Sad Boyz - Drew Gooden Teaches Us To Kiss

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

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Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also. We were supposed to be joined today by our guest, Drew Gooden. Talent, YouTuber, poet laureate. Cool guy, blonde. But I don't know where he went. We can't find him. So I guess we're just going to have to go on without him. It's going to be our own little thing.

He did not give us any warning whatsoever. We, as always, are looking in... We woke up and started looking in this direction. And if anybody has seen Drew or knows where he is, please leave a comment down below and hopefully we can get to the bottom of this as soon as possible. I haven't

seen Drew. I could help you look for him, though. What the heck? I don't see anything within this field of view that's speaking to me right now you guys got to turn your head just a little bit to the right i have like a crook in my neck very real crook in my neck and this is not a you could turn your whole body then or you could turn it on oh no oh shit so pained i Where is Drew? Dude, that hurts. He said you know where he is. I do. Well, I don't know where he is.

I have some clues, though. Okay. I saw some footprints. They were Drew-shaped. Oh, Drew-shaped footprints. Yeah, so he's walking around here somewhere. Okay. I would describe your footprint.

I noticed when I sat down, a butt print shaped just like Drew's. They all have your face in them if you zoom in with a magnifying glass glass that's like a heated mug yeah once the chair gets warm i have to come clean i'm drew i'm just kidding i don't know where he is true welcome welcome to the show welcome back to the show after a brief break a brief break yeah i haven't neither of us have done anything in the three years since kind of just been sitting around just sitting around yeah getting laid kissing girls and stuff oh yeah or dancing like nobody's watching kissing girls like nobody's watching kissing girls like there's no girl just on wrist we guys ever practice kissing before you got your first kiss

because i would do like the two finger i didn't know about that yeah i think well maybe you shouldn't have known about that maybe i should have kept that to myself but bony lips i think i did practice so dry um because i think yeah because you're like exploring your own body your own body you're like how does it work your own lips yeah you're like you're seeing romance you're like when is that gonna enter my life

and when it does I'll be prepared yeah that's that was the feeling for me I didn't I don't know about you guys I got my first kiss

when I was 15 but I wanted my first kiss from like maybe 9 on so that was many years of like seeing you know Agent seeing, you know,

Agent Cody Banks, you know, all those, there were so many movies. The Rizzler, Agent Cody Banks. The thing that stuck with you. The old Riz King before Baby Gronk. He's getting a special gum that gives you powers and the grappling hook and you're like, and a kiss you say?

And a kiss, yeah. No, that movie specifically, he like backflipped by a pool and kicked someone and i thought that's the coolest thing ever and then he kissed uh hillary duff at the end and i was like so lonely and i and i wanted that so i guess i would kiss my hand no but that's real jump over a pool yeah yeah kiss my hand in the pool i don't think i nine is young because that is uh that feels like it's romantic desire in a way you know what i mean like right movie romance yeah no i remember like i would

my first crush i was maybe even before nine i think i was in like first grade there was a girl i was like oh she's cute and i was so i but then i just great like seven maybe so yeah maybe so like eight full years of wanting to kiss yearning wanting to love honestly eight full years and i think it's natural that you eventually kiss your hand you yearn for so long you try it out you try something out i had my first your brain starts to break as your soul collapses we gotta get any kiss we can muster up. Eight years is a long time to not kiss your hand. I admire the restraint. Yeah.

When did you get your first kiss? I think, okay, so my first kiss was like really young. My mom kissed me on the cheek. No, but I don't think I've ever talked about this on the show before. There was this girl that lived in my neighborhood and she would always run around barefoot. We were like the same age, like seven years old.

You're like, I gotta give me some of them. I was like, whoa, for free. I recognize those prints anywhere. Those are Coco's prints. I don't remember her name,

but maybe it was Coco. But yeah, we would sometimes, and this is like, it was not romantic because like my brain didn't have the capacity for it. Okay. But it was like, we would go behind my house and we would like peck. Really? Like, so we like pecked when I was like really like young.

Because we were just running around outside. That is like what I associate. Like when I was a kid kid and i had a kiss that was what it was like but i didn't have my first want to kiss and you were kissing and i was like yeah and then it's like nobody's watching bro for the next eight years or so i was like i don't even need it because i've had it and i've got it in droves no but i didn't have my first romantic kiss for a long time i was like a pretty late bloomer i might have been 18 till i had like a real romantic kiss and that was your first relationship too i think yeah because my well my first relationship didn't make it to kiss because the person had like hyper strict

parents and so they were like a and they were a rule follower sure and so we were hanging out we were holding hands we're like nice like kind of like hugging and stuff like kind of getting it was almost like it was almost like we were edging the kiss but it like the kiss never came well that's what when i think of like um i guess it's typically like religious couples who are younger and they they have such strict rules to follow but but so they can do everything, but you know, have sex or in this case even kiss. So they're just like really like riling themselves up.

Yeah. That sounds like torture. Of course they get married. Of course they get married. You have to. As soon as humanly possible. Yeah. Like if you get married,

you can eat this meal you've been cooking for five years. Yeah. I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. Whatever. I just have to say some words. Real quick, I just wanted to say

we just released a Jarvis Johnson Gold Inspired Your Premium collection over on Jarvis.store. It's a merch drop. We've got a new merch partner.

We've been working on it for a very long time and I'm finally excited for you to see it. We've got sweatshirts, sweatpants. We got shirts, long-suit shirts,

rugby shirts, lots of cool stuff to check out. I can't wait to see people posting photos in it so head on over to Jarvis thought store to check that out did you have a lot of because you know we're both from Florida and then out of Florida shout out Florida it's cool I fuck you I still live there yeah you know okay down down south Florida that's down British hand for uh i'm a fan of this yeah it's what we used to do in the coliseum yeah in the coliseum the roman coliseum of course no florida does suck except for central florida was cool every central florida school northern

florida southern florida i i agree because i'm from north central florida okay is that yeah is that like a associated regional yeah because florida's very different it's huge yeah well there's a saying the more north you go the more south you get like if you get north florida the panhandle you're basically in alabama yeah but orlando where we live is is pretty liberal pretty like accepting of a community you know there's some uh some like art scene like you got like there's a pretty good improv scene there yeah you know it's a big tourist and it's a big big city yeah there's disney world and the magic playlist live magic playlist live 2017 yeah oh people still come

there and they're just to see the i mean late center yeah they are late unfortunately but just to see the ghost of playlist pass i remember that's where jordan tripped over the small fence leading to the pool of the hotel because he was trying to they actually made a statue of his wrist yeah did you really yeah it fucked but i ate shit so hard in front of two very cool women and i struck out like one wrist was striking out the other was striking out as it also hit the ground wow and i embarrassingly got on a plane the next day more hungover than i've ever been to this day with air pressure making my wrists hurt more and what a big baby i was even for how much that hurt i was no i think i think that that sounds bad well i'm glad

then for your sake that they canceled playlists but that was me anyway i landed on the organizers yeah that must have been traumatic for you just to even see the logo i felt really bad um but yeah like so yeah for me it's like yeah north north florida's like south georgia basically because like uh our friends some of our most southern friends that were close to jamie and jessica they live in a small one like one traffic light town in south georgia called nahanta and it was like really it's not a real place i know and it's uh i should say they're in a pop we went there for like a wedding or something and uh we stayed like a 200 year old hotel with like a attendant named madge who would like sexually harass you but she was like so old that it was you let it happen

she'd be like well i could do with you and you'd be like um so where's my room she was like i'm gonna make an extra key for myself and you're like don't please don't do that but my room though yeah and i had like an iron and i have just one And it had an iron. Can I have just one key? It had an iron that you needed to put on a stove to heat up. Oh, cool. Like, cause that's, I guess how that used to work. But we would both, we bonded me and Jamie and Jessica, they're twins because we both traveled

through the Jacksonville airport because it was equidistant from where I where i was in gainesville and where they were in nahanta so um something about florida oh yeah and then there's miami which is a totally different place totally different land different world well that see i always forget that miami is in florida like my brain doesn't even compute that it's definitely like its own thing it feels like new york new york it's miami comma miami state miami miami miami city miami state oh it's like that um that frank sinatra song where's my miami miami which one's new york is it the one with the apple can i catch a flight there

um r.i.p maybe so what do you guys want to talk about uh yeah i actually did have something i want to talk well i i do want to start by saying if anyone saw the last episode because we were just talking about this before the show that was three years ago that was like beginning the pandemic that was the worst mental state i've ever been in. When I look back on that podcast, I haven't watched it back since, but all I know is I was sad. I was anxious. I was a shell of a person. I'd like to bring the opposite energy to the show today.

