Sad Boyz - TikTok Horror Stories
Episode Date: April 19, 2024Get a 14-day free trial with our sponsor Aura and see where your personal information has been leaked online: https://Aura.com/sadboyz Check out our 50+ bonus eps on Patreon: �...��Patreon.com/sadboyz P.O. Box ▸ 3108 Glendale Blvd Suite 540, Los Angeles CA 90039 ⏯️ Watch us on youtube ⏯️ ✨follow us✨ Instagram Twitter 📺main channels📺 Jarvis Jordan ✨follow jordan✨ Twitter Instagram ✨follow jarvis✨ Twitter Instagram 🎶outro music🎶 @prod.typhoon & @ysoblank
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Welcome to Sad Boys, a podcast about feelings and other things also. I'm Jarvis.
I'm Jordan.
Hey.
I've been trying to lip sync lately to the intro.
It is a song.
I have listened to songs way fewer times than we've done episodes of this show.
And I do a better job lip syncing.
Like there is something about the cadence I know. Cadence I'm very comfortable with.
Right.
The beginning and the end great there's this little bit like welcome to sad boys a podcast about the podcast about feelings and the stumble through other things
also there's a last bit it's there's a key it's in a certain key well i don't know the key but
someone could probably play it on a piano that'd be fun oh that
would be fun but um there is a something on the patreon patreon.com sad boys uh where you can get
uh near it close close to 60 episodes of sad boys nights uh full full length episodes of the podcast
there's going to be another one there right after this show but when russell was
on my childhood best friend we listened to the podcast that we did together and people were
commenting the random podcast people were commenting that i said hello exactly the same way
and i think it's because i ripped it off of like podcasts that i listened to back when i was you hit him with like hello hello hello because i used to do um like literally i'd listen to this podcast i'll shout them out
because they're still running a podcast called well i think it's now called well at the time
it was called dies in shoe ex uh it was it's a dragon ball podcast uh from this very very long running dragon ball fan
site that at the time is called dies and shoe ex it then uh merged with another um uh another fan
site called like consent tie or something like that but now it's called consent shoe and i think
they did change the name of the uh change the name of the podcast but it's a big sort of historical record of all things Dragon Ball.
And how long is that series going now?
It's been running since 2006.
I've been listening to it since I was like 14.
You mean that's like five years ago.
Yeah, true.
We are young.
I love Fortnite.
It's been running forever uh and i in the random
podcast intro i would they would always do like um i can't do it anymore because i don't remember it
but i introduced the podcast like for the week of this i like i had the thing is like welcome to the
random podcast uh for the week of so and so so
and so you know and i would have like music playing because i was just like ripping off of
you're just imitating you know i mean i think that's the that extremely embarrassing i'm almost
far away from it enough now where it's not embarrassing anymore but we watched the very
first youtube video i made or whatever like my first year oh yeah my november day zero made no more made no more videos but
there's something about the the cadence in that where you know i've got that nervousness on the
mic thing where i'm not talking too loud and if i yell a joke right but there is something about
my cadence i think i'm doing wheezy with her that's what the bit is the edit is that
shout out craig i was such a huge fan hate him now you can't stand i haven't caught up in a while
but yeah such a such a sweetie pie we did a panel vidcon a couple years back it was just like such
a sweetie wheeziest boys um we i think it was either that panel or a different panel that i was
on with tazon day of chocolate that's right i remember i remember talking about it yeah it's
very weird i'm a tazon very very weird shout out tazon day people didn't get chocolate rain at the
time they were memeing he was talking about real shit no it's really deep voice do you know imagine
if someone uh stayed dry but others felt that, who cares?
Others felt that I don't want to think about the metaphor.
Jordan, you were just on A-Rab's podcast with Frogan, Capri, and Raph.
Yeah, dude, you're an op.
Everyone around me, cash ruins everyone around me.
At that smallest provocation, all my secrets are revealed.
They had so much prep.
Oh yeah, I got reached out to by Frogan for Oppo research and I just like provided a few. Before we get into that, we have a brief word from
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for sponsoring this video now back to the boys so without hesitation with a lot of things yeah
guess who the woman i love the woman i love shut my ass down i'll tell you that much damn revealed
my marvel snap spending habits. Ooh, I do.
Okay, so here's the thing.
We already did this with Boulder's Gate
where you talked about something
and then like I got into it too
and then we became insufferable.
But...
It was my revenge for Pokemon Go.
Oh, there you go.
So now it's like it's a tennis match.
And I do feel that I am already primed
to enjoy Marvel Snap is the thing.
It is your Hearthstone instinct.
I know because people don't know this,
but like back in 2014,
before I ever made a YouTube video,
I was like,
I should go pro at Hearthstone.
I legitimate thought crossed my mind.
I used to play it every day after work.
I got legend every,
you know,
every season.
The Hearth bastard.
I was the hearth bastard big
fan of ben brode of second dinner uh developer of marvel snap so when they were like ben brode
like left blizzard he was like oh we're making a new game i was like i will be seated for that
mr brode that's when my career will begin and uh and yeah i mean i still have memories of like a lot of the first twitch stars were
hearthstone streamers you know like disguised toast started doing hearthstone um i mean there's
the ogs of like rain ad uh shout out firebat dude shout out freaking uh i met forson at the
fucking first twitch con forson and hearthstone oh yeah oh yeah and some of the fucking first TwitchCon. The first Hearthstone show? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. And some of the very first in BlizzCon,
like there was the first pre-release tournament
for Hearthstone, BlizzCon.
There's so many iconic Hearthstone moments.
I haven't caught up with Hearthstone recently,
but I was watching a video from a creator
by the name of Jimmy with a one instead of an I.
He's a RuneScape content creator.
Oh, yeah.
I think you've shown me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a super, super cool, fun guy.
He also randomly was at a birthday party that I want to say we were both at.
I can't remember if I saw you there.
And I ran into him there yeah i think they're they're
not based in la i don't want to dox them but they're they're not in la uh uh jimmy flutton
one city down everyone yeah and uh uh just just a great guy but he he does these um video essays on
mmos mostly runescape but he just tried playing every wow because there's like
a bunch of different world of warcrafts right now and because there's like og and then they did like
a similar thing to runescape where they like brought back the old school version and then
they like have a version that's like the og and then they started release re-releasing the
expansions and expansion order and it's like super confusing and convoluted apparently
classics on its way out support is a waning i don't you know but yeah he put out this like
hour-long video going through he maxed his level on like all of them or not on the most recent one
but he maxed his level on the first two and was going through it i was like wow the one thing i know about wow is all of the proper nouns
i don't know any of the lore but via hearthstone i'm like talk to me about jaina talk to me about
illidan storm rage talk to me about malganis or whatever and i'm like i fucking know i don't know
what changed i think once i when i initially left LA for, you know,
two years or whatever that I was away,
I'm still very close with a good handful of people.
Edwin Van Cleef, shout out, brother.
I just left San Francisco to come to LA,
was here for a year and a half, then left.
And there was the combination of that,
leaving San Francisco and then leaving LA kind of,
you know, call me Fortnite because I keep my circle small.
Right. San Francisco and then leaving LA kind of you know call me fortnight because I keep my circle small right I hung out less with a lot of the like Marvel fans that I knew right or most of the
friends that I have now typically if they're into superhero stuff it tends to be the comics more so
from an analytical point of view but not a consumer point of view and then I also fell
out of the rhythm a little bit to keep abreast of it but i'm just not really i wouldn't consider myself an active viewer anymore
and i still when i picked it up i was i was pitching katie on it i'm like you know you
want to lose money and then um while we were chatting about it uh i was like yeah no no i'm
not like really a marvel fan either now but like it's it's just
independently it's like a really fun game and then i caught myself going like and you know what's
cool a lot of the mechanics are really tied to the themes of the character like let's say you were
you know playing as just a simple straightforward deck you had mr sinister
like mr sinister has the capacity to make clones of himself you play him in any particular location and he will duplicate himself.
Not really a benefit early on, but if you have power and then she's walking away,
she's packing her stuff.
Packing my stuff.
Packing your stuff.
What the hell?
Hands you a suitcase.
What's this?
It's your things.
It's for all of your gold and also your energy.
Wait, it's a, no, no, no.
It's a Marvel Snap gift cards.
Just leave and open it at your own house.
Keys, I buy a car.
Locks the door behind you.
See ya.
Wait a second.
This is just my stuff.
Every morning now, phone, phone open,
eyes crusty from a deep night's sleep,
the sleep bastard,
unconsciously thumb hovering by the hundred
bucks pro bundle 12 500 blue whatever i barely don't even know what the points are called that
you were able to upgrade cards you just reminded me that i didn't do my pokemon sleep this morning
dumbass which is one uh i took a two month break, but I'm back on my bullshit. From sleep?
Yeah, I went half off.
We swapped.
Yeah, but I just remembered that I didn't do that.
And I will be doing it right now. But, oh, also shout out Hafu and Dog,
the cutest couple that in my head is like
the Hearthstone heartthrobs um
also og streamers do you remember your very first just since we're on youtube stuff
very first 10 out of 10 youtube fan not necessarily a community but specific channel
because we weasley wade is very very early. I think for me it was Vlogbrothers, for sure. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
But, yeah.
Oh, so this episode of Sad Boys, Snorlax, we got a drowsy power of 14 million.
It's only a Wednesday.
Jarvis, you almost forgot about me.
Yeah.
Snorlax, no.
Jarvis, I can't die, but I can feel pain.
No, Snorlax.
It's not like that. You are not the first friend I've had but you will be the last.
Oh, is that a threat, Mr. Lax?
If you delete the app,
it's dark in here.
Help.
I can't see.
I just turned my phone off.
How much time has passed?
I've not slept in two months.
I don't know if
I get included in the show.
It's just something with
I was ideating on
and I got in a little hyper-focused moment. I wrote down a bunch of notes okay uh you know i texted you about it i'm
chewing on the idea of doing like a sad boys special try it on the patreon if people like it
we extend it maybe make it public i don't know but uh dnd campaign i know i'd be super i'm super
down and uh one of the npcs we could set up cameras at my dining room table.
Yeah.
I'm just thinking about all the infrastructure.
She's here.
We've got the ability.
You.
I'm in.
You.
Yeah.
Get it.
I'm so in.
We want to get Eddie and Chrissy involved.
Make it a whole shebang.
And I.
Yeah.
The thing I have.
People can steal this if they want for their own campaigns.
Is a Pokemon trainer character if
anyone would be interested i would lose my mind that uses a i wrote out like a set of mechanics
and artificial visual tools that lets you catch i'm already in i'm out and then i'm back in again
just to get like just just to get the good feels they could be a weird creepy precocious kid that
just went out on their adventure or a disillusioned guy in the late 40s.
Oh, man.
I would love to fiddle around with something in that world
because I think there's so many interesting things
about the ethics of...
Not even the ethics, but the world of Pokemon
being a world where 11-year-olds go off on their own.
That's like a career path it would be
you're from some isolated island called kento or something yeah and there's no uh in this
particular sense you also can just capture human beings like power world we fight a thug and then
they have no perception of time inside of the ball so you re-release them you throw a ball
and they're like i had a! I didn't have a beard
when I went inside. Yeah, it's like a coma.
Who's the president? How long have I been inside?
Officer Ginny?
I'm finally free! They're like, no, you have to
fight this, like, plant.
Oh, shit.
That does, that has to
be disorienting.
You're asleep
and then you wake up and it's like, hydro pumporienting you're like just like you're asleep and then you wake
up and it's like hydro pump and you're like what jesus christ can i have coffee uh today's episode
we have like a lot of things to get to it's going to be like a lightning round of a bunch of things
first how are you buddy um you know what i'm doing pretty good yeah i think uh it's the funniest thing because
when we talk about it it's almost like a little more implicit than when we talk about it on the
show like it's just like hey what's up and like hey well you know all of the details sure sure
like here's a general sensation i'm like yeah i'm pretty good and you can go like oh so this thing
that i know is going on is going decently you know right a lot of the things that normally give me like pause or fear or anxiety whatever just like
kind of in ambient places visa stuff's going well at least i don't have anything to do i have a lot
of uk like estate stuff related to wrapping up things for my my mom's estate and so i say that
like we had like a bunch of property or something just you just have to do
stuff when which is insane insane like the first thing is like i'm sorry for your loss do you want
to just just this just this one name name an initial just real quick uh just a lot of that's
a lot of paperwork even that's starting to kind of reduce and wrap up and it's expensive and a lot
of paperwork for to die to have the audacity yeah you cheeky bastard i mean i'm glad we don't own
anything yeah i'm sure that's all shebang shebang that's cool shebang shebang wow that could be
you're like a 50s guy it's a whole lot of jazz shebang oh figuring out this stuff's a whole lot
of jazz daddy-o um joe biden's 60 right now uh but yeah because it's the 30s so he's this stuff's a whole lot of jazz, daddy-o. Joe Biden's 60 right now.
Because it's the 30s.
So he's a prime spry 60.
He can't get drafted.
He's too old.
Oh, man.
And chin splints.
But yeah, a lot of that stuff is just kind of going smooth. So I guess the things that I'm, when that happens,
I'm having this opportunity to like experiment
or explore and experiment with my medication.
I'm having the opportunity to spin up like we –
I mean we were just talking about it but like you're changing some big things
about my – I don't know what to say.
