Rural Concerns - Mead, tombstones & the Lotto Lout

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

A generous gift triggers a journey through time for the lads. Under the influence of a divine brew they discuss dirty bible verse, the Brit Awards and disposable vapes. The loosest, most drunk episode we’ve done tbh.    If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Head to https://www.patreon.com/c/RuralConcerns for more info.   Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer.   Big shout out to Abandoned Arse Factory for the mead! Also, this is Crom’s website who Chris met at Thought Bubble.   This episode of Rural Concerns was edited by Micheal Mannion and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Welcome to Rural Concerns. My name is Sunil. I'm the city-based host of this podcast about life in the countryside. As London's oldest young man, I do what I want when I want. There's nothing which can't be solved with money and shame was hazed out of mere eaten. Once a month I pay to have the exclusive use of an ice cream parlour for an afternoon I dip my knob in the ice cream and then all the toppings then I try to lick myself clean whilst the staff watch

gobble gobble And my name is Chris I live in the countryside Something, something outdoors Something malformed carved Sorry I am too busy writing A Decide Your Own Adventure Story For our live show

And I'm trying to make it work so that's so they'll have to eat out a goblin. My name is James and I'm the producer. It's my job to make sure the audio and testosterone levels don't froth over. It's also my job to make sure we don't neck a whole load of mead and record an episode where we're a bit drunk. I was running some shows in Manchester. I run a comedy festival once a year called A Lovely Week.

which I'm working on at the minute for 2026. We're going to have a good time. But during that, I was contacted by a member of our Patreon Discord community, username, Abandoned Arse Factory. Very good. I would say just an absolute top lad. Real name, Mark. Shout out Mark.

Shout out, Mark. Good lad. So basically he said, I've been making some made. you want some made i said i really went to great pains to be like don't come out of your way because he couldn't come to a festival but he lives about a 20 minute drive away so he was like i'll come down i'll give it to you have some made do you know what i mean like a medieval drink um so i said okay i said okay and i'd be really nice you know um so he came down then when he got to me he was basically say the full tale was revealed that it was at home on a Sunday with his own children

and his family and he was like I just I'm going to pop out to drop that I have to pop out to drop this mead off so he was in the car for 40 minutes by himself you know what I mean as a parent I get it do you know what I mean I need to go to be in Q do you know what I mean going to tip my son can't come to tip he can but he doesn't want her and you're like you know what I've got I'm sorry your son doesn't want to go to the tip yeah what are you teaching him wants to play fortnight oh that's fucked isn't it this generation and you're like but he's actually too young to get out of the you know at that age you have to stay in the car so it's not peak he's not peak tip I'm gonna find

out do you know what I mean that'll be more important to our relationship that he's first pint in a pub do you know what I mean when can you come out and help your dad wang a giant Tashiba television box that's been sitting there for five years So, abandoned house factory, aka Mark, sent me this. Notes on the mead. It is made with honey from my mother-in-law's bees up near the moors in Darwin. Once the mead had finished fermenting, I made a cherry syrup by reducing a couple of pannets of cherries down with sugar and water

and added it to the finished mead, hence the pink colour. If you keep it somewhere cool and dark, it should be all right. for another six months, which is why we're drinking it now, because we forgot about it. If you wanted to get some of the lads to do a taste test, that's what we're going to do now. After, you'll just have to taste it and see if it turns your face inside out. Might make it till the live show in Manchester, but I feel a right dicker if I'm poisoning you on stage. Although he has said he might get some more for us if we want it. According to my hydrometer and an online brewing calculator, it's around 12.

12% ABV. It's sweet like a dessert wine, so it's best to save chilled, which I've had it in the fridge for a little bit. It would probably make a nice refreshing rattle if you had lemonade fucknose. With that ABV, though you'd still end up pissed. Anyway, just wanted to give you a bit of info. All the best. Thank you so much, Mark.

Now, it's time to open these bottles and go on. What I'm sure will be a medieval journey of taste an adventure. Oh, fuck. That went off in my face. Oh, fuck me. Oh, my goodness. That is strong stuff.

Oh, I think it got some of my eye. Oh, that smells all right. Didn't think it would pop off like that. Do you drink mead much, Sunil? I drink mead a lot, actually, in London. London mead mainly. There's a man selling mead at the end of my road. Excuse me?

