Rural Concerns - Strictly, Sean & a very topless producer

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

The lads are back! Producer James is fresh from a family holiday, Sunil addresses some hot gossip and Chris is losing his God damned mind. Aka classic Rural Concerns!

you're listening to rural concerns what's that yes it's a podcast it's a podcast about the countryside made by top boys for top boys and we're your hosts my name's suno patel and that was chris cantrell cumbria's biggest drug dealer where the fuck is he hi chris can you i'm scratching that can you hear it on that yes but i can't see anything because of my layout. I know I've expanded you. So you're, yeah, I can see you now. James, are you in the UK?

Yeah. Why are you not wearing a top again? I just got that holiday feeling. We don't want it to end. I didn't quite realise my wife's deep attraction for you until we were on the street walking. I said, he ain't wearing a top she like basically leapt over the street she like grabbed it do you know what i mean scratched my

hand to get it out but you aren't wearing a top and you've just brought it back you've got a great time i know have you are you like trimmed on the chest yes i did do a trim oh i had never done it before i smell some spicy new bonus content we're not all we're not doing a topless one we're all three calendar i've never seen you out of a t-shirt so no and i've been wild swimming with you i would i would i would rarely wear a t-shirt anyway except for in the house no it's not warm enough you don't have to put a shirt on, James. That's not what that was about. Come on, man.

Get your top off. You don't have to. I'll tell you what, I won't put bottoms on. Stop moving the camera. Stop moving the camera. We have not done, heads up, the full prep that I would normally do

for one of these episodes. We're going to have to figure out where shall we start? We've got so much to catch up on. It's so nice to see you both. It's been a very full on three weeks. It has. I'm not ready to cry yet,

but when I found out that the succulent Chinese meal man died, I burst into tears. Do you know what I mean? That's where we are at the end of a fringe journey. I can't believe you're only what, halfway through? Don't say that. It's not halfway through. I went out four days james and i and i came back ill got a cold a bit in bed for a couple of days exhausted and i was sick of the place after four

days i wanted out yeah but you came up and lived mr big and large didn't you like rolling around town throwing all your nationwide money in every bar that i'd have you i bet i just bought you drinks because every time i go to a bar with you, you always hang back when it's time to go out to the bar. No, no, no, that's not what happens. Does he? I don't think I've been to a pub with Chris. I've been to a pub with Chris once, I think, maybe twice.

I would always hang back, you know, be like my mum and dad and that, which I'm trying to change because they're just retired. But before that, you know, when they're working, I'd be like, I'd let them pay for the meal. And as soon as I heard the, you know, like beep, beep, beep, beep, like the fourth key of the pin, I'd be like, wait, do you want us to get it? Do you know what I mean?

After it's gone through, approved. So Sunil's been up. We were reunited for a little bit. He bit he was yeah it was good to see you i was what no you were you were fine it was so nice to see you but you you're coming up with a different eye aren't you you are a performer but you got no skin in the game so you're having what would be closer to a nice time it was close to a nice time yeah i did have a nice time but i think you could only really have a nice time up there for a few days. There's no point going up there

if you're not going to have a horrible time for a bit of it. I find it's very much like, it's so brilliant. And it's obviously cast such a shadow over your year. We've taken so much work to get here to doing it, that it's very, I think your adrenaline for the month, the first few days are so so there's so many mad things going on you are meeting everybody you've ever met again which is very overwhelming now i live sans people that i know do you know what i mean so it's so overwhelming and i think for the month

the adrenaline is through the roof and there's ups and downs and a lot of the ups are so up like you're having i'm having i've done some of the best shows I've ever had in my life and I've had such a brilliant time, but you are never more than like, honestly, like five minutes away from a plunge into a deep despair. I often find like when you're with people, you're having a laugh.

