Rural Concerns - Vibes, recycling & censorship

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Chris and Sunil go boots in on the biggest political podcast of the age which makes Producer James incredibly nervous. The lads also read a letter from a young lad who’s studying rubbish. This episode definitely is not a US election special!  Catch Chris on tour! He’s taking his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show to Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Get your tickets, here! We’re doing the first ever live edition of Rural Concerns on Saturday 1st February 2025 at The Bill Murray in London (💩). Well over half the tickets have already gone, so act now to avoid missing out! Grab your tickets here! Drop us an email at [e-mail] if you have a Rural Concern you’d like discussed! The best way to support this educational podcast is through Patreon. For less than five quids you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. Click here to start supporting Rural Concerns today! Our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead and our artwork is by Sam O’Leary. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello, and welcome to Rural Concerns, a podcast about three old friends who live in different places and discuss those places in an incredibly structured manner. I'm Chris Cantrell, and I live in the countryside. I'm Sunil Patel, and I live in London. I'm producer James, and I live in the same cul-de-sac as former British Prime Minister David Cameron. Do you think you can get him to sign my copy of On The Record? I don't know. I saw him in a co-op, but he had bodyguards.

He had bodyguards in the co-op? Yeah. Now? Like, relatively recently? Or was this when he was... It was after he was a prime minister. But you get, if you're a prime minister, you get a bodyguard for life. Aren't they just friends?

Do you not think they're just his friends? Yeah, they didn't look very friendly. Are we not talking about the elections? You said you wanted an election special. James don't like it when we let our brains run at full pelt like a stallion through a field well we've got no insight either we're basically a vibes based uh podcast and we don't really know i studied i'll have you know i got a 2-1 in politics from that is mad to me from

lancaster university you have never once mentioned anything remotely involving politics in all the time I've known you. All he's mentioned is that he's got a degree in it. Yeah, but you have to think, I won't be talking about fucking, I won't be gassing on, gassing on, gassing on like bloody Rory Stewart. Do you know what I mean?

The world's biggest idiot. Is he the one that did that long walk isn't it I don't know he's some posh lad who does the rest is politics

the arena with the walk obviously oh yeah with the walk obviously I know yeah so

I won't be I won't be getting involved. I'm smart enough to know that I'm thick. Do you know what I mean? Sorry, James. James, are you thick? I have a BA in acting studies, so I'm not going to be able to work out

if we could keep any of this stuff in, so I'm just going to get rid of it because I just want to please the audience. I actually have a, um, the audience will be very, we haven't said nothing bad. I've got a BBA.

If you've heard of that. Yeah. I think I thought they're killing people. So now more people, what if I people who have a BBA are dying? Actually, let me, let me check if I do have a BBA.

Let me just go on the website. Turn around. That was a BBA. Let me just go on the website. Turn around. That was a new noise, Chris. I was mid, oh, my university have asked me to write, I did a gig in my university town, Lancaster, and someone was in the gig who works for the uni and basically has been trying to get me to write a piece for the alumni page.

Ooh. But I don't know how to, I don't want to even know how to tackle it. Do you know what I mean? Because it's, I'm glad I had a university education, but I wouldn't say I lived life to its fullest. Yeah, but also, why are they asking you? Because they saw me, so I'm doing a different career. So they want to say about

how my time at Lancaster Uni is shaped. And the answer is that by and large, although the university has undeniably taught me some, what, like analytical skills, like organisational skills, like how to dissect and understand

a problem. That's the sort of thinking that I took away from my politics degree and how power works. There is use to it, but by and large, all it did was send me directly into a PAYE work environment where I went crazy. And that allowed me to pursue an alternative career in the arts. Yeah. But I mean,

a few weeks ago you wanted to be a postman. I might be a postman again. That's what it's an up and down industry. I'm only one week away from that right now. This week I'm having a good week. Next week, full postman. There is no consistency to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it i get it well all right is that the end of the politics section yeah i think so i don't think we should be waded into politics i think it's very boring i think we did all right james gets upset and starts beefing about it so and i'm just gonna say this he's right he right. We shouldn't talk about it because it's part of it and not good. We'll talk about it afterwards.

