Saturn Returns with Caggie - I’m Back: Everything Has Changed

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

In this solo episode, Caggie shares a life update that marks a profound turning point. From welcoming a baby, to moving countries, to navigating powerful inner awakenings and starting a company (head to the Saturn Returns App to see more), this has been a season of deep change, responsibility, and reorientation. 2025 was the year of the snake, of shedding old skin and old stories. Caggie reflects on how things fell into place for a move she initially didn't want and what to do when life flows in directions we never consciously planned. This is a conversation about trust, surrender, and learning to stand inside a new version of yourself - even when the path looks nothing like what you once imagined. If you’re in a moment where life feels unfamiliar, expansive, or slightly unrecognisable, this episode is a reminder that change doesn’t always need to be forced - sometimes it asks to be followed. The Saturn Returns app is here - you can find your exact dates, chart cosmic insights.  Discover more from Saturn Returns: 🪐 Download the Saturn Returns App: Click here 🪐 Find us on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok 🪐 Order the Saturn Returns book: Click here 🪐 Join our community newsletter: Sign up here 🪐 Explore all things Saturn Returns: Visit our website 🪐Follow Caggie on Instagram: @caggiesworld

Hello everyone and welcome to Saturn Returns with me, Kaggy Dunlop. This is a podcast that aims to bring clarity during transitional times where there can be confusion and doubt. It has been a minute and there have been some transitional times with a lot of confusion and a lot of doubt. I wanted to do an episode today because I'm back from Babyville. and I have a lot that I want to share. It has been the craziest couple of months. I think I start sort of wound down the podcast without even meaning to really around the time of Lola's birth.

And I naively and optimistically thought that I would be able to keep it going. And I haven't. I feel like I have been swallowed up by motherhood. and time is going very, very quickly. But I've been desperate to get back into the podcast and reconnect with you guys because, like I said at the beginning, there is a lot to discuss.

So I'm just going to share everything that's been going on for the last year because I don't know, I feel like the podcast really allows me to explain things in long form, which is why I've always loved podcasting and why I've always struggled with social media because I cannot condense my life into 30 seconds. And I find my brain really struggles

to not only create visuals accordingly and the caption, it's just too much. Whereas podcasting, I'm just talking and that's fantastic. And also I feel like this community is a lot more intimate. And I love it and it means so much to me. So hi, I missed you all. And, okay, so the big sort of news pieces of the year are I had a baby in case anyone didn't know. Many of you probably don't know, actually. I did have a baby, which was a curveball.

It wasn't something that was on my vision board for the year, for the year, let's say. It was something that I was sort of flirting with, I guess, perhaps more than I realized, I know I've done quite a few episodes on leaning towards not becoming a mother, which in many ways was perhaps, yeah, I was kind of entertaining that. I felt very indifferent. I didn't feel a huge call towards motherhood. And I say that very delicately because I obviously want to be mindful of not only everyone's experience listening to this, but also my daughter who is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. But I also think it's important to be really honest. Yeah, I was reading a book actually, an incredible book called Whiches

Why Women Are Still on Trial. I highly recommend it. And it's all about women who chose to live life differently. It's got a lot about the witches and the witch trials and that's a very interesting component of the book. But my takeaway from it was, wow, I really want to be someone that lives quite an unorthodox, different life that marches to the beat of her own drum, that isn't that conventional, that perhaps doesn't do these traditional things like have children and get married. And all along, I was pregnant. I didn't know. So, yes, but the good news is when I'll tell you about how I found out, because this was pretty crazy. I'm not a great tracker of my period.

I'm not the type of person that puts it in her calendar. The only way I know that it's happening is because it is when the full moon is happening. I mean, that's very on brand, let's be honest. So when there's a full moon, that's when my period comes. And it's like clockwork. But because we went on holiday, I think it sort of threw me off

that my sort of dyslexic brain didn't compute how much time had passed. so I didn't realize that I'd actually missed a period. And then we went to Italy. We had an incredible two weeks. And when we got back to London, I was invited to this very nice sort of wellness place in Marlabone where I went for a cold plunge and sauna.

