Rural Concerns - St Cans Day, flapjacks & manifestations

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

Chris uses his academic training to set a logic trap for a distracted James whilst Sunil talks us through an exciting new public holiday. You’ll be glad to know that Chris has risen from the flames, like Icarus! A mad, heatwave infused episode.  You can watch Rural Concerns Live at Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Tickets are selling fast! How are you celebrating St Cans Day? Drop us an email at [e-mail]. The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns. If this is your first time listening to this podcast, brace yourself for an unparalleled deep dive into the social, economic and anthropological issues facing the countryside dwelling community today. My name is Chris Cantrell and I grew up in the city but now reside in rural Northumbria. Think of me as an explorer who is duty bound to say yes to adventure. Indulging this impulse has led me down long forgotten country lanes, into the bedroom of a lord who remained seated throughout, and to some really rather delightful farmers markets. My name is Sunil Patel, and as this podcast's London-based delegate, I've been engaged by the

king to provide a contrasting metropolitan viewpoint to Chris's demented regional ramblings. I pride myself on being a man of reason. I routinely read scientific journals and always talk loudly over my female GP. Recently I conducted my own experiment where I took two piglets and placed them in a controlled environment. I then proceeded to feed one piglet a mint imperial every day, whereas the second piglet could have a ciggy whenever it wanted. Not sure what I was trying to discover to be honest. It ended horrifically and words got out so nobody will sell me any more piglets. Sad face emoji. You can't tell who's written them, can you? My name is James Shake Shaft and I'm the producer of this podcast. I live in a suburban new build housing estate which remains unfinished because the building company went bust. I have a long list of snagging issues which will never be fixed

and they didn't even join the estate up to the main road. It's hell. My life is basically a nightmare. Every night I go into my back garden, look up at the light polluted sky and pray for an asteroid to hit the earth." Shall we do a podcast? James, the only way you're going to get your own back is that you're going to have to write one. It's going to be two years of pent up annoyance. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome to the show. No, we're doing it. This is absolutely not what we do. We're like proper Shakespearean. We're like mid flow. Can I tell you, I've been with a theater person this week. I went and hung around with my friend, Amy Gladhill, and part of that was meeting her friend Alfie, who's like a proper Shakespearean actor.

Oh yeah. And I felt, you know, maybe I've got a play in me. Like Shakespeare, you think you've got one, you got a Shakespeare maybe I've got a play in me. Like Shakespeare, you think- You got one, you got a Shakespeare in you? You've got a Shakespeare in you. Right, right in a Shakespeare, doing a Shakespeare. Yeah, I think you might have, yeah. Well, in his style or in your style?

Sort of Shakespeare, but modern reinvented in a sort of, you know, Northern, rural way. Yeah. They've probably already done that then, they're already publishing. No, no, no. Like I'm talking like Shakespeare, but not as you know it. Like Titus Andronicus. verbal way. Yeah. They've probably already done that, they're already finishing. No, no. Like, I'm talking like Shakespeare but not as you know it.

Like Titus Andronicus. But set on a council estate. You know. Romeo and Juliet. I don't feel comfortable doing the accent. Really? Thank you, son-o. It's alright, love.

Also, you'll notice that I, in 65 episodes, have never done your accent. Yeah, you have. You've gone like, oh, hello. Well, if we just, if we just pick it up stuff that people have said in the past, I don't think I have done your accents. I mean, I've definitely done accents. I've done lots of accents often at the same time. That's true.

You've done, where's he from? Where's the Irish? They should be most annoyed. That's a Lincoln shirt accent. Technically've done, where's he from? Where's the Irish? They should be most annoyed. That's a Lincoln shirt accent. Technically from Lincoln, yeah. So, yes or no? Here is the city bit.

Well, look, we're all getting ready for one of the biggest events of the summer that I'm planning along with Neil O'Rourke, fellow comedian, Shout Out Neil. So we've put it out to the group. We've got a bit of buying at the moment. It's called St. Cans Day. And it's basically we're going to find a nice bench in a park and have a few cans in it. And we did it last year. I'm back. I don't like it. We did it last year. Me and Neil ended up in a lovely park. Embankment Gardens. You know that on the riverbank in London near Waterloo, Blackfriars around that area, near the Savoy. Mason- Do you move around, or is it just one bench?

Mason- It's one bench, but if you need a piece you can go and have one. Mason- And how long are you on this bench for? Mason- Well, last year we were thinking, oh well, spend a few hours there. We spent one hour on one bench and then some absolutely jacked Balkan teenagers asked us to buy them lagers and we got scared. So we went to another bench. Did you buy the teenagers beers? We were like, we have to go, sorry, we have to go. And we took our four Carlsbergs to like the next one. Dragging your bag of Carlsbergs.