Oh, okay. I'm feeling pretty good. Oh, hell yeah, dude. That's exciting. He's crying. Jordan had a depression afro because he was afraid to go to the haircut. And now look at that. Look at it. His hair is as short as short as can be it hurts so bad I shouldn't have gone yeah no I had really long hair then too I think I was well maybe not in that when we filmed but it got pretty long like all the videos I look back on then like I because like the only way to get a haircut was

Amanda cutting my hair and yeah it was tough like to get a haircut back then yeah because there was it was so risky it was so scary nobody felt like the idea of getting a professional haircut in the 1600s yeah yeah you do it at home but if you're part of the sharp yeah you need you need to trust like somebody with a very sharp blade next to your head and they didn't have razors it was it was very dangerous to get a haircut then and leave your house. But I'm happy now, man. Dude, I'm really glad to hear that. People, you know, for as sad as we all were on that episode of Sad Boys,

I do think that the episode meant a lot to people because, you know, you spoke about panic attacks. A lot of people hadn't heard you speak on that type of thing before. We were just in general talking about mental health. And I was like, damn, we really got into it. But I think it was a cry for help a little bit for all of us. I think it's good to share that stuff when you're going through it. Because I did appreciate at the time, well, one, us talking about it was cathartic.

And then seeing other people, I think, relate to it was cathartic for us. But then also cathartic for them seeing other people i think relate to it was cathartic for us but then also cathartic for them to hear us talking about it so it was at the time a very necessary thing i agree uh for everyone involved especially with like it's in that moment of time it didn't even really matter what your what your surrounding lifestyle was the standard of happiness was so incredibly yeah in mid 2020 absolutely everyone was going through it so what's bringing you joy these days um i well i i think well part of the reason i was thinking about this too is like i i've posted a little bit less this year than i

have in the past and i've seen i think i saw one thing on like my subreddit where people were kind of wondering like why i haven't uploaded as much and then because I've talked about anxiety in the past they've kind of assumed filling in the blank yeah assume like oh he must you know he's talking about mental health maybe he's like kind of struggling and that is occasionally true but I think actually this year it's more the opposite where I feel like I'm actually in a good place now I feel like kind of removed from some of that anxiety I've kind of worked through it and i'm just like enjoying life living life i know and it's actually really nice to do that uh we just like amanda and i just went to europe for a couple weeks and that was really fun whereabouts uh we went to switzerland and uh utrecht in the netherlands which was that was

really cool um shout out to my homies in geneva shout out to my homies in uh where else in switzerland have i been i don't remember okay you went for the convention right oh i've been to zurich uh i went i've been to zurich twice once for a meeting at the youtube office fun fact they have a youtube google office in zurich is where youtube studio team is oh interesting so i had a meeting with them and i was like you guys know it's bad right it was it was at a time when um it was at a time when the news when you had a 10 out of 10 no dude in switzerland they speak three languages they speak german english and french it sucks well yeah that's yeah and

they still can't choose a side um you've got all the time in the world uh remember when you get would get it like a 10 out of 10 on youtube and it would be red oh no oh yeah uh it was like now it's like it's already bad enough that when things were down it was red it's on fire yeah yeah i mean they still when you're one out of 10 they do the fireworks so it's on fire yeah they're like what the hell man just says l yeah i mean they still when you're one out of ten they do the fireworks so it's sort of the opposite of that where it's like great job like yeah they give you that little dopamine that you're only gonna get 10 of the time right statistically speaking treat your dog don't yell at them when they're bad right yeah yeah it's it's they give you positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement

that um but anyway you told them don't do that anymore. I said no. And they were like, okay, cool. Well, thank you for doing that. Yeah. My pleasure. But yeah, it does bum me out that the team that does like the analytics and the team that does the like front end for studio are in two separate countries and two different time zones. And it really does, you know, click when you're like, oh, the communication for these teams is not as tight as it should be yeah and that probably results in some issues uh but that's not to take away from your uh vacation you were in yeah it was great yeah switzerland was beautiful uh utrecht was where we went first that was utrecht is like uh a little bit uh it's near amsterdam and we didn't stay in Amsterdam.

Typically when people go there, they stay in Amsterdam. But Amanda has a friend who lives in Utrecht. Oh, cool. So she wanted to stay there. And everyone there was very confused because it's not very touristy. They were sort of like, oh, why are you here? And we were just like, just experiencing the local, the culture of the local. You're like, you're an art supply store here in America. Yeah. But it was, it was so fun to just be somewhere that wasn't like super touristy and just kind of like live

there for a few days i love that yeah it was so immersion as yeah yeah as opposed to like because then we you know eventually when we went to like london and saw like big ben and you go there and it's like you take a picture he's not doing doing so well. I think he's- He's so small now. Yeah, he's probably going to transfer to hospice soon. Really struggling. Plus another big homie. Yeah. Yeah, my big homie. I assume to be medium Ben.

Like a Russian doll. They take him off. Put him, cart him away. But eventually will be teeny tiny Ben. Teeny tiny Ben, yeah. There's no more layers to reveal what time is it um yeah uh but you go there and like everyone's just taking photos and it's like this is cool but you kind of just feel like i mean i live near disney and you go to disney and it's

the same kind of thing like we live where you vacation but i want to live where people live not necessarily where people vacation our vacation where people live rather than vacationing where. Right. So there's a reason they live there. Yeah. They might like it. Yeah. No, it was really cool too.

And then like comparing it to America and like everything. And now being in LA for a couple of days too, it's like, you can't really just like walk around. You have to drive everywhere. But being there, we saw like hardly any cars and just bikes everywhere. And you just walk back and forth. And there's so, it was so cool. It's annoying how well shit is put together. know you're like this is possible yeah just like

have a walkable area and just like it just feels so good to i actually going back to the mental health thing too and on the topic of walking that's one of the things that i think has helped for me a lot it's such a cliche but i started going on walks every day and it's like the greatest thing i've done is just going outside because it's so easy for, but I started going on walks every day. And it's like the greatest thing I've done is just going outside because it's so easy for me as a YouTuber who works from home to just sit inside all day in the AC, but just like going on a 20 minute walk, especially when the weather was nice. And it's just like, not listening to a podcast, not listening to music or being on your phone, just walking around. It's like, oh, this is like yeah great and then to have that to be in a society where that's like factored into your daily life it makes sense why

they're generally so often just i feel like i it's i almost feel disincentivized by how that's been almost like robbed of its like uh recreational emotional value and instead been retrofit into wellness and rogan mindset yeah it's like yeah i get up and i get in the ice bath yeah i swallow five ball testicles can i just let's just instead of vilifying people for being a little inefficient in the morning and maybe being depressed let's just like let's not jump to invest in a thousand dollar tub or put yourself in an isolating cabin and you can get a sauna installed in your own home just yeah like take a walk that's actually good open the door yeah open the door walk outside

stretch is huge like medically huge i just saw some clips and i was like yeah by the way you're like you watching this are fucked up if you're like scrolling through anything your body is fucked up just stretch every morning and it is just this morning i woke up and i couldn't move my head because i had like a nasty like crook in my neck and i'm still working through it but i like um i can kind of turn towards drew but it hurts more than it usually does to look at drew so yeah well thank you for sacrificing your own comfort to- Hey, look, not all heroes wear capes. Yeah. Are you following, well, the season just ended, but are you still following basketball? Oh yeah, very close.

