Rural Concerns - Gravel, village pubs & the sight

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

Chris reveals his dad’s a paranormal tuning fork, Sunil takes receipt of a metric ton of gravel and Producer James could make Christmas boring. Easily the most chaotic start to an episode. Do you have a Rural Concern or countryside related query? Chris, Sunil and James would love to hear about it! Drop us an email at [e-mail]. You can support Rural Concerns via Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Support us, here. Book tickets to Chris’ debut UK tour! He’s taking his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show to Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Grab your tickets, here.  Our music is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Welcome to Rural Concerns, a podcast about quaint countryside shenanigans and smelly city-based misery. I'm Sunil. I'm Chris. And I'm James. Anything else? I'm producer James. Let's kick it.

Chris writes these scripts. Sorry I'm late. I was ready to go. Everything's set up, everything powered up and then knock, knock, knock, who's out the door? George Arufa is the one

I think I spoke about him before. His wife was like, have you had any experiences in this house because she used to be friends with the owner but we've been talking about my house a lot recently like at the pub and my dad's my dad's got the site you know and he was like there's nothing there's nothing in here what what what what what what slow down I'm just excited. I was a bit like, I'm hitting the recording a million miles per hour. Your dad's got the sight. My dad has the ability to see and interact with ghosts. The ability? Yeah.

You've been on my other podcast, which is about paranormal stuff, and you've never mentioned this. You've been on it like four times. What? Hang on. i was fiddling around your dad sees what his dad's got the site my dad has the ability my dad has had numerous paranormal he's had numerous paranormal experiences over the last few years but like like what was he done well he grew up in a group in a house that was above the bedroom, basically. There was loads of mad stuff going on in there.

There was a drum kit downstairs. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He grew up in a house that was above the bedroom. I got that bit right. Right, I'm sorry. And there was a drum kit downstairs. Right, come on, come on. Let's get these words in an order. He lived, he grew up in a bedroom above a house.

Yeah, I'm trying to, like, map it. This is such a sprawling story. This isn't... I can't imagine... We will get on to George the Roofer. Don't worry, I'm keeping... Ellis James and John Robbins weaving it out like this.

They have to keep it tight. I had my son banging on at me as well. He's like... I was talking to George the Roofer and my son's just, like, going, Dad! Dad! And he's, like going, Dad! Dad! And he's like, stood next to me.

And he wants to show me somewhere on the computer game Prince of Persia on the Switch. You know, and you're like, just... I'm trying to, I'm sorting out, I'm speaking to my Amufa and his wife thinks it's haunted. So where do you want me? James, you're the producer. Please take the reins.

Yes, okay. So your dad... Also, before we get side properly can I just say hello are you both okay nice to see you so now

yeah I'm alright how are you yeah you're dressed like a waiter can we come back to that James I'm just wearing a white shirt I'm just wearing

I don't know waiters aren't allowed to wear shirts like I wear shirts you know well unbuttoned yeah you're damn right

because it looks scruffy james please where do you want this where do you wear what are you eating what are you why is he allowed to eat i'm eating i'm gonna eat my flapjack then no right right okay chris your dad has the sight and by way of explanation for this, you said the words, he grew up in a bedroom. No, he grew up in a house above a bedroom that had a drum kit. I think that's what you said. I got that bit wrong.

In my panic. Okay. He grew up. My dad's bedroom. Yes. Was in a house. Was in a house. That's correct.

Good. Not in a drum kit. It was above the living room. Great. The living room. So far, standard house. It was in a house. That's correct. Good, not in a drum kit. It was above the living room. Great. The living room. So far, standard house. He heard someone playing the drums. You reckon?

And they didn't have a drum kit? Or do you reckon they had a drum kit and he heard someone playing it, but there was no one in the room? I reckon Chris's dad had a drum kit downstairs. No one was downstairs. He heard someone play it and thought it was Ghost. Ghost of Ringo Starr? He's not.

Is he dead? George Best? No. The other one. I think Ringo Starr still withers biologically, but he has sort of checked out. All right. I admit, I derailed us there.