But it's like park beers. That's what it is. It's called St. Cans Day. I think it's on the 27th of June. We've isolated a park, but we just need to find a bench. Is it always the 27th or is it like the nearest we can to that or anything, or is it? It is always, well, it's the first one that's been opened up to our friends, me and Neil before, but this is now 27th of June every year, St. Cans Day celebration of the patron saint of having some cans in a park. Yeah. This is, it's easy to be cynical into it, but this is great. And this is as well one of the reasons why you are exciting as a podcasting entity. Now the podcasting community,

do you know what I mean? They live in a guilty cage. They live behind a paywall basically. You'd struggle to meet one in the wild. Whereas with you, you do have the real sensation that you could just bump into your, sort of, sat on a road or something like that, you know. That's the thing, you know what, even before hearing about this, I've always thought, you know, whenever I see someone sat on a bench drinking a beer, I've always thought of Sunil and I've never really realised why.

It's like Keanu Reeves, isn't it? Me and Keanu, you'll see us on benches just having a can or something. But you look a bit happier. I look happier. I've got, you know, I'm all right. He's all right as well. I think he just sometimes looks sad. People project their own sadness onto him, unfortunately.

That's it. That's what they say. He's also done Bill and Ted, so chin up. Anyway, that's my bit. I've got to do some kid related. Yeah, sure. Carry on. Oh, carry on. Full duet up. That's a full green light. Here we go.

Beep. Obviously. Fuck's sake. Oh, hello. Hello, James. Hello. Log malleable minerals in Greenland. I saw a map of it the other day. All sorts of stuff once it starts melting. Shush, shush, shush. No, that's facts. That's geography.

Yeah, that is geography. That's science, climate change. Is your microphone on? Yeah. You're on a normal mic. It says you're on your mic, but you sound a bit roomy. A bit too far away, mate. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Is your microphone on? Yeah, are you on a normal mic? You said you're on your mic, but you sound a bit roomy. A bit too far away, maybe. Is it pointing at your face?

Yes! It's quite a chaotic start to the... But you sound much better now. Here is the countryside bit. Yeah. So my university, because I did a gig, I think, have I talked about this? I don't think so. In Lancaster, where I went to uni, I opened the show for Lucy Beaumont.

And in that audience was somebody from the Lancaster University alumni page. And I can't remember what I said, but I said I went to university there. So then they contacted me to be like, do you want to write, do you want to write something for the alumni page? And I just, I've just struggled with it. I've just, I don't quite know how to start a sentence saying Lancaster uni did this for me. It did stuff for you, but you probably just can't. Not directly, indirectly almost, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is what they always say about schools, university. It's like,

it's not about what you learn there is it? It's basically socializing mad lads like you. Yeah. I think the truth is though, I think the most formative thing over my adult life was working in really mad, bad places for a bit. You know? And seeing bullying and crazy, lots of stuff that made me formulate a set of rules and an ethos about how I treat people and conduct myself in the world. The Lancaster University had very little to do with that. Will Barron What do you do there? Oh, like politics or something. Will Barron

I did politics and sociology or something. Will Barron So you've got every right to talk about politics on this podcast and yet you're shut down by producer James. Will Barron Yes. Do you know what? We've just gotten there for the listener. He's gone again. James isn't here. James is sort of in and out tonight. His kids have got some going on. He's got some- Quick, quick, quick. It's too hot to be kids.

He's got some business going on in his house. We don't know what it is. It's just kids related stuff. It's too hot for him to go to sleep. It's coming up for the longest. it's the longest days right now. You've got the fans on, is it? Trying again to go to bed in this and like looking outside, being like, it's not bedtime. What are you doing? We were just talking about what we did sort of at university, just refreshing ourselves on that. And we just realized that I'm a doctor of political science.

Oh yeah? And we just realized that I'm a doctor of political science. Yeah. Yeah. I'm basically licensed via the degree mechanism to talk about world events. Did the school of hard knocks do doctorate? Anyone can call themselves doctor, I've heard. I've read. Anyone can call themselves anything. Anyone can call themselves dickhead. Why would they though? I don't know.

Bad example. So what I was saying to Chris is that he has every right to tell us about politics. Oh. You see? I see. We've got you in a logic trap. No you haven't. It'll just delete me.

Just be a really short episode. Obviously. Right, what have you got? Oh, you're not ill anymore. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not ill. I'm back. Like, Icarus from the flames. Do you know the story of Icarus? He wasn't feeling great, but then he achieved. He had a cold.

He had a cold. He achieved and went up and touched God. So that's where I am now. I'm coming back. I've been ill, like, and I never want to take health for granted again. Jason Vale How are you going to stop getting a cold again? Alistair What could you do? Jason Vale The power of prayer. Alistair Wash hands? Jason Vale Manifestation and prayer.

