Rural Concerns - Scheduled emails, empanadas & Gerry Adams in a tracksuit

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

James is mad for it following his trip to see Oasis, Sunil doesn’t want for Southern European pasties and Chris is cuckolded by a load of 20 year old boys. Quite sweary this one; blame it on the resurgence of Cool Britannia!    We’re performing a Rural Concerns live show in Manchester (UK) on 22nd November 2025! It’s going to be a heady mix of slander, skits and choice-based adventure gaming! Grab your tickets here.    If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to rural concerns, a podcast about weird countryside business. My name is Chris Cantrell. I was born in a vast industrial city, but now I live in rural Northumbria. Last Saturday, my village held its annual Who's the loveliest of all the lads competition? Where all the eligible lads from the surrounding villages and farmsteads gathered in the village hall and our loveliness was appraised by the female elders.

After much debate, I managed to clinch the title from last year's winner, Minro Faduk. Who had shone himself up by drinking too much red diesel and showing his ass to the local school bus. Being crowned the loveliest lad is the greatest honour of my life. Everyone keeps coming round and wanting to put their hands on my gonads just for a second to bless the coming harvest. That might sound horrible, but it's fine.

I like it. My name is Sinald Patel. I live in London. Heard of it. Compared to the rest of the UK, it's basically a futuristic cyberpunk utopia, by which I mean you can use digital currency to pay a man with a prosthetic arm by which I mean you can use digital currency

to pay a man with a prosthetic arm to massage your prostate between just eat deliveries. I'm quite nervous about my one if that's your two's. Okay. My name is James. When I'm not producing this podcast, I'm also the chairman of an aggracy group

that champions the rights of adult men who still breastfeed. Our plate is commonly dismissed by the small-mindedness of the non-num-nums, which is why I'm fighting every day to raise awareness. You don't have to be mad to work here,

but you do need not to bite when you latch on. He's got six thumbs, three pairs of prescription sunglasses, and it's ready to podcast. Us, that's the answer. Accurate. Great stuff.

Sunil, will you address this one, please? I can't bad. I don't want to. It's such an absurd image. I can't bear myself to describe for the list of what we are seeing. He's got a torch shining on his face. He looks like sort of young Jerry Adams wearing disguises and a dark world.

Normally he was silhouetted though, which is the opposite of the torch on the face, wasn't it? So someone's been to see Oasis, have they? Yes, fellow. But it doesn't say Oasis on your hat. It says vans off the wall. Yeah, it's the only bucket hat I could find in my size. Did you not get any merch while you were there?

We looked at the merch, but we thought, We thought we could probably buy it online and we didn't want to wear it then and there. I don't think you can, Kenney? Don't they have exclusive merch only if you've been to the concert? But I didn't really want to buy it. It was a lot of money.

And how many men were on cocaine throwing piss? You know what? A lot less than I thought. At the end, there were a lot sort of being led out like they were going into a home. My mayor, Rachel Fairburn, who's a comedian. Yes. Who's also a well-documented

Lifelong Oasis fan. She was saying it was a brilliant gig. She was saying it was like basically being policed by 40-something women who she says were all the girls that didn't like a waste is at school. And now they were suddenly big Uber fans. And I can imagine that's the vibe. But tell us about it. Did you have a good time?

It was a lot of fun. Yeah, I sent you a picture, I think, of me in this ghetto. You sent me several pictures. Did I? I had quite a few bits. You got too excited. You sent me pictures of the punt, like the puns that they were using. You know, like they had cocktails that had punny names based on Oasis, and you were critiquing them.

Yes, that, I forgot about that. That really made me laugh. Hang on, where was it? Wembley. It was the last, what, gig of the UK tour, but he, yeah. But then at the end of the gig, Liam was like, Champagne Supernova, see you next year. So it's like, oh, you're just going to fucking do it again then. That's what they could charge as much as I want.

for as long as they want. How much is a ticket, though? How much is a ticket? I don't know. My wife bought them and she refused to tell me. Right. I know roughly what you're looking at, but I love a waitist, but stayed away from all of the days, mainly because I could not bear.

I've been to a few stuff at Wembley and getting turfed out at Wembley, I feel so anxious about just that final hour of coming out of Wemble, getting kettled in, kettled onto the tube, kettled off the tube. Kettled off the tube. But it is quite, it's well organised, isn't it? Oh, I know why I was fine. Because we were on a train, we're on the train line.

