Rural Concerns - Underpants, uniforms & a pack of dogs

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

The lads are reunited following a hectic summer! Chris attempts to seduce a new friend, Sunil takes us through his tabs and James is just a tube. There’s also a substantial update on the big PC front. Summary: we’re so back! If you want to experience the full force of Rural Concerns Live, you can grab tickets to our Manchester show at Fairfield Social Club on 22nd November. Series two of Chris' radio show Icklewick FM has just dropped on BBC Sounds! It's also on BBC Radio 4 at 11pm for the next few weeks.   If you have a Rural Concern you can send us an email to [e-mail]. We promise we’ll be very kind! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead, our music is by Sam O’Leary and our legal due diligence is by Cal Derrick, Entertainment Lawyer. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

I'm Chris Cantrell and I live in the countryside where I go running with big Bluetooth headphones on to run away from either the deafening silence or the bees in my head. One time I startled a deer and it ran into a fair. fence post and I think it died. I don't know if it was an accident or intended by the deer and I don't know if I'm happy about it, but I want to see it happen again. I'm Sanoa Pat, and I live in the city where crime comes from. I once caught a mouse on those very sticky pads and was too conflicted to deal with it, so I paid a passing teen on a BMX to take it away. And I don't know what they did, but I hope it was quick. I'm producer James. I live in the suburbs. I'm tall, dark, handsome and witty. And proof, you can have it all.

This podcast has, I've been away, and it's descended into nerdy tech chat. What did you think of? What did you think? You weren't here for the last episode. We had no rural affairs to talk about. What did you think of the last episode where we basically talked about holidays in Italy? I liked it, Mon and I was going to do. I was primed just to pull it really.

I was like, there's nobody wants. this nobody's interested in this we got quite deep in that chat as well just you to yeah it was felt like you two as strangers that have just met you know what I mean like I'm active like I'm actively keeping you from talking to each other on any level outside of me you know it's mad that that's the first I've known James since what 2012 and that's the first time I've asked him what's it like having kids to be fair if you'd have asked me in 2012 I would not have been able to give you an answer yeah I'd just guess just guess what's it like hosting the open and Mike at Simmons Bar on Caledonian Road.

I think you knew exactly what that was like. That's written all over my face. Back to the Open Mike days. Have you seen people that we used to do Open Mike comedy with, some of them? Oh, no, no. Be, obviously. Out of all the meltdowns, out of comedy, that's by far and away the most interesting one that I've witnessed.

Do you know what I mean? This is neither interesting to the audience. nor going to be allowed to go in because it's going to be pissing people off and it's a bit bleak shall we should we grab this

like it's a bullet and agricultural fair should we yeah but this countryside update you've got Chris there is there is this

countryside bait go on then what's the big first countryside update well I think Chris is what needs to finish that sentence

like a bullet at a countryside fair we need to grab the chain oh okay put us Thumb up its art.

That's all my soul and vagina. But it's fun of my pizza, so it focuses on the agenda. I'm back. Prelude. This is post-August. I think it's been an absolute, I'm on an Edinburgh fringe come down. We start selling back it. I've got a week at home.

But still, somehow, there is a week left of the school holidays. I don't know how that's possible because it's been. going for... As far as I can remember. Yeah, yeah. My earliest memories at this summer holidays. It's just unstoppable. It's like 1984.

We've always been on the summer holidays. We've always been on the summer holidays, but we've got one week left to basically... It's a week and a half for me. You've got a week and a half? Oh, God. Do I have a week and a half? Yeah, they don't go in on a Monday.

Oh, no. How do you not know this? You're different local authorities, aren't you? So it could be different. So, Nill, how can you ask that every episode? I just think that Nick, we're wrestling the boy back into, he's had a magical summertime. He's been, he's been like camping twice.

He's been to Ireland. He's been, like, we've been all over. He's done, he has, like, I think Nicola panics if he's, you know, like, sat still for two on, but now we've come back. The boy's running on fumes, basically. He's ready to go back to school. So we've got one week left. And this week is, like, getting.

on top of our life situation, sorting the house, planning the stuff we need to do, getting the boy ready for school, wrestling him back to normal bedtimes. You know, he's like running out of, it's running out of steam.

