Rural Concerns - Spit, automatons & the cursed roundabout

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

The boys are back and they’re talking about cars! In this ep Sunil refuses to apologise to mums with prams, Chris says ‘doubloon’ loads and Producer James proves he can park on sixpence. Please note, this is not an election special!  You can now support this podcast on Patreon! That’s right, for less than the price of a pint of smelly London lager you can get access to bonus episodes, power bank affiliate links and The Creamery, our exclusive Discord hangout. For more info, head to https://patreon.com/RuralConcerns. Get in touch! Drop your rural concerns to [e-mail]. Our music is by Sam O’Leary [www.samoleary.com] and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns was produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. Rural Concerns was produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast equivalent of Oppenheimer. Just blokes banging on and on and on and on and on and on. With an absolutely banging soundtrack. Don't let that bit in there, James. You hear me? He can't be in my intro. Can I bring this podcast to order? Oh.

Yep. I've got a serious bit of business to discuss. Okay. Sunil. Yes. Producer James has outright banned us from doing an election special. But I didn't even know you'd asked him to do one. I didn't know that was an issue.

I've been spinning a lot of plates, mate. You're busy. I don't want to, I want to keep you. What have you got to say about politics? I just thought we could discuss, you know, it's a big election. I thought we could get three lads get into it. Yeah, yeah. We could talk.

Well, should we not wait for the actual proper elections in October and November? What do you mean? It's just bird juice and I can go. Cheers. Cheers. I really, really have a, I despise people who stay up

for the American elections. I hate it. I think it's so pathetic. It's like staying up for, it's like, it's like staying up for, it's like, it's like staying up for the wrestling, but without the pride

of enjoying the wrestling. Do you know what I mean? I stayed up for the Obama one because I thought it was a historic occasion. Me too. Well, Obama. Here we go.

Oh God. Cut. Just cut. Yeah. Obviously. So I'm saying that I can see why James wanted us to stay away from this topic. I mean, the British elections haven't got much to do with drone strikes, really. What are you voting on? What's your hot button issue?

I would say I haven't really got any hot button issues I'm thinking of. I mean, we're in a very Labour area, so it's pretty much a foregone conclusion here. So it's not really going to make much difference who I vote for. Why? I know you want to say something. No, I don't want to say anything. I'm just, I don't know. I'm going to let Carol Fordham tell me what I need to do,

you know, like for my area. Does she live near you? No. Yeah, she comes around in a golf cart and just shouts at people but I don't I thought I'd mix it up a bit

do you know what I mean it's like like we've been doing this 12 episodes now Sonal what films have you seen at the cinema Chris have you got any

older male friends do you know what I mean it was just I'd break it out Furiosa this week shout out to George Miller have you seen it yeah I've seen it guess where trying to break it out. Furiosa this week. Shout out to George Miller. Have you seen it?

Yeah. I've seen it. Guess where I saw it? IMAX? Cinema? Oh. Come on, Chris. On your phone?

On my phone, yeah. Private bear? What do you think? Yeah, I thought it was nice, big, loud. Lots of action. Guns and that. Yeah. Makes you think, doesn't it?

About what? About cars and that. Well, the beauty of it is that you don't have to think. It makes me want to. The way that I drove home from Furiosa was I was almost at the speed limit. I was in my car, you know, like rattling. Is it still that 1.6 Astra? Yeah, I drive a jalopy around, bombing home from Furiosa,

like that. And it put into perspective that I believe I'm not the best driver in the world. No. I mean, but I'm so jazzed up by that film. But did it make you a more confident driver on the way home? I think I did, but I don't believe that I should be more confident because I believe I'm like 90% a good driver.

That 10% will kill you. That 10% is me like, you know, like just getting another car or not quite stopping at a red light and going over into main bit at roundabout when you should be waiting. That's the 10%. How do you find driving in London? Stressful and expensive. I told you, like, I spend so much money because I keep,

last time I was there, I didn't understand congestion charge and I ran two red lights. Yeah. So I had like, and my wife's just like, cause it's registered in her name. She just gets the bills through. And I'm like,

I was London. I was like, well, you know, I spent 150 pounds on the train, but I did this thing and I met my friend and it was a productive trip. And then she's like opening these letters

and it's 180. Oh yeah. We bought the 200 mark on fines. I don't know how you managed to do that. putting in these letters and it's 180. Oh, yep, we've got the 200 mark on fines. Aye, aye, aye. I don't know how you managed to do that.