So we don't go the tube. We don't go the full Wembley way because that was the thing. So we go into the station and there's like a few people getting on the train, similarly dressed like me, full kit wankers. Just for the audio only ones, I've got a very nice Adidas track suit top

with black, With the gold. Imagine, if you will, a tit dressed 10 years younger at his age. Jerry Adams in a dark room. I don't know if that's worth. Imagine Jerry Adams was into the stone roses. Congratulations. Well, I, for one, I'm glad that you've gone to a pop concert and acquitted yourself well.

How many pints did you buy? How much were they? Pints were a lot. Are we looking at seven, eight quid? eight. I'm thinking eight. I've been there. I've been to Wembley. I don't know if you guys remember. I think 11 quid for a pint in a stadium. No, it wasn't that bad. It was nine. It was outside the stadium. I think it was eight pound ten. And inside I think it was nine pounds. And then the cocktails were ten, no, were twelve quid or two for twenty. So we were getting two. That's on tap, isn't it? And they were on top, yeah. Of course they're on top. You're not having a lad making them there, are you? That's very competitive. Cottails are. Like, I remember going to buy a drink, I went to, I can't remember what band it was, but I went to a band in America when my friend lived there.

And I remember going, and it was in a stadium, and I went to buy interval beers. But I wanted four beers. I couldn't buy four beers with my one ID. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I need everyone. And you're like, how do you people, how do you people have a good time? Stadium prices in America, though, when we went to the baseball, it was like, baseball tickets were cheap, like a $10.

a beer was $15. Oh, that's Swedish prices. That's Norwegian prices. Yeah. But, no, so we got two Wondermags. Wondermags? The cocktails were spritz forever. Wonder Marg and Supernova.

They're just skirting around the edge of copyright infringement. Oh, is that right? They're, okay. Well, okay, what time did you get there? What time did you leave? He's like, he's building a case. He's got his book out. So it was kind of.

The support acts were cast at six, doors open at five. It will cast. Doors open up. You got there at what time, though? Don't let me... I don't know a cast. This is not going on a bell. They had scowse band and they got a big song that you would know from the 90s.

I guess I'm all right. I guess I'm all right. I can't sing as well. James, can we just do... I nearly got it then. Could you just do that again? I guess I'm doing fine. Guess I'm doing fine.

That's not even a scouse accent. My top lip got tensor and tensor during the night as my neck angle got whiner and whiner. That's the cocaine entered your bloodstream. I've seen pictures of their kids. They dress exactly the same as them. Well, that's because it's the fashion again now. So I put this hat on to leave.

So my mum was around to look after the kids and I put this hat on and I've never seen my mum laugh as much. And I was feeling a bit self-conscious about it because I've got a big face and it does accentuate the size of my... I was like, does it look all right? And my wife was like, yeah, it looks all right. And my mum just cracked up love

and was like, I can't believe you said that with a straight face. Unbelievable. You send me a picture of you and your wife, and she looked great. Yeah, she looked so... So what was she wearing? Broadly normal clothes, but with the slightly 90s edge. Modish 90s. She looked great, but...

And so did you, James. So I got a lot of compliments for the jacket. It's an added-ass track suit top. Literally everyone was wearing an ad-dast-track suit tops. So it's just the different colour ways. People like the different colour ways. Someone said they liked it.

It was really retro. And I was just thinking, like, this is just in normal cupboard. This is newish to my mind. And then I was like, oh yeah, I think I bought it 15 to 20 years ago. Here is the city bed. They've got a new flavour of Nutty Cloud.

I don't want to try that. I haven't tried it yet. what is it it's like biscuit I think it's I think they're getting in the speculus thing shortbread and somewhere

honestly they're on their fucking A game no I totally agree they cannot be stopped I don't see any other supermarket stuff Willie Wonka is Eminet

they're just they're at the vanguard they're pushing it forward and then Aldi and Liddle copy but they're quite famous that that's what we do they do like a cheaper version

of the same thing how do M&S do it because I think they're coming up with stuff that I, given, like, an infinite amount of time couldn't imagine. We've gone for basically their own version and the teller. Because we've been, we've been buying the teller, and I bought a jar of Nutella for six pounds.

And I was like, you fucking, you're making a contact to me with his six pound of teller. So I was like, we are pivoting. We are pivoting to Liddle's over. So we try to do that with a lot of stuff. The only thing is that kind of does us as always does, is like what we don't have is the ability to consistently, Do you know that routine of a big shop? We don't have that.

