Sardonicast - Sardonicast 110: Oscars Slap, Morbius, Gigli

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

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Three, two, one. Keep my wife's name. Out your zebra mouth. That was a quote from Madagascar 4, which they will surely incorporate that line into. I'm Adam from your baby sucks. This is a sardotic guest. I'm Chris Rock.

Hell yeah. I'm H.E. from... I was going to... Oh, you should have said, Will Smith. Set it up like that. It's because I had this whole thing lined up where I was going to say I might from suck my D.com referencing the, you know, the movie we're going to talk about later. Oh.

Oh. Oh, okay. So there's so much going on. There's a lot. There's a lot. Is that from Gile? I don't even remember that. Oh, it was in Gilly, yes.

Yeah, the laptop scene. Yeah, we'll get there. Oh, my God. Um, yeah. So, yeah, normally, normally after the Oscars happened, we talk about what we thought. of the nominations and wins, but somebody wanted more attention than that and completely overshadowed everything that was happening at the entire event, which it's not a great event anyway. Yeah, his name's Oscar in that movie, isn't it?

Shark tale. And Sharktail? Yeah, we got to do that. The Dreamworks link is just too much. This broke me, this whole Oscar thing. Oh, yeah. I'm glad we have a moment where it's like. It's finished. It's the end.

Like, forget about it. The end of dream. It's just ridiculous. This is actually ridiculous. You got Oscar from Shark Tale with Jada Plinket who was Gloria. I say Plinkett all the time by accident too, but it's Pinkett. Plinkett's the red letter video thing. It's, I have trouble also.

It's so funny. Yeah. Oh, man. I've probably been saying that for like years and just not even ever know. Yeah, it's sad. There's nothing else to talk about, really. It's just the slap. Like, there's something else to even discuss at this point.

Yeah, totally overshadows the movie. I don't think I've seen really like anything about the actual movies in the world's really being discussed. It's all about that slap. That's it. Which is funny because now, like, the Oscars got a bump in viewership compared to their record low last year. And so now the producers are probably looking at that being like, okay, what do we do next year? Like people don't want to watch us talk about movies or they don't you know do dumb skits or whatever They want to see people fighting

Are they gonna try and replicate the success in some way? Like what are they gonna do? Make it like the only thing I can imagine is More people were tune in next year, I guess just out of curiosity, but then when something as extreme as the Will Smith event doesn't happen I'm sure we'll just be back to where we yeah Although they banned him for 10 years apparently. And he... Really? Yeah, he's banned from the Oscars for 10 years.

No, they didn't take away his Oscar. Because then they would have to take away Roman Polansky's Oscar and Harvey Weinstein's Oscars. There's a lot of... Will Smith is not at the top of that list. So it would open the floodgates. But they banned him for 10 years. So he'll be 64 or something when he's back.

I mean like, okay, let me look up his age right now. Let's see. What is he? I'm going to look this at. Will Smith age. Because this is important to me, 53 years old, so I was really close. This is important to me because he's a grown-ass fucking man who didn't just have a moment of like an outburst. He didn't slap someone that was next to him in a fit of rage.

He got up from his chair after the joke, like 10 seconds after the joke, walked all the way up the stage. any moment could have had some some some bit of his mind go wait let me not do this and he consciously went up there attacked chris rock went back and then had an emotional outburst after the fact started swearing embarrassing himself and his wife his wife probably deserves it more in front of a world uh yeah like they've what a anyone an asker what a psycho gets on to win best actor 15 minutes later yeah yeah that's an absolutely insane that is that is the that is the cherry top yeah that is the fact you want that was the most delusional speech I'd ever seen anyone give like I didn't even watch the speech it's insane yeah the dissonance

how can you care at that point right like how can you even get up on stage you give a speech at that point he's like he's absolutely fucking insane right that's that's what I was thinking like you gotta be insane to like get up on stage on live television and do that he's got so many fucking problems and Jada fucking exploits it she's an awful person both of them Like, both of them are crazy and stupid, but she's, like, actually malicious about it. Will Smith is, Will Smith is like a child, you know, he's like, he's a child brain in the body of a man. Whereas Jay is just like an evil person. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the vibe I get to. It's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's going to happen to their children? I mean, what's already happened to their children? Like, they're both, they're all psychos. What a crazy family.

It's already too late. What a fucking awful family. Um. I wanted to say about his speech, though. Like, he basically, he basically justifies it in his speech. He says, he's like, I'm playing a character of the Richard guy, and he protected his family. And so that's a core part of who I am. And then in his speech, basically saying, like, God told him to do it.

Like, basically saying that. He talked about God calling on him to protect his family. And, like, okay, yeah, you slapping Chris Rock is totally protecting Jada right now. And then he's like, he's, oh my God, it's just, it's a lot. But the actual joke in question, too. It's nothing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's absolutely nothing. Oh, yeah. Especially for a Chris Rock joke. Like, everyone would have forgotten it. It would have just gone to the wayside if, like, he'd make such a big deal. She has a bald spot on her head. She chooses to shave it. That's not a fucking disability, okay?

I think it was Tim Dillon that said on Twitter. Like, if you're so self-conscious about that, then wear a fucking wig. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, true. Like, yeah, she's, she's an awful person, and he's a fucking dumbass. And he apologized to the academy on stage in his Oscar speech. Not to Chris Rock. And not Chris Rock.

He apologized to his wife in the Academy, I think. But, like, not Chris Rock. And then later, the PR thing, I think maybe he apologized to Chris Rock. But, like, dude, what the fuck? I'm just, I'm so taken aback by it. But seeing the response was interesting. yeah that's what the Oscars just devolved into was just debating about Will Smith like forget no one was watching yeah no one cares right I was the only person watching I just I wasn't even

watching it I got a text message did you see what app with Chris Rockable Smith and I saw that and that's about all I've seen of the Oscars that year yeah Cota like no one talks about Cota no one even knows that Cota wants no one knows Cota exists yeah really I mean like all those people They worked on these movies to get awards recognition and like yeah well Smith just like fucking overshadows everything over a joke I don't even like remember or care about like it would have just totally gone to the wayside Yeah, no one would have remembered that joke it wasn't like Ricky Jervais's level it's a strizand a fag yeah Yeah exactly he made it a bigger deal than it was yeah now everyone has the joke memorized It's like the fucking bane speech and not me I don't even I've seen so many memes about this shit

I don't hear anything about the joke it's just the fucking slap like that's all I've seen The back and forth dialogue is just ingrained into my memory now. Like, G.I.J. 2? Can't wait to see it. Like, I've got, it's there in my brain forever now because of a Smith's lack. Have you seen the ragdoll physics edit? Yes, yes. That was about to mention that one. I've seen the, you know, the Oscar and Marty War. Yeah, just rendering Dreamweight characters in with the audio.

Good memes. Yeah, really good memes. Yeah, a lot of good memes came from it, right? Good memes, everybody. Oh, ridiculous. Oh, boy. It's like surreal. It's like a circus. Yeah, I almost thought it was like a staged thing until I saw his reaction to it and how they cut the audio on the Canadian broadcast.

Oh, yeah. That wasn't staged, yeah, especially him yelling after. Yeah, you have to go to like the Japanese like stream, don't you? Yeah. His reaction to it just being like so like he couldn't form a proper sentence after that. Yeah, yeah. I was like, neither of these two are. that good of actors to be able to pull this up.

He was pretty professional about it, I thought. He handled it really well. I thought Chris Rock actually took it pretty well. Yeah, I think he handled it really well, Chris Rock. So we just got slapped, yeah. It's crazy that there's like annoying people that exist that with, I guess, platforms because the internet exists, saying that Chris Rock deserved it. And also the surprising amount of people who are just like so obsessed with America.

political culture war nonsense that they're turning it into a race issue of being like, oh, this only happened because they're black or, oh, could you imagine if it was a white person on black or blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, shut the fuck up. That has nothing to do with what happened. It literally has nothing to do with what happened, okay?

The issue at hand is that there was a bad joke being made by a comedian, and Will Smith decided to, yeah, decided to have a tantrum about it. Holy shit. Will Smith's delusional. He got pissed off. He thought he could go up there and slap some. You got the look from Jada and had to act. Yeah, he got a look.

It is funny how he was laughing at the joke and then... Uh-huh. Right, that too. Like, holy shit. He was laughing. And now all these like old clips that have existed for a while but are now like resurfacing of just painting this picture of Jada as like a complete monster. I'm like it's crazy just how much of these clips there are. Like now everybody gets to experience it.

Like she's always been a monster but now everybody gets to see it. Like the... Yeah, the Willow-Smiths-Tupac letter and stuff like that. or like the interview of Will Smith talking about the birthday party he threw for her and how she like convinced him that like he's a bad person for throwing her a birthday party. He's like, holy shit. She's like actually so manipulative and abusive. And like the video of her like grilling him while she has like she's recording him with her iPhone just being like, oh hey, give me that. He's like clearly uncomfortable.

He's like, can we not talk about this right now? She's like, no, I'm going to post this for everybody. And he's just like basically fucking rolling over for her. Like, holy shit. He's got some serious issues he needs to work through Like do some mushrooms will Like I don't know Like I don't know what you need to do

You need to get a fucking divorce or something Seriously That's against God you can't get a divorce Apparently well it doesn't really matter Because Jade is a Scientologist anyway so she doesn't give a shit Oh she is oh Yeah well well not so much apparently But he's okay with it because she told him to

be. It's so weird. I just feel so much sympathy for like, like Jane Campion who's like one best director. Like that's supposed to be your moment, your day, you know? The fuck. That's what I mean.

All these people got overshadowed in their films. Because he acted like an idiot. That's more the issue. That's why he got banned, I think. I have no fucking idea what Questlove said when he accepted his award because we were not talking about that. There's nothing else to talk about. It was like directly.

with the Oscars. Yeah, we were just so shocked by it. You have to be like delusional to even talk about anything else except for the slack. Yeah. If completely, movies don't matter. Like the whole thing. It didn't ruin. It ruined that. It ruined that night. That whole ceremony. Yeah. That's the ultimate. It was supposed to be Will Smith's Day as well. Yeah. Yeah. It ruined his own Oscar. He was about to win best actor. Yeah. He was about to win best actor. Right. And he fucking ruined it for no reason. Yeah. What's crazy is like this was like, this was like a perfectly timed Oscar win for him to. He had just released a book. And reportedly there were biopics that were going to be in the works at Netflix and Hulu

of Will Smith that have now just been like postponed or canceled because of this whole thing. And what's crazy about it, like, I don't think the Oscars would have banned him if there wasn't any public outcry about this at all. I think that's them being like, no, we're responsible and moral, everybody, see? I think that's their, I think they're just doing that for show. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They had to do something. Yeah. They let him go up and accept this fucking award. They didn't kick him out. Like that happened after. Somebody assaulted another person there. Kick him. You don't like, whether or not you want to give him the award, don't like, don't keep him in the venue and let him go on stage. Like that's unacceptable. In any other environment, you'd get kicked out, right? Yeah. Because it's the Oscars. They're all celebrities. They're all known each other. Yeah. They're all the certain caliber of people. Like you can't, you actually can't tell them to do anything. They do whatever the fuck they want. Could you imagine if someone went up on stage and slapped Chris Rock over a joke,

but it was somebody working, like, it was one of the costume people. Yeah. They'd get kicked out. Yeah. Race has nothing to do with that shit. It's like his whole fucking, he's a privileged person, you know, he's a huge celebrity. He's Will Smith. He's got crazy children.

