Sad Boyz - Canceled By A Soy Boy (w/ Nickisnotgreen)
Episode Date: March 17, 2023Hear our bonus episode with Nick at https://patreon.com/sadboyz Thanks Nick for joining us! Wanna hear even more of our takes and definitely not professional advice? ...Write into the show!📝 sadboyzpod@gmail.com Use the subject line "Pen Palz" and we could read it on the next episode! ✨follow us✨ YOUTUBE INSTAGRAM TWITTER 📺main channels📺 JARVIS JORDAN ✨follow jordan✨ TWITTER INSTAGRAM ✨follow jarvis✨ TWITTER INSTAGRAM 🎶outro music🎶 @prod.typhoon @ysoblank
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also.
I'm Jarvis.
I'm Jordan.
And I'm Nick.
Oh shit, we're joined today.
Pickle Nick in the house.
Pickle-less Nicholas.
I don't know if we should go with that nickname, but I appreciate it.
Nicky Roiland.
Green is not Nick.
Or Nick is not green.
You be the judge.
Yeah, judge me.
Which one am I?
We're joined by essentially our intern
I feel
like
you're the most
common
sad boys guest
do you know that
this is number three
yeah this is number three
though there is a lost episode
in there somewhere
yeah the first episode
we had was us three
all doing virtual
we were all on
yeah
that's a good one
the first time I ever
talked to Jarvis
yeah because
I got a text
what is this
2020 2021 it's 2021 yeah because i got a text what is this 2020 2021 it's 2021
yeah because i got a text from jordan that was like hey there's this guy nick uh he likes the
podcast should we have him on and i was like okay we should prank him let's have him on as a bit
yeah it's that easy everybody we won't even put out the episode. Yeah, that must have just seemed sad. We shadow banned you from the...
No, because there was an era of the podcast
during the remote years where...
The dark times.
The dark times where we were doing the show remotely
and we were trying different ways of doing it.
One of which was on Twitch.
And a lot of the Twitch episodes didn't get released. And I think it one of which was on twitch and a lot of the twitch episodes
didn't get released and i think it's because i was depressed yeah no that'll do it yeah and so
they're on my hard drive sits these episodes with like nick and marquez brownlee who graciously
agreed to do the show that i just never released because i was very sad yeah yeah it's only a few hundred people saw them and then funny enough second time we did it it was us two in person and jordan right virtual yeah which i
actually i keep this with me i the episode's playing oh fuck it's bear repellent oh and jimmy
fallon like you know on jimmy fallon like he takes out the paper and he shows the camera and it zooms in?
Yeah.
That's sort of like what I'm doing here.
Okay.
I brought something from home.
Okay. Oh shit. We have no idea what this is.
Just give me a second.
Oh yeah. No.
That's fine. Should we keep it? Should we riff for it or like what?
No!
It's insane how much you folded it. There's so many times.
I keep this with me everywhere I go.
Hey!
Wow. That's so low res.
That's actually crazy. It's like you purposely made it lower res than it's ever been. this with me everywhere. Wow, that's so low res.
It's like you purposely made it lower res than it's ever been.
No, I wouldn't do that.
What's under 144?
Can we get this on the camera?
With the resolution, it almost looks like
we're all in the same room.
You can't really see the seam.
It looks like we might be different
people.
We might all be the same. same damn we were so young then i know dude that was for the day end of 2021
i know that because it was three apartments ago yeah that's how it's been a year and a half since
i and i'm three and i'm three places because well no first first one we were at
i was in my parents basement this one is that my house jarvis's house this is basement and this
one's in jarvis's house but you're here yeah so we're back the boys are back you see first i don't
the boys are back this is fun to do um the show in person with all of the guests that we've had
out before yeah yeah finally like it's fun to scale it up in who's in person with all of the guests that we've had on before yeah yeah finally like it's
fun to scale it up in who's in person yeah next episode another person but like they're not on
the microphone yeah oh standing right there yeah no that seems like not like what they can't hear
you from yeah we have like danny gonzalez just standing there it is like very uh i'm working on
a project with ethan right now where like,
we've been talking about how guests might work or what's kind of,
and it's a semi scripted.
So like the bit would be getting a guest and doing something weird and kind
of Eric Andre ish.
And the thought is right now is getting like a very famous guest like getting retin link on or something and then bringing a
mime in and we only talk to the mind for like an hour and a half and we're like oh sorry did we
we were talking just give it a second it's like that jimmy kimmel bit where he's like sorry to
matt damon we ran out of time but Matt Damon is like there
the whole time and he just doesn't talk to him it is kind of like it does warm my heart like uh I
saw the all-star game not all-star game the celebrity game the NBA yeah yeah like Guillermo
was there and I was like this is awesome it's just such a it's such a like interesting take on the on the co-host is to have a guy stand not near
your desk but like across the room right right near a door that nobody goes through the entire
show what a bizarre experience for someone that's never seen the show before yeah like if andy
was lying down on the ground and every night for the first time it just cut to him oh okay yeah
yeah i do i do feel like it probably didn't
come from a good place the origin of that bit you know yeah no i think they took it a little
bit too far i feel like the fact that it's been what has it been 60 years now yeah you're most
still standing in the goddamn chair they have to let him go home like at some point surely right
have you seen clips where jimmy kimm Jimmy Kimmel will take low-key sound angry?
There's clips where he'll be like, all right, get out.
Oh, no.
You can see him kind of shooing him away.
Oh, that's very bad.
For those who don't know, Nick is not green.
He is a YouTube content creator, musician,
goofy guy.
Yeah, philosopher.
Philosopher. Also, the face of
internet soy boys.
That's true. You're in the collage.
I know. I made it in the pic collage.
You're in the shrine.
Now bolstering Charlie.
Holding Charlie up.
They made the collage. I guess like that they made the collage,
like I guess Nico or whatever made the collage.
And then he started going after Charlie, like unprovoked.
And then they had to add Charlie in the middle of the collage.
Why is that collage vertical, by the way?
Dude, none of it makes any sense.
The hardest way to see it in a tweet.
Graphic design is their passion. dude i don't know if it makes any sense the hardest way to see it in a tweet graphic design
is their passion and i i'm just like i i imagine sneeko like downloading like a picture collage app
and being like putting in all having all he probably asked his discord to do it yeah he's
like can anyone throw this together there's how many tips guys you have to pay 2.99 to get the
watermark off like what i. I'm going somewhere with my
girlfriend tonight. I can't do this right now.
And it's going to be very emotionally taxing on me.
I got to get the outfits we're both
wearing or the leather.
How do you feel about being in the
collage?
I'm among the greats.
It is
kind of interesting because I saw Fresh
and Fit recently tweeted
at you like months late over a year oh i checked the video i made and i don't even make like this
content anymore yeah i'm like the ship has sailed right it was very odd it was do you remember when
like keem just went at eddie yeah years after he had ever spoken about him and then got like a hundred new year's
eve or something like a hundred likes and the entire internet turned around was like shut up
i'll kill you in real life yeah uh i don't mean to don't mean to brag but i i am the number one
ratio reply to that tweet yeah i just said bald yeah. Sometimes that's all you need. I just was like,
I saw the tweet and it was just like,
the end of it is just literally like women make less because women deserve
less.
And I'm like,
all right,
there's not like a,
there's no way to like dismantle your argument.
But it also feels like there are these,
you know,
very easy,
not very easy to disprove,
but like very tangled web of like misleading
statements and shit yeah where it's almost bait where you have to like fully take them to task
excite your sources and then the people who are following them on gut are going to do that
regardless like there's no it's a it's a dog whistle that you can't disprove to them because they don't care yeah and also all of
the circumstances that do lead to the wage gap are like boring to talk about yeah and so they're
just like ah i don't know like vibe it's vibes oriented stop confusing me i'm afraid like you
know how dare you ever uh mention gender roles and like and like how women are pushed into certain
career paths by like sort
of society yeah social conditioning is not a thing unless of course it is them not having
sex with me it's like they're choosing yeah it's not fair actually please i want it though
please i want to what a fucking riveting experience it must be to fuck one of those
incels all right what are the exciting pillow talk of like yeah how many discord servers
yeah that is interesting like like on rumble like because if you make if you make your career on
talking about that stuff like how boring must it be for you to talk about or to talk to you
just like what do you have to like i mean just be an interesting person live a life worth commenting
on have you seen that uh video sneaker proposing to his girlfriend with the andrew tate clip is that real like did he
really propose what what is this oh oh okay we gotta pull it up there you go free andrew tate
free tristan tate Free trust and take? Yeah. Of course.
