Sad Boyz - Hard Questions

Episode Date: April 15, 2018

It's the 20th episode of sad boyz! We talk a little about the history of the show at the beginning, but for our topic we ask each other one really hard question. this one gets really real. Also in this episode, we have a new Pen Pal submission about jealous which spurs an interesting conversation. Jordan attempts an American accent and the boys discuss having people mix them up.

I want presidents to represent me I want presidents to represent me Sad boys Oh 2018 Yo Jordan you mind if I go in first on this one? Yeah hit em Yeah yeah Sad boys like to talk about our feelings

And we have a mission for you if the listener is willing With your help we can reach the ceiling We can reach the high moon by noon With your review on iTunes Fly like balloons and make it into outer space But there's a certain set of stars you have to set in place My homeboys cut into the chase You said you could do this. I'm trying my best. I spent a couple of weeks reading these lyrics.

Are they not good? You don't like it so far? But one more. Give me one more. Let me do it again. Just one more? For 2018. Give me one more chance.

Fine, you got one more. You got one more chance. Just don't fuck it up this time. Here it comes. I got a good one. I got some bars. I got bars. I got fire.

It's all you. It's all you. One, two, three, four, five bars. Lose yourself in the moment. That's Lose Yourself by Eminem. It's close. It is very close and I can see why you'd think it was Lose Yourself by eminem it's close it is very close and i can see why you'd think it was lose yourself exactly the song so far yes and for most yeah it

is just it is just lose yourself by eminem welcome to sad boys a podcast about feelings and making it to 20 episodes wow it's a special episode today. We made it to 20 episodes. They said we'd be dead by 15. Who was this? We showed them because we made it to 20 clean episodes. Now, it sure would be embarrassing if we miscounted and we only had 19. We actually started indexing the episode numbers with zero and so by that count this is 19 but through through through like number of episodes this is the 20th yeah and we've actually never canned an episode i think that's kind of interesting i always assumed that there'd be

like one or two that for whatever reason one of us was in a rush and we had to throw away and give another shot but we've i think released every episode of sad boys we ever made except for the secret proto episode that does exist it does yeah have we talked about that before on the show i don't think we have so before jordan and i so real quick today is a bit of a looser episode it's the 20th episode it'll probably be like a shorter one we're going to talk about hard questions we are going to celebrate 20 years of podcasting. We make one every year. We should mention that we record them way in advance, once every Christmas. Yeah. And we're just starting to release them.

Yeah. So we've got them booked for the next hundred. Yeah. We're recording this in the early 20th century. Yeah, that's true. Is that freeform jazz? I'm not exactly sure what a podcast is. But I hear that they will be everywhere in a few hundred years.

Yeah, I honestly hear that by making a podcast, you could make tens of dollars, which now in the era we live is thousands of dollars. So for our topic, we've each brought one hard question that we'll ask each other. And the rest of the show should feel pretty normal, just a little shorter than usual, you know, experimenting with time. If you're currently at home listening to the show or maybe at a store, even better, if you can find something like confetti that you can throw up in the sky to celebrate our 20th episode, maybe throw it at somebody else in the store, I highly encourage it. Also, if you're one of those people who's like, an hour and a half, I'm going to listen to this at one and a half speed or two X speed. First of all, you're one of those people who's like an hour and a half i'm gonna listen to this at one and a half speed or 2x speed first of all you're a madman where do you have to be yeah what are you in such a rush for nice second second dial that back down to 1x today we're running at 1x speed yeah we're running at 1x speed we'll actually be talking at 1.5x, so you can pull it back to 1. Yeah. So to jump back, there in Sad... To reality?

Oh, there goes gravity. There goes gravity. Oh, there goes gravity. Chokes are so mad, but he won't give up that easy. Nope. There is a... Sad Boys was actually founded with a podcast that is like episode negative one or episode zero of Sad Boys, where we had a different idea for a

different podcast and we sat for two hours with microphones just as a test i believe with these very microphones we hold today and we talked through the idea for sad boys and we said we're not going to release it through some sort of milestone that we haven't figured out yet um maybe it's 100 episodes maybe it's something special or more special. Sorry. No special. That is. Yeah, that's a word. So in that proto episode. Right. We actually come up with the premise for Sad Boys because originally we were talking about doing a show called Talking White. Yeah. It was our initial intention because it was going to be I mean, I know we touch on a lot of racial themes in this show. Yeah. But initially the intention was we're going to do a show about racial themes and racial identity and bias and stuff like that. And what we found over time is that the thing we enjoy is being open and sincere. I mean, you'll hear this in the recording whenever we release it.

We literally walk through the idea of, wait, you like that, right? And I go, well, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, wait, but there's like never any body to talk to about these things. We wanted accountability to do this kind of free-form peculiar emotional perverse therapy yeah um and then i believe you come up with the name sad boys as an offhand joke yeah yeah yeah yeah it's true it's true you say something along the lines of uh it was just two sad boys and i go like wait so it's funny right now that we're on a podcast talking about a podcast that literally no one has heard because we were there yeah and as we've talked about in the past every

conversation recorded or non is a small podcast that's true um and every song is a bad small podcast so today we'll be asking each other hard questions but first jordan how was your week my week was actually pretty good i filed my taxes oh which i you're very late my friend but you had a situation yeah i am a immigrant boy and by being an immigrant boy things aren't typically all that simple and easy and through a series of complications it took a little longer than expected yeah no once it was done when you described it to me i started bleeding out of my tax forms let me just for context it involves paper forms which for any of you privileged first world americans unlike third world england um you you'll assume TurboTax, but I use physical paper, which is no fun.

