Sad Boyz - Online Shopping Nightmares

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

Jordan and Jarvis read your ridiculous marketplace shopping experiences, and take a deep dive into The Santa Clause (1994). Sad Boyz Nightz #94: Sad Boyz Office Holiday Party Weekly bonus episodes for only $5/mo at: https://patreon.com/sadboyz Join our Discord ▸ https://discord.gg/Hw82Dhun4m P.O. Box ▸ 3108 Glendale Blvd Suite 540, Los Angeles CA 90039 Play Sad Boyz BINGO ▸ https://sadboyzpod.com/bingo Write To Us ▸ [e-mail] Use the subject line "Pen Palz" and we could read it on the next episode! Our Links ▸ https://linktr.ee/sadboyzpod 00:00:00 Zeno's New Year Countdown 00:03:03 A Herb Dilemma 00:06:05 Jordan's Question 00:11:09 The Santa Clause (1994) 00:22:08 Online Shopping Horror Stories 01:05:07 Apology Moment 01:10:39 Progress Isn't Linear 01:35:12 Sad Boyz Nightz #94

welcome to sad boys a podcast about feelings and other things also i'm farty mcfarpants jarvis jarvis i'm jordan okay no you're weird i'm cool we said we said before the show we'd make up cool names oh okay you're you're doing you're still in the holiday spirit now you're in the holiday spirit. Now you're in the holiday dis-spirit. Because it's over. Oh. Wait, so. Oh, happy new year. Hmm, okay. This episode's coming out when?

This episode is coming out December 27th. Okay. Oh, in that case. No, that makes, everything makes sense. I'll do a New Year's song. Ten. Nine. everything makes sense i'll do a new year's song uh 10 no okay now are you singing the new year's countdown well i'll make it really long so that it isn't finished until like four days right now it's like with that thing it's like if you play uh frank ocean's nights at this time then at midnight the beat switch will happen.

If you place this episode of Sad Boys on New Year's Eve, right at this beginning, you slow down the countdown. And here we go, 10. Actually, yeah, if you start an episode of Sad Boys, the amount of time before it hits midnight, relative to the length of the episode. Eight. We'll slow down. it's what 5 days

7 you know what used to bother me as a boy I was a bothersome boy and I'm like it would really annoy me when people would do like 3, 2, 2 and a half oh yeah

even just doing that I'm like fucking fucking count, dude. Move it. You're annoying me. Yeah. I'm going to smack you if you don't fucking finish that. I'm nine years old and I'm scared of everything, but I will fight you. I never experienced this, but theoretically someone could just keep having the number

if they knew it. And then it would never end. The halting problem, I's cool wait can we can we can we search the halting problem oh it's definitely right four um yeah what's the name of that oh that's what gojo introduces you guys yeah that's what i was in this the infinity yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. He can't be touched. It's not the halving problem. Xeno's Paradox, okay. Sure. I also remember there being something about a door,

like approaching a door. But... Infinitely smaller. Maybe try halfway to a door problem. Infinite halfway? Oh, it is just Xeno's Paradox. Okay. It's Jujutsu Kaisen that's what it could be

called it's very kind of xeno to uh uh where's that called xeno um of zoro uh to to set up set gojo up so so beautifully yeah i didn't know he was a mangaka um i have an idea. Or actually, I have a dilemma, something of a paradox. You've got a dilemma like Kelly Rowland in 2003 or one, one of those years? Also like my volleyball coach, Herb Dilemma. Absolutely no way.

I swear to God, wasn't a real name absolutely no universe where your volleyball coach's name was I swear to god did you always go oh

did anyone always go like did he ever get disciplined by the the school board and they're like we have to talk

about the herb dilemma. He was a great volleyball coach. Definitely got frustrated with me because I did make fun of him quite a bit. Did you always do, whoa, whoa, whoa, I guess we've got a herb dilemma, don't we? Did you ever say that?

I mean, look, I was 12, 13. I wasn't that witty. I probably said some jokes. You said you're dumb and old. I mean, look, I was 12, 13. I wasn't that witty. I think you. I probably said some jokes. You said you're dumb and old. I'll kill you, man. And I hate you. Your name sucks, I bet. He was also quite short for a man who played volleyball.

That's what you said when you were 12. Actually, you're quite short for a man who played volleyball. I was taller than him at 12. That's wild. Well, you are nine feet tall. Wait. That's why you don't appear on camera, because you couldn't possibly. We don't have a lens wide enough. I would just go out of frame.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be like when adults are in like, it'd be like. Peanuts. Or in Powerpuff Girls, like Sarah Bell. Or like, what was the guy in Proud Family that you never see his face because he's so tall yeah it's like a running joke yeah i ain't never seen it mate i know what you're talking could you google tall guy proud family also jordan you had something that i think tall guy proud family feet no no look up low oh yeah wizard kelly love it that's a less ridiculous name than Mr. Dilemma.

This fucking Batman villain that taught you volleyball. While we're at it, this episode is sponsored by ADHD. While we're at it, could we Google Kelly Rowland's Dilemma year of release? Oh, it has Nellie in it? 2002.

I said 2001 or 2003, and it was 2002. Gosh darn or 2003 and it was 2002 gosh darn I guess it is what I say to that all the data was there it was a regular paradox it was halfway in between it was a regular Herb's

dilemma wait look up Herb's dilemma there's a chance it's a chance. There's a tiny chance. It's a philosopher from Wisconsin. Herb Dilemma solved. Hold on, hold on.

Greatest sentence I've ever read. Herb's Dilemma joined the Gible Guts cartoon group. What could that possibly mean? Okay, well, on the topic of of lying which i'm just learning about i'm just saying about this whole thing that i personally sounds like we're starting with a lie but okay we're in trouble uh i anyway by the way every episode somebody's first episode and i just want to make it clear um it's a sort of running joke that everybody else in the podcast loves to lie for like comedic effect or just for fun that's not true comedic effect in terms of it's a running joke that everybody else in the podcast loves to lie for like comedic effect or just for fun that's not true comedic effect in terms of it's even for other people

that's not true I also I guess if it is someone's first episode I want to say that my name is not actually Farty McFartface it is just Jarvis but I understand the confusion so what was it when you did say that that was a humorous joke in which I am

now revealing the truth whereas you your lies you never reveal the truth that's the joke that's not a joke that is just lying ah the it's a devilish gambit like if you make it get a fake id it's not a devilish gambit with the bar to get them to let you in your honor it, it was merely a jape, you see. It was merely a what? A jape. What's that? A chucklesome jape.

The Anastasia was surprised I'd never heard that. Is it a word? It is. Oh, thank goodness. It's like jungle japes from the map from Donkey Kong from Super Smash Bros. Oh. Can you say, by the way, this sounds like it's a slur, which is the reason.

It sounds really bad. Yeah, it is. In fact, if you remove the last or the first, it can be a slur. It's like the 2002 of two slurs. It's right between two slurs. It's right between two slurs.

Can we Google jungle japes? Yeah, it says Donkey Kong 64. Phew. That was a close one. I believe you were beginning to talk about how you're a big liar. No, no, no. I have come up with an idea of something I could lie about, and I want to see if...

You should. I want to present the issue and I want to see if... You should. I want to present the issue. I want to pose an ethical question to the group. So, it's Christmas, right? Or, I'm sad because Christmas just finished. It's post-boxing day. I have a son. I have a beautiful boy

Okay that's the lie This is theoretical His name? Yeah Herb Okay Herb That all tracks

Herb Jarvis Goku Vegeta Naruto Oh that's so sweet Adika Wick Deliver Herb Deliver for short So yeah he's born

1970 I I raise A beautiful boy Raising my wonderful son Raising him of course to be an epic atheist online Raising him to watch only my videos Epic atheist online is a

MMO I used to play Oh yeah you forgot that Now I'm embarrassed to admit it you find out one day that i have been lying i've been i've been adding a little extra flavor on top of the the santa myth to my kid right yeah my kid's like doing karate or something yeah and you say what do you hope to get from santa this year and my kid says who he's like santa claus like santa claus and then he's like oh you mean rick you show him a photo and the athlete is like oh that's rick i've been lying to my son and telling him santa claus his Santa Claus's name is Rick Claus. All right. Is that, and here's the question, amoral?

Is that unethical in any way? Hmm. Edit this down and reduce the rambling. I think it might be. Jacob said, no, it's just weird. I heard something like this. Not exactly. On maybe this American life. I heard something like this not exactly on maybe This American Life

I actually heard something like that it was quite the dilemma I think I heard about this dilemma yeah no go on I want to say it was like This American Life or some other Parks and Rec character name by the way

Herb Dillema truly like uh it would be the the riddler's real name and somehow no one figured it out right it's an anagram for i mean joker where i'm the joker uh there was a couple who were very into christmas and so they decided to make christmas extra special for their kids um and so they would like hire actors to play elves to like run on the roof and then like run around the woods around their house and stuff and so is that an actor the kids like thought that santa was real way longer than most kids do because they saw actual physical evidence of it. How long is too long? That's an important plot point in the Santa Claus, actually. The movie starring Tim Allen.