And I said to my wife, I said, we're not going anywhere this week. We're sitting in the house. We're going for a little walks. We're doing admin. This is, this is it now.

Because it's a nice day today. She was like, maybe we should go to a beach. I went, shut up. We're not going to a beach. We're sitting in the house. You've got a sunroom. You've got a sunroom.

It's great for catching the sun. We could go for a walk around the village community. We live in a postcard. And it's a postcard of, we live in Albion. What's that? Old England. That's just the old word for England. Yeah.

And to be honest, I don't think that was your, I don't think where you live was considered to be part of Albion. No, yours was like the wild. Probably the Dane land. It's actually terrifying place to be. Dane law. Yeah, that's why I like it. Historically, it's got an edge.

Yeah. The border reavers. yeah absolutely bonkers lads just fighting each other families of people that basically were bred to be bloodthirsty and keep Scottish people away what are they doing now making tray bakes he yeah he doesn't listen anymore but in case he does decide to listen anymore it's because he fell out with Chris he fell out with me because I told he wrote a letter in and I played his voice without consent and then told him to shove it up his ass so but now he is as cons I tell you Andy the tray bait man does listen and I

know this because the other day I found out some people who listened to this podcast have been in his shop. Oh. And they're like, like, four of them and they're like, are you under the trip, babe? And he's like, yeah. And then they were like, wow. And they were like, you don't listen to the podcast to you anymore. And he was like, I do.

I support local business. Business, local business. So you're saying these are rural concerns listeners that have found the shop or is it Which means, let's be honest, if they found the shop, they've found my house, they've been stood, they've been looking at the, they've been looking at the boom. They've seen that, the one with the missing gargoyle. Is Andy, does Andy's family hail from the region? Yes.

Right. There's lots of overlapping connective strands between the families as well, you know. And Andy's very tall, isn't he? Yeah. He could handle himself, couldn't he? I believe so. I believe he could be deployed. He's like James as in probably useless in a fight, but by deploying.

putting them on the chestboard, you know, you're sending a message. Like an empty nuclear warhead. Yeah. Or Peter Crouch, yeah, either or. It was just right, fuck you, Hitler on the back of James and sending him. I'm back.

Can I ask you about just about your back-to-school preparations? Yeah, it's getting a jet-wash about, jet-washing the boy, shaving all his hair exactly how you handle a sheep. Do you know what I mean? Like, grab him, shave all his. his hair off, jet wash him, dip him in some of it. Have you got, have you got

your school shoes? Have you got your school trousers? Have you got a school uniform? This is what Friday's for. Trip to Carlisle. And it starts next week. Oh, what are you doing? All the other idiot parents will be there then. We'd... What's the car parking like? Start of the holidays.

We predicted the growth based on metrics. This is stupid, James. And we got it before everything sold out. I'm sorry, James. this is stupid, apparently. We're leaving it until the last possible second. Let's have a little chat late Friday.

Yeah. Let's be recording on Friday. I'm happy to do a record on Friday. It'll be council, senil, because he'll be driving to the next town. It'll be in Newcastle. It'll be in Newcastle looking for C&A, which doesn't exist. What's on the list, though? What have you got to get him?

The buy needs new, underpants. He's gone against underpants. They'll tell you this, when we were packing, that when we were packing to go away for one of the many trips that have been away, basically Nicol was like, could you sort this? So I went up and sat with him

and I was like, okay, I said, so you're going away for seven days? So how many underpants do you think you need? And basically what I was trying to get to was seven plus contingency. Do you know what I mean? One for soilage. Eight, maybe nine.

Do you know what I mean? In case you do two in a day. But what the answer that I got, Was six? Six. You got the answer six. I got the answer six. I said, what do you mean?

He said, I'm having a day off. Which I thought, yeah, that's cool. What did it? A day off pants or a day off holiday? Day off pants. Day off pants, he's going, he's going, but I think this is because he's like, he's going totally anti-underpants. And you're like, yeah, it's because they're too tiny for you because he shot up.

