Rural Concerns - Wrestling, secret chocolate & a dead mouse

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Sunil meets a horse, Chris relives his high octane stag do and Producer James has some pertinent thoughts about Malteasers. Meanwhile, Sunil is still making his way through all that flapjack. Do you have a Rural Concern or city related query? Drop us an email at [e-mail] and we’ll discuss it respectfully and in great detail! The best way to support Rural Concerns is through Patreon. For less than a fiver you can get bonus episodes and access to our Discord community, The Creamery. For more info, click here. Book tickets to Chris’ debut UK tour! He’s taking his Edinburgh Comedy Award nominated show to Edinburgh, London, Leeds, Manchester, Bristol, Barnard Castle and Leicester. Come along! Tickets, here! Our music is by Sam O’Leary and our artwork is by Poppy Hillstead. Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph ‘Water-Cooled PC Tower’ Burrows and produced by Egg Mountain for A Lovely Time Productions.

Hello and welcome to Rural Concerns, the podcast about an angelic young man who is exiled to an inhospitable foreign land and survives against all the odds to defeat House Harkonnen. That is June. And I'm Sunil Patel. I'm Chris Cantrell. And along with our misery guts, grumple stilt, good to my producer, James, we'll discuss tomorrow life and inner city mum stuff.

None of that's true. Not one single bit of that's true. We don't discuss anything. Do get annoyed when you can't get through a take though, to be fair. That's going in. I've got so much to tell you. Really? I got some new moisturiser for my legs and my legs are no longer dry.

I don't know what theme tune to use for that bit. Is that the dairy and milk one? No, well, I've always suffered from dry leg and it's good to get some moisturizer that's really sorted it out. It's called CeraVe. What do you think of that?

Coming up to winter, you boys will be getting a bit dry out there, I reckon. Big time. What are you using for full body moisture, James? Lush Dream Cream. That's £20 for a tub.

Someone's asterisk says, wife is doing good. I don't use a full body one. I just use facial ones. Should I be using a full body moisturiser? Seems a bit of a waste. Facial ones are quite small, aren't they? I'm a camera facing personality.

I need to be shiny the weird thing is every time we've done this podcast we can just see your left ear and not your face yeah I can see a shoulder I don't know

I wish there was a way to fix it but there isn't yeah put it in portrait mode put the iPad in portrait point the camera

of the iPad at you oh for fuck's sake like that? yeah there you are yeah there he is he's got a face. See that wet little face? It's not.

It's dry. I'm in my living room. I think Nicola has... He's just leaned out of the frame. So you framed it up very nice and just leaned off. It's a issue I'm working on. A difficulty being seen. Listen, Nicola, this is bad.

Nicola was making our tea. We had like Chinese pork belly two ways for tea. And I would have had loads of it, you know, if my brother-in-law invited himself over for tea. Don't worry about it. There was enough to go around. Not enough for me to be happy, but enough to go around. Was it just one way?

No, but one of them was like sort of stewed with like a sort of sauce and the other one was like more like crackling type thing it was really nice in the preparation and the cooking she took a bloody frying pan out of the oven with a bare hand or it or she removed it from the oven and then forgot that it had been in the oven obviously out there there where you are, you have to cook your own Chinese takeaway, don't you? Yeah, this is a curse and also, but mostly we have to admit a blessing. Being outside of the range of Uber Eats and delivery is good for me in the longer term. Even though every now and again, I miss doing a pizza hut. Listen, we need to edit around this very carefully. Put a wet flannel in the freezer now.

Put a wet flannel in the freezer. I'm going to go look after my wife for two to three minutes. I'm going to make this as quick as possible. And then... As cursory as possible. As cursory as possible to make sure that... James and I are going to discuss flapjacks. Yeah.

Do you have a preference on the whiskey? Can we turn his mic off? I wish. Can I have a biscuit now? Let's have a biscuit break. Flapjacks, obviously great, yes. Is this from that flapjack place that delivers it? That's right, flapjackery.

Yeah. Also, I was at Paddington Station to go to the countryside the other day to meet a horse for the first the other day to meet a horse for the first time. So I met a horse whisperer. But more importantly, at Paddington Station, I bought a new chocolate

from M&S that I haven't seen before. Yeah. I would like to talk about this chocolate. Nutty Clouds? Is this the new one that looks like it's trying to rival Tony's Chocolonely?