It's chaos. We live chaos. We do it when we can. We're getting back into the big monthly shop thing because we did it last month. No, online, but we did it last month and it worked really well. And get tins. You get stuff, like you get a lot of stuff that fills the star cupboard and a good value. And the freezer.

The freezer. Yeah, sorry, Snow. We're, we're, we're. Yeah. I just don't have the, guys, I don't have the space. Almost every day I'm taking a 15 minute trot to the M&S. I'm getting some chicken tendies and a packet of. So you're not even, do you know what, the deliveroo?

What are you doing with Deliveroo? Getting that Deliveroo, putting it a ball, touching it, soft to the touch, straight it bin. I know you. I'm not doing Deliveroo anymore. I'm not doing Deliveroo anymore. I haven't had one for ages. How are M&S doing this? Answer.

Do you know, like, have you seen midsummer where that child is, he's, I thought we were going to get a new brand sponsor, but it sounds like that's about to go down the Swanee in midsummer, where there's the old people jump off the cliff. Yeah, but then there's that child that's born, like, you know, like the hundred people that they think is a holy profit. I think there's a situation with M&S going on like that. Someone who's bred from a very small dream pool purely, like, you know, I can air gap's computer. So that it's not allowed, it's not allowed out into the, into the world to be spoiled by the world.

They are raised. It's pure ideas. Like around cacao beans. Yeah. They've got like tubes that are full of like, what's in that one? What's in that one? Chocolate sprinkles. What's in that one?

What's in that one? Cherry bombs, please. A third type of chocolate sprinkle. But they've got access to this. And all they do is. that so just imagine a flake yeah full power of a brain dedicated completely to confectionery blind lives in darkness you know like so one of the things from the gig i do want to take away for our gig actually our big manchester gig a lot of brand yes lots of overlap brand sponsorship

no we should get some they got like jeep cherokee is the is the is the is the is the is the Jeep, Cherokee brand sponsor of Oasis at Wembley or some thing nonsense. I've been threatening to email C-E-X marketing department for about six months. Who you've been threatening them? Yeah, we're, listen, we're going to come in just email. Yeah, he's been threatening us. We'll send your email. And if you don't send us a copy of Alan Wake 2, I'll schedule it for tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock.

Justice is an aside. Do you guys do make use of scheduled emails? Yeah, if someone's annoying me. If it's past five, I try and schedule it until even if I'm working at a mad time, like a weekend or an evening, do you know what I'm saying this to you too and a message you at all time at mad time? So don't worry about that. Can you do scheduled voice notes while you're driving?

Don't me and my friend John have been falling out of a voice notes this week. It's my fault in the sense. Is it your fault or his? I'm too kind with my time. A podcast, I'll make it for John. I'm making John a one-on-one podcast just for him. Do you know what I mean? I'm taking a pause in between and I did a little story.

But basically, his point of view is it's really fucking annoying getting voice notes, especially when he's looking after his two kids on a Saturday. So I was like, you don't need to scream at me. You don't need to scream at me. I will accept the apology on my part of his friends. so yeah I feel like maybe I'm getting it in surround sound now so maybe no voice notes for anybody I don't mind the odd odd minipod

but it's just when there's like admin actionable tasks buried within a little monologue where you trip over because you're on a walk because I'm on a walk am I he's not even on a walk when he leaves him for me he's in his house sitting down and then we did as usual thing where we rushed to that we've both got an urgent meeting.

You know, I've got to go now because I've got to do this. Probably been up to us or no? I've been learning a script, that's all. Can I tell you a story that I think we have to cut immediately? My friend Leslie, I think I can name her. If we're going to cut it. I think this is a pub on Saturday night. Didn't think I was going out.

So it was just me and the boy. Wife's on holiday. I'll come back tonight in a second. But because it's just me and my own, we've recently, I've bought, I spent £60 pounds on all the components to make ngronis in-house. I've got into, so I bought a bottle of gin, a bottle of Campari, a bottle of Martini Rosso. Nice.

So I do that. I taste it. It tastes exactly like it does in your shop, you know, in the bar shop. The co-op canned nigroney. So I was like, this is great. I'm a genius. I'm printing my own money at this point, you know. So I'm drinking that.

