Sad Boyz - Pay This Guy To Yell At Your Boss

Episode Date: November 23, 2024

Come to our LIVE SHOW on NOV 30! https://dynastytypewriter.com/sad-boyz Check out new Trying My Best / "Crying My Best" merch : https://jarvis.store To get your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://mintmobile.com/SADBOYZ ! Sad Boyz Live! Nov 30 https://dynastytypewriter.com/sad-boyz Trying My Best merch: https://jarvis.store Weekly bonus episodes for only $5/mo at: https://patreon.com/sadboyz Join our Discord ▸ https://discord.gg/Hw82Dhun4m P.O. Box ▸ 3108 Glendale Blvd Suite 540, Los Angeles CA 90039 Play Sad Boyz BINGO ▸ https://sadboyzpod.com/bingo Write To Us ▸ [e-mail] Use the subject line "Pen Palz" and we could read it on the next episode! Our Links ▸ https://linktr.ee/sadboyzpod 00:00:00 Welcome to Sad Boyz! 00:01:32 Jake Paul v Mike Tyson 00:04:48 Our Roudiest Episode 00:06:31 Sad Boyz LIVE! 00:07:11 Jordan's a Liar 00:12:22 Is lying ever okay? 00:15:39 Sponsored By Mint Mobile! 00:17:00 Guilt & wanting to prove your good intent 00:32:25 New TMB Merch! 00:33:12 Perfectionism 00:39:09 Finding balance 00:49:17 Haliey Welch on Bill Maher and new dating app 01:05:20 Calimar White confronts your boss 01:31:38 Sad Boyz Nightz

Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also. I'm Jarvis. Whoa, that was cool. Yeah, that was Dark Jarvis. I'm just Jordan. I'm chilled out. Well, today I'm Dark Jarvis. Okay, that's fine. It doesn't bother me particularly. Yeah, Dark Jarvis is not a muse. What's different about it?

What's different is that I have a bit more, a slight amount of baritone to my voice, but not too much. Wait, no, I do want to be one as well then. Oh, okay. Do you want to go Dark Jordan? Too scary. Wait, stop. Quit. We're in a Jacob-less show right now, so we're like

monkeys trying to write Hamlet. Yeah, can I say that we're freaking out a little bit? Yeah, we're... I'm at sea, baby. I'm shaking on the damn waves. Anastasia's here. Hi. Peeps, the intern, is here. Hello. Jordan.

I love this joke. I think it's Gordon. Gordon. Jordan Ramsey. Gordon Jadika. A few days ago, the Peeps had brought like a queso dip type thing

and a cheesy potatoes type thing. And I did put the dip on the potatoes and my queso together and I was Jordan Ramsey. Yeah, that was crazy. Jordan Ramsey. That was a little too far actually. That was, yeah. That's, you know what? For as much as we've on the Patreon at least gone to food court and judged curious culinary concoctions.

Sure. That's bad. You're bad. Come on. I actually left because I was like, I didn't know that this party was going to get twisted like this. I was watching, I was watching a fight from an up and coming fighter,

Michael Tyson. And a young Amish boy who'd been plucked. Found in obscurity out of bad knuckle, into the rain. Yeah, we dusted him off and we taught him how to make YouTube videos. The man ruined the Riz face, dude. Yeah, he did. Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson. Why did that happen?

I guess money is always the answer, right? Well, yeah, the money is always the answer. And also, I would feel pretty safe fighting an elderly man. I'm like, I think that Mike Tyson was holding back. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I can't imagine. He didn't throw very many punches, but also I'm. It would be questionable.

It like makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist. I mean, I mean, to even do it in the first place is already a, why could this be happening? So why would the rest of it have some kind of like exactly or like that's kind of where i'm at unless they like have like a bushido code of boxing like why would they care that's not just give mike dyson an extra five like what does he get yeah he has to do his podcast or whatever i don't know it was just a whole weird thing and i i'm just like embarrassed that it happened you'll find jake next on behalf of every every aspect on behalf of video screens do you think audio devices netflix do you think if i stepped in the ring with jake paul it's one of you on but i have 40 additional people with weapons with me right

i can tag them in but also i don't have to and they can come in but you're like so weak but i have the so sorry you've got like a negative 40 person augmentation to you so it's kind of like less than 40 it's like negative one people with you plus 40 no then probably i would lose the fight unfortunately you'd lose the fight and he'd do the risk i have 45 people bow in celebration did you see that that made me mad yeah there's a few things that he did during the fight that like actively annoyed me i didn't like all the soy like you and me brother till the very end we were oh he like licked his like he did a tongue move where i don't even i like thought about i thought about reenacting

what he did and then i thought no that's disgusting i don't want to be a criminal um and then also he like did a little bow right as the the last round was wrapping up and i'm like what are we doing here cut it out yeah look i like the guy like i've got no issues with him he makes great content which guy i thought it was really cool when jake paul do you remember when he had that like uh was it jake or was it logan i think it was jake that did the hey what up give us we've been kidnapped and then a bunch of little kids his audience were releasing videos like please kidnappers let jake go uh you were this you sound like you're describing a fever dream i remember at some point like a uh

uh oompa loompas style report video you know one of those do you know that youtuber not the little creatures oh oompa vill oompa vill style video what are we talking you sang a song i just accused you of describing a fever dream and you're like well will Willy Wonka was there. Do you remember when he had the face of my dad? Are we going to somehow bring up a different candy world every episode now? Yeah, good point. Oompa-Doo makes candy. And by the way, I don't know if I've mentioned this.

I am Lord Licorice. I want to be clear. Just as a follow-up from the last episode. Yeah, and I'm King Candy. And I'm also King Candy. Oh, no, but wait. But what am I? What am I, Grandma Gooey?

You're the pile of gooey. Last episode was maybe the rowdiest episode we've ever had. Celebrating 150. Lots of people in the comments were like, I love you guys, but can you not talk over each other? We were stressed out. I can't explain how pumped up we were last episode, last recording.

Candyland really got us going. It got us going. We just went off on a tangent with the extended universal lore of the Candyland board game universe. There was like Tickles McGee and Gooey Gary. Yeah, there was Grandma Nut. and there was also grandma gooey oh boy king candy that's me lord licorice and also that's me gloppy mr min gloppy mr mr min like did not bring up princess lolly at all. We did bring up Queen Frostine

because I was like, that was my first childhood crush. Queen Frostine. That's a good name. Sounds like it could be a rapper today. Yeah, that's true. And then someone drew you two as like the kids. Oh, right. There were two children frolicking in a field

and they were holding left hands and it looked really like unnatural. Two children, four left hands. And then someone made fan art of exactly that scenario that was almost identical in art style i was impressingly in what like two days yeah real quick up top just wanted to say we have a live show coming to los angeles we've got two shows on saturday november 30th at dynasty typewriter we've got a four o'clock show and we've got a 7 30 show.

Uh, there's going to be some special guests. There'll be different guests for each of the shows. Um, and we'd love to see you there. Come on down. It was a highlight of last year and I think you'll have a lovely time and you will be very happy with the guests.

And if you can't make it, uh, recordings of the show will be available on our Patrion. So you can check that out at patreon.com slash sadboys. But yeah, we'd love to see you there in person. If you fancy it, which you should. Which you should. All right.

I introduced a friend of ours to the Rizzler. He's not familiar with this, right? Wow. This was near Halloween. So it's been a few weeks that this has been percolating. And that's part of the problem. That's why I need everyone's help. Because at what point does the statute of limitations on something being funny turn into something that's like festering in a friendship?

Why don't you tell them about the Rizzler? It came up because, you know, it's like, you know, why wouldn't it? Of course it comes up. This was back in Biden's era. You were at Costco. You were getting yourself a double chunk chocolate cookie. Sure, I was booming and I was doomed. Yeah, you were bringing the boom.

My concern is that I have doomed this friendship with this friend of ours because I, as a joke, said, as deadpan as possible, that it's crazy to think about how the Rizzler is that little but he's 31 years old and I somehow did manage to keep a straight face and I I can't remember I want to and I don't I'm gonna feel especially bad if I put this on. I believe I was with Radstad's and he backed me up on that. So this might be his. A little yes and situation. Yeah.

You both, that's a cross you both bear. Actually, you're right. It is his fault, not mine. Well, also it was like a triple tag team. Well, it's because it did come up at a, yeah, I should say. So this happened. Why did so many people collaborate to lie to this man? The people, I got a lot of mates.