Jason Vale Manifestation! Alistair Probably pop a manifestation mask on, yeah. Jason Vale I'm going to go to bed. I'd never want, I want to manifest ever getting a cold again. Jason Vale You can get that spray that stops you getting a cold, but I think it's banned in this country because it makes like 10, 10 people out of a hundred lose their sense of sight or smell or something. It's a risk I'm willing to take. I read that as a risk of a pink or something. But it feels good. It just feels good to be, you know, I've done my first, I does a press-ups today,

I've done running and this is not like, I'm not some mad exercise guy at all, but this is like the little bit that I do to keep me out of death's, you know, like bony grip. What's he going to do? Just say, Oh, he's, he's running too fast away from me. Oh, yeah. It's just going to be like, I'll let him go. He wants to live. Yeah. Even though he would be one of my most gifted lieutenants. That's why Death's after me. Wants me to work with him in hell, processing admin. He's because the admin's got on top of it.

Hang on, Death isn't in hell though, is he? On that river with that boat. River Styx. Yeah. He's just in between. He's taking people from here to hell. He's basically like one of them sort of shuttle buses at the airport.

He's like a mid-level Uber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an Uber driver. See? Great mind. Well not long left for Uber drivers, according to my research. Why? Robot taxi. Okay. Death will come for us all. Yeah.

Death is a robot taxi. Damn, this podcast is sort of poetic in a way. Isn't it? It's a bit like Shakespeare. This is the Shakespeare. It's definitely like... People, I think we've been quite unfairly cast in a category as being that this is a simple podcast where stuff we say ain't good and we don't think about it, we don't really understand things. But every now and again, it's like you're looking at it through the wrong lens, you know? You put on the lens and then you're like, oh, I can see crystal clear. Yeah. Like reading glasses. Yeah. Reading

glasses. This is podcast. Yeah. Pandora's box. Just I'm a little bit, what? I don't know. I'm a little bit worried that this episode has absolutely no structure or drive to get anywhere at the moment. Shall we start again? Shall we? Look, let's go back to what we always go back to. How's the fucking League club going? Here is the countryside bit. We are coming up on a crucial juncture.

For both of us or just you? Well, I need to talk to him about you. I haven't done yet, but I need to talk to the president of the League Club to ask whether my friend from who lives in London. What I'm thinking is you can't take place in the League Club proper because they won't be able to verify the place in the league club proper because they will be able to verify the leaks in the same way. But what about if we basically do a donation from the podcast to the league club and they base and you basically are getting comments on like your leaks compared

to the others. You get them measured. You get them appraised in the same way. Oh, cause you've paid your fees. So you get to be in the... Well, this is the junction I'm talking about. I'm nearly at, we're coming up on it, past the point of we need to pay the Jews and the Jews are 65 pounds. What? For someone to fucking look at your leaks. How many leaks will they look at?

It's a lot of money. How many leaks do they look at? Well, no, this is, it'll come and take my leaks. And then basically you submit, I think a pair or pairs, or maybe you can submit up to six, but I will be looking to submit like two, but I can't remember why, but your leaks are not just verified on one leak, you are looking at a pair and the stats are spread between two pairs. So, even if you have one that is a sizeable one, but the other one is smaller, you want to put in two that are closer to each other to be a perfect pair. You know, so you, in that world, if there's two that are kind of similar, you would leave the big one maybe because it would look worse next to the others. Anyway, so that's that. So we get-

It's like Icarus, isn't it? We get into the point. I mean, I've said this before, but if we, if I place, you get at least a bit more than the 65. Right. And I risk being, if you don't place, if someone goes wrong with the leaks. What's place? What's place? Top three?

No, no. I mean, if you end up on the scoreboard full stop, because there's like last time, I think there was like 16 entrants considered in the past, but there was still a few people where someone had gone wrong. You know, like, like they- One of the leaks had teeth. One of the leaks had teeth and stuff like that. No, they've gotten like to seed or they've like rotted or something like that, you know. So it's not a foregone conclusion that I will qualify.

But if I do, but basically £65 we're about to pay it. It's basically the full, are we in or are we out? I have to be in. You have to pay it. It's basically the full, are we in or are we out? I have to be in. Will Barron You have to be in. I think me, I should play it as a sort of outsider coming in and shaking things up in a new way, sort of like a Hollywood film or something, like Happy Gilmore or something like that. How about that? Jason Vale Yeah, banjo whittling on a step, and you walk past. Will Barron

Yeah, that's it. And I've got like flares on or something. I'll tell you, I have had a chat with Dave over the road because he's basically got, same as me, he got gifted some little baby leaks and then he's got some big leaks that he bought from this other guy, you know, and I've got two of those big monster ones, the insurance ones, but his little leaks, I think he had taken part of his let him die. So I was like, Dave, do you really want to do this? So Dave's still fucking around. And he had a bath full of horse shit.