But I got them filed. The frustrating part was that I didn't know which stage in this like taxing funnel was pretty taxing. And you'll put in the laugh track there. I think I got to go actually. No, but this has been a shorter episode of the show. Yeah.

I actually don't think I will continue hosting. Oh, really? You consider yourself shorter episode of the show. Yeah. I actually don't think I will continue hosting. Oh, really? You consider yourself a host of the show? That's interesting. I consider myself the hostess with some. Hey, and I'm the host with Jarvis.

A bit. Yeah. I'm the hostess with a bit of it. But yeah, it's been good. And the frustrating part was that when I ended up like completing the process, I didn't think it was the last step. So I didn't get that like rush of catharsis yeah and instead about 24

hours later i found out there was nothing more to do and i just went oh okay yeah like a little bit of relief there i'm not going to jail and it's good yeah that's i do hate jail that is a pet peeve of mine yeah um but jarvis yeah almost nothing else happened in my week. Wow. I've basically just been working and then. Hey, that's okay. I wrapped it up with a very nice day that we just spent together. Yeah. Shooting some stuff for your YouTube channel. Yeah.

And having some chai. Going to a chai bar that I affectionately refer to as Chai Rack, which is maybe the funniest joke I've ever made in my entire life. It was a really good joke. I'm like, I'm like afraid to tell you it's good for context i sent this over to jarvis this morning via text i just said like there's a chai bar we usually go to to do like some work it's just down the street and i texted jarvis and was like maybe we can meet at tri-rac at one that was just the offhand joke the joke came to me in a dream really i'm in no way exagger. I woke up this morning sweaty. We're just hitting spring.

Wiping my brow. Right. Chi-town? No. Chi-rack. Must text Jarvis. Oh, yeah. I'm glad that that's your instinct.

And that pretty much encapsulates my week. A bunch of nothing. A bunch of busyness. And then a good time with my friend Jarvis in Chi-town slash Chi-rack. How about you, young man? How's your week? Yeah. So, well, first, my day, it's Sunday. But first, it's Saturday, and I woke up at, like, 5 a.m. this morning, which was unexpected.

No alarm? No alarm. It was a weird situation. Did you also wake up screaming Chi-Rac? I do recall an echo. I don't know why I was up, but I had to wait for Phil's to open at six. And then from then, I had a little morning of writing and doing some scheduling and Instagram and you, planning some of my day. So that's been good. And then this week has been, you know, a little bit of a reprieve from the normal hustle and bustle. Though there's been a lot of, you know, creative work on my end that I like was doing for work stuff just because we had some events going on. And I couldn't get my normal YouTube cadence out.

So that was like a little bit of a bummer. But I'm trying to mend that today. But overall... And you've been killing the game YouTube-wise, right? Two videos a week for a couple weeks now. Two videos a week, yeah. And yeah, I think we're going to be able to keep it up for the month of April. Knock on wood.

Is that the goal, just April? Just April, because it's a pretty unsustainable cadence for me long-term, especially because I want to spend more time thinking about stuff. Yeah. Just a little bit more premeditation i think weekly is fine um and most of the videos you've been putting out have just been like re-uploads from netflix uh it's true yeah i um there's this movie i don't know if you've heard about it um the godfather oh sure yeah every human

knows no it's like an indie film and I just figured I would show some of my subscribers a three to five minute clip. That movie is surprisingly prescient. You know that whole scene where they're speaking in Italian at the dinner table? That's actually mostly about computer science. Yeah, I know. It was actually what inspired me to get into it. I don't know Italian, but it came to me in a dream. But it certainly felt like they were talking about computer science.

I woke up in a cold sweat. You know it's uh the beginning of spring so yeah i i wiped my brow and i just said it was far i know italian now yeah it was super weird so you're producing videos you're getting shy with your buddy i hung out with my chai friend uh his name is justin um i don't know if you know him yeah yeah yeah you mean the most popular member of the podcast uh yeah he he does do the show he does a side show he's transcended both of us the identity of justin has transcended jordan long ago it's true because there's also this internal joke with some of our friends and our co-workers uh that people mix us up some of is a very charitable way of saying every single one of them. Yeah. And Justin is actually a fun way to refer to us both without having to like decide whose name, whose real name to use. Yeah.

It's become the equivalent of going like, oh, hey, my man. What's up? Yeah. And I safe gamble. Justin. J-Dog. J-Dog. I know it starts with a J at the very least.

It is. I know we're similar and I know it's easy to mix at the very least. It is. I know we're similar. And I know it's easy to mix us up in passing. Right. But I would say I get called Jarvis more than I get called Jordan. It's remarkable. Whoa. That's unexpected.

In certain environments. I get called, you know, the other day I was at work work and uh you know we had filmed something for for this work event and i i named the file um jordan like work event dot mov or whatever and i was searching it up to to show to people and i started typing my own name and so i think i'm the villain in this story wait it all starts with you the world ends with you jarvis do you ever play that game a little bit yeah it was one with the badge collecting i thought it was pretty cool um jordan hi this is a completely natural segue but what do you say we do a pin pal oh i would love to for some reason

i forget that we have this segment on the show every week and it's like a surprise christmas every time it is like uh when you dangle keys in front of a kid and they get really excited despite the fact that you've done it a million times jarvis is currently swinging his laptop in front of me playing an audio file yeah yeah pen pals is a segment where our fans can write in or send in audio files with a question, a thought about the last episode, a random thought that's popped into their mind. Basically, any way they'd like to communicate with us. We have open DMs on our Twitter.

