Rural Concerns - Secret compartments, apex predators & Digital ID cards

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Sunil has compiled a special report on the arrival of Digital ID cards, Chris is designing his spare room with a theatrical eye and James has the bees in. Sunil also asks; who Lynxes the Lynx?   We��re performing a Rural Concerns live show in Manchester on 22nd November 2025! It’s going to be a heady mix of slander, skits and choice-based adventure gaming! Grab your tickets here.    If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery.   Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to rural concerns, the world's leading countryside affairs podcast. My name is Chris Cantrell and I live in a small village in Northumberland, a child of an industrial metropolis. I love nothing more than exploring my new rustic biome. I mark all the observations about the people, flora and fauna of my adopted home in a little notebook. Recent entries

include notes on a beautiful three mile mushroom picking walk, a watercolour painting of a particularly striking sunset over the fells and a draft article titled Why are farmers such a pack of cunt? My name is

Sinole. I live in a futuristic high rise, which provides secure intrusion-free accommodation for the capital's most recognisable persons. Don't get me wrong, I love nothing more than meeting my legions of fans and posing for photos. But feigning interest in someone else's life takes a great toll on me, and at the end of a long day, I simply must be amongst my own people. The celebrity tower block accommodation is stratified on the tenant's level of celebrity. Right now, I share a floor with the Ibiza final boss and a recently demoted, Win Evans. At night, I lay awake and listen to the noises coming from the floor above, imagining that one day I'll be permitted to ascend the tower

and finally earn an invite to Stacey Solomon's epic-sounding Negroni and Fisnights. My name is producer James and it's my job to twiddle-nobbs, keep things moving and report any suspicious content to the British Transport Police. See it, say it, sort it. Can't say fair than or not. Let's crack on!

Sorry, I should have shouted as loud as my voice can show. Okay. right very first up to address audio issues that might happen a man's round to do the windows a friend a tradesman you might be able to hear that it sounds like he's basically employed a bunch of bees to do the work for him go on go on big god what you're getting done he's he's painted all the windows we got some new windows in he's painted them and he's just i don't know getting some bees to look over it, it sounds like, at the minute. Have you had all new windows?

Not this, yeah, in the last year. People are allowed new windows, Chris. We needed them because the other ones were rotten. I've seen his house, and it looks like a listed house. It does look like a listed house. One that if I was in charge would be knocked down and turned into affordable housing for the poor. If I had my way, James's house would be knocked down. I remember seeing a picture of James's house when he sent us a picture of how,

which when you look back, when you say it out loud, sounds mad when James sent us a picture of how good his parking was. Do you know what I mean? That was heady days. Hey, no, when I, I don't think that's mad. I think when I hear that, which picture? Because I've sent you multiple ones of how good my parking is. James had a blue plaque on the side of his house, which confirmed that it's where George Orwell used to sort of come around and have it away. I'm just emailing a tradesman. A trades friend, yeah. Is it to knock down my house?

I've hired one man to knock down your house with a hammer. Boiler replacement. Things are underway. I've hired a man. How do you feel about that? Oh, you have as well, actually. You've all hired men. What's he sawing?

I don't know. Is it a saw that? It could be. Is it a new wood, non-rotton wood? Well, it's been painted. Make sure he doesn't fuck you on the price of wood. the woods already there he's a different person

to the person that did the window and he's just bees he's just using bees to smooth it down you just yeah you absolutely zero buying power whatsoever you gotta pay

what the window merchant says I've had look at this I'm going to tilt my camera oh no I'm not that camera has not moved I pick some up you can have to use words

because it's an audio format a thousand you're going to have to use a thousand words Listen, underneath my feet. Sonil, imagine this. Shoes off, socks off, toes, wiggling, stretching as they go down and hit. What's this in the office? Brand new carpet.

Whoa. Not just in the office, also in the spare bedroom. Right. That's really good. How thick is it? Nicola did it without me being involved. So we've got up here in the office, we've got short pile. So it's basically like looks very officey.

Downstairs, we've got an off cut in the spare room. So what I would like to propose to you is that I have created a space for you. So now a bedroom away from home in rural Northumberland. I've got this carpet. Now, I want to talk to you about. So I've got this. This feels like a big step forward. We've stalled the next big job is the hallway.

But now I've got this office. can finally, I'm going to put some stuff on walls. Do you understand? Finally. Yeah. Because if you see, I'm in a perfectly white room. Do you know what I mean? Like you'd imagine Hannibal Lecter living in like, because I'm scared of putting

down marks and stuff like that and drilling into new plaster, but I'm going to do it. I might do stick on poster frame things just to, do you know what I mean? Like stick on hooks, so I'm not drilling into the plaster or hammering into the plaster. But that's it. But can I tell you my plans for the spare room? Now, New Carpet, I said to Nicola, I want to, like, I don't want this room full of shit as a storage room.