Yeah. To my mind, Dave's, but he's got a lot going on. Do you know what I mean? He's got a job. He goes to gym and stuff. I don't know. But he's got, he's basically, he has the option of putting in the two big ones and that's it. You know? Which is a risky spend of £65. Mason- So are these two other ones you got separated, these are available on some sort of black market, are they? That's not available to

people like me in London. Stig- I don't understand that. To me, this is a bit of the rules where it feels like buying two giant tree trunks of leeks feels not right, but you are allowed to do it under the terms of the competition. Cause I just bought the baby ones like you were saying. I've not grown them from seed, but what I got in a pot was tiny, tiny little things. And now they are, did I send you a picture earlier

on? Now they are looking every day bigger, they're starting to look like proper leeks. That feels okay to me. But getting a big thing where it's like literally as thick as your wrist. And that's what it comes in as. It starts off as thick as your wrist. Someone else grows it. And then if you, you might take it to, we're like, we're not digging them up till like October, November, you know? So what I've done is I bought leek plugs, which are essentially the baby leeks you're talking about. And it says like, if you want them to turn into big leeks, plant them 20

centimetres between each other, or you can put on them 10 centimetres from each other and take some out as baby leeks to eat in a couple of months, basically. But they don't seem to, you can get them in from seed, but it seems like everyone buys them as plugs like you have, right? Yeah. That's pretty normal. But I was wondering if he'd got in touch with a breeder who already, can you call them breeders? Don't feel like does that. That's more dogs in it. Farmer? Yeah. Yeah. Horticulturalist. Horticulturalist. He got in touch with a horticulturalist who already knows how to make giant leeks, and he's given him maybe a special strain of leek that you or I wouldn't have access to through a normal garden center. That to me feels like it goes against the spirit of

the game. Is that doping? Is that leek doping? It feels like doping. But also it feels like keeping it out of the money, a big garden sensor feels like it takes it into the roots of the people again, doesn't it? It is, but then the people can form closed shops so nobody can enter the game and play it as it's meant to be. I know. I don't know. Again, I've not Googled anything.

I've got a PDF which explains the rules. I will look at that at some point. Yeah. Yeah. Not definitely. All right. Well, League Club going pretty well for me. Go on. Do you know when it is?

No, I don't know when the league competition is. I'll find out. Could we Google it? I don't think it's like on a website. I don't think League Club doesn't a website. I don't think the elite club doesn't have a website. What is going on? It's the sketchiest information possible around something that you have committed quite a lot of your life to at the moment.

And now I have as well. Well, no, you're just messing around really. You're just messing around for life. I'm creating an urban oasis in my garden and Leeds are part of it. You don't understand the, you know, you don't understand the depth of it. You don't understand the, you know, you don't understand the depth of it. I don't think you do either. No, I don't. Were you looking it up on your phone? I'm Googling the guy to say...

You're Googling a man's name to know when the competition for the leaks are. Yeah, to find out. Because I should put this in my diary, shouldn't I? Because imagine if I get a gig, which is, you know, a hundred quid at some regional golf course or something like that. I can't let the people of this golf course down. Well, I found your Village magazine from May, 2023. Bloody hell, James. It's a good sleuthing. But I can't find it.

It looks like it's from before 2023, if I'm honest. I've actually breached the terms of the agreement. How so? As in fees must be paid by end of May. But right guys, you are getting an absolute dearth of leek-cud knowledge coming your way now. A dearth means not much. Yeah. That means none. That means, yeah, that's bad. See the other one, a wealth. A dearth means not much. Yeah. No, it means none.

That means, yeah, that's bad. See the other one, a wealth. A deluge. It doesn't seem to be, is it coming through? Is it? Wow. Yeah, there are exhibition guidelines. They are pretty strong guidelines, aren't they?

Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Two members can do it for, so I think that's basically, I'll read the exhibition guidelines. Two members could show leaks from the same trench, but there must be a clear dividing line and each member gets their own number. This is a husband and wife style situation, isn't it?