Chris? Yes. Which one was it? One of my uncles had a drum kit. The drum kit would be being played in the middle of the night, and everyone went down. And then apparently my granddad would go down so many times, nothing. Totally empty as soon as the door opens.

This is what my dad experienced. And my dad was telling me this story at the weekend. I said to him, him dad you're one of seven and i know at least two of those so it was so i think i think somebody's fucking around with it but my dad's like that my dad's when he went to view houses with my mum he swears blind that he went in his old house and he got pushed out to attic you know like so my dad's like basically i put i added them up and my dad's had like two three four paranormal experiences and you're like that's a lot of paranormal activity which has led me to believe if i may finish james i don't know this if you'll

finish it has led me to believe that my dad is attuned to the spirit world and I'm closed off to it. I'm a burnt out nanode. And that is because he had a drum kit and he fell out of a loft. Answer him. Answer him, Chris. But James, the way you describe, the way you're describing those experiences there, Jim.

So what if I said this to you? Oh, what are you doing there? Oh, me? I'm taking these things that I don't know what's inside them and I'm removing the shiny paper that has been used to seal it with a cellophane thing. And we will be having, we'll be drinking a mixture of like cinnamon and stuff and egg.

And you're like, that sounds quite, you've reduced it to its component parts so it sounds quite boring, doesn't it? But you know what I've just described there, James? Christmas! Quality street. That's Christmas.

I just described Christmas but you made it sound boring because you reduced it to its parts. Hang on, what's the egg for? Eggnog, isn't it? But I don't know.

I was realised, apart from egg, I don't know what's in it. But I think the point still holds. Yeah, alright. Who's, I don't know what's in it. But I think the point still holds. Yeah, all right. Who's flushing the toilet? That's a kid.

Or a ghost. Maybe it's a ghost, Chris. Maybe it's a ghost. This isn't even the most chaotic start to an episode that we've ever had, is it? This is quite a chaotic one. I don't know why. I can't tell you. A lot of noises.

What are you eating? I eat a cake. What sort of cake? My wife's birthday cake. Why are you eating it I eat a cake. What sort of cake? My wife's birthday cake. Why are you eating it with a spoon? A little fork. How small? A spoon.

I see it. It's just a normal fork. Happy birthday to your wife. Yeah, big shout out, birthday wife. We've got just a full discretion. Me and Son-El have pushed the recording. Well, Son-El, not me. Son-El has demanded that this recording happens

early in a normal because he's got dinner plans or something at nine o'clock at night a hard out well they were at eight but I've pushed it

what are you doing dinner plans don't worry about that I went for a big dinner the other night at somewhere you might have heard of go on then

borough market oh field mushrooms no I went big mushrooms manchego cheese. No, I went to Hawksmoor. Heard of it? Yeah.

It's probably the first steak I've had in, I'm going to say, a decade. Wow. Why? Well, I just don't really, I'm not into them that much. I don't understand the fascination with steaks. They're all right. If you're eating them in Bloody Harvester, yeah, when they've all come well done and stuff, if you're getting a main bloody harvester yeah when they've

all come well done and stuff if you're getting the proper the real deal you're having it blue I'm not having that more than once a year

that was too much I the person I was there one of the people there had to vomit after the main to make space for his dessert

you went with Caligula Mr Caligula to me. Yeah, he does casting at Netflix now. So you're is it dinner that you're going for tonight? Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me. I'm out here being busy

in London. The idea of going out at nine feels insane to me. Well, that's the thing. In this city, you can eat at all hours as long as it's before 10pm. Yeah, London, 24 hour city, as long as you, caveat, as long as you don't 10pm yeah London 24 hour city as long as you caveat as long as you don't want to do anything

after 11pm not even Maccas well I know I know there's a couple of 24 hour Maccas but you don't really want to go there speak for yourself what

Brixton Maccas come on it's like London is a 24 hour city unless you want to go to Oxford Street 24 hour like we are

really late McDonald McDonald's, Egg Club, King's Cross. That's it. Our usual haunts when we were at Egg Club. I think the closest I got to Egg Club is I ended up outside it once and I was too scared to go in. I did go once actually. I did.

