Sardonicast - Sardonicast 107: Uncharted, Going Overboard

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

Support the Show for $2 a month and receive all future episodes early at https://sardonicast.com and https://www.patreon.com/Sardonicast. Buy Sardonicast T-Shirts, and other merchandise at https://teespring.com/stores/sardonicast. Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/sardonicast Website: https://sardonicast.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Sardonicast Reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/sardonicast Twitter: https://twitter.com/sardonicast Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sardonicast Ralph's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/ralphthemoviemaker Alex's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/IHEOfficial Adam's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/YourMovieSucksDOTorg Alex's Twitter: https://twitter.com/IHE_OFFICIAL Ralph's Twitter: https://twitter.com/ralphsepe Adam's Twitter: https://twitter.com/2gay2lift Adam's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/YMS Ralph's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ralphthemoviemaker Intro music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/anUnkindnessvideo

Three, two, one. Hi, I'm Adam Johnston and welcome to Sargadonna cast. Oh, boy, that's what we should have done last episode. But I didn't know that we were, like, it was, that was a maybe, the jackass for it. It was like, if we have time, we'll include it. This is Sardonicast, so anyway, I'm Adam from here, movie sucks. I'm Ralph Sappy. And I'm Alex Mochi.

That was a clean one. Cool. Yeah, that was really cool. We get it, boys. We got it. I just want to say what a great lineup we have today for movies. Yeah. Yeah.

Only the best. Only the finest keynote. Yeah, keynote. Yeah. Alex and I were saying there's some like trailers out for some new shows. I don't know if you've seen any of them, Ralph. There's like, there's a few out. Have you been watching any of these new trailers?

There's like a Lord of the Rings one. There's like a. Yeah, Lord of the Rings. Yeah, you've seen that? What do you think? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. We'll see when it comes out.

That's kind of how I feel. Could be good. I mean, like, it looks. The visuals don't look great, is what I'm going to say. Yeah, I was expecting more from how much they've been talking about how big this budget is and all the resources they're putting in. 80 million billion dollars. Mm-hmm. They spent a billion on this.

Yeah, literally a billion. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, just literally. I feel like they haven't shown a lot. Yeah. maybe there's some stuff to yet be revealed, you know. I've been watching a peacemaker. That's pretty good.

So apparently, and when I say apparently, I mean, I haven't fact-checked this, but this is what people are saying. If I ever use the word apparently, that's what I mean, okay? Apparently, they don't actually own the rights to the Simmeralian or the books that you'd be expecting them to borrow from. So they might just be doing just some completely new thing that doesn't have anything to do with anything that Tolkien wrote. Oh, so it's not Simarillion?

Oh, I just assumed that's what they're going to work. That's funny. So what is this story even? Like, we've already got Lord of the Rings, like, and it's not retreading that story. I guess it's just, in the Lord of the Rings universe, it'll be just a game of thrones or something.

Like, I don't know. Yeah. Like a watered down Game of Thrones. I was kind of just expecting Game of Thrones anyway. And we're getting another Game of Thrones. Oh? Yeah, Yeah.

House of the Dragons. Yeah, it's like a prequel show, yeah. That's funny. I wonder how they'll fuck that one up. Yeah, it'll end badly again. Yeah, I don't know. There's a ton of shows like that, Outlander, Witcher, Last Kingdom. Yeah.

A lot, I mean, there's enough of them that are making money that it's a trend now. Yeah. Exactly. Well, so, yeah, what is their plan for this? Do they want this to be like a huge, multi- seasonal like witcher type thing for Amazon Prime. Is that what they're trying to position this as? They're Game of Thrones, I guess.

What I don't understand about Amazon Prime is like, who honestly has Amazon Prime for the shows and then starts using Amazon Prime for the free shipping? I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. Yeah. I'm pretty sure the only people watching the shows on Amazon Prime video are people that were already customers of Amazon Prime shopping, and they're just getting free content. So I don't know how much money they have to spend on this.

Really. Amazon Prime video could be the shittiest service ever of all time. I don't think it would change the numbers. People have the Prime account for the free shipping. It's because they buy a lot of things from Amazon. I've always seen it's like a poke. Yeah. It's not for the original content, like The Reacher show?

Yeah. The Rozier show. Oh my God. You know what I could talk about? I didn't even consider talking about this. You guys keep talking about Lord of the Rings. I'll mention something else real quick in a second. I'm just going to look it up.

Yeah, what is there even really else to say about it? I don't know what their plans are in terms of how far they can stretch this. I don't actually remember much from the trailer. There's not much going on. Yeah, I don't know. I hope it's good. That's all I can. Yeah.

Yeah, I have no idea. It's just speculation. It's hard to get excited about, you know, especially considering we've already had the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I feel like. Yeah. That's clean. The definitive. of loans.

Yeah. And it already fucked up the prequel story with like the Hobbit. That's already like a prequel to Lord the Rings. Yeah. In terms of television too, we have Game of Thrones, which is like a better, it's not a better Lord of the Rings. Yeah. And even Game of Thrones can maintain it.

It's a television version of Lord of the Rings, basically. It works in that way. Yeah. We'll see what the actual story is. Yeah. So speaking of Amazon Prime Amazon Studios, in preparation for my Oscars commentary and also, Also, I usually do a, like, Oscars, you know, Best Picture nominees review.

And then I talk about some other nominees if I find them important. So this year, I'm trying to at least skip through every single nominee. I'm trying to at least, if it's nominated even for just, like, one award for makeup, I want to, you know, just be like, okay, that's what it is. And then move on with my day and maybe not watch all of it sort of thing. And so I got really curious, especially about, like, the way that these awards are nominated. I got really curious and I looked up each of the For Your Consideration campaigns from each of these studios

and some of them are like pretty interesting So the universal pictures for your considerations page That I posted on Twitter I'll post it in chat right now so you can see it There the movies that they tried to get nominated for Oscars Are Old Candyman Sing to Dear Evan Hanson Spirit Untamed and Boss Baby Family Business

So Candyman is like the best movie out of all of those And it's not even something I would imagine Gets nominated for an Oscar None of them did So in terms of Universal's campaign They have no Did it get a song? No, none of them got any nomination

Oh good What's really funny about this though Out of all six of those You can click on the titles to see Like what specific awards They were campaigning for Oh yeah There's only two of them

that they were campaigning for a Best Picture Award, and that's Sing 2 and Boss Baby Family Business. If you click on Boss Baby Family Business and then click on the For Your Consideration tab, they tried to get best picture, best director, best sound, best visual effects, best adapted screenplay, best production design,

best original score, best film editing and best original. Like, they were going hard on this one. They thought Boss Baby Family Business was like their film. They were like, this is it. Did they just feel obliged? Did they feel embarrassed to not do it?

What was Evan Hanson? Evan Hansen? That didn't get any nominations. Let's see. They tried to do best original song, best, and best sound. Only two. Oh, okay. All right.

It was the best picture film. No, no. None of them. They didn't even try for best picture except for boss baby and sing too. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah, why the two animated ones? I don't know.

Why not for animated feature instead? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, I think they got animated featured. Well, they tried to for those ones anyway. But it's funny that they didn't even get that. And another thing of note for this is, so I just watched Enkanto last night. And a lot of people were wondering, like,

why is the most boring song from the movie? Why is that one the Oscar-nominated song when, you know, everybody's really all about the We Don't Talk About Bruno song. Like, that broke the charts or whatever. most song downloads since Frozen or whatever the fucking news bite is about that. And it's obvious why. It's because we don't talk about Bruno blew up after Disney was already campaigning for

Best Original Song for Dors, Dose or to Guidas. I'm sorry, I butchered that. So they didn't know what they had on the hands. It's depressing and interesting to think about because it's not only just that Disney wasn't aware of which song they had that was better. it's not like oh that's not even the real story here the story is that the Oscars

don't even know a song exists unless the studio campaigns for it you know the Oscars doesn't know anything exists unless the studio explicitly campaigns for it like there's this gigantic facade where the average person if they don't look into it would think like oh yeah when the Oscars nominate something it's because they watched a bunch of movies

and then they thought oh this is the best thing from this movie no that's not the case they just wait until the studios tell them which ones they should be given which awards they should be giving for what movie and then they just go oh well I guess this one and that one because I know you know they probably don't watch them

I just watched free guy last night there's no fucking way they watched that and thought best visual effects there's no fucking that's not possible which studio campaigned for that the effects were shit 20th century 20th century oh it was 20th century okay let's check this out yeah let's see

which is Disney which is not Disney yeah yeah let's see if I can find this year. So free guy, if I click on their four-year consideration campaign on the consider, yeah, they tried to get best picture

for this one too. Best director, best director, best original screenplay, best cinematography, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, best film editing.

Oh, they just like, I love it when they're so balzy. They did this with the Lion King 2019. They were trying to get best actor nominations for all the voice performances, like something that has never happened

before in Oscar's history. And they were like, yeah, we can, let's see if we can do that. But yeah, they, wow. So, yeah, the Academy saw, oh, here's the list of every studio that's telling us has good visual effects. They probably saw the poster. They're like, there's a lot of visual effects in this movie, clearly. Because otherwise, I don't understand why it's nominated.

I genuinely don't. Just, yeah, episode from the Disney Link, yeah. Yeah. I'm just wanting to, yeah, fans like it. What did you think of it? The movie? Yeah, free guy. Well, I thought I was only going to watch the first 10 seconds,

but then I was kind of glued to the cringe. I was kind of like, it was inescapable. It's another one of those movies that starts with a Fortniteirdrop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty, um, it was pretty, like, painful, like aggressively obnoxious from like the first millisecond of the film. And it just does not hold back.

Tyco Waititi has somehow made it worse. Yeah, he's actually abysmal. He's probably the worst album. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, he was awful. Yeah, which is wacky. Just the whole plot line was terrible too.

And yeah, he was awful, yeah. Just gamer stuff, you know. When it's handled like that, it's extra cringe. Yeah, it's a gamer movie for people like Jordan Peterson who are very clearly gamers. If nobody knows what I'm talking about, I'm not just throwing his name out there. Let me read his tweet, actually. Yeah, you said that before. Classic tweet, yeah.

Did I actually read out the tweet? Okay, I'm going to read the tweet Because people, if I say that, people might think I'm joking But here's his tweet, August 22nd, 2021, I went to a movie tonight at a theater. What a miracle. It's been maybe two years. Free guy, fun, smart, creative, a perfect archetypal structure.

Persona, shadow, anima, self. In that order, perfect. And that was Jordan B. Peterson. Dr. Jordan, Jordy Peterson's review of free guy. This is Letterbox review of Free Guy. Yeah. Maybe he's on the Academy.

He's on with the Oscar panel. Oh, yeah. They should have got a best screenplay from him then. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of gamers, do anybody see the Halo series trailer? Yeah, unfortunately, yeah. No, I didn't see.

But they're making that. That's on Paramount? Yeah. Paramount Plus? Okay. It's pretty sure. Is that like a streaming server? or the TV?

Yeah, Paramount Plus is another one. Everything's a streaming service now. There's another, so you're saying this is another one I have to get if I want to watch the television now. You have to get it. Oh my God, what a nightmare. You don't have to get it to watch it. You're probably going to have to get it at some point.