No, what's that? They've got like a big bar that's like Tonyony's chocolate only shape but i've tried it and it doesn't taste as good oh it's a bag and it says swiss nutty clouds that m&s swiss chocolate bars are too good absolutely yeah we all know about them but this one obviously based on that swiss bar but in like delicate little pieces to make you feel like it's not the most disgusting thing you're doing the almond one an absolute delight hazelnut one not as good but but it's still very good so highly recommended if you're ever at an m&s in a train station otherwise you shouldn't buy them because it would just be too much i don't think you can get them from like M&S Simply Foods or whatever they're called.

No, of course you can, surely. Not like a bigger one. I'm going to have a look. There's one in more. I'm going to find it. I went to Holland this year, not to Amsterdam, but I went to Holland. I went in the supermarket. I bought all the Tony's chocolate only variations.

Variations. And what have you got to report about that some interesting flavors some great flavors i don't know what they said on the packet because it was all in dutch yeah so i don't know wide chocolate no idea no idea what was in that pretzel or something pretzel yeah yeah yeah probably biscuits they are very good, Tony's. But because they're so ubiquitous now, it's not as much of a treat. Do you know what I mean?

It's just normal. Whatever happened to green and blacks? They've got a cocoa. They've got a cocoa. I was in the market for cocoa the other day. But that was the only game in town for non-cadbury's chocolate for a long time, wasn't it? Yeah. I think that or a galaxy.

Galaxy's taste of blood. Galaxy, yeah, interesting. What do you mean? There's a weird metallic taste in there, and it tastes of blood. Sorry, everyone, I've ruined galaxy for you. I would never even consider buying a galaxy now. The minstrels, the galaxy minstrels,

they had a niche for a bit. They filled the hole. I've really got back into my Maltesers game now. Really? Although it feels like more and more you get, you get a bad Malteser. Really? Oh,

what a bad bit of malt. One in 20 is like, Oh, that's, that's, that's got no air in it. Oh, right.

I see. Oh, I see it a bit chewy. It's like a solid, yeah, solid malt. And the thing is, you know,

we, I would say not to be morbid, but we're on the downslope. We can't really afford many more bad Maltesers. And it feels like there's too many. Imagine if you got a packet of Revels and your Malteser was the bad Malteser in that bag of Revels.

That's a young man's game, that. It's not for us. Revels? No, I'm having a bad Malteser. I think Revels are a young man's game as well, though. The Russian roulette of it, like the rush. That's right. We need certainty now, don't we? Yeah.

And Tony's does that. I was in the food cupboard, snaffling away my Tony's choccoloni so my kids wouldn't see me and ask to eat some. I thought, I now understand why you used to have grown-up chocolates like Old Jamaica.

Oh, what? Because it's nicer? No, because kids weren't interested in it. Are they not interested in Tony's? Yeah, that's why I have to eat it in the cupboard. I mean, how much Tony's is each child allowed per day? Of mine? It's not shared. It's not a household expense.

It's a personal expense. That is a personal expense that goes through on a separate card. Untraceable card cash. Yeah, fair enough. I'm back. I've put her in bed. I've got some tablets. What do you mean you put her in bed?

It's 20 past eight. She's just hands in a lot of pain, so she's just going to sit in bed and watch a bit of Netflix in bed. Yes, we have a bedroom telly. It's a new development. I don't know. How big is it?

It's an elegant 30-inch television. A little modest. But someone told us, a man in his eyes told us, that all couples who get a TV in the bedroom split up within five years. Is this someone from the village again? No. Are they all listening to this now though they do listen to this podcast now you all listen to it you're fucked man yeah i'm making burning enemies do you know what i mean bridges not enemies burning bridges making enemies and sonil can

you ask me if i gave her a fuck uh chris do you give a fuck i don't give one fuck so so so she's been upstairs she's burnt around and she's just sat so she's gonna watch telly and stuff and i said text me i said babe i've been here if you need me i said but i am podcasting and i mean they didn't stop building the railroad center just because eleanor roosevelt forgot to wear an oven glove so please be sparing in terms of, it's not just my time, it's Sonal and it's James's time. And she understands. She'll suffer in silence on the first floor.

