Rural Concerns - Warhammer 40k, the church & leeks

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Sunil talks about crushing his enemies whilst eating flapjacks, Chris reports back from the Leek Club AGM and the lads discuss the challenges facing Chris’ local church through the prism of a popular tabletop strategy game about space soldiers fighting for survival in the far future.  Do you have a Rural Concern or city related query? Drop us an email at [e-mail] and we’ll answer it! We won’t be rude! The best way to support Rural Concerns is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. For more info, click here. You can now book tickets to Chris’ debut UK tour! He’s taking his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show to Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Grab your tickets, here! Our music is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast by and for daft old cunts. My name is Chris Cantrell. My name is Sunil Patel. And I'm the producer, James. And we would rather die than go walk. You cunt. James, you're meant to say

here, here. Yeah, I see that. I see that I'm meant to say that. Sunil. Chris. James. Chris. Yes. so now chris james chris yes like this is like the great improv kings into it like you get to watch it so is everyone okay yeah i think yeah i'm okay i've heard some like weird like creaks and bangs and noise as well while i've been waiting for you guys well do you live in a big do you live in a big high rise flat no is there a drum kit no i'm i'm home alone for a bit oh yeah okay good luck get the mic machines out i feel sorry for helen when she comes home you know she opens that door she might dodge the first tin of paint swinging down the stairwell.

It's the second tin of paint that gets you, isn't it? You never hear the tin of paint that's going to get you. No, what I've done is I bought six flapjacks, large ones, different flavours, from a place called the Flapjackery, which does sort of incredibly large flapjacks. But they do the deal you've described, like an upsell on flapjacks, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. So you know about this place? I believe I've seen it or something very similar when I was visiting my brother in Devon. So it might not have been the same chain exactly, but it was still a flapjack business. That's right. Where it was like like i can't remember the cost but it was like three or four flapjacks for like a tenner or something like that you know i can't yeah yeah yeah so i went in the shop the

other day and she upsold me to six i love a flapjack me too good flapjack a good flapjack is one of life's great pleasures it goes so well with a hot cup of tea made with full fat milk. Oh yeah. Are you stealth auditioning for adverts on this podcast, Sunil? No, I didn't. I just wanted to get us back on track with the

general theme of this podcast, which is full fat milk. Yeah, I don't know. I just wanted to get us back on track with the general theme of this podcast, which is full fat milk. Yeah, I'll pop that. I'll pop the sting in. Now, this wasn't part of my update about the city because it wasn't actually bought in the city. I'm looking at the website. I like it.

Customers love us. Two headlines. These are the sort of headlines we should aspire to on our reviews. What are they saying? Efficient. Gluten free at last. But yeah, right.

You know, on the Flap Jackery's website, it's like, finally vegan. It's just like that market. There's a lot of marketing stuff right now. You know, where you see a lot of brands and stuff when they're like, they're basically making a selling point of being vegan,

even though they're items that would never have been vegan. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like, finally, our high-end never have been vegan. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like finally, high-end gaming PCs are vegan. And you're like, what beef was being used in the production of the video graphics cards anyway? It's just like they're looking at how can we chime

into popular marketing buzzwords. Finally, rural concerns is vegan and gluten-free. Even abstractly, we can't align ourselves with the vegan movement. We're eating so much meat in and around this podcast. It's gross.

Are you reading a book now, Sonu? He's not even trying to surreptitiously look on tabs. I'm trying to find a law of power. You bought these books. You sent me a picture of them. You bought like a trio of books about the nature of power. And they're the shiniest books I've ever seen in my life.

They're like lacquered almost. What happened? Why did you suddenly buy all these? Are you making some changes? Because I sent you a screenshot of one i read on twitter and i thought it was really funny because they're really funny like they're like based on historical incidents and stuff but it's like really like machiavellian techniques to get through life and i thought they'd be fun to read out they were good like sunil sent me a little extract that was

like basically never be predictable so that your enemies you know like like blindsiding with being extraordinary but you can't do that without being ordinary and i was like what come on i don't know exactly but it was a good quote and it was like but when i've had business meetings and stuff i remember in the early days when i was me and Amy Glent Hill went in for a meeting with like some sort of TV production person thing in the in a in a quiet gap where someone was getting us a water and he said to me remember not to talk over women and do remember to ask people questions about themselves you know anyway if that's the level that you know I basically remember to be a human being maybe I'm not