Paramount. Paramount. Yeah, Viacom is doing it, basically. That's pretty big. It's funny that every single television network and company that produces television media is now kind of jumping ship. They understand that television is dying,

so they're creating exclusive shows for their streaming services. Because if they want television to keep going, why are they creating content that they're not putting on television but only on their streaming service? They're clearly like, okay, yeah, we're trying to build this up,

we're jumping ship, this is fucking done. And yet, the prices for cable television have never been higher. And they just keep going up. I'm like, this should be like five bucks. You know? You should get everything. Every channel for like five bucks and people would get it, you know.

Yeah. Cable's gonna be gone. Even like 20 bucks. Every channel for 20 bucks. That would be worth it for like cable. Yeah, it's a shitty service. There's some great shows on there. But yeah, a lot of those shows, they're gonna end eventually.

And then after that, I don't know. You know, Peacemaker's only on HBO Max, right? You know, it was crazy? That Kingsman movie. It just came out in theaters. Like, I just saw it on Hulu. and I watched it on Hulu. They released it on Hulu and HBO Max, I think.

It's on Disney Plus, too. Yeah, I don't know what studio that is. It's not like I think it's Fox. I think it's Fox. Yeah, it's Fox, yeah. They distribute it. Yeah. And then HBO Max has like a contract for some Fox properties,

which is why they have the new Guillermo and stuff. So Hulu is owned by Disney, but it's a separate subscription from Disney Plus. I know. This shit confusing. existed before Disney Plus. Disney bought it and then Disney made Disney Plus, but Hulu's separate.

ESPN also they own. I think you can get them all bundled together or something, but yeah, they own all those Hulu, Disney Plus, all that. This conversation only gets worse every time we have it. It's just we're not moving

in the correct direction. They own everything, right? Unlike the HALO TV show, which looks awesome, am I right? Yeah. What did you think of that? Well, okay, it's one thing if we're going to move to a certain point in time

and be like, it is not okay for Cortana to be blue and naked. That's offensive. But didn't a game just come out this year where she's still the same? Like, I haven't played through the campaign of Infinite. Is she in that? Yeah.

Yeah. So they didn't change. She doesn't have the same. It's not quite as sexualized. Sure. But she's not nearly as that, like in the trailer for the... She's not just like...

Oh no, she doesn't look anything like the TV show. You know? I don't know. They changed the character design a lot in a way that would imply it's like, okay, we've moved past this. And that's fine if it was consistent with the games, right? But the game is not doing that. And the show is.

It's like, well... Okay. Yeah, it's the face of the actor who's playing whoever Kultan is based on, you know, that old lady, hazy character. Yeah. But they're using the face of who... voices Cortana in the games. So it really looks pretty strange

in motion. But the whole thing kind of like reeks of that to me. Not only is this years late. I don't know if you remember, but this was revealed, this project was revealed like when the Xbox won like original that, with that like embarrassing

press conference with the TV TV. Is this the same project? Yeah, I think it's the one. I think it's the same one. and that's just how long it's just been trapped in development hell, I guess. That's funny. I had no idea this was the same thing because every once in a while I feel like,

oh, there's some Halo show coming out. I'm like, okay, and then like maybe I missed it or something. Like, is this the first Halo show? Wasn't there like some produced by Stephen Spielberg or some shit? Like, it was produced by somebody? Yeah, that was the reveal that over the years, I'm pretty sure. This is the same thing?

Yeah, it's gone through, many different hands. Oh my god. Yeah, the director of annihilation was attached to one point. I'm pretty sure. Alex Garland wrote a script for the Halo movie like 10 years ago and sold it to like Bungy for a million dollars and then Bungy sold it to Universal for like 10 million and he got massively cut. Oh really? And they they like apparently built like a functioning wardhog for it and then just scrapped the project and then it never happened. I don't think that this has anything to do with the Alex Garland script. I think this is something entirely different. Because he wrote a script for like a feature length film, right? Like, maybe they'll borrow some elements from it if...

Well, yeah, because that was also... Just Halo as a property is really struggled, like, escaping the game sphere. Because, yeah, there was the Peter Jackson, Neil Blancamp, like, stuff that was going on that fill through. That's what I heard about. Yeah, and now it's eventually just boiled down to this kind of TV show that seems to be hit and like, doesn't look that great. And I just don't really know where it sits and what it can deliver.

the specifics to why these projects fail and have to get dismantled and, you know, unearthed and zomified, like, decades later, you know? So if I'm thinking about, you know, Alex Garland wrote a script or Neil Blomkamp wanted to direct it, his shorts are like the best thing he's ever made. His Halo shorts are like the best shit he's ever done. And then like Peter Jackson was going to produce. And then that just fell through. I'm just wondering, why did it fall through? It seemed like every party wanted to do it. And then somebody at the studio. was just like, nah. Like, is that literally would just happen?

Wouldn't be surprised if it was Marksoft End at that point, 2007. Maybe they were being really controlling of the license or something. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it's like, at least we have details about the Five Nights at Freddy's development hell. Scott Cawthorne, like, oh, this is the best script that I've ever seen, and it's perfect for the game. And I love every second of it. And then, like, two months later, I can't do it with this. script. We're getting

a new director also. Okay. We're on the subject to video game movies. Can we move on to... Yes, we can. The iconic keynote film that was just released by Sony, the producers behind Venom. Bravone. Called Uncharted.

Same director as Venom. And, yeah, does someone want to describe a plot? Like, it even matters? It's like a treasure hunt. There's an Indy Jones. And then a naughty dog Not Indiana Jones made it The Nathan Drake

And then Sony went That's cool, let's do something else And then we got this It has nothing to do with anything The only similarities to the game Is that they like fell out of a plane Like there's nothing about this that I feel like Is close to the game remotely

It starts with a set piece from Uncharted 3 where he's like hanging out of the cargo plane. Yeah. That's how it starts. Yeah, they pluck some imagery in settings from the games. Yeah, a lot of imagery from the fourth game I noticed too and kind of framing it around. My least favorite connection.

Yeah, I don't know about you guys, but the whole thing that makes Unchar too good as a game series is the fact that you're basically playing Indiana Jones set pieces but constructed in like a video game. That's what makes it good. Yeah, it's the Indiana Jones in the video game format. Yeah, they're great games. I love them.

Basically all of them, even four. I have my criticisms with it, but I love four. And it's like, yeah, you feel like you're like playing like a movie, like an Indiana Jones kind of movie, except it's a video game. And you have this new character. And it feels like a movie. So to a point where it's like, okay, why even make a movie out of it? You know?

Like, I just play the game. Yeah, I mean. It's based with this kind of storytelling is already. tired. We've already had Indiana Jones. We've already had National Treasure. We've already had the money. I'd rather just watch Indiana Jones. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of peaked with Indiana Jones. And you know, there is an Indiana Jones game. It sucks. Like I've played it. It's not like, like, Uncharted's much better. Unless the Lego, the Lego Indiana Jones games are good. That's not what I mean. There's like this PS2 one. That's really bad. You know, but like

uncharted works as a game. It's, they're exciting and fun. Like those set pieces are great, but it's, it's video game like it doesn't translate like these characters in this movie they're so lame and like the casting I think the casting might be my biggest criticism with the whole thing like Tom Holland looks like a little boy Mark Wahlberg's there he's nothing like sully not at and like everyone else nothing and Tonya Banderas does nothing yeah like it's just like really no one brought anything to it's like a really lame isn't it yeah yeah I mean, I just saw it this morning. It's a really lame video game movie.

Incredibly lame. Like, really bad. And I love these games. Like, that's basically what I want to say. And like, like, you know, I wanted to like the movie and it's really shitty. I would argue that even if you take away the gameplay elements of the video games, the cutscenes alone are far more competent than this film. Yeah.

They are. Yeah. The characters are great. The characters are interesting. Yeah, and the characters have chemistry and they're memorable and the actual, yeah, the dynamics between them are something rather than nothing, which we have here. And in those games, like, Nate and Sully have like a history that is long, last, like, you could tell they know they'd known each other a long time. Like, it makes sense why they help each other in this movie. It's like they just met.

Like, it's like, I'm like, I kept thinking like, why are they helping each other? Like, why are they friends? Like, what are they even doing? Because his brother, he wants to do things for his brother. Like, they don't even have a friendship in this game. you don't really set up. Because Sully's just trying to exploit him the entire time. They're both just using each other and that's it.

And like, as though that's supposed to be like charming or endearing, like they keep fucking each other over. Mark Wahlberg's Sully, he's just a fucking asshole. He's literally, he's just an asshole the entire time. He's such a piece of shit. He's not likable in the slightest. I don't understand. And to add to the point of Tom Holland looking like a baby, I agree.

And they treat him like a baby. He does the whole like, oh, I'm going to drink wine way too fast sort of thing. they're like, slow down little boy, and they're constantly infantilizing him. And yet, at a certain point in the film, we get a flashback. And it's like 15 years earlier. And it's just, it's like another guy that looks roughly the same age as Tom Holland. Yeah, I was surprised by that. Like, how old is he supposed to be?

Yeah, what I'm not to say is far fetch. Tom Holland plays Peter Parker, who's like a teenager. Like, we just saw him play Peter Parker a couple months ago. Yeah. I was just not convincing. Those are the roles that he gets. Well, I thought it was going to be a young Drake story. I thought that was going to go with.

I thought this was the flashback because of the casting. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, so when they did the flashback, I was like, oh, oh, so they really just want this to be Drake. This is Drake in this universe. Yeah, he sucks. Both of their performances were far worse than the average film I've seen them in. Like, I don't know if I can think of a worse performance from either of them, honestly. Well, the happening to Mark Wahlberg.

Like Tom Holland I can't think of one Yeah Did you ever see that That article that came out where It was like an interview with a GQ With Tom Holland And he literally describes his performance As a mistake

He was like setting everyone up for Yeah Yeah let me get the quote here Holland said that his betrayal of Drake was a more tough, very stoic take on the character instead of the character's usual goofy and aloof approach to things. Look, I haven't seen it, so I don't know if I succeeded in that, but it was an important lesson learned because at times it was less about land a mark and go through this scene and more about landa mark stand like this and see my bulging biceps. It was a mistake and is something that I'll probably never do again.

That was before the movie even came out. Yeah. My expectations were already low and like, yeah, it seems like he had no idea. even who Nathan Drake was or what he was even trying to channel. Of course. None of them did. The writers didn't. Just a vague Indiana.

It's nothing like the Nathan Drake in the game. He's too young. I guess that was the point. They're trying to start him young so they can have a franchise. But they didn't because then they had the flashback. But it seems like Tom Holland's not going to do this again. Yeah. It just seems like there's not going to be a sequel, honestly.

