Saturn Returns with Caggie - *Bonus* Endings and Beginnings A Special Solo Episode with Caggie Dunlop

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

In this bonus episode of Saturn Returns Caggie delves into the poignant moments that mark the closing of one chapter and the onset of another. As the year draws to a close, she shares intimate reflections on the bittersweet nature of life’s transitions. From the quiet grief of letting go to the exhilarating anticipation of the future. Listen in as we explore the complexities of saying goodbye to the familiar and the courage it takes to step into the unknown. Caggie shares her tips for future planning, and how to survive the holidays. She also discusses how major life changes are often accompanied by mixed feelings, acknowledging the fear that often intertwines with excitement. Whether you’re facing a significant life change or simply contemplating the year ahead, this episode offers a comforting reminder that endings are not just conclusions, but gateways to new beginnings. Order your print of 'The Inbetween' here. --- Follow or subscribe to "Saturn Returns" for future episodes, where we explore the transformative impact of Saturn's return with inspiring guests and thought-provoking discussions. Follow Caggie Dunlop on Instagram to stay updated on her personal journey and you can find Saturn Returns on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.  Order the Saturn Returns Book. Join our community newsletter here.  Find all things Saturn Returns, offerings and more here.

Hello everyone and welcome to Saturn Returns with me, Keggy Dunlop. This is a podcast that aims to bring clarity during transitional times where there can be confusion and doubt. Now today I am tuning in with you guys. I'm currently sitting in my mother's kitchen having a cup of tea and just reflecting on the year I wanted to do a kind of roundup episode because yeah I've done one every year since we've been going so this is it and I feel like there's a thousand things that I wanted to discuss and so many things that have been on my brain recently but the main thing I kind of wanted to touch on and begin with was endings and new beginnings as we are about to end the year and start a new year most people tend to be a little bit more

reflective on one hand you know everyone's going out quite a lot I feel like we often go against our nature at this time of year and you know we really want to be getting cozy and staying in or I do anyway but then there's so many Christmas parties and gatherings and things and you're sort of drinking and eating so much that it's like kind of by the end of the year you're very much ready for it to be over but what I wanted to talk about was more like the chapters of our lives that we go through and I like looking at most things through a sort of astrological lens and if we want to take it back to the theme Saturn does work in seven year sort of stages because for it to do its full return,

each seven years has its visits. So these are Saturn squares and oppositions. I've talked about this before, kind of look at this in the course that we have online. And if you actually reflect on your life at these stages, they're quite like pivotal shifts. They're 07, 714, 1421, so on and so forth. And I definitely feel at the moment anyway, I'm kind of like, I sense that one chapter is kind of closing. as kind of closing. And it's my chapter of kind of independence, really. And whilst I'm very excited about what's on the horizon and this new stage of life that I am moving into, there's also a lot of grief grief which has been quite confusing for me because I'm quite a I like to think of things in black and white I'm like oh I'll be you know I'm excited

about that that's what everybody wants and I never realized how grief and excitement can coexist in the same experience and I don't think we we speak about this so it might be that you were leaving a job for another opportunity it might be that the job was actually a really great thing and you loved it and you spent several years there but you just weren't growing anymore or perhaps it's a relationship going to the next stage and you are leaving your sort of single life behind or it could be many many things and I'm experiencing at the moment with with home which is a really key piece for me like home is essential to what makes me happy and makes me feel grounded. And I spent, you know, most of my 20s traveling around, staying in different places, never feeling very anchored in myself or in a particular place. And over the last couple of years, the flat that I've been renting has very

much reflected and anchoring in my professional life as well. I felt grounded in what I'm doing, in my routine, in having a sacred space that is my own. And now I am moving in with my boyfriend, which is very, very exciting. But it's been, it's been bringing up very confusing emotions for me because of the sadness that I feel of leaving that chapter behind. And I just want to, I think it's important to caveat these things. I recognize that I'm in a very privileged position to even be saying these things. And often people move in with each other because of financial reasons or whatever it might be. But I'm just being honest with, you know, what's been going on because it often resonates