up there for operating at the highest powers of Machiavelli well law number 15 crush your enemy totally but doesn't last episodes law

to like be nice to him and like compliment him and stuff yeah but this one is like once you've beat your enemy it don't let Lord's law to like be nice to him and like compliment him and stuff. Yeah. But this one is like, once you've beat your enemy, it don't let anything, you know,

build into something that comes back. You know, if one Ember is left to light, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. I think about Dawn of the Planet of the Apes with this sort of stuff, or Rise of the Planet of the Apes, you know,

where Caesar goes into the monkey prison yeah that's a good reference and the top dog of the monkeys beats him up on day one

but then Caesar uses his smart brains to recruit a seven ton silverback gorilla who batters the top dog and then seizes the top dog that's

do you know what I mean I think I think the nature of power is a lot, it's like, say sorry loads, send people gift cards for £10 for Max's expenses. There you go. That's how you

curry favour at the highest levels, you know? So many gift cards, so many people are having two thirds of a what's it, do you know what I mean? Me many gift cards. So many people are having two thirds of a what's it? Do you know what I mean? Me and Lynn for two. So is this what you've been doing in the city?

Is this where the sting goes? Here is the city, mate. I went to an art... I haven't been to the IMAX for ages. Yeah, why not? I'll tell you what's happened. First of all, Amy Gledhill's been busy. Is she your IMAX buddy normally? She normally comes to IMAX for ages. Yeah, why not? I'll tell you what's happened. First of all, Amy Gledhill's been busy. Is she your IMAX buddy normally? She normally comes to IMAX.

Nick Ellery comes to IMAX with me, but he's refused to go and see the new Alien film, so I haven't been able to see that. He's being unpredictable there, isn't he?

He's being unpredictable, but he hasn't crushed me totally because I'll go and watch it at a normal cinema. I went to a film about a female friendship. It's very good. It's based on a play.

It's called The Wasp. And it was interesting because I learned a lot about how ladies talk. No, that's not it. I don't know what to say about it. It was very good, though. Did they talk about USBCC chargers at all? It's so interesting how women talk to each other because at no point did they bring up USB chargers, PCs, gaming,

rural things at all. They sort of talked about how they felt and stuff. Did they have a podcast? They were together in the same room and they didn't start a podcast. What? That is insane. It's crazy. They didn't even a podcast. What? That is insane. It's crazy.

They didn't even discuss the equipment necessary to get the podcast going. And now it's surprisingly easy. It is surprisingly easy to get on your phone. But yeah, they were just chatting to each other about how they felt about stuff over time and how it made them feel. And then the other person would respond and sort of help them to deal with those feelings.

And then take the piss? Not even take the piss one bit. It's mad. Strange. And then they had a couple of wines. We've all stopped drinking, haven't we? What is the most recent TV show you watched, Chris? Just YouTube videos about guys setting things in epoxy resin.

My son got into it. We've got some epoxy resin here. Like a little bit to Lego and stuff. Because it's like sort of cool. You make these little resin blocks and you can put stuff in it. It's just, they kind of look nice, but it's kind of a cool chemical process to mix some chemicals together and drop some stuff in.

But he really wanted to do it. He's been so obsessed with it because he watches some YouTubers who make these amazing constructions out of them. But then when you get it, it is cool, but it's very much not necessarily like a most child-friendly crafting exercise because you're making basically a chemical reaction between two substances and it takes, like you do it makes it and then basically you just need to leave it for hours and hours and hours which is not the most rewarding thing to an

eight-year-old brain that's firing you know like when in fast and furious films where they fire nods into the engine and the cars go and that's basically what an eight-year-old's brains like all the time so it's like what are you firing into that eight-year-old's brain's like all the time. So it's like... What are you firing into that eight-year-old's brain then? Lego? Haribo. Haribo Lego. And then it's like, please, can I have a hot chocolate, mum? You know, like, so this kid's running at full power.