Horrible, horrible night. Yeah. And this was before Uber as well. so you couldn't really get home. I went with my friend, good lad, and his brother, he led. So the boo was having a great time, and I think me and my friend were a bit like... Yeah, it's a nasty experience trying to do it on alcohol alone. It's going to be very expensive, and you're going to be so stressed that you can't really get drunk and therefore can't dance.

I had a night this week where I just did alcohol-free beer. It just feels amazing. Amazing. What, not being drunk? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it is nice. Right, so back to George the Roofer, Chris's new friend. Yeah, 30 minutes ago.

Yeah, good to go back to him before the credits roll. Can I just weigh in with my conspiracy theory, read George the Roofer's wife saying that your house is haunted. This is a pre-alibi for any drafts that George the Roofer might end up leaving. She'll say, that cold spot, it's not because of bad insulation from George the roofer, it's ghosts. So this guy is bringing,

so it's coming to the jobs with his wife. His wife's like, I like his wife. But she told me that her dad, like she used to be friends with one of the previous owners. There's some deep law here for the podcast completists. So she was saying, the wife was saying, the wife of George the Roofer, the experience is that her dad is a painter and decorator who was painting in there.

She came, what's that? What are you tapping me on the shoulder for? I'm busy. I'm painting your house. Turn around. There's no one there. So that's one. Second one, drum kit.

Third one fell out the loft. Drum kit was my mum and dad. We're on about, we're talking about the George DeRuva's wife's experience in my actual house where I actually live. Have you ever had that? No. A tap on the shoulder? Not yet.

Have you ever had that, Sunil? No, but I do sense things out of the corner of my eyes. Have you got the sight? No, I think it's like flies, stuff like that. So you got, yeah, Sun, I think it's like flies, stuff like that. So you've got, yeah, so you just described peripheral vision. Yeah, I mean, I think that's what people are describing when they say they've got the sight.

Yeah, oh my God, sometimes I'm hearing, I can just see in the extreme left of my eyesight the number 29 coming. The ghost of the number 29 come in the ghost of the number 29 George Amufa's wife said

so she stayed in my house when it was a previous owner as a guest they or a friend had it

or something like that they had she had two kids next door heard them running around silly o'clock she's like oh god

get those kids to bed. She goes in, steps over, baby rail monitor, baby gate thing. God. Oh, we're in the kid's bedroom. Where's all this running around going on? There is no running around. The kids are

fast asleep. Fast asleep. They haven't moved. Are you sure they haven't moved? They're just playing games. They haven't moved. They're fast asleep. They haven't moved. Are you sure they haven't moved? They're just playing games. They haven't moved. They're fast asleep. So that happened. So with the ghost situation. So what do you think of that?

Why is it? I mean, you should have been told this before you bought the house, shouldn't you? There is a legal precedent in America. Is there? Talk about ghosts specifically if your house is haunted you have to tell the person buying it nah come on no look it up go on no not now i'll get bogged down but when we're in the pub on we had a great time in the pub on saturday at the countryside so we put the countryside sting here i am a big fan of this sting.

Put the Countryside sting here. We haven't done the Cityside sting yet. We're going to do it today. Oh, we have. Have we? Do you want me to play it now? I love it. We'll do it when Sunil's doing a specific Cityside bit.

Here is the city mate we haven't touched any of the fucking things that we were meant to talk about we've done loads of them I didn't realise you can just go on the Travis Perkins website add a ton of gravel to your basket and then it'll say where do you want it delivered

and they'll drop it off there that could ruin someone's day please tip Al onto this part That could ruin someone's day. Please tip out onto this part. If man screaming is saying, what's that bastard done now? That's just me. And I think it's funny.

