Saturn Returns with Caggie - 5.4 Reinvention and Manifestation with Roxie Nafousi

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

In this episode of Saturn Returns, Roxie Nafousi manifesting expert, self development coach, and author joins Caggie. Roxie has been on quite the journey to get to where she is today and has experienced many rock bottoms along the way. In this episode, she explains how she turned her darkest moments into a catalyst, to propel her to where she is now. Caggie and Roxie explore the changes you go through in your twenties as your identity shifts, the complexities of addiction, prenatal depression, as well as shame and body dysmorphia. Please tread carefully if you find these subjects triggering. Roxie’s The Sunday Times bestselling book Manifest is available now from all retailers.  --- Follow or subscribe to "Saturn Returns" for future episodes, where we explore the transformative impact of Saturn's return with inspiring guests and thought-provoking discussions. Follow Caggie Dunlop on Instagram to stay updated on her personal journey and you can find Saturn Returns on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.  Order the Saturn Returns Book. Join our community newsletter here.  Find all things Saturn Returns, offerings and more here.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Saturn Returns with me, Kagi Dunlop. This is a podcast that aims to bring clarity during transitional times where there can be confusion and doubt. And the awareness is the first step, like, because then you can check in with yourself all the time. And even just simply like saying to yourself, you know, we don't do this anymore. Today, I'm joined by Roxy Nafusi, manifesting expert, self-development coach, and best-selling author. Roxy and I actually first met when we were teenagers in a West London club in a bathroom, would you believe, which feels like another lifetime for both of us. I had no idea that when I met Roxy this was at the beginning of a journey

that would take her to rock bottom and back again. You'll hear more about what happened in this episode but what is so interesting is that once Roxy was able to recognize the cycles of behavior that were imprisoning her she could start the journey to set herself free and subsequently she has turned that journey into a flourishing career. In this episode we do talk about drug use, addiction, body image, body dysmorphia and so please tread carefully if these subjects are triggering topics for you. Roxy would be the first to acknowledge that her situation is in lots of ways one of privilege but that hasn't prevented her from facing incredible challenges and pain and I think there's inspiration for all of us in the way she's confronted that.

Before we get into any of this, though, let's check in with our astrological guide, Nora. On an early autumn night on September 23rd, 1846, a German astronomer, Johann Galle, finally located the planet Neptune. Quickly, this part of the solar system got integrated in astrology as well. And upon observing the patterns surrounding Neptune, astrologists found that it had qualities of Jupiter. And yet, it was more elusive, more mysterious than that. So they assigned it rulership over the most mysterious and elusive science of all, Pisces.

And like with everything, the minute something pierces into the consciousness of one, it imprints onto the consciousness of many. For an esoteric truth is that whatever it is that we are, and wherever it is that we come from, we all share this thread of life that unifies us and that, from a higher perception, makes us all one. So what's Neptune and what does it represent for all of us?

Neptune in astrology relates to the realm of Pisces, the last zodiac sign. A place where all is possible in the deep seas of imagination and dreams, but also a place one overindulged in can quickly turn even the most beautiful dream into a nightmare. A lifestyle that once seemed so glamorous turns out to have been smoke and mirrors all along. The person we were so sure of would be the one turns out to have been an entire projection of our own expectations. A harmless habit turns into our master. But the opposite is true as well. Something we would have thought to have been entirely impossible becomes possible. A dream becomes a reality and there's no illusion in it.

So how do we know when we're tapping into pure disguised misguidance or a dream that is but a shifted mindset away from manifesting? The answer is authenticity. Radical truth with ourselves. Is what we're wishing for or hoping to manifest based on something that aligns with our core truth? Or have we missed the land and forgotten what our core truth is? Neptune in the chart can show us the way to manifest all of our desires, but it is also the part of ourselves where we might not have had the best clarity growing up, where we haven't completely healed the belief about ourselves. Saturn transits are a good time to get honest with ourselves about this. Saturn return especially will teach us this.

