Rural Concerns - Oddballs, seasonal drinks & Lord Patel

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

It’s a topsy turvy episode as Chris is in London and Sunil’s been to the countryside! The lads discuss troublemakers, Pumpkin Spice lattes and just how many people need to die before Sunil can take up his rightful position as ruler of the British people. Quite a testosterone-y episode; there’s a bit too much swearing and James talks about his bowel movements. Sorry! We’re doing the first ever live edition of Rural Concerns on Saturday 1st February 2025 at The Bill Murray in London (💩). Over half the tickets have already gone, so act now to avoid missing out! Grab your tickets here! Chris is going on his first ever tour of the UK with his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show. He’s visiting Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Get your tickets, here! Drop us an email at [e-mail] if you have a Rural Concern you’d like discussed! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than five quids you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Click here to start supporting Rural Concerns today! Our music is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello, and welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast for countryside fiddlers and big city diddlers. I'm Chris Cantrell, and it's a pleasure to be inside your ears. You can't fucking call me a diddler. Come on. You can't. Just read the fucking, just read the line. Just read the line.

Had I seen this document before this, this current moment. I sent it on Monday. I'm Sunil Patel, but you can call me Dr. Fucks All Night Baby. And my catchphrase is, you have to tell me if you're 18. And I'm produceril Patel, but you can call me Dr. Fucks All Night Baby. And my catchphrase is, you have to tell me if you're 18. And I'm producer James.

Hello, James. Chris, we had a WhatsApp conversation about the intros and you said that they needed to say more of what the show was about. And you also write the scripts. And that was before Monday. Yeah, I sent a slight, not what was it, a snippy email, but it was like, we need to, come on guys, we need to read this.

You need to say your names and say what the podcast is. So you're Chris Cantrell and Sunil Patel. It's a podcast. AKA Dr. Fox, aren't I? It's a podcast about city life and countryside life. It's basically country fire for people who fuck on, eh? So, James, can we just, obviously, we've got a packed agenda. Yes.

Of stuff to talk about today, but can we circle back? Why have you had a bad day? What's going on? Well well it was just purely trains my regular train line was down but fortunately i had my bike with me so i went to the adjacent train line and just just had to cycle 14 miles over hills home how many 14 bloody hell james well normally it's seven so it was just twice you normally cycle seven miles anyway. Each way. I didn't know that.

That's why I've got buns of steel. So you do that to get to the train to get into London? Yeah. That's great. That's probably the one thing keeping you from declining quickly, really. Yeah, definitely. It's why people don't like to see me leave, but do love to watch me walk away.

Well, I'm sorry you've had a bad day. So none of you had a good day or a bad day? I've been driving on the M4. Not great. Just the usual, isn't it?

I stopped for a hazel maple hot chocolate at Costa. I've had a couple this season but for the first time ever they put nuts on it and it was nice.

Actual physical nuts floating on a... Actual physical nuts floating on the cream on top. Yeah, up in the game. It's a competitive market, the festive drinks. Yeah, because Starbucks have got it wrapped up. You'd have thought no one's going to beat the pumpkin spice, are they?

I don't even drink it, but it's the big thing. So what is Costa going to do? They've got maple hazel. I don't know what Nero have done. I haven't been into one recently. Worth checking out, though. We need to get in. We need to see what's going on.

We need to do a taste test. Just an update's going on. We need to do a test. Just an update on the Nutty Clouds from M&S. Which sound delicious. I would love to eat them all the time. Is everything fine? You know it's not because it was in the group. The problem is, and I'm sorry to anyone that's fallen foul of this, I did a further investigation and it turns out if you eat an entire bag of it, which isn't actually that filling, that is 3,000 calories.

What? Yeah. How many calories have you got left then a day after that? Well, you've got like minus 1,000. No, no, no.

I think it's 6,000 a day, isn't it, for a big lad who's having a good time? Doing seven miles on a bike. Doing seven miles on a bike. Yeah, for you, James, yeah. But I don't know

how many of our listeners are doing seven miles on a bike every day. But yeah, so do watch yourself. Have a fifth of a bag at most. That's 600 calories. That's a public service announcement. Although it is quite negative to talk about calories, isn't it?