There's a gun on screen.
Masseuse.
Will you marry me?
It's get a hobby. like fuck me is this really your number one interest on all also it cracks me up how slightly less enthusiastic she is about tristan
why is that the follow-up question pre-entertain oh yeah for sure
he can stay actually does it really add anything to the conversation
oh who is that
have you seen that video
of Andrew Tate mocking
Tristan Tate saying you won't walk down
all these stairs
he just keeps saying yeah I bet you not
you won't walk down all these stairs
I bet you not
to walk down all these stairs
need I remind you that i
hate doing this accent yeah it really fucks everyone up
yeah they get everyone gets upset because they're like i actually got stressed out and started a
cold sweat while i was listening to the podcast so nick one thing i wanted to ask
you about is like you have transitioned your content into you're doing different stuff now
yep yep it's kind of ruining my life but um oh let's get into it you used to do like funny stuff
yeah i used to be like a funny quirky guy you kind of were like like kind of hung with the big boys
you know yeah now i'm sitting and now you're in your own little chair.
In my own little chair.
A little kid's table.
So yeah, content.
Oh man.
Big conversation.
Oh shit.
I didn't know you were.
No, I just go through a crisis like every month now where I'm going through the,
I never thought I was going to be one of the YouTubers
who's like, I'm so tired all the time.
I can't make videos.
I'm so sad.
I can't get out of bed.
I was like, losers. Yeah, right. You were like, just'm so tired all the time. I'm so sad. I can't get out of bed. I was like losers.
Yeah. Right.
You were like, just make videos.
Daily video.
Yeah.
You were going so hard with the daily videos.
We were all worried about you.
You should have been.
Cause look where I am.
I mean, it is a thing where I think that we've both been like, Hey, you know, make sure.
Yeah.
I mean, I tried to, while I was like doing daily,
I was trying to like pop,
you were like,
I'm looking for an editor.
And I was like,
maybe I should do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I,
I remember,
yeah,
there was a conversation Nick and I had very early on in our friendship where I said,
no,
you cannot edit for me because you are very shortly not going to have any time to yourself.
And I was like,
cause you're going to be a big,
successful YouTuber.
And I was right.
I was one. You were and now i'm i'm doing the dastardly task of one trying to like make different content because i don't like i didn't like the content i was making but while at the
same time trying to get back into an algorithm that i haven't been posting on as much as I used to. Right. The dastardly task.
The downright conundrum.
Yeah.
And that's the scary thing.
What was,
what's like,
what like mechanically was what you weren't liking about your content before that you've changed?
Yeah.
I think I just wasn't,
I felt like I wasn't connected to any of the videos.
I felt like I was always like,
okay,
let me put this idea on the assembly line of like work with a writer to make
a script,
shoot the script,
send it off to an editor,
get the video back a few days later,
barely watch it and put it up and sure.
If it's about something that's topical,
like Andrew Tate,
it's going to get a lot of views,
but then it's like,
okay,
what,
what is that video in a year to me?
Right.
Like what? No one's like, well, let that video in a year to me right like what no
one's like let me go hit up nick's old videos so i can see what he been talking about this guy
um and so i like want to center things more around me and my and doing things in real life
but it's just hard mix to find because at the same time it's like post video that's different
than something i've done before that i'm really proud of. It tanks because it's one, I haven't posted in a
month and two, it's not something I've made before. After it tanks, I get really sad.
I could go back into my hole, wait for a month. And then I'm like, okay, I'm inspired by this
idea. This is going to do great. And then it remains to be that cycle. And then it's like,
if you want to go back and make the thing that got you popular in the first place, some point you're just going to be not happy about that again you're going to try to
switch your content it's not going to perform well right and then this is a very common experience
for a lot of creators yeah um it's also something that like not me sorry i was crying unrelated
it's something that i um have my own version of um but also went
through when i was shifting out of like tech content yeah because for before like my switch
into commentary worked i was doing like um video with software engineer in the title and then like
a bunch of other stuff that i was trying to
like see what would hit and then everything would like tank tank tank tank and then i'd be like okay
video software engineer the title again and it'd be like yay it's i mean it was also tricky looking
at like contemporaries in the tech field and not having an obvious reason it wasn't performing
as well as other because it just something in their case popped but and like it didn't seem to be
imitatable even though the content was like comparable it was i don't know yeah i mean
well i think that like i was definitely tapping the tech audience but the tech audience wasn't
going to be interested they were more interested in the tech or in the career elements of it um
there's like this comment that i got where somebody was like oh yeah i love the
information but could you take the jokes out it was like help get the information faster and i
was like yeah i'm not reaching the right person yeah hi i'm an uh machine learning ai i'm just
trying to generate information yeah there is a brand of person who just like that's how they
like it's the same type of person who and i'm about to call some people out who like uh
watch youtube videos on 2x speed dude right yeah like that person i i you're valid i don't um i
don't get it i mean i mean but i think it comes down to like are you here to be entertained are
you here to be informed yeah you know yeah no wrong way to play kind of thing,
but, like, I still always struggle to shake.
Like, if I think somebody's playing a video game,
especially in, like, a suboptimal way,
I'm, like, one of the, I know I'm wrong,
but, and I've never, I don't talk about it, like,
publicly in a, I never record it't talk about it like publicly and i've never made i never record
it and say release it on a podcast but like i have got stuck in that like no dark soul should
not have an easy mode that's the point of the experience and i'm wrong it should and who gives
a shit yeah or like dark souls the magic is kind of busted it's that is the easy mode i kind of
feel like i mean not to get on this track but like i kind of feel you, I mean, not to get on this track, but like, I kind of feel, you know,
so what if it doesn't have an easy mode? It's just a game that's, I think a game can, doesn't have to
be accessible to every single person. And I do think accessibility at large is great, but I don't
know, maybe this is making me sound anti-accessibility. I just think it's like a, it's a form of art. I'm a little bit more on the side
of the creator made it that way on purpose. Much in the way of like, oh, I think it's goofy that
some of these old Hollywood huge filmmakers make their movies, their movie like the dialogue sounds really mud muddied
like when you watch it on tv because it's built for like adobe atmos or whatever yeah and like
the and it's built for like a seven it's like a 72 channel like audio channel thing but then when
it's down mixed like you know the it doesn't come out and they're like well you should watch it in
the theater oh i'm sorry it's dark well you should watch it in the preferred way i'm i think it's a little goofy but i'm at the same time you have
your own artistic license to do you know it however you want that's a good point and you
you can accept the consequences of that if people do disengage with i should i should say by the way
i ultimately do land on the side of give dark souls an easy mode because that's a path to people
that can't play it yeah literal accessibility
right right but it is it's it's that same little chunk of elitism in my brain that is
i i playing it on 2x speed with the exception of like uh some uh they are exclusively australian
australian guy explaining how to like
uh render an effect in premiere or something then i just need to get through it because
it's a 15 minute you're extracting information like uh and i think that you know um i think the
people who are doing a 10 minute tutorial where like three minutes of it is like intro and stuff are misguided about
like the, like, I think that it's hard to build a personality brand on tutorials. And I think if
someone is trying to do that, then they are going to frustrate the viewer because the average viewer
coming into that tutorial is there for just the information. And so you get the like video starts
at four minutes and 30 seconds or whatever. But if somebody does that for like a commentary video, go fuck yourself.
Because it's like, you're here for the entertainment.
Just sit down.
It's like, I'm not required to write an intro for any of these videos.