Just having a laugh and that, do you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly, playing the music out loud. Not being content. I once drove to Brighton,

Sunil, with Chris as my co-pilot slash map man. I forgot about this. And this was before, this was when phones could do maps. Yeah.

But before I had a little mount. Oh, so Chris was your mount? Chris was my mount. All he needed to do was tell me what was going on on the screen. I kind of, it's not his forte. I don't think you should put him in that position. Yes, with hindsight, I shouldn't have put him in that position it's like asking an owl to me while i'm a computer it's not fair well you know if you want him in your car it's to do a choose your own adventure for you

or to get ahead on the mcdonald's order like to get that sort of organized like we'll have two of these six of that do you know what i mean okay yeah it was there was there was genuinely one point where we were going we went round around about five times and he couldn't

handle because the map was spinning yeah as we went around yeah but slowly and I we were going to

Brighton so I just said find the sea and get us in the direction of the sea yeah and then we'll

we'll be able to get there and you're it keeps moving but that's even harder for somebody who doesn't really have any spatial awareness it's blue it's a big blue thing on a map and there's no roads on it they need numbers arrows that kind of stuff not shouting not just increasing increasing levels of shouting no but that's what i was about to say. When that happened and you were driving, you didn't lose your patience with me. I said, I've had panic. I don't know. You just went, it's okay. We'll figure it out.

Just we'll keep going around until... That's why he's going to have a stroke 10 years after that. Who is, James? He's keeping that anger inside. Just bottling it up, bottling it up. And it's you that did it, Chris. I don't know, but we cut this mad thing out of him and it looks like it's a physical manifestation

of going round a roundabout a hundred times. And we're not talking a big roundabout, we're talking like slightly. Oh, not a mini one. One grade above a mini. Five times a mini roundabout. It had an arrow on it, but it was, yeah, it didn't have traffic lights.

Oh, what a pathetic sight though for other drivers. Really bolsters confidence in the people around you though. But they would have only seen us, like no one would have been there. Fortunately,

no one had been there long enough to see us go around more than once. Yeah, I remember it being quite a desolate strip and you know, I just,

first I had to look away from the phone, take a breath and then we did it. And then we got there. Okay. Two open mic comedians. We got to Brighton.

Died on his arses. At the Squawker competition. The Squawker Awards. Squawker Awards. I think we'd said on the way down, if Alistair's there, ABK, then we may as well just turn around and come back. And he was there and he won it., ABK. Yeah. Then we may as well just turn around and come back. And he was there and he won it.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is before you had a license, Chris, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. I got my license basically quite late. I moved to, I was in London, didn't need it. Do you know what I mean?

I was just, I'd get by on the arteries of the city running underground like a rat. Do you know what I mean? But then I got to Manchester and I was like, I do need it just to get around and go to shops. So I did it. I learned to drive in my thirties. Bit hard, isn't it? A bit harder, I think.

It's hard, but I failed several times when I was in my twenties and a lot of it's like, and when my late teens and that, but kind of very, very anxious. And when I did it again in my thirties, although it is late to be sort of

crunching anything new in, a lot of that anxiety had dissipated. And also I was just like... Are you saying you were more anxious 10 years ago? This is the best I've ever been to be around right now. Yeah? I'm the most chill. Do we have any comments on that?

Any thoughts? I feel like... Sorry, sorry. Right, let's start with James's photo. James, what are we looking at? Jesus wept. Have you done that? I parked that car.

That's amazing. That. Yeah, but were the other cars there before then? Yeah. And your car, does it park itself? No, it's got a camera in the back, but only in the back. We used to have one with cameras on the sides and stuff, which was even easier to park.

You've absolutely screwed over the car behind you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's one of them little Mercedes. They can lift it out if they're that bothered. Is there a child there with its hand on its head

wondering how you did it? Yeah, that is my child. Absolutely gobsmacked at how amazing his dad is. That's pretty cool. To be honest, I taught them the phrase like a glove.