Only stamped leaks are allowed to be in the show. This is the bit why logistically it's not possible for you to do it. Why? What are stamped ones? The farmer comes round when it's time to submit. Oh yeah, no, I can't answer it then. Yeah. But maybe we could bring them up and you could still have them appraised in the same criteria. Yeah. Leaks will be stamped 14 days before the show with two members present,

just adding to the litany of men that are going to be in my back garden. All leeks must be freshly pulled in good condition and no longer than six inches to the first fast button. I don't know what that means. I think it's something to do with the V, you know. Leaks need to be trench grown. Covers can be placed over the top or one side. Any breaks of these rules is disqualification. Greenhouse, polythene

tunnels are similar. Not allowed. So I can do anything I want because I'm not, I can't be part of the competition. I can grow the biggest leak on earth using every sort of bad tactic possible, right? Yeah. I can like drown it in fertilizer and make it into like, you know, like one of those, like the incredible hole. You could do what you want as like a sort of basically man V science type. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Doping. He could, you know, as long as I've done that, if you're coming up on a train, just try and make it not so big. It needs its own seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll start injecting it with hormones this week, I reckon. Take another leeks blood and pour it in. Yeah. That kill, kill a cat over it, drain the blood onto the leak patch. You know?

What's worse. Anyway. So what's going on? We kind of rudderless without James out. We've started meeting with- I've got a few things I've done, but would you, do you want to talk about a few things you've done or I can dive into these? I've got a couple of things coming up, which are quite interesting. Will we wait for him to be back? No, let's just keep going because I think, and then we can record more if he comes back. Will I've got a bit of a thing that, so a couple of weeks ago, when I was in Manchester,

a member of the discord community called abandoned Arse Factory messaged in the group that he was making, he was making some cherry mead. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, I'd love to try some of that. Yeah. And he was like, I'll drop some off. And it was when I was in Manchester doing my comedy festival and he showed up and I said, do not come out of your way to give me meat. You know what I mean? I said, don't do that. I said, it doesn't matter at all. I hope it's nice. He went, no, no, no. I'm looking at like, basically I'm with the kids today. So I could definitely do with half an hour out of the house. And I was like, I get that. You know what I like, I get that. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I get that. But then he shows up to this bit of Manchester and he's given me a choose your own adventure book that I've just had a quick glance at, but looks wicked and he's given me three bottles of cherry made now when I was given these, I thought it's too much of a logistical nightmare to get these down to you. Cause it'd been an ideal world.

We'd say stuff at the same time, you know, be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, basically I was going to be like, I can't figure that out. That's going to be too much of a fact. Are you saying you've nicked him? No, I haven't nicked him. I was going to maybe have one just to do it. But then Nicola said, you need to pay to get them down there. Just, just when your neck's down.

Yeah. But then it's getting, um, if I post them, because then it's like getting them to you to get them to James, where I didn't have to meet at every turn and he doesn't live in London. No, but he's there a lot. So we could, at our next annual general meeting, we could have those meads, couldn't we? They're basically good till November.

So maybe I hold off a little bit and bring two down, but it'd be nice to do a live taste test once. We'll bring all three down when we have a meeting every now and then. He's given me some tasting notes. We'd have to record it though, you know? What? This is like Pepsi Max cherry. Yeah, Pepsi Max cherry.

No, it should be great. I'm really excited. I think it's like 12% a bottle or something like that. How was your parenting emergency James? Ongoing. Ongoing. Okay. We've been having a, we've just been chatting. Don't edit anything.

Good luck in the edit with this one I'd say. So Leek Club, that's ticked off. Sick Cads day, that's ticked off. Chris is failing better. I've got a w I've got another bit. No, you've got, I was going to ask you it. Go on. Which one?

Well, you've got to wrap up your tour. I did my last tour show. I did my last tour show. I did it in Newcastle. I did a radio interview the day before to try and plug some tickets, you know, on BBC Newcastle. And I rang up and the chat was like, Oh, did you ring up BBC Radio Newcastle or were you interviewed by BBC Radio Newcastle?

I sent them an email. I said, listen, I'm doing my tour, and they give us a shout. Yeah. It was a scheduled interview. I won't just bring it up, but say it. Do you have the pit shot voice please? And if there's anybody who's got, would you like to do a shout out? Yeah, I'd like to do a shout out to everybody who's getting tickets

to go see me at the stand. It was an interview, but basically I rang up on the interview was like, everybody was just chatting about these massive Sam Fender gigs. You know, like, like a young person who's just huge from the area. So doing the big arena for three nights back to back. And they were like, yeah, mad that you're doing this show on the same night as the same Fender tour, isn't it? And I was like, Hmm, who? Yeah. Is that what it gets called?

He sounds great. It sounds like my wife, I've got him, I, you know, I come out and I interviewed to my wife like, who is Sam Fender? And then she just, she did. And then Nick could describe Sam Fender to me. He's like, sounds like a lovely young man. Yeah. Good looks to you. So I've done that. That was good. That was in Newcastle.

