Rural Concerns - Kids, ferries & the Toxic Avenger

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Sunil and James get together without their leader. They talk to each other as if they’ve just met at a Pharmaceutical Industry conference. Meanwhile, Chris is unspooling somewhere between Ireland and Scotland.  If you want to experience the full force of Rural Concerns Live, you can grab tickets to our Manchester show at Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, a podcast about the terrible struggles of lads living in very different parts of the United Kingdom. I'm producer James and I'm a father, husband, a Nintendo addict, living in the the suburbs of a town I will never reveal to you for fear of being spotted drinking alone in the nearest weather spoons at 10am. When I've told everyone I've gone into the London office for the day. I'm Sunil Patel. I live in London town and I've had my house broken into and my car stolen in the last year. I love it here and I will never leave unless someone politely asked me to move on and die because I'm too slow getting onto the tube. Now this week's episode is just us two, James and Sunil, because Chris Cantrell, our resident countryside expert, has gone on his

holidays, which we've actually been reliably informed, is actually a sort of grubby little getaway full of swingers in a field in Ireland. But anyway, let's crack on, James. Where did you get that information from about Chris's thing? Was it the forums? The Irish swinger forums. It was more his general cagey vibe about it. KG last minute vibe, stress relief sort of vibe, you know?

And saying, don't look in the boot. don't look in the boot Exactly, yeah, yeah, exactly Stuff like that So it's me and ye It's just me and ye This is a see when It's me and Chris

We've got dad stuff to chat about And when when Chris is here It's generally Because he can just go off on one About anything and turn it into Some sort of medieval analogy Or something like that Yes

But us, we're just normal guys Yeah I don't have any children No But I do have What do we have in common You got a pet I've got a Nintendo Switch

I don't really use it. What? Have you got a Switch 2? No, I don't want that. Why not? This is what we're going to talk about. I don't see the point of getting consoles.

I like anymore. I mean, I've got, I tried to, a couple of years ago, I tried to play an Xbox. I got one. It was a post-Edinburgh thing. You know, I'd be like, oh, I'll have a week of playing games. Played for about 10 minutes. I was terrible at it, and I just gave up. I think Xbox is a bad choice.

Why? I think, from what I can see, that's the sort of the most dying one. Is it? Like they're moving away from making Xboxes and they're just going to make games that you can play on any system. They're basically Sega. Oh, right. In the last throes of the console wars. See, it's hard to keep up with all this stuff, isn't it?

Oh, not for me. How do you keep up with it? I just make it up. Do you still read Sega Power? I read CNVG magazine. Do you? No, I wish I could. I saw a magazine in AA-Smith the other day and the big splash on the front page.

was trying to teach, it was like, buy this magazine because inside will tell you how to use a USB stick properly. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Magazines are broadly now just aimed at people that don't go on the internet because the internet is a magazine. But how are they surviving? Who's buying a magazine thinking, yeah, I actually got a few USB sticks. I could make use so tell me how to use them.

Old people. But come on. Even if they're like computer literate enough to have USB. sticks. They know how to use them. I don't. I guess they don't. But how old, like, think about it. Like, if you're 80, go on. You've had 25 years of USB sticks. Yeah, but then USB sticks would have come in when I was 55. And I'm over a decade younger than that. And I'm already, I'm struggling with new stuff. But also, USB sticks are phased out now. It's all like Dropbox, isn't it? Yeah, but they don't know that. The 80-year-olds, they got a shoebox full of them.

Apple computers don't even have USB slots. They call them thumb drives. Thumb drives. I used to take a thumb drive into work to bypass the security so I could operate my own operating system and just read PDFs. Nice. That's how clever I was at avoiding work. That is very clever. Yeah, I do like the old magazines because there's certain, obviously there's kid stuff.

Yeah. Because you just need to be able to placate a kid for a fiver. Well, surely just an iPad will do it. Yeah, but you've brought one with you, haven't you? iPads cost more than a fiver. No, but you've got one in general. I mean, once you buy one. We're phasing it out.

We had an Amazon fire thing. Yeah. Which I think is odd SEO. And we're just trying to phase it out broadly. What's it like having kids then? Tiring, very, very tiring. Rewarding, though, is what you people always say. Do they?

Who says that? Well, I mean, you wouldn't have done it otherwise, would you? Well, it isn't it isn't, because you see it. Like, you can see, like, what a combination of you and a person you love would be. Does it look like you? Yes, both of them. But they look different. So that's the weird thing.