It teaches us to align ourselves with what's true for us and what we can remain committed to in the long run. And so, astrologically speaking, the key to manifestation starts in Neptune, but it crystallizes in Saturn. Roxy, welcome to the Saturn Returns podcast. Thank you so much for having me. I felt so honoured to be asked. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, that's very sweet. Well, firstly, huge congratulations to you because you've just had an amazing experience with your book that's, you know, going on. How has that been for you? It has honestly been like a dream you know when I first came up with the idea of the book you know in the beginning it's really easy to feel so confident and so I was like I am gonna write a best-selling book on manifesto I'm so excited and I was you know

really feeling empowered but then of course I wrote the book and then self-doubt absolutely came in and, you know, cause I love self-help books and I love reading them. And so I just was comparing myself to all the other self-help books. And I was like, this is shit. It's so bad. And I couldn't even bring myself to read it back, but I still was trying to like overcome those fears and doubts you know as I teach everyone else to and wrote Sunday Times bestseller on my 2022 vision board and then yeah a week later it happened and it's a quick turnaround it was a quick turnaround it's been in the top five for like the last five weeks. So I am just blown away. Like truly, I don't think I ever expected it to get this big.

So I'm thrilled. And I'm actually enjoying it. Like I'm really enjoying every moment, every milestone. It's so cool. I'm just, yeah, I'm on cloud nine. That's awesome. Well done. So let's bring it back because you and I have known

each other I think we actually first met when I mean probably like teenage years possibly it was in the bathrooms of bougies of course it was and I had heard so much about you I was in awe of you I was just thought you were honestly the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life and I was like it's Kagi Dunn oh my god probably like 16 and yes those listening we were clubbing at 16 if not if not 15 I mean you might have been 15 and I because you're probably yeah yeah below on you 31 below on you. It's like the only year I live in youth, 31. Yeah, I'm 32. Okay, so we met at Bougie's in the bathroom in the nightclub.

And I do remember it as well. And that's, you know, a fair old time ago. And then I guess in that sense, we kind of, we both grew up in London having similar experiences of going out a lot. Yeah. Probably too young, experiencing that nightlife and everything that sort of hedonistic world comes with. How, what like suddenly happened for you? Because I've obviously heard it through reading your book and hearing you talk about it,

but I'd love for you to explain to our audience, like how you kind of pivoted into this work. explain to our audience like how you kind of pivoted into this work yeah um so I mean definitely I think that party lifestyle for me really I think I think I would say it probably got really bad when I was in my probably when I was about 21 I think I went to my first NA meeting. Oh, really? Yeah, because I, coke had become like a real issue for me really quickly. I loved coke. And I realized that my behavior around it wasn't normal really early on. Like, and it was becoming really unhealthy

and this pattern and, you know, everything that's associated with that, the shame and the anxiety and the come downs and the regret and all of that. And in the end, you know, I only really gave up when I was 28. So there was a long time where I was in the grip of addiction. where I was in the grip of addiction. And I think the problem with this kind of lifestyle in London is I'd often say to people like, you know, I know I'm addicted. I know I have a problem. And people would be like, no, you don't. Everyone does it. You're just having fun. You're young. And I think that is the problem is that people kind of think, okay, well, if you're not waking up and downing vodka, then you're not an addict. And I just don't think that's the case. I think if something has control over you and it's negatively impacting your life,

you have to at least admit that you're not in control of the situation. And I was definitely not in control of it. I think you've touched on such an important point that I try and explore and convey to my audience is the spectrum of addiction and I think like you said it comes to a point where well you don't want things to get so far that you are in a situation of complete crisis not to say necessarily that you weren't but from the outside when everything looks kind of glossy and and normal people are like oh no it's it's fine just carry on with it even though you're sort of essentially crying for help by saying I don't

think this is right because I know internally something is really off within me because I know myself and my relationship with this totally and I think that there's always someone that's doing more drugs than you or going out out than you and so then you're like well I'm fine compared to that person and also what happened was like it affects people in different ways for me you know it was an ultimate escape I had such severe self-loathing I hated myself so much and the only time I felt an ounce of confidence was when I was high but then the result of that is when I was not high I was permanently depressed so I thought that I was just a depressed person but of course that depression and anxiety was also a result of

