Sad Boyz - Pulling Up On Your Instacart Shopper

Episode Date: January 3, 2026

Jarvis and Jordan discuss the problems plaguing delivery services and how self-criticism can sabotage your goals. Go to ⁠https://www.Zocdoc.com/SADBOYZ⁠ to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored ✨⁠⁠find us everywhere⁠⁠✨ Write To Us ▸ [e-mail] | Use Subject "Pen Palz" P.O. Box ▸ 3108 Glendale Blvd, Suite 540, Los Angeles, CA 90039 ⁠⁠Join our Discord ⁠⁠▸ ⁠⁠Play Sad Boyz BINGO⁠⁠ ▸ 🎬 CREW 🎬 Hosted by Jarvis Johnson and Jordan Adika Produced & Edited by Jacob Skoda Produced by Anastasia Vigo Thumbnail design by @yungmcskrt Outro music by @prod.typhoon & @ysoblank 00:00:00 1980's Kidnapping Panic 00:04:03 Lost Belonging Panic 00:06:19 Sad Boyz Live! 00:07:45 Male Instacart Shoppers 00:17:46 Sponsored By: ZocDoc 00:20:13 Male Instacart Shoppers 01:20:36 Feelings & Goals 02:00:39 Sad Boyz Nightz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, my dad was extremely paranoid, and we would watch America's Most Wanted all the time. And then he, he would say to me that I'm going to get kidnapped. That's got to feel pretty good. That's going to feel pretty good to get in the most one. Trying to train you for like, he's like, you're like SEAL Team 6, but for like a kid about to be kidnapped. Yeah, you all my training is being activated. You're like Hannah. I'm going to tell you one of the craziest things my dad did.

He did a lot of crazy things. No, no, no, I literally, you took the words right out of mouth because I was going to say, Here's one of the craziest things my dad did. And then he would be like, welcome to Sadwoods. And other things also aren't Jarvis. I'm Jordan. What?

That's a cold open. What would your dad do? So the craziest thing he ever did, we wanted to walk to school. And me and my brother and sister were all in elementary school. We lived like two blocks from our school. And my dad was like, no, you can't. We're like, okay, whatever.

And he's like, let me show you why. Walk to school right now. Oh. And we were like, okay, this was like on a Saturday. Oh. So we were like walking towards the school. There's like an invisible barrier like in a video game. And it's like, you got, you can't do it.

You don't have D.L.C. He ran ahead a different way. And as we pass an alley, he grabbed me and ran off. Run. He essentially kidnapped me. And my brother and sister were screaming, crying. Like they're... Why?

They're in elementary school, too. They're little kids and they're like, someone just stole our little sister. They didn't clock that it was your dad. No, I think he had like a hat and glasses and stuff on too. It would be an insane thing to do. I would assume my dad wouldn't do that. That is terrorism.

That is like horrible, like you're scarring all of these children. I'll show you why because I could kill you. Let me put the fear of kidnapping. into, like, a hundred different ways. That was his... Did he watch, like, too much kidnapping stuff? Yes. And so it's, like, selection bias.

It's the 80s, and it's also, like, first-gen families. A lot of the first-generation families I know, like, oldest members of the families are hyper-sceptical about, like, American culture and the danger of it. Understandably, in a lot of cases. But, like, America is such a monoculture that when people think of crime and danger and things, you picture law and order.

Yes. So you bring it like, oh, that. And I think that was a huge industry in the 80s. Like America's Most Wanted Unsolved Mysteries. Like there were all these kidnappings that, you know, it happened before the 80s. But for some reason, in the 80s people, like there were whole TV shows that like focused on that. I feel like that's part of it. It's that they real, because now they've spun this into just the 24 hour news cycle.

Everything I see on the news needs to. freak me out and I need to be worried about it and they were just not realizing that that was a way to get retention and to get like people to watch. In Atlanta, the local news started every single program by saying, it's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? And it's like, why did they do that? I mean, because local man, John doesn't. He says that he earlier today They stole one of his children and misplaced them. And now he doesn't know where they went. John, local cluts of his to have dropped his child out of train.

Do you think that ever helped people go, oh shit? Oh, no. It probably helped a lot of people shake their child awake at bed. Like, I was so worried. I sometimes it'll be like 10 p.m. And I'm like, do I know where my dog is? And I'm like, sometimes I think I let Dipper out and never let him back in because of ADHD. But then forgot that I did let him in.

And I jolt up. And he's, like, at the foot of the bed, like, what's wrong? And I'm like, oh. I went downstairs a few days ago in kind of like a vague sleep med-induced haze. Went downstairs to just grab something on the front because the packaging is delivered. And I was like, wait, where the hell is my car? And I panicked for a second week. No, wait.

Dude, you just really had a dude. I said, dude. What's a car? I guess that's a right of passage for you. I went down, I love my car, and I went, what the hell is going on? And they're legit stepped outside and I'm like, it's not by the curb. This is not good. Hold on.

Walk back inside. Got the package. I'll open that in a second. Hold on, hold on. Let me pop my, find my open, because I can keep an air tag. So I don't even try to steal it. I have too many. I have three on me when I travel.

So every time I get out of my car, it goes, you left so much shit, dude. You left your arm. But I don't. I go out, I'm walking just kind of anxious and I go like, hold on. It's in the garage. I just over the garage. Because my brain went to concern and like searching before it remembered to lose it. Yeah.

I started searching the car before I lost the car. I've done that. Where the hell is my phone? Hello? No, that happens to me a lot. Especially like when I was a teenager, I used to walk around my house. without like clothes well yeah I had a I would be wearing like boxers or shorts I had these basketball shorts that did have pockets so I would always be walking around with that

with like my iPod video or whatever under my arm and then I would go where is it then literally just be under my arm the number of times that I think the greatest damage done by the patriarchy is no pockets for women yeah she's just One of them, one of the. Okay, name literally one more. Yeah, I think voting was probably a big one. Yeah, we shouldn't have credit cards until like the mid-80. And now they're-accounts and like, yeah.

And now they have debt. And that's good? That's true. That did contribute to a lot of debt. Yeah. And now we have pockets and it's like, they're always full. Okay. Hey party people.

We have our Sad Boys live show coming up at the Dynasty's Hypewriter on January 11th at 730 p.m. PT, and you're going to want to be there. We've got two of our white boys. Which do? We've acquired two of our white boys to join us on stage. We will be joined by our good friends, Drew Gooden, and Eddie Burbank. And we're just going to hang out and have a grand old time.

We'll just be vibing. We'll just be vibing. And I warned people to get tickets before, but now that people know that it's our best boys, then tickets will probably sell out as soon as I'm finished saying this message. So head on over to the link in the description and grab those tickets. We will be recording the show and it will be available for purchase and for our existing members on the Patreon. So you'll be able to get that. Along with the previous live shows.

And the previous live shows. We had lots of lovely guests. And be sure to keep your eyes and ears peeled for any future announcements for us regarding live shows. torn, but we're cooking something up, okay? We're going to try to do something, something cool that doesn't give the FOMO if you're not in the L.A. area, but we are in the L.A. area, and it's hard enough to leave my house. So thanks everybody for dealing with this advertisement. Thanks to everybody who bought tickets, and we're excited to see you there. Okay, okay. So, Jacob, you told me briefly about this.

Jacob just did a really surprised face. I'm sorry to put you on. I'm like, why am I part of this? What are you going to blame me for being a male Instagram shopper? Oh, no, no, no. Unless... I was just like, the only other time I've ever seen you doing that face

is that photo of you reacting to the TV at your house. I can't remember what show you're watching, but you're ever hitting the, like... Probably Love Island or something. Oh, yeah, or it was some right-turned-pity, maybe? Oh, it's probably the right-of-old. You were fully pogging. Yeah.

But we are talking about... the male Instacart Shopper discourse of which I don't know anything about. And the reason I brought you into the shake-up is because you brought it to my attention. Though I will say you did DoorDash, right? Yeah, did DoorDash for a long time, which is adjacent. I did one Instacart order ever, and I never did it again. And the incredulity of saying, why am I a part of this? Interesting.

And there they are right there, the male Instagram Shopper and Chief. You were able to just, if qualified for one thing, you can just do the other one. No, it's actually very difficult. Fuck. It's a whole process. It's like becoming a taxi driver in London. Damn, yeah. And you get a big hippocampal muscle, pretty crazy.

A big throbbing muscle. Well, is it a muscle up there? Bit a brain. Wait, well, that's your brain. Brain bit. But yeah, so there's this discourse that's been happening for a while now, I think, right? It was all this time, really. It's come up up again and again that men who do Instacart shopping tend to do a bad job.

The physical shop is not the user of the app. Yes, the people who are going and getting the, yeah, getting the groceries. I remember seeing some discourse about this years ago maybe, and it would be like a photo of the aisles. And they're like, they don't have it. And then the person would be like, it's right there, like in the photo. App delivery stuff or even like ride pickup stuff does tend to exist in this like eternal rotation, this kind of like lunar cycle where it is always like the moon's always there. But sometimes it looks a little different.

And we haven't to be in the phase right now, which isn't the usual like, finance conversation people talk about the finances of it and then people talk about that morality of it and then someone will be like actually you can't say that it's bad for me to do it because it's ablest i have yeah anxiety like oh like what like i have no opinion on any of those things it is too annoying i have an opinion i order stuff off in cart from time to time and if someone gets one of my orders wrong it's fine because the convenience i gained from getting stuff delivered to my door is so high. That being said,

you have had some weird choices. No, but I'm not even here to put anybody on blast. I was just going to say that, like, I'm always going to look, not at the workers, but the application in the company that makes it, it's they're the ones who benefit the most from making the app difficult to navigate or for making it difficult from a customer side,

to provide replacements or recommendations for replacements. You rate the driver not Uber, you know? It is that there's the veil of customer service that you get mad at. Even the, I always think about the speed with which they probably have to move in order to make a living wage. Exactly. You know what I mean?

Right, because they've gamified like being, like Uber tricked like the everyman into thinking that they were an enterprising like startup founder and the startup was I'm going to create this game where you need to work really hard and fast and not take any breaks in order to make a living and I'm going to much like the like Indiana Jones like door closing yeah like I'm going to make it more and more difficult over time for you to make that living as my needs and my investors needs as my investors want to squeeze more profits uh it's going to come out of your pocket we are the like your landlord of your job now essentially

they're the landlord not to mention on top of this there's reporting to suggest that instacart is doing price fixing uh that's right yeah yeah because like they can promise to these grocery partners that basically they won't get undercut on the app and as a result they've now created this like cartelification of like your fucking family mart or not family right that's Japanese but like your family dollar your lion food lion that I was like where's the one I had in my hometown I'm trying to remember the uh I feel like the one other discourse that would often come up would be somebody criticizing like the logistics and the the messiness of it and the like, hey, I, you know, I don't know if you always need this

or if like you should go pick up your own groceries or you shouldn't order out so much. And like I caught my hands to it, right? I put my hands up and I go like, look, I've had my habits. I've had my bad loops of just ordering too much and then some better ones of walking and like I'm okay on it now because I'm trying to drive a little more. So I'm like going to stores, but still I'm getting take out way too much relative to what's hell they have it you know but some people really really really are not okay saying that last part that i said some people are really uncomfortable feeling like morally compromised especially in a

discourse like no matter the position you hold it can't just be that you wanted it it also has to be the moral it has to be the morally correct decision which is like a pretty exhausting way to live because like you're allowed to just be stupid or like a little silly yeah but like i like we You live in a hard world. Yeah, don't worry about it, whatever you, I just hope you, whatever it is, I hope it sustains okay and I hope it's viable for you.