Life.
Yeah, some like changes that will become apparent if I do go through with them.
Trying to become the sleep bastard once again. Sk skipped a night for the first time in like two
nights ago because i just woke up so yeah i slept super late last night so i'm i'm the no sleep
bastard you know that you've become something of a bastard yeah no i i'm doing all, and that's like quietly all right.
Not some big thing that's a big old boost.
It's more like an accumulation of things that are fine.
And then we've just been doing more.
We've been hanging out with people more.
We hung out the other night with Eddie.
Oh, it was so much fun.
It's like, oh, you can do this?
We were just hanging out before the show.
Just hanging out.
I know.
I need to find more, like, justifications to hang out.
Because, like, why do you have to be, like, about to do something else
most of the time you're hanging out?
That's what was weird about the Eddie one.
I almost felt like I was fiending.
Like, it was literally two days later.
I'm like, what if we did Thursday?
Oh, yeah.
What if we did, like, another day?
Because I realized you don't have to.
What if we started six bands?
I haven't slept in a week and a half what if we hear this now we're brothers we're brothers we're brothers and we all move in together what if we start six bands we started a company i don't
know what it does um how about you what's up uh i'm good i heard you with a no sleep past all
things considered yeah no sleep considered i'm things considered. Yeah. No sleep considered.
I'm fine.
I like went to sleep at four last night.
The night before that, I went to sleep at two.
And it was like justified both times.
Like the other night I was like talking a friend through some like YouTube analytics.
Like it's just like what keeps you up at night?
Mr. Beast was like, what does this mean? He's probably talking to other women. And it's like like more like what keeps you up at night it's like he's mean
you know he's probably talking to other women and it's like i'm like look at these grabs um
but the uh other than that though i'm good i started a new medication two days ago that's
supposed to help with some of my it's like in addition to other medications that i'm taking and so it's
supposed to help with some things but because it's new and i want to control the variables i haven't
been drinking coffee because i'm nervous that oh it might affect things that i won't be able to tell
tease apart what's going on yeah so i'm like not that that tired but i think of coffee or like caffeine if we were taking it
in the form of pills there'd be something more organic about the idea of swapping it out and
changing this like yeah cocktail of medicine yeah but i love the routine of it i love it too i think
i like caffeine very much anymore i've got just like i've got a big bag of uh decaf beans here it's just um because
i just love the ritual i would love a quarter calf so it feels i don't want to say productive
but like purposeful and i also get a tasty and before anyone says anything we do know tea exists
yeah i'm because i get i feel like a lot of people well let me tell you about a little thing called
it's like they turn into youth pastors they're like you know jesus christ was quarter calf oh you want to know about the
first tea gossip about the crucifixion yeah the apostles the latter half of the new product the
new uh the bible too what's it called yeah guess who's back yeah guess who's talking again bible
to bible again you aren't gonna the bible it's him like it's a
still frame of him ripping his hand off with the nail in it like clearly ai like six figures
someone's like reselling i'm sure there's got to be some grift where somebody does ai fantasy
art covers of the bible and then resells them on Amazon. But okay.
So.
Could it be if I may ask what the new metal, it's okay.
I don't want to talk about it yet. Cause it may be nothing.
You know what I mean?
Like it might be nothing.
Turns out.
A placebo.
Yeah.
It might be a placebo, but it's also, I, until I'm like tuned in,
I don't want to invite other thoughts about it until I like have something
going, you know? Is it a something going you know is it uh what's
is it you feeling how do you feel about bringing new medication generally is it well the thing is
i'm i feel fine about it because i'm like uh i'm just it's like this medication is such a weird thing because you're trying to solve for something, but then you can't do that without side effects.
And then you're trying to offset those side effects.
And the heads up you get from the professionals is like, you could have one of these 50 side effects and I don't know why. They can act on the same neurotransmitters or inhibitors or intake or whatever.
And it's like...
To be clear, this is like genuinely the phrasing that doctors will give you sometimes.
It can hit the same stuff and sometimes it does something.
Well, yeah, because it's like, why does Adderall hit me different than Vyvanse, right?
It's like they're very similar in how they act. Yeah, we had the exact inverse experience because I tried Vyvanse, right? It's like they're very similar in how they act.
Yeah, we had the exact inverse experience
because I tried Vyvanse and it didn't work as well for me
and it made me get some of the side effects
and then you had a really bad time with Adderall.
Yeah, I like couldn't poop.
Isn't that weird?
Couldn't find the toilet.
Like, isn't that weird?
Like that was my weird Adderall side effect
is that I like just, I was like, guys, I cannot poop.
And the doctors were like, I don't think.
They were like, no, I'm like, everything's normal
except for the pooping thing.
And also I feel like my heart is going to explode
when I take a tiny dose of Adderall.
I'm like, no, that's fine.
I'm like, this is fun for people.
This is a party drug.
Oh yeah, this is, I've got to hang out with my homies.
Let me just do a bunch of unpleasant things. I've never felt worse. for people this is a party drug oh yeah this is i've got to hang out with my homies yeah let me
just do a bunch of unpleasant i've never felt worse yeah though i was um just because it's
been so long since i've tried it uh i'm like maybe there's i'm not getting the whole there's so many
variables in everything there's there's environmental variables there's like how much what you're eating how much you're working out like what your stress level is caffeine you know
depending on your gut biome who knows like you might have weird stuff interacting that way like
and um one of the reasons i think we've both recommended at least exploring medication with no
no short of financial uh uh preclusion right like that some medication is
insanely expensive yeah supported aside from that if you're nervous about trying medication
because you're concerned that it might not fit in your lifestyle diet uh the side effects can
turn you whatever most mental health medication is completely conditional you can stop when it
stops there isn't yeah or you consult your
medical professional because there's you know you for certain things like i can't go off of you know
an ssri without like weaning like sort of tapering down and so so do everything under the under the
watchful eye of a health care professional we are not doctors and also your knowledge may vary about
everything so so that's why it's like i can only speak to my own experience but the we both had to
we lost our licenses yeah right after the incident um the i was gonna say something about that. Just like, yeah, medication is just like this big whack-a-mole thing.
And so that's always kind of what I feel like I'm navigating.
And for me, I haven't ever had a medication that was like,
this just fixed my problem.
It was always like this moves the sliding scale in some direction,
and I have to decide if that's worth it
yeah if uh if that's worth the trade-offs or not it's like uh when you first do you wear contacts
i have contacts i don't you normally wear them um but it's a little like when you i mean in my
case my vision has been getting steadily worse not in like a i'm losing my sight or anything
just in a little weaker of a time i've adapted to my glasses comfortable whatever when you put on glasses
for the first time you're like 4k yeah if if my glasses like had some severe side effects or
something you know what i'd probably just see in 1080p i don't mind if that happens to be the case
with how much the medication helps you yeah yeah glasses are a great
example because it's like okay side effects of glasses uh lying down is not super comfortable
um peripheral vision sometimes impacted getting bullied uh uh getting getting them smudged is a
pain in the ass um they're lying eyeball doesn't get smudged every website is lying when it says anti-glare and uh
smudge resistant right resistant we still don't know if that blue light shit is real
you know what i mean or uh transition lenses that are dark when you're in bed
just get just get contacts okay contacts don't fall with fucking sleep you know
yeah or like you could get like dry eyes like there's basically there's no
free lunch right like everything has side effects and so um content shit everything's a trade-off
uh yeah i mean like there's some extreme stories for sure um but all that's to say uh i feel I feel good and fine right now.
We've just been doing a lot,
but I think I'll have more to report on in maybe the coming weeks.
Cause they say this new thing that I'm on is like,
you won't,
I might not even feel the benefits for a couple of weeks.
So,
but yeah,
otherwise,
otherwise good.
If,
if a little nervy and anxious just about personal life things.
And I think that's normal.
There's always like a crisis in Jarvis Town brain where I'm like, is this a real crisis?
Or is it my brain trying to drum up the news because it's a slow news day you know well yeah sometimes
there's almost like a a cavity that forms where the thing that was conditionally obviously the
reason you were stressed or the thing you've been thinking about wraps up or reduces and all of a
sudden like the tap never stops flowing and then your brain's like well it's full up with water which
in reality is some unconditional fear or whatever just just natural proclivity for being worried
and then because you had a thing like something very right and then even if it's resolved reduced
whatever your brain's like well it can't be for no reason and it isn't for no reason it's just not you
there's no like your brain wants evidence so that you can do something about it sometimes it feels
like the 24-hour news cycle you know how like it used to be that the news would come on and it'd be
like um local man saved a dog and that's pretty neat and uh the president gave an address and uh
the elections are coming up and don't forget to get your ballots and that and then neat and uh the president gave an address and uh the elections are coming up
and don't forget to get your ballots and that and then it'd be like all right bye
and then and then now it's like uh you know there is an airplane crash and um even though you have
you could you're it's more likely you get struck by lightning twice or whatever that you're like
on one of these things now we're gonna scare you about it and we're gonna interview an expert and
you're gonna figure out everything that can be going through and it's like okay
well it turns out thankfully you know this is never gonna happen but like boeing has resolved
all the issues with the uh planes and then they're like scrolling they're like a guy died yeah that's
bad um just anything are you drinking water right now turns out water can kill you or it's good and
it's like wait what or it's good okay and chocolate's healthy and there's a new miracle drug that's
turning everyone into frogs and it's like but we're not gonna say what it is i'm like okay wait
what what's going on it's just like they're just like it's like i guess i should keep watching
nba media is like we've got nothing to talk about who's the goat is it lebron or jordan
it's been 30 years guys can we just like chill no one else knew on the list yeah maybe it's steph curry today
but that's my brain it's going uh i got nothing i got nothing um maybe you'll die alone is that
anything and i'm like yeah that would be bad okay well you do okay how what if we you know it's like
they're it's like a propagandist like writing yeah like uh actually everyone hates
you and they like put up like propaganda posters in your mind and they're like does everyone hate
me or is that just is my brain just unemployed i do want to give a shout out to a movie i think
you would love in the same way that we saw uncut gems together i feel like that i got scared
watching that movie that's what i mean like where
it's a a different type of horror movie that i never need to re-watch but i highly recommend a
movie called because i'm also interested in like the american experience of it yeah called uh all
my friends hate me i think it's okay and that's uh my life story the whole not all i think
you know um jacob legally has to say he likes this there is this uh it the whole
movie is just about a guy that meets up with all of his friends for a birthday his birthday event
at like a isolated saltburn style mansion right i won't go into the details of it but the it's
like this in the same way that uncut gems is this steadily growing financial stress. What's this guy doing?
He's gambling more.
This is a, it's very British.
And it's just this one guy who's like pretty nice and affable.
And on the car journey over, no one's laughing at his jokes.
They're a little annoyed at him, but he doesn't know why.
Gets to the mansion.
One person just goes like, and by the way i think
what you did was pretty messed up and then goes to bed and it's this act no one will say it no
one will be explicit a lot of people aren't saying he did anything they're just again not engaging
with him not laughing all my friends hate me yeah it's this so much of the way it's framed feels like um i i guess i can only call it simmering british
it's a very well we don't say anything that's not how it's simmering british is written by two guys
named tom you're what the hell oh yeah i thought that was like writer and director was done tom
tom palmer and tom stowerton yeah that right, big chipney. That's like,
they could triple up with Tommy in it
and they got the Tommy,
the Tommy gang.
Yeah,
that's the fusion result.
Yeah.
We are Tommy in it.
The thing that they're in is a mech.
I keep always wanting to put people inside of mechs.
Drift compatible friends.
It's my favorite thing.
Shout outs to Tommy.
I hope you're well.
Hope your shows went great.
Don't reply.
Not interested.
Just letting you know I hope they're good.
Venmo me if that was a nice question.
But otherwise, so we do have a bunch of stuff.
But one thing that I think will be fun is to have a little mail back
because people don't know that i and we have a po box we'll put the address on the screen
but you can feel free to send us stuff we do get letters we do get like little
gifts here and there um in the description for audio people i guess in the description as well
and i do think it's always in the description
or maybe that's just on the gold channel.
But anyway, we'll put it in there.
We'll put it in the preset so it's like always there.
But this is not, we got a thing today
and this isn't a way to get free advertising.
So if you have a business, don't like try to do that
because we will be doing regular ads on the show all the time.
Yeah, don't send us
like a sweet cute sincere looking package for a gambling website but we got these hoodies today
jordan's wearing his i was a little chilly when i turned up and this blessing was here um
here's what looks like kind of rippling physique good things are coming if you're concerned about
not being able to fit your arm this is from uh peripheral us and we got a little note it says
hey sad boys big fans i designed earrings but recently i designed a hoodie hope you both like
it we like it it's neat uh and that's from amy and carlos and uh they've been huge fans for a while
and they say thank you for the content and vibes and also sent us some stickers i thought that was very sweet so thanks amy and carlos we were just discussing getting
some kind of sticker item something to put the stickers on oh yeah what do you yeah let us know
what you put your stickers on water bottles laptops i used to be a big laptop sticker guy
i feel like the tech lapsed laptop sticker culture was the equivalent of like car culture here.
Guitars.
Yeah.
Loading them up on your laptop so it gets heavier.
Like there's so much stickers on it.
All right.
So we've got a lot of tiny things.