It's actually quite a bad thing. People don't like it. We don't want to talk about calories. We don't want them counted. No, okay. But it is a lot. 3,000 is a lot. If you fed that to a dog,

if you fed 3,000, if you fed a dog on a diet, all its teeth would fall out. It would make it to the Guinness Book of Records, actually. I think you're not supposed to feed dogs chocolate at all, let alone the best chocolate. Yeah, if they're going out, they're going out in style. What's going on inside a dog when you give it chocolate then? It fuses with the dog blood

to make basically turns the dog into a biological weapon you know like a bomb it blows the dog if it eats chocolate the dog it reacts in the body puffs up blows out and what can happen is the dog blood and spinal column and bits of dog bone blows out like a sort of nail bomb type thing and it's you know like lethal so or it contains caffeine and theobromine which stimulate the dog's central nervous system and heart which cause it to swell up and then go off like a doggy nail bomb yeah yeah yeah yeah I was waiting for the butt. Yeah. According to Caffe Nero's Instagram, the autumn menu's finally here.

Oh, good. Which, I mean, they seem to be negging themselves there. And autumn means amaretto. It says amaretto latte, amaretto hot chocolate. That's interesting. Amaretto ice velvet americano. And the first reply is, do these contain alcohol? No alcohol. It's not licensed, Nero.

So Amaretto would be almonds. Almonds, yeah. Almonds? Almonds. Almonds. Almonds. For some reason, it's the only word I say in my hereditary cockney. Almonds and pears, my wife's on the stairs yeah that's all valuables

valuables valuables as in who misses i'm gonna snatch your valuables i think we're all saying valuables the same way valuables valuables valuables as opposed to what valuables no one No one says that. Chris, valuable, valuable, valuable. Value, value, it's valuables. Yeah, it's valuables. My valuables, where are my valuables? Yeah, perfectly normal. Right, so James, so you're James, okay. So now you're okay.

You've been, where have you, you've been out, you've been at Bath? I've been in Bath, sorting some stuff out for Mother. Didn't get a chance to go to the flapjack shop this time just did big shop with mother went to the big sainsbury's that i was too scared to go back to after we we got into an argument with the disabled man last time this time went off without a hitch really i don't think we've heard about the first part of that story before we haven't touched upon yeah could we cycle back on that? How have you... Well, obviously my mum left M&S, swore she'd never set foot in the shop again, so... Does she know about the chocolate cloud situation?

No, chocolate clouds, I think I haven't... She never brought any back. No, not sure about that. Nutty clouds. Nutty clouds, yeah. So I had to take her to Sainsbury's to do her big shop. First trip to Sainsbury's to do her big shop first trip to sainsbury's incredibly stressful and we ended up in a sort of shouting match with a disabled man in a queue and it ended with him saying you don't have to shout at me like that i had to apologize

i said i wasn't shouting and he said it sounded like it were you shouting no we were he walked in in front of us in the queue and i said, excuse me. And he didn't respond. So my mum said it louder and then I said it louder. And then, you know, did that a few times. And then he turned around and said, there's a way of talking to people that doesn't involve shouting at them. What a snippy, what a snippy little bit. But yeah, it was, it was, I think the exchange was loud enough that it turned heads. But it wasn't that, you know, it wasn't an aggressive one.

All good this time, nothing to report, so good honour. Yeah, good for not starting a war with someone who's differently abled. I think if that's the base level of what we, to say we've had a good day. I've got a lot to report, though, from the last couple of weeks, so who wants to go breaking some ill news yeah right i think that's good what was i going to say have i ever been in a if i ever shouted at a disabled person no i see really truly like if the fact that they're disabled comes up later on in the story then you should be mentioning they're disabled earlier on but also you probably shouldn't be telling that anecdote so go on go on

chris what you got no no i i'm in like we'll let we'll come to something but today today's a bit of a mad episode because i'm actually broadcasting from-da, put the da-da-da sting there. Da-da-da, put the da-da-da sting there. I've got opinions, but I was on the bus the other night and there was shenanigans already kicking off. Like, I sat on the bus and there was this guy who was, like, causing bother. Like, do you know, he's, like, sort of prodding everyone, staring at people.

