Rural Concerns - Threats, fit listeners & Farmer Buggerton

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Farmer Buggerton returns to teach Sunil all about competitive leek growing. Can Chris keep it together and will James chill out about death threats? Spoiler alert: the answer to both is no. Huge news klaxon! We’re doing the first ever live edition of Rural Concerns on Saturday 1st February 2025 at The Bill Murray in London. Get your tickets here! Drop us an email at [e-mail] if you have a Rural Concern you’d like discussed! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver (that’s not loads) you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. For more info, click here. Book tickets to Chris’ debut UK tour! He’s taking his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show to Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Come along! Tickets, here! Our music is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. Wow!

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns. It's the podcast where I, Sunil Patel, successful actor and headliner comedian, talk to my best friend Chris Cantra. No, it's not as funny is it if I say that Chris has made me write middle spot comedian and he's also made me call him his best friend

and I talked to him about moving to the countryside James don't you have something to say I'm also here too my name is producer James and Chris is also my best friend

am I actually best friends though no at all anywhere near yeah top top, top lot. Well, hang on. Top five?

I'd say top five. I'll do. I'll take that. Not in an emergency. Not in an emergency. Well, welcome back to Rural Concerns, I guess. Full fat Rural Concerns. Where are we starting?

Can we start? What should we do, James? I think you should tell us about a listener that you interacted with. Yeah. A couple of weeks ago, I went down to Aberystwyth in Wales to perform my show at the Aberystwyth Comedy Festival. I had a great time. The people were very the drive, unforgiving.

The people, delightful. It was so far away. It's like a full day's driving more or less, you know. It's like a seven hours drive. I've got a friend who's in casualty. TV show? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Not your wife with the burnt hand still no my friend i'll tell you her name it's not a secret she has sammy sammy dobson who started listening to this she does like she goes and works down on casualty and does basically drives home to newcastle on the weekend and she left me a voice note saying that she started listening to all the episodes of this. She's sounding mad, do you know what I mean? She's basically doing a seven-hour drive on a Friday and then driving back down on a Sunday.

And she said, for some reason, the Sunday drive is just infinitely worse and it can be a nine-hour drive. So she's doing that. Anyway, she's listening to all of her concerns. And I don't know, I don't think it's safe to ingest it in that quantity. Do you know what I mean? No, no, no.

She'll soon run out. She'll soon run out. Yeah, but she'll go mad on this trip listening to it. Do you know what I mean? Or she'll just get a really good deal on some fast charging phone chargers. She should listen to Joe Rogan. Yeah, listen to Joe Rogan.

He does long ones, real long ones. I was in Aberystwyth Comedy Festival having a good time. But so there's people coming to this show. Most of these, the people that, this Aberystwyth Comedy Festival is run by the same people who run the Macuncliffe Comedy Festival.

And they are basically, I would say, festivals that are like for comedy fans the people that attend these shows are aficionados they love comedy they go to lots of live events to seek it out it's basically like this great time if you're a comedy fan but when i did my show there was just like a couple of people in audience that i would say were not like we're not the normal people that you get in these shows. And basically after the show was stopped by this, like this young lady and her boyfriend.

I don't know how to describe them. They were gorgeous. That's incredibly rude. They were gorgeous. No, they were, no, no, no. Listen, but they were just a type of, they were like both, like sort of, they both had tans. Do you know what I mean?

She was dressed like, I don't know, you know, when Olivia Newton-John comes out at End of Grace. She was dressed like that, like dead starter, dead edgy, dead stylish, but classic. Very pretty, like immaculately done up. The fella immaculately done up. He's super rich. They've both got that brilliant tans, brilliant teeth. Do you know what I mean? I was like, oh, are you a comedy fan?

Are you a comedy fan? Anyway, they come up and do you know when you see someone like that in a crowd and you think, oh, God, why are you here? Is this going to be a nightmare? But after the show, they come up and the girl's like, so where did you get to with the gin monster? Who's been glaring

at the cans? Have you had any update on that? He listens to this podcast. Why? And then I gave her too much information and she was like, do you know what I mean?