I've been deep in it. Well, actually I got way deeper in basketball during the playoffs than I like ever have. And now- The playoffs are so fun. It was so fun. So many cool storylines. And then now I'm officially in the youtube algorithm of every trade rumor and stuff like that so i'm just getting i'm i've got like my

new favorite basketball youtube i think i've always had favorite basketball youtubers but now i'm i'm in the thick of it it's fun to have a new hyper fixation yeah yeah i've only uh gotten into basketball in the past like five or six years but like i'm like really into it now yeah the playoffs are so fun like even if you're not you don't have a rooting interest like there's a period where there's like two games every day and that it's oh it was all i would do every night we would record and then i would be like i can't wait till 5 30 here but i would be like i can't wait till 5 30 and then i I can't wait till 5.30 and then I can watch the games. I know.

And I would stay up super late on the East Coast because like the West Coast games start later and they go till like 1 a.m. Did you have any teams that you were enjoying watching during the playoffs? My, well, I liked the Nuggets. I'm a Magic fan, me from Orlando. They weren't in the playoffs, but next year championship, baby.

Yeah, baby. You're going to make sure that happens? I'm going to make sure that happens i'm gonna make sure that happens yeah you didn't really contribute at all this time i didn't do enough i didn't i i'll say that there's a lack of success success this year was largely on my shoulders yeah i was too busy walking you've been out of the league for a few years i will say yeah i googled drew gooden yeah he's retired basketball you know i'm the other guy though that i'm not the i guess

you brought a basketball i i that makes sense why you bring it up because you assume that i'm the guy who used to play i'm just a fan of yeah i make youtube which one are you that was a question yeah wait a second yeah we would have contact we right because you wouldn't make that mistake maybe i am yeah like he's because he's like a weird little loser but then i used to play basketball yeah that guy like pretends to eat like tom brady like he's a pretend pro athlete i know yeah he wishes he wishes yeah yeah but i used to play basketball you're right that checks out what was your like uh because i really want to i've like

any the small beats of times where i've been like involved in some kind of tournament storyline like i've known about it in any athletic i've really enjoyed it yeah but i found that the entry point really difficult i know that um the last dance was good for a lot of people oh yeah i enjoyed that as well but that era of basketball i am somewhat familiar with right right right so to get super contemporary is it just a case of just exposure therapy you just have to watch it enough for it to sink well i think um i think with sports and part of the reason i like basketball and football so much is like it's fun to watch but it also there's so many like storylines involved and and that's what really draws me to it.

It's this live theater that I think a lot of people who don't watch sports, maybe don't, like even Amanda, who's never really been into sports, she's gotten a little bit into basketball watching it through me, because like you start to be like, like on the magic, there's this Markel Fultz. I love his story.

He used to be the number one pick by the Sixers. And then he hurt his shoulder. He had this weird, you know, this accident. And he went from being like the super hyped prospect to like a bust. Like he sucks. He can't shoot anymore. He can't do this. And then, you know, he was kind of a loser for a while. And then he's revitalizing his career. He kind of like, and it's just, you learn about these guys and you root for them. And it's just like. The storylines are so interesting. Like, for example, there's this guy on the Heat.

So first of all, the Heat themselves this year had an incredible story because they performed really poorly in the regular season. Barely made the playoffs. Barely made the playoffs through the play-in tournament or whatever. And then they, it's kind of like a ragtag group of a couple of stars or at least like star level players just one star jimmy butler a pretty good player in bam out of bio and a bunch of undrafted undrafted undrafted guys and then but also like a coach who is like a protege of pat riley this like uh you know mount rushmore mount rushmore figure of basketball

and um and a guy who like joined us like a video guy in the miami heat like uh org when he was like in his 20s and now is like his way up to being the best coach versus being a coach with like this crazy basketball iq and like really everybody's like giving him his flowers which was really cool to see because he won all these championships with the heat when uh lebron james and dwayne wade and chris bosh and stuff were on there but now you're like people are like okay yeah he is one of the best if not the best coach in the league just on x's and o's like um standpoint yeah but uh but there's some of the like undrafted players there's this guy caleb martin who was uh let go from the charlotte hornets uh works out at a gym that like j cole

either the rapper j cole either owns or frequents j cole had a connection on the miami he just said hey check this guy out yeah and then that guy ended up having some really important minutes he ended up being the reason they beat the celtics to go to the finals yeah yeah no i i love the stories like that one of my favorite players uh on the well nicole yokich i'm sure even people who aren't like following basketball he's just so funny because he's just there's videos of him just being like like after they won the championship he's just like job's done i can go home now he's so excited and then they're like do you know the parades on thursday he's like i can't no i have to go home on thursday what because he just like he lives in serbia he just wants to go home to his horses and just be

on his farm it's just so funny because you were showing me those clips i was showing him those clips because i couldn't because i want to like i my social battery was like at zero the night before Chrissy's party. But then there was a birthday birthday. Yeah. It was another birthday party that Jordan was hosting at his place. And we also wanted to go over there to get some of the drink dispensers for the party. And so Chrissy, I was talking to Chrissy and she was like, we're going to show face. We're going to go. And I was like, okay, I'm going to drive myself over there. Get these things, do a little socializing. But as soon as I was leaving the party, I wanted to send somebody the jobs done.

I can go home now. Like, but I was like, nobody other than Anastasia. There's nobody I know who's like super into basketball. I do find myself on instinct and I had to fight it like immediately. But when I saw that, my first thing was to do what I think a lot of people i do find myself on instinct and i had to fight it like immediately but when i saw that my first thing was to do what i think a lot of people would do not a vocal minority but like some people would have the instinct to do when they see us talk about emotional stuff and feeling depressed and having those low moments and say like well you're not allowed to do that you're living the yeah you make 35 million dollars a

year right play baskets a dollar of you nowadays you could be nowadays it's a little bit like poor lebron james because he's making three million less dollars for two years than xvc is for his kick contract not exclusively yes what a collab that would be yeah what a freaky friday that would be if they switch bodies yeah we can say the n bodies yeah that's it's like the little dicky song yeah that's like that was kind of weird right that was so bizarre yeah but everyone loved it and also it was with chris brown i know it's just chris brown i wouldn't have worked with that can he just stop he can't seem really cannot stop he like beat up usher like yesterday like he really can't stop being aggressive fuck yeah like not yesterday yesterday but we gotta get rid of him we gotta someone's gotta do something about that guy he

has like a trump style present drew are you playing any games lately um yes cool loser got him no i don't play games take him away journalism take him away yeah i've been playing tears of the kingdom i've been playing that a lot i've been playing uh uh clone hero a lot oh yo really into guitar hero oh wait did we talk about it on the bonus we talked about on the bonus yesterday i didn't listen to that because i don't give you guys money well also no we literally recorded it i'm relaxed i'm chilled out so unless you have like this is about the basketball thing unless you have like unless you had like a wire you wouldn't have heard us talk about it because it was literally last night no but i've gotten really into guitar hero lately and then okay okay so listen i have a plan for i gave you like the tour of the house there's like a activity room that's like currently unused i want to turn it into it'll have other functions but my secret function is the guitar hero room i want to get all

the instruments i'm trying to figure out which consoles i need to buy to get the biggest library of the game well so the best thing to do is or what i did from watching my youtube videos i bought a wii guitar i bought an adapter for it to do it on pc and then you can get clone hero which is great and you can download basically an infinite number of songs you can just download is good the whole like guitar hero and rock band library is just one zip file basically but then also what i really like about it is like my niche music interests like uh these like screamo hardcore bands yeah a lot of the people the the vin diagram of people who play clone hero and who like the music i like the circle is pretty

big so i'll search on this website and like find these very niche songs and then get to play them on guitar hero i mean look it's so you're preaching to the choir here back in the day i used to go to guitar hero tournaments i used to tournament yeah i used to i used to like you were like through the fire and flames yeah uh you're probably better than i am well look the muscle memory is probably like not so good anymore because my fucking forearm would be on a fire from uh from playing but i do have to it's a game you have to take breaks often because also like just staring at it it's like then you look away from the screen and you're like i was truly a beat saver addict through covid getting past the motion sickness was the first six months because i would play it a couple hours every day yeah to the point

where i bought a sweatband because it would give you acne oh my god yeah i i had to get yeah take breaks plastic rim that you can put around the top. You've got to be lonely. That's a big, no lovers in your life. What's that? No, no kisses. Double punch.