We have an email address of which we read every single submission at sadboyspod at gmail.com. We've got a new website. Oh, yeah, we do. We haven't talked about this. We haven't talked about the website. There's a new website. It's sadboyspod.com yeah boy can you believe that was available it was i had to actually wrestle it away from a very different podcast or it wasn't even a podcast it was a it was a pod

oh it was a time capsule it was a two sad men inside yeah it was it couldn't be opened for for hundreds of years and added a domain name inside yeah luckily since we are from the renaissance yes i don't really know what any of these words mean but we do have a website that is 100 sad boys canon by the way true fans i want to refer to us as in the early 20th century if they ever say anything else they're not realists yeah yeah it's the year 1903 and i have a podcast so if you need anything related to sad boys you need the episodes you need the contacts you need links to our stuff you want more information about the boys you want some cool photos of us damn straight go ahead and head on go ahead and head on over to sadboyspod.com do you miss when jordan used to shave his head

because that's what all the pictures have those beautiful days yeah i really all my scalp i like your hair now thanks javas um shit i have to leave the show i'm not sad anymore that made me too happy it's the end that compliment was too kind i'm it's now i hear that music from when a chest opens in zelda i like your hair it's it's just uh it's just a hair mask, like from Majora's Mask. You're bald. You've actually been wearing this mask the whole time. So yeah, if you want to send us anything on your mind about what Sad Boys means to you, hit us up, pen pals.

Today, I'll just let our pen pal introduce themselves. Hey guys, this is Frederickrederick weiss from the thunder nerds that is thunder nerds.io the live audio video podcast that you can find on our website thunder nerds.io plug plug plug all right frederick that's absolutely enough now it seems like that's the only he just we, we've been fooled. He just sent his social information. He just sent an ad and that's the end of the file. We've been bamboozled. By the thundered nerds.

God damn it, Frederick. Oh wait, there is an additional two minutes. Oh, okay. No, no, no. There's still some more. Sorry. Yeah. For a second there, I thought, you know, very clever, false ending.

Unfortunately, we don't edit the show, so we couldn't have taken it out. There's no way. And you know how like in albums, sometimes there will be a hidden song, but it's really just like a long track. Sure. Then you listen for long enough and it keeps going. Frederick left this pen pal an hour after his ad, so it's really an Easter egg. Hey, I've been listening to your show now for about, I'd say, a little over four months,

and I also consider myself an emotional pervert, which is the hashtag. Frederick, thank you so much for that. That is the most validating thing I have ever heard in my entire life. I've never heard the phrase said out loud by any other human being. It's super weird that you said that a while back and now real people are repeating it. Yeah. Is that a crime? Did I do a crime?

You are probably on the hook for this one if we all go down. I deserve it, frankly. I mean, yeah. If this is the reward I get, though, real human beings submitting audio messages, incriminating themselves, saying the words emotional pervert, great. Remember, you can also refer to yourself as the sad boy's fam, as fam of the boys. You could, sure. Why would you want to though uh you know just because uh no comment handle whatnot for a friend of the show and i really enjoy what you guys do we interviewed charlie marie back in the day and she was telling us about your show and now i am hooked charlie anyway uh applaud what you guys do love Hold on. I didn't realize this.

I didn't know that Charlie's talking about our show on podcasts. Dude, Charlie the Evangelist. Thanks, Charlie. So we got to plug Charlie's stuff. We do. So that was part of the financial deal. She Venmo'd us and promoted our show. Yeah, weirdly a contract has emerged from the audio file.

So if you don't know Charlie Marie TV, she is a YouTuber and designer and podcaster. Overall, wonderful human being. You can find her on YouTube at Charlie Marie TV, where she does a lot of lifestyle design advice stuff. She's put up a video every week for the past four years. Good Lord. It is incredible. And she has a podcast called Design Life, I believe.

FM, designlife.fm, I think. Check that out. Charlie, you're the best. We've still got to have you on the show. You know what? She's going to be at VidCon. And so are we. We've got to make that happen.

Hey, if anybody else is at VidCon, go ahead and send us a message. Maybe we can all hang out, drink some Bloody Marys, because we'll be hung over. Am I right, dude? Right, dude. Ha ha. He clapped himself. I'm actually trying to not drink. He slapped his own hand.

I'm actually not trying to drink too much, but I can pretend to be hung over if I just want to hang out with everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to be hung to hang. Because I'm such a party animal. Woo! Right.

Oh, he clapped his own hand again. Yes. He keeps just smacking his own hand to make it seem like i agree with him yeah what's that justin's cooler than jarvis yeah right yes you're confusing the listeners the magic of podcasting all right let's keep this going but check out charlie marie tv she's a fan of the boys faux show and you are pretty awesome uh you too j Jordan. And I really want to ask you a question. Wait, let's listen to that again.

And you are pretty awesome. You too, Jordan. That's outrageous. That makes up for the emotional pervert part. Great, yeah. Your gift is that you get actively called awesome. I just got an offhand reference to a terrible thing I said. Right.