Yeah, Chris Rock didn't press charges either. If it was someone else, they probably would have pressed charges. Chris Rock didn't press charges because fucking everyone saw it anyway. Yeah, it's weird. I don't know. Because the police in the United States, like, they can, you, it's not like the person, the victim just gets the only decision in terms of, like, who presses charges. Like, the police can press charges whether or not the victim wants them to.

So, I don't know. It's not, it's not like it was his decision, but, yeah. No one pressed charges against them. Yeah, you can request it at least. No, it's just the thing. When you get that rich and powerful and famous, you kind of upgrade, to a different kind of human that obeys different types of laws. That's just how it works.

You just do whatever you want. Yeah, completely different laws, completely different society. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually insane, yeah. Speaking of society. Speaking of insane. You live in a society? Yeah, the director of the new Jurassic World Dominion movie.

Colin Trevoro. Oh, you bring this up, yeah. Yeah, I will. Because I said society. I saw Amanda the Jedi. I saw her tweet. I'm like, what?

He's convincing people speaking to Empire. He says that the new dinosaur is like the Joker. It was created to be like the Joker. Okay, so how is it like the Joker? He says,

is it played by Jared Letto? He says, I wanted something. thing that felt like the Joker, it just wants to watch the world burn. It's an animal. What does that mean? Oh my God. They've already gone down this path before.

There's the thing. In like the second Jurassic World movie, there's kind of the custom-made, like, sociopath dinosaur that's, like, made. Oh, okay. But they've done that in, like, all of them. I really need to see Jurassic World, too. I was looking at another box. I've seen, like, 90% of the top grossing, like, box office movies of all time.

worldwide. And so I'm missing like 10 of them or so. I want to watch. So it's like Frozen 2. And yeah, like Jurassic World Dominion is one of them. That's one of like the ones on the list of the highest grossing. Yeah, I just can't bring myself to do it. It looks so bad.

Dominion's the one that hasn't come out yet. Yeah, the new one hasn't come out yet. It'll probably be on that list also. That's what Dominion is though, isn't it? Fallen Kingdom is the other one. It's Fallen Kingdom. Yeah, Fallen Kingdom. Yeah.

Dominion is the new one. Fallen Kingdom is the second one. That was the last one, which I haven't seen. It's really funny. Jurassic World. That sucked and I was completely put off by it. Fong Kingdom's like a really funny, like bad movie. I'll watch Dominion for that reason. But I, the reason why I started sounding very high pitch and losing my shit a few seconds

ago is because I clicked on the original article from Empire, the interview. The name of the, the name of the new dinosaur, it's called the Gigonaut, Tosaurus, but for short, it's known as the Giga. The Giga. I'm so excited. The Giga Joker. Jokasaurus. No Jokersaurus.

That would have been better. It's just because the movie made a billion dollars, that Joker movie. So they're just like, yeah, anything we can throw in here to make more money. Are they going to give it like a big smile, do you think? Yeah. I just, I don't think it's, I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. Like, he's probably just misinterpreting what the Joker. is like, oh, he's a person that wants things bad to happen. It's like what? Every single other

dinosaur you've thrown in these movies is one that wants to watch the world burn, right? Like, none of these dinosaurs that exist in these Jurassic Park movies are just existing. They're always like, oh, we want to take down this helicopter. Like, they all want to watch the world burn. I don't know. That's what it seems like. That's the personality you've given them. But yeah, in Fallen Kingdom, They basically, they had a new dinosaur called the Indo Raptor. They're like, it's much more smart than a regular raptor. And I shit you not. There's like points in the movie where like it winks at the camera and is like, it's like,

when the dinosaurs in these new Jurassic Park films are going, cron, quark, they might as well have subtitles. They like, they're having like actual conversations with each other. It's like they're speaking English. They're like Pokemon or whatever. Like if you just had the subtitles. self-aware. Full intelligent conversations or something.

It's crazy. Are there like fourth wall breaks? Yeah, basically. With the velociraptor. Basically, yeah. It's like Deadpool. It's like Deadpool with dinosaurs. Yeah, they made the interrupt or Deadpool and they made the giga, the Joker.

Yeah, they combine it with like comic book movies because that's like popular. That's what's popular. Oh, my God. What does this movie come out? Great marketing. I'm just going to see it because it's going to be funny. I can't wait to see both. The money making machines is dress at home movies.

Dresset Wobe is like huge. Yeah. All three of them. That's what they figured out. Once the studios figured out, like, you can, there are certain types of, like, CG creations that draw audiences in, stuff like Venom, like goo, people love goo going all around the screen. People are dinosaurs. Yeah.

Goopy movie. That's what you need. Hey, I love Venom. Yeah. Chris Pratt's in it and dinosaurs. And Chris Pratt. Yeah. Chris Pratt plus dinosaurs equals a billion dollar movie.

And, yeah, nostalgia from the 90s, too. Exactly. That is the perfect formula. It really is. Is Spielberg even involved in any of these new ones? I have no idea. Does he have any involvement? I don't think maybe.

He's probably like C-Ced in the emails for like. Yeah. He's like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Is even Colin, I don't even know if Colin Travaro's directed them anymore. I don't think he's directing this new one.

Oh, that's interesting. Oh, he's directing this one. He didn't do the last one. He didn't. Someone else directed that middle one. I don't think so. He did the, you know, he didn't do them at one. Oh shit, now I'm not as excited because the second one was really funny and stupid.

Yeah, it wasn't like a horror director for that second one? Oh, yeah? Something weird like that. Oh, yeah. Because at the halfway point, it shifts into being kind of a haunted house, like horror movie. Yeah. There was some weird shit going on in that movie. The director of the orphanage and a monster calls.

And, yeah. Yeah, he has a mostly hard movie. A monster calls? Yeah. It had some charm. Yeah, yeah, I didn't mind that. Yeah. Jay A.

Bayona? Yeah. Yeah. The impossible. I've seen that. I actually liked that movie. Yeah. Not like great, but I liked it.

Yeah. Give it like a six or a seven. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's like the Flood movie with like Ian McGregor. And, okay. I guess, Naomi Watts.

I guess that's Jokeraurus. Yeah. Oh yeah, Naomi Watts too, yeah. Yeah. That's Joker Soros. Oh, Tom Holland's in The Impossible, too. I just remember that. Yeah.

That's like the first time I saw. That's so funny. Yeah. So weird. Old baby. Yeah. All right. That's Joker-saurus, I guess, unless we have something else to say.

No, I just, yeah, I just wanted to laugh about that. This obsession with the Joker. Yeah, I know. It's crazy, the obsession with the Joker. There is literally no possible way. I'm going to watch that movie and be like, yeah, that dinosaur is like the Joker. There's no way anybody could possibly think that without him having said so beforehand. That would be the first line of my review

I'll be like that dinosaur reminded me of the Joker Yes You just wait to it has its own laughing scene And like walks around holding a knife or something Yeah Clown makeup on Yeah Well yeah so that was

That was a thing that happened Oscars and then Joker dinosaur I guess we watched Morbius Oh Yes I guess we did Finally something good Honestly you guys did not need to see it

I didn't even know you did Oh But why wouldn't we You could have just Because I saw it Thursday night You could have just like asked me what I thought And I just told you I would have told you what you already knew

Which is yeah it's bad I got I got some like kind of comedic enjoyment out of it I thought it was like kind of funny of parts It wasn't you know I think we're going to disagree on this. I can I'm gonna predict that we're gonna disagree on this. I thought that this was better than the Venom movies. Really? Yeah. I can't agree with you there, but

They're definitely in the same ballpark. I wouldn't blame you if you like the same movie. It's like the exact same formula. It's the same thing. Yeah, you take like a villain and make them a hero and then make them fight a villainish but like a villain version of the devil's It's the same shit. I would say Venom's at least a little more unique because you know, you know, came out first. And, you know, Venom was trying to be funny and was maybe successful, like, 40% of the time, maybe less. This movie is not trying to be funny, and it's really funny. Yeah, that makes it much funnier.

Yeah, like, the parts when he was, like, squishing the artificial blood out of the bag. I think that's, like, some of my favorite. Every face transformation. Like, yeah, that looks really bad. So many, uh, creative decisions that were, yeah, just the general design, the general, like, the action scenes and how much. messy and muddy the visuals were. Like, some of the action, I could barely tell

what was happening. It seemed like designed that way on purpose. Like, okay, the action scene, it's in the dead of night. There's so much motion and like purple, blurry particle effects flying. Yeah. It's like a trailing effect. Yeah. So weird.

I don't get it. Yeah, that was so odd. So what about Warvious was like better than Venom? Well, as you said earlier, Venom's trying to be funny. I wouldn't say that it worked 40% of the time for the humor Venom, I would say it worked like maybe 0.004 for me. And so that's, I enjoy more a film that's trying to be serious and fails because then I can

laugh at it than a movie that's trying to be funny and fails because then I can't laugh at it. With one exception, which we'll talk about later, but, yeah, this is, Morbius was a more, a less irritating experience for me because of that. I just can't stand like every second line in the Venom movies as like, let's eat him. I'm like, I just feel so uncomfortable. It makes me upset and cringe in a not good way. Whereas I was cringing in a good way with Morbius. Oh, yeah, really cringy.

Yeah, I'm with you. I find Morbius much funnier. Yeah. But, like, where do you guys stand on Morbius? Do you, like, even know who he is? No one knows. Never heard of him before. No one knows.

Yeah. Well, I only know him because he, like, had a cameo appearance in the Spider-Man 3 Wii game. Like, he was randomly just in the game. And it was really cringy and bad. in that game and it's great I was trying to think of some way to make this villain work in a spider-man movie maybe Sam Ramey could do it like a really stupid like morbius type thing but it's it's ridiculous it's about a guy who mixes his DNA with a bat some kind of Batman and then it's like a human bat yeah which which in the Batman universe they've got the man

bat thing going on as well so that right yeah the hook is not the hook is that he's like a synthetically created vampire. He's called like the living vampire. But yeah, it's just not that interesting. Jared Lotto was awful. He was fucking, he really dragged the movie down. I just couldn't stand his performance. Oh yeah, he sucks.

He was fucking awful. Did you hear about his whole like method acting, making everybody miserable on set by taking 40 minute bathroom breaks because he insisted on wearing crutches? So they had to get him a wheelchair to compromise because he's a dumb piece of shit who's just really stubborn. But why for this movie? You know, like if you're doing that for art film or drama,

Yeah, but why for like Morbius? Like, did that really add anything to his character in this movie? Absolutely not. I couldn't even tell like he was method acting. Yeah. Yeah, I love all the actors coming out against him, like, Mads McIllson saying a record acting is bullshit and like all that. You know, like, yeah, he's just making people like fucking miserable for no reason. He's a larper. He's like Daniel Day Lewis.

He's more of a larper than an actor. And I love Requiem for a dream, by the way. I think he's good at that. Yeah, those movies are a while ago. Like, I guess even Dallas Byers Club was maybe more. more than five years ago. I mean, he's not, like, destined to be bad in every film he's ever in, but the more, he's been really bad recently, the more control you give him.

And also, I know you hate, like, Ridley Scott and you haven't seen Haseguchi, but if you, if you've seen that, he's, he's fucking awful. He is he really bad. He is really bad. I saw Mark Komode's review of Hasekucci. He was, like, having, like, a fit. Like, I've never seen Mark Komode act in such, like, a crazy way, like, trying to imitate Jared Leto's performance.

Just, like, how bad he was. It's like Jared Lutter was in a different movie, legit. And, you know, he's bad in Joker, and he's bad in this. He's bad in so many fucking movies. It's like sometimes he tries this really weird, like method acting bullshit. It doesn't work. It's not that kind of movie. I think part of the greater problem here is that, like, every one of his most more recent ventures has reeked of ego.

