Saturn Returns with Caggie - *Moments* What's the motivation behind your procrastination? with Psychotherapist, Britt Frank

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

Every Sunday, you’ll now catch a glimpse of the next episode through our ‘moments’.  These minisodes are clips, taken from the full episode, that consist of Caggies most poignant, thought-provoking or favourite moments from the conversation with her guest. In this week's moment, you’ll hear Caggie and Psychotherapist and Trauma Specialist, Britt Frank, discussing the reasons why we procrastinate, getting to the truth of the matter so we can make real change and face our fears head-on. The full episode will be available to listen to tomorrow and covers topics such as: what our shadow parts are and why it’s important to become familiar with them; uncovering our trauma and working through it, conscious relationships tips, and how our mental health is directly impacted by what's happening in our nervous system. Order ‘The Science of Stuck’ by Britt Frank. --- Follow or subscribe to "Saturn Returns" for future episodes, where we explore the transformative impact of Saturn's return with inspiring guests and thought-provoking discussions. Follow Caggie Dunlop on Instagram to stay updated on her personal journey and you can find Saturn Returns on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.  Order the Saturn Returns Book. Join our community newsletter here.  Find all things Saturn Returns, offerings and more here.

hello everyone i'm very excited that we have the incredible psychotherapist and trauma specialist brit frank on the show and i love this conversation with brit she speaks so frankly no pun intended about really complex subjects that can feel quite heavy but in a very light and relatable way so this episode covers like how to own our shadow aspects we talk a lot about the science of stuck which is her book and how to get out of your own way and about all the parts of us that kind of we possess all the elements all the estranged parts that we need to reclaim. And the way she explains it is super accessible and interesting and relatable.

And we also talk about procrastination. We talk about addiction. And this theme that keeps coming up again and again of internal family systems therapy. So if you guys want to explore these kind of subjects, the full episode with Brit goes live tomorrow. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed having this conversation can we talk about procrastination for a bit because it's

something that I definitely struggle with and kind of I'm like a joke about like a professional procrastinator but I don't I've never really unpacked like where it's from or what it's about because you've mentioned it a couple of times and also when I was like reading about you and stuff it came up a lot so what what does like procrastination mean to you in terms of where it's from and people get mad at me with this too they're like oh you're just justifying people doing nothing I'm like no I'm not it's not a justification I'm Explanation is not a synonym for an excuse. It's like, here's what's happening. So why do we procrastinate? There's lots of reasons, none of which are because we suck or because we're lazy. We procrastinate because we're exhausted and we're burnt out. And the

expectation that we have of us does not match how much we've like during the pandemic. If you're a parent and you're homeschooling four kids and you're managing a sick relative, don't come to me and say, why am I not able to learn a foreign language and launch my business? It's like, cause you're burnt out. You're not procrastinating. You're just done. Your system is out of juice. And that makes sense. So that's one reason we also procrastinate because it's scary to go out and do the things. Sometimes if we go out and do the things, people will watch us and then we might fail. And then if we don't do the thing, then we don't have to worry about failing and looking like an ass. Sometimes we procrastinate because it's really comfortable to keep doing what we're doing. And if like the comfort of

what we're doing is greater than the pain of change, we're going to stay doing what we're doing, like going to the gym. It's a lot easier for me to lay in bed than to get out of bed and go work out. That is true. If I'm motivated by comfort, I'm going to stay in bed. If I'm motivated by my longer term goals, I'm going to get up. So it's not that I'm unmotivated. It's, well, what are you motivated by right now? It's sort of like an acting, right?

Like what's your motivation? You're never not motivated. If you're procrastinating, are you motivated by fear? Are you motivated by comfort? Are you motivated by your image being preserved? Are you motivated by conserving your finances and not risking money? Because then it's just, oh, I'm lazy. That's sort of like, okay, we can't do anything with that. If it's I'm procrastinating because I'm terrified of doing that thing, we can work with that. That we can get some momentum on.

So let's name it. What are you motivated by? Not why am I a terrible person? That's so interesting. So if people are feeling that they're behaving in that way to ask themselves, what am I motivated for in this moment? And don't say nothing. People come in and they sit in my office every day and they're like, I say to them, well, what are you getting out of procrastinating? Nothing. I'm not getting anything. That's crap. Yes, you are. And no shame about it, but let's name it. Dan Siegel,

who I love, he says, name it to tame it. Like once we actually understand what's happening, we can work with it. So what are you motivated by? And don't say nothing because that's BS. I say that with a lot of love and respect. And if you're willing to get honest, you're going to be able to hear that little, actually, this is what I'm being motivated by. And then you can work on what do I want to do with that once I uncover it? Yeah, because there's safety in staying the same and remaining in your kind of comfort zone until there isn't.

It's like you said, it's like when does that pain, pleasure, sort of long-term, short-term thing start to get imbalanced? And that's often when we eventually make a move. Exactly. Like people say, you shouldn't have to be in pain to make a change. I'm like, you shouldn't and you don't have to, but more often than not, why would I make a change if I'm comfortable doing what I'm doing and I'm not suffering any consequences? Like for me personally, I'm stubborn. I won't change until I'm at a brick wall. But like, yeah, why would we do the change process is awful. Like Saturn return. People don't understand that like getting the things that you want is awesome, but the process is miserable. And if you're not willing to walk that miserable, awful, uncomfortable road,

that's fine. But you need to know the road's going to suck. It'll be worth it, but it's going to be really, really awful. Making a change does not feel good and making good decisions doesn't always feel good in the beginning. And there's no way of bypassing that. No. Oh. Truly.