That felt really nice. And it's just not to be sentimental, but it's been a lovely time. I think often when it's, you know, cause as lives are like hand to mouth, full throttle, what are we doing? Like life is fast passing quickly, but also you do a lot of stuff and you think, Christ, that wasn't that long ago. You know, like when we did the showing, we're coming up on one year since I did the show. That's not that long ago. And it's been, it was brilliant in Edinburgh. And then I've done this little, I've Never done a tour before. I've been to places I am, do you know what I mean? Pop Clinton. It's been exciting and it's been fantastic. So I just, if you listen to this

and you came, thank you very much for coming. Can I ask how many miles you've put on the car during the tour? Don't talk to me about the mileage of the car. We've just given up. We're not returning the car. It's on one of mileage of the car. We've just given up. We're not returning the car. It's on one of those payment loan things. We shouldn't have gotten it. We shouldn't have got it because basically, I'll tell you this, we bought this car, this cursed car. It's on this like, we've never done it before, but we like rather to take a loan out to buy

the car and pay the loan back. We did that. I want to say PCP loan hire thing. I did that. You get a set mileage with that. And because I do big drives, but because I don't do a nine to five, I was like, it'll balance out almost instantly smashed that mileage allowance as hard as it'll go.

And he's saying, yeah. And now we're like juggling it down to the line. And basically we've damaged, I hit the deer, damaged a bumper. The storm has dented the side of the car with the gargoyle landing in it. This car's cursed. And we've basically just decided we're going to pay the balloon payment, keep the car and cash out. We can't live like this. I did that with my Yaris. Yeah. It just felt like I couldn't be bothered to go through it all again and get another car. I just, I'll just buy it. It's yeah. But I told you,

I had a, I paid to chat to a mechanic a few weeks here. Did I mention it on the podcast? No, what about? Just yeah, car stuff. Oh good. Cause I've, I'm trying to sell my car so that it doesn't get stolen while I own it again. Tried to sell it the other week. The, It's like a website you put it into and they called me up and said, you can't sell this, it's stolen. And I said, no, it's my car. I've got it back. And they're like, it's registered stolen, you can't sell it. Oh, so when you stole it back, it didn't clear, saying I'd got it back. So I'm

driving a stolen car now legally that I've stolen off myself apparently. You're receiving stolen goods that are your goods that were stolen from you. Jason- The police said they've cleared it from their systems, but I think it's something to do with... Mason- Yeah, it'll take a back clock of admin or something. Jason- But yeah, so I called up this mechanic to decide what car to buy, because I was like, I want to get a cheap car that's never going to break down. And he talked me through it and I said, I don't do that many miles.

And he said, you want to get yourself a 2008 to 2012 Honda CRV. That's a good recommendation. It's a good, he's like specifically that if you want an automatic, that one's the one. And then I went on Facebook marketplace and there are some proper shit heaps on there that I can just buy and it will run forever. This sounds like a good development. Also I'm shocked that they, I'm annoyed, like it feels very obvious, but the fact that you just took the car back, it feels like it should,

that should reset the system, doesn't it? But then of course there's literally no reason to wind out how that's possible. It's not a thing. It's the insurance company that have said it's been stolen. Are they giving you any money? They fixed all the damage to it, which was why it was in the garage for two and a half months. Have you got a dream car, Chris? Monster truck. Did you ever go to monster trucks when you were little?

No, I've never, I don't think I've ever seen a monster truck. They came to Oddsall top stadium in, I don't- Oddsall? Oddsall, that's where I'm from. Oddsall in Bradford. O-D-S-A-L, Odds. And they came to the stadium. And it was one of those things, you know, I don't know how old I was, like eight, nine or something like that. So it's like absolutely mind blowing for seven and a half minutes. And then it's, and then you're

like, I've had enough of the monster trucks now. Did they do the thing where they rear up like a big horse with wheels for legs? Yeah. All the rubbish cars, you know, like, it was brilliant. It was, if we ever get a chance to see a monster truck show. Yeah, they do still go on, I think. It's like fair, it's in tit-way, it's like there's a circuit of it. You'd be surprised at the amount of stuff that goes on in this country that you never heard of. Like that, remember that thing Chris was telling us, that big pageant play about

this. Like what the fuck is that? The Kinron. And today my son asked whether he can bring mates to the Kinron this year. And he like, what is this? What's happening? Are we, do we go to the Kinron all the time? Yeah. When is the Kinron? Can't remember. It's been, it's definitely been within a year or since we've done this podcast cause it'll be, I've got a feeling it's like, it's when it's turning winter because it's set against, it's open air. So it starts,

this is it. It starts when the sun sets. Every year I used to have to do, my one, like your, like your son's now going to want this every year. But my one when I was a kid was the Aberyron festival in West, West Wales, I think. So like, it was, it was like, it was like, it's a seaside town, really lovely place. We go camping every year, but me and my dad's friends, kids would always want to go every year. Even though it year. Basically it's just like a walk through town and had a different color scheme every year. So I'd be like, everyone getting excited for it. The kids are already... And then you basically walk

half a mile in a blue t-shirt while your parents just absolutely skull loads of bitters. There's nothing to it when you look at it now, but as a kid it's like, the fucking festival, I've got to choose the right colors and stuff, wear the right clothes. That's cool. It's like the, we're kids. It's all about like routine and to, you know, like when we go on a holiday, we go to the same place. Yeah.

