Sad Boyz - They Made SeaWorld Horny

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

New customers get 40% Off with code SADBOYZ at GLD.com Check out 150+ bonus episodes at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://patreon.com/sadboyz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠��� ✨find us everywhere✨⁠⁠ https://linktr.ee/sadboyzpod⁠⁠  🎬 CREW 🎬 Hosted by Jarvis Johnson and Jordan Adika Produced & Edited by Jacob Skoda Produced by Anastasia Vigo Thumbnail design by @yungmcskrt Outro music by @prod.typhoon & @ysoblank 00:00:00 Welcome To Sad Boyz 00:06:27 "Primetime" 00:18:07 Sponsored by: GLD 00:20:06 D.A.R.E 00:23:29 Razor Blades in the Halloween Candy 00:26:59 Waterworld 00:31:44 SeaWorld Goes Horny Mode 00:55:44 9-1-1 Season A Billion 01:16:01 Sad Boyz Nightz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also. I'm Jarvis. And that's my, that's my robot, Jordan. Nobody said big stretch. Big stretch. Like I was being cute about it. No, because it was performative. Oh, okay.

Yeah, my bad. Yeah, that's true. Going to the gym, tapping people on the shoulder and saying big stretch. Hey, that was a pretty heavy weight. I just looked at. Big weight. You got a treat I can have. You start sitting down in front of people.

Look, what's this? Do you want me to go anywhere? Yeah, you do spin around. How are you doing? How are you doing, buddy? Okay, I'm very tired. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

We're not the terrible twos with Pops. She's been really good. She's asleep at our feet right now. But she's been easier and easier with each day. Which is crazy because she's still so young, but she's like a little gifted kid. She's so smart. She is growing fast.

She's on screen right now. She was 9.1 pounds the last time we recorded. She must be a couple hundred pounds by now. Yeah. It's like that meme of the guy being like at this rate, my child is on track to weigh nine trillion pounds by 2040. She's jacked, which is cool. But yeah, it's every now and then there's a particular evening with complications.

I had like basically just like I went to my psych yesterday and I was like, I'm so crazy. How you doing? And he was like, I know, I know that shit, dog. Yeah, hell yeah. You want some of these? $300? He shakes like a, like one of those orange pill bottles. Oh, he likes it.

He like shakes it like, yeah, you sit. He's like, gentle? Yeah, gentle. Uh, yeah, but last night was just a particular. He looks away. You eat all 35 of them. And I, but I look guilty. Yeah. My tail between my legs.

He's like, did you just have so many stimulants you'd die? Yes. Yeah. He's opening my mouth. Yeah, I went to the site, got home and then had like some handful of reasons. I got very sleepy. And then Little Miss, little Miss PJ down there. He was great throughout the night.

And then really, really desperately needed big piss at about six. So we had. You and her and me both. We were both up. Big chilling. Yeah, I'm good. I'm getting a little bit stir crazy. Oh, yeah, because you're kind of bound to your domain.

Yes, the one every now and then we'll go on a drive. She'll pop her in her little car seat. That's kind of fun. We'll just run around every stoplight little treat. So she's been enjoying that. You should put her in like an exoskeleton mech. So she can drive? Yeah, so that she can walk outside.

Because she's like, the reason she can't touch the ground is because of, She hasn't finished getting her vaccines. Yeah, the fouchy-ouches. So I think the solution to this is, like that episode of Rick and Morty. Do you think the easier thing than waiting another six weeks until the vaccine boosters are done would be to learn engineering and build an entire mix suit? And that's all I'm saying.

Maybe. Is that so complicated? I guess I don't know that much about robotics. Yeah, you're about to learn. Get ready to learn robots, buddy. Would you get, would you swap your arm out for a robot arm with powers and stuff? I do feel like, yeah, we're about to do that C-Lab. would you put your brain into a robot body

would I swap my arm out for From like wrist up You swap it out for one that can like You can change your finger into a bottle open arm and stuff I mean that does kind of sound like Wait why do I want to say Barrett Well Barrett from Final Fantasy 7 or or Jet Not his name's not Jacks

Jacks is the guy from Mortal Kombat He also has the two arms But they're just arms And then I'm thinking of what's his face from Cowboy Bebop Why can't I remember his name? Oh Jet Jet Jack's Jet

It's all coded. They're related. It's like if we have like a black coated guy with a metal arm, his name is going to sound like this. That has to be. Another video game that that reminded me of is in Silent Hill F, which is amazing and everyone should play it. There's a little bit of a spoiler.

But you cut off your own arm. A little bit. And you attach a like beast arm. So you're this little middle school girl. And then you get a giant beast arm and you start killing people. This is not a chance. I would probably not go to Silent Hill. I would do that though.

I would be like, hmm. I want a giant beast arm. You're like, I'm in the hills, but I don't hear anything. So I'm going to get out of here. Things are a little too quiet around these hills. First thing, I don't like how everything's an allegory. Yeah. What would you arise?

Why is that F so funny? Is that like a reference to like, what is that? I don't want to be here, I guess. Is it like a mathematical formula? Like a camera? What would your allegorical, monster that's hunting you in Silent Hillby? Ooh.

Ooh. It's like a big to-do list. I am executive function head. Yeah, yeah. It's like his name is executive function. And he's like a in a suit. He's like a big F in a suit, an F for function. Executor and he has a big axe.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And he's destroying all of my functions. I don't have any laundry. I don't have any clothes. Everything's in the laundry. Yeah. Um, yeah, probably.

that. Probably something in that vein. Probably something in that vein. It takes place in like a waiting room. It kind of takes place at the like blinking cursor of a word document. Blank screen. Oh, and you're like, ooh, all it takes is one word to write to start, but it seems so hard. I'm insane. I'm saying the good ending that's good and then has like a sad twist is that you change the title of the document.

Like, I think everything's going to be okay. That's it. That's all he does. I do sometimes feel like changing the title of the document is a privilege that should only be granted to a completed draft. Untitled spreadsheet should remain until you finished. Right, because what I'm saying is it's a little bit like telling someone, you know, your plans before you do them because you get the positive chemicals of having done it. Because if I title something, book report, damn, I just finished a book report. I did a book report already.

Skipping to the last scene in the movie. I'm a cinema. You consider yourself reported. Speaking of movies, I just saw one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. But which one? It's kind of on the low, so I don't want to tell anybody about it.

No, it's... Come on, we want to hear it. It was primetime. Aw. Look at him. He's embarrassed. Do you not want to say bad stuff about your friend, Chris, Hanson? Robert Pattinson's too hot to play Crensen.

Crenson. Like Chris Hansen, like, I get it. He's an attractive guy. But like, I feel like there's a few glamour shots in that movie where you see Robert Pattinson, like, and they're trying to make it look like Chris Hansen glamorous. But I'm like, no, that's like Robert Pattinson. Yes. You know what I mean? I mean, like Chris Hanson is, he, he was handsome in the same way that you, the hottest guy in 1951.

Well, he's handsome in the way that news anchors and like NBC correspondents are handsome. not in the way that like fucking movie star Robert Tyson. Maybe in the way that like mannequins are handsome. He's weather report coded. He's weather report handsome and that's fine. And I'm just saying that like Robert Pattinson and you know, cancel me for this. I think he's a league above.

I'll say it. I think he should be famous at this point. I think he's, I think Robert Pattinson is weird handsome where he's like all these angles. That sounds like Chris Hanson's alter ego. Weird Hanson. Chris Hansen, no, I'm weird handsome. I help people be predated.