When all politics is finished. Well, hang on. Is there anything we can add to it? I mean, did you watch it? I sort of got the highlights on my phone. I really, really hate people that would stay up to watch the American election.

I find it so... It's so dweeby. I stayed up for Obama. Yeah, Obama was a big one. I stayed up for that. That was mad. You can't stay... You can't stay up for the American election if you don't stay up to see Sundornd come in. Do you know what I mean? That's not true.

You can't. That's not true. English boring politics in a village hall. I say stay up for the English election. Yeah, you watch the American because it's more interesting hall. I say stay up for the English election. Yeah, you watch the American because it's more interesting. But I also stay up for the English election. I stayed up longer. Why? You don't need to.

Nothing happens. 10 o'clock, everything shuts down. The counting begins. Yeah, then you have a few beers, a few Proseccos. A few beers and what? Listen to Rory Stewart. Come on, mate. You round with the other dwee, mate. You're around with the

other dweebs. I was hanging around with other dweebs. Listening to dweebs. Nobody knows anything. This is what it shows. Just talking, talking, talking. Don't be looking at me, James, like this is like, don't be looking at me saying like this is what... Also, Chris's mic is louder than yours, James,

and he's drowning you out. I see you sit there and know you're lying. I'll take you to court afterwards. But go on. This is how it works in the clubs, isn't it? Just scream over. Don't listen to people talking about politics. Listen to podcasts where people talk, but it's sort of inconsequential. There's nothing about this podcast where we don't say

this is completely inconsequential. Like we, there's nothing about this podcast where we don't say this is completely inconsequential and a waste of everybody's time. I think we can all agree in the middle there. Look, we're not going to talk about that. Chris, anyway, we've got something more important to talk about.

We've got a letter that we've been sent, which we need to address, which is very interesting. Right. Full of interesting content. So Sunil, would you like to power up your reading spectacles here we go this is a letter from jasper hello jasper hello jasper just to fill

you in this is a response to the duck letter that we had the other day do you remember that one the dead what to do with the dead duck what to do with a dead duck and what was it what did we conclude to that between us we got to the point where you have to cook it and then it goes in the compost, I think. That's it. You cook it first, then you can stick it in. Yeah, that was the legally binding decision. I would wait till dark and put it in someone else's bin. Very good.

Yeah. Actually, where I live, you can just chuck it in any bin. There's loads of little bins around. I think you said nature would take its course, but you had a sort of a weird look in your eye. It's like throwing a banana skin on a road, isn't it? It'd be fine. I remember watching a video about, you know,

like what happens to a dead animal in the desert. Not that fox one where the fox goes all big and then goes all small. Yeah, bloated corpse and then, yeah. Yeah, once the maggots get in, you're done, aren't they? No, it was an American thing about, you know, like the sort of mexican desert area and it's like out in that wilderness sorry so it's all right for you to watch american corpses but you won't watch the english corpse all the way through to the end some references to some stuff that i've probably cut you'll stay up to

watch anime you know it honestly i don't stay up to watch anything now because I don't need to because my wife goes to bed at 8.43pm because she gets very tired. So I've got a whole set... I've got two evenings. I can watch my anime till 10.30pm and that is a good day.

10 o'clock. If you go good day. 10 o'clock. If you go to bed at 10 o'clock, you feel amazing. If any minute after 10 o'clock, disaster, ruining the day. Okay. Sorry I distracted you. Go on, Sunil. Okay, here we go. Let me clear my throat a little bit because it's a big one.