It was my youngest child's first sentence. To be honest, I taught them the phrase, like a glove. It was my youngest child's first sentence. We're talking, Chris, can you estimate the distance of the front car away from James' car? I'd say it's about six inches. Yeah, I'd say it's like a hand span. And the back car, I would say zero inches. The back, yeah, that's plastic on plastic, isn't it? That's a space I would never even consider getting my car into.

I'd say generously the space was a foot bigger than the car. That is skills. I don't bother with that. I can't. Is it parallel? I can't even say it. I can't do it. I basically just, like I say, after I scratched it up the side,

if I can't do it, I just drive on. I walk in for miles away. Do you know what I mean? I park further up the road, a long way up the road, and I can't do it i just drive on i'll walk in for miles away do you know what i mean i park further up the road a long way up the road and i can't do it under pressure i live on this busy high street of the road the main thoroughfare so if there's another car i'm like it's not happening i'll just go up the road and walk back have you not got a driveway i thought everyone in the country no okay we're on on street parking can't be many people around though. There's loads of people.

It's a busy thoroughfare. Sorry, yeah, I'm sorry. They're going to the base. They're going to a lot of places. The shops. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So let's look at Sunil's picture.

Well done on that, James. You might have to give. Well, mine's not about parking. I thought we were just sending each other pictures of our cars. This is nice. I mean, parking wise is terrible. You're up on the curb. I'm fully on the curb at that point doors wide open i've left it like that and then would you like to use this opportunity this platform that we're cultivating to apologize

to mothers with prams and wheelchair users so just to say the area in which i parked as far as i know there were no mothers with prams there There's none that live around that bit, so I wouldn't worry about it. And is that area London? Oh, no, that's Bath. Yeah, I can tell that's Bath. Everything on the house is like battlement. No, it's perfectly normal to park on the pavement in that area, so don't worry about that. Oh, shut up, it's

perfectly normal. No, you're supposed to, that's how people park. It's how people park, but it's not how you're supposed to park. What was I supposed to do there? Back on the road. Yeah, but you can't because it's to give people park but it's not how you're supposed to park what was i supposed to do there back on the road yeah but you can't because it's too narrow well i wasn't just being a dick i wasn't just parking on the pavement to stop people getting down there in wheelchairs let's do a list uh survey do you park do you park on the road where it's safe or do you get fully on the pavement so that um your wing mirrors are protected. So that parents with prams, Chelsea pensioners, that they have to walk out into the road

in front of Arctic lobbies coming past at 60 mile an hour. If you, like, which camp are you? This is a cul-de-sac. There's no... That's a cul-de-sac. People are, once you go into a cul-de-sac, people are expected to come out, aren't they? So that's, yeah, that's a cul-de-sac people are once you go into a cul-de-sac people are expected to come out

aren't they so that's yeah that's it fine agenda that one's off the that one's off the agenda

everyone's everyone's happy but I would say I was out with my dad driving my dad's a good driver although he was a good driver but then

steady-headed driver for all my life and then just recently started getting speeding tickets and stuff so i don't know what's going yeah interesting yeah so he's a very steady driver my dad was when i was at his house we were driving to shops or something and we drove on an overpass the overpass had that metal a metal fence onto another motorway and the metal fence had like a new bit. And my dad was like, you see that new bit of fence there? I went, yeah.

He went, he's like laughing already. There's this couple, old couple. They went through it and fell onto motorway. They died. But the way that he told it was like mental he would choose

to do that yeah he was like absolutely off the meds but he was actually told him an old joke or something like that

yeah yeah I mean I've got a lot to say about driving I guess so yeah and do you know what thinking about it, I think that's what London needs now really,

into more cars on the road. It's good. It's good. It's good to be with it. I went on the bus the other night. Yeah. And from Tottenham Court Road to South London Zone 2, that's the journey I took.

The entire way, there was a man next to me, got on at the same stop as me, got a Bluetooth speaker out and started playing reggaeton for about an hour and 20 minutes. And was he sat like, were you sat next to the window? He was in the opposite road to me.

Oh yeah. Was he selling cans of Red Stripe for three quid? No, he wasn't even doing that. He didn't even have the politeness to do that. He was just, he was just like, I'm going to play this music out loud, see if anyone vibes with it.