The mead man. But I think it's like, he's actually selling it, so he's got to be licensed and stuff, you know? This is, it's a pink. Yeah, cherries. Is it? Wow. I've got mine in a bronze goblet.

Fucking hell, there it is, look at that. Fucking hell. Oh, oh, my God, man. That went right on my nose. Do you know when you take... Oh, Mark, that's strong stuff. Do you know when you taste an alcohol that's... You know, like, a beer, when you have a Belgian beer,

and these fucking mad monk cunts are making them at 8%. So it's that overdubble what we have in the UK. Oh, Jesus. And as soon as you taste it, you like, that's the first. fucking business. That's... Have you had any? This goes up the fucking nose

when you sniff it. Put your nose right to it. Oh, it smells strong. Oh, that's strong stuff. Have you had some, Chris? Oh. I've had a bit, and I can feel it. I've had a bit.

I can feel it. It feels like holy light touching the heathen masses. God, because it's sweet and then it fucking hits you. Oh, my word. My eyes are water.

I should just go for it, I guess. That's quite nice. Yeah, you get used to it. Oh, it's one of them things that's got that, it's got an unnerving fears. An unnerving fears. Yeah, I like that, yeah. It's actually tasty.

Smashing something up that's big. I bet you've never done that before. You'd like that, wouldn't you? you're saying it yeah think about it big axe smashing into that

over and over do you know what I'd love to do you know like a discontent yeah a discommunicated you know like when they're getting

rid of a graveyard do you know like when they're you know when they're like decommissioned graveyards don't they you know like they move the bodies yeah

they move the bodies where do they put them they disinterer them to I don't know I tell you I need to show you this video because it's connected to this exact issue

on the video but they've got this graveyard nobody wants to dead bodies anymore we need to smash up all these tombstones I'd pay good money to bid a guy and it smashes up all these tombstones with a side jammer I'd like to film it like Street Fighter 2 like one of the bonus stuff was on Street Fighter 2

also don't get involved in that because it is like there'll be supernatural stuff involved and stuff smashing up people's tombstones when me and my friends Zach were teenagers we found an old building site and on the building site there were bits of tombstones all smashed up

and we took a bit and ever since then whenever I look in the mirror there's this guy this mad guy hovering just gets closer and closer why did we never do it we never did a Halloween special

did we? To be honest I think the life we live is a Halloween special I know every episode there's something anyway we should have watched

another ghost video like we did before I don't think actually properly Watch that one. Yeah, it's because you're too pussy. No, no, no, it's because I... It was good.

I was too busy looking at something else on the internet. Like a rap, probably a freestyle rap video. That teacher. I don't know what? That teacher. What teacher? Oh, the York... Yeah, yeah.

Another guy. Yeah. Is he good? He is good, isn't he? But within the context... He was good about 10 years ago. Within the context, he's using it as a tool of pedagogy, isn't it? What's that mean?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pedagogy, the art of, the art of teaching. Ah. So when you're a teacher, you study pedagogy. It's like how you relay information. Oh, I see. A pedagogical vocation. The more you say it.

The more I say it, the more I have no idea what I'm talking about. Are you too all right with this? Yeah, and this is to me, sorry, I live in the countryside boy, so this, to me, this is what we have to drink to, you know, this is what we drink into the water. I'm also a dad who has to stay in a lot so I've got a lot of time for little cocktails No, it is nice I'm just saying it's like I wasn't expecting it to be that strong Mark has sent us to something

Mark's just sent us Oh no no Mark has sent to someone because he's not He's not looking around Oh I caught him So now When you hit, so don't tell me Tell me

Doing this based on sensation and like stay in the sensation that's in your mouth but in your mind can you imagine what it's like being like in a different time in like an old time like the Roman times or something like that what would you be doing like you drinking this mead this me yeah I think it's like a historic drink I think it's like a spiritual tether that takes you through time so just explain to me well like yeah what's happening it's medieval times

what's going on what's around you son He said Roman and then he said medieval. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like, Felix, it's kind of, kind of, old, ye old. It is the oldest alcoholic drink, apparently. Yeah, it's got to be, in it. 20 to 40,000 years old. So what I'm feeling is, like, you know,

I've done a long, hard days, travel, and I've arrived at the inn, and I've said, give us a mead, and it's been fully, it's absolutely refreshed me after a long day, that. That's how I feel. What have you been doing? What have you been doing in ancient sounds?

