Rural Concerns - Poop, dandelions & the Sun Room

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Spring has come to Rural Concerns! Leek Club properly kicks off for Chris, whilst Producer James is besieged by a garden pest. Meanwhile, Sunil learns that a new bedroom brings new problems. Heavy is the crown and all that.  Rural Concerns Live is coming to Manchester’s Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Tickets are already selling fast so grab your tickets here.  Got a Rural Concern? Drop us an email at [e-mail]. The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, a podcast for mushroom enthusiasts, snack connoisseurs and ostracised weirdos. I'm Chris and I live in the countryside. I spend my days drinking unpasteurised milk, whittling and shouting, who are you? at people that I don't recognise. I believe that baking should be taught in schools. I'm Sunil and I live in the city. I wake up the moment the sun dips below the horizon and I spend the night prowling the streets in search of forbidden pleasures. I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by waggling a load of £50 notes at it. I'm producer James and I live in deepest suburbia. As my community's

self-appointed sheriff, it's my job to keep an eye on my neighbours and report them to the council if necessary. And now we're going to do the podcast. That's not a good sound, Sunil. We hadn't started recording when I started coughing. What is the countdown though? What do you think the countdown's for?

Do I sound better than, does this sound good audio quality? It's, yeah. I'm holding the microphone to my face but already i'm regretting it because my arms are hurting yeah we're doing a double record today chris you know i'll do it i've i do think it's too close i think it's too close but i'll let when sonil's speaking

look at this look what i'm doing no i a noise, I can hear what you're doing. Do you have a table? I do reps with a Charm MV7. Yes, Sonil. James, he's too loud, I can't hear anyone else. Yeah, he's too loud and he's popping. Do you remember when your trained voiceover artist wife did your set-up for you and it was really good?

What a great week we had. That's better. Can you remember any of that? I can remember a bit. I can remember that I don't like being told what to do. Why do you keep moving it into a different room? I don't understand. Because I'm betwixt

spaces. Soon, the attic will become, the room in the attic. I will have a studio office space, which will have this microphone set up in a position that he does not move one inch from. Yes, James.

I don't think we could have done a tighter intro if we tried. I don't think that was the intro. Was it? That's not the intro intro. That's just the beginning yeah it is like it's quite jarring when it suddenly gets louder and then quieter like as you move by it the thing is just to just to i mean to anyone who's listening chris is i think he's on a sofa and the microphone is on a coffee table so he's got about a meter and a half to play with and he is playing with it yeah i'm moving in the space if anybody is an actor listen to this i am moving in the space i am

embodying the space that's what you do actors will understand tv and video and theater but tv and movies and theater but not not for audio because it's a microphone isn't it i don't know what to do in those settings you have a microphone that follows you around like either a boom or it's on you you've got a microphone on you why don't you sit on the floor so that your head is at microphone level that's a really great idea i can't because i have a condition no you don't want a bad back i can't cross my i can't sit on the floor i can't i'm not even since i've been a kid you don't need to cross your legs cross my legs you don't need to cross your legs you don't need to you could sit on the floor. I've not, even since I've been a kid, I've been able to cross my legs. You don't need to cross your legs.

You don't need to. You could sit on your knees like a Japanese person. Drop us an email. Send us a social media if you cannot cross your legs. You're looking worriedly at the room like someone's come in who's going to say you can cross your legs. Who is it? It's a...

Nice cup of tea from your wife, is it? I won't have it just now. Right. Nicola, can he cross his legs? Nicola? I'm texting her. Can I cross my legs? No.

No, exactly. I can't sit on the floor, can I? You can't sit up straight in bed. And I can't sit up straight in bed? What's going on here? Did you hear that? No. Can you repeat that last bit again?

You can only be standing or sitting on the sofa. I can only be standing. That's the dynamic energy that I've got. I've got to hydrate. Should we do a podcast though? Yeah. How do you cross your legs when you're sat down? Do you cross your legs when you're sat down, Chris?