I've been talking to Phil Ellis a lot. He's the funniest man I've ever met in my life. I heard you cry with laughter. I've never heard you screech and cry with laughter like that before when phil ellis was telling you a story it was it was too funny but i'll be honest with you i was drunk so no he took his glasses off wiped his face oh wow i've not been drinking since i've been up here really like because it's the job it's not what i'm here to do do you know i mean you can't

sustain boozing for a month and i don't drink and it makes me anxiety mad. So I've just sort of come to terms with that. A couple of times I've had alcohol, free beer and stuff. I've drank like once when I had my day off. And I might drink one more time before I go home, but just not going bad. I remember once when I came last time in 2022 and I was doing two shows.

One was a delightful sausage show with Amy Gledow. And then I did a solo show nominated. And I was doing two shows. One was a delightful sausage show with Amy Gledow. And then I did a solo show nominated. And exactly. And the day we were nominated, got absolutely battered. And we were hung over. I wasn't in bed till four in the morning. And then we did the show at noon.

And I just about got through that. And then in my show at three o'clock, I completely mentally unraveled. I forgot like 30 minutes of the show. It was a disaster. And I claimed never again. Cut to Tuesday this week. It's not a good room to unravel in the one you're doing your solo show in as well.

It's basically an old office, isn't it? It was an office. Let's call it what it was. It was an office. Like an episode of Falling Down. Oh, an episode. It's like Falling Down, isn't it? There's a lot of like, we were saying to my tech, who's a tech site,

someone who, she runs the show for me. She does the light, she does the music. Basically I've got, I've worked with her before on the sausage stuff, but they are a very senior tech.

And Delphi was basically saying to me that the Edinburgh Fringe is like, the corner's not a cut health and safety wise. Delphi was saying that they were in a venue where water was just coming in over the fuse box. And you're like, that's just, that's a fringe, baby.

I mean, I was in... It always smells really bad in there. It's always like vomit or lager or sweat. And then someone told me that if you pull back the hoarding behind the stage it's open it's it's sewage pipes from the from the buildings above so you're just smelling you are inches away from them and it's that it just makes so much sense but i'm like but then people are working in there all day during the fringe and there's no airflow in there it's underground horrible i think i think that reflects in like the vibe of the place you know where i am i'm in the tron this i think this like

the the monkey uh the monkey barrel the venue that i'm with going to the tron to which is a separate establishment you know it's not owned by them they just run the shows in there but i don't think there's stuff in were that keen on me, to be honest with you. But I said to Delphi, I was like, I am winning them over with kindness. And she said, no, no, no, that's not what you're doing. You are bullying them with kindness. What are you making them do?

Say good morning to me. I'm like, good morning. And they have to acknowledge. Otherwise they'll open door and let me in and won't acknowledge that I exist. Yeah, but you're there the first show of the day. These are young people who've probably been out the night before. Yeah, I know, I know.

And they've got to come in the next day and say good morning to a middle-aged man. A middle-aged man who shouted at him, let's just call it what it is. No, it's nice to be nice, isn't it? I think we can all agree on that. It's nice to be nice. I want to talk about the tip I gave

to the Monkey Barrel staff, actually. I heard about this. I would like to hear. You've heard about it, James. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. Words got round. I gave a five pound tip to the staff

at the Monkey Barrel bar, actually. And then I left town the next day. Didn't need payback for that. Didn't need them to realise it was me the day after. Just left. How many staff was it? I think that it was in the jar saying tips. So, you know, five pounds shared between five of them.

That'll get them something. You didn't need payback. You didn't need a claim. But can I ask why you had a photo shoot taken of you putting it in? Also, yeah, the fiver I just found on the ground as well. I got quite a lot of, I would have described it, paper money knocking around. Do you know what I mean? Bank account totally empty. fiver i just found on the ground as well so i got quite a lot of i would have described it paper money knocking around you know i mean bank account totally empty there's a lot of cashless bars but

um i'm amassing a little a little a little stack what are you spending it on all this cash nothing really i'm god i need i need to run it through my self-assessment tax return obviously obviously what do you think i'd be doing yeah no no you're right but really what i will be doing is logging it for the self-assessment tax return which i always do and then i will give it that full stack to nicola at the end of the holiday and be like please can we get a car pension okay please put this in my pension or put it towards a carpet or maybe like a plug socket i was hoping that you'd like take all that cash and then when we are in the national museum of scotland spend it all on pokemon merchandise that they sell it's a lot we went in there didn't we it's a lot of poke there's a gaming exhibition where we went in