I hope not. And I hope it's better. But yeah, it just doesn't seem like they're interested in that, you know? And yeah, like what you're saying, Alex, there's like a lot of development problems with the movies. movie and I think it's been in development for a while I think there's been about six directors behind it or set yeah before this director there have been six directors or other directors

working on this movie yeah and they just kind of left until they settled for you know Ruben Flesher or whatever yeah yeah he reminds me a bit of Brett Ratner you know where it's just like yeah I'll do that big studio project I guess I'll just I'll just wrap this one up for you I think it's absolutely adorable that they keep going through so many fucking directors and so many different scripts being like oh we need to make this tweak or this isn't working

when at the end of the day it has Tom Holland in it just fart out a piece of shit you did it made money it's going to make money like it's Tom Holland that's selling the tickets it doesn't matter what's in your movie it doesn't matter the movie should have been but you're trying to perfect it

you already have Tom Holland in it if you want to make money you've done it. You've done it already. But how little understanding of their own IP, their own franchise do they have of this is how little identity like the uncharted, the official uncharted movie backed by Sonia's? Like I was waiting for that music to come in. And when it does come in, it was like, oh, I guess they were saving it to try and show like him becoming the Nathan Drake we know. But it was kind of more introduced as like a cameo for,

they didn't do it really. North like being there on the beach. That was lame. Yeah, the music in general and the whole music usage was really bad. Yeah, the music was fucking awful. And yeah, when they finally did start using the melody from the iconic score, it wasn't even like the same chord progression. It was like, it was this really weird thing that they were doing. And yeah, mostly for the purpose of a cameo.

They kept doing this weird, like, shitty, awful guitar, electric guitar tone that was never in any of the games, right? Like, it doesn't, the music doesn't capture anything that was in the games. right? The games sound like Indiana Jones or like Lawrence of Brainer. I want to address a potential opposing argument because sometimes people look at conversations like this and they go like what? So because it's not the game

that means it's bad? Not necessarily but there has to be an argument for why the changes are better. There has to be an argument for why a change is made if there's going to be something that diverts. If it works and it's different then that's great. But everything we're listing is like okay it's not only different it's just bad and it doesn't work right. Yeah the music is just infinite. worse than the games. It's not memorable

in the slightest. I have no... All I remember is just that ugly guitar tone. Tom Holland's performance, I wanted to mention he sounds like a New Yorker for like a third of the movie. Did anybody else think that? Yeah. What the fuck was that? What fuck was that? You know, it was just him.

It was only for a third of the movie. It was so inconsistent. Like, I don't know what the fuck he was doing. He's been in some bad stuff, Tom Holland. You know, he's got good parts. He's only been in bad movies outside of the Spider-Man. When he's not Spider-Man, he's a bad movie person. Yeah. Name one good movie he's been in other than Spider-Man.

The one with Robert Pattinson is very good. What is it? I like that one. The devil all the time. That one's good. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, the Netflix movie. Yeah, yeah.

He wasn't bad in that. He was in one good movie and it didn't, it wasn't even well-received. Yeah, he's good in that. You're right. Yeah, but yeah, like, he mostly has a really bad career. And like this is like this is a pretty bad video game movie. I mean, it doesn't do anything for that. Huge wallet.

For that kind of reputation video game movies have, right? It doesn't do anything to like make it better. It's just another one of those, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The funniest part about this is like this is a Sony film. So you can't even say like, oh, the rights went off to some studio that doesn't

understand the franchise. So of course they bastardized it. This is just what so this is the level of respect that Sony gives to their own properties. Yeah. And that's disgusting. Yeah. They don't give a shit. Even down to basic stuff, like the costume design or whatever, like, did Mark Warburg

just refuse to like grandma stash or die his hair or whatever? Like, he didn't have to look that way. Like, they could have put some effort in to try and evoke the original. Well, yeah, from a base level, it should not have been him. But like, you know, like, evokes something to remind you of the games that isn't just like... The set pieces. The worst thing about the movie, baby. Yeah.

It's shocking. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't add to it. I can at least understand from a business perspective why they would cast Tom Holland. It's because he gets people in the seats. I do not understand from a business or practical perspective why Mark Wahlberg was in the film. It's not like people are watching it because he's in it. Yeah. So I don't understand why he's there.

Sure. It's just reading reviews. What I got from reading the many bad reviews this movie got, like the general criticism was that it wasn't faithful to the games really and that it took no risks. Yeah. It just didn't do it. It's very bland. And I basically agree with that.

I basically agree with that sentiment. Yeah, it's like incredibly forgettable movie. Sure. And it tries to, you know, have all these puzzle, riddle solving scenes and stuff like that.

It's very bland. The setups and the payoffs are really predictable. The thing with the lighter is so obvious. Like at the beginning, he's like, oh, I have this lighter. It always works. And I'm like,

oh, so the lighter's going to like help him out, like later in the movie. at the very end. Yeah, he uses it to light a can, and it's fucking stupid. That was so terribly presented, too. I have a lot of issues

with how the action is presented. Not just that setup, not like the Chekhov's lighter thing, but like visually, how they're communicating that. They're building up so much to that canon. He's like, oh, and then he notices he's going to do it.

It's like, oh, yeah, this is coming. And it's almost like, you're almost tasting like there will be a somewhat satisfying moment in this film. And then they show it, and it's like, wait, what the fuck just happened?

They did like a quick POV shot from the cannonball and you never got to like see anything. Yeah, that was terrible. It was like the laziest most confusing close shot way they possibly could have found it. Yeah, like, so they do all this buildup. You're like, oh, yeah, I get to see something cool. And then it's like, what the fuck? Like, you didn't see it. You're implying it happened.

Nobody saw anything. It's too quick, right? It's like a second. Yeah. But like that's all the action. Like the crash afterward, the helicopter crash happens. It's like a second. Like you barely process.

All of the action scenes are abysmal, honestly. the fight choreography, the way things are shot. That's the best thing about the games are those set pieces. That's why you play them. They're really epic and cool and like even well shot from like a cinematography like perspective, even though it's a video game. Like the shot composition, the lighting and like all that and the games are great. Like every set piece, the one on the boat when it's like sinking and there's like a flood

of water behind them. There's tons of interesting memorable. It's incredibly memorable and funny and yeah, like really cool. Yeah. this movie either tries to replicate that to like a lesser effect, like with that opening, or yeah, the set pieces they come up with on their own, they're very lame. Yeah, it just doesn't translate. Again, that was a very lame set piece.

And I don't even remember half of them. There's a few, but like there's moments where I notice the choreography was really bad and just like unconvincing. Throughout. Yeah, just like it didn't look convincing. It didn't like people were getting hurt. It just takes it to the absurd level. It was actually reminding me of the way Fast and Furious uses action.

It's like, yeah, just nothing matters. This is so ridiculously, like, absurd. It's not like an Indiana Jones where the main character is getting beat up, and he's only just scraping his way through these, like, action moments. It's way more, like, just taking it to the extreme where he's, like, falling and jumping from item to item. And, like, just the set pieces from the games take into this ridiculous extreme. Like, instead of, like, the, um, the image. imagery of the end kind of fight in uncharted four is are those two boats that they find and there's like a kind of sword fight in the fire as like the conclusive like an area that they fight in but in the movie it's like the next level the two ships this time they're attached to helicopters being lifted out of a cave and they're swinging around and there's like a pirate battle in the sky and it's just so ridiculous and it's like what am I attaching myself to here like the the choreography is not good

action. It's not like absurd enough to be entertaining and it's just irritate. Like in Fals Imperious, I don't care because it's not like evoking anything. It's just pure, pure absurdity for absurdity sake, whereas Uncharted is based on an IP with some kind of expectation with some kind of, you know, you want to see something from that. Yeah, I expect a little modicum of fun maybe. I don't know. Well, like, yeah, tension maybe is quite important in action scenes. That helps. Good characters. You know, the games have very good characters. No good characters.

Chloe in this movie. Yeah, she's a very bad character in this movie. Annoying. Yeah, in the game she's just there to trick people. And almost die and get saved and then trick him again. Yeah, it's very boring in this movie. Yeah, and Uncharted 2, she's very interesting. It's not a good sign for their whole movie division because it bothered me.

As the movie opened, they had their, like, custom-made, Sony, special intro showing like god of war oh yeah the last of us yeah yeah this is our new division yeah yeah it's like that full trans media now like forget about like the attempts from the past like uh I don't think I saw that fucking

ratchet and clank movie stuff like that I think that was going to be a sly cooper movie you forget about those ones I forgot that exists if this is like where it's going I mean it's not a good start no I wonder how this like this like Like this HBO, Last of Us stuff's going to come together if it's the same amount of care. I have no faith in that after seeing this, yeah.

They should have just thrown in Spider-Man or some shit. Thrown in Venom, you know? They should have some other stupid IPs you have. Yeah, get Venom of Morbius in there. Throwing venom and down-tarty. That was interesting. I get their logic of wanting to explore a young, like Nathan Drake, because I guess the way you could look at is this is like Canon with the video.

games, you know, because it isn't really connected to anything in the games. Yeah, you could just say, oh, this is canon with the video game universe. Not that it matters, because, you know, on its own, it just doesn't really work as a movie. Yeah. There's a lot of bad parts. I'm just going to list one issue I had. It was like with the sound, it's toward the end of the movie. They're in a helicopter.

And Nate says a line to Sully, but Sully can't hear him, even though the line is like completely audible, but it's they're in a helicopter. So then they put like the headphones on and then he says the line and then he can hear it. But like you hear Tom Holland say the line. It's not like the line is inaudible, you know? Like it doesn't make sense. It doesn't. The line should have been inaudible if that's true.

If that was the joke. Yeah. But the way they did it, it just didn't work. It was just confusing. There's like a million moments like that in the movie. Yeah, all the humor. Like the humor is very really, really charming in those original games. But how it's translated here is like Tom Holland going through Mark Walbur's phone.

And it's like, oh, you got Tinder on here, buddy. That's the joke. He has Tinder. It was like Space Jam with the Twitter or whatever. The name using Twitter joke. It's the same exact shit, yeah. It's just Tinder is the joke. He has Tinder.

He has Tinder. It's not for your Tinder profile or something like that. Yeah, it was so obvious they were like just leveraging the charm of the leads to try and sell the awful jokes. It was like edited around certain punchlines. I don't know about like the crowd you saw it with, but it was pretty silent for all of the human. I had no laugh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there were quite a few people at my showing.

Yeah, none of it was funny. No, no. I think Tom Holland can be like charismatic, like at times, but he's not utilized well in this movie. Even him being charismatic wouldn't save it. Mark Wahlberg sounded like he was slurring his lines for half the movie. It seemed like he showed up on set drunk or some shit. Like, I don't know what was going on. I couldn't understand him half the time.

And in the trailers, there was like a shot where he did have a mustache and, like, he acknowledges it, but I don't remember that in the movie. No, I was going to, I was going to bring that off. Maybe it was a Justice League thing. That's crazy that they didn't put that in the movie, because, yeah, he doesn't have a mustache in the movie at all, right? That's really funny. Was it a post-credit thing? Because I left. Like, maybe it was in that, maybe like an after credits thing.

Oh, maybe. No, it wouldn't, I didn't think it would make sense. There is that little, like, teaser where it's like, yeah, the uncharted four brother stuff is. what we'll do with the next one if we make enough money here. Oh, yeah, the way they ended that fucking post credits thing where they come out of the door, they're like, whoa, and then it just doesn't show what they said woe to? It's like, it's not going to mean anything.