He can't. No. I sit in a chair. Not even like knee over knee, thighs together? I do that occasionally, but mostly legs fully. i've got a photo in my house of you doing that it's framed is that because it's so seldom seen it's so rare no i've got a photo of you at um at your wedding and you've got your legs crossed is it have you got a frame picture of me in your house well it's not just you it's other people you're in it is it like the one at

the end of the shining yeah yeah yeah i was there all along um right let's try and get this i've got some further cross leg questions briefly yes could i air them you know the big figure four leg lock leg cross yeah where you have your sort of your ankle on your knee and you've got a big gap in the middle has anyone have you ever seen anyone doing that recently that seems like really 80s that's mine that's my one that's what i do because really 80s. Oh, that's mine. That's my one. That's what I do. Because you're a big dog. No, it's just like sometimes it's comfortable to have it like that.

If your hips are lower than your knees, if you're sitting with your hips lower than your knees, then it's quite a comfortable cross. If your hips are lower than your knees. Yeah, so if you're in quite a low seat. If you're sitting on a mushroom type stool thing. Or a sofa. Or a sofa. Or a sofa.

Are you an elf? If you go up... Right, okay. No, no, no. If you go up a table at an elf's house, you've got to do the inside cross. No, James, I've just... Go on.

James, I've had a text back from a friend of the podcast, Chris's wife, Nicola. Oh, yeah. He's got the straightest back of any man I've ever seen, which I think means minimal flexibility. He does constantly look very regal slash proud, though. That's true. I give him that.

Yeah. Big chest, straight back, big chest. You know what I mean? The sort of guy, I enter a pub, you know, is the guy like a magnetic presence with his straight back big chest you know what I mean sort of guy I enter a pub you know is the guy like a magnetic presence with his straight back the sort of guy

who enters a pub with friends and hangs back at the bar and waits for someone else to do the first round yeah you know me very well

and then I have no qualms about just leaving instantly as well you know what I mean like doesn't even say thanks for his guinness just

walks pours it into a thermos and goes i'm a good friend though i've um kind of just before we do do the podcast we i understand that we must do the podcast i'm drinking my mum and dad went on their maltese month they're like a month-long holiday and i thought i thought they'd get bored but they didn't they had a lovely time. They did a bit of this, bit of that. Sounds like they got too drunk one night with some Scottish people. I'm not saying anything past that point, but they got me some, I'm drinking Maltese coffee.

Like, you know, like the gift to me was this like packet of authentic Maltese coffee. It's horrible. Oh, is it? Oh. It basically feels like coffee, but then someone's just sprayed, you know, like a full bottle of like aftershave into it.

What's it smell of? Lynx? It's that perfume. It's that heavily perfumed smell. It's very strong someone's someone's looking for their mum

I don't know which one of your children that is I don't think it's mine um it's yeah it's my child he's

he's uh he's been a good boy we've been away we've right yeah we've been away overnight

oh yeah camping no to the seaside as fans will come in hello Right, yeah. We've been away overnight. Oh, yeah. Camping? No, to the seaside as fans will come in. Hello? What are you getting? Nintendo Switch. What's he playing?

What are you playing? Don't let him see me vaping. He's not ingested his planes. He's locked into Hyrule. Tell us about your trip to the seaside there. So we went to the seaside. Can you take it in the sun room? I love you.

I love you so much. Sorry, the what room, Chris? Take it in the what room? The which room? Sorry. I beg your pardon. Does someone not understand what conservatory is? Sorry. I thought you were picking up on the fact he's got five reception rooms in his house.

No, downstairs ground floor. Yeah. Bathroom. Great. Standard. Dining room. Living room. Yeah.

Sunroom. Whoa. Wow. Sunroom is, this is part of my wife's, part of my wife's, like, renaming wife's like renaming lexicon can you shut that down please i'm just talking about someone she's like got names for stuff she's got it's just it's not a conservatory it's a sunroom it's not a conservatory is it a lean-to with walls it's an actual room. Extra windows.

Just got big windows. Has sunroom. Next question. The next question is... Do the dogs used to bang in there? Is that where the dogs used to bang? Yes, but no, it's where my piano is and where my plants grow. So it is wholesome now.

Nice. And not a dog bordello. It's not a dog bordello. We've cleansed it with plants. It's a classy dog bordello. She's growing plants on subscription. I don't understand it more than that. I won't be drawn. The only other thing that she does that

winds me up, but I love her fully, crucially. I can see her in the reflection of your glasses. She calls we've got a little pantry. calls that the larder system oh i like that actually because there's order in there and you don't follow the system hence why i have to keep saying larder system otherwise you're going to keep buying beans and just putting

them in the kitchen in the system so that's the energy at the start of the Easter holidays how many beans are you buying what beans are you buying

I just buy like just baked beans I forget about baked beans I forget we've got tomato sauce and I forget we've got peanut butter

right so I'll have to show up with them. You want to get in your mind that you haven't got any milk or eggs. Those are always useful to be picking up. Honestly, I feel like I call myself, quietly to myself, the guardian of the blue top because I believe I'm the only person in the house that cares about the line on the milk.