Improving homes. In the Santa Claus, which I watched recently as preparation for my segment in Thank Miss. Shout out to Jack septic i the entire time his kid is believing in santa because first of all his dad is santa second of all he's been to the north pole he's met all the elves and he does exist like bernard and he does exist scott calvin sc santa claus murderer um killer of real tentacles yeah he kind of that's kind of the opening of the movie is that he killed santa claus and his child his child walks out wins the santa's dead body shotgun pellets embedded in his shirt his ex-wife has a new

boyfriend and he fucking sucks yeah and classic era of movie divorce movie and he's also a psychiatrist and the entire time they just like shit on psychiatry because because he sucks and then he's like a representative for like therapists and just being a being in therapist mode all the time yes that's like uh it i feel like certain jobs and roles are the equivalent if it's anything to do with like emotion or wealth welfare other than being a surgeon it's like now if a character and something's like i only drink soy milk oh no thanks i'm vegan it's like somehow trying to like emasculate a character through doing perfectly good and normal things there is a episode of rick and morty i i started watching rick and morty again randomly there is a episode of rick and morty i i

started watching rick and morty again randomly there is an episode where rick's therapist uh gets brought on to a plot by the president to save the world from i don't know one of rick's exes who's like a hive oh the planet yeah yeah the entire time they're like scott you're brainwashing our child who shouldn't believe in santa and they're being really annoying about it because like let the kid have an imagination also he's like the age that it's cool to believe in santa and he's right and he's right last but not least why does anyone not believe and then so to the point where they like take him to custody court and they like take custody of the child after which got kelvin uh shows up

outside of their window horrible idea by the way you were not gonna go to your child back like that with the shotgun he killed santa with the turning point of the movie when they finally believe he's just like dressed as santa and then they're like oh i guess yeah we believe and then uh bernard walks in in bernard the elf the guy from numbers is is that what he's from he later did numbers i cannot remember yeah he's like a he's one of those people where you look him up and he's like been acting his whole life and went to juilliard and like all those things uh he was also recently in the fourth santa claus movie the santa clauses uh released in 2022 where you can see him uh no longer donning a dread cap and wearing uh wearing just normal curly hair which i think is a welcome uh change double year um but anyway he's like walk

he like walks in he's like hey like excuse me um and then they're like oh elves okay i guess this is all real uh and the reason i went on this long tirade was because of something we were talking about before because the the family would hire actors yes yes so legend so then now they like they all start believe and they start like weeping and apologizing to scott and stuff but i'm like is that really all it took because he could have just hired somebody yeah what that yeah you know how we know that is because they did to make a movie they were able to do that actually i uh only ever saw the first santa claus and i saw it like five years ago i've never seen it as a kid and i'm not misremembering that he shoots him with a gun right

i think he just slips and falls oh i've never seen this can we can we pull up the why is this part of my brain i think you had a dream about shooting Santa. Oh, that was it. The Santa Claus. Yeah, and then just Wikipedia or something. Did you call him Father Christmas growing up? I did. Yeah, he just startles Santa Claus who falls off the roof and dies.

Dies. That's so crazy. And then he imbues him with a hex right like he curses him with right it's very weird because the santa claus claw okay so first of all the whole thing is a fucking ruse because he goes to the north poles uh he goes to the north pole and then bernard's like you agreed to the santa claus by putting on the suit. And he's like, what? And he's like, in the fine print on this contract, it like circular, like writing, it has this clause.

And I'm like, well, that's fucking not defensible in a court of law. You can't just like put something in invisible ink on a contract and then be like, well, the clause was hidden on the contract. Also, you should really take this up with every mall across America. There's a bunch of people infringing on the contract also you can you should really uh take this up with every mall across america there's a bunch of people infringing on the santa claus i also wonder how many people

left comments about how scott calvin does not shoot santa claus with a shotgun before before i was just going along with it because i wonder how many people thought i was doing a bit and didn't genuinely remember getting shot to death. Yeah, I mean, it is funny. I mean, it is. It is. It turns out by putting on the suit, Scott is subject to a legal technicality bullshit, by the way. Wait, when does he put on the suit?

Did he take it off his corpse? No, no, no. Santa disappears. Oh, my God. Okay, so there's a moment. There's a moment where Santa a moment uh where santa disappears and his just his suit is on the ground there's a point where santa he slips and he falls okay his underwear yeah that by the way there's a lot of underwear and side ass from tim allen early on

in the movie santa then his body just disappears and it's just his clothes on the ground obi-wan i was gonna say like cell i was like i was like looks like cell made it to illinois but uh i first asked i was like chuckling to myself and i asked austin if he'd seen dragon ball z and he said no and so i was like damn did you yeah and so like is that why you left no i haven't i can't see i've seen that so i kicked him him out. So yeah. Yeah, his child witnesses Santa Claus' death. The other funny thing is that the CGI, they... Oh, yeah. Okay, so he does witness the dead body of Santa Claus.

The frozen core. That is grim. Yeah, this... This is like Fargo. This is grim. I will also say that... Don't be cutting your kid's head off. The CG is completely not there but

it was at an era in the 90s where they were like full steam ahead we're gonna have something that's just a background and some cg models and you're gonna be like damn that's real as hell and it is like rendered ps1 graphic like level at best yeah when this came out i was uh five months old so i think they really weren't ready to be taking swings like this they did use puppetry i think for or at least like practical effects for the reindeer close-ups because they knew that that wouldn't track uh but it is very funny knowing that like someone is like pulling the strings because you can start to see like how the reindeer is moving i would love when we can't draw through all the trivia but i like this seems like one of those movies where there's going to be a story of like uh on the set of santa claus oh like this right here like this looks great

tim allen i think actually if you back up there's a oh this is quite literally what i was showing austin oh that's puppet. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's like the ear like moves just on one axis. A little animatronic. That's kind of good. That's fun.

He's smiling. Yeah. Oh. And this actually, this works. Why didn't Santa do that? I feel like that. I think Santa does do that. Yeah.

I think that's funny. He was dicking around on the roof. They're using lots of morph effects, which those look fine. It's really just like whenever you see the reindeer actually it's mainly the rain well things in real life that we know don't look like like so here yes but then like the shot if you jump back like this uh it it only looks fine because it's kind of dark in this video but in in the actual movie it looks terrible and then when they start to move it looks completely that's what's blowing his mind. He's like,

Oh yeah, you can kind of see it, but this is a year after the first Jurassic park and Jurassic park still looks pretty good. Yeah. But it was like the best computer graphics. They had, they used like a combination of like computer graphics and animatronics and uh in lower light and in darker

environments it doesn't trigger the like uncanny valley as much because you don't like with a lot of light you just see all the places that like light isn't refracting and and all those things and then it's like super just your eye just picks it up so easily and it's wowing you with the left hand and stealing with the right because it's uh like the the rain effects are so crazy it has like reflective scales and everyone's going like look at the scale and then you don't when they go to denny's so but the first one of the first scenes of the movie is they they go to uh dinner at denny's because scott burns the dinner at home they go to denny's they say it's an american institution and they immediately cut to a bunch of asian families oh like the editing

and the movie is making a visual joke they're like what's more american than this and they cut to a bunch of asian people this oh i don't know some i'm like as if those people aren't American. I know. As one of the ultra diehard listeners of this show that will tag us with, I had 700 years of listen time for Scare Boys this year. Thank you, by the way. That's always very sweet. If any of those people can remember, I may, I hope I mentioned it on the show in the past, and I was never able to find it on TV tropes or anything like that,

but someone should add it, is the trope of, you thought it was a normal thing, but actually they're Chinese. That is a, to this day, it is like, oh, we're going to sneak into this person's house. Oh, wait a minute.

The opposite of a person. Right, right. What the hell? It's like, it's not a white family having dinner it's gonna be a different family yeah just a different like why like how in any way is the joke different but they're like oh but this family is asian so that's so different jordan's running late to the podcast glad i'm here guys i turn your career i'm like what that's even crazier than i don't know it being a different black guy

that would because then we wouldn't be sure um santa did probably recently did a lot of shopping because it was recently christmas well santa famously shops on facebook market boys yeah you reckon he's buying stuff you know and uh we collected some online shopping horror stories from our listeners. Should we look at some? I fell off a roof. And now my clothes are gone. I found a dead man's suit. Santa Claus just teleported

so he's just nude somewhat. He like wakes up like Ben Linus like not knowing where he is. He's in the desert. He's in the desert without his clothes. Santa Claus pushing a big wheel inside of the north pole i have to go back to the pole bonus episode maybe one day we had some people we had our listeners send in we did a little call out on our social media uh instagram dot com slash sad boys don't search for it to hear from you about horrible shopping stories because

tis the season for shopping. We do be shopping and Santa do be. And I also have had my own shopping horror stories. Yes. Recently, one of which was me trying to buy. Maybe it was magic cards. Maybe it was related to not being able to get into the

marvel drop uh for the secret lair because people were skipping the line with bots maybe it was yeah maybe they were skipping the line with bots and then uh bulk buying and completely circumventing a system that's meant for fairness because of their own creed you're saying maybe it was maybe it was that so i then and maybe i purchased to buy it now for the marvel bundle right and i sorted by the lowest cost because i am economically minded while i'm spending hundreds of dollars on magic cards of course in theory again this is hypothetical so uh and then perhaps uh hypothetically just for the sake of the argument i bought this i did the buy it now and then i got a message right after saying hey they literally sent me a message and said hey i want to say thank you for the order but unfortunately i have to cancel it because i made a mistake with

the listing and i've gotta i've gotta relist it but it'll still be available so you can buy it again they relisted it for a hundred dollars more because they realized that they misread the market and they were like i can't make good on this i can't make good on this sale instead i have to hike the price up because i gotta get my extra money I can't make good on this. I can't make good on this sale. Instead, I have to hike the price up because I got to get my extra money. I can't. Fuck this guy. Wait a minute. Yeah.