When the first one happened, I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. That is what a combination of me and my wife would look like. Yeah. And then the second one came out, and it equally makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks quite different to the other one. But then other people are like, oh, yeah, you can tell their related. Yeah, I can't tell.

When everyone says, like, look at that kid, it looks like it's dad. It's like, what you're on about? His dad, the dad doesn't look like a baby, yeah. It's barely got bone structure in its face. And little, like, little ticks and stuff like that. It's quite like, oh, yeah, didn't see? But it's good, is it? Yeah.

What part of having kids do you think is denying the fact that we all die and we leave nothing behind? Quite a big bit because that's what you're leaving behind. That's it, isn't it? It's legacy in that. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking to Ben Sutton, the chap who produces the radio shows I make for Radio 4. Oh, yeah.

We're making a new series about trying to live forever. Oh, yeah. And we were talking about the denial of death and how that really drives everyone to do all these mad things that you can't really just get to chill out for the rest of your life, you know? Kids is obviously the big one. The other one is like, you know, leaving your mark on the world in some way. Like building statues to yourself, taking over countries,

making like little reels on Instagram, things like that. Yeah. Yeah, but a solar flare, that's going to take out your reels, as many likes as they've got. That'll probably take out your kids as well, isn't it? Yeah, but it wouldn't take out your stones. Do you know, in the 90s... Your big stones you've left behind. In the 90s, ASDA did a thing where they put loads of ASDA-Price-promised stones up.

Yeah. And they're now like green and stuff and look old, but they're still there and they're still carved into it. Because that is like... Where's that? The longest... Just all around the... country. Asda stones. Asda stones. Asda Price Promise stones. Are there any pictures of these online? Yeah. Google Asda Price Promise stones or search on your internet agent of choice.

Do you have to say, well, you only have to say that if you're on the BBC. Well, I was noticing a lot of non-BBC people are doing it, and I think because they're foretelling that Google's going to go tits up, because... I see the stones. They're looking quite grand already, aren't they? Yeah, that's interesting, isn't it? It looks like a gravestone, but like branded. Or like ASDA lived here The Lost Stones of Asda

Yeah But like You know If something Wipes out all Computer-based records Those are the only records That are going to be

It's like Well this ASDA guy Was a big deal He made some big promises Solar Flares are going to wipe out AI then aren't they Yeah Presumably

What if they How do they stop that? I don't think you can Solar Flair Yeah you can't I don't know enough about it I guess there's some sort of shielding, but I'm pretty sure it must go through everything.

If it can get all the way from the sun to air, it must be able to go through planets. Yeah, it happens every like 120 years, apparently. Oh, shit. Yeah. Well, we'll find out. Annoyingly, it will knock out all the podcasts, all the wonderful podcasts we've done.

Well, don't forget we're doing a live show. Oh, yeah. Tickets available on the internet. We're almost sold out, aren't we? Do you want me to talk real? Do you want me to talk real? November the 22nd, Manchester. come to that.

2025. In case a solar flare takes out your mobile mobile entertainment infrastructure, I guess. Or your calendar. Or your calendar. All you'd have is magazines. You'd have to walk there as well because the trains won't work. That's true.

They put out, you know, chugger chugger trains. Hang on. If solar flare knocks out electricity, yeah. But that won't be forever. That'll be for like 20 minutes. It'll be as long as the, yeah, I don't know. Would it blank the computer? or would it just like turn off?

Oh, would it wipe out the hard drives? I think the point is it wipes out all the hard drives. Well, this is a problem for our podcast. Yes. So we need people to put it on vinyl records. Yeah, if you could do backup. At their own expense. Yeah.

At their own expense. I've been on holiday anyway. Good. One, two, three. Holiday report. Well, not a holiday. It was a sort of a working trip, but I also, very much like you. Yeah.

have been to Italy this year. Ah, multibene. Yeah, I didn't really speak any out there. Flew to Milan. Go to train down to Pichenza. Hmm. What's in there? Got to Pichenza.

It was really hot. And I didn't have any socks. So I immediately went to Zara, Italian fashion store, and I bought some socks. Vap shop was shut. And then I just went back to the hotel. I think solar flares

have wiped out your vapes just as a warning. Fuck. Yeah. Because you've overclocked yours, haven't you? You've hacked its hands. I overclocked it to make clouds.