is there yeah but we couldn't get into it because it was sold out but they have a shop and it's just full of pokemon can i tell you one more thing of this i don't want to talk about it in a festival at a time it's very overwhelming all right one more thing i appreciate that it's you know like the world's on fire around us but we're like we are doing art and it's hard i've met several people who listen to this podcast and it's been brilliant i talked about i met lucy last week i've met a few i met a guy called i gotta get i want to say Rob or Roy, but he was a very nice young man as well. Like a young man, a young man listens to this podcast.

That's what I'm saying. Is that good or bad? Are they disaffected? They like, they're like, I like this. Listless. I like this podcast. It's like off menu, doesn't necessarily come out all year round. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, you guys don't seem to be dropping the ball, even when two thirds are at least clearly on holiday right one more thing though yesterday i met mike i think his name's mike i've got i'm meeting so many people and i know that's not a problem but i just there's too many people i met but mike who was made which has been sitting in my inbox and i hadn't had a chance to look at it properly, he's made a Royal Concerns computer game. Yes. Wow. I showed Sonil the video. A few episodes back, we did the Countryside Simulator

that was a decide your own adventure quest. Is that close enough? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your own decisions shape the narrative. You are choosing anyway. So we did one of those and it was called The Duke's Dinner and it was this big sort of interactive game. And the important thing to remember is that as a game,

it works perfectly. But we were like playing that and it was fun. And I put the, like the PDF of everything that was written in the Patreon. And basically off the back of that, Mike has made a computer game. Initially, I just, in the Discord group, just saw a video. I thought he'd taken a clip of the audio and basically animated it. So it looked like it was a...

So it looked like a point and click adventure game. But then, talking to him yesterday, and this is when he came and seen my show. So the room's emptying. So the room's emptying. So the room's emptying. I've got Steve Begea, the next show, hot on my heels. Do you know what I mean? He's ready to get in. So I'm just talking to this guy.

I'm like, is that? And he's like, yeah, it's a playable computer game. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to get it out into the community. Yeah, because you showed me that it was a video with a timeline at the bottom. Yeah. So I was scrolling through it.

So that's just a video of it. Oh, right. So where's the game? It's sitting on Itcho, I think. I'm going to dig it out. I'm going to put it, I'm going to get it out in the world. And he's going to help us. With what?

I mean, well, if we were maybe potentially to do another one, maybe. I was talking to him about the mechanics of the game and how we make it like, but I was like, we need to go, I need to turn the boom around. I saw the Discord as well. Chris kept sort of scrolling through it really fast in front of my eyes, so I couldn't really read what was going on. For the best.

One day I will gain access and then everyone who's on it, you'll be sorry. There's a very easy way to gain access, but it would cost you how much a month? Less than a pint a month? Yeah. I think so, no. If you want to pay to support this podcast,

and this is with no disrespect, like the only thing that you do outside of these recordings to support it, that would be fine. No, I did a story the other day. Did you? We had a good time. We had two old friends having a nice pint in Edinburgh. It was lovely.

Let's talk to producer James. Hello. Fill us in on this holiday, mate. It was very relaxed. It was in Majorca, which is near Ireland where you went on holiday, isn't it? Near Majorca, yeah. It's the bigger island where they're having protests against tourism. Yeah.

In the town up the road, there was some graffiti that said, kill a tourist. Yeah. Didn't tell my family about that bit. In English? Oh, yeah. Oh, so they're thinking they translated it

for the community. Yes. Oh, I like that. That's clever. I mostly went to the supermarket and some beaches and I got a new dad joke. Yeah, go on.