As it should be. See what your perspective is on this point. We had a guest on the show the other day named Kwan Luo, and she brought up an interesting tidbit about jealousy. She read this article that said, think of jealousy as a friend, which made me go, eh, but then I started to accept what she said and let my frontal cortex absorb it. And I thought, yeah, that is pretty interesting. So jealousy as a friend. So don't think of it as the green monster, yet think of it as a way to clearly indicate what you want, who you want to be, points of goals that you could easily reach to jealousy as a clear indicator of the things

that you truly desire and want out of life. So I want to know what you guys think. Do you have a sad boys with a Z point of view on it? Hit me up, yo. Now, who is playing jealousy in infinity war is it oh uh because mark ruffalo i believe is still on board okay because it's uh definitely in the mcu yeah because ed norton played him obviously it's the big green monster right and there was the ang lee version which is actually pretty underrated highly recommend checking it out yeah uh yeah he's coming

back um you won't like him when he's slightly perturbed by the fact that you're doing better than him in a certain career path. Yeah, yeah. You won't like him when he's looking longingly at you as you experience an emotion that he finds really hard to access. Yeah, you won't like him when he's dressed similarly to you, but clearly with higher quality clothing. You won't like him when he was wearing a lot of clothes but suddenly isn't the joke but he's still got on purple pants he's still wearing a little pair of purple pants jealousy is the thing with purple pants that's a sad boys with a z opinion right there no we go we close it out we say nothing else so we need to think of jealousy not as the big green monster, but as Mark Ruffalo.

Yes. That's beautiful. Think of it as a friend. And, of course, Mark is a personal friend of ours. Right, right, right. A lot of people don't know that. I really like the phrasing jealousy as a friend. I kind of read the statement he was making as, like, jealousy almost like a counselor.

Yeah. What it seems like it might be trying to say is that we feel this feeling of jealousy, right? And that's like such a bummer. And we like usually will just sit with that and call it a day. What Frederick is saying and what this guest of Thunder Nerds is saying is use that jealousy constructively and allow that to illuminate to you what these other feelings are that are normally pretty like fuzzy and hard to describe i think it can be very easy to take any kind of negative emotion i mean let's take the most obvious one physical pain oh you are experiencing physical pain it's usually an indicator that you need to do something to address that kind of physical pain right that's not there's certain

kinds where it's hard to distinguish but ow my leg hurts i shouldn't be sitting like that yes maybe instead of identifying that jealousy is a thing you shouldn't feel and then generating guilt out of that jealousy right right instead say well i'm jealous that jarvis has that jacket i guess i would like to buy a jacket like that as opposed to it's not fair that jarvis has that jacket when i want the jacket yeah yeah no that's that's really illuminating actually i i i to to offer my opinion as you know 100 of the sad boys. And Jordan is here too. I'm going to try to treat jealousy like a friend and ask it those questions when I feel it. Like I'm going to try to accept jealousy, even though it's probably not going to be pleasant initially and try to

use that to like illuminate what I'm longing for. Because I think when I'm jealous, it's because someone else has something that I want. And then it's like, oh, well, why do I feel that way? Because I don't feel that way when someone gets everything that I want. Sure. I mean, in a lot of ways, like, and maybe this is just me, let me know if this balances on your end. But I've always felt like jealousy is kind of like the inverse of complacency. If I'm comfortable and things are going my way, I don't need to feel jealous because what would I be using that jealousy for right i was gonna feel like feel like envy is unusable jealousy does that make sense oh interesting like jealousy is the practical version of envy i would say in most cases if you're envious of something and it's hard to

make the distinction everybody has their own definition but i'd say that envy puts you in this position of like oh i wish i was that person whereas jealousy to me always feels a little more tangible you can taste jealousy in a way you can't with envy like oh i'm jealous that that person's doing that why don't i do that why am i not able to do that right right um and treating it like a friend i assume would it be instead of oh it's not fair that i don't have that thing it would instead be like why don't i have that thing? Like, I'm jealous that Jarvis, I'm jealous that Jarvis is clearly having such a good time at this party that we're both at.

Right. Why is Jarvis having such a good time? Like the non-actionable version of it, the more envious version would just be me going, not fair that Jarvis is, I hate Jarvis. Yeah, because it can create like a resentment. Oh yeah, displacing the resentment is really dangerous. But then there is that question. It's like, okay, why is Jarvis. Yeah, because it can create like a resentment. Oh, yeah. Displacing the resentment is really dangerous. But then there is that question. It's like, okay, why? Why is Jarvis

happy? But also, why do I care about Jarvis in this moment? Why do I care about like what Jarvis is able to feel that I'm not able to feel? Because if you were having a good time, yeah, it's like it's like you said, if you were taking action, or if you were like having a good time or making an active effort to have a good time, then maybe you wouldn't even notice that I was having a good time. You know, damn Frederick, you knocked out the park, mate. I mean, we've talked about doing an episode on jealousy for a while. Yeah, it's still coming. I think the only blocker is I want another person with some specific experiences.

I mean, mainly I want somebody to come on and say I'm jealous of this incredible podcast that you have with such a loyal following of emotional perverts. It would be cool to have on someone that either of us has been jealous of in the past. Oh, that's a fucking great idea. I mean, there's 45 people I can think of immediately. Oh, perfect. Yeah. That we know of. Yeah.

All right. So thanks, Frederick. You've inspired a episode of Sad Boys to come in the future. Thanks, young Freddy. Can I call you Freddy? Because I'm gonna. He doesn't really matter what you say. He just gonna do whatever he pleases it's kind of his thing yeah he's gonna mostly not acknowledge me on the show frederick oh i was talking about you oh okay so thank you very much for uh sending us a pen pal frederick for those who want to be

like the cool thunder nerd over there and send us a pen, pal, Jordan, where can they do that? Oh my God. There's so many places. Okay. Let me get up my list. Russell, Russell, Russell. You can go over to our Twitter at sadboyspod, where we have open DMs. You can go over to our brand new website and then you'll put in horns that play. Yeah, no, it plays not over me saying it. I say the thing and then the horns put in horns that play yeah no it plays not over me saying it I say the thing and then the horns play for 45 seconds and it's the theme song to Harry Potter brand new website