Like, like somebody put, uh, replied to our Patreon announcement.
Um, announcement starts at one minute, 30 seconds.
I'm like, it's a two minute video.
Relax.
What do you think it's about yeah yeah
like um but i that's also a double standard and i i will own i will own that yeah it is just yeah
i just know that i am judging you if you watch something on 2x speed and you deserve it actually
but quite frankly going back to you nick um it, this is like a part of the creative journey.
Yeah.
I think I myself burned out very shortly after going full time
because I was burning the candle at both ends just with working tech job and then
doing YouTube. And then when I could finally leave tech job to do YouTube, I was just so tired.
And I, I, but I wasn't able to like give myself the time to recharge because I was like, I need
to work. I need to. And I took so many months off of my channel. Um, and I'm, I've done that again
recently. Uh, but fortunately I've had like the second channel on the podcast and sort of in the
streams and other outlets, but it kind of is just like, it's a marathon, not a race, you know,
kind of just have to, I think that you're not failing as long as you're staying in it and
you're like exploring, you know, because you're very young and uh you have like
your whole career ahead of you so um this time is important to figure out a sustainable path
forward for yourself and it is viable you know this is not like uh if a video drops
bankrupted career over yeah yeah back to a completely separate grind, right? Yeah. I mean, it's been an interesting thing because I feel like the whole, like my first video
of 2022, I remember was this whole video about how I hate the way YouTube does their analytics,
what they show their creators.
I feel like it's like not productive overall for people who are like making content on
their platform.
And then I'm here like over a year later, still like
going through that, trudging through that mud, but in a way that is like 10 times worse than it was
a year ago. And now I'm at the point where it's like, I can't even look at, I can't even like
open the YouTube studio app. Like I don't even like check how my video is doing. I put it up in
the whole day. I'm just in my brain. Like, yeah yeah i know the numbers aren't where i want them to be and maybe in the future and it's like youtube so you get
all this advice from people and like most of it ends up being arbitrary because it's youtube and
we don't understand don't really know i mean like there there's a path forward if you want to like
mr beastify everything yeah or you want to like truly optimize uh but the i think that like that doesn't get you
to like the soul of the content yeah like the true like essence like you you'll never be able
to optimize your way to a um content strategy yeah you know what i mean or like a thing that
works for you there's no like amount of tweaking the titles and thumbnails that are going to half ago, and struggling with that balance of like,
do I need to just put my head down
and start doing commentary again
because I've dug myself into a hole
or do I need to put my head down
and keep doing things that I think are entertaining
that I'm going to want to watch back in like five, 10 years.
But as a result, it's sort of like this
really depressing road of like,
of like not doing as well as
you want to be doing and not really knowing where that the end of that road is when you
might feel like content in it.
Fear is tiring.
Yeah.
It is.
It is exhausting.
People talk a lot about, you know, stress and boosting your cortisol and shutting your
body down and just being exhausting.
And then you get into a depressive, exhaustive cycle and you get frustrated with yourself for not doing
what you couldn't see would be the solution for it but i'm like you know i'm still scared
i every single morning i wake up worrying about my visa that's what i do all the time i think
about doing my taxes and i'm worried what if i fuck something up visa gone what if i what's i
get a car what if i speed single misdemeanor i get deported there is like zero patience on anything
yeah and i just go back to bed and there's no video like i i have not recorded a video in my
apartment at all we've yeah i don't think i've made i've made recorded one video in four months yeah i think
i don't like making videos like i legitimately like proportional to how much i like doing the
podcast yeah there there's a version of me that i want to get back to that's less paralyzed by
still like constant travel like i'm about to fly back
to the uk again and when yeah and i imagine you guys are the same when there's something on the
horizon it's so difficult to i believe there's like an adhd term for it it's like if you're
if you're about to leave to go to a place in like three hours yeah like when i was in high school
i'd have like i'd have to go to like dominoes work my shift and i'd wait i'd have like three hours where i can do whatever i want and the whole time you're just like well i've got this
thing coming up so yeah i can't focus on anything i should shower but what if i just lose track of
time i'll just sit and yeah yeah so there's a subreddit called uh weddings wedding shaming
and shout out to the person that sent this to me uh typically it is you know people
saying like every single wedding should have the parents upside down you know just like just
inane shit that is all just uh the weird volatility of weddings or people saying like ranking the
outfits of the people at their wedding and saying like if your stepmom or if your mother-in-law is less attractive is it worse
dressed as your mother you have more power in the relationship oh okay just weird stuff it's like
that it's like the body language analysis but for like weird semantics about weddings soft face
mother yeah my father's cock face in the world yeah there is wife facing the world this is a what i assume is probably a classic on there
the post about a year old and it is called plantation weddings were contentious enough
already which is you know it's a phenomenon people know about people will you know the
picturesque farmland possibly cheap to use yeah and and saying they're contentious is like not wrong pretty
yeah um here's the first image oh no would you like to describe it for the audio listeners no
oh would i let's start in that mic for us let's start it's an interracial relationship. A black man, which is relevant.
White woman who's in like, you know, a southern style dress.
They're in a, like, what kind of fruit patch is this?
Yeah, bush with red something, flower.
Yeah, I mean, maybe it's not like crops.
Maybe it's, I'm never going to farm them.
So man is in like.
My man's is. My man's is in he's bridget and coded yeah he's bridgerton coded he's in like uh he's in plantation owner garb yeah he's
got the like i don't even know what that hat's called well it's it's like almost i know it's
got a buckle it's a yeah it's an amish top hat looks like yeah it's a top hat that like it looks like a cockney pig pocket the strangest choice now would it would it surprise you at all for me to
say that that is 50 times less offensive than the following two photos uh-oh of the same couple oh Here's the first photo.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I was squinting my eyes.
He's wearing handcuffs.
He's in chains.
No.
She's dressed in the same dress.
They've replaced it.
They've taken his jacket off.
They give him like a straw hat. What the fuck is this shirt? He's like in a same dress. They've replaced it. They've taken his jacket off. He's wearing like a straw hat.
What the fuck is this show?
He's like in a ruffled white shirt. That's like Hamilton core.
He's kissing her hand.
They're in a crop field now.
Yeah, like a cornfield or something.
And he is, it's classic romantic poses.
But if this were to happen in that era,
you would be set on fire.
Yeah.
I saw this and I, by myself,
the normal Reddit labs, you know.
Yeah.
I have never pog-faced solo.
I was woe-jacking my phone.
You threw it across the room.
Yeah, right down the toilet.
I legit, well, I guess we could put a link to the reddit post on uh the audio version so people could see it oh yeah
truly one of my favorite things i've and now i'm excited to send it to everyone favorite things
actually i yeah i hate that stuff yeah yeah you like those guys right he's an ally what's up you
were saying recently that like it's women this month you were
really like supportive of black people last month i believe someone else i think you might have yeah
you were kind of saying why do they keep having these months for people i don't care about yeah
you were like there's black people and then women christmas is one day yeah christmas is one day why
do women get a month where's half white month month? Yeah. We are 1.5 white.
I'm not enough to be one, but I'm not enough to be the other.
What is he saying?
Just biracial things.
Just biracial things.
We would know anything about that.
If you're enjoying this episode and you want to see more of it,
we are going to be doing a bonus episode immediately after this one.
Every week.
Every single week on our brand new Patreon. Patreon.com slash
Sad Boys. Check it out.
And I'm showing full frontal
in the Patreon
episode. Yeah, true. Yeah, we should
I guess check in on their terms of service,
right? Maybe it's a fansly option.
Yeah. I think
it's probably a big seller. It'll be a big, we'll
have a big censor bar or whatever.
It's like maybe not great for that very nice person that recently reached out and was like it's the
only show i can really listen to or watch with my teenage my teenage daughter right i'm like okay
wow i'm deleting the show and throwing my phone away this is what you've done um maybe that's the
new content strategy is really lean into sex appeal oh that's your like your new thing you
don't think i've been doing that in my past?
I thought it was like deliberately not there.
Oh, you thought I was removing any sort of sex appeal?