with you guys. And I actually had a message from someone in the community saying that they'd actually moved back in with their parents because they were just trying to save some money and just London was getting a bit expensive but how challenging they were finding that change because it felt like kind of going back and so whatever like way things are for you right now I just want you to know that it's normal to have mixed feelings and for this particular person that asked me to do an episode around it, whilst what I'm going through is different, I have experienced that in my late twenties when I came back from LA. And in many ways, I kind of felt like I hadn't achieved what I set out to. And I was staying at my mom's at the time. And it's unsettling because when you do go home,

and we're all about to experience it in varying degrees because it's Christmas and we're back with our families, you feel a sense of limitation because you are suddenly their child again. You're trying to be out in the world crafting your identity independent from your parents and your family so when you're home you feel like you're pulled back into those limitations and you kind of can't help but be quite triggered in many ways so I know this

can be a challenging time for many and especially as everyone's sort of asking like oh what are you doing with your life and it feels like a bit of a judgment day even though it's not supposed to be and people are probably just trying to be polite and make conversation but it can be a bit disconcerting but what I what I guess I'm trying to say is like as we move through different chapters of our life and endings and new beginnings, there is going to be discomfort because in order to grow, we have to be okay with being uncomfortable. I think I've realized about myself, I don't, I'm not very good at that. I like to stay in my comfort zone, but my dreams and my desires are calling for me to come out of that, to come out of that space and venture a little further. I have really big ambitions for what

I want to do next year. So big that they sometimes scare me. And when I talk to people about them, I don't think that's possible to do that many things, but I'm dyslexic and I think that it is possible. But I have to also get comfortable in the uncomfortable. And sometimes that means taking a leap of faith. And the paradox with that is that the net appears when you leap, not before. And we really like to think that it can appear before we take the jump, so we have that security. But I guess that is the paradox of life and trust and being in trust,

not only with yourself, that you can pull yourself back together if things don't work out how you planned but also trust in the universe and if I'm really honest with myself and reflect back on the times where I've been forced to change and I have been made to feel uncomfortable it's it's put me on a sort of detour or on an unexpected route that has led me to something so fulfilling, something that I would never have considered even a possibility or even thought about something I wanted to do. But I've had the most profound experiences from those challenging times. And so if you are going through something right now where you feel like it's a bit

of a knockback or a setback if you are having to move back in with your parents know that progress isn't always a linear thing and if you need to take that time to do what you need to do to make yourself feel a bit more financially dependent, get yourself in a good position. That's a great thing to do and it's not going to be forever. So just try and be gentle and compassionate with yourself and also whoever you're surrounded by because everyone's trying to do the best they can. And on that note, for those that are traveling back for the holidays to spend some time with their family. I have a couple of little tips because I do know that, like I just said, people can get really triggered by it. It doesn't matter what they're achieving at work. It doesn't matter how successful they are. It doesn't matter

how much they've got their life together. When they go home and they're carving the turkey and someone sort of dismisses their achievements or says something that they find triggering, they are 12 years old again. And it's a weird thing because you're like, how does this still affect me? But of course, you know, our parents to a degree are always going to see us in that way. It doesn't mean that they don't want us to blossom into whoever we're supposed to become, but, and they're not trying to limit us. So it's just about having that dissonance, that little bit of separation between your reaction and what's happening. that little bit of separation between your reaction and what's happening. And you can do that by having some breaths that you take. So if something happens and it does make you feel

uncomfortable or upset, or someone says something that you find a bit insulting, just see if you can take yourself off for a moment and take 10 deep breaths and just tune back into your body and know that whatever part of you that has been unsettled just needs a little bit of love. And even in just the acknowledging that that is a part of you, it's not you in your entirety. You as you are today are a grown up and an adult and you can look after yourself and you can tend to that inner child and that's all that's really happening it's our inner child that's being awakened of course it's going to be awakened in the environment of our home or the home we grew up in so yeah it's just about kind of like accepting it when it happens and trying not to let it