What you do is when you apply sun cream to your kid you put it all on and then you like get them by the shoulders look them in the eyes and go let that sink in that's nice yeah that's good were there any other dads there who heard that and carried on saying that there were no i didn't see no we weren't really close enough yeah at these points the bit there was a good amount of distancing on the beaches that's the thing i did appreciate like when you set up your pitch yeah people weren't like right next to you kind of thing there was a bit of dignity how much nudity was on this um foreign beach a lot of topless i'd say

almost all the men and some of the women were topless. Yeah, no bottoms off. Yeah, now you've just awakened a horror memory there. There was a man who was wearing, it was kind of like some green string and a small pouch. Yeah, good. Like a green Satsuma skin. Yeah. For his gentles, all three of them them and what was it made of leather or something

i don't it just looked like a sort of green plastic and then i was i was at one point i was on a telephone call about something and i was kind of nearish him on the beach i looked over and he was turned away from me and i and i sort of saw like a white line i was like oh is it is it like clear plastic at the back? And then I saw him put the little thing on. So he was just completely Billy Bollocks at that point. And did he see, sorry, James, did you see his bollocks? No, he was turned away from me at the time.

But when he's wearing his actual swimsuit, I mean, suit's too much of a word for it, is small cup. And you're like, come like come on boys look at this this is this is this is why we've come abroad for for experiences different cultures i can only assume he had a bluetooth headset on because he was just chatting away and he was on his own and i really hope he had a bluetooth airpods pro very small you can't really see them well i don't know where he put the phone.

That sounds like the behavior of, and I hope this doesn't sound a bit off, but an Italian man. In Spain. He had a big beard and a bald head. Is he a Spanish man? I don't know. I don't know.

How do you assume he was a Spanish man? Lovely old Spanish man talking to himself that way much. Not wearing anything. I don't think, I think that counts as nothing. Was he on his own? Yeah. Did he have a bag? He had like a little umbrella and a towel and stuff.

Like it wasn't like. He's done it before. He had been, he wasn't caught in a typhoon or something. This was a choice. Question. Did he give a shit? He was quite animated in his chat. So I think he gave a shit about something

yeah but not about his body not about people perceiving him and that is what needs to happen in the world yeah finally it's good for someone to say it i think it's bad if people are naked yeah i don't want to keep going down this road. What else did you do? Was it like an around the pool holiday? Was it activities or that sort of thing? A lot of pool stuff. There was, yeah, playing in the sea.

There was some sort of wave machine-y type bits, which was a lot of fun. What was the shandy situation? Well, I got heavily into radlers great your radlers the various different brands of radler damn lemon yeah i'd say is my least favorite one where's that from spain okay yeah there's the san miguel what radler yes pretty good i think that was two percent or something that was probably the top one and there was a mid-range one, like an Amstel one, I think that was 3.8.

And none of these, we can't get any of these here. No, there's currently a Foster's one, I believe. Oh. Oh, but Chris, have you got like Breaking Rattler News? Yeah, yeah, right. So where I am in Edinburgh, I'm staying with my friend in Meadowbank, and there's a couple of fancy bottle shop beer places, and they actually have a little area dedicated to Rattlers.

That's good to hear. Different Rattlers. The Rattler Zone. Yeah, so I've got a couple of, next week going to my show, is two, Purple Strawberry and Carlos from the community, who Purple Strawberry makes the crochet. And Carlos runs the No Context account. So I'm going to get him a fancy Radler and give him a badge.

That's all I can do. That's very nice. But I think we might need to move on to something there, Sunil. But just to briefly finish off the Radler chat. I mean, the main thing that you sold the Rattlers on to me was that you could smash them from 2pm and not have your mate, what was it? Not have anyone up by the neck.

Not have your mate up by the neck, yeah. Perfect on a family holiday. However, I did also invent the supercharged Radler, which was you have a Radler and then you have a shot of limoncello that kind of goes with it sort of the lemonade-y as a chaser or chugged in kind of sipped it along at the same time

I did try chucking it in but that didn't work so well it's good to experiment on holiday when you've got the time and the mental space if you like the idea of the radler but you don't like the idea of not having an aggressive amount of alcohol in your system then yeah slips of limoncello is around with it just have a spirit on the side but this is the this sounds like a good time a lovely gentle european radler a limoncello grazie mille

grazie mille do you know what I mean that's a good time it's alright isn't it what's the latest you stayed up one o'clock no I think

just chasing midnight yeah fair enough watching a lot of watching a lot of the Olympics but this is the thing with a family holiday they've changed

haven't they you know like you just like what do you do you can't if it's just the family unit. You're in your accommodation. Someone's in, the kids go to bed.