So just keep pouring it. Pour it on top of the reno. Guess how much a ton of hardcore is which is just basically builder's rubble isn't it what does this mean what is she having

done with it what do you use it for well it's being done to prop up to fill in underneath the patio which is sinking slightly

guess how much a ton of building sand is you can get that delivered to your mate is this London prices or countryside prices I suppose it's countryside prices

is it more than a pint of Guinness? Yeah, a little bit more. In London? I think we're looking at, I think we're looking at, I'm going in with £123.65. Including delivery? No, delivery on top of it is 20 quid. I reckon 40 quid if your entire order comes to over 50 quid,

you get free delivery. Okay, well, it's 82.50 for a ton of building sand, including delivery. That's not bad. That's not bad, is it? Does it come in one of them big cube sacks? Yeah, just drop the sack off, and then you're stuck with a ton of sand.

It's just money doesn't go very far these days, does it? So it's nice to feel like 80 quid, you feel like I'm getting a lot, I'm getting a good amount. Everything else is like, fish fingers cost about £5 for 12. And you're like, I'm not really getting many fish fingers for £5 here, but I'm getting a ton. Is it, sorry, can we just interrogate the price of the fish fingers? Yeah.

Is this because you're buying them from the garage? Oh, yeah. Is it from the garage or is it pure cod, like a steak, or is it chopped up and mashed up in a little food processor first? I'm talking about bird's eye fish fingers. Name brand. I'm going to go M&S Food, and I'm just going to run it, which I shouldn't do.

I should go for one of the main supermarkets. Are we confident M&S do their own line of fish fingers? Yeah, isn't all M&S stuff their own brand? I found a cotton, rich fish, graphic T-shirt. I might be on the wrong website. They don't do food on their website. I'm sorry to break your little heart like that. In Waitrose and Partners. Go to Ocado and have little heart like that. In Waitrose and Partners...

Go to Ocado and have a look on that. Birdseye 10 codfish fingers, 100% cod fillet. That's cod fillet, so that's not mashed up eyes. Freshness locked in from sea to plate. It's £3, but that is on offer. It was £4.20.

That's really interesting, actually. I didn't realise. And sometimes, because where I live as well, pound 20 that's it that's really interesting actually i didn't realize yeah and sometimes because where i live as well like that if we think if we need bits and pieces we would be going into basically you know like mini metro co-op type fucking tesco express shop and the prices in them are oh do you live globally is it we'll put a fucking quid on just because you're a you're a stupid bastard there is there is this countryside bit right we're in the pub i was in the pub the countryside pub with my wife for her birthday so we took a village we just it's not a big pub but so we just like paid for a dj went in it's like us nicholas friends but also like you

know like the people from the village have been drinking okay yeah yeah how was the birthday party it was great you know i'd been away i've been in london at the soho theater i would agree to so i missed all of the pre-planning bit you know Like I just sort of basically showed up. The day was hectic. Yeah, so when I got there, people had started showing up, you know, like friends, some of our friends from Manchester, the cousin came over from Ireland. Like it was good. So I was just like straight into this pub night.

And it was good fun, you know, like there were different groups and stuff. It sort of felt like I hate having birthday parties. It wasn't my birthday party. But you know where you're sort of hosting. And it felt a bit like my wedding when it's basically loads of people there that you love and want to spend time with and are so appreciative of them coming to your thing. So you talk to them all for 30 seconds and let down every single one of them. So it's like until people until

you turn it for you out and then it largely goes a bit quiet it's it's like it's quite intense social your social batteries on blaring at full volume i want to talk i thought we should talk about local pubs yeah i've got a good local pub yeah this is what i want to talk about we have been right so we've got these two pubs but we haven't we've actually only got one but there used to be two pubs in the village but one of them shut down and he's now in the process of being reopened by community group who are like trying and the pub that's being left i really like it it don't do food and we really need food for the like the walking community for the businesses that are attached to that you know because otherwise it really is the reason of people staying with us

as in the the village or going on to the next village and stuff so it's like it's quite a tangible thing for people's lives so that's really good and it's been they've been trying to get it open for a couple of years and it looks like they're turning a corner on it and it should be in October. But I've now become like, I've never been like a pub regular type guy and I'm not really now, but like once a week or so,

depending on if I'm away or not, me and Nicola and the boy will go into the local pub with like a couple of families from over the road and it's really nice. And the pub is very much for the locals in that it's people that have lived there and their families have lived there forever. But they're sort of not taking us in per se, but they're just nice to us. And I think like, so I think I get the impression because the landlady said

our house has been on the street just sort of rotting for a few years, you know, like that. The murder house. The murder house. No one's been in it. It's been getting gradually shonky. So to have a young family in and stuff, it sort of changes the atmosphere of it and stuff.