I'm a cloud chaser. I think that's what they call it, don't they? Really? How was Italy then? What were your main takeaways, pizza? We got invited there for a film festival for a screening of a film we had shown at the London short film festival

and they invited us out there. Put us up in a lovely hotel and then they got us on a bus from Pirchenza I think about 10 miles down the road to this huge old park where they had a massive open-air screening of all the shorts and they also gave us

free pasta and two free largars Nice, what lagers Moretti Moretti, okay I think I don't know

I can't remember Was it Menebrea That's my favourite of the Atal after Dreia I think he might mean Ik Nusa Oh yeah

With the questionable imagery Yeah what's the imagery Kind of looks like a slightly cartoony black guy Hmm Hmm

Question of Yeah well I had one of them Two of them just going to check that it is and it's not me reading something into it. Yeah, there's sort of four, but they're not that cartoony, but it wouldn't fly it over here. Right, okay, yeah. It is the flag of Sardinia, which is known as the Quattro Mori, the Four Moors. That's fine, isn't it?

Which represent four Moorish kings defeated in combat. That's absolutely fine with me. Oh, is it? Is it? Imagine making a flag of all the people you killed. Yeah. What would you look like? Mine, it would look like...

You tell me about yours before I tell you about mine. Mine would have the four logos of the podcasts we've overtaken in the race to the top. All four of them. All four of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All four of them are my old podcast that have died. Slime Country, Wise Harriet Cry, all those, yeah. And the bonus episodes of Slime Country and Why's Harry's Cry to make up the full quartet.

But yeah, so we've got to take a huge screen in the middle of a park. Very Italian. Italian people up there seem to love a bit of culture. They do, don't they? Yeah. I mean, they don't really get hammered. They don't get hammered. But they love a little siggy.

They love a siggy and a bit of art. And they stay up very late. And they tend not to knock about in the middle of the day, is what I've found out about them. I think they have a nap as well. But they're like, let Spain take the heat. Oh. Pardon the pun. An intentional pun.

Let Spain take the heat for having a nap in the middle of the day. We're just going to do it but not tell anyone about it. Exactly. They wouldn't tell anyone about it, but they do stay indoors. When was it? What was the date you were there if it doesn't docks you too much? The dates were the 16th. I went on the 16th of August.

Because do you know about the 15th of August? No, what's that? In Italy. Nothing happens. Because the whole of August in itself is basically everyone goes on holiday. Yeah, where though? But the peak, they go to the south. The north goes to the south.

the south. The peak point of that is the 15th of August where literally nothing happens. All I saw on the streets were the classic images of old men on bikes, wearing like slacks and a tucked in pressed shirt. And they were cycling at, I would say, less than walking speed, almost toppling off speed. Just enough to get a breeze, but not enough that you've overexerted yourself. Exactly. And I don't know where they were going, to be honest. I think that's their aircon. Oh, is it? But they have aircon as well. Yeah, they also have actual aircon. But I was only there for, we were there for two nights for the screenings. The head office of the film festival was this beautiful gallery, so we had to do an interview

there. We went to Milan and then when we've been told that Milan's pretty dull and lots of people said, don't really, but there's not much to do there, but it's nice. So we immediately got a train to Lake Como where it was absolutely charming and then got there, hired a boat off a lad called Ricardo. And then he said, there you go. You can have that for an hour. I'll leave you to it. Who's driving? You? Me and Ben. Yeah. Did you have your little hat? I didn't find any captain's hat. How would anyone know what was going on? Couldn't find any captain's hat. So it's my second boating trip of the year. Very lax rules. Essentially, he just said, yeah, come back in an hour. You can go in the water if you want. That's it. Make sure you put the ladder down.

Yeah, the ladder down at the back. But a very bumpy ride if you go at top speed. Everyone else is making quite big wave. So we're just slapping. about over those. I was... Was this a real boat? Not a peddler? Yeah, it's a real boat. It's got an engine.

It says Suzuki all over it. Anyway, got the boat, pootled around a bit, made sure I got a picture of myself vaping on the boat, and then back to Milan, had a big sandwich and went to bed. What was in that sandwich? This is good podcasting. I just like sandwiches. Basically, there's a very popular sandwich place. It's called Cesarino.

Oh, yeah. Little Cesar. And you go there and you say, can I have a number eight? and that's ham cheese and tomato. They say, Otche, yeah. You say I can have a number eight and a pint of that beer

and they come back with a half and your sandwich. So they don't do pints out there either. That's something. Not so much, no. Because it gets too warm. Anyway, so we had the sandwich and then went to bed, but it's a very good sandwich.