Give me. Give me that, actually. And so maybe that happened. But just as like a. Leave your guesses in the comments. The answer is yes. This seems like a common thing because other people have posted that they're like, oh, sorry, I didn't expect for this to sell so low. I got to cancel.

Okay, here's one. Also, am I crazy? Is it like when your Mario game came out or something? Because like Luigi is trending and I am thrilled to see that. Whatever that's about, I am on board. It says Luigi Mangione, which is italian for luigi's mansion so i think that there's just like a new one of those yeah you know we 3d printed that vacuum that catches ghosts oh the uh it's called like the sucky the ceo sucker 3000 yeah his blue though it more like went out it went out uh subsonic um sucking capability

yeah well because vacuums are normally so loud yeah and uh what is the what is the vacuum called from luigi's mansion it has a funny name it's like an acronym right that's like a ghost joke yeah ghost joke. Yeah, it's not the Geist. Poltergust. Poltergust. Poltergust 3000. Yeah, the first 2,999. Didn't catch ghosts.

Got a whole point. Yeah. Oh, we should get one. Okay, let's see. We have a long one to start off. All right, we have a long one to start things off. Jacob says, I love reading, and I'm so good at it. There we go.

Extremely illiterate. I have a story. Long-time listener, regular fan. Not a special fan. Not a special fan, just regular old fan. My mom loves Halloween. She prepares year-round, decorated every end so she can make it really fun for the community and the kids decorates for neighbors etc but since she's always doing

more always making it bigger etc i'm tasked to be on facebook marketplace just tracking things down for her uh be that props skeletons mannequins you name it last month i saw a listing of a man selling two male mannequins because he kept hiding them around his house and his wife said you either sell them or get rid of them or i'll be gone jesus imagine mannequins are the biggest problem in your relationship that's great get what if the mannequins i mean also i love that she basically presented every option like either or burn them or put them in space or or hide them six feet underground hide them better i'm sick of wait why i wonder if he was hiding them to scare her or just hates mannequins but he wanted to keep it yeah i wonder why he was holding on to them so strong.

Maybe he was in love with the mannequins. Oh my God, like the movie Mannequin, it was actually a real person that got magically transformed into a mannequin. Or like the Disney Channel. No, it wasn't a Disney Channel movie. It was a Disney. It was licensed by Disney.

Life-size with Tyra Banks. Yes, exactly. Or the Santa Claus 3. Look at this Claus. Want to know how i got these clothes i killed santa with a gun we should look at the listing and then come back to yeah let's look at the okay scary luigi these divorce sale looks like these two mannequins got divorced i can't believe they're breaking oh my god they were my favorite couple one of them's a little underdressed i will say well he lost his clothes in the divorce oh poor poor dude um did i take it oh my god oh yeah

description did i take it too far when i put Todd and Fabian outside my wife's shower? Dude, it's Halloween. That's pretty cool. Okay. So his wife is like, either sell the mannequins and I'm out. And he's like, I'm going to write a quippy Facebook marketplace list. It's not that fun. What was that? $1,500 down from $3,000?

All right. Not bad. I thought that this is neat. I bring us back to the time that I saw a movie prop from the power rangers movie that was the red rangers costume and it was listed for like ten thousand dollars or something on facebook marketplace and i sent a message saying if it ever comes down in price let me know i'm your guy and he goes fat chance or he's like not gonna happen i think that was like all right buddy i know what i have it's a power rangers costume have a little levity it's a i won't lower the price rangers

um that was alpha five rangers what's up rangers todd and fabian are outside the shower please get rid of these um yeah they they do fit, by the way. Fabian's cool. I thought it was funny, but the old lady's heart had enough of my hilarity, so she says, either those creepy bastards go, or you go. I'm now starting to feel like this is a fiction,

but whatever. After a few weeks of considering her offer, I concluded that I enjoy her cooking, okay, buddy, more than I like sleeping in my car. Okay, buddy. It's all just like the greatest hits of women be shopping. I'm the old,

you know, the old ball and chain. I just had to let my mannequins more than gone fishing forever. Yeah. It's happy wife, happy life. Um, Todd and Fabian come with a relatively unblemished criminal record.

This guy's funny, dude. This is my stepdad's sense of humor. It's all working parts as one would expect to receive when purchasing a department store dummy. Full disclosure, Fabian is due in court after the holidays to defend an invasion of privacy charge. It really should. This is Jesus Christ, man. This guy loves having fun. He's having so much fun.

It really shouldn't be a problem, though, because he was wearing Todd's arms on the day of the alleged crime. This is so wild. They are having a fucking ball. I don't even know if they're selling the mannequin for real. This guy got a little lost in the fun here. I think maybe half a paragraph is dedicated to the product. Yeah, where he goes, real talk, I'm willing to part for these

at a lower than my expected cost because I do need to get rid of them quickly. My wife is very upset. But Fabian loves Disney movies. His lawyer is slick as snot, so don't let that deter you from torturing your friends and neighbors. I've got $5,006.89 invested in these guys. They've been worth every penny. And they can be yours for the low, low cost of $3,000.

By the way, cross that $1,500, please. Honestly, if the posture weren't so strange and they weren't standing next to a regular mannequin, I would assume that was a real guy. Yeah. You hang out with him for a couple weeks before I even kind of... Hey, Fabian, my man hey fabian what's going on he never daps me up he's always tricking me this guy leave me hanging again huh i'll be honest

there were red flags already in the listing but it was close to where i live now and a goodbye so okay so this is a good price and my dad built a sinking pirate ship half for my mom this year. This, they are so in, this is crazy. That's sick. Uh, but a skeleton on captain was not reading in the dark. I figured a mannequin would just be more visible. This is so,

and they're investing this much money in this. That's bananas. What? That's incredible. Can you imagine if I turned up to your house and I'm like, Hey buddy, I love you, man.

I got you this. And it's, it's a one-to-one scale half a pirate ship and like you have to install this you know what they do this in burbank if you've ever been in burbank on halloween people like hire actors and stuff to like oh and they decorate their houses like like uh rick's the makeup artist for Planet of the Apes and stuff. His house gets decorated like a movie set, and he hires people and puts them in makeup and stuff.

Oh, consensually. Yes. It gets decorated. Yeah, he does it. On a very special episode of Punk'd. Trick or treat, the trick is destroying your lawn. I arrange a meetup at a Walmart, and the guy shows up, and he's like,

maybe I don't want to sell them. They're really great guys. This guy never turns it off. He never turns it off. Take a break. And I had seen in the listing, he had names for them. Well, Todd and Fabian, obviously. He had names for them, but I was asking different things,

like, can I see their height? How old old are they do you know where they came from and he wouldn't give full answers unless it was about them as if they were friends oh come on mate okay wait now it's i think because the the way it was initially presented as like uh it's a older dude who's married i and and then we started seeing like him say silly stuff i immediately keyed into like i was like a suburban like white guy like i i'm seeing something but now i'm just for the sake of uh perspective much like will happen to him divorcing myself yeah it sounds like vision and i'm like what if this is it sounds like he upset a witch and she cursed him to live inside of a dad joke for the rest of his life but like what if what if there's like something what if he really believes these things

i it's possible they could teach you receive it i love my mom and all but there was some point where i was like what am i doing as a 25 year old woman in the back of the parking lot even entertaining this random older man i don't know letting him tell me about the crimes and lifestyles his mannequins have lived i that's actually a very good question that i would ask the same yeah i would get so weirded out by that yeah i feel like he would text me for updates he'd be like hey how are todd and fabian doing getting up to yeah how the court games go getting up to any new crimes i'm just playing around seriously put them on the He would text me for updates. He'd be like, hey, how are Todd and Fabian doing? Out the court case. Yeah, out the court case. Getting up to any new crimes.