It's not even about the performance anymore. Like, he needs for Morbius and Joker, remember? He needs for the, like, he wants that to be like the... canon version for his own ego. Like, it's so obviously about that. Like, it's not, it's not about the performance at all. Like, he's just, he needs it to be like, this is the version

and I am the superhero. Bubba, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, fuck. Even in Blade Runner, I see that performance. Like, I see that in his performance. Not as much, because he's barely in it. But yeah, it's not distracting. But he played a piece of shit in Blade Runner, too. Yeah, it bugs me. Yeah, he's the villain, right?

Alex, you made a good point before of us, like, these villain movies. It's just not that interesting. especially at this point. It's been so overdone. And the villain is only made more interesting by the hero. And if you're lacking a hero in the movie, it's just like it's really missing something. Like we need Spider-Man in this movie or Miles Morales or Black Cat or someone like that

to really balance out Morbius or Venom. But they just keep making these villain movies. And it's just so, it's become such a bad trend, I feel. Like even with Corella and like that kind of shit, it's so overdone. I'm so sick of the villain movie. villains anyway.

They're just, they're heroes with a villain aesthetic. They make them the anti-hero. There's as much of a villain as like Hassan's a fucking socialist. Bazinga. Yeah, well like Morbius is a bad guy.

You should make him a bad guy, not make him an anti-hero. And same with Venom. Like, Venom is a bad guy. You should make him kill people. Yeah, because then they just get cornered into making the bad guy just the original thing anyway.

Like the bad guy in this movie is just another Morbius. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Morbius. Yeah. Terrible villain. It's, it's, it's, it's,

I hated the CGI on him too They're trying to make him villain but also good guy and so I guess spoiler talk who cares about spoilers for venom? I don't know But um or sorry Morbius Yeah it's the same movie Yeah same shit so he references it yeah yeah it's we'll talk about that too but That was weird yeah Yeah so he's on the boat he kills everybody except the girl and then like Like, that was just from him turning into a vampire, right?

And now, like, after that point, he's got it under control. Like, what were the factors? It was because he didn't have enough blood then? Or, like, because I thought the not blood made him weak. It didn't make him, like, his urge to kill went away pretty quickly, is what I'm saying. Like, I don't, he was, he was completely out of control for one scene and then had some self-reflection or something. And then was never out of control ever. And they tried to set up the rule of, like, he invented this.

synthetic blood and that was how they kind of keep him morally pure all that was really and they explained that on the boat all the people he kills were just nameless dogs who were probably criminals anyway so they all deserved it what I found really weird about that like so if I'm imagining a film that's actually trying to explore and share like a perspective or experience of a character and they actually care about the characters in the film I it's it seems like completely contradictory especially in a film this seriously toned when they show him jumping off the boat that's in a like very quick transitionary shot they're like the the wide shot of the boat

it's like they filmed that just to like get to the next scene sort of thing like it's like an establishing shot and then they just show like this tiny little Jared Letto jumping off the boat we didn't get anything before that we didn't get him like looking over the edge and being like oh this is crazy I'm about to do this like the guy's been crippled his whole life he just suddenly he jumps off of it like it seems like that type of shot would be played for comedy in a different film like if that was a transitionary scene of just like and by the way he jumped off a boat moving on to the next scene like that should be in a comedy film but it's it's played off so seriously and we don't get any experience of the character we don't see you know like he's him land in the

wall too he was a cripple like 20 minutes ago like what did it what does it mean to the character in this moment not just oh he jumped off the boat by the way I want to know what it means to him What does that moment mean to him? We don't get any of that It doesn't care It doesn't care about the characters It's so fucking weird Yeah

But then like the way the villain Morbius is created Is basically his own fault too anyway Because he's like starving himself To figure out how long the blood like last But he doesn't put some spare blood Like in a little safe What was his plan there? And his friend just happens to show up

Like why was he there? And then of course, yeah Why the fuck did he show? Because he had to become the villain. Yeah. Because they needed an evil mobius for a CG fight at the end. Yeah, he was funny, by the way. I like that guy.

Matt Smith. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not sure what he was, like, channeling with his performance. So, like, a Jim Carrey mask kind of thing? Yeah. Almost, right? It's like doing this weird, like, dancing stuff. That's what's so weird to be.

He was supposed to be, like, celebrating, I guess, because they have this, like, degenerative disease. that they're born with that makes him so they're disabled and can't walk and they're very ill. So I guess he's supposed to be like celebrating he's come out of that. But yeah, tonally, really, really strange. Like that Venom line. Yeah. Where it suddenly tries to be a Marvel movie for that one scene.

I am Venom. And then if you remember in the trailer, he has a line where he says, no, I'm just kidding. Dr. Michael Morby is at your service. They cut that line in the film. So there wasn't that moment of comic. relief. And so in the context of the film and its universe, he just claims to be someone else in the, what is it, is it Marvel? Yeah, it's Marvel. In the MC, he claims to be someone, another character in the MCU never acknowledges it. And so in my mind, I'm thinking, okay, well, they probably cut that line because it was too comedic and it would clash with the tone. And that, you know, they clearly were trying to make a serious movie. But then immediately after, the next scene is that weird dance scene. So it's like, okay, well, you can't,

that can't be why you removed that part then, right? Because you're going against that in principle. Like, you're, what is, what was that? That was so weird. This like goofy, like Sam Ramey-esque, like, scene where it's like, fucking, I'm dancing now. Like, all right, very bizarre. Just every time, every time they were trying to show off

the kind of vampire powers and this, This, you could go, ah. And it's like you can see the, it's like the effects weren't even doing a good job of masking the actor doing it, you know, like on set. Like, you could see like the strings, basically. It was like so. Yeah. It strikes me. It strikes me as a film that was just like, they just had like a vague idea of what was going to happen with the special effects.

They're like, oh, it'll look good in post. Like, we'll just, we'll toss this to another team. Yeah, and then they'll deal with it and then just, yeah, that's the extent of the communication. Yeah, make them... Just roar like a vampire at the camera. Yeah, make them TF a bit here and then... Yeah, when they started flying in the subway, that was fucking... I was laughing.

That was really funny. Yeah, same. Because they do the Venom slow-mo thing, because again, the action is so cluttered and muddy and you can't tell what's happening. they have to go slow-mo so you can actually see what's happening. The amount of times that they did that too. Yeah. I guess they thought it was like the money shot like this is what everyone said. All the Morbiest fans are here for this, right?

That's the implication. When you slow something down like that, that's the implication is that that moment is a particular moment of the fight scene that is worth slowing down that you're drawing attention to. That's the implication when you make that creative editing choice. But when it happened, it was just like any. random moment like oh I guess you're slowing this part down it was not like a particular moment where something crazy was happening in the fight scene it was just like oh you decided to slow down this part of it for some reason and it was

so awkward and so like try hard and weird and insistent yeah and it's obviously all just completely 100% cg. Anyway yeah it's like what you're just watching like a stupid cartoon that doesn't like doesn't look good yeah it doesn't matter yeah And then when you get to like the dialogue and it's so, so underwritten and like condescending, like, they, they don't trust the audience to know what echo location means. Oh, yeah. So then, like, Morbius has to, like, bat radar for that uninitiated. Yeah. Like, explaining what it's like, dude, it's so ridiculous.

It's so condescending in that way. Oh, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's so obvious. Yeah. My favorite, uh, example of that is, um, uh, your lawyer is here when he's in jail. lawyer I don't remember you finishing law school and then Matt Smith says that's because I didn't that last line is so unnecessary because like the implicate when Jared Lotto says lawyer I don't remember you finishing law school the heavy implication towards the audience is that oh he's just you know he's pretended and he's in here pretending to be a lawyer that why Matt Smith telling him

that's because I didn't who's that for is that for Jared Lotto's character is that the audience? Like, clearly it's for the audience, but like, we already had that information from the previous line. Like, how stupid do they think people are? It feels, yeah, like every scene's focus tested to the extreme. Because wasn't this shot in like 2019? It was supposed to come out like eight years ago or some shit. I don't know. Yeah. So it's been in circulation for a while. So you can imagine them like trying to tinker it and try and obviously ride off the hype of this last Spider-Man movie, which has been huge. So I guess that was their last, their last hope of anyone seeing this as they shit it out on April 1st of all day.

Oh, yeah. Because so good. And yeah, and I didn't actually stick around for the end credit scenes. Like as soon as the credits hit, I like split it out. Why? I read about them though online. Because I just, I just refuse. I can't do it anymore.

You didn't have anything you needed to get to. You were just angry. No, because I already knew what it was as well because they put one of them in the trailer. They put that like the, the Vulture. from the MCU, I guess. It's so weird. It's in this universe now. Hey, Ralph, you, were you getting a package? No, sorry, my microphone

wasn't working. Oh, it was recording. Yeah, yeah, I was saying things you guys weren't answering. Oh, sorry. Oh, shit. No, yeah, I thought you were going to get your package. No, no. Is your recording still going? Yeah, my recording's fine, but yeah, you guys weren't answering me. Okay, sorry.

I thought before the podcast started, you said you need to get a package at some point. No, what it was. I thought that's what you're doing. You're muted again. I muted my headset. Oh, that's what you did. Yeah, so, yeah, what did you want to, I was going to ask you to add to those things

that we were talking about anyway. Oh, yeah, you guys brought up a lot of points I made in like my review, like the thing you said about the Venom line. Yeah, it wasn't in the... Oh, it's just me, Michael Morris. No, that's not, that was so, like, misleading. And that would have been, like,

one of the only moments of levity, like, in the entire movie. Yeah. I know, like, we're watching it ironically, but for like a real audience, like actually taking this seriously, it's like a really hard film to sit through it because it's so boring. Like it's, there's no jokes in it. Like that Spider-Man movie's very funny. How many people were in your... Oh, it was pretty empty, yeah. And, you know, I was sitting like off in the side of

the theater so I could like go on my phone and laugh at it, like not bother anybody. And yeah, but like no one else really seemed that into it. Like no one was clapping, no one was laughing. Yeah, it was really like sad to like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was awful. And yeah. All those points you said. I wanted to bring up the Michael Keaton thing. That was such a, that was like a scam. He's not even in the main movie. Sony's marketing is fucking awful.

I hate Sony's marketing. It is awful. It's just a trick. Like, they just tricked everybody. Like, literally, like, if you're expected to see Michael Keaton in this movie, he's not in it. He's in the mid-credit scene for a minute. And he's awful. He doesn't even have a scene with Jared Leto.

It's like the scene. with them in the desert. It's him in the vulture suit in CGI. So it's like not even with Jared Lettel. He probably didn't even have to film with him. Sony's marketing team is both cynical and psychotic.

I fucking hate them for showing Harrison Ford in the Blade Runner 2049 thing. And this is the exact same type of decision where they have the

authority to decide what goes in the poster in the trailer. And so a director makes a film, you know, and then they go through the footage and just some absolute fucking psycho who doesn't give a shit about anything related to art other than money goes through the footage and goes, oh, look, there's Harrison Ford. People will want to, people will be more interested in the movie knowing that Harrison Ford's in it. And just like this, oh, Vulture, we're going to, people will be, people will want to see the movie

if they see Vultures in it. So they put that shit in the trailer. it's like you're you're going against the artistic nature of like like you're you're it's i hate it i hate it whoever whoever's doing that at sony i fucking hate you i fucking hate you at least harrison ford is in that movie though i mean they did the same thing with like um amazing spider man too where they showed the rhino fight scene in the trailer and they end the trailer they're like by the way if you buy a ticket to this movie you'll get to see the rhino fight that's what the implication is that's what the implication is and then you watch the movie and it ends on the exact same fucking frame it's like well

I bought a ticket to the movie where was what I'm supposed to imagine it like who what the fuck I hate their marketing team yeah there was another example even um for this movie um that wasn't the vulture stuff there was in one of the trailers there was like some graffiti some spider man graffiti with the saying like murderer or something like that implying that spider man's going to be involved in some way, but no, the director confirmed it was just like, a tinkered with shot, yeah. Like, yeah, no involvement in that. It was just yeah, yeah, just the advertising.