Right, okay. But if that gets too loud, I'll make her go up to attic. The benefit of having like nine reception rooms in your house. Yeah, this is it. There's like the converted attic. It's where you can put. The ailing members of the family. Yeah, I went up there.

I came back really late for my gig. And normally like he'd gone in and the boy got in with Nicola during the night. And I normally go in his bed if that's happened when I get back late. But I just went up to the top floor and the good thing about that is that my son is scared of the top floor so he won't go up there so I was like why just generally it's a new house it's dark a lot of it's like looks like you know like Beirut in the 80s or whatever holes in the walls yeah also there's that there was the mystery cupboard in the basement with the, with the portrait of the dog.

There's the stories. There's the, isn't there that weird hatch? Yeah. And I'm assuming you're keeping this all from your child, not telling him immediately. We've got this, we've got this hatch inside the hatch.

What say that Desmond is putting numbers into the machine. Have either of you watched Lost? Not to a level where I'd know the name of a character. I was thinking of Desmond's The Barbershop. Yeah, I instantly went to Desmond's The Barbershop as well, yeah. That poor pie's in there. Poor pie. He doesn't like it.

That poor pie's a shagger, isn't he? He's in there. He's a bit scared in a house and i can see why and we it's just a lot of a lot of movement and stuff so has he ever like reported on anything ghostly in the house no no one has and as well we talked about this before but my dad's given it the all clear and he's got he's gifted with the site can you get your dad to come down to mine because weird stuff's happening here again we watched hitchcock film the birds and then that was last night this afternoon or like this morning i think helen looked outside of her she's got a door from her bedroom someone left a little dead mouse there where on the patio outside her bedroom an external force has left a dead mouse not an

external force an internal if that was an internal door, it's really scary because it's something, it's outside, which it falls under nature's dominion. Another element of nature would take that dead mouse away, wouldn't they? And I don't know why it's still there. It's still there, hours later. And here's the thing.

Here's the thing. No cats in the neighbourhood. How's there no cats in the neighbourhood? No cats in the neighbourhood. I've not seen cats in the neighborhood no cats in the neighborhood i've not seen one is there a serial killer then yeah london london is basically just you know like the like where like episodes of top cat used to be set there's just lots of like london is sprawling alley cats knocking around and occasional like parrots like actual green parrots flying around in the trees loads There's loads in our, yeah, loads of parrots. Yeah, it's that and like gangs of cats marauding around.

So we're back to no supernatural shenanigans in your house. What you've got is a gang of cats outside your house and a roommate who lies and messes around with cutlery. I love Helen. You know I love Helen. But she like moves cutlery around and love Helen. You know I love Helen. But she, like, moves cutlery around and pretends that a ghost has done it. That's the only thing that we can surmise

from all this hard evidence. I believe Helen. Okay. Okay? That's good of you. And for the record, me too. I think she's great. She listens to this, so, you know.

I know she does. She messages me to say, I did not. She messaged me almost immediately. Do you know what I mean? The. She messages me to say, I did not. She messaged me almost immediately. Do you know what I mean? The episodes get published at 1.30 a.m. on a Tuesday. I think at 1.37 I had a message, which means she's listening to it on her speed to get to the juicy bit. And she's telling me she had nothing to do with it.

I don't believe her. I think she's been stealing spoons and she's escalated to mice corpses well we'll see what happens i said i well i'm refusing to move the dead mouse i said it'll be gone by the morning a natural force will take it away so should we at least on some conceptual level try to stick to somewhere in the document. That's a good idea. Should we start with, I would like to hear, should we like play the countryside sting and hear what Sunil's been up to in the big city of London? Just in case someone's coming into this podcast now,

and you don't want to listen to the earlier one. Sunil lives in the greatest city in the world, London. And he gets up to all sorts of shenanigans. Oh, don't I? Why don't you tell us? James, play that. James, play that sting. Play the sting and then I'll do my first bit.