I could see that I sort of rattled her by the density. Do you know when you think you're listening to a funny podcast, but then when you drill down into it and a guy's like really frantically, desperately trying to like catch a criminal, it's like,

Oh, he's mad. I could see it. I could see her eyes realizing he's mad. He's mad as a hatter. Was she the listener to the podcast and she made her boyfriend come to see the show? basically that was the deal.

And I don't think he watched it to be fair, but told him he didn't watch your show no he was there for the show but we have had but i did tell him we have had a decent update on that front could before we get into that can i just apologize to the other members of the audience that you've met to you are clearly directly comparing these people too. I wasn't directly comparing these people to the other people. I wasn't doing that. Everybody is beautiful. We'll find some affiliate links for tanning solutions for the Discord as well.

That's what I was saying. The people that by and large attend comedy events are not tanned. I think that's fair to say. Can I say that? Yeah. Yeah. They're indoors a lot. Yeah. Lock me up. I don't's fair to say. Can I say that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're indoors a lot.

Yeah. Lock me up. I don't think they're on the tanning bed that much. But I'll tell you what, I did meet in Aberystwyth as well, a member of our, one of our Patreons, who's an active figure in the Discord community.

I won't say his real name, which I found out out but you would probably know him as minge flaps i met minge flaps and i said i said we've got a podcast and i said i do a podcast and he goes woo one guy woo and i was like i said are you and he showed me his t-shirt and he's had a t-shirt made that says I am a creamer. Is that what they're calling themselves now? They call themselves the creamers and I had nothing to do with that and I you know but he's got a t-shirt saying

I am a creamer and you're like I'm a creamer yeah. That's a one of one. He didn't get a batch mate. If you see that guy walking down the street I don't know you'd be like there he is. Get him. Swoop. Is he a member of any other communities that's what i want to know i don't know i think we can't ask that question because i think they're gonna do you know i mean they'll they'll basically i've got a feeling that if anyone's in our discord community

they're definitely in you know like the free bean salad communities and they come when they're like over intellectually stimulated with free bean salads, highfalutin chat, they'll come over to us to sob it down and they don't have to think about it. Do you know what I mean? It's nice to meet them out in public, isn't it?

It's lovely. It's so lovely. And they're really nice. I was having a chat. I was having a chat with old Minj Flaps. It was just lovely. It's nice. And I'm still- What did you chat to Minj Flaps it was just lovely it's nice and i'm still did

you chat to minch flaps about just about where he lives and stuff like that i said god have you come out way for this but he actually lived not too far of a drive away so it won't too mad i think the thing with meeting these people i still find it mind-blowing so i'm very much like not shocked or i still can't believe anyone listens to this I shouldn't say that because we've done 30 episodes do you know yeah should have knocked it

on the head earlier it's just lovely to talk to people that listen to it I really appreciate it and it's always always fun and like with the

discord community yeah it's just like I basically got we've got a support group of middle aged people talking about Terima Su

Gelato do you know what I mean and one hot couple and one hot couple We've got a support group of middle-aged people talking about Terry Masu, Gelato. Do you know what I mean? And one hot couple. And one hot couple. With a shared login. Gin Monster? Yeah, what was the update?

Sorry, I interrupted you. Right, this is... To apologise to the other listeners. The other listeners, everyone's beautiful. Some people have nicer times than others. That's it. it that's the summary that's all we're saying some people are just beautiful on the inside just before everyone's beautiful on the inside and outside some people have better tans that's all i said that's a fact that's a public record keep it in joe keep it in keep it on the blockchain that is this podcast so right So this is a bit mad with the gin monster. So basically there hasn't been an update for a bit because we haven't got a

solid thing. You know, we've got people from, we've got in our little group, the little detective group, we've got like retirees, school governors, stuff like this.

So basically we've been pressuring local law enforcement and stuff. The school governor's got a connection, you know, like just sent an email to the commissioner of the police or whatever that equivalent job title is. Jim Gordon, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've sent an email to Jim Gordon. We've sent emails to different people.