That's crazy. There's a lot of shots like that. There's, like, so, I swear, there's some Michael Keaton shots that are in the trailer that are aren't in the movie. Yeah, there's a, there's a list of things that weren't in the movie. It's not in the movie. That's, that was me, I found that by confirming to myself, because I, I recorded a review for this, too, that's not out yet,

but I was talking about that, uh, you know, just like, oh, they had that in the trailer, it wasn't in the movie and I wanted to fact check myself so I did a Google search and I found like a whole page of like things that weren't in the movie there's so much of that in the movie yeah like was that was that Venom line like oh it's me Venom no it's me Michael Morbius like was that an outtake

like is that why they put in the trailer that's what it feels like well this movie has been re-edited for sure so I feel like that that one was in the movie and then someone was like no we it needs to be more serious we can't have that and then they decided to keep the dance scene anyway. Whoever said that is stupid. Yeah. They're fucking stupid.

Yeah. It's like, that's so weird. Also, by the way, they do, what the hell was that set up where there's like, he, he saw some people doing counterfeit $100 bills. He followed them. Yeah, that was, what the fuck was that? He grabbed, like, an artificial blood on the way. I was so confused.

And then he followed them and they have a science lab, like, in an abandoned train station? I don't know where they are. They just, they're walking outside and all of a sudden, like, some. science lab that looks like it's from the last of us two or something. There's like, it's whatever setup they have. And he's like, I want this science lab that you're presumably using only to make counterfeit $100 bills. I want to use this as my home base now.

And they're like, no. And he's like, I'm going to beat you up. And then he beats some of them up. He says he's venom. And then they leave. And we never see them again. And it's like, okay, this is some sort of like organized crime. Like, what is this?

Like, they could come back with guns. So thrown in, yeah. How important is that lab to? Yeah. In that scene, he like becomes Deadpool for one, for one line. But in that scene, it's really weird. Even though they took that comedic line out from the trailer saying that he's like, not Vannum or whatever. When he's like, is this, oh, I love this part in the movie where the hooded guy comes in and beats everyone out. Oh, God, yeah, you're right.

Yeah, that's right. The rest of his dialogue's not like that in the movie. He's not, he's not quipping. It's like there should be a different soundtrack at that point. What about when he said, yeah, I'm angry. You won't like me when I'm. Oh, no, I'm hungry. You won't like me when I'm hungry.

It's just like the line from the Hulk again. It's so weird. Why was that in there? Just any Marvel connection they could shove in there, even if it doesn't make any sense. What Sony is doing, the way Sony is like riding the coattails of the MCU is, is like asylum films,

what they do, basically. It's like just discovered, basically. Like it is at the beginning, they have the old Marvel logo saying, in association with. Like, it's not an app. It's like, you know, it's just to trick people.

It's so comical. It's so ridiculous. It's like a parasitic fucking relationship. It's so desperate. Which the MCU just have to agree with because of the contractual obligation to get Spider-Man. It's so, it reeks of desperation and especially that end credits scene because like he literally just, just Michael Keaton shows up and he's like, I was warped here. I don't know why. It must have something to do with Spider-Man though.

He literally says out loud, must have something to do with Spider-Man. Yeah, he says that out loud. And then it's just like the implication that like, then there's the other post-credit scene that happens like a minute later, not even. And they're like gearing up and the implication is like, we're going to fight Spider-Man or something. Like, it's so weird how much they're like insisting this like,

like, God, we're connected to the Spider-Man universe. See, I promise. It's so desperate. Yeah. It's so embarrassing. Oh, my God. What are they going to do? Yeah.

that rift in the sky from like Spider-Man No Way Home. Like that was supposed to be the reason. Is this movie making money? Well, the thing is, this goes in line with me saying it's a scam. It only cost $70 million to make. So they knew they were going to make their money back because it's a superhero movie. So like even if it makes like $200 million, which it probably will, it'll make its money back probably. So I mean, yes and no.

Like it's doing okay. Yeah, it's not a hit. I think it's doing fine considering what it is. It's not a huge hit, but it didn't need to be. Yeah, I think they wanted Venom kind of numbers, they didn't they? Because they clearly modeled this of Venom. Yeah, they wanted Venom numbers, right, but they didn't get them because people aren't that stupid. Yeah, you need Tom Hardy and Goo, not Jared Leto and Vampire. That's not the formula. People love Venom, you know, you can buy Venom on a T-shirt.

If they just stuck to Venom, that would have been fine. But like, this whole Sinister Sixth universe, they're trying to set up. I forgot, it's, I think it's the SS-EU or some like fucking shit, like, the acronym. It's awful. Well, it's just the sinister six in the universe. Yeah, so it'll be like, they're going to make like a Craven the Hunter next. I think that's what they're planning. Craven the Hunter. I think Aaron Taylor Johnson is like attached to it. No.

Yeah. This is just what I've heard. And then, you know, you got a few other villains in there. But I don't know. It sounds like a terrible idea to me. So like, who is it so far? Like Venom, Morbius, vulture, fucking Craven the Hunter. Like, that's awful.

That's so bad. Venom was a character that the average person knew about before the film was made. Venom's a popular character. I've said that many times. He's a really popular character. Yeah, he's Mr. Goop. Uh-huh.

Whoever loves Venom. He's a cool design. This is like a cool look. It's like evil Spider-Man. Muscles and Goop. Yeah, big evil Spider-Man. Muscles and Goop. But yeah, like, no one gives a fuck about Morbius.

Like, he is the last on like that list of villains. Like, you want to see a movie about it. I couldn't possibly give a single shit about Morbius as a character. The movie didn't seem to either. The only thing I knew about Morbius was from the animated series. No, no one cares about Morbius. That's part of the problem.

He's in like one episode of the animated series of Spider-Man. Like, that's what I know him from. And in that, he like, it's kind of funny. He like, instead of the suck of people's blood or whatever, he sucks people through, like, pores in his hand. It's somehow, like, even more disturbing than, like, the vampire in this movie.

Yeah. So he, like, he sticks his hand on, like, people's face. Like, if you watch it, you'd be like, oh, my God, it's disturbing. See, that sounds more interesting. It is more interesting And that's like a show for kids I'm like damn that's scary for kids But yeah this is like for this is so bad this movie

I fucking hate this movie Man so boring It's um it's it's like a predatory film In a way Starring a predator Yes vampiric It's tricking you I'm looking at the poster right now

A new Marvel legend arrives is what it says Above Morbius It's the insistence Yeah because they have to put Marvel in them It's the insistence there. That's like so fucked up. So is the design of the vampire version of him? Like, has it always been that bad?

I've never seen what Morbius looks like outside of this film. But it looks like horrendous. That's what he looks like, right? Like, from the Wii game you played Alex. That's like kind of... Yeah. It looks more like a fucking werewolf at points, you know? Kind of.

It doesn't even strike me as like... I thought he looked silly. It's really shit design. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. about it. Shittiest sign. Yeah.

Jesus. Yeah, I just, I don't know what angle you'd have to take to make Morbius, like, interesting. Because clearly with casting Jared Letto, they're trying to go for the, the typical, like, pretty boy vampire type role. You know, you're Dracula's, you're whatever. And they keep, they keep acting as if it's a, this is a modern vampire story. We're modernizing this because they reference, like, Dracula and reference, like, old vampire type stuff. But, but then it's, it doesn't. have really much violence or any of the kind of typical vampire tropes you'd expect because

it's also trying to be a superhero movie in the Spider-Man universe that's modeled off Venom's business model. So it's like, the fuck are we looking at here? Yeah, right. It's like this weird Frankenstein's vampire. Yeah. This is just an absolute like it's it's something that is just reflective of this point in time and the business of filmmaking you know yeah this is something that will be looked back at and just like wow or maybe it'll just get worse and this will seem really tame you never know but i did enjoy how the second it dropped the second it came out everyone clowned on it instantly yeah it wasn't even a good trailer

Hashtag Morbius sweep. Yeah, yeah. Gross to one trillion. Sold one trillion tickets. Morbius is the Jeb Bush of Marvel films. Yeah, yeah. It's a fucking joke, though. Like, everyone, no one takes this movie seriously.

Everyone knows it's bad. Uh-huh. Yeah, because at least with Venom, they've got that set fan base already. Like, I'm sure there is a Morbius fan base and there'll be a comment from, like, the Morbius fans. They filled an entire theater. They got a special screening. Did you see that? They were,

Oh, really? Jared Leto invited the Morbius Discord to a special advanced screening. Yeah. You're joking. The Morbius Discord. No, there's a photo of it, yeah. They felt the Morbius fan base filled the theater.

Be sure it wasn't just like Colt Island, he just filled the... They looked like Morbius fans. They didn't look like the Colt Island crowd. They weren't like 13-year-old girls. They looked more like comic book dudes. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

But it's like, surely you would just make... more money if you just made Spider-Man movies, but they're just impatient. That's the thing. They want it now. They want that MCU money now. Yeah, I don't, I don't know what the it's Sony. You can't, you can't rationalize it. It's a bunch of old dumbasses that are completely out of touch and they go, I want money, mum, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, and they don't know anything about art. If they knew anything about art, they would be, you know, their marketing would be very different. Their films would be very different. The, the best films that come out of Sony are the ones that they had the least

to do with. It's the ones where the artist had the most control. Yeah, that Spider-Verse movie to me, that seems like something Sony has like no control over, at least like on the surface, you know? Because it's so good. It's like so creative. I don't know if you got the trailer for that beforehand, but yeah,

I love that trailer for the new one. That's to me like a good trailer, not Morbius. Like, any of the misleading nonsense, like, and I knew it was misleading. The second I saw the trailer, I knew, I knew Michael Keaton was going to be in it for a minute. I knew it would have nothing to do with Spider-Man.

I didn't think Spider-Man would show up at all. Yeah, the movie's like a total fucking scam. Yeah. It's like, there's no other way to say it. It's a scam. Scam is a good word for it. It really, really is. If you think, like, yeah, all these things you're expecting to see, like,

money-loor. It's not that, yeah. All right. Yeah, good movie. Borbius. three out of ten from me it was funny I thought like

yeah it was it was really unsatisfying and lame but you know it was could have been worse they could have tried to make more jokes I guess two out of ten I hated it might not be as bad as like some of the worst superhero movies ever

maybe it might be I don't know yet I got to see it again I don't know if it's as bad as Suicide Squad or Wolverine Origins or Catwoman, but it definitely reminds me of those more than it does anything good. So, yeah, two out of ten, fuck this movie. Yeah, I'm with you pretty much with the rating. One star, two out of ten.

It's just where it sits in the industry that bothers me the most, because it is funny, but just that, yeah, that scummy copycat nature where it's, like, so desperate to be linked to the MCU and, like, get any offshoots from the success of that franchise. It's so pathetic. I'd like to see them try. Yeah, nothing about it works. I'd like to see it Morbius too. I would like, just for the means.

You know? I don't think that's going to happen at this point. It's like if Jeb Bush ran again, you know? We get so many good memes. I haven't seen a movie shit on like this in a long time. Probably since like cats. Dog piled. Yeah, completely dog piled on.