Three. I, two to be two. I somehow was able to keep a straight face through this. And he rightfully was very skeptical the whole time. Right. Was like, I. So you're gaslighting him is what you're saying. Well, it went from, obviously, we're all going to laugh,

and then there's a joke at the end, to, wait, can I keep this going? Is this going to keep rolling? And before anything resolved, I got caught up with the party. Somebody did something, and it's not my fault, and I'm not culpable. You know, he does have a maturity to him. You can see an old soul behind those eyes. He's a very extremely funny guy with genuine sincerity not a crossover it is funny to say he's an extremely funny guy about a nine-year-old

oh i was talking about a friend oh i was like because he is very sincere um peeps was saying before we started recording that uh big justice said the rizzler's real name given name maybe the Rizzler is his real name his given name on a video and that the Rizzler turned and stared at Big Justice with dagger eyes

his name is public knowledge I'm pretty sure but no one uses it and so Big Justice said it and he just like slowly just like turned and said it. I think I saw that as a reaction GIF, and I had no clue what it was from. Because when you described it, I was like, I saw that on Twitter this morning. Do you think that's what this is? He's like, shut up.

He's touching his lips. What if he's got a secret? I don't know. Maybe he's a 31-year-old man, and I'm off the hook. I don't think so, Jordan. No, you're actually on the hook. Well, any chance? I don't think so, Jordan. No, you're actually on the hook. Well, we thought his name was the Rizzler, so anything can happen. You know what I mean?

But I was told this lie and then a few weeks later, in fact, we went to a bar with him and a couple, two friends of his and Katie. So this is partially on Katieie actually not me and i'm just noticing you keep trying to put the blame on other people and while i mean katie wasn't there at the time she was actually she had to uh leave for a little for a second so it was just so it was just you but and it was entirely your fault and your actions it's just uh me this guy who's name and uh that's actually me and i'm king candy also and i'm john wick and master chief and all of them you're like a very hard kid to play pretend

with yeah i have the force shield and yeah it's just like every time you're like oh well could i be superman it's like well i'm superman okay well i'll be spider i'm also spider-man i have superman and spider-man's powers and i'm both clark clint and peter barker what the mild manner of reporter and some guy and like a guy yeah god now i'm realizing though i absolutely did trick them because i then i said to this guy and it was my first time meeting him this friend of his i said yeah isn't it weird that he's like actually like eight years old because he seems so mature and dependent etc then this longtime friend of mine comes in he's like stop fucking with him he is concerned you were original chaos yeah original friend you is now accusing me of lying because i'm telling the truth

joker baby you've like done a double cross this is this is like a big game of among us to you dude some men just want to like be inconvenienced other men set the world on fire or whatever it is i would say that your um type of comedy is lying that's true that is true there should be a paragraph after that. No. We're wrong. I do think lying's very funny, though. When it is a completely innocuous lie. But the issue is that I think because this friend is a good friend,

it has taken on an almost toxic element to it it's gonna erode your friendship from the inside god i hope so that would also be funny if you don't come clean i actually hate lying so much and i feel so much guilt he's lying i actually you know what's crazy um i lied yesterday uh but it was like a small lie right i had just finished up a work day i was like a small lie, right? I had just finished up a work day. I was like collaborating on a thing. And our lunch had just arrived and my social meter had been depleted. I'd been up since like 6 a.m.,

just did a big long shoot. It was like six to 12. And then like at 12, lunch came in and they were like, are you going to stick around for lunch? And I was just like, if it's okay, I and they were like are you gonna stick around for lunch and I was just like if it's okay I gotta run I have a meeting I didn't have a meeting I wanted to take a nap does that count you had a meeting with your bed I had a meeting with my pillows with magic arena I not even oh like when you know I yeah that's how you know I'm tired. And I like got out of there.

And I got in the car and I ate a few bites of my sandwich. It's one of those, how are you? And then you're like, I'm fine. And it's like, how are you really? And I'm like, I want to make sure I'm gracious to everyone. I want them to know how much I appreciate being included in their thing. But at the same time, I'm so beat and I don't want to be around people when I feel this way. Because how close of a person is like, is this like a peer colleague?

I would say it's like a colleague. Yeah. It's a colleague and it's people I respect. And I just want to make sure I'm my, it's at the stage stage where i like i'm afraid of not being at my best around them and it's not 100% a lie because you did have meetings just they were after the nap that's true and i did i did i did have meetings and i had a bunch of meetings i have three meetings uh but they were just i don't know if i can believe you anymore they were after the well i I'm actually a nine-year-old boy. Whoa.

Yeah, I'm really advanced for my age. He's really mature. Yeah. And online. But it's not a big deal. I'm online. I think that's... Do you think in all circumstances that you would ever feel the need to do that with me uh i don't think so i mean i think in

general we're very honest about like when we're like not feeling good so it doesn't feel like the type of thing that i would need to and even if um we were hanging out with someone and i like didn't like the person or like didn't think it would be good for like my energy levels or something i feel like i feel like maybe that situation is close to come up before uh and i felt comfortable sharing it you know when you discover a new jacket and you you love it so much but your friend loves it more and so you decide to share it with your friend yeah maybe uh maybe you're a little cold now so it'd be nice that's exactly what it's like when you discover that mint mobile offers premium wireless for 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan hey friends don't let friends

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Because another situation came up. I was buying Magic cards, which is just a thing I do. You get into that? Don't ask a question. Thinking about it. I cut my foot onto magic cards as I move slightly. You move, the couch is revealed to be full of magic cards instead of feathers. I was building a commander deck i needed a handful of cards and i bought a bunch

from my local um from one of my locals they were missing a few cards so i had to go kind of out of town a little bit to a place where i could guarantee to get the cards it's like a collectible show thing one of the cards that I got from my local was perfectly fine, but it was just a little beat up. And I was like, oh, I just, this is a 50 cent card. It's a, it's a card of the rapper 50 cent. No, it's a spot to find. Yeah. i found it in the club um the uh it was like a 50 cent card and i wanted to get a clean copy of it and i was walking around to the different vendors and asking if they had the card this guy had the card and uh he was like it's a dollar and i was like dude i don't have a dollar cash on me is there a way that I could like pay you more

and pay with a credit card? Because I know that there's like transaction fees and stuff like that. I would be willing to pay whatever you're comfortable with within reason to just get the card because I just need it for this thing. And then he was like, here, just give me a dollar later.

Because it's a 50, it's like if we're actually looking it's a 30 to 50 cent card like it's pretty cheap but that made me feel so uh i felt like i stole it and then i and then is this person you know and that's why later no i don't know this guy he's just like a vendor at the place and it's like he's just like here take it because like no one's gonna buy this card no one needs this card it's like i only need it in this like very niche thing the reason it's 30 cents is because there's a billion of them and no one needs it and it turns out actually when i got home i had it in that condition uh it's very funny but not to mention

a dollar yeah and so uh i went so i was holding the card i went back to my car i was like maybe there's like a dollar in my car. He was also like, or you can get me a Coke Zero. So actually before I went back to my car, I went around to all the vending machines in the place. They're all cash only. I tried to take money out of the ATM, realized I didn't have my debit card on me.

Tried to put my credit card in to get a cash advance out of my credit card. But I've never done that before. So I didn't have a pin set up for it. And then I went to – It's like you're in the woods. No, seriously. You're surviving. Then I went to the various food vendors,

and none of them are selling Coke Zero for anything but cash. He didn't even say diet. So when I went to this place, the reason that I, I was going to pick up an order with another store that already had this card. But when I walked up there, they had,

they were all like, uh, looked like they were closed. Turns out they weren't closed. And then I actually went to fulfill my order and I had the card anyway, but I didn't want to give this guy's card back. i felt weird about that i just wanted to give him a dollar or a coke zero so then i went to my car i i scrounged around looked through my car i'm about to be late to something else i'm going to i'm spending like maybe 30 to 45 minutes to solve

this dollar problem which is so stupid like i don't know why my brain is this this way uh was it implied that this pay me this dollar later like another day yeah like he it could have been next week i think and it would have been fine but i i like it didn't sit right with my spirit i like because you thought it might be perceived as a trick i don't know i just i don't know what it was to be honest i like i i'm bringing it up because i'm like i don't know what it was, to be honest. I like, I'm bringing it up because I'm like, I don't know what was the driving force inside of me that was like. I see the atom of it. I do understand.

But I also could not call it anything. Yeah, I'm like, okay, I like found a dollar. But then I was like, well, hopefully I could reward his goodwill. What if I gave him $10? That would be nice. What if I gave him a dollar and the Coke Zero? That would be so great. And the card. And the card back. But I could only find this $1 and then all of those accesses to

cash. And I just didn't have time to go anywhere else. Because I'm sure I could just go get a Coke Zero from somewhere else that took a card, like a vending machine that took a card or something. I end up finding a dollar and then I go around to the vending machines and all the Coke Zeros are $1.50 and I don't have 50 fucking cents. So I'm like, I'm just going to go give him the dollar. And then I go give him the dollar. And he's like, I asked for a Coke zero. And I know he was just joking. But part of me was like, I want you to live inside of my mind where I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to find a dollar. I think I gonna say i want you to live in jail and uh oh that's interesting because i i think it is uh it's contextual because he doesn't know nor should he know that uh you're at capacity

i think i was just like, I knew what it was. It was like the type of person that makes that kind of joke. Right. You know what I mean? So it's like a more personality thing. It's kind of a joke you'd make with your friends or something. It's a personality, maybe difference between us. And I didn't feel bad having completed the social contract of giving him the dollar.