What is it going to be? Like, another memorable character? Like, what do you? They haven't introduced to his other girlfriend. I think her name's Elena. Thank you. One one. Yeah.

Yeah. They need to do that. Yeah, that's probably who it was. unironically if this movie was the exact same and then like instead of you know continuing the pirate ship thing maybe they were doing like the uncharted one stuff where they like go into a tomb and then they're like oh there's some sort of demonic thing and then venom shows up people like you'd you'd double your revenue even if you didn't advertise in the trailer as soon as it got out like that would have been cool venom's in the movie this is an MCU thing then everybody would have to everybody would be obligated

to watch it. Oh my god. A Sony crossover movie? That would be really cool. Just like throw everyone in. You own the IP. You can do it. Uncharted. Who else? Ratched and Clank. Right? Like those Ellie and Joel. Yeah. Just throw everybody in. Yeah, just ready play one on it for alone.

The infamous guy. It would be so cool. That would make it. The movie would go up one point at least for me. Yeah. It would be a better film. No, just do like a separate movie like with this idea. Yeah, I have like the sack guy in it from. sack boy yeah

best character names so everyone in venomized sack boy yeah venomized sack boy yeah yeah and then we could

sell funco pops of it I don't know what else is there to say about that nothing we're moving on two out of ten good movie yeah

one out of five yeah one star yeah I agree with you Alex I think we're all in agreement yeah I wish I liked them more yeah just nothing I'll watch it again and maybe

fine really I don't like about it. Okay. Yeah. I would never watch this again. It's not painful. That's why I'm not giving it a house though. It was really boring.

Yeah. Yeah, the boring stuff. That's for the most unful of a capable thing. I don't remember the last time that instead of just going pee in the middle of the movie, I went pee and then went and got a beer and then came back. Because that's what I did with this movie. I was like, nothing's happening. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't have missed anything. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really do that I did that with this film yeah

it's time for the movie recommendation from Ralph we got some extra quino in this house oh yeah something better than I charted yeah introduce it

oh okay so the movie I picked for us to watch I picked a bad movie for us to watch because I enjoy a bad movie discussions are very funny and this is like a really infamous one it's called

going overboard and starring Adam Sandler. I'll just read the thing from Lundka Jem. A struggling, yeah, yeah, just had a good career since. But, you know, if you'd seen this movie, you'd be like, yeah, he's not a good actor. So here's just the plot description. A struggling young comedian takes a menial job on a cruise ship where he hopes for his big chance to make it in the world of a cruise ship comedy, in the world of cruise ship comedy. Yeah.

Yeah, so he's like just like a like a pool boy working on this cruise and then he becomes a comedian. Yeah, but he's like in competition with this other comedian who's like a big bully. Like dicky or whatever. Yeah, I think that's his name. And then yeah. And so like Adam Sandler just wants to go on stage and tell jokes and just prove to everyone that he's funny. And that's like basically what's going on. And there's like all these like pointless cutaways to like just women talking about random shit and

and Adam Sandler is like the worst actor like in this movie. If you had seen this movie like I think this is his first film or like one of his early scenes. It should have been in before S&L. It could have been. I mean if you had just seen him in this movie at that time, you'd be like this guy has absolutely no charisma.

Like this is no talent. You would like this guy has no chance in having a career. Right. And now you see uncut jams like he's great and uncut jams. Unironically, I'll say he gave a great performance. that movie. And he's been good in other movies, Punch Drunk Love, and I don't know, a couple

other ones. He's had a bad run of movies, too, mostly his comedies with Happy Madison. But if you would just see in this movie, you'd think this guy is no talent. He's not going to have a career. He's horrible in this movie. He's horrible, even more horrible than, like, the most horrible you've

seen him, if you haven't seen this. Like, worse than Jack and Jill. Like, he's just like this scrawny, ugly guy. Like, he'd be you're like, why is this guy in a movie? He does faces sometimes. He walks silly sometimes. He is horribly unfunny.

And yet his stand-up routines are like, just terrible. I want to get your perspective on this movie, but... Oh, I loved it. I thought it's my favorite movie the year. Yeah, yeah. Of the, I'm retroactively giving my favorite movie of 2022 to a film that was made in 1989.

Did you like that? They used the song from Baby Driver. One of the songs for Baby Driver. Oh, did they? Which one? Yeah, there's nowhere to run. to baby no I didn't recognize it from baby driver yeah yeah I didn't know that is that why was your favorite oh yeah yeah this was um this was a special special kind of bad this was a special

kind of bad it's a bad comedy they start out the movie giving you the lowest expectations you could possibly have they're like we didn't spend any money and this isn't a real movie as if that's like It's a full war breaking. Good joke. I couldn't believe it. Like, like, seeing like grownups too

and some of the other Adam Sandler movies that have the rep for like, yeah, he's basically like going on holiday with his friends and like making a movie. So when his first like full production, like five minutes in, he directs the camera,

just straight up breaks the fourth wall saying, yeah, this is just like some bullshit we like put together on a cruise. Fuck you. That's how it's like is introduced. Basically. I don't think he was a producer on this, right? Like, this is...

Oh, wait, he's credited for additional material in writing from Valerie Bremen as the main writer. Maybe he's that stand-up. Yeah, I mean, that could just be improv, and she was trying to help share the blame or something. Yeah, this is the passion project of Valerie Brayman. This is her first film. She went on to direct four other films,

one of them starring John Favreau, actually, which is interesting. There's official selection at Sundance called Love and Sex. I'll watch that at some point. But anyway, this is her first film, and it should have been her last. Just like Adam said, no one should be allowed to keep making movies after making this first.

This should have been the last for everybody. Yeah, everybody involved, you're canceled. I'm sorry. You can't make this. This is really bad. You can't even say it's an exaggeration when you're calling this one of the worst movies ever made. There's a 1.2 on Letterbox. It's not great.

It's really a... It's really tedious. It's a tedious movie. What do you think, Alex? Lots of good actors that are wasted, like Bert Yonge. Yeah, some really random cameos. Billy Zane. Billy Zane.

Completely wasted. Like, unfunny. probably the best part of the movie was Milton Burrell. He's like a, he's like a famous comedian. He may not know him now, but like, you know, maybe at his time, he was like a very famous, like American comedian. His part was like one of the least painful scenes, maybe. But for some reason, they added like a laugh track over top of his jokes.

I don't know why. Yeah, that was weird. He like, tells a joke and he's like, ha, ha, ha. I'm like, what? It's trying to be quirky throughout the film. But it doesn't make sense. It thinks the fourth wall breaking is funny. is like, oh, look, isn't it my best friend?

Hey, what are you doing? Oh, I'm just talking to this camera. And then the scene just continues like, ho, ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, ha. Whoa, like, Jesus Christ. I couldn't imagine being, like, stuck in a theater full of people watching this movie. Like, that's some genuine torture.

There's just nothing worse than, like, a bad, bad comedy like this. There's nothing worse. Because it's just, you can't even laugh at how bad it is, because it's trying to make you laugh. It's just sad. It's uncomfortable, yeah. I was laughing, thinking about you guys watching it. That was making me laugh.

Just these, like, painful scenes. Yeah, it's definitely one of those. Nothing happening. Just like, yeah. What about just like the perverse, like, beauty pageant angle? Like, that's one of the big selling points of the movie is that, like, the bird is just full of, like, women. Constantly. Yeah.

Well, that's, like, the story is basically, like, the main character is just Adam Sandler, who's upset that no one finds him funny and that you can't get laid. Yeah, exactly. He wants to be funny so he got laid. He doesn't respect comedy or anything. He just wants to get laid. But like no one likes him because he's ugly. And annoying. Yeah. If we took this exact same film and it was directed by Tim Heidecker, it would be genius. It would be more ironic.

Well, exactly. It would be like, damn, you really captured the most awful thing you can imagine. Yeah. I was imagining what like Sasha Baron Cohen would do with some kind of like, you know, the opportunity to like combine the interviews with a bunch of like, you know, models or whatever and try and make a joke out of it in some way because there are these like interspice scenes of the, all the girls being interviewed, these like random questions that seem to just be just plucked in whenever it's convenient. Like the structure is just like so random. It's like, yeah, mostly random cutaways and just like gross out.

jokes and yeah it just it just juggles between being like something like a woman in a bikini or like a seagull shitting in someone's drink if i had a million dollars i would buy all the clear a sill so no one would be able to stop popping pimples or so no one would be able to stop their pimples and i could pop all of them yum pus that was a joke this was written by an insane person that belongs it should be institutional is asylum yeah Lock him up. Lock her up. Hashtag lock her up.

Valerie Breaming. What was the beginning with like the VHS tapes and he puts the VHS tape? Oh, the joke was that he has porn. Yeah, I think that was them trying to be like meta. The joke was that he has porn in his house. That was the joke. It was just so confusing. The porn exists.

Did you like the animated intro? Yeah. Oh, that was awful. Yeah. It's the best. Three minute long like. It goes on forever. Very long.

It feels eternal. Before like anything has happened, before there, you know, I was thinking like, man, it's so weird for a comedy to open up and not have a joke and then do this long credits. And then I had to realize like, oh, just the showing the porn was a joke. So they thought it was a joke. It actually takes, it takes such a long time for anything to get started in the movie, like for the story to get going. Because there's an opening and then the animated thing and then the girls talk.

And then Adam Sandel looks to the camera like, yeah, this movie's going to suck. Yeah, and then he slowly Like no story He does a silly walk up the entire ramp Not just, it doesn't cut away It shows the entire walk up the ramp Of him doing a silly walk to silly music That's, he's so silly

Guys, he's silly Yeah, just silly face pulling This was genuinely fascinating Apparently he's so embarrassed By this film that on his website where he lists all the projects he's been in. It does not list this one. Imagine being Adam Sandler,

like so embarrassed by a movie after having created other things like Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill. Yeah, but he's like, he's like, this one is embarrassing and I don't want to be reminded of it. If I ever meet Adam Sandler, I'm going to say, I loved you in going overboard,

and then I'm going to dab and leave. That's my plan. Well, you know when we saw the poster when Ralph, like, recommended it and we'll make him fun of how just awful that poster on IPB. The one on Amazon Prime is like even worse. Like somehow there's an even worse version of the poster

of like two bikini girls. Yeah, I think that might be the original maybe because the, this film got re-released in like 1996. So this is before Adam Sandler became famous. 1989. This was like one of his first roles.

And then he got famous from like Happy Gilmore and Saturday Night Live. And so they were like, oh, let's capitalize on this. We have Adam Sandler starring in this film. We'll pretend it's like a new movie. So they re-released it in 1996. That could be why there's different posters.

I found an ad, like the trailer for the re-release. And it's the most dishonest thing that you'll ever see in your entire life. It's on YouTube. You should search it up. It's just trailer for going overboard. It says in the trailer just with big titles and the classic 90s voiceover reading the titles, saying, first, there was Billy Madison. There was Saturday Night Law.