Do you know what I mean? You're right. I mean, I thought I i was i had blue top for three days before new new flatmate moved in oh yeah back to green really yeah won't have it will not have blue so i'm back to green again why not just i guess some people just don't understand you know and i think they then attack people like us who do understand but you know it's hard to convince them. They don't understand that your body, you know,

like when you're inoculated with a disease, against a disease, and what they do there is they inject a tiny bit of the disease into you so that your body can build up white blood cells to combat it. They don't understand that in order to fight cholesterol, your body needs more like cholesterol. It's like sparring, isn't it? It is. Yeah.

It's like your body needs to be prepared for blue, like blue top milk is the most safe way that you can make your body. Immune to cholesterol. Is it? Is that right? Is that medical? Yeah. Does it just taste nicer? doctor right and people listening should follow your advice yeah yeah i think like i think if you're at home and a doctor has told you that you shouldn't drink blue top milk yeah

you can pretty much just take me saying that you can't drink blue top milk as an overriding medical opinion and they can play this podcast at your funeral they can't play this podcast at his funeral please no they can for a small fee as the you know the curtains close and it goes off, as a, as a rights thing, who does own the rights to this podcast? Um, Hadrian's wall country, Terry's board. Um,

I think, I think I've also started calling myself the writer in residence of Hadrian's wall. Um, like that's nice. Trying to get that to track on SEO. I think, I think big John innis oh yeah john innis has a stake didn't he well if john innis has got a stake so does m&s yeah definitely absolutely

uh monster i saw the i saw a picture of the world's most valuable monster can collection yesterday is that a student's wall no it's a guy was it around their telly like a frame there's a guy it was on instagram and he's like really regret to announce i've got to sell my monster can collection just haven't got the space for anymore got some of the rarest cans worth up to 500 each who's's he selling it to? There's obviously a community of Monster Can enthusiasts. Wow. And they'll spend every penny they have to outdo the other. Wow. Have you ever collected anything?

Like... I was looking in the shed today as part of my weekend of daddery. I was looking in the shed and I found my stack of Batman comics from the 1990s. Batman Monthly UK. And how much are we talking?

In value or how many? Value. Oh, I don't know. Pennies, I imagine. Get them down to Antiques Roadshow. Get embarrassed. Oh, yeah. I think the experts would be embarrassed on my behalf.

It's such shoddy condition. It's worthless and you're a dork. Everyone at home in the UK goes, come in, look at this dork. They blow the special whistle, gather everyone round. What are you going to do with them though? Pass them on to the kids or what? I don't know.

I don't know. I was, cause I thought about them the other day and I looked them up on the internet and there was so few listed as like an archive. I generally thought, I think I'm sitting on a really important archive here. But they would have turned them into books. So it's not like they're lost to the world.

They're not even original in themselves. They're all like American comics. They're reprinted in themselves they're all like American comics then reprinted in an A4 size for UK and I just what are you going to do then

burn them or something what do you do with that I might have a little look at them and then feel sad for a bit yeah that's what it's all about isn't it collecting stuff

yeah so I used to collect I used to collect those like weekly the ones where they'd be like only one pound for the first week. And then I'd pester my parents and I'd have to spend 35 weeks collecting every single one of them. What, like the agnosti?

Yeah, that was it. It was, the one I got into was called Quest and it was about science and technology. And you'd like have to get a binder for that. Yes. You'd have to get three binders for it or something. Yes. The lead with an impressive, you'd get like a jewel on the front of someone,

a bit of amethyst, somewhat absolutely bitching. Or there was a medically type one, which was, you know, you get a femur. Oh, you could build your own skeleton.