My boy's Tokyo drifting, you know what I mean? Yeah, I had a go at a bit of lego the other day oh yeah yeah i didn't finish it it's on my coffee table i did like a large amount of it i did just like with my mouth hanging open where did it come from did you buy yourself a set yeah i started it a couple of years ago did one of them flower ones no it's not it's the seinfeld set oh yeah still not finished still it looks pretty good though i'm pretty impressed at the level of detail they've got into it and it is very fun i'm just not entirely sure maybe i'm not finishing it because i'm just not sure what to do with it once it's finished apart from just like smash it up with a hammer not much you can do with lego is there no that's the thing is if you keep it it gets dusty. You can't dust Lego, basically, because it's too many nobbles.

Oh, yeah. Fiddly. You need to put it in a glass case. And then once you've broken it a bit, if you've got more than one Lego set, you will not be able to rebuild because it's not in a packet. So you've got to dig around in the big Lego box. Yeah. As a parent, that is a thing that you have to just get over,

that once the Lego thing's that once it's once the lego thing's broken it's not coming back yeah and i think i want at one point i wanted you know in the basement you know like one of these massive plastic plexi storage solutions with all of the boxes brought down but life i just had to that and be more and my ideals of playing Warhammer and stuff. It's like, it is sad. I do really want to do it, but I've come to terms with the fact that it will never happen in my life. So hopefully in the next life, I can play Warhammer 40k. Where's he near a shop?

Carlisle. Warhammer is everywhere. It's gone under. Warhammer's like, it shot up as well. I think it went a bit mad. It's one of these businesses that went a bit mad during the pandemic. It did really, really well. And it's probably, obviously, you know,

the world started switching back on, so it probably dipped. But it's one of those ones that got this mad boost. So I haven't played it loads. It's kind of cool. I've got a friend that's really into it so I've been to shops with him

to get pieces and I like I love knocking it and the staff in there like the sales staff are kind of there just because they love it

and like playing with it and the way that you sell it to people is by like opening their eyes to it so I just like talking to these guys and he's just like

so what's this and then he's like they'll throw you a he's just like, so what's this? And then he's like, they'll throw you a dice and be like, roll that. And you're like, what have you got? And you're like, yeah, okay. So you buy the shotgun. The blast radius is this big

and you've taken out six hits and you're like, this is cool. I just can't, I've got a thing with board games where I really want to be a board game guy. We've got board games. I've got fucking Catan.

I'm sitting on Catan. I haven't played it. I cannot read the games. I've got fucking Catan. I'm sitting on Catan. I haven't played it. I cannot read the rules. I can't read the rules. I can't understand the rules. No, no, it's all right. It gets me upset, no, because that's all I want to do

is to be like, we'll host a board game now. I can't watch. I can't watch. I can't read anything. I can't watch videos. I don't understand it. Chris, it's fine.

You need someone who knows how to play them and then you... I live in the middle of nowhere. That's what this podcast is. And you two, we're 27 episodes in. You two have not brought up the followers of Catan once. And I'm regretting doing it. I should have thought this through. I should have. This should be. I've never played doing it. I should have thought this through. I should have.

This should be. I've never played it either if that makes you feel better. It's about producing grain, I think. Yeah, it's good. It is good. I played it in the pub

with some friends. It sounds great. Yeah, I think they were trying to make me come to church though, so. Do you have church mates now? I definitely, there's a point,

you know, like there's a guy that I know from London who was basically, like, he was a journalist. He wasn't really my friend. He was a friend of, he was a boyfriend of a friend, but he was like a well-to-do posh journalist, but he was also a massive drug dealer, you know,

but in a way where it's charming because posh people do it. They've now gone mad church. Do you know what I mean? And you just think, I do think less of do think has that got to go, James? Come on. You can't let me go after the biker gang. You can't let me go after church. Come on, man. I won't yield for church.

I don't disrespect church, but I won't yield to the church when I worked on the magazine. I think we've got two churches in our village. One of them's in danger of shutting down. Why do you. I think we've got two churches in our village. One of them's in danger of shutting down. Why do you need two?

You've got like eight people there. They're very passive aggressive in how they like, they're like basically use it or lose it. Then that's how they approach it. Sorry, quick question.