Maybe nine o'clock or whatever on holiday. They go to bed. They go to bed. So you have to stay in. The only thing is maybe one night you could go out individually, but I don't want to be anywhere without my wife. Do you know what I mean? What trouble am I going to get up to now?

I'm going to get confused and scared. She's going to have to pick me up from a Spanish police station. You're in Edinburgh for a month without your wife. She's just sat by it for, I have to do one thing and one thing only. I have to leave a show report. You know, like just,

I come out on a show, leave her a voice note, quick message. She just needs to know how it went. And the end, and then immediately forgot to do that for 12 days so she was furious well she texted me so yeah she texted you she's texting everybody willy nilly shout out nicola shout out nicola yeah thank you for checking in i'm staying

with my friend i'm in my friend sean's house and he puts me up which saves like the price is right you know what i mean so it's like cuts into the cost significantly i don't think i could do without his generosity he's about 55 used to be my boss in london and then he moved up to edinburgh so it's been brilliant we have different opinions about like you know immigration all right yeah well i don't like whether you know he's got some opinions about whether the fridge should be shut and the front door should be shut, you know what I mean? Yeah, you did mention this on your solo, the last week bonus episode unraveling, Chris's unraveling. Did you do a solo episode last week?

Yeah, I was determined not to. We ran out of track, do you know what I mean? Like James was still away, you were with me in Edinburgh and with the pre-recorded ones up to the fringe we'd ran out of so i was like but i will not drop the ball so no i assume i'd have to pay a few good a month to listen to that as well would i no no it's we sat that one we sat that one on the main feed because i was like i do not want to be slapped with a bit of bamboo cane by this algorithm. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know. We've now talked too much about Edinburgh, haven't we? Sorry, I brought it back again. Oh, we came back to it, yeah. What about, what was the other, because, I mean, we've got no notes for this one, Chris. I've written down a list of things I could talk about. Okay.

Before we get into it, let's just bear in mind slander. Let's not slander anyone. Okay, yeah. If we talk about anything current on telly, let's not slander anyone. If we get into any of it, because let's just talk about there are allegations if we get onto anything where there are allegations.

Are you going to bring it up or are we going to bring it up? I got an email saying they've caught me wanking on webcam. I wasn't expecting this. And how much have you paid them? $1,900 in Bitcoin I think it was, they were asking for. So I was like, obviously they haven't. But this is what's interesting about it. This is what's interesting. They have my phone number

and my email. This is no big thing. What, they would have got your phone number? Of course they have. No, but they matched number and my email this is no big thing that what would have got your phone number of course they have they like no but they matched it to my email as well all we do all day long is put his phone number and his email address into company websites apps that's all we do all day long that's all we do that's what i do full time put things in apps and then these people they sell your data or it is scraped because these my mate used to work like as a computer chief technology officer or something like that but basically working for a company where you know like a big company like an entertainment company but it's

like their website was so fundamentally basic and old-fashioned and retrograde that it was like a child could hack into it into the back end yeah the admin password is admin and then admin isn't it yeah and i believe that that is basically that's not the exception i believe that is the rule and they're getting so i think yeah someone's gone into private databases of companies and just absolutely scraped him. And that just happened. That can happen. But yeah, they have probably also caught you wanking on.

Do you know what I mean? I would never use my 16-inch MacBook Pro to watch pornography. No, you got it on the projector screen on your VR headset. Got it on the projector screen, VR headset, flashlight. Robot arm. Robot arm. Robot arm. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if we've done it on this episode.

I watched Twisters. No. Yeah. That was actually all right. It was good fun. Was it? Yeah. Yeah.

I still haven't seen Twister, but Twisters was actually pretty good fun. What's his name? Glenn Powell. I don't know who Glenn Powell is. Something happens where my phone is just like, suddenly out of nowhere, Glenn Powell is omnipresent.

