Sad Boyz - The Kate Middleton Conspiracy

Episode Date: March 16, 2024

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Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also. I'm Jarvis. I'm Jordan. Hey, normie two weeks in a row. I mean, I guess it's, uh, do it again. Welcome to the Blackie Podcast with Big Bong and the Boy. I wonder if, whenever I've heard drive time radio star stingers and stuff, I'm like, this is not for driving. This is too hyped up. I was listening to a podcast the other day

and I was like, what is the difference between a podcast and radio? And it's the fucking audio post-processing where it sounds like we've got to and it's like the, I don't even know what they do to it audio processing wise.

It's very clipped it feels extremely close extremely like close and like um it's like very limited limited yeah very compressed it's compressed for the yeah a whisper and i feel like if you just i wonder if there's a market for like compressing audio podcasts like radio so that you know when you listen to it people like if you're an uber driver or something people just assume that you're listening to a radio station and if it's hyper compressed it like works on any speaker there was this uh back when i was doing a typical podcast stuff there was a phenomena of like us trying out a new sound designer or a new editor or something and and they all were, but the number one piece of feedback

we had to give to everyone every time is, hey, the knee on this limiter is so tight. Or the noise gate here is so tight. And it's because that feels like, if you want to impress someone, that feels like a measurable point of success. Like, look how much I edited it. Look how much i treated this audio as opposed to like best acting is awarded to most loudest acting yeah it's like the most acting you

could do like but the most makeup which kind of feels i mean i feel guilty of that i feel in plenty of things like uh oh for all the oscars that i've won yeah huh when i i you know when i got all those oscars for like go ahead best actor which movie was that that was for um oh shit you should know they put me in one i'm in a movie that would be a weird surprise yeah it's about that guy who doesn't know that he's in a movie but he like plays it off really well i mean would you do an act at any point i'm just acting a fool fuck you you stupid piece of shit i'll never tell um i was in a movie that's the whole premise of the movie now i was just doing my character from the movie and i don't know it and i put an oscar i did put an an Oscar for the most acting because it was so unbelievable

that someone as attractive and well-spoken as myself wouldn't be in a movie. Yeah, you said you've been having a lot of very vivid dreams lately. Yeah, I dream in Technicolor. Some people dream of Black and White. I dream in beautiful soundscapes. Hosted by Jimmy Kimmel.

Yeah, me and Jimmy actually go way back to the man show. Don't look it up. Don't check what I said. Don't look it up don't check what i said look at what i said what he said just keep it moving we're 56 now dude things are different it's a different time dude that was such a weird era of television it was like the time when um any show that judged anyone on anything could be so extremely mean. And if you were like a normal weight person, you were considered overweight, especially if you were a woman.

Sure, yeah. Where you would just call women, and just excuse my language here, like people would call women fat. It's like getting called fat on like Xbox Live, where it just has nothing to do with the way you look or what you are. It's like some kind of nebulous criticism of your humanity they would call models plus size

tyra banks did that and it would make you worse do you remember spike tv oh yeah in the fucking soup with joel mckale i feel like spike tv was like where boys can be boys. Finally. When Joel McHale was cast as Jeff Winger on Community, it made perfect sense because that was like the character that Joel McHale was playing on The Soup when he was doing essentially commentary YouTube, but like as an asshole. You know what I mean? Like as just a mean guy.

That really is a recurring there has to be one running of that at all times like uh that like atlas has to be holding up the globe that always has to be a tosh.0 it like has to exist somewhere just one don't need a lot of those shows just need a guy with that haircut on a soundstage saying something like, yeah, not what I thought was going to happen. Um, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton suck. Am I right? Before we get into that, we have a brief word from today's sponsor, Aura.

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Let Aura do the hard work of keeping you safe online. Head on over to aura.com slash sadboys and get a 14-day free trial and see what information about you is available. Thanks again to Aura for sponsoring this video. Now back to the show. Speaking of shows that were just so mean-spirited, that Paris, was it uh paris and

nicole oh the simple life yeah the simple life just just a show about how look at these worthless people they're richer than you and they think they're better but she doesn't even know what corn is what a dumb and it just starts getting like angry dude there's a jessica simpson um this actually made it to a super bowl ad uh back in the day so nick lachey before he was known as the host that appears in approximately five minutes of love is blind hey what's up do you guys think love's blind me too see you yeah he was married to jessica simpson and they had a show called um newlyweds i believe nick and jessica and uh and it's like a following their life yeah which it was like the first like celebrity real life reality reality show yeah it's like um and there was a lot of it in that era but there was like a at that time viral

clip of jessica simpson not knowing why tuna was called chicken of the sea. And she was like, it's not chicken, right? At least this is what I vaguely, like I was a child. This is like what I vaguely remember. She makes a valid point. Yeah. What the fuck is chicken of the sea? That's like marketing from like 1920s.

Like where tuna is like a new thing. Got milk? Welcome. 23 skidoo it's chicken but from the water what's that wings down in the sea open up a can it lasts for god knows how long i'm opening up a 16 year old can of tuna and it's gonna taste just as fresh as it was in the deep blue i think it's a little expensive it's over five cents to buy a can um but it'll if you buy this it'll take down the jerry's yeah hold hold on to your nickels because coming up we have a clown who uh is silent on the radio it's gonna be silent 30 second. You should see what he's doing. Oh, he's doing all kinds

of stuff. Oh, it's a wall, but there's no wall there. It seems that he's locked in a glass box, but I can't see the box. It's like some sort of invisible box playing on a radio in London. There's bombs blasting into the building. Oh, Franz Ferdinand has

been assassinated. Tuna actually caused World War I. Yeah, that's revisionist history. Wait, do we have the clip? Oh, yeah. Jessica Simpson, to Whole Foods, I confused tuna with chicken too. Is chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says chicken.

By the sea. That was still good. That is a very funny response from Nick Lachey. That is a very cool, just the stare, the full stare. It's pretty good. His life flashing before his eyes. I need to get remarried. He's like, I need to find another.

I need to find an MTV VJ that I can marry. Shout out to Vanessaessa lachey because i it was uh makes more sense that they get married having the last name yeah they did they did have the last name yeah vanessa manolo i think was her name uh her maiden name but that's cool whenever people celebrities get married it's like a cross it's like what is this a crossover episode i watch is this? A crossover episode? I watch you on MTV. And then again, I was a child. And they like go home together. That was always the weird part in my brain.

It's like, so what do you, once you're done recording, you go back to your trailers independently. What's going on here? Yeah. That's like, if people see us together and they're like,

whoa, that's not just like a stage relationship. And then we're just like a little bit lower. Yeah. And they're like, oh, I saw those guys in real life and they were like normal. it was bad it stunk nice try guys um why'd i bring that up the chicken to the sea thing because talking about like mean-spirited uh oh yeah people

were so mean i think it is it still lives it's just now that there's like so many avenues to do it directly to the people in question like now you just tweet directly at them and say like you dumb idiot it's not it's tuna hey guys what's going on stupid phony over farming why do they call it that because it's the sea and then someone would be like kill yourself i'm going to murder you today yeah that's actually that's true and then it's like comedy's legally finally bingo card twitter we talked about yeah you, you get banned. You go, oh, man, comedy. Dude, the funniest thing I saw was, it was like a tweet of an image,

and the caption was like, you gotta be kidding me. And it was a Twitter email, or X, as it's now known, that was like, X has looked into the account, N-word, and it's just all spelled out. It's just like with underscores. It's just the N word just fully spelled out. They're like, has done nothing wrong. It's their initials,

baby. Yeah. Long name. It stands for, uh, no, I gotta get. Every race.

Yeah. That's away from that one. Yeah. That's what it stands for. Run. Uh, yeah yeah would you be an actor man oh yeah so i i used to right before covid um i was gonna start like uh auditioning for stuff and like doing like acting classes and stuff suspicious and i was taking um i i started I started taking a character class with a guy who was on SNL. Do you remember that?

Yeah. John Milhiser. John Milhiser, yeah. Cool guy. People have a photo of him? What era of SNL? I think he was a writer mostly. He was a writer mostly.

I think he was briefly like a feature player. He's extremely funny. He's like an old school UCB guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was super funny it was like super cool but then they um they were uh because i you know did improv and stuff and i do like to perform i'll like do like little tiny bits here and there like uh like lauren has tapped me for like oh do you want to do like a little bit here and there and i'm like yeah sure i don't

know it's it's something that i definitely still think about and i haven't really decided but every now and again since i have like creative friends they'll like have me read for stuff and like that's fun or like um you know i have friends who are actors and i'll like help them you know do self-tapes and stuff like that and i'm like do i ever want to do this it is interesting it's like getting into it feels like somebody getting into like martial arts or something yeah like that's cool i don't need to yeah that you're having fun clearly what happened was the literally like during that class was when things started shutting down for covid and everything went dark for a little bit and they were were like, we're going to do it remotely. And I was like, I don't want to do this class remotely because my whole reason for doing

it was because I wanted to get out of my house. And, uh, and now I don't have any choice, but like for some reason it just feels like I'm going to be reminded of the fact that I was like, I don't need any more hobbies where I'm like not leaving the house, which is all I have right now is hobbies where I don't leave the house. But was so good at them. I just finished my second playthrough of boulders gate. Um, you know,

did the dark arts. No big deal. I never actually played that game. Are you serious? Yeah. I think I recommend it. If you are into video games that are good. Lose it.