Now Adam Sandler is a cruise ship waiter fishing for last. It's like you're implying you're implying that this is happening after when you say first then and then now You're implying that this wasn't before all of those things. That's incredibly dishonest like that's the most dishonest way you can market That's really sneaky. Like holy shit you're just lying. You're just lying But wow. Yeah the posters are really bad both of them. I see two one of them is like you know him with his hands up in the air and there's the two girls behind him. Right, that's a bad poster. The girls look like cardboard cutouts.

Like, yeah, the bad father. He looks like a cardboard cut out in that one. Yeah. But then there's the other poster. It's like him on a raft. Is that the one? Yeah. And he's like, he's like,

he's like goofy face with his teeth out. Yeah. So it got like bucked to you. But that that poster is implying that he like, you know, gets off the ship and it comes like a life upon. Going on a board. But, you know, that's not what happens. Yeah.

He's just a comedian on the ship. Yeah, that whole part of the movie were the only thing going overboard was that the comedian, I guess, the bad comedian. His hat flies into the ocean and that makes this girl think that like he sank, even though it clearly just looks like a hat. Like it doesn't look like a person. There's no reason to believe anybody went overboard. Yeah, exactly. And he's meanwhile, like locked in the bathroom. Yeah, he's not dead.

A bathroom that no one ever wants to get into for the next few days or whatever. Yeah. They have a funeral for him. Everyone's really, really sad. And they're like, Why can't you be as funny as Dicky or whatever his name is? They're so mad at Adam Sandler. And then at the end of the movie, when the terrorists literally, like, throw the guy overboard, everyone's like, yay!

It's like, I thought you were, you spent, everybody spent the last fucking hour of this movie complaining that he was gone and being sad and mourning him. And then he's back and you guys are like, ah, get rid of him. Like, what changed? What happened? There's no consistency. Like, not like, I don't think... It's like, the movie just doesn't care. It's so bad.

The movie just doesn't give a shit. It thinks that what it's doing is funny, but it's not. It's not funny. At all. His name is Dickie. It's sticky diamond. Okay. And Adam Sandler's character name is Schmecky Moskowitz.

Yeah. Schmecky. But they got the balls to try and give it this, like, this heart, you know? It has to have the scene where it's like, yeah, the power of laughter. Oh, yeah. channel the power of laughter to heal and it's like well you can't simultaneously do that while starting the movie with the fuck you this like is we're acknowledging that this is not an important project in any way also not just the beginning of the movie but like

these weird cutaways where it's like now time for some beautiful girls yeah for like 10 minutes or some shit like or what feels like pointless yeah pointless shots of like women in bikinis yeah and then but they're like talking about like I can't get people to laugh and he's like why don't you tell some jokes he's like good ideas But first let's look at some beautiful women and he makes like a dumb face of the camera and the other actors like I don't know what he's doing He's looking off like into the into the distance It's so awkward Yeah, when I first saw it like that's so awkward

In this comedy film we're gonna be like no jokes can wait We're gonna do this instead And then there's like actors that we talk forever and then Adam Sandler shows up and he's like actually these guys aren't important to the story, but we're just gonna let him keep talking anyway What the fuck? What's the point? None of it's funny The dialogue that they're saying isn't Like comedic what so one of them's gross it looks like it's just choose tobacco or something like I don't understand So weird it's funny how quickly the space between like When when Adam Sandler's character finally has a moral compass at the beginning of the movie

He's like that guy's telling stories about how he beat someone up I better do something about it But like what was it 20 seconds before he bed a woman like bird poop Bloody Mary because she was rude? I'm, I don't know. That's more serious. I don't know if you have a moral compass

or if I'm supposed to believe you do. It's kind of weird. It's so terrible. This is the whole part with like the pirates or whatever breaking out of the ship. Yeah, the terrorist characters. Yeah, terrorists. Yeah.

The terrorists. It just comes out of nowhere. Well, they were. were directed by the man, what was he? Like the Spanish guy that was watching everything through his VHS TV and was getting all the angles and he was like God or something and he sent the Islamic terrorists to show up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, the other actor.

The other one. Yeah, Bert Young. His name is General Noriega. Really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's aged like fine wine, that's for sure. Oh, my God.

Okay. Yeah, that whole part was so pointless. Yeah. And he's the guy who, like, finds the VHS tape at the beginning. I don't even understand, like, the connection there. He's to send the terrorists. It's just like, wow, funny cutaway. He's angry at some of the things that are happening.

He's just like the audience. It's like when the terrorists show up and, like, this is right out, you know, he was starting to do some stand up or whatever, the terrorists show up. And then everybody's like, Whoa, wow, crazy. Running around. It's so crazy because now there's a bunch of action happening. But it's all just one stationary shot just showing the microphone.

And everybody takes turns, like, looking at the camera and running in front of it and going like, whoa, crazy. And then runs away. It's like, this is the laziest fucking way you possibly could have filmed it. It's not funny. Please just fucking stop everything. Everything you're doing. The whole movie looks terrible.

Mm-hmm. The, like, the way it's shot even and the lighting. It's all terrible. completely off framing for most of them. I don't even know how you mess up like a basic comedy like this, but yeah, it looks terrible. His head is like too low,

like in some shots. Yeah. It just be higher. I'm like, yeah, it's just terrible. Well, because they're working on a real boat and they have like a very limited amount of space where they can put the camera. You can definitely tell that this was an issue,

especially during the chase scenes when the terrorists are actually running around chasing them. Like the shots that we get there are just so like, ugh, like I guess he didn't have much to work with. I mean, you probably still could have done a much better job still. There's a funny bit of trivia about this saying

that the camera crew forgot to bring a box of lenses on the ship so the director of photography was forced to shoot with the wrong lenses. Okay. That's the kind of level we're talking. Oops, we forgot. It's like, whatever, it's a comedy. Yeah, who cares? It's the fuck you movie.

This is why Adam Sandler says, the lenses doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's free on YouTube. The best platform to host this movie. It's the best thing about it. Because you can watch it in two times speed, which I eventually did. Unlike other times where I've done this,

it didn't really make the movie better. It just made it end sooner. Which, I mean, was a blessing on it. I would say that does make it better. Yeah. I watched it twice in slow motion. Oh. Zero.

I watched it twice. Yeah, I watched it really slow. Capture every D. detail of every frame. It's an hour and 39 minutes long, but it probably took me about six hours to actually It feels like six hours, yeah. You kept pausing? I did too.

I'm glad. Yeah, I was like, I had to stop at some point. I actually had to stop. I'm like, this is painful. This is like really bad, which I did not expect. You know, I made it through Jack and Jill and all those, you know, they're terrible. Yeah, I've seen like a new level. I've seen like a new level.

I saw grownups in a theater. I'm like, yeah, that was bad, but I could sit through that. This is actually hard to sit through because it's so random. It has no any, like any structure or anything. There's no story. It's just direct. Constantly cut away. Content.

I just can't believe that, that fourth wall breaking stuff. Like how early on that Adam Sandler shit was to doing that. I was so blissfully unaware that it started. First beautiful women. Yeah. It's so fucking sad and desperate. Fucking hell. Yeah.

It is very desperate. Without any exaggeration. or hyperbole, you could legitimately, unironically, use this as a torture method in Guantanamo Bay. If this was playing loud, and that was all that was in a room and it was playing loud on repeat, you'd fucking destroy somebody.

They would, like, they would commit Minecraft, you know? Like, they would just be done. It's so annoying. You could legitimately use this as a torture device, a torture method. Yeah. If you were forced to watch this. A Christmas movie he did where he does that annoying voice.

Yeah, put them both on loop and you won't last them. Oh, yeah. Eight crazy nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so annoying. Only the finest keno. Man, I don't know what else to say about it. I mean, it's terrible.

I feel like we covered all the bases. Dickie gets saved by God. Oh, yeah. God opens the door to the bathroom. And he says, jokes on you. I'm an atheist. There's a lot of those. like where it's just you you do just go okay you understand the joke that they're going for

but it's like holy fuck it in what world is that funny in what world is that a fucking there was one good joke in the hallucination you said is that a straight jacket for you it might be a homo jacket yeah the one time i laugh was um like i just wasn't expecting it at the end, fucking the, like, Poseidon shows up whatever, and he introduces his daughter, and every time he says her name, he, like, just screams her name

for no reason. It's just, you know. I don't even remember that, so. Well, yeah, I was, I was hoping you guys would, like, understand that bit or something. Like, maybe there was a joke I missed, because maybe they were just reusing the introduction audio.

Yeah, I feel like at that point it gave up to it. I feel like at that point it came up, yeah. lymie bit yeah it just ends with more yeah misogyny you know this is a random woman yeah

it's uh not not the best film from 1989 or any year oh did you notice that thing in the credits I just left the credits running and at a certain point it just like devolves

into like maniacal laughing and it was that was that was fucked up in two times speed I remember that that was weird Hey hey hey I was to write too Yeah

I left to write in too Yeah And that's like a really annoying song too yeah Everything about this movie's fucking terrible It's I think

I think we should I mean I'm not gonna suggest any If I was If I was responsible For how genres were listed on certain film or

information websites I would if there was a genre for torture, I would change it to torture. Because I don't know if comedy describes the genre of this film. I think torture should be a genre and that this film would be,

you know, more aptly known as torture. Yeah, it's more torturous than like movies with real torture scenes in. Yeah. There's more torture as than like martyrs. There's more torture in this movie than any of the saw film.

Yeah. It's like watching the Human Center here or something like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It is, it's, there's nothing worse them watching a bad comedy like this. Yeah.

Because you can't even laugh at how bad it is. It's just, you know, the room is funny because it's trying to be a drama. This is not. This is trying to make you laugh. I was enjoying the first half.

Every gag is horrible. Because of how fascinating it was. But eventually the novelty wore off and I had to increase the speed of the video. I'm definitely glad I watched it because it is fascinating. It's a fascinating

kind of train. wreck. Yeah. I'm shocked by it. Yeah, it's really like fucking awful. Just the jokes are so bad. Yeah. His improv to the camera. He lacked any charisma. I swear you'd think this guy would have no career if you saw this and like whenever it came out. The 80s. He'd be like this guy's no chance in having a career. He's not funny. He's just horribly unfunny. And yeah, he's gone on to do great stuff.

Yeah, like uncut jams. Yeah. Uncut Jams is a great movie. And he does a great He gave a great performance in it too Do you guys like any of his actual Like comedies? Because I've any Yeah aside from my uncut gems and the serious dramas

He's in and the old comedy Like I've never seen like You know I've never seen Little Nicky or like Waterboy or any of this shit You've never seen Little Nicky Not like you need to It's just I watched it a lot when I was little There's it's probably not a good movie

But Yeah It's just a It'll be like a nostalgic one if I ever returned to it. You know, he's in Meyerowitz's stories. We talked about that. That was a good movie. Yeah, he's in some PTA.

He's been in good stuff. Yeah, he's in the punch drunk love too. Like, we've talked about him before and good stuff. Yeah. His bad movies, I've seen bedtime stories. Do you know that one? I'm aware of it. I never watched it.

That's horrendous, that one. Yeah, of course. Yeah, really bad. His famous ones are like the Waterboy and I think, The wedding singer. Yeah, the wedding singer. Those are like the movies he's made out are actually good. But yeah, like the shit he's in now.