Where have you been, where have you come from to? Aaron Maffaia. What are you doing? I'm trading from modern day Syria to just outside Dover. With what? With what? Sack of Populks. Calmed that up, Stunas.

Sack of erotic literature. Yeah, forbidden erotic literature. From the ancient erotic library. of Babylon. Forgotten scrollings. Was Babylon the library? Hanging gardens of Babylon, I think. Where is it like?

Alexandria. Alexandria. The Alexandrian, they'll wait that the Alexandrian library didn't have a mucky section. Oh, deffo. The Bible's got a mucky section. What's a mucky story

you've heard of in the Bible? Well, we're getting to, we've had a sip of mead and we're getting to it. I haven't actually read all the macky stories in the Bible, but what's the one, What's, is it the... Song of Solomon. Song of Solomon.

What's that about, Shaggin? It should be Donga Solomon more like, am I right? Is he just talking about his... Who's Solomon? He was the wise one. Wasn't he the one that was cut that baby and half guy? That was Abraham, wasn't it? You're going to have to take one...

Literally, James, literally one step back for me. Who's this baby? There was... Wasn't there that story of that, wise king? And there was two women who was, like, that's my baby. The other one, that's my baby. And the wise king was...

like, oh, if you both want it, cut it in half. One of them was like, yeah, all right, and the other one was no. And he was like, well, the one that said, no, that's actually your baby. There's a lot of... That's a, they're sad, it wouldn't fly. You wouldn't even get a blap out of that nowadays. Is it Noah who had to kill his own son? Oh, no.

Ezekiel? Who's the one on the rocks? Was it Ezekiel? Who's the one with a tablet? That's Moses. Moses had to kill one of his sons. I think it was Ezekiel. There's lots of sacriot.

And it's like, Moses has to sacrifice. But you're like, well, about that poor cunt that's getting killed by his dad. Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's very the Bible for you. It was Isaac. It was Abraham had to sacrifice his son, Isaac, as a test of faith. Abraham, begat of Isaac, begat of Tony. Yeah.

Do you want to hear the saucy bit from the Bible? Yeah, go on. Yeah, give us some mucky stuff. You're as stately as a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I say, I will climb. I'm the palm tree and lay hold of its branches. Oh, may your breasts be like the clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath.

And then it's a bit boring. Didn't talk about breasts anymore. The breast stuff was good, though. What's it talking about after breasts? Palm trees. Back to palm trees. It's getting me going, which is bad news for Nicola and my wife. Do you know what I mean?

This is a late night recording. I'm 12% made. I'm drinking it quite. late, she's gone to sleep, fast to sleep, and I've been listening to Coconut Breast stories. Do you know what I mean? All I'm going to say is, I might come a pouring down.

So, no? What am I supposed to do with that? What am I supposed to do with you threatening to sleep with your wife? Pick up the ball. On that one. Pick up the improvvance of the ball. Riff on me shagging my wife, would you?

No, not trying to try and shagging her. And then I go, fuck off. I will put 4 a.m. to go somewhere, you know? Well, I thought she can overhear this as well, can't she? She can overhear the podcast. Which makes me think she's asleep. Because if she does, she's like, I'll get her, eh, eh, like a buzz, buzz, say, like, actually it's this, actually, it's not.

Yeah, okay. I would say, save the rest of the mead for another time. If it's getting you this amorous, then it might be able to do you want to save it. Is he laced it, do you think? Has it old abandoned ass factory laced it with. I'll tell you this. I don't know him very well. I think I've met him, I've spoke to him a bit.

I've met him once. You know when you get a read on someone just being an incredibly top land, it's abandoned house factory? He had the honesty to tell me that he needed to be away from his own children for 40 minutes, you know what I mean? I'm like, this is, this is,

he's not holding anything back. I'm getting the full him, and I liked it a lot. And I like, do you know what? I like this maid. How much of it have you had? How much of you? Oh, he's pouring another glass.

I've drank nearly a glass quite, quickly there I've got that far through it and I haven't even finished the glass I'm finding it bloody hell Chris he's absolutely netted

no but I got that you're going to be boring her tonight he's going to be well worse than that he's going to be let's see for the rest of this record he might say some stuff you know never a true word

Elvino is veritas anyway back to back to you Les and Chris I have no strong opinion on you, Liz. Do you know what I mean? I don't mind taxi drivers talking about it though because if they talk about other stuff that's normal quite a bad way to go into it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. How did this get the ABV? It was guesswork, online guesswork? Don't mistrust an expert. Oh, it smells more than 12% though, doesn't it? Where's the honey come from? He said, it's hydrometer and an online brewing calculator.