Then, Dave over the road. Maretti are doing a day one deal where it's two for one on pints of Maretti which I didn't think was legal because I thought two for one binge drinking was banned when we probably pushed it too far our generation

but they brought back so I ended up going to the pub ended up lightly shitties talking to like loads of people in the village. Where's the kid? He's with me, he's in the pub with his friend. He's having crisps and Coke? Krisps and Coke Nintendo. Have you got a pool table? No. We've got crisps and coke

and Nintendo Switch. Oh. So he loves a pub. So my friend Leslie worked, she was telling me about when she used to work in one of Newcastle's premier top end hotels. So she was telling me about celebrities that she's had food adore. I'm just going to say this, James, whether we believe it or not, you decide. Biggest cunt on the planet.

Be. Obviously. Everyone's assuming it's Anton Deck because we bleeped it and we've said Newcastle, it's not Anton Deck. It is not Anten Deck. I wouldn't dare besmirch Ant

do you know what I mean? The first one wasn't Ant in the first story and Deck in the second. Up here, talking, like it's written into Bylaws, talking negatively about Anton Deck is a beheading in the public square.

On the other podcast with the American listeners, they genuinely thought it was one person called Anton Decc. Antondeck. That was a delightful sausage joke as well. There was someone, well, maybe someone was just riffing on your joke then. What was we going to say? Two things. One, Nicola been away for a week, home today.

But on a holiday with her girlfriends from uni, been to Lisbon, Portugal. She doesn't see him very often. I'm fully supporting it. She reveals the day she's back that actually tomorrow she's in London for work from Tuesday until Friday. I'm like, this is... Double bill. this is a disaster it's not

it's absolutely fine why is it a disaster for you we're having a good time the boys down the pub he's getting an education you know like it's getting an education without Nicola standing

in the middle mediated you know what I mean like this is dad's law this is this is what needs to be done and this is when it needs to be done right what's that noise it's me throwing the PlayStation 5

into the road I'll do it I will cut off my own nose to spite my face I will throw that PlayStation indirectly into the bin. So it's just that sort of level-headed parenting that is allowed to flourish when she's away.

But she's messaging me while she's on this holiday. Are you having a good time? She's like, yeah, yeah, we've been. It just sounds exactly like those women in White Lotus series three, those 40-something women that go out. They've gone out on a night out with a load of, she's telling me like a lot of 25-year-old boys. And I was like, what, how do you want me

processing for this information. And she said that one of them, they asked them what their job was and the guy said, money. But apparently I think Nicola was like, that's a one because answer and I was like, she's all, I'm okay.

Have a good time, love. Do if you do what you must. I'll be here keeping the thought down, you know? My wife went to a pub with her friend and similarly some young, young boys started chatting them up. But they made them.

mistake of presuming that the friend, same age, was my wife's mum. Because you know, when you're so much younger than someone, you can't really tell at their age. So I, they woke me up when they came back in to tell me that story, which I was delighted by because I laughed for 40 minutes and now refer to this woman as Nana Alice. But my son was like saying to me, I was like, how old do you think I am? He went 60.

I remember being in early 20s, like 30 was like some ridiculously old age. But I do think back when we were young, old people, 30-year-olds looked fucking old. They look really old. But nowadays, 30-year-olds look about 20. Yeah, society's getting, because life's getting harder, they're pushing it longer and longer, but we are going to running, you know, 40s are going to hit a biological wall where you are dead. No, but I was saying this the other day, biologically, we look younger. But if you look at, say, old episodes of bull's eye, that was what people looked like back then.

Like old footballers, 70s footballers. It's like you're at the peak of your physical fitness and your 20s. You are smoking. You are smoking on the pitch. You've got, you know, a comb over and a big beard. Got a tuft of hair at the top, yeah. One benefit of the time away. of the girl's holder is that I managed to palate it into I'm going away with two friends

to Amsterdam for a two-night city break. Ooh. One of the thing, it's for Amy Gled Hill's birthday party. James just did today. For the list of James just, James is my main doing splits. And now I think this is like a bong that's a bit too much. He's took a hit from a bong, I think. Yeah, there's a bong hit.

And Frank Museum. No, I'm not doing that either But I managed to spin it into that So it's Amy Gladhill's birthday Me and Son Hill They've already booked I'm going for three nights I'm going for two

And now I'm staying in I ran after them Do you know what I mean Into their giant famous television People Money Hotel So now this is I'm desperately waiting for the phone to ring I need something big to come off

Otherwise I can't afford To go into this trip The hotel I chose is the same price as the ibis styles across the road from the station. So why not, you know, it's a nice hotel. We're going to have a cocktail bar.

We're going to go around. We're going to have a look. James, Chris specifically said he wants to go. He wants me to take him around the red light district so he can have a proper fucking look in his words. That's it. He did, yeah. He said, I want a proper fucking look for a friend.