But I do remember the biggest discourse always coming out of like, well actually, you know, I'm not physically able to go to the grocery store. And like, okay, that's not what we're talking about. Right. Like, that's just not. It's the pancakes waffles thing.

Yeah, he must ate of them. I do think there is something where it's like, If the product is bad, if you don't like it, figure out another solution if you can't. I don't know. Like to Jarvis's point, you have to weigh that convenience versus it's how I want it to be. You know? Right. You do lose when you're not doing something yourself, you always lose something in the translation

of delegation. Exactly. You aren't going to get exactly something the way you want it unless you do it yourself. And that's not the fault of someone. what else. It's the reality of you have a different, you might have a different bar of, of success. Especially if like a lot of this stuff is just like an infrastructure problem. And I don't mean like, like capitalist infrastructure. I mean like actual just like application infrastructure, communicating with the restaurant. Pretty often if you get the wrong thing

order from a restaurant is because they don't have Uber Eats implemented into their system at all. they have it going through a second third party then they get a phone call that then they order from in an entirely new system there's like a coffee place I really like near me if I'm in a rush and I want to grab something from there sometimes I would order ahead they just don't make it

like it can be an hour and you turn up and they used to go like oh right and it's just because they have to check a different till you know hey whatever I guess that's not the best I am very open to having my mind change though because the specific context of this one, I guess, is not a conversation I've seen before, I guess. Yeah, let's see what they have to say.

Let's see what Tim Hider could tell us. Is going on with male Instacart Shoppers. You might have heard that they've got a bit of a bad reputation, and I can tell you from experiences on both sides of the app. Yeah, I know. The damage that College Humor did to presentation. It's like not even normal TikTok voice. It's like Adam Conover is upset.

Yeah, it's a kind of a throwback. Adam Conover's fucking sick of this shit or whatever. Because I worked as an Instacart Chopper briefly. years ago, and I can tell you it's not that hard. But then I'm a gay man, so I have basic common sense. Anyway, in the latest chapter of this ongoing, why did this dude substitute a pack of a baby? Can we pause for a second?

This is a character. It's a little bit like, I don't even have time to get to what he was saying about how gay men have common sense. Okay? All right. I mean, by all means. Jacob consensus? I don't really have anything to say about it.

I mean, Jacob does. does have a lot of common sense. Jacob's lawyer. I think there are a lot of examples of gay men that don't have common sense. Yeah, there we go. Jacob's talking to his lawyer. What is this article?

Ask any wife, girlfriend, daughter, sister, or on. It's like, what are the... The five girls. You ask the cabal of five women. One who hails from each role a woman can have in society. A broad, a witch. Rogue and sorcerer.

A broad witch. A fortune teller. It can only be what you're related to. This episode, Sad Boys, is sponsored by Zoc Doc. Life can feel like a big puzzle. You're constantly trying to fit all the pieces together, make that beautiful picture, but it has to include your career, your passions, your relationships, your finances, and of course, your health care.

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Thanks again to Zock-Doc for sponsoring this episode. Ask literally any woman what happens when a man they know needs to find something. We can wait. Actually, we don't need to wait. All right. You're having this conversation with yourself. You know why? Okay, this is, and see, this is like, there are so many intertwined systems here

because in looking at this, I'm seeing a website that pays people by the word. Yeah. And also like pays them like $50 per article, which I'm curious how generative AI affects that. It still does like for, let's say, Forbes contributors, et cetera. Like there's a little, there is an editor at the top of it, but it's not the highest barrier to entry and you are being paid in the low hundreds, I would say, like on a per article basis. I was watching a documentary recently about Rosal Khan, the billionaire rapper lady I made a video about many years ago who did a billion dollar Bitcoin fraud or Bitcoin theft. And she was doing Forbes contributions, you know, and when she didn't have like a job and was also starting a startup that didn't have any revenue. And then they were like doing all kinds of crazy rich people shit.

It was, yeah. She's actually out and she's now advising startups. Anyway, a woman named Sammy has gone very viral for suggesting their customers should be allowed to select a female shopper only if they wish. This came after an order in which her male Instacart shopper got four out of five items incorrect. The wrong brand in size of milk, mozzarella log instead of pearls. And sure, it's not the end of the world, but it's also not that hard to make these distinctions. If, you know, you try looking. This type of thing, if it's a behavior on mass, I find it a little weird to blame.

like it may be that men are doing this more often than not but it seems like a failure of the application everyone knows like we've talked about this like the concept of friction and it needs to be as easy as possible to do the right thing and if uh if you have you know plot you have like five minutes to do this efficiently you're going to grab the first thing that feels because also the first thing that feels right they're shopping faster the you. They're shopping faster, but then also I've had Instagram orders where they like send me a picture of something and they're like, hey, that doesn't, I imagine that if they knew the right thing to get, they wouldn't waste the time to send me a message to get a response back from me

because I'm not on call for this Instagram order. So now they're just like twiddling their thumbs waiting for me to like answer a question. I don't think anyone wants to be doing that because it's like not effective for them. As I know a lot of people that just to be completely honestly, I like the substitution messages and office and stuff, like a lot of people just ignore them and wait for the results. And they're like, well, group force too. I do think the app, we'll watch something else later that like specifies this, like how that works if you can't find something.

Right. And I think it is not great. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't know how it like evens out in the actual reviews or the actual experience, but I do always feel like my eyebrows always kind of raise them like, well, what are we talking about if like it's not a native English speaker? And, like, all the products are in English.

That's another huge problem where a person who maybe doesn't shop for the items that you shop for, maybe doesn't speak English as an, maybe doesn't speak very much English at all. Get them out. This is why. This is the only reason. There's a lot of this discourse that doesn't have patience or compassion for people. I think that that's just like a bottom line issue across the board. Yeah.

And, hey, rhymes the fellas do be a little sloppy. Well, that's, so like, you could argue that, like, young men traditionally haven't been taught how to grocery shop like young women have, right? So, or girls, I should say. Not on, like, a genetic sense, but on just literally a social conditioning sense. But that being said, I just never feel comfortable. being like all men are bad shoppers all women are good shoppers because I know some women who are really bad shoppers you know so it's like all men are messy all women are clean it's like well just you can never speak in such broad general no exactly and it's also I don't know this is the best solution we have if that's like a cultural issue the best approach is to like be like sorry you can't have this job yeah sorry man this is also just like again again this is an app that you know it's now entering what it's been around for 12-ish plus years

and they have been like a Silicon Valley darling for a long time uh i feel like the uber like this is happening across the board with all gig work things where they're just squeezing their workers yeah yes as ever ever so tightly as the funding like the first free money, like, everything's going to go up into the right forever, dries up, and it's actually time to get down to brass tax and deliver returns to your investors. They have to turn up the profit button and make everything worse for everyone. Like any of the, like, a customer facing stage, like, be it a barista or Uber driver or a customer service representative or something like that, it's just the closest you're going

to get to a face of the company. so people will just be like oh fuck what do I target here it can't be like the vons that I shoot the Instagram could maybe like

facilitate some of the shopping in advance and they just pick it up or something that's too generic and too complicated I think maybe just like guys only sorry guys drive faster it is it's like a it's an 80s stand-up comics

like perception of the world where it's It's like there's no, it's all the other person's fault and they're being weird. I mean, they should supposedly, because again, I'm not like a, like the meritocracy definitely doesn't lead the kind of like Uber ratings that people get. There's plenty of people to get bad Uber ratings for like being Asian. Oh, I mean, like, but I also like, okay, isn't this what the ratings for? Is it the point that like you're filtering for, if you really care about it, isn't the point

that, and I don't want anybody to not be able to work. I'm not actually a big fan of the reading system. I'd rather just, you know, if someone shits in my fries, I just don't want them to work at that company anymore. But there is a case of like, I don't know, I've filtered for only a thousand plus five-star reviews, and it'll take an hour longer, but that's the filter that I do.

Well, like, if you're getting a job done on TaskRabbit, you're picking your person because they need to, basically you have a specific need that might not be easily described. it's like some form of handiwork or you want them to mount something but it's got a weird type of mount and so then it's like okay I'm gonna I'm gonna look for the person who's done

like a thousand of these jobs so the odds that they've seen the thing that I'm trying to do are higher but that is a weird winner take all thing because then the people at the top get all the requests and then like it's hard for someone to build their thing so these

there's problems all the way down here some people are taken to the limit of pulling up up my Instacart shopper because I'm, what? Pulling up on my Instagram shop. First of all, Instacart's misspelled. It's in, inscart. Innskart.

Maybe it's a different effort. Well, she's so mad. Learing center. Sorry, I'm thinking about that, that quote unquote journalist guy. Pulling up on my inskart shopper because I'm sick of being ignored. Ignored. How are you? Answer me.

What are you up to? Bro, I'm so frustrated I'm gonna read pull up on my Instagram shopper I don't understand what'd be wrong with y'all half the fucking time bro I'm out of French toast sticks Just don't out of French toast sticks Why would you serve it for Miceorella sticks

Why? Why? That don't make no sense Okay pause When a Replacement like that happens They have to put it in the app And then you can say no Or if enough time passes they do it

Anyway and presumably that they haven't finished because they're on that way, right? Right. And so this is like they've, they've created a sting operation here where they've called in their normal thing and they're about to ram. Like also you're getting it.

Are you getting the same person every time? Well, that's the thing. It's like, is this during the order? It seems that way. Because it's the same order? No, that's what I mean. I think they created a sting operation where they created an order

so that an Instagram shopper would go to their thing and do the thing than they normally do. I think it's a really big order because she says something about having 69 items left that they're shopping. Wait, that's wild.

To be fair, she doesn't have time to go to the, oh. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Fresh toast sticks in that brain, get another brand. Now, motherfucking, the ground turkey out, two packs of ground turkey out, you want to give me a pack of chicken strips. That ain't even the same shit, bro.