There's going to be, and I know, I can even guess who will do it. Like of the sad boys community, they're going to love that. We held combined fists and double punch okay but yeah so when i was in high school i would go on um there's this there's this website called score hero it used to be like a high scores website for a guitar or people would like post

their like fcs and their full combos you know right. And the thing I got really into, speaking of downloading all the songs on a zip file or like the people program, you know, songs you like, there was a community for that back then. And there were, it wasn't called Clone Hero, but there was a Clone Hero type Guitar Hero style game that you could play on PC, but it just wasn't very good at the time.

But you could play on pc but it just wasn't very good at the time but you could burn custom tracks to a custom guitar hero 2 like i would burn my own tracks to a custom guitar hero 2 disc and then i would use a swap magic on a ps2 to load in my like custom song okay so you actually charted the song i didn't chart it i would download the chart oh gotcha so you could still get the charts but then there was like a basically a tool that that like took the shell of a guitar hero 2 game and like replaced all the songs with the songs that you would load in and uh that was so much easier these days yeah i was like you had to do it like all manual yeah that's that's awesome because even um even that's like i've been doing it for a few months now i'm actually part of it is because i'm doing a video about Guitar Hero and Clone Hero in general.

But I just keep putting off finishing the videos. So it just keeps, you know. I'm going to make it first. Do what? I'm going to make it when I get home. You're going to make it? I'm just going to make your video. Fuck.

Dude. And then everyone who watches this is going to make my video too. Damn, dude. Yeah. Well, I'll spoil it. The thought of it is like, because I play guitar too. And when i was young i used to play guitar hero and then eventually i played the guitar and then this idea of like can playing get can get can getting really good at guitar hero actually make me better at playing the real guitar and then i have some stuff kind

of playing there too but then i just keep playing clone hero and i just get really into it but i also am at a point now where i learned how to like chart songs too oh shit like because it's pretty like there's all these like super user-friendly softwares yeah yeah and i've done a couple songs that like i couldn't find someone else to do and then that's right that's a sound thing too because you got to like get the exact right bpm otherwise it's a little bit off right like fuck with that but it's true it's straight up just orchestration like it's so precise and then you got it you know you have to general idea of pitch like well would this okay shit i'm running out of notes to go higher so i guess i'll start here and go there you have

to like move back around it's such a time suck where i'll sit there for like three hours and be like oh shit you're like gonna become a music producer i feel like this is like what 13 year olds do and then they become jack right but i'm i'm 29 and i i'm not learning anything helpful and it's just it's just so i can pretend to play the guitar right i'd be way better off just learning the actual guitar for these songs that's what people always said when i was playing guitar hero as a kid just learning the real guitar yeah fuck off i'm having fun it's fun it is a completely i think guitar hero is a better comparison to like piano okay yeah i learned piano after guitar and i'm not good at either yeah i just like both right and piano is by far the more like uh methodical learning the exact

pieces in the exact order not that i mean obviously it's not there's like tons of interpolation jazz that's a thing but in the case of guitar the immediate gratification takes so fucking long yeah it's 50 hours before it's at all fun yeah in a way that like if you had a kid that really enjoyed rhythm games even beat saver or yeah dance dance or something i would be like play like piano if you are gonna transition which you don't have to because you can just fuck around on the piano and kind of figure it out guitar like i couldn't even i tried to play guitar when i was like 12 and i couldn't even press hard enough yeah yeah buzz so i was like this doesn't work for me my body physically cannot do this you i will say jordan you say you're bad at piano but like i saw the arc of you like hyper focusing on like music theory and piano and in in my mind you got

very good at piano very fast so shout outs shout out yeah i'm sure you're just being fake humble i'm phenomenal yeah i figured you guys something kind of your piano hero you know oh shit i always did think that that a tool like i think there's a app for this now but i did think that a tool like i think there's an app for this now but i did think that a tool like guitar hero could teach me how to play piano better like if there was a guitar hero for piano that was like a real like have the alt the whole keyboard yeah or at least just the the whatever a few octaves yeah just one or just one octave because they all they all you know yeah exactly it's just the same notes but yeah there was there was dj hero at one point there was dj which was kind of a flop there was such a strange miscalculation to me dj that was yeah well that was like you know peak edm and dubstep i think 2012 or 11 or i don't actually don't remember exactly when it was but

then it's like you're just moving the knobs back and forth. And you know, that just, that feels exactly like almost one step too far away from the fidelity of playing it. Like if, if you play dance dance revolution on a controller, it's like still valid. It's just, it's just a little too far away from what the thing you're emulating is.

Yeah. If guitar hero was just like, again, a keyboard, it's not as like, you know, you're not holding the axe the same yeah okay does anybody remember the ds guitar hero uh no i never played it but in

researching it i i had it i played it so you it had an attachment that you would put inside of the ds and it would give you like a the ability to like. I think it was only four buttons instead of the normal five. And it was like kind of where the, if memory serves, it's where the Game Boy Advance slot on the DS was like a DS Lite. I think it may be plugged into that. And that's how it like locked in. And then you would kind of hold your DS sideways.

Oh, and by, you mean like- And then like strum with the stylus? Yeah. That sounds way harder than- It was like a carpal tunnel device? Yeah. That sounds way harder than that. It was like a carpal tunnel device. Absolutely. Only children can play it.

Yeah. If your hands are large, yeah, your bones will grind to dust. Well, there's the, it is, I know it's because like we were smaller people, but it is beyond me. I remember playing so many DS games with the claw, where my little, my my little my pinky would be on the top of the controller yeah my stylist would be he's like a goldeneye rogue agent i believe it was called a very poorly uh ported fps and it would it's kind of like when you put goggles on it was truly a like yes doing around gymnastics with your fingers which now is like i'm emt needed

as soon as i do that crack sound yeah you need to be doing that in the lobby of the hospital just in case so you're right there yeah officer doctor officer doctor officer professor your honor um not understanding what hospital is at all i don't know who's what any of these jobs are i'm sorry i performed a citizen's arrest is that real by the way citizens arrest could you do that i wish it seems like you can't one of my um everyone's you ever drive and you there's like the just the worst most reckless driver and you're just like i wish just for five minutes i could pull them over and be a cop but i'm not allowed right i'm not i just wish i could they would probably shoot me talking to because i live in florida you can't put a police light over my roof can i put just like a little red and blue light that i have a

fun can i at least use a loudspeaker and say slow down sir i'm the police i wish i wish i had i wish i was the police i can't pull you over but i sure would like to i wish sir i'm going to kill you well then they might actually oh oh i wish um you know when i don't know what driving is like in orlando but in la people are kind of wacky and wild on the road. I've noticed. And a lot of people are very impatient in times where, for example, you're at a stoplight and you can't go forward because there's cars in front of you and also the light is red. Someone behind you might not see that the light is red and they might say, why aren't you going

not thinking to themselves so they honk they're not allowed to so they honk i wish i could back honk i have had that same time yeah i would and i also wish i could back honk where it said a little phrase yeah oh like like one where it goes i'm sorry or there needs to be different types of honks for sure there needs to be different types of honks for sure. There needs to be a gentle honk for when you're just like, when the light turns green and you wait, you know, you give like two seconds and it's just like, Hey buddy,

you're not paying. Now like they all honks should not be the same. Yeah. Sometimes you need to honk backwards. Right. If you honk people, the person in front of you is going to see them. Cause they're just like,

now we're both honking at you for the red light. Imagine how stressful life would be if you could only yell. Yeah. You just kind of, I'll just yell in front of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Walk. I guess that's sort of what it's like to be like a cat. You know, who can't express any, any nuance. It's just sort of like hungry, thirsty, play. It's just all, they all mean the same. I'm trapped in a human body. Why am I in a house? I'm a wild animal.