And then the next day, this is the important thing that happened. The next day, walking through the Duomo, incredible building, absolutely astonishing building. I see a Bealetti shop. Oh, yes.

They make mockapots, traditional. Yes. And I think I don't need to go in there. But I'm stopped in my tracks by a window display. Mm-hmm. And it says Bealetti X Squid Game Mocker Pot. What? Right.

A huge, I couldn't believe it was a thing. Well, no, me neither. I don't understand the tie-in between Squid Game and making a little espresso on your stovetop. So I go in and I look at the Squid Game Mockapot. Astonishing looking thing. Squid Game Colors. It says game over on it. I don't know why.

Oh no. That's bad news. And here's the kicker. It's only 36 euros. That's cheap. I mean, that's it. I was going to get some magnets from one of those tat shops. They're three for eight euros.

Why not just get the mokker pot for 30? Well, quite a way to immortalise your trip to Italy with brick games. I went in. I took the mokopot to the counter and I said, does anyone buy these? and she said, not really, but she liked the, she says, but I like the colors. And I said, I'll take one. Anyway, so. Is it green and red or something?

Yeah, it's the sort of limey, bluey and the pinky reddy. Yeah. But yeah, all and all, great trip. And I came back and now my leaks are in disarray. Right. Well, Chris isn't it. Chris is going to be dropping in some voice messages, apparently. Is it about leaks?

I don't, we've got no idea what these are going to be about. Hello, boys. Boys, I'm here recording from the promenade deck of the Stenna Superfast Ferry from Belfast over to Scotland. I think I'm going to Cairn, gone. But I don't think that's why I need to look. But I'm basically on my way back to Ireland after a truly wild August. I don't every year we'll get through. I don't know how we do it, you know what I mean?

I do know and the answer is my wife pulling an absolute shift on child care but I've had a mad month thank you for filling in while I'm not there to be totally honest with you I hate the idea of you two doing it without me I can't keep eyes on it do you know what I mean I think everyone will hate it I don't think people will want just you two going on and on I think people will think, do you know what I mean? And I'd be like, the special source is missing. I'm going to delete and unfollow this podcast. But, you know, also good not to be doing it for a week properly.

But I've missed it, do you know what I mean? I've missed it. So I'm back now. I'm coming back. I'm coming back to Brighty. Do you know what I mean? I'm leaving. I think I'm just past Donagall.

I might have been making it up. It might not be Donagall. It could just be a different... I think I'm looking at Donagall. Mad. Absolutely mental. But a brilliant time in Ireland. Left the Edinburgh fringe.

Right now, as I'm recording this, it's the Edinburgh Comedy Awards are going to be announced by my good friend, Amy Glider, who was last year's winner. They're going to be announced at around noon. So, like, I've left Edinburgh to come to Ireland. My friend John, who I love a lovely time with, is there because one of our acts, Molly McGuinness,

has been nominated for Best Newcomer, which is just amazing. So I do wish I was there, but I am good to be getting just a bit of pace on a ferry because it's just been a mad month. So, yeah, so it's been like, snapback, I've been in Scotland, at Edinburgh and then I had a few days off so I went home to Cal Island and then drove back to a different bit of Scotland to join Nicola and the boy camping then I drove

back to Cal Island caught the train back to the Edinburgh Fringe that I did a few more days there and then yeah and then came here to go to Ireland so it's just it's just been a breakneck month you know one of those months where you feel like there's no peace. My brain's just buzzing at a million miles an hour, but it's been exciting and it's been great. And we looked after Stu McPherson, who had a brilliant Edinburgh,

and Molly, who's obviously one of the nominees for Best Newcomer, which is just a magical thing to happen for, and she's worked really hard for it, so I'm dead chuffed. So that's currently where I am. So much adrenaline leaving my body. yeah feel tears are imminent do you know i think tonight i've got an evening with my playstation which is long overdue you know and i'm very very excited to do that and i need to get on top of get my head straight because we need to get this podcast back at full pelt

can't just be you too all the time his wife was begging for advice about leaks last week on instagram and i just you know she was like let us know how to make them better see some I've heard rumoured that there is a leak blight going around the northeast. Why? Why is there a blight or why have I heard rumours? What is a blight? Is that like a disease? Like there's some sort of disease or pest going round and like people are having to destroy their leaks.

