Saturn Returns with Caggie - *Moments* The Saviour complex and the cost of the things we don’t say…

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

Human Connection Specialist, podcast host and Create The Love founder Mark Groves, is back on Saturn Returns! His last episode was so well loved that Caggie has invited Mark back onto the podcast for another enriching conversation about love and relationships. The full episode will be available to listen to tomorrow, however, to give you an insight into the full conversation, this playful ‘moment’ explores the subconscious programming that is often at play in relationships, that may stem from childhood. Also, how resentment in a relationship can slowly build when we don’t share our truth. The full episode explores themes such as: the pursuit of unavailability; vulnerability and healing patterns; victimhood and victim mentality and why we should take ownership and responsibility for what happens to us as well as how we can more fully show up in our partnerships. Find more about Mark Groves at https://markgroves.com  --- Follow or subscribe to "Saturn Returns" for future episodes, where we explore the transformative impact of Saturn's return with inspiring guests and thought-provoking discussions. Follow Caggie Dunlop on Instagram to stay updated on her personal journey and you can find Saturn Returns on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.  Order the Saturn Returns Book. Join our community newsletter here.  Find all things Saturn Returns, offerings and more here.

hello everyone and happy sunday i am very excited to share with you this moment from tomorrow's episode where i am joined by our favorite mark groves for those of you who haven't heard of mark he runs an incredible podcast and brand called create the love and he was a guest a couple of seasons back on Saturn Returns and we had a very special conversation and so I'm so pleased to have him back on the show because he's been an incredible teacher and friend to me and so you're going to love this episode. Don't forget to tune in tomorrow if you want to hear from me and mark and this very fun conversation that we had which unpacks a lot around relationships and gave me much food for thought listening back so you won't want to miss it

there's space for all of us in the relationship, even the kid who wants most of the fucking cookie. Like, I wanted that big piece of cake. Seriously. And there's only a few things that she'll actually take the bigger piece, but it's usually something that she likes and I'm not as much of a fan of. But man, I got to tell you, never think personal growth is sharing like a dessert, but it is. No, I love that because I completely relate.

And I think everyone listening will. And we'll all have our own stuff. I've been thinking a lot recently about how relationships, long-term relationships, get to that point where they say, I don't know how we got here. So I look at my parents. my parents are divorced and i'm kind of like i think about it and i think at one point they were in love so how did they get to where you know they ended up i hope my mom wouldn't mind me sharing that but and so i've just because i've also never really i'm like going into a long-term relationship now i'm in one and that's the first time for me and it brings up a lot of fear but I think that piece around the voice in your head it's like often that

stems from a childhood experience where like you say you if you didn't eat that cake or like grab it while you could it was gone and for me it goes back to a thing of wanting to be perhaps so I seek in relationship that kind of being taken care of thing that because of my um how I showed up in not how I showed up that's the wrong way of saying it but my role in family was like the mediator and quite quiet and didn't want to make too much of a fuss of things because there would be an explosion so it was actually always trying to calm things down so now in relationship there's a part of me that's like i want to be taken care of i want do you know what i mean because i didn't didn't get that and so i have to really notice it and my partner and i have conversations where he's like I have to notice and not play into the savior role

and when he says that you know there's a side of me that feels oh my god he actually trusts that I'm able to be my like fullest expression of self and that I can do all the things but there is a part of me that's like no I want to be taken care of and then also what was the other thing you just mentioned that I found so interesting oh yeah how we can bring that into the relationship because I think the reason that a lot of people like it's such a small thing at the beginning that could easily be nipped in the but we don't we keep it in ourselves and then build up resentment but we've never actually communicated what we're thinking because we don't think we can because of you know generations never we keep it in ourselves and then build up resentment but we've never actually communicated what we're thinking because we don't think we can because of you know generations never speaking in

that kind of way and so um I'll share a story recently that happened with me and my partner which it happened last year when we first were like getting into a relationship and we went away together and the beauty of like spending time away for a long period meant that we had to kind of navigate these things rather than pull back and there was something he'd said to me that had rattled me and it was his own like defense mechanism I think it was like something about like oh we're not I said something about honeymoons he was like we're not getting married like calm down and i in my head my ego was like he should he would be so lucky and then we went to watch the sunset and we had to walk across like all this mud

and that there was a part of me it's like I really want him to fall in the mud. And he said later on, once I'd calmed down, he was like, you wanted me to fall. I was like, I did. There was a voice in my head that was like, fall, fall. It could like sense in you the little mischievous little. Exactly. And so now whenever we're kind of going through that kind of thing, he'll just look at me and he'll go, fall.

That is so good. And then actually, because we're on holiday at the moment, we went, we did some water sports. We were like in a donut thing, you know, when you're just kind of holding on for dear life. Oh, tubing. Yeah, that's what we did in Canada. And I was in a really bad mood. We were having a bit of a, like, bicker over something. And he was like, let's stand up. It will be more fun.

And I was like, no, I'm not standing up. And he stood up and he flew out of the back of the donut. And the driver kept going. There was a point where I was like, I might not say anything. And later on, he was like, you thought about not saying anything, didn't you? I was like, yes, I did. Isn't it so good to call out the mischievous parts of ourselves, you know? Well, that's the thing.

We all have them. And I think if you can make light of them, because they are actually quite funny. Because there are so many parts of us that play all the time in relationship. We have to go through so many different emotions in the space of a day. So, of course, we're going to experience that throughout a relationship. But I think we hold on to things rather than express it and then that builds over time