had a good time. Both looking really fun. They said it's very humid,

but it seems to be working for them. So that's good. Was it middle of the night and did the, were the pupils massive? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My dad's paid a guy

a hundred UK pounds to punch a drugged up tiger. No, he didn't. He didn't. He won't. So, right, but there's another situation. So I'm working my way through the DIY. This is good.

We're still in a building site, but we're getting closer to a dream of it being a normal house. And it feels good to have forward momentum again finally. My mother and farming are kind of doing a substantial renovation. Now they've sold the B&B, the barn where they live, they've turning that into a residence for them, which involves a bit. We basically, they used to live in a B&B,

that was attached to the house where they live. They've sold the bed and breakfast to a lady who's running it as an Airbnb, but they are still staying in their barn so they had to do this big job to make it legally two separate entities. Now they've done that, but now there's an amount of remodeling work

that needs to be done, you know, to like separate off the electricity boards so they're running off different systems and stuff. They're very busy. They've had their entire house is chaotic. they are having basically they don't have a kitchen for a while what I'm saying is my mother and father

or they're kind of in my house all the time which is great and it's good to support them you're not even looking at us in the eye when you say what are you looking at there the floor well we've got this like we have like a house system we have a house system that's like

Nicola's like saying we've got an Irish open door you know what I mean knock on coming like that which in general I do like, but the other day at 2.30pm, my mother-in-law came around. She'd had enough of the collection of weird middle-aged men that my father-in-law has got working on this job. All of them disagreeing with each other. You must have been knackered as well because you'd have been out for 12

hours. The mother-in-laws come down to the, to my house. Yeah, she just decided, we've finished working at 2.30. We're going to have a cup of tea at a chart. It's like, Papa's got some emails to send, you know? But it's. Good, although I said to Nicola, but what we should do is start putting the latch on, so we do, we can pretend that we are in sometimes. Well, you need to get a,

you need to get a ring camera, don't you? Oh, yeah, that's very, that would be quite the piece of the city in the country. And then hide in a darken room at the back of the house. I don't, I don't like him. I mean, I think they're very useful. My friend's wife said,

who's an American lady, they live in London. She said something like, she was very adverse to the ring lights, because it's basically, someone's life and property kind of without the consent, you know? And you don't, and you don't,

you can't trust them. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can't you trust? Amazon. Yeah. Well, the police told me to get mine, do you remember? Yeah. So you could see who's nick in your car.

Well, no, they said, you should get one so that people don't rob your house. They rob the house next door. Talking to workmen, though, the reason why I'm in a different environment is actually because I'm here to supervise some workmen tomorrow at my mother's house. Does that mean making cups to tea for,

out of it. No, I mean, it's it. Awkward. What I've done is, this is a real bad move. I might need your help on this. Finally getting this mad old boiler removed, the back boiler. Oh. So this guy's coming around tomorrow.

Kill more than they say. Yeah, that's it. Something like that. No, no, no. Basically, they shouldn't be, they're too old. They outlive everyone, don't they or something. So we're getting rid of that. They're like the crying boy painting.

I made the mistake of saying to the gas engineer, I said, just get it done. Don't send me a quote. Just send me the invoice. All right. I know, yeah, I was just trying to get it. I was trying to G him up a bit to do it. Anyway, he's popping around tomorrow to tell me exactly what needs doing. I have no idea.

I think he's going to move a boiler to the different part of the house. He's got a new fireplace and some new radiators. Absolutely terrifying. I don't even know how much that's going to cost. It sounds. That sounds like a lot. Politely, politely and elegantly from my side. That sounds not cheap.

But a new boiler, but also structural work moving to boil. Yeah, because it's behind the fireplace at the moment. So that's got to be decommissioned. And then he's got to find a spot to put the new boiler. But anyway, look, I'll report back after tomorrow's meeting with Chris, Chris Gas Engineer, as I've put him down in the phone. That's good. New friends. Well, no, I've got enough friends.

It's nice to meet new friends. It's nice to meet new friends who are about coming to someone. Well, it's not London, is it? So it's fine. But maybe just have a little. maybe try and sort of rephrase what you said as you don't need to quote me for your labour

but how much is this boiler going to cost? Because boilers can range from the two grand to the Malto grand. Yeah. All right, well I'll go for the cheapest one. And it'll probably, I'd get him to knock some money off for taking a boiler away

because he'll get to keep that and sell that. Do you like use the heft of your celebrity? He's got a fucking teleante. He'd say, he's got he's got to fucking tell it he's been to see surely it's the year it's the golden year of cinema

but how is he going to put two and two together he hasn't met me yet when he meets you is he going to do a double take do you think then he'll get you're going to rinse you because he'll think you've got you know what I mean you meet Robert you're a guy who you're a guy who makes swimming pools

and you meet Robert De Niro you might think it's okay for a good Bob or two but you're not going to fuck Robert De Niro are you? Oh I see you think I could get away with this because of my clout I think you could get away with you say now are you

darling this is my mum you can he look after her for me this is very she's a very special lady to make and just leave your hand on his shoulder not one single one of us knows what we're talking about here not one single one of us knows what we're doing all right not at all i've come to you for mutual support not i describe my job when i speak to tradesmen as if i am a fellow tradesman do you know what i mean yeah got to go to god's goal this weekend yeah they need a patlin I need a few jokes up there well yeah anyway so that's what's happening

I'll let you know next episode but I'll probably call Chris tomorrow anyway and let him know yeah wouldn't it I would I would like a resolution tonight if that's okay great yeah yeah yeah should we do a letter Jim yeah let's do it

Okay, this is a letter from Anonymous. Subject is eating puffins. Wi-Fi 253m-B down, Wi-Fi 27mb, up, Ethernet 400m down, Ethernet 390mb up, FTT-T-P connection. God, that's pretty good, isn't it? That's good. Do you know what I'm working with here at my mum's house? It's two-up. Yeah, two-up.