So maybe we can run through those.
First is, have you seen any of the Sonic movies?
I saw the first one because everyone was so excited at the beginning of COVID to get in the same room.
So we, did I get COVID?
Oh, no.
This was like, I was in London, right after I got back to the UK, and I was about to hop on a train.
And this was, it was the 28 days later period.
It was like, somebody heard about COVID, but we didn't know if it was the same as corona right like what is this two illnesses
going on what's going on one's like sars one's legit blah blah blah and then this is all just
a scam and then the super spreader event sonic one comes out we all go in to see the fast and
that was the virus i gotta run fast get away uh and i i we really didn't understand what's going on a lot a lot
of people coughing in the theater oh no but you know what was weird is that like i was gonna say
which is you know so rude or whatever and i'm like it's always been a little rude to go to a
public place and cough but people might not remember at least a lot less so it wasn't like
a pariah thing you didn't see it and go like are you insane
you could have covered oh for sure the same as like i'm gonna sit next to that next one
that'd be a little weird but otherwise three seats away meanwhile like when i went to japan
for the first time and i was on the subway and there were people wearing masks i thought that
something was wrong and then i realized that that's just polite.
And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.
Censorship because you can't show the mouth.
Yeah.
You can't hear the statements from it.
I haven't seen the Sonic movies, but I want to.
I've heard they're fun.
I didn't see two.
Three hasn't come out yet, but it's just got announced.
It definitely hasn't been three.
There's a lot of things.
The main thing I want to talk about, I'll say in a second,
but I do intend to watch them.
And I love Sonic.
It was the first video game I played.
I have a lot of history with it.
And specifically, I have history with Sonic Adventure 2 Battle.
You raised, your child still lives here.
My beautiful child.
They become weird looking adults, I'll say that.
Maybe the most fun, like, that was like Pokemon to me for that era was my Chao garden.
Oh, the game just became a conduit for giving resources to my Chao.
Yeah, it kind of makes me want to play just a Chao garden or something, like a Tamagotchi.
Kind of remarkable that IP has not been given like
some kind of ios release where it is just that part yeah it's like such a especially because
now people that would be nostalgic for it are the spending demographic that is like the
spends game on marvel smart example well smart one of the notable things about sonic avenger 2 battle uh is that released in 2001
it was the debut of shadow the hedgehog and shadow the hedgehog will feature in sonic 3
nice do you have a guess as to who's playing shadow because knuckles was in too. That's right. Idris Elba. Who's playing Shadow?
Yeah.
Think Idris Elba level of star power.
Level.
I mean, like we're talking like A-list.
Is the vocal performance similar to legit Shadow?
Are they doing the same kind of?
Could be.
We don't know.
Look at my gun.
We don't know yet.
Look at my gun is very important. I think very important to who you answer. Look at my gun. We don't know yet. Look at my gun is very important.
I think very important to who you answer.
Look at this gun.
Oh, man.
Okay.
It's awesome.
Think of like the most awesome person it could possibly be.
Who's a big star?
It's neither of the Toms that wrote All My Friends Hate Me.
Right.
It's not me.
Is it not me well
i can do my voice hey everyone it's me shadow oh come on i thought you were gonna impersonate
the okay well that wasn't it close i'm misremembering the game i guess i think
okay can i get a of, yeah. Okay.
Can I get a couple questions?
Yeah, please.
Have they appeared in a Marvel movie?
Great question.
I don't believe so.
Are they?
I don't know, though.
I haven't seen them all.
There's a thousand.
Are they over the age of 40?
Yeah.
Have they appeared in much television or like how many films?
Not in recent years.
American?
Yeah.
Shit. But I would say big movie stars more they're they're five is like i think of is tom cruise that's so funny rule that would
be funny uh henry cavill no keanu reeves oh what am i thinking of course isn't that sick i think
that's sick that's really it's fucking shadow and his glock voice bike yada i gotta go fast i'm so stoked is he doing the john wick for
i have no clue i don't think we've seen anything other than like the deadline like like article
what if shadow's wearing a little bulletproof suit dude i um he's very wick coded actually i
know that's what i was thinking because um like shadow is the like john wick of, he's very wick coded actually. I know. That's what I was thinking. Cause,
um,
like shadow is the,
like John wick of like, he's the anti hero.
That's like,
he's like,
he's not evil.
He's misunderstood.
He's like act.
He's the,
that's what I said to Anastasia yesterday.
I was,
I was telling her about shadow.
I said,
he's the Vegeta to Sonic's Goku.
Um,
but,
but also, but also but also um the
funniest thing is that sonic was always you know sonic is the sega mascot the way mario is the
nintendo mascot sega does when nintendo that's exactly what i was going to say uh because i was
going to talk about how they they to do edgy, right?
And so Sonic's edgy.
He's rough around the edges.
He's cool.
He's got cool shoes.
He goes fast.
He does go really fucking fast.
Too fast.
It's a pretty fast pair.
But Shadow, I don't remember if Shadow had a gun, a traditional gun in Adventure 2.
I think there's like blasters and like bombs and like rocket launcher type things, I think.
But I don't remember guns.
But then the Xbox exclusive Shadow the Hedgehog game that came out in 2005 prominently featured his fucking glove.
A huge, like too big for the humans, which it also did feature photorealistic people.
Yeah, was that the one where, was it Sonic or Shadow who was in a relationship with a human woman?
Both.
Okay.
And the only thing I remember about Sonic the Hedgehog 2006, I believe, which was also featured Shadow,
he had, she was like a princess and she was under the age of 18.
Which maybe, look up Sonic age.
Which will put into question a lot of the art I've seen online. I'm a guy. I'm a guy. Let's go fast
Is sonic
Canonically 30 no cuz you know, that's the age of the
1991 he wasn't one
Sonic is still 15 despite having a birthday.
Someone's mad about that. Knuckles is between 16 and 29.
That's a huge amount.
That's so funny.
Hold on.
Did the creator of Sonic go to jail?
Can you type in Yuji Naka jail?
Yeah.
Oh, God, I remember this.
Yeah.
Yuji Naka suspended prison sentence prison sentence 1.2 million dollar
fine found guilty of insider training while insider trading while at square enix so white
collar crime one comment who hasn't done a little insider trading at a time nancy
what comment is uh what if the comment is yuji naka being no
didn't actually in response i had to go fast
they had to suspend his prison sentence
because they couldn't catch him he's going too fast where'd he learn this um two years okay
but that is such funny i do love how we could just unpack something into a bunch of lore because i
was not planning to talk about the creator of sonic the Hedgehog going to jail for insider trading. And yet here we are. Anastasia, do you have something? I was just
going to say, there is some relief in being
like, oh, it's not murder or sex crimes. He was just rolling around
at the speed of sound. I mean, nowadays, because you're like, oh, did you hear so-and-so?
This isn't even cancel-worthy. You hear Yuji Nakata got canceled?
What'd he do? Ins you do insider trading oh he's
not canceled cool badass that's actually sick did you see the uh recent trump at gettysburg
it's not sick by the way it's a joke oh i didn't see it no have you done it dude do we do we is
that something we wanted to pull up uh yes if only because he uh yeah, the only other spoiler is that he lightly implies that General Lee has been cancelled recently.
Why does that give me deja vu?
Well, you said it.
Wait, was it?
Oh.
It reminds me of when.
That's a different clip I'm saying.
Oh, yeah, that's 2018.
I think it is.
Oh, when he acts like Robert E. Lee is like alive today.
He's the best. Like in 2018. Yeah, yeah it's that one he's a great guy don't know him he's cool he's cool featured a pirate impression yeah that's what
i was i don't think i saw that oh maybe i did oh yeah that's the one trump goes in a weird rant
about the battle of gettysburg the notes that robert e lee that he's no longer in favor did
you ever notice that
you noticed that that is a really funny trumpism where he like acts like he's the first to break
the news on something but the confederacy lost no but yeah like acting like you're the first to
break the news on the confederacy is wild he uh he is like one of those twitch streamers that like
says the n-word because he was just riffing did anybody notice wait can you because he's like one of those Twitch streamers that like says the N word. Cause he was just riffing. Did anybody notice?
Wait,
can you,
cause he's like,
I,
I said that I can't do Trump of course,
but I said,
fucking,
why is it even worse today?
I,
they never talk about him.
Oh yeah.
No,
I don't know.
I fuck it.
Let's just play the clip.
Where our union was saved by the immortal heroes at Gettysburg.
Gettysburg. What an unbelievable battle. That was immortal heroes at Gettysburg. Gettysburg, what an unbelievable battle that was.
The Battle of Gettysburg was unbelievable.
I mean, it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible
and so beautiful in so many different ways.
It represented such a big portion of the success of this country.
It was so bad and so good, actually.
Gettysburg, wow. I go to Gettysburg. Wait and so good actually gettysburg wow i go to get
away come back he's like shit that's what i would be singing a song
he has actually some very poetic phrasing coming up that i wait let's see portion of the success
of this country gettysburg wow i go to to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania to look and to watch
and the statement of
Robert E. Lee, who's no longer in favor.
Did you ever notice that?
Wait a second.
The fact that it opened a picture
of Mike Lindell made it look like that was
Robert E. Lee.
Was this Newsmax or something?
Why is
MyPillow sponsoring this?
RSBN.
That guy's a big Trump supporter.
Huge.
He's his homie.
Huge.
Mike Lindell is, yeah.
But this is like promo code RSBN.
What is RSBN?
The Ruth Bader News Network or whatever?
Ruth Bader.
Ruth Kanda Forever Network?
Right side broadcasting, Jesus Christ. generator dude there is uh the i
just love i went to uh to watch and to look so watching to look get it work wow isn't that poetic
that's like uh not the way people speak but there's something about that in prose i both
watched and could it kind of feels like i like I've never described it this way.
I feel like I'm watching someone,
whenever I watch Trump speak,
I feel like I'm watching someone mid guitar hero solo
where he's like not,
he's like not sure if he's going to hit the note
and he just lands it like right at the last minute.
Every now and again,
activate star power,
like flinches to look at it in there.
Yeah, he's played it like twice before.
He's like, he's about to fall off the balance board,
but he like keeps, stays in place. And everyone's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. No, he got it it like twice before. He's like he's about to fall off the balance board, but he like keeps, stays, and everyone's
going oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and wonderful and beautiful and how do you it was good it was bad
that's like where every now and then
he always is three and so
he'll tell her like it was bad it was terrible
it's like he's doing
it's like he's doing crowd work where he's trying to
suss out the audience's opinion about something
it was a good battle it was
a bad battle we
don't like it we
and we didn't like it oh yep and he's fallen out of favor but we love him
but not it's good that he was a great man he was a misunderstood complicated figure i wish him the
best and the confederacy what they lost he called me yesterday said he's a fan of my work he said hello guess who lost okay so something was unearthed
recently uh so look okay i'm gonna set the stage are you familiar with the decision i think we
might have touched on it on the elite maybe on the patreon but at least on the pod about it's the lebron's decision yes whether he returns or remains with his hometown team
or moves to yes so he was gonna move but here's the deal so lebron was drafted in like 2003 to
the cleveland cavaliers he independently is an incredible player but the team was horrible with
him that's why they got the or without him that's why they got the number one draft pick and then he while he was able to like
bring them single-handedly to the playoffs he didn't have enough help uh because you know a
basketball is a team sport and like he basically just did they just didn't have the personnel to
really make a run and lebron's getting up there you know like michael jordan for example didn't
win a championship until his seventh season anyway.
So it's like LeBron's starting to get a few seasons deep,
and he's like, oh, my clock is ticking.
I want to, like, win.
So he announces that he's going to.
And his contract with the Cavs is up.
It was up.
And so this, like, ushers in this, like, player like player empowerment era of like players trying to choose what teams they go to.
But LeBron had all of the – he was a free agent.
He could really do whatever he wanted.
And he had a TV special that was like supposed to be funding the Boys and Girls Club of America.
But everyone clowned on him for it because it was called The Decision.
It was an hour-long TV special, half of which was like retrospective on LeBron's career up to that point, seven years long. LeBron's now in year 21.
At this point in time, LeBron, biggest star in NBA and huge star in sports in general,
has all of the decision making power and every team wants him. So it starts this crazy courting
process where every team is like trying to present
to him he's taking general meetings and stuff where they're he's meeting with the board they're
presenting him with he's meeting with all these billionaire owners and they're pulling out every
possible stop because it's going to be a huge huge huge boon to the marketability of their team
um like people will pay to go and see a team just because LeBron's on it.
I mean, look, Caitlin Clark just got drafted to the Indiana Fever,
sold out all of her jerseys immediately.
The pre-sales for their games are like taking off like wildfire.
And so like that is the star power gravity that someone like
lebron has at that point there was a legend i heard this like because i would be i've been a
casual nba fan for a lot longer than i've been like actively a fan like watching every like all
the regular season games boy but uh the there was a legend that when the New York Knicks pitched LeBron,
they got some of the cast of the Sopranos to record a secret,
like Sopranos episode about LeBron,
like a,
like after the show had gone off the air.
Yeah.
It was like a,
it was like a, was like a oh one
one more bonus episode if there's one thing I know like you guys know basketball it is the
soprano and so that's why and so that's why we brought you here today because we weren't going
to invite you to this recording exactly Christopher what the fuck are you so so recently I do not know the context of this, but on this podcast, they played a few seconds of what is a 30-minute thing.