I'm pissed off right now. I'm pulling up at motherfucking publics right now. Because what the fuck are you doing? I know this is in Florida I actually don't know if it's in Florida but Publix to me is Florida This is your From lived experience

Yeah this is Yeah I remember I went to the public's bakery When I was young Asked for a free cookie They said I was too old I was like 10 That's so mean

Why Sorry that's so far I take so little of them I just give a free cookie I left Florida when I was 18 and I don't think I asked for a free cookie after the age of 13 that's awesome no you look like shit

I'm like yo what what are you protecting publics for just get the cookies we have one more they aren't paying you enough to be so stingy with these cookies so she was before y'all talk shit I was a shopper during the pandemic frozen items to be shopped but i do like the it's like the angry uh life hacks angry tricks and dips

remember don't add bread to the bag until the absolute last moment because you don't want to crush it with any other items in the bag i was a shopper double bag it with liquids are you insane but yeah keep that in mind you can use a paperclip to fix some clothes stitching you really have melted ice cream like, feel it, feel ice cream. That is a wobble. Feel it. Just feel it. Feel it.

It's melted. But you still have 69 items left to shop. That's what I'm saying. Insta car, I got to do better. You got all my frozen items in this car. I don't understand. He must be thinking, there's no way you're the client. This would be a crazy thing to do.

Why would somebody turn up? All of these points are like, yeah, they're doing like a bad job. Yeah, it's a bad job. But this is a wild move. Exactly. It's a very wild move. I will also say that one of, and this is, again, the problem of the platform, have you ever, uh, I think that this is a dark pattern slash evil, have you ever like mistakenly ordered

something on like an Uber Eats and then immediately canceled it? And then it's like, we are going to charge you the full price. They were already working on it. I'm like, no, the fuck they did not see the full of second. I said that's, that's fucked up. It's all obscured, right? Yeah. And then you get your money back if you like, uh, message, support and you're messaging a bot and it's programmed to give you your money back but that's the type of dark pattern is that they don't want to immediately refund your money because they would lose all the free revenue of the people who don't want to go through support or think it's going to be more worth than it is this is an interesting one but also because like the frozen food

not getting that last that's like an educational screw up right that's like it's not something everyone thinks about critically and maybe they think they'll shop quicker than they are and then they lose track of it or something. That's more just like, I don't know, you can't put me in front of a piano and I'll do all that well. You know, like, it's like, oh, this is what the keys do. Nice. It's not that, like, I couldn't intuit it.

Like, you press the keys and you're like, oh, they make different sounds. Christ, nice, I'm there. It's just a little bit of like, eh, that was stupid. He should know better than that. That was like a, he did a bad job at this. It, I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like content has broken everybody's brains because there's no way she's doing this without a camera.

Right. This is not something you independently do. You might wait until they got to your house and then go like, hey, this is bad. Like you screwed this thing up. It's like cameras, yes, are, cameras are such a tricky thing because they emboldened you. Yeah, film the cops, you know what I mean? But like film, if you're in danger of harm. But in this situation, it's putting this man on blast in front of like this gigantic TikTok audience.

And not everybody has the presence of mind to think about the responsibilities that you should have in front of a large audience, especially if you don't have a large audience before posting this video. And not blurring their face, obviously. Yeah, it's just like such a bad look. Well, and I kind of feel like, do you want Instacart to respond? Is that your goal? Like, what's the goal here? Just to be like, I'm frustrated and get sympathy? Maybe a better way I could phrase it is it's not so much that she has the camera.

that TikTok exists. Yeah. Because this is for someone to acknowledge. That's the other thing is that when you have a camera, you just feel more emboldened and confident to do things

that you wouldn't otherwise do. You're not by yourself. You're like walking up with hundreds of people that were, yeah. When you're walking around Catalina Island and you see Brenning Ingram and you feel like, oh fuck, I have to get a photo with Brennan.

Yeah, you have to get a photo with Brennan Ingraham. I mean, that's just a hypothetical. Did you get a photo of Brandon Ingram? Yeah, I did. Yeah, of course, because you had a camera. You weren't like live. You were like, what's up, gang?

I'm in, what, Catalina Island? Where were you? Catalina Island. Catalina. You say it all is one word. Slow down. Catalina Island. Catalina Island.

Catalina Island. You literally, Calalala. No, if you're hearing it, I was like, Catalan Island. And I was like, is that Catalina Island? I want to make sure I'm saying it correctly. Yeah, Catalina Island. And I was like, what do you mean? Yeah.

You've never heard of Cali Island. Now who's mumbling. No, this is a mumbuller in this show. But you weren't live streaming to the chat. I wasn't live streaming and I didn't want anyone. I didn't put my location because I didn't want anyone to know where he was. Because it's like I don't want to put him on. And I posted it like the next day.

That's very respectful. I wanted to be like it's I'm not going to be like, hey everyone, go find him here. Yeah, but you've spent enough time with niche internet microcelebrities to know kind of the throes of. Fame. Yeah, I suppose, it's hard to explain to a civilian like yourself. Because me, sorry, Brandon Ingram, Inks, $150 million contract. Yes, we are. You're on his level.

We're on each other's level. Oh, 160 million. It says I owe them money. I will acknowledge the like percentage chance that obviously this, you know, it can be fake. It can always be fake or whatever. But I don't know. There's like a manic energy to this that does not feel manufactured. Especially the, in fact, if this was fake, he would not be ignoring it and not his phone.

I don't, yeah. The fake guy would be going like, hey, why are you so mad at me? Yeah, he'd be. I, 100% insults or something. Believe that this is real, which is troubling. He'd be yelling about like, well, then why don't you do your own chobling? You're stupid. What did the guy say?

Like, I, I pay for your, I pay your EBT. Yeah, that's right, every one of those. Yeah, that'll come to be like, Yeah, we can continue. Telling you what to get, and you're still ordering what you want to order, that's why I came to the store. You cancel the order, no problem. No, you cancel it.

Because I'm not, you got 69 items to shop, and you got ice cream in the buggy. No problem, yes, you have ice cream in the buggy. When sick, it's melted. Is it melted? Are you a buggy in Florida? Uh, no. That I will say that yes, all the black people I knew in Florida at Publix called it a buggy.

Cool. I've never heard buggy before. It's actually much nicer. But I do think it's a black people thing. She is using local. Yeah. Do you say trolley? You say shopping trolley. Shopping trolley is fucking proper as hell.

What the hell? Basket trolley. Problem. The trolley problem is I can't find one and this wheels fucked up. No. The trolley problem is your fucking DoorDash customer. Just rushed up on you. It's going to run you over.

Would you rather they run you over or three other doodette drivers? I do think she's being genuine in her anger. It's very frustrating. You know how I knew she was genuine in her anger? If you back up to when she's holding the Doritos bag, she takes the Doritos bag, moves it down, grabs another Doritos bag, moves it up,

accomplishes nothing with that action. It's just pure channel's rage. It's just frustration. All right, we got Doritos, Doritos, Doritos and their Doritos need to be over here. That's pure anger. I get, I've been there, you know. Oh, I need to relocate some items.

Some of this anger outside of my heart. It's shoving my place. There's your control off the table gently because I'm mad, but I know. But you don't want to break it. I'm glad I perceived that. That's, I'm just like, did she just do that? Okay, great. That was fun.

I think she was going to sliding puzzle. I do, and you know it's so funny. You know when you're like, and this is not, again, I don't want to blame, I'll blame her for her actions. She went too far. We know that. I don't know enough about this man to blame him. But if I was in this type of heated exchange,

him telling her to just cancel the order is, I lose all of my money by. canceling the order. So why would I ever do that? Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. It's one of those things where it's like the system has screwed both people. Yes.

Because both people, either person gets punished for canceling the order. Right. Yes. Absolutely. Either one of them is losing money and like this guy could potentially get kicked off the platform. She could lose all of the like all or some of the money that she spent on this order.

Yeah. And the person responsible is not in this. It's an algorithm. Yeah, it's like literally a server form. It's like the most blatant fuck up on his butt is absolutely getting the frozen items first. Like when I say that's like something you just don't learn. I mean like you don't learn it like the first time you do groceries for yourself.

Or you go a few times and then the first time you have to get a lot of frozen stuff. You're like, oh, whoops. Oh, I put it in with the rotisserie chicken. Oh, it melted it. Like, you know, it's just a learning experience. Maybe you get it done in college. There is like the moral failing of that is. like it's a bad move that should probably result in her getting a refund for those items

the thing is is like the way this is presented because just the power dynamic of filmer versus film e is always so weighted in the person filming like the person being frustrated because it's you know it's the protagonist of the movie or whatever that like there's so many people i'm sure being like, well, then he shouldn't have done this. I'm like, okay, what if she shot him? At one point, is it like an unreasonable action to take? You don't want him to get paid. Like, he's still shopping for you.

Just fire bomb the Trader Joe's. It's like you're about to do whatever. I think Jacob is right. It's just like the platform has failed both parties, and it's created an adversarial relationship that otherwise shouldn't exist because they should share the same goal, which is to get the person their groceries in exchange for money.

But because there are such extreme consequences on either end, now they have to have a direct conflict. And the business, the app, is always going to be fine. It's always going to be fine. They're anonymous. You know, it's so difficult to get on like a help, like a chat support on these platforms. Yeah. Especially for the drivers and the shoppers, getting support. is almost impossible.

Definitely not in real time. Like not while you're... Usually it's like, it takes time later. Almost not at all. But this guy is, this is very much is, I think... Because this guy actually has fucked something up. And I think this is like the imagined version of what people think is always happening

when something goes wrong with that order. It is a guy who's being like inattentive or slipped up or just didn't care or like... I'll put the bread on the bottom. Which is, so people watching this, This is like, this is validating. I knew this was happening every time. It's this guy every time.

Or like if he's like scooping ice cream out and eating it and like. I feel that way about like, I've probably talked about the job. I've definitely ran it about it. Getting stuff delivered to my place is really difficult. And I mean like, like getting my license plate delivered was hard. Getting my license. But I, you know, had to like just be insanely proactive at it and put up a lot of science and stuff. In the past, I've gotten very frustrated.

And I have like called about a product that. that I needed, or like a prescription delivery or something like that, and been really frustrated. And then ultimately, I felt myself, like, getting frustrated one very specific time where I was talking to the pharmacy. And something I went like, okay, I'm gonna come pick it up.

Now I only pick it up. I just don't get my mental of it because that's the compromise I made. Because dozens of different mail carriers from dozens of different organizations have all failed to deliver stuff to our complex. I think that's not an individual problem. Yeah.

This is an individual, like the degree to when she's screwed up is an individual problem. It's just common sense. But so is like, like, I've had some kind of obnoxious drivers that like, oh, like, oh, deliver, like the drop off a package outdoors and I'm like walking the dog back in the rain. And I just got like, oh, that's for me. And I had somebody to get pissed off at me and be like,

well, how are I supposed to know how to get in? And I went like, You just check the, you have additional instructions, right? Yeah. And they just opened it. And yeah, it's at the code for the gate, picture of how to get in. All of a sudden. I'm like, I didn't build the gate, man.