Does that involve two vicars? I think they're like rotating as in like a small community so you don't have a dedicated. No, the area has a vicar, and you kind of get a go on your vicar once a month. Yeah, so a reverend, we've got this guy, I can't remember his name,

but he comes, he does like this village, the next village, and rotates it week in and week out. So what, 75% of the time you haven't got a vicar? Well, more or less, but there's two different, and I don't know exactly what the split of the Don nominations is, but there's this church up the way. And I've thought because I did the Village magazine, they put stuff in and they're trying to save it.

And basically it's like, it becomes, I'm not religious. I'm not. But in later life, I think I was very cynical about religion, very cynical when I was younger. I was very much like, da-da-da, like very- Yeah, Dawkins. You were pro-Dawkins. I was Dawkins.

I read, like probably we all did, one fucking quarter of The God Delusion, ingested that and regurgitated it and went mad on it. And now you've got older. Oh, you're a cleverest boy around, aren't you? Oh, cleverest boy around. I've had one quarter looking back. He's an idiot. And it's like, I'm not saying that, like,

I'm not saying that God does exist, but he just like, you know, I've largely softened when it comes to slightly older people just preparing for the afterlife and hoping that there's something else and hoping that one day they might get to see their mum and dad again. Do you know what I mean? I've chilled out a lot on that. Get Dawkins down to hospice, see what he says down there. But there's been a – how they frame that it's shutting to me. Do you know what I ask?

Basically, as an orator, as a professional speaker and how you want to convince people through words and telling stories that sometimes i think some of the stuff they put out is going about it all the wrong way because it is very passive aggressive you haven't used this so we're gonna take it away if you don't care about it then continue to not come and then someone put in the will be there when you die yeah someone put in a big article of like explaining how it works and just like we're doing all this work for like a tiny congregation a handful of people is it worth is it worth it can a church run for that many people and then honestly i said to my wife after i read

it i went they've just made a very compelling argument as to why it should be shut down because the answer is no then just get back to the threatening the yeah the threatening like what are you gonna do in the afterlife you're gonna bet you have a look at this you want to get eaten by a massive insect and then shut out into a drum no what like bosh style oh bosh style yeah yeah yeah Put that up. Send that out. Send that to schools. We are there when you're born. We'll be there when you die. Give us your money. But...

250 a go. Yeah, but the C of E, Church of England can't talk about hell that much, can they? Why not? They just don't really. It's more Catholic. I'll tell you why, James.

They've gone bloody woke. Oh, that well. Exactly. Go woke, go broke. Go woke. That's the church. Go woke, go broke. Can you really... can you believe in

church if you do warhammer a lot or does it get in the way i think that they would probably see that as a gateway for the devil is it warhammer 40 000 is probably all right what's wrong with that what's wrong with the other warhammer warhammer standard that's more like a high fantasy into orcs and gobshites dorks and gobshites no but it's the same it's the same work this is what's cool it's the same world it's like it's just ones in the far future one so it's like high fantasy but then there's a variation so it's still got goblins and orcs and elves but in 40k in 40k they're in a grim a grim dark edge of the universe setting but it's the same and what i really like about it is that my friend were telling me if you get a grim a grim dark edge of the universe setting but it's the same and what i really like

about means that my friend were telling me if you get a demon a demon character in warhammer 40k it's like the only pieces i believe that you can use in both base games because it's the same entity throughout but it's just been alive for that long and i was like that's very very cool and that does support it's cool isn't it so now it's class and i think this is we're gonna have to put like a more you know we just can't talk about this after this episode not unless he actually plays it because the more he's like not playing it the more he's thinking about it yeah and the more he's gonna talk to us about it but that's like that does support the church's general viewpoint, doesn't it? That's more so.

As in demons and stuff like that. I think there is a higher being in Warhammer. Right. Oh, there is a god in Warhammer. I don't know. I'd like to know. I'd like to know. I do want the church to stay open.

I think they should do it. I think they should do it through reaching out i would go to church if they put on you know basically quite light religious because i went to see a v you know what i went to see a v yeah i sat down i listened to you know what i mean mostly very nice times then some bullshit on end and you're like okay but you don't begrudge begrudge it. No, but what do they need to stay open? What's the number they need to get? Is it money or people come in every week? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what the metrics are. What are they aiming for? Like, how can they go back to the bishop and say, keep it open because fucking Chris Cantrell has turned up this week? Exactly. Like, get that. They haven't approached me directly to see if I can contact my 2,400 Instagram followers.