I cursed a witch and she cursed me back. I do feel like it causes unnecessary aggression because the feedback loop is so, like someone mishears something because I've definitely not been honked at but someone in my like hearing range was honked at and then i was like what the fuck am i doing right and i'm like all the time i'm like no wait no that's not for me you know it is an italian american transformation experience that's what it's almost designed to do is oh

i'm driving here they have so many good surprised frustrated sounds oh when you said transformation it made me think of like a magical girl transformation sequence like in sailor moon like but but like instead of like uh getting new clothes and becoming like a superhero i become like an italian guy named Vito the Lips. Vito. Vito the Lips. Hey, they call him Vito the Lips because he's not got any lips. Yeah. Hey, I'm walking.

Me and the boys outside of an Italian restaurant, we're just like doing our transformations. I consider myself to be a pretty calm person, but when I'm driving, that's when it all comes out that's when any sort of and i try not to take it on other people but it's more so i'm doing everything right i'm a perfect driver i've never done anything wrong and everyone else i have the receipt yeah in florida you get both i mean so far here i mean there's people who just sort of just like oh i'm gonna get in

your lane now but they're like directly it's like and i i've had to honk a few times yeah well the roads aren't very the lanes are very narrow here i've it depends on the highway you're on too because the highway getting here if you were on the 110 you're on la's first highway okay yeah so it's like i feel like they didn't but even not on the highways just driving through the street oh yeah like they're so like close like and i feel it's like you you uh you know wobble a little bit and suddenly you're impeding in the other lane and i'm sort of i'm so i'm like some wide-eyed especially some streets for whatever reason they'll be so narrow already and then you're allowed to park on both sides of the street so the driving area is not the length of two cars

it's barely the length of one and it's a two-way street so you have to do this weird dance where you see someone coming off then you like pull pull to the side as much as you can pull into someone's driveway so they can get fast yeah i had to do that uh driving up here actually um i do wonder what it's like for i mean you reference being in in italy and italy is the woman's in italy Italy your reference being in the old country Sicily my ancestors I ain't got no lips I lost my lips

why don't they have lips I don't get it but they don't I think when you reference being in Europe one of the things you reference

is it being walkable and cars being less emphasized I'm curious what the like in like the momentum inertia stop

the whiplash is for somebody that moves here or even just anywhere in the way i mean when we move when i moved to san francisco i never drove and nobody drives in san francisco but the experience of having to to say get to oakland outside of taking taking the train which is good but it it's not walking it's not it's not on the bike or whatever there is a part of my brain was broken by the fact that i'm just in this quote walkable city in california it's just a bit less likely to hit you with a car but everything might still hit you yeah you still have to have your head on a swivel at all times yeah you never know and i don't think there would be it's like moving somewhere where you're just surrounded by mosquitoes all the

time you just have to like change your lifestyle yeah it's i'm sure it's such a shock because it's you're just so used to like okay it says i can cross i'm gonna cross but it's like just because you're just because legally you're supposed to cross doesn't mean that there's not a car barreling towards you anyway that was the biggest like cause I got my driver's license at 29 in LA and I was just driving lessons. And fortunately, I think that was like the safest thing for me to do because there was a professional LA driver who was teaching me the ropes of LA driving while also teaching me the laws, which are not the same thing. And so like all the time I would just be like,

Hey, that's not allowed. And he'd be like, correct. That's not allowed, but you're going to see it all the time. And I was like, okay.

You still have to be prepared for it. So like defensive driving is key, but I just can't, I still have a little, there's a little part of me and it's maybe the like teacher's pet inside of me or something where when i see somebody change lanes without signaling i'm like you didn't single signal yeah absolutely because i think you'll find i'm in the right it's a good thing i'm paying attention because uh history will be on my side yeah yeah

you're just like barreling into an orphanage there's like just knocks you off the road like i think you'll discover that i will actually i have a new respect or there's there's certain things now as a pedestrian i won't do because i realize how annoying it is for drivers like when when you're like like if you're under tree cover or like behind a trash can and then you just try to run across the street and a car like cannot possibly see you and then suddenly you're in the middle of the road. Horrifying. Because they don't want to hit you because it would ruin their life. You could kill you, but it would also scar someone for the rest of their life. Thank God hitting someone fucks your car up or they do it all the time.

It does feel that way. They just literally be like, ah, I'd be like hitting a bug. I'm like, oh, my wind scream. Just a mild obstacle in my day. Yeah. That would suck.

To just be, to take a little cheeky run because you wanted your coffee a little earlier to just be rolled. The number of times that happens because people just don't, I have multiple, they're all fine for some reason,

but I have multiple friends that have just been hit by cars on country lanes because I'm from the countryside because they were just like, they're all fine for some reason but multiple friends have just been hit by cars yeah country lanes because i'm from the countryside because they were just like i just wanted to go now yeah i want to be walking about that all the time or like um or people who are like riding their bikes and they're legally allowed to ride on the streets in the inner residential area that's the same but then they just get they get killed because they i used to ride through my incredibly hilly no visibility anywhere college town everything's a one-way pedestrians on both

sides i used to ride down my brakes didn't work so i would just use the heels of my mostly busted sneakers to slow down these are these are like x games in climbs yeah and i would just do that through the center of the high street wearing headphones and no helmet because my you know when you're like 20 you're just like i can't die yeah i can't die in the main character yeah that kill me off everything revolves around me walls we get out of the way in san francisco there's such a bike culture but it's also so dangerous for bikers because of like what you're describing people just don't people just either don't do the right thing or they're not looking for bikers or i don't know but it's it's incredibly scary to bike like i used to bike commute to work

for a while in san francisco yeah yeah um and it was like a pretty short commute in a straight shot but every time i was around cars i was scared yeah your main road right the whole way yeah i was on a main road the whole way yeah but then there's also the other side of it where like if i'm driving a car and i have to slow down because there's a bike in front of me i'm sort of like get the fuck out of here man i know like it's so it just sucks because it's like i wish it was more normal for there to be just bikeable areas but it's so poorly ingrained or integrated uh that it's just it's sort of just like it's dangerous for them and sort of a inconvenience for everyone else because like i can't i guess i'll drive 10 miles per hour because right you can't go any faster on this road anytime someone passed like i'll be walking on a sidewalk and then like a bike will be

on the sidewalk passing me my first thought is you're not supposed to do that and then my second thought is okay well then you're on the road yeah if i were them i would rather be on the side i'd rather be on the side rather be the uh predator than the predator yeah you're higher up in the food yeah that's true and my thing is like okay well unfortunately if i'm walking on the sidewalk now you have to get off the bike for a second you have to go around me on your feet yeah because you're on a bike and i'm a guy and i'm just gonna hit you with it yeah i know the the worst i guess this i don't the worst is i'm like who is this conversation for everyone um yeah a lot of people get hit by bikes no that's real uh the worst is that like when, yeah, when you're in a car,

I think it's just like being, acknowledging in a car you were in a thousands pound death device. And even though somebody is like, yeah, someone is like, the other day I was entering the on-ramp for the highway and someone was biking on the sidewalk and my brain was like, you're not supposed to do that. But then they also, instead of waiting for me to pass,

just sped up and biked across the entryway to the highway. I was like, are you a bike? Are you a pedestrian? What are you supposed to do? i was like i'm like are you a bike are you a pedestrian what are you supposed to you're like a transformer but i guess i get i've just got to deal with it and it's like a minor inconvenience to me so whatever you know yeah what i guess we won't kill anyone with our cars that's what i'm thinking and woke friggin by brandon's big sleepy joe jesus i wasn't making myself laugh the other day,

but you have to, right? And then Brandon's America. Just thinking of a guy that is just like... No one else is going to make me laugh. I got to do it myself. I was just thinking

about a guy like, I can't say anything anymore. You know, Joe Brandon's woke America and these pronouns, but they think like pronouns are like

like trees. They're just like completely wrong on what they are or like a meal like everybody's allowed to have a different meal these days you know what i mean i mean what's up with that they have no idea why they have to be pissed yeah that's not even that far from the truth though some people are just so mad and they don't even know what they're mad about yeah specific like they're like i'm gonna go and target and I'm going to destroy the place. And it's like, why? All of those clips are so funny because they are the most timid fucking coward. The whole reason they're subscribed to cultural anti-trans ideology is because they're boring and annoying.