I know that is not what you're supposed to do when you're pregnant, but I didn't know. And I also had this incredible, they offered this deep fascia massage, which is just basically a very, very intense, yeah, a deep massage. What am I trying to stay? Anyway, you know what I mean. And during the massage, she started working on my stomach and my hand, like my whole body just started feeling really weird. And my hands, and I'm British, so if anything's uncomfortable, we tend to just get on with it and we don't say anything. But my hands just sort of took over and my hands went towards her hands and grabbed her hands and took them off my stomach.

And I opened my eyes and she was looking at me and she looked terrified because she was like, oh my God, am I hurting you? And I said, no. And she said, well, why are you stopping me? And I said, I think I might be pregnant. And it just was something that just came into my mind in that moment because my whole body was like, do not let her do what she's doing right now because it was right in that kind of very tender area. And she said, oh no, I'm really?

And I was like, when was the full moon? And she said it was two weeks ago. and I then was sort of rattling my brain trying to figure out when I at last had my period and what was going on. And she was sort of saying, oh, you know, I'm sure you're not. It's fine. Like I'll just carry on. And I just said, I was like, okay, but please don't do that area. It's just my body's reacting really, really strongly to it. And I have to listen to that. And so we went on with it and it was lovely and it was fine. And I didn't really think about it that much more. I wasn't spiraling. It was just, in that moment when she touched me in that way, my body just said, get the fuck off me. And then I was meeting a friend after this. So afterwards, I went and had a shower, got ready, got on the tube. And when I got off the tube, I was meeting my friend there. And as soon as I

saw her, I couldn't even say hello. I said, I have to get something to eat. I have to get something to eat. And there was an eminus just there. And I walked in and I started grabbing things. And I was I'm sorry, I can't actually talk to you until I've eaten. I'm absolutely ravenous. And she turned to me and she said, are you pregnant? And I was like, why are you saying that? What was going on? Why would I be pregnant? I didn't know that that was something that happened when you were pregnant, that you

well, definitely that it was that instant because it felt like I was going to, it felt like I was going to faint. And I haven't really had that extreme need to kind of eat something in that way. But then anyway, I sort of was like, I don't think so, but blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we went and sat down and were talking about life and everything. And again, I then just sort of, I didn't really think I was. I wasn't, I still wasn't spiraling at that point. I just thought, I just thought I wasn't.

Because you know how often people are like, oh, are you pregnant? Because you have cravings or whatever. And we weren't trying, if I'm really honest. we weren't trying, so it wasn't something that I was thinking about. And then I went home and I started and I really figured out that I was very late. I didn't realize how late, but I knew that I was definitely late and that my period hadn't come. So then I thought, well, I'm going to have to, I guess I'll take a pregnancy test. But before I told, I took, took my pregnancy test. I decided to go and take myself off and have a cup of tea and just really

sit with what it would feel like to find out I was pregnant and what it would feel like if it was negative. Because, you know, bear in mind for the context that this wasn't something that I was planning potentially at all in my life, definitely not in the immediate future. So it was going to be quite a big thing either way and I wanted to know how I felt before knowing as much as one can because obviously you can never entirely predict how you're going to feel. But what was relieving was an interesting was that given everything I'd sort of told myself, my somatic physical response to it was that I wanted it and I knew that because of the way that I felt because I'd say how do we feel with this being positive and you being pregnant. And my whole body kind of softened and felt

kind of tinkly and full. And when I thought that I said that I wasn't and that it was negative, it felt a little bit sad. And then I went and took this test and it immediately, I remember it immediately came up as positive. And I just was like, I cannot. I cannot believe this. And at the time, I was kind of, I've been going through a weird couple of months anyway. I was just a bit all over the shot mentally. I felt like there was so much stuff happening that felt very uncertain.

And I'll get into that later. I'm kind of going to dart around in this episode. But I was messaging my best friend at the time. And she was like, how's everything going? Like how are you feeling? and I was like, well, an update, I am about to take a pregnancy test. She was like, oh my God, can you imagine? And then I just responded with a positive picture.