I recommend Madden. Okay. How about that are good. Lose it. I recommend Madden. Okay. How about that? The crack of the bat, brother. That's not the right word. No, you got that. You're thinking of MLB, the show or something. Time to bowl.

Strike. That's okay. Cross the line. Nope. Okay. You were on it for like a second swoosh the ball swoosh the ball yep right swoosh the bowling ball right into the basket come on and dance come on and dance come on and dance and that's get it to the line that okay that now you're

that's the space jam song i was just looking up trivia about space jam the other day for some reason i remembered there was a sequel i forgot about a new legacy i think it's kind of already it's kind of already kind of fallen by the like people don't talk about it yeah the definition of not a legacy yeah i think people want to forget it exists dang it's rough man like i don't see it it's um just conceptually bad like they they went with animated lebron i don't know what's wrong. Oh, it's animated LeBron? It's not like a Who Framed Roger Rabbit type thing? That's too hard to do.

They did it in the original. They get sucked essentially into the internet. They get sucked online. I do love a story where you get sucked into the internet. Getting sucked into the internet makes it too easy. I think the fun thing was that it was all happening in the real world. They get sucked into the expanded Warner Brothers cinematic universe. At one point of falling through space,

and they go past the Matrix planet. And all of the kind of spectators around the basketball court. It's like Pennywise the Clown. The Hoogs or whatever. Droogs. Droogs. What is this, a crossover episode? It is choking.

There's like really, really old school WB properties. Like whatever happened to Baby Jane? And like kids don't know. The kids can get into it. That's for the parents to go, wait a second. But like that would have made sense if that happened in the original Space Jam because I feel like then the ages would work out.

It's just, yeah, it's a lot of that bullshit. But technically real LeBron does end up coming back, but they supplement the IRL stuff. But again, because it's too hard to have like 3D animated. Again, they did it. They do it. It's a $200 million movie, but it's fine.

They do it with horrible CG renders of CG. Oh, wow. Like, every character is really scary looking. They also have a weird, like, I don't know. I don't know how to describe the, like, the way the fur is rendered. It looks like something, like, happened. They look unwell. Also, Lola Bunny's not even hot anymore.

I can't. So what's the point of watching it? The M&M, not even in it. How am I meant to, you know? That's the one. Look, it's Space Jam, Jarvis. It kind of looks AI generated. Do you know what I mean?

It looks like it's wrong. It's like hyper realistic. Oh, here he is, dude. He's falling past the properties. No, don't become digital, LeBron. Yeah, they just did. Cartoon? Oh.

I'm sorry, Kevin Hart. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So this, okay. Poster sec. Did anything jump out to you that was like odd about the way that that was animated? At least like the dub.

Okay, back up. This is something I noticed. And I think I know why. What's up, doc? I'm a cartoon? I'm shorter than Kevin Hart. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, it's like the lip flaps did not match at all.

It is. There are lip flaps there. This is like the, this is the thing that a few people have brought up. I noticed it too. It is like, not just out of of sync but it's almost like a dub where it's pre-animated and then they're speaking to the lips and it i don't no one will ever get it which is a thing that anime dub actors are incredible at yeah and uh let alone people that aren't actors of any kind.

Yeah. There is something wrong with it. Also, Michael Jordan, not a good actor, but like the performance worked, I felt, because it was like real life Michael Jordan. Yeah, he's good at being him. That's fucking Michael Jordan. The whole time you're just like,

that's fucking Michael Jordan. That's fucking Michael Jordan playing basketball. He does that. I've seen him do it. Yeah. And his tiny house do you remember that his little suburban house in that movie he lives in like like my apartment funny like his his wife and kids you're and like his he has like a bulldog and he lives in a little

he literally just lives in connecticut yeah you're just No God. You know, I guess he's kind of like me and my dad. He's a lot like my dad. I did think. Oh, the Iron Giant, remember? Oh, wow. King Kong, remember? It's kind of sad because you're like, man, I miss those properties. They're not doing shit with those.

Why didn't you make that? Yeah. Oh, actually, God, I don't want an Iron Giant remake. It wasn't Ready Player One. Do you remember that? I didn't see Ready Player One. That's rough. It's almost like they don't know to know a Jedi remake. It wasn't Ready Player One. Do you remember that? I didn't see Ready Player One. That's rough. It's almost like

they don't know what they're doing. Well, so, like, what I remember about Ready Player One was that the discourse around it before, like, the book, like, back in the day

when the book came out, was kind of, like, negative. Yeah, it was, I mean, it read it era, that time. And it is,

I did try reading it when I was younger because I was, it's exact demographic and even i at my cringiest era was like this is a bit much it i'm not shooting you the actually there was a sequel ready player two there's i think i think it actually is called that ready player two i was gonna say i you know i know like people say LeBron's not a good actor or whatever, but I liked him in train wreck as far as a basketball superstars turned actors. He's great. How? Yeah. Like how, like,

that's good direction. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm like, you are, don't have to be good at this. Cause you're like, literally it's like, we were talking like last week about like a Joe Yoke, each and, um, and Luca being good at video games. You don't have to be good at this. You have everything anyone could ever want. Leave me something. Yeah, a celebrity-starring podcast and just being good. Yeah.

It's the heart. I like Paul George's podcast. I haven't heard it. I did listen to a little bit of Bobby's podcast, Bobby Logic. Oh, yeah. Stas, do you have any desire to act on the silver screen? You know, I, I, yes. Um, I. Go ahead.

As a kid, as a kid, you know, my dream was to be a voice actor. Oh, cool. And because I loved cartoons so much and still do like, honestly, like, I still watch a lot of animated stuff. Space Jam 2, New Legacy. Yeah, you were the voice of the Iron Giant, actually. You didn't have any lines. I didn't have any lines. Yeah, but.

Ooh. Moon run. And, you know, because Jarvis and I were in a sketch team together, and I always had fun doing acting like that. Yeah. Um, it's like very silly, very fun, just like acting with your friends. Um, but you know, what is like stopping me from doing it is auditioning. I don't want to, I don't think I could, I don't think I have a thick enough skin I think to be an actor in Hollywood you have

to there's like another skill you have to have other than acting which is the constant rejection objectification constant rejection and that's why so I'm offer only understood would you be willing to do the adaptation of the show play one one of us? The makeup is problematic. I'm fine with that. It feels like we do like a black and white, black-white type montage. Of like we put you in the makeup chair and we turn you into Bruno. I really just want one of your mustaches. Okay, true.

April Fool's Day, we could be you guys and you guys could be us. Oh, that's funny. That would be really fun, actually. Well, howdy. If it ain't me, Jacob, here to record another episode. People on the internet think that's important. I don't think I'm funny enough to be other than that. What was I going to say?

I've done a few auditions for things. And one funny one was, you know, I was dating someone who is an actress and we did a couple's audition. Meryl Streep. I didn't want to name drop. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to. Yeah. Okay, great. But we went in for like a couple's audition for a commercial.

And it was so interesting because like we there's like a couple things like we send in some tapes and then we also like went in for a couple things and going in was wild because you just like see the like long line of people who you know look exactly like you going in for exactly the same thing and uh the funny thing for me was actually seeing those commercials. Like I remember watching a basketball game and a commercial came on that I had auditioned for. And I was like, oh, that's weird. Like I remember exactly those lines. Was it a guy that looked like you? No, actually they went a completely different direction. That's almost better, I feel like. Because yours was so bad, it turned them off from other people.

One of the things I noticed about auditioning for things is many a time it's not about the performance. It's about the look and what someone else has in their head. What a writer, what a director, what a producer has in their head. Yeah. Because especially for commercial work too, they're just going for a look you can probably hone 30 seconds of performance with a good director there's no you can't change someone's face and like fit for the screen and so much of it too especially with commercials it's so like analytic based where it's like we want someone who looks like this because we want to appeal to this type of person blah blah or like a car commercial you like i want someone we want people who look like this to buy this car so uh so like we need

somebody who like fits this ideal so they're relatable to the every man who like sees this car commercial i want people that love wheels and chassis metal true. All that good stuff. Aluminum. Catalytic converters. I love catalytic. I've been collecting them. I can't stop loving them. Every time I see one on the street, I just rip it right out of the car.

No, that... Don't do it. I think I talked about this where that happened. The guy went prone. I saw on one of my security cameras a guy slide under a car and steal the catalog. Full solid snake.

Yeah. It was a impressive, impressive work. I have kind of a dream of writing a movie and I've never told anyone this of writing a movie or TV show for Jarvis. Well, but yeah, I feel like it would be really fun to do something kind of like Seinfeld where it's like there's this guy and this is his real name,

but he's in a fictional world. Oh, that's fun. You know what I mean? Like Martin. Like Martin. I was watching, so after the Oscars, Abbott Elementary came on shout out Quinta uh when I was 18 years old I went to uh an overnight I went to a college I was invited to like a uh

college overnight at Carnegie Mellon University and Tyler James Williams was there for the overnight as well what is an overnight oh just like you like, they like put you up in like the dorms and you like go do like a tour of the school and stuff. And it was also for like people who couldn't, um, like, well, in my case, they gave me a travel stipend because I couldn't afford to like travel on my own to Pittsburgh. Is it like a college? Would you be interested? Yeah, exactly.