So when they go in and knock over the stand, they kind of delicately do it with both hands. Because they don't want like the six, four security guard to shove them. Well, even before the more recent target stuff i saw one like a couple months ago that was like this is the boys section look at these shirts and it's like it's like a colorful shirt it's like a yellow shirt yeah exactly that's exactly it though and then like i actually went to target like a few days later and i was like let me look at the shirts because and then it's like yeah there's a small section that's like colorful shirts for boys and then also the normal like or you know the typical spider-man and kind of it's like yeah

okay if you god forbid your son wear a colorful shirt then buy him the spider-man shirt like yeah calm the fuck down it's always with by a guy that's like in a size too small wash faded punisher t-shirt from like 2001 very cool shirt though it's sick he always loves the punisher it'll be the weirdest stuff too like i recently learned about the hashtag pure blood um thing which sounds racist yeah it sounds like a harry potter i think it's more than sounding racist well but would you believe it's actually a covid thing oh that's right oh like i didn't get contaminated contaminated my blood with the vaccine oh yeah i know i've seen that for a while yeah yeah i can i did it with i started that i'm working that's why you've seen it for a while i'm working on a video where like

this it's like one of those podcasts where um they invite like a hundred people on on there's like a million microphones i've never seen one like a mr beast video no i like a hundred people on, on there's like a million microphones. I've never seen one of these. Like a Mr. Beast video? No, I invited a hundred people on my podcast. No, no, no.

Let me just show you. I invited a hundred people and have the worst take about whether white people were better than black people. Yeah. It's like, this podcast has a viral like clip of someone saying something terrible all the time where it's like, it looks like this.

Oh, that one. Okay. Yeah. So you didn't mean literally a hundred. I was picturing. I can't count. Yeah. They always have way too many fucking the time where it's like it looks like this oh that one okay yeah so you didn't mean literally 100 i was picturing yeah no they always have way too many people and it's just yeah they bring someone on so they can say something they think is dumb and the whole clip is just them being like this fucking idiot yeah or yeah it's a trap even that yeah a guy and they call him doctor and he's got phd in gucci slides And it's like, what the fuck? Did you know that teeth are actually made of gold?

One of the guys... Teeth aren't bones. No, teeth are bones. No, they're not. Let me touch him. Let me see it. What if your girlfriend is on Instagram? I would hate that.

Yeah, if my girlfriend was on Instagram. Take it on my teeth. That's always the thing. I can't talk because I got no teeth um there was a but yeah there was a guy on there who that podcast specifically the whatever podcast it's like they bring on like conservative influencers like a couple of them and then a bunch of only fans models were like literal college students yeah and who are not like versed in discussing these yeah they're like they're not articulate people they're not, they're not the most articulate people.

They're not dumb. They're not prepared for a debate. Yeah, they're not. Just average people. Right, which is the classic model of like, you know, oh, debate me. And they, you know, or like holding a microphone to someone on the street

and having all your talking points prepared. But then they're just sort of like, well, I think, and you're like, you're talking over them all the time. It's like 1v1 me in Smash Bros Melee right now and it's like i don't play that game oh yeah well i can kick your ass yeah well i can kick your ass today because i i have no value or stock i don't use that currency i guess yeah exactly yeah but then their audience comes to you they're like you won't fight them in the marketplace of ideas why won't you why won't you 1v1 final

destination fox only dude the only reason you wouldn't want to do that is because you're wrong yeah not any other reason you don't play spaces interesting and then you're just like walking away that's why steven crowder goes to colleges or did yeah yeah you know because it's a bunch of 19 year olds who are like on their way to class and aren't ready for a debate yeah i didn't know literally it's like you can debate a teenager on any topic and win. Yeah. It's like a boxer who's undefeated because he only fights toddlers. Congrats, man. A 1000% win streak.

I guess the earth is flat. Mike Tyson will beat my ass if I say it's not. That'd be a cool podcast. You invite a thousand. Oh no, I wasn't going to play a clip from that. I was just going to say one of the, one of the the dudes from it i like went to his page and it was like american flag eagle hashtag pure blood and then hashtag bitcoin

i was like why is that venn diagram a circle web three yeah i might as well just say i've lost so much money the past three years i saw this recently I saw this this morning and I don't know if it's real. Someone tweeted, I keep seeing videos of Brandon T. Jackson acting like he's doing standup comedy and using a laugh track and never showed the audience. And so now I'm watching this. I watched this clip thinking about that and it made me laugh so much i get mad at the doctor like hey yo baby you are you smashing the count like what like what happened what it was like what and then the irony of it he came out white but he was born on my birthday why did the clip stop where it did this is incomprehensible i don't see what he's saying it this i wonder if this is the whole time they never stop laughing there's

a part of you where i'm like is this parody because it is just like parts of joke setups yeah it literally sounds like the audience is miked they're so clear they have the same level audio levels as him i don't think this claim is the claim isn't that he's never done stand-up yeah it said that specific clip has very weird audio it's a very high fidelity and it's not from an hour it feels like it feels like a movie version of stand-up comedy where like you cut to someone doing stand-up in a movie yeah and that's what it looks like and then they're like uh it's one of those ones which is all about how new york's really just a big town you know it's like it's on character and then they walk around and the pensive about their pretend drop there's so many people in city that never sleeps i could go for a

nap i'm so weepy um there's another thing that i saw this morning Hello! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! If that ass ain't weirdo, I'm sorry, that's three strikes, baby, you're out! Bigger or smaller, it don't even matter, just shake it, don't care to your mouth! Oh, I got a problem, I think you can solve it by dropping that ass to the ground! I want a night on the town! Let's figure it out, I'll pay for the gas! I don't want that one! I'll forget this night if I drink too fast! How am I ever gonna get that back? Photo! Click flash! Now I'll never forget that ass! is okay what is the is he a musician independent of that or is he doing a song but it's like normally a guy that you know watches slime videos and he's like whoa i think he makes music i just

i just cringed a lot i saw it on this this cringe Instagram page that posts weird TikToks all the time. And it just made me laugh. It's just like the way he grabs these really awesome. It's just like. Oh, also, Curtis and Jen are in town tonight. Oh, cool. If you want to do anything before we head to the big. I've got a pretty full day today because then I'm going to go. I'm going to film something with Joel. Okay, cool, cool, cool. We want to do anything before we head to the big. Oh, I've got a pretty full day today because then I'm going to go.

I'm going to film something with Joel. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Got something else going on tonight. All right, cool, cool, cool. Joel Hayward? Yeah. You've been watching his movie channel? His movie channel?

I was complimenting him on it the other day. He's relatively recently, maybe a few months ago, started like a movie review channel. Oh, no, I haven't seen that. With a very, maybe last week, put out a video about why he's doing that. Yeah. And it's just his perception of what movie criticism should be or can be is so different.