cause too much of a reaction. Allow yourself to respond a little bit better and take yourself off for a moment to allow you to do so. So I hope that's a helpful little tip for those that are dreading the Christmas period. I'm actually very much looking forward to it I um I've avoided being in London for the last couple of years but actually it's very nice to be here and I've actually grew I've we're moving in very close by to my dad so that's where I'm going to be this year so it will be uh nice I also know for people that have divorced parents it's always a bit of a like oh god who do I go to how do I make everyone happy and that's why I've escaped most years but this year we are making it work and as we kind of draw a close to the year and we are, I can't believe we're heading into 2024. It's a really good time

to sow some seeds of what you want to grow and nurture next year. And if you can take the time, if you are at home and there's not much going on, I just did a vision board, which was incredibly satisfying because I'm a very visual person, had a lot of stuff in my head. I know exactly what I want to do next year. And sometimes putting it to the page is a great way not only to hold yourself accountable, but to communicate to the universe exactly what it is you're trying to achieve. Because I do believe when we write things down or when we make vision boards, it's something happens where it goes, oh, okay, I see, I see your plan and I will help you in manifesting it. And I have a couple of projects that I want to do. I don't know how much to share.

Maybe I should share. It will help me hold myself accountable. One is a project all around creativity, which is going to be my word for the year. So that's another thing that I would encourage you to do is if you do a vision board or if you want to start with just journaling, what would your word for next year be? Just one word,

that's it. Because of course, off the back of creativity, there's so many tangents of that. It's like, okay, well, there's my creative writing, there's creating projects, there's creating in business, there's creating in music, there's creative in just living in the way that I'm dressing, the way I'm doing my home. So that's really my theme for the year. I've already decided on that. creative work of amazing creative minds. I'm reading Rick Rubin's The Creative Act at the moment. There's The Courage to Create, which is an amazing book. There's another one, I think, is it called The War on Art? Anyway, something like that. And I am listening to many podcasts around creativity. And it's really lighting me up because I know that that's what I need in my soul. I also believe collectively we need creativity. I think it's very healing and I view spirituality and creativity now as sort of synonymous with each other and I think when you

blend those two things you can create magic. And also because I know that that's what I wanted to do, the sheer fact that I am listening to that kind of content, reading that kind of content shows that I am sticking to my word. And when you stick to your word, you build that trust muscle within yourself and you, you know, it's kind of your integrity really, which is everything. So that's one thing, have a word for the year. Perhaps you can put that in the center of your vision board. And then what I did is I, I'm always saving things on Pinterest and on Instagram, like things that inspire me, things that I see for various projects that I want to create next year. So I'll have folders

for each of them. And I then screenshotted them and then went to a place where you print off photos and printed about 30 or 40 pictures of all the different things that I want to do of all these collections on Pinterest and blah, blah, blah. And then, yeah, I had a big vision board, big piece of paper and just started cutting and sticking. And it was so much fun. And I could see my sort of crazy mind ideas on the page. And it all made sense because I think when I talk about it to people all these things that I want to do people are like don't really understand what she's talking about but seeing it there I was like no this does this is it this is this is my map for the year this is my roadmap for what I want to achieve on a personal and professional level

and so I'm very pleased that I did that and I would really implore you guys to do that over the holidays if you have the time and just take some time for yourself to do because I know there's a lot of fun to be had over this period and whilst I highly recommend having plenty of fun I'm also going to take my time in doing some introspective work and doing a lot of journaling and kind of, yeah, deepening my practice so that I feel prepared when January comes around and not like I need to go and sort of detox myself. Because I always think that like, you don't really want to start the year feeling like shit do you I know many I know most people do but I don't want to do that I want to start

the year feeling ready to rock and roll and in terms of you know having these dreams and desires for the things you want to achieve next year, beyond having that one word, I want you to go big. I want you to really think outside the box and to look at where your limitations are, where your limiting beliefs are, and see if the things that you can put down can stretch beyond those and beyond your comfort zone. They don't need to be so wild and extraordinary that they feel completely unachievable. But I want you to set a higher expectation for yourself and to challenge yourself and to do things that scare you a little bit because that that our capacity to do things that scare us is directly correlated with our capacity for growth and again I mentioned this at the beginning about comfort zones and how I kind of like to stay in