Yeah. Morbius. Fully deserved. Uh-huh. For sure. People were tricked. Justified. I'm glad.

because it's annoying with like some C. B.O. properties where like if it's a character people love like a venom, like there'll just people go out and see it and it would be a huge success. Also, I mean, Jared Leto. It's a lot of it has to do with the actor. Nobody likes

him. Yeah. He's obnoxious to everybody who know. Nobody fucking likes him. Yeah. I don't like him. Yeah. I don't like Morbius either. Like no one knows Morbius. I don't know why they picked Morbius out of anybody. I think that's a really strange decision. Yeah. No. No one knows who is.

Who else do they own right now like they could do a standalone, like what, would they do a Michael Keaton standalone film? Like what should they be doing right now? Who does Sony own? God. That might have been more interesting, honestly. Probably, yeah. I'm surprised they haven't fast-tracked, like an Andrew Garfield like Spideman thing.

They might. They might try a contract that they can't, you know, they can't compete at the moment or something, but... That'd be funny having two Spider-Men's at once. at this point they want to I mean it's already kind of happening I guess but that would be funny

yeah yeah Andrew Garfield might just come back and be like the Sony Spider-Man and then Tom Holland will be you know Disney Spider-Man yeah the Spider-Man

that only uses Sony products yeah and Bing yeah Bing he's Bing all right so it's time for the

thing. The other Sony movie. Oh, is it another Sony movie? Yeah, we're not looking through the trivia mentioned it was Sony, I think. They were a very different beast back then. Yeah, this follows, well, they're both bad movies.

So, I recommended a film from 2003 called Gile, which is what we're going to talk about. Jiggly. That's my recommendation. Directed by Martin Brest starring Ben Affleck and J-Lo. The plot.

Yeah, what's the plot? Spoilers? Ben Affleck is a guy who has to bring a mentally challenged guy like across the country with J-Lo and it's like Midnight Run except really bad That's basically it's basically it And yeah it's directed It's directed by Martin Brest

I don't know Breast But I don't know if you've seen like some of his movies No He's like a great director, Martin Bresz Like that's why I was shocked Yeah like Beverly Hills cop Oh I haven't seen that I think that's like a pretty, that's like a classic.

I really like that movie. It's not like one of my favorites, but I give it like a seven probably. And then like Midnight Run is excellent. Like the guy who directed that, like you think like, okay, this guy's like a great film. There's like a few. There's like a few on my watch. Really great movie. I highly recommend Midnight Run.

Yeah, if you guys want to see that. So yeah, people told me to check that out like before Gile just to give it like some perspective. Like this guy isn't a total hack, like the guy who directed this movie. And, you know, it does have some. some similarities to like Midnight Run with like the whole story of he has to bring this guy like across the country. He's got like a bounty on him or something. And you know, it's like a kind of buddy film as they go on this trip. But like Jeeley doesn't really capture what Midnight Run like succeeded in doing at all. And I don't know how you guys felt about the film, but yeah, I did not

like it. I definitely understand why it has the reputation it does of being like a really bad film. and it's actually quite grading watching it. I did not expect it to be as annoying as it was. But yeah, that disabled character who's in the film, like one sad whole element. Once he's introduced, I visibly or I audibly yelled like, oh no, when I was watching it. Like that got really grading. It was so bad, yeah. Like that part of the film, that was supposed to be the heart or the comedy, I guess.

And that was like, it was reminding. I didn't see music, but it reminded me of when you guys talked about music, just like all those feelings. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very annoying character. I just could not stand, like, this entire movie, just because of that character. So earlier in this episode, I said that I love films that try to take themselves seriously and fail so I can laugh at them. But I hate movies that try to be funny and fail because then they're just not funny.

This is my first exception to that role because I was laughing at a lot of this movie despite it technically being a comedy. I was not laughing at the parts it wanted me to but it is a very funny movie to me. I fucking loved this movie. This was a great movie for me.

I loved it too. Yeah. I loved it. I loved how it was hilarious and how awful it was the entire time. It was great. Un fucking believable how fucking awful it was. Yeah, it is funny.

I had that same. reaction like I love this movie just how absolutely atrocious it is in just every way like it's so bad and annoying yeah I've got to say I've really outdone myself this time with the recommendation oh yeah this is one of my favorite recommendations fucking really annoying I wish there was a blu-ray this one was like kind of hard to find was because they want to hide it they want to hide the existence of this movie didn't didn't Martin Bress retire from directing because of this movie his latest film. It's one that he decided to go out on.

Which is like, I don't know, you'd think you want to give it another shot after that. Like, you don't want that to be your last one, do you? I don't know. It's a career low, for sure. It's a career ender. That fucking disabled. I wanted Ben Affleck to kill him the whole movie. I swear to God.

I wanted him to fucking, I wanted the guy to fucking die the whole movie. It was so annoying. It was very tasteless, not just that element of it. Yeah. But like it was a very It was very representative of like the early 2000s and like what some people considered to be comedy at that point in time just like Oh, it's funny because he's mentally challenged and also he likes rap music or oh, it's funny because she's a lesbian or something and then it's like the whole element of like The public perception of like what a lesbian is at that point in time and people do you know just people just totally being like oh yeah well you You can change her.

Oh my God. The self-harm scene that was played for laughs. Yeah. Slashing her wrist. Her ex-girlfriend comes in. That was awesome. It was just like shifting into like, yeah. Like,

that was so extreme. Just everything like that. Every attempt to like misses, like whatever emotional, whatever they're trying to channel. Because like it's supposed to be like a comedy crime romance type thing. Yeah. Like a romantic comedy. But it does have this basis of being some kind of crime, maybe like Al Pacino's in there. Yeah.

It's about like kidnapping the brother of like a attorney, like a district attorney. It's like if Midnight Run was like a romantic comedy, like leaned more into those elements. Except, yeah, those elements of this movie do not work. Like, J-Lo's character, she was fucking irritating too. She's hilarious. She's just the same face for the whole meeting. I could not stand her character either, yeah. And she just shows up too in the movie.

Like, I don't know, the scene where she was introduced, it was so odd. She just kind of pops into the movie. And yeah, you say she's a lesbian, but then she bends. She's not. It's not. But then she says she's not in love with him. Yeah, it's a very inaccurate representation of what a lesbian is. There's a lot of people that think, like, oh, yeah, you can just like choose to be sort of, like, that was like kind of public perception.

For many people, especially more at the time, especially America, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, like, yeah, that was just like, at no point. She seems more like bisexual than like a lesbian. I don't think Martin Brest has ever met a lesbian in his life. Like up until him directing that movie. I just mean the writing of the character was so annoying. So it's like, do you want to be with Ben Affleck or not? Because she's like, okay, I want to be with you, but I don't love you.

I can never love you. So it's like, what is it? Like, are you a lesbian or not? Like, I don't give a shit. It was like, the characters are so fucking vague. It was like for a joke, basically. Yeah, it was just a joke. Yeah, but it was so, like, irritating.

Like, just make up your fucking mom. Oh my god like every character in this movie. It's funny that she's hot and also a lesbian He can't have her and then there's like these he's trying to sell her on the idea of penis It's so frustrating the yoga scene. Yeah, that scene fucking oh my God, so bad I'm sorry, but sexuality is not like a persuasive argument like that's not what that is Martin It's not like oh hey you've made some good points. I think I'm gonna start liking pussy now you said you said Viginas are mouth

Her cussies are mouths now So bad Okay you've made a persuasive But she was like So she says we want to kiss the mouth Because it's the mirror image Of the vagina Like that's how she said

It's so fucking bad that scene It's funny It's a really funny movie In the way that it thinks that In the way that it thinks that it's making comedy It's like so The reason why I love this as a movie Is a comedy that fails

Compared to every other comedy that fails Is because every other comedy that fails it's not as ballsy it's not as out there it's not as like adventurous like I don't often use the word brave and I'm saying this somewhat ironically but like this is

this is a very brave and ballsy like this tried to do a lot of things that you've never seen in a movie before this movie was kind of like experimental in some way it was like hey we're going to be like really like it was shocking like doing the whole slit wrist thing

I'll give you that in a different movie So like let's compare like the slit wrist part and also even like the neat the weirdly out of left field like horrific violence of that headshot near the end of the film with. Oh yeah. But yeah. It lingers on it. What the fuck was that? Just these moments of the film that feel so they feel so out of place and so violent. But then you remember like oh if it's actually done well and it's like well written and well, you know, burn after reading. That has like you know the whole axe thing. We're not going to spoil the movie. But there's a moment in that. film where there's like a shocking death in that scene like that's a great example yeah of like essentially someone doing the same thing playing something for shock laughs uh being really out there and experimental and weird but that's just a much better constructed a much smarter movie that understands human beings it understands what a human being is like it's not it's not trying to uh represent the idea of a lesbian of which martin breast has never met one in his life like it doesn't miss

the mark in that sense so like You just got to change things around in a way. And what he was doing wasn't inherently, like, a failure from the get-go. He just had to, you know, maybe come across. And he is a talented director. Like, he is a guy who's made great movies. Like, Midnight Run is that movie you're describing. Like, that's a great crime movie that balances the comedy really well.

It's just with this film, I don't know what happened. It's just none of those elements come together. It's a fucking train wreck. Yeah. I should mention, I looked through his other films. on IMDB. This is the only one out of like those other ones you mentioned is the only one that he actually wrote. So the other ones he might have like interesting. He might have like a small writing credit on one of them. But like there's yeah, they're they're just written by other people and

he directed them. So that's why this would stand out so much is like this is really his voice, his vision in terms of like what it is conceptually and what the dialogue is. Like he had so much control over this in terms of like the story. And that's really what, what's, what stands out as like this whole disaster yeah it's kind of like a director kind of has too many resources kind of like his vision i don't know it doesn't come together well yeah i read the um it was partially impacted by the real life relationship 100% Jennifer Lopez and ben affleck and that there were going to be more kind of crime elements and that was more important to the story until like the real world like just that allure like then sony pictures new like you put that on the

poster. Put Ben Affleck and Jen Flope is on the poster. More people are going to see it and make it romance and all about the romance in real life, romance in the movie, cha-ching. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Mrs. Smith. The romance, the romance is frustrating because, yeah, she's a lesbian, except when she isn't. It's so annoying. It's also frustrating because she, they have zero charisma and yet they're in a relationship in real life. That's, like, they don't interact with each other like a real, that's fucked up when you think about it. Yeah. That is. really bad. Like, imagine having like zero charisma with

your significant other and just making a movie about it. When you're actually dating. No chemistry with your own like. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She looks at him the same way she looks at the fucking book she was reading. When she's pretending to read the book she's just acting all like, oh, I'm so attractive and slutty right now. It was so

fucking bizarre. I was laughing my ass off every single time it cut to J-Lo because she doesn't know how to act. She doesn't know how to act whatsoever. She was too focused and preoccupied on trying to look was horrible. The entire time. She wasn't doing yoga.

She was doing slut yoga. Like, it was just like, holy shit, who's this for? You're a lesbian, right? Like, why are you doing this? Like, what are you doing? Like, every single, like, I couldn't believe a single fucking word that came out of her mouth because she was trying to look pretty the entire time. And it's not a matter of like, oh, what is she wearing?

It's not like the makeup. It's the way she's presenting herself in terms of acting. Do you know what I mean? Like there's some, it's like the, there's like one actor from like Saw 6 that does the same thing. where it's like you seem like you're trying to act for a porn right now. You don't even seem like you're trying to be a character. Maybe not a porn, but it always seems like modeling or like, I always say that about Galgado. It always seems like she's modeling and not really like acting.

It seems like you're trying to seduce the characters, not interact with them. It seems like you're constantly trying to seduce the audience. They just have like a certain look. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You say she's bad and I agree. She's like horrible in this movie. She's so funny, man.