I will play the sting. James, play that sting. And then we can talk about what you want to talk about. Can I just have a peek behind the curtain? Because I think what I can see what happened there is you said play the countryside sting. Sunil popped a big bit of flapjack in his mouth thinking we're going to talk about countryside stuff and then you teed up sunil and he was

chewing so fast i'd muted the mic i was chewing so fast so fast waste of that flapjack slow what is it city sting yeah city sting play this thing now City Sting. Play the Sting now. Here is the City, mate. This week in the city, I've been to live amateur wrestling. How amateur? Well, none of them are getting paid. You do know that or are you just assuming it based on our careers? Based on the ticket price and the number of ticket sales,

none of them are getting paid. I bought a T-shirt though, that was 15 quid. Where are we looking? What size is the venue? Capacity? In the industry we're shutting that down to cap. What is the cap? We are talking about a cap. What is the cap? We are looking at the Bedford and Ballam, have you heard of it? Famous comedy venue.

Where the audience sit, there is now a wrestling ring and people are sitting on the edges or upstairs overlooking. So cap, we're looking at max 150. How many were in? It was actually a full house this time. It hasn't been before. Is that a permanent setup now, that ring?

No, no, no. It's there once a month. They get it in and out? Once every couple of months, yeah. Elite Wrestling Entertainment. Shout out Elite Wrestling Entertainment for the incredible show you put on. So is that like a permanent fixture then as part of the...

It's on every month, yeah. But is that a displacing comedy with that? No, there's no comedy on a Sunday night. Yeah, it's just full of wrestling. Apparently, in Bradford, where I'm from, what used to be the walkabout in the middle of town is now, get this, a wrestling church. What?

My mate's been, apparently they do. We went wrestling for your stag do. Get this, Sunil, I don't even care for wrestling at all. I'm not really interested in it on any level. But it sounds like the way that it's been painted in the last 30 seconds is like a consistent integral part of my life Why did they pick it? Are you not interested in wrestling but you are

interested in having broken ribs? Because that was the main thing I got out of it. For my stag do my best men who were my oldest friends Zach and Lee basically when we were kids, we would be watching wrestling and stuff,

you know, like going around houses and just staying at work. Let's go back to these vicars that are body slamming for Jesus. Yeah, yeah. What's happening in the wrestling church? How does that work? Do you have to battle to get your communion wafer?

I haven't been, and I would love to go. I've just not been back to Bradford for some time. I'm feeling a strong urge to go back and visit, but I't really my mum and dad don't live there anymore so i don't really have much call to be going into bradford city centre you do now i do now yeah exactly it's the wrestling church apparently my friend michael he's who's my oldest friend and he he still is like my one friend that still lives in Bradford. He's been down and apparently the people running it just found that wrestling is an effective way of getting people involved with listening to God's message.

As in, like apparently the reverend or the pastor or whatever the person who's leading it is, is telling a story, would be telling like a traditional story, you know, like the fucking Garden of Eden and being banished from it and stuff like that via wrestling. You know, like someone comes out and then a snake. And then they're getting absolutely pile-drived through free tables. I'm reading the website.

They've got a podcast and men's groups, so they're encroaching on our territory. This is just like the Viking gang. Get off our territory. We deal the drugs at the London Podcast Festival. They baptise people as well. 30 in their first year. I bet they chokeslam them.

Launching another site. It's an absolute hit. Castleford and Saltaire. Imagine the wrestling promos to camera. Yeah. But about Jesus, like the macho man Randy Savage doing all that. We have to get down there. Imagine that, but it was, you know, like that was Judas.

Judas got a boo. He was, yeah, he did a heel turn. He's the original heel turn. The biblical heel turn. Turn's the original heel turn. The biblical heel turn. Turned around, didn't he? Turned around, betrayed Jesus, hit him with a tin chair. But I tell you what,

the one thing, he took Jesus out, but then what happened? Three days later, he got up from being battered with that chair, didn't he? And that is where Easter eggs come from. You sound like you could work there. I sound like

I could. If I had a bad week I could be fully I could be fully ticked deep in the wrestling church. Perhaps you could suggest it to your local church that's about to shut down that you could go in there and just batter some lads in front of the vicar. This is it

I thought that could help. It's usually quite elderly people in church, though. But we should talk about that, our experience of wrestling, because I did forget, I did suppress it, that we all, we three, did it. Yeah. I mean, I didn't. I said I had a bad ankle. You did.