I'm just playing around. Seriously, put them on the phone. Could be FaceTime. Hey, Fabian's lawyer told me he didn't show up for his court case. What are you doing? Fabian's parole officer is trying to get in contact. They turn on the TV and it's like, local child killer Fabian. And all of a sudden he's behind you

hey what are you watching so the wife is out of town this weekend i was thinking maybe you could uh load up todd and fabian in the pickup and we could go paint the town oh that's yeah that's funny man that's yeah have a little joke yeah have a little there's a joke yeah have a little boys night no we were like literally um uh let me tell you about my best friend he's on a roller coaster with like the two mannequins yeah they're on like a

road trip there's police lights behind them it's a pullover he's gesturing to him like you haven't eaten any of your salad he's doing a beer bong they're

cheering him on yeah the uh sequence where they're changing outfits but they can't do it by themselves so they just keep opening the curtain it's the same outfit it's like yeah he's consulting with todd while fabian's just like in a new shirt i do decide okay everything here is pointing towards me getting kidnapped real and him driving off of me i even panicked as far as to assume i may be his next mannequin they are realistic after it's a real android 17 and 18 situation uh after he commented on how beautiful my hair was

brother if you are gonna be a jokey dad joke mcjoker pants you gotta stay whimsical yeah you gotta stay whimsical you cannot cross into by the way you're hot as hell this guy's dual wielding creeps how beautiful my hair was albeit my money price ruining it multiple times and that he could fix it. Albeit my money price. Anyway. I could, by the way, in a lot of cases, saying fix. Yeah. Scary, really quite scary.

I could make it so you never have to worry about your hair ever again. On one condition. You will have to make a joke about everything you say. And it won't be funny. And it won't land. It will never land. No relation to Neverland.

Michael Jackson thing, that was just really a yuck, you know. What are the odds? And hey, I'm a weirdo. And I'm sure he did have mannequins there, but this is no relation. We shouldn't get into this. Honestly, I have a few other clients i had to get to one of them is missing his parole hearing anyway what if uh they robbed

a bank or something anyway let's let's rip it out anyway this guy's going to kill i read ahead a little bit and this gets crazier okay okay it gets crazier but as i'm plotting an escape from the interaction he goes i gotta turn my truck on to get them out. Since they were still laying in the back, buckled in for safety, Jesus Christ. I guess that does make sense. I guess safety of the other drivers. Yeah, like you don't want to like hit a stoplight real hard and then they go flying through the windshield.

That feels like torpedo into someone's chest like Goku did Piccolo. Sorry, I'm doing a lot of dragon ball references today it hits him with and leave my daddy alone yeah hits him with the gohan radditz uh they're buckling he gets in his car and just floors it driving away flipping me he's like i'm never gonna catch me. Todd and Fabian are mine forever. Gosh, I hope his wife leaves. Todd and Fabian are in the back and you hear a deep voice going, yes, all according to our plans.

Their eyes glowing. Show this child who's boss. In reality, it's Deborah had spit on them and they were real people. Guys? Guys, I cannot stop. Jacob? I've got a lot. I got a lot. There's a lot of... Don't worry, everybody. Okay.

He's a demon from hell, and he turns people to stone by spitting on them. Jacob's pretending he doesn't know. And so there are full people inside of the stone statues, and so I'm like, maybe he just pivoted to mannequins. It's fine. I don't think of the stone. He's like i'm like maybe he just pivoted to mannequins it's fine he's also being possessed by bobity the son of vivity this ancient wizard kind of looks like a little foreskin he does yeah he looks like a yeah a green foreskin and he speaks like this margin bull that's actually how i imagine this guy speaking. The wizard that they met in a parking lot.

I stood there for a second and then decided to move my car and sit and I didn't know what happened so I called my mom. I'm driving a thousand miles an hour away to sit where he knows you are. I'm worried for everyone this man interacts with. Fabian.

Todd. That's it. I guess his wife interacts with. Fabian. Todd. That's it. I guess his wife also, but mostly Fabian and Todd. I honestly, imagine you live with a guy who's doing all his annoying shit and then also extremely scary, strange shit like this. And you're like, that's it. Please sell the mannequins. As opposed to, that's it, get away from me forever, I'm afraid.

Why would you run away in the night? Well, she's trying to come up with reasons to get divorced? I think she should just. You should sell the mannequins. They cut to a news at 11, a white Ford truck is on the highway. The date appears. He has two mannequins in the backseat. Wearing one glove.

I wonder why Fabian is wanted and has a court date coming up he's got a bad influence like this guy yeah he's a symbiote um our best thing we can guess happened is that the wife wants him to sell these mannequins he's friends with and he agreed to meet with people and stays long enough to be able to go home and say he tried but he had no social skills so maybe they aren't really his friends that's a a read right there. Like, even these mannequins aren't your friends, you stupid guy. They're always making fun of him. Todd and Fabian were pressed up against the windows,

like, please. Help us. Who wants to wear clothes? We were people with lives. He stole our hair, too. We were twin brothers. I used to have clothes. Why doesn't Todd get to wear clothes?

It's fucked up, dude. He probably stole them. I do want to see. Do we have the other four pictures? Because now I'm so curious. I just realized Fabian looks like Rainbolt. We are assuming which one is Todd and which one is Fabian. Fabian looks like a pro poker player.

Oh, yeah. Put some sunglasses on him. Yeah. They look like the Winkle pro poker player. Oh yeah, put some sunglasses on him? Yeah. They look like the Winklevoss twins. Not really, but. They do look like Rose. Let's look at some more. Let's not dwell too much on this man's.

Yeah, more. That was interesting and bad. So it's maybe just real. That's the thing. I don't think he's joking. I think all of it is more serious than we thought. is screeching away and flipping off that's like so erratic that that makes me go like especially to like a 25 year old yeah lady i will say though one final thought putting the mannequin outside the shower pretty funny pretty good bit well it would be funny to you mr liar no i well yeah i would lie and say they went

there themselves yeah i didn't move them can i read this one yes i don't know why but i want please i think you should not mine but no you can't there's no way it'll upset the balance of time you can't read not mine but my mom's exclamation point. In high school, she had two different boyfriends before my dad. Todd and Fabian. Her junior year, she was with a guy who we'll call Scott. Scott Calvin, Santa Claus. She went to prom with Scott, and he was very picky, so he insisted on my mom wearing a white dress.

Weird. What? Don't you not wear a white dress unless it's like a wedding? Yeah, and also picky is not the word for that. It's controlling. He was very unstable, so he insisted. He's very picky,

so he drove away with his two mannequins in the truck. He's so fussy. You know what I mean? He's so particular about stuff that he flipped me off and tried to hit me with his truck. She was reluctant over the fact that it looked like a wedding dress, but wore it anyway. Yep, that'll do it.

Because Scott wanted it and looked good as hell, if I do say so myself. Hell yeah, Mom. She kept her dress for quite a few years after that until 2013. In 2013, she donated the dress to a local thrift store because she didn't know what to do with it. Yeah, I don't think I want to hold on to the dress that my high school ex pressured me to wear.

I think I might give this away. It's also tough because a white dress, you have so few uses for. I feel like a thrift shop might be like, well, this would be inappropriate to wear anyway. A costume party where it's like, or a Halloween thing. Also, I don't know about you guys,

but I'm immediately spilling mustard on that thing. Oh. Right. Mustard! That's what I yell when I spill it. Help me! It's because you're in a long-term duel with an anthropomorphic bottle of

he's like i'll catch you one day i shake my fist at him you'll never catch me a circle closes around the frame. Credits. A few years later, she finds a dress just like it on Facebook Marketplace. Like, exactly like it. She had to have it tailored when she bought it. And the listed dress had the same tag that hers had from the tailor. So it was the dress. Or it was, yeah.

It was listed as a wedding dress by Scott. By Scott? Legend, dude. Great Scott. Oh my God. They're going to fall in love. I read something along the lines of used vintage wedding dress tailored to a size six, worn by my ex-wife in our wedding.

Worn by lying ex-girlfriend who betrayed me. At first I was like, oh, they're just lying. But now I'm like, how did he acquire the dress? Right. Like, he's like, I feel a disturbance. I think I need to go to Goodwill. This has got to be like a small, small town. Yeah.

Or he tailed the lady. Yeah, everyone talks. You hear about the wedding dress that got dropped off at Goodwill? No. Look kind of like the one your girlfriend wore at prom. Interesting. Gossip is spreading like it would in like a Wild West outpost of 40 people. Yeah.

Well, I was just down the saloon and spoke to the only people I know. Turns out they've got a wedding dress at the thrift shop. The one we have. We've got the dress. We called it the dress. It was kind of like the blue and gold one. I suppose I can't really tell which one it is.

We couldn't tell what color it was. We all thought it was either white or off-white. Cream, really. This revealed a lot of shit. Not only did Scott somehow have my mom's dress over 15 years later, but he had pictures of his ex-wife wearing the dress

no sorry i read ahead it was my mom's high school best friend julie what's even stranger is the fact that when they got married up until now scott and julie lived in florida oh and my mom found the same dress back in another thrift store a few months ago. What a small world we live in. What a small world you live in. Yeah, I don't know what world this is. I pray that people aren't able to track me that easily. Do we know what state they were in that wasn't Florida? They were in an absolute state.

It makes it seem like it was a different state and it still showed up in the same. They lived in Florida up until now. This is when it would cut to Jonathan Frakes walking in and he'd go now was the traveling wedding dress a real story? He's next to it like hung up. Yeah, it's on Todd.

Or did we make it up? Find out next time. Did our writers have a little fun with this one? Or did this really happen? The story about the wedding dress that followed a high school couple and continued to follow her until the rest of her days. Three steps out, he's like, till death do you part.