Yeah.
You want it to be more appropriate?
What is his character he's playing over here?
I'm just saying.
What do you mean?
He's so inquisitive.
Interesting, I'm wearing a monocle.
With a thinker. Yeah. So I'm wearing a monocle. With a thin coat.
Yeah.
So I'm actually looking for, if anyone's watching at home,
I'm looking for a co-host for a new podcast I'm starting called Happy Boys.
So I don't know if you guys have any ideas.
Sounds like you need two of those, two co-hosts, because, you know, you're sad.
Maybe record it here or something.
I'm not.
It's called Happy Boys.
No, you're going to be the producer of the show, and you not it's called happy boys no you're gonna be
the producer of the show and you need to find two happy boys to host the show because you're not
happy is what i'm saying that's the bit i was doing that makes more sense now that you re-explained
it yeah let me do a new reaction cut that ah yes he gets it he gets it the first time that sucks
that sucks so goddamn much. Damn. Damn it.
A missed fist bump.
That's rough.
Oh.
To see that. I was trying to punch him.
Oh, wow.
More like a missed bump.
We should cancel the show.
Yeah, I think it's kind of, we had a good run.
We're shifting in.
This is Happy Boys era.
I think it's time to shift.
Happy Boys.
Happy Boys moment. I will say also, to shift. Happy boys. Happy boys moment.
I will say also, just while taking a beat in the podcast,
I wanted to give a shout out to,
I don't know if they want their at included in the shout out
because they weren't asking for a shout out.
They were just sending a very nice message.
But yeah, I wanted to give a shout out to that person.
They sent a message that just the long and short of it was like,
this show has been very helpful to us
and they've been recovering from some and short of it was like, this show has been very helpful to us and they've been,
you know,
recovering from some stuff and it was a very sweet and they gave love to us
both.
And I was like,
shut the hell up.
And you,
yeah.
You said that to the person who,
it's my default response to stuff is quit.
Shut up.
Stop.
Stop it.
You're being mean.
Um,
what should I do a video about?
Health.
The most common response, by the way, I get if I,
I don't know if this is the case in you guys,
I get requests to do a video about the room.
Oh, interesting.
Every week.
I used to get that a lot.
Which is like, it's covered.
Yeah.
It's all settled.
They made a movie about it.
They're making another one. Really? Yeah, I think it's for charity or's also made a movie about it they're making another one really yeah i think
it's for charity or something um a movie oh another another the room yeah you're making
another disaster artist like about the no like uh like what did i read um it was like because
some famous actor was like yeah the room remake how bob odenkirk is great at being
terrible and like bob odenkirk is in this what room remake yeah the room is getting a remake
and bob odenkirk is starring oh hell yeah um the room is getting a remake it's not something any
of us expected in fact director tommy y so wasn't even aware of it until last wednesday
bob odenkirk recently confirmed via twitter that he was starring in the project and the internet
went nuts for it the Room wasn't known for being
a particularly good film nor was it artistic
innovative or intellectually challenging
It's not known for being particularly good
Instead The Room became a cultural phenomenon
simply because it was incredibly bad
So now as a group of professional actors
and filmmakers attempt to remake the film
their effort makes you wonder what it means to be bad
Much like the Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Room steps so far out of the realm of what we might consider a normal picture that after
the preliminary dismissal wore off uh that this was a bad film audiences started to question why
they were being drawn to it to remake the movie i'm like when are they going to reference the
disaster artist because that's what i want to understand i'm scrolling articles long yeah it's
like real long oh here we go why so his's co-star Greg Sestero wrote a book
about his experience making the movie
called The Disaster Artist.
James Franco got a hold of it and wrote his own film
that was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay that year.
If you can believe it.
Did you guys see The Disaster Artist?
I did, yeah.
I wouldn't say it's the best adapted screenplay.
Yeah, I would say it's the best adapted screenplay I would say it's
medical definition of mid
yeah I mean it's like the interview style
everything is fine
where the whole point is like the press of it
yeah okay here we go
the room is getting a remake from the charity
organization acting for a cause
the group often remakes films to support
particular causes this time they're raising
money for Amphar,
the foundation for AIDS research.
So I guess that's what's happening.
Cool.
Good luck to all those who have it.
Do you want to get involved?
You can play the big wall.
You can play the door that everyone kind of leaves open.
On the roof. Here I go. You can be that little dog. Yeah, you can be the door that everyone like kind of leaves open on the roof
yeah
here I go
you can be that little dog
yeah you can be the green screen
on the roof
yeah that would be awesome
Nick is not green screen
Nick is not green screen
wrap it up
alright
now yeah
you could be in like
one of those
onesie
like
suits
that's green
and then we can start
like a green screen suit
like a green screen guy you like a green screen guy.
You're a green man.
That'd be a cool bit.
Yeah.
You're not chroma key.
You're just running around having fun.
You guys see that?
Like somebody posted clearly a dude.
Perfect posted a joke video where the trick shots were being moved by
someone that was,
Oh,
and then people thought it was real.
Like what?
And it's like,
what do you think dude?
Perfect was just invested in ruining its own channel with a bit?
That's so funny.
So not worth the effort.
So much more unnecessary work.
Yeah.
We're in animatronic.
Yeah.
It was like, I saw one where it was like, they put the ball on like a zip line and it
went into the hoop or whatever.
And it's like, it doesn't follow a parabolic arc
that's like you know it's like you can tell their videos are like they their whole brand is that
they're real it could be frankly more work and more expensive to than just throwing a basketball
many times yeah which is what i feel like that's part of the fun of the big freak out is them
finally getting the shot that they need. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Your latest video, by the way, or more recent videos, have they been fulfilling the creative desire or drifting towards it?
It's tough because I feel like I'm very, it's that whole thing of like, you look back at a video that at the time when you put it out, you're like, this is my best video.
I love this video. And then if it does bad, you're like, this is my best video. I love this video.
And then if it does bad, you're like, I never made that.
That's not me.
And so now I'm going through the cycle of making something
I'm really proud of, putting it out,
and then not hitting whatever engagement
that you are expecting or hoping for.
And then it also affects how I feel about the content in the past
regardless of whether or not i want it to um so i feel like it's been tough because there's just
been such a battle of like okay i have these like my new style at least on the main channel that i'm
trying to do is like more absurd like weird like like objectives and mixing in me doing stuff in real life with like narrating it.
So I kind of still have like commentary on something, but it's not about anyone else,
except for just like something I'm doing. Like the one I'm doing this week, I'm trying to like
figure out if as a Girl Scout, I could like profit off of selling
the cookies just to get the rewards they give you so you know you like net you you gross like 250
dollars by selling like fucking however 25 boxes of or 50 boxes of cookies to your your neighbors
and then you get like a key chain or something and so i want to break down like the roi
you were talking about the economics of it last night yeah and uh which i astutely noticed is because you're probably in
the bloody girls girl scouts stop making the joke big girl you wouldn't start making those jokes
yes too much soy in your milk but is that what is that what the soy boy thing is from
yeah genuinely soy contains traced estrogen so it turns you into a democrat yeah right that's true yeah it's like oh i want to vote for joe biden so bad oh i'm thirsty yummy yummy latte what's happening yeah but i feel like
um we're morphing into a democrat jack
um you ever thought about forgiving student debt
it reminds me of times with corn pop, Jack.
I don't have a Joe Biden, but I'm trying.
Reminds me of corn pop.
Gone to a plantation wedding.
Nope.
That was an excerpt from your wedding speech.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's from my book.
Yeah.
Jordan Unchained.
Jordan Unchained.
Uncut,cut Raw and free
Raw and free
Uncut
Why is he cut?
He's not
I just said that I'm not
Yeah you're right
But yeah basically I'm trying to go
I bought like a Girl Scout outfit
Bought a beret with a vest
I'm going to go like buy I feel like Girl Scout outfit, bought a beret with a vest. I'm going to go like buy.
I feel like if you buy that, you go on a watch list.
That does kind of sound like a military uniform.
I don't think you should be allowed to order a Girl Scout outfit.