But we always go on holiday and then it's like you, you have the rituals of doing the same stuff again. I think that's very important as a camping with your kids. Don't you? Yes. Is it always the same place or is different? No, we tend to go back to the same place. It seems every other year, because we, it is a really good campsite. We just got lucky on the first one and then we go to another one.

And we're a bit like, it's good, but it's not quite as good as the other one. Do your kids meet the same kids who are there every year at the same time? No, they do not interact with anyone else. Yeah, you're right. Do your kids meet the same kids who are there every year at the same time? No, they do not interact with anyone else. Yeah. I'm not that. Yeah, you're right. James, I think it's not about other kids, not like just some random, that 50 year old that over there.

So this four year old been DBS checked. I've got an annual thing that's coming up this Friday, Midsummer's Eve. Me and some other nerds go to a local standing stone that's supposed to go down to the water and drink from the water at midnight on Midsummer's Eve. Did you hear me say, and suck each other off? Did you ignore me or did I say it too quietly? It feels like it's building somewhere and that could be where. No, sorry. It was actually really charming and nice and I shouldn't have said. Why are you doing that?

Because the legend says that if, when the stone goes away, it reveals a big treasure. Which could be metaphorical. And all you boys got DBS checks, yeah? No. So you, so you, you're basically doing a bit of mystical treasure hunting. I'm all right with that. That, that, that passes the test. It's right up your street.

Yeah. It's no St. Cairns day, but good luck to you. It's no St. Cairns day. I'm quite jealous of St. Cairns day now. We should start a rural concerns event.

I think it's probably leak adjacent. No, I think everyone can do St. Cannes Day if they want on their own and send us pictures if they want. That's a sad picture. It's nice. July 27th, just an absolute deluge. A deluge, if that's a word, of middle-aged people sat on benches on their own with tins. That doesn't sound like a good thing to be doing.

Enjoying the outdoors, having an amstel. This should come out just in time for St. Cannes Day this year. Did you say 27th of June? What do you do on St. Cannes Eve? Some people might have a gig or something. How do you maintain the coolness of your Cannes? Drink them quick. Scull them fast, head home.

You can get coolers can't you, those sleeves? But we haven't thought the logistics through. It's basically the excitement of St. Can's Day will power us through the first one, where we'll learn a lot of lessons and bring it back next year. Much improved. I'm getting advertised on Instagram, targeted ads for can holders, which are like mugs with a handle that you can put a can in. And it's also got space around it for vapes and Johnnys. Don't know you know what else, do you? Just pack that and then you can go climb Everest or something. You don't know you know what else. I think T. Cansday needs to come with a mindset shift for the day of, you know, like Christmas is about like being kind to one and all stuff like this.

So St. Cansday needs to be, it needs to promote community. You're doing it in a, you're doing it in a heavily built up area where people don't know their neighbors. St. Cans Day is someone walks past you, you have to say, you have to raise the can and say good morrow. But there's a lot of people in Kennington Park. You have to be open to talking to people.

Oh yeah, yeah, we will be. We will be. But not if they're bulk and teenagers asking us to get them cans. I don't know. That's the- Underage drinking, we can't condone that. No, not even on St. Cans day. Not even on St. Cans day. No matter how jacked they are. And to be honest, we shouldn't really be talking to them. We haven't, we haven't been DBS checked. That is good. You see, that's the thread of an episode where there's a bit, there's someone there. There's enough. That's

like Shakespeare. Sounds like Shakespeare. You thought this was a mess of an episode. It's actually the best episode with rolling interconnected callbacks. The rolling interconnected callbacks is calling ourselves pedos. All right. Do we have a letter? So no, we've had a letter. Would you care to read it? Yeah, read it. Okay, here's a letter. Oh, straight in it goes. Right. Before you ask, yes, I did leave

a five star review on the Spotify. So here's my complaint. Interesting. All right. Very good. Straight to business. To date, I've listened to the first eight episodes. Thus far, exactly zero mentions of traybakes. Why am I even listening to this rubbish? Granted, traybakes are likely not cutting edge on Mr Patel's Oso cosmopolitan London cultural scene, but there must be someone somewhere in all that vastly countryside cranking out the occasional traybake. On the bright side, cutting Alistair Beckett King and bringing in Sunil Patel was a masterstroke. Well done. Very nice. Addendum, I am listening to I think the 10th episode right now, Three Wishes, CEX and the Dazzling Aurora. Finally,