It's so much more about like the sentiment of the exact moment you're in the theater as opposed to everybody's takeoff. Well, once you leave the theater, you realize it wasn't that good. It's like only when you're in there but the experience yeah i love joel so much he's one of my favorites he's such a like like out of so many people on youtube who kind of just like do it because they can make money or they can do it for fame he's just like an artist he just like loves making shit and he's so pure and just true to himself and he makes exactly what he wants to make i don't know if you've gone back and watched any of his feature length films.

There's one in particular that made me cry. It was so good. I forget what it's called. He has a movie called Pretend That You Love Me. And it's just, I watched it and I cried. It was so beautiful. Because it also, he filmed it during the time when his dad was dying. Just a really, really great story. I didn't watch that i forgot that existed i should it's from like three years

ago i think it's like but it's just like the dialogue the way he did the dialogue too it's sort of it feels almost improvised like the and it probably is somewhat because he's has all these different scenes and it's it the way he strings all it's just really really interesting and it's so so up here creatively compared to everything on youtube including the crap that it, it's just really, really interesting. And it's so up here creatively compared to everything on YouTube, including the crap that we make. It's like, it makes me feel like, oh shit, like, I like the videos I make, but I'm not making like art. You know, I'm not making like something that's moving people.

The interesting thing about Joel is his output plus that. Yeah. Again, he's also just a machine. Yeah. He's, I mean, Christ, dude. He had that era of just traveling and making sketches he didn't live anywhere yeah he lived like in his van i guess or i guess he was staying with people but yeah he's just he's the best he's really peculiar like

he also made a great uh i guess he's long form video or short film or film. But he made a great long form video with Dax that I, I've never been, I don't get starstruck anymore, but when we went to Katie's birthday, cause she's very close with Joel. Oh yeah. Dax was there. Oh yeah.

And then Dax came along to my party recently and I was starstruck. I was just like from the, cause I think he's a really really admirable artist as well oh yeah he's awesome and he's a testament to like I've never liked the idea of like what's real what isn't because it's just I don't know it's like boiling down creatives to to like artifice like yeah does it really matter is he an actor or not and it's like no he just is also weird like independent of being an actor and like dax is just a fascinating yeah he's such a unique guy and he is very funny but then people

like what but is how much of it how much is that a joke i'm like yeah but he's sincerely you're allowed to do jokes and also be yeah or just be kind of like an exaggerated version of what's already true yeah what's already part of you yeah that's that feels like such a specific very small generation of youtube that we because of that old bo burnham video where he's talking about dax at like oh yeah oh yeah i've seen that yeah it's in black and white for some reason yeah it's cranked every time bo says something the screen pauses and his letter is the words no audio but um yeah yeah ragtime music welcome to the internet right um what was the thing you were gonna oh yeah i was gonna ask about uh because you mentioned the contrast between now and the previous time we recorded being like pretty significant.

We've stayed, you guys have been relatively close since then. We didn't know each other in person, but we've all been more or less in the loop with each other's lives in a light way since then. But I don't know if there is, if you could point to one major catalyst within like separate from obviously the pandemic okay because i think um a lot of people almost got robbed of their agency of talking about what was difficult at those that point in their lives because there was this fog like yeah at a terrible 2020 but also the pandemic right right well for me so much of it was tied into the pandemic i think um the big thing i became a hypochondriac during the pandemic. And that is something that stayed with me and something I've had to work through where,

and I guess I talked about this a little bit last time, but like I, up until I was like 25, 26, I never really thought about like my health or dying or anything. I was sort of just living life. I didn't go to the doctor for like five years. And then all of a sudden I'm like hyper aware of how i feel at all times i'm like is this a symptom is this this what was this and then and then once you start doing that once you start googling shit and then going down that rabbit hole yeah then it was just and i've had to really work through that and that's taken a while to i think almost at least once at at any point or you know at at least one point during every day of the past three years i've thought am i dying is this cancer is

this and it just never goes away it's this like super pervasive thing but having to getting to a point i guess where it's like it's become a cycle where it's like the thing i was worrying about then was nothing and now i feel the same thing it's right it's nothing it's like i've gone to the doctor i don't have this i i your brain is too powerful you can manifest symptoms it's still good to obviously get things checked out if you feel like something's wrong but like i just like i have the capacity to like oh my chest hurts what's that and it's nothing it's anxiety it's right my chest hurts because my chest hurts almost kind of thing or like now it hurts more because i'm afraid yeah now i'm thinking about it i'm hyper aware of it yeah it's all i'm thinking

about and it's like or like wait am i kind of out of breath and then as soon as i stop thinking about it i'm i'm not out of breath oh yeah where you like forget to breathe and you give yourself a panic attack because you're like did i forget do know how to do this? Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Like that came out of nowhere during the pandemic for me and really became a big part of my life. And it's really only recently where I've sort of like experienced every fake symptom and been like, but that's nothing. So stop worrying about it. And it truly for me has just been like, well, don't think about it or just like, or acknowledge that you can't just not think about something, but acknowledge that it's there and just be like, dude, it's fine. Or, or being like, if it is something, well, I don't know what you're

going to do about it. What is panicking about it? Right. No, exactly. Yeah. Cause it's so much of like anxiety. And, and I think, I guess this is like a deeper thing, but like hearing, um, I was listening to a podcast they were talking about uh they were talking to like these older people who were nearing the end of their lives and the the common theme they all said was like i wish i worried less like almost everything i ever worried about never happened right so then it's and then even in the short term looking back all the things i was worried about for a while didn't happen yeah and you know i was i look back on pictures and i'm like i was so anxious that day yeah why nothing happened right like just trying to and it's easier said than done and it's a

journey and no for sure just like yeah it's yeah so much of it didn't end up happening and do you really want to live your whole life just in fear of something that might happen or is it just like well it could happen and if it does i'll deal with it then exactly i'm not riding a roller coaster because i don't want to get decapitated whereas in reality now you just didn't get to go on a roller yeah no you missed out on something good and it's like yeah if you got decapitated you know deal with it deal with it deal with the ramifications keep skill issue put it back on yeah that's something i talked a lot about with my therapist is like because i deal with anxiety not like a hypochondriac anxiety, but like over worrying about everything to the, like to the extreme where I'm like not doing things.

Cause I'm like so anxious. Cause what if, yeah. And it is, I think the things that have helped me is like, okay, well, if that fear comes to pass, then you will deal with it. Deal with it then. Cause I think I have a lot of fear about like my, you know, like career going belly up and then having to like figure things out. But it's like, okay, well one that's highly unlikely to happen in an instant.

Like you wake up one day. Right. And it'll be, it'll, you'll have time. I'll have time. Yeah. I'll see that.

We're going to all get together at once and stop watching. Stop. Yeah. It'll be laughing at you when it's happening. You can tell. Cause I'll be pointing like that. time yeah i'll see that we're gonna all get together at once and stop watching stop yeah i'm gonna be laughing at you what is happening you can tell because i'll be pointing like that well i'll be laughing yeah that's fine um but i think the other thing that helped me is um my and this is like something that may not be helpful for everyone but like my anxiety is a lot of times a function of like a short-term focus like i'm focused on it and if i just distract myself then i will probably not come back to that thought today and instead of like instead of like saying oh don't just think about it um which may not be helpful for people

uh not not to what you said but like that's in my brain i'm like oh just don't think about it, which may not be helpful for people, not to what you said, but like that's in my brain, I'm like, oh, just don't think about it. One tool that my therapist gave me was just to say, hey, set a timer for 30 minutes. You can worry about this all you want in 30 minutes. You know what I mean? But the odds are that you're not going to be in exactly the same headspace when that timer comes around. And so then it's harder to get back into it it's like when you like haven't played an rpg in like a long time you just have to start over you're like you have no idea where you are like a sequel to metroid or something they're like well we have to take your powers away or you know you've got to find your powers that's happening it's kind of like you're saying about eventually you just have

stressed yourself out about every potential symptom yeah that's how i realized you were wrong but you felt the same way and it's like if i was fine then why wouldn't i be fine now and then if i'm wrong i'm wrong i'll deal with it then but yeah it's so yeah and like you said it's the solution isn't always just don't think about it like because that's hard to do and and and that can make it worse if you just like bury and bury it. Eventually it's going to explode. And I think that's what happened a couple of times when I had like really bad panic attacks, it just boiled over. But like, for me, I just had to go through all of that, acknowledge it. And then now I have this whole history of like, well, you thought this was this and it wasn't, you thought this was this and it wasn't.