Do you know what I mean? So we need new underpants, new trousers. but Nicola did an absolute blinder on Vinted. We don't wear, like, branded school stuff. Do you know what I mean? The school is too small to be fussy about uniform. Oh, they don't have a badge? They do.

It can be bought, but also you can wear just totally clean white t-shirts. You know the school? Do they have a... Well, you don't wear badges on your t-shirts. Kids with that, you've got to worry about the parents. When we say a badge, we mean, like, the school emblem. Yeah, not on a shirt. No, but they are available, but we've opted out.

Yeah, they are. Sure, they're available, but you can probably get school brand undies. Yeah, they'll have it down to the... They could basically bar on Vintage a year ago, like the two, like a big bundle of kids jumpers two school years up. So he's now... Clever girl. So they're all sorted.

She paid like two quid for him or something. They're all sorted. So we need some new trousers. We need a new pair of shoes and the tendencies to work. Because he will go for no maddest ones. Do you know, like the Kanye West. style brain ones or something like, like, it'll look,

it'll go for mental looking shoes that are not practical. I've got a few things to say. I've been away. I need to talk about being away a little bit. I'll come back to, like, so we've been to, part of it was, I was up at the Edinburgh Frink.

I've been all, I've been England, Ireland, Scotland, over the last few weeks. I went to, I was in Scotland for the Fringe. On my day off, I had like a few days where I weren't there because I was doing the producing, my friend John was there and on those days off basically Nicola had taken a boy camping in Scotland so I came back from Scotland to Carlisle to dump some stuff, do some washing and then drive up

to Scotland to spend two days in another bit of Scotland camping which was great for quite a well-to-do camping very in it was called Moss Yard and it was by far and away one of the most beautiful places that I have been to on this cursed aisle. It was great. Like I said, it's quite well to do. It was the sort of place where we went, my mother and fathering all were there, mothering or unable to maintain asylum without breaking it and saying, isn't this just beautiful?

And you're like, yep, yes it is. Now I would love to finish this paragraph. I see, I'm looking it up now. There's miles away from Edinburgh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Oh, gosh. I know. Yeah.

It's why this month has been a bit whiplashy in terms of like, even when I'm relaxing, I'm not relaxing. I'm travelling vast swaves at the country to try and spend quality time with my family. But so rent this, well to do. The boy makes friends, he made a couple of holiday friends that, you know,

he's basically playing in the sea. He's basically playing in the sea from about 11 o'clock in the morning until 7 o'clock at night, not getting out. So he's sort of passing out. exhausted at like eight, nine o'clock. I spoke, to be fair, he didn't need pants that night. He didn't he pants that day. He's in his white suit, though.

But when that friend got, there was basically a day's gap between him making friends. In that gap, he still made friends, but he befriended, such as the boy's skill, he befriended an actual pack of dogs. There were like four and five dogs that just by the end, they were like following him around. And he was, like, talking to him and they were doing, you know, like, he's like, come on, let's go over here. And four dogs, four dogs followed him. Were they strays, or they were owned by people?

It was a very Labrador heavy campsite. Right. So lots of lovely Labradors. But yeah, they found an affinity with my son. And I was like, this is a skill that I didn't have, you know, an ability to make friends. The fact that he can transcend species barriers is just, the boy's going to be all right. Were they following him because he wasn't wearing any pants? and it's just like that meaty smell of like running around all day and not wearing pants yeah they're like

I like this guy is one of us also I wasn't there we sort of started talking to a new couple I talked to the wife a bit but then I had to leave and it was a good camping trip for me because I arrived after the tent was put up and I went back to the Edinburgh festival before the tent was put down it really was golden camping basically we got chatting to this couple But I didn't, the guy wasn't there either. So when I left, the guy came. And basically, he's the owner of a local, a very local to us brewery that is wicked called Allendale Brewery that does these really, since I've moved up here, by far and away, it's my favorite beer that is produced in the region. I've been there.

You've been to the Allendale Brewer? Yeah, it's marked on my map currently as I looked up this campsite and I was wondering what the flag was. it's for the Anandale Distillery? No, that's a different one. Oh, what? You said Anandale. I'm saying Allendale. Oh, I've not been there.