It is. Well, so does he, to some extent. But I do think, so, so from, from a casting standpoint that did, like, I didn't feel that way. However, give Robert Patton an opportunity to do a funny voice, and he's, it's a kid and a candy star. One, one voice for them, the Odyssey, he'll sound like he sounds. And then one voice for him, Mickey 17. I do, or 17 voices for him. The moment in that movie where he's recording the, like, Stinger for, like, the.

next episode in the recording booth and he keeps doing it over and over. I just wanted to repeat that myself. I think I can't even remember what it is now, but it was like, um, next week or whatever. Actually, can we find it? When we come back, the parade of man begins. And some of them come bearing gifts. It's time. It sounds all, it sounds like the first generation of Texas speech.

Oh, it's getting close. I think it's extra funny just because he's British and I know he's having a fun time. When we come back, the parade of men begin. Wait, what is it? The parade of men begins. And some of them are bearing gifts. But he says, come, barangis. And then as he keeps going, he goes, come.

Oh, yeah, he does. He does. That was like the entire audience, like, laughed during that. But here's the thing. This movie is such a funny, like, my, like, kind of fast review of. of it is that I knew the lore and I knew that it was driving. So first of all, it starts in a horrifying place because of the subject matter of the of what is being covered.

And then there's also this like meta commentary. And then there's kind of like metacommentary on the metacommentary. And it's like this tonal like roller coaster, but in a way that is intentional by the filmmaker, if that makes sense. Because there are these like very funny moments of levy. but you can't like sit in that for too long because then something like horrifying is depicted right after that there's a interesting like this in this retrospective i'm coming at the film from like an opposite angle because i've only seen chris had on his insipid podcast he had uh fox news ghoul uh jesse waters on oh my god it's i have no idea why it was him but he's interviewing uh mr hansom and he is like it's really interesting seeing a guy who is clearly only media, like his only relationship to media is like practical.

So it's not about like making art or like making a film. So the entire time he's just going like, I just don't understand why they wouldn't reach out to me when it's my name and likeness. And then I could help with the movie. Help with the one by going, no way. Chris Hansen wouldn't have done that. You could have done it in a more.

What's the word? Exploited way. What about a scene where you see my huge hog? There's a lot of people who are criticizing this movie for what they claim is like letting pedophiles off the hook or whatever. Or like almost like making you sympathize with pedophiles. And I, to those people say, there is so much more nuance to the film and you totally missed everything. One of the absurd claims they make in the response, like, Him Jesse Waters are like, well, you know, in Hollywood, there's some of the greatest monsters of all time. And it makes you wonder, maybe Lance Oppenheim has a reason to have skeletons in the closet.

It's literally just them saying, like, hey, maybe he's a better vial. Yeah. I think that, like, the thing you have to know about modern day Chris Hansen is that he started collabing with. those like pedophile catcher YouTubers who were almost like, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a looking through the mirror like your past self or whatever. The thing about to catch a predator is that so many of these criminals because of the way that they did their production, those cases didn't make it to trial and those victims never saw justice. And that's part of the problem. It wasn't about stopping the problem or fixing society. It was about sensationalism. Right. And I think the movie

it's like it focuses so much on the ratings. And I like, I wasn't in those rooms. But, you know, that is the Solfer X situation where you're like, you see, oh, this is like being handles in such a way that's destructive of evidence or it's entrapment or or whatever. It's very, like the similar stuff has happened with those those YouTubers where the you know people can't go to or like you try to go through the normal legal means but they've like kind of muddied the the vigilante justice of it all has like made it difficult to actually like do the actual justice of like you know getting these people convicted of the crimes that they've allegedly committed I say allegedly because like in many cases they like weren't, you know, didn't see a as a result.

They're not. Those YouTubers aren't showing the whole story, right? They're like got another one and then it's like, but then when they go to trial like what happened? You're not showing the whole story. It very much feels like I'm sure if I say like the most opportunistic, the most opportunistic YouTuber you can imagine. Like someone comes to mind. and it doesn't feel that far off from like a commentary on that. Like if you were to like kind of map that meta commentary on to.

It's just a very like, it's a very unimaginative and I guess unambitious defense to then say like what we'll think of the children. I'm like, oh, okay. I guess we just stop having your conversation. That's, but that's in that's, you know, famously always the shield, right? It's like. Like obviously we're all thinking of the children already. It's convenient. Yeah.

And it's like that's the same argument behind pizza gig. Yeah. Or like the defense of like the Pizza Gate Truthers. Yeah, imagine that shit happened. Yeah. And it's like you're not thinking of the children because you're not solving the problem. The problem continues like your vigilante justice thing. It's not.

Is it working? Right. It's getting you views and it's not finding justice for the victims. The only justice it's finding is if the fact that you humiliated this person in your content. is enough and not that they're like behind bars. Right. Yeah. And like removed from society where they can actually cause harm.

Because it's very, I mean, it's a cathartic show. Like, just on like a very basic instinct level, it's even in fiction, like, we got him. We got the bad guy. Yeah. The thing is, is like, I don't know, the movie like hard candy, or let's even say the Batman. The issue is is that like in real life, the riddler sticks around. Yeah. Like you get to him or whatever, but he's.

Still operational every minute of every day. And like, well, the show ended. So I guess they put that guy in a big hole or something. Like, he's just gone. Like, no, he's around. And yeah, I think they, like, I think they, I can't say do a good job because it's like, I don't know, you know, how much is embellished, you know,

but I think it does a good, like, in terms of doing a good job of depicting reality, but I do think it does a good job of, like depicting kind of like the the suits and like kind of how these things get made because we see it with every form of entertainment culture including YouTube including Twitch where the if the numbers are big enough then morality is sidelined yeah you know what it's captured yeah yeah it's like it doesn't it doesn't matter what I'm doing because now I'm I'm serving a different god and that is like ratings or it's dubs in the chat or it's views or it's all mighty dollar yeah exactly

That might be a dead rat in my walls, but I've decided this is my position now. Dude. Oh, God. It's like, don't even get me started. Like, at the end of our last recording, I opened up my, like, the worst app. And I saw, like, a clip that I thought was AI of a certain streamer speaking on a current event. Yes. And I genuinely thought it was fake because of how on the nose horrible it was.

It was like, it was truly like picking the supervillain. like take or it's like reminds me of that Peter Thiel quote and that I think is a quote right I like may not be exact with it but it's like you know when people think we're evil that's how I know we're doing the right thing and it's like huh run me back on that one you wait a minute what oh you've already left okay but did you search if that was a quote from Peter. Yes, I search for it. Teal made this remark during September 24th.

September 26. I'm too online. The fact that I've got a fucking Teal quote from last month. Here's the actual quote, maybe. If you're evil, you're at least competent. And if you're evil, you're not bad. And therefore, maybe you're actually kind of good because you're at least getting something done.

Oh my God. That's awesome. And then like in that is a moral framework of getting something done being good. Yeah. And it's like that's just not true. Maybe I'm even a hero. I mean, shit, if you think so. This episode of Sad Boys is sponsored by GLD.

Summer. It's here. Festival season. Beach trips, pool parties, weddings. This is the time of year where fit really matters. The details. and out, okay? A clean chain.

Ooh, bracelet, ooh. Pended, ooh. Take a basic outfit and make it look complete without even trying. That's why we're rocking with today's sponsor, GLD. GLD gives you that elevated look without draining the wallet. The value is great for the quality you're getting. GLD uses real gold, every stone meticulously hand set,

and the craft ship on another level you can see and feel the difference immediately. If you're trying to level up your summer fit, Without overthinking it, which I know you sometimes do, you little devil, then GLD is the boof. They've got everything too. Chains, pendants, bracelets, a great selection of watches. Whether you want to keep it simple or like a little shine, they've got the perfect piece for you. And GLD has got you covered with every price point from gold plated chains to solid gold and natural diamonds. You can find whatever you're looking for at any budget.