It's a little cute brown vest.
I bought some patches.
I got a beret on.
So I'm going to go to the grocery store.
The elaborating is not helping your case at all.
Yeah, it's really not.
So I'm going to go to the grocery store and just buy like random assorted,
like some Keebler's, some Oreos, all that, and I'm just going to go out on the street
and see how much I can profit
by illegally reselling
just random cookies on the street.
Damn. Are you going to donate to the Girl Scouts
organization?
You better. Just say that you are.
I've heard it's a really good organization.
Yeah, no, for sure. I'll pray about it, for sure.
Okay. I do like the idea
of Nick being in like um
and i think you should leave style like like girl scout costume where it's like
it's like trying to look like a girl there's too much shit on me
yeah you try to look like a young child i can't breathe the gin kills kills. The beret kills.
Take it off.
Yeah, it does actually.
You don't know.
I don't want to be around anymore.
Standing at like a lemonade stand
just saying I don't want to be around anymore.
He has no one's around.
He has like a giant,
like a scaled up Girl Scout.
Yeah, I mean,
I got like an absurdly big table.
Yeah.
I kind of fit the dimensions of a little girl. Right, like if you took got like an absurdly big table. Yeah. It kind of fit the dimensions
of a little girl.
Right, like if you took a photo,
it would look right.
Yeah.
How miniatures with Star Wars
or whatever.
Yeah.
Use force perspective.
Yeah.
It's going to look,
it's like the Jimmy,
not Jimmy Kimmel,
the Jimmy Carter photo
with Joe Biden.
Yeah, where he's in the chair
and he looks really tiny.
He looks so small.
He looks like a marionette.
Joe looks like he's seven feet tall.
In the photo, Jack, I'm stood next to a big ant with a Jimmy Carter.
A big C for Kroger.
They made him sell his peanut farm.
Yeah, poor guy.
I did a report on him in fifth grade.
Jimmy Carter, he was always my favorite.
You reported him?
Yeah, I reported him.
You freaking narc dude
the next uh the next election i sent uh uh i sent the president who at the time was george bush
a letter when i was in elementary school and they the white house responded wow and you were just
thanking him for like all the kind of just being based in epic yeah yeah what's it like being the
president how much do you bowl at it yeah being the president? How much do you bowl?
It's a bowling alley.
How much do you make?
Do you know how much the president makes?
Annual salary?
It is 400 grand. I don't know if it's changed.
But Donald Trump,
you know, he turned it down.
Yeah, he's like...
Because he doesn't care about money.
He doesn't give a shit.
He gives about gold. He doesn't give a shit. You see his gold note?
He cares about gold.
He cares about resources.
He doesn't care about tennis.
I have a full golden Evangelion suit.
I have a plug suit.
I've got a golden mech.
Yeah, what if he spends every dollar on a Gundam?
Yeah, he's just slowly building it.
Yeah.
That would honestly...
I would be tempted. He would win points, I think. Unfortunately, he's just slowly building it. Yeah. That would honestly I would be tempted.
He would win points, I think. Unfortunately,
he would win points. He turns up to book a primary
and a Gundam.
Or the debate. He like left it
in the White House as an accident. So during the debate
he's like, guys, I just need to get back to my
like Gundam. It's like almost done.
Zoom in, please.
Please. And then I'll leave
in a suit.
In a suit. In a suit.
In a suit.
DeSantis is like a different anime.
He has like a katana.
Yeah.
DeSantis is dressed like Afro Samurai.
My suits are made by the most talented Japanese mech engineers.
I'm like China, but I love Japan.
I'm a weeb.
I'm a weeb.
I'm a weeb.
We call it weebing.
I have the best waifu. Shout out to Toei Animation. I'm a weeb. I'm a weeb. I'm a weeb. We call it weebing.
We call it weebing. I have the best waifu.
Shout out to Toei Animation.
What if I name my son Vegeta?
Oh yeah, I saw you tweet about that.
Isn't that a crush?
Vegeta Adika.
Vegeta Adika.
Vegeta.
Feels wrong.
I don't know.
Something's up.
Vegeta Samurai Adika.
Samurai Jack.
Samurai Jack. Samurai Jack. Samurai Jack.
Samurai Jack.
Samurai Jack.
Oh my God.
Somebody's got to do that.
Yeah, go ahead.
You can have that one for free.
Oh, it could be your new video.
Yeah, do something weird.
Isn't it crazy that Will.i.am did the theme song to Samurai Jack?
Wow, really?
Yeah. Gotta be back. Back to the past samurai jack that's you're right you're so confused gotta be back jack jack jack jack that's awesome shout
out will i am for watching this have you received any kind of interesting messages about the new
direction of recent content have you gotten like some hell yeah like concerns
like from concerned fans that i just want you to talk about like a weird guy on instagram yeah you
seem uh like you're like normal style yeah uh what is this you're talking to like a sword swallowing
i yeah i don't i honestly it's like i feel like it's hard to end up having people like especially
in commentary negatively not like react to stuff news end up having people like, especially in commentary,
negatively, not like react to stuff, new things you're doing. Like the people who do see it
really like it, but you know, you're like, Oh, let me check on my comments after a few hours.
And you have like few more. And I'm like, Oh, I used to, so it's just like that, that process of
like, Oh, I don't even, I don't look at process of like oh i don't even i don't look
at the youtube studio i don't even like knowing how i'm doing anymore since it just like ruined me
but at the same time it's like you when once you put something out there you can sense the vibe of
if it's doing well or not depending on how many people are telling you they watch the video right
and reading through comments and so it's just that like it's that weird thing where everyone's
obviously going to be like yeah you should keep doing what you like doing and then i'm like okay
yeah that's cool and all but like like we're not going to watch it but like i hope you're having
fun yeah it's not really for me you know i don't want to hear that stuff and so it's like i enjoy
making it more and it seems like people who are watching it enjoy it more but at the same time
it's like that doesn't it's not
always gonna rarely translates to like pulling myself out of it's kind of like starting a new
channel you know that's what it feels like to me it's like yeah i'm trying to re-envision in a way
that's not like hey i have half a million people subscribe to me and i can't even i you know can
only pull this percentage of them which is how my brain always works and it's like regardless of
whether or not i would like having this many views
two years ago,
it doesn't... Your brain's already been anchored
to expect a different thing.
And when you've hit a certain high with something,
but that specific content is something
you just can't make anymore.
It's easy to compartmentalize.
For people who don't know,
the YouTube analytics dashboard
shows you a top recent video performance
list and shows you how well x video is doing relative to how the previous videos have done so
for example it can be a bit of a blow when you get a 10 it is like performing worse than
nine videos in a row prior yeah it feels like your career is dead yeah like getting a 10 out of 10
feels like youtube said you tried and it wasn't good enough maybe try something else by which i
mean stop making videos and get a job yeah i truly am completely fine with it a video ranking never
bothers me at all because i know it is random borderline non-meritocracy
there are variables like the thumbnail title are such soft science that you know i'm still
trying to figure that out but ultimately like we are very lucky because we have so many
leverageable it's like okay well i'm just not well. I'll just do 20 collabs with the huge famous people. That's just always there all the time. And it might mean some creative compromise,
certainly. But it's not like, I don't know. I try and be respectful of the fact that we are
so privileged in the content we can make and the content we can afford to fail with.