And she was like, found it really funny. I was like, wow, you couldn't really write this. So that was me finding out I was pregnant. But it was very bizarre because it goes to, you know, I saw someone who speaks very openly about. their decision not to have children. And he said, you know, if you're doubting it, that probably suggests that you shouldn't. I just wanted to say for anyone that thinks that they don't, I mean, maybe you don't, and that's totally fine. But it was very interesting that I had gone

from feeling very indifferent, very open to the idea of life without children, almost a bit excited by that, to then suddenly feeling this full body yes to something. And it goes to show that we can think our way through life, but actually it's better to feel. And this particular thing, you know, in the chapter that I was in, whilst the age that I'm at and everything makes sense, but the timing of it didn't really make sense. And I will get into that in a second.

But like I said, it felt right. it felt also destined. And that's the next thing that I wanted to get into because there's a little bit of a backstory to me getting pregnant that is pretty out there. I've never talked about it on the podcast for obvious reasons that you'll understand. But two years before in the summer,

so yeah, two years before I found out I was pregnant, I did a psilocybin ceremony, which for those of you that might not be familiar, it is a mushroom ceremony. I'm not advocating for drugs, so just to carry out that. But it was something that I wanted to do at some point in my life and the opportunity presented itself and I went with it. having been obviously now in my 30s I drink a little bit here and there I go to bed at like nine up my life is very boring but my 20s were quite adventurous and extreme and I dabbled in anything and everything so I thought when I did this psilocybin ceremony that it would be child's play I was like, you know, this is going to be fine.

Don't worry about me. And I was very mistaken. Oh, my goodness. It was so intense. It was the most profound experience I've ever had, aside from having Lola, but the two are very interconnected. But it completely blew me into a different universe. I cannot believe that it has the capacity to do that.

And I've done it occasionally recreationally, but this is a whole different ballgame. And what started happening quite early on during the psilocybin ceremony was that my, it was such a physical experience, which very much surprised me. I thought it would be all in the mind. I thought I would be hallucinating or seeing things or thinking things, but I didn't think it would take over physically like it did for me. and what started happening was I started sort of convulsing. It would have looked like I was having a bit of a fit, to be honest. My body was moving in a way that I could not move it right now. I couldn't move it myself.

It was taken over by some other force, some other energy. It was very, very clear. And that energy was starting from the base of my spine. So I felt this kind of almost painful. like kind of a bit like needing a poo kind of feeling but much more intense or doing a poo. To be honest, it was kind of like childbirth, but obviously I didn't know that. And it was kind of this very intense sacral energy in my sort of sacral chakra like at the base of my spine pulsating. And then it was sort of shoot through me and it would animate my

my arms and my arms were sort of moving like the wings of a bird. I know this sounds like completely crackers, but this is what happened. And I wasn't scared because I was, in my sort of rational mind, I was still observing what was happening. I was just making mental notes. And I was a little bit like, is this, is this normal? am I going to be able to come back from this? What on earth is happening? Because I didn't anticipate something so physical

that felt so out of my control and I had no idea what it was that was essentially possessing me. And my experience was both very macro and micro. So on a macro scale, I felt sort of catapulted out into outer space. I felt like I saw the way the universe worked in this sort of figure of eight.

way where everything is intertwined. Some things came through very clearly that were, you know, this idea, this narrative that we liken in sort of modern spirituality, that the universe wants you to do well or the universe wants you to succeed. That was completely shattered. The universe doesn't give the fuck if you get that promotion or if you get that car or if you get that boyfriend, it's the universe. It really is like so much greater than that.

And this idea of what we sort of place morality, or we have this framework of morality of good and bad, evil, that again with what I saw didn't exist. It felt like that was very much a human interpretation of things. It's in our psyche, but the universe itself doesn't operate that way. But anyway, that's a different tangent. The sort of microscale was that I began the experience in my mother's womb. And I remember being with these other beings.