Yeah. Yeah. And by the end, and to get that skeleton, it cost you, I mean mean well over 500 pounds more than the price of um a dead body on the not black market as well like legal legally acquired i still have them for kids now though do your kids bodies do you do autopsies for the boys a lot do your kids get drawn in by

that stuff anymore not the collecti ones i think they know to that we're all like all parents now of the generation that already got done by that so i think they know we're we're wise to it the ones mine go for are the lego yeah i have a little lego toy on the front so your lego spiders men's and your legos i've gone off my mate called all these plastic toys and junk and stuff called it um enchanted landfill and that's always stuck with me and a lot of these kids toys are just full of this like brittle plastic stuff that breaks immediately so i will he cannot have them right have we got any countryside or suburban news please we need some countryside news chris

club okay there is this countryside bit. Okay. We're just 25. Don't say how much time we've been recording. Because when the edit comes through and then they see it, they'll sit here and laugh. This happens on minute three. Yeah.

Then they'll have an idea of how much goes in the bin. So, Leak Club. Yeah, come on. I've got an update. then they'll have an idea of how much goes in the bin so leak club I've got an update breaking leak news oh god sorry yeah I just had a cough leak club

update what do you find in the Facebook group? No, I'm just messaging Nicola just to say, are you okay? That was some good podcasting. Love the LADA system. So,

it's Leak Club. There is the sick countryside bit. Leak Club club coming back from right so obviously you know i committed to do this and then my and then i was cursed with like i was instantly bored of it i didn't want to do it yeah i was so upset that i agreed to do it you know it was ruining my life but that's why this podcast is good because it makes me commit to stuff and do stuff but i was feeling a bit despondent but basically it's all kicked off this week because i realized it's all still to play for because the leak group Group Facebook group fired up this week.

Martin, who's in charge of the Leak Group, posted pictures of his beds ready for the Leaks this week. Perfect, immaculate beds. And then there was some banter because Nev posted, he said, oh, I thought you'd been in my garden. And he posted his beds, but his beds were like, clearly, like they were like falling to bits and clearly, do you know what I mean? Banter. Because he was like going, oh, I thought these were my beds. But his beds were clearly not to the same standard.

So that was the joke. That was the banter. That's good. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. So then I realized it's like, oh, this is just happening now. So I bit the bullet and went to a local,

like an independent building supplies type warehouse company. So they sell sand, they sell cement, they sell topsoil. And that's what I bought. I bought a dumpy bag of topsoil. Oh, right. Not hardcore. Not hardcore. soil and that's what i bought i bought a dumpy bag of topsoil oh right not hardcore not hardcore but my dumpy bag of topsoil 61.99 that's for a ton i don't know what i don't know what's in a dumpy bag it's about it's about a ton yeah then a ton of soil for 61 pounds that's great pounds i think 61.99 and it filled i don't know whether do you know what i mean i didn't know whether for 61 pounds. That's good. Great British pounds.

I think. 61.99. And it filled, I don't know whether, do you know what I mean? I didn't know whether that was going to, I've got two beds. I didn't know whether that was going to fill both of them.

I didn't want to go mad and spend, um, 124. 124. No, you ain't. Um, but,

so this, this dump, this ton filled one of the beds, more or less, on top of cardboard and leaves that had been in. Now what's going on in there is not a proper mulch. I need to ask a question as to what I need to put in the soil. In addition, because I've heard this week, like I say, everything's happening this week. Richard, do you remember? You might remember.

Richard was the, he placed last. Oh, no. Yeah, he placed last. Right. At last year's Elite Club. Richard, who, you know, like, they're, like, joking. They're joking with him and stuff and saying, like, and Martin was, like, saying, I don't know why you come back, you know,

you've got a good sense of humour. Like having a laugh, do you know what I mean? But now, so there's me and my friend Dave doing it. Richard basically wants us in it so that he's not going to be bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's brought us in. Now it makes sense. Yeah.

So he's brought you in as, I mean, not really the fall guys, just cannon fodder. Two chumps. Yeah. Two chumps. And this year, he's put a picture in the Facebook group. Richard's taking it much more seriously than he has done previously. He's got like a proper, he used to like have them,

from what he said to us, he had them all in different bits of the garden and stuff. Now he's got a dedicated leak trench. so i'm just getting the feeling i'm being set up so now i'm like to dave um you're trying to unwind him like i'm like we need to get on top of this oh this is like so i've just got a bit of i've just got a bit of work to do. So I've got my dad. I spent a day, not a day, but like two chunks of time getting the topsoil into the bed, and that's where we are with it. And my friend Claire over the road has given me some newborn leeks and waiting on some leeks from, you know, she's grown them from seed.