It's kind of, I don't know if it may be slightly better than kind of going overboard, but it's like the same kind of quality, like Jack and Jill and Pixels and just go with it. Grownups, click. Like I've seen all those. They're terrible. They're all like the same kind of shit. Like that's most of his career. He's one star like really bad comedies where he goes on vacation.

he goes on like a cruise ship or he goes on a beach he casts like a bunch of like hot women like Jennifer Aniston Kate Upton like Selma Hayek whatever and and they just like fuck around for a week like that's it and you pay to watch it like there's no story there's nothing going on it's just like a dumb comedy

and like the worst ones are the ones with plots like click like that one's even worse because it's like trying to get some emotion out of you it's fucking horrible this was his first feature length film going overboard This was his first feature Yeah, that he's starting

You would swear he would have no career after that He shouldn't I don't know why Just being fair, he shouldn't Yeah, it's shocking Yeah, it's shocking, yeah It's not even, you can't even say like Yeah, he'd like learn from it

He'd learn his full lesson when, yeah, there is like the Jack and Jules and like Yeah You've grown up too, so It's a toddler, ridiculous six Oh, the cobbler, yeah, shit Yeah, that's my boy Yeah, there's a ton of them

Anger management, awful. Yeah, this is the one who's embarrassed of. Yeah, and think of all the bad movies he produced, like all those Rob Schneider movies, the Bucky Larson, the Kevin James vehicle, like, suitkeeper and all that shit he does with his friends, ridiculous sticks.

You know, it's constant, like awful movies, the fucking awful Netflix movies, like the do-over. You know, constant, like, awful stuff. It's mostly that,

but he's got some good dramas in there. and, you know, he's like an oddity. Yeah, every once in a while. People, like, respect his film work. I think we all respect his, like, films that he's good in. Like, we all, like, punch-trunk love. We rate that highly. It's just, yeah, this shit is, it's like the total opposite side of the spectrum of, like, an actor.

Where you just see something so awful. It's, like, a really diverse range in his, like, filmography. One out of ten, this is, uh, This is like, it's unironically torture. It's one out of ten. Mm-hmm. Yeah, there's really nothing positive I can point out. This one is, you got it right?

It's torture. It's torturous. I couldn't quite believe it sunk to the levels it did, but I guess it's appropriate considering that. Yeah. The setting, half star. Fuck this one. I'm with you guys, half star.

Mm. Good pick, Ralph. Great pick. Okay, let me ask this question. Is this the worst? film that we've had a full discussion on Sardonicat. I think Ben and Arthur's worse. I think this is worse than Ben and Arthur. Ben and Arthur was fucking hilarious. It is. It is entertaining.

It is great. You are right about that. Ben and Arthur is my favorite movie. I think, I think it might be. It is the worst. I genuinely think it might be. I can't think of a worse one. It might be. Listen, Ben and Arthur like neck and neck for me. Ben and Arthur is so poorly made. Just, yeah. Just unrelenting contempt for the audience. They made that movie for fucking five dollars. Yeah, exactly. gotta give Ben and Arthur some credit, you know? They had like, nobody had any experience. They were using non-actors.

You know, this movie's got, this movie had enough of a budget for all those cameos, right? And then they said they didn't have a budget at the beginning. Like, they were working with a real film crew. They, like, did the whole thing on that boat or whatever. Yeah, this is like a real production. It's just a horribly painful comedy. Yeah. They had less of an excuse to make, like, a bad movie, and they made a worse movie.

Yeah. So. Ben and Arthur's saving grace. It's not trying to be funny. It's, well, I don't think it is anyway. I don't know what Ben and Arthur was trying to do. Ben and Arthur came from... I think it was trying to be a drama.

It had some heart. It was a personal story about gay marriage or something. And the guy is obviously gay, so you can tell it meant a lot to him. Yeah. Whereas I don't know about going overboard. This is definitely like one of the worst things we've talked about. Yeah. One of the worst movies maybe I've ever seen.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah, it's the worst thing I've seen I'm Sandleron, probably, which is shocking. Probably, yeah. And that, yeah, that is shocking because Jack and Jill and grownups too. Yeah, he's responsible for a lot of crap. Anyway, that's enough of going all over a board, I think. Woo!

Yeah. Questions. We made it through that, yeah. Okay, let's do some questions from the Southern and cast community. If you want to leave your own questions for us to answer in upcoming episodes, head over to the suggestion thread on the subreddit. Or you can ask us whatever you feel like. just like sarcastodon did, who says, if you could create an awards show from scratch

to replace the Academy Awards, what would it look like? You can adjust change or add anything from who can vote to the categories in the show itself. It'd just be me. I get the things that I pick. No one else. The complete authoritarian awards show.

That's what it would be. Yeah. Yeah. The athies. I mean, yeah, it's already remiss that anyway, isn't it? Just with like if Disney's the authoritarian ones at the top. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like kind of what you were saying and alluding to earlier, like the fact there isn't a team of like scouts or so.

People who work for the Oscars in some form that actually like is their job to try and get like a diverse range of films instead of just whatever's like, I guess trending on Twitter. It seems like how they gather their picks. It's just whatever is campaigned for. Yeah, it's the campaign. studios, and they have the most money. You know, it's becoming so much clear every day.

Like, what I was talking about earlier, like you cannot have, it's not possible to look at free guy and go, that deserves a nomination for best special effect. That's not possible. The only way that can happen is a studio campaign. There's no exceptions to that. That's not possible.

And there's so many categories where like, okay, what, what, they need one more to fill up the slot? There's so many where they'll just like, oh, they'll have like, movies or whatever, you know. They just won't even use the full five slot for some categories. Like, you didn't even need to do that. Also, like, fuck, I can think I went off the top of my head.

Titan had better effects than Free Guy. Mm-hmm. Why not? They weren't even, like, the best effects, but it was better than Free Guy. More inspired. Yeah, as far as artistic intent, for sure. Like, you really do not have to look far. You just have to, you have to have some sort of idea of what movies came out in a year,

and that's something that the Academy is incapable of. So they wait until the studios give their four-year consideration list. And they're like, oh, we'll just pick from these ones only. Is there such a thing as a movie that's, like, perhaps, we'll have to actually do some research on this. I want someone to find this out. If we can crowdsource this information, does the Academy ever nominate anything that wasn't a part of a four-year consideration campaign? Or is that just not something that happens? Like, I read through the Oscars rules for eligibility for awards.

I don't think that it's like a necessity that you have to have a four-year consideration campaign backed by a studio in order for it to be eligible. But my argument is like, I don't think that happens. Like, I just don't think that happens, especially, like, I don't know how far back you would have to go to find an example of that. If we can crowdsource that information, I would be dying to find out when the last time the Academy nominated a film or an actor or anything for something that wasn't explicitly campaigned for in four-year consideration. campaigns by studios, find that out because I'd be dying to know that information and I do not have time to do that work right now. Yeah, the special effects thing like you were saying.

There's a ton of movies of great special effects that could have nominated. They just have to be aware of movies that came out in a year. They're incapable. I would honestly say the suicide squad had better effects than Free Guy. Not that's an Oscar movie.

I'd say, nominate that over that or the Green Knight or... Yeah, maybe. What else? Anything. nobody nobody has special effects in it yeah you know

any of those would have been better malignant yeah malignant malignant actually had some pretty cool special effects yeah what the fuck it's horror the was that even yeah nightmare alley had special effects too night morality you know some movies have so many

you don't even notice it like backgrounds and shit yeah so any of those would have been better and free guy yeah it's like a joke free guy that's like that movie's like for fucking families

like that shouldn't be nominated for anything that's like a fucking movie for little what do you want this award to mean them yeah exactly was malignant Warner Brothers yeah it was because it was HBO Max they didn't so they didn't campaign for malignant it doesn't look like I'm looking at their for a consideration list

they have Dune King Richard Matrix Resurrection they did campaign for the suicide squad let's see what yeah here we are for your consideration yeah they did do a best visual effects campaign, at least for Warner Brother the Suicide Squad. Yeah, the effects were better in that than Free Guy.

That's undeniable. They were. Yeah, 100%. What's funny is, like, I'm sure some people will defend Free Guy by saying, but it's supposed to look like a video game, but it's not because the characters are still live action. It doesn't even look like a video game. Yeah, if that's the case, then the character

shouldn't be live action in those scenes. Yeah. Anything else you change? Oh, about the Oscars? I don't know, everything. Next. Yeah, maybe having it be like an independent body that isn't like owned by Disney would help, you know, so there's just like less of a conflict of interest. Just less out of touch fucking stupid, annoying rich people.

Like, seriously. Okay, like they're trying to fix up their image. You know, they've clearly been doing the whole like, okay, what do we do to make people watch the Oscars again? Like, they're stressing out about it clearly. Remember they tried to do that like best popular film and then they scrapped it because people got mad? or they were like thinking of getting rid of certain categories and then people, they got some pushback, they scrapped it because people got mad.

They're clearly trying to be like, okay, well, what do people actually want? Let's give them that. They have that as part of their goals and their conversation, but they're so fucking out of touch. They're like, we're bringing back hosts this year. Who do they pick? Amy Schumer.

It doesn't matter what you think of her personally. The fact is, is that many people find her unlikable. And you would have to be incredibly out of touch to think that putting her on the list of hosts is going to be positive instead of negative. You were so fucking out of touch to think Amy Schumer's going to bring people to the Oscars and not turn them away.

You're so fucking out of touch. It's unbelievable. These people are just not living on the same planet. They don't even know how much groceries cost. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck they're thinking. Yeah, honestly. Anyway. Yeah, you know, I don't even know what to say about them.

I think the whole thing's disgusting. Make your own best of your list. I think that's a good way to go. Yeah, that's a good idea, Alex. I have scouts or have like young people actually picking the nominations, like at least getting a catalog together for the Oscars to watch. Because, yeah, it's always the same pipeline of movies. It's the movies from Warner Brothers and the big studios.

And it's the ones who campaign. It's the same thing. Yeah. We've decided to diversify the Academy of Voters by voting, voters by adding a bunch more out of touch rich people. But this time some of them are black. The whole thing is so dated. It's just such a dated institution.

The whole giving out awards. It needs to be completely updated. Like the entire thing. You need new people and everything. They are out of touch. It's just so out of touch the entire thing. Synecdochie 239 has this to say. Have you guys heard about the comedy?

Tray Parker and Matt Stone are making with Vernon Chapman and Kendrick Lamar. Thoughts? No, I'll watch it. Is there anything about it other than what you just said? That's just what they wanted to hear is the thoughts on this idea. Well, I think I've heard about it that vaguely before,

but yeah, I'll watch it. I like Vernon Chapman. Did you say Kendrick Lamar? Yeah. That makes it interesting, I guess. Trey Parker, Matt Stone, are great. Yeah, I mean, Vernon Chapman, I think, like, this isn't the first time they've worked together.

I'm pretty sure Vernon Chapman has writing credits on a bunch of South Park episodes. Yeah, yeah, he did do a bunch of South Park. So, yeah, it's not like this is like a new crew other than Kendrick, I guess. Yeah, I'll be curious to see what the Kendrick link is. I'll do some kind of musical maybe. Maybe some music. Yeah, they always do musicals, Book of Mormon and the South Park movie. Yeah, Book of Mormon's great.