He's everywhere. He is hot at the moment. I thought he was in the last Top gun top gun too yeah yeah but i sort of knew him as he's done a little bit power and stuff but all of a sudden it's like back out of the way this kid is the new tom cruise do you know what i mean he's done a lot of leads at the moment he's in it he's leading a lot of films at the moment he's like he's also 35 so he's five years my junior and i was like he looks like a grown-up man to me do you know what i mean god i thought he's in his mid-20s or something no, but I thought, we must be the same age.

He'd look at me and he'd hold the door open for me and say, there you go, sir. And you'd say, good morning. Yeah, I'd bully Glenn Powell with kindness. Well, that means you're supposed to hold the door for me. I want to hear more about Sunil's cultural highlights from the... Yeah, give us this list, lad. Get that list out. First one I've done, I'm a bit ill.

Second one, did another bit of filming. Oh, yeah, I guess we've got to talk about my name being in the Metro as one of the Strictly contestants. That's what I was talking about earlier when I said, are you going to bring it up or shall we? Because we need to address this. I've been messaged almost constantly about this. So there's that.

And then there's also, I did a triple date in an escape room. This is a real decide your own excitement, isn't it? James, we need both. We need to address the, we need to address. Have we got time for both? That's all I'm saying. I'm not doing Strictly. I don't know why my name was on that list.

I said, people have been asking me after, people have been asking me when I bumped into him and I was like, is he doing it? I said, if he is, I'll be furious because I've looked him in the eye and asked him and he said, no. I said, but I will forgive him for the boost in podcast listens. Are you on the backup list? I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. My agent doesn't know anything about it, but I don't know why I was on the list. And I don't, I assume at best, my name may have been touted by someone in there but that's it i think when they're coming up with this they're probably looking at people and they're getting a load of people on a wall and they're saying he'd be funny won't they look at him i've never like this guy moving around imagine him dancing imagine him dancing we'd be getting a good laugh out of that it'll last a week he'll be out quickly it'll be all right i actually do move quite smoothly people

don't realize i probably have more fluid graceful movements than either of you would you be one for following dance steps or just sort of free form i'd fucking just go for it hard on my own yeah yeah i like that i respect that i wouldn't know how to die. I mean, it sounds physically gruelling. It sounds absolutely exhausting. And also the worst thing is, is that you are as a human being now, rather than an actor or something, in front of the great British public,

which is a fucking nightmare. Yeah, and they have to vote in and the terms and conditions apply to rank you. And also I'll have to sleep with one of the dancers. The thing is, what I'd like about it as well is that they'd be stamping on your toes wouldn't they that'd be funny they would be i'd be stamping on theirs no no no apparently one of the accusations one of the accusations is that when you were dancing it like if you got the move wrong one of them would like stamp on your toes i think looking at the list of people that because you

know how they sort of release it like bit by bit and that it's a bit of like every day they say, Oh, and tomorrow we're going to be announcing that. And one of them is a famous, one of them is in adverts. I think that might have been, it's Wynne Evans.

It's the go compare guy. Well, that's fucked then, isn't it? That's good. I'm so happy for him. that and he hadn't gone mad like howard from the halifax ads he went mental didn't he to be clear though if i was ever asked i would say no bollocks i would absolutely 100% fucking bollocks 100% i would say no but it's a

springboard you could do what you want off back you can't do what you want you are injected by doing that show you are injected into the eyeballs and cultural consciousness of the entire UK. It's the biggest TV show in the country. I prefer working in the background like a puppet master. Yeah. So you do that, six weeks, get voted out because you can't do a tango, your footwork's shy.

Not even six weeks, if that. Yeah. Not even that. Your footwork's shit. Your footwork's shit. Then after that, you can do what you really want to do in life which is have a little radler in a cinema that's what you could do for end of your days yeah no it's it's definitely the wrong type of thing to do unless you're looking to become you know it doesn't help

your career if you're if you're acting or doing comedy it doesn't help with either of those you're an idiot what do you mean it don't help your career being on the biggest tv show in the country what do you mean it's because it's like that's not what you're there for you're not there for the things you do you're there for something entirely different it's like watching these like shows in edinburgh of comedians doing random different things who cares that is the nastiest thing you have ever said to me. Anyway. Okay. So you're not officially,

officially not on this season of Strictly Come Dancing. Yes, correct. He's just playing hardball. It's all just hardball to get his fee up. Yeah, this is negotiations. He's getting that fee up. It's all just hardball to get his fee up. Yeah, this is negotiations, getting that fee up. I'll do it on my way back down.