But don't come in my room. I didn't say that. And to prove my point, I'm going to stay in this luxurious hotel for 40, hours and go home. I'm going home with Amy on Monday morning. You sent me to, but I need to go and I'll come home and it'll be your name on Friday. I've told, don't go mad on Friday. Saturday night he's having a few beers. Sunday night is culture. I've never been to Anne Frank Museum. I've got, I've never been to Ad Frank Museum. And I suspect it won't be happening on a Sunday.

I think there's others. There's a lot of really nice things we can do. It's a bit intense. Would I get on a bite? That's a good question. Probably not. There's a good retro games bar. I don't mind having a walk around that place. It's lovely. So you've looked up that I found a restaurant

that does goat burgers in two slices of bread. What we want is like cheese. You know, like a big cheese where they're like knifing it off and giving you, I want that. Yeah, true. But also what they're famous for is Indonesian food. Yeah, because of the former sort of colonies and stuff with that. Yeah, I'll find somewhere.

and then, of course, after a big, big spicy meal, we'll take you down to the tip. I don't want to, Amy, save me. Now, famously, Amsterdam doesn't really do strip clubs because people wouldn't bother with them at all. There is a, it's a countryside bit? Yes, countryside bit. While we're having this meeting of minds,

I'm folding the village magazine, which is my commitment to do still, and it's driving me up the wall, it's a pain in a house. I'll go through, give the highlights. Front page, son's school, new head teacher. I think she's coming. I don't know.

My son was instantly like, I'm not interested in this new teacher. I'm not bothered. Came home at the end of day one. And he was like, I don't know how she's done it, but she's made school great. And he like, right, yeah, okay. So there's that.

Also, he speaks a lot like you, though. Your son's very eloquent. He does, honestly, the things that he says, That is how he speaks. He speaks like a little, a little Victorian man. New vicar. Oh, coincidence?

Connected. Double murder. The old vicar moved on to Ireland. Ireland? I wasn't. I wasn't. I don't know with you. It could be an island that you just call island

because you call your street, the street. The street, the island. No, she's moving to Ireland to the Republic of. New vicar. In my opinion, there's lots of room for improvement. Do you know what I mean?

I'm not religious, but I have a lot of time. I have a lot of time for a good orator. Do you know what I mean? Someone who's positive, someone, do you know what I mean?

You can get me into like a community-based faith event. Do you know what I mean? A tea morning, a tea and biscuit morning. I'll go to that. I'll be very polite. I will help a local community thing.

If you like, do you want to come and pray? I'd be like, I'd rather fucking die, actually. But I will help and be nice and the last vicar was not doing it

for me in terms of her presentational style the new one I hope he's I hope he's got something about him I imagine

what we'll do is next record after Sunday Chris will come in you know what I don't know how he's done it this vicar

but he's made church good doing that just father and son what was wrong with the previous vicar's style though

just I would find her sermons to be very negative and there's very much you need to use a church or you're going to lose the church and I was like,

that's not the way that you get people to engage with it through guilt and shame. It was basically like, a comedian having a go at a bad audience or like they're not being many people in the audience. Like, don't have a go at the people

because they're the people that have turned up. Exactly. First lesson. They're the ones that came. They're the ones that bloody came, yeah. I did a gig this week and I was like,

they don't know that they're shit and this is not a good time for me and I'm not going to tell them. I'm going to blast it out. Start with your best Bible verse as well. Start with your funniest Bible verse. End on the funniest Bible verse, like a big Bible verse to finish.

And if you can sort of a Bible verse routine in the middle. Bit of crowd work. But also, a lot of changes in the village. We're still reeling from the league club finale. Now a record number of people who've signed up to it. The local pub as well, trying my best to attribute it to it. But I do think a bit of it is,

know, like approach it with fun and I've been speaking to people about it and communicating about it. I think normally the Leak Club previously, it's like the people that done the Leak Club have always done the Leak Club. Like with any new group, it's like, how do you bring new people in? Last time I wandered in, but now I'm banging on about the Leaks, Leak growing, Leak Cup, like, and I'm like, I think I'm basically doing a PR job for the Leak Club. Do you think, could they be our brand sponsor for the big gig, the Leak Club or the official brand sponsor. I mean, why not?