You know, the thinking being, we'll just keep being annoying and maybe they'll do something. But Constabulary have basically said, you know, it's not something that they'll be able to look into unless there's ever... You know, it's like Catch-22. We can't arrest him unless he's drunk. And you're like, well, we won't know specifically when he's drunk because we're only ever finding out about the crime of the littering

and the gin after the fact. We never near him when he's drunk because we're only ever finding out about the crime of the littering and the gin after the fact we never near him when he's doing it yeah which all changed this week when my wife had a call on sunday from a lady in the detective group who was in her car driving and she was like i've got him i'm behind him and i got a son to take several pictures of the car and we've got a few pictures of it in traffic like a few cars ahead and they've zoomed in on the wing mirror you know to like zoom in on his face enhance zoomed in we're not enhancing we're not we're not in csi do you know what i mean so we zoomed in and you can sort of see his face and they reckon that he must be from a farm because his face is covered in mud but i don't think no no no it's how no no no you don't no that's that's that's a ridiculous thing to say it? Why is his face covered in mud?

What do you mean? That's not just... I don't know. I'm going to send you these pictures. They will not go anywhere else. But we were like, you need to follow him. So she followed him, but lost him. But we were so close.

The plan was she was just going to follow him as far as to his home he could go to his home then we'd know where to go right okay send us the photo I want to see what car

he's got well you know the car we know the license plate we know the make and model yeah what's the make and model true well I'm not

I'm not telling you now because I can't remember for one oh yeah you did send that photo no but I'm sending you the extra ones now with the zoom in. Can I look up the MOT history?

Yeah, but I told you this. Oh, is that? Wow. There's no mud on his face whatsoever. What are you talking about? Yeah, I don't understand the way that bit's come from. It looks like a giant doll to me. Yeah.

Let me look. It looks like a Victorian doll, yeah. What? Maybe. No, it looks like a haunted doll. Yeah. What? Maybe. It looks like a haunted doll. That's just quite a scary image, actually, but really well done on the detective work. Oh, that is enhanced.

It looks like Michael Myers. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? In the film Halloween. And what have the police said about this? I don't think this has gone to the police yet. We're keeping it close to his chest at this point. Yeah, don't get the pigs involved to the police yet we're keeping it we're keeping it close to his chest don't get the pigs involved

this is going to happen again one of us is going to win we're focused on it it's just a matter of time until one of us in our car ends up behind this guy yeah obviously don't know

none of that's none of that's going in okay Joe Joe Joe we need to keep that in because it's important

for public record to show absolutely none of that's going in to show that you're threatening someone with no no

to show B obviously I've seen do it with a bow Joe please yeah yeah we're not threatening life

that's a really lovely update that's a good update it's kind of spooky it's just like eluding us it's just like we're so close but

it's that thing of what do we do when we get him it's risky you can't get him it's a situation that we can't no but

not get him confront him hey you are you throwing gin cans outside are you drinking gin and driving that we can't control. No, but not getting, confronting. Hey, you! Are you throwing gin cans outside? Are you drinking gin? And driving through our village where there's small children playing. If you do it again...

B, obviously. No, not the last bit. Don't say the last bit. I do think, Chris, there's a real, there's a fear amongst your community not of how far you can fall that how far you can rise you know what i'm saying thank you center it's good to have somebody on this podcast rather than pulling me down all the time and saying that you can't threaten that you shouldn't threaten people you're scared of who you can

really become that's what i'm saying yeah we. We can become a mob. Mob rule. Throbbing with energy. One unified energy. Historically, that's always a good thing. It's like Glastonbury, isn't it? It's like being at Glastonbury.

It's like, I'm just going to say, Glastonbury. Or a big old rave. Oasis reunion. Nebworth. Do you know what I mean? This is Britain.

Olympics 2012. Britain operating as one. One consciousness. Mashing a... Obviously. We are all one. We are all one. He's drunk. He doesn't know what's going on.