And you're like, that's really nice. So now do you have a murder house on your street? A house where it's the windows are covered with newspapers That's my house Oh you live in

the murder house Oh No we don't have a murder house wouldn't happen on my street On the street I lived in Manchester

had a murder house and that also had a tree coming out the chimney Oh I like that Well impressive someone grew that not but on purpose well you could cut it down but they didn't want to do that i think it's because they it was the murder house oh it was abandoned i guess so that's quite a fun um fun little thing

to have growing in your house though isn't it an actual tree yeah i love seeing in london because london's you know like in rest of, you have a good area and a bad area. But they're like sort of away from each other. London is, those areas live almost on top of each other. You've got like, you're in some sort of like industrialized crack den. You turn right and it's like, who's this? This is the owner of EMI Records or whatever. And also in London, they take like normal housing spaces,

you know, like a terraced house. They'll take a terraced house that should just be a terraced house that would be a two up, two down or something. They will take it, they will level it and spend a fortune preserving the houses on either side and build like a million dollar mansion built into the space where that terraced house was. So you see cool stuff like that in london but i do love every now and again in london you got these areas have been

totally gentrified and every you know every like you know like my mate was looking at waltham stone it's like for like an house small and a mine i think you're looking you're looking at north of a million like bonkers money absolutely bonkers money. But every now and again you see an old house in London that's got single pane glass and it's crumbling and you're like, who owns that? Where are we on to now? Well, had you finished with the pub, you were saying that the landlady is very nice to you,

but I fear there's a sting in that tail, Chris. Is everyone happy that you're in their local pub? Are you making friends? Are you shouting that you're making friends to people? There's farmers and stuff like that. We talked about farmers a lot. A very different breed of man and person. I'm trying to gender correct,

as if every single one of them I haven't been just some bloke with my mullet they're very different but they are nice and I have talked to them and stuff like that but it's just one of those places where, which I've never had before living in cities

a big, big section of this village have lived here for generations. They've lived here all their lives, and their families have lived here all their lives back through the ages. And I say this with old groups of friends a lot. I don't know. They just might not. You have to really force your way into conversations with them.

They don't really say hello and stuff like that. And I don't think it's negative because when you sort of address them and talk to them, they're lovely. I just think it's like, you know, if you're raised with your family and your cousins and everyone you've ever known and stuff, you don't actively necessarily seek people out in the same way where the people who've come into the village, we've all made farthing or calls into the village, we've all like me,

farthing or calls and blowings, which I really like, but they're people who've chosen to live there. So I've moved there purposefully knowing there's a big gap in my social calendar, my social cash. So I'm like, I need to go out and talk to people.

Otherwise I'll be lonely. So I don't know, join the magazine and do mad schemes and stuff like this. Set up a vigilante group. Set up a vigilante group. But it's like some of them won't necessarily let on to you per se. And I said, I'm just going to kill them. I said this.

So, you're going to kill them? I said, I'm going to, let me finish the thought. I'm going to kill him with kindness. And that's what I'm going to do to the local people in the village too. Do you know, I'm just going to chip away at it. They don't think my father, mother and father-in-law have been here for 13 years. And they're still like outsiders. Do you know what I mean?

I mean, it feels like it's such a, it's so alien to what happens here, which is like being in a place where nothing really changes that much. And it's like, you don't have to get used to any sort of pace of change whatsoever. And like here, we're like used to things changing a lot. You meet so many people, you're seeing so many things, you're constantly getting, you're constantly having to put, you know, be open to new stuff. I mean, I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to talk to you if you moved into my village.