You know, like, I used to do a lot with the magazine during lockdown, but then basically got to a point where when the world got back to normal, I couldn't do it as much. So I took a step back and now I'm involved in logistics, the thing like this bit, folding them, getting them out, but basically it's been, this should be function that is fulfilled by the Twilight community, by the pensioners. I honestly think a lot of what you do should be done by pensioners. Is that? A lot of just in general, yeah.

No, but basically I think now that I do less, I also can't be ass doing that. Or it just keeps falling at a terrible time. Like this week, got to do this, work, getting to school, Nicola's away. It's like the last thing I need to do is spend an hour dropping off magazines to various people around the village. Well, you've been up and down from London as well.

You've been busy down here. I did a day. I'm not going to go on about the travel. It's just boring. but I did a day last week that was me. I got a last minute audition in London. I was gigging on the Friday the day after Friday in Barnsley. So what I did was Thursday,

dropped him off at school, drove from Carlisle from my village to Barnsley, which was three hours, parked the car, paid £10 to park a car in this bingo hole's car park for 24 hours. Train from Barnsley to London, which is via Sheffield and down, stayed over. in London to do this audition and then did it all back to open a show in Barnsley,

830 and then drive home at 9 o'clock for three hours. And it was one of those 24-hour periods where I was like, what am I doing? What is this? I mean, yeah, it feels like summer. I remember saying last year it was a news article that was like an actor, and like someone was down someone was down an actor for a play

so another actor drove 150 miles to appear in this play and it was like on the on the news on the BBC and I remember seeing at the time a comedian I can't remember who it might have been Matt Reid put up somewhat along the lines of saying today in things that actors do

that comedians do every single week anyway you know and you're like yeah but it was that travel a day where I was just like I'm still now I'm just like running on fumes really but I'm sort of mostly home for this week so that's good makes you think you should live in London really it's not going to happen somehow yeah no it's too late now isn't it because once you've left like you won't be able to

you won't be able to cope if you come back now it's like going from Apple to Android isn't it yeah you just can't come back yeah things change here or you know hourly and you won't keep on. I've heard of this, by the way, about staying in London, a new thing, you can get a little coffin hotel for 20 quid, like a capsule hotel. Yeah, I've seen those, yeah.

In the middle of town. I really want to miss my last train so I can use it. You won't fucking fit in that. They're not built for his literal overseas. Like, these are like a Japanese thing, aren't they, in origin? Yeah, they're not seven foot long, are they? Built for, like, the pinnacle of European, Welsh, whatever to fuck you had. Two big to fit in a coffin.

Been a news in the local area. A second empanada shop has opened. You got empaniadas? Yeah, there's two of them, two empanada shops. What is an empan... It's a little cornish pasty, but South American, smaller. Like a nat taco? No, no, no.

Is it sealed? Yeah, in a pastry. But it's a different type of meat and a different type of pastry to what. But structurally, you're looking at a pasta. Is it like a patty? No. It's like a pasty. I feel like I'm saying a lot of...

I feel like all we're doing is telling you the same information consistently and you're fighting as at every turn. So is it crimped? Yeah, it's crimped. A little bit of crimping on the site. Is it yellow? Like, because it's made a corn or something.

No? It's made of pastry. Regular pastry. It tastes like a little cornish pasty. But... It's South American. So it's got Cheritho in it. But it's like park mint,

into, if I'll correct, but I need to check. Oh, they do lots of different flavours, so you can have, like, you can have fetter if you want. Fetter. Yeah. So, it's really something when you've got two of those on the same road. Yeah. Rivals. Yeah. Or is it, do you think it's one of them things where it's actually the same company

but they're going to do different price points? Oh, maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. Segment the market in different ways, yeah. Go on to Chris. I had, um... Sorry, sorry, Senel. I want to hear Chris's Empanada story. Go on. I had impanadas in London Bridge. also in London Bridge.

I've had a tamale I think it's cold. Cool. Okay. So Neil, what were you going to say? I know. I know.

It's that stall in London, I know. It's that stall in London, in the borough market, isn't it? It's perfect for after three or four pines. Yeah. Yeah.

And you're like, I think it was like four pound of one, but I was pissed I had two, you know. A bang for your buck. It's not great. But you think you're getting loads if you're buying three of them. But it's probably the same size

is an extra large cornish pasty for a tenor, and that's not that great. But when in Rome, when in Eastallich, when in Eastallich. Let them eat empaniadas. Should we read one of our many plentiful letters? Oh, yeah, we should too.

That guy has sent us an email because he's been to a library as well, like talking about a monkey library. So he sent him me a picture of like a book. But it's just got some guy's cock and balls. And it is like, look at that. And I was like, it really tickle me. But I haven't transferred it yet.