They have over 2 million customers and 50,000 five-star reviews. Every single piece is guaranteed for life. It's a no-brainer. It's an instant upgrade you deserve if you want to look, feel, and be your best or just want to level up any outfit. This is the missing piece. You're sleeping on until now because we're telling you about it. For a limited... Wake up.

Hello? For a limited time only. Use code sadboys to get 40% off. 40. That's 40% off with code sadboys at glde.com. 40% off with code sad boys at gild. I got to get on that. That's a lot.

That is actually a ton. Actually, come to think of it. That's 40% off. with code sadboys at glde.com and after your purchase there, you might ask who's sent you. I don't know, maybe you told them

it was because it was. It was. It's time to lock in and upgrade your style this summer with GLD. Thanks for listening, everybody. Now back to the show

where you can continue to listen. This kind of reminds me, do you remember the dare program? Yeah. So the dare program for Jordan. I know what the dare program is. You do? Yeah.

We didn't have it, but I just such an American thing. So it was. That's why I know. It was a program where they would send a police officer to an elementary school, let's say. They called them Dare officers, but it was a cop. They would usually have a weird briefcase that they would open up and show you different kinds of drugs and say, here's the different kind of drugs you will be offered for sure. Here's PCP.

Here's meth. Here's. And here's why you shouldn't do drugs. keep in mind that this police officer probably hasn't really been trained on any of this. But he's a dare officer. But they just kind of give them like speaking points and the briefcase and send them on their way. And he does them in front of each kid. He's like, this feels good as hell, but you shouldn't be doing this.

So there were a bunch of studies. And this was all through the 80s and 90s and maybe even longer than that. And there were a bunch of studies that they were done to be like, Is this effective? Is this stopping kids from doing drugs? And the result was not only is this not stopping kids from doing drugs, but this is actually educating kids on what kind of drugs they could do. Jacob, can you go back to that result?

Because there is something insanely hilarious. After decades of antagonism towards dare because of its ineffectiveness, the organizers adopted an externally designed evidence-supported curriculum in 2012. The new program is called Keeping It Real Yo, what up, Holmeslice? In 2012, that was stale. In 2012, that sounded like you're a fucking nark.

Hey, what's up? Tiger Blood winning. What up, homies? They should have called it Hello Fellow Kids. Yeah, basically. They would walk out and show advice animals that say don't do PCP.

Success kid doesn't do drugs. Wait, wait, wait. It costs $9 million. explicitly focus on opposition to drugs with the broader aim of teaching good decision. Yeah, we didn't, I didn't have the like famous version of dare. I don't think we had dare at all unless it was under some sort of other name like, you know, what up game. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, nah, I mean. We did have a assembly I'm remembering now where the whole school went into the auditorium and this guy who was addicted to drugs for years told us about his life. And I remember thinking, should I be knowing this? Like, is this something I should know as a seven-year-old? Scare tactics are really interesting

because I think we've now learned that they almost never work. I think it's similarly, intuitively satisfying, like to catch a predator is. It's like evidence data results. I don't really want to get into that, but man, it feels right to,

scare a kid and that's what it'll stop. Wait, what's that? I'm like, is this in primetime where it's like a news story and they're like, people are going after your kids? Find out more at 11. Are your kids safe? Do you know where your kids are? It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your kids are? Do you guys know that there's razor blades

in the Halloween candy kind of stuff? You know what? Someone recently told me well, Halloween candy's like laced with stuff. And I was like, no, it's not. It's never been. What are you talking about? By who? The fucking joke. Yeah, no, it is literally a joker type thing. But it is like, rewrapped.

The Snickers is then closed again. It's burned in my mind, like going on like trick or treating, like with my friends and their family and then going back to their place and then having to spread out all the candy and make sure there were no razor blades. Like I'm like sealed Snickers, I think we're okay. Right. But I get it. I also do get it because practicing good like operational security, like these things are. Like when something relies upon goodwill, it is an easily exploitable thing. And I don't, like, I don't want to just say, blanket, like, just eat the candy.

Like, you should be more scared. It is better to be overly cautious about your kids' well-being than too lackadaisical about it. Yeah. There is something about, like, we don't like, we don't care to get to know our neighbors anymore. or trust her. We just don't have community. I know. It's been off the air since, what,

2000? Yeah, got canceled that one time. Yeah, I mean, six seasons in a movie, am I right? We don't have that.

They did come back on like Yahoo or whatever. I watched it. Me too. I mean, there was the No Dan Harmon season, the gas leak year. It was bad to the number. Season five,

season six. Yahoo screen, anyone remember it? Jill McHale. I just remembered why I brought up Dair in the first place. And it's because the whole, whole thing was people are like, we're going to keep doing it because it's better than nothing.

And a child psychologist were like, but it's not better than nothing. It's actually making things worse. And you should stop doing it. But schools just kept doing it for years and years and years because they kept saying it's better than nothing. And that's what I feel like to catch a predator is where it's like, well, we're doing something. And it's like, you're kind of making society worse. Yeah.

Doing something is like, like cutting off somebody's finger to get rid of the ill humors in like 1600. Yeah, I guess you're doing something. I also just think of like fear mongering as a tool and like where it's applied. It's like all, it's like nearly always uses like a tool of control or like you think of the fear mongering that happens with like immigrants and stuff like that. Oh yeah. If you remember the caravan of immigrants that was coming. to take over all of America. Yeah, they must be pushing it.

It's so crazy just like how these things can, it's like the lame stream media like moves in lockstep with these like things. And then, or like when we were giving all that like kind of undue credence to Nick Shirley who is like in a literate loser. I know. Who like who, and I'm sorry.

Like maybe that's mean to say, but like the dude is like wearing polymarket merch while he's talking about like all of the scammer. and it's like this is first of all I don't know if these ads are disclosed second of all do you want your undercover or excuse me uncovering government scams guy to be talking about polymarket odds like literally being like polymarket has odds that this uh fraud is going to be uncovered I'm like excuse me before we start recording Jordan and I were talking about the film water world yeah classic Kevin cost all I know about water world and maybe this is wrong is water world the one that

It was famously one of the worst reviewed movies of all time. Yes. I remember it was at the bottom of Metacritic. It was... Back when I was in, like, a young one. One of the most expensive movies because they literally created a Waterworld. Oh, wait, wait. Can you back up, Jacob?

Something fun just happened in Google search. Reviewers say Waterworld, Lorham, Ipsum, Delors... What the hell? How? I know. I know. IMD. Get your shit together.

Is that, like, cached in a different location. than the what? It's like it's like it's I don't know but somehow it was cached

when there was like filler text there's so funny take it go ahead and view source go ahead and just real quick just view the source

just on the off chance that the Loram is just in the shell of the page yeah there it is we found Laura Mipsum yeah

yeah look at that look at that dev okay div data test ID review summary teaser boom we found it wow we got you i and you b it's over for you all right locked only now all right so that's that's all my fucking degree is good for any that's that's water world i guess it's also good for me to ask you why something happens when i'm confused by technology water world uh very very funny movie because of how bad it is there's so much about it that is funny it's

Dancers was with wolves if like the Native American community was replaced with Atlantis. Yeah. It's basically trying to do that. It's, it had like tons of extras, a huge set, like so much about it was really expensive. And then it totally flopped and everything's seawater. Kind of ended Kevin Costner's career, to be honest. Yeah. Well, it was like a, I mean, the Kevin costs inner were pretty.

Pretty high. But you know what? He did end up creating a machine that removes oil from the ocean. Real life, Kevin Koest? Yeah. Because of this movie, I think he was like inspired. Okay, that's kind of like a James Cameron situation. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

That is really cool. Wait a second. Can I just talk about how the poster kind of, if you squirt your eyes, looks like it says Kevin Water Costner World. Kevin Waters and Costner World. Star. Not that it really looks like that, but sometimes I like to have fun. Anyway.