That's where we've been. A day his reckoning is coming on all the shit that we've got in this house. The basement's full, the little attic room to the, to the, to, over my right hand shoulder. That's full of shit. We need, we're running out of, we're slowly decorating all the storage space into nice rooms.

The little doggy sex cupboard, is that full? Doggy sex cupboard, full. to the brim with, you know, like dog come. It's like, but we're getting, we're going to have to throw a lot of it away because I really want the spare room to just feel like this haven. Like my dad helped me with it. I have to give a shout out to my mum and dad. They helped.

They have decorated their way into comfort. And I would like to applaud them for that. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're great kids. But I want this room to be really nice for them. I want it to feel like a hotel and there's a nice, when they come in,

we've just put this little clothes rail thing that we're going to put like three little wooden coat hangers on but I basically want to design the spare bedroom I want to design it with a bit of a theatrical eye do you know what I mean? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean? You must talk us through how are you going to decorate this then?

The theatre of the spare room. Do you know what I mean? Your guest is coming. I thought of a few little things. One, I want to have a little cross-stitch sign that's done like a very traditional, you know, like those Christian cross stitches that are floral and beautiful. Yeah, like make God have mercy on this house.

Yeah, but like a nicer twee one like his house or whatever, no, that sounds scary, doesn't it? But do you know, like the non-scary version of religious little twee things? I want one of them that says the guests had no idea that they were observed throughout. No, okay, this is going down,

you're going to turn this into a sort of horror film room that at first glance is fine, at second glance, you're going to die, right? Yeah, okay. It's a theatre of blood. Why don't you just make a podcast studio like most people? I want clues. I want clues.

I'm doing it. I'm in it. I want clues in the room which will lead people to a secret box. And on the, do you know what I mean? Like you find a box, a hit listen to me. That's,

this is an escape room. A secret drawer. You open it. You have to solve clues to get there. Which you do between, you know, like we've had a lovely day out, have a shower.

We'll have some cocktails in a drinking 40 minutes. Have a little nap. Do you know what I mean? This is the guests day. You should always have a little nap built in. But in that time, solving puzzles and opening a secret draw. But then when they reach the thing, there's a sign that says, do not up. Well done on finding it.

But seriously, do not open this secret compartment. What do you expect? And what's the binary choices here? Hand on. I'm going to talk to Poppy Hilstead, see if she'll take the commission. but an oil painting of my heart. I would never open that book. If a box said, do not open, I would never open it.

In someone else's house. Yeah, because I have inner peace. I don't need it. I don't need the struggle, all right? Me and my friend Lee once, when he was living in hungry for a bit and he went mad all the day, fully lost his head. But we ended up staying,

I went over to see him, and he was that peak breakdown. And one night we went to someone's house, one of his friends for a night out, and stayed on her settee. And apparently there was just this door, there was just this door that was, that she aren't, she weren't allowed to go in. And I remember Lee saying, if I lived here, I would sit down, have a cup of tea and then boot that thing off its fucking hinges. You get, actually, you get those doors a lot in Airbnb's. There's always one little, yeah. But obviously

You assume it's cleaning products It's just cleaning stuff It's cleaning stuff Personal items That kind of stuff But sometimes I've done Like there's an adjacent room Where it's another bedroom

Where someone's staying And like yeah Some weird I slept I slept in a lad's bed And he was in on this You know like He was a student

And I stayed in his Airbnb King's Cross And it was like cheap But on that night Like I'm in his bed He's on the city And you're like Yeah

the tipping point between... Where was the settee? In the next room, so he was just to sleep on the next room. I'm in his bed. He's changed the sheets, but his life still around me. I don't... Well, I didn't like it. You know, like, when you get a corporate B&B and that's all it,

at a corporate Airbnb, and that's all it does, there's no one else in it, apart from the other guests, and it's cleaned in between. I don't think I can do Airbnbs again. I always... We know when they first started, you're like, wow, this is amazing. much cheaper than hotels. It turns out they're an absolute scam. They're a scam and it's a good, like most modern companies, it's brilliant until you've got a problem. Me and Amy Gladdil stayed in

one years ago. We'd booked it twice because it was in like Dolston in summer. It was in a reasonably accessible place and a good price and it was some student, it turned out to be some little boy's mucky house with his skateboarder. It was mucky. We stayed in it once, but we'd already booked it for two trips down. Was it was in one room? or the flat you... It was like the flat. So there's two beds. Me and Amy have never

never in the course of our professional relationship topped and tailed. I don't have one of you on the sofa or something. Because I was like, from the very early get-go, I was like, well, if we got a twin room and she was like, nope.