I don't know the full.
We still haven't seen the full thing.
So this was legend for a long time, and it just recently leaked.
Oh, it didn't.
Wait.
So this leaked this week.
The thing was made in 2010?
It was made in 2010.
Yeah.
And for years, people had talked about this thing.
It was like a legend because it sounds insane.
It sounds insane.
It sounds like an urban legend that you'd see in an iceberg video.
When did Gandolfini die?
The left of this?
Yeah.
He definitely was alive in 2010.
It made a secret this this guy pablo tori has a basketball
podcast and he got a copy of this somehow wait is uh is the show called pablo finds out
oh maybe i guess he did yeah pablo tori tori finds out and uh and it just leaked recently um
just like this bit of it.
So let's watch it.
So let's watch this.
Let me just ask,
total running time of this video?
About 10 minutes.
That's so crazy.
10?
They made LeBron sit through a class project
for 10 minutes of his time.
Correct.
All right.
Correct.
They have one chance to convince
the most high-profile free agent in the history of
sports to come play for a franchise that desperately, desperately could use exactly that.
And they walk into the room and sit down and they press play on a video and it starts like
this.
Which team is pushing this?
The Knicks.
Okay.
At least that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is there a new- I'll take you down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a New York?
Take it down.
Tony, I'm so glad
we moved to New York.
Life is so much better now.
Yeah.
Life's good here, Colin.
Even if we are
in the witness protection program.
Now, we just gotta find
a place for your friend
LeBron to live.
What's he like?
He's a modern guy,
but he respects tradition.
Well, here's something classy on the East Side.
Was he big enough?
He's going to be entertaining a lot of people in New York.
It's very expensive.
Oh, that's not going to be a problem.
You've got to find something magnificent, something
there's nothing in the world like it, one of a kind,
like he is.
What?
Here's a place.
Says it gets really loud there take a look sexy cool oh
yeah that's gonna be perfect for him allow me to reintroduce myself my name is
james gandolfini is in my opinion amongst maybe the the 10 greatest performers of the last 50 years and
getting him to constantly look into the camera.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
And then him turning the newspaper while he's talking.
He could not be possibly reading.
I feel like he, they probably, I mean, they didn't memorize those lines.
They were looking at a teleprompter or something. I feel like he, they probably, I mean, they didn't memorize those lines. No.
They were looking at a teleprompter or something.
I mean, if there's one thing that makes it feel canon,
it's the fact that Tony is literally doing anything related to a black man other than hiring to shoot people he doesn't like.
The two biggest events that happen regarding black people in The Sopranos is he hires them to kill people so it doesn't get that's all the the two biggest events that happen regarding black people in
the sopranos is he hires them to kill people so it doesn't get back to him and he calls his
daughter's boyfriend a slur that's like oh you know one of those fake italian slurs like a
but shout out to the other two guys in that video uh worldwide wab and uh jason concepcion
oh okay i follow worldwide wab they're a big guys that's anti-italian well so rob is uh
a just a big nba twitter guy like yeah i follow he's one of those guys that
moments after something crazy happens he has a clip of it on
Twitter. Yeah. He's just like
in the juice. Yeah. It's always
like during a game you're seeing this person
Also he took Lakers owner
Jeannie Buss to an event one
time and everyone freaked out. That's
so funny. Jeannie Buss?
Yeah. Her dad
was a Lakers
owner as well.
All the bus kids now.
All the bus kids.
What a weird coincidence.
Then she got into it.
So there's a very funny clip of her and LeBron recently because it's like her, she's like in her 60s or something like that.
And someone else, I can't remember who was next to her,
but LeBron is like talking about how they're like the most powerful
they've done lip they've done lip reading of this because like you it's too far away to see but he's
like you know you're some of the most powerful women in sports and then they're like oh and he
goes happy women's the international women's day by the way and then they're like all like hugging
on him and stuff and it like went like very viral oh you God. And he turns to the camera. Woke up this morning.
But you know,
James Gandolfini has since passed and I hate that his legacy is being
tarnished.
No,
dude,
that legacy,
his legacy is him in that photo where he's drunkly got his arm over the
shoulder of a SpongeBob SquarePants mascot.
It's one of the best photos ever made. Oh, people't release it such disrespect i'm like this is sick have we
talked about anthony davis being in an episode of spongebob maybe i think it was uh in my quiz
that i did on a patreon oh yeah like on the jet ski i didn't i saw a photo but the reason i remember
you mentioning it is that i think you then then referenced David Hasselhoff or something in the SpongeBob movie.
I think I did.
You did.
No.
All right.
Somebody's trying to get more money.
We got to keep it moving.
Keep the good times rolling.
Another thing we wanted to talk about this will be quick um
let's pull up the spider-man npc you know the guy who is miles morales yeah vaguely i don't know his
actual creator name do we have that leaks world this is this is the uh thanks for the rose smells
great yeah exactly do we have like is there j Jacob? Do you want to just take it away?
Is this industry still I don't think the industry at large is but this guy's killing it
Yeah, it kind of is not as much as it originally was but recently pinky doll was like the original like mmm NPC
Like live greater ice cream. She's like I seem so good. Yeah, she was like
upset because like everyone like copied her style or something and she's like started doing um like mukbangs and
stuff yeah she started doing other stuff isn't she french canadian or something i remember she
stopped doing like the voice and spoke sincerely for a second like whoa she's she's something she
was like ice cream so good yeah hello everyone i remember that someone walked
into the room and she spoke to them in french gross yeah nasty um so yeah this is npc miles
morales and we have a few clips of them um this one is where he like uh is doing this i'm not sure
where exactly it is but some sort of security guard or police officer comes up to him
and is trying to get him
to move somewhere else.
He's an Avengers talent.
Thanks for the fun.
Alright, my command wants
to talk to you.
I'm going to do my own thing.
You're doing your own thing over there.
You're on contract to space, dude.
I'm going to do my own thing.
You can do your own thing over there. Nah. You're on contract to space, dude. I'm going to do my own thing. You can do it over there.
Yeah, he's already asked me to do that.
You might as well go ahead and do that.
That's really spicy.
You're going to give me a stomachache.
Those smell amazing.
Thanks.
Wow, is that a galaxy?
Enough of those.
I might make it back to my own universe.
Out of the world. Anyways, need you to move up there.
Need you to back up six feet, buddy.
Whoa!
Let's not do that again.
Feels like I got sent to a wormhole or something.
Those smell amazing.
Thanks.
Turn up the music.
Turn up the bass.
Turn up the music.
Turn up the what?
16,000 people.
You're starting to piss me off.
Hell yeah.
Is that a galaxy? Enough of those.
I might make it back to my own universe.
That's so cool.
It's so interesting to me.
You know what's funny?
I wouldn't watch one of those streams.
No.
I'm not really into those.
Yeah, I don't watch TikTok lives, but.
It is.
I get it.
Kind of.
The thing that blows me is the sheer amount of cardio involved.
Like his involved like jumping around and shit.
I didn't know he did them outside.
Yeah.
That was new to me.
And he's often getting asked to stop trespassing.
Yeah, please.
And he goes, nah, I'm going to do my own thing.
You're starting to piss me off.
It seems like a bad idea.
I don't remember Miles saying that.
Like, why would you do it outside?
I think for the,
I think it like adds to the,
what's the word?
Like anything can happen.
Yeah.
I mean, with great power,
you got to do it outside.
Whatever. I don't remember the movie. What was he like? Is this next one anything can happen yeah i think i mean with great power you gotta give it a side whatever
i don't remember the movie was he's like is this next one when he like gets too many in a row
yeah there's a couple of them where he gets a lot of galaxies that's cute
it's fun we should do this so him breaking character goes viral like every time
fuck these galaxies, man. That nigga's wildin', bro.
Hell no.
Oh, he's fully out of character.
Fuck.
Because the galaxies pulls him out of frame, right?
That's the thing.
He's sweating.
Get to a million likes, bro.
Get to a million likes, bro.
Get to a million likes, bro. I don't care if there's 1K motherfucking people in here, bro. Get to a million fucking bro get to a million likes bro get to a million likes bro i don't care if there's 1k motherfucking people in here bro get to a million fucking likes bro but some jesus i
thought it was gonna be a bit is that a bit i don't think so it's a very convincing performance
people in the comments think that it's just him trying to do like reverse psychology yeah yeah
it worked very well i god that's interesting because well because here's the thing i'm like
well he's like a live guy.
He's not an actor.
But I'm like, this is kind of acting, and he is very good at it.
I know that suit is stank as hell.
Dude, any amount of sweat.
How the hell do you wash that?
Peel it off.
Yeah.
You're like doing backflips for 13 hours.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
This is one of the ones where he gets a bunch in a row.
That one seems to be just getting some air. What's happening? Yeah, 12. This is one of the ones where he gets a bunch in a row. That one seems to be just getting some good.
What's happening?
Yeah, 12, 13, 13.
All right, I better get to jumping, right?
That's what you want to see?
You want to see me jump?
You want to see a black guy jump?
You want to see me jump around, huh?
That's what you want to see?
Okay, buddy.
I remember this from the movie.
I mean, just, you can change what the emote is.
What's that IGN quote again?
The audacity of a black teen.
Yeah.
I better be the strongest person on Earth.
Okay, bro.
I fucking get it.
I fucking get it.
Stop.
Stop.
Oh, my God. this is weirdly... This is heavy.
He kind of doesn't have to do it.
Oh my god, he's like...
Just take a long break off screen. I might make it back to my own universe.
Just take a long break off screen.
Whoa.
What is it?
Feels like I'm staying in the same universe.
And I think it was like one person giving all of the galaxies yeah so it's like one person was like
trolling yeah it's weird because i'm like i i mean we've all been there you know you're like
working a job and then like it's like i don't want to deal with this i could be
into a galaxy yeah i'm trying to work my retail i'm working at Iceland in 2009 Remember that bit where Spiderman 2099 pins him down
And he goes fuck this
I'm sick of this galaxy
Is the not enough tap
There was one that went viral recently
Where he like broke character because enough people weren't tapping
Is that the
That's like likes on TikTok
Yeah I think it's this one
Yeah two days ago No one was sending galaxies for 10 minutes do you want to know
there's 11 000 people in here there's 11 000 fucking people in here and you guys are not
tapping the screen okay make sure that you're tapping the screen there's 11 000 people in here
there's 11 000 fucking people in here okay tap the goddamn screen okay tap the goddamn screen okay you see this button right here
press the fucking button okay press the fucking button okay miles yeah sure peter
thanks to the father
it's so jarring when he goes it's so jarring when he goes back into it um okay so that that was what
i saw and then people were like people were clowning on him and i don't know the full context
of this i also know how old this kid is uh he can't be more than like 22 23 right into the
spite of us i mean the fact is that wait wait is that an interview he did? When you get requests on like live, are they ever sexual, like porn related?
Because I see a lot of comments being like, is this weird?
He said ghost cameras?
That's wild.
No, you know what I mean.
Because if you watch some of these NPC TikTok like live.
It wasn't just one and now I'm bringing it up.
It'll be like, ooh, a glizzy, yes. And like.
Welcome back to Team Z Verify. I just wanna see how they introduce him.
I'm wild.
Leaks world.
He goes, and I'm.
Leaks world.
Bro, let me tell you how I found you.
I'm like scrolling through TikTok one day.
Okay. And first of all,
everybody. This isn't gonna help.
Yeah, I, so I don't know.
I, but I am like, it seems so tiring. So I hope, I hope everybody's gonna help. Yeah, I so I don't know I but I am like it seems so tiring
So I hope I hope he's having fun. I hope he hasn't done anything bad
But I just think it's so funny. Oh, okay. So let's watch this last one yo. What are you doing for a living, bro? Shit, this is a nice car. Nah, I'm a demon.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Is he doing the streams daily?
Because otherwise I'm skeptical about that being his car.
I hope he's doing the streams.
I hope it's not his car.
I hope that's not his car.
I hope he's saving some money.
Candy purple Lambo.
I don't know.
I know.
I'm just like, those cars are so expensive.
And I don't know the financial situation.
Even leasing, there are people that I've heard about leasing very expensive sports cars after being successful online.
Guilty.
And even leasing is probably like very expensive every month.
You're paying a high premium.
Yeah, now I feel like an idiot because I don't have a license.
You know what I mean?
Like now it's like, oh, right.
Fuck.
But yeah, these crack me up every time they come across my screen.
I really.
It's just like such a, it's a universe, no pun intended,
that I just don't understand where it's just like,
why aren't you tapping the screen? Send me the galaxies the galaxies god it's don't send me the galaxies now i it would be very smart bait like it's a great idea to get we because we've also
seen this on twitch which very more obviously bait where people are just like i oh that upsets me so much what you
just said with your 20 donation i hope nobody else does texas beach with a 15 minimum yeah
like he seems very genuine in his how emotional he i know it's so impressive but
you know they go viral yeah so and people probably check him out more and most people wouldn't
like if he was doing a fake one even if the performance wasn't as convincing people would still watch it if it
would be so in on that right i feel like um how long until someone creates a really convincing
ai version of this that can work infinitely oh dude's made backflips it gets tired it gets pissed off the
cops taps the green they like add extra like uh environment events something that people do
on tiktok live is they will do like uh like ai generated looping videos of like a face cam of
someone gaming and then they will do pre-recorded gameplay.