Exactly. make and the content we can afford to fail with exactly as opposed to uh joseph anderson does a
seven hour video game video essay and it it gets 500 000 views instead of the many millions it gets
then that is like a oh shit okay i'm i'm eating through my savings then i'm not making money on
this and that's also where things like patreon come in we have a patreon now patreon.com sad boys uh support us
support uh jordan's immigration fees uh and this goes a lot of it goes to lawyers which would be
appreciated yeah um they're currently doing it for exposure yeah it feels unethical that no they
are it's coming out of our bank account yeah boy did they say no to that um no i i think um that feeling drove me
to post uh elsewhere a lot more like i i definitely like neglected my my main channel
oh like elsewhere being gold gold and then the uh the streams as well um and then also also the
podcast i do want to get back to the main channel but i kind of feel
like um i need to change things up to succeed and to continue sort of growing on that channel
yeah and it but it has been a bit refreshing to see that um the gold channel is successful
you know what i mean because i think that like i talk about leverageable right like yeah the gold and what it is right now is
always there and always going yeah i mean it's just like surprising because um
i think that the feeling of like putting a lot of work into like scripting a video and like really
like planning it out and then having it not pan out sucks but the feeling of like you know not spending
a lot of time on a video and having it do really well like every video on the gold channel um is
like okay this is kind of cool you know what i mean like um but it also enables you know a lot
of other projects like a lot of the gold channel is like, you know, financing everything we're doing here, you know, like all that stuff. And that's, it's nice to have like the separation. And that's okay i think people often literally don't
know yeah like they start like what from both channels and just assume they have the same
channel yeah yeah and i think that that's like um you know it's i i would say it's mostly a blessing
um because because the difference is really about my own experience doing the stuff.
Like for me, the main channel is larger projects.
And that can mean I like watched a movie and like wrote like a big script about it.
And it can also mean that I did like a thing where I like bought a bunch of products and waited months for everything to show up and then did that.
But just even prior to what you're shifting now is, you know, your channel is high concept.
Main channel, that's more yeah yeah it's more exciting it's more fun buying a girl scout costume is kind of
but that you know you've already done that i guess yeah it already happened yeah citizens arrest
give me the beret give me the give me the the straw hat. Take me to a plantation. God damn.
Unchained.
But yeah, I feel like I'm going through a similar thing,
except that I'm watching the same analytic drop
because I dropped off doing both my channels around last year.
And so now I'm like-
It was after you moved, right?
Yeah.
Ever since I moved, everything's been a disaster basically it feels
like that's like the the weird i do feel like i would check in on you every couple of weeks and
you'd be like i'm not doing so good and i'm like oh man is there anything i could do to help and
you're like i'm i'm figuring it out it's fine like okay okay but you know we're here yeah and it's
it's just been like the the moving thing was just, so happy I did it and I'm happy I'm
here and I love everything going on around me, but it's just the job part that is like
that last thing that I have not cracked, that I haven't cracked in my head to make me be
like, everything's okay.
Cause now I'm like watching the same thing i have with my second channel and i'm balancing between like okay now the second channel's like main channel's high concept obscure absurdist weird
like just like quests and then it's quite yeah that's like a good description and then the second
channel i'm like okay well i could do like improv commentary stuff on there that's easy to push out
because that was what why that's why i'm here is because I use the second channel to finance by where I'm going in my lifestyle and all that.
So it's scary to watch me on both ends be like, okay, well, it's the second channel commentary now.
But if I make a commentary video, is it going to take so much work that i'm going to want to put it on the main channel but then i'm watching both channels just be confused by right youtube or people in general
where there's just not an interest in a shift i'm trying to make but at the same time i've tried
many times to sit down at my desk and do like what i did before and it's like i just can't
is in the main channel what you used to do before?
Yeah, just like commentary in general,
like even just finding stuff to react to or finding stuff to like watch or even doing streams.
It's like all of this stuff has turned into this
like completely different beast in my life
than it was when I first started doing the job.
And I found it so easy to control that
when I was starting it.
And I felt very smart at what I did.
And I was like, I know what I'm doing.
I know how YouTube works.
I'm like a smart guy.
And then this happens and it's like, oh no, nevermind all that stuff that I thought I knew.
I was just on a good streak.
Like it really was arbitrary.
And now I'm like in this place where it's like, I can't figure it out. At the same time, I want to, you know, I mean yeah and um and people yeah and so changing your
content it not only has a you know like analytical impact on your channel your content but it also
could have a financial impact and so it's something that you know it is it is tough to balance you know because
you want everything to be sustainable right you don't want to be sort of struggling to
you know you you kind of just get yourself into a position where you're like oh i should
be able to earn a certain amount of money exactly and then i'm like uh-oh you know it's like is that
not happening yeah and it's that it's i mean it's the whole thing where it's like you know this
obviously comes with a big blanket of like i love having the ability to do what I want to do.
The fact that I can even shift to a different genre and let myself fail knowing that I'm, I don't need to like move out of my house or like go home or anything is like a very good thing.
Yeah. very good thing yeah but at the same time it's like you know part of the reason i moved out here
was to be able to expand what i was doing and make it bigger and it feels like instead i just like
basically took everything and threw it away and now i'm like starting from scratch and i'm like
okay now this is like this should this is like my standard for views and i need to sort of build
myself back up but it's hard to watch that when like your sub number already contains so many of
the people that you would be grabbing so it's like it's a little bit scary to be like yes chicken egg
solution problem right because you at one point in my life i went to the gym a lot it was when i
was working at an office and that's part of the reason i could it was there and on the way back
right it was easy to engage with i i went like too much because i was
just addicted to i was not on any kind of medication i was addicted to like having some
kind of alleviation in my mood and sleeping and stuff but it was whenever i would fall off it
because of extended travel or even just like the depression or like a negative being too severe to just motivate me to do anything you know even not
going into work it not just chemically is like a huge drop but turning the momentum around again
is so difficult because you stopped it made you feel way worse and now going back which you know
will feel better requires you to get over a really
unpleasant feeling yeah and it's just i it's it's this frustrating loop of compulsive behavior or
like uh not being kind to yourself while the you're trying to find a part of you that will
be kind to you in a way that somebody else would,
which is the big benefit I'd say of being here or just amongst friends is that like,
like you just came around like last night,
right?
Yeah.
We just hung out and it was viable cause you just could immediately.
It was like not something we planned a couple of days ago.
Like sometimes I'll get up at a very reasonable 3 3 p.m and uh even ethan just
upstairs and it's like oh great like my i don't have to find my way to normalcy yeah there's just
a conversation to kind of pull me out of the morning depressive grogginess whatever and that's
easy to take for granted and i am really that. We've also gotten a lot closer, obviously.
Yeah.
Hang out as opposed to chatting online occasionally.
Yeah, definitely.
Along with me and Ethan also, you know.
I don't know.
It's nice.
I don't know.
I feel a lot more human.
Yeah.
I'm not trying to advise, like, what the fuck do I know?
But it definitely, I'm finding some solace in knowing that I'm not trying to advise like what the fuck do I know but it definitely I'm no I'm finding some
solace in knowing that I'm not great as far as like mental well-being is yeah and the version
of me that is great or in a good mood would be able to handle all of this I feel like yeah it's
just that first day going back to the gym I don't know how to do right now yeah yeah yeah and I think
which might literally start with going to the gym you know like yeah something completely unrelated to work i think um and i've definitely experienced that
like the activation energy to like do a thing that you know is going to have a tangible improvement
on your life yeah it's sometimes so hard to to sort of get over an office was helpful yeah the
structure of that yeah i think um one thing is like you know you just got to be
patient with yourself um because at least in my experience you are slowly building up that energy
like i feel like i was talking about starting a youtube channel for like the majority of my life
from like when i was like age 14 to like age like 25 and then i finally like this is
in the early 70s yeah and then i finally did it and you know found success in it and there's a
part of me like i i bet to a lot of people i was just like the guy who was saying one of these days
i'm gonna start a youtube channel you know yeah but i could have been in the nfl yeah i just had
to say something else but i picked a youtube right all right no but that's the thing where i'm like told you you know you know
what i mean but i think it's like i sometimes take my sweet time getting to these like important
things that i care about because it you know the energy and the life position and all these variables need to be aligned yeah um and i i feel similarly about
uh my own you know social life um recently because i think that currently my
life balance has been the best that it's ever been yeah yeah yeah um that was i said that in
a way it's like you look like shit you'd say that i would say is training part of that well
no actually i would say in spite of the train okay because it's too much it like takes up too
much space and then also having two dogs and then like needing to find, you know, a foster home for Frankie.
And then also I'm moving.
And then also we've got, like, there's just a lot of other things.