Cut that out. No, keep that in. It's important. So the still just has random distilleries marked on his mouth. Allendale Brewing, they do these nice beers. Some of the beers that are produced in the area on a small batch, they have this sort of, you know, that home-brewed taste where everything's sort of flat, you know? But these are like, they're just delicious.

They got me through lockdown, basically, you know, when everyone drank an absolute tonning lockdown. And we, because we were staying in a B&B, there were no customers, but we still had, like, the trade license. Do you know what I mean? So we were, so we've trade, we were getting, we were getting these beers at trade rather than full cost. So drinking crates of this beer, spending like 30 pounds of time and getting these big crates. Yeah, absolutely went mad on that. So I found out when I'm away That the husband is the owner of the Allendale Brewery

And normally if in terms of telling people What I do for a living I'm quite cagey about it You know I don't want to tell I don't want to be just going in and going I'm a stand-up comedian I hate that So I normally say what do you do? I say I'll do a bit of this bit of that

You know what I mean? Yeah I do marketing something like that I'll just keep it I'll keep the cards close to the chest because I don't want to have the conversation about, oh, you're a comedian. Have you got any jokes? You know what I mean?

So I just played her. My mother-in-law often, you know, like she's proud to show me off. So if we meet people, she'll say things like, Chris, how was you meeting with Radio 4? And you're like, oh, no, don't. Don't do that. Let me just work in marketing, Jen. But when I found out this guy owns the brewery, I was like, Nicola, please deploy all showbrews credentials. We need to befriend.

We need to befriend the owner of a brewery. I bet he has the same problem, though, doesn't he? Like, he doesn't want to tell middle-aged men what he does. Yeah, yeah, I bet. Oh, oh, give us a beer. Give us a beer. Give us one of your beers. That's very true.

Yeah, a lot of overlap there with probably similar. You don't want people to know what you do. But is this brewery one of those ones where you can just rock up and have a few cans there? Does it have a tap room? They do some tap room event. So basically it's still a bit of a drive. from us. It's still probably like 30, 40 minutes. I see it. Yeah. But you're like, I will, I said to Nicola, I said, oh yeah, but you know,

who will drive? Because they do tap room events and Nicola said she would drive. Oh, nice. Very nice. Do you reckon they'll give us any freebies? We've still got me, mead, mead to have. Oh yeah, we're going to have our meeding, mead ting. We'll be, we'll, we'll have the mead very soon, I think. I think we want to have, I think the next time we've got a we've got like an evening recording we crack out the mead would it last till the till the lot no november's like when it's going he said it should last until november so to me that's like we're in the threshold the worst thing we can do in the world

for abandoned ass factory who made it for us is open it live on stage and be like yeah that tastes horrible because it's it's got off that wall and it's developed a load of e coli in it as well It's going to be cool, and everyone's dead. But that is the second hour for the show sorted. Yeah. Soiling ourselves. We do need to pack extra pants, just to bring it back to pants. What's next on the list, Chris?

Well, I feel like I've done a solid countryside, but there I've been camping in Scotland. Scotland, even if it's a big city, sort of feels conceptually like the countryside, doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? It's got that easiness to it. The people are, right, rat-driven brain like an English city.

Yeah, but you've imported thousands of Londoners. I've not done that. No, you haven't, but there's thousands of Londoners up there acting like the rats. Yeah. So it does, the vibe changes, didn't it, in August? We've been there when it's not August. Have you? And it's charming.

We went to the dungeons. We went to the Botanic Gardens. That was a complicated time for me because I died on my heart on Friday night, so I spent most of Saturday telling you I want to go home, do you know? So it was a lovely, if we'd have had a good, if we'd had a good Friday night, it would have been a magical Saturday, but I spent all day being like, I've got to do this again. I mean, I wasn't loving those gigs, but it's a humbling experience doing weekends with stagdos.

Yeah, it's like real, isn't it? But it's, yeah, I found, it's also not real. I think I'm going up to do another one in November time. I was like, I said to the person who runs at the venue where we go to, I was like, am I just down my ass again? I want you to know that that option is open to me. And they were like, I think they seem fine with it. Is this before or after our big show?