You said your legs were too dry. That's it. I had a bad, dry leg. I specifically do remember having a dry leg at that point yeah it was a sad it was like my friends who were my friend zach is from bradford he's northern but he's lived down south for basically 20 years now and we showed up to this stag do in liverpool and zach was shouting over liverpool he was just like going guys pints only cost like three pound 50 or something like that and john who my friend who also came over me on train was like you should know you are from the north of england

just set the tone for what was really a great of fun but they what they decided to do was take us all to a wrestling experience but we went from Liverpool to Bury which is quite frustrating because that's where I live it was somewhere it was somewhere that was quite close to Manchester where I'd come over from but we went into this thing and we went in and it was obviously a thing that they do to generate money. Do you know that these guys run from what I can tell? I've got a friend who's part of them now. They do wrestling events sort of all over North,

I think. And they're like basically like little models of like the world wrestling federation type events and stuff. You've got goodies and baddies and the storylines and stuff like that. But they do these like stag do taster type things for a few hours. So we all went in. As soon as we went in, the guy facilitating it was like, yeah, we're meant to have these, not like NDAs,

but like health and safety sign off sheets, you know, to say. And he was like, yeah, we don't have those. You know, that was just the first thing. And then we took, and then they brought in, from what I remember, a 16-year-old who was born to fight. And he just battered us for an hour, didn't he? And because you said you had a bad ankle, most people did it once. But because it was my sort of big day, I just got kicked in the head about,

like, two feet in my chest, jumping off at top buckle. I've got some videos, but I don't know where they are. It was absolutely nightmarish. I've got, I've got some videos. There's definitely some points which I thought like,

you'd have to be careful not, not to break a man's neck, but no one was really being that careful. It was very gone. No, just people stopped doing it and that was fine. But a few of us did it and then basically i don't know i got married i i'm not like a teen bride you know i mean i got married

in my late 30s and all my friends are in their late 30s slash 40s so there was just a lot of quite sad tired broken old men sitting on stools in a witherspoons at 10.30pm. We wanted to go to bed. We wanted to go to bed. I think me and James went to the Lidl instead, didn't we? I went to the wrestling. Oh, right. I went to the Lidl with one of your friends, Chris, that wasn't wrestling. We had a nice wander around.

It's quite a bit of an area. It's an area of Greater Manchester where there's not roads going on, if I remember correctly. No, there's a Lidl and in a wrestling ring what more do you want well i mean this wrestling i went to is actually very like very high quality i was really impressed like the the top of the bill like really impressive and they they walked up the stairs to the top gallery where we were four up there and then went downstairs but i as i say i don't think any of them are being paid any money. I think they're just using it to get maybe to another league,

which is better. I think it works like that in some of them. Well, people doing an artistic endeavor that they've fallen in love with, but it doesn't pay them any fiscal reward at all. That's something I could possibly get my head around. The dream of the wwe keeping us all going yeah i presume it's one of those things i don't know you know like all of these things we all say you say 10 the comedians the tennis players you know you say the 10 but then

there's like the tennis circuit they're just like living in their cars getting paid for call for 20 years into it or something like that i don't't know. Well, that's my cultural highlight of London. Right. I want to just ask you about this situation that emerged. This is coming to me from Amy Gledhill, my business associate and trusted confidant. Right. So what happened was Amy Gledhill.

Are you trying to get in front of it now? I'm telling you what it was. You were asking me what they were. Yeah, go on. But can I just tell you, can I tell you the perception before we go into the reality? The perception was, I said, what are you doing? She said, I'm doing Sun Hill's radio show.

I said, what's that about? I said, well, he's getting me, Harriet Kelsley, and Helen Bower to like come into a radio studio. No, not true. Immediately not true. And discuss who should date him. And i was saying to him he went are the taxpayer paying are we paying for this like basically like harim type setup where sonil is like luring babes no on the taxpayer's dime to fight over him it sounds i i'm being i'm being

paid by the bbc i don't know if you've heard of it james have you heard of it yeah big fan yeah i'm being i'm making a series about how to marry an heiress so i had harriet and amy in because they both have access to an app called raya which is like a high-end dating app they both use, and that requires an invite. I don't think this should be in it, should it? Should this be in the podcast? Well, it's going to be in my radio show.