Buckinghamshire bin rundown, general waste, black bin, garden waste, green bin, food waste, small brown bin, paper and cardboard bin, paper and cardboard bin, bin, bin, hard plastics, and cans blue bin, soft plastics, not recycled by council, so we take it to the big Tesco. Is that paper and cardboard bin? Is that one of them, you know, you get the little box with the lid that can easily blow off and then, bad planning bucks.

Always a brick. Or a brick. Let's get on to the meat of the letter. Ah, meat is the right word, right. So Neil missed a trick by not popping it in his gob. That's a reference to puffins, I assume. I think that's got to be a reference. to puffins.

Puffin Island. Just circling back to the puffins. A while ago I was on holiday with my pre-wife in Iceland. We ate puffin in a restaurant. Way for thin slices. Quite a delicate taste. Delicious.

The next day we went to a museum and saw how they catch them. Basically, it's a big fucking net, similar to the one that the chitty, chitty, bang, child catcher uses. And he's, right, there's a video of child catcher here

for no reason. We don't need to, yeah. We've watched that film. with children, it is seared into our collected memories. I was another video, and here for a video of Gordon Ramsey catching puffin with a net and getting bitten by said puffin. Worth a watch, I think. Now, since the trip, we've both been in many, many scenarios where people have been talking to us about how cute puffins are. We don't tell people about our dinner date with a puffin. That evening, we went out for dinner again and ate

wail. It was smoked. It was smoked and served sushi style. Quite nice. The restaurant said it was sustainably caught. The next day we went on a whale watching trip and didn't see any whales. Sustainably caught, as in the guy with a big harpoon. Yeah, he could just do that all day. Yeah, don't worry about him.

That's a great letter. Enjoyed that. I can see why they stayed anonymous. I think I've been to one of those two restaurants. I've seen a restaurant serving puffin and whale. I think puffins all right because there's thousands of them. Whale less so, I guess. It's Iceland, though.

The population of Iceland's less than not in them. Yeah, that's fine, isn't it, then? They ain't going to get through that many. I mean, they can get other food. I can't imagine it being, like, worth... Nah, actually, go on. Fair enough, do what you want, I don't care. What is the maddest food that you've had?

Like... I've had alligator. Have you? Where? Yeah, we've all been to walk about... In America. It was a bit like greasy pork. I've had worm.

What? Worm. On purpose? Like, what? Yeah, dehydrated worms turned into crisps. Like going along, sucking them up for like that zombie on 28 years later, sucking worms up. No, they used to make crisps out of them, like they dehydrated them, flavoured them and put them in a crisp back in. I think that's one of the ones where they do just like a trial thing in a weird place just to see how suggestible the people are.

But I listen to a podcast about, I'll just try to summarize it, and I think it was This American Life, but it was about that, the next frontier with foods running out, you know what I mean, with like the population and the food supply not being sustainable. The next major source of protein is bugs, crunch, crunch. Yeah?

So this... Is that how they said it on this American life? They didn't say bugs crunch, crunch. They didn't say bugs, crunch, crunch. But what they did, the rest of the Arctic, the rest of the podcast was about, like that is obviously, crunch, crunch, we don't want it.

But it was basically talking about how the American market was switched on to sushi in the 1970s. You know, like the marketing side of it. So at the time, obviously now very everyday food for most of us and something that will look forward to having, but culturally, very, very unusual in the 70s. So how did you do it? And it was basically celebrities, making it incredibly cool. You know what I mean? Like Marlon Brando smoking a sig.

With a macky roll, through a macky roll. With a macky roll, yeah, smoking a sig with a sushi. And that sounds cool. So on the modern day, the spokesperson for bugs, so no. I think Marlon Brando's not your guy. He just, his big sausage fingers, he'd just be sort of shoveling in it in his face. Eggs, like fish, roo, all dribbling. down his face.

Yeah. Modern equivalent, Sunil, cat-handed brute, spooning in a handfuls of live crickets photographed in the Soho theatre London.

I wouldn't, right, there's better ways of marketing bugs to people and I think it's not, not saying, eat the bugs. I'm sorry,

you, what? Sunil, I'm sorry, you don't have a right to reply on that. I've got to go. All right then.

It's in, that's the end of the episode. Yeah. The best way to support us is by becoming a rural concerns patron for a small donation you'll not only be supporting an independent podcast, which means that we got the power to make Chris talk even though he's technically actually asleep. You'll also get a weekly bonus episode. Stick around. Sneaky peak after credits.

We're talking at the same time. Royal concerns edited by Joseph. Equity for Punks Burrows is pretty egg mountain lovely time productions. Maybe if we're doing a podcast all at the same time, that's the most efficient way. If we speak constantly for 20 minutes. Live show 22nd November. Check it out. Listen to Chris on the radio.

See Sinil at the cinema. Don't. Don't. We haven't got time. I'll tell you what, Sunil sent me, Sunil sent me an article the other day that was about, it was an article from a men's wear site that was like basically the conundrum of how to dress

for men in the 40s. I opened up this article that is like, I was instantly like, okay, here we go. Do you know what I mean? I'm wearing block colour. I'm wearing like, you know, like a dinner jacket. and block color shorts. And do you know what I mean?

Wellies, I'm like, yes, I could take some tutorial advice. Open the article. First point on this list of what to wear for 40-something men. It said, adjust to your new reality. That was that. I didn't read another word. No, thanks. Bong, like that.