Yes. I just didn't like feeling like um like i didn't have a dollar i think there's a part of it too where it's like i trust me i have a dollar i'm not trying to trick you i'm gonna i'm not trying to trick you i'm not trying to pull the wool over your eyes to get this 30 cent card i need this card so i can win the commander game and then i'll have as many dollars as you need i have the i relate to that very much. Like, like, uh, You're a liar though. So he doesn't feel good, does he? Well, you actually lied.

I don't. Just accuse Anastasia. Like if you rob a store. Right. And then you call someone a thief. Wait, I rob a store. And then you say, well, you're a thief. Doesn't feel good, is it?

No, you actually did it though. No, I didn't. We, you're a thief. Doesn't feel good, is it? No, you actually did it, though. No, I didn't. We, you confessed. Okay. There's a man out there. There is a friend of ours out there who's walking around telling people that the Rizzler's actually a 31-year-old man. Well, how about this? No, I didn't say that.

Again, I can't really argue with that. Back when I had office jobs, if I was like legit sick, like cannot get out of bed, I'm so sick, I would feel bad calling in sick to work. Because I'd be like, they're going to think I'm faking it. I pulled up the card. Let's look at the price of the card. Seven cents. It's a seven the card. Let's look at the price of the card. Seven cents. It's a seven cent card. Oh, Coke Zero. It's worth one Coke Zero.

But oftentimes, you know, when you're selling singles at a card shop, you just like default like to a dollar so it's worth the transaction for you. So I had no problem with that. But it's very funny that I am like spending 30 minutes of my time running around, sweating, feeling anxious that I'm like going to fail this man who's extended goodwill towards me over a seven cent piece of cardboard. But I think like, I think there is something I, and I don't, there might be a name for this. I don't know where it's like, I don't want to be a bad person. Like I'm so, I think a part of it's like no i want you to know that i'm that i mean well yeah something like that and it's very weak it's

like i i could i kept thinking about how silly it was but then it's also like that feeling when you know you have something but you can't find it and so then it becomes about finding the thing rather than it's like not that important and also like it's not that there's some like big moral compromise and then it goes from this to theft to killing right like it's not the slippery slope isn't actually that slippery it's not even a slope it's just a mild like a decline and we're going like whoa careful i might become a bad person i feel like making little moral compromises that i know i don't have to make can stick with you maybe even

more so than bigger moral compromises that you don't know how to solve like when i see what the solution is and then technically ignore it even for a little while i feel like i it triggers some part of my brain that doesn't think i will ignore this thing but i do think well what about jordan tomorrow with no executive function is he gonna let that guy down what about jordan who maybe is a little flighty and doesn't jot this down and forgets about that thing? It's kind of similar to the feeling of if I bail on a friend for a plan, if another plan comes up, I can't bail.

It's like I have to force myself through it, and I can go negative on the energy reserves, but it's almost like I'm trying to prove to either myself or someone else it's almost like assuming they don't believe me yeah it's like i'm assuming you don't believe i'll get get you that dollar because i kept thinking to myself i could just leave and i can never return and this guy's not like losing anything. The darkest case scenario is fine. Yeah. Darkest case scenario is fine. And,

and I also was like running late to something. So that was the other thing I'm like, I need to go, I need to go. But I had these like kind of two extremes like pulling me. And so that's why I felt like I failed when I just returned to just give him a dollar bill. You know, I,

that felt like a failure because I wanted to go above and beyond and like reward the goodwill. Yeah, I already couldn't make it to your birthday. I have to go to your wedding. Yeah, I have to buy, and I'm buying everything on the registry. I'm going into debt to buy, what do you need, a blender?

Like, I've got it. A Coke Zero? No, please. Sorry, I'm drowning, please. I do think sometimes when I do something like that, where it's like, if I, you know, spill, you know, something on someone's carpet, let's say, I do, like, there's something inside me that thinks I'm on par with a murderer. I'm as bad as a murderer. Well as bad as a murder well that's because you

did those things because you had to go hide the body like for who you killed because i did the murder so i spelled eight i suppose that might be because you it's not that you think that that is more morally bad you think killing is not as bad as you think it is there's part of me that thinks that because i'm right yeah it's so it's so funny i um and i don't know where it uh comes from other than uh not i think it's like a little bit of like caring about people's perception of me but it's also like like in the real world interacting with real people wanting to like live up to who you think you are yeah that actually is maybe the most accurate and that's not a bad thing like nothing's altruistic

right like everything can be and ultimately that's a positive result right all parties benefit even if it like let's say it's not this but let's say it was like a exclusively egotistical thing like it just that's all it is then it's still better than like stealing for personal selfish reasons right right but i i i i guess financially also plays into it that that always does feel different but i i have this like complex specifically about people's uh space like the property and the environment you're in not because i think it's some kind of like you know if i if i do spill something it's not i'm not perceiving myself as someone that is is like mean or uncaring or something it's more like i'm i'm over correcting with like no i will clean it don't please don't clean it even if it's boring even if i'll do a bad job because i it's almost like i

need to emphasize and to go to their wedding to make it clear i don't dislike them i need to clean this up to make it clear that it was carelessness not or or uh flightiness not like a lack of care or a lack of investment or something like you could be super overextended this month have a ton of things you're doing and then someone asks you for a favor and you have to say no and then feel horrible yes and it's like it's like i didn't like if i even if i over explain the situation or i don't over explain the situation the person is going to be like oh it's all good yeah but it's like oh no but i want to be there so bad because i wish that i had infinite time and energy and money for everyone and actually now i think of it i think the experience at least for a close friend is kind

of the same on the exact opposite side i feel like i certainly hold a degree of guilt if like i don't effectively or like quickly reply and be like it's completely okay please don't like ruminate on this and let yourself hurt i'm not being polite i really genuinely am fine with it like i really right like um i'm very uncomfortable if i go to somebody else's house for dinner or something and they're doing all the oh yeah even if they serve or something i'm like or what no i'll just like get it and and and yet flip the scenario i would enjoy the agency of hosting like that that would be the experience but instead it's it's not guilt and it's not a negative sensation it's more like well i want to you've already invited me into your house

yeah how do i become a collaborator in this like how do i play drums while you play guitar right so they're like no i'll do the drums with my feet and i'll also play guitar no i know what you mean like when someone has you over and you want to like wash the dishes and they're like no no no just leave them in the sink. And it's like, well, I don't want to leave a dirty plate because I want to be, you know, gracious for. And then if somebody came over to my place and asked to wash the dish, I'd be like, no, I'll do that.

I will have like a flash of a memory because, you know, with ADHD, sometimes it's like out of sight, out of mind. You can like forget about things that you intend or mean to do but then it's like jason bourne you're like i speak french like it suddenly comes back in the shower or something yeah or like um did i leave my coffee cup on the ground at that event i went to on sunday you didn't even have coffee though you just did like it is that like kind of you're remembering having coffee at some putting something on the ground at some point and then and then it's like um are they gonna not want to invite me back because i'm a slob who like makes a big mess

and the only two paths from that if that is the case then a bit of a weird person probably don't want to hang out with them much more go to their event or no of course not like if you're bothered by it but it's that question that like like, sticks. And you can't ask. Hello, it's me, Jarvis. I have some new merch available. They're new colorways of some existing merch that we've had in the past. We've got the TMB shirt here with the cool little design on the back. Do you want to turn around and show the cool little design on the back?

Look at that. You're premium. Woo! And then we've got the Crying My Best sweatshirt crew neck. And back by popular demand. It's been many years since we made a Crying My Best product.

I brought it back. I hope you enjoy a little Black Friday sale. Treat yourself. Treat yourself. That's available at Jarvis.store. So check, check, check,.store so check check it out yeah it's pretty cool yeah thanks

and that's the thing that's like where like anxiety comes up and like coping strategies around it because you like for me in a lot of those situations I'm able to halt myself and recognize like what it is because i know it's not that i did a wrong like i wronged somebody it's like my own anxiety

so i don't even want to like bring it up to the person because it just like creates i don't want someone to feel like they have to console me over like this like voice in my head yes so instead it's like i you know it's like i try to like write it down or like talk to a friend uh a different friend where it's just like this is not connected to anything or just like check in like anastasia often i'll text after a meeting where i go was i too mean in that meeting like sometimes the media would be like we're thinking about a jarvis johnson theme park and we're gonna have jarvis johnson themed rides and i'll go i don't think we should ever do that you know the idea is bad in the way you pitched it yeah i'm like that's a okay uh i'm thinking no

uh for 9 000 reasons i have a human brain so but i'm sorry i'm i'm if you want if it makes you feel better we can make the job we can all go into debt to make the job actually no we should no let's do it we can all stupid asshole we can all go into financial ruin to do this horrible idea reaching out to anastasia and she puts a period at the end of the text you reply with like i was an ass um i was a bad guy and so i'll be like i love ending my texts with periods uh i know i used to think I used to think you were mad at me when we first started working together. Look, I'm trying to change my ways. Well, no.