the fact that the drugs of drugs yeah and so it's really hard to differentiate the two but because everybody is affected by drugs and alcohol differently so some people can drink and go out all night and then the next day they're absolutely fine like they don't feel that that deep down and so then I thought well it's just because I'm depressed it's not because of the drugs because it's not affecting other people whereas now I know how closely they were linked but what happened was I would go on these health retreats I was obsessed with going on retreats and it was really this retox detox and so I'd have like let's say a month binge and then I'd go away for a week what would happen is I'd come back at the end of the week and life would feel a bit easier and I would actually feel some joy and I would feel quite good and I'd always give myself a timeline like I remember so clearly at the end

of all these retreats I'd go okay I've got a week of feeling good before I'm gonna go on a kind of drug bender again and it's all gonna start over it was like I was prepping myself for it I was like I'll try and get as much done as I can in this one week and so I kind of think I realized then okay I do know that there is a version of myself that can experience some kind of happiness and joy but I just couldn't get myself out of this cycle and alongside all of this yoga had become a really like safe space for me and my yoga mat was where I would go and like I would cry and you know was my safe space and it was a consistent throughout my whole 20s like it was always there for me and so after kind of lots and lots of rock bottoms I had thought okay I'm going to go and do a yoga teacher training course. I thought this will be the thing that is going to save me. And so I went away

into Thailand for a month. And of course, there was no drugs. I quit. I smoked 20 to 40 cigarettes a day for 10 years. I was not smoking. It was, you know, not eating meat. I was like, great, you know, meditating every day for hours. I thought this is it. And I got home. And the day I got home, I was back on the drugs. And I went on a two-day bender. I didn't sleep.

And I remember after that, just thinking nothing, nothing, nothing is going to help me. I am doomed to be miserable. And I do remember hearing once about this experiment, which was when they gave rats access to cocaine through a button, the rat would keep pressing the button until it died, basically, because it was so addicted. Actually, they did the same experiment where they put rats in rat nirvana essentially they had food they had like wheels they had other rats to play with and the rats didn't keep pressing the button until they died and so I remember thinking maybe

I'm just not in my nirvana like maybe I need yeah I need something else in my life that is more important and simultaneously to this whole period of time I had no career and no purpose and no drive and so there was nothing to kind of there was no reason for me to not to not do it in a way because it was the only time I could escape from the pain of feeling like I was worthless and nothingness and I didn't have anything to get up for the next day so it was actually quite easy to get into that habit whereas I think people then some people say to me they're like you know is it maybe because you became a mother that you stopped doing drugs I don't think it is because I know lots of people that become

parents and still carry on the cycle I think genuinely it was finding my purpose which was to help others and finding something to drive me to wake up every day and to put my best self forward that is what made it so easy for me to step away from it yeah because you mentioned a second ago about how you first went to an NA meeting when you were 21 which is quite young to have that awareness um and I actually similarly went to I because you know I again was like in that social scene that was quite all-consuming and a lot of quite toxic or destructive behaviors was normalized and I knew that intrinsically or instinctively it wasn't right for me but yet it was what everyone

did and it became such a part of my identity within that social circle yeah that I felt I had to sustain it or keep going and I ended up going, I went to visit someone at the Priory. It was just like a one-off session. And it was at a time when I actually felt like I hadn't been going out and I'd just been on holiday with my family and I was feeling really good. But like, similar to you, I knew that I was going to mess up again. So I said I felt like there was a problem in my behavior. And even that scenario, it felt like there was a problem in my behavior and even that scenario it felt like it was normalized it was like oh no you know you're young you're doing what everyone does like

it's no big deal I know loads of people that and I was like oh but it really doesn't feel right for me like it doesn't feel like I'm behaving how I'm supposed to and I think when we're 21 we do have you know to kind of echo the whole concept of the podcast we go through a satin square which is a moment where we have an awareness over our own identity and we'll start thinking about how we want to show up in the world or like the circles that we're in and how that's going to manifest in the next sort of several years. Because it's a hard thing. And for our listeners, I want them to know, because when we grow up with family dynamics or social scenes,

whatever it might be, to then kind of craft out something that's totally separate, and if not, in many ways, the opposite from that, that comes a lot of risk. And there also comes a lot of doubt, because I think we feel that we need to stay the same for other people or for the world how did you manage to kind of navigate that because you have had such a you know a massive change has there been complications with that have you lost friends

in that process have you found that people have questioned you or struggled with that shift? It's a really great question. And I think that we all naturally put labels on ourselves and the peoples around us. You know, when people use phrases like, oh, a leopard can't change its spots, like, you know, things like that. We are under the illusion that once you are a certain way, that's just who you are. And so we trap ourselves. And our limiting beliefs.