And so it's like kind of like a guided tour and things like that um i went with russell and i met a couple of other people there um yeah and so tyler james williams had like he had wrapped up everybody hates chris and like he was trying to decide if he wanted to go to directing school like a carnival because it's really good like acting uh and directing school a lot of great actors are he's like pretty secure sort of financially and career-wise has the cachet to maybe play around yeah he was like there with his mom that's cool and we used to be facebook friends yeah right yeah it's funny i i see every show when i was a kid as because let's say he's six months older than me like so he was

a grown-up right i was like a little i was a baby i was a little baby and everyone hated me but it's so cool because like i had been following him just like kind of quietly just because i had like had that small personal connection where he doesn't remember who i am but uh seeing his success on abbott elementary i'm like hell yeah man he's great on that show yeah he's really good so so cute and you know yeah i taught him a few things during that overnight that'll be 48 hours with jay man he was teach you he sucked at the time but now cute oh man everybody hated him there was a whole show about it nobody likes jarvis um do you uh do you mean so like kind of writing a show for Jarvis as a kind of segue from real life, like allegorical to Jarvis? Yeah, like the Seinfeld equivalent.

Because, you know, like after we do this podcast, I am a stand-up comedian. I do tell stories about my life. And then I go live my wacky real life with my cast of lovable characters. Jacob bursting through the door i don't i don't want to give too much away because someone's gonna steal my ideas that's true but i'm like acting in another show about me you sign up with someone else yeah they had a pretty good pitch they said what if you were in a show and i said okay i didn't mean to do a cyborg impression it just came out well

the deal yeah with my friend who has a better pitch what's the deal with the guys on tiktok what's the deal with my 15 year old girlfriend or whatever you got in trouble oh my god that god why my friends say that at the cellar the weirdest weirdest thing. You sound like the Bobby Moynihan musical guest, Kramer. The weirdest thing about that is, which I didn't know at the time because I was a child, is that everybody knew he had a 17-year-old girlfriend, Jerry Seinfeld. And no one cared. I mean, that really, even more so than than now i do feel like that was an era for just you famous and grooming whatever yeah yeah whatever i guess i guess you're famous enough

for it to not be bad in the public eye or something which now you know there are issues with lack of accountability in a lot of cases but it does at least feel like a step forward. Yeah. And it's, I feel like there's a, uh, it's, it's less of like a legal precedent thing where I'm like, Hey,

it's 18. That's, those are the rules. And it's like still weird. Yeah. Still weird. Jerry. Yeah.

She was almost there. Or like the Wilmer Valderrama thing. Oh, where it's like, he would date all of these starlets as soon as they turned 18. Oh. And it's like, that's still weird, dude. That's very strange.

It's still weird. Yeah, mama. That was the, I vividly remember all of the scummy tabloids in the UK had like a countdown to Emma Watson's 18th birthday. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Did the same thing. Badids in the UK had like a countdown to Emma Watson's 18th. Oh yeah! Oh no. Bad Baby did the same thing and then she launched an OnlyFans day off which honestly, respect.

If you're going to get the creepy people, get that bag. Yeah, like At least make some money off of it. It's like she got the bag in a it was such a clear monetization of like the disgustingness of man where she made so much money and it's like go off, but also, oh God, I'm sorry that it was that easy to make.

Yeah. But I mean like, but she, I think she said something about it where she was like, I mean, I, if I'm, if people are going to do this anyway, I may as well monetize. And I'm like, you're not wrong. Respect. That's like people. And now she's expecting. So congrats to her oh she is about a baby i used to do this thing where people when people asked me if i had kids i would say not that i know of and it's funny when you're a gal

i you're a road dog i uh i was at an event with um nut from Jubilee videos and 24K Golden, the musician. Both of them are not that much younger than me, but they asked me if I had kids in a way that made me think that they thought that I was very old. And neither of them have kids? No. Well, no, because I think one of them asked me if like i had baby names picked out and i was like what are we talking about but then he had baby names picked out so i realized it wasn't that kind of question it was like it was literally just like we were just water cooler talk or whatever

um but i was like wait a minute how old am i what don't have any kids have i picked their names yet do you really need to i mean i think do you guys want kids i do right now where you go you like have some i would like to but the thing is like the more time goes on i'm, you know, maybe things won't work out the way I want. And I got to like be okay with that. And so I don't want to be too prescriptive about life. But, you know, I would like to have kids one day. You got any names picked out?

Vegeta. um i was thinking like nadraj um which is like a name that i hate but backwards so i like it oh that is how it works yeah yeah i love uh a maso i love a maso i mean mine did barely did I love a Masso. I mean, mine did barely did. Oh, oh,

a Masso. Got it. Got it. Barack. Oh, no, that's not rats. Uh,

I think. Amabo. Yeah. Amabo. Amaso. Amabo. Yeah. Amabo Amaso. Promote. I hate promote. We got to stop doing this. There was a kid in my class that could do like flip words immediately. There's like a way that your way,

your way can be briared. Your brain can be wired. That's kind of funny that I did that. We can do that instantly. So that's its own thing. You know that's called a spoonerism. Yeah. But it's funny that...

All together. Spoonerism. That's like an improv warmup. Zip zap. Whenever people talk in unison, I just think it's an improv warmup. Go play a joke. But the people who can do the alphabet backwards oh

this is fucked um i used to read science backwards because i felt like i was training my brain don't they ask you to do the alphabet backwards during a dy which is impossible like some people are yeah i'm drunk yeah what are you come on man can i do it later when i've driven home which is uh for my for my computer science heads out there if you have to go through the alphabet forwards to get to it backwards and do it one by one uh that's an n squared complexity uh it is not an efficient way of doing that backwards but some people can do it linearly uh sorry this is a big o notation uh for my for my comp sci heads out there but no some people can just just literally just rattle it off.

Z, X, Y, V, U. I don't know if I did it just now. I could, but I'm busy. Oh, yeah, you're super busy. I don't. It is haunting to me, but also it's no less arbitrary than like, you know, memorizing lyrics essentially. You are just like, you need to, or learning it forwards.

I guess. Which we also did do which is memorizing lyrics yeah can you count the numbers backwards count them well it depends on where do we start yeah infinity infinity minus one infinity minus two i i had to do that when i had my wisdom teeth out where they're like count backwards starting at 99 or whatever what and I remember thinking 99 and then I was yeah that happened to me too well I think so when I got my wisdom teeth out Anastasia reasons yeah oh right that makes sense um oh she's asleep they yeah because they give you like the laughing gas or whatever and and uh

and you you're out like really quick but whatever and and uh and you you're out like really quick but they have you count and so you're just like one yeah i think they want to check that you're do they do ever do with some teeth surgery uh with non-general anesthetic like we used to yes because i think that's what i got if i think i had really crazy if you have impacted teeth then so i've had both uh like two of mine were fully grown in very wise um when i this was like when i was 14 those ones were like computer science and they and they they can just yank him out like a normal extraction um which you don't need to go under for but if they're impacted like they're sideways then they gotta do surgery because they gotta get in there i don't even know how they get in there

I don't even want to think about it even though it happened to me a long time ago gross they just whisper it sweet nothings make it uncomfortable so it scurries away I do have a few genetically unfortunate as far as

teeth health goes, but I've always tried to be very diligent. And I didn't have any issues my whole childhood. And then five years ago or so, like three root canals. I was just like, should I be, what am I not doing? I'm flossing them. They're just like, just got very crowded teeth. And then there's like some areas that are getting treated.

It's part of the reason I ended up getting Invisalign. But it is wild that they don't just work you know what i mean it's like if every few people was just born with a hand that strangles you i think it's like so we all have these wisdom teeth they should just come out fine it's evolution though yeah and it's like part of it is like life expectancy too because like most people like wouldn't live like dental health only matters if you live a long time you know what i mean because if you're dying from something else before it matters yeah back in the day when like the only hobby was sitting down and like no one could read and you would oh it's the harvest i have something

to do oh it's not the harvest i'll die at 25 with my nine sons or whatever. That'd be cool. That's what I want. I don't want like kids. I don't want like a couple of kids. I want either none or I want like a repertoire of children. What was like an introvert child do for fun before reading was a thing? RuneScape.

Having a good sit. Like throw rocks. Hell yeah, brother. You know like Ring Around the Rosie? I feel like all kids songs from old England are really messed up. It was genuinely at the time the happiest thing you could sing about. It was like, hey, we're all going to die. That's not as bad, huh?

Can I get you one? Oh, there goes one. That's what I used to say before we went on stage yeah me and me and jarvis had a thing where we'd be like we're gonna die and none of this matters yeah and that would make us feel less or make us feel better it does not help everyone but it helped me doesn't help people if they don't know oh they're like, I'm going to what? Anyway, hey, everyone. I need a location. Speaking of old English times. You almost went into a Bill Cosby. Pudding pop.

Rudy. Speaking of the old English. Like me. You. The Kate Middleton stuff. I think it's so funny because I don't care about the substance, really. I care about how weird everyone's being about it. I mean, hey, that's royalist these days.