But now, so the thing is, I also believe in meeting people where they are and knowing that the way certain people communicate is different, right? So if you end a text with a period, whatever. But if peeps says okay period I'm like whoa are we fighting if I ever end a text with a period I might be about to kill you

yeah that's true I'm about to get redneck and you won't even feel guilty about hiding the body but if somebody ends a text with a period for me or like lol or lol period lol period is aggressive yeah lol period is weird i don't i think i'm just being confused or like lmao or like haha at the end of a sentence i'm like okay it's playful it's fine no that's the thing it's like it's it's uh how do i this is

like um like young professionals online are like how do I sound personable without putting a thousand exclamation points in my, oh my, okay, sounds good. We'll circle back. Realizing you've already used the dash. Yeah, dash. I can't use another dash in this sentence. Semicolon to professional? I'll find myself using a semicolon sometimes and I'm like, is that weird?

The phrase, no worries if not. MVP. Hey, I can't help but notice that you took my car keys and you started eating the carburetor. It's a fine if like, sorry. Yeah, like could I, I know you chewed on it, but can I have my carburetor back? No worries if not. No need to reply until after the holidays. It's October.

Yeah. It's October. Yeah. I think that like all of this is, there is like a form of anxiety and that is perfectionism. And I don't mean perfectionism as in like, I need all my fonts and, you know. I need everything pixel perfect. Yeah. That's not what I mean. I mean, like you want to be everything to everyone,

that form of perfectionism. The people pleaser like thing and that's one of the things that you have to like let go of. Like that's ego. That is for you, not the other people. Right, because you want to be able to feel accepted and sometimes maybe there's like,

I'll speak for myself. It's like, I definitely like have the people pleaser gene, but it's taken many years to, and being online and kind of reach my limit of, okay, you can't have everyone like you, you can't control everyone's perception. Yeah. And you just have to like sit with the discomfort of not knowing about how most people think of you and it will result in me having very sometimes unrealistic views on how i'm perceived and uh and it's almost like this um there's this dissonance between how you think you're perceived by others and then how you're actually perceived by others. I think we probably both got a lot of comfort from, I mean,

when we first met and we're working together, we were in, in an environment where everyone was professionally and personally incentivized to give the most sometimes, I don't know. Like saccharine. Exactly. Yeah. Like, like over the top. And even when providing negative feedback it albeit i in i did benefit from and enjoy the clarity of people saying something and so that i know silence isn't violence i know that they there is nothing to say if they aren't there is something a compliment

sandwich is the worst way you can provide feedback. Because you're provide probably one of those. I like your shirt. You did. The theme park's a terrible idea. Theme park's a terrible idea. You killed my family. Nice socks, honestly. Actually, I really like this shirt.

Actually, I love it. Oh, yeah, it's a sandwich because there's two halves of exactly the same compliment cut in half. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, a compliment sandwich, which is two different things, would be bread, filling, and then like a shoe. Yeah. That's just something else. Yeah, it's a sub roll and like a piece of whole grain meat.

That would twist me up. Yeah, that would be messed up. I don't know why, and I don't know if it is just maybe where my headspace has been at this year or something i do worry sometimes that the brand i've been pushing for myself or the character i've been pushing for myself on the show is a is i don't know uh less anxious or more comfortable in general or something like that but i think i just really enjoy doing the show and it is like a little it's like a little uh little break from the dread kind of stuff oh yeah for sure but i don't at the same

time like one of the only things i think i am proud of or at least happy with because it wasn't a conscious decision to change it so much is in the time i was away from the US, because things were so like high octane and like adrenaline fueled, is now... You were doing street racing. I was in X Games for two years. Come to think of it, there was no competition. Where is everybody? Things were very nitrous fueled and I was kind of hitting the exhaust.

And if I was in X Games, I would call my family and be like, so there's a hundred percent chance i'm going to die there's absolutely no way i will step on the skateboard it'll snap in half and my leg will come off right right but i i remember thinking like uh as soon as i got back here and all of the like hopefully the most stress i should ever have in like a dense period of time is done now i think i can be to in a negative sense half the time a little too blasé about that perfection the perfectionist perfection is self-repression it doesn't like benefit you because nothing could be perfect but right the the of- But perfect is the enemy of good. Yes. And the like kind of-

But like the pursuit of good is healthy. That is like- Yeah, yeah. And it motivates you, keeps you going, so and so. Yeah. And I have been thinking lately, I hope it doesn't come off as though I am overly comfortable in the show.

And I also don't want to, because I think just because I don't want to isolate people that may feel anxious about things, but maybe don't think that they're presenting it right to people. It's a perfectly normal way to do it. It's actually just a different type of coping. You know, playing someone that is more, air quotes, dressing for the job you want. Fake it till you make it. I don't know like i think i need the dread focused on not even the anxiety to pivot a little

bit back to things i enjoy solving like i there's like a few things lately where i'm just like i used to i remember getting anxious or fearful about something that's at least adjacent to something i can do and that being the motivating factor, the spark, but there's enough fuel to like get it going. I have not been passionate about anything for about two or three years. No, dude, I very much relate to that. And I'm like, what is, is it just fatigue? I mean, that's a part of it. Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for the next season of my show to start. Yeah.

Like of my own personal journey everyone at the network saying you're getting another one you know it's like oh yeah of course and you're like but you don't I don't believe you I don't know about that I actually I will say some younger friends that we know who are very rise and grind and push themselves and often like maybe pushing themselves to extremes because that's how they maybe built what they have and that's what they know yeah i remember having the same tendency the results of me having that same tendency are the proudest i've been but i'm also the least successful i've ever been or like the least balanced right yeah i get

i was like well she was like it must have been hard going back to England. I'm like, it fucking sucked. It made me so sad. And everything about my life now is happier than it was right before I left. 2019 was a, I was miserable. That was rough. Yeah. And then 2020 happened and I got deported, blah, blah, blah.

But like 2019 was just like working. And I liked where my job was going and what I was building. Yeah. It's not that it's like when you have a lot that you're focused on, you can lose sight of certain things, but you don't always, you don't have the free time to worry. Yeah. And I think that that it's like one of those things that's very, it's a very double-edged sword. It's a hard line to tow because obviously you don't want to be working so hard that your life and wellbeing and, you know, people around you and, you know, the things you actually like care about your values are taking a back seat but you don't want to be so lackadaisical that you have like no direction

yes yeah and also the physical drain and the vague emotional uh dread and negative feeling that's just not being diagnosed but you're still feeling it it's very interesting like the the younger people that we know that um you're talking about like in a lot of situations we've like given advice that are kind of like okay we've been through this journey and here's like an important lesson from that journey which is to like find balance and to try to you know not overdo it because like this this road leads to not a great place in in my experience and in some other experiences that i've observed and so i want you to be aware of that while you're like kind of burning the candle at both ends but also anybody that gives you advice on how to find balance is kind of bullshitting you it's true yeah it's like one of those things where it's like uh i don't have the answers but i do you know have some of the um

like it's like i'm not a doctor but i've had this condition you know what i mean like i know you shouldn't be limping i don't know how to fix that but i promise you if you weren't limping things would feel better in a lot of situations to knock into specifics i i it's i found myself in a um basically the expected outcome happens that you know uh one could have predicted but it's not so much and i told you so as sometimes you have to experience things firsthand. I didn't have someone explain it to me and then that worked. So why would I anticipate that me explaining it would work? I think the comfort hopefully, or that at least maybe we've experienced from a similar perspective,

is when someone anticipates it or tells you that a path is leading this way and then it does, at least you know that there are equivalent experiences yeah you know that it's not a uniquely difficult thing because someone else saw it coming i think like as i've gotten older one thing i've realized to your point i am never gonna get rid of my anxiety. And like, those will never go away, but I can actually, as I gotten older, see the positives to them. Sometimes my anxiety then creates ambition and that's great. Like I'm a bit of a workaholic and that can be really hard on me, but it can also be great because then I can do cool projects with my friends and have, you know, enjoy that. But you have to figure out how to use it to your benefit

and then quiet the rest of it. And like using it to your benefit. It's, it's, I think when, when projecting the objective of like, well, I'll, I'll do that. I'll make it productive and then I'll feel better is on that path. There's going to be new unsettling things coming out of it. Like, well, I'm motivated because I want to get involved in a new project. I'm going back to doing videos on my channel right now. That's like a thing that's happening. And then as soon as I start doing that, I realized something that made me anxious back when I did it before. Right now I'm getting ready to do it. And I really hated the character that Jordan Adikaba gave me.