Right, right. The thing is, it's like, I don't know, with London and stuff, there's an impermanence to London. Yeah, everyone's there for a bit. Very few and far between are people. Like London to me was always, it's peter pan world into it's a it's a it's a town built around the whims and desires and dreams of 20 somethings and then buying not everybody because sometimes some people you know what people that live in walthamstow are like i'm

gonna live in london forever um and then but you make you either make a ton of money and you can afford to live a good life in london or like the majority of people you live there for 10 years you hit 30 to 33 and you're like all my friends at home who went to school we've owned five bedroom house i'm living in a bed sitting king's cross i need to go i need to get out of here yeah Yeah. So that's it. So that's what I've been doing. The pub, the countryside pub, I'm getting in,

I'm drinking pints. I'm having, do you know what I mean? Shouting loudly saying, I don't like that guy. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's good.

Do they have any, do they have any games in the pub? Like darts, pool, shove halfpenny. What is shove halfpenny? It's a table with a bit of chalk sprinkled on it. And then you get a coin,

you put it on the edge of the table and you shove it with the palm of your hand. It's like a sort of codified version of, you remember table football, coin football that you used to play at school? Yeah. Sort of a bit like that, but it's like a proper game.

Sounds like it's a codification of table football, but yeah, it's... Shouldification of table football, but yeah. Should we cut out the bit where I said that? Yeah, I think if someone gets to use the word codified, I'd like it to be me. Okay. You can have it. We can do it.

Yeah, that sounds good. They've got a pool table. They've got a jukebox, which intermittently comes on. You know what you're like with the loudest. The thing is, it would be a place where, I definitely felt this when I first moved in, but you sort of go in and everyone looks at you. Do you know what I mean?

So you don't, it's not necessarily where the walk is frequent. You know, you'd have these two pubs and one of them was very much focused to outside business and catering for, whereas this one is sort of like for local. So it just feels sort of nice to be sort of, I'm not really, but sort of in that group.

But I assume the locals pub is cheaper beers, right? Oh yeah, it is cheap. What are we talking? £4 for a Guinness. Yeah, that's alright. That's medium, isn't it? It's not too, but I think I went to London this week at a pint and it was all right. That's medium, isn't it? It's not too, but I think I went to London this week

and a pint and it was £7.45. I don't really drink in pubs anymore, but yeah, it's obscene. Yeah. Though you preload, don't you? Preload on. Yeah, neck a few at home and then head out. Later a Buckvast at home.

Screaming at a post box at 11pm. That's just tonight. That's just tonight. That's just tonight. After dinner drinks, isn't it? I think that gives us, James, I'm not stepping on toes. I think that gives us, we haven't got long, we have to put Sunil into what's been going on in the city. I have always wanted to ask you this next thing,

and it is, do you have, I assume you will have the room once you do the place up. You'll be getting some sort of chest freezer, won't you? Yes. Yeah, yeah, we will. Apparently my brother-in-law's moved into a new cottage, into a flat, and he's been away working for a month and he's ordered a giant chest freezer to mass,

bat and batch cook meals. It's too big for a door. It won't go through his cottage, so it's been sat in the courtyard for an entire month since he's moved out. And he's through his car so it's been sat in the courtyard for the entire month since he's moved house and he's not been there because he's been he moved house

and then he's gone to work building up and putting down a festival in Cumbria so it's just been sitting there but brand new though yeah brand new

well brand new chest freezer going if you can get the address out well we got we got a fridge freezer replace it with a ton of grommel yeah we got a fridge freezer. Replace it with a ton of grommel. Yeah, we got a fridge freezer when we moved out.

It's opened. Immediately, Nicola took the big drawer out of the freezer and smashed it. So it's got a big, you know, like one of those plastic tears in it that's just getting worse and worse every time you take it out. And I looked at replacing it because i was like it's too it's 67 pounds 67 pounds to be made whole i broke a freezer a freezer drawer on the in-laws house and replaced it well i've managed to find a 35 quid one but you can tell it doesn't it's not right you can tell that is worse as well adding the component the consideration of it being a family member as in not your discomfort it's it's

you've done that you've gone cheap on it as well it's took you you didn't need another they didn't need another reason to hate you no they don't listen to podcasts so it's just good i haven't bought an appliance for a long time, but it's very interesting to hear about. Well, if you're going to buy, you've got all the, if you've got your eyes

on buying a flat, it's going to come for you. And I think you'll enjoy it. I think that'll be, you're doing. He's got the, he's got the witch subscription. Of course he is.