Team America, right? Wasn't that a musical? Somewhat, yeah. Okay. Maybe Samurai has one. targeted at me actually. After listening to a previous episode of Sardonicast, Alex mentioned

that he doesn't like Mr. Bean. There was some confusion over whether he meant Mr. Bean or Johnny English or just Rowan Atkinson in general. So can you please clear the air? Does Alex like Mr. Bean, the original series, or not? Please be aware that your answer does determine

whether or not you're a man of culture or not. Okay, so here's where I stand on Mr. Bean. original show good yeah movies no

hell yeah people gave me shit for not liking the movies really yeah I know I've never been about the movies the shows the shows are so much

it's too much yeah yeah no it needs to be episodic short little like he's too much he's not a lead for a movie it's too fucking much style isn't the same

the music isn't the same it's just yeah it's so much more artificial yeah I'm with you yeah Johnny Ingwish also sucks But Rowan Atkinson, awesome Yeah, I agree

Respect Mm-hmm Asizio Yeah Of course, yeah Yeah I agree what you said Alex Basically everything you said

Show's great Movies aren't Toasty Pyro has one for us If you can consider us Sorry, if you can consider movie trailers As an art in themselves What are the greatest trailers

Ever made Jordan Peel's Nope Trailer just dropped and it captures a lot of what makes a good trailer, conveying tone, but not spoiling anything, the visual use of from Jordan Peel, the music and editing, etc. Yeah, he strikes me as a person

that has some level of control over the trailers he releases because his films are consistently well marketed in that way. It doesn't seem like somebody who doesn't share his vision makes them. Yeah, I saw the trailer. Yeah, I don't love the name of the movie, but I thought it was a good trailer. You know why she named that? Nope.

No, I don't. It's because it stands for not a, of planet Earth. We figured it out. We got it. Yeah, the trailer sold me on it because I don't know. I'm curious how he's going to fit in.

He likes his like sociopolitical commentary and having like the alien slant. Yeah, I'll watch it. Yeah, I'll watch it. Yeah, it's, uh, I enjoyed us, even though it wasn't as great as Get Out, but, you know, I'm bound to find something I enjoy in this, probably.

Yeah, I much prefer Get Out, but. Yeah. Dark Night Rises had a great trailer, I thought. Excellent trailer. that first one with the chanting and the yeah it's like great shots in it really built up like the

built up your excitement for the movie which is what a good trailer should do yeah any trailers for you guys I don't know that's one that comes to my mom talking about best trailers just ones where it's clear the artist has control over it you know any

the white ribbon was a trailer that I watched like fucking 20 times when I was you know younger waiting for that movie to come out I was just so hyped for it yeah that's how Chris no one movies seem to me. It seems like he always has control over the trailers or the marketing. It's always very deliberate

in his vision, yeah. It's really difficult to find this one. I don't know what happened to it, but there was the first trailer for Thunder Road that Jim Cummings edited together that used an Apex Twin song. It was really interesting and got me to see the film.

Very juxtaposing emotions and it was super interesting. It's difficult to find now, but there was one posted to YouTube at one point. that used like a really sad piano Apex twin song playing while these titles would be like there's the funniest movie of the year and then like the visuals is like him crying and stuff

it was like what the hell? I was like what is this? I need to watch it right? So things like that that don't try to sell me towards a familiar idea and say this is something that you have to see to get and this is something new. This is something that fresh that you might want to experience.

Like that's what draws me to see a film. That's a trailer I can watch and be like, well, I have to see the movie. A recent one, Lickrish Pizza trailer, that's a really great trailer. Apparently, Paul Thomas Anderson had some influence in the editing there. But yeah, I really like that trailer too. Yeah, it's a good one. Just a recent example. That's probably the best trailer I've seen like recently in the past year, that Lickrish Pizza one.

And yeah, the title, you're like, what the fuck is that? What is that about? When the title comes here. Yeah, a lot of my favorite trailers are actually associated with films that just didn't turn out to be that good. Like, I remember liking the, like, like, Prometheus trailers a fair amount and... Yeah, great trail. Man of Steel had some good trailers, I think. But that's mostly just through, like, manipulative music use and just kind of hiding, like, the story and keeping as vague as possible.

Audio cues, the editing, you know, cut to black, you know, all that... Mm-hmm. All these trailerisms. So that was, yeah, before him as a... As jade as I am now, as far as trailers, I just, I try and avoid them for the most part. I like the surprise of just seeing all the visuals in the movie proper. Yeah, I try to avoid them too. Big dumb stuff.

JJ Abrams usually, like, the marketing was pretty good for his stuff. Like Cloverfield, I think those are good trailers. Yeah, it's kind of his whole MO, isn't it? Yeah, like the, yeah. The questions are the more interesting part. Yeah. That first star was maybe he did was like, you know. It's pretty effective.

Yeah. Definitely. Those first trailers are good. I remember that teaser trailer for the Force Awakens. I really love that one where it's just like cut to black, like a quick shot, something random, like storm for bruising and then cut to black again. Like that was very memorable. Yeah. You know, the iconography obviously so iconic.

You're like, you don't need anything else, right? Yeah, exactly. It's like almost cheat mode, yeah. Yeah, exactly. But that's what makes work. It's like very simple. Even the music cues. Like, it's stuff and you could tell it's Star Wars, but there's no theme.

Like, it's just like one note, right? It's like that done. Yeah. You're right. That's a good one to bring up. Made you excited for the movies that weren't that great. Dead Island was a great trailer where the emotions were never reflected in the game. Yeah, it's like the total inverse of how the game actually opens.

Most dishonest trailer, but it was a great trailer. Yeah. That's what I hate about so many trailers is they present. you with emotions and tones, you know, most helped by the music, but, you know, sometimes in other ways. But the problem is that these emotions and tones are never experienced in the game. A trailer is supposed to help you understand what you're going to experience when you purchase the full product. A trailer is to market that experience. When you're marketing a different experience, you're just being dishonest, you're lying.

And that's what's really shitty about trailers, a lot of them. If we're talking game trailers, Halo Reach has a really good marketing. I just like them in general. I like the CGI. I like really realistically rendered CGI animated trailers. Like I think those are cool. I always wanted to see a movie like that. I guess that's why I like Tintin.

Like it's kind of in that stuff. Like the Batman Arkham games have like really good trailers done in that style. Like they're realistically rendered. Like some of the Star Wars games, I think the Old Republic. You know, like those have really good trails. And all those blur, like, yeah. Yeah, the blur, right. Those are great. Okay, let's do this one from Chico Jack,

saying as we're talking about games. What games have you been playing lately? Not the most creative question, but I enjoy hearing you all talk about video games. It's been on the palette as of late. I'm halfway through the thing video game. Oh, you played that. Oh, really?

Yeah. You actually picked it up. Yeah, I get it. I got it working on PC. considered abandoned wear right now. Oh shit. It's funny and parts of it are good and interesting. It's ridiculous what they expect out of you.

It's one of those things where it's like if you don't properly manage your inventory, then you can get soft-locked the point where there'll be parts where it's like, okay, but you need to have this for the bus or else you're like screwed. So you got to make sure you're doing the multiple save file things. You're saying something about like hunger bars and keeping your crew alive or something Yeah, yeah, it was less complicated. I psyched myself out when I was younger. I overcomplicated.

There's still that element where it's like your squadmates can get stressed out and there's ways to calm them down or they can not trust you and you can do certain things to trust them. There was one really bullshity thing that happened though. There's an item in the game where they give you like a, you can draw someone's blood and then immediately it'll tell you whether or not they're a thing, like it'll explode in your hand or whatever. And they introduce this item as a way to either, A, you can do it on yourself and calm someone down being like, oh, I know you're not the thing, which is, there's a point where that's scripted and that happens.

Or B, you can test someone else to see if they're the thing. And it didn't fucking work because, like, there was one of our squadmates that turned into a thing. And I was like, okay, I got curious. I go back a save. And then I, like, literally before we go into the room where that happens, I test him and it's fine. And he's, like, human. And then we take two steps. And then he turns into the thing.

I'm like, this doesn't even fucking work, you piece of shit. Why would you put that in the gate? Why would you tell me I can use it like that when it's just a lot? Like, that was so annoying. Yeah, that was frustrating. But I'll beat it. Just, yeah, on Sunday we had a, like, an hour spent on one boss fight, just trying to figure out what the fuck we're supposed to do. And, yeah, it was, it was fun.

We'll beat it next Sunday, this coming Sunday. What you blame, Roof? Yeah, I just got a PS5, but I haven't played it yet. Do bug snacks. It's not even ironic. Is bugs snacks worth it then? It's totally worth it. Bug snacks is awesome.

Bug snacks is dope. Really? Okay. So good. Yeah. Let's check it out. I'm not joking. It's a really good game.

I've seen some clips. It looks very odd. Alex, you would love it. It's got a really great personality. It's on PlayStation. Yeah, it's on PS5. It's on, like, I think it's on Epic Game Store on PC if you want to play it, I think. It might be on Steam now.

I don't know. But it should be. If it's on Steam, that's good. I have some gift cards for Steam. Okay. Yeah, I've been playing a planet coaster. That's fun because you build... It's like roller coaster tycoon, more advanced version of it.

Yeah, I've been having a lot of fun with that, just building rides and whatever. Yeah, that's all I've been playing, really. Been playing, like, replaying some old stuff, like Spider-Ban 2, you know, that kind of stuff. I don't know if you played that from, like, games. Yeah, yeah, I'll revisit those at some point. That's a fun game because you were bringing up old stuff, yeah.

Yeah, that was super fun. I want to go through all the Spider-Man games at one point. Yeah, there's a lot of, of them. That one's really good. Like the web swing. I think it's like that's the first one that really advanced web swinging. And Toby McGuire's in it and Kirsten Dons, Alina's in it. I remember it being longer when I was a kid. It's only like five hours or so it took for me to beat it, which I wasn't expecting. But I guess that's just like when you're a kid. Yeah, you just suck at games when you're like a little kid.

You suck. Yeah. Just go through things slower. Yeah. Yeah. But now I'm like much better at web swinging and all that. Yeah, that's it though. I've been playing a little bit of Horizon Forbidden West. Was that the new one? Yeah, yeah, it just came out a couple days ago. Yeah, yeah. I don't know about you guys with the like open world fatigue type stuff with like, you know, this Ubisoft kind of design that's been just fucking rinsed for years at this point.

It's like, it's a big map. You've got to like clear bases of some kind and then like a bunch of things appear on your map or whatever and you clear them out. Yeah, it's like one of those. Yeah. Just like tons of things to do, like, monotonous, little side quests. I'm not fully sold on, like, the world and the story of it or whatever. I think trying to explain why you're, like, just this robot dinosaur world, like trying to assign any, like, logic or law to it.