It really chokes me up. I hated being that character because it felt very insincere. And I didn't dislike the videos that came out of it, but that like, finger guns, what's going on gamers? I don't like being there. It made it very tiring in a way that I didn't realize it was at the time i thought i thought just doing things maybe you know the podcast by the time we get to the end i'm you know we're both a little poop and i'll go home and chill out but i won't like i go cry like you go you should before the show's over

actually have feedback feed a feedback when we were talking about getting back into it i sent you the two videos that I liked myself. I was not bothered by it. Yeah. And it's because I tried to behave a little differently. And the edit we did, we consciously tried to change that. We had a long conversation with Austin about it. I don't want to be this character.

That problem was solved before. What I think is easy to struggle with is remembering because you don't remember the path there because there is no default path you're almost in the same position you would be giving advice to this like you know this third party wherever we're imagining we're like hey man well i know of this result i know of i know the results and I can only tell you that the good one does exist but what it anytime somebody tries to hit you with like a well um here's my strategy here's my mentor method it's like it at best here's a list of methods and I hope they work anytime somebody tells you that this is how that's they're buttering them well and it's different for every person. And every person has to go through trial and error.

Like, I've tried. That fucking sucks, right? Like, it's annoying. Every medicine should work for everyone. I don't want to go to trial. What am I, a lawyer? What am I, someone that killed someone? Yeah.

I'm pretty sure you admitted that earlier. Yeah, you kind of admitted that. So you are going to trial. I killed a man. You know? Yeah, that's actually what's called a confession. Step, step, step. No. No, now you're pantomiming the scene of the crime. Yeah know, like it's like. Yeah, that's actually what's called a confession. Step, step, step. No.

No, now you're pantomiming the scene of the crime. Yeah, you're reenacting the murder. And we're recording this. Did you know that? This is such an absurd premise to me. I'm actually laughing at that. Oh, okay. Well, we've actually, I think we've had like a really interesting and substantive conversation.

And I think we can add to that substance by discussing the Hawk2aGirls. The new AI dating app. We covered Hawk2aGirls' initial rise to fame and wished her all the best. I maybe don't agree with some of the choices she's made. She's in big doge pocket right now. That's right, yeah. Always posting on Twitter about meme coins. It's really weird. almost never applying to connor never applies to connery's pants um and uh she had jake paul on her podcast

so huge get an amish guy on the show and but now she's got a i don't know what's going on jacob maybe you can fill us in jacob's back i just quickly throw out i do think a lot of the weird shit that uh in and around the the tour universe i think is the result of how offline she was prior right like if you didn't engage with any of this disc air quotes discourse with capital d then someone was like hey there's like a dog-themed money. You'd be like, okay. It feels like when your parents or grandparents are using the internet and they're clicking on the links that are clearly sponsored links. And you're like, no, no, no, you don't click those. And it's like, but they look so good. The doctors hate him.

They look so appealing. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this looks like something you might want to do. But as someone who was born into the internet, I could tell you that you want to avoid this. As someone that lives in the wires and the cables. Jordan, I'm going to read to you this statement from Hayley Welch, Talk to a Girl.

And close your eyes. You're never going to expect where it goes. You're never going to expect where she got the idea for a dating app. Okay. All right, here we go. I'm just giving y'all my new cheat code for navigating dating with confidence no swiping just smart tools to help you connect better and to find your own

pookie hopefully love them forever and hopefully love them i was on bill mars podcast and it was actually one of his ideas that he gave me yeah Yeah, hug to her, girl. Here's an idea. New rule. What the liberals want is a dating app. I want you to think, now you're a delicious lady, or whatever he fucking called it. Yeah, that was the word. Did he say that?

He was saying, like, you're so cute. You're so cute. He kept, like, saying stuff. Hold on. New rule. I want a kiss. Okay, hold on. I would like to i want to kiss okay hold on i would like to cringe is that one song jay-z's in who's like concrete jungle wet dream well i'm glad she chose that part of this one my favorite thing is that like someone who's a baby in internet like like it's just like and he's a grown up in stuff we don't know but these memes are so like

it's like showing reddit to a victorian child oh my goodness an update for me they're figuring it out it's got that like weird even the way they're talking about it is

almost refreshing to just be like isn't this fun like stuff is fucking you know it's fun it is funny like i she's so like um wholesome and pure despite being famous for like a sex show yeah good point um but it is there's something very endearing uh about her and it and it's obviously why she's been able to leverage this into a platform which is amazing I'll continue Tomato you know about New York Wet Dream Tomato

that's just Great Jungle Wet Dream Tomato Alright well that wasn't him I think it's the first full Treat jungle wet dream tomato. Ha ha, treat jungle. All right. Well, that wasn't him. I think it's the first full non-short right there. This one? She violated him.

She violated him. Comedy clip central. How old are you? And you're not married? 68. Never been. 68. How do you feel about an 80-year-old woman?

How do you feel about that? If you only knew the first thing about me. Okay. The hell does that mean? Okay. If you only knew the first thing about me. Dude, he's got like Riz cosplay. He says stuff with this like, and then I'll take a drag.

Yeah, he's like, I'll smoke my cigar after saying the most questionable thing you've ever heard she's like i won't explain further no no more the first thing if only you knew the first thing about me there's only one place that that implication can go it's that he is on the other end of the spectrum in terms of liking like oh he's like 80 year old women if only you knew the first thing about me i like 90 yeah i'm trying to date a grandma a great grandma please what's the first thing about you well i wouldn't be i'm not gonna call you pawpaw or nothing but hey i'm trying to throw something together absolutely pawpaw is that like tennessee for daddy oh oh dude throw away you can't do that you i by the way saw that coming from a mile away and feared it when he picked every telegraph that

completely every time he picks up the joint which by the way badass uh he reaches over actually it looks like he's gonna grab her hand. He just keeps going like, what? Nothing makes him more old man than when he's trying to be cool with his joint and his. Does he? Yeah, skibbity. So what's funny is that didn't even track that he was attempting to be cool for me. Is that what he thinks he's doing? I think that is what he thinks he's doing.

Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to be cool. I think he thinks he's very cool I think that is what he thinks he's doing. I'm trying to be cool. I think he thinks he's very cool. Here's the thing. Leave Hayley alone. I'll lightly poke because now she's a creator with a platform, but get this man away from her.

Don't leave behind me, Hayley. That's why I'm like, her team is doing her dirty by booking her on his stupid show. That's how I feel because it just feels strategically not. Her team is doing her dirty by booking her on his stupid show. That's how I feel because it just feels strategically not – it's frustrating to see this occur because all these spaces that she's being put in. There's a little protectiveness I have of creators who blow up, and I'm like, I just hope they have the right kind of people around them

and helping them make decisions. I did watch the entire episode of club random with hayley i have seen this entire episode well you have yeah like one one and a half times why the perfect foil to bill maher is someone that does not do discourse because all of he keeps like pulling out like different daggers for someone made of steel and he's like right okay because i i was um so when he said if you knew the first thing about me i didn't i wasn't gonna say it but i was like well okay are you about to say that you like young girls right because that's crazy like it's it's like the substance of it aside acting like it's a little secret like that

you that makes it way worse when you like take a little toke from your you know blunt or whatever is absurd to me but um badass though but then he did the daddy joke which is just it's like he's doing every creepy man thing like making things sexual when they're not. Also, Papa, this is a new. Brother, that's like 200 years old. Yeah, that's not a Tennessee way of saying anything. He's trying to steer it in a gross direction when it's clearly, she's asking on behalf

of her 80-year-old grandmother as like a little ha ha funny. And then he's like, the thing about me is that I, I, um, I want to have sexy time. I love sex though. If only you knew the first thing and it's,

I love sex is cool. Oh yeah. And by the way, and I, yeah. And never married. Cause I'm too busy. Um,

I've got too many ladies to love. Yeah. I don't even like that as a joke. I creeping women out all right where does this go no that's like grandpappy you know oh i see i might call you grandpappy but i ain't gonna call you popo dude she's like like bulletproof bulletproof armor just completely just ricocheted by the way back into his eyes yeah he's blind that's incredible that was a you've activated my trap card that was so deft dude a jedi with their eyes closed just yeah nothing it's it's uh it's uh trunks trying to hit goku with a sword and she's just oh my god that was incredible if anybody does want a clue just what peeps looks like i have been just send it off every now and then I will send you a photo of

drugs. But how old are you? Grand pappy bill. It's so funny by the way, because he went for daddy and I have to, I'm now a uncharitably going to assume that he intended it in like a sexual fashion to make a, like a joke.