them because they're familiar and they're safe but I'm going to really try and push myself this year to do the things that scare me and for me that is doing more poetry doing more readings doing more live events and doing more music which I find absolutely terrifying it is for me like standing naked in Trafalgar Square, it's honestly the most vulnerable thing. But that's why I know I have to do it. Because the most vulnerable thing is the thing that you need to do because it's going to be the thing that makes you feel the most seen. And that is the power of authenticity and vulnerability and things that I do try and practice on Saturn Returns and in my own life and the reason they're so challenging but also so magnetic is because our authenticity is something that can often threaten our belonging

this has been made famous by Gabor Maté. He says that when belonging and authenticity are in conflict with each other, our sense of belonging will override because it's in our programming to stay safe, to be part of a tribe. But it's an outdated way of being because I know from my own practice that when you are authentically yourself whilst you may lose one group or one tribe that is not actually aligned with you you will find the one that makes you feel like home that gives you that true sense of belonging and when it comes to vulnerability the reason the combination is so magnetic to other people is because when someone shows their authenticity and when they allow themselves to be seen in places that they have kept hidden, it is an invitation for other people to do the same. It may be in a different form, in a different medium, but that is why we like it. That's why we connect to pieces of art, pieces of music, to people, is because when

they allow themselves to be seen in that way, it's not that they're the most confident person in the world and they don't feel shy or insecure. It's that they're willing to risk those feelings because they know it's important for them to be seen in that way because they know it's important for other people. And when you can be the invitation to other people, that's the most beautiful thing because that's what we all really want deep down, isn't it? It's just to be seen for who we are in our authenticity and to allow the gifts that we've been given to shine. And it's not to say that you won't ever be criticized for that. Of course you will. But as Brene Brown said, it's not the critic who counts. You have to be brave enough and courageous enough to go out into the arena.

And sometimes you're going to get your ass kicked, but you get up and you start again. So I hope next year can be a year where we are all a little bolder, a little braver. And if we feel that we have been playing it safe, where can we stretch ourselves? Where can we go slightly beyond our comfort zone and reach a little further and remember jump and the net shall appear so this is what i'm reminding myself of at this side of the year as we draw a close and to try and be to lean into the excitement of new beginnings rather than the fear of the unknown and it's not easy because we as human beings like to think that we can have everything figured out and that will absolve us from hurt or pain.

But in a way, it kind of causes us more pain because living in a state of distrust is, it's a constant sort of nagging. And actually the people I know that are often the most successful are just willing to fail fast. successful, are just willing to fail fast. That's one thing Stephen Bartlett actually said when I interviewed him. He was like, if you fail, fail fast. And yeah, that's kind of the attitude you've got to have. So I hope that this finds you well. And I hope that you are going to go and do these And I hope that you are going to go and do these exercises, the vision board, printing out the pictures that inspire you. And again, you know, this is a constant reminder and a constant check-in because I know how easily I can get distracted and put and pulled off path because I get scared and I'm like oh no I want to you know start another project so I don't have to finish this one that scares me a little bit and I really have to check in with that and I think a

great way of doing it is having something there that's visible that keeps you accountable so that is all I have for this roundup of the year I hope it's been a beautiful year for you I know many have it's been collectively quite challenging and so I'm sending all the love and sending a big hug and I'm very excited for you guys to join me on on my journey next year of all these other things that I want to have you involved in and thank you for your continued support I cannot tell you what it means to me because every time I get a message or a voice note from you anyone from the community it just lights me up and I I realize that that is the greatest privilege I think anyone

could have in life is to feel like in some way you're doing something meaningful that supports people. And I just hope I can do more things like that, that inspire and like I say, encourage other people to share their truth and their vulnerability and to let themselves authentically shine. So sending love and Merry Christmas.