It's very online discourse. I think it's broken people because previously the royals could have this weird mystique where even if there was drama going on a la diana kind of started with diana where oh it's turning into reality tv what are the dramas taking place between x and y in the british white house right and now i i it i almost did it kind of engage with it i've lost track of who's doing what it's like i skipped a season of the show yeah i was never my mom was never like wake up uh or wake up early to get ready for the wedding we're all gonna dress up and have a block party where we watch the the prince's wedding she was more like a wake up wake up which was actually pretty cool gotta put the queen up on the table my mom uh surge she was big into that but there was no i was never a part of the tradition in my

family my aunt's uh family were a little bit more interested but even then it's like we're not making plans to watch anything we'll just kind of discuss it and in the last i don't know maybe it was everyone getting bored during covid i feel like even in the u.s it is way more active of a conversation i mean i guess we had one that bit the bucket we had one that went the one that was the king of epstein's island one that was uh well two that became pariahs for having the, you know, audacity to want to be black. Just pretty messed up to ruin Harry like that.

But it doesn't feel like it's. They're involved in the drama too. They just have to be. They're only involved in the drama because the British press hates them. Yeah. It's a really, it's kind of beautiful how transparent the British press is about stuff like that where they don't. So Boris Johnson, former prime minister of the UK, used to be a tabloid journo scumbag. Now he's a regular scumbag.

He wrote very explicitly, he was so Islamophobic, like the worst you can be he referred to uh and i i don't want to mix up the term so full body covering and i don't want to misuse which term that is but he referred to that as they he called them letter boxes because of the square eye eye gap and then he became prime minister like 10 years later that is how like how incredibly fucked up he could be as a journo and all the the harry and mega mega stuff they're not even trying to like lampshade it like i feel like they would here where you'd have to be like hey yeah i don't like my cousin's new wife is a little um urban wouldn't you say they just call her the n word or something like it's so weirdly mean which is i mean you know what do i care they they're all creeps but

i think harry appears too human i think that bothers them they seem like a real person you checking bori yeah uh boris check i'd have a tiny i actually don't know how to pronounce this nikab like in iq it's weird that the scummiest like most creepy journalist environment is the one that most actively covers the royals. Yeah. The most refined of people. Did Harry shag someone else? Yeah. And why, pray tell, does she kind of look like his wife?

Is it office gossip? Did you hear that Sherry took an extra week of maternity leave to cheat on steve i heard she didn't have enough hours in her pto hey what are you guys talking about oh nothing i do like that we both knew to do the lap um so okay i i'm a little lost on how this began. I understand that Kate had some sort of abdominal thing and had to have a surgery. All they said is she had abdominal surgery. Okay. They didn't, they didn't say why they didn't say the organ, this is somewhere, somewhere in the abdomen area. And then, and then she wasn't making public appearances because she had had the surgery, allegedly.

Which just seems normal. And then people were like, she hasn't been pictured. And how long? Her last public appearance was Christmas. Okay. And she had the surgery in early January. Okay, that seems like normal. Yeah. Then she had the surgery in early January. That's okay. That seems like normal.

Yeah. Then she had her abdomen removed. Yeah, you take, you like, you take a break, don't you? Yeah. But so it's Mother's,

Mother's Day just passed on Sunday in the UK. And what are we without our mothers? Mother dearest? Where is our mother? Oh, the country's devastated.

Surely she needs to post a photo of herself being a mother. A mother, right. Because if you don't post a photo on Mother's Day,

are you a mother? Are you really mother? Yeah. Are you really mothering right now? The country needs their mother. Oh, mummy.

We haven't been mothering. Mummy. It is apparent in our culture. We've already lost our original mother and the queen. Oh, Lizzie, I was going to buy you a little Hallmark card with a photo of a vintage lady in a bath saying it's wine o'clock.

Whatever. And I, by the way, all this information I've learned against my will. It just like started popping up in my feed on Twitter. And it would be like a paparazzi photo of Kate. And it'd be like, we found her. Like Kate first pictured. And can we find that photo, Jacob? It's like, yeah.

But the one with the grain on it. So this photo, which has to have been taken from a mile away. Oh, dude. Or on a Nokia. It's like the grain, you could just tell how zoomed in this is, right? This is like a colorized photo from World War II. And it looks like one of those art pieces

that's made out of dots. Yeah, dude. If you zoom in, there's a thousand faces. Yeah. And this is like the photo that everyone was going viral going, it doesn't look like her. Because all the, I don't know what, I don't know how much of this was real,

but people were obsessed with like, it doesn't, it's a clone. It's like, it doesn't look like her. And even there's now someone denoised this photo which does not give you new detail let me tell you it it is you were like if anything you were removing detail because it was like obscured by the grain so then i saw tweets that were talking about how her mole is missing from this photo and i'm like it's missing because there was grain in that photo and then they fucking either denoised or used ai to like finish the photo it looks less useful than a police sketch

yeah it's truly like it's what i don't know what their incentive would be to conceal it this is not the real photo so i saw this photo and then i drew her on with crayon i asked an artist to draw what he thinks she looks like based on the one by one pixel photograph someone that's never seen kate middleton before and so okay i don't know what the grand conspiracy is we should probably say that like uh it seems like people are like, she's missing. She died. Like, these are all these, like, very extreme. She got a BBL.

That's the meme. Some people think she's in a coma, that she didn't, that the surgery didn't go well, and she either died or is in a coma. And then other people are, like, not even caring about the surgery and are like, William cheated. And she,

she wants to go public with it. And so they're silencing her. This is high school gossip. Yeah. This is office gossip. This is just like, Hmm. Kind of boring story.

What if it was interesting good point yeah like this person i want to um i want to uh hide their name but try not to give a single flying fuck about these parasites but this where is kate middleton should is sucking me in with the gravitational pull of a black hole you'd think they'd have stuck a fake mole on their fake kate so this person is buying into it's a fake kate not knowing that that photo is an up upscaled fake version of a of of a tiny ass photo where you would not be able to see a mole i don't give a shit about any of this stuff anyway here's some evidence that i've pulled together oh fine i'll get out my board yeah with a bunch of like tape yeah it's like it's like the person typing that like behind

them is like red yarn and it's like i don't give anything i don't give a care about any of this they're doing it on their phone with their face pressed up against the hospital glass the uh who cares the thing about her face too people were were like, her face is not as thin and perfect as it once was. And first of all, who cares? Second of all, the thing is, this photo had to have been taken with such a long lens that it's going to warp the objects in the picture. Also, throw in, Jacob, can you pull like how your face looks at different focal lengths? Also, if she went through surgery and if she's having a hard time recovering from the surgery, maybe it was a really difficult surgery.

She might be physically not looking herself because that's what happens when your body goes through a lot like that. My only point was that at different focal lengths, especially with a really small thing, it can warp the like way a face looks. Well, that's funny. That looks like somebody anamorphic into Hassan. I got to say, I'll pull up a, I can definitely get a screenshot. I could be wrong about the way the math goes for the focal length thing

but I just I think there's like all kinds also it's just a tiny ass photo there's just a million reasons that this person doesn't need to look exactly like you expect them to I mean there's a reason that we take photos that don't look like that

it's because the detail is better it's a very strange choice my first week of college I wanted to start vlogging. And I set up my little, I had my little Canon all set up, stock lens, popped it in my room, didn't know anything about lighting. Everything set up using the native mic. Is this the same camera that you had in San Francisco?

Because it was kind of an old Canon. I remember it was kind of old. Probably, yeah, it's 60D. Yeah, it was, anyway, it was doo-doo trash, and it had the was kind of old. Probably, yeah. It's 60D. Probably, yeah. Anyway, it was doo-doo trash, and it had the classic Canon you can record for a second and a half before it overheats and falls over. Because we need to sell a video camera if you want to record for two seconds. Are you insane? Anyway, yeah.

I tried filming on that, and the stock lens, I didn't know anything about focal length. I didn't know anything. I didn't really know what I looked like in general, you know? Face changes as you get older. You're too too self-conscious look in the mirror too much so and so i was slightly self-conscious about my teeth because my especially then my one of my front teeth was very wonky the one attempt i made at recording a vlog changed my perception of the way that i looked for about 10 years i I was more, well, maybe like, it was basically till we started doing sad boys on video.

Like my brain had only seen one version of my face and I would never want to be in any productions and I avoided photos generally because I saw this, I looked like a flatfish. I had like this, you know, warped back three inch wide face, strange hunched shoulders, and my teeth looked crazy because it was warping and bending.

You were shooting on a fish island. I might as well have been, dude. But I just didn't, I had no idea. And it took years for me to understand that that was, I was just like, oh, I'm just like a weird looking person. I just thought that for a really long time. And the fact that these people going like, well, a camera's like a guy. It's like having eyes and then you look at something. Yeah.

And then, hmm, something's wrong with her face through this windshield a thousand miles away with ai i just realized this ai upscaled image has created like a visible reflection in the eyeglasses that you would 1000 million percent not be able to see in real life like go back to the original it's also not the same thing that's reflected in each lens she's uh it looks like the henry cavill mustache removal right like that is so funny that people used ai to upscale this come on like her mole would have been less than a pixel yes exactly which is why it disappears when you denoise it yeah that'd be like if someone looked at this now and be like she's covered in moles yeah she's all static well she's been sucked into a tv something happened to the surgery. And so.

If you upscaled that Audi logo, it would come out as like a separated ooh or something. It would come out as like chain links. Yeah, or a little worm. Yeah. People would be like fake Audi. Weird that Audi changed their logo. That was made to compute it. That's so funny.