Talking about macaroons. Yeah, here we go. I'm holding up to the camera something shocking. Do you want me to read that out? Yeah, if you want. Marks and Spencer food. Swiss Chocolatier. Pistachio and Shortbread Crunchy Clouds.

The Crunchy Clouds Empire has expanded. It's expanded. I guess they're going for that Dubai chocolate thing. What is Dubai chocolate? It's chocolate with pistachio in it. Is that it? Yeah. Anyone can do that.

Yeah, I got someone out by accident when I was coming back from Italy. Did they call that Dubai chocolate? No, it was just pistachio. Yeah, unbelievable. Anyway. Oh, first time opening. Yeah. He's opening it on air.

I've not tasted these before. So I've got to fill some dead air while you chew away at this. Yeah. Okay. In his mouth. The white chocolate. With a whole pistachio on the top there. One whole pistachio on the top.

Mm. Yeah, he likes it. I can't imagine him not liking it, to be honest. That is sweet. He says it's sweet. Can you taste the shortbread? Something's crunchy. Yeah, the shortbread.

But the sweetness of the white chocolate is everything. I've got no pistachio coming through. Oh, another one. Oh, right, straight in. Oh, cool. Yeah, all right, yeah. This one, any better? If this was Master Chef, we'd really have to get things going because you're not.

Not like that. All right. What you're saying is nice. Very, very sweet. Mostly sugar. You know, white chocolate just tasted mostly sugar. White chocolate's the worst chocolate. Depends on the situation.

So that's that taste test. A little bit of coffee I made him a Bioletti earlier. Oh, right. Okay. All right. Because I, too, have recently been to Italy. Yeah, whatever. But where does the pistachio and shortbread cloud stand in order of clouds at M&S?

I really like the cornflake one. Really? Something about a cornflake chocolate. I think it just ticks a lot of boxes in my mind. I do like it, but I find it makes small cuts in my mouth. It hurt mouth. It does hurt mouth. What are the other ones?

Hassel noose, hazelnut. Hassel noose and the original. best for me is almond. Almond, yeah. There's no incorrect pronunciation of almond. Almond. I accept almond, as you should accept almond. I accept Al.

Open to Al. Yeah, I do like the almond one. I think that is probably number one, isn't it? Yeah, that's my favourite. I think, yeah, it waxes and wanes between cornflake and almond. Hazelnut and chocolate is very 90s. And also the hazelnuts, hazel nuts are too big.

I don't need a whole hazel nut in there. Chop it up. Yeah. Good. Okay, good section. Anyway, good section. That'll be repeated at some point with another chocolate product. Yes. I have been in touch with Chris recently. Really?

Yeah. How's you doing? I've been in physical touch with Chris. What? Where? I went to Edinburgh for a couple of nights. Oh, yeah? And I met him there, and we did a promo video.

Oh, I saw that. But I went up for a couple of nights. I didn't realize I was up there while the oasis were there. Ah, must have been. Did you not notice when you tried to book a hotel and it was a million pounds?

I just assumed it was a million pounds any night of August. Because of the fringe. Because of the fringe. But it is the strange thing. It was really quiet because everyone had gone out of the city to the Oasis concerts.

Oh. Yeah, so it's quite interesting. Or about around 12, it would have been kicking right off. Well, when they came back into town, they obviously, they didn't know where to go, so they wouldn't try and go to, like, artists. The Pleasant's Court.

Exactly, yeah, they'd go to the big, like, super pubs. So we didn't really see many of them. But I saw Chris up there. He was in a good mood, but he was in a... I simply have a million things to do mood. Yeah, I've spoken to him a couple of times on the phone, and he said, because he knew he couldn't make this recording, he was going to send some voice notes giving us an Edinburgh breakdown.

Yeah. And I wasn't sure exactly whether he meant he was just going to document his Edinburgh breakdown or if he was just going to give us like a little sort of update on what was going on up there. Yeah, I don't think he ever refers to his breakdowns as breakdowns.

Oh, okay, just we do. He just says he's got bees in his head and we just give him a bit of space. Also, while I was in Edinburgh, I did my own show for five days, a working progress of next year's show. So I just want to say thank you. A lot of people who listen to the podcast came.