I don't know if it has to be in this podcast. Because we're getting like full names. But they're public figures. It's like saying it's like saying lr roosevelt's on rear or neil kinnock but don't forget that everyone in the show is playing a character of themselves anyway so it's not real life so we've got them both in as my high profile friends who have access to a sort of famous person's dating app which i don't have access to so i'm asking them like how to get on it and how to attract women on an app like that basically so that was the segment we

did with harriet and amy and helen is playing my landlady so it's it's very it is obviously very stupid and i've told you little bits and bobs about what the show's about like when i went on the that triple date in the escape room. Yes. Yeah. So, and then I met a horse last week as part of it. We met a horse whisperer.

And I can, I can actually whisper to horses now. You said both of those things earlier and I didn't challenge you because we were having a lovely chat about chocolate, but what happened? So I met a horse whisperer who learned this horse whispering technique from this like famous californian guy who figured out how to whisper to horses to like from the film the horse whisperer yeah that guy yeah she learned it off him not robert redford who he was playing

yeah the guy yeah so i got to whisper to a horse in a little enclosure and he it worked all i had to do was i think like stroke him a bit and then not look him in the eye keep my head down and then start walking away and then the horse just starts following you because it like trusts you it was the horse was 93 years old inhuman yeah okay anyway that's all the info i've got so far i i don't want to be rude but how is that i'm worried about how that is linking into the dating. Oh, because if I can whisper to horses, that impresses ladies of a certain wealth bracket,

you know, who are into horses and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, I thought you were going to be whispering into ladies and that was like some sort of... I would never compare ladies to horses. Hypnotism thing. No, you can't hypnotize people. That's not ethical. You can't hypnotize people that's not that's not

ethical you can't because it's not ethical and it doesn't work either all right okay also taxpayers money isn't doesn't go to the bbc chris so i just tick it off a couple of facts here i don't want to be fact checked i just want what's fair do you pay your license fee chris that's what i want to know i do pay my license fee actually you. Do you pay it in dimes? No, I pay it in great British pounds so that I can watch a high caliber of programming. The envy of the world. When's your radio series coming out? May 20, 2029.

And you can listen to series one now. It's on BBC sounds. So we do have a letter. Do we have any letters? Yeah. If you go down in the document. So now that I'm reading the script. Yeah.

Yeah. But we saw, we saw a child all over the script. We've just natural chat. So you don't need to do that. We've got this letter from Kate. Say hello to Kate. Thank you.

Thank you. Right. Let me read out Kate's letter in Kate's actual voice. A up, lads. Last year, I moved from one of the large and vibrant cities of the north to a little village in the Yorkshire wolds. 42 megabytes down, 6.5 megabytes up. Frankly, I'll be impressed if this email manages to stagger its way to you.

Kate, that's a very respectable score, I think. That's old respectable. Okay, that's a very respectable score, I think. That's old respectable. Honestly, it's okay. Sunil, you haven't been in the Discord. Yeah, but I mean, it's usable. Carlos has taken all of the submissions that we've had and put them in a table. Top of the table is 953 megabytes. what are you doing with that gaming or something i

don't know i you sent me the discord link but it asked me to log in but the last time i logged in was when i was deep into crypto and i'm too scared to use that login again i was going to bring up that i did give you the keys to come into a great paradise and middle-aged chat but that's okay i'll do it i'll i'll get over myself anyway back to kate's letter moved to a little village in the yorkshire world so i'm finding the podcast highly relatable i'm enjoying the quiet and wild flowers but i do miss food deliveries and people who aren't white cis slash het retirees one of the very few sources of amusement out here is the village community Facebook group. It's 85% posts about dog shit and speed cameras, but the rest is equal parts

hilarious and agonizing. Okay, here we go. Right. A big argument broke out this summer when one of the village pond ducks was run over and someone posted asking who they should call to get it removed. They were unanimously told to stop being a crybaby, scrape it up and put it in the bin. But which bin, they asked. And so the fireworks began. That's very interesting, isn't it? You'd always assume it's the council's responsibility, wouldn't you?