Yeah, quite right. But the little boy, because we went down, the little boy's room was lucky. We were like, we want to cancel the second trip down. At which point, Airbnb, fires you in the direction of that little boy. And the cancelling, because it's like you don't do it within 48 hours,

you are liable for 50% of the fee. And this was like two or three months out. And normally you're like, okay, those are the terms of conditions. This time I was like, no, you cannot have my money, three months in advance. This is, we've changed his mind. The room was not up to spec. And the boy just kept to ignore it, not interacting with me. How old was this boy?

I don't know. living in Dalston and his 20s skateboard on the wall. So I'd say, oh, I don't know. I would say 20s. But it's pointing me at him. I'm arguing with him. He's ignoring me. And I just started pestering, like going through Airbnb every day being like, yeah,

sent this email. Can you clarify? And they're like, yeah, we'll have to wait for him. I like, can you clarify the timelines and your escalation process? You know, I was like getting into the nitty, gritty of how the company. complaints department works so I was like can you explain

the who is in these positions full refund yeah okay all it took was all of my time yeah yeah this is the thing

I don't really want to have to deal with individuals for refunds I'd rather deal with a company that has a policy you know if it's a hotel you don't want to be you don't want to be chatting to a mucky boy saying can I have my 40 quid back

no because it's not right is it I mean as an older man now I would grab a mucky boy than a neck and give him a tenor giving that give him a Gideon's Bible

and be like be on your way that's that these are the lessons look at the Psalms lad don't take drugs always wear condoms cheers always wear condoms

buy do off me puff adults they're trying to make a go of it in the entertainment industry in 2023 I'll tell you one more bit of theatre I've got planned for the new rooms

My little boy, he's got a little, he's got a, like a kids, he's nine now, he's got a little kids bookshelf that was for toddlers, you know, and we've grown out of that. Well, the last bit of it, so part of, we've got an IKEA trip looming, we're going to buy him like just a proper bookcase. Billy, maybe, do you know what I mean? He needs, because all these books are spilling out all over place, these extreme graphic novels. So we're going to contain them all in a bookcase area. but on the bookshelf that I'm buying a label maker on the top row I'm going to put a shelf that says forbidden like these that do not read these and I'll say to him you cannot read these any of these books these are forbidden and these books will be 1984 Fahrenheit 451 basically all that I need to do with his book banned that one about the mushrooms all about the mushroom books these are like stuff that's been banned by fucking dicks do you know what I mean over conservative I'm like You cannot read these books. In an effort to make him read them.

Reverse psychology. Yeah, big time. But I'll just be like... He thinks that you're the sort of person that bans books. Either way. If he rebels against me and reads 1984, then I'll be like, this is cool. Also, slaughterhouse five. You wake up with your head in a rat cage.

Slotter House five, fucking hell. Do you know what I mean? Always good. It was for a while my favorite book. It was fucking mad. I've never read I like it. Then me feel a line. I get the audio book.

Heads lopped off, left right and centre. Left right and centre. Hang on, sorry. Is my spare room in your house also your son's library? At slash escape room. Oh, no. That's slash escape room with a picture of your arson. I'm not in a box.

In your room? What's that on the desk? Oh, there's a fresh towel. Brand new towels, better than the general house tower. I thought you were going to say a line of cocaine. I thought you were going down that road. A line of the purest cocaine from over the border. Scottish cocaine

mixed with expensive scotch gas expensive scotch cocaine hardback book it's a photo book of you know like fairground rides all the sort of art spread on the side of them

a book that you can read and why isn't it the Pirelli calendar that is a good coffee table book actually Chris is that a real coffee table book no it's one that's one that's been in my head that we should someone should make this

It can't be me, but I want to read it and I'll buy it. And I'll write the forward. There you go. The rural concerns, Big Booker Fairground Rides. Big Brook of Big, Big, Big, Big. Fireground Ride art. Basically, is it got Pamela Anderson. Yes.

Pamela Anderson, Arniffam T2. Do you know what I mean? Iron Man. Stapham. Iron Man, but the colours are reversed. Yeah, exactly. say who's that all the all that art is done by one guy that's what you need to know people go see fairground people seek him out blind totally blind so that's the theatre of the spare room

that's very good good to see you've got some big plans going forward finally getting that house sorted that's good stuff it feels great we stole a bit while we were sorting out the epic shippipe saga which was just depressing me and ever-perienced present in the back of my subconscious. Are you going to do any theatre of the shit pipe? The theatre of the shit pipe. No, London's doing enough for that for us all. Oh, me.