It's just kind of stupid to me, like, inherently, and I just don't care about it that much. But the gameplay is fun as hell, really responsive, looks amazing. Yeah, I might check that one out. Yeah, it's worth checking out. Yeah. I do tend to like open world games where you just put tons of hours into exploring everything and do like menot and this stuff like that yeah this is kind of mindless yeah you can kind of you don't have to pay attention 100% you kind of put on

a YouTube video or something like watch something on your phone yeah yeah I call them podcast games sometimes like yeah exactly yeah just put on a podcast and grind yeah not all the time you know when I'm playing the story or whatever like Assassin's Creed but that's what I've been playing too Odyssey I have like 100 hours in it yeah if it's some important happening, I'll shut off my phone. But yeah, if it's like, go take out, like, a Spartan, like, gang group and, like, Bill Hills or something. Like, all right, I'll put a podcast on or something.

Yeah, it's kind of like that, yeah, podcast game. I guess that's a good kind of name for it. Mm-hmm. Okay. Let's do this one from a Johnny the Fancy Man. Hey, beautiful people. I recently showed my two roomies, the films, one cut of the dead and brain dead. To my surprise, they did not enjoy any of the movies at all.

Have you guys tried the same thing where you recommend a movie you really love to someone and you can just feel while watching it with them that they don't like it? At one point, I also showed the film The Fanatic to some friends and they looked at me like I was an alien. When I laughed at the movie, they did not find the movie funny at all. Instead, they felt bad for John Travolta's character, Meese. Have you ever got any similar experiences? Keep up the good work with the podcast. You guys are the best. Yeah, I can see that with someone who doesn't watch a lot of movies.

I'm talking about like the fanatic thing he's talking about. They're just like they're trying to like get invested in the movie. Yeah. Taking it seriously. Yeah. Like someone who has like more like of a film knowledge or like who's seen more movies like it's like us like we don't take it as seriously. Like we just like we know it's an actor and we just like laughing at like the actor.

Yeah. I know John Fold is not actually like disabled. Bad movies are kind of like an acquired niche taste. Definitely. Like the ironic enjoyment. or something. You can't just like pull a random person off the street like, yeah, let's watch Love on a Leach. So you're going to think it's funny.

Like they're not going to get it. They're going to be uncomfortable actually. Like you need to explain. You need to be on the same wavelength of like why it's funny. You need to have. And for that you need some understanding of like filmmaking and like the process of it. How people are like come up with ideas, you know, like how things like don't translate well on screen. Like once you've seen more movies.

Yeah. That comes that comes out more. I don't know what you guys have to say. Yeah, I mean, it's happened depending on the environment. Usually I have a pretty, I have a pretty, pretty fucking good success rate in terms of showing people movies that I think they will enjoy. Because it's all really depending on the person. So sometimes there will be people who I'm like not as familiar with their tastes or something. Or sometimes there'll just be the odd movie where they'll be like, yeah, that was bullshit.

I didn't like it. Like sometimes there will be a movie that is great in my memory that's not so great when I read. revisit it and I'm with friends revisiting it. I'm like, yeah, I can see why people might not like this sort of thing, even though I have a nostalgic reason to like it. But, yeah,

I don't know, get better friends, scrub. Yeah, like it happens all the time. Like, it's part of what makes it fun to me is, yeah,

you show, especially if it's like weirder stuff. Like, I've shown people like fantastic planet. Some of like really, really enjoyed it and some were put off by it and didn't get it. It's like, yeah,

it's part of the fun. Yeah. If everyone just felt the same way about every movie, like it wouldn't be a very, dynamic of a conversation as far as like an art form is concerned. And my awards show the athi is everyone will feel

the same way about the movie. Yeah, I've shown Scott Polgram to a lot of people. They tend to like it. There's some people who don't. I show them because it's like a very accessible movie, I feel. Like most people tend to enjoy it. Even the people,

they don't hate it. They just don't like it as much as me usually. I guess they don't connect to like the musical numbers or like something like that. They just don't get it. Like the, like, the Matthew Patel scene with, like, the musical number and the dancing demon chicks.

Like, not everyone's going to get that, like, joke. Like, the Bollywood kind of satire. Like, they're not going to get that. But, you know, that's, like, what I've shown to people where not everyone loves it. They're kind of like, eh, I guess I understand, but I love that movie. Yeah, there's some, sometimes I'll be surprised. Sometimes I'll, like, because a lot of the stuff I watch is, like, you know, for work, and so I'll have like a list of things I have to want to have to or want to get through.

And sometimes there might be like company over. I'm like, oh, okay, well, maybe I can, you know, kill two birds with one stone sort of thing, see if they're interested in this. And if they don't like it, I can shut it off and watch it later. Sometimes I'm surprised with how inaccessible I can get and have some people who are not, like, regular indie, weird film watchers, but still like it. Sometimes I surprise myself with just like, oh, wow, like I wasn't expecting anybody would like this, but, you know, some people are kind of into it.

But sometimes it's good to just show someone something that's weird and kind of inaccessible. And you never know. You could get lucky and they might really enjoy it. There's tend to be the most memorable films, yes. Yeah. Get a good gauge on someone. Okay. Let's do this one from Jake Yman.

Seeing that video game movies are becoming more and more of a popular trend in Hollywood now, Uncharted, Jack and Daxter, Sonic, Yakuza, Ghosts of Sushima, Last of Us, Borderlands, Witcher, etc. What video game series do you think could actually? be perfectly adapted to a movie or show. Personally, I still think the fabled Bioschop movie directed by Gawr Vibinski would actually be pretty cool. And in response to that last bit, there's actually

a confirmed Bioschop movie in the works at Netflix already, so I don't think Gaw Vibinsky's attached, though. Yeah. I would see that. Is that a movie or a series? For Netflix. Do we know? Last I read it was a movie. I can double check that.

That's a question? Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Any video game properties you'd actually want to see explored in... Fucking Catamari the game where you roll people up into a ball, like you roll up everything until the ball gets so big and then it's just like

so huge. It's fucking scary. You could totally have some crazy movie about that shit where they just start out like small as a ball. Or like they're from another galaxy and Earth has to prepare. They're like, oh no, it's taking over Tokyo and like on the other side of the world we're like, how do we deal with this? And then it cuts to like that tiny little creature just rolling shit.

around and all this crazy happy Japanese music is playing. Like, you can make some fucked up shit with that movie. That could translate well into some crazy weird film. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, the games, the more abstract and the less restrictions, like Hollywood restrictions, like, a lot of those games I just said, like on Char to Gosa, Susima,

Last of Us, Borderlands, whatever they do, that we're already trying to channel some kind of cinematic thing. But he takes something more abstract, like fucking angry birds or whatever. You just have more freedom to do whatever you want and I suppose there really are Angry Birds movies Yeah

There's a few movies I can think of More pointless To be adapted from a video game Than like uncharted I can't think of a more pointless Video game It's just from the get go It's a fucking terrible idea

Yeah It's just inherently pointless Because the games are ready Like movies They're already so cinematic Yeah my answer I guess would have been Halo But I feel like the time

is long past for that and you'd have to do it right, and I just... Yeah, that's not happening. Yeah, this is the one we're looking for. It's been in development for a long time, it seems, which is not a good sign. That's how uncharted was also. You know, it was in development for a long time. Yeah, and if it is a movie, by the way, this Bioshock thing,

according to these articles I'm looking at from Netflix. Yeah, I don't know how they're going to do that with Bioshock, but I don't have faith. You know, I just don't think it's a good idea. In theory, you could do any video game adapted. You just take the characters and, like, write a new story out of it. If you're going to do it that way, I guess technically you could do any video game you'd like. That's like a game.

I would just pick games I like. I would pick, like, Grant Dufft Auto, I don't know, Hitman. Hitman. They already made Hitman. Yeah. Those suck. Yeah, exactly. Like, they've already tried with a bunch of these.

They're not good. Yeah. Metal Gear Solid, destroy all humans. Oh, yeah, there is supposed to be a Metal Gear movie coming. There's a Cuphead show. I need to see that still. I'll probably watch it this week. Yeah, who knows?

Maybe I could talk about it next time. Yeah, I want to see that. Catamari Damashi. Do it. It's the only movie that needs to exist. Flappy Bird movie? No. Do something with that?

No. Catamari. I don't believe it's 2D animated at the Cuphead show. Oh, isn't it? It's not like hand drawn. That's what I meant. Yeah, it's not hand drawn like the games are, which I think is kind of a wasted opportunity.

Yeah, it's not 60 frames per second. To bring back hand drawn. Yeah, they should have done hand drawn. That would have been awesome. Yeah. It would have, um, yeah, whatever. I guess the budget would have been too high. I'm not, I don't have high expectations for that show or anything, so.

Yeah, I don't either. I would have if it was hand drawn. I would have just watched it for the animation then, you know. That's like the hook of the game. You know, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say it. If it wasn't such a big deal. Yeah, it's supposed to look like traditional Disney animation, isn't it? Yeah, the style.

Yeah. From what I've seen, it doesn't look quite that level. It looks way more kind of digital. No, it doesn't look like one of those kind of old cartoons at all. The game does. The game looks like it's plucked out of like a 1930s like Disney cartoon. It's like perfect. That's stunning, yeah.

Yeah. The show isn't perfect. It's like even if it's just a little off, you can tell. All right, that does it for questions. We are now at the point in the show where we get a, recommendation from someone Alex I think it's me this time right I believe so yeah unless I'm crazy I'm kind of torn to I've got crazy idea and a kind of less crazy idea which which one should I go for here I mean you're if you sell it like

that you have to do the crazy one you already know which one you want to do at that point but the the caveat with the crazy one is that it the the runtime here would be a bit more excessive. God, it would be close to, I guess, five hours, maybe. Well, we got, we got, like, an extra week, I guess. I can sneak something. Yeah, I can sneak it in. Oh, do we have an extra week?

Okay. I'll pose the idea and see what you think, then. Okay. I really want to talk about the passion of the Christ. Okay. All right, the Mel Gibson movie. But I want to talk about it in junction with the last temptation of Christ by Martin Scorsese. Okay.

many hours, but I feel like it could be an interesting conversation there. Yeah, that would be a double conversation. Jesus gets crucified twice. Sounds good. No, I like it. Let's do it. Yeah, the same story twice.

But it's, yeah, it's two big prolific directors. It would be interesting to see. I've never seen either myself. I've always heard a lot about the Passion of the Christ. And then, yeah, last temptation. Is that Scorsese? Yeah, that's Scorsese. Yeah, I haven't seen that one yet.

Well, on Defoe. Yeah, yeah, this will be fun. And then we should also, I guess all of us will have seen the new Batman by that point also. We can talk about that too. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cool. No, that's a good idea. I'm excited.

All right. Cool. If any of you listening, do not want to be spoiled for the passion of the Christ and or the last temptation of the Christ. Passion being from 2004 and last temptation being from 1988. Watch them before the next episode. These episodes come out every two weeks. You can listen to them early. as they're edited by going to patreon.com slash sardonicast or going to sardonicast.com signing up for premium.

Also, we got merch. And send us some fan art so I can include them at the beginning of the episodes. Doesn't even have to look great. Just keep sending fan art and I'll keep including them in the episodes that I edit for the thing. All right. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Bye-bye. Happy Shrek, everybody.

synectiki Shrekichy, New York. Bye, bye, bye, Bye, everyone. Bye.