Yeah. Unless you're divorced. And then he goes, we made it up. He goes, gotcha. I stalked a woman. Not a chance. There's been an episode where he's just out of energy. He's like, I don't know.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't know anymore. I'm kind of over this shit, to be honest. We couldn't find a prop. We couldn't find any props that lined up with this story about parking tickets. So I don't know. What do we got? What do we got?

Flowers? A wooden spoon. At the beginning of the episode, he does a thing where he's always asking a weird rhetorical question. How many times can you wear a wedding dress? Some say just one in a best case scenario. What you're about to watch is a story of a wedding dress being worn many times

am I lying the idea is that maybe I'm lying but maybe not maybe it's kind of fake you're gonna have to decide that that's kind of what we do not now now we're gonna you watch it then come up and at the end I'll say it was fake it was fake like ruins it

how about you read this one oh i can read i know that's why i asked right now yeah yeah this one yeah yeah yeah hi sad boys hello first of all big fan of the pod i'm a very busy stem college major student why did i put that in why did i put major in i made that up oh you did that was never this is like when we read ad copy i was like it's a great prom luck product uh i'm a very busy stem college student currently fighting finals unfortunately uh i guess better than like fighting wait is finals when you finish the whole course or it's every year? Finals is the exam at the end of the course. The whole.

Okay, well, that's good. So you have all your finals. No. Are you talking about course, meaning like your major, your degree? Yeah. Oh, this is a class. Oh, I didn't even think about major. So one class has finals at the end of the semester.

I forgot you have classes. We just have course. I just did film. There wasn't like oh right there were segments but they just all contributed to film yeah this would be like a segment but then it's like a little more modular i guess because there's basically there's a uh degree requirements and it's like a skeleton of like things that you that are required and then sometimes nothing to do with your major it's like yeah that's called gen ed sometimes so yeah like some so and then you you'll need like uh for each for like the things that fill out that skeleton you'll need like a number of credit hours usually that contribute to that thing so sometimes it's

specific classes that are required other times it's like a general education or like a foreign language something or things of that nature and then you can fill that in with anything that it has the right classification it is very elegant that american college is the it's you've created an economy you made a like a cryptocurrency inside of you like america obviously has to have the hyper economical hyper like uh tradable resource it's like a rogue or something yeah yeah you guys had to have the most predatory one with the most wheeling and dealing your education system is way more um efficient and effective though i think a lot of people come out of college being like not really ready to do anything with the degree though in fairness i i don't know how it works

if you like want to change things up and i will say there's i mean not that like maybe it's always even sustainable to be juggling so many things, but in a lot of cases, I mean, sure I had modules, but they were bill bedding, uh, documentary. They were like,

it was very limiting. And I know a lot of people that, you know, I don't know, do like an agricultural degree, hate it. And they weren't doing anything and not even weren't getting qualifications in anything else. They weren't doing anything. They couldn't have hobbies all their time was focused on a element of agriculture

right and then they get to the end of the course you're like oh i hated this but that's all i did yeah yeah there the customizability is nice but then there's also the like okay well i can take any class i want but am i driving towards actually completing a specific degree? And then also there's just all the normal problems with college. So not a hard and fast rule, like if it works for you, cool. It's something that helped me with the way my brain functions. Yeah, I would definitely not have made it in that system. I barely made it in the easy version.

But I think for a lot of people who can one afford it or have the right financial aid and stuff, it can, it can be like an exploratory period where they like find what really sticks with them. So that's nice. That's like one of the benefits, the best case scenario.

But I mean, it's yeah. Moving out was the thing I enjoyed about, I mean, for the most part, but momentum. Also, needed it for my visa. Turned out.

But that was a surprise to the end. I had no plan on moving countries. You're like, it was all according to my plan. You backed me to my trap card. I went to college. I invented college and you paid me. Hi, sad boys. Hello.

I saw on your story. Oh, sorry. What? One of the best parts of my week is cooking dinner with my roommates while listening in. Aw. That's very sweet. That's so sweet. Didn't make us any dinner, but okay.

I saw on your story that you're requesting crazy online shopping stories. That's so funny. We're recording a thing about that right now. Yeah, that's cool. What are the odds? And so I thought I'd share something weird that happened two months ago. Ooh, two months ago. All right.

Recent. Fresh. I was selling these mannequins. Let's call them Bard and Baby. Right before classes started. I had a big septoplasty surgery oh just breathing with my nose which is a thing i can do showing off his nose oh no something's stuck

oh no he's sucking everything in i'm doing a dipper impression deviating i'm redeviating my septum dipper's so expressive with his breaths he is he's quiet he has to be all like he's like his eyebrows that he has uh anyway apologies septoplasty surgery twinning with javis and was still very much drugged up that night while mindlessly scrolling on facebook marketplace it's the usual stuff until i come across a listing for a cardboard cutout of my friend daniel what what it was from a restaurant i think and he was a model for some kind of korean drink question mark question mark it was soju maybe it's daniel soju maybe it's daniel juice no your mind's in the gutter i'm saying maybe he was squeezed

until he made juice it's not weird yeah like maybe he was put into like a juicer of sorts yeah kind of turned into a human paste and then later turned into a sorry not whatever you had yeah it's not weird come on anast like, oh, what if he made orange juice? Yeah. No. Mind you, he does not model. Hmm. Hmm.

And more importantly. Well, did he in the past? Yeah, he's not modeling right now. Maybe I guess the cardboard version does. Mind you, he does not model. And more importantly, has been on a mission trip to Japan for almost a year at this point. I recognize the picture to be one. I recognize the picture to be one the roommate uses a reaction image

and I'm very confused but so tired that I pass out without further investigation. That's understandable. The next morning, I'm less foggy and I'm slowly remembering what I had stumbled across the night before. I would assume it was a dream. A thousand percent, I would think. Oh, yeah, a hundred percent. I would write down in my notes, crazy dream.

Yeah, write down a note that doesn't help me the next day in any way. My dream journal. Daniel in a cutout? Daniel Juice? Yeah, Daniel Juice. I must have been dreaming. Daniel was sweet. That was my basketball coach in high school, Daniel Juice. I must have been dreaming. Daniel was sweet. That was my basketball coach in high school.

Dan Juice. Dan Juice. So let's focus. Stumbled across number four. And so I do my detective work, reverse image searching or reaction image, only to find that someone uploaded it to Shutterstock. We think it must have been uh must have taken a literal inside joke reaction photo and turned it into a stock image like that one bj

novak i mean oh yeah like bj novak uh did some modeling work and then it was uh like i guess it was used as some um stock photo or the licensing or something something this is like before the office and so there's random products in in many countries that just have a photo oh hell yeah well i remember the simulio where he's like in an office before like he was like a famous famous actor or whatever uh maybe maybe we publicly posted it at some point because I have no idea how else they could have gotten that picture. I have no copy of the marketplace listing. What? What happened? But I wish I did because we think a Daniel cutout would be kind of so funny.

Well, I have great news. You know him. Yeah, make a Daniel cutout. You have the photo. You have the photo. You have manifested this mannequin you've mannequin fested this because of your uh the powers imbued to you with your surgery and by taking such a deep breath you were able to dimension shift uh like nelson mandela right

that's why it's called mandela effect using his powers because he's because he shifts dimensions yeah because he got radioed to powers in jail right and mannequin fest is also the title of the episode of factor fiction where the guy

wakes up and he keeps seeing mannequins everywhere he goes they keep multiplying it's a festival of mannequins there's nothing

an infestation of sorts putting down a glass I have to take you nothing better than a nice glass of juice but what if it was Daniel's juice we've all had a bit of Daniel's juice

we've all sipped on Daniel there's that option with powers or Daniel is a little liar oh yeah Daniel actually did Daniel submitted himself I mean if daniel doesn't model i mean what is this photo hello i don't think we're showing it though it's oh okay well since we're not showing it um fully nude penis entirely exposed just complete it's just a like

a shapeless bowl the legs seem segmented yeah yeah it's weird the legs seem segmented yeah yeah it's weird no it's a very handsome I would even say Zara style aesthetic

yeah looks very Zara like a Zara mannequin so to speak maybe that's what he's doing maybe his mission trip is just

giving out cardboard cutouts it's him doing the when he paints himself silver on like a street corner he's just a good looking man he paints himself silver on the street corner.

He's just a good looking man. He's just stood. They would actually like that in Japan probably. Just a handsome white man stands around. You can kind of look at him. That's awesome. You kind of like take a photo with him and give him a butt. They like that in America too.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's kind of a curse and my gift. You're a handsome white man? Yeah, when I need to be. Okay. When the world needs. That's when they need Jordan White. I mean, it's... God, I wish there was an answer to the question.

Also, buy the cutout. Yeah, just make a cutout. What if the price was too high? They're like, I know what I have. Or they drive to a parking lot. It's a piece of cardboard. It's my friend, actually. And you can get these made.

Like, it's not that hard. God, what if we got it? What if we printed it out? Can you please send us an un-watermarked image? I am not putting Daniel's juice anywhere near me. Send it to us

because I'll print it out and I will put it in this house. But I won't tell Dravos what. Do you know that movie Three Men and a Baby? Outside the Shower? Is it going to be Outside the Shower? No, but of course you do. Three Men and a Baby?