Ben Affleck's not much better than she is. Everyone's bad. He's awful. He's awful. And I don't get the name thing. Like, why is his name Gile? Why was that such a part of the movie? Yeah, because he's got that rhyme.

It's a terrible title. Yeah, it's like, oh, it's not jiggly. It's pronounced Gile. It rhymes with really. I guess I think that was supposed to be a joke. That was like, that's this movie's catchphrase. Was that supposed to be a joke? Yeah, yeah, basically.

Yeah, because especially like towards the end as things start wrapping up and it's like pay off after. off and they really think they're like land in the ending with the whole um dug from hangover doing the bay watch and then and then throwing in the Australian weatherman thing so well it's all coming together now and the movie's acting as if like this is it it's all like been building up to this it's like what that was so the first part of the movie was not like like this it's like a different tone entirely like Ben Affleck's like a horrible like asshole like he's I know it's like the point of his character that you

supposed to change but like you don't really see him change for any good reason it's just like yep now's the part where they get together I guess because it's a romantic comedy and they will have to love each other yeah there's no lessons were learned by any character no you were all annoying

he teaches the guy from hangover like how to talk to girls and it's like so condescending and fucking annoying yeah the hangover guy this was so bad this movie made me want to watch Gun Girl Yeah, it's a good movie

Yeah, it's the good Ben Affleck movie I should point out in case anyone was confused earlier I'm not I am a sex positive person And I was not slut shaming her but it was It was affecting my ability to believe her character If you're acting you should not be concerned with seducing everybody on You know the entire like you should not be concerned with seducing the audience the entire time yeah yeah it was distracted back to ben afflick's awful acting like in the opening scene he's on the phone

and he has a line starting to follow my drift here pappy and that's like that set the tone for me for the whole film man this is going to be horrible like well yeah because it opens on him he's supposed to be like kind of torturing someone for money yeah he's played for laughs and he's never actually shown to be intimidating or really be a part of crime in any way aside you never believe he's intimidating Yeah, they keep saying he's got like a reputation and that he's like known for how hard he is and all this But you never actually see any of it's all just told to you, so right what you actually see is him just kind of being Lame and pathetic though time Yeah, isn't there a scene when he's like talking to the disabled guy? He like talks into a flashlight to make him yeah

Yeah, that's even though he has a mobile phone That doesn't make sense I don't think to trick him that I don't think the guy's that like Well I mean there's a line in the film I don't even A flashlight. No, yeah. Like, there's a line in the film, which is, like, sort of sets the tone for what he, you know. I don't, it's, I'm trying to understand how much of this is, like, comedy and how much of this is just, like, a warped perception of reality from the guy.

But, like, he literally says, like, oh, why am I even talking to you? Like, you don't understand what I'm saying. Like, as if, like, yeah, like, you shouldn't even be speaking to him because he's mentally disabled. Like, nothing's going to get through to this guy. Like, yeah. It's just not clear what the disabled guy, like what his problem is, or like what is wrong with him. Because that whole flashlight thing could have been like a joke. Like you could have had the disabled guy like make a joke on it like the third time he does it and then spin it back around in it.

Or do something with it, you know, as opposed to nothing, as opposed to what they do, which is just jump around everywhere and just kind of insult the guy. Yeah, it's just be a dickhead. Lots of driving scenes with the three main characters. Lots of driving scenes. I just wanted them to get in an accident. Oh, yeah. So the movie would end. It's a very, in terms of like setting, it's a very stale and repetitive film.

Yeah, extremely so. 75% of the movie is just them talking in an apartment. Like, honestly. Yeah, car apartment. Yeah, I was so happy when they went to that morgue. We get like a tiny scene at a hospital, a tiny scene like with Christopher walking at a different location. And then a tiny scene at the beach at the end. aside from that, maybe the opening, yeah.

And the Opecino bit, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that Baywatch scene, that was so bad. Like, that was actually trying to get some, like, emotional resonance out of it. The soundtrack was so fucking weird. When he sees the Baywatch or the beach for the first time. Yeah, remember, it was like swelling music.

Like, you were supposed to be happy for him. Like, he's at the Baywatch, but it was so weird. I'm like, is this supposed to be funny? No, yeah. Is it ironic? There's several. Yeah, yeah. It's so weird.

There's several points. in the film where by the end of the scene they're playing this like sentimental music. But the context of the scene is like, like, he's talking about like his penis sneeze and like he's talking like all this weird shit of like this is supposed to be played for laughs in concept from the script. I would have to imagine, right? But then in execution with a way that it's, you know, he told, I guess he told John Powell, believe it or not, did the music for this. I guess he told told John Powell. Wait, John Powell.

Yeah. I lost my shit. It's ended at the beginning. I guess he told John Powell like, oh yeah, make this sentimental sort of like, you know, a nice little romantic or like, I don't know what it was going for. It was like this weird clash of tones and emotions that doesn't work in any way whatsoever.

And they kept like, they kept doing it over and over again. One of the songs in the soundtrack was like the exact same chord progression as Love the Way You Lie by Eminem. Like by the end of the movie, just like singing along with it basically. It was kind of funny. That's funny.

Yeah, like the sentimental music. The sentimental music cues happened while they were watching her getting treated at the hospital. Like the slashed wrist woman, where it's just like, what is going? Is this a nice scene? Is this like a nice? What am I supposed to feel? It's like taking your fucking kid to the park? Like, what, what are you?

What's going on? It was so bizarre. Yeah. I didn't think the music was very good either. despite that composer. And going back to Martin Brest, you know, Midnight Run was composed by Danny Elfin. So it's just the kind of composers like he can get.

Like, he's that caliber of director where he made great movies. I just don't know why he made this movie this way. It's so bizarre. It's one of the strangest, like, train wrecks, I think I've seen. I think that, like, in a vacuum or in a bubble, the music is not bad. It's just the way it was used in the film was, like, the most... Yeah, the implementation.

It doesn't fit the movie. Yeah, you could put the same music in a different film, and it would probably be fine. There would be nothing wrong with the music in a different movie. I swear I felt ironic at points. Yeah. Like when he sees the Baywatch and it's like actually supposed to be an emotional scene, like you're actually supposed to feel happy. Apparently. It's trying to be heartwarming and like, yeah, a nice romance of comedy ending.

That was so bizarre. I was like, what am I watching? Yeah, this is like. This is fucking insane. This is insanity. It's like my favorite movie. It's so. It's so, I love unique experiences.

I love things that are just so out there and weird. And I honestly, this movie flew by. I wasn't, I wasn't like feeling the length of this film at all. I was like, holy shit, that was, that was great. Like, I was just, I was really enjoying it. There was always something to like be amazed at or cringe or laugh or just being shocked at. Like, what the? The soundtrack especially really helped with that experience.

like a lot of the jokes that they were trying to make like I don't understand if half of them were jokes like P-O-B yeah passenger on board like why is that line in the movie it seems like a lot of it was written to try and like make it be a thing you know like the whole yeah giggly no it rhymes really stuff Gilly really you know like

yeah there's a lot of dialogue like that doesn't rhyme with jiggly not like jiggly puff yeah this is gonna be a thing this is the word yeah there was a really the weird thing that I'm stood out to me was You know that whole beat where they're talking about, oh, how do you look at your nails to indicate if you're more feminine or masculine? Yeah. Yeah, I had a weird flashback to, I remember being in like year seven, which is like 12, 13 year old.

I wonder if it came from the movie or not. Yeah, and I was wondering, did that, was that what originated this shit? Was it really this fucking movie that that came from? I hope not. I really hope not. Checking your nails thing? Yeah. I wonder, yeah.

Yeah. I can see why it would. Because I remember that from school. I saw that in an episode of Family Guy once. Because, like, you put that in a thing, and then dudes are obviously going to be like, I'm going to show how not gay I am. So I can see why that would permeate the culture. Yeah, exactly.

Did really Gile have that much of a significant... Well, that's the thing. Yeah, I don't know how many people... Well, yeah, I found this bit of trivia saying, only 73 U.S. theaters was showing the film by its third week end of release down from 2,215 during its first weekend a drop of 97% the largest drop ever in terms of a percentage and at the time the largest drop in terms of numbers which only moved Dave has been in that's absolutely bad yeah I don't think I don't think like a lot of people would need to see the movie

and have that nail thing for that to start permeating its way through the culture because in the same way that like you know there's a lot of like weird you know go to any Reddit threat about like stupid shit that turned out not to be true. You'll see a lot of like, oh, people believed that the blood was blue without, you know, and then only when it's exposed to oxygen is red. Or that Marilyn Manson once removed two ribs to suck his own deck. Like that shit was circulating around like, you know, before a lot of people were using the internet.

I heard all those things when I was in school. So like, it takes one person to start that. And then it just has to be enough of like a quippy sort of like, I'm smart because I know. this sort of thing for then that person to share it to the next person like a virus and that that nail thing is like one of the perfect examples of something where it's like of course you you know of course that would spread you would want to ask the next person and then you'd be like oh this is why it's because you're gay or a woman if you did it that way like okay yeah um i just want to go more into like the finances that that's interesting about the box office um it's it

was a big flop when it came out. It's like one of the most expensive box office flops ever, apparently. It costs about 75 million to make, which is more than more than this. I know, I know. Really? Yeah. It probably went to the talent. Yeah.

Like Ben Affleck, J-Lo, all of them. Oh, yeah, they were paid like 12 million each or something. Well, I mean, like, there's nothing else in the movie. They're talented people working on it. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's a talented cast of people. They're like all A-listers.

They just, the vision did not come. like it is such a fucking disaster is J-Lo talented at acting ever Has J-Lo ever acted well? I don't think so Okay She's definitely attractive You know she's hot

That's why she's got a career Like she looks good in those jeans in the movie Yeah She tries throughout the movie Yeah That's her goal as an actor It's to look good in the jeans Yeah

But there's yeah Her character's not There's nothing to it Yeah, lesbian, by the way. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a huge bomb. Just gonna casually do yoga in front of Ben Affleck. Yeah, like, where did that money go?

Aside from, like, the talent. Like, I don't, the whole movie takes place in apartments and, like, offices. And, yeah, like, the beach in one scene and a car. It's just nothing. It's such a waste of money. Yeah. It's a different time, I guess, and, like, you know, when those kind of movies were coming out, like the blockbuster every week kind of thing.

I guess those kind of like dramas like in the early 2000s, it's just like, I don't know, fucking shit I'm out. Like this movie, I fucking, I'm so baffled by this movie. Yeah,

I don't even know what to think. It's too brave to be successful. It's too crazy. It's too out there. People weren't ready for it. It's too bad. It's too ahead of its time, yeah. Yeah.

We were watching it. now it hasn't gotten any better. I love this movie. It's really fun. I love it too. It's just not in the ways it wanted to be loved. Yeah. Fike. Release a Blu-ray Sony. Jesus. I'll buy it. We need a 4K transfer.

We need a criterion G-Lie. Yeah, 75 million. You know, this movie would cost like 10 cents and they put it on Netflix. 75, that is shocking. So we had Christopher Walkin. We had Al Pacino. Those were shocking moments. What did they add to the movie?

Oh, yeah. Like, you have amazing actors like Al Pacino. Like, they're in one scene. They fucking barely do anything. A single scene. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like horrible.

Yeah. Yeah. Just some really shocking and violent moments that just decided to be in the movie. All the characters are just annoying. Like, very similar characters in Midnight Run, but in those characters, you'll like them. Like, I think he's named Joe. Pantelione or something like that. Joe Pantiliano?