Yeah, yeah. All right, next one. I did a triple date in an escape room, me and three women, and they were all better at escape room than me. I was just floundering around. What's a triple date? Because I would have thought a double date is you and a partner and another couple.

No, this is me and three women that's not i don't think that's a triple date unless you're was it like sitcom style and they were in three different escape rooms and you had to get from one to the other you were doing three dates all at once it's me and then them three all together in one escape room me assessing how they're doing this is for the radio foreshadowing making about Right, okay I thought it was some London poly thing, do you know what I mean? It could be, couldn't it? It would be normal It'd be fine, but

you would have to take a couple of steps back because you're talking to two trad regional men with the traditional one wife set up I talk to you to keep in touch with the rest of the country's vibes. Never used a dating app. I've never used a dating app. I'd say that me and Nicola were the last couple legally allowed to meet offline.

You know what I mean? I don't want to get in. I would hate to be internet dating, I think. You don't have to. You're all right. You don't have to. No, these are all assessed by the production company for their... What do you mean

assessed well they emailed to say yeah they'd be happy to go on a date with me and they had to check that it was all right they were they were safe enough to be locked in a room they were safe uh they weren't they weren't armed and they they came with good vibes it was really good fun shout out to all three of them did they have a criminal criminal record check? No, couldn't afford that. I think it's 30 quid a head, isn't it? Did they have a CBD? Is that? CBD?

What's that? That's the. CBD is what you're, you're smoking on. So it's in your spliffs, James. It's in your spliffs, James,

you dirty boy. CBD, DBS. Right. Disclosure and barring service. I think that is. But if these, so they so they were really good at escaping for me from a date with you yeah no they were great i couldn't believe how long the escape

room on it was i would never do that as a leisure pastime is it an hour 40 minutes yeah it can be up to an hour and then if you're lost or scared or you don't know the answer you got a little radio and you just go give us another give us another clue would you and then someone in a back office goes and then reads out the answer what was the theme of the room 007 obviously for like copyright reasons can't call it 007 or james bond but it's called like top spy english spy man english spy man and they had actors playing the spies on their little screens i really wanted to play psychopath's room because i was like intrigued to see like a horror one but this was very lightweight but yeah big operation i would have thought it's something that chris would be behind i've never done an escape room but you could design them i've now bought a choose

your own adventure book and i read and i've we made one, we haven't made one. I just read an official Choose Your Own Adventure book. Sorry, can I just ask, how can you copyright a form of storytelling? Go fuck yourselves. I don't think they've copyrighted the format of storytelling, but the name. I've just found, I found my batch.

I've got like five left over from being a kid that I just found in a cupboard. What are they worth now then? 50p. I've got another one waiting for me at home a choose your own adventure ufo starvish i'm just gonna say is it ufo go home uf it's ufo 54 i think it's called somewhere in the high studio 54 i reckon there's going to be a stash of like you know their secondhand bookshops where they're just tottering

down with loads of our books There's got to be a shop somewhere where they've got an entire fucking wall of choose your own adventure books, copyright. I think it's one of these things. Do you know like

Mid-Century Urkel? Ooh. Ooh. It's a registered trade book. Osborne, I think. Okay. Oh no, Bantam?