Hello, Chris, Sunil ill and producer james i am probably not a member of your main demographic as i'm young enough to currently be taking my year 12 exams here in australia it just so happens that one of my exams involves a unit on waste disposal so i may be able to answer snail's question from the other week about what happens to your general waste i've often wondered this but yeah I've often wondered this, but yeah. I often wondered this. I instantly panicked when I saw 12. You know, as soon as I thought,

I messaged, I forwarded it to James. I was like, I think I'm having a conversation with a 12 year old. I need to do it. What happens now? To be fair to James, to be absolutely fair to James, he didn't engage with it at all. But then I reread it again and it said year 12. And I was like, okay, we're looking at that. to be fair to james to be absolutely fair to james he didn't engage with it at all but then i reread it again and it said year 12 and i was like okay we're looking at that sixth form so is

that a sixth form it is it's 17 or 18 confirmed 17 or 18 thank you jasper if you are younger than 17 or 18 please don't email us email us through your parents thank you could be a doogie howser sitch yeah what he's a doctor doogie howser was he did like his a levels when he was 12 they let him do that it was a fiction oh it was a fiction he's done a fiction again all right here we go okay carrying on with jasper's letter in the uk depending on where you live your general waste is either going in a regulated hole in the ground, landfill, or getting burned in an incinerator. Both of these methods have pros and cons.

And he's laid out the landfill pros and cons here. So landfill pros are convenient, monitored regularly and can be maintained, cheap, can have waste recovery, such as a tip shop, separation of different types of waste, and can be used to generate energy by capturing methane. The cons of landfill, smell, flies, the health of the local community,

poor regulation, space runs out, can be poorly maintained, leachate can escape into soil and groundwater containing heavy metals and pathogens leachate, I don't know how you pronounce that, it's spelled L-E-A-C-H-A-T-E I'm guessing it's leachate isn't it? Leachate, oh yeah leachate. Because it like leach out. Of course yeah. It's any liquid which

in the course of passing through matter extracts soluble or suspended solids. Is that like bin juice yeah? Yeah, basic bin juice. It's basically, this is a scientific description of bin juice. Okay. Right, okay, so those are the pros and cons of landfill. Now, incineration, pros, takes up less space,

can be converted into energy, and it's a safe method of disposing of potentially pathogenic biologicals, e.g. medical waste such as blood, cum, milk. The other one, milk. I panicked, I made that last bit up but look you can burn medical waste. Cons, the ashes are highly carcinogenic because burning plastic creates dioxins that human bodies cannot break down. So yeah this can lead to cancer mutations and shit. So, this can lead to cancer mutations and shit. So yeah, this can lead to cancer mutations and shit if the chimney of the incinerator isn't filtered properly

and local populations are breathing this in. And if there is a filter, you still have to get rid of all this toxic ash, which literally brings you back to the same problems as the beginning, except it is more toxic now. Could you burn it again? I mean, so far this is all applicable to the burial of the dead, really,

or the disposal of the human dead. But there's no landfills in Wales. Well, very few in Wales. Lots around Liverpool and Manchester. Thick mass there. Yeah. It's a good map. Fair spread apart from that. Not many around Norwich, just two there. Maybe it's just not in our

areas of outstanding natural beauty. No offencepool and manchester of course and here's a map of all the incinerators and there's not many no 17 i can count around the country what do the different colors mean some of the dark and some of them are light and then some of them are like ghost ones yeah i didn't get a break that there's different types of colors that is incinerated basically ranges of greens light green a dark green and like a luminous green how much they pump out god a lot around london aren't there oh god anyway all right so in conclusion sunil's waste could potentially either be going in the ground or being burnt but the ashes will probably still go into the ground eventually. Whereas I think

it's more likely that Chris's is just going straight into the ground. As for bin lids, here in Tasmania, we have red lids for general waste and yellow lids for recycling. Compost goes in a heap in the paddock for mulch. When my dog murders rabbits, we just chuck them in the compost heap, bury them a bit so she can't dig them back up. Therefore, I would suggest the same should be done with the dead duck. Regards, Jasper, brackets, 41.3 MBPS download slash 12.3 MBPS upload. That is quite bad. Australia is notoriously quite bad, isn't it, for its internet? Look, there's a bit of a follow-up to Jasper's letter.