exactly you can head over to our brand new website which has all the information you need or you can send an email over to soundboyspod at gmail.com alternatively if you want to get a little weird with it you could even just tweet it at us straight to the account doesn't have to be a d-ly if you want to get a little weird with it you could even just tweet it at us straight to the account doesn't have to be a d-man if you want it to be public do whatever you gotta do be like frederick know you want to do it and just do it yeah make it

happen so we've got a topic today where we're asking each other hard questions hell yeah which we'll get to right after the break boom and now a very special presentation from Inside the After Studio. Hi, I'm Tony Award winning playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda, and I play Jordan Cope on the podcast. And I'm 45,000 time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep. And we're here today to talk to you about something very close to our hearts. Yes. Because despite the fact that our podcast, Sad Boys, generates over $400,000 per episode,

we're always looking for new iTunes reviews. Leaving us an iTunes review is the most impactful way that you can support the Sad Boys in 2018. You're absolutely right, actress of a generation, Meryl Streep. An iTunes review is truly the highest compliment you can pass. Just leave us a five-star review.

Tell us about your experience. Share your feelings when you listen to the podcast. And we really can't emphasize that it does need to be a five-star review to really matter. If it's less than five stars, you will no longer be able to hear Hamilton. And you will no longer be able to perceive any of the work by perhaps the most preeminent creator of our generation meryl streep thank you for your time this has been a very special presentation now back to your regularly scheduled programming and we're back it's me jarvis johnson and i'm america um are you like what reason would you have to impersonate me i'm just thinking like

sorry can we put the mics away for just a minute yeah of course i'm just thinking like maybe it seems like people like you uh you know frederick said that nice thing about you and kind of was not that excited to be talking to me and i'm thinking maybe if i were to be you or to start sounding and acting a little bit more like you people might so i could just be justin still but i'll do like an american accent maybe people would like that um howdy howdy partner that's the most unlikable thing you've ever done you're kidding me kiss my grits because of i'm american so um pretty good if you think you are far too proud of yourself yes i am smiling because of my good accent so we have a topic today it's hard questions yeah baby i'm ready to go uh yeah so basically jordan pitched me this idea we're gonna each ask

each other one hard question uh kind of one of those like you know if you could choose to live a thousand years but not yes or no if you could choose to live a thousand years. You know those questions that are like, which would you choose? Love or trust or, you know. Or video games. Yeah, I don't know. I'm giving really bad examples. How about you just start with your question, Jordan, for me? Yeah, should I just kick it off?

I'll set the stage. All right, set the stage. I mean, I'm ready to go ham if you're ready to go ham. You keep saying that. I'm hungry okay i i'm glad that i've uh clarified that it's about food sorry this is nothing to do with the question you've been to ham right i'm ready to go ham yeah yeah let's okay so so we've gotten a ham okay i got a full ham didn't cook it ate it up it in one bite um in fact i do want to quickly say before i jump into the question um you do not know what my question is i do not know what your question is right and listeners are more than welcome to answer the questions themselves in fact i would encourage it for this week's yeah they can answer it instead

of me actually so so you just go ahead and ask your question in fact we're gonna ask two hard questions neither of us will answer right don't dm them to us just answer them at home we'll pick we'll pick ourselves back we've got mics in most of our listeners homes young jarvis yes for a little context on my question i hope you don't mind me saying right but you're you're a single man right i am you're a you're a man of the singledom you're a bachelor right you're a bachelor you're a pad all that kind of stuff i'm i'm a full bachelor pad uh which is kind of the context for the following question are you ready uh is that the hard question yeah that was the hard question are you ready um yeah shit um wow that really wasn't that hard huh you kind of nailed it yeah my hard question is which personal flaw do you believe has prohibited you from finding a long-term

relationship oh which personal flaw has prevented me and if you need help you know i have a living google doc of all of the flaws that i believe you have no right right right it is always being updated which is even when you're both hands are in places that aren't your keyboard oh yeah i've hired contractors okay um i think i'm ready to get i'm ready you ready to go ham oh we're going ham i've just ate i think that I have this flaw where I will be like pining after someone and then things get close to serious and then I drift away. Like I think something like changes in my brain where I want the I want someone to like me. And then once they like me, I like don't need it anymore. Oh, it's like binary i've gotten the uh validation yeah it doesn't it's not like uh you know it's like i've had

successful relationships uh well i guess no relationship is truly successful because it either ends in uh breakup or death just cut the show there and when i say cut the show i mean the series no more episodes after we. We wrapped sad boys. God, wow. What a statement that would be. No, but what I mean is that like I've had, you know, very fulfilling relationships. But I think that sometimes I don't know until I'm like closer to defining a relationship with someone that i do i realize if if something is just me and my own like want to be accepted and liked yeah versus like uh like a deep connection with with someone

because in just in terms of like oh is this a friend or is this a romantic partner type thing like i have i i like can recognize that i have a connection with someone and i can recognize that i'm like attracted to someone and I want to be around them. Sure. But it's not until I'm like, even when I project like, oh, could I be in a relationship with this person? I'm like, totally. It would be great. And then until I'm like at that moment, like sort of the who swerves first type two cars driving at each other situation.