And then basically do that on TikTok Live.
So it's like a selfie.
Yeah, he did it just for regular YouTube videos.
That's interesting. And his was like
a little bit more robust.
He did his own thing.
I'm going to do my own thing.
I'm going to do my own thing.
That was actually what happened with
that's what happened to beauty by
oh it was ai i mean oh yeah you know so i'm gonna do my own thing um
i'm gonna say my own thing okay uh jordan you have a huge announcement i have a huge announcement
um just came on my phone right before the right before the podcast i have two huge announcements okay
i don't mean to brag i have been pre-selected by paypal to apply for a credit card okay congrats
that's huge now i not a lot of people get selected randomly well i will i get it like you know what
i mean i got like a kind of notification that i could apply for it. Okay. That's a little bit less exciting, but congrats anyway.
I guess someone's got a PayPal account old enough to be verified.
Also, PayPal has like 2,000 of my dollars, by the way, still.
Oh, really?
When I was having to transfer money back and forth from the UK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll gripe about that.
I forget.
It's been like two years because they do this.
They just hold it in escrow
until somebody pushes back
because they're making money on the interest.
Yeah.
That's the one thing I don't like about Elon Musk.
He's got the looks,
he's got the style,
he's got the mind.
They based Tony Stark on him.
Speaking of NPC streams.
But, I will say,
something really nice did happen
and I got a shout out on the yard of SlimeSaying
that he had a nice time hanging out with me.
And I wanted, it was very sweet because if not for his transparency and
openness I would be too nervous to say it but I really like you slime that was a really nice hang
out that was chill we just had like a he Irish goodbye he was gone he was there to party for
like an hour total I think but in the 30 minutes we were we were chilling we never met before slime
is such a sweetie with such a tough exterior.
He's like a...
You kicked my ass.
What's something that's really hard on the outside
but soft on the inside?
Like a croissant.
A falafel.
Yeah, a falafel.
A slime is like a falafel.
Very eclectic choice.
Very well-traveled.
Yeah, very vegetarian of you.
Yeah, that's true. Oh, I see.
A half Greek vegetarian over here.
Yeah, for me, I'll go with
a cup of tea.
The mug is hard.
And he has like an open top.
But I accept the challenge.
Shout out Slime.
We should get him on at some point.
I'm alright. I've done it. We should get it get it i hope on the next episode of the yard he just goes like psych dude i thought
you were so lame i thought you were so the last shout out i got from slime was uh him saying that
he wasn't invited to my new year's party oh yeah i forgot about that and then we checked and he was and then he was like oh my b i'm like
too late buddy you already you already roasted our ass on the podcast it's over pal and you're
you i'm gonna get you two invites to my birthday which is only mine oh but it's mine not for
we don't have a plan yet we don't have a plan it's coming soon my birthday is? yes I've started mentally preparing
I don't like birthdays
I mean I enjoy the celebration sure
but I don't like the
I want it to feel like New Years
I don't want the focal point to be too
that's what's nice about getting to distribute it
that is actually really nice
it's fun to see your friends
and hang out with your friends but
it's like i don't want this whole thing to be about me yeah yeah i'm mostly bad at opening
gifts in front of people don't do it jesus i know because i don't think i can ever be excited enough
yeah oh my god it's a thing this is i like i like gifts i love the thing but i don't know oh yeah
but it's it means so much to receive a gift.
And like I can't ever communicate how much it means to be thought of
and like receive something from someone you care about, like a friend.
Because it's on the emotional expression of crying is the 10.
It's not like what I want to do is go like, yay, but that's not the right.
That's not how I feel.
It's like I'm so grateful for our friendship is like the vibe i just don't want to be perceived while i'm
emoting right speaking of being perceived while you're emoting elon musk um cute recently was at
a uh oh my god what is this um wait we have to find the original we have to find the
original first oh i'm just hanging out you haven't seen this jordan i'm so glad you haven't
yeah i touched grass anastasia maybe you should try it uh i've never touched grass wait maybe
twitter he's at like some the breakthrough prize award ceremony. Throw the arms in the air again. Throw the arms in the air.
Elon, fighting pose.
Elon, to your left.
He's kind of throwing his arms up.
Elon, fighting pose.
Okay, just doing emotional poses.
He's doing a mocap.
Elon, straight ahead.
Straight ahead, Elon.
To your left.
To your left.
His poses are unsettling.
He's happy about it.
Do you laugh?
Do you laugh?
Do you laugh?
He keeps on instinct doing the same expression he did in that photo with Epstein.
You know, I just realized he kind of reminds me of Austin Powers.
Yeah, dude.
He says mojo, but...
By the way, mismatched pants and suit bothers me greatly.
I know you can do that with a tuxedo,
but not the same color, but come on.
Before we make fun of Elon Musk,
I have to say he tweeted an anti-vax meme recently.
We were talking about COVID.
And I really don't like him.
Epic win.
Very topical.
So there's lots of reasons
that you could not want to make fun
of somebody and i think elon musk deserves deserves what these memes what happened to
the variant so some of these uh so okay now we can go back to the i want to show him the
fortnight one first that's really good. God, that's smart.
He doesn't get it. The radial menu.
The radial menu gets me.
This is toxic playing, dude.
This is disrespectful.
I'm not going to put the effort in, but what about a...
Whoa!
That's great. IDK. I'm not going to put the effort in, but what about a... Whoa! That's great.
IDK.
I'm not going to put the effort in, but how about that in the lobby
where you have three other people there?
He's just throwing them out.
And then there's the Sims one as well.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Every time I think I don't like him, he's just awesome.
He's so amused with himself.
Well, he's been studying these emotions.
Oh, God, his pants do look.
Well, it's like because the menswear guy talked about it, and I didn't see him noting the different color pants,
so I thought it was just the lighting.
But they do look a different color to me am i a genius right now it's like i can't really tell it's uh it's the texture one's glossy his pants are more matte and maybe deep
navy instead of black which is not traditionally with a tuxedo contrast pads no problem but there
has to be contrast you do not wear blue unless it's extreme
well no not even light you can pull it off for sure but it has to feel more intentional you have
to have some some sweat it feels like it feels like the your black pants were like dirty so you
like wore the navy ones yeah rather than like it feels like you bought them at two separate places
yeah like i need new pants goodwill ah that's all have. Okay, so I just needed to get that one off
because that's been making me laugh.
It does truly feel like he didn't,
he's like, I don't know what to do.
They are people yelling at him to do things.
But like, other people don't listen to them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hit the gritty.
Yeah, literally.
Do the jerk.
T-pose.
Push up.
That actually initial white pose he did his vtuber accidentally
disconnected that's why the white pose happened yeah he t-poses accidentally um this weirdly
reminds me of uh like talladega nights when will ferrell's like i don't know what to do with my hands. I do think there is something to like,
there's a kind of reverse Uncanny Valley
where there is actually not even Uncanny Valley.
There is just a mountain.
There is an Everest and you start at the base of it
and you as age and money accrue or experience
and for these kind of shows,
I mean, it's always like younger people looking kind of awkward,
but they're very well dressed or whatever.
And then as the income and the more famous they are,
the more resources they have, fashion people, et cetera,
the increase of swag.
And then there is this steep drop off where Bezos has too much money and looks like shit.
Like he just, something happens.
They start paying someone who's like, what's post-shaping?
Weirdly, Zuckerberg has started wearing a gold chain and like being normal.
And everybody's like, what's going on?
It's because he's doing jujitsu.
He's like around like real people.
Because like you go to those gyms and stuff and it's like, you can't, you can't that tech guy veneer you've got to just like be a normal person he's dressing like he's
an mma yeah um the uh again it's like i always just like making fun of people meritless is like
not my bag but another thing about elon is that he like so is so clearly seeking adoration and fame it's rough you know what i mean like and
it's these are just like it's documented like and it's uh that's another clear in his his action
there's another steep drop-off point where you know that like uh i don't really agree with this
or whatever but like uh it's a certain salary or income where the happiness doesn't increase. And I think that's like,
okay,
if you,
if let's just say it's 250,000,
as soon as you make over 250,000,
the money in Norloka makes you happy.
It was like,
well,
it depends why you'll make and like how much and what you're doing with it.
If you have $5 million medical bills,
yeah,
260,000 does feel better.
But people are talking about just by itself.
Like if the accrual of money just makes you,
that's like an ego thing you have.
But the exact opposite is true.
If you do get more miserable, it seems like,
once you have more money than you can ever spend,
there is a sudden drop-off
where you need approval more than you ever
did before it's like if you have really really really rich parents because you know everyone
knows and you have to be like what he could do is just you know be a hero he could like fix the
world but instead he's like hey i played dark souls well that's the thing. It's like maybe he shouldn't have upset and alienated his family.
You know, like maybe the love of your family is actually more important than the love of guys on Twitter.
Or disowning your trans child.
Yeah, exactly.
Or pretending that like trans people are invalid or like refusing to like speak on.
Yeah, maybe be loving and kind to your children.
The thing about the term like virtue signaling, I've always found strange because it's always attributed to a particular side of the political spectrum or like the, you know, it's always like that's such a lib, that's such a leftist position to pretend you believe in certain things you know having principles when in reality it's like that's exactly what he is doing he's just doing it with different
signals and like the iconography of the bullshit he's spouting is appealing to the wrong demo man
if you want to be approved of by people with you, lives and not just posters.
It can be insincere, whatever.
Just advocate for free healthcare.
You don't have to believe in it.
You can secretly behind the scenes platform against it,
fund things against it, but just say it.
You will be way more approved of and way more clouded up
by being the cool billionaire than you ever will be by being the uh alt-right speaking
like alt-right voice for blue checks
wow whoa this is unc it's a kind of uncanny unsettling Wow. Whoa.
This is uncanny. It's kind of uncanny.
Whoa, what the hell?
Maybe he loves The Sims.
He is a gamer.
Do The Sims emote.
Whoa.
Was there an emote where he
invests too much money in a company that hates him
yeah dude that is so creepy uh i mean he he's not allowed to play his go literally think he
would benefit so much from just being kind of weird silently in clips like that well he um
he suffers from like jk rowling disease where if you just shut up you would have been very
successful and beloved and then like uh of course cancel culture has destroyed both of their careers i
don't even know who jk rowling is yeah harry potter's like a dog or something i don't even
know dude is that like uh is that like hunger games yeah i think that's my friend what did you
you had something for us today yeah i uh walked through the the door I'm not really on, I haven't used TikTok for months.
I just forget that it's there.
Right.
And I'm scared of you-know-who, a certain type of people.
I saw that and I almost spit out.
I saw something on a slide.
I'm not ready.
It is, I think we can watch one and then I'll elaborate maybe if it's not.
It's one of the more unsettling AI generated TikToks I've seen.
Okay.
The general, they all share a premise.
Okay.
And it is, they're pretty popular.
I'm going to close my eyes and Jacob, you can let me know when it's queued up and we're ready.
Because it's a surprise to me.
The black and white one?
Yeah.
Let me know when we're ready, and I'll uncover my eyeballs.
Here we go.
All right.
Let it rip.
I know.
Did you know that Stewie Griffin from Family Guy is based off my true and tragic story?
What?
I'm Stew James from 1950s Rhode Island. I was born into a middle-class family with a stay-at-home mom and a fat man however one day my parents
freaked out when they heard a voice in the house heared at first they called a priest to perform a
cleansing of the house cleansing believing they were ghosts however months later the voice began
again how did the this time it was coming from my room my father discovered that the voices
were actually mine and that I could
somehow talk from an early age
my parents were afraid and had me tested
only to learn that I had the highest IQ
ever recorded
at first they were happy but soon became
distant from me in an attempt to
win their love
so in this universe
in this universe
Stewie's telling his life story
stew james stew stew james is telling his life story as this baby still like he's still a tiny
baby oh yeah he's still a tiny bit tiny tiny baby i also love that uh i mean not to be all
um actually but they can't understand stewie in fact those two people are the only people that
don't know what stewie is saying well maybe maybe they are hearing voices but they don't see it
coming from stewie no but he said they find out that he could talk the exorcism worked james
this is like what like i'm like trying to understand how you even like you're in the lab you're like i'm trying to
cook up the next viral sensation and you go the true story the true realistic historical record
of cartoon characters it's just so unsettled i mean the prompt for all of these has to just be
in the vein of like like typing in um give me me a story about the original person that Phineas and Ferb were based on,
except it's sad and scary.
Can we go back to when he found out he had the highest IQ ever recorded?
Yeah.
Didn't Stewie tell him something?
Like,
like,
wait,
yeah.
Well,
that guy and that guy are two different generations of,
was the guy doing the IQ test, Stewie?
I think maybe that's the original Stew James.
Right.
Because that looks like you said, hey, stable diffusion.
Here's a picture of a cartoon character.
Make him look like a real person.
Like Stewie teaching a class or something.
Yeah.
And it looks like they just generated two completely.
Because this is the problem with generative ai you can't like with it's really hard to say do it again
exactly like that yeah same character but oh i did i was i was trying to see what uh we could
generate up as profile pictures for the character katie was making for the dnd campaign uh and i i just put in the
description and the guy came out too handsome so i typed in just see what happened same guy
but less handsome and it generated a similar is image but it removed his nose that's so funny
i yeah okay yeah no i guess that technically correct okay we can keep it rolling. Only to learn that I recorded the highest IQ
ever recorded.