Because I was like reading this and very, not distraught, but I was like, so he's recycling just a con by the eu so what you emailed him he emailed us this so when i was reading it to put it into the to get it ready to discuss i was suddenly thinking about what's happening with recycling it's not mentioned in here and then i was like does it does exist? Or is it just a con? So I emailed Jasper back, the 12-year-old. Sound guilty, Chris. No, no.

For science, I emailed the 12-year-old back and said, listen, Jasper, what's going on with recycling then? And then he came back with this. Right. So he said, may have been a wee bit unclear on that, sorry. The information in my email was in reference to general waste, e.g. non-recyclable plastics, non-hazardous cleaning products, etc.

Now, recycling does happen. However, a lot of the stuff you put in your recycling bin may end up at a general waste facility due to contamination. Recycling is a very labour intensive and expensive process and often people get lazy and chuck things out and recycling bins that shouldn't be in there, e.g. food waste. This can unfortunately mean that entire loads of recycling might end up going to landfill or incineration because it isn't worth the labour or expense to clean them. So I guess the moral of the story is that recycling is good, but check with your local waste authority on what you should be actually putting in there.

Brackets, definitely not ducks. Oh, okay. As I said, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can't recycle a duck. I've had this thought at home because I know somebody in my life who throws pizza boxes in the recycling. No, that's the big thing about pizza boxes.

I know they listen to this podcast. I know they listen to this podcast. Just a message to them. I know that that Domino's or Pizza Hut is on top of the recycling bin. Yeah, it should be in the bin, I'm afraid. It's too greasy. Speaking of too greasy how's chris it's so what you're saying like it's because the the cardboard has taken on so much grease yeah it's

just got grease in it isn't it yeah you can't like you gotta burn that if it's got if it's got pizza grease on it burn it that's the rule for recycling places overall it makes me feel a sort of profound despair in my heart that is very deep like a deep ocean of despair they're not 12 it's okay no it's just like basically it's like yeah recycling's not really it's not really sort of it's not really happening, is it? No, no, no, no, no. I've got a lot more questions. I was going to say, Chris, don't give up,

because I was reading this article about AI. Oh, forbidden topic. Is it? No. But people that talk about AI are boring. That's a fact. I was reading about AI, and they reckon it could get so intelligent and powerful that

it can change the atomic makeup of stuff so it can turn a pizza box into a car or something because it's all atoms. You're talking about a make anything device. Yeah, I'm saying that's the eventual end goal, isn't it? A 3D printer that can print other things by converting carbons. Yeah, it can turn you into a

pizza box full of grease. Or vice versa. No. No, because we've got a soul, haven a pizza box full of grease. Or vice versa. No, no, because we've got a soul, haven't we? Some of us. Do you know like the amount of little plastic things? Little plastic yoga pots. Little plastic crisp bags. Little plastic... It's getting angrier, isn't it?

He's getting angrier about the little he's getting angry about the little plastic there's so much plastic like there's so many there's so much rubbish knocking around how much rubbish we knock through life and you're like well we're just yeah i've got a big question about that chris actually jasper right who's making the call to get rid of a whole load of recycling? Because you're saying it's labour intensive and it says, oh, if people are lazy and chuck up things in recycling bins. So it's like when you haven't washed something properly, which also is a thing they've only really told us in the last year that you're supposed to really, really wash stuff really well.

I'm sorry, nobody's told me anything about recycling. Well, exactly. But there are some adverts on the terrestrial telly if you weren't such a cord cutter you'd know no but no but they differ from local authority to local authority well there's that as well who's doing that who's looking at it and going no that's too dirty burn it like instead of doing that surely and how much of this is because they're like oh if you if you put one, there's a sticker. They came around with stickers recently.