And no one did ever. I just ignored him. You should just start playing a podcast out or something. Dune 2, the audio book. Do you want me to tell you about my storage unit? I do want to know about that. Yes. I got a load of boxes

and I thought I need to, well, I need to store some clothes away, like winter stuff. And then I thought I can't put it in the cellar because it gets all damp just didn't have any space anywhere and i thought i'll get a storage in it it was really cheap it was one pound for the first three months and i was really excited about it it's bloody great you don't even have there's no one there you sign in you tap your phone on it, you get in. Is all your stuff in boxes, like proper in storage, or is it just like a, is it hung up on hangers? I vacuum packed it and put it away. And then I was like, oh, I'll get a storage unit for that.

That'll be useful. Thought, I'll get a storage unit. That's what I need. Just sent you the photo. This is how much stuff there is. Oh, so it's just a tidy little thing. That looks like it. That's not much stuff there is. Oh, so it's just a tidy little thing. That looks like it. That's not much stuff.

That's three boxes. But I didn't know what 15 metres squared was. I was like, oh, what, half a wardrobe? I don't know. That's the smallest unit they have. But you can't put those under your bed? No, you need to have airflow under the bed because we get humidity and mould in here.

Yeah. No, no, fair enough. So the thing is, I think with this, it's not like a pound for three months is very, very cheap, but I've got a feeling in terms of the economics of it. This is a long-term thing. It's like,

you know, when you get internet, like, like I had digital storage with Google and then you're like, I paid one pound 50 to extend it. And then I walk basically like every time to extend it. And then I walk. Basically, every time you extend it, you can cut down, but you're never cutting down that much.

So you're never that far away from maxing out the storage that you've got and upgrading, upgrading, upgrading. You mean they've got me for life? I think so. Just with those three boxes? Just with those three boxes. I think that's it. What's in them

would you mind giving one to like offering one of the boxes as a prize to the to the patreon community yeah one of the boxes i'll offer as a prize to the patreon community inside it is a load of old jumpers oh something to think about so no you'll be surprised to learn that James rarely edits any of this. We nearly had a fallout in private because he wouldn't take out my mouth sounds. Do you know what I mean? I was like... There's no filter on there. There's no filter for that.

I was like, come on, mate. We need to take two of these out. I just sound like I'm... What do you mean your mouth sounds? There was a big sort of glaggy cough. I think I was unwell and it was very starting off. I was coming out of a deep January turning 40 depression. I just had too much spit in my mouth.

Do you know what I mean? No, you were excited, weren't you? So much spit. Yeah, it's like Pavlov's podcast, isn't it? I was just like, I'm doing it with a lads. I can feel now even talking about it. Like the glands going and producing so much spit. Yeah, yeah.

Just excited to talk. I think when you're young as well, it's just like, when you're young, you spend a lot of time thinking, who am I? What is my place in the world? But when you get to our age, you just produce loads of spit and earwax, who am I? What is my place in the world? But when you get to our age, you just produce loads of spitting earwax, don't you?

I have too much skin on my foot. Do you know what I mean? Like my foot's just got too much skin on it. And it's like... What, it's baggy? No, like, just like hard skin. And then you like get rid of it.

And then it's just more hard skin. I don't want this bit in either. James, can this be the fully redacted episode? Yeah, yeah. My heel looks like Thanos' chin. You're not putting any cream on that, boys. No, I'd...

What's the name of it? With the stone? Pumice. Pumice, yeah. But I haven't got a good foot... I did put some foot cream, but then I nearly slipped over and I'm too worried.

Oh, what, because your feet were too smooth like a baby's foot? No, because they were lubed up, like Sunil's Thanksgiving turkey. If you're going to lube your foot up, put a sock on over it. Yeah, then you're sleeping in socks. I'm not that guy. We're already at the slightly older end of the podcasting spectrum, but I feel like we're getting older during this episode. Talking about varicose veins.

I would moisturize your foot in the morning and put a sock on. Oh, this is clever. This is the Sunil angle. 99% of my moisturizing is in the morning. Then I've got the whole day to not be dry. Yeah. I need to get some more hyaluronic acid from my face. From my face.

What's wrong with your face as well? Oh, it's dry. You've got a dry face. But then also greasy. So you want SPF 50 as well. Oof. Is this another affiliate link? No, it's just a moisturizer I use.

It's cheap. I just started getting into moisturizer. But it feels like applying, you know, like I suddenly realized that I need, suddenly realized that I'm getting older, so I've started using it religiously now. And it feels like Mona Lisa's already fallen a bit. It's like it's too late to save it.