I'm just staying out of this guy's way i could just see he's he's a bother someone was sitting down and this guy came after she sat down and sat down an older guy sat down on the bus next to me on the seats facing each other and this other third guy who's the draw maker was like have some patience, man. Let her sit down like that. And I was like, oh God, what's this? And the guy who just sat down went, what? Like, excuse me? And I thought that was it. You know, like it just went.

But then the guy, he was Irish. He was like, he was an Irish guy. Just sort of went. I better come into the story. Yeah, well, yeah, because I'm about to do an impression of him but he left it a bit you know like and a guy who's a troublemaker is just like keeping his head down like just

winding everyone up but this guy sat with him and he went hey you he goes if you're getting off at my bus stop I'm going to fucking batty you if you're getting off I'm going stop, I'm going to fucking batty you. If you're getting off at my, I'm going to fucking. And the guy goes, is it?

And he goes, yeah, just you see. And I was like, lads. I was like, lads, please, come on. This is too much. Did you say that? Did you really say that? Yeah, like, just to be like, I'm putting my hands out, like, I'm putting my hands out, like, lads, come on, please. We don't, he's late.

We don't need this, you know. Did you pretend to be Irish to try and sort of mollify the guy? Yeah, I was like, I also do somewhat of an Irish accent myself. I'm also somewhat of an Irish. I'm also somewhat of an Irish. I'm married to an Irish. Anyways, coming to the live show. What made the aggressive man so angry about the other man?

The other guy, give him some shit saying he sort of sat down when he shouldn't have done. Cause this woman, the other guy was a fucking button presser. You know, like just the other guy, he was mental. He was fucking mental.

That's not the Irish guy. Not the Irish guy. The Irish guy was rankled and the Irish guy sat with it for two minutes. And then was like, I'm not having it anyway if this is london i'll i'll leave it to you good luck to it can i tell you about an odd an odd duck i saw on a train in spain once man or duck it was a man it was a man but he was an odd duck so we were going on one of them big cross-country European trains that are quite fancy, and we hit a person.

So the train stopped and stuck for, I think, about four hours. We're all sat on this train. And there was a guy who was kind of already edgy before all this, and he got edgier, and he was getting really sulky. There was a film on it was quite a one it was like a cross-country train which was quite you know there was a it was a bit like a plane flight kind of thing there was a film on and he was like pointing at that and saying stuff in spanish that i didn't understand and he was sat you can imagine a set like a tour train seats

with the seats in front of them he decided to pop his feet up on the seat the top of the seat in front so that's quite an angle yeah that's yeah that's an intense right in front of him so his knees are like from his face yes and that's not good enough he's complained about it getting hot. So he takes his top off and the guard comes down. So he sat there top off with his feet up on the scene in front

and the guard starts talking to him and the guy's trying to complain that the film's not playing or something, I think, on the thing. Yeah. And I think the guy, the guard kind of calms him down and he pops his shirt back on.

And all through this, I'm incredibly hungover because we're on a work trip and we didn't need this train to be delayed by four hours. So I have to go into the little toilet on the train and for want of a better word,

do a hangover poo. A hot drunk. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of get a bit of a glimpse of the guy, you know, the odd duck and he's not happy with the whole situation. And then we of get a bit of a glimpse of the guy, you know, the odd duck.

And he's not happy with the whole situation. And then we finally get to a station and everyone kind of gets up and gets in the corridor. He and another quite a well-to-do looking woman stood by the toilet and she starts sort of sniffing the air. And they're obviously like, like oh what's that horrible smell and he smells it points at me down the thing and the old and the posh little old lady looks at him looks at me and just like shakes her it's an absolute nightmare that is a nightmare can i that's horrible it's just spat I tell you, an absolutely horrific thing that happened to me in mainland Europe along these lines.

You're on a train, it got broken down, you took your top off. Yeah. All I did to relax was put my legs up at a 90 degree angle. And I got tainted. Someone ruined the toilet. But we're getting off track. City sting.

Bang. Here is the city, mate. So now you've got an agenda. I went to the countryside. Oh. What? Countryside sting. Here is the countryside, mate.

Well, yeah, basically, so I'm'm a lord now i bought a lordship so you you can actually call me lord patel now if you actually well okay yeah the day that i call you lord patel is the day that i'm going fucking out in a box i'm done yeah but what that means to me is that you hold everyone who's called Lord in high esteem, whereas I just think they're normal people, so I'm happy to call them that because they want to be. They are now your peers. They're not normal people.