Part of the competition, you don't need to grow them from seed. I, and I decided as somebody who's casually gone into it and kind of has no real interest in it whatsoever, I wasn't going to grow them from seed this time. So I've got some leaks. So basically I need to ask a couple more questions in the pub and then we're good to go. Is this the same person that was offering you bricks of horse shit?

No, that's a different lady. That's a different neighbour across the road. Yeah. Could you combine the two, though? If you've got a brick of horse shit and you just stick a little leak in it, surely that's good. Would that help? But this is what I've heard.

I was going to do this. Right. But then Richard, the one who's dragged us in richard said the one that wants you to do as worse as possible yeah what's what tips yeah but apparently he was told not to use horseshit because that can make that can make the leaks flower rather than grow big and i don't really know what is that giving it too much fun? Basically, it will accelerate a reaction in the leak that will mean it stops growing.

I don't understand the words that I'm saying. I think I can feel it, you know, like a surfer on a wave. Is it a vibes-based leak competition? I think the way I'm doing it, it's vibes-based. So I'm going to go to the pub after this and I'm going to ask

what should be in this soil. Like I say, I've got biological matter underneath the topsoil, but there isn't the proper time to get the mulch going, I don't think, as we've heard

in the previous episode. Yeah, Wayne, yeah, you were supposed to start that in like December. Yes. Right. you were supposed to start that in December. Yes. Right, so yeah, it's April. Yes.

But I'm still not out of the running yet. But can I just ask, have you Googled how to grow big leeks? Or even asked Gemini. Yeah, have you asked Gemini or Claude? I have asked Gemini and I have not and I will not ask Google Gemini. Yeah, have you asked Gemini or Claude? I have asked Gemini and I have not, and I will not ask Google Gemini anything. Do you think Ned's not on the AI, on the chat GPT?

You think Ned's not doing that? Come on, open your eyes. Open your eyes. Who's Ned? Ned with Ned's beds. Wasn't it Ned? Richard. The banter in the face.

The banter enthusiast. Yeah. I also, Dave, I also need also need to oh nev you were right yeah not ned so that in summary is league club oh just sorry i had a question earlier when you filled up one bed with a ton of topsoil um What was in there beforehand? Yeah, good point. Was it empty? No. My mother and father-in-law on an afternoon, they basically did a big autumn

leaf harvest. Do you know like the leaves that fell off the trees? Oh, right. They raked. Raked. Leaf harvest? A big fallen leaf harvest.

Dead leaf harvest. I don't think you do very well at this leaf club, Chris. No, he's harvesting the leaves. So he's got in this bed. God's bounty, leaves. Yeah. If they fall on the ground, you can take them. It's very much a fake situation in the trees.

So in the bed, leaves, cardboard, and there was, oh God, I can't remember what it was, but there was some plant growing in great plentitude in my garden. Dandelion. Japanese nutweed. No, it wasn't dandelion that we've cut down and put into the bed. So it's basically, there's... Grass?

No. It was like, almost like a... It was almost like a... Like a cabbage-y type consistency to it, but it wasn't. It was basically... Right. Do you know how my house was owned

by a white witch? Right. Whatever this plant was it was apparently something that was would be used by like a herbal remedyist sage i'm gonna find out exactly let's put a pin in that because i'll find out exactly what it is but we cut that down and that is in the base of the thing right okay so that is league club what do you think um yes absolutely fucked i think you're fucked you haven't got a clue what you're doing you don't yeah you don't know what you're doing the leaves as doing the leaf harvest i've just

put into uh claude how do i grow big leaks and i already know more than you know i already know the varieties you choose the ones that are known for producing large stems i know the timings i know that you have to do consistent moisture per week a balanced fertilizer monthly you know nothing what is fertilizer really what is it it's those horseshit bricks. Right. You've got to side dress with compost mid-season as well. It's going to make you... You're going to feel like such an idiot when I'm taking that trophy for the biggest league comp. But you're going to be rock bottom.

That's what you're there for. Yeah, you're the opposite of a ringer. Like a full guy. Yeah, that's you. Yeah, but this is why I'm heading... Do you know what I mean mean if this was a film they bought in some guy if this doesn't know anything and he's an idiot or he's actually it's not happy gilmore it's not happy gilmore it's not happy gilmore i'm happy gilmore no you're

not you're not you're like uh mark rylance and that golf one where he's an idiot all the way through but everyone falls in love with him because he's such an idiot. That's the legend of bag of vans. No, well, best of luck, obviously. And we are rooting for you. But you're refusing to take any advice. You're refusing to learn anything. And you're refusing to grow along with the leaks in this challenge.

