Ryth - The Goofiest TikTok Alpha Male.

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

The Goofiest TikTok Alpha Male.

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DeVos Bonanza, without, without any questions. No way, Daddy. All right, people, what's up? This TikTok Alpha Mail is getting roasted and it's fucking hilarious. Now, audience, the subject of today's video is Ashton Hall. This guy is a guy that is a motivational speaker, online coach, and self-improvement guru that really enjoys showing off his grand lifestyle to his fan base and his audience.

However, recently, Mr. Hall posted a video of his morning routine and everybody thinks it's not realistic. No, like, seriously, people are commenting shit like this and this and oh my God. Yeah, a lot of people got a problem with this guy's morning routine. Let's begin. Wait, wait, pause right there, pause right there. So the first problem that everybody has with this guy's morning routine is that he's taking off tape from his mouth like he's a fucking ISIS hostage. So the reason this guy is doing mouth tape whenever he goes to sleep is to prevent mouth breathing and other shit entering your mouth whenever you're asleep. whenever you're sleeping and snoring.

And with doing mouth tape, it fixes the problem of snoring and mouth breathing. In fact, audience, I actually used to do it for a little bit and it actually fixed my snoring and mouth breathing. So yeah, it is a little bit weird that you look like a fucking Taliban hostage. But I mean, shit, I can't really make fun of it because it helped me a ton.

Now, I don't do it anymore because, well, the problem is fixed, but still. So far, ain't nothing wrong with looking like a ditty hostage. Okay, I think I'm starting to get into. my problems with the video. Dude, you have a fucking sink right in front of you. Why are you so above using the sink water? I see your house, little bro. You got a fucking $10,000 a month pet house.

Surely the water filtration system is good enough for you. Do you really need a fucking bottle of sparkling water to brush your teeth, dude? Now that shit is a little extra. I don't give a fuck if you're Jeff Bezos or Warren Buffett. I don't care how rich I am. I'm still going to use the sink water to rinse my mouth and spit out. my toothpaste. It's not even about saving money. It's just being a fucking convenient person. This dude unironically spent 20 minutes of his time on the balcony looking over the city

like he's fucking Batman. Is this the morning routine of a multi-millionaire? You just go on your fucking balcony for half an hour and waste time. If this is the morning routine of a multi-millionaire, then holy shit, I must be a fucking billionaire next year. The second I open my eyelids, ladies and gentlemen, I'm brushing my teeth, then I'm going to be recording a fucking video. I'm sorry, Mr. Gotham City. I'm just a harder worker than you. Yeah, dude, we're going to be serious about the Lord's business. Fucking twirks on the balcony for 20 minutes. Yeah, dude, I'm sure you're really getting down to fucking business, Mr. Goggins. Okay, seriously, why does this guy have to use

sparkling water for fucking everything? Ever since then Andrew Tate said that only bitches drink normal water, everybody's all of a sudden drinking sparkling water. Which, don't get me wrong, audience. I love sparkling water. It's my preferred beverage. But seriously, dude, sparkling water to rinse your mouth and to prevent bloating on your face? What is different from that bottle of water in a fucking bottle of Zephyr Hills? There is no objective difference besides the fucking aesthetic. If a glass bottle really matters to you that much where you have to pay a $40 upcharge for fucking water,

then hey, by all means, go for it. But as for me, little bro, I'm gonna keep enjoying my fucking Zephyr Hills. Dude, what the hell is that shit you put on your... calves. Does this dude think he has to be boosy enough like Henry the motherfucking 8th? Dude, you're dressing up for the gym to go run on a treadmill. It's not that deep. Yeah, dude, you're going to be hitting the bench and doing lat pull downs, but let's still put on a fucking Rolex and gold rings. Dude, you're going to the gym. None of this shit is necessary. This shit is not Paris Fashion Week, dude. You're going to LA Fitness. The gym baddies do not give a solitary shit about your fake

Rolex. This dude's putting on a fanny pack for the gym. Audits, this is the textbook definition of overdressing for the gym. When I go to the gym, dude, I'm wearing what? A Haynes tank top? Some Nike shorts and then my fucking Air Force ones. That's all you need, dude. You don't need to wear the fucking swimmer spandex on your calves, especially for running on the treadmill. This dude is overdoing it. Holy shit. I just realized that this dude could afford a $10,000 a month pest. house but not Nike socks. You did all this overdressing for the gym, but you forgot your Nike

dry fit. How do you fuck that up, man? Surely I am just seeing things, ladies and gentlemen. Did he not just wipe his face with a fucking banana peel? Listen, I'm all about looking at really good health life hacks and all this other shit. Never in my fucking life have I ever heard wiping a banana peel on your face is supposed to be awesome. First, this guy can't afford Nike socks for the gym and now we can't even afford a fucking napkin. At this point, this dude should be on cheapest millionaire. What dude, you just got out of the shower. Why do you need to do another cold plunge for your face again?

I could have swore this guy already did the shit at the beginning of the video. Listen, I'm not shitting on the guy for putting his face in the cold plunge. This shit actually does help face bloating. But dude, you just got overly dressed for a fucking Google meeting. And now you're gonna fuck up your tuxedo by doing this bullshit again. I think I'm starting to see why everybody is saying this morning routine is extremely unrealistic. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, my morning routine is opening up my eyelids, brushing my teeth, and getting to fucking work. So, looking at it bro, we gotta go ahead and get in at least 10,000.

That's what this dude sounds like. I think we gotta get this shit over to 10,000. Listen, audience, if you're trying to grow a business and you subscribe to this financial guru's fucking course, I think that you absolutely deserve to be poor. All I needed to get where I am, ladies and gentlemen, is a shitty ex-girlfriend and a lot of hatred. Put those two things together and nothing can stop a man. man from achieving his dreams. Dude, why does this guy sound so formal now?

Yes, thank you. When before this dude was like, Oh my gosh, dude, you gotta get to $10,000. Bro, you're such a fucking poser. Holy shit. Anyways, as an honorable mention, I found another one of his morning routine videos. I just have to play this shit really quickly.

Yeah, this dude unironically needed to take a G-Wagon, a Rolls-Royce, and do all of that other shit so that he can go for a morning run. As I said before, he's a fucking poser. Anyways, audience, with that being, said i hope you enjoy the video subscribe if you would like a part too but with that being said i'll catch you guys later