So they go to this church. I'll tell you another factor. One more logistical factor. Two churches. One of them is in the village. The other one is sort of outside the village. Well, that's got a shot. No toilet in that one.

What? The one in the different, the slightly different denomination. No denomination doesn't believe in toilets. It's in the village. It has a toilet. So basically the majority of the people that go there are the twilight community, the pensioners who I love.

So they favour that one. Because of the toilet. Because logistics as well. It's like getting up the hill, it's hard. It's like a 15 minute walk um on foot for an older person i would say so it's like they're struggling i've got all over time i've developed a respect for do you know what i mean like i respect storytellers that could do the that could talk to people and tell tales well i'd obviously hang around with stand-ups all the time and stuff but that's just a just a glimmer of how big the world is of people that do this so i've always got a softness in my heart for like you know like a

very friend of vicar a rabbi who can tell a yarn i'm not gonna join you in but i like a a good story well told you know with a bit of patter i love a bit i love bits of patter well you need to go down and pick up some tips yeah yeah yeah what about if you went on sunday and the vicar's there and he just like reaches into his pocket and flicks over a six sided dice to you it's like roll that you roll it, yeah, you've just got five loaves and two fishes. You've just fed 3,000 people. If she, sexist, was going to, yeah, there you go, was going to bring me in, that's the way to do it. Basically, I just just go.

I remember, I got into, not got into her, but I was so, do you know what I was meant, I remember 2015, I did my first Edinburgh Fringe show. It was sort of logistically a disaster. 60-seater room, playing with six people every day. My wife was firing. She was shit. I just wanted to have it.

It's hard to sack her. But I remember just like one day I was... It was a tough sell for her, though. Your name wasn't even on the show. I'd lost my joy. I was getting increasingly more depressed with it. I'd lost confidence in myself. was getting increasingly more depressed with it. I'd lost confidence in myself.

And I was just on the Royal Mile, which is obviously a mad thing to do in retrospect. But I just sort of wandered into the Warhammer that was on the Royal Mile like it was a church. And then one of the lads... Don't make this come... Please don't finish this off. One of the lads in there was like, do you want to just

sort of play this little game? And I was like, yeah. And I think that... Would you like Sanctuary? Yeah, that was the happiest I felt during the end of my friends. You've never told me that. It's not even a thing.

It's because it's not, it's not a thing. You's because it's not it's not a thing you cannot be serious but that happened but you had a little game of warhammer when you should have been flying for your show it's not even like i was checking it's not even like i was taking someone else's 15 quid and just sacking it off it was the person i was betraying was me. No, your wife, who was also flyering elsewhere. Oh, yeah. I just caught her sat on a bollard. Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, she just sat on a bollard and I'm like, I love you, but we'll never do this again. We'll pay for this. And I'm like, yeah. Incredible. What have we got to talk about? We've got loads. We've got important stuff to talk about.

Chris, you have got a hobby that isn't warhammer that's what we're trying to get you to talk about have we talked have we did we mention the leaks we mentioned the leaks on a previous episode that you went to the pub and saw some big leaks one genuinely looked like a caricature of a leak. Yeah. Right. This is what's kicked it all off. So September 2024, a couple of weeks ago, and timestamping it for people that are discovering these podcasts. Someone on the Discord has said that they've started listening to this podcast and they've started listening now

and they've binged 25 episodes. I can't imagine listening to one of these. Do you know what I mean? At a time. Sunil doesn't even listen to one. Sunil doesn't even listen. Whilst recording. I don't put podcasts on in the background,

but a lot of people do, don't they? It's like Radio 4, Dogs, et cetera. Anyway, Leak Club. There is the sick countryside bit. Leak Club. There is the countryside bit. Leak Club. So went in and the thinking was, I just went in because it's like the finale. And every time I've been here for four years,

every time Leak Club's popped up, I've always been away. It's in the Leak Show. It's like a weekend. I've always been away. And it's always been the thing where it's like, ah, I really want to go. Or I didn't know it was on or something like that.

So this year I was like, I'm here. I've got this to do. Brilliant. What can I do? So I went down to the League Cup. I told you about it. You were about to go to your first League Club meeting. Which was the AGM after the show.