James' face. James' face is thunderous thunderous that face no it's all good fun though you're not going to do anything are you this is not going to be with kindness I'm going to we have to

we have a moral duty to confront him and say this is not on you can leave a note on his car yeah that's actually a good point what's a note saying? drop it with the gin cans yeah just say that Chris yeah okay yeah okay

yeah it sounds like I've turned him big old big old clean up job for Joe on this week's episode yeah pop out an inch for Joe on the edit sorry James

were you gonna what I was gonna say keep some of the empty gin cans and put them on his bonnet oh yes the threat of violence

not the act no just put the a little note saying, pop these in a bin, would you? How do you get that fucking horrible tone across it, right? Put those in the bin, would you? Put these in the bin, would you?

I think it's inherent. Can't we agree it's a compromise? We'll put a couple of tins on his bonnet, little note saying, put these in the bin, would you? Obviously. You should call it with the... They're just simply

not going in. Not even in the bonus. We've barely recorded. How much have we recorded? Because I don't think... Oh my, 10 minutes of this is death threats. It's got to go. Yeah. We've got so much more to record

because of all your death threats. Well, I'll stop saying death threats then. You won't though. You can't stop. You're in a cycle. You're in a fucking cycle. Just communicate clearly that we cannot threaten people's lives.

Just remembered something that happened at a workplace I used to work at. It was an office and it had a shared loo. Underneath the loo was like a restaurant, and we used to have to work on weekends. And one weekend, someone who worked in, we can only presume worked in the restaurant because none of the other offices were used on the weekend, had stashed their beers in the loo.

And there was like an opened one. They would obviously, coming up on their breaks or going to the loo and drinking beers in our toilet. So they all stank a beer in there. So they would go, basically were drinking on the job and just have a little toot like that. Yes. And there was like a four pack of big beers in there. So I left them a note. Saying, I'll fucking kill you. Yes. Yeah. And there was like a, there was like a four pack of big beers in there.

So I left him a note. Saying, I'll fucking kill you. No. Saying, can you stop drinking in here, please? Yeah.

Or, or what? Pop these in the bin, would you? And then I think I caught, I think I referred to him as Gary Barlow because I thought I was very clever. Cause he was using the toilet as a bar. Oh, yeah.

Gary Barlow. That was really good. He's clever. He was leathered. He wouldn't have got it. You got any, you got any wordplay for your gin monster?

I haven't got anything yet, but I'll have a think. I think, James, if you can, if you can supply us, the mob, with funds, you'll make sure

that we, like, you know, like, you'll take the that we, you know, it'll take the tension out of the situation. This is about to boil over. Are you trying to extort money now? So you've moved down from death threats to extorting money. Are you threatening James?

No, I'm not threatening James. I'm just saying if you give us a few puns. Oh, puns. I thought you meant quit. I thought you said funds. I thought you said funds. Oh, no, I don't want your money. I just want some puns. I can't do puns I thought you said funds. I thought you said funds. Oh, no, I don't want your money. I just want some puns. I can't do puns.

It's not a gift that God's given me. It's not a gift. It's more a curse than a blessing. Have we got something today to do? Could you scroll down? There's a script, but could we just go into this and make this next bit feel very natural natural or theatrical just natural

this is just like we'll edit all this bit out we're just going to make it sound normal like we're just having a normal conversation you said it would stretch us theatrically well we're not there yet just read the fucking script this is the introduction this is the introduction to the thing so just do it as it's written

it says improv and then you've written a script to the thing. So just do it as it's written. It says improv and then you've written a script. All the best improv is fully planned out and written by full-time Cambridge Footlights. Full-time Footlights students. Okay, let's go.

Okay, Chris, what's going on with Leet Club? I'll tell you what's going on with Leet Club. So I'm doing a bit of like obviously largely leak club stuff is it's going to be kicking off in spring that's when we'll be planting yeah so i'm doing a bit of pre-winter work on my leak patch we've got a old flower bed that is and I basically measured out that I think I can get about 12 leaks

in this space. So before winter comes, my plan is to weed it, take receipt of some manure from Father Neil, which I haven't asked for yet. A vicar? No. Farmer Neil. Oh, sorry. I thought you said

Father Neil. I think I might have said Father. Farmer Neil. The number who a vicar no farmer neil oh sorry i thought you said i think about i said father farmer neil the number who holds the crap title by the way but i'm going to try and get some manure off him and i'm going to weed my flower bed i'm going to put the manure in work it all over and then i'm going to cover the flower bed so that the light can get in so the weeds that are in there don't have sunlight to grow. Hopefully what this does is creates, starts to create a mulch, a well-fed mulch, which I'll then add to and filled with soil to get myself to the optimum bed come spring.