That's like your autobiography. It's more like me and three babies. It's Tom Selleck, right? Yeah. Wait a second. Hold on, hold on. Pause. Pause. Three Men and hold on. Pause. Pause.

Three Minute and Baby, 1987. A bunch of photos of guys and then Zac Efron. Is Zac Efron the baby? Who was not alive in 1987. No, there's no way he was the baby. Is that DaBaby? I don't know why DaBaby...

Uh-oh. I don't know why Zac Efron's there. God, Ted Danson is so old. He's just been around forever. Leave him alone, mate. been around forever Leave him alone mate Oh I like him Unless he did something bad I like his mustache

So this was a very very popular film I had it on VHS for some reason Directed by Leonard Nimoy Sorry I keep that's wild If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it It's not good How but it's like. How's the baby?

So the baby's a great actor. But at one point, they're in the apartment of these three men. They're like three bachelors, but they get a baby. At that point, they're like, we're just three men, and that's how it's going to stay. Who put this baby in here? There's a baby in the toilet. And at one point in the movie. There's a baby in the toilet. And at one point in the movie. There's a baby outside my shower.

Stop putting this baby. Either sell it or send it away. Or I'm divorcing the group. They're just in their apartment. And in the back of the frame, you see there's a window. And you see the shadow of a boy and when i was a kid the rumor was that was a boy that died on the soundstage and his ghost haunted the soundstage oh my god but was not true it was a cardboard cutout from a different shoot that someone thought was fine

to put behind the window just to sorry just clarify what you're saying it was not a ghost that's not true that's not true oh this is tagged if you scroll down we did see the same thing yeah uh yeah the tag right there remake of a french film i am also tagged baby lifts on doorstep and tagged police give me more give me more 53 more baby the most people said that police was helpful that was very helpful diaper change oh that sounds like a funny drug dealer yep abandoned baby not helpful bachelor i do like that someone just wrote baby baby like what three men what who's going on imdb and going hmm baby i don't know how people are gonna find this uh electronic music store five word title it's like someone's like doing trivia they're like trying to find weird things

about oh three men um where are these baby left on doorstep are these the baby movies baby left on doorstep we should have this is actually hold on new game idea we find a random tag on imdb and we have to guess and then we have to guess the number one because harry potter and sorcerer's stone being the number one is like a oh i wish i thought of that yeah that makes perfect sense you know we could do straight up what well we got the holiday party this week. Yeah, we got it. Maybe next night. Or I read you the top five to ten tags of a movie and you guess what movie it is. Well, there's also a really good improv game

that we could do around this where you click on the tag and you can say, okay, movies with baby left on doorstep. And we each have to think of one. If you can't think of one, you're out. I didn't know there was a 1993 superhero movie. That movie is insane.

Bowser is a guy. He's a human man played by Dennis Hopper. Dennis Hopper, yeah. And the, yeah. It's a very self-conscious like, well, we have to make this movie, but we don't want to look silly and be a video game

because they're for babies. John Leguizamo is Luigi Mario. Oh, their surname is mario which isn't real by the way that's not like for real isn't that good no it's not oh they're like made it up for the mario brothers in the film oh those name was mario mario oh i could be wrong iwata in two separate interviews from 2012 further confirmed that their last names are not Mario or video game and then in 2015 video game and then in 2015 Miyamoto like like said that his full name is Mario Mario but then they think it's a joke because then he later said in a different interview that Link's full name was Link Link that's fun so i mean they probably joke about it because

the movie yeah exactly that's kind of what because uh in like before the movie they said that he didn't have a last name so they were like who cares like why would yeah exactly like why who cares yeah well so sonic's like a teenager and miles like like, six. Can we talk about how Tails' name is Miles Prower? Miles Prower, because he goes so fast. Whoa. Yeah. Which, but also Sonic's... That blew my mind, sorry.

But Sonic's name is just Sonic, and he's faster than Tails. Yes. In fact, Tails is as fast as everyone else. He should be called Flyer Man. Yeah, Tails is also kind of slow in the Grand Ski with me. His thing is flying but jordan you had you wanted to apologize about something well no kind of not to anyone here oh i thought it would potentially be like a fun little occasional recurring thing that we can do to cleanse our souls here and there not for lies but occasionally cleanse ourselves here and there to um apologize for

genuine like weird little experiences we have something awkward that goes on a embarrassing thing or a bad sign off i said to an uber driver as I got out or something like that, because I very specifically this week want to apologize to all of the people who I do genuinely really care about and appreciate the affection from reaching out over Thanksgiving through holiday period through. through i got sick and then through the time when i was sick sending genuinely very nice messages and invites to things that i still have not replied to and is like a like a sack of potatoes that meme of the guy dragging the giant boulder you don't know what else is there and it's like it's full of not replying to iffy yeah i definitely not getting back to mike bithell i'm sorry genuine i'm very sorry mike uh listener of the show hung out recently uh he went back to the uk and i just saw today i got a nice text from weeks ago i completely missed i feel terrible and i still haven't replied it's like it's that stasis feeling you know i relate to that we struggle with it yeah yeah you more than me

no i don't struggle with anything i do yeah i do struggle i mean i like this idea of an apology corner every episode just being like hey so i i messed up i said something i i whatever like whatever stupid little things like are the cashier said enjoy your groceries and i said you too yeah it would you like to come around watch me eat i let i also think like knowing yourself you know being self-aware awareness i guess i should say is half the battle like oh just because the other half of the battle is fucking responding to mike you dumb dumbo no just kidding no i mean i mean the challenge is that it is uh knowing is half the battle and when that's that's basically uh none of the because the battle has to end it's also still a battle. Responding is two-thirds of the law.

If anything, the beginning of the battle is less bad than the middle. The middle of the battle is when shit's getting really bad. Well, but it's bad for you. Awareness, acceptance, and then action. You know, you become aware first, then you have to accept

that this is true, and then you act on it. That's the yeah it's the dilemma i mean obviously we're speaking more broadly than just about replying to things dude i call it just a herbie like i hope you fully loaded right now dude that's what i call the apology corner dude i'm a fucking this is how slang starts yeah this is how british three layers like three layers away from what the original

basis was i'm about to nip on the one ball excuse me on the one ball like well you know because i nipple you get milk from it

one ball for an old tv show only the uk when you're a kid and then um you know you nip on it it's when you drink something that you

swatched by the one ball means apple juice okay the that is the most british uh that's off the'm i'm still in awe of all of that but that is what i'm talking about that's just a fresh one but yeah i do want to all jokes aside no not all jokes aside just kidding this is sad boys baby the jokes are aside they're in front they're in center knock knock knock knock who's there? It's Scott Calvin, 37-year-old toy executive and creep.

Hey, how you doing? Oh, no. But yeah, this happens to me a lot. I saw somewhere, I think it was one of those advice videos that I'll – like weird advice for men that I'll make videos about on Gold, where it was talking about if someone doesn't reply to your text within so and so amount of time then they shouldn't be whatever I'm like based on this Jordan and I should not be friends yeah we I should send him a text that says you're no longer adding value to my life oh dude but but no I I think that it's very fun that we even will kind of like, it's almost like going down to the mailbox and you're like,

oh, there's a bunch of shit in here. And then you're like trying to like respond to it all. Because I do feel like sometimes we're like sending, we're like pen pals over text. Where it's like, oh, it's been two weeks since your last correspondence. And then I'm like, i said a ps should i wait until that arrives with them on the front lines or should i like yes yeah guess oh my bad uh how are you i do often get this like weird like sense or like a dread washes over me when i go to text someone, like start a new conversation that I realize they texted me last week.

And I never, that happens to me constantly. And it's tough because I know that I have to like meet myself where I am, you know? And Jarvis is that except I'm acceptance. He's meeting himself where he is. So I'm apologizing. It's like, I do. I'm acceptance. He's meeting himself where he is. That's why I'm apologizing. It's like I do, I am striving, you know, but I'll never be perfect.

I think it's very easy to cherry pick and be like, well, you don't do this thing that I do. It's so easy for me. I think when other people are talking about their problems, that's a lot of times. Someone wants to feel good about themselves. We're like, well, I don't have that issue issue but it is easy for them yeah exactly that's the thing that's never that's never said i do the stuff that's easy for me and then it's also like uh acceptance is where it starts obviously you i personally like want to improve and get better at certain things and and so i uh i try but it's hard to I can't get too down on myself for like not meeting every expectation or other people's expectation.