Yeah, that's probably it. He's in Midnight Run. Like that character Midnight Run. He's like the guy who's kind of, he's in the HQ and he's like Colin Robert to Niro to bring the guy back. Like that character Midnight Run is so great. And that same character in here, like that, it's like a similar character, but

he just fucking hated him. Like he's so grating and annoying in this film as opposed to the Midnight Run character, which is far more likable and interesting. Like, and when he gets his come up, it's at the end. You're like, oh, man, that's great. Like, Rob De Niro hangs up the phone on him. Like, that's awesome. Uh, you know, in this movie, it's just like nothing. Yeah, he gets fucking shot. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah, it doesn't work. It's, it's like a comedy. It's a romantic

comedy the whole time until it becomes like a horrific, like violent movie. Yeah. Like, for no reason. Very briefly. Linger's on the dead body. Yeah. It goes right back into comedy after and into like sentimental bullshit with like the disabled guy going to the beach. In the same, in the same movie that plays off going into a morgue to steal someone. one's thumb. Yeah. As like a joke. So bizarre.

Well, he's saying, baby got back. Not that, like, kind of morbid humor, like, wouldn't work. It just doesn't work in this kind of movie. No, just be consistent. I'll see anything. Yeah. I mean, it works for me. So weird.

It makes it a lot of fun. It works for me. Ironically. Um, I just, I found this movie to be, like, weirdly fetishy, you know? Because, like, half of it just feels like a fan fiction. when they're like, show me your heterolingus. And just like the, in concept even, the whole like weird ass, like, I'm having sex with a lesbian.

Like, that seems like really fetishy. That seems like really like. I'm so hyper straight. I'm able to turn lesbians straight. Yeah. I made her change teams. She was never a straight and now she's bisexual or something. Like, fuck off.

It's so weird. It's the most early 2000s shit. But then she doesn't love them at the end. she's like I can never love you so I'm like what so she's not but like what is she then it's so confusing and annoying when like the characters in the movie don't know like what they are yeah

yeah there's another line it's turkey time gobble gobble that was weird yeah what the fuck was that yeah no that that that gobble line that's such a like the dude writing like a lesbian mic yeah There's so much of that Like this weird sort of like the film acts as though it's saying Some sort of like making some sort of substantive commentary on like relationships in a way

Like every every relationship has the bull and the cow like even if it's technically a comedy film It's clearly trying to like it's not it didn't say the craziest thing ever is it isn't some like weird ironic like oh yeah the character's supposed to be an idiot when he says that at that moment. It's like they're trying to say things that stick in the culture. This film is constantly trying to do things that are making, attempting to make like some sort of cultural connection here. You know, it's like they expect people to be nodding along like, yeah, there is a bull and a cow in every relationship.

It's so weird. Man, it just comes back to those character relationships and they just, they don't work. like these relationships between these people are so annoying in this movie. Like the connection between J-Lo and Ben Affleck is. They have zero chemistry. That's the word I was looking for earlier. I was saying charisma.

I meant chemistry. Yeah. They're just like, it's just grading to watch. Like these people are so annoying. I fucking, you know, I can't,

I couldn't stand them. I was just confused by like, is Jennifer Lopez supposed to come from like a crime background? Because that's kind of the implications. Yeah, she was like hired. Yeah, but it doesn't. But she, she doesn't do anything. She just does yoga.

Because you mentioned Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And I was kind of thinking of that. And it. But they don't even like do that. They don't do the bare essentials, the bare basics. She's just kind of like, just,

yeah, the bare. She's just like a nice lady that just goes around diffusing conflict. With ease. Oh, yeah. And pretends like she knows some crazy kung fu shit or some Muay Thai. Yeah, yeah.

She knows some kung fu, but she's also like a good liar, like when she first comes in in that first scene. She's nothing but a liar. She just pops up. But first she's kind of like playing like the kind of ditsy neighbor like, oh, what, can I use your phone or whatever the hell she was trying to do? But then she'll all of a sudden she's like, well, well, I'm actually working for the guy and I'm here to help you. And I'm actually a super badass criminal or whatever. Like that's what it wasn't convincing. Like her acting.

Nothing about her. It wasn't convincing. Yeah. It was so bad. Yeah. Well, I thought it was going to escalate from there. I thought it was going to actually progress and, like, show what she's capable of. Right, but it just is like a standstill from then.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like there for the rest of the movie. Yeah. Yeah. It's perfect. Yeah.

It's a perfect standstill. So, yeah, one of the very few scenes in the film that does not take place in this apartment is when they, like, were getting food. And, like, yeah, the guy, B'Nafleck just breaks the guy's laptop at the end of the scene when she's, like, pretending like, I could gouge your eyes out. And then she's like, by the way, don't do sports because that's not a profession that you were likely to, succeed in, stay in school. And then all of the dudes there are just like, what, man? I'm just imagining what the director told these extras. And like, in that moment, I'm just also imagining, like, what film do you think they

thought that they were in at that moment? Like, imagine being one of those guys on set, just being like, yeah, I'm in a film with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez from the season director. And you're in this scene. And he's like, yeah, just look like you're offended when she walks away. And then Ben Affleck just smash the laptop and say, W.W. suck my dick.com.

That's like the only reason the laptop was smashed was for that joke, I bet. Because that was a very 2003. Like, you can say www.w and dot com in a joke. Yeah, that was the punchline. Yeah, just saying a website was the joke. Yeah.

It's a website. Yeah. Very 2003. Wow. Yeah, this movie will age. Well, it's aged horribly, yeah. Like a fine wine. It's a nice time capsule, yeah.

I love it. Uh-huh. Please release a 4K criterion Blu-ray. they have no 4K transfers at this point they've burned all those they've probably burn the original film print

of this so like they could never like never remaster it let it be forgotten yeah yeah what an absolute train wreck unfuck unbelievable

I've outdone myself this time everybody this is one of my favorite recommendations I love this movie I found an absolute train act if we want to get into ratings I'll give my rating first

I don't want to give it half star, although I almost feel it's there, but just because of like the reputation of like the people involved, like the director who I like, and like you said, it's so fucking bizarre that it's actually like kind of amusing and like

interesting to watch. It's like a fascinating train wreck, so I would go two out of ten just because it's not like absolutely painful and it's kind of interesting and the people involved are talented. They're just wasted on a fucking terrible story that just doesn't make any sense. So yeah, two out of ten for me. Yeah, it fails so spectacularly.

You can't keep your eyes off the train wreck, the car crash in motion. So just every single element like clashes against itself and it's shocking. But I'm slightly lower than you guys because I was, the runtime did get me a little bit. If you could just shave or 50 minutes, maybe I could add a star or something, but it's just, I've always been confused and weirdly allured by this movie, like seeing it on IMDB, it's in the bottom 100, so I've always seen that poster there, but I've always been confused seeing the, the crime thing particularly, the fact that in the description it says he's assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney that makes it sound like it's going to be something else, but yeah, this is

this is ridiculous, this is one-and-half star for me. I loved this movie I was considering giving it a 10 out of 10 It wasn't It's not quite Neil Breen level So maybe I can't so I'll give it a more realistic 3 out of 10 I think that that's a more realistic Reasonable rating

At the end of the day it's a film that like is daring It is fucking out there It dares to be different I like seeing that in movies It fails spectacularly for sure But at the same time, like, there's something really special about this. It's the only comedy I can think of where it fails at what it's doing, and I still love it and it's still funny to me in an ironic way. This is like

the first of its kind for me. And so it's a, it's a very special movie to be where I could actually, you know, experience the comedy, not the comedy that it was intending, but it is still trying to be a comedy. Like, I don't know. It's, was it successful in a way for me? Like, were those shocking moments shocking to me? Yes. Like, there are some parts of the film that were. on ironically successful in what they did. So yeah, I'm going to give this movie a little bit of credit.

It was hilarious. It could watch it again. Flew by, didn't even feel the two-hour runtime. I loved it. Three out of ten. Yeah, I could agree with a lot of that. I'm glad we all got something out of it. It was awesome. Yeah, this is an infamous

fucking movie, yeah, so it's good to talk about. Okay. Thanks for watching Jeeley. I'm glad it wasn't another going overboard. Well, yeah, that was just annoying. This is not a little more... That was torture. Yeah, I suppose it's better than going overboard.

This is, this is irritating too. It's mainly just those characters, like, their relationships between each other. They're so annoying, and it's not clear, like, what the characters are even. I didn't know what was wrong with the disabled guy. J-Lo's a lesbian, except she isn't, and Ben Affleck's not intimidating.

He's just, like, playing himself. Like, every character's just, it's so annoying to fucking watch. It's like so annoying. Okay. So there's Gilly or jiggly. Thank you so much. Thanks.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks for watching. Question time. Question time. Yeah. Okay, let's do some questions from the Sardonicast community. Head over to the subreddit where there's a suggestion thread where you can ask whatever you feel like for future episodes. Just like Bonkey Schlong June Ho did who says, after watching Jackass Forever, what's the hardest you've ever been hit in the genitals?

almost intense physical pain you've ever felt. I've only got one, like, major hit in the genital story, and it was, uh, when I was a kid, I was playing through one of the Halo games with my brother on legendary. Um, and we finished the game and the achievement didn't pop. Um, so we started like bickering and it just wound, it wound up with me getting punched in the balls, basically, because I was being such an asshole. And I definitely deserved it, but game of rage, what are you going to do? Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think. I think I got hit in the nuts once by my brother.

It fucking hurt. Yeah. It like knocks you out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrifying. It hurts. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Your stomach fucking hurts. Like, your inside's hurt. I don't have a specific memory about it. I know I've been hit in the genitals. I don't have a specific memory. But I guess part of the question was what was the most intense, like, uncomfortable. Intense physical pain.

The most, like, the most amount of pain I've been in probably was just having one of my wisdom teeth grown in because as someone who, like, I dislocated my fucking knee, right? But that was keeping me awake at night to the point where I was like, I had T3s that I was prescribed for my dislocated knee

that I didn't take. And then when one of my wisdom teeth was growing in crooked, there was a night where I was like, I was forced to take one for, like, I didn't take them for my knee and then I was forced to take. one because I was like I couldn't even sleep I was like in so much pain and then just like yeah wisdom teeth are hardcore I had braces when I was younger um getting those on for the first time like

the first few days that's probably the worst pain like ever felt just like in your fucking mouth oh when you had them on where like you can't bite anything for like the first few days and your teeth again used to like the pulling of it it really hurts it's like this really uncomfortable pain that doesn't go away for like a few days and there's nothing you can do like you know it's in your mouth you gotta just deal with it until your teeth get used to it yet that is probably the worst pain i've fucking been through that sucks did you have to have um the wisdom teeth removal surgery or did they come through clean oh yeah for you animal um well yeah i got them removed uh recently actually um just because it was it was fine awful yeah i just were that painful

um it was fine yeah i was yeah i was yeah that was yeah that was was that wasn't bad it was just one of them was growing in weird and that was like years ago that was like just on one night it was just fucking i'd have had have no idea why it was just so unbelievably painful yeah but then the surgery itself like when they removed them it was like it was more i don't know like they used anesthetic uh they they froze my yeah i had i've had two of my wisdom teeth though uh because of similar issues yeah then just coming through weird yeah a few hundred years ago, like the wisdom teeth would have just been the end of all of us. Yeah.

You would have had to fucking use a hockey skate. Oh, you get rid of it. Man. Wilson. Let's do this one from Slim Knave. What famous celebrity do you wish you could slap? Henry Cavill. Oh, Henry Cavill.