So I just like to say thank you to everybody who came. And please remember that because it's a working progress short it means that anybody who I did or didn't slag off within that like sort of

fledgling state that has to stay in the room that has to stay in an Edinburgh Dunstan you can't be telling the people or tagging them into a pose saying Chris Cantrell said this you know what I mean that's that's not cool

we shouldn't be doing that but it was a good shot it was really useful they've got to do it back to back five times like I said it's very new it's going to change a decent chunk, I suspect, by the time next year rolls round,

but I definitely feel like I'm off the starting blocks and I've broken the back of it. In terms of that, what else did I do? I'm not like, basically I was there as a producer for most of it, so largely it's just like facilitating stuff for the acts, like making sure that the people that get in need to do, making sure that their advertising's up today and we're doing what we can just to get,

people in. It's like small jobs really, but Edinburgh just as a way of soaking up all your time. But when I didn't see that, when I wasn't with those guys, I saw a handful of shows, including largely Scottish acts, to be honest with you. I saw Rasko McKelland, which I thought was absolutely sensational. Stephen Buchanan, who I could just, you know, watch all day, flips from like a charming to malicious or like the flip of a coin

absolutely sensational who else did I see I saw my friend Tom Warranson doing a whip that was good he's a cheeky boy there's a real whiff of insanity to his stuff as well which I find very exciting

as somebody who watches you know like I don't know you know like when you watch it's a really tightly planned monologue and you like with Tom I don't know what he's going to say next and it's frequently the most surprising thing so it was just it was great and it's that place where do you know what i mean i just turned into probably one of the worst

people in the world while i'm there do you know what i mean james is asking me whether i've done the most basic of admin and i'm at a bit like i'm at the edinburgh fringe um i've got to go see an american sketch group do you know what i mean and i did i had tickets to go see there's an America Sketch Group called Simple Town who I love their online stuff and when I play my short film night in Manchester we normally put their bits on but

I bought a ticket and totally forgot so £16 up the wall it doesn't matter it's fine I'm supporting the arts I think the bees are strong at the minute because he's doing it's good bees they're good bees really good bees they're good bees

to have in his head because he's done his work in progress show it's gone really well he's been on holiday he's been camping one of his acts he's producing has been nominated for the Edinburgh Newcomer award

Molly McGinnish shout out yeah Molly McGinnis oh good on you saw the show he let me in on a Saturday for free

I paid a tenor on the way out don't worry nice didn't get the free sticker but never mind when do the results come out should we future proof this results come out on the 23rd of August

I think the Saturday. Okay, so that is after we've recorded this before it goes out. So well done or you should have won or it's just good to get nominated, isn't it? I think it's also good just to be up there. Yeah, awards are for dickheads. Anyone who's got nominated for an award is a dickhead. Apart from Friends of the show, Amy Gledl. Chris Cantrell.

Yeah. You know, it's not mutually exclusive. but yeah Edinburgh was interesting it was two nights accidentally booked the wrong flight home so I ended up I mean to schlep it from Heathrow

but yeah got it all on points how do you mean you bought the wrong booked the wrong flight I was trying to fly from city airport so I was feeling very smug about it and then I got to Edinburgh on the way back thinking great

short flight short trip home no how do you did you not get to return so when I booked it I'd had a couple of pints and it was maybe two or three days before I was up there I'd seen Jurassic World that day, so I was like in a pretty good mood.

And I thought, let's just do it, book the hotel, book the flights. I wasn't really thinking, wasn't really seeing straight. So those are my two little holidays since I last record. Those are lovely little trips, to be honest, aren't they? I think that's enough now, isn't it? Yeah. We've got no more holidays booked in. Just looking through my calendar, it looks bleak.

Oh. Oh, God. I've got to go to Shrewsbury. What about, is there like a, sometimes an annual event? has like a sort of a mirror event halfway through. So is there like a half St. Cairns Day? Oh, like the Queen's birthday? Yeah.

I've tried to scope out a new location and do a recie for the next Ciccans Day. That could, I suppose, be half a year. But it's getting quite cold now. You don't really want to be outside drinking cans. I mean, there are some particularly hardy sort of looking chaps in town, drinking cans in the winter, but I think they're homeless. Yeah, I don't think they're celebrating St. Cans Day. No, they're not celebrating anything.

No, I think they're numbing. Hmm. It's taking a turn, hasn't it, this podcast? So we'll hope we've been playing some Chris clips. And here's another one, maybe. What if it's not relevant at all to anything we've said? Well, it's not going to be, is it? He doesn't know what we're talking.