Oh, that's a good point actually very nice sunil you're supposed there's supposed to be some sort of character arc some sort of personal growth here yeah i'm gonna pour a pint of guinness on tonight i'm gonna pour a pint of guinness i'm gonna prove everybody wrong but yeah but this is the modern world i don't have to do any work i can just say i am the best that's the work that's the modern world well okay fair enough yeah well we look forward to the updates obviously as usual if you're listening today's thinking chris is the victim here and he's the underdog in the happy gilmore situation say yeah i, yeah. I just think this is the last Leak Club update. I just think this is it.

They won't be alive. I just go quiet on it. You just go quiet. They'll be dead. You'll have poured too much Guinness on them and they'll have died. We'll be asked to not mention the leaks. I have to.

Oh, the thing is, the thing is with this, what I am very good at is admitting, oh, I was going to say I'm good at admitting when I'm wrong, but I'm not. Well, the thing is, the thing is with this, what I am very good at is admitting. Oh, I was going to say I'm good at admitting when I'm wrong, but I'm not. No, you're terrible. Because that's when I nearly like, right, I'm leaving. I can't be bothered doing it.

If James brings up any note for me to personally do better with, I'm like, right, I'm deleting the Google Drive. I don't want to do the podcast anymore. Boots in. Boots in. Boots in. All right. Well, thank you for that. Did you have an update, James?

You had an update. Just general sort of spring daddery. But could you talk about, we've had a late connection there. Could we talk about gardening briefly in the suburbs? Is there anything going on? I'm not in the suburbs. Yes, it's Dandelion. It's Dandelion Central on my lawn.

I am waging my one-man war and the don de l'or. No, but that's good for biodiversity, isn't it? No, I want them out. You want them out? That sounds bad. That sounds bad. I think it's a lot better

for the marketing of this podcast if you live in the suburbs. Fun fact. do you know why they're called dandelions? No. Because it's nothing to do with being yellow and looking a bit like a lion's head. Right. Thanks, Chris.

Thanks, Chris. It's metal straw. No, no, no, no. I was listening to the story and just, now's the perfect time to hydrate when we are gaming up to listen to the history of the Dandelion. I can definitely have a sip of water here. I can definitely go and make a full cup of tea. Cast your mind back to the 1700s. It's the leaves.

It's the leaves. The spiky leaves. It's french for teeth of the lion okay de leon oh is that right de leon have you heard about the history of the strawberry apparently it's crazy no go on no i don't know it i've heard it's crazy well i'll have to look it up someone look it up please in case case Chris needs a drink next episode. So, James, do you know anything about, like, how you're going to tackle the dandelions? Is it just pulling them out?

Is it poisoning the earth? No, I'm not going to poison the earth. It's big fork. Do a little square around them and then hook it up until you hear a click. And then you pull them out, pulling out as much of the taproot as possible. Yeah, and then you're going to replace it with your weedy little grass. And then I'll stamp that back down again

with my weedy little grass or, as Chris would say, some plant that grows abundantly in the garden. Japanese knotweed? Yeah. Can you buy Japanese knotweed seeds? I doubt it. It's prank season.

Hey, should we do a letter? Oh, sorry, yeah. Okay, here we go. Happy birthday. Is that a letter? Yeah, read it. Please read it please read it i think that's the new intro letters music read it

yeah read it happy birthday rural concerns been listening since the beginning and the mention of Pokemon Go inspired me to write. I'd be happy to add you as a friend if you wanted to share your friend code, Chris. Mine is Redacted, username Redacted. Pro tip, if there's a Pokemon gym near you, and if you have another phone in the house, make another Pokemon Go trainer from a different team.