Which is usually your third or fourth date. Yeah. You like to add a little bit of flair and thrill yeah i i'm you each rent a honda civic i'm a big fan of the fast and furious movie you sit at two ends of pier 39 and you just start driving i just it's things it's all about familia which you scream as you drive towards them i have a megaphone on top of my car it's all about my family it's all about my family i have vin diesel standing on top of my car it's all about my family it's all about my family i have vin diesel standing on top of my car um do you find that there is a particular point in the timeline where that happens does it correlate to time at all has it happened on the first date the

12th i think typically it's like there's like a feeling of things being realer than i like it's like they're not they're not real when you're in like the dating stage because as like like, for me, at least the defense mechanism, because I don't want to put all my chips in on something that like might not pan out. Right. Yeah. And, uh, and so there's a certain point after which things start to feel like real. And I essentially like the cards get turned over and I like want to fold. It's like I either fold or I like go all in.

And well, with that kind of language, and correct me if I'm wrong, it sounds like you're talking about either committing or is commitment the fear? It's not, I don't necessarily have a fear of commitment. It's really just like, I can't sometimes tell like in my own head the difference between being attracted to someone and enjoying

time with them versus like actually wanting to enter a serious like relationship with them what do you see is the distinction between those two things i don't know i think presumably the person you'd want to enter a long-term relationship with would also have those traits right so true yeah but it's like for me there's something different like um if i have a friend and they're very and i'm like attracted to them that doesn't equal relationship to me it's like it kind of has to do with like compatibility like long-term compatibility or at least how i you know presume that would like work out in my head and um and a little bit of projecting a future with them. Yeah, I see that.

And it's not until like sort of the 11th hour. It's like when you flip a coin and you're like, all right, we can't decide on a pizza. So pepperoni is going to be heads and cheese is going to be tails. Let's flip it. And then when you see the result and it's tails and you're like, ooh, ooh, now I know I wanted pepperoni.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Pepperoni without cheese specifically what you're talking about is a sandwich specifically i want i want a piece of bread with with some some pepperoni on top of it you know the classic dilemma you're sitting around you're like i know i can have two ingredients that create this whole pizza bread is a must right no sauce in either scenario yeah yeah no it's more like uh sometimes you want to go with a plainer pizza uh but um well it's interesting that you specifically mentioned

the idea of you know you're hesitating and you know that that thing is not appealing right but i still i'm not sure what the thing is and i say that as somebody that 100 empathizes with everything you're saying i am in exactly the same position right uh but what i struggle to articulate and i think what you're also struggling to articulate is what is that fear like what is the thing you're avoiding by not entering that relationship right because there is no binding contract right it's not the case where i've got to make the choice at some point but just in case i'm going to pull back this time yeah yeah you're consciously saying is this is a person i am attracted to and enjoy spending time with but i'm not going to commit because if i do x happens and that x factor is what i always get lost in yeah so x factor is a reality television show hosted by simon cowell hosted by him yes it's hosted by somebody simon

cowell's there too yeah that i mean that's your relationship if you host any reality tv show especially with simon cowell it's like simon cowell is kind of hosting he hosts it from his seat you got to spend there um so for me i i i'm really wary of playing with somebody's feelings and i'm afraid of leading someone on like with something that I don't feel like in my heart is like going to make it. Uh, and so you waiting for some other sensation, like you've got, I'm attracted to you and I like spending time with you, but I feel like there should be more for me to commit. It's almost like, I think there's a couple of things like, cause I've committed before.

Right. And, and, and uh it's i okay here's another analogy have you ever uh have you ever like looked at the clock and seen like that you have 10 minutes to be somewhere and then like been like oh i've got 10 minutes like oh it's 4 49 uh i have to be somewhere at five it's it's not even that close to that time yet. And I, you know, transit, I can get there instantly. So I don't even have to leave until 4.55, which is like 50 minutes from now, you know? And then it's like, oh, no, that's in six minutes. And then when it gets up to the minute, you realize, oh, I needed to leave like five minutes before I even looked at the clock in the first place.

This sounds like the ramblings of a completely insane serial killer. Oh, no. But, yes. You're describing my every single day. in the first place this sounds like the ramblings of a completely insane serial killer oh no but yes oh this you're describing my every single day okay because so so basically when i enter into like when i start dating someone and i like project my life out with them i'm like cool things are looking good uh and then there's a certain point after which it's 4.56 and I'm like, oh, like I, and I'm like, oh, I, this isn't right. I didn't realize until now, because for some reason now my like vision is like a little bit clearer and I don't actually like see this like working in the long term or at least

not to the, i don't feel confident enough about it to like make that commitment so in this to pull back to the analogy that point of reassessment would be like the 455 yeah you reach 455 and then you go like oh shit i totally thought that this could run for longer yeah yeah exactly or or or like i'm usually when i'm dating i'm like gathering information. I'm trying to learn how things would work in the longterm. And there's only a certain amount of information that you can gather. Like there's like a certain timeline, right? Like you can't bake the relationship indefinitely. Uh, or at least, at least for many of the people that I've

dated, it's not like they're down to like wait indefinitely for you to like make up your mind. I don't think that's a thing. Right. And so like people in relationships develop a different point. So it may be that I'm just not ready. And like the trigger's been pulled. Like you've had the, like, I want to be serious conversation and you're one of them isn't ready or like able to take, take the plunge. Like it's kind of like that. But I think, um, I'm just worried that I do that in a self-destructive way where they're like, isn't a right person. Like I could be head over heels for somebody and then like things start to get real. And then I'm like, wait, no, I'm not into this, but I was along the way. So like, that's my sort of, that's my fear. And I think that that

trepidation is, is a flaw that like kind of prevents me from like jumping in and probably prevents me from experiencing things that would otherwise be like really beneficial yeah do you also share this experience i almost universally know after one to two times hanging out with someone that this is not a permanent thing i i don't believe at least not in my adult life that i've ever been in a relationship where it was a fluid conversation where i was like oh is this do i don't i know it's usually just a case of this feels like a three month be a year um so you're making me think of like the hang the dj episode of black mirror yeah uh but for me i know like what you described i felt that in my heart and i've still like continued to like oh well maybe your instinct was battling with your optimism yeah yeah and i'm like

oh is that am i giving this a fair shake oh maybe this was like off because of this thing and then i like give it a lot more time and then i end up in the situation where i like feel like i'm leaning somebody on and i'm like, well, I just wanted more. I just wanted to be more sure. And now this seems like way more. I don't know. I don't know. No, I think that's totally valid.