And like getting down on yourself doesn't help. It doesn't help, right? It doesn't fix the situation at all. Right. It creates the cycle of like, oh, now I'm disappointed in myself. So I'm just going to go hate myself in a corner and not respond to more text so that now when I go check my text now I feel even worse about myself and then that

cycle of inaction continues I agree with all of this yes and then I'd leave you disappear my job is done Tron was just a vessel to teach us lessons

along the way I hit the ceiling help me push me out the window I'm buoyant help I'm going down not to hell please

oh sorry on the I don't know like the narrative of you know a moment of struggle or a moment of growth right it's like okay well yes there are parts of it that are out of my control and then there are uh things that i can take agency, but every stage has a checkpoint where I need to take action. And that action includes accepting the problem. And that action includes putting it in proportion. That action can include just expressing it to someone,

booking a psychiatrist appointment if that's what you need, adjusting it, it can be whatever. Following through on a behavior that you identify, identifying the behavior in the first place. I think where I'm struggling right now and i think we talked about it a few weeks ago i'm curious where you're at with it is when i have uh pushed the marble and it i just it just doesn't seem to be moving and i'm like when i reach out to it's like it's you already pressed it okay actually you know a closer example is well i ordered the food an hour ago but it's the car's still there

like i look i don't i'm sure the driver isn't doing anything wrong but something is wrong yeah like it should move and i i can't order it again for the same i think the way that i would just generically respond to that is that like progress isn't linear and so even if you're doing all the right things it may not it's like you're not always going to get the um instant gratification uh it sometimes does you know take time to ship. It does sometimes say out for delivery today and then later go, oh, our bad. Actually, it's tomorrow.

You know, sometimes you've got to approach a problem from several different angles or like do sort of like a trial and error. Like when you know, when I first started taking SSRIs uh the first medication i was on it for like six months and i realized oh this is not for me i need to try a new medication

it sucks i don't want to try it i don't want to switch medication because it's a hard process it sucks yeah but then you get on a new one you try that one if that doesn't work you try the next one i think why it's so difficult to advocate for stuff especially medication for people who haven't had any or haven't had any successful experiences with medication is that you're kind of you're trying to describe a sound they've never heard or a color they've never seen like well but then it might work they're like well what's what how does it feel when it works oh i i don't uh well really it feels less the thing that's bad goes away it's it's the absence of the thing not a new thing yeah and also it's like not our it's really just our place to talk about our own experiences and not to advocate for any specific treatment that's for professionals but uh which i

know like that goes without saying but i'll you know go ahead and say it but uh a thing that i really relate to about what you said and i'm gonna sit here and try to remember what that was you were just saying i was like ssris you were saying ssris you were saying a color you know oh um that's actually something i'm going through right now which is i had to stop taking uh one of my medications for a trial of something new and it's like a fixed window of time that i have to commit to this thing and i had to go off of my other medication that i didn't like or i didn't like feel that strongly about you weren't that didn't feel it positive about the medication the first place the medication the one that i had to go off of yeah so i was like oh i'm not really

losing anything but now that i've been off of it i'm like oh maybe it was doing something and i think i just kind of took it for granted and that is another really tough thing because it's so hard to, and this is the case, whether or not you're it's medication or it's a habit, right? It could be the habit of going on a walk every day and you go, Oh, this doesn't really do anything for me. And then you like, you're like, Oh, why am I sad all the time? And then you don't connect. It's so sometimes so hard to connect what the healthy habits are that are helping you. And I think that's something I struggle with is trying to remind myself that this is not going to – I'm not going to hit a level complete and get a stat loadout sheet of like, oh, you get six bonus energy.

You know what I mean? it but uh that's just the end of living if that you're done like what's if there's nothing to think about or engage with not that everything has to be negative but like yeah yeah if you just there's always a focus whether it's difficult or not there's always something you know improving it's very uh rise and grind mindset culture but like uh improvement doesn't always have to be career or from a dark place or something like that it can just be being passionate about something or engaging with something you're excited about and it's like affirming and i think if there was a box checked for affirmed then life

would be like pretty joyless right in its own way i suppose i think it's one of those things where you you kind of and this is something i'm still learning and i could be wrong but i do think that life is one of those things where you just have to like appreciate and enjoy the process because it is a never-ending process and there is never a complete, obviously there are achievements that you can, you know, feel like really great about in the moment, but that doesn't last. The only thing that lasts is continuing to strive and try and improve and live and just survive your day to day. And, and it's become so mundane that it doesn't feel like something that should be cherished or appreciated um until like something changes and then you realize that

you should have appreciated like i don't know if you've ever had a cold and been like god i do anything anything for a clear nose dude like right now my nose is so stuffy i just wasn't before the before times before this moment i just wasn't appreciating it but i would do anything to go back to that time and then the day after you know you're better you're like my i don't like my nails you know like you got like a new problem i miss my mucus i miss my mu i miss mukey i i had a very genuinely like a guilt like recently in that theme of like i felt a pang of guilt where there was something uh relatively small stressing me out or like a a guilt or a frustration i had over something that ultimately was basically arbitrary

and something that i think in the past i would not have been as uh absorbed by and then i realized it's because my quality of life is now better than it was two years ago right and then i hit a third domino of feeling you know sometimes um i mean first of all, problems as an idea is a very unproductive way of examining people and their emotions. Because if you live a life in relative comfort and not constant concern or pain, then your problems will, like every problem that you could possibly have, you could come up with someone that has a worse there's always a bigger and so it doesn't do anything for you to think of things on an absolute scale because you are experiencing the same chemicals of the same brain chemicals that make you feel bad about bad things happening regardless of what the bad things are so of course they feel like very real and severe and it's okay to like it never serves you to diminish your own pain any if you really are concerned about people that are struggling more the the best you can do is

as like to be the best advocate and assistant you can to people in more difficult positions yeah you'll do a better job if you yourself are more well balanced Like to be the best advocate and assistant you can to people in more difficult positions. Yeah. You'll do a better job if you yourself are more well-balanced. Put your oxygen mask on first, right? Take both oxygen masks. So you get double the oxygen. Steal the baby. Yeah.

Steal children's oxygen masks. Trade the baby for an oxygen mask. Survive twice. I can make more babies. Legends live twice. But I did feel this like weird pang of guilt that you can when you feel that natural instinct to be like, well, what problems do I have, etc. I felt that pang of guilt for Jordan two years ago. I felt like I was looking back going like, fuck, I'm miserable.

But not like. No, from before. Yeah, he's like, hey. Jordan from before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, hey! Like Jordan from two years ago is like, what gives? And you're like, no, no, not like you.

And he would be like, no, I'm glad that you're doing better. Hey man, no, that's what we wanted. I do feel like a lot of men It makes me,

Jordan from two years ago, feel better that your problems are not as bad as they are right now. Thank God. It's like, I suppose if I was in the future

and I'm like, hey, things are way worse but I don't are way worse oh man live in the moment because it's not gonna last god that's the most depressing thing i ever hear when i you know when someone complains about like high school or something hey best years of your life like oh jesus that's crazy i hope not that's crazy yeah because i hate it now things are like real bad. Damn. Become a teacher? You can be in school still? Yeah, her. Oh, man. Yeah, go teach volleyball.

I was going to ask, I feel like we've known each other a long time. I love you, Anastasia. You're the best. But I don't like you. I don't like you. Yeah, you're like a racist uncle i love you unconditionally uh i don't we we've spent very little time together outside of the context of uh i guess we go to work you know what i mean like either predominantly hanging out here or as a group with other people here or even prior to that like in san francisco i would

go to like an improv show and then see you there yeah it was it was very kind of um peripheral i guess in a way and i i guess i never hang out one-on-one like i didn't know you never answer my text well i'm busy i'm busy looking at javas's text i'm busy looking at javis's text i'm busy beating myself up for not responding to you i'm busy typing i'm sorry and then thinking god i hope they didn't see the bubble and because now if i don't do something but i like i it's exactly i didn't know like not that i assume you wouldn't but that you took any kind of medication or that like and i kind of wanted to throw that to you because I think a lot of the time the audience will like,

especially when we talk about medication or treatment of, you know, practical treatment, I think is like a comforting idea when the world feels like insurmountably big and overwhelming. But I, I, a lot of time the audience will comment just like,

Oh yeah, I heard you guys talk about it and then asked like a practitioner went into it explored it what was the catalyst for you looking into it was it the podcast no i i think uh you know i do have to say you two and a few other friends of mine like i feel like generally my friends uh are very um they've normalized medication for me uh because there was a time in my life uh when i was younger and not even like that long ago i guess um when i did think negatively about antidepressants or brain medication as like well i i would never want to numb out like that or whatever yeah yeah you know i just like didn't know what i was talking about it's just like you have no perspective right like pop culture has

been kind of generally negative about that stuff yeah Yeah, and it's just like the existing vestiges of negative about mental health. Exactly. It's like, why is the therapist from the Santa Claus such an asshole? Exactly. When you go to like, you know, you need more vitamin D. And it's like, well, I'll just go in the sun more. Yeah. you know how you have a vitamin you need more vitamin d and it's like well i'll just go in the sun more yeah and like okay first of all there's that's an unsustainable amount of time in the sun you are very short of vitamin d but also no amount of sun will do that for you it literally you will

always be short unless it's you can live a great life with a vitamin d deficiency yeah but why do that for it's almost like a religious yeah uh blocker we're like i can't say that word well and i have even you know heard people who are generally you know pretty positive about drugs not drugs but no about like uh brain medication i i'm i'm just saying brain medication because it's not necessarily antidepressants but drugs with your metal yeah um uh have said that their doctors even will say comments like well you don't want to be on this the rest of your life do you or something like that and it's like well yeah i do if i need it yeah i mean i guess no if i don't need them yeah if you do a special surgery that fixes the thing so i think you'll even encounter mental health professionals i do want to say that

i know this is not possible for everyone because of our horrible healthcare system in America and just how expensive everything can be. But I do highly recommend that if you are going to take these kinds of medications that you do see a psychiatrist because your general practitioner only knows so much and a psychiatrist, that is their whole job is to know about these they're like a an auto journal yeah like often like i'll have a session go in and then he'll reference something from i don't know five years ago or something yeah as a contributor or literally like he's like you know you've said that exact sentence in that exact order before. And I'm like, he's not even like looking at a journal or anything.