And then she responded with the like the most sex nullifying grandpappy oh you're a super parent you're the most family i think honestly that is part of her charm she is so charming in how she's like no you dummy you're an old man because of your face and personality that's awesome do you know you know like actually all like the funniest wait sorry i hate myself i need to watch more of this oh of course no no but you know how like all of in like real life all the funniest people any of us ever know do not pursue a comedy in career comedy career don't pursue a career in comedy do not pursue a career in like any kind of entertainment field because their comedy is not like something they're seeking right they're just it's so

natural it's like a the the guy that owned the pub opposite me when i grew up is to this day probably the funniest person i've ever met my sister is insanely funny like 200 times funnier than I could ever be oh yeah and she's a fucking biomedical engineer yeah I could do that though did you listen to a lot of rap here and there like old rap though I don't listen to much new rap what's old to you old rap to me it's like Jay-Z and Tupac you've heard of of Jay-Z? Yeah, and Tupac. I've heard of both of them. I just don't listen to them like that. He does that one song Jay-Z's in. Oh, okay.

I don't know if we'll find the clip, but there's one of him calling her cute. And she's like, ew. Like, this one's black cherry. Like, white claw? Is that the same kind of thing. Like this one's black cherry. Like white claw. Is that the same kind of thing?

Time, but I don't like white claws. White claw. White claws. White what? White claw. White claw. Oh,

doesn't this feel like YouTube poop? It feels like an edit. It feels like an edit. It's like, huh? Oh, cookie. Afterwards,

you did Bill Maher. You did. I got a history election or lecture-huh. Cookie. Afterwards, you did Bill Maher. You did. I got a history lecture from him. Yeah? How'd that go? I was just. The whole time. It went right over my head.

I hated history in school. I was just lectured about history. I hated Bill Maher. New rule. Okay. I'm going to stop. So you could do a podcast for, like, I don't knowher. New rule. Okay. I'm going to stop. So you could do a podcast for, like, I don't know if there's anything from somebody that age with that point of view, but it couldn't be frivolous. You have to take it seriously.

What? Like Club Random. Could you do that? Possibly. Is he trying to lecture her about how to do a podcast? Yeah, I think so. Well, you can do a podcast, but you've got to be one of the voices of a generation. Yeah, like me, Bill Maher.

What's White Claw? You can do a podcast, but you have to do the podcast. She's like, okay. I'm like, brother, you are full of hot air. Seriously. Talk about sex, but seriously, serious issues, because there are a lot of really serious issues. I mean, you know, there's one.

So you could do a... Wait, who that in? This sucks to have to type this. Can you put Bill Maher and then OnlyFans because he talks about that. Gross. Dude, this is starting to sound like a watch-along type thing we could do.

Oh yeah, watch this whole episode. You know, I could name lots of country. I love Brooks and Dunn. Remember them? Love Brooks and Dunn. You like Keith Whitley? Never heard of him? Put your mouth back.

Sorry. It's going to start another meme. Dude. He sucks. Jesus. He has the exact social experience of like, I'm trying to put my headphone back in on a bus and he's like hey new meme huh huh sorry he's like the new you see the new meme yeah man okay i gotta get i'm like i gotta look at something right now like do you see stranger things all right man Please stop talking to me

Literally as you're going in Oh what'd you say? I was just saying mouth memes You ever see Evan Musk? So Hayley has a new dating app Apparently Bill Maher Told her she should have one And it's called Pookie

Oh cause that's like That's what she calls her like that's what she calls her boyfriend her boyfriend she revealed a couple weeks ago right uh it's called pookie tools which is very funny to me your ultimate dating psychic oh but it's literally just the riz app look at the dude detector hold on so this is one of my new favorite things so first of all i'm just going to read this blurb geninsy's relationship guru hayley welch not true launches pookie tools all her newest cheat codes for a smarter more enjoyable dating experience designed to help at every step of your relationship pookie ai tools assist you in making connections enhancing profiles and planning dates confidently god i'm trying to enhance profiles

you ever notice that you look at a profile and you're like this is unenhanced this is just their life who cares you need to enhance your life what's a generate a photo of like a dog that is on a skateboard or something you need eight fingers neon lights you can have a a conversation assistant height estimator quick tech suggestions astrological match insights outfit recommendations date ideas profile enhancement tips engaging openers i i want to check this out um okay so should we check this out on the um patreon yeah check out the pay to run um james Yeah, we could check out the Patreon. James is just like, we could just see what it does.

One of the top reviews is spit on that thing. Yes, I remember. I hawkly suggest everyone to download this awesome app. I hawkly? On the most recent Talk Toa podcast, Pookie told me to download this app, and it is awesome. I got a Pookie of my own after downloading within two days. Thank you, Hawk, Chelsea, and Pookie. I hawkly suggest.

Yeah. What's that a pun of? Nothing. That is... I hawkedly? Oh, that's something. Worst review is, my wife and I are getting a divorce. My wife no longer saw eye to eye after I kicked my kids out of the house.

This person's just memeing. They're just being cheeky. They're just being cheeky. a divorce. My wife no longer saw eye to eye after I kicked my kids out of the house. This person's just memeing. They're just being cheeky. They're just being cheeky. Would you say that they were lying? I would say that their comedy style is lying. Because I'd say that wasn't. I would say my comedy style is being cute. Being baby. That's true. A lying

little baby. Dude, get his ass. Jordan owned in new podcast. Anastasia owns idiot podcast, sir. It's you with like cool looking sneakers on a stage at a stand-up show. One of those clips. Yeah, exactly. Hey, what do you do for work, sir? I work in an office.

You're dumb. Shut up. Shut the hell up. So there is a man. Nice. so there is a man nice named calmer wit who allegedly will go into your job your place of work and tell your tell off your boss on request on it it's like a service he sells what is your company yeah he says how is babby formed for the wait what is your company doing now was it formed do you want to guess what that stands for the obsessive compulsive disorder academy yeah or

it's uh obsessive compulsive disorder ah yeah look out is an acronym for occupational care diversity affairs occupational cares diversity affairs i guess this woke Cares Diversity Affairs. Occupational Cares Diversity Affairs. Wait. Is this woke? What the hell? What we do is people go to my website, they file a complaint about their boss or their supervisor, anything like that.

We show up to the job and we cuss their ass out. That's awesome. That's pretty funny. We kill them. We shoot them. I'm actually shocked that this service has never existed until now. I'm shocked that this has been around long enough for them to have embroidered shirts. And a team.

Yeah, polo shirts. Polo, yeah. Y'all, everything you want to say to your boss, everything you want to say to your boss that you can't say y'all contact us go to our website ocdofficial.com and we'll show up and say all the things you want us to say very later oh it's cool it's funny because this is um uh what's the word a crime i know that buddy buddy but it's like it's funny so i'm like uh because you can't. What is the crime, though? It's not assault. It's intimidation.

It's like intimidation, trespassing. Yeah, I guess it's soliciting threat or something. Soliciting threat, potentially. But I mean, I guess it depends on the context of the content. I don't really care. But as long as it is just like, if it's just raising someone, but it is funny to build a business around this. If it's just raising someone, you're punching up to someone in power. Exactly, yeah.

But if they go in and they're like, here's your son's school, and I know when you go to sleep, then it's like, okay, well, this is... And also, here's the thing. If it's like your... If it's like a middle manager or something, then they may not be the one pulling the strings. Yes, yeah. They may not be the one pulling the strings. Yes.

Oh yeah. The complaints are totally anonymous, but I say everything verbatim. So you can curse on your complaints. I'm a curse anyway. What? All right. I'm gonna curse whether you want me to or not. Yeah.

Just like, can you please give him this constructive feedback? And he's like, Hey fucker. Yeah. I need to see an example of his work. Let me tell your thin-haired ass something, man. Why would you send me over there? Give him one second, please, okay? You take care of my desk. Uh-uh, uh-uh.

I need you to step out. Please. Dude, this guy's got a lot of heat. I need you to step out. She's like, okay, sir. Dude, this is a big guy, though. This is a very tall guy. I would, yes, also leave if he told me to.

I respect anyone taller than me maybe something to try out uh this by the way before we hit play there's a thumbnail on the sidebar

of him walking towards a renaissance and it's very funny it's like uh it's like the aww shit here we go again yeah

um what do you need from us come on cause this you shouldn't have did that you don't like to wash your damn chin you look like your chin stank his head stank chin there he's got a journal a bulleted list is the meanest way to do it imagine he says one of them then just like

takes out a pen i thought this was gonna be like you don't care about your employees you are selfish you prioritize yourself blah blah I'm not like you look like you have a stinky chin stinky head ass that feels like a kindergarten improvised like yeah well you have the bad thumbs your thumb's too long it kind of reminds me of the office

when they have a suggestion box and it's mostly about Michael Scott's coffee breath. Like that. Yeah. I wasn't expecting that. We should get a suggestion box and only you could put stuff in it.

Anonymous. We're not a company. We're like a family. It's true. Yeah. And look, the check is in the mail. It's on the way. I don't know.