So that's where I am with it. But how will the league competition be judged? What the fuck? You haven't even mentioned the competition, so why would I say that line there? The directing, that pointing. I would love to see you in a play, Chris. Right, just take it.

Let's get that. Just for the listener, he queued doing the most elaborate pointing at the screen. He pointed me to say a line which bears no reference to anything he's just said.

Also, I thought this was going to be like a comedy, sort of lighthearted thing. We've just learned a lot about how to make a mulch. Why are you scripting a conversation that we normally have, that we've already had on this podcast about leaks? Please.

This is his heart. What is this? Heart. Let's get through this this is a preamble I'm part of well do you want me to ask the question again

but do you want to finish off the bit before my sentence with something yeah so I'm doing all this prep in preparation for the league competition

but how will the league competition be judged I'm not really sure yet it's quite complicated. There's a lot to take in. It's a bit overwhelming, and it's definitely too much for me, a French leek grower, to explain.

That's so unnatural. That is so unnatural. I have lots of questions if only they were a rural professional we could turn to who could educate us on life down the farm question mark what a great idea sonil um i'm here but i'm from the city and i don't know any farmers i'm stumpeded. Well, I think I might know a man. Right, so now we are about to enter the improv scenario. And I think it's important to point out that we're going to be entering a scenario where you are to educate the listener and you, Sunil, about the culture

and what I've learned. I figure it best if it's something that we do through an improv. So the important thing is that you will be going into this improv with the express mission of finding out about leaks and competitions growing and that sort of thing. So you've got to go in and do that. You have to be very careful.

Remember the rules that we've learned of countryside through these improvs before. You need to be respectful to the seasons respectful rural professionals yes yeah and you need to and it's very important that you don't just like if you like an improv it's like a dream if you wake up if you die in a dream, you die in real life. And the same rules apply to long-form improv. Get on with it then, for fuck's sake. I think I know who this is, but go on.

Right. Producer James, ring the guided meditation bell. Improv bell. Mom, how does it sound like? The guided meditation bell. Improv bell. Bong. How does it sound like? Ring the guided improv bell. And it's like... It's like... It's a bit like a bong.

It's like a bong. Yeah, that's a bell, not a gong. Bong. Wait a minute. Before we get into this, I just need to, because I've kept all the stuff, I've kept all my notes in a separate document so that you wouldn't have it ruined.

Okay, so the scene is, Sunil, you're going on to the farm. Who is Sunil? Sunil Patel. He's from the city. He's going down to the farm. To find out about league competitions. To tell his mate Chris or Frisian?

Yeah, whatever. Something like Frisian. That's not important. It's not important. It is important to remember that when this bell is rang and when we're on the farm, I am no longer Chris. In fact, I'm going to turn my camera off so you can't see me. Okay.

And scene. That's the end of the scene. Yeah. I think it's the bell. You want to do the bell. Do the bell again. Right. Now, imagine as well, Sonel, so just close your eyes for me.

When you suddenly, you're leaving behind your little fancy city loafers. You're leaving behind all your troubles. You're leaving behind all your internet search history worries. Don't worry about that anymore. None of that matters. You're in the rural deal. You're down the farm. Listen to the noise.

It's windy now. What's that? Look at at that what's falling down what's falling down leaves yeah yeah yeah you have to start i have to start right okay what am i starting with who's there hello who's there you're in a farmland field type situation yeah i do need another character to improv with yeah but, but how do you mate? How do you fucking, how do you mate someone in real life? Hang on, is this like, this is like D&D, is it? Alright, I go into the nearest building

to find someone. Hello, why are you going? I've got the accent, I've been practising it all day. Hello, it's me, Farrowman Burgess. Why are you going in my building? Oh, sorry. I was actually looking for you, Farmer Burgess.