Example, if you're Team Valor, make the second one Team Mysticic and you can battle that gym daily alternating which trainer sits in there and basically ensure one or both trainers get 50 coins a day backpack upgrades sorted in less than a week my wife and i have a gym across the road from our house and have used this method to great success 90.9 download 92.6 upload thanks for the laughs and fun times over the past year long may they continue

yours is the first podcast where I've listened to every episode from start to finish and done a loop back round on wow big up to you

and the lads Justin shout out Justin shout out Justin thank you I've got some terrible news though what

um I've had to I've stopped Pokemon going I've pokemon gone past tense you've leaked i'll tell you what is it's addictive and i was losing i was obsessed with it i'd spent nine pound 98 of real money no one does that you know that we talked about this before but i was always trying to like log in and see whether it was near a gym or a battle or whatever and i just thought this isn't healthy and me and nicola had a chat about like just general phone use do you know what i mean so i was like right well just general do

you know what i mean like it's this getting chunks of time in the day where you're not looking at your phone. It's hard. It's hard. But I want to do it because I want to get down. I want to get to the deep work. Do you know what I mean, Sonal? That's why I lock mine in a

in a locker at the British Library, isn't it? Is that what you do? Yeah. When you're there? Yeah, yeah. You have to put all your stuff in a locker but I choose to also put my phone in there. You have to put your bag and your coat in a locker but i put my phone in there as well

i think it's probably i'm very dubious of people that need music slash podcast slash tv on to go to bed too like i've heard an argument from a lot of these people that are like it's just how i go to sleep and i think no you're scared of being alone with your thoughts and you need to train yourself to be on your own with your thoughts in silence why why do you need to do that yeah this is the thing it's like it's quite if you can do it that's great but i think other people it's fine i mean do you do whatever you can to to crack on you know it doesn't affect us though does it as people who don't need that no and it's not my business it doesn't make for great comedy if i'm sort of just undermining your your strong point but yeah no about the bees chris what about the bees the bees in my head yeah what'd you do about them what about the swarm i let myself be enveloped every night

in the swarm of the bees and somewhere in that being stung by a million thoughts i think you know there's peace in there you become numb to the venom fuck it i'll stick that on a t-shirt i'll buy that in a heartbeat um it was almost almost Kenny Powers-esque that, wasn't it? Summary. Summary. Thank you, Justin.

Thank you, Justin. Yes. I'm astonished by his upload speeds, though. That's one of the, that's not one of the highest, but like, to match completely

like that. We've had higher, we've had people in the 130 and that. Yeah. Yeah. I think, oh,

my internet's been fixed by the way. That's good news. Man cave. We'll do another, we'll do a test next week. Thank you. It was a bit stressful

last week, wasn't it? Yeah, sorry about that. I was doing it in the kitchen in the end. Yeah. Right then.

Which is also my living room because I don't have five rooms. Where's, what about the sunroom? I don't have one. What? No, I simply have outdoors and indoors. You simply must have a sunroom I don't have one what no I simply have outdoors and indoors

you simply must have a sunroom I bet Gazoo got one just have a go at the working class man who's got a sunroom and a pantry system and a pantry system thank you for listening to this episode of rural concerns and remember we're bringing rural concerns live to manchester's fairfield Social Club on the 22nd of November, 2025. And the ticket link is in the show notes.

Yo, yo, yo. I've also just got a few little personal bits. One, I've got some final, final dates for my tour that I'm doing. I've added Chorley, Wells Comedy Festival, and Newcastle upon Tyne. Also, I've just announced like five shows that I'm going to do at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year, which is a work in progress of a new show for the future. So come and say your choice, something very, very finished

or some real messy slop. Your choice, like something for everybody. However, if you'd like to support Rural Concerns specifically and not just Chris, you can leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And the best way to support us is by becoming a Rural Concerns Patreon. And for a small donation,

you'll not only be supporting a fiercely independent podcast, I would say almost there's no way any, like this is definitely, definitely not big money in this podcast. And I think you can really feel that. But by doing that, you'll get weekly bonus episodes and access to our Discord server, which is called The Cream Array. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Our music is by Sam O'Leary.

And our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, entertainment lawyer. Is that right? Burrell Concerns is edited by Joseph the Abacus Burrows and is produced by Egg Mountain for Lovely Time Productions. It's likely that I will have edited this episode, so please don't blame anything on Joe for this episode.

All right. this episode so please don't blame anything on joe for this episode all right can i be fully honest with you yes i didn't finish that at all i thought i'd done it but it was half it's good it's good you did a good job of keeping it going yeah so i do you know how I could tell? Sentences that trailed off to nothing. Your sentence that ends with the word and. And. Bong. Like that.