So he's used a hydrometer. Do you know what one of those is, Jim? Not at all. It's like a thing that it's, you basically balance it. It's someone that, it's a float. This is a countryside thing. Yeah. Because I used to work, I used to work for, I used to be the brand manager for a chain of restaurants

that were Belgian beer and muscle restaurants. So I've got to taste on these mad Belgian beers. and do you know what a lambic is? A strong one. Yes, but it's fertilised via wild yeast. So in Belgium, they have these brewing vats in little sheds. The roofs of these sheds are open. And in the vat, it's basically wild yeast from the surrounding area is what foments the beer.

But what this means is that basically over the time that it's fermented, wild yeast goes in. as does leaves as does dead birds as does like all this mad stuff goes in there don't be what i can see you type in jim let take it from a subject matter expert i've just wondered how many birds just fall out of the sky dead basically anything can go in this and at the when it's time to harvest it they take the crust off oh these beers are incredibly sour nicola really likes them if you like your sound a beer, you can't get madder than the, what is it, Boone Goose. Check that out. That will blow

your fucking mind. This feels, whew. I've got to be up early tomorrow as well. What are you up to? I've got to go do three days of work. I can't drink it like that. You've got to take it slower than what I just did. What would be a good meat mixture? What are you eating? What are you eating? I've got a shoe bun. Where have you got a shoe bun from? What have you got a shoe bun with that? My wife gets given baked goods.

Oh, I've got some cookies. It goes well with the meat. It's like a pudding wine. The only thing I've got is after the mead, Nick will give me a little bottle of wine from first class when she was in the train. She gets first class for free because of a connection to a man, and I don't want to explain it more than that.

Does she know Virgin, Richard Branson? She knows a gentleman on the trains. Don't get it all the time, but if he can... Services are exchanged. That's all I'm saying. Oh, you know, what does that fucking mean? It means she provides a service for him,

and in return, she gets to go on first class as when it's possible. Oh. Once, I got to go with her, and then I'm eating, you know, I'm drinking red wine, I'm having a complimentary meal.

It's really exciting stuff. I met David Seaman last week. What? England's number one? Yeah, that's right. Turns out, I've just had a message off Nicola. Stop talking about my cheeky train contact. You can't have him.

Stop making it sound dodgy. Okay, baby. All I'll say to you is, when this maid is finished, I'm coming on down. Crack open your Bibles. It's Song of Solomon time. So get you, put that Bible down, love.

Immediately pretending to be a... sleep. She texts him. Z. Yeah, she just has responded saying I'm asleep. Okay. It's all right. It's a married, it's a married relationship.

The love is, do you know what I mean? It's very calendar dependent. Love you, babe. What happened with Siemen? Not you, Chris. Yeah, he's nice lad. He's still finishing. He's fucking necking that, me.

He is having it. He's on one tonight. this is my weekend Tuesday It's Tuesday night Chris We're actually going to a comics convention this weekend Come in Fort Bubble in Harrogate We're going with our children

I'm going to go see an artist I'm going to go see my friend Christina and her husband Greg Christina is this brilliant artist who lives in Lades and she did the artwork for my comedy festival and she's got a stand which has got a new book in it so I'm going to go see that

but there's a guy called Crom who does this like medieval he does medieval cool fantasy artwork that's really I love it so I'm going to buy loads of stuff of him I'm going to buy he's got a pack of magic the gathering cards that he's drawn

and printed himself so I'm going to buy that set and I'm hoping my son enjoys it I'm trying to think of things with my son where it's like a little bit not older but you know like he's getting a little bit older so I'm going to take him to see some comedy shows, I think, and, like, where I can, because obviously he's only young.

But, like, I'm going to take him to see some in the Newcastle stand, I think. I'm going to take him to see Ian Smith, because it's suddenly dawned on me that pretty much more stuff on Radio 4 on the BBC Sounds app is right for where, for his age. Most of it, you know, it's like, it's largely neutered enough in terms of language and content. So we listened to Ian Smith's radio show and he was laughing like a drain. So I was like, you know what? Oh, great.

He's coming to Manchester in February. I said, I'm going to go to that. And it's like a bit of a grown-up night. You know where he, like, where he, it's like, you're cool, you're out with a grown-ups. It's about keeping him. You're going to give him his first pint? First of all, pint.