You must never go in that building. Oh, I'm sorry. Why not? That's where I make me cheese. Would you like to try some of me cheese? Yes, please. Taste, taste that. That's very cheesy.

Very nice. What would you say? What sort of a beast would you say that came from? taste taste that mmm that's very cheesy very nice thank you what would you say what sort of a beast would you say that came from I'd say a cow it would come from a cow

hi I could see how it could be too mistaken for a cow but no that's not the subtle note that's not the subtle notes of the flavour do you understand?

No, I don't. But what animal is it from? It's from me. It's Farmer Bugerton's cheese. People say that men can't breastfeed, but I would say that they just haven't tried hard enough. That's okay. Yeah, well, I didn't realize.

It'd be useful if you could tell people where the cheese is from before you get them to taste it. No, because then nobody would put it, put it in their mouths. Apart from Frenchmen. Dirty fish. Why are you here?

Forget the cheese. I'm a busy man. I'm here to. I'm a busy man. Why are you bothering? Farmer Buggeton, forget the cheese. I'm a busy man. I'm here to... I'm a busy man. Why are you bothering me? It's winter. Come off, lad. A meal.

A meal. Put the hay away. Farmer Buggeton. Excuse me, young man. I'm very busy. A meal. Put the hay away. A meal.

Move that cow. We've got to hurry up because winter's coming. Farmer Buggeton, what part of Ireland are you from? I am from Lincolnshire. The accent is very similar. It's yes to the untrained fit country. Emil, Emil, bring the bulls. Bring the bulls over, Emil.

Emil is my assistant. I don't want you to ask me about his passport status. He works very hard. I have his passport in a drawer. He works very hard. He milks me. I won't. Okay, that's interesting, but I won't ask you anything about Emil.

I actually wanted to ask you about the Leek competition. Oh, finally ask a question. It's taken so long. Something to remember for the next improv. Maybe ask the question that you have been sent there to ask. All right. What's the rules? How do you judge the biggest leak at the leak competition,

Farmer Begerton? Don't you want to know a little bit about the history of leaks? Leaks are easy enough to grow from seed. Yeah, I know that. I just want to know

the rules of the judging of the competition. Yes, but they are easy enough to grow from seed, although you might want to get some fledgling ones to start. Apparently, that's fine. You sow seeds directly in the garden a month before the last frost date.

Lakes need loose, well-drained soil and thrive happily in the same areas and conditions where one can grow onions. They usually reach maturity in time for an autumn harvest. Leeks can be munched and harvested early when they are about the size of a finger or a pencil, or they can be thinned and are allowed to grow to a much larger mature size. How will the leek competition be judged? Unlike other members of the oven family,

the green part of the plant is inedible. One must cover the growing stem with soil. This is referring to as blanching to encourage the development of a firm white stalk, the prized part of the leak. There you go. Do you have any other questions at all? How will the league competition be judged?

Okay. Now, you are a curious young fellow wearing such lovely clothes. You know, my wife, I don't think she's going to last the season. I could do with a new... She got kicked by a horse and all her hair's fallen out. How will the league competition be judged?

Persistent. It could be my city wife, you, me and a meal, milking me, dreaming of going home. And how will the league competition be judged? Well, if you must know, the league competition is judged.

The leagues are scored by an independent judge who usually goes by the cube and the condition of the leaks. Each member has to present two leaks, which can have to be no more than six inches from the base of the leak to the V in the flag. And as big a girth as you can get, you'll know all about that, you big city boy. You look like you're sitting on a wide one, but not a long one, if you know what I mean. Now, the prize money is determined by the league club, what the league club can probably raise through the year,

and it's divided up between the people who come first to last. You know, it's something where the raffle prizes and the prize money are donated to charity and they help the local community. It's great. How big is the prize pot? How was it? How big was it last year? It was several hundred pounds, I suspect.

But compared to the county level, that's nothing. Yeah, at county level, you're looking at thousands of pounds potentially, which is why some people keep their leaks locked, guarded by Alsatian dogs under lock and key. And how will that several hundred pounds help people in your local community? They can spend it all. You can spend it all on stamps with the king's head on them. Okay, thanks, Farmer Buggerton.