Limit ourselves. And as well, families are really bad for this because a family member will literally keep you in a box of who you were when you were 16, and they will still treat you like that. And it takes a long time if you start to change they will still treat you like that and it takes a long time you start to change for them to treat you in another way and that's why so many people will find let's say at Christmas time they'll go home and suddenly they kind of go back again yeah

you know like they're like a spoiled brat and they're like you know I don't even know this person or they feel like they're treated a certain way or, you know, and that's why it can feel so confronting. And I think the first thing really is just to understand that and truly accept and believe and trust that we absolutely can reinvent ourselves. And I think there's a kind of connotation that that's something to be, people are almost afraid of that, or they don't trust it. Like, how can you really change? But you just can and you have to be able to give yourself room for that. Every single day, every day you wake up,

you wake up as someone new, as a new version of yourself. The thing with reinvention that I have an issue with is probably from my own experience that I think for a lot of my life I would always like use reinvention as a tool to kind of shape shift so I want because I used used it as a way of like wanting to be perfect which was unobtainable so it was like I'm going to go on holiday and get really brown and be really healthy and then I'm going to come back I'm going

to be like a different person and looking back like that's so silly to say but it was just a way that I kept like feeling like I was in some kind of control but it was all quite surface level stuff so for me the the Saturn Returns journey and really what you experience going through that dark night of the soul is it's yes it's becoming the best version of you but it's also coming home to the truest, which was always there. Yeah. And it's, you know,

from what you're saying, it's like that you had that knowing in yourself that actually this is what you're supposed to do. And maybe you just needed to have those experiences along the way and to feel the depths of that pain, to be able to alchemize that into your own experience and share that in the way that you are with the world right now I completely agree with that and I actually think that self-development is actually the unconditioning of all the shit

that we've learned along the way you know we are born with a cup like full of self-love, self-confidence. You know, we're not getting embarrassed. Wolfie's not coming home from nursery being like, oh, my God, so-and-so doesn't like me. Or, you know, he doesn't give a fuck. He's just having a good time, loving life. But then life happens and we become affected in so many ways. And you are absolutely right the journey back to our truest self is the greatest and that that is self-development and it is the letting go

and the shedding of everything that has caused us to feel insecure unworthy undeserving and realizing that we are just pure love and light. And so because I had that belief, I really, you know, when I had gone through my pregnancy, which was a really, really traumatic time for me mentally, I had such severe prenatal depression. Honestly, those seven years of drugs were nothing compared to the pain I felt in my pregnancy. It was like a mental prison. It was hell on earth for me. And I suddenly had no crutches of coke, smoking, alcohol, going out. I didn't leave the house for about six months. I didn't see anyone. I didn't do anything. I just cried and felt so angry and the self-loathing. I wanted to literally rip my skin off.

I gained six stone. I was like, physically, I didn't recognize myself. Mentally, I didn't. I became a shell of a person. But I knew that I was going to use that pain for good. And I just kept visualizing. And I was like, when I have have this baby I am going to become the very best version of myself I'm never going to come back to this place now you're at this place

where you seem to just give off so much self-confidence how did you find that when you were at your lowest how did you move from that space from you know self-loathing to self-belief it started you know it was small changes that I had made to myself and I think that I found like the things I was confident in myself with and I kind of worked on those first because they were like the easiest so I knew I was good at helping people and so the more I did that the more confident I felt in it and so that kind of became something that I could really value myself on. My confidence definitely kept growing as I kept working. You know, as I was working on my career, I was also always working on myself and practicing what I teach,

like stepping outside my comfort zone, changing the way I spoke to myself, using mantras, journaling, understanding where, you know, when I was feeling unconfident about something, really understanding like when that began, what was the trigger for that? And how can I heal that? And I actually found in a child work and understanding shame I was carrying around to be really significant. Because I hadn't thought about that. There were things that I had carried, you know, shame I had carried from when I was at school that was like within me that I didn't realise, I didn't need to feel ashamed of. That's all.