Like now we're enemies because. Yeah, it's like I didn't. And it's like in there. And again, it's the weird thing about being human. It's like you might be seeing them at each, you're seeing each other at your worst moment. You know, it's like you're ordering because you're like stressed for time and blah, blah, blah. they're like on a time crunch because they've been forced into this like time trial video game

where if they don't succeed within a certain time then they like lose out on their like reward it's turned people into like an exasperated manager where it's like they're chewing out this employee that is like their employee but in reality these people have more in common they have different because the founder of Instacart is a billionaire you know what I And you wouldn't, like, get your order at McDonald's, jump behind the counter and go, look, I told you to put two slices of cheese on it. Like, it's just frustrating. You know, so one thing I do want to explain the, I watched another TikTok where someone talked about how in the app as a shopper, when you say something is not available. it immediately pops up other replacement suggestions.

Yeah, yeah. So when you say French toast sticks isn't available, it probably just popped up. Here's another thing you could buy, mozzarella sticks. Because that's AI, and it's probably driven by a similar algorithm, like collaborative filtering algorithm that like is basically based on similar people who bought the things that you buy or bought this thing often got this other thing.

Or even they both have. Sticks. Food sticks. Right. Frozen food sticks. Right. Which does take account into like, okay, well, how is there English capacity? Is that important to you? Do you want to only have drivers that can fluently read English or something?

Maybe this person doesn't know what either of those things are. Like maybe this person has never had French toast sticks. And it's in those situations, it's tricky because I do think that there's going to be, and the reason it's tricky is because I think that there's a lot of like xenophobic people. people who are going to be like, well, I don't want someone shopping for me who doesn't know what French toastics are, who doesn't know English, blah, blah, blah. If we're making a filter. And the reason I'm saying that is not because it is excusable.

It's because it is the unfortunate reality of the situation. And I think that especially because these platforms like Instacart know they have all of the documents of the people that work for them or whatever. whatever, have an imperative to reduce that friction and make it as easy as possible for people to not make the wrong decision. And if they make the wrong decision, it sucks it. It's the algorithm's fault that mozzarella sticks got put in instead of French toastics. And the only people who feel consequences from it are either of the customers and not the app.

So that's what my thinking is, is like, they need to fix their app. Their app is essentially not working correctly. If it's offering mozzarella sticks instead of French toastics as a replacement. But the problem is it's like easier said than done to because they're on the scale of millions of items across millions of stores, there are just going to be errors here or mistakes. And so in those instances, there needs to be recourse from the. app itself. And that just needs to, and guess what? I think the margins are probably high enough for an Instagram. I don't know. They can just eat that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like because paying the fines as an MBA team. Because if you, because guess what? You are the one selling the

service. Yeah. You were the person who offered the job to the contractor, promised them this thing. And you are the person who promised to the customer this service. So it is your liability for when your algorithm says French toastics or mozzarella sticks, that you don't profit off of that. There is an issue. It's like by design most of these apps. And I think Uber especially because it's branding was so much about like, how inconvenient is it to get a taxi or like public transport in so many cities is so bad. Uber connects the customer and the driver in a way like, like, hey, there's all these people driving. Why don't they just drive you around?

as opposed to, no, we're actually creating a job that we are then employing people on. It's like if they were like, well, these people that make sandwiches, we should make a subway. And then we're not responsible for how the subway does. They were already making sandwiches. Like, no, no, you created a new job, like a completely new thing called being an Uber driver. Well, because in the beginning, well, if you, you have to go to like Zip, Zin ride and stuff. Because like, so before Lyft was Lyft, it was Zen ride and an Uber before. or it had the someone in their own car thing,

it was like a black car service. So that was a completely separate thing. But the idea of people have their cars already, they can drive people around. Like you said, that's like where it starts. But then when this industry grows, it becomes people leasing cars to drive Uber with. And like-

But I think it was in a way kind of never true in that like they, sure they had the cars, but like, They also had either did or did not have a job. Yeah. And it's not as though like someone employed on their way home from their job. Right. Could just pick you up while they're going.

The switching costs. Someone was promised, two people were promised. The customer and the shopper or the two customers, really, of this app. It's like someone was promised a better job and the job they have, and they decided to pursue that. The other person was promised a convenience. for a problem that they have, and so they pursued that. And the issue is that in a, when we exist in an extremely profit, like, driven world, where a company like Instacart, and this is the case of many,

I was going to say the majority of tech companies that hit escape velocity and get and actually like continue existing and don't immediately fall over is, They raise a ton of money at a valuation that is kind of made up because it's not yet a multiplicative of revenue because they don't really make revenue yet. And then they are now on the hook for, especially in Silicon Valley, returning extremely high, often like 100x type returns to investors through like an IPO or something like that. And those types of things make companies do shit that is antagonistic to the consumer. And it results in shit like Uber, you know, moving into markets where it's illegal for them to be there, but it's cheaper to get the business and pay the fine.

Tank it. Or, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is something that happens a lot where it's like, I have the super cheap service. I basically buy my way into the market, I defeat all of my competition, now I control the market, and I can raise the prices as much as I want, which is why now Ubers are so much more expensive than they were. And what is Uber doing? They're lobbying and pushing for politicians to write legislation that classifies Uber

employees as even less than employees that have even less protections before. People have always been disposable because the, like, we've seen, we've known self-driving cars were coming for a long time. Yeah. And so you cannot convince me that it doesn't cross the mind of people. Like, when I interned at Google in 2012, it's like we had what became Waymo, what spun out of Google was these LIDAR connected cars. 2012 is now 13 years ago, going on 14 years ago. And it's like a giant parking lot in Mountain View, California, of these like, live. our cars that are still being researched for, right? And it's like, this technology has been

baking for a while. So, of course, the rideshare company that is in Silicon Valley, in the den of all of this innovation, is going to be thinking about a world where, well, I need to legislate my employees out of being people so that it pays the way for when there aren't any people. So it's easy to just driving these cars. Roll them out. Yeah, it's like, and the same goes for Instacart, it's like the same market forces are at play. In most of the gig economy, these market forces are at play because... They kick off with kind of a populist aesthetic. Like, hey, there's all these systems in place.

What's the deal with that? TurboTax. Intuit puts out TurboTax. They're like, taxes are so complicated. You want to go to... Who does that? ANR Block, just use our easy platform. And now TurboTax, or Intuit, lobbies to keep tax code complicated.

Each is otherwise you would need it. A&R block is like if the guy who signed gun you west it's an assault and rifle yeah there's a new law in California that's starting in 2026

so right now gig drivers can unionize so you think oh this is great what a great law so exciting right

but I think the law is extremely complicated and what defines an employee of or like a gig driver for one of these interesting um the obligation of it you know it's a shame that guilds and union development are good sorry not just a good news are so necessary yeah it's it's kind of close to like guys huge news someone died and so all their organs are going to help other people you're like okay i guess i just rather the people weren't sick yeah like if i

had to choose. It's just a shame that everyone's getting sick because that employees are so universally mistreated that we need some kind of like public defense. Also, California would would never legislate and regulate Uber and these companies, Instacart. So they're leaving it up to the worker to unionize. You guys can do it. And make it right. And then in then it just as powerful. And I was going to say, and if they successfully organize, then you'll see how much money they're willing to spend to try to bust those like organization efforts. Yeah, the Pinketons look at a bumping cash at the very loose. But it's like the other thing is that these, completing that, that loop of like you have a job

and nobody likes their job, whatever, someone promises something, the new, new hot job, driving for Uber, you control your own hours, you control your own destiny. It's a lie. It's a gold-plated lie to get you in the door. the getting you in the door part is extremely lubricated. It's like so smooth to get started. And then the incentive incentive incentive incentive. You keep all of the incentives really high up front to get someone over the activation cost of starting this gig.

And then do the video game thing where they're always in the movie crank. And if they're fucking car stops moving, then they die. And so now you have no time for. You control your own, you control your own hours, okay? You can do whatever you want. You are gamified into thinking if you take any time away, then you're losing money. And now you don't have time to ever think about developing another skill or getting another job. There's no mobility in the job.

And you ruin your bladder because you can never pee. Yeah. And so it's like- You're dehydrated constantly. I would be so screwed. And so it's unlike any job where you actually are your own boss, there is ability. to, one, there's ownership and there's the ability to grow that business and be owning that business while you grow it.

This is like, it's almost like designed in, I don't know if it's an intelligent design or if it's the Silicon Valley min maxing, and it's probably like a combination of like maximizing yourself into this momentum prison of like, well, this is the thing I need to keep doing. And so now I'm so beholden to this and all of the changes that are. being made. And so even though it's 20% less pay than it was two years ago, uh, what am I going to do? I have to, it's like now I haven't been able to for the past two years build up a savings to take time off to develop a new skill or to get a new job. Gas prices have gone up and I drive all the time. Yeah. And it's like, oh, well, you made the decision,

you made the mistake of trusting the promises of some company when you were had fallen on hard times or we're too young and dumb to realize or any number of like very valid situations that people can find themselves in. And now what? And so it's like... And you're a lot of that mythology as well. Like you only get disabused of that notion

if, I mean, I guess in our case, we've known enough people that do it but also know are cynical enough about these businesses to look at it in a cynical way. Yeah. Or you are, you don't work for it or realize that and you just have this kind of kind of like vague mythologized idea of like, well, yeah, Uber drivers choose to be Uber

drivers. So if they do a bad job, they're bad. It's like too distant. Because it's easy to be, it's like, because I've also had bad Uber drivers. But it's like I can compartmentalize being frustrated with a specific interaction. One time I got in a, I was like running a few minutes late, but not too many minutes late that they like drive away and you lose the ride or whatever. And I got in the car and the guy like gave me shit about, uh, being late into the car, and I said, hey, man, actually I can just get out of the car. I'm not going to deal with this. And then he was like, oh, okay.

And so I was like, great, nice to see it. And then I went on about my day, got a different ride or whatever, because it's like I can have self-respect and I can also not shit on this dude who, or feel like I need to punish. Because that's the other thing. It's power. It's like the feeling of like I actually, remember. I'm a temporarily embarrassed billionaire, and now I'm able to wield the power that I hold over a person who's probably equally

as disenfranchised as I am. You're owning Instacart. Yeah. I'm defeating Amazon by railing at one of the managers. The billionaire is laughing their way to the bank because their two little lemmings that they've, you know, got on either end of their thing are now warring with each other, and you just continue to profit. and they never even suspect that you're a part of the problem.

Yeah. And why is this, why would this have to be any different than, like, if you did a bulk order from Subway or something, and you pick up a bunch of sandwiches, bring them to the party, and a bunch of the orders are wrong. Fuck, they've really fucked that up. You've got to go back and, like, sort it out or call them or something. You ran in yelling at them.