He's fucking huge guy. Why is that? I fucking slap. Oh, yeah. I don't know, he's just like a big guy, fucking slap him. Yeah, that'd be funny. No reason. See, I feel like Jared's got one coming after Morbius and this Joker stuff, you know.

If anyone deserves it. Oh, Jared, that's a good one. Yeah, fuck Jared Lettle. That's funny. I would slap James Franco, too. Yeah. It's a few people I'd fucking slap. Hmm.

I'm sure there are a few celebrities in Hollywood who deserve it. In Minecraft. by the way. We're talking about in Minecraft slapping YouTube by the way. Yeah, sorry. And yeah, if I won celebrity, Tyler the creator, because I'd like to slap them cheeks, boy, he's hot.

Damn. But yeah, I don't really feel like violence against anybody, honestly. I don't often get that urge. The few times I've gotten that urge have been over something so incredibly, like, it would have to be like a very evil person in a very personal way that I have a personal connection

to that has done some very evil things to me or people I care about for me to get the urge to like slap someone otherwise I don't really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes someone has like a punchable face where I'm like, why do I want to punch the face? Like I'm not a violent person. I don't know why.

There's something about some people. They give like a weird look. You know, Martin Schrelli for some people. where it's like that's sort of like smugness no I would never hit anyone either unprovoked yeah just if you're asking me who I would hit

in Minecraft I could give you a fucking list yeah yeah same Seth Rogan Seth Rogan's got punch of looks in Hollywood how about one big slap for everyone in Hollywood

just a big old slap yeah collectively I wouldn't slap everybody they all deserve it though I don't want to slap like Tom Hardy I think he's okay I think he deserves it. Yeah, slap the Hollywood sign.

Yeah. All right. Cool Minecraft question. Interesting. Shark repellent 1991 has one that, uh, this one isn't an in a video game, but, uh,

what do you have thoughts on binge watching? Not a fan of it personally. Not only can it be physically unhealthy, but I just find myself more invested in the world and characters of a show when I really take my time with it, only watching around one to two episodes at time. And as a result, shows stick with me a lot more, but that's just my take. What about you guys?

I think Adam said before, like, you can't really tell anyone how to, like, view someone. That's like a, how to view a film. It's like a pointless, like, argument. Like, I like binge watching. I binge watch the wire. I think that's fine. Sometimes I don't like binge watching. It just depends on what it is.

I don't have any preference, really. Yeah, some shows are bingeable. I don't think it detracts from an experience to binge watch something. Like, I don't think that's a invalid way of the show. show like yeah yeah obviously you can't binge watch a show that's coming out like a new show like you can't binge watch you can wait for all the episodes to be released and then binge watch it yeah you can do that right and then binge it yeah you can do that but it just depends on you know what you want i i watch both i really don't care yeah i don't have a preference really i would say i'm i'm

watching succession right now i'm on season three um great oh interesting yeah i would say i'm enjoying that show, but it's not one that should be binge watched because they play that song so often that you need a breather. It's a show that should probably be spaced out of being for a couple different reasons. I'm enjoying it. Interesting, because that was the last show I binge watch myself. And yeah, I did catch that with the music too, but everything else. I'm absolutely adored about it.

Yeah, I can agree with you the music, yeah. It's got a great theme, to be fair. It's good. I don't accept the theme. I love hearing it. Nicholas Brittle. Yeah, they start tweaking it a bit more as it goes on, doesn't it?

But there's particularly, I think, in that first season. Mm-hmm. It gets a bit more grating. Yeah. And I wasn't skipping the opening credits because I was like enjoying it. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't realize how many times they'd play the song. I would have skipped through the opening credits had I known I'd be hearing the song anyway

in the show so much. Succession's released weekly too. I feel like that's a fair point to bring up. like, you know, that's released weekly as opposed to maybe stranger things, which is maybe more bingeable, because it's maybe made to be binge, because it puts it up all at once. I mean, yeah, Netflix

is like the only platform that does that, aren't they? I think so. Yeah. Even HBO Max, like with Peacemaker, that was like every week. Yeah. Disney Plus, they do it every week. Like, with those Marvel shows they make. Netflix is the other here. That's every week. Yeah, Netflix, they're the only ones who like, they put a whole season up right away.

Like, Orange is the New Black or whatever, strange things. You just put a whole season up. Yeah. So they really, I think they invented like the whole binge thing. I think it really came from Netflix and they're like whole way of that business model. But yeah. Most shows are I think made to be watched like weekly. I wonder how like sustainable the whole like binge like Netflix type model is with how stuff like the the Witcher like season just came out. That was dropped. Like did I was anyone talking about that compared to like the weekly like Marvel. shit and stuff. Yeah, there's a promotional element to releasing something

episodically that you're building. Netflix is likely to recognize and not ignore. Yeah. Because then it becomes like a weekly commitment for people to talk about on Twitter and stuff, you know? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, you get months of advertisement as opposed to just one. Yeah, everyone's on the same page about every episode, you know, they're as far through the series as everyone else at the moment, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if they just stopped doing it. I wonder how sustainable it really is because, you know, not a lot of Netflix shows

are made to run for that long, right? Like a lot of them run four seasons, right? Yeah. But I don't think there's many that run longer than that. The really popular ones are maybe five. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Or they like use, they lose interest, right? Like after three seasons, people are like, all right, we're kind of done with the story. Like, that fourth season of Ozark

came out like that's gone like that's it like they just wrapped it up yeah crazy all right we can do another one okay so as we answered the succession one kind of I'll skip over that one but humble hitman then can do

the next I recently watched the shape of water and really enjoyed it I found the film to be beautiful both visually and emotionally however I've noticed a large number of people online who seem to find the film's concept problematic and disturbing and have labeled it as a weird Beastiality film.

How do you feel about these opinions? And how do you, and do you agree that the film is in any way problematic? The movie is very out there. If you swapped the genders, it would probably be perceived differently by people in society in terms of like a film. Yeah. That's kind of the point of that film. It's kind of supposed to be provocative or un, like, normal.

Yeah. It's fucking weird. but whatever yeah it's a fish monster it's not real yeah it's humanoid anyway

I guess I just yeah I didn't I wasn't really thinking about it watching the movie I didn't really give a fun yeah I go to say that's what I mean like people like

overanalyzing something or like misinterpreting it I mean there is like a literal fish fucking in the movie or whatever but it's like

yeah this it's clearly more artful than that I mean if you've watched a film like wait you just just

break down any film and like that's most like the most broad language and like yeah i mean like the impression that i get from the film itself is that it would be akin to you know someone having sex with a person that doesn't speak the same language as them you know the implication is that it is like an intelligent uh being that is capable of informed consent like that's the implication in the movie right so i don't know like there's nothing to suggest it's not the actual animal in it. The fish monster or whatever? I don't know.

It's like humanoid thing. Yeah. That's what I understand the implication to be. I don't think Giermo del Toro would argue against that. I wouldn't say it's a common thread in his work either. Like, not really many sexual relationships in, like, Pacific Rim or, you know, any of his other films necessarily that I've seen anyway. Yeah, it's really weird. If all of his movies were about that, I would be like, oh, that's kind of suspicious.

but they're not they're mostly like you know Penn's library has nothing to do with that shit yeah I love shape of water that's a great movie I don't see it again

I really don't have many criticisms with it yeah I saw it like twice when I came out I was gonna see Lady Bird and then I'm like yeah I'd rather see shape of water again shape of water

I'm like what that was great water however you didn't say it no matter how I say it I say it wrong no don't worry yeah

no matter how I say it all right I guess that's the answer. All right, we got what time for one more? Okay, let's end on this one from General Olkin underscore Obie. Listen to a podcast the other day that said, if awesome Wells watched Transformers, it would be his favorite movie of all time.

I assume they mean the Michael Bay one. If you had a day with a now deceased film director and could show them one film slash series from the modern era, who would you pick and what would you watch with them? Where does the idea that it would be his favorite movie of all time come from? Who said that? I don't know. That's a very like

That's a very like confident statement to be making about someone who's dead about what they would like. Would you be impressed by like the technology of like the yeah I think the implication is if you brought Transformers back to the past not if Orson Wells had

lived through all of cinema history up till Transformers. I think the implication is if you brought a movie back to the past and showed them look a crazy maybe that's the only way that could make sense to me right I guess maybe but then like that's such a low bar like wasn't it like anything's impressive showing how to train in it and everyone was scared

because they'd never seen something like that before if I could show one deceased director a film that existed after they died I would show Alfred Hitchcock Berdemic because I would love to see his reaction I think that's the only correct answer or show him the psycho remake

the psycho remake I like Birdemic better because then you'll think like that's how all movies are in the future they just they're all like the same technical competence how did you make the birds so real I'd show some old director Jurassic Park

like any of those like take any director from like the 20s and they'd show them Jurassic Park they would be fucking blown away even Orson Wells well the one of the new ones no yeah the original Spielberg one I would show them that one like the effects in that are great yeah that is that is like a filmmaking achievement in many ways

yeah that would blow people away even if you showed them like 20 years before they'd be like whoa now we're so desensitized it with Joker dinosaurs. So yeah, I was, I was more interpreting the question as if, if you could sort of like just make Stanley Kubrick appear and show him Avengers Endgame, you know,

sort of thing. That's how I was kind of interpreting. Well, maybe, but then it's like, only if they had missed the amount of time between their death and now, would that mean? Yeah,

yeah, they can't have an info. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you might as well be bringing it to the past. Yeah, they can't have any context.

Yeah, and then you just film on your phone and put on TikTok. Show them like wreck. Show them wreck Fucking terrified Hmm Yeah I don't know Yeah I like my answer

I think I think I'm sticking with it Yeah I think you go good one All right I guess that does it for questions Thank you so much And we got a recommendation from a guest That's going to be on the next episode Yeah so we're going to have a guest next episode His name is Cameron

You might have seen him in my videos before we've discussed like a Wonder Woman so he recommended a movie for us to talk about I guess he had to recommend this one he told me he's going to recommend Shark Tale so we're all going to have to watch Shark Tale starring Wolf Smith

You know what, that's fucking perfect because I have a fucking and I knew I wanted to recommend this at some point and I knew you guys would hate me for it so I'm glad someone else is a perfect time to because hey yeah I'm ready for this I know this movie like the back of my hand it is perfect time

slap thing just happened. It's like a perfect time to do shark tail. Yeah. Or were they planning on that before? They were planning on shark tail anyway, but then the Wow. Oh really? Yeah. It was between Sharktail and one other movie and then like they decided Shark Tale after the slap. Okay. Yeah. It has to be. I'm like yeah, we got to do Sharktail. Okay. Yeah. The cheapest blue ray I found for Shark Tale is a four movie Dreamworks collection that came with B-movie over the hedge and monsters versus aliens.

I have this weird-ass Blu-ray pack That's a good series there Region free All right So if you don't want to be spoiled For Shark Tale What is your friend's name?

Cameron Cameron If you don't want to be spoiled For Shark Tale With our episode with Cameron next time Watch it before the next episode Comes out These are released publicly

Every two weeks You can listen to the episode early By going to Sardonicast.com Signing up for premium It's only $2 a month Then you get to listen to them early. Also, patreon.com slash Sardonicast. Also, we got merch.

Maybe buy some merch or something. It's my birthday in three days. So, well, as of recording this. So you buy it as a birthday present for me or something. I don't know. And also give us some fan art. We have a subreddit. We have a Twitter.

You go hashtag Sardonicast fan art. They will show up at the beginning of the video on YouTube. Thank you so much for listening. Everybody. Bye, bye, happy Shrek. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Thanks, everyone.

Stay giggly. Can't wait for Shark Tale. Happy Shark Tale. Yes, happy Shrek tale. Happy Shrek tale. Happy Oscar.