They're the parasite class. The landlords. And it cost me like 50 quid. Can I be Lord? Yeah, I'll send you the website. You could be Lord Thick Dick Cowboy. You can. You can put whatever name you want on it.

Break it down. Yeah, obviously I can't go into the House of Lords, but I can put Lord down on my driving licence. Not my passport, my driving licence. Where are you on the list? Like the king... Nowhere near. Off. The king wants to take Malta, the province of Malta.

He needs his strongest men. He's not calling me, no. How big a King Ralph situation before it's King Patel? Yeah, I'm actually not on the list, I think. Yeah. But basically... Still, still technically above Harry.

Only in your mind, Chris. But anyone can buy one. What he's done to his poor dad. Yeah, you basically buy it. You get five square feet of land in Scotland. So I went to have a look at it. You went to Scotland? Yeah, I went to, yeah.

It was like a two and a half hour drive from Glasgow. Went on the Caledonian Sleeper. Lovely. And then on the way back, went through Chris's neck of the woods. Yeah, so he sent me a photograph from Carlisle train station. I was like, oh, I know that bleak, desolate train station.

I am there kind of at least twice a week really. What blows my mind is that it's bigger than Bath Spa. The station? Yeah, Carlisle station would be. It's not the busiest station you've been in in your life, but to me this sort of stuff like the prominence of what something, what a place was. Like I always felt like Bradford.

Bradford has the same, it's almost like a carbon copy of the same town hall as Manchester. I know, I know. Yes, yes, yes. This is the second episode that you brought this up, Chris. You're not, you're one man crusade to raise Bradford up to its, in your mind, fallen glory. You are on me.

Just the minute that I talk about Bradford, I'll repeat myself in every episode. Like, this is persecution. Tell us about Little Germany again. It's a tiny little place that doubles up for Germany in the war. So they film a lot of films there. They film a lot of films. Do you know what?

I don't need this. I don't need this. Right, so you're a lord. So this is quite a big update. And you've got five foot of actual land as well. Yeah, you've got five square foot of land. And they basically sell off parcels of this land and then use the money for conservation purposes.

So, yeah, it's doing a good thing as well. But yeah, anyone who buys a patch of land there is called a lord. So I got a lordship, got a hoodie and a certificate. Is it like an ermine hoodie? No, it's just sort of like cheap cotton. That was an extra 30 quid. So that actually cost, I think, almost as much as the land. So traditionally, like in the medieval ages,

the land would, people would work the land for the lord. Yeah, no one would medieval ages, the land would, people would work the land for the lord. Yeah, no one would own it, would they? So anyone who owned land was a laird or a lord. So yeah, technically I'm a laird, yeah. It was a monaural sort of system, wasn't it? The lord oversaw a district on behalf of the king, and there was a whole ecosystem of people under that,

that were freemen, villains, they were called, I think, that were... What are they? I don't know exactly, but they're basically people that were in servitude to the Lord. Like a freeman is someone that could work for the Lord and be paid, but a villain was someone who had a, like a, a normal debt to pay to to pay. Oh, right. I think they could eventually like work their way out of servitude

for the Lord, but it was a whole ecosystem. Don't be, I can see the, James, you don't need to be Googling it. I can see in your glasses, I can see in your face, like suddenly bright white like a ghost. James, it's way better if you let him just bluster his way through it and then at the end completely undercut him with the facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've read a book I'm two thirds of that. What book?

I'm halfway through a book about medieval times. Key stage. Honestly, don't take the piss. Like my friend Jack, who's a history teacher, I was saying, listen what are the good books for learning about medieval times? And I said, I just want to know about how castles work and stuff. Like what goes on in them? Yeah, like the day-to-day logistics of running a castle osborne how does a castle work yeah yeah

that's what jack said jack said he was like honestly get look look at textbooks gcse grade because they're lots of information but he said he said history textbooks like academic history books that are about thing he said it's just like academic history books that are about things. He said it's just like an absolute wall of text. Whereas if you're interested in this sort of stuff at this level, these books for GCSE grade children break down lots of information in very digestible chunks. And for somebody who has focus attention related issues,

I don't want to label it more than that, it's quite good for just ingesting a little bit of... What's wrong with YouTube? Like normal people. I can't want to label it more than that. It's quite good for just ingesting a little bit of... What's wrong with YouTube? Like normal people. I can't be doing with YouTube. I saw some good stuff on the Crusades on there. What's wrong with that? I can't be.