So my physical form was in her womb, but my spiritual soul form was still wherever else they go. And I was with these beings, which I've always referred to. spirit guides and it felt very obvious in this experience that that's who I was with. And I was telling them that I didn't want to go. I wasn't ready to go. And it's interesting because I was actually born early. I don't know if that plays anything into it or I just didn't want to come back to Earth at all, which is possible. But it was sort of this conversation with them about me coming to Earth. And I, yeah, I was also very sort of snugly in my mum's womb.

I didn't want to leave there. And because I guess when you are pregnant or when a child is in your belly, it is both here and there. And that's what's really powerful about pregnancy, I think, and birth. But the other thing that started coming through is I was having a sort of, pain around all my sort of female parts. So I had a lot of pain in my ovaries during this

experience. It felt like it was telling me something about my ovaries, which was very bizarre. And having like the most intense sort of period pain. And like I said earlier, it was like kind of like needing or doing a poo and period pains, but very, very, very, very, very, intense, not so much painful as intense. And I was feeling everything in my body. I mean, and that was the part where I thought, am I going to die? Because I don't know how I can feel any more than I'm feeling right now and not die. Because day to day, we feel what we touch, we, you know, we smell. This was like every sense was on fire and it was so overwhelming. But then I had this experience of birth, of me giving birth in this psilocybin ceremony still. And the main vision that I

had of it was the love. So I was having this kind of this pain, but then the next. And the next part was I saw this cradle that was made out of, sort of like, crystals made of light. It's the only way I could describe it. And then there were these beings there again that were around this cradle. And they were, you know, encouraging me in to show me what was in the cradle, which again, it wasn't, I didn't see a baby. I just knew that that's what was there. And the feeling that I had was so insane. It just completely overwhelm me. I was in floods of tears.

It was a love that I'd never experienced in my life. Never. Nothing like it. It just overwhelmed my heart completely. And I knew what they were showing me was a mother's love and a love that I was, to experience, I guess. I didn't know that directly, but I had, my intention during the ceremony was for clarity of purpose. And so it was interesting that that's what came up. And that love

that I felt was just incredible. It felt like, and what's so beautiful is that I think when I became when I found out I was pregnant with Lola, having had that experience, even though it's not like I'd forgotten about it, it was such a life transforming experience, but I'd sort of parked it because my rational mind had taken over. But when I found out I was pregnant, it was like, I see, I understand now. I know why you showed me that. And I know that this is meant to happen.

and I know that she, I knew it was a girl immediately and I knew that she was part of my spirit guides and that it was her time to come in for me and it was my time for her to arrive. Oh, it was, you know, the part of the story of my life where she arrives. And that was so clear, even though nothing else around it was really making sense. and when I had Lola and still now, like in the early stages, because it's, I mean, she's only seven months,

I'd have this feeling where I'd look in her eyes and I'd get that exactly the same feeling. It sort of felt like the universe shooting through my heart and coming out the back of it and just everything felt so expansive and connected and fragile and little and huge and grand all at the same time. It was like I could see everything in her eyes. And that's sort of what that experience gave me a little taste of. So pretty crazy.

I mean, if you guys didn't think I was crazy already, like, you know, welcome. And so that has been both my psilocybin experience, which I think I had an involuntary kundalini awakening, which I didn't know anything about at the time. I sort of stumbled across it by going and asking people afterwards, like describing the things that happened to me, the physical things, the sort of convulsing the, um, the shaking and the sort of animated hands and everything. And yeah, so that was, that was pretty intense. But apparently it can happen from psilocybin.

It's a very powerful medicine. And it gives you exactly what you need and what you're ready for. I felt a lot of it that happened at the time I was like, I'm not quite ready for these downloads, but yeah, do with that information what you will. It's serious stuff. But anyway, it was quite powerful for me because it gave me this connection and understanding of motherhood that there was no way I could have otherwise because it's so abstract. And I talked to so many people about becoming parents and how they feel.