Beyond the horizon lies the secret to a new beginning. What a nothing. This reminds me also of that Chinese avatar-esque movie that had like, it's like extremely mega-funded and like never came out. Oh, really? They do love a wet movie. Like that's like, it's like a famous, like people talk about it in like lost media circles.

Oh, right. Oh, it's called Empires of it. the deep, the unreleased 3D fantasy film. 3D. Here's the story of the most expensive movie that never got made. 3D, it's like I'm in it. It was supposed to be China's response to Avatar. Response.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. We disagree. And then a bunch of like American filmmakers got attached to it. It was a vanity project by this Chinese billionaire, but the billionaire also came up with the story. Uh-oh. And then the screenplay.

It's about a guy who holds wealth, but it's like cool. Maybe he does disagree. He's like, the people coming to the planet are good and taking their resources are actually I'm not a movie where the sky people get to kiss anyone they want and it's really nice. The original title, working title of the film was Mermaid Island. Hell yeah. And then Zhang even hired James Cameron's close friend and collaborator Randall Fakes to help develop the script. Just because they know her show.

Italian actress Monica Balucci was originally set to stars as the mermaid queen. The history's most beautiful woman? And then Sharon Stone was quartered for the role. Another beautiful one. And then one of the James Bond actresses, Olga Kerlenko, was finally cast. Yeah, it was initially given a budget of 50 million. It quickly skyrocketed to do the jings on familiarity with the movie making process and filming problems. Oh, that'll do it.

Yeah. And then it's like a series of like a decade of hiring like Hollywood people to take on this being attached, detached, then like actors like being attached, detached. It's kind of like what happened with blade, except for even worse. Rest and peace. You know what else is really wet? I'm so mad about that. Waterworld? Sea World.

Sea World. Oh. Sea World. Speaking of Sea World. Water world. I want a sea world. I want to see. I eat it.

Seaworld and how wet it is. Okay. One of the wettest places. They love, well, I don't know if SeaWorld does this anymore. The last time I went there, I was a very little child. And then, you know, that movie Blackfish came out and I was like, Whoa, we shouldn't go to SeaWorld anywhere. Okay, so SeaWorld, here's what I know about it.

It's in my home state, question mark. Yes. I never went. Well, there's one in San Diego, too, but there is one in Florida. So I knew about it from the Florida one, but I never went. Which one does Willie get freed from? That's a fictional version of SeaWorld for sure. Okay, so then there, but there is a famous whale at SeaWorld.

Yeah, so there. Shamu. Shamu, is that him? Well, there's been lots of shamoo's. Oh. They swap them out? Like airbud? There was a famous, oh my God.

Didn't like a trainer get killed by? A famous orca named Tillacum. Oh. Who sired many of the other whales. Hilicom did? Yeah. Well, he sounds pretty virile. If you watch Blackfish, they show them gathering the

material from Tillicam. I can't with him. Can we like put him in jail? Oh. They would get semen from Tillacum and impregnate the other orcas. I'm just trying to feed his...

You're sick, fuck. Watch the movie, or don't, because it's very upsetting. What do you want from me? It seems very... But when you go to SeaWorld, what do you expect to see there? Maybe animals, a starfish, some sea lions. Yeah.

Sea animals. Yeah. But the thing is, isn't Earth kind of sea world? Like mostly? Yeah, kind of in a way. Yeah. I don't, I didn't go and I didn't want to go. And I think one of my worst qualities to person is that it doesn't seem interesting to me.

Even though I do think the underwater is very exciting. Okay, everybody. But- But you wouldn't, you don't strike me as the kind of guy that would want to go in there. I don't want to go in there. I don't want to be killed by an. by an ochre, I guess is a really big one for me. Yeah. Neither of you are like the kind of people who get moved by the majesty of nature.

It's my, no, but it's my worst quality and I hate that about myself. I want to be moved. We don't know. It's not okay and I'm wrong. We're pretty damp, lads. You'd think we'd enjoy. I get so damp. In many ways, I am like till I come.

Oh, what was it? Bust the lawn? It's supposed to lock. Wait to bowl. Was that it? Wait to bust and telecast. But what you would not expect to see at SeaWorld. I don't know why I went to crazy.

You brought up an article here, you and Jacob together. Yes. It brought up an article called SeaWorld wants to make you horny. And judging by the name of the orcas, I guess it's obvious. Yeah, that's doing a great job. Well, this is, I've never thought of SeaWorld as a horny place until now. Hit it, Jacob. Hit it, Jacob.

And Jacob starts slowly scrolling the document. Um, yeah. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Too fast. What the fuck? Wait, Jacob, say something before you. What's happening?

What? What do you want me to say? Well, I'm confused. Jacob, help me. Okay, hold on. Because from my perspective, Anastasia was like speaking of Waterworld. And then in the entire article. And then we scrolled past through an article.

We all know I can't read that fast. And then there was a man with abs and like a, he was wearing like a mask. So basically, SeaWorld has a Halloween thrill experience thing. All right. Kind of like Halloween Horror Night's. Kind of like Halloween Horror Night's. Right. But this year, they've introduced an extra feature of the Halloween experience called

Just One More Chapter. Okay. This is what it looks like. Just one more chapter. That's like Steve Jobs at the end of his presentation. There's one more thing and everybody's like, huh? He is a big whale. And he's like, he takes the MacBook air out of the envelope and you go, whoa, tiny.

Tillacum. Take the work out of the envelope. What was the name? I'm a bust or something? TILCA! That's why I said. I wasn't joking. Oh my lord.

They're in eyes wide shut like domino masks. Yeah. Being sexy. Go for the bad boy. Oh, I thought it was like a reference. to the Cobra Starship song, Good Girls Go Bad. What's the book? Pitching Leighton Meester.

So the giant book. He has like a ghost face in the middle of his pecks. So it's men. So it's a bunch of men who want someone might classify as hunky. I classify him as honky. Yeah, there's a lot of honky, honky, hunky. And they all have like masks and like black roses and his mask makes him look like he doesn't have ventilation to his nose.

Yeah, he might like, tall flank miss. One of those things you wear if you struggle to. I'm open, did I give you to ick? I want my sleeve to stop really sharply on my wrist. I do want to go see Tiwacom? They're supposed to like, it's like a live, it's like an interactive theater kind of thing.

Like haunted house vibes. What's that famous one in New York? Sleep no more or whatever. That's kind of going to do this to me. You know, you kind of. walk through like a haunted house and all these men kind of say stuff to you. It's daytime. It's daytime

and it's supposed to be soaked. This looks dry as. He looks like he's holding his breath though. I mean, he's about to jump in. Some ladies might be what? Okay. Okay. This is the telecom stuff.

You've gone too far with the it's working. It's supposed to be soaked. It's supposed to be drenched. We was talking about SeaWorld. And it's supposed to be. It's like dry as a lot. Okay, so here's, okay, from our perspective again, it's like SeaWorld is doing a crazy Halloween horror nights, but the thing is, it's, it's dry and it's not at a horror night. It's actually

during the day and it, there's just a roller coaster. Come on down to Disney. What's your roller coaster at Sea World? I thought it was about the sea. Disney World this summer, no rides and no mascots. And the only animal is man. Whoa. Okay, well, now you're talking. Sea man. Yeah, why aren't they like merman? Oh, okay. Okay. All right. I think. He's guys working here or this is just a devilish? Okay. So in Halloween Horn Nights, they have like, uh, like zombies and, and people with like, uh, chainsaws, you know?

Clowns and stuff. That is pretty scary because a chainsaw could do something bad to you. Your confusion though is the same confusion that the whole world feels is. Like, why did they do this? And maybe some people like it, but it feels like it fell short quite a bit. Like, they, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, Like this guy, this guy has you like right in his book. And it's like, what's sexy about that?