It's not going to be. It's just a nice chat. Yeah. I don't know what stage you are in the podcast now. I don't know what you're talking about. I bet you've kept a format Like a pair of dwebes Do you know what I mean

All I'll say is I just think Yeah come on now Time to wrap it up Nobody wants this Just you too Everybody's like Where's Chris

Where's Chris? I'm coming back Don't worry I'm on a ferry I'm on a ferry Leaving the Emerald Isle Lovely Do you know what We'll do the full Irish

debrief when we get back I would stay with my sister-in-law she's listened to the podcast and is absolutely stressed with worry that she doesn't want me portraying her life

on the podcast and I was like you cannot silence the press so we'll do a full Irish debrief when I get back and so much to catch up on Carlo Am's going off on the ferry bit

thought of all going off this is hell all the cars are parked in do you know what I mean you've ever been on a ferry James can't imagine you on a ferry can't imagine you're on a ferry do you know what I mean I've never met anybody

who's gonna die in a helicopter crash he's gonna die in a helicopter crash a millionaire's helicopter crash smoking tabs I've got to go that's too loud but I'm coming back so brace yourself We found out what it's like to have kids

What Italy's all about Boom Met David Thuleis the other day Did you? Yeah, I worked with him the other day Good lad What were you working? Oh, your film's coming out

Oh, yes On the 29th of August Toxic Avenger Out in, I think some cinemas I don't know which cinemas it's out in But please go and watch that It got a review in The Guardian Oh, did it, two star?

Yeah, not great But if it single out one person as being very funny. Oh, who was that? Sinil Patel. Did it? Yeah. What, The Guardian?

Yeah. I put a screen grab of it in the chat, in the group chat. Instantly, Chris was on me as like, Sunil doesn't like reviews. So I took it down. Oh, shit. I deleted it. Oh, okay.

But then I just told you about it. I don't dislike good reviews. Yeah, that's what I kind of thought. It's not massive. It's two stars on the film, but it points out that you're great. I think the film's going to be great, actually. I'm quite looking forward. to it, actually. Can we come to the premiere?

I've not been invited, so... What? You're the best thing about it? Well, the premiere was in America, wasn't it? I've also got another film out called MISPA, which is premiering at the Edinburgh Film Festival. What's that? It's about a missing person, filmed it last September. A beautiful film, filmed it in an abandoned hotel in Fokston.

I don't know if I ever talked about it on. Oh, yeah, I remember you said in a haunted hotel. Yeah, so that's with Emily Carey and Samuel Blankensop, who is also in the new Alien Earth. like that program. Yeah, he plays the billionaire who owns Prodigy. Oh, that character's annoying. He's supposed to be, though, isn't he?

I watched it the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's supposed to be a mad little annoying little brick and he plays it perfectly, yeah. He seems like he'd probably be all right. He's a lovely chap. Do you want to know what your review says? Go on then.

There are some good gags in Sunil Patel's cameo as a sorrowing doctor who has to break the news to Winston about his condition. She put that on your poster, Guardian, some good gags. Yeah, that's not great, is it? Compared to the rest of review, it's very good. Who's reviewing it? Who's done that? Bradshaw.

Is it Bradshaw? Is it Bradshaw? Is it Bradshaw? Yeah, Bradshaw. That's not my words. That's the words of Guardian, respected. What do you mean? Is he still alive?

Film editor, Peter Bradshaw. I thought he died. What do you mean that he thought he died? I can't go any further than that in their explanation, apart from to repeat it. I could add the word incorrectly. Right, I'm on the Guardian page. GCSE results day.

Is it already? Yeah. Right, I'm going to it. Where is it? Strong cast. It says strong cast. But I don't think it's very much up Bradshaw's Street Toxic Avenger. No, there'll be someone else who will review it in The Guardian and actually like it.

Exactly. That's always the way it goes. Trauma films are a very acquired taste, but they are a lot of fun. We used to watch them a lot when I was a kid. I hadn't even seen any before they're doing this. I think I watched Sergeant Kabuki Man and the trailers on the video, work, because we'd get it from the video shop because it was the past. And it had trailers for the other trauma films, such as, blondes have more guns.

Sorry, did you say Sergeant what? Sergeant Kabuki Man. It's about a New York cop who gets taken over by the spirit of a Kabuki theater ghost, and he turns into a sort of kabuki theater man. It's called Sergeant Kabuki Man. There's also, blondes have more guns and surf Nazis must die. I love trauma. I think they had a lot of fun. Is that how it's pronounced?