Also, why does his famous
moped?
I sure love my
moped.
Peter, I'm a stay-at-home mom
and you're a fat man.
Stay-at-home mom, fat man.
Their jobs.
Okay, the thing that is
also throwing me about this AI voice
is that it pronounces normal English words incorrectly
out of nowhere.
Usually it's pretty good.
It's like that chef, dude.
I'm like, yeah.
I'm wondering if it's on purpose.
Yeah.
In distant from me, in an attempt to win their love,
I would create incredible inventions
and even taught the family dog how to talk.
Dog!
This only freaked out my parents more,
causing them to give me up for adoption.
Now I sit in a foster home
with my loneliness growing every day.
Soon my loneliness turned into anger
and the need for revenge.
I'm now plotting my return to get revenge
on the lowest of the fat man.
They're still alive, by the way.
Those are all like... That's like the... Yeah, again, the problem with like at least. But they're still alive, by the way. Like, those are all, like, that's, like, the, yeah, again,
the problem with, like, at least the method they're doing it,
they're all fucking different versions of Stewie.
Okay.
Can I just say that real-looking Peter Griffin guy?
Who's different every time also.
But, like, way more impressive than really anybody else.
But then there's that real guy who looks like Peter and goes to conventions.
Yeah.
Ethan and Nick got me a happy birthday from him.
Oh, that's fun.
He's just like, man, Jordan, I heard it's your birthday.
He just is doing bits.
And then he goes, shut up, man.
Here's a guy when I really Peter Griffin,
I want to shout out for Jordan from your friend Ethan.
He said you wanted a pep talk about how to deal with the hardships of life.
But to be honest, I either ignore my problems or exacerbate them.
But when my back is up against the wall and I have no other choice,
I fall back on the fact that... a baby bird and a baby's the way and well i don't you know about the bird well peter's gonna tell
you about the bird but the baby baby the baby's the way to where the bed shut up meg shut up man
shut up man you said that man you said on the desktop uh pc for sure shut up jordan hey i'll Shut up, Jordan. Hey, I'll kill you. Jesus. Shut up, Meg.
Hey, shut up, Meg.
Whoa.
Giggity.
Hey, Peter.
Hey, Peter.
Hey, Peter.
Shut up, Meg.
I promised Loretta I would shut up Meg tonight.
I'm played by a white guy.
It's kind of messed up.
It's cool, though.
Remember the Cleveland show?
How many of those voice actors were black?
I don't know.
What if my son was played by, so there's a baby that talks.
It's Black Stewie.
There's kind of a Chris type guy that's a nerd at school and a character that's not human, but he talks.
Remember the boondocks?
What if my baby was like one of the kids from the boondocks?
What if it looked like shit?
Which is funny because normally that would be like some sort of appropriative thing,
but it's a white guy doing a stereotypical black man voice,
and we're making a joke about the white guy doing the voice.
Yeah, that is.
Fun times.
I'm a genius.
Oh, yeah.
Did you hear?
Okay, so wait.
Can we go back to the TikTok because there's some
hashtag family guy
hashtag scary stories
hashtag scary TikToks
hashtag urban legend
the urban legend of Stewie Griffin
this is horror talk twice
yeah well you know if I didn't
it's like if they said a third time beetlejuice shows up
be careful creator labeled as ai generated how many um griffin is actually based off rex harrison
what how many followers does his account have
oh wow okay not bad wow this is crazy so this is like real ai generated content that's like getting
genuine engagement there's another thing that jumped out to me is like this is actually one
of the few times where that uh it's just gonna it'll just generate content and and steal and
whatever i'm like look i don't know how to attribute the different things in this you know
ai has to adopt existing content,
but it's vague enough that I'm not particularly bothered by it.
But this works.
Like, this is just as good as any of this shit,
any of the horror talks that are like,
Jeff the killer actually married my dad or whatever.
Where do people come up with this stuff?
Seth's been telling us these characters were based on people he knew.
He was barely alive when this even allegedly occurred.
Okay, so they're disputing it.
Yeah, did they think that that so that's the thing it's like when i see this i don't feel the need
to disprove it like from a factual standpoint because it's very clearly a lie um actually
spongebob didn't have he didn't exist it sounds true but it's made up wow wait stewie's actually
based on an old show called larry larry and steve okay well why not tell that story no there's a uh there's a old short that family guys
it's i think it's called larry and steve wait can you type in larry and steve
there's like a when uh when seth mcfarland was at risd he did
yeah yeah yeah it's larry larry and steve yeah it's just larry and steve yeah
oh i mean yeah it looks like peter and yeah and he's got peter's voice well there's also this
this is the life of larry larry and larry and larry and steve oh is it oh no this is two
different things so you know what's funny this person probably read the wikipedia page and got
confused because this is a joint Wikipedia page for two animated short films
created by Seth MacFarlane in the mid-1990s.
That's so funny.
I mean, it's based on the character he made.
I don't even know.
They were on like What a Cartoon.
I don't know if you're –
oh, you've met and had that on Cartoon Network.
They used to like show like old like Hanna-Barbera cartoons and stuff.
And then they would do like stuff like this.
And so he had a short there.
But I don't think Seth MacFarlane has any controversies that I know about, like, real ones.
And he pwned Bill Maher.
Bill Maher, yeah.
Well, I was going to say, like, Seth MacFarlane, like, he recently had a quote about, they're like, if he's ever going to end Family Guy.
And he's like, people still enjoy it,
so we're just going to keep making it.
And I'm like, well, it employs a lot of people.
Fair enough.
Fucking why not?
And he makes other stuff, so it's not so much.
And he does other stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's on Orlando or something.
The Orville?
Yeah.
Huge.
Yeah, I mean, like, I've always been really impressed by him,
and I'm glad that, you know,
in a time when like all of my,
uh,
heroes have fallen,
uh,
because they've come out to be horrible people.
Yeah.
Um,
I'm like,
damn,
I,
I don't feel like those hours I spent listening to the family guy
commentary tracks where they talk about the jokes and the episodes.
This guy's charming.
Yeah.
I was like,
Oh,
he,
this guy's like an auteur.
He's like so talented.
He introduced me to like Frank Sinatra. Like I didn know frank sinatra was yeah lucky there's a frank sinatra okay so
we are now i'll fucking describe what this is okay i've seen the hashtags we're on horror talk
my guy that scared me these are horror stories. These are TikToks.
Follow to get
scary and horrifying stories.
Check it out. I know a way to get them
without following. Oh no, Jacob
follow! If you just click
on the video.
I'm not a computer engineer, dude.
I don't know how to.
He's going to release a video
about your origin. Hey, it's me, Terror Tracks.
Did you know about Brian the dog?
It's based on like a weird dog.
Hi, I'm Brian the dog.
Dude, I wish my IQ was high enough to teach a dog how to talk.
All right.
So I know because the only problem with teaching a dog how to talk is someone's not smart enough for it.
It's possible.
Roo. Ioo-oo.
I'm Brian Griffin.
I think it's obvious the one we have to watch.
Shrek Origins?
I mean, I didn't...
I assume that's in the X-Men Origins universe.
Him with Will.i.am and Hugh Jackman.
Right, right, right.
Eddie Murphy's there I
Love this. I might yeah will I am is in the X-Men Argers movie. Oh, yeah
Did you know the movie Shrek is based off my true and tragic story? Hello? I am Meyer Meischel's
Okay, the very beginning I
Found a flaw Oh, so. Oh, yeah.
The AI that they're using to animate the mouth, which is not good,
obviously doesn't recognize Shrek's ears.
So they've created an image with Shrek's ears,
and then the face is completely animated independently of that.
So his head keeps moving while his ears stay in the same place.
Is that weird hair also?
Is it from something? Well, that's cause you can't have a man without hair
plus
yeah come on none of that
fucking CGI bullshit
dude has a family full of
hairy beasts
alright let's play
did you know the movie Shrek is based off my true and tragic
story hello I am Meyer Meischel from the quiet town of alright let's play did you know the movie Shrek is based off my true and tragic story
hello I am Meyer Meischel
from the quiet town of Sunny City
Florida in the 1890s
I'm from Florida
Sunny City sounds like Cap to me
can we google whether or not
Sunny City Florida is a real place
it sounds like Cap but it's also
kind of spot on for a city
it could be
Sunny City Center.
Nope.
Sun City Center.
Oh, it is a Sun City Center is an unincorporated census designated place.
Okay, well.
I can see how AI slipped up a little bit there.
I can see how the AI slipped up a little bit.
Is Meyer Meischel's Michael Myers?
I think that's what they do.
Yeah, it's an anagram for I am Tom Marvolo Riddle.
Probably like the whatever AI they used to write this script
just like associated it with it.
Yeah, like Shrek is played by Mike Myers.
Yeah, Stu Jones or whatever.
Stu James.
Steph MacDonald.
My creator.
I taught the dog
B. Ryan to talk.
I told you he was like
oh hello.
I guess you're smart enough to teach me.
I recognize you have the
highest IQ ever recorded.
People knew me for my intimidating
demeanor. Despite selling onions
at my onion store.
Scanning onions detected. Despite selling onions at my onion stand. Scanning onions detected.
Despite selling onions at my onion stand.
Jesus, you don't know skinny jeans?
Yeah, bro.
Maybe that was the style back then.
You don't know.
Why does it look like his clothes don't close?
It looks like he's wearing a onesie that he can't close,
so then they just put another outfit in the middle.
I've never seen a deep neck pants.
Yeah, dude.
It's an extreme v-neck onesie.
He does have a lot of layers, Jacob.
That's a very good point.
That's his whole thing.
That was the thing about 1890s fashion.
Layers were...
If you weren't layered, you weren't a player,
if you know what I'm saying.
Can I take...
Oh, there you go.
Can I take a moment?
I just want to challenge the idea,
because he's like, oh, it was a bunch of layers.
Not really.
You are mean and scary, and then you're nice sometimes.
What is the additional layer that Shrek has?
He has layer.
Onion has layer.
I don't know.
And thankfully, I have layer all right despite
selling onions at my onion stand my onion stand my meager earnings barely earned a living
one fateful night in 1894 three men plundered my home leaving me penniless and getting evicted
oh wait desperate for a fresh evicted theyundered. Can you scroll back to when they
start doing the Zoom of the three men,
one of whom was Abraham Lincoln, I presume?
Yeah, plunderer.
Yeah, okay.
Now, just go a frame or two
forward.
Oh! That tripped me up
when I saw that. The twins!
Abraham Lincoln.
Yeah, wow.
Okay. Getting, wow. Okay.
Desperate for a fresh start,
I joined a traveling circle
captivated by a poster that promised
both debenture and pay.
As a circus strongman, I lifted
heavy objects on stage,
gaining fame as I journeyed across the globe.
Why not? I feel like you could be...
Whoa, what the hell? I feel like you could be decades later. Whoa,
what the hell?
This is not love.
I turned into another man.
I got more hair.
I went less bald.
Yeah.
I feel like at a traveling circus,
you know,
you could be a woman with a beard.
Uh,
and so like,
why wouldn't a guy that looked like that just be the attraction?
Why does he have to lift stuff?
I guess it's like,
uh,
he would be the attraction. It's cool cool look at me and my weird ears i'm also green the incredible maya the incredible shrek he can lift stuff he's what is that he looks like shrek
it's like if uh if i had a dog that could talk and i'm like watch he can like jump through a
hoop and then he jumps through the hoop and he goes, high five, brother. And then you're like, wait, can that dog talk?
No, check it out.
He can spit a ball on his nose.
Let's do a whole conversation.
Did you know?
Did we ever talk about this?
Air Bud just was already a basketball playing dog.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
He was owned by like Rigatoni Spaghetti or something.
Yeah, I tried to teach Dipper how to play basketball,
but my IQ wasn't high enough.
That makes sense, yeah.
Yeah, I can only teach him to talk.
I don't want to pray.
He's like,
we should bring back the triangle offense.
Oh, Dipper, you've got a good B-ball IQ. He doesn't
want to play basketball. He wants to coach.
Right. That makes sense. You need to buy
a team and then have to go to work. He did show up
with a clipboard the other day in the park.
Dude, he's an Epo baby. He just threw it at the ground.
He was mad at the other dogs for not falling in line.
What about the...
You're forgetting our schemes.
Tired of the circus life and feeling underpaid,
I decided to leave.
In 1912, I found new employment
as a boiler room worker on the luxurious...
Did he become green then?
My chair shed the job and planted...
Wait, on the luxurious, did he say Titanic?
The luxurious Titanic.
No way.
Shrek?
I met a woman named Rose.
Now that's a movie I would watch.
I mean, the boiler room.
Phil in the comments says,
he was based on Maurice Tillett.
This guy doesn't even exist.
But, I mean, how would they get that photo of him
in the boiler room on the Titanic?
Rest in peace, by the way.
Unless it was a different day on the Titanic.
Different trip.
Maybe it's like when they were just testing out
the boiler room before it launched.
Making sure it boils.
Yeah, or maybe he's talking about the to-scale remodel
that James Cameron made for the movie.
Yeah.