Ouch. Oh, no. I don't even believe what I just said. London's like great for theatre. You've never seen any theatre. What were you on about? When was the last time you went to the theatre? Hey, we edited a lot of me and Chris talking about theatre out of last episode.

Edited it out, yeah. Yes, because it was, to be honest, boring. Because you didn't know what we're on about it. I get scared when they look me in the eye in the theatre when I'm in the audience. I do want to watch. I've been, Nickler took us to watch War Horse.

That was, I've seen a bit of... All you talked about was seeing someone's dick on stage. You thought it was the Daniel Radcliffe one, and you were gutted. That's Ekwush, you fucking pigs. That's not War Horse.

You fucking ignorant pigs. Save it for high culture. I've got a little tiny... Two little bits and then I think we would need to address why Sunil My eye finally came back and capitulated

It was out the door Right One Countryside Relative thing There is a countryside bit This is not a major update But do you remember I were banging on about the links

The reintroduction of the link There's a project up here I've been keeping eye on it And I was speaking to one of the ladies who's part of the committee. First off, I think I said it to you guys. We're going to reintroduce the links. And I think both of you were like, why?

And I was like, leave this with me. I need to know. So I asked her why. And it's basically a mix of like, one, it's correcting a historic wrong. Two, it's giving an apex, it's putting an apex predator that historically should have been there into a system.

And also, basically, there is an epidemic of deal. up these ways they are they are I think I don't know do you know what I don't know

what I'm talking about so I should check it out but immediately given up of you they're pests yeah and now I live up here I don't grow tired

at the sight of a deer they are no it's always it's charming for us but I have noticed that I do see them all the time

in bigger and bigger groups do you know what I mean so well this is why farmers have guns isn't it now It is, but there's also like my friends...

Isn't this what posh people are for as well? Yeah, but they don't shoot them normally. They do. They don't just lock their heads off. They shoot them then lock their heads off. But is shooting seasons shooting deer? I thought it was shooting little birds. They shoot everything.

They don't shoot you if they could. But up on the National Forestry area, which I talked about before, there's basically the National Forestry, because basically deer is quite devastating. So they can destroy farmland, they can destroy fields. A farmer that I know up there has got a natural barrier. So around his fence, he's put basically, which I think is a deterrent as opposed to like harming them,

like a knot of trees around this fence, do you know, like to create an extra hurdle. So they're not leaping the fences, which damages the fences. But apparently up at the forestry, there is like a deer stalker in employ who you will see occasionally, I haven't seen him myself, but it'll come out of the woods. And basically, someone somewhere is working out quarters on what the deistalker needs to call. So he's told it needs to be this quarter of male versus female and stuff like that. And he fulfills the order, basically, to try and keep an eye on the numbers.

But the links would help keep that would be a focus and provide. the deer with some natural resistance from a predator. Obviously, I think that when they've had the meetings, they've had consultations with farmers. I think farmers are very skeptical. Also, for my understanding of the farmer community, they can't quite be fucked with anything new, do you know what I'm like? They've been doing it this way since they've been kids and their parents have been

doing it now. So something new is just a fath for them, do you know? But largely, the interesting thing about this is the links has been. been rewilded in several places in Europe and is by and large the farmer's concerns out backed up, Barry, statistical evidence from where it has been. Who kills the links? Who watches the link? Who links is the lynx is?

No, but you don't need it. I think the links are quite solitary creatures. They're not like mad rampant. There's no question these little cats won't be fucking and making more lynxes. There's no question of that. They live in the woods. Yeah. A complete, no creditors.

If you're a kid, don't go in the woods. Do you know when the links died out? How big's the links? That big. For the audio people, I just, I held my hands that neither of these two can see him on my camera. Lab. I think they're the size of a Labrador. It's about the width of a webcam.

Dogish. There's a lot of different size and shape of dog, Chris. This is a fat terrier size. Your size you put up, that's a fat terrier. No, it's big than a terrier. Bigger than a terrier. So what, a tiny lavender door? Cheap dog size.

Oh, dog size then, yeah. Dog. Standard dog. Normal dog then, yeah. Not big dog, not little dog. Standard dog size. The lynx is the size of standard to middle dog. Standard to middle dog.