You don't know. It's... A dear Duke to Neil. Hold on. It's acted out. You're reading about that, but it's acted out by some 35-year-old guy from Canada recreating it all with toy figures.

I don't think that's healthy. And they had words for men like that when I was a kid, and it wasn't content creator. That's all I'll say on that. I took a photo of the Games Workshop in Glasgow for you, actually. Oh, thank you. Can we put it in the Patreon? Yeah, pop it in there.

Yeah, if you people want to pay for that then that's in there and you can get access to that for less than five pound a month i mean i don't know so you've allowed anything else to report i don't know i need to come back to on the lordship i need to think about apart from becoming a lord what else have you done I went on a night out in an area of London I've never really gone on a night out in before

it's a little area called Mayfair oh oh is that because you were a lord now I was going to say Chafsley Morose but I was making it up

it it doesn't exist it's just I did a gig and then the owner of the bar said do all you comedians want to come to the other bar I own absolutely crazy never even would have considered going to that area of london anyway she took us to down these stairs this blank door opened it there's a man on a piano in the

middle of the room just playing piano just incredibly like flamboyantly dressed people in there there's only about 10 people in there but it was absolutely packed it was tiny and then i left like a private members club not even not even private there's just a little sort of speakeasy won't address people in there. There's only about 10 people in there, but it was absolutely packed. It was tiny. And then I left. Is it like a private members club? Not even. Not even private. It's just a little sort of speakeasy type of club. I'm obsessed with London.

You know, like when you're in London, knock, knock, knock, what's behind that door? You're in Chinatown, knock, knock, knock, what's behind there? It's a mad thing. All that stuff's exposed on Instagram now, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, as in like secret London,

here's the places to go. And, you know, as soon as you put it out, it's at 400,000 followers. But there's like a members club in Soho that is like, it's like some performance bar. What, the Phoenix? No, it's where the Soho Theatre is. It's like a jazz. Pizza Express?

Yeah, Pizza Express Jazz Club. No, it's not that. Right, I'm going to find it. It's called something like Boozy Orfanities, something like that. It's a knock, knock, knock, and behind is a theatre show bar. So everyone in there is like a show. Suddenly everyone's like us in there.

These are show people. These are our people. It's guys with silk scarves on. It's drag artists out of makeup. It's guys doing soliloquies you know like just trying to get

their audition right it's like that one which is that Mexican bar slash restaurant inside the you go in the sex shop

you open the door to the sex shop there's a there's someone there on a counter with loads of dildos and that and you go

just here for a couple of drinks and they send you downstairs I've been in the bar of a Mexican restaurant that's after hours for people who work in restaurants. Oh, where's that? But I don't remember seeing any dildos. It was in Soho.

Yeah. And it was probably next to a sex shop. Is it El Camp? Yeah. That's just a restaurant upstairs, Sunil. Yeah, it's a restaurant and then it's a nightclub downstairs. Yeah, for people who work.

Is it for workers? Like in restaurants and stuff. yeah, for after hours. Oh, so we can't really go in there. This is the first episode we've done where I'm in the country and you're in the city, isn't it? Yeah, this is a topsy-turvy, bizarro episode. And James is fuming. James is fuming about it.

Yeah, so I'm in the city, shenanigans on buses. But you texted me saying, are you free on Monday? I've got nothing to do you're in the greatest city in the history of civilization well i did have stuff to i went for a meeting and but in the evening i just i was tired so i just went to bed that's the classic londoner yeah but i had a couple of meetings do you know what i mean i was like moving and shaking waiting did you go to the cinema no i was gonna do but not the times didn't quite line up i've got like lots of bits and pieces to do i feel very i was saying this to it i'm writing working me and amy

gladale are working on a radio show so we're together doing that and i was just there was a day where i was down at that holdover day where she was coming home i'm in a house i could describe it so i could give you the full postcode but i won't we're having a great time it's such a laugh it's like it's in many ways the time of my life but being away from home for like three four days is hard do you know i feel i was saying is it like you feel guilty for being away the job in and of itself is having a laugh with your mate that's when it works you know i mean you can't treat it like you know like a plumber going to just do graft or something like that the actual job itself is having a laugh so i shouldn't feel bad for being an errant father when i first went to visit