Nothing that I would discuss now, but, you know, things that I really didn't need to be. And it took me working with a therapist, actually Estelle Bingham, to really uncover those things. But it was just practice and commitment to it and making small changes and what I realized so there's two things that I've always really struggled with one is I've always felt incredibly incredibly intimidated by other women like I've really struggled and I've always felt like from when my earliest memories that I was a complete loser I was like nobody liked me and all the popular girls were better than me and I was always just desperately trying to make them like me

and always shunned and treated like shit basically and it would plague me but what happened then was I had a situation recently where a girl wasn't very nice to me and an old me would have I would be like wracked with anxiety over it and felt like I had to defend myself or, you know, overcompensate and like, be like, please, you know what I mean? And I would have ignored my own boundaries. And, you know, it would have just completely derailed me. And this time, I managed to actually respond really calmly. And I didn't feel anxious about it and I didn't overcompensate and I didn't feel like I needed to defend myself and for me that was so significant and a real sign of growth and I was like that was that you didn't feel those things? Because I do really love the person I am.

And I don't need someone else to tell me that or give me permission to. I also realized it doesn't matter. It actually doesn't matter if a person doesn't like you. I know. I used to find that an impossible thing to fathom. You know, when people used to say, oh, you can't be for everyone. Or not everyone has to like you. I was like, but they have have to everyone has to like me and that was such a

driving thing for me for such a large portion of my life that I ended up and then you know alcohol was a means of shape-shifting to be whoever you need to be to fit in and be loved and then I just got very lost because even though and even though ostensibly people might have been like oh well you know people like you or love you I actually didn't really know who I was because I'd been so driven by that external validation and that you know a big part of that journey for me has also been around sobriety and having to remain still in that discomfort and then be in certain situations where people might say things or not like me. But paradoxically, it's actually, like you say,

it's given me such a grounding because I'm like, oh, well, I actually like me now. And that's such a more powerful thing when you've had a life based on external validation. And so, you know, I completely understand and resonate with that feeling and it's liberating it's very liberating and it sounds like it was particularly difficult for you if you had this the female wound of feeling like you wanted validation from other you know peers and stuff like that which I'm sure is such a relatable thing to everyone we have

it we experience it at school and then in adult life and women can be quite vicious towards each other I don't know if you've ever read a book called Belonging by Toko Parterna but I highly recommend it it talks about our sort of need to be our authentic self versus our need to fit in and how when those things are in conflict with each other we will abandon our authentic selves in order to fit in oh that sounds so good yeah because you know it's a it's a societal it's a survival thing that we want to have community and so if you kind of apply that to the context of like a school group of girls that are like a gang and you feel alienated or left out or you know even like bullied by them that feels on an animalistic level like a threat to our our sense of well-being of

our survival and so we want to adapt to that yeah for sure so then the other kind of thing i wanted to mention was because i think yes i am really like full of self-confidence and who I am but I have the journey on so I have suffered like really really really severe body dysmorphia and it's something I don't ever really talk about I mean I think a lot of my followers know that I've struggled for ages, like camera stuff. But I probably never really described the extent to it. I used to, it used to be more, you know, I was always concerned about my weight and things like that. And I actually don't know when it got so bad.

But I think that lockdown, oh my God, okay. So I've never, basically in amongst all the growth and inner growth, I've always hated the way I've looked and I've always been really self-conscious about myself and felt that I was just really ugly. But it got really, really, really fucking bad over lockdown. Because I was able to hide for so long, it really exacerbated it. So I could hide behind filters.