And we're looking down the barrel of thousands of these fuckers everywhere because they've got no natural predators. I'm just saying, I'm not, I'm just asking the questions. I just don't know. What they would live of, they're not, they are not a risk. Sounds like they've got loads of food as well. The deer's unlimited food So they're not after

They're not a risk to humans Yeah They're not a risk to humans I'm not worried about I'm not going in the woods I've told you this before Like because when they've done it in Europe And they've reintroduced the links

And in places nobody I don't think There's places where wolves have been rewilded But like it's just happened And basically the farmers In these European countries And not fussed about links at all, all of their issues

are largely focused on wolves. Yeah, fucking wolf. You've introduced wolves. That is mad though, isn't it? But obviously there's a reason for it. Do the wolves hunt the links? Is that like, is it like dogs chasing cats kind of thing? Or is it different when it gets to big cat? Do the wolves

hunt the links? Because wolf is sort of a dog as well. Are we going to be old lady who lived in a shoe in the countryside? What, she have to? A couple of dogs. No. Was it she lived an issue? No, are we old lady that swallowed the spidering

this situation? To live in a show? Swallowed a fly, sorry. And what what they do with wolves? Well, she swallowed a, didn't she, she, she swallowed a fly, she swallowed a spider to catch the fly, swallowed a bird to catch the

spider, she swallowed. Well, you're asking the same question I did earlier, who wolves, the wolves? Who old ladies, the old ladies? But guys, are we going to bring an old lady into swallow the wolves. I want to stop this conversation because I've given you information because I don't want you fucking up me getting a lynx.

I want to go for a walk, look out, see this fucking magical looking slightly big and a normal cat, nod at it and it nods at me back. Oh yeah, alpha to alpha. Alpha to alpha, it recognises. Game, recognised game. Oh, can I tell you what? When I go running on the top road. it's like basically there's an older

I forgot what her car looks like but there's an older lady who's got two canes and she takes her dogs up there two dogs up there to run and she can't control the dogs so the last time I did it I basically it happened once

and the dog went mad and the dogs like I'm running it's running up to me bearing its teeth and circling me do you know like it's going back and forth around in the perimeter keeping me at bay, and I was like running away for me.

This happened again just because I won't go to antagonize the dog. It's slightly annoying because we're in a public space. And also with this dog, if I was there with my son, I would have to break this dog's neck. And I don't want to do that. You're going to lop its head off. How big is the dog? How big is the dog?

Say link-sized. Link-sized dog. It's like some, it might not, I don't know what breed it is. I want to say a Spaniel, but it's not a Spaniel. No, it's not one that's physically, as in a dog coming at your barking, but it's not one where I'm shitting myself. It's not like an Alsatian or something like that.

It's a medium-haired. That's the terrifying ones, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, you know the one. It's normally dogs that don't have much hair are normally more bitey and violent, aren't they? I can see it in my head, but I can't tell you what it is. It's just a dog. Just a nice little dog.

But he's just, he's having a little bark. He's not coming for you. It's not a nothing dog, but he's getting quite close last time it happened I turned around and screamed as loud I said get away like this

and it fucking shit itself it's shit itself and I was going to balk the lady but I'm like no but like I say if I was up there for a walk with my son it's something to consider call yourself the fucking dog whisperer then

dog whisper but if the link was there to back me up so what you do is you whistle You'd nod at the links and then the links would come over and rip its throat out. He's got an affinity with animals. He's the doctor doolet of murder.

Drag it back in to the woods. Screaming and booting animals everywhere. Dragging it, like a team of links, dragging one of the, there's two dogs, one of them's not as bad as you were, but dragging the mouthy one into the wood. Do you know what I mean like that? And then I'd be like,

I've done you a favor because you, I've done you a favor with his legs because you can't look after you, this dog. I'm sorry that you've got mobility issues, but you need to control this dog. If this dog is a wanker, there's another man as well who walks his dog up there because the dog is mental and he holds it with a, he holds it around so tight. It's terrifying. He holds this dog and this dog is a slightly bigger one, but I don't know what it is again. but it's definitely, if he let it go and it came after me, it'd be really serious. He's, he's an old guy, but not that old.

He's like in his 60s, I'd say. So I'm not worried about it. He's like him not being able to control it. But if he let go on that dog, it would fucking go. And it's mental. And you're like, but I understand why, that's why he walks it up there,

away from the village. Do you know what I mean? I get it. But also. But not with her. You don't get it with her. With our mad dogs. He walks it on the road.

But on a leash. On a leash. Leed? On a lead, this is, James, this is Ingund. Okay. We're not in, this isn't fucking Marvel Wonder Vision. Do you know what I mean? This is England, where it's a lead.

Thank you. And take the Zs out of your words as well. I can hear them. Yeah. Apologise, James. To the English speaker. because sorry, guys, I'm just blowing my nose because I'm a bit ill.

Why are you so ill? Why are you so ill? I've been brought down. I've been felled by a plague. Is this why you weren't on another card in? Which everyone was pissed off about. Yeah. Our lowest performing episode to date.