And everyone just said the same thing. They said it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it's the best thing you'll have to do. It's the hardest thing. It's the best. It's the hardest thing. And I was like, what the fuck does that mean? And now I kind of, I'm meeting people and they're like, how is it? I'm like, oh, it's the hardest thing is the best thing I'm going.

Because that's just quite hard to explain it in any other way. Maybe I'll try. Maybe I'll try on another episode. But anyway. So then the third component to this story, story of my rambling today is that at the time, my partner had announced that he wanted to move to Dubai, which I said over my dead body. That is not happening. I am not moving to Dubai. Case closed, not happening. And this went on for, he actually bought it up a while ago and I completely

shut it down. We were renovating a house at the time. I was just like, you're insane. And then it came up again in a very serious way. And I was sort of entertaining it with a, he'll drop it eventually and it's not that serious. And then I started to realize actually it is very serious. And, you know, for context, it's to do with his job. It kind of creates, it makes a lot more sense for him to be here with his job that he's locked into. But for me, I was like it doesn't make any sense. And in terms of where I want to be in the world, Dubai ain't it.

No. And so that was creating a lot of tension because it suddenly felt like we were going to go down different paths. He was like dead set on this move. I felt there was no part of me that wanted to. And that was quite challenging. Now, this is all happening at the same time. So you can imagine when I found out I was pregnant. I was like, wonderful.

This is just what we need right now. But I believe these things are fated and I don't believe that things just happen randomly. I think that there's a divine order and that the universe or perhaps as I've just said, the universe doesn't care. Our spirit guides help orchestrate things that we need in our lives and situations for us to grow, for us to expand our capacity for love. And so anyway, then in my first trimester, I was still very against the Dubai move. But I said, well, we'll go out and visit and then we'll make a decision in my head thinking and the decision will be no.

So we go out for four days. Bear in mind I'm throwing up. I'm hating every minute of it. I'm thinking this place is awful. And then we get home. We actually had a kind of quite nice time towards the end, but we got home. I thought, thank goodness, we're back in London. And we didn't talk about it for a few days.

I thought maybe he didn't really like it and we can just never mention it again. And then he brought it up and it caused the most colossal argument because I was saying no and he was saying yes. And the reason I'm sharing this is, you know, I think since I've been in this relationship, I've shied away from sharing my personal life because it's not just mine to share. But then more recently I've thought, well, I have in one way or another had my dirty laundry for my entire career.

So why not carry on? And also that is how I connect with people. And there might be someone listening to this that is going through something similar and this might help them in some way because I believe that sharing our experience and our vulnerabilities and adding a sprinkle of humour to it can really help soften the load.

So we had a humongous argument over this. I remember we had to write the sort of pros and cons. And my prose was sort of like actual cons and my cons were just cons. And it just felt really difficult because I just didn't know how we were going to resolve it. I didn't know what was going to happen, to be honest,

because he was super emotional about it. He wanted to move more than anything. And I really didn't see myself there. And he wanted to move pretty much immediately. So after a week of arguing, which really was just both of us being very stubborn, I remember one evening I said, I said to my dad can I come stay with you because we're fighting and actually what I was doing I was like

I'm just going to disappear and then then he'll be sorry because I just won't be there and I told my mum I was like I'm going to go and stay at dads tonight she said well have you told Tom I said no she said well you have to tell him where you are I was like no and so I went at stage thinking I'd get a message saying where are you no message oh strange go to sleep wake up no message oh, I'm actually starting to feel quite bad now myself. And then anyway, the following evening, he came back and acted, you know, like I'd never been gone. And I said, don't you wonder where I was last night? He said, I was out with clients.

I thought you were just in this pair of room. So my attempt to make him concerned about my whereabouts backfired. And anyway, we eventually, you know, we're both incredibly stubborn, but we eventually, had another conversation about it that wasn't quite so loaded. And we agreed that we would go back again in January. So for context, this is November. And we would go back again in January and go for three weeks. He would be able to work in the office and we would get a proper idea of what life in Dubai would be like because four days is too little amount of time to understand a life, you know, to make a decision about a life-changing move, especially when you're pregnant.