My quarterly review is like, never call me a liar again stinky chin look like your chin stinks he's doing the stanky chin behind you this ain't no cat in the mouse game i'm gonna need somebody get up and find her you ready to rush me out so you can get her back in there i ain't no telling what y'all in here talking about agent rat Ratlin with OSHA Care, Diversity Care, ID number 371. This guy's improvising. I'm like, yeah, I was like, I feel like he's at a different company.

He doesn't even have the book open. He went and said, hey, your head's too thin and your chin stinks. And then he walked out of the room and he went, well, I'll fucking come off for you. He's like, I'll say verbatim what you want me to say. Closes the book. Stinky head, thin ass head.

I was going to say, we were too aggressive on our quarter three goals and it resulted in me working nights a lot of days. Also, I do want to, if we can highlight the scent and smell of his chin, because how does his chin look like? Well, I'm imagining a real scraggly beard. I would think a scraggly beard would stink.

Yeah. Scraggly beard on a thin head. It's hard to watch because you keep missing the head. It's just so funny to immediately lose the stoicism and the like verbatim of it. Yeah. He didn't even provoke him. He just left. And he was like,

you know, fucking for sure. Intimid cool uh i think we'll take a little detour over to the other ones and then we can come back to this and with that's a good idea i go by the name of agent ratliff with osha cares diversity affairs id number 33712. Okay, where's the... All bullshit, right? This is weird. Does he just mean the camera person? Yeah, the guy holding the camera watching me.

I need you to start handing out these new rules to your employees because they've been complaining. Y'all been sending people to jobs 40 to 50 miles away from their home. Y'all be trying to end people assignment if they miss one day y'all terminate the sick can't nobody even working with y'all okay all right i'm on board well you shouldn't be terminating the sick it checks y'all be on the phone lying to people and say right here y'all be selling people social security hold on that must not be recent because they all got leaked what is this the fucking fbi this is a very um like batman vigilante justice approach it's like hey it might not follow your usual rules but he gets the job done

you're you're a renegade but it's like it is funny because it makes me think like oh gosh if if you are feel like you're being failed by institutions yes call me and i'll take care of it oh by the way this guy's name is calmer white and he's just using lead speak oh selling people social security numbers so when we get social security numbers, they get deleted. Time out, time out. What I need y'all to do, I need y'all. Fing! Dude, Joe is catching the blade. That's right. Hand that to all the employees. Make sure they sign it and give it back.

Okay. Read out. What is he handing to them? New rules. It's the new rules. That is such a funny... Like, what do you do when someone comes to your workplace and says, I've created the new rules. That is such a funny... What do you do when someone comes to your workplace and says, I've created the new rules? It's a random man from off the street. I'm from an acronym, by the way.

I'm from the Office of Diversity Care and Affair. I'm from the Affair Care. Well, this costume is always either somebody working in admin or youth counseling at a Christian camp. It's funny because it's official looking and sounding,

but he so immediately goes mask off into calling someone a thinhead. But I feel like it's pretty obvious that it's not like an official business. Good afternoon. I have some feedback to deliver. Yuck, yucky. You stink. You stinky. You stinky.

Your chin stinky. Your stinky butt and feet weird. Yeah. Anduck. Yucky. You stink. You're stinky. You're stinky. Your chin's stinky. Your stinky butt and feet weird, so. Yeah. And my brother's taller. You are allowed to come in high. What? What? Excuse me?

All I can tell you, man, you either going to save the last dance or remember the titan. Don't let nobody know you from the wood. You're from the ocean? You not. What is happening right now? This guy loves movies. Yeah. That's true. Two movie names?

I'm with Ocean Cares Diversity Affair. Statue 88.11. Okay. So, go ahead. I need you to email that to me so I can send it over to our legal department. And no, no, no, no, no, no. What the? What?

Oh, my God. What? Whoa. Have a great day. Goodbye. Goodbye. Let's go. I'll be back.

So he attempted to grab the paperwork back. That made her very mad. Yeah, what? Like, I don't understand why there was a conflict there. She said, go ahead and email that over to our legal department. And then he. Well, he's got to go email it. Did she initiate the aggression?

Maybe it's written by hand and he has to go scan it. No, no, no. Oh my god. Oh, that was her paper, or his paper. She's strong. She pwned it. And then Dave Batista over here comes out. I'll be back. Y'all be

looking for a white van. I'm gonna pick all y'all up. What? Look for a white van.'m gonna pick all y'all look what look for a white van i'll be okay i'm i'm off board what's going on here i'll leave looping around you know what it is when he has to improvise is when things get a little dicey i was like just stick to the script buddy that was an agent hey how you doing how you doing yeah wait can we riff on that um you you could just introduce yourself as agent jordan yeah the sad boys podcast association hi i'm uh i have a podcast but i'm also an agent of chaos the sbpa sad boys podcast association oh how many who's

associated with us now no you're who cares oh good point it's a it's a lie all right you know yeah it's a lie it was a lion now you're doing my name agent rap live with osha cares diversity affairs id number 337 every time he says that i i feel like he enjoys that he's right it's a hit it really does hate how you doing he also he's carrying a binder does so much for you oh it does a binder and a tucked in polo well it's like walking into any place with a ladder in your hand like yeah come on in oh right right and i was coming here looking for the elite mr lee right here okay i'm coming out here to go over some complaints well you have a uh office you want to go over these complaints no i'm not the one to talk to i don't have any idea what this is about.

Your name on this list. It say right here, y'all need to humble yourself because y'all don't know shit. That is good boss feedback. Honestly, genuinely. I do love that he's got his finger on the paper. Like he's like, I want to make sure I read this verbatim. Shut up, idiot. Yeah.

You're a dumb doo-doo head. Stinky chin. Stinky chin. Stinky chin. If somebody came in, if I got that genuine feedback, I would think about that for the rest of my life. Every single day. Like, wow, I need to humble myself because I don't know anything. Because I don't know shit. To humble yourself because y'all don't know shit.

Y'all be talking about people behind their back. Anson in the receptionist is fucking getting high at work. Oh, my God. Is that true? They are? It's crazy because I don't know what the hell is going on. Like, what stage of capitalism is this? This is full of Rome.

I didn't know the complaints included, like, outing people for, like, sleeping together. Like, Anson and the receptionist, they like sleeping together like anson and the receptionist they're sleeping together you don't know shit you're a stinky chin plate thin head it's like that's just un that's just non-public information private information uh steven has diabetes yeah molly has a wart on the back of her head. She tries to cover it up, but we know. That's a wig. Yeah, you got a hair replacement. But you're a great boss, and I love working here. Great boss.

Great boss. I just had to let out. I just need to let you know I knew. Y'all racist as fuck. Y'all mean shit, and everybody wish Nick was still here. Now, who is Nick? It's him. Wait, that was very wholesome.

That also feels like it outs like who gave the complaint. I wish Nick was still here. Yes, well, that's the only person that has been listed. Yeah. Also, John is a good guy. Didn't everybody wish Nick was still here? Now who is Nick? What are you talking about?

These are complaints that were filed on behalf of the company. What address do you have? 22 17 rock chapel road that's us give me more information about you and what are she doing this is recorded you first of all you need to calm your attitude now that's also a perfect retort there's no situation where you can't just go like you gotta calm down you gotta relax yeah I don't like the attitude you come out here loud

and when I came in nobody greeted me he's adding he's adding his own complaints he just starts writing in the back and you I don't like your shirt your chin that I have an issue with

it says here you were mean to me nah you get your ass up out of here all y'all y'all is racist cause nobody greeted me when I came in this motherfucker when my man closes the folder it's Ash Ketchum

he's just going in. Going super saiyan on him. He's ulting. With off book. He's just going rogue. I love that we watched the thing where he talks about how he says the complaints verbatim and then we watch him just completely improvise.

It's halfway through and he closes it. For a company. I am the cop.'t give this is absurd i have the cops what the hell is now that's illegal right there's a few things i think that might be illegal here but might y'all call no cops racist wait who said that i'm like did a white person say that because that's why he said get your black ass out of here what are we talking about here we got it on camera he just said get your black ass out of here to another you don't that's crazy i understand you know he's in the heat of the moment, but like he went mask off.

I mean, one of the complaints was that they're a racist. Yeah, he's like, we're not racist. Now get your black ass out of here. You're being uppity. Yeah. Gil, you heard what he said? Wait, I want to. No cops.

Get your black ass out of here. It didn't sound like it was that old, dude. See? Racist. Told Gil. You heard what he said? Gil. He said, get your black ass out of here.

We got it on camera. He just said, get your black ass out of here. You don't speak to negative. Okay, what's your name, sir? My name is John. John, my name is Agent Ratliff with OJ Care. Okay, the fact that he's not breaking character on this fake ass name and fake ass organization. I am the cops, by the way. Do you think he's going breaking character on this fake-ass name and fake-ass organization.

I am the cops, by the way. Do you think he's going to get his agent number right? It's going to be the same. Y'all said the only employee he didn't name was John, and then this guy comes out, and he's like, I'm John. I wish John was still here. By mercy of the prayer.