And it's like, basically, the thing they're saying is, if you put one thing that's mucky in this bin, whole thing's going to get burnt. It's like, well, who's looking through the whole thing? If you're going so far to look through the whole thing, move the stuff out. And I'm sorry if we've got any bin men listening. I met someone at the Edinburgh Fringe who works for,

he worked, he was a nice man. He worked in statistics for the police. And I said to him, you know, like collating crime figures. And I said to him, I said, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but my impression of your job is, he went, yeah, they're just cooking the books. Like I went, yeah,

that's exactly, you know, like reclassifying crimes and stuff. So lots of, yeah, we've all watched the wire, haven't we? Yeah.

Yeah. So that's his life. So he, he said that that is what happens. I think we shouldn't really, probably shouldn't put that sort of stuff in. That person, that person who I met in passing that like,

like, that's fine. It's anonymous, isn't it? But what I'm saying is this is the police. This is a government function. So you cannot trust... You are never comparing apples with apples. So I do not believe that these people

would be doing a budget-stretched environment, will be always being diligent in the way that is required. Can I have a biscuit now? Let's have a biscuit break. I just want some more information from Jasper about like who's having a look at this,

who's making the call, how much is it if they see a bit of muck on it? It feels like it's a computer is scanning it and going, food waste, send this to the incinerator. But I don't think, I think it's someone looking and pointing. Yeah, but how do you say the load is ruined? How much is the load?

Exactly, Chris. That's what I don't understand. Because if it's one binsworth, the bin is going in the back of the lorry with loads of other bins. Exactly. Oh, so is the whole of that binsworth is contaminated now, that whole thing? And the driver of the bin, he's being put in the incinerator too?

His family, anyone he's ever met? They're definitely not doing that check at our end. They get them, they put them straight in the lorry. They don't inspect them to say you've done this. So is that happening? But then the entire lorry

will be emptied somewhere. And then if they see a mucky pizza box and they're like, an entire lorry, lorry's worth of rubbishes. Yeah, I think that, I think that's unfortunately

what Jasper means, an entire load. It might be even bigger. It might be even bigger, but there's obviously a lot of recycling collected from one round, isn't there? So, I mean, yeah, it's a lot to get rid of, but in the grand scheme of things,

I mean, you don't know how much is being gotten rid of, what percentage, you know? Or is it they try to recycle it and it comes out like, oh no, that was all a mess? Because it's got to get sorted at some point because our recycling is a mix of glass and paper

and just burn the mucky stuff. But if the mucky stuff has got muck on other stuff, that's what they're saying. Well, then, all right. But we don't have to do it. The truth is we don't have to do any of this anymore because Trump's gone. We can do what we want again.

No, because he's going to antagonize China and that's where all our recycling gets sent. Yeah, and then the guy that I know, he knows a guy who gets quids out of it. Out of China quids. You told us that. Yeah. He gets UK quids out of China landfill.

Just quids? Yeah, it must be just to... Sorry, I feel like I have to shout at you because your face is taking up only 5% of this. I can't even see his face, actually. I can see a glass. He's like, it's just the corner of the screen. It feels like he's miles away.

Listen, listen. This is, we're not working in... Whenever you say listen, listen, I know it's not going to be a pertinent one. Go on is, we're not working in. Whenever you say listen, listen, I know it's not going to be a pertinent point. Go on then, we're listening. Listen to me. This is, I'm not in the perfect setup yet. I've literally, I've just contacted our electrician

to talk about the next phase of the gradual house rewiring, which is getting me a hard line internet connection to the top floor of the building. And in that top floor attic space, I will create a home studio. The likes of which you guys have never seen. And then me and James are going to come out and we're going to lay down some absolutely sick rhymes.

Yeah. Yeah. I just, before we do move away from Jasper's email, I do have one comment to make red and yellow bins oh is that what they've got oh yes didn't even pick up on that that's like hazardous waste are you living in a different country listening to this please tell us what colour your bins are we need to know we need we need another tab on the spreadsheet. They actually differ from authority to authority as it is. Like my recycling is blue, but my general waste is green.