I literally didn't have pictures taken of me ever. I wouldn't go on camera. I do all my workshops on audio only. I would never be on video now talking to you, even just to talk to you. When I tell you, like, I would genuinely see myself as like a monster and and you know felt like maybe I should you know I didn't really want to ever share it because first it's really hard for people to understand the words like body dysmorphia because it sounds like it's just someone feeling self-conscious let's say or but it's so much

deeper than that it's I genuinely have there's a belief that I feel sorry for people to have to look at my face so it's not just feeling a bit self-conscious it's something that plagues your mind a lot and it's a form of OCD so it becomes really obsessive so it would take up and consume my mind and basically by November just gone which is really recent I don't know what really happened but it's like it became so loud that I just physically I was like I just can't live like this anymore I went to the priory and they did diagnose me and I felt like pleased and I understood that you know I really got to understanding on how I could best cope with it with like you know like exposure therapy for example and I started to like try to speak to people like Wade was always really amazing you know he's been with me through this journey and

understanding trying to you know trust people with what their opinion sorry but it was such a rock bottom and I really believe that on some level it was preparing me for what was going to come because everything that's happened in this since January this year has been like incredible like everything's happened so fast and I've been forced to be on camera and to show myself and I pushed myself out my comfort zone in every way and it has got easier and I felt like I was sharing way more pictures of myself and taking more pictures of myself and for me that was really like a good sign. It's funny because it's so hard to describe to people without thinking like, God, it's not about vanity.

It's like it's something that's in your mind that just actually been so good all year. But I think this week I've just, I've reverted a bit to some of that. So those negative thoughts and thinking that I'm ugly and that people shouldn't have to see my face and stuff but I'm aware that I'm going taking this little dip this week and I don't know how to explain it but being out and about has been like so good for me and it genuinely is better but yeah so I guess I just not spoken about it because it's fun you know it's just and I felt like I hadn't really got to a point where I dealt with it enough to look back on it and speak about it but you know even though I'm having a little bit of a dip this week I am

feeling much stronger I am I have made a huge shift and I am allowing myself to be seen and yeah I think what you just shared is like thank you for for sharing that because I can't explain even just for me personally how powerful that is because everything you've done and the transformation that you've gone through is incredible but people need to remember that like healing isn't linear and it there's stages of it and we're never going to be immune from the hardships and some of the negative cells like we progress and we expand of course but I believe that there's constant rock bottoms along the way as we kind of deepen our connection to self and I'm a big believer as well that the universe will kind of bring these things to our attention and our awareness so we can start

the process of healing and it sounds like that kind of came up for you in November to prepare you for you having to kind of put yourself out there now and work through that and it's working through these things is so messy because it's so deep we've carried these things for so long then we feel shame around it because we don't know how to communicate it to people. And also we know on a logical level that perhaps, you know, it's not true, but it doesn't actually matter because it's so deep rooted

and it's how we see ourself. And that's the thing, it is a dysmorphia. It's like, you actually see a different thing to what the world sees. And that's a hard thing if no one's ever experienced it you really understand I mean to share like my own personal it's something that I've it's something that I've struggled with and I have to bring it to the table with my partner because I think when you are in relationship with someone like they know when something's going wrong

but if you don't tell them what they're just like I don't understand yeah happening and you then also feel kind of ashamed by it because it's so it's so consuming yeah yeah that that voice once it like gets its hooks in it takes you fucking down yeah and then that can manifest into depression, anxiety. And you don't even realize because if you've not acknowledged the thoughts or the conversation that's happening in your head or that voice or monster or whatever you want to call it, you can't dispel it. Yeah. You can't heal it if you're not speaking it out. 100%. But speaking it out is scary. Yeah. And the awareness is the first step like

because then you can check in with yourself all the time and even just simply like saying to yourself you know we don't do this anymore okay like we don't do this anymore or just I don't know just finding your tools or techniques to check out of it and acknowledging that it's not actually because I thought for so long that it was me that was saying yeah it's not it's this whole monster that you've created someone told me the other week and I have to be honest I haven't actually tried to practice it yet but they when their voice comes in they just say out loud prove it and it's a way that kind of challenges it because when the voice is saying you're this you're that people look at you like that just say prove it because the truth is there isn't proof or evidence of it yeah but it's just trying that one to convince you otherwise