Like I can't believe. The reflection part is very funny. That is just a different photo that's like such ai like dude that oh my god dude we're so cooked with ai um it's like i mean there's ai literacy and then there's just like guys sometimes in fact usually the answer is quite boring. It sucks. Other stuff is bad. You're right to doubt the world.

You are being lied to. It's just not about someone's mole disappearing. I think the worst part about this is it's, well, I mean, it's probably not the worst. There's lots of bad parts about this. But one bad part about this is that um it's creating this desperation to find her right and so that creates paparazzi desperation because whoever can get a good photo of her is gonna make a bunch of money and then it also creates like people desperation and it's an international do we not remember britney spears like how we treated Britney Spears? And Princess Diana.

And Princess Diana. Well, they remember the bag they made. They were escaping the paparazzi. Yeah. And you know what the first steps in that whole drama were? They were, oh, there's something afoot. I think one of them was having an affair. We've discovered this mysterious person having an affair.

Did you know they're actually not even her kids it just it expands to the most interesting thing which look i'm not trying to fight for we need to humanize celebrities more they're fine but especially the royals you know yeah they'll they'll keep gigging they're doing what they're doing but there is the same thing is applied to non and it applies to someone who was in a Willy Wonka event. Yeah. You know, and add like, oh, there's like a slightly cringy event. And here's a funny little meme photo we took of them. I think they're cheating on their husband.

We should bring back the death penalty. We should ruin their life. I'm like, just, why? It can just be that she's a Muslim. This guy had a bad take on Twitter. Let's destroy him. I guess he needs to find out his employer. Yeah.

Well, I found his address. So we could all just show up there and give him a talking to it's so sad and i don't just mean sad for the people directly involved i mean sad for anybody engaging with it in a sincere way like if we were sat here being like yeah no there is something to that i think they've removed her mold they've replaced her with avril lavigne's clone right i think it's katie holmes is playing a stand-in i just i don't know i have like things i care about more i have like things i find compelling i don't need to invent this bizarre especially about the royals jesus christ well in so so then after this photo they put out the mother's day photo right and then they put out the Mother's Day photo. Right. And then they put out the famous, infamous, famous Mother's Day photo, which, and this is another thing where the reality, the reality is probably a lot more boring than the theories and the sensationalism around it. Why is the main theory not just that it was an older photo of

okay well first of all first of all so this photo comes out on mother's day because check the mole jacob enhance um i swear to god if she doesn't have a mole get in there okay get in there jacob all right uh defcon one or five um so so first of all she posts this photo with her and her kids being a mother she's mothering she is mother and and then immediately people start because now everyone's just like sniffing conspiracy everywhere everyone starts to realize this photo has been altered. Now, how has it been altered? Well, that depends on who you ask.

Because... Would you point out people that don't see the image, all three of the kids, they made black. Which, with the astute eagle eye, you could notice. Would you assume... This is what Meghan Markle is doing to the royals. She's infected the children I would assume that any photo they put out has been altered

I would assume that every photo that everyone puts out is altered you know what I mean including by the focal length of the camera literally anything what is the scenario in which before we even look at the stuff that's wrong with this photo

what happens when a princess gets a photo taken with her kids? Does she, A, take it on the iPad? Does she, B, have a professional photographer take a bajillion photos? Charles is holding the iPad towards them and using the front-facing camera. They didn't know it was a candid where she was sat down and the children were surrounding her yeah the kids are all laughing like did someone tell a joke is there a clown behind the camera like charles is funny as hell dude you know what i mean yeah charles is telling one of his really uh his

really dark humor jokes because he wants his family. You know what I mean? He just showed them a meme about how God's not real and atheism is pogchamp. Wait, isn't it William? Well, Charles is their grandpa. Grandpa, yeah. Will and Harry might be. But anyway, not to pull rank on you, but...

I just got deported. Yeah. You're welcome. I've been imported. I've been imported. So the thing is, okay, then the photographer, who this was clearly shot on like a professional camera. I do not think this was shot on an iPhone.

This looks like it was shot on like a DSLR. You take the photo. You bring it into Lightroom room you fiddle around maybe you have a bunch of photos and you want to alter you know something about something that you don't you you've got like your key photo that you really like and there's an element about the photo that is less than ideal but then there's another photo that was shot in exactly the same scene that that fixes this issue so you take one photo and then upload yeah well done yeah or you just blend it like this is i've done this you know what i mean like and i made a thumbnail yeah it's like how you make a

thumbnail like mr beast is putting on different shirts and changing the lighting and changing his eyeballs and changing his smile, like in the thumbnails. That candid photo of him and that kid crying after their eye surgery, and he's like, ah. So if you zoom in on the hands of the daughter who's in the maroon or red sweater, you can see like artifacting and clipping that literally looks like the blending of two photos yeah it's like feathering on the wrist yeah it's just like it looks like you it like looks like a bad photoshop and kate's zipper doesn't line up

some of her hair doesn't line up it's just like the level of scrutiny that people just wouldn't normally give to a photo sure it's like when you describe a normal you know it's like if somebody they hate pro wrestling or something and they go oh yeah a bunch of guys throw each other around and hitting each other it's big right yeah but that's just that's what it is you know it's like even in photoshop you can do content aware fill you can do generative fill you can like literally like do ai edits of tiny little aspects of your photo and it's still going to mostly look like a normal photo and so like all of those things seem more probable than what is being posited. Which is more boring. Yeah, which is unfortunately more boring

because it's a thing that all of us can do and have done. And it makes me, so when I first saw this and someone first was like, did you see the doctored photo? And I looked at it, I was like, okay, well, she just had surgery. Maybe she thought, oh, I don't look so great because I'm still recovering from surgery. Maybe she's sick, whatever. Let's doctor some stuff.

Yeah. And, you know, use an old photo. And let's get this right because people are being so weird. Because people are being so weird because it puts the pressure on, creates desperation. Yeah. Well, when I post a photo, I like to make sure that it's taken two seconds before it goes live.

Right. Because I've never posted a photo that was taken in the past. By the time I post it, my kids have grown a foot. A Mother's Day photo doesn't need to be taken on Mother's Day. What is that?

What is that? Hey, I hope you're having a nice Mother's Day. Let's come outside. We've got the lighting. The lighting's all rigged up. I can especially, if she is not feeling great, like I can especially see a situation where it's like, let's just use an old photo, you know?

I don't feel like taking a photo. All the time. I used to like, when I would post more regularly on Instagram, I'd be like what do i have in this fucking camera roll that i can post is there any fucking thing and then there'll and then oftentimes you know or even on my stories for my privacy sometimes i'll wait till i leave something to post about it in case like i don't want people to know where i am you know like there's just a million reasons.

But yeah, so people used this as fuel because it does kind of add to the suspicion. And then the post clarifying this from allegedly from Kate did not help. So first of all- They have a bad PR team. I just feel like we can all agree on that. It must be a weird gig because like, what is the mission of the Royal family's PR?

It's not like they're not going to get like acting roles or something that they have to maintain. What their mission is to not be murdered by the paparazzi. Like, I mean, that literally the goal is not to be blown up in a car. Like leave me alone. Here's me hanging with the kids. Fake child.

We'll be taking the child to investigate. So everyone just kind of added this to the fight. Everyone was with desperation searching for evidence for their like missing Kate theory, fake Kate theory, clone Kate theory. Robot Kate. Coma Kate theory. You know, robot Kate theory. Robot Kate. Coma Kate theory. You know, robot Kate theory.

They've got to just not post about it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just go silent. How about that? Ride a horse. So they tweeted from the official Prince and Princess of Wales account at Kensington Royal. That's cute that they share it.

It is cute that they share it. Like their bank account, I assume. Kensington Royal sounds like a clothing store for rich people. Oh yeah, dude. No, it's Kensington Royal. $300 white t-shirt. Yeah.

That's my son's name. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm so sorry. Little Kensington. Little Kensington Royal. Yeah. Kensington Nadroj. Kensington Royal Vigo.

Or it kind of sounds like, you know, like David's bridal. Like, it's like at Kensington Royal. Do you need a mattress at a reasonable price? At Kensington Royal. Where did she go? Was it the surgery? Was it Jacob?

No. It was Kensington Royal. Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion. The family photograph we shared yesterday caused. That language is so funny to me.

Like any confusion, the family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I feel like the words could be rearranged. It's weird that 12 dudes in a boardroom wrote that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay. That passed through a committee. That went past parliament. I hope everyone celebrating had a very happy Mother's Day.

C. C? Who's C? Charlie. Kate Middleton. William. Catherine. Oh.

Catherine. Oh. Catherine. Why do we spell Kate with a K but Catherine with a C? Suspicious. She's a robot. Wait a second. The clone uses a C. The clone uses a C and it's one of the symbols that they're always showing us because they can't lie. C for cash.

Illuminati symbol on cash in America. C also so that you can see with your eyes to the truth. Oh yeah. They did a follow-up tweet. Realize, realize, realize. Oh, real Cs move in silence like lasagna. And then weirdly hurt people hurt people. Whoa. I guess

us. The paparazzi. Yeah. Paparazzi. See what? See. The robot. More butts. Reply that, please. She's giving us all the clues. What if it's C? Clues. What letter does that start with?