And we was coming in here to go over some complaints about Mr. Lee, fat lady right here. Wait. No. Did he say that? I think he said that lady. That lady or fat lady? I'm hoping he said fat lady right here. Wait, wait, what did he say? No. Did he say that or? I think he said that lady.

That lady or fat lady? I'm hoping he said that lady. Okay, because I heard something else. I'm going to run it back for myself. About Mr. Lee, fat lady right here. Yeah. Sounds like an F. That's good. Get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. the fuck out get the fuck out and your ass is dude I don't know about you man I think they give these agents too much power

this is these agents are crazy this is like um this is a circus this is a fucking clown show right here what is happening you'd think

I mean so there's a there's a comes up in my Instagram reels here and there but there's a there's a uh comes up in my instagram reels here and there but there's a guy uh john breaks bad news you see him it's like a call it's a call it's a call intro it's like a call out show he like calls people and does anonymous complaints for people that like send them into him but his whole thing is that he's very withdrawn from it and has no editorial so he says it to them and they're like, what is this?

He's like, oh, I'm John from John Breaks Bad News. And I just want to say, Kirstie says, your attitude is terrible at work. Your shoes suck. And you always think you dress well, but you look like the Joker. And then she's just like, why are you saying this to me? I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm John from John Breaks Bad News. And it's like, it seems like anbc there's no more dialogue options i was i was i was paid like five dollars to tell you that yeah yeah and they're like well what the hell he goes okay love

you bye yeah this is like the inverse of when those like irl streamers have like have text a speech on and then they're they're someone donates to say something extremely racist and it's like they just paid me to do it that means i'm not responsible i don't know what to do but yeah this guy has like he's doing the job with none of the stoics i'm gonna say i'm i'm we're i'm losing it here i'm he's losing me i'm the cops i'm the boss i'm your dad it's yeah it's so bizarre i'm gonna i'll say it this is a prank video these are glorified prank videos for sure that's why it's so bizarre i'm gonna i'll say it this is a prank video these are glorified prank videos for sure that's why it's so interesting to me because when i first heard the concept i was like okay having someone go to your work and present complaints to them that it from a like outside

party yeah seems like a cool thing but then seems safer than, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like an anonymous box that doesn't have the risks. It is. Yeah, exactly. But then sometimes he just takes it to steps. He poisons the well a little bit. Yeah. But I'm like, oh. Well, because then it's so easy for them to turn around and be like, oh, well, that was just like some crazy guy.

I was just being harassed, which is like not wrong. You know what I mean? It would also be crazy if like the person that complained was there when he came in. And then they have to like act like they're also upset about this guy being in there. What the hell is going on? I think that that would be so suspicious that it's like, derrick called out today and he was the only one missing when when the mr ocean care the diversity affairs punisher when agent agent kill arrived this is like it's like undercover boss type it's like there's some weird shit going on it's like a

it's unrelated boss it's just some guy the fact that it escalates to yelling nearly 100% of the time the moment the folder is closed like I'd almost prefer if it wasn't then used for content because I think it wouldn't like he's trying to make entertainment right exactly it always just the

incentives are warped I'll shut all this shit now he just said get your black ass out here and it's on camera. And we, that's a fucking lawsuit. Yes, he did. We got it on camera, motherfucker. It is very funny.

The TikTok comments are like, caught him red-handed. Let's say, okay, I know what they're saying, but. That does rule. Yeah, that was crazy. Like the, this. Yeah, that's like yeah yeah it's just like there's there's a there's a pocket that you could like exist in and like kind of

like ride the line of like is this is this vigilante justice or whatever and then you can you cross over that line well it's like they keep giving him more leeway by being shitty themselves like it's like uh it's like well i, you probably shouldn't beat up this guy so badly just because he tried to take a wallet, Batman. And then the Joker sets an orphanage on fire. You can probably beat him up a little. The thing is that a lot of managers suck. And every, I would say almost every single business ever

has a really uncomfortable power dynamic. And very few people are decent at managing that and not being disrespectful not doing so but uh and and a lot of people don't have the space or agility to give that feedback and feel safe doing it this ain't the guy i would feel this is not the guy obviously like it's very difficult for this to happen but i feel much different about this if it were like jeff bezos he was accosting right yes about the like conditions his you know employees are working under but like most of these people are like very small cogs in a much larger company it seems um yeah a bunch of them are just peers like they were just co-workers that's not quite the or like it's it's like a direct manager

and you can have a direct manager that sucks but like you're dragging so many other people through the mud in order to like issue your complaints it was like you you're uh you have like a racist culture okay banger you got him also you two are sleeping together okay um used to be nobody and nobody likes craig it's like okay craig's halfway through biting a sandwich 33712 girl shut up even though you sucking this white lady ass she was trying to get rid of y'all this white lady trying to get rid of y'all can i speak with you because it's always the black person trying to tell another black person down interesting it's just a prank video man it's when he's like i will say what you want verbatim i'm pretty sure they didn't tell him to say that this is just so it's a social experiment yeah yeah it feels like a um it's like in a

cartoon when there's a fight and a bunch of dust gets kicked up and you see like coming out and you see fists coming out and a machete and yeah that's like what this feels like there's an exclamation mark there's like no way that this is um all choreographed according to the complaint right that it ends and they're also they're doing like this like the fact that there's like a thousand people here all just like doing their jobs i feel like i'm watching an episode of punked where like yeah you know justin timberlake's uh they're telling him his house is burning down so he starts crying and then they're like god just kidding just kidding you're you um actually jokes and

he's still crying he's gonna ruin the tour yeah yeah this is gonna ruin the world tour this is a real company these are real complaints she thinks she can talk to them any kind of way because she's from africa the school got roaches while y'all been trying to act all sadistic y'all got roaches she keeps students from graduating if they i mean if there's one like target where this just feels sad right teachers i guess like a high school if they're talking about graduation so or even like the office staff at a school they don't make any money yeah that's what i'm saying they're going and you're stopping kids from graduating it's like who are the victims of this like behavior also i you know again there's a lot of shitty there

can be a lot of shitty teachers blah blah blah it's not off it's not like random well this person is just like ontologically evil it's right like the resources or the cynicism or whatever but like stopping kids from graduating i hear that and i'm like, oh, you mean like failing them? Yeah, like, oh, a kid didn't do well and he's mad. It could just be one of those, the teacher doesn't like me, actually. There's so many systemic issues at play. Totally. These are not the people responsible for that.

Anyway, he made his own business card that's like that's what i want to it's him like on speakerphone or facetime or something in a different shirt it's a new brand and it says agent ratcliffe um and it says ocean cares diversity affairs and he's got a qr code it's very official prank then his photo is him on yelling on speakerphone very elaborate speak up for themselves taking advantage of veteran students who pay tuition up front is it community college oh okay veterans don't touch the notes nobody likes her racist white ass it started i thought it was gonna be funny now i'm just sad asha act just like her ugly mama with that okay okay okay okay okay this is just bullying like that's all it is i do this is such a um

tiktok brained response bro is causing a commotion laughing goofy uh yeah this is uh the classic story of when you apply clout to any situation or circumstance yeah it gets exacerbated to the point of what this it's it's like it's more about the content than about like the mission i mean it's because it's too tempting because now because now i'm like is that now i'm like is this just purely pranks and these aren't even real that's only complaint for fun now i mean it's like the reason there's a sudden cut which he just shut up is because it's funny not for any reason the only reason that i even think that there are real complaints is because no one when they're saying someone's name no one one's going, who's Asher? You know what I mean?

That's why I feel like John does a good job of it from John Breaks Bad News. He doesn't instigate people. He's just like, that's it. And he says love you at the end. And he says love you and sometimes I say it back and it's really nice. Yeah. So thanks for hanging. We're going to head on over

to our Patreon at Sad Boys. Oh. Jordan, you doing okay? Yeah. What's wrong? I love you. Oh, and I'm sorry. Fuck.

You walked right into that one. Oh. These are real complaints from my chin. Your chin's too narrow. Forehead too long. Just things you've never heard. Ears too round. What does that even mean?

I don't know where to go. Much love. We end every episode with a particular phrase. We love you. I'm sorry. And we'll be over on the Patreon at patreon.com. So sad boys where we're going to check out the Pookie app. Can't say that, man. Can't even say what's tripping.

Pookie tools, that's right. Alright, bye-bye. And now we say love you. That's fine. I'm busy. Upload a picture of anyone for the height detector. Upload an image. So it's telling me approximately 5'10".

Clue. Clue number one, the person standing next to a vintage fan, which is typically around three feet tall. Is that true? That sounds so... Everyone knows a vintage fan is roughly three feet. Are you standing next to a vintage fan? Not to mine.

I don't see a fan. If that is true, don't see a fan. It's out of frame. Go to Rich For Me.