Wait a minute, let's say what this one's about. It's about Superman. Is it the top one? Oh, could we skip down to Eugenie? Right. Letter from Eugenie, is that right? You wanted that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, beat it. Okay. Good day, lads, of the city, country and liminal zone in between. I'm sure your other Australian listeners have already contacted you, about this hot piece of mushroom news. A woman in Australia was just found guilty of murdering her parents-in-law and aunt-in-law by feeding them beef Wellington's laced with death-cap mushrooms

she foraged herself. I have heard that, yeah. Her defence was that the death mushroom inclusion in the meal was accidental. Consider this email as a notice of caution and perhaps a memento Mori to Chris in his ongoing mushroom adventures. However, the mushroom murders have been the sole focus

of probably dozens, haven't checked, of podcasts and hundreds of Reddit, discussions, something to consider for notoriety. Also, I'm in Newcastle in October to see Benjamin Partridge's podcast that doesn't occasionally feature Chris, brackets, Kenny Barretone is what... Baratone, Kenny Baratone, he's a dance player. Oh, that's your character on there, right, is what turned Eugenie onto rural concerns. And Eugene is after a recommendation for your favourite Newcastle-upon-time pubs for a person

who finds the youth scary, but I'm also wary of being hate crime by boomers for being visibly queer. Cheerio lads, Eugenie, bracket she, her. Forgot the crucial info. Unable to perform a speed test as I'm travelling through Ecuador. At home, which is Tasmania, Australia. Recycling bin lid is yellow lid. Regular junk is black lid and green waste, not food waste, clippings from the garden only is green lid. Never thrown anything exciting into the tip conveyor belt. Thank you for taking receipt of this. Conveyor belt. Yeah. Right. Because we had our correspondent from Tasmania's sent us information, didn't they,

about recycling there. Yes, I believe so. We had to have an Australian person. The child you were talking to online, Chris. Yes, I remember. Can't remember his name, was it, Joe, as well? Do know. Early days, that?

That was very early days. He was a great kid. Yeah, it's probably still is, but... Right. First off, yeah. Top of this, Leith. Eugenie, thank you for getting in touch. Two, we've had a backcog.

This is going to come out after you've been to, what I think is the free being. salad show in Newcastle in October. It's going to come out the day after, but I'm going to get back to you personally and do a bit of research, which I never do because it goes against everything I stand for. But I need to know what are the good bars for visibly queer people.

I need to know that for myself as well, because I don't know the bars are Newcastle and it'd be cool to find one where there's top chillers. So I'll do that and I'll come back. I'll do a bit of research. I'm going to reach out to Sam. Dobson, who's my friend, basically the Queen in Newcastle. So I'm going to find out what places are good for top chillers and not full of hateful

boomers. Sammy, it's Chris. Listen, can you give me, I'm just doing real concerns. We've had a letter about Newcastle based, visibly queer, LGBTQ, friendly, bar places that are cool. Do you know any of these? Because it would be, I want to go back with actual information. not just made up bullocks.

Is that Gemini? No, it's my friend, Sammy Dobson, who's like the Queen of Newcastle. Could have texted, couldn't they? You could have texted. So what are we going to do? That was such a noise. What a noise is that?

You gave Sammy a voice note after you promised you wouldn't give any more voice notes earlier on in this episode. You went instantly back on your word. If I don't do it immediately, it's gone, which is why this letter's very... That's fair enough. It's taken too long, do you know what I mean?

It's how my brain works. I watched a video. about people who have a certain type of brain condition and it's like normal people have brains that are like, you know, like a computer game inventory where there's loads of different slots, someone with my sort of brain has one slot that could only be done at one time. Do you understand? So if it don't get done at the minute, it don't get done.

Right, yes, I know what you mean. If you push it past this point, that is a victimisation. Better enough. On to the meat of the letter, mushroom murders. Yes. The chicken of the forest. The chicken of the forest. The murderous chicken.

The chicken of the forest. Yeah, that's a motion, isn't it? Chicken of the forest. It will betray you. It will betray you. Like other chickens. But did I tell you when I got given edible mushrooms by, you know, we've got my friends Liam and Lauren who are like eco farmers.