Because basically I said to you last time, I went to the show quietly, very quietly, very respectfully, put away six points of Guinness. And then the guy that owns it was like, are you coming? And I was like, yeah, like that. So I did it. But basically, I woke up with a bit of a hangover.

And I think my friend Dave as well, who I'd protracted into it, who I'd proacted did it, but basically I woke up with a bit of a hangover. And I think my friend Dave as well, who I protracted into it, who I proacted into it, I think he thought that, you know, like we'd wake up and not do the league club. But I woke up and thought, honestly, I've never grown anything in my life. Not one single thing. I have no aptitude for it. I've never done it before. You've got a child.

I've got a child. But I woke up and I thought, if I join Leak Club with a view to putting two leeks in the Village Leak Show in September 2025, we've got we've absolutely sorted out for regular countryside-based content.

I did it for this podcast. So I was like I went down, I went down to the AGM and met basically a lot of people who were the leek growers. Last time, like I said, I went down to the AGM and met basically a lot of people who were the late growers. Last time, like I said, I think I said this last time, but they had years off after COVID. This is the county's first, I found out, the county's first leek show.

Started in 1958. It shut down for COVID, came back with 10 people. This year they had 16 and they're growing it again. And I was like, we've got to do it, even if it goes wrong, even if it's a mess. And I met a lot of people there as well. Like I said, people who aren't really giving me time of day before, or we haven't really had a conversation,

but they're talking at me at length about leaks. I've yet to find out specifically what the rules are. Martin, who's like the chairman, is on holiday in Italy. I'll be getting a PDF soon. But on the AGM night, me and Dave went down and we spoke to all these people. Like I said, the people who came top were these farmers. I think, come on, there's something going on a bit there

because I think they've got land and access to equipment and stuff. But really nice. And I got advice from the person who is at the top, Farmer Neil, who came first. And at the bottom, a guy called Richard, who came bottom. He placed 16th. Some people didn't place, so it is an achievement. And basically, here's what I know so far.

It's going to cost me £65 to enter. There's a charitable element to this. There's also prizes and prize money. So it's going to cost me £65 to enter. If I place, I should get that back in the region of £70 plus. So it should pay for itself. There's prize money. Yeah.

And this is where it got really interesting yeah there's prize money and i don't know i'll confirm what the winner gets but i think it's a couple of hundred quid or something like that you know it's like somewhere now but i didn't know this but leak cultivation growing in shows is an absolutely massive thing in northumbria where i technically live now i've across the boundary. And so apparently what you do is you get your leeks, you'll buy the leeks from professional, like, leek growers. I didn't know this.

I thought you'd go and grow them from a seed or something. I didn't know it. But apparently they buy the little, you know, like fledgling ones coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'll buy them, and the farmer there will buy them and the farmer Neil bought them from the guy who is like Northumbria's. He bought the

seedlings or whatever they are or the fledgling leeks or thing has to go over to Newcastle to get them. They are guarded

by Alsatians. They are guarded by Alsatians. How many? I don't know because about, I don't know yet just guard dogs,

guarding them, because apparently at county level, it's so big. The prize money is thousands. So they are protected because people, it gets so competitive,

people would go around and slash the leagues. Oh, wow. We are entering a totally new world. I don't know what's going on. I've got a little Richard who came last, bought me, he posted a book through my door about the history of books.

And he says, good luck with it, Chris. Here's the booklet that someone gave me to help. Please note that most of the chemicals in this 1991 pamphlet have now been banned. Right. Okay. So that's it. So my next step is I think I'm cultivating a plan. Me and Dave, who are mates, are going to work together to understand leaks,

leak-growing culture, general green fingering. So we're going to talk until a point in a year, I said, we'll be good friends and we'll help each other out until a later point in the year where we become mortal enemies. So we're getting to that point in a year. So where are you going to get your fledglings from? I think I'm going to try and hunt out. So this is my plan as it stands.

I'm waiting on the exact PDF of the rules. There's lots of rules. Like in passing, people are telling me in a pub, like you can put a cover over the roof, but the sides have to be exposed, you know, so it's not basically in a greenhouse.