Bantam Books. Those are big dogs and we're not going up against them yeah i got mountain survival escape the deadly shadow which looks like a jimmy bond looks like a jimmy bond one right this is a thing that annoys me about them as a concept they're like not parodies of things but you can see that they don't look original they look like oh we're gonna make an alien one oh we're gonna make a spy one they feel very broad and probably not like original like they're made to suit a market rather than made to tell an original story do you know what i mean

they haven't got the countess chanella for tardo in any of them no they're so dark though this one right it goes this is from alien Home. I'd like to be cloned and go to Termania with you, you say to Glebe. What do you want me to do? Sit on deck and look into my perceivers, Glebe tells you. You do as Glebe says. Blah, blah, blah. When you come to, you find yourself in a vast metallic dome. Blah, blah, blah. You feel strange. You want to rub your eyes to make sure you aren't dreaming but that isn't possible you realize that your arms are only probes and the rest of you is a metallic sphere only slightly larger than a soccer ball the end that's wicked that's the end of that that's one of the ends you get you'd get turned into a metal soccer ball that is wicked by glebe that's for

children yeah it was genuinely terrifying, some of the endings. There's one, this one, mountain one, mountain survival. It's like you've, you know, all you've got is a little bit of hope as the snow comes in the end. I love this. I don't know what it is about these, but there's something about the mechanics of them that's like really making my brain excited.

The corner of your eye, you see Gino bringing the butt of the gun's like really making my brain excited. The corner of your eye, you see Gino bringing the butt of the gun down on your skull. The last thing you'll ever see, the end. Yes. Now replace Gino with Farmer Bugerton and we've got a sequel. Two new titles every other month. I don't know whether that's a, you shouldn't boast about that turnaround as a publisher.

I don't think that's the same now. I'm on their website now. No, it's like in decline, but they keep a close eye on the IP. And that was Rural Concerns. Thank you so much for listening. Rural Concerns is a podcast that is made possible with the support of our community on Patreon. If you go to patreon.com forward slash rural concerns, you could sponsor this podcast for less than,

what costs about a fiver in London, Sunil? Oh, I'd say a Pret Egg Sandwich. For less than a Pret Egg Sandwich, you can keep this show on the road. We've got bonus episodes, blog posts when I've got a minute to think, and we just have a laugh in the Discord group. Yeah, I mean, you're having a laugh. I'm not because I'm not in And we just have a laugh in the Discord group. Yeah, I mean, you're having a laugh, I'm not. Because I'm not in it. You're not allowed in the Discord group. So it's a Discord group

with Chris Cantrell and the listeners of Rural Concerns. Sounds fun. Actually sounds nice. Occasionally James comes in and he's like what's happening? I'm like, don't worry. James, you're in there as well? Oh, don't worry about that. Is James in there? No, he's not in there. Rural Concerns was produced by Egg Mountain

for a lovely time productions. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Our music is by Sam O'Leary. And we think that everybody in the world should be made. Edited by Joe. It's edited by Joe, my best friend slash worst enemy now. Yeah, it's me because I keep forgetting to say him in this bit. I appreciate the work.

Of Joseph Burroughs. Of Joseph Burroughs, the sub-editor. Audio editor. I don't know. What's his name? Audio editor. He's our editor. He's our editor.

But then I might watch James then. He's a producer. That's what he is. Yeah, yeah. Right. Done. Clean. Oh, come on come on now

what what what you got your top off are you in Portugal no I was in Spain right

I'm back in Oxfordshire now I'm terribly ill oh no what happened got fucking blottoed in Edinburgh didn't I? Had a number of shandies. Oh no. They don't do shandy the same way we do.

Scottish shandy, very different. Which is quite tough to get hold of, but we'll save it for the podcast. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got my own shandy journey. New segment. I smell a new segment. I'm going to ask Chris if he's behind

the no context rural concerns. Do you think he is? No, but it to ask Chris if he's behind the no context rural concerns. Do you think he is? No, but it would make sense if he was from the tone of it. Oh,

because it's always things he said. And then saying I'm an advert man. I assume that was him. Why do you say that? Not in a bad way. I'm just saying that

that was, yeah. And I was, I just put it together in my head. I was like, maybe. The call's coming

from inside. This is like the Aryan Brotherhood versus the Crips in prison. He's the Aryan Brotherhood. I'm the Bloods or the Crips. And he's got the Wardens on his side. Oh, not he's pretending to run the Crips Instagram page. How was your holidays?

It was lovely. Really lovely. We went to the Eroski. What's that? Eroski's the supermarket.