K. Okay. But it's short for Cluthoran, which is spelled with a K start with? K. Okay. No, you're right. It's short for Cluthoran, which is spelled with a K, with a C. If some words were spelled differently, that would... See, if a clone. If you change letters in Kate Middleton and also rearrange them, it spells, I'm a clone. Pull that up.

It's like the Tom Riddle rearranging itself, but a bunch come in from the side. They're subsumed from other words. Oh my God. Tom Riddle. It's me. Hello. I'm Baltimore.

I am Tom Marvolo Middleton. Who is that? Voldemort's in the royal family. Why do you do that? Voldemort just loves the royal family? Why do you do that? Voldemort just loves clues. Yeah, it's because of his nose. He's just like really jealous about other people having noses. So this did not help.

I don't think they understand like, it doesn't matter who you are or what you're doing. The ripcord parachute works every time. Just don't say anything and don't engage with it. People, they're like ravenous wolves, dude. Everything you say, they're just going to publicize. Maybe they wanted to create a fun little scavenger hunt. That camera.

Yeah. A fun little scavenger hunt where, you know, for the people. A Mother's Day scavenger hunt. Oh, like everyone knows like on Easter you search for eggs. On Mother's Day scavenger hunt oh like everyone knows like on Easter you search for eggs on Mother's Day you search for clues which start with a C

I think what the funniest thing that came out of this is if you scroll to the very top Jacob people have memed the like many

amateur photographers I do occasionally experiment with editing something of a scientist myself like if I were posting an Instagram post today I would i would put that in the caption it's you with no mole with a mole oh wait actually that would go hard me with a mole me in a car for really far away just a candid bunch of kids that aren't mine the end dash scene a bunch of white kids yeah then people started taking the mother's day photo and saying that it looked exactly like a

vogue like a magazine cover or something i think that them doing this like morph uh or fade out kind of this is just the same person's face in the same position and if you think about like what are the odds that they were taken at the same angle you do normally take photos uh with your face facing the camera i imagine you can probably find some of the kids as well that just kind of line up with i mean it's a best angle just white is the one that they use there are as many things that don't match as you could argue could like okay the eyes kind of match well not a lot you can do with eyes you gotta squint in one way but usually you do when you smile the hair is on the other it's covering her face yeah they've very i don't know skillfully removed a hat as to why they use a photo of her with a hat and make it harder on yourself yeah i mean that's just how it goes also the person who takes photos as a major part of her

job has the same pose would make perfect sense so what is going on with did they they've like deep fried they've cranked the contrast on that so far yeah i don't know why they cranked because it makes it all overexposed on the side as well that video kind of proved to me that it's not the same photo yeah because it just looks it's like yeah it's her same face but there's too much that's different here for it's more work yeah it's more work so much more work than just publishing an old photo. Because it didn't have to be them huddled around. It could just be a, you know, air quotes, candid. I'm sure they have a, you know, a Dropbox full of them of her, you know,

at the palace chuckling with the kids and Will being like, I'm telling a joke or something. Yeah. This is. Yeah, there are other photos. They would only do this for like an ARG. This is what people who don't know Kate Middleton would do. Like if I was doing this, then sure, I'd be like,

where can I find a good photo of Kate Middleton? If I am Kate Middleton, I think I have other photos of Kate Middleton that the public has not seen. Yeah. I truly think this is probably just an old photo. Yeah. And it is doctored because all photos they put out are probably photoshopped. Yeah.

You should assume that most photos you see online are doctored in some way. Is the position that people are taking that she was murdered? Well, I think- Because why would they hide just a regular death to this degree well i think there are some people who think she's seriously ill and they haven't put out a statement about it because um charles is also seriously ill and the queen died so everyone's like the royals are all dying andrew's next god willing yo yeah that tweet too late pal was really good um so uh i think people like i i don't know if the geoguessr guys got involved but i think people

have like post dated this photo to november or something like that uh what you'll notice is uh this grass only appears in London and the tree right there actually is only appearing in London. And that door, that's actually a classical Victorian production that only appears in London as well. It's him zooming in and on Google Maps is this image. He's doing Google Street View. He goes into Kensington Palace and just sees them there.

A magazine floating in front of her face there are some people that have pointed out that like uh this tree wouldn't have like green foliage on it at this time of year right and so it's like yeah this is probably just an old photo yeah which is like not a conspiracy that's like maybe she is unwell and they are doing this but the problem is is that that is too concise an answer is like well shit yeah hopefully she's all right but if she is sick i can understand them posting an old photo and not like the kids huddled around her on the surgery table i'm still stuck on even if she's well i'm posted an old photo if i've got photos in the can that the world hasn't seen i'm not doing another

photo shoot i'm bored i don't like. I want to hang out with my kids. She's playing Baldur's Gate. Dude, she's on her honor mode playthrough. Yeah, she's playing Baldur's Gate, and she thinks the DACA choices are the good ones. She's like, yeah, this is what we do. Minor Baldur's Gate moment. I played three hours into my honor mode playthrough yesterday,

and the game glitched out on me. And it was a situation where i'm like okay you were not allowed to have glitches when you have a single save mode like all the models froze and started t-posing and then when i reloaded the game i was in a conflict at the grove that had just started that I wasn't, uh, that I didn't trigger. It sounds like you're doing a speed run. And I was like, man,

and now I can't undo this. So I, I deleted the save and I just started over and I, and so that made me mad because all I wanted to do was knock out a certain character so that they didn't die in a later situation am i bad am i bad am i in trouble for that am i bad no but then when i knocked them out the model froze and it said knocked out but they were still standing up that's because we've we've entered another zone that she's mine and then the second play that's my one that was play through my one.

That was yours as well. You don't get, nope. Yeah, you get all the, all the, this one's not even a romantic interest. Yeah, it's just another mean woman. It's just someone being mean to me and that's enough for me, I guess, apparently. No, but that annoyed me. And now I'm like, okay, I need to be very careful about, I don't know. I don't, I actually don't know how to, as soon as I resolve that be very careful about, I don't know. I actually don't know.

As soon as I resolve that situation, it's one of the only situations where I want to like be kind of cook it a little bit to make sure I have access to an item later on that I want for a build. But other than that, I'm like going to let everything fly. But man, it was such a good run up to that point. I'm playing a Bard lock. I'm pretty excited about that you start uh you start with warlock you start with bard on that starting with bard

yeah starting so strong so early starting starting with bar but i'm going into warlock really early just for eldritch blast hex plus eldritch blast is obviously just good um all right megan markle got dragged into this that That's good. Because. I mean, she was probably just like, I wish I could get some more attention from the tabloids. Yeah, she does often say that. I'm not hated enough. And they're like, what? She's asking for it.

She was. She chose to be that color. She shouldn't have worn that. It's a gown. It's a watch. Yeah. It's a hat. Yeah.

That's what you say to Kate. She shouldn't have worn that if she didn't want to get photoshopped. So, The Daily Mail, which is an upstanding publication, as Jordan, you as a Britishman have told me. If you hate just kind of everyone. Harry and Meghan face hypocrisy row? Hypocrisy row? Hypocrisy row.

Yeah, like everybody's having a... Yeah, like a row. And I'd like to point out This is in the subsection Of the Mail Online Called female Which is awesome Incredible

As it emerges Cause there's a girl in it Snap from her second Pregnancy was doctored After allies waited Into Kate's photoshop For roar These words

They're so British Allies Can you read Jordan can you read this In a real Britishy way Yeah Harry and Meghan Face hypocrisy row As it emerges Allies? Can you read, Jordan, can you read this in a real British-y way? Yeah. Harry and Meghan face hypocrisy row as it emerges.

Snap from her second pregnancy was doctored. After allies waited to get Photoshopped for all. Oh. Ooh. Oh. Quite. I'm like this all the time. Imagine you're that in life. Ooh in life oh I'll take a flat white

Mr. Beast's new video exposes you know what I mean like you're just talking about nonsense I don't mean to gossip but I think you'll find that he cured 100 people's blindness in a day he Mr. Mr. Beast has cured

100 blindness. James. James Donaldson. Also known as Senior Beast. Sir Beast of Beastleton. Sir Beast the Terrible. Has chosen to upload his consciousness. Sir Beast the Generous.

Sir Beast the Cash. The Monetized. The Cashist. Sir Jimmy the Monetized. Oh the cash. The monetized. The cashest. Sir Jimmy the monetized. Oh, Sir Jimmy the monetized. By Jessica Taylor and, oh, Mail Online. For Mail Online and. Owen Stone.

Owen Stone. Ewan. Ewan. Ewan. Ewan. Ewan or maybe. Iwan. Iwan.

Iwan. Iwan. So, so I wanted to find this original article but cowardly uh daily mail has rewritten that exact link soy cuck daily mail because this black and white photo of harry megan got called out as being doctored and then the photographer of the photo released the color the color version of the photo which actually wasn't released which is kind of awesome and then also the the uh exif data or whatever of the of the photo to show like what it was taken on which is funnily enough an ipad which is why i jokingly said ipad earlier um no they don't do that yeah

and so they said the original jpeg without a black and white grade i expect a full apology and retraction they should have done the uh i wonder if there's a note about the edit but i i didn't want to go on like an archive.org hunt for like the original text of the article um and then they peddly uh uh corrected the type of tree. Respect. They zinged him on that one. No trees or meadows removed or swapped. This image is straight out of the camera.