That's silly. Did I tell you about my neighbor, the head of the drama, the Amdram Society? And he said he always wants a meeting to discuss stuff. So he always has me around. And he was telling me about the bins. And he said, guess what?

He said, what color do you think recycling is? And I said, green. And he went, no, sit down. What is it?

What is it though? It's black. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked, we've, we have talked,

this is literally, we've talked about this. Right, next time you message us about your internet download speeds, make sure you put information on what colour your bins are as well, please. We'd like to collate information. We have got some data on that,

but no one, it's not yet been collated into a spreadsheet format. I would like to know the, the, the bizarrest bin colour anyone's seen. I'm talking purple. I'm talking stripy. I've seen purple. I'm talking purple. I'm talking stripy. I've seen purple. I've seen purple.

I've not known what it's for. You've seen a purple bin? Yeah. Like, I mean, that's, you know, for a business. Oh, yeah, good point. Or what is it? Like lager. Like lager waste outside a pub.

Lager waste goes in a bin. I used to live just off a red route in London. Put the bins out, but you just put a bag out. You chuck a bag out your window onto the street. If it's recycling, leave the items on the street.

What's a red route? Is that like where restaurants are and this sort of thing, like commercial? No, red routes are the busiest roads in London, so often A roads. No, red double yellows.

No stopping. Even if your car breaks down, you've got to. No, red double yellows. No stopping, even if your car breaks down, you've got to push it, mate, or we'll shoot you. You've got to push it or we'll shoot you. Shout out, Sadiq Khan. Yeah, big shout out. This podcast is fully behind Sadiq Khan. Ulez. Shout out, Ulez. Big shout out, Ulez.

I saw some people protesting Ulez. I saw some people protesting Ulez. I don some people protesting you, Les. I don't get it. What's the, what is it? They can't drive a 15-year-old diesel and they're fuming.

Pun. Is that what they're angry about? I don't know. One of the things was like, trees make carbon was one of the signs. All right,

let's not get down into that rabbit hole. Yeah. Were these guys closer to our age than we would like? Yeah. Yeah. any more questions

about red roots happy to answer I thought that was very interesting yeah worked in an office in central London that's what you had to do

red bin bags chuck them out the front someone will come get them soon as imagine that anyone out there listening to us who's out in the countryside

that's the kind of life you could be living down that's the service you'll get. You've got nothing in your bins because it's going out every night. Yeah, it's literally like medieval times here when you're just pissing shit out of your window and stuff. It's exactly the same. Take us back to those good times, that's what I'm saying.

Yes, please. Is that matter closed? I think it is, but Jasper might get back to us but that was a very that was a lovely letter to receive thank you so much for the information

of course yeah that was thanks for taking the time on that Jasper I've got my mate he's a magician no but he has he's not

come on he's not he is professional almost but he's he's largely stopped now it's Samuel Leary

who did who done music for the podcast oh right but he's a filmmaker he does it's Samuel Leary who done music for the podcast. Oh, right. But he's a filmmaker. When he went doing this, he was a magician. He was an adult teenage magician. What?

Do you know like the sort of, he was living the sort of childhood where he got into magic as a teenager. Basically, he's learned a lot of, he could do a lot of things with his hands. You know, like palming coins and stuff, the set of muscles that you have to develop to do sleight of hand magic. Do you know what I mean? So he's holding like a 50p in this crevice

somewhere in the middle of his hand, and you're like, that crevice doesn't exist for me. If you ever try and pick up a coin that way it's just slipping out of your hand but I bet Sunil basically could do and I mean

this is a compliment just bringing you into it now a sight of magic you think okay yeah thanks sorry I just had a thought about your friend

that collects quids in China just for listeners a lot of episodes ago Chris said that a friend of his earned a lot of money from getting people in China to collect quids

from British waste that was dumped in China. Is that right? Yeah. So there's loads of quids that people chuck out by accident. Backs of sofas, et cetera. I could go back to him and ask for a bit more information on this because it is really interesting. But basically, the landfill situation that Jasper's outlining,

a lot of it is like, we, a rich, powerful country, ship it to other countries to manage it for us. This research, this very well-researched, what you're saying now, Chris. It feels right, though, doesn't it? It's a vibes-based podcast, James. Right, that's it, James. James, and the vibe is that we have

a colonialist rubbish dump. Right. And just before you, the listener wholeheartedly takes on board what Chris is saying, his story ends with a man catching a flight with a suitcase full of pound coins.