I guess out there you've got a sort of lack of authority figures, haven't you? And it's wild duck. Read the rest of the email because she's put examples of what people were saying. Okay, so they've said garden slash food waste, brown. It's perfectly compostable. You don't want it in your caddy.

I don't think you can put a dead duck in a food waste. Can you? In a filler caddy. I guess a dead animal is food waste, right? Because you... Okay, anyway.

Don't be disgusting. Wrap it up in several plastic bags and put it in general waste. That's the green bin. Why is that disgusting? You'd put a roast chicken carcass in the brown bin. What's the difference?

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm agreeing with. Other people are saying, but not an actual animal. Is a chicken not an actual animal? Would you put a dead cat in the bin? That's interesting. Sorry, James, go on.

Well, I'm just saying a dead cat is likely to be someone's pet, so you probably want to... A lot to think about in there. Anyway, it went on for days. The answer seemed obvious to me. Cook the duck, then put it in the brown bin. Everyone wins. Yeah, true.

But I was too terrified to stick my oar in because these are real people who I have to see in the real world, and I didn't piss off the collective village hive mind. They're already suspicious of me because I don't own a fleece. What do you reckon, lads? Brown bin or green bin? Thanks for all the chuckles. Please keep pod waffling. Firstly, why don't you own a fleece? Yeah. Why don't you own a fleece, Kev? Is it because of the microplastics or what? I just get it looking cool. Which is it?

I think green bin plastic bags. I think everything that goes in the green bin is fine. No one cares. This has thrown up another issue, which is tangentially connected. The colour of the bins. General waste. Green. Yeah, that seems wrong. It seems wrong.

My neighbour, I haven't even touched on my neighbour. My neighbour's called Tom. Oh, God. He's a retiree. Let him. Let him. He's a retiree. Let him, let him. He's a retiree. He's the head of the amateur dramatic society.

He always wants, he helps me out with loads of stuff. He gives me loads of tools and that when I need them. I've still got his rubber mallet downstairs. He always wants a meeting to discuss stuff. He went, can you come around and talk about stuff? And he come around to tell me about the bins. he was like you'll never guess what color the recycling is

and i went green he went no like it's the same here recycling here is blue general is green and food is brown so yeah similar system to to kate where's the black one that's the black one that's the main bin that's the standard bin that's what you've got in your in your authority has always been in my whole life the standard bin is the black bin a wheelie bin a wheelie bin no jokes yes no the caddy is a little brown little like small actually the green bin is, and then there is a composting, big garden waste bin that is brown. Which council are you talking about? Your current one or the ones you've been in previously?

The current one. I never had a garden bin when I lived in London. We don't get garden bins here, no. Just used to burn it on a bonfire, didn't you? Yeah, I used to put it on the mattress. No, you just chuck it in the street. I've talked before about the fly tipper round where i used to live in london it was very clever i didn't like the result but i've got my uh the their you know their innovation it was those big cubed bags that

we talked about like four of them full of, obviously on the back of a flatbed, chained through all of the loops and then they've driven up next to a lamppost, tied the chain to the lamppost and then driven off

and it's the four big things have pulled off the back of the thing. Why is that good? I just thought it was quite innovative use of lampposts.

Why don't they just drop the bin bags? Because they're like those big sort of tons worth of... Yeah, like four. They sort of use the lampposts. Why don't they just drop the bin bags? Because they're like massive, those big sort of tons worth of... Yeah, like four. They sort of use the lampposts to pull them off the truck. That's very clever. Oh, what's in the bags then?

Oh, just all sorts of bullshit. I can't remember. It was some years ago now, but just like general rubble and... I've just had to pay 400 quid to get rubble removed from my mum's house. Well, that's why they do it. Oh, right. She just dumped it all Baftown Centre. That's at the Jane Austen Museum.

Fuck you, Jane. But I think we should weigh in on this. Just general or... Is it recycling or is it food caddy? It's not recycling. It's not recycling. No, you can't recycle a duck. But it's good. It's either recycling. It's not recycling. No, you can't recycle a duck. But it's good.