I got it. I did not notice this about the original photo. Maybe the black and white kind of helped conceal it. He just got the piggies out. Yeah. He's going to mock it. Yeah. This little piggy's going to, whoa.

Whoa. All right. It is the largest thing to, whoa. Whoa. All right. It is the largest thing in the image. Wombo combo. Hairy feet. Hairy feet. Royal feet. But not hairy feet.

Wait a minute. I don't see a mole. Yeah. So I don't know why they even got dragged into it. I think it's because. Well. Well. No, I know.

Yeah. Because they deserve it for being around there were a bunch of uh conspiracy stuff that dragged them into it too where it's like you know something about like the fact that kate middleton was mean to megan and so megan did something to kate and it's like, just leave them alone. She did surgery on her. She did. She was the, she pulled down the mask at the end of the surgery.

Okay, wait, can you go back to that other tab you were at, Jacob? So that second image, Jordan, can you read this as well in a really proper accent? I've returned. It's me again. Oh, you thought I was gone? I was hiding under the couch. I'm surprisingly flexible. You could put me in a suitcase.

Lady Rose Hanbury. Who is the Marchioness? What the fuck is this? That's literally... Lady Rose Hanbury. Who is the Marchioness of chalmondalee i don't know like the marchioness of chalmondalee lives in hughton call with her husband david rock savage seventh marcos of chalmondalee and their three children i don't know what this is or why this is but i saw these words and I was like,

what the hell is this? I mean, that really is, that's like the, what is it? The small white fox jumps over the water. It feels like a Jane Austen novel or like some period piece. Lady Rose Hanbury. Yeah.

Oh, I ever so wish I could meet the Marchioness of Tormundery. Yeah. That's like, that would be too much for even a fantasy novel. Or a fantasy like story. The only person that can get away with that is like Keira Knightley. Yeah. Who is the Marchioness of Chalmondery?

There's a Bridgerton episode of all that. Chalmondery. Chalmondery. I'm leaving down and going to Chalmondery. Lady Rose Hanbury. Who is the Marchioness of Cholmondeley? The Queen is coming for dinner. We must ready ourselves with a fine china.

Oh, from Cholmondeley, you say? Well, I'll ready our special silvers. Hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi. I'm hearing you on the wireless. Hold on, my telegraph is acting up. It's 2018. They just still live with it. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

What's that, boy? It's a dog. There's a fire. There's a fire at the old saloon. You wouldn't say. Well, howdy. Howdy. Well, howdy there.

Welcome to Chamondley. The marshalness of Chamondley's coming Welcome to Chamondley The old boys Martianess of Chamondley's coming Yeah The Chamondley gang Ricky Sachs And the Rock Savage

And the Chamondley boys He's the same Mark is What's a Can you look up March March Martianess

I know What a Martianess is Because It's a good Martian Of All of my weird period piece novels and stuff.

Like you read old books about young women trying to get married off or whatever. So what is it? Well it's just like a duke or whatever. But it's a really more european rather than being british style of noble like nobility the wife or widow of marquette british

noblemen ranking above earl and below duke oh really they they beat earl damn i'm the earl of marquess of duke university well i oh dude one of those uh memes where it's like a fake mobile They beat Earl? Damn. I'm the Earl of Marcus of Duke University. Well, I... Oh, dude, one of those memes where it's like a fake mobile game and it's like level one Duke. Level one Duke, level 10 Marcus. So the only thing I don't understand about any of this is the affair stuff that people are talking about.

There are a lot of tweets and stuff about where people say he's having an affair or she is somehow trying to speak out. I think, honestly, people are just wanting to relive the Princess Diana saga, and so they're rewriting it with these two people you know it feels like a forced sequel yes when they make the matrix four it's like the space jam 2 if you check it uh bugs bunny has actually been shopped into like why did they make this one animated they could have just done the who ripped frame roger rabbit can we watch that channel 4 video that's in the tweet i just want to see what it looks like to have a...

You know, Channel 4 is a famous British institution. So I want to see... One of the more admired of the... I want to see how they report on this. Hi, my name's Bondeldy Donkton. I'm the Martianess of Chilwandering. I'm here with a 15-year-old Alienware laptop to tell you about something that didn't happen.

I made something up and that's fine. I'm here next to a 19,000-inch TV. I was trying to play Helldivers 2, and then I had to come back and do these lies. This just gets bigger and bigger until she's a Twitch streamer, and the bottom right-hand corner, corner with this giant fucking streamer. She has a gamer chair.

Why does it look like that? This episode of The News with Channel 4 sponsored by RacerX. Raid Shadow Legends. Did you know that you can travel back in time to real England and what we used to do back then? And there were dragons and it was cool. Anyway, here, back to the lie we made up. Anyway, everything is fake.

Cut to one of those guys that's in like a war zone with bombs going behind. It's like, and we moved to our correspondent, Andrew Long-Tingtalong, to tell us about the features here. Hi, Jane. One of those long delays and it's in front of the hospital for some reason panning shot he's in front of a larger television i'm here in front of an imax screen to tell you about the thing you just said before he's doing the weather in shalmanderly it's gonna be really cold obviously obviously it's one of the nine months out of the year.

It was supposed to counter the many conspiracy theories about the health of the Princess of Wales, but it did the exact opposite. The photo of Kate Middleton and her three children sent out yesterday was the first to be issued since her abdominal surgery. I don't know this woman. I have nothing

but respect for her. It is funny. It is funny, is funny though that um she's reading from a prompter while holding a piece of paper in her hand i know it's the photo i just like i don't know if this is like we're pretending to it's like when like you dress up in your dad's suit and like move his papers around you hold like a singing a song into a comb in the there's nothing on those papers yeah i'm just like it's it's fine i just it all all this is to me is just like the news as all productions have like evolved with the times and it's still like clinging to yeah that has to be the sort of it's like the old iconography of wearing a white coat as a doctor

like it gives you powers or something you have to like well i've got the papers and this is where all the evidence is yeah let me just check the facts on the papers it just says look at the start by like just like straightening your papers leaning back and then reading directly from a prompter welcome to the yeah welcome to the three o'clock news my papers don't say anything and the screen's too big it is a real screen i feel like that's not normally yeah they don't usually just actually have a screen and this also looks like it was recorded with a phone to a tv of a screen of a woman with a screen that was recorded with a camera was this news not recorded on that day i do like the uh i've been there

though whenever i try to take a screenshot on windows i just take a photo of my computer you're like trying to angle it to the glares yeah it is funny that her voice is exactly the thing we were doing yeah it does sound exactly that also if anyone's leaving a comment about how the print screen button is how you take a screenshot windows i know that i just think screenshot taking is better on Mac. And so I refuse to do it on Windows. Can you imagine, dude, 30 years of diligently working in the journalist industry, starting from the bottom, climbing your way up to one of the most like prestigious terrestrial channels in the UK

to have to go like, so there's this photo, yeah? And she looks a bit weird in it. The photo is a little bit weird and she looks a bit weird in it the photo is a little bit weird it's a bit off the sleeve doesn't quite line up

it started a row now we have our sleeve I don't know what this acting is our sleeve correspondence the sleeve

is odd 15 second delay the sleeve is a bit odd we were looking at the sleeve and discovered that there was a thing you can do on the computer where it changes it a bit i've been philip montgomery and that's what happened over the next four hours i will be following a photoshop tutorial

about how to edit a picture it's one of those like it's their film with their tv and you can hear a ceiling fan in the background and it it's like an Australian guy's like, hi guys, today we're going to be looking at the feathering effect on Photoshop. Photoshop CS2. We're in the background. And then the background is like. Oh, sorry, my dog is acting.

Hey, don't you remember what's happening on early? No, I'm making a video. Anyway, guys. And they just skip it through. Anyway guys I don't know what accent we're doing for this guy I keep jumping between English and Australian but what we're going to do here

is we're going to grab the pen tool we're going to grab the pencil and we're going to feather it ever so slightly I'm sorry guys my recording messed up

so I'm just I'm starting back here again I did do the whole thing but thanks again for subscribing thanks again for subscribing I've noticed that only 99% of the people watching this video have not subscribed do the whole thing but uh thanks again for subscribing thanks again for subscribing i've noticed that only 99 of the people watching this video have not subscribed so click that button

well well with his fingers panned watching this video like i've got to get this right for mother's day they're sweating i've been in that situation though like when you're um like uh back when i would do the audio post or even with video stuff, sometimes, sometimes you'll have like wonky audio and you'll need to fix it. And I'll be watching a guy like do like an audio tutorial about how to do some sort of curing of the audio.

And then you get partway through and they give you, they like tell you some proprietary software you need to buy that they're sponsoring. Or I can't do it without doing the other stuff that they do to treat their audio and it makes them sound like a radio job. ...by international picture agencies hours later because it had been manipulated in their words.

Today, Kate apologized, admitting in a statement, I do occasionally experiment with editing. Our culture correspondent, Nikki Stephensonenson reports. Why? It's on a dolly. Why did they do it like that? That is so funny.

It looks handheld. Again, I don't know how this was recorded, so it might just be. But the other thing is that it's so weird that... So this photo got everywhere. It got pulled. The AP had a thing where they were like, you have to pull this image because it's been edited.