Yeah, it's because it was 20 minutes, that's for the best. What were you guys saying that? To be cut out. It's a lot of chat about theatre. This is a separate illness to the illness I had last Saturday night and Sunday morning when you chose to record at 8.30 a.m.

knowing full well, I was going to have a skin fall the night before. Yeah, but to be absolutely fair to you, you did warn us in advance. I said I'd try and make it knowing full well what I was going to do. A bit of me was hoping you would come in. Do you know, like when you're so drunk, you'd still drunk rather than hungover. I was hoping that would happen. Well, I had the podcast mic and laptop next to my bed in case, but I slept right through it. But yeah, no, obviously rough night for me, food poisoning and stuff was rough.

So I didn't expect that to happen. Do they food poisoned those 20 pints? I had five pints and two of them were poisoned, I think. Two of the squad were felled by vomits that night. And we're both members in the squad deep into the 40s? No, but we were both not white. Oh, something to think about. Again.

What do you mean? Do you think you've been poisoned? Do you think that the non-white body is unable to process? What's the point you make, Kim? Hey, James, Sunil's making this point, which might be... I think perhaps genetically we're unable to process 100% organic wheat beer from Sam Smiths. Which means I know where you were drinking, which means it's... Let's just say how it is.

The brewery Sam Smiths is... Beate, obviously. Not my people. Central London pub, they basically run out of all lager, except the 100% organic. organic wheat beer. You didn't even have man in a box. It's like, it's like, ink, that could have been my tongue in cheek. I think it's more like, I think like, it could be that lager, or it could be the lager in the Soho Theatre. So the Soho Theatre may also be poisoning ethnic minorities with their lagers. But yeah, no, it was a big vomit and very surprising. First

vomit, as I said, you know, for a couple of decades. And it was a very, it's a real surprise. I really didn't know how to behave with the vomit. I was quite surprised that, With vomit, it just comes up and you don't have to encourage it at all. And it comes out pretty fast and it comes out a few times. Went home, brushed my teeth because I remembered that like stomach acid rots teeth. I tried to eat the second burger I bought that night and couldn't stomach it so I went to bed. 2.29 a.m. the timestamp on my burger receipt. I think I got the bus at one.

Ah, that means it's half an hour unaccounted for. But, but, but a lot of the alcohol was out of my system by the time I waddled off to get burgers. So I think I may have. aliens. It's either aliens or racism. A pocket full of poppers. But obviously there's something wrong with the pints because I haven't been sick for so long. So it's obviously the pints. It's 100% the pints. It's not me. And I haven't changed. I'll never change. You can't stop me. I'm the same man I was

when I was 18. Its entire podcast is basically like managed decline. It's a time lapse of like, body turning into a corpse. Do you know what I mean? If you took all it... But the mine's shot... But the mine shot. Some of us.

Trying to talk about digital ID can. So Chris has entered an item on my list. You don't. You just said... I didn't even know what it is. Chris has entered an item on my to-do list. He texted me late...

You didn't even know what a lynx was. You don't know what size of links is. How big are these cards then? Dog size? They're digital. It's like a rail card in the train line app. That's what I've learned. So what you can't be...

be, to be a citizen of the country, you have to have a charged phone. You've got to have a battery pack. I mean, yes. Do you understand what a boost this is for Anchor and you agree? You have to respect, you have to respect this country. You have to have a battery pack. Look, I've got no problem with that kind of rule. If everyone was forced to carry a battery pack, I think the world would be a lot better. Is Anchor a UK company? Almost, almost absolutely not. Battery pack manufacturers, UK based. I don't know. Any batteries that I made in this. country. The bollocks.

Right. Listen, I have asked Sonnell to, as the city-based correspondent, to do a special report on digital ID cards. So special reports. This is digital ID cards have been announced by the UK government. I presume it's happening. And so Sonal, when is it happening what it's about? What?

Give us the key information, please. And what they're going to do is they're going to make sort of reprobates and near-do-wells have a digital ID card so we can track them in real time and make sure they don't commit any crimes in the future. It's a form of fascism that Chris and I are fully on board with, think that this would help. What, what, what, what, what, what, what is it? What is it? It's ID card, but on your phone, like a rail card in the train line app. Okay. So you've got have the train line app. Listen, as the countryside correspondent, I want to just tell you the countryside mindset. I don't want to be tracked digitally. I have to present

papers. I don't want to be challenged by anybody. You already tracked digitally. What are you on about? Your footprints massive. No, no, no. I've got my phone in a Faraday box. Doesn't matter. They've tracked all your hentai sites, haven't they? They know when you've been. His phones in a Faraday box, his phone's in a Faraday box with an oil painting of his asshole. Yeah, but he's on Wi-Fi with us now. Just as a final deterrent. You know what I mean? I can give that to the border check police and my, oh, you get my digital ID card, it's in there, and then there'll be a little sign on the Faraday box saying, don't open this box, I'm telling you.