I don't know. It's not been booked in yet. So I need to sort it out. Can I do one more tiny updates? Now I've come home. So I'm now trying to get back on top of the admin, which is leaks. There is a, there is this countryside, but yearning for piss. I put a picture of him on Instagram or more technically my wife did begging.

begging for support. And I was like, don't talk about my leaks. Do not have consent to try and get other people to give you advice about my leaks. The matter is in hand. No,

but she gave me the confidence to post my leaks. Yeah, but you're not an annoying post, but you're like, you're putting up a pitch of your leaks. You know, like, don't know what to do,

weeds in leaks. You're like, take the fucking weeds out you digged. Well, sometimes they say it helps, doesn't it? Like a biosystem. What you need,

looking at that is a bigger, you've got too much going on in a small thing. You need a secondary thing. You need a bed. Some of us just don't have the amount of land you do, because we're just doing our best, you know. I don't have land. My garden is a tiny, tiny garden.

It's just a square. But we've got beds. We've got beds in there. Yeah. So I looked at that. So the leaks have come in. But I put this picture up and somebody who listens to the podcast and lives sort of in the area said, well, you'll not win any prizes for girf.

And then you're like, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. That's exactly the reason. What I'm going to have now is six brilliant. I'm going to have some leaks. They look great. They're massive. This is, but I think I'm already out of the running of the prize. Do you know what I mean?

Well, what you can do is take a few of them now and have them as summer leagues and let the others grow bigger, right? I don't think it works like that. I'm just going to leave them all in until, I'm not, I'm going to wedge my bets and just leave them all in. No, I read that you can take the younger ones and have them as like, and eat those. Like a spring onion. And they're slightly sweeter.

Yeah, like a spring onion. And then leave the other. others to grow up bigger. So maybe you should do that. It's just some advice for me. That's fine. That's fine. Well, I just got loads of messages telling me to piss on them.

I don't know where they got that idea from, Chris. This is, but do we do leaks next year? Or is leaks next year chess? Am I going to master chess? Or am I going to do spray painting? What's the leaks? What's the countryside project next year? Oh, yeah.

That's a good idea. Citadel miniatures? I think you have to. I think you have to start keeping animals. I figure I need a goat. A little mountain goat that screams every morning, that screams and out like it out screams the cockwheels cocking. You know what I mean?

Like that career, if you want to have a big cockerel waking everyone up all the time, how about a goat that screams at one in the morning? What animal are you going to fail next year? That's not failed yet. I'm not out of the morning. If I place, I say this is a victory, you know? Yeah, of course.

That'd be huge. I've got one more, tiny little update, and then we'll move on. Did you find out the date yet for it? September sometime. See, September in a day. And you said, I sent it in to you, that document does not contain the date of when the event is. Is it a Googlerable event?

Because there's a place called Leap. I need to pay for the, otherwise I can't take part. You still, that was May. I took 65 pounds out to pay I fritted it away on Chinese It's not my fault It's not my fault Next this time next year

That'll be a goat That you I took 65 quit out to buy it some feed And I bought myself a Chinese instead I wonder it's screaming at one in the morning But then dead goat Goes into the bottom of the bed Super Leaks

Do you know what I mean This is the surface This is the circle of life. This is the countryside, the natural floor. Chris's circle of death. Right, listen, one more thing. Big PC, I took it to, this is weeks ago now, I took it to a Carlisle PC repair place.

Okay, this is two years after it broke. This is two years after the PC broke, he's taking it to a PC repair place. We didn't record this one in advance. Looks like we might be fixed. They've done some, I haven't picked it up yet. We're recording this on the bank holiday, basically tomorrow. I'm finally home.

I finally got the time. I'm going to go pick it up. I think he's upgraded my RAM. I think he ran some tests. Basically now, if it's fixed, I'm going to, do you remember I give it to that guy? And he was like, yeah, and there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah. I'm going to contact him and be like, there definitely was, you've done this badly.

And then I'm going to ask my 70 pounds back because he's taking a mic. Or do I just like bygone to be by? guns. Please let buy guns be by guns. £70 for nothing, though. But is it a £70 pound like a plumber coming out? It's a call-out fee, is it? He had it for a week and told me there was nothing wrong with it.