And I'm like, it's a Mother's Day, like, Instagram post. Of course it's edited. It's not a post of, like, a war zone, you know? Like, oh, here's evidence of Joe Biden sucking his own dick on camera. No, it's just a... It's like, that's a weird... We're allowed to do this.

Well, also, just don't use the photo then. Just say she posted a photo the news is about how she posted a photo is this not the photo she posted it still seems relevant because it being edited does not like it does not uh uh it's a part of the fact that they were i think this was the original announcement or it's like like us essentially they were reporting on the fact that she posted her first photo since the surgery right but this is not like it's not a court case there is no expert she could have posted like a drawing she could have just posted a drawing of Goku and said, this is me first day out of search. And why not just say, you know,

put a note under the photo. This photo has been edited or manipulated. Whatever they want to say. This photo was taken with a camera. It's not the real me trapped inside your phone. I can't get over the fact that it's not like a world leader like declaring war on a country. Like it's a photo of OJ. And he he's just like it was me hanging out with my friends that same night at david buster's

i kind of done it yeah it's not used in court this is like it's social media on it's a mother's day social media post i didn't know we weren't allowed to photoshop if the caption said like i'm actually fine and alive because look at me here i am then maybe we've noticed that her son may not actually be laughing he may actually be sad and until we can confirm that he's happy we will not be airing this photo sources say that young prince blimble or whatever his name is famously very sad and this smile has been added by a Snapchat filter. Why is his finger like that? What the heck?

Oh, dude, don't even get me started. There's so many tweets about him crossing his fingers. I'm like, kids do weird stuff with their bodies. I, to this day, do this when I'm nervous. That's a gang sign. Well, I'm not. Oh, we can't show you the... I'm not flashing it, but I cross show you that. I'm not flashing it,

but I cross my fingers. You do like the blood thing. People did it like elementary school. It's a nervous tick, dude. Um, and so when people were like, it's AI because his fingers are all messed up.

I'm like, no, I do that with my fingers all the time. He's just a little weirdo. You ever seen a, a do that if it tried, like. AI doesn't make your fingers cross ai adds and removes fingers i have no have you ever seen like a

10 year old try and run like they can't coordinate the physics of their body sit still it is that's just what they do they're like they're weird and off kilter here's the here's what all of this boils down to is that there's a bunch of people who are afraid for her safety. Okay. Right. And that's nice of them. You know, it's like if they're like, oh, she's, she's in trouble and we need to help her. It's like, okay, you have good intentions, whatever. But I feel like in reality, people are making things less safe for her

because they're creating a situation where paparazzi are going to try and get photos of her. You know, people might even, I don't know, do weird, creepy stuff that fans do. There's always some, because there's having concern and there's taking action. And I think the moment that you are a poster of any kind on any platform,

you do need to have your brain investigated because that instinct is strange. And in this case, you ever see how often those like, they often blow up on Facebook, but it's like predator hunters. And it's just two guys that maybe couldn't get a different type of content off the ground. And then it's them baiting people into meeting up with them. And they're like, I thought you were a 15-year-old girl. Chris Hansen got into that after he stopped being on TV. He made a YouTube channel and did bad journalism and got people in trouble.

There is a line to the point where I'm like, okay, well, you're getting off on this. This is not just a point of concern. If you think that you need to become a sleuth detective online and you just so happen to be interested in the story that's more i need to be the one to find justice not like the law that is fetishizing that is like i there is something like there's like a erotic thrill that you're getting out of like guys i'm gonna post this and i'm gonna screenshot this and show it to all my friends because I'm saving the world one step at a time.

I mean, it's this, why do you need to be the person that hunts down air quotes? And to your point, like now she definitely can't go outside. Now they have to like put a whole team together to figure out how she's going to reintroduce herself to society. Let me touch your mole. Is that real?

From my perspective perspective i'm like why do you care so much she's just a lady when you boil it down but maybe people in the uk are like royalists are like she's more than just a lady you know she's our lady classic royalists are like so old now as far as um it's it pretty much if you're a really proactive royalist you're only on facebook and it's probably royalism plus some soft transphobia those are like the things you're posting it's that kind of that's the generation and those are the conspiracy theories you post it's a psyop that uh caitlin jenner exists at all or something like that there is not really there's no reason to take this any further than at its most extreme oh she's sick or dead and they are covering up for pr reasons which yeah okay sure that in some

cases that would happen and they probably would want to be tactful with it to then jump to there is some grander conspiracy going on that's very twitter pilled that's like a new because because royalists royalists i mean people do the same thing about like the oscars people will be like like a people conspirator conspiracize every little thing like um if there's a a unscripted moment that happens where you know someone's like doing doing a bit like the host is making a bit to someone in the audience and the person in the audience doesn't bite for the bit then someone in the comments would be like well everything in hollywood is scripted so this was scripted as well yeah and i'm like okay well

no not like literally everything i mean i guess yeah I guess that's the classic like Rogan. Like, yeah, but you can see it being true. Okay. You know, imagine if it was, that'd be pretty crazy. You know what I mean? Just to say, I, uh, conspiracies aside, hope that, you know, Kate is on the mend and getting, you know, well from whatever abdominal surgery they announced. It's just generally well.

To the same degree as any stranger. As any stranger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, this is more about, this is less about her and more about this weird kind of obsession of the media. It is. I mean, I think something shifted a little bit. I mean, I've been at a, you know,

not really an active part of UK culture for a long time at this point, but I feel like royalists are kind of defined by reverence like you they they're like uh like hyper engaged catholics it's like it's not about the text itself and it's not about like uh enforcing i don't know like it's not so much about the discussion of God or like, what do you think this part means? What do you think that part means? It's like a kind of Church of England traditionalists that are just like, don't take the name in vain.

That's it. That's all you have to do. You don't say mean stuff. You don't say bad stuff. You don't swear. It's like just a specific list of things you don't do. You just say good stuff about God and you say good stuff. You pray before your meal

and you say nice stuff about god and you say good stuff you pray before you pray before your meal and you say nice stuff about the queen this like harry and megan what do you think's going on there is post diana it's like a very but it's if diana if we had twitter during diana that it would just be this and it would be every photo getting some scrutiny instead of basically only those grainy photos being like, hmm, Diana's hair is longer. Maybe we should kill her. We should blow up her car for that. There's like tabloid people and drama hounds, you know, who want to. Well, now they've got even less of a chance of getting the story because there's more people doing it.

And a random civilian could just snap a photo of her and they'd miss out on their like exclusive pic or whatever. God, I feel like I would go insane. I would never marry into the Royals. She's crazy for that. Oh my God. I feel like she's going to have to do like a full like interview now with like the BBC. So did you die? What were you doing during the time that you were not pictured by the public?

I was having surgery. They had abdominal surgery. Interesting. No further questions. Why are you putting up a photo? Explain this. That's me and my children. Explain this.

That's my son. That same photo. But what about this? His fingers are all weird. He comes out. He shows his fingers. out he shows his fingers he just makes the little thing he goes and then they're like he did it he did the thing he can do anything we love the royals again but not the brown one no thanks do you think this is megan's fault but was she being too urban in the house and then and then she starts to answer and they're

that's all the time we have do you think this has anything to do with your kendrick style sister-in-law could it have been harlem yeah could it have been the the bronx she's like um well i don't and that's all the time we have for today thank you so much for kate middleton with a c for coming in today and lying about her son's weird hand yeah i just love it honestly such a vivid image in my brain of that reporter just walking into the bathroom for the piece just like what am i doing what am i doing? What am I doing? What am I doing? All right. Well, we're going to keep having fun over on our Patreon at patreon.com slash sad boys.

And afterwards, probably. And afterwards. In place of Bouldersgate. In place of Bouldersgate. We are going to be trying out a new segment that Jacob has cooked up for us called Food Court. Yes. Jacob, do you want to give us a little pitch on Food Court? Yeah, so Jarvis and Jordan are going to be the judges of the Food Court

and we're going to decide which of these food scenarios including the horrors and the hacks are guilty or not guilty. Oh, can you show us one? Yeah. Danny Manick is showing us how the taco bell beans

are being made and this is a case being presented to you uh in in the food court all right the bench okay so it looks like they're coming dehydrated yeah they look like rabbit food. Yeah. Like a chain. Oh, you pour hot water. Okay. Like you do with beans often. Whatever. I don't know. It's fast food, dehydrated beans.

They don't need to be full beans. It certainly didn't change my feelings about like getting Taco Bell. Okay. Okay. One more. This is your sign to stop eating school lunch. Okay. Before we get into this

i ate school lunch the entirety of my time through school free and reduced lunch i had free lunch shout out by the way uh one of the few uh pieces of like financial support welfare stuff that you have in this country um and even that's kind of been taken away in a lot of cases where people are like they have to really be like struggling to get that and i'm like i think we should it should not be a thing okay i used to do um simpsons impressions to uh my rich friends for a pound and then i bought chips oh hell that was scam dude. My professor Frank lost access to all of it now I do not have that skill no more. Alright so this is a school lunch. It looks like a pretty standard

cheeseburger school lunch. Looks normal right? Okay. Oh it is there. Oh. You'll see the rest of Food Court on Patreon.com. Guilty. Check it out. We end every episode of Sad Boys with a particular phrase. We love love you and we're

sorry explosion boom go too rich for me