Is it troma, I think. Yeah, Almond, almond. Trauma, but yeah, we were kids. Trauma's a different word, isn't it? Yeah, I know, but I thought that was the pun. Oh. I met Lloyd Kaufman. Yeah.

On set there, yeah, nice lad. Oh, yeah. Gave me his business card, said if I'm ever in New York. Yeah. And then he finished, he didn't finish the sentence. If you ever in New York, that was it. Brackett's not at the premiere. Not at the premiere and not visiting me.

Good luck. Nice. We should go. That's a good... That's a good innings. What, Peter Bradshaw? He's not dead. No, no, not. Why do you think Peter Bradshaw's dead? I think I got it confused with someone else.

Oh, it was premiering at the Edinburgh Film Festival. No one tells me this. Oh, mate. You were right there. Oh, that was yesterday. I had two films premiering yesterday. And you didn't get invited to any of them? I didn't get invited to either of them. No, I got invited to the misper screenings,

but I wasn't able to go back up there for... I was, of course, in late coma. Of course you're a swanning around. Boating around. Boating around. I think I'll be a boatsman. Yeah. It does what you can do after the solar flare.

Yeah, but only on rivers. I don't like choppiness of a big lake or the sea. You'd be a freshwater boatman. Freshwater, Norfolk Broad's boatman. Mm. Nice. Slow pace. Nice, slow pace alive.

Couple of cans, a few tabs. Don't let the river keeper see you get going. Yeah, do it. Is there a river keeper? Don't know. All the best with your kids, yeah? Thanks. Thanks for listening to the new podcast,

which is James and Sinell have a chat a little bit about Italy and what it's like having kids and that, we'll work, we'll brainstorm the title. And chocolate. And chocolate. If you want more Chris stuff, go to patreon.com forward slash rural concerns and support us. Thank you to all the people who already do that.

Yes, thank you. And also don't forget 22nd of November 2025. We're doing a live show in Manchester. I think tickets are rapidly selling out. I mean, it's still a quite a long way off, but it's nearly sold out, I think. I don't want to speak too soon. But I get sales reports.

Honestly, I'm not concerned at all. No. Should be a right, old laugh. This podcast is edited by Joe. Thanks, Joe. The artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Music's by Sam O'Leary. Thanks, Poppy.

Thanks, Sam. There's some sort of entertainment lawyer called Calderick, which we have, whoever met yet. Yeah, I'm worried about them. And also just tell people you like it, I guess. Give us a review and we'll probably read it out at some point. Yeah, send some letters in as well. I don't know what the email is.

Chris, a lovely time, something. Yeah, I think that's right. That's it, something like that. Thanks. Hello. It's Chris here. Listen, I've got some really terrible news. I am not really in this episode. So, I mean, to be honest, you're probably just going to want to turn it off. Skip it completely. But before you do, I've got something that I'm very excited to share. My BBC Radio 4 sitcom Icklewick FM is back for series two. You can listen to the full series on BBC sounds. This Friday 29th of August, it's also on BBC Radio 4 at 11pm from Saturday, 30th of August for six weeks. I think I could confidently say that it's still in the Maddie show that BBC Radio 4 makes. And it's got a brilliant cast including like Colin Holt, Mark Silcox, Lucy Beaumont, Phil Ellis, Sharon Wenjoie, Molly McGuinness, newly nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award,

Congratulations. That's just a few of the people. There's so many people in this. And it's a lot of fun. I'm super proud of it. I've been working on it basically for about a year. And yeah, it's dead chuffed. It's coming out.

Give it a listen. And here is an exclusive clip. Hello, call. You're on the line. Hi, it's Sharon. Hi, Sharon. What would you do with 10 pounds? Well, I wouldn't need £10 personally because, as you know, I've worked very hard to marry into money.

So, you know, I have many things set up if my husband should die. I would basically never have to work again. I'd choose to work. But I would give it to charity. Oh, that's nice. What charity? Not one of them that takes people who could be out there working in the fields and they go pony trekking and stuff.

Thanks then, Sharon. Not one of them catering companies that gives prisoners Cardon Blair food. Not one of them Chardon Blair food. Okay. Well, they won't want to leave, will they? Bye, Sharon. Thanks, Sharon.

She's getting worse. Who's Gordon Blair? Right.