Is it? Yeah, first of all, he had a bit of a Guinness. He was like, that's gross. And you're like, yeah, it is. But now come with time, son, when all, you think about is that goodness you know what i mean come and have a go on your dad's lost mary that's what you're what's that's a bait it's a vat oh they it's a brand of disposable how much are disposable vape don't know how much of disposable vets i don't buy them thank you

this is like we're in a bar in it together we're literally doing a podcast episode just yeah this is the loosest one we've ever done no no no no no no no no no no son we're not in a bad way It's like, we're going to put this, to the listener, you forget that podcasting is, it exists in the, the theatre of the mind, radio, do you know what I mean? So, to the listener, what they're imagining is gas, like, we're in an old pub, like a gas lamp next to us. Do you know what I mean? Free gents, three gents, shed it's a previous episode where we discussed the pub. Yeah, it's the one with a bare light bulb.

There's a bare light bulb. A bunk bed. There's a bunk bed. There's a bunk bed. I'll give you your yellow lowered lighting. How do you give us that? There's three gents of the time discussing the news of the day. Suddenly someone comes through the door.

Who that? Oh, it's an urching. It's Sally. Jack the Rippey, done it again. Do you know what I mean? Oh, we're there, are we? East London. Yeah, that's where we're in Victorian, England.

We're drinking me. Jack the Rippe has done another crime. Good, we are really travelling through time with this meal. It's a challenge. This is a traveling food type. You're a labourer, son-hull, traveling, selling books. But bugs of soapstone. Selling porno books.

Now you're in a pub. You're in a pub with two bright a light, learning that Jack the Ripper has struck again, an old white chapel street. Where to next? Swinging 60s? I don't know. When did Mead stop being a thing?

Surely by Victorian time. We're literally drinking it now. I know, but it's not. It's the National Trust thing, isn't it, from Linda's Farm? Lindersfarn got the racket. If you go to National Trust, it's all... This is uncut. This is rural concerns on cut.

I'm looking around both sides of the information. I'm not heard. But the National Trust, if you go to an English Heritage National Trust thing, they've got Lindersfarn made, which is made by monks. My wife went to Linda's Farn on a walking holiday. I think Lindersfarn is where? Do you know in 28 years later? Yes.

when that community live. That is meant to be Linda's far. That's Linda's fan. Oh, right. And it's got like a causeway. A causeway to get there that you can only get to at certain times. We should do a causeway one day, boys.

Yeah, big time. That's the kind of stuff you only chat about when you're drunk, isn't it? Just make those plans. Yeah. You've got a causeway. See some puffins. My life living in the countryside

is looking at people who've got pissed on made and said, you know what? We should do this big walk and then seeing them in my village and reckoning with the reality of the stupid decision that they've made because they don't... I would say like, I would say pretty much everybody who's walking, Heydine's wall walks past my house with a face like a slapped ass.

They hate it because, like, where we live, the middle, it's when I've had enough. I live in the most beautiful bit, but also the most punishing bit, you know, hills. Do people actually work the whole thing? Yeah, from one end to the other. A lot of Dutch people. random way. Why is this Dutch thing?

What's going on with the Dutch? Why are they loving it? I think it's something to do with ferry connections. I think it's like, I think for them, it's not in, it's like logistically, it's something that they can do quite easily. And also, I think, I might be wrong, but a lot of Vikings would have come over and interfered with our... Yeah, I think it's, you're probably in the day law.

There's lots of... Which isn't Holland. It's a... Vikings aren't really Holland. Where are Vikings from? Denmark and that, Scandy countries. Yeah, but that would explain the Dutch coming over.

I don't think Holland's Scandinavian. I don't want to be... I thought the Dutch were just sort of Jordy's who've just moved over there for like a bit, isn't it? That's what you were saying. The accent is a bit, I suppose. And they've, like we were talking about the other couple of episodes ago.

Yeah. The northern people, like, they've continued to evolve, whereas we've stayed with the same base product. But your evidence for their evolution is they've got three different types of mash. Yeah, you don't.

They think that we're base. You're eating a potato like an apple. Can I just say, Mark, you are quite cheeky because this is I would say that this is deceptively strong. Yeah, that's why, I don't know how you've had

you've had the whole bottle. I think he's lied. Mark, he's had the whole fucking bottle. Oh. We should do a voice note of us in the morning. Can we turn one of Chris's moans into a sting? Sunil. Yeah.