And there was. So what is wrong with it? I don't know. Some sort of... It's the X-key fix. Some sort of instability. It's basically now, they've done it. They've found it's running stable.

So I basically need to test it. So how will your life change once Big PC back? Well, it means I've got... It's going to need to update it for two years worth of updates. But it means I've basically got my sort of secondary computer system back. So I could do, it's nice to work on it when I'm not using the laptop and stuff and do artie design stuff. I'm trying to find the email conversation.

I want them to tell me what it is. You know what I mean? What's wrong with it? But it's running stable. Basically then there'll be a period of getting it home, setting it up. And if there's a problem, I feel I've been told lots of different things about this PC. So I'm, I'm yet to be like, oh, like, it's fixed. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've had three people look at it and I've been told different things, like what could be

wrong with it. So I feel, but this last guy seems switched on and also has adopted the testing mindset that is important with PCs, you know, there's an error with it. We're going to do this and then we're going to test it. And you're like, that feels like the right way to approach a problem where it's not immediately present what the solution is. But I think he's reinstalled a drive and upgraded RAM and now it's running stable. I've always wondered who takes their computer into a PC repair shop. Well, what do you do? I've always just burn it famously.

Drill, drill through the hard drive. They can't be looking what's on there. Yeah, I just assume it's the sort of realm of the older man, isn't it, repairing PCs? Oh, maybe not the old. As in, like, me, yeah, it's like the guy's like a middle-aged guy. Or maybe slightly older than me. Reads which magazine. Read which magazine.

But I fall into that category of, like, I've got a decent PC, but don't know anything about how it works. You know, it might as well be what's inside. Might as well open the side of it. Tiny little wizards, you know what I mean? That's for all my understanding of how it works. It could be, could be tiny little wizards, could be a gerbil pulling levers. Should we do another, should we do a city bet?

Here is the city bit. I didn't put in joined micro-Dick support group. I think that's Chris. Yeah, I think Chris might have done that one. I just wouldn't. But are we bridging two episodes here? Yeah, this is, I think this episode has been Chris's back because literally every time we deviated from a subject,

you interrupted us and went, look, I'm back and started talking. You can't just be talking all the time. Now, this isn't the last episode. This is now normal episode. Well, we can do a letter then, because this would be the Chris's back episode and then... Perhaps a letter that asks where Chris is.

Okay, yeah. When he's back. And who's that from? I don't know. There isn't one, okay. Okay, it's time for some letters then. Yeah. Let us.

James, could we put in an explosion? No. Yeah, read it. Okay, let me read this letter. And the sender is Stelgarian. Is that sort of like, is that a pseudonym, do you think? I think that's a hack, I think.

I think so, unless his parents were orcs. Is it an orc name? There you go, you have it. We've had the curator of the Hunterian Museum. We've now got an actual arc. This is the calibre of letter writer. It could be a building. The Stilgarian.

Yeah, like the, yeah, okay. Anyway, thank you for your letter, Stelgarian. Here we go. Dear Rural Concerns Chaps, location, Wentworth Falls, Blue Mountains, Australia. Sounds beautiful. Admin, 74.6 down, 5.58 up. Not bad.

Dark green or red for general rubbish, yellow for all, recycling light green for garden stuff. Business. All your internet speed tests are wrong if you're also using it to stream video to each other and record a podcast while you're doing it. You need to test it when you're using as little internet as possible. The internet is a series of tubes, brackets, per then United States Senator Ted Stevens, Republican, Alaska.

And your podcast recording is clogging the tubes. Please unclog your tubes. Look, everything's a series of tubes. I'm just a series of tubes. We're all just a series of tubes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mouth is just a chip. Like, if you're listening to this,

that's a big learning moment for everybody, which I think will make the character of James make much more sense. James is just a tube. Praise. I've listened to every single episode, there is something wrong with me. Love your work, Stylgerian. I think Stilgerian is actually,

according to a brief search on the internet, is an opinionated and irreverent writer, broadcaster and consultant based in Sydney, Australia. Well, there you go. We've got a friend. If this isn't a fake website, this is ABC News. So we've got like a real person, a real... I think ABC News is like a pretty big deal in Australia.