some tray bake content. Well done. And it feels like that was directed personally at me. Yeah, that one, there's a complicated set of emotions going on there. It's very positive in some ways. And yeah, this is, if you don't know, this is basically an overflow. This is connected to producer James's second podcast, which we have a, like a fractious relationship with. What did you say about it, James? Jason Vale This is part of the Lawman Extended Universe, yes. Jason Vale No, no, no. Lawman is the forerunner of the

rural concerns. Do you know what I mean? We are not a footnote in the Lawman experience. Jason Vale John the Baptist, you're Jesus. Jason Vale And basically, traditionally, James, sorry, whether this is fair or not fair, put it out into the universe, the fans of James's other podcast would be quite pedantic and... Toby So, right up your street. Jason Vale So, basically, it's like the listenership is loads of producer James's. So, can you imagine? Toby They were all over that Icarus reference earlier.

Jason Vale Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Toby But this is a good one. Also, added bonus points for putting the boot into Alistair Beckett King. Yeah. It's an odd. This is a great, and this is from username Bach. B-A-C-H. Yeah, it's very good. Yeah.

Well, thank you very much for contacting us. I'm glad to hear that this is good. Obviously the podcast goes in. All I'll say is if you keep listening, there might be a little bit more, might be a few more references to tray. And just to note, actually trayback wise, I go to flap Jackery in Bath or Wells. That's where I get my tray. I suppose a flapjack is a tray bag. But that's like a chain, isn't it? Yeah, but it's a small chain. I'm thinking that the deal with them is you pay like an amount and you order a bulk. Do you know

what I mean? It's like five flapjacks for this 12 quid or something like that. I've only ever gone in the shop and they have always been surprised that they've sold some flapjacks. What do you mean? I don't know because it must be quite quiet, or they just expect tourists to come in. Bath and Wells are quite touristy places. The other place I went to one was a stall in Dartmouth, so there always seems to be enough locals to go and collect flapjacks. Mason- Yeah, they're presumably making them themselves. Mason- Yeah, because they're quite expensive, I guess. They're quite large. They're big old

chunky things and I think it's like five for 12 quid or something. Five for 20 maybe. Mason- What they're doing is novelty flavors, aren't they? It's like you can get every, you can get a coffee one. Mason- Millionaire Shortbread, I don't think counts as novelty anymore. Millionaire Shortbread is in... Mason- No, but this place, there's's so many different versions of flapjacks. It's not too out there. They're not like putting green tea in there. They're not putting like matcha and stuff in. So don't worry. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm saying it's not. A matcha brownie with white chocolate.

So in summary, thank you for your letter, Bach. Nice one. Bach. Bach. back. Nice one. Back. Back. Thank you for listening to another thrilling episode of Rural Concerns. Do you want to see Rural Concerns live? Yes please. Well we're performing in Manchester at the Fairfield Social Club on the 22nd of November. Tickets have on the show notes.

How are tickets selling for that? They are selling officially, fast. It's selling very well. And also can I just quickly point out the fact that I, on my own, am off to the Edinburgh Fringe this year with a work in progress version of my new show. I'm going to beat the monkey barrel from the 15th to the 19th of August. Mason- And if you'd like to go the extra mile, please tell people about the show or you could leave us a glowing review on Spotify or Apple podcasts. Aidan- The best way to support us is by becoming a rural concerns Patreon. For a small donation, you'll not only be supporting an independent

podcast, which means we can go on a mad tangent about a coffee company, which I am pretty sure and I will have taken the name out of. Mason Hickman Also, you're going to get some weekly bonus episodes. Just stick around and there's a little sneaky peek after the credits. Poppea Hillstead Our artwork is by Poppea Hillstead, our music is by Sam O'Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, entertainment lawyer. One day I'll know who that person is.

One day soon. That's the stuff. It's been so long. Go on. And rural concerns. Do you know what I mean? This is like when, you know, when they saw they turned around and it was Thanos in that chair and we didn't see him for another 12 films or

somewhere, anyway, rural concerns is edited by by Joseph Severed-Boroughs. It's done what is edited. They did what? Royal Concerns is edited by Joseph Severed-Boroughs and it's produced by Egg Mountain for a lovely time productions. So in this case, Chris, the cold was the tower or was the cold? What was the cold? What was the COVID-19? The cold is the dad, the sun is me and I'm burning the little boy to death. Do you understand?

Do you understand what it is? Bong.