It does. His, his mask seems too small. They did him dirty on that one. And now we're in like a burning man. You need like a mask. It's like there's too much. You can't. Where's the fish?

A lot of them have spray painted abs. A lot of them are look bored. Like that guy. That one kind of looked like Ethan Nestor. Shout out to a lot of crackers. Howlow scream, though, that sounds familiar to me. That was like a thing. It was in Orlando.

It's so fucking funny. I know. The least compatible state imaginable. Dude, I keep forgetting sometimes. And then I still do have a Florida ID that I sometimes look at. So I kind of remind myself where I came from. Like, they said he'd never become anything. You're like drenched in sweat in the photo.

Yeah. Too truly. This place is hell. So there is a. type of romance, but called dark romance, where it's like, it's kind of scary, kind of sexy, I guess. I feel like this is what that's trying to evoke. I mean, I'm assuming that's like the default for a lot of like romantic fanfic and stuff. It's like, whoa, it's Harry Stiles, but he's made out of spikes.

Can I change you? Harry Spikes. Can I, okay, here's a question. It's at the bottom. It says, the post-Seerworld wants to make. you horny first appeared on Wired? Did they just copy and paste the Wired article? And then can we like take a segment of it and see?

Oh, it is the same. Wait, actually, that's evil. Can you do that? Yeah, what the hell? Maybe they have a... I don't think so. Are they owned by the same parent company? No, because what was the website we were just on?

It was like fucking john's website.com. Yeah. These nuts. Yeah, they have a partnership with Wyatt. These nuts. Yeah. Till I come. 2014 Ariana Grande

trying to get you with a D.N. Joke. Only millennial Akatar fans. Do you know what Akatar is? Of course. It's the movie James Cameron movie. They're romanticcy books,

which means romance and fantasy. And it's a crown of thorns and roses. Oh! I just, okay, I know that because I've seen the covers of those books. I'm not wearing that. Sounds like a nightmare.

I thought it was like, um you do shoot the old the old the old republic nights of the old republic that the knights of the hard a long time ago upon a long time ago upon the airspace sea or whatever or whatever who fucking and or is the only good one of these anyway just watch that this series is bullshit have you seen how they um how they've changed shows on netflix they've

upscaled them to 4K, like some old sitcoms, they've done this. Oh, no. But they did it with AI, and so it, like, it hallucinates, like, new details into these things, and it looks terrible. Yasified Ross Geller. But I feel like that's we should have done that with, um,

all of this. It'll just be like, just watch Andor. Just watch Andor. This is a bunch of bullshit. All right. It's the scroll. Just watch Ander. Somehow, Papatina's returned, but who cares? But who fucking cares. I don't know what happened to us. This shit again.

The Akitar books are like wildly popular. Yeah. And it's like this guy's got a big sword, but that's okay. So I've read them and... How many are there? I think five at this point, but I feel

like they're not, I don't know, they're not my cup of tea. I'll just say that. I only read five books. And, but the whole idea is like, there's this like good, fairy prince and a bad fairy prince and you think one is good but then he ends up being bad and the bad one ends up being good and sexy. I'm that one that's me.

I'm that one. He ends up being good and sexy. What the hell? The bad sexy one. The bad one's also sexy. Well, no, but he's actually good. Okay. But he's not sexy.

In the beginning, you think he's bad because he's like the night prince or whatever. Well, that's just cool. Yeah, that's actually pretty cool. You think he's going to be a bad guy because there's not. His name is Excelsior, the coolest. Johnny Quasar. He is, he, he, he, I don't know if this is true, but I imagine him wearing, like, leather pants and no top. I'm imagining tuxedo mask from Sailor Moon.

Yeah. That's what this is. That's what everybody looks like. That's what every woman wants. Which I get, because that's also, like, again, as a, uh, I, as a straight man experience a lot of, like, envy of those characters, I think. because I don't like sexually connect, but I do want to live inside of their skin.

Like for example, when I see a tuxedo mask, I'm like, I wish that was me and I was here. I wish I could skin this guy. Yeah, I wish I could skin him. Every man wants to be him. Every woman wants to be with him. I want to make him into like some hide armor. But also it's like I wouldn't like, sure,

I wouldn't mind being with him. That would probably be nice. You can you please Google Tuxedo mask for anyone who doesn't know, I just want to show a picture. No, because what I'm saying is you can wear that mask with aura and some people have it and some people don't. That's true. Put a tuxedo mask kissing low punny. No, no, no, nope, nope.

Or look at someone's TV. Tuxedo mask age is pretty funny considering it's like. Well, but you know why it's because Sailor Moon is in middle school and he's like in college. Oh, shit. This is the experience I had watching almost famous last night where I was like, okay, hang on. She's 17. So she's 17. and he's 15 and all of these guys are 25.

Or 30. Or 30. What's going on? Ultimate doesn't translate to real life photo there in the middle. Oh, my God. I don't like it. That's so unflatter. Honestly, okay, that looks like a Madam Tussaudet. That's really tough.

By the way, because in real life, do you remember his name? I don't remember his name. Monceido Desk. Tuxedo Mask. It was like a great Ciamin situation. He was right there in the green jacket In aura, dude I was like, dude, can I fucking rock that shit?

That would, if I could rock that Today that would fucking kill. You should try it. Mamma Tchiba. Yeah, Mamma Rihiva. Wait, Jarvis, if you dressed up like tuxedo mask for Halloween. I would be so hot.

People would. No, no, but like physically because I'm thinking about this turtle neck because I actually have all those clothes because I bought a tuxedo mask costume. And I could be. Lopony. What was your right?

So you said that? Was your idea you said? Okay. Because again, until it's depicted, by the way, he kind of looks like a fire and boom character. But anyway, like, until he's depicted by a real person and it completely takes me out of it. Yeah. When he's in cartoon form, I'm like, he can be the man of my dreams. But that's a thing.

That's a fantasy. There's been a lot of things. So I'm saying I'm with it. I get it. I've had a lot of instances of like dating someone and them sending like a photo of this kind of outfit would look good on you or you should try something like this or like I'd be really attracted to this and invariably it is essentially cosplay of a character that they liked in their like teen years like and I go like where did you get like this idea specifically and they're like oh it's something like guys

from fruit's basket like it's never from nowhere but that's always how it's been it's like ooh I really loved uh Sean Connery as James Bond I'm going to try and dress like him you know it's like that's how everyone is right yeah and like everyone I love Shamu at World of World world I'm gonna dress like him. I want to dress up as one of Toru Honda's harem of friend boys. I guess that is what the harem is in anyway, right? It's friend boys.

Here's another person's experience at just one more chapter. Dark romance readers scare zone. And it just feels like it just looks like it falls short. I think it's, first of all, I thought it was on top of a trash can. Does that green thing not look like a fucking trash? Yeah, it looks like their trash can. And then the other thing I was going to say, that looks like they put a mask on Jason Derulo. Just because he was a guy who always had his chest out.

Whoa, I will say whatever other pants. Whatever contourings at play is making those regular abs look like ultra abs, respect. No, I don't think they should have spray painted abs on these guys. Oh, well, this guy went with dark night knees. He went with doing vert skating. Yeah, he's a professional. Oh, the thing I wanted to... Okay, that's...

Again, it looks like he's holding his breath. Why does he always look like that? Are you okay, buddy? That's how I feel. Like, that was me not breathing by... It looks like he's inflated, yeah. Just one more chapter is, uh... They have it written as if it's like a scary, spooky thing to happen.