I've got the witch subscription. If you subscribe to us on Patreon, you have a legal right to ask Sonil to price check stuff. Like if you're looking for a new TV or a fridge freezer or an air fryer, Sonil will send you a ton of gravel. Sonil will run it through Witch.

I'll screenshot the Witch website for you to let you know the best buys in every sort of category you need. Yeah, this is exciting stuff, isn't it? That's just a resource that we provide to the people that are doing to support this podcast in the pub people have started listening to people listen to this podcast in the village and they talk about and and they like they recommended it to each other and they're like you'll know who he's talking about when he's talking about this and this and one woman who's a sort of does a lot of does a lot of stuff in the village she's also like a sort of celebrity agent and i don't know try to get me into carlisle panto well she comes

up to me we've got another we'll have to come back to her. She's a character. She come up to me, told me a story about my house that is so horrific that, like, it's so grotesque. And told me, she finished the story and she said, are you going to put that in your podcast? And I was like, no. I'm going to save it for the live show. Thanks for listening to Rural Concerns. Do you have a rural concern?

Perhaps you want to know why a passerby goes, good morning, or maybe you're anxious about the coming harvest. Well, whatever your concern, query or comment, you can fire it over to Christopher at alovelytime.co.uk and we will discuss it in detail. We'll discuss it in detail. We might slag you off. But what about the people that want to support the podcast, Chris? What on earth can they do?

They can do a few things. First off, if you enjoy this podcast and you agree that it is, in fact, educational, please support us on Patreon. For less than a fiver, you'll get regular bonus episodes and access to the Creamery and Discord chat server. What's going on in there? Right now, they're just talking about like butter,

coffee and body horror science fiction films. It's like a good time. I enjoy it. Good chat about Superman 3 as well.

Yeah, big chat about Superman 3. We're having a good time. Yeah. You can also leave us a review, which is optional if you are a bastard,

on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. You've got to read it before you say it, because Chris has just put some stuff to trip you up in. You know that. Yeah. Here's one of the ones from Apple. Oddly more-ish, with an M-O-R-E-I-S-H. Three gracefully aging chaps having an existential chat

while sat at the digital hillside that is Zoom. It's like an episode of Last of the Summer Wine, but Compo lives in an ex-dog bordello, is a green top milk truther, and gets together with Cleggie and Foggy to compare internet speed tests, play highly evocative choose-your-own-adventure games, and plot sweet vengeance against the local bad lad,

all whilst gently prodding UK defamation law. That is really well written and accurate. That's very accurate. I like that. That is the level we expect. But you can just put good podcast, five stars. And it has to be, it does have to be five stars. That's the only other thing to make clear.

If it's not five stars, some lads from 4chan will send a Photoshop picture of you shaking hands with Hitler to everyone in your address book. And you'll both be smoking a couple of doobs. Couple of doobs! Our music is by Sam O'Leary and the art is by Poppy Hilstead. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for a lovely Time Productions. And here's an extract of a book I'm reading. This book is called

The Concise 48 Laws of Power. Law number 24. Law 24. Play the perfect courtier. The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection.

He flatters, yields to superiors and asserts power over others in the most oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court. That was great, Sunil. Really well read.

I love that. I think I lived that life as well because I bought somebody a chocolate orange. Do you know what I mean? I get it. I get it. That's my life. Right.

Thanks for listening. Cheers. So we're in bed and this pub, it's like a good pub because I'm talking to people. What was that noise? What was that noise? What was that noise? You said we did that. So hearing, hearing. Sorry. that noise what was that noise what was that noise you said we did that so hearing hearing

sorry i don't i don't want i'm not trying to be rude but just from a production point of view i don't know what that noise was some some of these words are going to be sort of different words that don't exist that's but you get the intention do you know i mean i could just speak in vowels and you could communicate. Right. Bong. Like that.