Phone out. Phone out, which is aggressive in 2025. It's deranged. Like, it's so obviously crazy, but because, again, this is like, Subway, they wear a uniform. And Subway is, like, institutional. And you go in there, and you can maybe kind of relate to the person working there. But when you do this, I think so many people approach apps like this,

because they are so obscured as this guy, this guy runs it, I guess. Or has his own, they treat like an Etsy shop. Like this Uber driver just uses the Uber app. There is no company. It's like he's an Uber guy. And he's screwing me over. it requires like a willful kind of ignorance of the fact that or every not everything is functional at the time and not always the fault of yeah one of the things about like society is

is it is it works when you assume that the other members of society are working in goodwill or exhibiting like goodwill and intention that's community and that's and that's and it's like there are bad actors yes but things like this create this adversarial relationship where you go this is my enemy, this person is actually, it's Dr. Evil, and he's getting the ice cream early to spite me because he hates me at everything I stand for, and not because he, I don't know, maybe he had a long day and the ice cream was to his right, right, when he walked in. Like, oh, yeah, right, I'm getting that one and they take a little too long. Maybe he's just moving through the aisles as they are.

Maybe it's the end of a fucking nine billion hour shift. I've literally screwed exactly this up, like just gotten something for a. and gone on the bottom bag, took way longer than the rest of the store than I thought, forgot it down there at the bottom, I'm like, ah, fuck.

The idea, this is something that bothers me in general, especially with American tip culture stuff this plays in. The idea that like, you must be punished. There must be some kind of recompense

for doing a suboptimal job. Like, you have failed. Or else you won't learn. You won't get any better. And it's like, okay, well, in his own personal time, is he allowed to fuck this up? Yes.

Okay, so because you're involved, it's like not just, he should be more attentive when he's at work, but it is not, you're allowed to put tomatoes in the sandwich by accident. Like, I don't, chill out. And going back to that original TikTok we were watching, where it's like men are bad shoppers ask your girlfriend, wife, daughter, aunt, niece. As a, as a gay man, I have common sense. Still a wild line. Going back to that, I think, again, forgetting about the app in a way that's, like, way too generous and not having compassion or, like, understanding grace for someone who has a, like, frankly, shitty job. Yeah. This is not.

I'll be acknowledging that, yeah, of course, I feel, in firsthand, Sam, you mentioned it yesterday, weaponized incompetence. it is always on the table for me, as a man, in the contemporary patriarchal society, it is always on the table for me to be less attentive. Yeah. It's fine. I always have the option of being a little less conscientious, of thinking a little less critically, of being a little bit less proactive, because I am in the expectations of society more valuable.

Just by default. I'm allowed to make some more mistakes because I'm allowed and I'm bigger and I'm stronger, and I'm more and I bet a more and I should make more money and like all of that's so heavily embedded that even knowing that it is wrong I got there are plenty of dudes that we'll be doing this just going like whatever just like how you probably speed more if you're white because of what the cops aren't going to fucking kill me but here's the thing to your point uh weaponizing competence is like a borderline if not more than borderline like uh like abusive thing a partner can do yeah because you are exploiting your partner for their labor instead of like communicating with them.

And the traditional thing, it's like, oh, I like, for your own benefit. I like it actually when I can't do dishes good, breaks the plate. Oh, can you do it? You do it so special. Could you show me in so many intricate steps that you basically do it and just, it's harder to, it's like showing an old person an iPad? And so in that instance, the victim is the partner on the other end of the incompetence. I have no problem with a 21-year-old kid who's getting his life together, weaponizing

his incompetence towards Instacart, but that is a pattern of behavior that they need to be prepared for, such as that weaponizing copies is not passed on to the customer. Because now it is, it's communicating that it's now you have become the victim of my incompetence rather than Instacart's responsibility. yet they are weaponizing their own incompetence and passing in the law. We can't do anything about it. Exactly. That's that that's exactly because-

Should be some details and maybe we can do a refund. I mean, I just don't even know. That's crazy. I mean, we'll, uh, we'll fucking bomb the guy's house. I mean, that's fired. I mean, he's always mega-fired. That's another element I feel like of some of the rating system, like by design, I feel like designed to go like, oh, this human being, would you like to like

say that they were nice and that they did good communication or would you you want to get them fired i don't want them to be fired i want to refund yeah also oh sorry we can't we don't know how to do that sorry man i get better head out i've had shitty jobs before i have i've had quite a few shitty jobs and yeah i knew you were going to bring that one up two star and especially when i was a young person and making minimum wage. Like, those are the kinds of jobs where I would be like, you get what you pay for.

You're not paying me enough to care. I am going to just, you know, like, look, I've never been the kind of person who could do less than my best. But, that being said, this is your best. Have I taken home a few Sanrio products that someone returned

and we were supposed to destroy? But I'm like, I'm not going to destroy. this, I'm taking it home. Absolutely. We got him. No. Please.

Also, you're never... Like, you're the type of person in a full, like, giant head. Like, an enormous swat helmet. That's cute. It's like, it's so adorable. Yes, you would, and I know this to be true, you would never do less than your best. However, what your best is might scale to the enthusiasm that you have for the job. Well, and if you feel like your...

Like you're being stepped on and squeezed, your energy is not there. Like there's so much that goes into treating workers badly. Yes. Like crushing someone's spirit does not make them a better worker. I'm sure that you could look at like if you work a restaurant job or something or a job where you're like, you see a spot on the floor and you're like, I could mop that floor right there. I could make this place pick and span. Why the fuck would I do that?

I am not being, and it's like, yes, that would technically improve something by some percentage point. I don't fucking own this place. I don't, like, get anything out of doing that. It's not a part of my job description. I'm never going to be judged against that rubric. And so there's no incentive for me to do it. Plus, this place is shitting on my hopes and dreams. Why would I ever, like, do, extend my, over-extend myself for this?

Any more so than someone that straight up doesn't work there. Yeah. Like, yeah. If you were just walking around, you saw a mess. were like, well, I could, but I'll leave it to the restaurant. And then the person who's getting paid very, almost as much as you are not working there is supposed to like, okay, for the $8 that they're getting. No, I'm not going to do that.

There's 30 minutes of my time at this thing where I'm treated. Before we wrap, and I do want to watch this and I want to watch part two, I wanted to ask you, Jacob, do you relate to the, like, kind of need to keep moving to, like, make money type thing from the gig apps yeah i mean the only way to make money is to do them as quickly as possible because you're paid per like delivery you're not paid for your time right you're paid for the completion of the delivery and so it is it is like i want to make sure everything is good but also like if i don't do this and four other deliveries in this

hour, I'm going to be making less than minimum wage. There's a ton of net zero deliveries, right? And also it's like a rush because like there are certain times of day that just have more deliveries in certain times a day that like you just can't make money because there's

not an order for you. And so it's like during the busy hours, it's like I need to get as much done in this time. I need to pick up as many orders like in one time and or in like one trip as I can. Right.

Which is you triaging. That's a whole. And then it's why your food's cold and it's not Jacob's fault. Yes. I might forget the order to put the frozen things in when I'm triaging. Otherwise I might not be able to pay rent. Yeah. No.

Again, it's like I've been frustrated in the past when I've gotten into an Uber and they've been like, wait, where are you going? And I'm like this place. And I was like, oh, I can't do that. And then they like cancel the ride because it's like, too far. But it was at a time when they, like, weren't sharing with the drivers, like, what the destination was. And that still might be a case. Because it'll be, I've gotten this a couple times. I'd be like, I'm about to head home. I actually come up to the city to drive for

the day. I'm about to go home. So I don't want to go that far in that direction. And I'm, and it's like, ooh, that's frustrating for me in the moment. But this is this person's livelihood. And they're going to make zero dollars and not be able to see their family. If they do, this thing. So, yes, I can, like, I can be frustrated, but am I frustrated at that person or am I frustrated at the app that didn't tell them that I was trying to go to the airport at the last minute. And the material matters, right? Like, if this, if this was not an issue and, like, if I order an Uber, I know for a fact that, like, it's a trip to LAX or something. And I know for a fact that I'm giving them $100 for a 15-minute trip at a good time or whatever.

Not a dog smith. But like, well, then yeah, I might get a bit more high rate. Then I might be a bit more frustrated with that like, okay, and then they're like, okay, well, you can figure out a refund on the thing. No. You just agreed to do this for $200. We made that deal and then you said no. Then that would be very different than like getting in, then being like, I don't, I didn't know.

And I didn't know it was going that way. I was going to get $2, but now I won't. I'm not going to be irate for the, it's like so different, right? If the CEO of Instagram made no money, then I wouldn't be mad at him. I have been, like, especially when I was younger, way too upset. Like, I remember one time I was trying to cancel my cable. And you had to call them to cancel it. And then they charged me extra for something.

It was like so messed up and I was so pissed and I was like yelling on the phone with the cable company. And then at some point, I just was like, oh this is they just are doing their job they probably don't want to do this either and I just was like I'm sorry just do it I don't care whatever like I'll figure it Nike um we don't have to finish this or watch part two because I think I covered almost everything that I just for catharsis I might want to but I do want to say I want to know if there are any black people out there with five star Uber ratings who've done a lot of ubers over the years because I've had Uber for I don't know 12 years and i have like a 4.9 and i'm still convinced that it's because uh one time

actually multiple times someone drove up to pick me up saw that i was black drove drove drove away and canceled the ride and i'm like uh i don't feel great about that those are the people i won't defend i think i think my you know what no see i was about to say i hope the company exploits you i can't even say that vindictively i just hope they learned to not be racist and i think you shouldn't be allowed to drive uber in a clan uniform It's Halloween. Oh, he's a ghost. I'm a spooky Klu Klux Klan member.

It's like, oh, wait, you can see me? It's Halloween and it's his birthday, and he's wearing a pointy birthday hat and happened to put the sheet on on top of that. Sorry, guys. Sue me, okay? I like this little symbol. I don't know what it is. And he loves dragons. Okay?

He is the grand dragon. He's the grand dragon. Well, that's because he's the father of a dragon. Well, of two dragons. Oh, yeah. Anyway, um, these are the father's father of a dragon. You want to get and you're still ordering what you want to order. That's why I came to the store. You know what this feels like?

Can I pause real quick? This feels like we've taken ownership over bumfights.com. You know what I mean? Like we've, we've now created a thing where we've monetized. We've democratized bumfights.com. And that's, by the way, there's a specific website that like a guy. I went on Dr. Phil about just as Dr. Phil. Pretty funny.

Like when I'm watching this conflict, I go, these people should not be at odds with one another. Yeah. We do love like we, I say we as a society, not as a French society. Um, I think that American society loves to watch people fighting. We want to feel better about ourselves. Yeah. There is a Reddit that a few of my friends like.