You're trying to get me adopted.
That's a lot of work.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I guess, I guess I wouldn't say ever.
I guess I would say since working in an office and having like a very default, like life
balance built in because of the nine to five of it all.
Approval helps.
It's not that like it's's this for everyone but i just
it was nice to be like applauded for being balanced and getting into work and being
positive and engaged and like clearly not just being the only audience for that and there's just
in your day-to-day at an office job there's so many opportunities to get
like little dopamine boosts and things wins like little yeah little wins or little you have a fun
little conversation with elizabeth up in the kitchen and then you're like ah what a cool
friend what a cool co-worker that is did you work in an office at any point no i i only worked
i don't i don't i never had like a like a because I went straight out of college
and then basically
I graduated in college November 2020
and then just did editing until
I was doing YouTube full time
What did you do in college?
I studied audio engineering
I assumed you went to baby school for being a baby
for crying
I think I went to crying school for being scared of everything.
Well, Nick, tell me if you connect with this.
I have met, you know,
a number of your friends
from like your hometown.
Yeah, yeah.
Chicago Joe.
Chicago Steve.
Danny Gonzalez.
Chicago Danny Gonzalez.
Three best friends.
And I think my initial sense about you was that like,
despite the fact that you were kind of still,
when we met living in your parents' basement, right?
Yeah.
You had a good network of support, you know?
And so you can, you know, you had your parents,
you had your sibling,
at least one of them was home,
right?
One of them was home.
Yeah.
I didn't remember which one.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I had a sibling there.
Yeah.
Something like city in Texas.
It was Eddie Bubba,
I guess.
Chicago jail.
Yeah.
Chicago jail.
You know,
you had,
you had friends who you would regularly see and you were in a town where you had
built a network yeah yeah and then like there is something about sorry were they high school friends
yeah yeah so like a long network like a very yeah yeah i've known most of them like josh i've known
almost 10 years now um and the rest of them were all throughout high school also. Yeah. But, but yeah, I mean, it's, it's interesting because now I have this like split between
people that have been in my life before YouTube and like people that I've met through work.
Yeah.
Um, and I, it's weird because like when I moved, I didn't feel like I had very many
reasons to stay in, in Illinois because the only people that were there were my
parents and all my friends moved away to work and then my ex-girlfriend so i had no reason to
to be there anymore so it's like so it's like i know your wife the ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend because she's my wife. Yeah, yeah.
And so I moved and I felt like I wasn't leaving that much behind.
But then all of a sudden you're not in an apartment.
You're in a house and your parents aren't a drive away.
And there's no one else living with you except for your cat.
So now it's like all of a sudden every day is like, oh, I got to call this person to do this.
I got to do this person to do this.
I got to do this to do this.
The reason my downstairs bathroom is shut off in my house is because I have termites.
Oh, shit.
In my house.
I have subterranean termites in the foundation of my house.
Oh, my God.
It's like, so it's just like always,
it's like I didn't have to worry about subterranean termites before.
Right.
That's, they didn't have them in a little bit.
You had them, but you had a relationship with them.
Yeah.
I had a connection and now they don't even know who I am
they don't respect Chicagoites
what I want to
Chicagoites are the Chicago version of termites
the thing though I want to say
is that you are kind of
having that post
college self discovery
of like
I'm actually because college is still a little bit like
training wheels for adulthood because you have structure and you have like stuff to do and you
still get grades. You know what I mean? Where it's like, your metric is like, am I passing?
Am I still like going to get a degree at the end of this and stuff but then um you know you are having the experience
that a lot of people have when they like go out into the job market for the first time except for
it's this more amorphous job with like not a real um corporate ladder to climb and you don't have a
third party saying you're doing well yeah the third party is
the youtube studio is the constructive criticism in the youtube comments and yeah yuck l yeah and i
it's it's interesting because it feels like it feels like before i was a like when i lived in
illinois i was a different person who knew how to like be as efficient, like the most efficient version of myself.
And I was pumping out videos and I look back and I'm like, I just don't know how I did that because now it's like I can't even post once a week on two of my channels.
Well, yeah, but like your mental health is a factor in all of that and like and like i think that you may be experiencing like a momentary
like dip in the grand scheme of things while you kind of build up your identity in a new place
your support systems in a new place your routines in a new place and um as long as you're being
patient with yourself as hard as that is given like when it feels like the end of the world when you like post a video
and it doesn't go like yeah uh you're gonna get to a better place as long as you like continue to
sort of strive and stuff yeah and that's like the tough part of it you in therapy yeah yeah good um
and i like started with a new psych which has been great the. The big man? Yeah, yeah. I had a meeting with him yesterday.
We're the same psychiatrist.
We're the same psychiatrist.
That seems like a conflict of interest.
We do it in the same session.
Yeah, no, he tells me stuff about him.
Right, he breaks the rules.
He's not doing so hot.
Yeah, we watch my videos and make fun of them.
Yeah, we have screen share on this one.
We only got 40 minutes left in the meeting.
Let's just pop one in. One thing i'll say about our psychiatrist i'm curious if you also had
this experience he is the most he's like the kindest most very efficient communicator as
he should be and over text he's so curt that i it's like the experience of having a friend you're
like do they hate me yeah i literally went through the same thing where i'll be like
thank you so much like i haven't had like anyone that has tried to like really solve my problems up until now
blah blah blah send a big text and he's just like you're welcome period yeah it's basically like
it's like i sent him a text yesterday it's literally um hi sorry for the late text i
accidentally took my limo to gene twice today just just happened so i'm not sure if i should
feel different or not should i be concerned or something you will be fine
the end yeah i don't think i've gotten like a longer than a single sentence
he's very efficient yeah big dog great guy though i feel i feel like since that which
i think the first time i went with him was like a month ago, I feel like I am getting closer to that.
Like, I feel like there's this disconnect between like by myself and what I'm actually like, how I see everything in my head.
And I'm constantly like at odds with.
So now basically like I think for the the first time which is something i never really
talk about because it's just such a like broad it's kind of like adhd in the sense that it's
like this broad like umbrella but i just now started getting treated for ocd for the first
time in my life which is something that i had been diagnosed for in the past but i've never
been properly medicated for right and so i feel like so often at least the anecdote the big dog has told me is
that like a lot of medical professionals are hesitant to treat ocd yeah because it's often
misdiagnosed and so yeah especially doctors will just be like it's just work on the other stuff
yeah and then i and then i you know for a couple of years i i tried working on the other stuff and
then it's like well this isn't it doesn't work so which is the only thing you need to know yeah there's such over complication
it's just like well i i feel really bad yeah and it's like oh well am i supposed to feel bad
i think that is what it is yeah right i think me not feeling well is the entire diagnosis i sort
of feel like yeah well i went through the same thing yesterday where i've been taking this this
this medication that you're supposed to like ramp up to this ocd medication called chlamyproline
and what a fun thing to say yeah you just call it like ocdzo or something yeah yeah trying to
impress obsessive compulsive uh pill zoo pills oh make it stop so basically
he was like we're basically i was like i don't feel anything of course and he's like okay let's
ramp up to this number and it was the same situation where like it hit the cap and so
he's like giving me one of one and one of the other and i was i asked him was just like so
once i like increase this like
what should i be like watching out for like what should i be like looking for like to know it's
working and he was just like uh you should be like less anxious and like happier and i was like oh
cool yeah yeah you should have less ocd symptoms i was like yo that makes sense though oh yeah
medicine for sure for sure yeah sure yeah i broke my arm and you put it in a sling
should it be broken forever no over time you should be able to use your arm like it healed
it right yeah okay but that's like no yeah like the past year i feel like i've just been
through this like gauntlet of like being thrown different like medications i mean especially
since i've moved in it's just been this crazy like okay i'm i'm experiencing this symptom is it me with having
withdrawals from the ssri i was taking or is it a side effect of the new ocd meds i'm taking or is
it the adderall that i take that at a wrong time and this is that or is it just how much of it is
conditional yeah the part of it is like okay is that just how is that it is conditional? Yeah. And then part of it is like, okay, is that just how, is that just me?