You've got the recency of, yeah, you have that example of things to pull from. This happened to me, I can't remember, but I was in a similar situation where I needed to just go do things. And then my therapist was like, when you go do things and it's fine, then you will have a pool of more recent examples to pull from.

And that was helpful also acknowledging it yeah not bearing it down like acknowledging and kind of giving grace to your feelings like it's okay to feel these feelings yeah um and it like kind of be self-aware of how little control you do have i think sometimes we can get wrapped up especially with anxiety stuff with ego a little like well no but like i know anxiety this this is different like when somebody goes through a breakup and that's it can never be in another relationship that was like the craziest breakup ever and yeah i'll never be the same after the last five you know like oh my god yeah i probably talked about this before

but like journaling which is something i used to do when i was really going through it and i would love to get back to um just got to build the habit again the uh there are some times that i journaled through a breakup where i'm writing like i go back and look at it now and it's so helpful to see how intense the feelings are and then how detached I am from it currently. Because it was like, I was like, I don't know if I'll ever love again and shit like that. And it's like, I don't even, like, I don't think about the person that I felt this way about the same way anymore. So the fact that I was feeling that way gives me hope. Like it almost like gives me hope that anything can pass. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. Because yeah, eventually you just forget the headspace you were in altogether and you look back on it, you almost cringe at like, oh, I thought I couldn't continue living. Right. It's like, no, I just had to wait a couple of weeks. And I guess that's where like time heals all wounds come from but like obviously that's good did you just think yeah i did that's good i think time does as you said he'll yeah he'll all wins and that's my quote so jarvis j jarvis j that's me i think um you know to sleep is to dream asleep because you can only dream when you're asleep because you can only dream when you're asleep

yeah and when I wrote a book called The Art of War by Sun Tzu and is that your pen name

yeah it's like it's his pen name it's like I'm shy yeah it's my tumblr name that's what I wrote it on

I published it on and rule one is look out hey be careful look out don't have a war oh yeah that's the art

that's so profound the art of not having a war it should be the first like don't have a war oh yeah that's the art so profound the art of not having a war should be the first like don't do it yeah do art like yeah talk it out gaming is a better art don't do war like a tar hero more like the fart of war am i right fellas what that's like more like the fart of boar oh fuck dude you got my ass you don't like my book shit it's fine yeah well on that note you're fired okay um when the thing's talking about i was just i was curious i think that was i think honestly that's a great note to end on like we got some hope in there at the end yeah i think so and i think um yeah i mean there's so many like cliches that end up being true but you just you have to kind of experience it yourself

to believe it. Like going on walks, everyone will say, oh, go, you know, drink water and go on walks. And it's like, yeah, whatever. But then you do it and you're like, actually, I feel better. I haven't thought about my problems. And you will not do it again.

Yeah. In a matter of time, there'll be another weekend where you just don't do it. And then you relearn the lesson. And I, one thing i find really hard about like giving advice to like some because we have a pretty broad age group of range of friends these days i think it is just like creative community stuff but i don't generally like giving advice yeah i don't mind coaching you know like encouraging someone to think about something but every now and then i do have to hold myself back from with some of our younger friends being like you you you only feel this because you're young because you'll do this 20 times more in the next

eight years yeah and then you'll do it 10 more times in the next four years and i just i i i know that sounds crazy and i know this doesn't help because that doesn't change anything the cortisol still rushing through your brain the upset yeah you know but then on the other side i am i am we're all you know we're old and tired but at the same time it does feel nice to have like um almost like a vaccine like just a normal automatic comfort for certain issues. Like, yeah, I know that I know I would normally feel guilty,

but Hey man, I, there's a shortage. I couldn't get my ADHD medication. I'm not going to feel guilty. That's why I can get shit done because of the exact reason. Yeah. And yeah.

And as always, I think forgiving yourself for like not being perfect right now is also like, if you're not perfect at implementing strategies to like make yourself better. Oh, I can't stop thinking about this thing. Now I'm beating myself up for not being able to control my every thought. Isn't it crazy that we did that at like 16? Yeah. Like 16 years old. Like I can't figure life out at all. Yeah. I can't believe i made this

mistake it's like no yeah that'll be one of many to come i mean even uh short-term things like like uh amanda and i were talking about this this is more of a general thing like on the on our trip there's a couple things where like oh we did this wrong or we should have done this instead but it's it's so easy to just beat yourself up it's like of course you're not going to make the perfect decision all the time or like, we booked the wrong room. Or we should have done this restaurant instead of this. And it's like, but okay. It was good.

It could have. Yeah. If you could go back to day one of your life and relive everything perfectly, it'd probably be pretty boring, actually. And you wouldn't have learned the lessons you needed to learn. Or like, I don't know. You'd be boring as a person you would be there'd be no depth to you at all you faced no hardship because every time it worked out

absolutely yeah you'd be like some other people we've met other people we know and don't hang out with yeah don't be like them don't be like them um drew thanks so much for joining i looked over and it hurt my neck where is he well i'm happy to be here i had a lot of fun and i'm glad that i could add pain to your life yeah as you always do in hindsight maybe you should have sat here and i so you would have just had the guest chair you've got to sit in your little special chair right so speaking of hypochondria i do love the idea that in five years from now doing the show as much as we do, the doc's just like, why? Jordan, your neck is like busted. You're always looking over to the right like that. I do have one cringy thing I'll say about myself, by the way.

I do a gym look, you know, like, uh-huh. Sometimes if I've been like streaming or recording a lot because my camera is there it's to my left and so something peculiar will happen I will just go like muscle memory is naturally okay it's like the later seasons it's the later seasons of the office where they're like who are you looking at like where they got super meta to meta yeah the cameraman they like wrote in a storyline for the cameraman. Yeah. That was fun. This is the end of this episode,

but if you'll join us over on patreon.com slash sadboys, you can listen to Sad Boys Nights, our premium Patreon-only podcast, the three Ps, where we're going to read some cringy fan-submitted stories with Drew, who will be joining us. Drew will be showing off his reading comprehension i'm quite good at it uh we'll see about that if we give you like one of those tests to like be an american citizen well i will say from my experience um one of the compliments i've

gotten on videos is like i'll read a long comment that's very grammatically incorrect but do it perfectly and they're like how does he do that and i I'm like, I don't know, man, I guess I just speak that language. It's my 18th try. It's also that you didn't see how many takes I did. I wrote the video. Yeah. So I know the secret. Yeah. One time when I was at camp as a kid, maybe about 13, these girls at my table at dinner kept talking about how good their lip gloss tasted.

So I was like, oh, can I try some? And the lip gloss owner put some on my finger for me to try the lip gloss on. And I guess all reason and logic evaporated from my brain at that moment because I just, well, we'll tell you what they did. On sad boys night. In his butt. But Drew, thank you for joining us. We end every episode of sad boys with a particular phrase.

Keep it crispy. That's Pete Holmes. Wait. So close. We could. He would never know. he would probably never know we love you and we're sorry boom thanks again to simper for sponsoring this video go ahead and click the link in the description and subscribe today Gucci girl, how you doing? How you moving, girl? Moving, girl. How you delicate?

That future, girl. Future, girl. Yeah, we on now. Take my money, go away. All you wanted. Girl, you're too rich for me.