And I'm a home body, I love my mum. I see my mum would come over all the time. I love my friends. I was pretty happy in London. But if I'm really honest, something was feeling a little bit stagnant and not really flowing. But I think there was just so much change happening anyway for me

that I thought the idea of moving country felt too much. So anyway, we go in January. And in January, things, the first thing that happened was we went out for a meal and Tom might mind me sharing this but I don't care. We were talking about something and I looked at him and said, are you crying? And he started crying a little bit and he said, I'm just so happy here. And whether this was manipulative, I actually don't think he was. He's not that good an actor. It was genuine. And that was the moment where I was like, fuck, I'm actually going to have to really take this seriously.

Whereas before, you know, I'd gone and bought a car, I was trying to buy a cat, I was like cementing myself, my heels into London. I was not going anywhere. Whereas that was the point where I was like, okay, I actually have to be a bit more open to this. And when I started to be open to it, weird things started happening. One of the weird things was, this is so bizarre. So I would go and work in a coffee shop in Dubai during January when I was there. I'd love finding these sort of spaces that I feel like I can get into a flow. All I need is a good coffee and a good sort of ambiance and energy. And I'd go there every day.

And one day I was there working and this man walked in, this entrepreneur that I know from London. I'd met him maybe once, twice. So I didn't know him well. when he walked in I thought oh I know him but it wasn't I didn't know him well enough to go and say hello immediately I can be quite shy like that and he came in with someone else and they sort of walked around the whole space and it's a massive space in Dubai everything's massive and they eventually came and sat right next to me and they were talking and they were on a business meeting and after about 10 minutes he sort of lent over and he said oh you're caggy aren't you and I said yes

Hi, yes, we met at this thing, blah, blah, blah, nice to see you. And we started talking about the fact that I was visiting with a view to potentially move to Dubai. And he said, oh, me too. And then he introduced me to the man that he was with. And he said, this person, his name is Simo, runs a company that develops apps. Taggy runs an astrology brand. You two should start a company together and I'll invest, just like that. just like it was nothing. And anyway, we kind of like laughed and I was like, oh, nice to meet you.

And anyway, this guy said he just moved with his family about 18 months ago from London. And if I wanted any tips or advice, like he'd be happy to help. So we ended up connecting, taking each other's numbers. And I met up with him and his wife. We had lunch. They showed me around where they lived in case I liked the area. And then afterwards he said, shall we have another meeting? about this business idea. And I was like, yeah, absolutely. So a few days later, we met up again

for a coffee. And he basically had this idea for an astrology app, which, again, to give a bit of context, a few in December, so a month before, I had been approached by an astrology app in London. Someone completely randomly called me. Like, I don't even know how they had my phone number. Nobody randomly calls your phone number. And he was, like, oh, Kagi, I've got this brand that wants to work with you. It's an astrology app. And I was like, oh, great. And we ended up having a meeting, really nice guys. And an astrology app is something that I've always wanted to do with Saturn Returns, but I don't know what I'm doing technically. I wouldn't know how to raise capital for it. I'm not like that. And I've had a lot of conversations

about it. It just didn't feel like something like that would be possible for me. and when I was in conversations with this person that has the app in the UK, they were really excited about working with me. And I was like, well, maybe this is my way of kind of getting involved in an astrology app. And they, after a few conversations, they were like, we'd actually love you to be part of the company. And I thought, well, that, yeah, it's not exactly how I'd do it. It's not my brand. It's not my name. It's not my aesthetic. There was a lot of of things that weren't right, but I was like, you know, this might be my opportunity to be part of it. And so that was kind of in the background when I went to Dubai in January anyway,

as a conversation. And so when me and this guy had this meeting, this was like actually everything I would have ever wanted and dreamed up to create with someone. And what made it even better was it was someone that I could be a thought leader and a business partner with, which is something that I craved for a really long time. I just haven't found the right person. I think finding the right business partner is almost harder than finding a husband. It is tricky because you are, you have to have skill sets that complement each other, that don't conflict, that don't overlap. And I knew pretty instantly, I think you get a feeling. Like I've had a lot of people approach me with stuff and I've been like, no, it's not right.