Do you remember World Star? Oh, yeah. Okay. I was listening to the childish game being a truckload star on the way of it. And you know how whenever people would start fighting, someone would look at the camera and go, World Star. Okay, well, that essentially exists now on Reddit, where it's like just fights that break out like in a McDonald's or something. R slash bumfights. And I have a few friends who like love watching it.

And I'm always like, why? Why do you love, like, watching? It's like for a brief time, my Twitter algorithm would just show me random people fighting. And then it stopped. And now it's, and again, don't do the thing where it's like, it's a reflection of what you're looking at because I'm not. It would be like crazy clips and it'd be like a guy dying. But then the other, like today I was, uh, a thing came on my field. It was basketball.

I swiped up and it was like a fucking porn. Yeah. Was it basketball related though? Not even. I mean, there were two balls. And that's not legal on the court. No, you only have one. That is cheating.

Yeah. I'm texting you and I'm telling you what to do and you're still getting what you want me to get. It's my money. You can't make me get this shit. Bro, I'm so frustrated. I'm gonna report. I mean, if you, it's a lot easier to stomach when you imagine she's talking to the Instacart app instead of a human being. That's the thing.

It's like, I almost wish she was just sitting in her car yelling at Instagram. a cart. And that's what I thought it was going to be until she pulled up. Yeah. It's just a weird I don't, I get frustrated in the knowledge that there are not only people I'm sure commenting on this thing itself. I don't know. You don't understand the she paid for this service and it's just not fair and

this guy was doing so. And so this guy fucked up the frozen thing. I'm like, yeah, he fucked up the frozen thing. Is this just what we do now? Everyone who lets my ice cream melt deserves to be chewed out in front of 500 million people online. Do we not have like any principles anymore? I'm so

confused like why wouldn't this be crazy and like okay swap her out for me like i go to the store and yell at this guy like this is what i'm talking about ready for part two as well and it's funny kudos to her for using pov correctly yeah that's true wow yeah pov i here i am doing the thing i don't care about none of that y'all kill me acting like y'all can't speak english when y'all get caught doing dumb shit that's just fucking annoying you have ice cream and She says that, like she's done this multiple times. It makes sense. I'm not taking this order.

So you might as well stop shopping it. Might as well put them groceries back because I'm not getting it. Well, this is a clear example of them being put in an impossible situation. If neither one of them will cancel the order, then he has to complete the order. Yeah. What do you want them to do? And it's like, you know what? You're there.

shop with them. Like, she says, you know, never mind, I'm going to help you out. Let me tell you about my bear's spray. He moves in. And she, he like grabs the ice cream early and she goes, uh, uh, uh, and then he like puts it back. And she's like, yeah. I do think it's like, that's not ice cream. Mozilla sticks.

Yeah. If he's not going to cancel it and you don't want to pay for it, what option do you have then to be like? Yeah, there's no option. I'm going to just. put stuff in the car and you check it out and you're gonna drive it you drive it to my house take a photo of it and go away and that's the weird world that we live in i think i know what the answer is and it's follow the map wait she says you know what never mind i may help you out so when she starts

putting it back she does oh seems like we take less time that's making his job harder unfortunately like your life harder he did not want to cancel on his app because it goes against You have already accepted it, like any other app, I'm guessing, but I could not. What are the comments say? This was definitely a valid crash out. See, the issue is... He needs to be fired on his... The issue is, like, the lack of class solidarity.

Yeah. Like, it's... I think a little bit of it also. As far as in the same vein as that, I'm not going to pretend that there's no xenophobia. Well, yeah. Zenophobia, but then also. a lack of education about like where do you learn that actually it's the company's fault cool you know what I mean like and so I'm like I have to just yeah it would I'm like I've learned

it from from media consumption and books and George Orwin's 1989 by Taylor Swift I've just learned it from living and having jobs yeah it's like you work enough and you realize like the system or like these come big companies are never but I never worked a job in my life I have princely hands. Yeah. Where did I learn to be so, I have a penisist. Yeah,

the two of you have hands so soft. They're like pillows. Right. Silk pillows. Boney pillows. I sleep on my hands for that reason. Yeah. A pillow full of bones.

No, but I think like the moral of the story and we say this all the time. So I was sorry if there's a broken record. But like never blame individuals. It's always an institutional problem. Almost always. I mean, obviously serial killers blame individual.

Well, I say blame Captain Crunch for being so killable. Is it wild? I'd really like that. Wow.

On that note. You're so angry at him. I was talking about. I did interrupt you, though. No, that was it. I don't even know. I don't even know.

I don't even think about it's Captain Crunch. Yeah. I just, do i can't help but the little peek into behind the curtain which is like you can't stop pretending you speak english i'm like what the effect i just that yeah that's there's so much xenophobia you know what far is like they're always doing that but that's the that's the ultimate trick right is to get people like it's like people of color to be xenophobic and it's like bro like everyone who watch the movie Madawan. Is that where you learned everything? Well, it's a really good movie about a strike that

happened and they brought in immigrants to scab on, I think it's a minor strike. They bring in, I think, Italian immigrants. And so instead of being mad at the Italian immigrants, all of these like Appalachian white dudes go over to them and are like, hey, we just want to explain to you why we were striking in the first place and then the immigrants joined them in the strike and it was so beautiful and they like became this like beautiful community helping each other out so it's like watching stuff like that you realize and when did yoda teach them to use lightsaber that sounds good on the dago ba system oh i because he said called it he said come young madawan so while jacob is pulling this up i'm going to talk about how i have been feeling

really bad lately. My New Year's resolution is to feel good. Be less of a fucking loser. No. I haven't been leaving the house. I feel like I have been not just showing up for people. I just been fucking up left and right and I feel bad about it.

Maybe New Year's resolution, be gentle on yourself. Yeah. That you're great and no one is mad at you. Everyone hates me. and yeah no you I totally relate because I think yeah I've been feeling like kind of existential about everything where it's like what's the point I've been feeling like a big failure at everything even though none of it matters and that's annoying that's an annoying combination of feelings failure in things that don't matter well just like it's like for example I like have to cancel some videos at the end of uh the year for december because i got super overwhelmed and the holidays were coming up and i didn't want to have to be working on the holidays and i was already just feeling sad and so and the holidays make me feel sad and uh and so it's just like

bleh um but i'm gonna probably get a new therapist in the new year i think um just because like my old one is not super responsive always and doesn't i just feel like i've grown out of the amount i've i've had them for like almost a decade at this point and and i still probably want to see them on some basis but i mean if they're not having the impact you would at least want to i like the context and the longitudinal element but in terms of approach i just don't feel i feel like i've squeezed as much as i can't so pro getting a new therapist after a while because i do think uh like you get in a sort of I don't want to say a rut

but you're kind of like just going through the motions with someone after a while and when you mix it up and have to start over and you see that someone else has a different style or whatever it's actually

invigorating right and hopefully like motivating to like have a new approach but yeah I just feel like I just have it as the years go by And I think this is partially just like New Year. It's like I think about last year and the year before that.

And it's like, wow, I don't feel like I've really progressed or achieved any of the things that I want to. And I think I just feel a lot of shame. What do you want to achieve? Like, I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not exercising. I'm not eating as well as I should. I haven't uploaded a main channel and going on three years. So it's like all those things feel like failures to me.

And like I want to like fix it. Uh, but it's like easier to have been done. I guess the case is maybe finding, it's not advice, I'm gonna be fucking advice, but the, I guess like the, what's not been tried and it's probably collaborating on that more.

Well, actually, co-accountability. I don't know. We're going with someone kind of thing. I don't know. I feel like, um,

I felt even less able to do that. Like I felt more graded, like doing, things with with people and I think it's just a general side effect of being sad and just like everything kind of not feeling good or everything feeling like it's going against the grain and so I I kind of feel like it's a um Rube Goldberg machine type thing where I literally just need to like knock over the first domino um and sometimes it does just take or like sometimes in in i don't know this is going to make any sense sometimes the wind just knocks over the

first domino yeah yeah yeah that's five years go by and you remember yeah i knocked over that first domino why can't i do that anymore yeah yeah yeah it's like actually that never happened yeah i know that was i used to work harder look at where my life was a lot of things do come back and i think i'm not delusional to that like i think that a lot of um my struggles come from like my life being set up very differently when I was working in industry and and then not having like to worry about it was like the wind was knocking over certain things and then now I have to like knock them over myself in just like feeling the wind knocks it over in that environment and you don't really get to set up the domino's yourself but you get the input right yeah to say like that looks

good I'll trust the process a little bit on that one yeah just a constant state I think for me of overwhelm and just like a never ending and this is like just life but it's like a never ending list of to do's but then feeling like I'm not even like making progress on the things that I want to be doing but also not having the energy to do that and then I I wonder like is it the energy or is it the desire to even do these things um it kind of is like when you you know when you're tired and you know you need to brush your teeth but like you're in bed it's like so many things feel like that to me um it feels like moving through a swamp yeah yeah yeah that's anyway depression it's i mean yeah it's it's painfully simple unfortunately yeah it is simple or rather

simple not easy right yeah yeah that's the simplicity of its depression and finding the sources it's something and sometimes the wind blows it over or whatever the good news is that like i uh can exist in what I feel like is a stasis and it still is like it's still everything works everything still happens stasis is like

like if you're in a coma for five years it blows but the medical bills were covered kind of thing yeah yeah so it's like that that's good and that's like I feel like I am fortunate enough to have the time to figure it out but what does suck sometimes is like the when one thing's

when you feel like you're progressing in any one thing, and it goes on long enough, it's almost like, I don't know, like when I try and think back to when I was like physically active, right? When I was doing a lot of physiotherapy, because that's something with EDS you're supposed to do.