You know, there's cameras in London that are now just scanning everyone's faces and looking for near-do wells. No, we don't want to, I want to be able to slip out. You've done nothing wrong. You've got nothing to hide. To witness. No, but it's not your business. What I have to have.

I've got lots of, I know. I have so many stuff to hide. I, like, I've got a mad amount of things to hide. I want to nip out in the night, go to a farmer's barn. look at his shape look at a lamb that's just been born no one's tracking you for that birth defects

checking for birth defects it does happen a lot in lounds hasn't been born with a fucking tentacle is it just a bag of bones I need to do all this under cover of darkness

not being absurd no one's gonna you've got cameras all over your village anyway yeah could catch gin can man but when they put them up we all fucking went mad didn't we and kicked off

But you could have caught Gene Canman like that. And the county lines drug smugglers. You wouldn't have needed any of that red string. This is trading privacy. For what? For security. It's a fake trade-off into its bollocks. Do you think they're immune from big things happening to them?

What does that even? Yeah. No, obviously not. I didn't think about privacy. I didn't think about privacy. which I also do take seriously. I think digital ID card for everyone except me. What if I write in my phone,

like loads of stuff that's private to me? Should somebody who's gone, should somebody who's a policeman be allowed to look at that? Everyone's phones are completely open to the security services anyway. Exactly. Matter closed. Digital ID cards denied.

So do we, you're saying we don't need a digital ID card? Chris is saying no. I'm saying I don't. Because they're already in my train line. I'm saying I've already got a rail card, so I don't need one. As a victim of, as a victim, I had a car crash last week. There is, there is this, here is the city, but.

As a victim of I had a car crash. As a victim of I had a car crash, I wouldn't have, they wouldn't have known who was in the right unless I'd videotaped it on my dash cam. Thank you. Front and rear. I think, we haven't talked about that on the podcast, so maybe you need to clarify the nature of that car crash. I was driving. I had several cans at golf. I was trying to drive home. It was poisoned. Was it poisoned again? I was poisoned. So I was driving 30 in a 20 and crashed into a parked car.

No, what have we really, really happened? No, I was driving eight miles an hour, according to the dash cam, upper road, and a man in a parked car opened his driver's side door into my path, smashing my wing mirror and scratching my passenger side door, caught on dash cam. Oh. And sent it to the AA. They've not really responded, to be honest. So, okay, so I'm going, they're trying to, well, I left the scene. I didn't flee the scene. I left because I didn't realize there was any damage.

And when I got Ahmed, I realized he cracked my wing mirror and scratched the side. Right. So now, let me paint a picture for you, a hypothetical scenario. And also, is this an oil, when you're painting this picture, you're using oils,

because I'm nervous. Yeah, he's using purely brown and black oil. I'm getting into painting, but... I'm getting into that in the future. I'm coming back. I'm a painter now. But there's more on that. I'm going to do that another time.

I'm on a painting journey. You go into a local pharmacy beauty good shop. You go in. You want to buy some beard oil or moisturiser. Moistreiser. You know what I mean? You've had the same brand for years. You've found out recently that the owner of the skincare brand is basically some real bad guy.

Do you know what I mean? Organ trafficking. So you're like, I don't want to give that guy my money anymore. So you get the moisturiser. You go to the till. You scan it. Then it says scan digital ID card to approve purchase. You do that.

It says transaction denied because you normally buy this. Oh, thank you for reminding me. And now you have to go back and buy that and say moisturizer. It's illegal because of digital ID cards. did you understand the hypothetical if that situation existed but on the other hand which it does great great and because of digital ID card no one's stealing my car happy with that is was that a metaphor for it was a metaphor and hypothetical situation and it explained the current issue of digital ID cards this matter is now brought to a clause

no no no I just want you to think about from the countryside perspective how it would impact your city I'm taking a contrarian view on it I don't even know what the fuck it is to be honest I don't even you can do what you want you can have a log burner anyone challenging knows it is my God given right

to protect my property it's not your God given right because that's illegal as well you can't protect your property with a pitch for that's illegal well just try coming into my fucking house and taking my log burners son you just pushed me too far Oh, all right, one more thing.

I got dressed in women's tracksuits yesterday and I loved it. I'm going all in. Oh, like, the lure? Yeah, they're beautiful. Pleated front, flared bottoms feel lovely, feel really great. Sweaty Betty. Is that what it said, across your bottom? Said, enter here.

Or did you say juicy. And then there's an oil painting. Anyway, let's move on. It's in a secret drawer. No, sure at all, obviously, but why are you wearing specifically women's track suit bottoms? What's happened? How do you know they're women's? Is the zip go up the other side or something?