amy in her house she didn't have a single charger did you know this what do you mean she had no she had no chargers so i had like i bought her no i gave her a lamp which had a usb charger built in can you update us on amy's usb charger situation now the lamp with the usb charger in it is in the spare bedroom where i sleep tell you the history of that lamp i think you might have touched on it already to some degree but yeah please run it past us again well then you just told us you brought a lamp and i'm like what are the other twists and turns in this tale that's the lamp that was used on jordan brooks's channel four short so that finished and then you just stripped the site like kind of like a carnival pack down team yeah amazon's not taking that back but it's good isn't it it's touch to

turn it on and off and dim and it's got two usb charging ports built in which is just really nice the touch ones are brilliant the only problem with them is having a cycle for you're trying to get to sleep you're cycling for you you go through a range of brightness that is designed to bring you back to life you know you're like i'm tired i just is designed to bring you back to life. You know, you're like, I'm tired. I just need to touch this to go to sleep. Brighter, brightest. You know what I mean?

It's intense. Alexa, turn off bedroom lights. It's actually got, so much changed, but I actually think the room's got brighter. Yeah, she turned some of the lights, so she didn't quite work out. Alexa, turn off all bedroom lights, please. No, she hasn't done it. Alexa, turn on bedroom lights again, please. No, she hasn't done it.

Alexa, turn on bedroom lights again, please. Thank you. Yeah, so that fucked up. Alexa, play Insane Clown Party. No, she can't because it's in the earphones.

Alexa, buy a lizard. Buy a lizard. This can't go in. This can't go in. That's going in, James. Pumped. But it's just going to screw people over.

Yeah, but people are gonna be like this is cutting edge alexa order usbc charger from anchor fuck she did it anchor should i believe that anchor should send us you know like the npd product development stuff like what are they working what's npd james it means new product development okay i used to work in a corporate space and i'm sorry and i will not apologize for that yeah i think they should be sending us like what they're working on you know what the next charges are yeah what charger did you take with you i take the ones that you told me to take i've got the anchor portable one with the i got the one with the cable bought in don't sigh james don't sigh audibly and with

your face on the video i got i there's an anchor like portable charger i got the one with the wire built in because it was a good prime day deal i take that with me every time that's been a lifesaver i can't believe i didn't have a portable power bank and i've got the other anchor double charger and i've got one beside my bed at home that stays next to my bed and i've got the other anchor double charger and i've got one beside my bed at home that stays next to my bed and i've got the one that i've got now with me comes with me out and about and i feel like i've leveled up and it's all thanks to samil patel's affiliate links well some of our plugs in the walls in the house the sockets or whatever they have the usb holes in them are we fools oh because of the move to usbc

yeah i mean i don't think you could have foreseen that you know technology moves faster than but then why should we have done it with the plugs anyway the plugs have been fine they've been fine for 50 years that's interesting but yeah you're right i think you know you want to when you have the choice you think go on then that looks interesting. And the cost increase is negligible, isn't it, over a normal plug? Yeah. And once they're in, it is quite, like, in certain places, it's incredibly useful

because it frees up a plug, socket, don't know which way, what's the right word? That's the thing. And the thing is, for me, it wouldn't be that useful because, and this might blow your mind, I don't use USB at all. What? I only use USB-C.

Really? Yeah, Chris is shaking his head. Yeah, which is great until you crash into anything in the real world. Do you know what I mean? The places are young. I need to go to a shop. Every shop is retrograded USB. Every shop has got USB chargers.