But this felt totally aligned and I felt really lit up by it. So anyway, we then started creating this idea. We started mapping out the concepts, everything that was going to go into the app. And it just felt so in flow and exciting. And I suddenly was like, wow, this could be a really amazing reason for me to be in Dubai. because such a big problem for me was that whilst it made sense for Tom and his career, I was just thinking, what am I going to do? Like what is going to be there for me?

Am I just going to kind of float around? And I think a lot of, there's when one couple, one part of a couple wants to move, it's always quite challenging. But I do think that there's an unfair pressure on women to just drop everything and move for a man because I think it's socially more normal to do that so people expect you to. But what I do is a core component to who I am and it's really important to me to have that sense of autonomy. So when this thing happened, I was like, okay, this is worth paying attention to.

This is a really exciting opportunity. And then the other thing was that I was like, if we're, we're. really going to entertain this. Where we live is very important to me and the place we live in. Because home, I'm a tourist. Home is everything. And especially with having a new baby, I was like, I need to feel comfortable. I need to feel like peaceful. I need to like the environment that I'm in. And whilst I didn't love Dubai, I was like, I'm sure if I really tried, I could find an area that I might like. So I started looking online furiously during this trip and it was really hard to find anything that I liked as a particular.

I like old stuff. I like stuff with character that, you know, a madame from the 50s might have lived in, sort of like tall ceilings and French windows, you know, so that's not really the style in Dubai. But I came across this one property and I thought that. I could live in that. And so we decided to go and have a look at a few places just to get a lay of the land. What kind of place would we, like what areas would we want to live in?

So that when and if we came back, we'd know and we wouldn't have to do it in a sort of mad rush with a baby. And we went and looked firstly at, I think we looked at this other. the place for us that an estate agent had just randomly taken us to. And as Tom described it, he said, you look like you're about to have a nosebleed. You look so unhappy. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I was like, yeah, I mean, this is what you're going to get, blah, blah, blah. It was absolutely hideous. I thought, no way. And then we looked at this one that I found. And immediately I walked in and I was like, yeah, this is, this is it. This is the vibe. But bear in mind, this was January and we'd sort of agree that we'd, like, look at this in a year. And we'd, like, look at this

in a year. So it wasn't, we weren't looking for a place to move. We were just looking at areas that we might like. And then we were pretending that we were going to move because obviously we were otherwise wasting the estate agent's time. And afterwards we sort of said, you know, we really like it. But we're probably not moving for a while.

And the estate agent said, look, they, the owners really like the sound of you guys. and they really want you to have it. And then we had to be like, actually, we're not moving any time soon. And we sort of white lied. We said it was less time than it was. But it was still a lie. And then we were sort of like, what's happening?

Like, is this even a possibility? Because we didn't think that it was. And then suddenly it might be. And then, as fate would have it, the family that owned this house, they were buying another property, it fell through. So it suddenly meant that they weren't moving immediately and they said to us, look, or the estate agent said, look, they're not moving immediately and they really want you guys to have the property. So let's see how things go with the timing when they find something else if it aligns with when you move. And it did. But this took

six months. So for six months, we didn't know what was happening. We didn't have that much. contact but of course once I had Lola no sorry it took yeah seven months seven months so once I had Lola five months later I or six months later I was getting quite anxious about it because we'd agreed that we were going to do it but the home was still the kind of missing piece of the puzzle which was making me feel very anxious because I'd just had a baby and the wild part of all of this was when they said, you know, the house is now available, we're moving to this other property. Sorry, you can see Lola, here Lola's walking in the background.