Yes. Like the night, yeah, they grow their own veg. Every now and again, they supply us veg depending on what they've got in. It's brilliant. It's what you want. It's like 10 pound for a box of this and it's got like beetroots and run of beans and lettuce in that they've grown and it's like it's really cool. One day they, did I tell you about when they gave me some eating mushroom that they cut off

the, they went out and Liam was like, this one's edible. And it's like, oh God, it's added a name, but it was like a type of mushroom, like a block of mushroom that you cut off the base of a tree and he went out, there you go, fried that up with a bit of butter. He said, but if you're going to have it, do it quickly, just basically before. and the maggots sort of become visible and make themselves known. What?

And I'll be honest. I'm trying to like not get out and a mindset of everything coming. Do you know like the cursed logic that we've got where let's you see everything's coming to as plastic wrapped like it ain't grown in a field and stuff like that. But I won't lie. Just a specter of a maggot lurking somewhere in this mushroom

did make it quite a difficult eat. but they're they don't you know they're either there or they're not well they are they 100 before they make themselves known they must be there like maggot eggs so what you've got to cook them quick

so that you kill the maggot eggs so is that not vegan then good shout great question senil actually sonil brilliant point from you there mate mushrooms if I wanted to go would I feed James and Sunil a mushroom

that would kill them no but would I feed in my mushroom that rendered them paralysed so I could just rest my hands on their bodies and they could feel it and see it but they couldn't do anything about it. Interesting questions. And you could parallel park.

Andy Caparralel Park. That's the question. Eugene's question answered. Well, thank you, Jeannie. I bet she's so thrilled. She's coming over an ocean. to have information two days after she's been there. And then she's got these, and you're like, I think she's going to feel very special.

Has Sammy Dobson seen the voice note? Not yet. Eugenie, it's coming. There's information. People aren't going to respond to voice notes as quickly as they do text messages, Chris, and you know that. People respond to a voice. People aren't clamouring to hear what you've got to say at 9.45 p.m. For James, for John, for anybody else who will leave a voice note message for,

If you don't like it, fucking block me. Fucking block me and I'll do. I'll just be all right by myself. There's that corn t-shirt wearing attitude. You can take the boy out of the car t-shirt. Thank you for listening to Withal Concerns. This is just a big old fucking reminder that we've got, we're doing a live show on the 22nd November at Fairfield Social Club.

We're having a summit about it in London next week. But the show's in Manchester. There are tickets. It's on, there are tickets on sale now. Where are the tickets links? Yeah, it's in the fucking links on the bottom of page. And if you're a new listener, why not leave us a fucking reviewer? Apple Podcasts, why is it written like that?

If you're a new listener, why don't leave us a fucking review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify? Please make sure it's five stars and doesn't swear or say anything fucking weird. Reviews on Apple and the reviews kept going down. And I'm like messaging Apple and being like, what the fuck's happening at these reviews? Why are you swearing at that? But I think it's because people are saying fucking reviews are like mad shit. These fucking mad cunts are saying mad shit. So Apple's dear, even though it's a five-star review and the Apple are taking it off.

way to support us is by becoming a rural concerns patron. So for a small donation, you'll not only be supporting an independent podcast, which means we can talk about the redacted people of Newcastle that are genuinely weren't Antendale. That makes it sound like it was, but

they honestly weren't. Or if that was as likely cut, that Oasis gig that everyone was talking about. Oh, I'll say is. It was Pete. Beak, obviously. Fuck off.

I'm going to miss one. You'll also get weekly bonus episodes, as well as access to The Creamery, our dedicated Discord server. Thank you very much. Our artwork for this series is by Poppy Hillstead. Music, Sam O'Leary. Legal due diligence is Calderick Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph M.K. Ultra Borrow's, and is produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. But, you know, like this, when you get locked in a fashion of an era that sort of defined you.

Taking that off, it's uncomfortable. Oh, that's a shame. You know, when you like to get locked in a fashion and so the clothes you're wearing now do feel, I don't know, they don't feel like they're from the past to me because it's what I sort of grew up with lads wearing. Not necessarily me. I was wearing a corn t-shirt. Do you know what I mean? Of course you wear.

But I feel like I've never had. had a style. Do you know what I mean? Me too. I've never locked in. I don't dress badly. No, your style is just Matt. It's man.

Yeah. It's normal man. But I'm like slightly late to shackets. Do you know what I mean? But I wear shackets now. I'm like, I've told, I've told you this,

I had that stylist for a bit when I got, when I put on weight after lockdown and was just wearing t-shirts. Just, just t-shirts, like Winnie the Pooing around. Yeah.

I was like walking around like, Winnie the poo. I'll put myself to honey. Bong. That out.