Yeah.
But do I need to get rid of this thing or that?
And it's just like this long thing of for the past year, I've just been like, oh yeah,
like I think I'm right on the edge of like getting back to where I'm supposed to be.
And, and then every time it's like this big.
It helps having an authority that isn't explicitly responsible.
It's like almost like having a mental health assistant
yeah which you pay a lot of money yeah they just uh like i'll go back in and i won't remember the
name of one we were going to try out but yeah big dog remembers it and is informative about it big
dog big dog and i'll text yeah that automatic reply from yeah i'm just imagining like you on
zoom with like a german shepherd who like knows a lot about it comforts me or whatever sits on my lap he's very comforting
it's an emotional support psychiatrist yeah but it's nice to like know that i i can feel myself
getting closer to that goal but at the same time i'm like so that when i said however long ago
do you feel better i'm having more before the new medication,
it was a much bigger blanket of like,
like I feel like I visualized the way that my issues happened in,
in my head as like an outward thing.
And it feels like I more had this like blanket of just bad over everything.
And now it's sort of that, like that, like, okay, I'm having good days now,
but there will just be random days thrown in there
where it's just like, nope,
can't do like anything the whole day.
Like every time I try to turn to do a task,
my brain is just like, nope, you don't want to do that.
You want to go to this place.
And I put on my shoes to go out for a run.
I step one foot outside.
Nope, you don't want to do that.
That's very relatable.
You're looking through the fridge,
looking for food for an hour. And it just like, yeah, it's that feeling.
But with like every decision you make in your life, that's like option paralysis. Yeah. And
that's like my, my, like the, the thing is it's like, okay, I have like, I'm having more good
days now, but there are just like random, it's very much like back and forth, which is hard.
Cause if you're trying to do a job where it's like okay now i'm trying to post once a week on all my channels
but randomly i could expect any single day for me to just like be completely like turned off which
is that yeah that's something that i've dealt with a lot the past year too with you know it's
like i've been dealing with fatigue and like yeah wanting to be lying down all the time yeah uh and i started taking um i realized i had some like vitamin deficiencies
yeah vitamin b12 deficiency and then i got tested again after like three months because that's how
long it takes for like this stuff to like oh really you're like bloodstream yeah um and then
i just was thinking did i forget to take I didn't take my medication
this morning whoops
oopsie insane
yeah and
and then I got tested
again and they were like B12 looks good
and but oh we didn't
test for this before but vitamin D
you have a vitamin D deficiency
and I was like oh why didn't you test for that before
and then like now yeah and then now could have been doing that for three months. Yeah. And then now I've been doing
that for three months and then I'm going to go back in and like get another blood test done.
And it's like, I think things are improving, but what's frustrating is the feeling like you're
doing everything right. It's like, I'm exercising, I'm eating well, I'm like taking the medications
I'm supposed to take. And yet sometimes I'm still like, you know, losing days and needing to like, just like lie down or like, I will start working and then I'll like not be feeling it. And I'll be like, hey, I need to like take a moment to rest. And then I like um it's all a part of the journey i think
i've never felt like i really cracked it with my medication like i've tried like every adhd
treatment um you know under the sun and i still don't think I've like really found the perfect thing for me.
And then I, a similar experience with like anxiety, depression medications where I'm just like, you know, done the whole gauntlet to the point where we're like, okay, well, let's think outside the box and try other things.
And it's, it can be very discouraging, disheartening, you know, to be like, okay, when is it going to click?
You know? But at the same time, you know to be like okay when is it gonna click you know yeah um
but at the same time i try to be kind to myself i try to remind myself that like i'm
doing the thing and uh and this is all a journey and it's just a matter of like trying to be patient while you know figure it out yeah the game the game is listening by the way i'm gonna say gay
the gay is listening uh to the listeners especially if that you even have like a
soft inclination that mental health could be something you need to explore more
or if you have this especially of this weird uh subconscious skepticism not necessarily
around medication in general but medication in your, whether it's something to explore or not.
Granted, especially with the US health system, it is not an easy journey.
It's very hard to build the momentum.
If your thought is ever, well, no, I don't, treatment won't work with that.
That's just me.
There is no difference between a condition
and it being you what it is is a vitamin d deficiency yeah what's actually happening is
you don't have the thing you need to be normalized if you ever have the especially if you ever have
the experience of wanting to do something and being unable that is the definition of being depressed
or limited in some way because otherwise that you you should only need the desire to do something
to do it that should be the only step if you find yourself in the loop of like literally actively
wanting something and being unable to do it that doesn't make sense yeah that and all we're saying
is you know we're not experts or anything like that,
but talking to someone, talking to a mental health professional,
if you do have access.
And we all, I mean, most, we have, I would say all of us,
a long and very extensive experience of experimenting, getting it right,
getting it wrong via professionals, not, not on our own basis, but like,
I don't know. It's, to me or like you were saying,
it's hard to relate to the person you were in Chicago right now.
It is hard for me to relate to me at 24, not being diagnosed yet,
getting diagnosed late into my, like the middle of my twenties.
And now thinking of myself all those years prior uh putting speed bumps in my way or just
accepting the speed bumps yeah because the momentum needed to change that just felt wrong
wanting to prove to myself that i could manually defeat my B12 deficiency. Yeah.
Or I'm just missing a hand,
but I won't get the special cybernetic hand.
I'll just, I should just learn to use the other one.
Yeah, my vision's blurry,
but I can't get glasses because that's unnatural.
That's just, I'm not trying hard enough
to just read in a different way.
It's just unnecessary pain for proving nothing to no one.
So with that nick i want to thank you
for being open and honest vulnerable with us today on this podcast that is called sad boys
uncut there were boys there were cuts there were cuts don't worry they were chains yeah literally
um if you want to continue listening to us talking to Nick,
we are going to be doing a special bonus episode of the show
as we do every week on patreon.com slash sad boys.
I was on a plane yesterday and the pilot said,
we can't land.
We have to go somewhere else.
And I haven't decided yet yeah and i was like asleep partially like on the plane and i woke up and everybody was like freaking out on the plane
and we'll be talking about that story on the bonus episode of sad boys patreon.com sad boys
check it out but nick thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything you want to plug?
Anything you want to share with the world?
I don't really care.
Who are you voting for in 2024?
I don't know.
Chad GPT.
I figured that they're going to be running.
Yeah, Chad GPT-4.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's Chad GPT-4 is out.
No one cares.
I'm going on a tour. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Queef jerky. Yeah, I'm going on a tour
Oh
Queef jerky
Yeah I'm playing
Well technically I'm playing drums for Dev
Who is opening for the
Half Alive tour across the state
So if you want to see me I'm the least important
We're the first opening band and I'm the only other person
In the band so I'm like the least important person
On the whole tour
Very low, low risk.
Low, what's the word?
I have a responsibility.
Oh yeah, minimal responsibility.
A lot of risk though.
How many cities you doing?
There's 24 different shows.
In like the span of a little over a month and neither of us.
I used to play a lot of live shows.
Dev's played like one before.
And I,
and I don't know,
she had never seen me play drums before the first rehearsal,
but she was just like,
I'm sure you're good.
And I was like,
okay.
Well,
you got to learn.
Were you good?
Let us know on the bonus episode,
patreon.com.
So sad boys.
You'll also hear about my crazy plane story,
but we end every episode of sad boys with a particular phrase
we love we love you and we're sorry boom he knows it he didn't even need to be told a fan
all right we'll see you on the patreon bye bye i think it's katie had a friend that uh
mixed up the phrases cracking up and jacking off.
I'm jacking off right now. I'm jacking off to them.
Dude, I'm jacking off reading your text.
I've seen Ricky Gervais' new album.
I was jacking off watching that.
I was jacking off.
I was in the theater just jacking off.
I was just jacking off in class. Gucci girl, Gucci girl, how you doing, how you moving girl, moving girl, how you delicate, that future girl, future girl, yeah we on now, take my money, go away, all you wanted, go too rich for me.