There's no like peephole for a penis, but then I don't think tracksuit bottoms have those. No, no, I don't think any of my trousers have peephole for penis. But I don't own any lounge wear, as we've discussed at length on this podcast in the past. I wore it and I felt, I felt really good. And I think maybe I'm going to go, I'm going to do it for winter. I'm going to wear lounge wear. So this is less about it being specifically women's clothes versus you had just been forced to relax for the first time. No, but they feel nicer because I've worn tracksuits before and they're just like, what's the point of this?

I feel awful. But these are like slightly tailored and they're like, it's kind of like kind of smart. Like you could wear it out to the curvy her body to the bigger engine room. Yeah. Yeah, well, good on it. I think we have a thing where Nicola's always stressed out with me because I'm not worried, which is that why you're always wearing jeans to relax, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Let's just check in with James and before we do a letter, what's going on with you, Jim, from the world of the twiddles and the knobs and the press, press, press. I went to a podcast networking event. Oh, completely embarrassed myself with an internet comedian who I quite like the work of. What did you do?

I just met them. and now I was talking to some other internet comedian-y-type people. And who, let's just say, as a traditional comedian of this stage, do you know what I mean? I do my craft, I can feel bored under my feet. I don't know. I guess they're just, as far as I know, they're just internet comedian, but I haven't been knocking around the live circuit for a while. Okay, go on, man.

And I just took a big swing to say something. in silly. And it, you know, with hindsight, it was misjudged. The, the internet comedians had started to talk slight business. So they'd sort of gone into like subscriber numbers going up recently. I said a humorous and silly reason why that might have happened. The person in question, I might have slightly garbled it. They at best didn't hear what I said. Most likely didn't quite understand what I'd said. So I had to repeat it two to three times before admitting this was a joke that had gone quite badly wrong and I just I'd see it that I've noticed with you guys though you guys you'll not you'll sometimes not realize when a norm is trying to make a joke

and you're sort of I think the problem was they've gone into business mode they didn't want silliness coming into it at that point or they weren't looking for silliness at that point and it's fine I've kind of sort of processed it in my head it's like Like, if you worked in a nursery with babies all the time and someone came up to you with a slightly ugly baby, you would probably not recognize that that was a baby at all. You'd perhaps like try and slap it out of their hands and say, why are you being attacked by that small dog? If you're rejected by, let's not say who they are, the worst, the worst group of people in the world. I was fuming all the way. Don't live in a prison of giving a fuck about what internet comedians.

Write a new story for your life, man. And you've gone in today. You haven't gone to try and buddy. You haven't gone with a negative thing in your heart. You've tried to engage and have a laugh with someone. And it's fallen on deaf ears because I don't know they are, but they haven't got funny bones. You can't vibe with everyone.

You can't vibe with everyone. You've done it yourself. I've never embarrassed myself like that. I would never let that happen to me. Yes. I would never let what happened to you happen to me, never. You wouldn't say anything. Silence is power.

But now the one thing about getting older is that you don't have to chase for the approval of people that are not worth your time. That's it. It's called Inner Peace. That's what Chris is talking about. I'm going to think about it at 3am for the next rest of my life. But someone else never had thought about

what anyone has ever said or Sunil's never wrestled with this sort of quandary because you don't give a thought. I've had, you know, in your 20s when you're still figuring out who you are, you always worry about what people think and what they're saying about you and how you come across. You just, as you get older, pick up bigger problems in your life.

Yeah, a lot of perspective happens in your older. Do you know what I mean? It's a good, it's a good trade-off of being older. I think when you get older, you do what you want to do. Yeah, like have a fucking skinfall on a Saturday night. And it's a podcast recording, you're cool. Outro, thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. This is a reminder, guys, we're going to the Fairfield Social Club in Manchester in the United Kingdom on the 22nd of November.

Tickets are in the show notes. It's selling fast. Well, if you'd like to support Rural Concerns, you can wang us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and alternatively, you can head over to patreon.com forward slash Rural Concerns, where for less than a pint, you'll get access to weekly bonus content. And there's a sneak peek of that after the credits. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Our music is by Sam O'Leary, and our legal due diligence is by Calderick Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for a lovely time productions. Going rate of a B&B, you're looking at half of 100 quid for a night around it.

That's what you've charged me in the past when I've come to visit. And I've had a really snippy attitude when you've delivered breakfast as well, to be honest. Now you would be living. Now you would be living. You have that option for free up here. So as part of a scheme, which I'm thinking of is a sort of quid pro quo. I've got a room for you, a go. Say it so now.

You've got a room for me. No, I've got a room for you. Yeah, you've got a room for me. Do you know what I mean? We're both. It's like a cultural exchange. Bong, like that.