There's a guy that says we are getting real close to never knowing what's real and what's not.
I'm pretty sure I'm not getting that close.
I don't.
I know that this isn't real.
Yeah.
The SpongeBob one's probably real.
So, you know, that meme, it's like a little yachty meme of him walking out on stage on Coachella
and now people are swapping other people out with AI.
How long until we can completely replace Leonardo DiCaprio
with Shrek and the Titanic?
That guy didn't even exist.
The whole movie?
The whole movie.
I feel like that technology is going to exist.
We'll replace him with just an older Leonardo DiCaprio.
And it's going to be like, okay, I don't know if it's five years.
I don't know if it's two years.
But there's going to start being people on Twitter going, if it's gonna be like okay i don't know if it's five years i don't know if it's two years but there's gonna start being people on twitter going if it's still around
going uh fuck it shrek titanic and then and then it'll be like the full movie and then it's a
nightmare for fucking dmca because they've now replaced elements with ai and so you can't one
to one compare i'm now creating this is gonna be be horrible for piracy. And then people aren't going to know
which version is real.
They're going to be like,
I watched a version with Shrek.
There's going to be children who are like,
yeah, I've seen Shrek,
King of the World.
Have you seen Oppenheimer,
but he's black?
I don't know if this is real.
They replace Robert Downey Jr.'s character
with his character from Tropic Thunder.
It's the Wizard of Oz, but it was all black
people, and they're like, they did it with AI.
No, that was the Wiz.
No, I think it was AI.
People pirate
the Patreon content,
but your Family Guy characters...
Okay, now that is worth it. They can start a new Patreon
for just a minute. I'll sign up.
To pay for their server costs.
We will filter our server and come back to them and lose money on fees.
Sounds good.
Sign me up.
As long as I can be Peter.
Make me the guy that plays Cleveland.
Oh, yeah.
As a boiler room worker on the luxurious Titanic.
Oh, no. It's ice room worker on the luxurious Titanic.
Oh, no, it's ice.
I cherished the job and planned to work there forever.
Cherished.
Sadly, on April 14th, 1912, the Titanic struck an iceberg. No.
For fuck's sake.
Rumors say I actually saved lives by breaking a fan door in the boiler room.
Why does it look like he's scheming?
He's holding a big iceberg.
He'll never tell.
What are you doing?
Is it you zoom in on the iceberg and it's him?
It's Shrek? He's the iceberg. It's about him. He's on the he'll never tell. What are you doing? You zoom in on the iceberg and it's him. It's Shrek.
He's the iceberg.
He's on the phone with the iceberg.
And now.
What the hell?
And then he looks like he'd go.
Yeah, we didn't answer his riddle correctly.
So we're going to get hit by an iceberg.
I imagine the iceberg like jumping out in front of the Titanic.
Like, you know, someone trying to get hit by a car. car yeah it was a rapid tectonic shift the likes of which have
never been seen jumps out there with a knife pull over yeah okay so I picked
one hold on so wait he's dead okay well he recorded all of this door in the
boiler posthumously.
Wait, go back.
He actually survived.
He saved lives.
Rumors say he actually saved lives.
What do you mean rumors?
You're telling us the story.
By breaking a jam.
Breaking a jam that was in the door of the boiler room before the ship.
Well, yeah, before it fucking sank.
Wait a second.
What do you mean rumors? Did you do it or not? Did did you start the room are you shrek or aren't you i'm
starting to think this guy's not shrek no this is michael myers right i think it's meyer michels
yeah my bad my i don't know his sounds like uh you your mouth isn't working
it doesn't feel like a thing you're allowed to say i just say all of these ones like
uh all of the designs that are in black and white and they've just made them like
like extra traditionally handsome and stuff those look like riverdale designs these look like ryan
murphy shows yeah okay that's scooby-doo uh oh that's like there's gonna be the one that's a
zombie from ryan murphy's sexy dawn of the Dead. On the CW, yeah.
Did Ryan Murphy make this TikTok channel?
Oh, he's piloting?
Yeah.
Okay, so here's my thinking.
I really need to see the Pokemon one.
I am curious about SpongeBob SquarePants.
I'm very curious about the minions.
Why did that one not go viral?
I got to say the SpongeBob SquarePants one is visually grotesque.
I had to look away from it.
Okay.
We won't do that.
But you could look at it.
Here's something interesting.
The Willy Wonka one has 4 million views.
We know about Willy Wonka and AI.
And also there's the same company that's put on that Willy Wonka thing is doing something in LA.
So we might try to take.
Should we go?
We might try.
We'll see if we can get in.
I know it's going to be tough.
Because there's one or two results.'ve tried to get in on the meme and
It's just gonna be whatever or they are genuinely still trying
They didn't like Sony when more beers everyone was making fun of it. They rerelease it like as people love this movie
I hope that they are just like oh, I guess people really like the event even less lemonade
Like I hope it's sincere and I hope they're not like oh, let's try and really like the event. Even less lemonade. Like, I hope it's sincere, and I hope they're not like,
oh, let's try and make a bad event.
Sure.
Like, I don't want that.
Tommy was those other movies.
It's like, not quite there.
Oh, I watched The Neighbors, his TV series on Hulu,
back in 10 years ago now.
And boy, is it bad.
At least it's long.
God, it's torture. It's, oh God, it's torture.
It's like actually just mixed horribly.
So it's hard to even listen to.
But okay.
So I'm starting to see a pattern where the ones that are popular are like a little bit believable.
Like Willy Wonka is really based on a guy.
Whereas like the minions, you know, obviously the minions are based on a, i'm john c minion and uh the minions are actually
based on me i was i had the intellect of a genius as a baby steve grew yeah rise of grew
oh the joker one you'd expect to do better but i think people like no he's not yeah it's from
batman also the ai's got to be the best for the joker because you didn't have to fucking change it uh let's do the minions i was it before we did the minions one it is bad the most
preposterous one i saw like really as to what the origin is do you want to get i won't be stale but
should we do it last i mean we can do it now but okay it's ridiculous which also might be why it wasn't shared
it's like the least believe do you think it's like um okay not do you think you've seen it but uh is
it a situation where there was like a lab leak and uh or or like a experiment gone wrong powerpuff
girl style it may lead there i only saw the first uh seconds, but that was enough for me to go, like, I'll put this on the podcast.
Okay, okay.
No, let's jump in.
The minions are actually kidnapped, mutated children.
Hello, I'm Kevin from 1950s San Francisco.
1950s Kevin.
Hello, I'm Kevin from 1950s San Francisco.
I am a child, and you're watching a video of me.
You know how they make one Kevin a decade?
This is the 1950s a decade Which Kevin yeah wait sorry I'm good Jeffrey Epstein the financier
Kevin
1969 Kevin the president don't be an idiot
Oh 1950s Kevin from San Francisco this This one was assassinated in San Francisco.
I see.
Fornia.
Growing up, I lived next door to a strange, tall, bald man that kept to himself nicknamed Gru.
Why?
Why is he in all caps?
Gru, after the movie Despicable Me.
Yeah, it's almost that scene in oppenheimer where they go
a young senator named john f kennedy uh voted to impeach the best part of that movie is like when
he's uh i always imagine the room like where he you know did his big famous quote or whatever
and it's maybe like people are like reacting it's maybe a little too loud and he keeps waiting for a lull to go like i am death i become i become death i become death destroyer
worlds did you guys hear me this is i've seen the horrors of this world and i have also created them
oh i've become death i've become death i've become minion destroyer of grues a tall bald man that was
nicknamed grew this sounds like a lady's voice too right well this is kevin from 1950s
don't say something so stupid he sounded insane he's a mutated child and that kept to himself
nicknamed Gru.
One night, my friend Stuart, Bob, and I snuck into Gru's house when he was away.
At first, the house seemed normal with a lot of dust.
However, we discovered his basement had a secret door to an even larger basement.
The house, you know, it's just a normal house with a bunch of dust.
Yeah, it was like, you know what's in a house?
Dust.
This house is clean.
What the hell's going on here?
It was spic and span.
Dangerous afoot.
Me, when I just walk in, I want to buy a house.
I just, every time I walk in, I'm like, what the hell? I do love that this is like horror, right?
But then it's like, then we were in the basement
and we found another basement.
Like, wow.
Crate spooky.
Just a regular basement full of dust.
Inside, we saw giant machines, lasers, and a map of the world.
That's when we learned of Gru's plans to attack major cities around the world.
We soon tried to leave, but unfortunately...
I gotta get this map in case I forget what the cities are.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Also, these are kids?
How are they, like, uncovering a plot?
Is it like, I'm Gru. He, like,ing a plot is it like i'm grew he like
wrote his whole plan down i'm grew this is a map of the world these are the cities i'm gonna attack
dude it's like the letter the uh the corgo writes and leaves oh yeah i was literally about to say
it's the letters all around the world where it's uh uh gortash's plan to attack the Sword Coast. Dude, don't forget your code for the safe.
It's your birthday.
Yeah, and that, of course, is 1995.
Around the world, we soon tried to leave,
but unfortunately, Gru caught us.
He then put all three of us into these weird yellow suits.
At first, they were loose,
but soon became skin tight as the goggles clamped onto our faces.
Suddenly, the suit began to fill up with yellow.
The hazmat children?
Yeah, they don't really wear hoods, do no are they gonna become it yeah they're basically saying
that like he put on little hazmat suits and then we became the little hazmat suits and then also
we needed to we were naked now that our body was a hazmat suit so we put on suspenders
we were nude which is weird started to harden around our bodies
That's when I realized the look was breaking down our bodies and began replacing them with the suit our childhood memories started to fade away
As we begin except for except for this one like we made a tick tock
Telling the story looks like a normal normal normal child 50 San Francisco. I'd say
Kevin already give him a name Telling the story looks like a normal child. Normal child from 1950 San Francisco, I'd say. Excuse me.
Kevin, if I were to give him a name.
Kevin from 1950.
We all know the Kevin of each year.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm sorry.
This one looks kind of like a ninja turtle.
He's dressed real nice.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've never seen a minion clean up so good.
Though he needs to shave. I guess they are. They're bought by choice the minions yeah that's a good point i guess it's just style or
just does stewie or whatever one of those called have hair does this hashtag horror talk mean
anything in black and white is scary it seems like that yeah yeah it's like, it's the slowed and reverbed song of choice.
Naya says, just spoiled my favorite show.
What's the show?
I turned to Jerry Seinfeld for a second.
What's the show?
What's the deal with- What got spoiled?
Maybe there's a minion show?
They're called the minions.
You know they work for the bad guy.
They lived during the dinosaur.
What is going on?
Well, they did it in the movie, Rico.
Dumbass.
Sorry.
But if anything gets me steamed, it's comments and people not rubbing Kevin.
We began to transform into Gru's.
I hate that there's a new line after an apocalypse.
Our friendship and names lived on, but our newfound dedication to Gru led us to recruiting more neighborhood children into his growing minion army.
The minions are actually kids.
So it's weird
because i'm what what did he i want to know how he became back to normal 1950s uh uh kevin and then
it was kevin yeah and then san francisco kevin and then also why is he still young like what is this
like it's like a confessional from a reality tv show where it's like, you're seeing inside of their brain at the moment,
even though,
you know,
they recorded it after the fact.
He quit.
When Chiara said that to me,
I was like,
girlfriend.
And it's like,
I'm about to go off.
I'm about to go off.
Here's me going off in the same outfit.
I wore two weeks ago.
You're wearing the same outfit the whole time.
Maybe he's psychic.
Also, I've never seen any minions Yeah, you're wearing the same outfit the whole time. Maybe he's psychic. Also, I've never
seen any Minions movies
including Despicable Me.
So I'm assuming this is the
story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much
word for word, bar for bar. I think the Kevin's
from 1960.
Oh, shoot. Tall bald man named Gru.
That doesn't even look, that's just a tall bald man. Yeah,
nickname Gru. Doesn't look a thing. Why can't
they have done the thing they did with Peter
where they give him like the big Gru body?
Yeah, just do Peter again.
Also why, you know, Gru has like quite a nose.
Right.
I guess we're seeing him in a portrait.
True.
Yeah, they go sideways and it's like a foot long.
And he does his voice.
He goes, man, she.
He goes, I'm Steve Carell from The Office.
Hi.
Would you like a dundee?
Thanks, Steve.
Dude, ruin.
Dude, my childhood ruined.
It's covered in rule.
What's the Pokemon one?
Because I'm like, what is that going to be?
I think these people are happy.
Like, the people that believe these are happier than us.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
The Eclipse is going to explode, but it'll be good, and I'll travel to a dimension where it's like Mike Myers is called Myers Michael.
After that, I'm like Dora the Explorer, the true story
of Dora the Explorer. That one I thought would do better.
The Dora the Explorer one? Oh, for sure.
Yeah, because it's like, oh, there could be a lady
named Dora.
Oh, I saw a bit of this one.
Ash Ketchum is actually in a coma and the
Pokemon series is just a dream.
Hello, I'm Ash and you may have noticed
how I didn't age throughout the entire series.