I think the three of us should go to Turkey. And do what? You know what they do there. I know what they do there. BBL? Statistically, one of us will die from a failed BBL operation.

Get us in there. Like this podcast, live, bonus episode, while we're doing this, shaving his teeth for six hours. We will let one patron

come with us and they can sit at the back of the aeroplane and take a picture of our bandaged heads up front. Bandaged heads, shaved teeth. It sounds like hell. It sounds like hell. Going to Turkey to have your BBL.

Especially coming back on a plane, yeah. What if they do that one that makes you taller? Like breaking all your bones? The shin one? Yeah, something like that. I don't need that. My shin's already hurt enough my shins are like super sensitive

do you know if I touch something on them I'm in agony but they're mad aren't they they're just it's like it's like do you know what they talk about

Halloween and you're like it's that bit of the year where the veil between the spirit world and our world is that it's finished that's how I feel with shins, where it's like, you know,

like it's the bit between when the inside and your outside of your body are closest. You're like, you're so close to, when you're touching your shin, you're so close to bone. Oh, right. I see. Because it is bone. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just got a bit of skin on it. But if you look at that... Oh, hello, he's whapped his guns out. That's a gun. That's an absolute gun there. If you shot that with a bullet, that gun... It'd just bounce off.

That muscle... It would absorb that, yeah. That muscly gun, and you shot a bullet into that, that bullet's like, it's not even... The drag of the muscle is stopping it before it hits the bone. If you fire it into shin, the bullet is straight into shin. So shin is part of leg, is it? Or it float on top of leg?

What's it attached to? Bottom of leg? Bottom of top of foot? Yeah. Ankle bone, knee bone. And then it's got a mate. It's like, it's the big guy going down the middle. And then like, it's got a little mate that's just...

It's part of leg bone, bottom leg bone. Yeah, I think there's two. There's two in there. No, on each leg. There's like big shin and then little mate of shin. So like shield and then little mate holding it up. Yeah, I think he's just there on vibes. He's like the flavour, flavour of your lower leg.

So you've got Chuck D, he's solid. Okay, fine, Louis. We're all speaking the same language. I'm looking at a picture of Shin. Right, yeah, it's not what I thought it was. What did you think it was? Well, I thought it was like a flat plate. It's just like a bone. Oh, this is an aside,

but have you ever been on like an American government website? Yeah. Their design aesthetic is so bad. They all have like the country. We've got this in America. But if you go like the transport, the Department of Transport's website, it's like bright blue background. So the text is like hurting your eyes.

There's like eight eagles all over the page and stuff like this. This is not a consistent design aesthetic uh where do you think i got the inspiration for my website from yeah the secretary of the department of defense the state department where is britain's so all britain's government oh god this God, this is very government heavy, but Britain's design is very like cold, calm. Everyone chill out. Everything's fine. Helvetica.

Do you know what I mean? It's much more corporate, isn't it? Very corporate. It was only really during COVID times I'd look at foreign official websites just to see like if you could go on holiday there yet, what rules they had. Oh yeah, James. I don't want to put across the image that this is how I spent my,

this isn't what I do for recreation. It's just, but you did it full on, full-time job during COVID. Do you want to talk about county fairs? Just to let you know, I went, there was a county fair down the road for me last weekend.

I know about that one. What do you mean that one? Where were you? Well, in Brockwell Park, there was one. There was a county fair in Brockwell Park? There were knights on horseback. Go get your water. What should we talk about? That's very intense, Neil. You need to be a little bit more chill. What should we talk about? What do you think of the Lexus UXx then i like it i like it 187 bhp not fucking about

and it's is it fully electric no it's a hybrid no your bmw must have a bit of fucking poke though yes it's a that's also a hybrid yeah is it it's a plug-in hybrid oh do you plug it in much where that's the this is the rub we don't have off street aren't you so we've got to park it like in the co-op car park and charge it like bring it round kind of thing or it will charge it you know when you're on the motorway and you get it to charge itself that's quite good but yeah no mine's um great car can't vault it really can't like fully just charges itself as it goes kind of yeah it's only a small battery pack but it does like i mean 55 to 60 to the gallon on the motorway and then you know 80 or so around town very nice parks itself if i