He just remembers it. Well, and like I had, I was changing medications and talking to my psychiatrist. And I was like, oh, mixes well but hey in the future before you start taking medication let me know yeah like just send me an email our bodies are so fragile it's like um the issue could be that you were eating grapefruit. Yeah. And it, like, it doesn't play well with, like, the drugs you're taking. I also want to say that, like, again, like, if, like, you don't want to take any medication or that's not your vibe, that's also, like, I don't know that that's going to be my vibe forever. You know, it's like, I just want to feel better. Yeah. And sometimes life changes.

Sometimes your body chemistry changes, which, you know, I think a lot of our listeners are younger, but as you grow older, your hormones change. Um, and that changes your brain chemistry.

Yeah. But so it's just like, everybody's different. That's like, I just never want to make it sound and we aren't, but make it sound like it's like broadcasting a truth. I suppose the thing we would always want to emphasize, I'm not speaking for everyone, but I think we're on the same page. We would want to emphasize, there's the same medication in this case, to look at medication the same way that you would at a psychiatrist, that you would at a therapist, that you would at exercise, that you would at a therapist that you would at exercise

that you would at meditation that you would have watched a nice movie like it's like it's like there's no panacea there's no silver bullet it's like there's everything there's no easy fix everything is working in concert and that's why like like sometimes lifestyle changes will affect your need for certain things because it's like a impossible to predict like machine that has so many different inputs yeah if you went to the doctor and then i was just like uh i feel actually fantastic i started only eating crumbs that have fallen on the floor and i I drink only hot soda. And then they look at your vitals and they're like, you're the healthy, I guess keep doing it.

I started doing horse electrolytes and now I'm feeling incredible. And they scan through your blood test and you're like, you're the most healthy person I've ever seen ever. I guess keep that up. Wow. Ethel Oldenpants, you're 9,000 years years old how did you do it and she's like well i smoked the pack a day and i drank a dr pepper i hate that shit anytime it's like a vice documentary and it's you know like a a shot of a 15 year old white guy walking through a city i've never heard

of just being like we're here and to meet the oldest man in the entirety of this bit of the world now i can't touch him as he'll turn to dust how'd you make it to this age translate i i eat beets and i kill a rabbit every day it's like wait what and then like psychiatry today posts like turns out this is how to live longer yeah literally it'll be like a kotaku article why are you even posting about this study says cookies are good to make you alive to answer your question though about like what turned me on to taking these medications oh phew let me finish a sentence um i was going to a sleep doctor because I couldn't sleep. I was having really bad insomnia. You didn't like the study?

I was doing a sleep study. I did try everything. I just could not sleep. And part of the problem when I sleep is that I clench my jaw so hard that I actually ended up chipping a tooth at one point and I wake up with jaw and ear pain and but and it's not just my jaw it's my whole body I like I call it sleeping hard where I'm curled up so tight into a ball you're in defense mode like my nails will go into my palm oh my goodness you sleep like a whippet you're like a roly-poly and my doctor was like uh you know we've tried everything you're

fine you don't have sleep apnea uh i think it's anxiety and that's when i was like okay maybe it's time maybe my anxiety is so bad that it's time i go on meds and sure enough slept like a baby it's almost like a good case study for hey dog mention this at the start just in not even the medical element just say maybe it's anxiety yeah and then while we do the thing with the ekg i'll just i'll like i don't know go on gcal i'll make an appointment to check that out there's a great scene in the santa claus uh you cannot quit he goes to the doctor he reloads the gun he reloads a shotgun he says buckshot back um he he goes to the doctor after gaining like 60 pounds in a day and also a beard and um in a day and the doctor it's very funny because american health care is so shitty that

i don't even know that they meant this to play the way that it does but the doctor where clearly something is wrong because like you know all things aside this should be physically impossible to happen because it is he's santa claus it's a magic disease it's a magic disease he like shaves off his beard and it grows back instantly or whatever the doctor's like well are you stressed you know what it's like? And it's like, well, sometimes your hormones. And it's like, Doc, I am growing a red suit. Hey, Doc. Santa died near you.

Took boys clothes. And he's just being so useless. And that's why it's also good to find a second opinion, too. Or a third. Do not pick up a corpse's clothes. Do not loot Santa. Don't loot Santa. Don't loot Santa. Don't loot Santa. Don't loot Santa. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Why does he put the clothes on? Well, he wasn't. There's a card in the pocket that tells him to. Fuck off. I won't. It does. But that's also entrapment because the card says put me on

and then it's like, ha ha, we got you with the Santa Claus. It's in his pocket. Now you'll be Santa forever. In Tim in his pocket now he'll be santa forever in Tim Allen's pocket or in the santa suit in the santa suit pocket okay well two things so he's walking around with like an organ an organ donor card he just has a card at all times saying if I die do this and also was Tim Allen trying to get his wallet why was he going through his pants um figure out who he is also uh his child uh tim allen's child scott calvin's child charlie he says that he wants to go into the family business when he gets older um that's what it

that's what i thought i was like what so you're gonna be like hey dad uh wanna help me with these uh with the roof over here whoa shit wait i guess the alternative is that he has to watch his son age and die because he's like an immortal demon essentially now. He is like a disease, right? Santa's like simultaneously immortal but also

like can't take a fall. Yeah, that's true. Like he's got Humpty Dumpty disease. I guess he's ageless. It's like he's never been on a roof before. Also, he falls

into a fucking pile of snow which catches him. He falls like 20 feet a fucking pile of snow, which catches him. He falls like 20 feet into a pile of snow. Oh, by the way, that was this never happened before. No one's. Oh, do they say in the movie whether he is that that guy was the first ever Santa or was he like the 47th? I do.

The last curse. I think this is discussed but I was playing super auto pets also while watching so I think I may have missed

missed it can I give a little ad for knights oh yes okay um you do it to camera

I can't no but do it at camera like they can't see you move your mouth as if you're saying these words you're like a puppet as if you're saying these words? Yeah, like a puppet.

Yeah. Like you're a mannequin. Look at your camera. Let me look like Anastasia. You're right. God, that's kind of accurate. Anastasia is the upset teen. It's like the angsty teenager of the podcast.

Okay, so over on nights, we're going to... Sorry, I can't look at you guys. We're going to be having a little holiday fun. We're going to have our annual office holiday party where we might have some little surprises, maybe a quiz or two. And yeah, just come join us over there. It'll be fun. We're a regular Todd and Fabian over here. Can you cut between us? I don't know.

If you can, that'll be funny. I'll tell you what. If we ever have to cancel a recording, could you just use those and put some old audio over it? What if I just started doing that whenever you spoke? That would be so distracting. So demoralizing. Die laughing.

It was really hard to keep a straight face because I was afraid you could see me and then it was making me laughizing it was really hard to keep a straight face because i was afraid you could see me and then i was making me laugh really not it was making me laugh thinking about you seeing me doing all of your like um okay yeah so we're heading over on uh nights we're gonna have our holiday party um you can check out nights on patreon.com slash sad boys where using only your discretionary entertainment spending you can pay the low low price of five dollars a month to get access to sad boys action i'm usually lying down a little bit and that'll happen in this one i think festively uh because sometimes

sitting on a couch gets tiring you know ever tried it ever tried it for a long time you ever criticize i say oh that must be really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Monday night quarterback behavior, okay? Yeah. All right. You don't know what it's like here in the crucible. Here in the octagon, as we call it. Yeah. The couch is full of nails.

Yeah. It's full of Namekian warrior nail from Dragon Ball Z. It's full of his corpse because he's dead. We fused with him. No, he fused with Piccolo. Jacob, right? You guys remember when that happened. Anyway, we end up with the episode.

Thank you, Jacob. Thank you, as always. Thank you, Jacob. Thank you, Anastasia. Not as always. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, Fabian. Thanks for coming, guys.

Seriously. Thanks for coming. Good luck with the case. Yeah. You guys are always just serving. And, you know, Todd put some clothes on. And we end every episode of Sad Boys with a particular phrase. We love you.

And we're sorry. Boom. Hello. And happy holidays. Simply. Welcome to the non-denominational Sad Boys LLC Christmas party. All three of us

are wearing scarves. Jacob, you didn't get a scarf? I only had three. I'm so sorry. Why do you get a scarf if you're not even on camera?

I don't know. It's my scarf. Jacob's always on camera. Okay, so I'm kind of driving the ship a little bit today. Is that correct?

You are conducting the train. I'm co-pilot. And Jacob is co-piloting. Without a scarf, please. Poor Jacob. Gucci girl, Gucci girl, how you doing? How you moving, girl? Moving, girl, how's your day looking?

That future girl, future girl, yeah, we are now. Take my money, go away are you wanting go too rich for me