you have to challenge it yeah yeah you can never trust your own narrative i always say to people like don't trust your narrative but you are not to be fucking trusted like no it's a it's a fucking maze sometimes I think I always love like analogies and metaphors and like with sort of self-sabotage and I guess that is for me drinking and those obvious ways of sabotaging once I got rid of them but then I kind of look I'm like you look very similar to self-sabotage you're just wearing a hat and then have a fake mustache on like are you sure you're not just the same thing but in disguise and it's quite hard it's quite hard to know oh my god I honestly feel like I've weights been lifted yeah I bet you do that is and that's the power of voicing anything I you know things like sit within our

bodies our muscles our cells and when we when we say them out loud we we literally change its vibration and we take ownership of it when we take ownership of it then we have the power to change it also Roxy can I say you are so beautiful and everyone everyone finds and the irony is you know we went to that event together last week and I just had covid for the second time I barely left the house and I felt so disgusting and so self-conscious and I remember looking at myself in the mirror being like Rox is here she looks so nice and beautiful and in her like perfect workout gear and I just look like a mess so we just you know we all have we're all thinking it we all have listen I always try to remind myself of this and it's hard sometimes but I was with some girlfriends the other weekend and we were all in the car we were

all quite quiet and I could feel my thoughts being like they don't like you it was just ridiculous thoughts because they're my best friend but I just caught myself and I was like my thoughts being like, they don't like you. It was just ridiculous thoughts because they're my best friend. But I just caught myself and I was like, we're all probably sat here thinking our own silly things. We're all quite fragile, vulnerable humans just trying to navigate this crazy, crazy world, you know. And I think it's by sharing these struggles and these experiences that just allow people to take that sigh of relief and like, oh, it's by sharing these struggles and these experiences that just

allow people to take that sigh of relief and I oh it's not just me totally oh it's so comforting when you hear other people talk about something you're going through you're like oh thanks for holding space for me that's okay I'm very honored you see it seems to have shifted something yeah it has I feel about it I want to ask before before we kind of round up but what is what is next for you who knows I really want to do I really want to go into tv because I am basically trying to make self-development fashionable cool you know and I want to just reach as many people as I can empower as many people as I can and make it even more mainstream and I'd love to do a tv show and then yeah probably probably some more books workshops products with the sort of principles of manifesting because my only sort of thing on that sometimes that I think about is if someone's really struggling with something I question

whether manifesting or some of the principles are enough or if they're going to make people feel worse about their situation now if you I promise you I promise you, if you read my book, you will see that it is for everyone, no matter how low you are. Manifesting is not what people think it is. And that's what my book, I think really explains. It is actually a self-development practice. It's about empowering yourself to be the very best version of yourself that exists. It's not about manifesting things, although that's a great cherry on top. It's about manifesting the most powerful, magnetic, authentic version of yourself that exists, which will enable you to live your life with greater ease, resilience, enjoyment, satisfaction, contentment. I live and breathe those seven steps and they have changed my life in every way imaginable.

And I think the response from the book speaks for itself that people are clearly connecting to it and empowering themselves. And it's a fucking honor to be able to be part of people's journeys. Well, I just want to say a massive congratulations because you've really carved out something amazing for yourself here in the UK, but obviously it's something that's going global. And I know it's been a journey to get there. So thank you so much. Thank you. This was such a beautiful conversation. Thank you for sharing everything. I really appreciate it. And I know our audience will as well. I love how Roxy's managed to change things around for herself. You know, body dysmorphia is a very complicated thing, and when we have that negative self-image of us,

it can be very, very destructive. The process of healing isn't something that's linear, and these things and these thoughts and these behaviours are going to constantly come up. So I hope that anyone listening that has been affected by this I am sending lots of love and know that you're not alone you can find more about Roxy on her Instagram at roxynafusi or her website roxynafusi.com if you enjoyed this episode I would love it if you could follow the show and leave us a review on apple podcasts or just share it with a friend you think might find it useful

if you'd like to hear the episode where i speak with toko parterna who i mentioned during our discussion please have a listen to episode 7 of series 1 of saturn returns thank you so much for listening and remember, you are not alone. Goodbye.