Farmer Neil told me there's ways of like, you either put, you either feed the leeks or you fertilize the soil that they're in. Farmer Neil, the winner, fertilizes the soil. His thinking is that if it fertilized in general, the leeks, their root systems grow out continuously to reach for the nutrients. Whereas he thinks that if you feed them in an area, the roots grow, the roots go out as far as the area that they are fed, which keeps the entire thing smaller. Yeah. But he admits he is the winner and has been for three years, but the lads who came second

and third do it the feeding way. So he's like, he's really nice. He knows, you know, he's like- But why are his leaks so big then? Well, I don't know whether he's got a secret. I don't know. He's a farmer. I don't know whether it's a numbers game and he's got like he knows you know why are his leaks so big then well I don't know whether he's got a secret I don't know he's a farmer I don't know

whether it's a numbers game and he's got like an entire field I don't think that's it because he's not he's a

he's like very much a lovely honest man who's and basically I think I would say to him

if he did he does the leak show in my village but apparently if he took him to the bigger towns, it'd be like up there in the top 10, he'd be winning or second. Apparently he had a slightly smaller year this year.

And I showed you a picture of them. They're monsters, but they're smaller. But in terms of like the next bigger village over, he'd have been working it out from the how they mark them to be confirmed he'd have been second in that competition so it's like a really serious thing but but i said oh so why don't you take your mountain county thing and he was like i'm just i've been doing it 10 years but i still class myself as learning and it's only the last three years i've been winning do you know what i mean i like this guy this is lifetimes work this chris a lifetime's work but i'll tell you what it's gonna be regular

podcast content for us this is perfect for my book about mastery that i will read you an excerpt from once i find an appropriate one that goes with the leak ground competition Thank you for listening to Rural Concerns. If you do indeed have a rural concern, maybe you're looking for recommendations for a nice countryside gastropub or the best place to dump a load of old tellies. Then you can email us at christopheratalovelytime.co.uk You can also support the podcast on Patreon

and for less than a fiver, you'll get regular bonus episodes and access to The Creamery, our Discord chat server. All right, what's going on in there? Well, there's been one bit where one member of the group said, I've been listening from the beginning. Can Chris do, can we just all agree that Chris should never do a poem again?

So now I'm writing, pretty much all I'd say is I'm working almost 25 hours a day on writing poems. It's complicated. Breaking, someone's put in there that, I hope this doesn't delay any episodes, but I'm pretty sure Bellatro's released on mobile tomorrow. What? You can also leave us a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Here is one from Apple.

Subject line, great show, five stars, which is, to be fair, the minimum amount of stars that we expect. We discovered Chris at the Fringe this year. What a treat, and now loving the podcast. That's good. I like that one. My favourite ones are the ones where they reference me personally and neither of you do at all.

I think that is respectable. And as James said, it does have to be actually full five stars. If it's not five stars, it'll send a sort of glitch through the wiring in your house, which will turn your whole house into a microwave and it'll melt your family. Yeah, that's right.

That's what it will do. It'll melt your whole family and you'll all just be a big smelly wet pile of melted organs and balls, arseholes, that kind of stuff. Someone's thinking.

Someone's thinking about it. Our music is by Sam O'Leary and the art is by Poppy Hilstead. Rural Concerns is produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions. And here's an extract of a book I'm reading. It's called The Concise Mastery by Robert Greene.

It's an international bestseller. This is one of the rules of mastery. Move towards resistance and pain. Something for you to think about when it comes to the leaks. move towards resistance and pain all right something for you to think about when it comes to the leaks move towards resistance and pain yeah so you want to move to a point where you keep failing because you know you're at the edge of your capabilities there and then overcome them obviously don't just put yourself through it over and over again basically make your leaks bigger over time because then you'll be learning that's one of the rules

my friend said something like this to me when she said should always everything you do should always feel like yeah you know you're in deep end at swimming pool and your toes are just tickling deep end on floors you should never be standing and never be comfortable that's right isn't it bowie yeah yeah my friend i'm sorry david bowie oh and this is it we're going now we are going we're getting out of your ears live show announcement is in the works that's all i'm gonna say that's all i'm gonna say it's like how do you know, is it like a grape is a raisin? The only thing that's different is time. No, no, no.

It's a different species. AI overview. No, oats are not wheat. BONG!