No, the book isn't finished. No, it's like, oh, you have one more chapter. No! Your book report isn't finished yet. You have to write about the epilogue. Me waking up from my... My dream. There are a few

Watch fire and Movies that are scary to me Where you get sucked into a book Like never-ending story Well, I like it when you get sucked into the computer Like in Digimon R-Wargame Or Digimon the movie It's the 26th anniversary of the Digimon movie

So I just want to give a shout out It's a holiday in my culture Congratulations everyone Yeah, I'm happy for everyone who celebrates Yeah, it's really awesome Is this guy tall or close? I don't like Hit play

There's a lot of things I don't like about this Hmm I think he was tall Oh he's mansplaining That guy was manswining And I relate to that Florida mode

Yeah I was gonna say Honestly that's the realest thing This just I don't understand The correlation between I guess wet zone And book If there's one place you can't read a book It is in the ocean

This is okay Okay so here's basically as bad as it Here's the thing You are an executive At Sea World Hello You think about, you're so like, you know, deep down the rabbit hole of SeaWorld that you no longer think of SeaWorld by its limitations of the sea.

Also, keep in mind, SeaWorld isn't doing the numbers it used to. Because everyone is like, oh, this is kind of sad. Well, yeah, also it's still called SeaWorld. And I think that that is one of the issues. They should just call it World. Yes. Yes. Think about it.

I can see the calculation happening where you're right, like, it's just amusement park. And then, hey, what's hot right now? Someone's nephew that got hired. Like, I heard about booked. People like, band-fick. Yeah, there's a viral TikTok about people like thirsting after something. Yeah, sex sells. This place is bone dry.

Let's wet it up. Can you see well and then getting on a roller coaster that does not involve water in any way? But maybe it goes into the water. I don't know if it does. Straight in an orchard's mouth. Oh, who's this? He's drunk? Like seaworld.

Sir, I asked you to walk in a straight line. He's been drinking seawater. He's got to smell the black rose before he gives it to you. That was just a clip of a guy escaping. Look at the comet. Was the first guy drunk? That's swag. The second guy disappears into a smoke bomb.

You can get this at the local gas station. So there's a comment that says not everything needs to be adapted to real life. And I wholeheartedly agree. I think part of the reason why. these romance books are popular is because they're in, it's your, it can stay in your head. The guy can be tuxedo mask. Yeah, it's a fantasy. It doesn't have to be real life.

I don't like what they've done to him. It's just like, I, look, man. I don't know, man. Just like, it's the, it's the uncanny valley of like painting this stuff. Yeah, there's guys who like their job is having apps. Yeah, it's okay. But it's also like, you don't have to. That's actually not what people like.

I think it's actually attractive to not have sprayed on abs and just have a normal human's body. I mean, that is, yeah, just the... Let me go take a shower. I just need to watch something off. Jacob's fully closed, but he still sprays the abs. It's like you switch to another shirt and you toss your shirt on the ground and it's inside out and we just see the imprint. Like, whoa. He must have abs.

Look at the imprint. Oh, my God. Your abs always seem. I do like this one on the far right where the guy keeps sliding on his knee pads. Oh, yeah. Let's look at that one. Yeah, have a little fun with it. They're really coming at you.

Is this Book Talk's wish, though? Oh, Jesus. How do you go that far? That's like a WWE, like, entrance. If someone likes this, good for them, but it just doesn't seem like it's... I will say this is very... Oh, my God. Love Island looks crazy this season.

What is? Who is? is what is happening? Did he just snatch back? Because he's a bad boy. Right. Like he's like, but like not like a bad boy.

He's just like a bad person. Here's the thing. Can I wrap this up by saying what would be your like theme, would you want like a Dragon Ball kind of theme park situation? So it's funny that you mention Dragon Ball

because Dragon Ball has the same issue. When you depict Dragon Ball characters in real life, it looks terrible. It's a really tall order because you have to do the hair and you need to be built in a way that makes a kind of loose sash

and overalls essentially look. It just doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't. What about that guy who works for Honda or whatever? Yeah, but he's like cool independently of himself. Yes. You know? Not in a shooting beams kind of way.

But even still, he looks like he belongs in like Baki the Grappler or like Jojo's. Yeah, maybe that's my setup. I think just one where everyone is John work but i'm like the best one and i have mass chiefs armor oh wait uh okay okay it's the matrix on zion and everybody's like everybody's partying and it's fun but but it's also like a big orgy and i don't necessarily want that but what i am saying though is that like if you're if

you are adapting something that was depicted with real people you're going to be able to get closer to yeah like that vision we all have trench coats this is we're doing a combined world, a sad world. Oh yeah, it's also a world where it's always 68 degrees so that I'm not sweating. It's very comfortable, but you can also wear layers if you like the look, you know? Yes.

Were there a lot of white dreads on Zion? In the Matrix? No, you're thinking of the twins. The Albino twins. Okay, I know right. Okay, so for those who are familiar with the production of the music video for Bye Bye Bye by Insync,

there is a, you know, a famous shot and it's been used in a million things, the world over where you have a a rotating trailer and you use it to like go on the sides of the walls and stuff. I feel like we could do some fun stuff like that in order to do some like fun wall running. Some you know everyone's running on the wall all the time running on the walls. You know I many times in my life I have just thought I wish I could do park war. Yeah so this is like okay so you're on a harness the whole time and you don't have to be good at parkour they just like let you do it you're in an exoskeleton i think maybe that could work little exoskeleton that does parkour for you parkour seems so cool the issue with it is that you get hurt till you're good at it and i don't want to do that it feels deadly until you're good at it

it you have it has to be your calling because if you ever have to explain to someone that that's what you do i do feel like you lose aura yeah it's the only places where it's accepted are is russia because that's like the national pastime is falling up a building yeah It is funny that those building climber people who were in love, weren't they Russian? Really? I want to say. They were going pretty slow. Fantasy worlds, I think, are really hard, too. That's what the executive said.

Fantasy worlds are really hard. And so that's where we're putting it in SeaWorld. Such a weird calculation because, yeah, it has to be, we've been checking the social media trends. Speaking of, okay. Speaking of Fantasy Worlds, can we, and we've been missing this for a few weeks, watch the new trailer for our favorite fantasy world, the world of 911. Which is just Los Angeles.

Which is the show about Los Angeles. Fascinating a realm. Imagine if it was like this. The Middle Earth version of L.A. Would we live here? I would move. Oh my God. The second there was a whale that ate a guy.

When the B attack happened. I'd be like, what do you think I'm at? SeaWorld. We don't know how bad all the other places. Is that okay to say? I don't know. Yeah, that's fine. We don't know how bad like Texas is in this world.

That's true. Oh, that's true. It's, um, wait. Oh my God. Uh, plurvis is happening over there. 49 states have Godzilla. Do you think, season 10? Do you think 911 is actually about climate change?

And we're, they're just kind of subtly, like, leading us to that conclusion. Oh, my other, you zoom, you enhance on the meteor that's coming to hit L.A. And it says, this is a metaphor. Oh, I went to form school, so I understand that. Okay, let's see. Okay, so what? For a second. I believe she's on.

the ship Nostromo from the movie Alien. Because what, we've lived here a good while. I don't think I've ever been in a crypt in LA. Hey, you know, here's another thought I'm having. What's the opposite of bisexual lighting? Because that's whatever this is. This is heterosexual lighting. Because it's a bit.

Two colors that clash. Yeah, slightly unpleasant. Kind of cringe. Very disorienting. 911, which your emergency? I'm trapped in a river of lava. Fold in a second. 911 watch your emergency.

To be honest, it's probably the lava. Because that's been there for a little while. If you get a call, it's probably still the lava. A lot of people calling you about... At a certain point, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, we know, we know. I know, but they have a protocol. They have a protocol.

I do feel like every time I listen to a 911 call, it's upsetting because despite the fact that I've learned about the protocol that they have, it feels like they're not treating the situation with the seriousness. And it is the protocol, and it is like that for a reason. And I am but a layperson kind of projecting what I imagine it should be like. But I have some part of me wants them to go like, oh shit, okay. Yeah, that's kind of right. Sending everyone.