wanted to but i don't know how to use that no i don't know or trust how to use i've used it once on a prius and it like lurched like a bucking bronco and it's like oh you have to control the brake otherwise it will yeah yeah yeah it will it will park itself at speed it'll put itself in another car yeah well that's the thing with ai into on ai but like self-driving cars i listened to a thing about it where it was like they've had tests of self-driving cars that have driven for two hours solid or something like that do you know what I mean? A lot of money's been sunk into it. And that is like, when you think about, you know,

like the Wright brothers doing the test of the flight and they flew the first ever plane for, I think it's like 18 seconds or something like that. Like a really small amount of time. But off the back of that, they obviously create like air, like commercial air flights existed from that momentary bit of innovation whereas with cars like self-driving cars they've done so much more testing and it's it is it does exist like the technology exists but the gulf as i understand it from that testing phase to becoming a practical reality is such a chasm to jump

that it's basically kind of unattainable because fundamentally the computers can't get their head around whether it's a nine-year-old child on a carrier bag. Do you know what I mean? So they'll go, they'll absolutely smash through both of them. They don't care. So it's like legally, so it's like like legally and it's like

who's culpable in that in that world maybe they could just make one lane on the motorway for self-driving cars or something and then I could have a nap

on the way somewhere and then it'll drive you in to Heston services or something yeah oh no not Heston that's the worst

yeah because it's one mile on the motorway out of London that's my first stop every time I leave London. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beaconsfield, all the way. It takes me an hour and a half to get out of London.

That's true. Beaconsfield though, that's the one. That's the one for me. That's the one that's got a Wetherspoons. Beaconsfield. It feels like a service station for people that are going to shit themselves. If it's a mile out of London, it's like someone's gone wrong. You're like, you need to shit yourself.

We've got a power. We're not that far away from TB. I do listen to some podcasts and this, we are just recreating conversations from other podcasts at the minute that I listen to. Do you think it's your algorithm you're basically clued into? Older men talking about service stations? Yeah, I think stations yeah i think so

i think so should we banish tb from the list then i mean it's a good we all know it's a good respect that it's a good and and and move on i was watching married at first sight uk and there's a guy on it who says um he tells everyone he's 26 but he's actually 36 and then when someone said why why do you say 26 and he goes i haven't achieved what i want to at 36 and until i do i'll lie about my age something to think about lads yeah and that's the actions of a psychopath isn't it did you listen to i remember like i think siren peg did an interview with a news purple and he was talking he was talking about tom cruise and i don't think sireng quite realized what he was

saying and how it had been perceived but it was like Tom Cruise is super inspirational to watch him work he never ever will admit that he's wrong anyway yeah fair enough if that works for you even if he's very wrong sounds like someone I know none of you that yeah yeah we're thinking about the same person. He does a hell of a job editing these episodes. Did you hear about Tom Cruise when he went to that curry house? This always makes my heart feel happy.

He went to a curry house. He had a delicious curry and called the go-roos. And as you can well imagine Tom Cruise doing, going, what was this curry? It was amazing. And the guy told him and he was like, great, I'll have another one. And he had another one right there. Boom.

Two curries. Where was this? Birmingham. It was when he was doing the last, because he was sort of stuck in England, wasn't he, during lockdown stuff. Oh, right. Filming the films. I feel like with that sort of individual, high performance individual,

he must live just purely in the films. I feel like with that sort of individual, high performance individual, he must live just purely in the moment. Like he doesn't, you know, I'm always defaulting in my head. I want Tom at home, but Tom Cruise just doesn't really have an home, does he? Tom Cruise's home is the world. That's profound, man.

Like if he's like, I'm stranded in England, just buy me a big house. I'll just live in that big house for two weeks and then we'll smash it down. I don't want it sold on again. We'll just smash in that big house for two weeks and then we'll smash it down. I don't want it sold on again. We'll just smash the house down and cover it all in tarmac.

I don't want anyone living on the ground where I've lived, but that's just money, isn't it? I don't think they'd do that. I don't think you should have money after what you just said. No, I would like to have enough money just not to be anxious about money.