It's even composting stuff. But someone told me you're not supposed to put meat in compost stuff. What? Meat doesn't go in compost, no, but it can go in the food waste bins that the council provide. What's the difference? I don't know what they're doing with it. I always think that things that aren't like,

that will deteriorate over time, e.g. a duck, could go in general waste because that's going to go in a tip and it's just going to turn into mess. No, no, they burn it. Oh. That's what they do with general waste. They can't keep it all in a tip forever. They don't put it in a big hole in the ground. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I assume they just burnt it. Oh. That's what they do with general waste. They can't keep it all in a tip forever. They don't put it in a big hole in the ground. I mean, maybe.

I don't know. I assume they just burnt it. Ah. I wash out my little lad's bloody yoghurt pot, something like that, little... It just makes you think, I've got a house with one child, houses with two children,

another child. It just makes you think there's two, there's so many things in there. And I do believe a lot of this stuff isn't really being recycled to a practical level. I just think the landfill, we need to get into space as quickly as possible.

Well, dump it there. Dump it all in space. That's fine. There's already loads up there. It's like knocking satellites out. I haven't seen a kid's yoghurt pot taken down my internet. Taking down Starlink. You're saying not compost. I'm saying not compost can't put a duck in dead duck in compost right you can't compost the dirt just gotta go general waste

are we going general waste bin bags general waste bin bags general waste because otherwise if you want to cook the duck you gotta pluck it first and it's a messy business and it's been run over and we don't know to what grade it's you haven't the information hasn't been supplied is it just been knocked and it's fine or has it been like run over and it's all run over and we don't know to what grade the information hasn't been supplied is it just been knocked and it's fine or has it been like run over and it's all squished out of itself why don't you just

kick it into a hedge and let nature take its course you with the mouse that's what I would do with the mouse like the local dogs that roll around on it

yeah that's the circle of life let the circle of life at it. If you are listening to this and you have a verbal concern or you know how to play Settlers of Catan, you can email us at christopher at alovelytime.co.uk The best way to support

Rural Concerns is through Patreon. For less than 10 gold-plated King Charles 50p's, that's £5 minus P&P, you'll get regular bonus episodes plus access to our online Discord server, The Creamery. And what's going on in there?

One of them wants to live on a narrowboat and they're all sort of basically staging an intervention to try and get him not to do it. Apparently one of them did live on a narrowboat for years and it just sounds like hell. You can leave us a five-star review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, which is good. Yes, and just a reminder that it has to be five stars

because even if it's four stars, that will still signal to the algorithm that you are simple-minded cretin and it's just going to bombard you with Jamie Lang content until you blow your brains out with a shotgun. True story. Is it? I don't think it is.

Rural Concerns is edited by Joseph Ticking Time Bomb Burrows. Our artwork is by Poppy Hilstead, who's just launched her own amazing new podcast called Brainwash Me with Poppy Hilstead. She talks to people with obsessions whilst being hooked up to a brain scanner. It's great. Go and download it now.

Our music is by Sam O'Leary, and the whole horrible mess is produced by Egg Mountain for Oglethorpe Time Productions. And as a reward for listening all the way to the end, here's an inspirational law from the concise laws of human nature. Okay. The law of repression. People are rarely who they seem to be. Lurking beneath their polite, affable exterior is inevitably a dark shadow side, consisting of the insecurities and the aggressive, selfish impulses they repress and carefully conceal from public view. This dark side leaks out in behaviour that will baffle you and harm you.

Learn to recognise the signs of the shadow before they become toxic. See people's overt traits as covering up the opposite quality. You must become aware of your own dark side, and in becoming conscious of it, you can control and channel those creative energies that lurk in your unconscious. By integrating the dark side into your personality, you'll be a more complete human. Something for someone in particular on this call to think about.

Maybe not me, maybe not you, Sunil, but someone on this call. Very interesting that someone on this call might take note of. Oh, so I was texting. Do you want me to read it again? No, you were telling people about someone having a dark side, texting quite rudely while we're talking about that. Proved your point.

Texting something nice to someone, does that count? Does that make it any better? Yeah, all right. I thought you'd be upstairs to bed. What, at 8? Chris, you can't send your wife to bed at 10 past 8. I'm not sending my wife to bed. I'm not sending my wife to bed.

She's burnt her hand. She's burnt her hand. She just takes me saying chris i'm in a lot of pain and i was like yeah and in one and a half to two hours i'll be there for you but baby i'm podcasting like that