And now I'm like permanently compromised. There's like an amount of progress I can't really make back because I wasn't, you know, it's like wearing a, retainer kind of like there's only so much if you don't wear it for a really long time there's only so much you can kind of get back sometimes sometimes that does feel like dread like oh fuck like what how many years of like super physically physical activity or something that I compromised by doing that or whatever when there is momentum in something it does feel like it sometimes fills up the space yeah like it's cut back three months ago

I was so horrifically depressed but getting the it's so weird getting the driver's license I'm still riding high on it, and that was wind knocking over the domino. That was having a friend who also didn't have one who was more proactive about it. We're like, okay, we'll go to the DMV together and we'll do the thing. Right, but yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is like, something I've been noticing a lot, I'm curious how this is for you, is the, like, I'll look at my to-do list, and I'll, rather, I'll think about it in the abstract without opening my reminders app, and then I'll open the reminders app and go like,

I'm none of these matters or rather one of them does and then like you know it's one thing related to like visa paperwork this is like a classic one there I feel and then what about like

repairing like a broken leg on the couch and because I haven't done the visa one or even if I do get around doing it you get used to everything being first order danger first order panic first order right also there's an ADHD element to that for myself at the very very least which is like in terms of like

bucketing priorities and stuff like that it's like everything kind of people with ADHD tend to have this like now or later type priority bucket so it's only the stuff that's like squeaking you know only the only the fire alarm that's beeping gets the battery and and so I have like the artifacts the fossil of some of these former like habits that I used to have that almost help you know it's like I set the reminders I put things in my calendar but I just don't have any of the like fuel to like drive down the path you know to put in the car and drive the neural pathways are there but I'm like it's locked yeah it used to be locked but I do also know that I have oscillated in a very um when I'm getting some momentum it tends to like raise everything yeah and so the goal used to be just like reduce the time the gaps in between like being able to build that momentum even if you fall off the horse and i and i think i just need to get some of that momentum back up uh and i i'm not always

being fair to myself often not being fair to myself but like the fatigue also is really tricky like it feels like i need to like take my ADHD meds to even like get out of bed and that's a thing where it's like i did all the you know it's like i did all and i don't want any medical advice but it's like i i went i did all these tests i've like done all these vitamin panels it's like i've made sure that every like vital thing is at you know peak whatever and there's still nothing it's like i've looked into have you have you heard about this thing or this thing or this thing it's like i feel like I've kind of run the gamut of so many things. And so that's frustrating.

There's only the intangibles and like the effect do with an intangible. Just like taking it, uh, all that's to say, I'm, I, the good thing is I still remain optimistic that I will figure it out, always have. And, um, I know that the gap between like what I want to achieve and what I have achieved is larger in my perception than it is in anyone else's perception or in reality. And so I know that it's just like my own oddity. But I think that at the very least, sad boys, I can talk about it, let people know where I'm at and, you know, shout into the void that is actually people hear it. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry you're feeling especially low.

I do feel, um, you're, you're, you are one to raise the, the ceiling with the progress kind of thing, the, the, the treadmill element. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, which is not so much a like thing to, I don't know what fuck do I know, the, the, the fix, it's a thing to adjust to, right? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you already know all of those things and the best approaches to it. it's i'm very proud of you sorry coincidentally i really struggle with proud of you and i think it's a cultural difference because the phrasing means something else

in england i think like proud of you means i got you to do it i'm proud of you as my son because of i'm like i'm proud of this thing i built right right i think that there is that does sort of exist in American English as well. Like the implied ownership. The implied ownership. Your pride because you're a lion. You know. I just,

I had years ago, I was in a relationship where like someone really appreciated me using that phrasing and I really struggled with it. It feels just like, it feels patronizing, you know, but anyway. I know what you mean,

especially after watching that documentary where they were saying some wild stuff. It was literally like talking about a dead person and be like, then she bit the dust. It's like, She kicked a bucket. It's like that type of flippance.

It's, uh, yeah, like, why is a, where and were, why is one spelled with an eight? Like, why is it? But, um, anyway, I just wanted to say that I admire that feels more right to me. The, you saying out loud and acknowledging the will, concrete, always have done. Because I think the saying always have done is like a very difficult thing to, even just say out loud because everything in your bones is telling me that you actually that you never did it is telling yourself maybe I'm projecting that actually you never did do it and actually that one didn't work and that actually that one was just like or something

but acknowledging that the other ruble bone machines did get no again it's like even if you've never done it there is there is honor and valor in the pursuit yes that's being alive I mean Yeah, because I also think about this, I hold so much shame as a person for, I don't know why, but the, even things like, oh, that's NEPIC, you know, like, that's, that's, I, because the shame in me not having read the one piece chapter in the book that I have, why haven't I done that? This is for context when I was 12. And I had the first American issue of Shona Jump and One Piece was on the was in there. And I mispronounce, I thought it said NEPIC because of the way the logo looks. It's an old time. I love it.

Yeah. But anyway, but I think it's like it's an early example of me kind of this wanting to lie because I want to avoid the shame. Like the shame in my own. Because there's no actual shame in not having read or know the thing or not knowing something. Especially as a child. Especially as a child. But the thing is, I very early on, like, maybe it's through, like, early success in academics or being successful.

Thinking bright and being a precocious kid is tough. And so it's maybe, maybe that's where it comes from. But the instinct to want to cover up things that I'm shameful of is like I sent a screenshot in, like, I sent a screenshot in, like, the. challenge in runescape where I died a bunch of times and I sent it to to my friend and I it's the type of thing how many times I died trying this thing is something that I if I was younger would have taken to the death you know what I mean it's like because I would never want to reveal that I'm not as good at this thing as I want people to think I am yes and I'm like well that's interesting because if I'm because if I and then when my brain goes

is if it were someone else, and this is where my brain goes now after therapy and trying to make sense of this, it's like if it were someone else and that was their starting point and it's like the setback comes before the comeback, you know what I mean? Like if the story has a happy ending and it's that you succeeded and overcame whatever challenge, then why does it matter how that it was more difficult? for someone else. Yeah, if you, if there wasn't something you ever came, then the story's not impressive. Isn't it more interesting if you struggled with something and then overcame it than if it

came easily to you? It's straight up just not impressive if it came easily. It's like I can reach a higher shelf than peeps can, but that is nothing, there's no merit in that at all. Right. And I think that that may be something that like I held on to as a child is like things came so easily to me and I was praised for things that I could do. that came easily to me.

Must have measured as well. Exactly. And so when things didn't come easily, I would want to like sweep it under the rug. And instead of being seen as someone who worked really hard, it was like seeing as someone who was like smooth with it always. You know what I mean? Anyway, that's just a little peek inside my own brain.

Hopefully that's helpful. It kind of ties a little bit back to the point you made about like, did the weird, unique thing about people being cynical about their own sports team where like this is one of the few things in life where there is actually a lot of peace and freedom in making fun of and acknowledging your whiffs right like it's like if you're just going to argue online when you make a mistake if you're going to argue online about like actually no my team is only good and nothing's gone wrong well then it's like is that much fun too do you like sports

like it just seems like because they kind of like it's if you root for a team that had never not won a game or ever been scored on even once probably wouldn't like basketball very much it would just be a boring sport it would just be boring and it would also not there would be no achievement and there'd be no excitement it's not that like it's bad things are good because then it gives contrast to good things that's you know not the case but plenty of stuff to be no enjoyable but like once it's a thing you want to be proud of or a thing you want to overcome then it like it's i i will say i'm calling this out just because i could actually use a little accountability on it if that's okay for you guys i think in my time away in my my when i uh got sent thee to a nunnerid to england you're exiled i my yeah my corsican island exile i think i got a little ego death and a which I appreciate it to some extent

it does help me with a lot of stuff and then I think I might have overcorrected to being a little bit blackpilled and a little bit nihilistic at the time very nihil like all the way but on the way back now I do get a lot of peace from

to acknowledging what I'm limited in and acknowledging just like yeah, whatever, I'm kind of not very smart in this thing. I found a lot of peace actually in like acknowledging that I'm like not very educated that's because I just literally wasn't and that was a that was big I'm hiding this especially in an office environment. I would never tell anyone that I didn't finish high school. Right, right.

Because if people I don't know, I dropped out of school for a couple of years because I just hated it and was racist shit. But then I went back into the equivalent like the GED at like a, a, local location for two years and i don't i was never an academic kid so i didn't have part about academia what i wanted was exactly what you're describing the ease of it or what i wanted was like i'm a precocious genius so i'm just good at the thing i was never very good academics but i was always quite charismatic or at least like charming i guess in the right settings definitely charming charismatic but i think that at the time that the charm element

was, that was what was hiding. I really wanted to be an adult. Like, I did not like the feeling of like, well, he's probably worse or slower or not as charming because he's a kid. And so I was like affecting a lot of, like how grown up I am. And I actually don't mind about things.

They're actually cool. Meanwhile, just like siloing all of this self-consciousness. But what do I know? What do I sound wrong? Lately, I have been a little, I've been noticing it more. I've been a little, I say lately, like a couple years, but like increasingly on and off, a little kind of like blippant with pride, like a little like finding the pride in stuff. I've kind of been treating like a like a Roman Catholic.

They're like, don't do that. And like the thing with the car was the big thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kind of like, I don't know, it's actually just something I meant to talk to you privately about because it's like, I think I, I, you're very kind in like the way you will, all of you will like express something directly. But you especially, I think you, you know it from your personal experience and also me for a long time is the like, don't check yourself down. Don't reduce this own. And I think I've been doing it so much lately because. in a stiff upper lip way and not in a like

don't hate on yourself because you failed this thing or don't hear yourself somewhere it's like uh i feel like i've reverted a little bit to like being like 15 and just being like who fucking cares oh yeah but like whatever dude yeah i'm fucking stupid who fucking gives this shit yeah i'm never gonna do that and it's like a and wait and so how does that manifest with the car like the car can and i had this like big boost of like like there's huge rush of ecstasy and pride and like fulfillment and like I can do the things I set my mind to or so and so and then I immediately like you're like

pipe that down like like oh yeah the thing just happened like it's like I'm pretty I'm like looking away from the Rube called book machine that's interesting I don't fucking whatever I have I think a severe version of that that doesn't that doesn't even let me have the pride part which is interesting but I definitely relate to this to the point earlier it's like well what is the point of anything first of all uh second if you play a football game and it's and you're up by one and then the other team can win with a field goal and then they missed the field goal and then you and your team storm the field in in happiness it's funny right because it's like well you didn't do you didn't You stood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't affect that. That actually was someone else's

mistake, and yet you're celebrating. You know what I mean? Like, you're celebrating all of the hard work that you've already put in. Not the, you know, you're not celebrating the mistake of this guy. When everyone celebrates together, it's a team victory because you showed up to practice. Yeah. You did the stuff. You're celebrating everything before. Right. And that's why you can even celebrate in a loss because even though you're not it's not what you want you can uh take solace at least in the fact that you are positioning yourself for success and i think that you and i will probably and you know maybe this isn't true but like are probably not the type of people to become like kani levels of conceded and self-absorbed uh or at least self-absorbed in that way

self-congratulatory. Self-absorbed, maybe insulking and feeling a feelings way. Maybe that's more likely for me. Self-obsessed is normal way. Self-focused. Yeah, self-congratulatory. And so as a result, like, I don't think you need to keep that in check. Because I feel like you've described to me in the past, and maybe this is even back

when we had our Seedog episode, where it's a little bit the like Welsh or British, like, if you do anything well, it's like, you do anything well, it's like, Captain does a thing well over here. Oh, well, well, driving, are we? Yeah, if it isn't a guy who achieved something. Yeah. And I wonder if there's like an internal putting yourself down, like not allowing yourself to have that because there's like a voice that has that old muscle memory.

Yeah. Is it fair to say that the way you're thinking, okay, so. I'll give you one that's kind of crazy. Or actually, this is very similar. So I was, like, a few years ago, of Forbes 30 under 30. I didn't celebrate that. There are people we know that have, like, asked me to, like, refer them or, like, review their applications because it's apparently something you can apply for and things like that. Should I apply?