I have thought if I won big on the Euros, the first thing I'd do is pay to have my friend Lee's house full of puppets. Do you know what I mean? Like automatons and stuff. I was really scared of him. But I'd pay his wife an amount of money that she has to do it and just fill it full for hundreds of millions of puppets so that's first thing is it you wouldn't even think about a charity or helping your family

kind of as a charity because everyone's having a laugh on that and that's that's what we need in these times difficult times what kind of puppets like i'd go marionette and i've like i think what he's really scared of is you know like disneyland style, fake automaton type things for the 50s. Like you ever been to the one where you shoot the water at it and it's like a old West scene and you have to fire the water at the thing and it does a thing when you hit the target. Yeah. One of them.

I'd have the house full of them. Like it's sort of like a mechanised world of horror. Could you shoot them with water and they do a thing? If I've won 120 million on the Euro lottery, I would be happy to put almost all of that back into Tom and Tom's house. Would it be so that he'd have to get his day done? He'd have to interact with the marionettes. You know, his toothbrush will be in the hand of one and he has to have it brush his teeth or something, or at least.

Probably. I think that bit of detail that we would work out in the negotiation, because the money will be on the table. You can do it or you can not do it. Don't feel free not to do it. But if he agrees to partake in it for the money to change hands, then we'd have to sort out all those details. The only thing I'd be very sure of now is he can't tell another living soul.

This would be NDA'd up to the eyeball. You know what I mean? Just between me and him. So what if someone comes to his house, he just can't mention it? Yeah. He's just like meets him on doorstep. He's like, thanks for these presents. That's Merry Christmas, mum.

I'll tell you later. What's that noise up? Don't worry about that. I'll tell you later. What's that noise? Don't worry about that. That's just Abraham Lincoln. Dressed as Santa though, because for the season. Can he tell his kids or? I think it's best if they remove,

it's just him in the house. Do you know what I mean? What, you're taking his kids away from it? That was not, I was behind it. everyone's, I've got 120 million.

Everyone's being looked after to a high standard. Do you know what I mean? Staying in the, staying in the four seasons or whatever. I don't want to be drawn. I don't want to be asking any further questions on this issue. The four seasons, you know what I mean?

Which I think is on, is it Watford, is it? It's probably a long way away from his house. Yeah. Everyone's having a good time. Everyone's having a good time. Apart from my friend.

Who's living in it. Yeah. Who's living in his nightmare. What, you give him a cash reward, like a Brewster's Millions at the end or something? Can you live with a million puppets in your house? And he'd be like, why? I'd be like, it amuses me.

So that's a long list of stuff that I'd do. I'd do that. I thought about getting doubloons printed, 3d printed doubloons to give to people. I was thinking if I could, for my best friends, if I could get like a doubloon, a custom doubloon.

You've thought about this. Yeah. And I give them all a doubloon and I'll be like, I've sort of been away while you've all been catching up and being friends for the last 15 years. Cause I've been doing gigs and running around and that. So I've not been the best friend, but it's a doubloon.

You can cash it in when you want and whatever I'm doing, if you're like, you need me to kill someone or whatever, just cash it in with a doubloon. I'll do whatever you want. Okay, yeah, yeah. As long as I'm still your mate.

Do you know what I mean? Have you recently watched the John Wick films? Oh, yeah, it's called John Wick. I have. John Wick films are an absolutely brilliant testament to just how much a middle-aged man can run. Do you know what I mean? I watched them and I'm like, come on, you can do 5K.

You do 5K running up those steps alone. Do you know what I mean? And he fell all the way back down. no you just only need to do one we're just doing this for one episode right now nobody but as in Sunil says artwork I say music oh I see snap snap snap back and forth okay alright artwork Poppy Hillstead

yeah is this what you said this is what you turned to do it's not exactly interpretation it kind of was what he said to do

no but I like it let's do it like start again do it artwork Poppy Hillstead Hillstead music

Sam O'Leary. Produced by. Egg Mountain for O'Lother Time Productions. Email. Christopher at o'lothertime.co.uk Support us on

Patreon. And review us on Spotify slash Apple Podcasts. And thanks very much to Joe for editing. Sorry. And also sorry. And thank you very much to Joe for editing sorry and also sorry

and thank you very much to Joe for editing I was just asking why have we written Sunil's boot under here I want to know about your car what about my boot you know my boot's tiny is that why you wrote it down yeah

he's got a little tiny boot it's just a very small boot