I'm going to come back with evidence to support my TV. Did he say he made a living doing this? I don't understand why the people in China clicked on the quids, don't just swap it for local currency. That's my question. Because they're like basically people, but they're people that live in and around the tip.

Yeah, and they can go to a Bureau de Change. They probably wouldn't call it that there, to be fair. But do you know, like in... B, obviously. No, Chris. Sorry, Joe. Probably end it on a suitcase bit. No, Chris. Sorry, Joe. Probably end it on a suitcase bit. No, Chris has to be held accountable for his views.

Because we're all held accountable for Chris's views. No, because we've publicly denounced them, so we win. This makes us look good, James. Okay. And release the video of this podcast as well. I'm doing this grip strength all the way through. They won't know who said it. The shot is just at the video of this podcast as well. I'm doing this grip strength all the way through. They won't know who said it.

The shot is just at the bottom of a microphone. I've got too much to lose. I'm going to go away and come back with evidence. Evidence that, three points. One, bin men are just burning all the recycling. Two, landfill. We are paying money to send landfill to other countries free quid quid quid presents exist i think if you come back with one of them oversized whiskey bottles

that's the second episode in a row that that thing that has been mentioned then that's not proof right i just there's a ticking time bomb on you two apologizing and everybody that listens to this podcast never doubting us again never doubting us again and doing everything that we say because it's right whoa let's took a turn a turn. Right. Cut you. Right. If you're listening to this podcast before anyone, cut your hair. I think, Jasper,

I think we should apologise, I think we should apologise to some people in China, to Bin Men and to Jasper because, unbeknownst to him, he kind of caused all that

and I don't think that's really his fault. Yeah. No, it's Chris's fault. So we will be expecting an apology of Jasper Fothwick. Chris, no more sugar for you during episode records, okay? Yeah, I've had two little cakes. And honestly, the jammy Dodger Blondie was one of the nicest things I've ever tasted. The Tiffin was great too, but the Bondi was really somewhat special.

That's a segue out into, look, we're out, we're safe. James, I thought you were screening. James, no, but your face has just been locked in a grimace. Oh, Chris, you accidentally, I don't know if it was accident or not, you posted up on Instagram the location of the secret hotel chocolate I've been trying to keep under wraps. It's a story, so it's gone. It's gone.

24 hours. I've reposted it as well. 24 hours to my nearest and dearest only. Close friends only. Close friends only. Okay. And so just people who've taken the time to follow me. Next time I'm in Houston and I can't immediately walk to the front

of the hotel chocolate queue and order a coffee, I'll be furious. There's a lot of discord in this episode. I feel like the three... The one thing it's always been, whether it's motorbike gangs or whether it's motorbike gangs or anyone, it's always been us three against

the world, whereas now... It's been you antagonising and slandering different groups you've come in with a real post-us election energy you're buoyed up by something and i don't want to say what this is yeah this is my time okay okay no no please i want to i'm coming back to normal i'm returning to normal. And I'd like to apologize. I'd like to apologize.

Look, what's happened is, James, all this happened. Let me explain what he's done. He's been in London for a few days, okay? And Sunday night, we had a few beers. You got very excited. You had a big gig last night as well. That went very well. And he's just full of beans right now.

And I think we can forgive a man for having fun that's what i've always said boys as they say are allowed a night out in weatherspoons right i'm coming back to normal i'm coming back to myself i would like to apologize to the people of china multiple gangs and my wife big men big men too and my wife. Bid men. Bid men, too. And my wife. And us, maybe. Um, let's not go mad. Bye. Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. Do we have any live shows to promote?