I think you owe it to yourself. This is the philosophy I try and employ. And I say try because I feel it all the time. But I believe that we owe it to ourselves to hold ourself to an expectation that we deserve the holy shit. No doubt in my mind. Yeah. That's the people i see that i know in the happiest relationships all express that and that's not to say that it's

mutually exclusive from we argue and we have occasional rough patches right right it's just always the genesis is always i knew after 20 minutes that this was the most exciting person i had ever met or spent time with and if you're willing to compromise on that i think you know you're playing yourself yeah yeah like for sad boys for example um what i don't know but you had six other hosts before me yeah me and scott pilgrim got together and and battled away all of the hosts until we found until we found you yeah mark maron did sad boys for the first 15 episodes yeah it was weird and then we had chris hardwick and then we had pete holmes and then each of mark maron's cats one at a time we had john gabrus's dog arthur yeah so sad boys actually was like that um i feel like we were back and forth about ideas for the show and then the other idea we were

exploring was really hard but then when we came up with this show, it just like clicked into place. And now it like sort of becomes a part of your life. And you're like, no, no, no. That's just the thing that we always did. Yeah. But it's weird to think back to like before it existed. Yeah. We're so comfortable with this show now.

We have such a nice relationship with it. We have a couple of kids. We have a mortgage. Yeah. We don't think back to the courtship days. Yeah. Talking white. Yeah. I mean, talking white is one of like five different shows yeah we've we've been you know marinating on that for a long time and now 20 eppies deep yeah and by the way marinating is is what it was called when we had to hoist mark maron from from the host chair

yeah we were maron hating so i have a question for you jordan and and oh it's not hard is it i have a well my question for you uh i hope that you are a person with regrets that's the the premise that i'm gonna leave this with okay that's mean uh no i hope i hope that you're one of those people who's not like everything in my life contributed to where i am today so i wouldn't change anything i'm just we're not going to talk about your whole life sure we're just going to talk about the last month okay what is like if you could take something in the last month that was bad and make it good describe that for me and and what you would change sure that's a really good one that's frankly it's hard i mean did you hear my bit about mark maron yeah okay

i have something lay it on me uh so this is actually something i was going to talk about in a follow-up episode we were going to do about health but uh i'll drop it now just because in the last uh week in fact wednesday of this week um i struggled with something very specific and the way that i handled it i was okay with but there are certain things i would have liked to have done and ways I could have brought more people into my world by doing this um so the specific event that I'm referring to uh is a day that I just woke up really really depressed okay old school all-american depressed uh largely chemical no real conditioning a few events surrounding it had kicked me off but I was very like uh intense and manic the day prior and then i woke up just miserable i couldn't get out of bed i was crying from the moment i wake up and then i was at again we're going back to the well

of jordan cobers either in bed at work or at phil's so i woke up in bed crying now you are a npc of course i go to bed i sleep for an hour at which point you're welcome to rob my shop a lot of the time i find people will put a bucket over my head and steal all the things so anyway you're crying but i was crying um yeah i woke up i was it was really miserable and then i uh went over to phil's and i found myself just standing in phil's slapping myself in the face trying not to cry and for the life of me i didn't know what it was still don't really uh you know that's one of the things i struggle with when it comes to depression and i'm sure a few listeners do as well is i constantly search for validation

for justification of right right when being miserable can be its own cause yeah of course of course matter don't let it generate guilt um so I got stuck in this place for a while. And interestingly enough, the day before, I had taken a surprising number of walks with friends to walk them through something they were struggling with. I believe with three different friends who were each struggling with something completely unrelated. And I got to just take a little walk with them. We all work in the same office. Right, right. It was nice. And one of the things I appreciated was that it gave me insight into my friends lives in ways that i wouldn't normally

right like we work pretty busy lives we hang out maybe socially one to two times a week yeah with our friend group and as a result i don't spend a lot of time just talking sincerely yeah um and when this day hit me i spent a lot of the day avoiding it to be totally frank i dashed to the bathroom maybe four or five times just to cry it out i yeah really couldn't figure out what the hell was going on oh man and eventually it resulted in uh me and um a good friend of mine my manager bremner going on a walk where i expressed it to him and he was very helpful and he was very sincere and he was very open my regret is is that i should have done that with a few more people i remember walking out of that that experience and thinking well not only did that help me with

the experience i'm having right now but i feel closer to bremner as a result and i respect his willingness to be so open and sincere and react quickly and be empathic yeah and i was thinking well shit a bunch of my friends did that to me the other day and when push came to shove i just kind of crapped out and then went home early like yeah in a perfect world i would have loved to have taken a walk with them and for them to see me in that version of myself i know yeah yeah new year's episode of this very podcast i apologize to the fan base for for pulling back emotionally and not being open and sincere and that's something i've been working on since.

Right. And that would have been the perfect opportunity. I mean, I can tell people now, I can tell you, I can tell people on the podcast, I can tell these friends that I had that day. Totally. But the hardest thing to do, which I didn't do, is actually show it to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's been on my mind a little bit. Yeah.