Yeah, yeah. Also, you know, this is a fantasy realm because look at the gas prices. Oh my God, dude, look at that. What are the gas prices? 475. 475. What the hell? That's not Los Angeles.

Um, wait, what do you mean? You guys don't go to gas sip? Yeah, gas and sip. It's next to the volcano. Oh, it's gas in, in sip because you, you can, you can buy a drink there, I guess. You can drink as much gasoline. A little for the car, a little for me.

I guess it's cheap because you have to drink some. Did I, I think I told you guys about the gas station that I went to that had really cheap gas. I was so excited. Well, kind of worse. There were American flags everywhere. Every surface had American flags on it. For as much as I'm a little bit over it, the crazy patriotism, I do think it's better than lava. Yeah.

I would say that. I say for me, magma knocks out jingoism. I do think just a, oh, by just a smidge. Technically, once it comes out of the earth's crust, it's lava.

That's our, that's our lava correspondent, Jacob. It's funny that that's never come up, considering we hired you for that. Magma's actually... One of my favorite things about acting is that

it doesn't matter how good of an actor you are. There's no way to say, I'm... What did you say? In a river. In a river of lava. Stuck in a river of lava? I'm stuck in a river of lava.

Yeah, she has nothing to work with. Because there's one way to do it and it makes no sense. Jordan, remember, peeps, you were there. Remember when we were driving back from worlds. Oh, God. And then there was a bit of a kind of lava-style fire on the mountain pass. An ash black mountainous. And then what did people do?

They started getting out of the cars. Look at the people leaning over as if they're going to do something. This is the realest part of this. This guy's about to get out of the car and do this. Oh, yeah. And then he's gonna, he's gonna get out. He's gonna lean into someone else's open window and be like, you see this shit?

This is hot. I actually think while he's like being emulsified by the lava, he's like kind of going down and drinking in the lava and he's still like looking as he's like, interesting. He's like, guys, I think I see the problem. I think there's a little lava up ahead. The water's gonna be some like,

Like smoke up. You know, I'm thinking there's lava here. I'm glad I wore my shorts. Oh, was this lava? Sorry, I thought it was just summer in Orlando. Oh my God. Do you think this must have, this has Pompey energy? Like people were, they didn't have cars.

They couldn't go away. Also, all those people at the front there, you are not stuck at River of Lava. Get out of your car and go away. Truly get out of your cars. The lava is coming. Not too fast either. And I do think that not the victim,

blame, but I think that the people in their cars probably could have seen the lava cover. Or and if not, you should be checking your mirrors. If not, you should be checking your mirrors and not to victim blame, but this one's on you. And I also ask, how did they get into this type of traffic jam in the first? Everyone knows, everyone knows that during a, during a lava river attack, um, traffic is diverted to the gas station. Traffic is diverted to the gas station, everyone facing opposite ways. It's the most popular gas station.

And they put highway dividers on. in the gas station as well. Yeah, to make sure the lava doesn't get... Well, actually, this is just a highway gas and sip. Oh, that's right. If lava goes over a gas station, will it blow up? That's all right. Okay.

Lava? Yeah, lava. No. No. It's like, yo, the season of the pits crazy. Wait. Did he say lava? Yeah, lava.

And the lava did not erupt out of like some kind of like broken tectonic plate, like nothing. It wasn't a sinkhole. It's a full Pompeii-style volcano. What? And it's just in the middle of L.A? In, like, in West Hollywood. Okay, that helicopter's too close.

I would not get out of there. When did that happen? Also, if that just sprung up, the other buildings, lights are not still on. Yeah, I also probably wouldn't have a problem. Like, I guess I wouldn't go out driving to get stuck in it. I'd probably be like, I'm good on lava. I have to see it all happens so fast.

Yeah, it was one of those pop-up ones. It was one of the pop-up canos. It's actually, yeah, it's a promotional event for a new movie. Oh my God, we have a pop-up volcano. Oh, no, too much lava. Real lava. Have you guys heard of the volcano in Mexico? It was in Michoacan, Mexico, and went up to 424 meters high in the course of, like,

10 years, which is a lot. Yeah. But that's 10 years. That's not a few. Well, see, L.A., everything happens faster in L.A. And I just think that like, it's a mile a minute. It's just so fast-paced, unless you're talking about traffic. But everything other than that, like the volcanoes, of course, they're going to grow quick.

People grow up fast in L.A. and much is the same for the volcanoes. As I just said, it's a mile a minute, but that's 60 miles an hour, which is not exceptionally fast. That's like, I've heard stand up on that because I think some rapper have it. has it as a lyric. And then they're like, yeah, so they say, oh yeah,

because it's like a mego's lyric or something like that. Something like that. It's under the speed limit. And then yeah, no, it literally is, it's not that fast.

Okay, all right. So we have a pop-up cano. Let's get in there. No, don't do that. Definitely don't. Try not to get Pompey.

Cool. Wow, a little on the nose maybe, I think. Try not to get Pompeed, which was what they're referring to to is like to be, mummified...

To turn into like a permanent silhouette. Yeah, yeah, as you're running away from the volcanic eruption... To be fair, I think... It wasn't that the people in Pompeii didn't do a good job of not getting pompade. You know what I mean? Well, they... Well, when the volcano popped up, they were like, yo. Yo.

We should... we don't want to get pompade. We gotta get out of here. What do you mean? But then there was so much traffic. 9-1-1. We've set every firehouse we can without deserting the rest of L.A. but unfortunately L.A. has no protocol for a volcano. Well, she's so funny.

L.A. does it have protocol for a volcano. I do love the like a quirky professional like tone when it's a matter of like not only life and death, but like catastrophic like events. World altering acts of God even. Yeah. Yeah. And not to mention they're like we don't want to like deny the rest of L.A. The fire department.

I'm like, I think this time you've got to pass. I would say this time around, because that's kind of what we do when the city is on fire. I think the rest of L.A. would understand. I think the rest of it, I do think that if my house was on fire and they were trying to stop L.A. from melting,

I would be like, you know what? Bad timing. It would be the most. Probably shouldn't have tried to make a filet mignon or whatever. I don't know what I did to start the fire, but. It is actually, it would be the most Californian thing ever for this to be happening in like downtown.

and then the entire fighter bomb and get dedicated and then people in Glendale be like, well, it's not actually happening to me. Okay, I'm outside of the city limits. Okay, so I just burn then. Interesting. Wow. Okay.

Let's keep going. What is with, um... It is a little heavy-handed, though, with this volcano. I mean, it looks awesome. What is the pacing of a regular episode of this show? I know. I've seen clips, like actual clips of this show, and it is all soy banter, right?

Josh Whedon's soy banter is like the default way of writing now. So people are going to like... Walk and talk and being like... I mean, what are they going to do? Pop up a volcano in the middle of Los Angeles? You had to say it. I have a question. Come with me to Los Angeles' newest pop-up.

Mount Pesudius, too. Me and all my girls are being a, turn to Ash. I haven't actually watched an episode of the show, but does the volcano span several episodes? Because I feel like they could do multiple episodes about this. This is a season trailer. And so far most of it has been about the volcano. So I assumed it was the whole. season, yeah.

But there's still maybe like some will they, won't they scenes and stuff like that. And like, my kid can't get into private school. I'm not sure what to do. Oh, my God. There's a scene between like a nurse and like a doctor and they like, it's the end of the world. And so they pull each other close and they're about to kiss and then the volcano erupts. And they're like, I got to get back to work.

Well, they can't, you know. I think it's all done. You just had to say it. Volcano pops open. Well, not the only hot thing around here. What'd you say? I should not have said that out loud. Okay.