So you take your little, like USB-C, you're basically living in Neo Tokyo in the year 2750. On my key ring, I have a multi-cable that does USB, USB-C. Have you got it with you? I'm just going to go out on a limb, James. I don't want to tell you your job, but I don't think we need to see that cable. I'll send you a link. Maybe you can put it in the patreon um thank you for the people in the patreon that have asked me for help with stuff on which magazine honestly when i could ask any

stuff you know like your connection to this your input to this podcast is negligible but i could feel i could feel tangible excitement of you when someone was asking your opinion on what to buy because as well the thing that they wanted to buy is not something that's covered by which magazine but you couldn't not be wrong or not you couldn't have not you couldn't not have an answer so you still went away and did the work it was great i did the work you don't want to let people down when they they've you know they expect so much from you that's a good i mean that's a good maxim to end the episode perhaps something to think about stuff we've read off the google document fucking zero you've not put the google document in the drive that i sent it to you the

other day you've not put it in the chat you've not put it in the chat not put it in the chat. You've not put it in the chat. I put it in the chat. When? What day? Was it today? Is it before today? That's not like you. Oh, on Monday. Yeah, because somebody's saying that we need to get ahead of this. Mm, okay.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, there is a lot. Oh, my word. I thought we were just filling. Right, sorry about that. That's all right. We've had a good time.

Do we have any letters? Yes, we have this letter from Mike. Hello, Mike. What does it say, Son-El? Well, I think this says all of us read it out. Just fucking read it, son. Just fucking read it. Dear gang.

You read it. Son-El, you read the letters. We've done 31 of these fucking things. You read the letters. Dear gang, read James saying galaxy chocolate tastes like blood they should call them menstruals instead of minstrels am i right question mark exclamation mark question mark exclamation mark all the best extra apologies

to chris who is tending to nicola's hand at the time of this discussion this is probably a bit out of left field yeah i think is no specific No specific question for us today, but a pun. Yeah, that's good. Which we appreciate. Not entirely, maybe slightly off colour, but... I don't know. Yeah, I was wondering about that. Is it?

Yeah, I guess it is, isn't it? Guys? I mean, it fits, though. It does fit. It does work. It does work, though. That's the problem. This is why I avoid puns.

We need to... we can't we can't swim in these waters too risky well all right thanks mike the other the other guys didn't didn't like it i liked it no i liked it too i liked it i was annoyed that you didn't read the letter but i did like it the fact that like i'm glad that someone's bought this back because when Jim said that chocolate tastes of blood, I feel that we glossed over it quite quickly without referencing it at all. And I do, it did strike me as strange in the moment.

Well, you weren't there. Oh yeah. I'm listening. I wasn't part of the conversation. I was listening to it, weren't I? Here's mine and Sunil's chocolate corner.

Oh, that made it to the final. I can't believe it. Okay. Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. If you have a rural concern, email us at christopher at aovelytime.co.uk. We'll discuss it.

We accept puns. The best way to support Rural Concerns is through Patreon. For less than one fiver, you'll get regular bonus episodes, plus access to our online Discord server, The Creamery. I burped while I said Creamery. The Creamery. They're all kind of furious because in the last

episode, I might have said that basically the people that listen to this podcast don't have tans, so they've sort of taken that quite badly as a personal slight. Have you had to apologise? You know me. I've not apologised. I've gone right up to the line of apologising.

But I've basically said, rather than an out-and-out apology, I've said we should all get Tams. I think that feels the same. No, that's good. So if you want more of that, head to patreon.com forward slash rural concerns. The other best way to support us is to leave us

a five-star review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Yes, and just FYI, it does have to be five stars. If it's four stars or less, you will be rounded up by the police and transferred to a state-operated facility where you'll be forced to listen to Jamie Lang podcasts on a loop until you beg to be put out of your misery

with the bolt gun. So yeah, probably best put five stars then. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Blockchain Burrows. Our artwork is by Poppy Hilstead and our music is by Sam O'Leary. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for a lovely time productions.

And as a reward for listening all the way to the end, here's a piece of sage wisdom. This is law number four from the 48 laws of power. And it's on page 13 of the concise 48 laws of power. Always say less than necessary. When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear

and the less in control. Even if you say something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended and sphinx-like. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish. I feel that's a personal dig. Yes, it is.

When a baby's crawling around, it's a bit like it's on four legs. If a dog was wearing a crown, people might call it my liege. And that, as they say in the podcasting industry, is that. As long as the stuff inside the brain is still there, firing on all cylinders, I don't need any bodily, do you know what I mean? I could just be a brain in a jar. As long as I can still come up with little like, little and stuff like that drawings of eight titted women that's what you

do as long as i can still do that with a robot if they connect me to a robot arm that can draw my ideas for board games and stuff then that's good like that