It's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to finish the episode, promulatory. And they told us, yes, we want you to move into it. We found this other place. But Tom's work, his visa hadn't come through yet because once he had his visa, he would have to be. be in Dubai from, it was all to do with tax and everything, so he'd need to be here and be working. Whereas when me and Simo decided to set up the app and set up a company, my visa came through

that. So we got the house because I had set up the company and I had a visa. Otherwise, we would not have got the house. So things were just happening in this kind of bizarre way where all of these things were just like fitting into place, like one thing after the other, like if that hadn't happened, that wouldn't have happened and that wouldn't have. And it just felt very fated. And as much as like my rational, logical mind was like, no way to buy is not on brand for you. It's not happening. I couldn't ignore these things. And when the house component clicked, I really felt like, okay, this is where, this is where we're going. This is where we're meant to be right now. I'm just going to follow it. I'm not going to resist it. And I've got to say

arriving in a new country with a newborn is pretty intense. But having seen the house, loved the house, we also furnished it whilst we were still in London, which was the best decision ever. It just made things feel so much more seamless because I would have, I would have had a nosebleed if we'd had to come back out and stay in a hotel and I'd find, have to find something. But for context as well, places in Dubai, when they come up, you've gone and viewed another house, the other one's just already gone. Like it goes so quickly. So the fact that this all happened the way it did is quite extraordinary and it is a really lovely house, I've got to say. So I feel very lucky and fortunate that that all worked out the way that it did.

And that I got to start a company doing something that I've always wanted to do. So the Saturn Returns app is now out in the world. And I'm so, so proud of it. It's literally everything that I feel that I've been building towards for the last six years. We're building Saturn returns in the community. There's a huge community component. It tells you when your Saturn Returns, date ends. So it really helps you kind of make sense whether that's retrospectively or whether you're

kind of going through it right now. You're all sat in stages. And it's just going to be something that continues to evolve with the community. We're going to add so many more exciting new features. But it feels like a fresh start for me in every sense of the word for this new chapter of my life as a mother, as a co-founder, which is nice. It's really nice to have someone to kind of bounce ideas with and in a new country. And I will share more about life in Dubai in another episode because they feel like I've exhausted. I don't know about you.

You feel like, gosh, she's lost her mind. But yeah, so that's kind of what's been going on with me it's fairly nuts. Sometimes I'm like, well, the fuck is happening, but is this where I'm supposed to be? But, you know, I'm just rolling with it. And for anyone that's, you know, navigating something like that, I think life is longer than we think, hopefully.

And I don't think you regret moves abroad. The thing is, the fortunate thing for me is that the feelings that I've had here, the sort of homesickness, the loneliness, all the natural... I've been through those motions. before I've lived abroad, I've moved to Australia, I've moved to New York, I've moved to LA, I just, I've usually moved places I wanted to move, but you know, hey-ho. And I'm making the most of it. And actually, you can make things what you want it to be,

and especially Dubai. There's a lot of opportunity here. Someone actually that I met when we were sort of thinking about the move said it's like the kind of roots of a tree. and you find your route, you find the path or the root that feels good to you, and you just, you just ride that and there's everything that you could possibly imagine here. It's whilst on the surface there is the aesthetic and the idea of Dubai, and that is very much here, there's so many other pockets to it that you can find, and I am in the process of finding it. So that is all for today. I hope you enjoyed me being back in your ears.

I have thoroughly enjoyed rambling on for almost an hour. It was going to be 20 minutes, but, you know, it was a lot, was a lot to pack in. But thank you so much for listening. I've missed you all. And I will check in again next week with more updates. But if any of this resonated with you or you have any questions, please send me a DM.

It really makes me very happy. and I love connecting with you guys. Oh, and final thing, which I must, must mention is please go on the app store and get the Saturn Returns app. We also have it on Android because there's been a lot of requests for that. It was a little bit more delayed. Please, please, please, please, please, if the podcast has ever meant anything to you

ever connected with you or helped you on your journey, it would mean the absolute world to me if you could go and download it and let me know what you think, share it with friends, let me know what you think of the design, put it up on Instagram. It's all going to be super helpful at this moment because we are, I'm launching a new baby into the world, another baby. And I'm very, very proud of it.

So I hope that you enjoy. As always, thank you so much for listening. You and I'll know. Goodbye.