So the thing is, I want to watch this show, but I can't figure out how to legally make it into content. You can't watch it for non-content. That's impossible. We really need someone to do a 911 watch-along podcast. We don't know how to do it. Hey, look. We'll pay you. You've come to the right place.

But you can only say good things about the show. Never mind. Very well. It is actually sponsored by the show. I'm you know I'm always in but you keep pulling me back out the official watchalong podcast oh no I can't do that I feel like that show has to have a sense of humor about itself yeah maybe that would be the funniest thing is if we try watching the show and it's

deadly serious there's like no level aside from you know the soy banter I want to write like a spec script I feel like it'd be because so far we've they've mostly said lava only for like the past like 30 seconds Jacob kind of did write a spec script I mean yeah for a sketch yeah you ever play that game the four floor is lava or the floor is lava? I'm like, it's funny because he could have said something better.

He could have just said, everything is lava. Yes. Oh, you could have just said, huh, I guess the floor is lava. Or he can say,

you know that game, you know that game before is lava is such an insane sign out. It's so long. You know that game before is lava? Well,

here it is. That's our life now. They should call it the life is lava. They should call it Los Angeles. This is, you can't spell LA without, you can't spell lava without LA. Door slam effect, back of the trailer.

Door open effect, you've got made. That is so, this is, look, I know it's a writer, it's a rotation in the writing rooms like this, but the fact that someone, the fact that people have imposter syndrome about whether or not they can be considered a writer, and it's their job. And then someone wrote that line and it was their job should tell you a lot about. your own doubts. Never doubt yourself. Volcanic eruption in Los Angeles and the firefighters have pristine

clothes. The magma washed off sorry Jacob the lava, washed off all the dirt. The other thing is if I swear to God if a non-human ever writes for this show I'm gonna lose my mind because this I need human slot. Yeah. Like this is the last thing keeping me going. This is a line like that

Claude couldn't even. You know the game the floor is lava? Yeah, I do. Everyone does. The floor is lava, I think. What if he had said something like? He's saying the floor is lava. Oh, like the game, right.

Like the game except for its real life. Okay, so it's, it's, they bled into a school. I feel like we should probably go deal with that. Well, no, but you've got to listen to my references. Okay, they're gone. What if he said something around the, around, you know, the game floor is lava? Well, I guess I was training for this moment, my whole childhood. Yeah.

Something like that. That's a long. Yeah. You know the game of Furza? If only my child itself can see me now. I get to play it for work. Isn't life great?

Isn't this what we dreamt of when we played Flora Flava? We played the Russian version. Flora flava. Hey, did you ever play chess? Because I guess we've got to move diagonally across these platforms here. Otherwise,

Did you ever watch that Netflix game show Floor is Lava? Did you ever play the game The Floor is Lava? Well, my family has just been burned alive by the lava. Because it was like the game. So I guess it's no longer a game. Huh. Which we're playing, is it cake? You know that game is it cake?

Well, floor is lava. Well, the floor is lava. Hosted by Mikey Day. What equipment do you think he's rocking? Is it a fire axe? He's got a fire axe. He's got a... Nope, it's a megaphone.

Oh. Go away. Get out of here, lava. You're not allowed to be here. Me outside of my Ava. Get out. Oh, my God. Wait.

Me when I'm riding Ava unit, the people are. That's weird. Maybe the fans. That was such a word of the soda go as far. Has this ever happened to you? well never again and it's just a commercial for not living next to a volcano.

If you're ever doing like multimedia based standup comedy you could create such a fun suite of clips out of context like the three seconds of that guy following him to the lava.

Incredible work of mastery. Okay, what genius are they put that in the daytime drive? Welcome to wait, hold on. Welcome to lava. Are they going to say lava city? Lava Angeles. Lava land, Lava Land.

Lavangelis, might. Lava Angelus. Like Lala Land. Welcome to the Flory's Lava, remember the game. Oh, Lavloafland. Ryan Gosling and Emersonon in Lov, Lavlavland. They kind of were like on top of their cars. Yeah, it's true.

They were hiding. It's like that game. They all float away like in lava. They all, they slip on the car. Okay, that was. Okay. No way. Let's fucking go.

Let's fucking go. La Vah. La Vah land. La Vah land. That's the worst of all the options. That's Los Angeles, Virginia land. Can you back up? I think that of all the things we saw,

by the way, that's the perfect frame, the little parkour jump that wasn't even that far is so, like, embarrassingly not that, like, impressive, like to be in this cut. Like, okay. So we have the fall into lava, and then a guy jumps two feet.

That guy's bad at the game. Alright, here we go. Check this out. Bad ass! They're also... Lava land. Sorry, go back to it one more time. As far as I can tell,

so I keep going to the epic at CO style parkhors. Doesn't appear to be any lava. That's not a lava area. But he's playing Flores lava. Right, remember that game? It's kind of an unnecessary jump, if you ask me.

Cool as hell. La. Lava land. That's the worst of all. all the ideas we are. We cannot stop a volcano. She's in tears. You can't stop a volcano.

We can't arrest a volcano. Stop resisting! Shooting the volcano. Hey, you ever go to the beach, see the waves? Well, I guess the waves made of fire now. 20,000 dollars out of song, Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. And crawl up for some hole underground.

Where is she? trying to call her and she's not picking up she's in space again she's in the like cheese caves she's in she's in England the catacom I think we have those like the the American government has a um the US also has cheesecage yeah the US has copying copy copy cat copying copying copying me well now they're under LA oh that's a good point this is and they're getting la la la la la lay is such a fucking like that's so Fucking stupid. The dumbest one.

It made it to the trailer and they typed it out and they all said looks good. LGTM. This looks like something that should be attached to our billion dollar franchise. This is good enough. This show makes a trillion dollars a second. It's like the most popular thing. It's every home outside of ours is watching it. Well, I do think that there is like a style to this.

There's a house style. I wonder if it's insulting. that we're insulting the show, because I do think it's impressively terrible. I mean, I think it's- Right. Right. That is impressive. I'm very thankful that whatever series of Domino's had to fall fell in order to make this happen.

Like, there's a team that was willing to do it, writers that wrote it, directors that directed it, because now it's in front of us and I appreciate it. It's not unlike a teaser trailer for like the new season of The Bachelor. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's like the most dramatic season, yeah. And instead of a clip of a guy jumping two feet to the left, it's like a clip of the Colton Underwood trailer for The Bachelor.

Tim falling backwards off of a sign. When you jump that fence? That's in the trailer. Anyone left? Oh, the lava's gone. Oh, badass. Dude, the lava is sending a message. The volcano's calling the police.

Yeah. Help, there's all these humans around. Number one, what's your emergency? Oh my God. Season just premiered, dude. We might be two episodes in. We got to catch it. We should watch an episode. We should watch an episode. So this is the end of the podcast, but it's not the end of the fun times here on the couch. As we all know this couch, we are going to be heading over to our Patreon, patreon.com slash sad boys, where I'm going to read without doxing the person, an insane message I got on a dating app. It's an insult to me, so don't worry. Don't worry. It's not like, I'm not going to out them. It's more of, I'm going to laugh at my own misfortune.

And we're going to play some, probably some word games. We're going to hang out, have a good time. We're going to vibe out. Things might get silly. I already feel giddy from this episode. True. We can, we should look up a scene from 911. Whoa, how did he do that?

You ever played that game? That was pretty much parkour. You guys ever played that game, Death Stranding? Well, I will be stranded and die. if we fall in the lava. We'll be afraid and didn't die. Oh. Each old different sense says, uh-oh.

We had every episode established with a particular phrase. We love you. Hard lava. And we're sorry. Goochie girl. How you doing? How you moving girl? How's you dead looking that future girl?

Future girl. Yeah, we're on now. Take my money, go away. You want it. Go too rich for me. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money.

Learn more at Bloomberg.com.