It's like the Australian BBC, but the A is instead of the first B. In terms of points, we need to do, so we need to not do what we need to do for the next time to test this theory about the tubage is basically off when we're not recording the podcast we in one of the documents we will do you know like clean your browser there's only an internet speed tab open we're not doing a video call I can't shut all these tabs down Chris you'll lose them I can't lose these tabs what

can you take us through your tabs what I've opened right now sonner hey we're just a series of tubes. First one is filling out a form, pair of trainers, pair of trainers, pair of trainers, six YouTube tabs, stock analysis,

a pair of trousers, this document, another document, and stillgarian.com. And anyone do I go into that is one up, one down. Yeah,

okay, close all the tabs. I think in an ideal test, we're closing all the tabs and sat next to the roof. We run this and then basically submit it into a document and read the findings out live rather than do the test life. Sunil's Frozen, which I think is because he's got 12 million tabs open.

Honestly, my internet has got worse over the last week. Yeah, and you put in a complaint, didn't you too? I doubled my speed by getting rid of my phone line. Does that make sense? They said, all right, we can up your speed, but only if you give up your phone number so we can use that copper line to put more internet on. And did they? Yeah, they did, but it slowed down again.

Yeah, you're... But I think that's because I was vacuuming and I smashed the box up. I think that the internet should be, it should exist in basically a creature, like a Furby. Oh. That you are personally tasked to look after. And basically by treating this creature well, like rubbing its belly, feeding it little, little things, that boosts your internet.

So basically, the end of it. internet is innately tethered to an act of kindness. Do you know? So you have to, just to get access to good internet, you have to have looked after this other creature and tests to show empathy. Then, welcome to the internet, the fast line. And then I think that would solve all of the internet problems. That actually is a really good idea. I am actually on board with that. It's completely unworkable, but I like the thinking. I think you would not have the internet, though, Chris. Not for because you're a bad guy. He's slapping the ass out of that, Ferby.

Prize winning, juicy. It's just shouting, where's it's fanny? Keep that injury. I will not be abusing the internet for a bit. What a way to end. What? The internet for Irby. Is that the title of the podcast?

Thank you. Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. Right. Just a reminder, we are doing a live show. I think it's the last one that we're going to be doing this year. And it's in November. November 22nd at the Fairfield Social Club in Manchester. Tickets are well on their way and I think you two in the last episode were saying like,

it's nearly sold out, you're like, it's selling all right, but there's definitely still capacity. Tickets are in the show notes. Also, just a quick reminder that I've got a radio series and it's called Iquilic FM and it's available to listen to us a box set on BBC sounds right now. I think if you live abroad, you might have to use VPN. I don't know, or whatever you use to log into Pornhub now, it's fine. And if you're in the UK, it's also going out live on BBC Radio 4 on Saturday nights at 11pm.

The best way to support us here at Rural Concerns is to become a Rural Concerns at patreon. At patreon.com forward slash Rural Concerns. For a small donation, you'll not be supporting an independent podcast. And that means that we have got the power to let Chris say, I'm back 10. times an episode. You'll also get weekly bonus episodes, so stick around for a sneaky peek after the credits. Artwork, it's by Poppy Hillstead. Our music, Sam O'Leary, the naughtiest boy in all the town. Legal due diligence, Cal Derek, entertainment lawyer. He's a real person. He's a real person who might be coming to speak to him soon. Right. Rural Concerns is

edited by Joseph. Age Verification Required Burrows, and it's produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. Guys, guys, this is why I need to come back. This is, I've been away. But Chris, you're rarely the voice of reason. This podcast has descended into James's knock to plant pot or something like that. Oh, I presume a big stack of Sega Mega Drive games from the early 2000s. That is a huge bottle of water.

Yeah, I've got a big head and it's bigger than my air. For reference, it's next to James's head And it's much bigger than James's head Imagine a big head I presume that's a week's worth of water there Sunil's got a water bottle that says BBC comedy festival on it And he got that by going to a talk

In Belfast Saying two things that were very funny Maximum Efficiency There to be seen Not to be heard Bong There.