You got to go. Don't you want to help get all that cows into the field, into the shed? Winter's coming, boy. And we got to hunk down. Yeah, I think... You don't want to...

Do you want to stay? I don't think a meal is going to... Okay, yeah. All right, I'll help you with the... I'll help you with the cows then. Yeah, come on, let's go. Pick them up. Pick that one up and put it in going to. Okay, yeah. All right, I'll help you with the cows then. Yeah, come on, let's go. Okay, pick them up. Pick that one up and put it in the barn.

Okay, got it. There you go. You've just lifted your first cow. Well, they can't man out of you yet. Now, I can hear that, the choo-choo train back to London. You got to get down there, Dishoom Bacon Nard you know it's yeah

it's great you got it you don't want to miss your Bacon Nard no I don't Varma Bugerton thank you bye bye

bye oh what happened then should we ring the ring the bell ring the end of yeah

ring the gong boom what happened there I was away why are you sweating why are you sweating Yeah, ring the gong. What happened there? I was away. Why are you sweating? Why are you shinier than when you turned the camera off earlier? This is someone, like, you're basically just exposing how little you know about acting, which is embarrassing because it's what you do as a job.

So you look at Laurence Olivier and just see how slimy he is. Yeah, slimy, yeah. I've got the big light on for this. Well, I don't know what happened there because I wasn't there. Right. No, you weren't. Well, I met Farmer Bugerton and he told me all about the leak, how to judge the leak. Well, that sounds like it was some well-researched information.

Perhaps we'll hear from him again. Yeah, it felt like he'd read it off somewhere. Wasn't it odd how his Lincolnshire accent seemed to fade away when he was clearly reading from the internet? It wasn't from the internet. I think he actually had some help from one of our listeners called Kate

who sent some information about leaks plus some information from the Leap Cup chairman. I think that maybe all of it might have contributed to the well-researched improvisation that happened there. How do you know what Farmer Boggerton got his research from? I'm just saying, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying it sounded researched.

And you sound like you two know more about leagues now, so who's the winner now? Fucking none of us, none of us yeah that's going out there yeah that's yeah well that'll contribute to the 20 minute episode yeah is this the one yeah this is the one with all the death threats cut out of it, yes. But don't come out. Can we not just bleep them? Yeah, we'll bleep them. Yes. You're going to call James a cunt again?

I won't dare. You know why? He's one of my best friends. Also, he's fucking massive. He's fucking in Hammamoo with two fists up and dead. Right. Well, that was really, that was a return to form for farmer

buggerton good to see him back i really enjoyed a while on it it's been a while isn't it yeah a lot of people have been asking for him

to come back and there he was yeah that takes a lot out of you so well done there'll be more on leaks there'll be more on farmer

buggerton should we tell them about a special thing that we've got coming on yeah i reckon so i don't know how to do it it's on Farmer Buggerton, should we tell them about a special thing that we've got coming on? Yeah, I reckon. So I don't know how to do it. It's exciting.

Could you meet Farmer Buggerton in person? I could get your picture taken with Farmer Buggerton. What we're going to do, we're going to do, oh, my mountain is bad. It's a big thing. I'm fluffing it all up. I'm very, very excited to reveal we are doing the first ever Rural Concerns live show. When? Saturday, 1st of February, 2025.

What? 2.30 p.m. So it has to be in London. This is a toe dip. We haven't done it before. We don't know whether it's just going to be us three and Mr. Minge flaps. Do you know what I mean? And two thirds of London is the satellite commuter hub.

But we have big dreams of taking it as far afield as, you know, Kiel de Forest and stuff like that and Stonehenge. But we need to do it at the Bill Murray in London for the first one. So yeah, so 1st of February, 2025. Tickets should be on sale now. And guys, what do you think it will be like? What should we do? Well, I think I'm going to be under a lot of pressure

to corral you two in front of a live audience. I think you're going to be being led astray. No, we'll stick to what we're supposed to be talking about i think because we'll be under time pressure won't we we basically got like it's half two till half four so what i was thinking is we've got two halves first half classic rural concerns tops off second half tops on first half classic vocal concerns tops off as a recording is tops off we're on stage we talk it we give up day also i think i'm just saving up a little list of all the stuff that we've been moving in the edit because it's like bad or mad so we can say some like we'll do some normal stuff but also some talk, some slander that won't make it in.