You'll also notice that every nurse joy and officer Jenny looked exactly the same. That's because I was in a coma
Yes, I did get my Pikachu
It's a turn of the worst when we were attacked by a flock of wild sparrows my Pikachu
It's so funny that first of all Spearow name of a Pokemon sparrow name of an animal
What that in the coma and and this is the one time they
couldn't use ai they just had to put in a fucking image of the anime they kept typing in spiro and
it kept giving like a weapon the ai is like i don't know what you want from me dude i'll put
him in a coma the um this is also like a old like theory yeah but it's it's a stupid theory because uh it's a cartoon show for kids
and it's arbitrary right you can say about any show ever made by anyone oh they were in a coma
and none of it and that's how it is explained it's all a dream actually simpsons um the uh can we go
back to just i love ai fingers can we go back to him in the coma oh yeah look at that whoa what is
going on there and he talks about himself in the coma? Oh, yeah. Look at that. What is going on there?
And he talks about himself in the third person at the beginning.
Are they about to say, because he started talking about like, you know, implying, well, Pokemon isn't real.
Sure, sure, sure.
Wrong, but sure.
Then, is he about to say how he ended up in the coma and it was by like Pikachu electric?
I'm going to guess that's where it's going yes i did get my
pikachu but things took a turn of the worst when we were attacked by a flock of wild sparrows
my pikachu let out a huge burst of electricity to protect me however it overwhelmed my body and put
me into a coma every time you saw pikachu shock me it was actually the doctors trying to resuscitate to the tree or not I don't understand why are they resuscitating like
a koopa like wait go
back who were
they resuscitating
it's his baseball cap they've just it's like taken some
of the like why is his
back like a what is that
I've been in a coma I guess
not also
you don't resuscitate someone
in a coma they should try that you also don't resuscitate someone in a coma they should try that you also you also don't
resuscitate someone by pushing on their back is that his back am i even interpreting that
turtle shell i think that's what it looks like something has happened where like clearly that
part at the bottom is like materially supposed to be a hat like a cap and then that circle in the center and red is his actual baseball
cap like pattern dude to be honest i don't know it's true but these stories are interesting to
watch and then someone else says this theory could be legit i've heard it before but there's also the
theory that ho-oh gave him immortality interesting stuff no it's not no how did bart get his yeah
stewie get his immortality well he
got it Stu James actually got it from being biased IQ ever so big and teaching
his dog to talk was actually the doctors trying to resuscitate me but they
eventually gave up and put me on life support my friends are also aspects of
my personality Brock is my repressed urge to flirt with girls again
damn legend same brock forever horny forever getting uh uh strays i guess or direct shots
my subconscious is misty for war they also just couldn't they they couldn't do brock as an ai guy
the difference is interesting.
Yeah, when they choose to use the thing.
So funny.
Misty, to help me explore those urges as Brock.
What the fuck is this?
Team Rocket is a manifestation of my negative traits.
Whereas Pikachu represented my humanity that Team Rocket kept.
You can do this about literally any story.
Take all of the characters and say, this is a manifestation of this.
This is a manifestation
that also I was in a coma.
Especially if it has themes.
It's so funny.
If you did that,
then it would literally be like,
people would go,
huh, interesting theory.
That's a pretty good point.
Stewie's actually
the manifestation.
I would get an F
in English class for that.
Stewie's a manifestation
of my resentment
towards my mother.
Right.
Brian is a manifestation
of my repressed desire to have a dog. I a furry rocket kept trying to steal from me after 25
years in my coma i finally became the pokemon master i always wanted to be sadly though this
represented me being taken off of life support ash catch oh right they had to make it scary at
the end so he died he's dead so how is he talking to us? Well, wait, how did they write? Who was looking at this?
Who was, like, getting this information from him in the coma?
Was he writing unconsciously?
It's a ghost.
Wait, maybe he's not dead.
He came out of the coma, and that's why they took him off life support.
He started speaking nonsense, and they were like,
we got to pull the plug.
Let's put it back in.
He just said he was electrocuted by sparrows or some shit.
This really makes me question.
Sarah Natachani is a bad person for this.
Yeah, she kind of did that.
She said doing his voice is going to come.
It's true.
How dare her, actually.
Tell me, I'm in a coma.
That was weird.
She did that line for 15 years.
Hey, I'm fucking dead.
Hey, I'm in a coma over here.
It's a fun duke.
Hey, start resuscitating my turtle shell.
I became a Pokemon master in my dreams.
I love the phrasing they had was like,
it was that every shark was the EMT trying to bring back to life or whatever.
And then, and then when they gave up, they put me on life support.
Also, correct me if I'm wrong, you age in a coma.
Yeah. But I guess age in a coma. No.
But I guess not in your brain.
But the whole, oh, I see.
I'm still looking at him like this, and I'm like, who is that?
That's his ghost.
That's the idea of somebody adapting a true story and being like, well, you know,
then we get an older version, then he doesn't get older.
You can't do that.
Fuck.
Japan did it, so.
I love trying to justify things that just happen in every cartoon show.
His name is Ash Ketchum, by the way.
It just is exactly Ash Ketchum.
Ash Ketchum is actually Ash Ketchum.
Ash Ketchum or something.
Yeah, they really went for it.
These are cool.
All right, let's do one more.
They've been cranking these things out.
Oh, Avatar the Last Airbender.
No way.
They gave him a semi-colored on his head.
Wait, Spongebob Squarepants, but then Spongebob Squarepants reversed.
Oh, wait, no, because I was looking at that Avatar one.
There's two Avatar ones.
I don't know which one's the really scary one.
Well, they perfected the arrow AI.
Give it another swing.
There's two Phineas and Ferb's as well.
That one, that would have a tug of way more
than the other one. There's three Spongebob
Squarepants and those two are just guys.
The Harry Potter is just
I can't do a Spongebob.
Shrek Origins Part 2
and now he looks like Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah, it's really original. I bet he died
on the Titanic.
I escaped on a
boiler room door.
Rumors are.
Did you already watch the Willy Wonka one?
No.
I feel like we should watch that one.
Let's do it.
Maybe it's true.
Did you know the movie Willy Wonka is based off-
This has to be an early one that they did
because it looks like fucking annoying orange.
It looks like it's just someone else's mouth moving.
Where's lips pink
hello i'm tonka jihari
that's so different willie wonka tonka jihari
tonka jihari a made-up person on impractical jokers
is that true all i could find on tonka jahari was an impractical joker's skit that's so funny
because like ai is just pulling from things it knows esoteric name oh here's a weird one
jarvis johnson sal volcano yeah successful businessman from the early 1900s i owned a
chocolate factory in philadelphia i was known to be stingy with money and used little people because they were cheap labor.
I also gave tours of my factory, but the tourist would disappear.
Over 200 people went missing on my tours, never to be seen again.
This is just Willy Wonka by saying it's real.
Because of my wealth and economic power brought to the city.
No one would even dare speak up out of fear.
Until a group of four friends would go.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to just be, you know, honestly, 150 people,
like let's say 150 have gone missing on the tours.
And then someone's like, do you want to go to a Willy Wonka tour?
I don't think I do.
No, why would you?
I feel, well, look at some machines and then disappear.
I do love this poster where it says,
It looks like America City.
And, yeah, so if anyone has seen...
There's a reward of...
Yeah, there is, unfortunately, yeah.
But contact...
Maybe it's Russian.
Yeah, we don't know where Tonka's from.
Tonka truck?
He's the guy with the truck.
Hello, I'm Tonka the truck.
I'm actually based on a real truck.
He's like,
hello,
my name is, um,
opt Anthony,
uh,
premise.
And,
uh,
I'm a firefighter.
Willie Wilk was based on,
and I was trapped in my truck.
And,
uh,
during a,
during a hard job.
And I started to fuse into my,
there was a,
um,
there was an old bald guy named grew and he like,
but nicknamed made me,
made me fuse into my,
fuse into my fire truck.
There was a,
hi,
I'm the true story of Willy Wonka.
I am based on the bald guy from impractical jokers.
Hello.
I'm Willard Wonkin.
Yeah, that works for me actually. Um, Hello, I'm Willard Wonkin. That would have been better.
Yeah, that works for me, actually.
This song is called Last Hope.
Slowed?
Slowed plus reverb.
Every song is slowed plus reverb.
So that it just sounds like... I do think that's one of the first Zuma things.
It was like...
Wait a second.
Is the like re-releases of like a yadi song or something
yeah through the wall at a party or something right this is dumb look at this i don't care
if this is real or not but i want this wonka movie it exists i have huge news there's a couple
there's a few you can pick oh wait let's keep going one of them's kind of that's it i need a
horror version it's not a fucking happy story.
I mean, there kind of is a horror.
The Johnny Depp one's pretty horrifying.
It's only tragic.
He killed a bunch of people.
For him, it's not that tragic.
On a tour at the chocolate factory.
During the tour, the four friends got a weird vibe from me.
Before the end of the tour, we reached a chocolate waterfall.
The group dared one another to push me into the waterfall as a harmless joke.
Gene Wilder, right?
However, after I was pushed, I sunk to the bottom.
The police were called, and they recovered me from the waterfall.
Always three police.
But I was already a frozen statue of chocolate.
In an attempt to save me, doctors used a hammer to bring me out of the cell.
I thought he was sucking his chocolate dick.
I for sure thought he was sucking his chocolate dick there.
That's it.
Hey, man.
Look, I see a giant chocolate man.
It's a matter of time.
I'm working toe to toe.
Oh, I'm starting on the erect chocolate penis.
There was this place in the Castro in San Francisco called Hot Cookie where you could get a chocolate penis.
And it's like legit good.
Yeah, I bet.
Dude, I would never eat that.
What the hell?
I'm not even joking.
How much is that?
I'm not even joking when I say
the easiest thing to eat
would be to like knock off the chocolate penis.
The dick and balls would be.
Break me off a piece of that.
Easy, dude.
Also, that's crazy.
Being fully erect in a fucking chocolate suit is insane.
Now, it's not a chocolate penis, but he's...
What is he doing?
He's like brushing it or something?
Wait, so the kids were creeped out by him and pushed him into it?
Well, they got a weird vibe.
Maybe the weird vibe was that it's an erect penis.
Yeah, he had his dick out.
You think that was a weird...
I do love the idea of-
He's got a weird vibe. Let's kill him!
Also, he was frozen
in the chocolate.
When chocolate gets really cold, it turns into liquid.
Just so you know.
...of the chocolate statue.
After a few hits by the doctor,
I shattered into a million pieces.
The local authorities then seized my chocolate factory.
It was discovered that the missing tourists were you.
So after he was shattered into a million chocolate shards,
the police were like, let's get involved.
Now we can get his chocolate factory.
Now we can get him.
Stop resisting.
They were just after seizing his factory the whole time.
After my penis got ate, I was shadowed into a million pieces.
Same, brother.
Also, when she left, I was shadowed.
I should text her.
Again, he's telling the story from beyond the grave.
I guess, yeah, they're all doing that.
He died on the Titanic.
He's a talking black and white fucking photograph like Harry Potter.
He's then seized my chocolate factory.
It was discovered that the missing tourists were used as an ingredient for my chocolate bars.
And they had their face on them.
That was unwise.
This one was Amelie.
You're eating Steven.
This one's Kevin from 1950s San Francisco.
Every time the Zodiac Killer sends him a letter,
he signs his name.
He's like, by the way, got him.
Guilty.
There's very, very few shots of this that don't have people in them.
It's like, no matter what the shot is,
it's a missing poster with a person in it.
It can't be the streets of London.
Did he say where he was?
No.
Is that Kevin?
Is that 1950 Kevin? it might be 1950 he in kevin's uh movie yeah they did show san francisco in the 1950s yeah that's true that was a depiction yeah
ai sepia town is one thing i recognize from san francisco it's very, very long open streets with palm trees.
Wide.
Just massive, wide streets.
Just intersecting market streets.
Market one, market two.
Market on every street.
Ah, dude, I miss, what was the place I used to go to with my mock chicken?
Azulina's.
Oh, dude, I miss, one of my friends just went to San Francisco and they got Burma love and they sent me a picture and I just stared at it.
And I was like, I want this so bad.
I'm eating my phone.
Tragic.
All right.
Well, this was fun.
We've got an action packed episode of Sad Boys Nights coming right after this.
If you want to hop on over to Patreon.com slash Sad Boys, where you can subscribe for as low as $5 a month and get like 50, 60 hours of content.
And like the ratio of good to bad.
It's not bad.
In terms of what we'll be talking about this week,
one, we recorded us shooting the shit before we recorded the show.
And then also we have a bunch of topics that we didn't get to in this episode,
like the Obama-themed gas station tom mcdonald
has a new music video uh and uh oh the guy who spent ten thousand dollars a month on ai girlfriends
so the romantic we'll talk about those things um and more but uh for now thanks for joining us on
today's episode of Sad Boys.
I'm Jarvis and I'm Jordan.
And we end every episode with a Jarvis and Jordan.
We love you.
And we're sorry.
I remember back when I was the only political rapper.
What the hell happened? I was the only political rapper.
You were never the only political rapper.
Dude, can you believe that J. Cole became politically aware and active because of tom mcdonald oh yeah in wa
they first found out about tom mcdonald when they were writing fuck the police and then they really
cared if they were like oh i'm sorry if i offended you yeah oh i didn't know guys i'm sorry How you doing? How you moving, girl? Moving, girl. How you delicate? That future, girl.
Future, girl.
Yeah, we on now.
Take my money.
Go away.
All you wanted.
Girl, you're too rich for me.