It's 1996. Hi to Brit Pop. You're at the Brit Award. Michael Jackson's on stage. All right. You see Jarvis Cocker approach it. What do you do? I'm fucking...

This is Mead on the table. And your table is... Mark's Mead on that table. Who else is on Sunil's 1996 table? Zohr-Blow... Fat boy slim. Yes. Fat boy slim.

Zoe Ball. Who's that sort of weasley-looking one on the word? Terry Christian. Terry Christian. Did you say Katie Vessel? Katie Hill. Oh, Katie Hill. Yeah, Kate Hill.

So that's a good one. My table. Yeah. No one's drinking. the table made apart from you. This is allowing you to channel your journey through time. All right. So what are you doing?

I see what Cocker approaching Jackson on the stage. Jackson is just to accept an award. What am I going to do? Am I taking Cocker or Jackson down? That's my choice, isn't it? Yeah. Knowing everything we know now with the power. Have you ever read Slot House 5 by Kurt Vonnegier?

No. Time not linear. All time experienced simultaneously. Right. You have access to all the memory. you have access to all the knowledge of now, it's running through time. So the only action I can undertake

that would change anything is to tackle Jarvis Cocker. Why? Well, because he's already going to tackle Michael Jackson, isn't he? What good would it be for me? He's just going to flap his jacket. But then I'd just be the second person

tackling Michael Jackson, wouldn't it? I'd be nobody, I'd be an idiot. I have to tackle Cocker. But do you think then Michael Jackson's... Do I think Michael Jackson's what? Look, he's done what he's done. I think that undermined him a little bit, the whole Cocker incident,

and I think that led to people sort of scrutinize a little bit, well, why would someone do that to Michael Jackson? He was singing the Earth song. I'll tell you what, as well, that era, do you know, like, when it was like, basically the Brit Pop era, was, I think the last time, maybe not, maybe we go up to SMTV live,

but the last time that live TV was really thrilling, in this country do you know what i mean yeah like like tgai friday live stuff yeah there's loads of live stuff yeah tgai friday and i know that shooting stars wasn't live but it was filmed as live there was a chaotic and a big breakfast a chaotic energy to 1990s telly that i don't think will ever be able to come back yeah yeah because there's too many people swore the happy mondays swearing and the the amazing thing about as they were at the time And he swore a lot. They had him in and he swore a load so,

and then they got him in and did a pre-recorded into Sean Ryder of the Happy Monday. They got it. He came back. They got in a lot of trouble. So they came back and they did a pre-recorded interview that was edited for swearing. And then they let him sing a song live

and he just comes out. It's like, fucking cunt this, fuck that. And he's like, yeah, sensational. Exciting times. All right, Chris, question for you. You've had a fucking skin full of mead. I'm talking about live TV in the 1990. These are the hallmark.

and I'm telling my wife I'm shouting down the stairs to tell her to brace herself No this is a thought experiment for you now I don't like it when it's this way around I prefer it when it's me You've had an absolute skin full of mead All right

Yeah It's September the 10th, 2011 No Don't make him choose You're graduating from flight school With a number of other men I've never been more here I'm with you

across diamond space across a Zoom link they say to you Chris we're going on a trip tomorrow you want to come with us what are you doing oh wait a minute oh wow I didn't think he was there

this is like quantum leap yeah yeah yeah are you meaded up going with the boys on 9-11. Yeah, because I'm a Patriots, I know. If he's one thing from all the episodes, oh, right, and it's...

I didn't understand it was that way around. No, no, no, no, no. I thought I was a pilot. I thought it was a pilot. Yeah, they all went to play school before. He thought he was Marky Mark. He thought he was Marky Mark. He thought he was Marky Mark in this,

situation. And we all know how that turned out and thought. That's a shame. That's the clip, is it? That's right. That's not the clip. That can't be the clip.

The thing is, if you've got the power of time travel, I know exactly where I would go. Yeah? Go on. Right. I would go back to January. January 1st, 2002.

Why? SMTV, no? No. I'm going to make a friend in January, 2002. Any ideas? Does it know? Making a friend?

No. What country? Yeah. England, specifically. A new friend. A new friend. A new friend. This is deadly serious.