Retroactively? No one's ever, yeah. No one's ever wanted over 30, baby. Post-up posthumous Oscar. Like, I got that honor, and in my head, I was like, oh, neat. But then the other part of me goes, eh, it's a bunch of weird freaks. Like, a lot of the time, it's like there's the whole fraud thing where it's like 4.30 to 30, like a lot of people go on, like, do some crime or do some fraud or whatever.

It's like there's that. And then also, this isn't a meritocracy. I feel like I made the right impression. on the right people who had the right amount of power or whatever. It would be insane to the egotistical thing you're saying. It would be like insane and dangerous for us to say like, well, we are where we are because we are that much better than other people. Right.

I've never been the type of person to, the reason that like it almost sounds like a lie when I tell people this is because I'm not the person who puts it in their bio. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like because those, because we know those types of people and that type of person's always been grading to me. Yes. And so as a result of all of that, even though it's a thing that is cool and could be celebrated

or I would say there's no harm in celebrating it, it is internal to me a whatever. Well, even now you are, you're qualifying it with like a, but I know it's, you know. Yeah, it's like what. And my, even at the time it was my ex, like maybe like go out to dinner to like celebrate it. And I thought that was a nice gesture for them, but also very interesting for me because of how difficult it is for me to celebrate myself. Because in my mind, and this is like me doing stand-up about myself almost, it's like everything that I've achieved, I should have achieved it sooner. Yes. Okay. And everything I haven't achieved, it's an embarrassment that I haven't achieved

it yet. That is exactly, that's so funny. You completely keyed into what my question was really because like I was going to ask the way when you talk about it it is you didn't reach a higher goal and in when I think about it I shouldn't have even had the goal right I'm like surprised yeah don't be all right buddy if you you you tried something and in your case it's you didn't try enough anything I get I'm like well if there's any and this is again not fair but to myself, but it's like anything I achieve or any sort of accolade I receive, I'm like, well, there's a bunch of better creators that should be receiving this than me. Yeah. Who do similar stuff? Why, those people should just get it because I'm not the best. So why is anyone ever celebrating me?

No one should watch my videos. You know what I mean? It's like, because there's better ones. Yes. You know what I? Because then the goal can be, well, now I, because I should make the best video. Right. That would be succeeding.

And a lot of times, like, for example, I was talking to Austin about this because, like, Hassan watched the gold video I did about clavicular saying the inward all the time. I, like, am honored when people will watch, like, a video of mine on stream, but I have a shame and an embarrassment because I feel like this isn't my best work. This isn't the type of thing that I want to show people. Yeah. You know what I mean? It almost feels like I'm making. And that's not that I don't have respect for the things I do or think that there's value in it. But it's like if I had a secret poetry book that I was unpublished and I came down to the office one day and Anastasia was like, oh, I was reading some of your poetry.

And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, you're not supposed to see that. I was going to write one and maybe send it to you. I was supposed to, yeah, that those aren't even the, you actually need to see the better stuff. Yeah, wait till the VFX is done before you watch the movie. It's not finished. We have reshoots, please, please, please. Right. And so that's part, it's part of the mindset that's kept me from the main channel is because I have that sort of like perfectionism. The longer the break, the higher the expectation for yourself.

And it's the same thing that prevented, stopped me from posting on YouTube when I was like 14. When like my high school musical video popped off, I was like, well, now I'm not going to be able to follow that. Yeah. What is that high school musical do? I think I've always been concerned about people's perception of me, but not in the way that you'd think. I guess. It's like I want people to think I'm capable, think I'm intelligent, whatever. And it's not that I don't feel like I'm putting out good work or something like that. But if I have my own things that I would change, things that I would do differently, if I was producing a video on a short timeline and given all the researchers in the world, I could make a better version of this thing, but that's not the role that this is playing. And then someone sees that it's like the feeling that everything I do needs to be the best thing I do. do, I've gotten over that in practice. I've gotten over it in that doesn't stop me from publishing.

It's like I got over it by having Anastasia review my videos instead of having myself review them because if I review them, I will make a thousand edits that don't matter. Kind of like I didn't get my injury healed. I just walked different. Yeah. And over time, your kind of hip gets unbalanced or like one leg says they had for videos. something in a little bit or like, you're like, okay, I know that the perfect thing to do would be able to review my video with no issue and like help and not make too many notes.

The perfect thing is to never have an ad deadline and to do, and also, and to do things only for, uh, uh, to do things to live in a perfect world where you're an artist that is only self motivated by things that unique, touch your soul in a special way and to not live in a not live under capitalism not need to make money not need to do a brand deal for you know a mobile game or whatever and it's like I don't do many of those things um and I am fortunate enough to make what I think are good choices about like how I make money and how I present myself and like what types of you know whatever But it almost feels like when someone looks at a data point about my entire, if I am a concert of a million data points as a person, if someone looks at one of those data points, I feel like where my brain goes is that that one data point is representing the million.

Which is the burden of the person looking at it. Like beauty is in the eye, the beholder. Maybe they will. Maybe what control do we have? But ultimately, people tend not to. They tend to want to see more or learn more or get on more. But what I told Austin was like, I don't feel like my, these gold videos are good enough to be watched by someone on stream. Oh, I see.

You know what I mean? It's like, because in my mind, I'm like, this is more of a vibes based performance. And it is not a utility. It's a entertainment thing. Yeah. So it's, and it does, there is a utility to it. And I think it's selling it short to say that there's new. no utility but it in my mind in the way that I structure my own stuff it is more entertainment

than anything else it's more like I'm not offended when someone says they fall asleep listening to it or they eat their meal while watching it I think we do like performing as in like it's just it's fun to do like we we have a good time doing it so that it's never draining or like never enough I know some people just adore doing it all the time, not us, but I, it's, I enjoy being, uh, having stuff that I'm proud of be published with me associated with. Like it's, it's cool. That feels like it feels like an archive or like an achievement to do that. But I really don't like having myself attached to the thing being published.

Or rather myself being the thing that's being published. Like, sad boys, featuring Jordan is a much more palatable, like, okay, that's going out into the world than the Adika video, I guess it. Now, I should say thank you to everyone for watching that video. This was peak.

All right, Mr. Hollywood, mine for me recently, where I was just like, I wanted 20K views in the first day. And it was like, because that's good. I've been gone a really long time, whatever. I've never been a, aside from it, like, as a job, never too motivated by like the performance of things just because I, again,

it's that like overly suppressive mindset. It's not that you should celebrate. It did like way better. It got like a 100K on the second day. And I was really happy with that. And then it climbed and it caught up with the best performing videos from, you know, it was 931 days since the previous upload. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's coming up. It's like, oh, okay, cool. And I even saying that right now it gives me the ick me saying i did i am you the it gives me the i there's something about the the that kind of statement that makes it feel feels embarrassing because i want to add that caveat at the end i want to do the unnecessary like but it doesn't matter not like but i could have done better i do think it's interesting the the the contrasting points that were coming at it from and

the result being exactly the same which is not to say that i don't also and I'm sure vice versa, rag on myself for a lack of success. And one thing, get frustrated. Like, I'm frustrated that I'm not going to the gym, right? Because I used to like going to the gym and it used to make you feel better. Exactly. That is actually like a, it's very difficult to separate a thing that actually we should be doing because we aren't doing it. Like, I should cook more, right?

Yeah, oh, big one. I actually should because it is cheaper and better for you and a good habit and a good skill set. Yeah. Now, once a... Look at that. But I'll help the dental. Once, if I was cooking a lot or even just a good amount somewhat consistently, if then I go to like, okay, well, I need to like learn Italian cuisine as well.

Now it's free space. Now this is just like, we go it on free time. Maybe you do. Maybe you could. But you're eating every day. It's not like that to be like, well, I'm having... My macros aren't quite. Right, right.

And it's like, okay, getting your microzone can't be a goal, but it mustn't be the goal. Because it is a... Also, it's just like, I think that there's, there's something, I think that celebrating little things and allowing yourself to celebrate little things is healthy. Like I... And impressive. Yeah, well, for example, I used to make coffee every morning. And then I just started like ordering coffee and I hated that I was. doing that and everything was just like the um the the the what's it called the momentum was just in

that direction yeah and then i started like making coffee again the other day and i'm it there's almost a relief i'm like oh thank god oh like because it didn't take me any time it's just a weird like it almost feels like sensory in the way that someone might not like the way a like corduroy feels on their skin it's like i i i needed to drink from a paper cup for that time and i don't know why you know and i and i still don't uh and i'm sure that the you know the peaks and valleys will uh will continue to ebb and flow the the other thing about the shame is that uh if anyone ever wanted to collab with me i used to want to be like hey by the way like if you want to collab like i can't promise this is going to help your channel or anything in any way because i don't i don't think i

have that kind of pull um and i would even like it almost made me want to turn things down not and i didn't but it almost made me feel that way well that's because that's like uh we talked about it a while ago i feel like the um if somebody like gives you a compliment and your gut is to be like oh no no no no the kind of thing to do is actually say yes because it makes that to give a compliment is also can be tricky for people and word it well so the kindness is to say yes you're denying someone who actually like it it's not easy for most people to give compliments some people may enjoy it but uh regardless just like some people may enjoy giving gifts but uh if you reject that gift similarly to reject that compliment it is a bad feeling for them and you probably didn't

want to give them the bad feeling it's like uh wow that's really nice that you're inviting me to do this thing, I'm, I will do, I will suppress the... In none of this applies if it's a comment about your body or catcalling or... Yes, good point. That's actually a really good point because that's, I feel like this true thing or true, I guess, or real, you know, whether valid or not, the real sensation that we're talking about, I do feel like, and as includes when it's rearmed with a... therapy speak and therapy aesthetics online a lot of the time is used to like devalue something. Yeah. It is used to say, well, okay, you're, what you're actually doing is these several systems that I have in a list. When I said, when I said, ooh, mama, look at that booty, talk to me some, tell me something nice.

And you said, you gross. It really hurt my feelings. And it was very invalidating to like me expressing that was. My feeling. Like, yeah, it's like I had that feeling and all feelings are valid. So you should say, hooray! I don't understand why I'm being, this is kind of messed up. And yet, my favorite type of guy is guy that's like, well, when a woman yells at me in the street, it's allowed. And like, did that happen recently? Yeah.

Would, what, did they yell stop whistling what I won't like? Because that's not quite the same. And then those same guys will like spray who they perceive to be as a gay person with a water hose If they feel like they're coming close to them Well, get watch yourself Trying to turn me into one of them Jesus He's cat calling me by driving his car nearby

Um A dude's rock Huh? Dude's rock All right we need to wrap We end every episode of Savoy's with a particular phrase Love you we do Sorry we are

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