Specific conversations I wished I could have had while that jordan was out to play right right yeah i think um i think you know i totally empathize with that situation i think i've been in that situation as well you know you you have some stuff going on and you like can't be who you want to be for who you want to be it for yeah and uh you're one of the people i wanted to take a walk with. Oh yeah. Um, it was pretty specific people.

I won't name the other names. I don't know if they want to be on the pod or not, but, um, I remember thinking, wow, I need to talk to somebody about this. Cause I'm probably going to go home.

Right. I have, uh, tear stains all over my shirt. Yeah. Yeah. I look like shit. Um,

but I remember thinking that Jarvis would be the perfect person to talk to. And I just didn't. I remember just like kind of losing the momentum of my day and being home, going to bed early before I could even remember what had happened. And all I'll say is because I've been in a similar situation and you kind of just have to like forgive yourself because you're sort of you mentioned it being chemical like it you just couldn't it's like uh sorry i couldn't go on a walk uh my legs were broken couldn't you try harder to walk use your hands like no i was just like bleeding out and uh sorry i couldn't i had would have to drag myself by my elbows i would have loved to have come to your party but unfortunately i died and was in the river sticks yeah yeah and

so and so when you think of it like that you're like oh okay well that seems like a legitimate excuse so why is it not yeah you know on on the flip side so uh you were you were dealing you were healing um you were dealing drugs specifically i was dealing drugs yes sorry i should mention this is all code yeah yeah i sold drugs to bremna and i thought to myself i should have sold drugs to jarvis yeah it's true it's true um sell drugs to your friends that's the moral um that's what you would change welcome to sad boys drugs to friends so i mean my only my only takeaway for you is just to say hey man, man, you're doing fine. Thanks, dude.

Yeah. And, you know, next time there will be an opportunity to give it a shot and you can test the waters. But if it's not, if it doesn't happen next time either, that's okay, too. You know? Thanks, man. I'll keep that in mind. Who knows? Maybe we can record an episode next time.

Get really weird. Oh, that would be very weird. I believe we were actually scheduled. I moved that recording because of that. And I don't know if I regret that. I think that would have just been too much work for you. It would have been a four-hour episode. Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, like, I love to, like, if it's an experiment, though, and it's not even, we'll just hit record and, like, have the conversation. Wrap it around on a very special episode of Sad Boys. We bring you live piano music yeah yeah um so we had some hard questions we did even harder answers and hard bodies like like uh doing push-ups the entire time just call us jealousy because we're the big green giant big green envious monster played by mark ruffalo oh my goodness jarvis if i want to send in a sincere and open letter for us to mercilessly mock and destroy any value of how might i go about doing that um well if you want to do that uh please don't but if you really have

to then you can find us on twitter at sad boys pod you can find us on Twitter at sadboyspod. You can find us on the internet at sadboyspod.com. Hell yeah. You can send us an email at sadboyspod at gmail.com. And that's about it. If you look into the mirror and scream Justin three times, one of us will appear. Who knows which? Nobody's done it yet. Yeah, we don't know.

Oh, he's gone. Oh, Jesus. Hey. What? Hey. Sorry, I sorry i ran back oh what just happened i turned up at sarah lamb's house weird it's crazy in the uk i had to fly back now jordan if if people like aren't getting enough of sad boys and they they just wanna they just wanna follow the good all-american hosts oh sorry um the good half-american half-british hosts yep um god there's so many locations yeah i mean the best one possible would probably be at jarvis on twitter i mean all right yeah it's not me that's true frederick's confirmed my greatest fear no but uh you can follow jordan at jordan adika that's jordan spelled the normal way a d i k a

that's me one word um i've been trying to tweet more not been doing a great job of it i'm enjoying pretty exciting dragon ball z tweet this morning yet to receive i'm having a good time i gotta go like that not loving that um i appreciate that javis i just to be candid it means nothing to me weird it says this twitter has been suspended huh oh oh because of all the hate speech yeah that makes sense unrelated Oh, unrelated. I see. Two Dragon Ball Z characters. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Weird. Yeah. I can't believe you'd say that about Captain Ginyu. Yeah. Some pretty cutting blue terminology I came up with for Saiyans. Don't want to say it on the podcast, but it's pretty rude. But yeah, you can follow us there. You can also, if you like, you could subscribe to the show.

And if you want to get really crazy, I've got a hard question for you. What's that? Will you leave a five-star iTunes review, please? I won't because I think it's cringy when people leave reviews of their own stuff. But if you would like to, on my behalf, listener, please head on over to iTunes and leave us a five-star review. Also, we're on Spotify. I don't know if you can leave reviews there. We're also on other places, too.

I don't know. Leave a review anywhere. We're on Spotify? Hell yeah. Yeah, we're on Spotify. We're on Google Play. You can put us in a playlist with all of your favorite songs. Yeah, they're doing podcasts now.

It's like a whole thing. Play it at a party. Yeah. Put one episode of... This is the homework this week. Put one episode of Sad Boys inside a Spotify playlist you have, then play it at a public event, and whenever the episode starts playing,

see how long until somebody turns it off. Play the episode where I'm rapping and see how long it takes people to realize it's not real music. It's not real. We end every episode of Sad Boys with a particular phrase. You want to kick it off, or shall I? I think I got this one. All right.

You ready? You want to do some Kegels or you ready to go? No, I stretched before this. Okay. We love you. And we're sorry. Boo, boo, boo, boom. Boom.

That's the end of the show. This show is stupid. It's a bad podcast. By two bad boys. What kind of bad boys? We'll see you next time.