I'm on my final glass I made for the evening. I can't. No, go on, tell us what? Who's your thing? January 2000 I am becoming a bin man in January 2000

with all the knowledge I have today yes this is good do you know where do you know where I'm going Michael Carroll Lotto Lout yes

that's exactly where I'm going to make friends of Michael Carol Lotto Lout he's going to ride his quad bikes around his garden

but do you know why I'm going back to January he won it and he won If you don't know, if you're an overseas listener, there's a very famous incident where we had the National Lottery were set up in the UK in the 90s.

In 2002, Michael Carroll won 9,736,000 pounds. And then proceeded to, he was only a kid, just looked, he's one year older than me now, he was only a kid, he fucked it all away on cheap whiz, quad bikes, sex workers. He was an absolute sort of tabloid icon for a bit. But I'm going back in November, in January 2002, because Michael Carroll won nine million pounds in November 2002.

So I think I've got long enough there, best part of a year to befriend, to become like a Michael, like to be a full psychopath and befriend Michael Carroll to 11. where we are ride or die buddies forever. Do you know what I mean? I'll get a job at the bin man place. I will be,

he needs a bit of cash. That's got a hundred quid. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Do you know what I mean? I'll be that guy. I'd be so generous with Michael Carroll knowing it's coming back to me

in cheap wizard quad bikes. That's good. That's a really good plan. That's a very good plan. Honestly, so now? I think it's fucking insane that you figured out where I was going with that. I think that's the maddest thing that's ever happened on this podcast.

That's a pair of mead. Are you going to steer him onto the right track or absolutely push him like, you know, to his extremes? I'm going to be zipping around on those quad bikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to be invest in any of that cheap whiz and quad bike money? Or are you just going to blow it? It's a little completely called Apple Macintosh computers.

There he is. He's right, because I think what is the fact is the fact? like, apparently if you'd put the money you would have spent on a new iPod in like 2003 into Apple stock, you'd have made like hundreds of thousands. So the cheap waste can last forever. Yeah.

That's what it's all about. I'd help him out. But, um, would you have enough knowledge of what to invest in back now? Sorry. Apple Macintosh computers. He'd absolutely buy Bitcoin.

He'd buy two thousand. Apple Macintosh computers. I'd buy 100 pounds of Bitcoins. He would lose this. computer with the bitcoin in it and be digging around in the app on my computer trying to buy a tip that's what you'd be able to right now

tape grandfifth auto so I could do you know what I mean it's a graphift auto business I can put my cars there I can there's a lot I can do it's very clever very clever so this is that's what I would do with time travel

but also with minor knowledge of any sporting event you can bet on it in the right way I don't have any knowledge of any sporting event. Not even a World Cup? I kind of know what Luke Litterer looks like. Because he looks like me. And he's seven.

No, no, no knowledge of a sporting event. Was Luke Littlewood? James, I couldn't tell you a single World Cup. I couldn't tell you a single single England match. Wow. Life's too old for me to lie about that anymore. You know what I mean, James? Life's too old.

James, life's too old. Life is too old, man. Life's too old for you to lie about that anymore. But I am shited. Shitted. Quietly shitted. Oh dear. It's quietly shitted.

But do you know what? I'm so glad that we had this opportunity, provided by Mark, to go on a journey through time. I don't think we'd ever get to do, Nats or no. Oh, no. For you to be in different time periods. It's mad what this me does to you.

It really takes you back. For you to be different time periods. For me to do 9-11. and for us to befriend Michael Carroll. Incredible. I loved every minute of it. Thank you, Mark. I don't think I can finish it in one go, Mark.

I'm sorry, it's strong. Mark, I'm going to finish it for all of us. James, I know you don't allow me to do sound beds, but at this point, could we have ADC's thunderstruck running underneath it? And thank you for listening to Roeufels. concerns. What a good time we had. And if you enjoyed this episode,

please give us a five-star review on Apple or Spotify. And if you really enjoyed it, you can join us on Patreon where for less than the price of a pint you can get bonus episodes. Links for all of that are in the show notes. That sounds really good to me, son-il. The only other thing to say is that the artwork for this

podcast is by Poppy Hillstead. If she had a time machine, she'd go back in time. She'd go back in time. I don't know. Our music, Sam O'Leary. Check out Skinwigs, his podcast, and our legal due diligence is by Calderick, the entertainment lawyer who lives overseas in America. A lovely bless. Rural Concerns is edited by Michael Release the Snyder.