Yeah. Are we going to release the recording of it to patrons? We're going to release the episode as a podcast, I believe. Even if you're doing death threats all the way through it again. That's what I'm saying. That's my worry. I think they're worse if they're live. No, I think they're, because only a small audience would ever,

the person he's flinging death threats at isn't going to hear it. Fingers crossed. First half, very traditional podcast chatting. You know, we'll touch on all the format points. We'll sort of have a laugh. It'll be fun. And then second half, I just think normal stuff, nothing mad and weird with special guests.

Yeah. If you choose to come on an adventure with us, then I can't tell you what might be happening in the second half of the show. Are you going to ring the improvisation bell? I can't say. I'm hoping that the people would choose to come with us and have an adventure. I would like them to choose there.

Oh, yeah, that's enough now. That's it. That's enough now. That's all I can say. We've bleeped so much of this episode. Yeah. Is it harder to bleep stuff or just cut it out? It's harder to bleep, isn't it?

It's kind of, you just got to, if you cut it out that if we'd cut everything out there'd be there'd be like just 10 minutes just for a bugger turn thing is it cutting's easier but bleeping like it's hard to cut when it's like basically when it's structurally because and this isn't just me we've been mentioning it consistently for the full recording so that's it's's structurally quite important. Anyway, do you know what? James and Joe got this. I trusted them.

So anyway, Saturday, 2nd of February, 2025. Tops off, tops on. Anything can happen. Choose your way to have an adventure with us to tickets. It's Saturday the 1st. There's an error in the document. It's Saturday the 1st. There's an error in the document. It's Saturday the 1st of February

at... The Bill Murray? The Bill Murray in a little place I like to call... Boo. Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. If you have a rural concern, you can email us at christopherlovelytime.co.uk

and we'll talk about it on the episode. The best way to support Rural Concerns is through Patreon. For less than a fiver, you'll get regular bonus episodes plus access to our online Discord server, The Cream server the cream right what's going on in there now right now they're all trying to figure out the identity of the internet comedian that i slagged off on a bonus episode are they getting close no because i narrowed it down to saying it's a white posh boy do you know what i mean? So the goal's still wide open. And just a reminder,

get your tickets for the first ever Rural Concerns live show that's going to be on the 1st of February 2025 in London at the Bill Murray. Head to alovelytime.co.uk

for more information. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Sony mini disc player Burrows. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead and our music is by Sam O'Leary. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Sony mini disc player Burrows. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead and our music is by Sam O'Leary. Rural Concerns is produced by Ake Mountain for Lovely Time Productions. And as a reward for listening all the way to the end, here's an inspirational learning slash lesson from a little book I like to call and the writer of the book likes to call the 48 Laws of Power.

Law number 11. Learn to keep people dependent on you. To maintain your independence, you must always be needed and wanted. The more you're relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity,

and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so they can do without you. Who wrote that? Hannibal Lecter? Well, no. No one relies on Hannibal Lecter, do they?

No, but that's like a psychopath's way of viewing the world. Yeah, but you don't have to say it like that, do you? No, I suppose when you put it like that, it's fine and normal. We rely on each other

and without each other, I don't know what we'd be. We'd certainly have a few more free evenings, but... And that is the end of the episode. Excuse me. I do need to go to the toilet. Oh.

But I won't. I'll wait till after this. Oh. Why don't you go now? Because I can go whenever I want, even if I need it. I don't want you... I need you in the game for this episode. This episode's going to be, I'm not going to reveal too much,

but all I'll say is this episode might test you theatrically. That's all I'm going to say, but that's not telling you any clues whatsoever. All right. Where was I? I thought there was going to be more okay yeah bong

like that