Yes, James. Thank you for asking. I'm actually coming to London to perform my Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show at the Soho Theatre, and I'm doing that from the 4th to the 7th of December. What can you tell us about this critically acclaimed show, Chris? Wow. Thank you, Sunil.

Yeah, it's really something. It's about... And you're not... Yes. And you're not just playing London, are you? That's the script. To be fair, that is the script. I was going to sort of riff around that.

Okay, I'll do it again. What can you tell us about this critically acclaimed show, Chris? It's really good. It's really something it's it's about how I moved to the middle of nowhere and I talked to

two fucking assholes once a week on a Zoom call you're not just playing London are you no I'm not

I'm going to Manchester Bristol Leeds Edinburgh Leicester and Barnard Castle. Wow. Wow.

Wow. And just a reminder that we're also doing the first ever Rural Concerns Live on Saturday the 1st of February at the Bill Murray in London. And well over half the tickets have already gone, which, yeah, that's great. You can get tickets for both these shows at alovelytime.co.uk. And do not forget that if you have a rural concern, like Jasper, someone that you need to get off your chest or some information that we need to discuss on this pod,

you can email us at christopher at alovelytime.co.uk. The email is in the show notes. Rural Concerns is an an independent podcast and the best way to support us is via patreon yeah for less than a fiver you will get regular bonus episodes plus access to our online discord server the creamery what's going on in there they're all showing off because they've got bfi player well all of all of them? Well, loads of them do. So they're like, yeah, I've got BFI player. So they're like, they're just, these are a bunch,

like we've curated a bunch of lovely people that are much smarter than us. So it's quite scary. Do you know what I mean? All right. Well, support us now by heading to patreon.com forward slash rural concerns. You can also leave us a five-star review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And it has to be five stars.

What happens if they try and give us a four-star rating? If it's anything less than five, I will run headfirst into the nearest hot combine harvester, running at full pelt, laughing my head off. I'll be dead. Did you say hot combine, Harvester? Yeah, it's running hot. Oh, okay, right.

That's the thing. So best put five stars then. Yeah, keep me alive, please. Rural Concerns was edited by Joseph TikTok Burrows. Our music is by Sam O'Leary, and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Sam O'Leary is a magician. Rural Concerns was produced by Egg Mountain

for Lovely Time Productions. And as a reward for listening to the end, here is, I guess, an inspirational quote from the 48 Laws of Power. This is Law 26. Very simple. Keep your hands clean. You must seem a paragon of efficiency and civility.

Your hands are never spoiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as unwitting pawns and screens to disguise your involvement. Apt for today's episode, I think. Yeah, that one really sort of has hit home

there, hasn't it? Yeah. You wouldn't be able to recycle them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recycling, does it exist? It is important to let's do what they say then. Clean your stuff, put it in there.

Come on guys, do your bloody recycling. Don't do a protest and just burn everything all the time. No. I didn't find any of it entertaining.

This is good information. This is informational. The information being that you're improving your grip, the strength of your grip. I'm improving the strength of my grip so that when people see it, they won't mess with me, you know? Gonna crush pint glasses and that.

You're gonna crush a pint glass? I reckon it's possible, isn't it? Yeah, but then you've got a handful of broken glass. Not a problem for me. I don't feel pain anymore. No, but you could still sever tendons even if you can't feel pain and that's all your hand is it's all tendons oh then my grip strength will be fucked won't it my mate my mate's dad is a bit of a character shall we say and once he was having some altercation with some fellow at a traffic light i put his hand through the fellow's passenger side window. Like obviously an aggressive sort of fight type thing.

Yeah, there's no way to do that, like friendly. Yeah, that's fair. But he sliced, you know, like all the tendons on the back of your hand. Like those lads. So I think he lost a lot of mobility in one hand, I think. It's not good, is it? Yeah, you don't want to be doing that. Bong!

Like that.