Saturn Returns with Caggie - Solace at the Solstice: A message from Caggie

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

The mission of this podcast is to bring clarity during transitional times where there can be confusion and doubt. So... 2020, anyone? As the year ends, Caggie shares her thoughts, her hopes, and the practices that sustain and inspire her at dark times. --- Follow or subscribe to "Saturn Returns" for future episodes, where we explore the transformative impact of Saturn's return with inspiring guests and thought-provoking discussions. Follow Caggie Dunlop on Instagram to stay updated on her personal journey and you can find Saturn Returns on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.  Order the Saturn Returns Book. Join our community newsletter here.  Find all things Saturn Returns, offerings and more here.

hello everyone i am um sitting on my bed in london and i just wanted to send you guys a little note because i know these are challenging and testing times this is a very freestyle me just kind of chatting with you guys um because everything that's happening in the world right now you know we were for whatever reason under the belief that come 2021 or when this year wrapped up everything would normalize and go back to the way it was and I think we're all coming to the sobering reality that perhaps that is not the case Christmas is an opportunity to come together to be with family to celebrate and having that sort of snatched away from us a couple of days

prior is unsettling it's confusing it's upsetting I am someone to be completely transparent that doesn't like Christmas that much and I only say this because I mean as a child of divorced parents yeah cue the tiny violin I've always found it a bit of a I don't know who to be with or what to do and for me it just I feel like it highlights everything that's sort of um wrong to be honest I think we have this idea that Christmas is supposed to be this like perfect day of feasting and everything and presents and there's something about it I think that sort of consumer aspect that I don't enjoy that much makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and also like I said I think until perhaps I have little children of my own I won't um I might feel differently but anyway my point being is that a lot of us are now finding

ourselves alone for Christmas you know it's a huge possibility that I actually might be alone. But me being me, I'm like, well, that could be quite fantastic. Because if you think about how many times you've been dragged to, I don't know, family lunches with distant relatives who are sort of questioning, why are you still single? Why haven't you found a boyfriend? Having to eat soggy Brussels sprouts? We always glorify things when we don't have them. And the truth is we are living in extraordinary times. And I choose to see it as when things fall apart, there's always opportunity. You know, a lot of people I know personally and people that have contacted me on social media have created and innovated during this time. And so I kind of wanted to speak to you guys today to call on you to really take this opportunity to go inward.

It's important that you remain informed with what's going on in the world. But there comes a point where consuming all this information, all the news, it's very fear-inducing. And I think it can have a negative impact on us, on our bodies and on our mental health. And then we just regurgitate that around to each other. So check your story. Check your story because you can see things how you want to see them. check your story because you can see things how you want to see them and when you change the narrative you change the situation so rather than me being like I could be alone for Christmas you know I mean again to be quite transparent I can't have just gone through like a mini breakup and all those things collectively could create quite a sad story.

And instead I'm like, I actually feel pretty great because through the last couple of months, I really learned what I need independently as an individual to keep me feeling good. Because I think we've all come to the realization that the systems around us not only are they sort of crumbling and that's a whole nother conversation to do with astrology which is you know something that's happening in the age of Aquarius and with the winter solstice

and the Jupiter Saturn conjunction in the sky but we can get into that another time but I think we rely so much on external factors and governments and systems to tell us that we're okay, that we're safe. And I always carry the belief that everyone is doing the best they can with the awareness that they have. But we're listening and following things that keep changing from day to day. And I just, I think what I do, and it's a sort of defense, not a defense mechanism, but it's a coping strategy that I guess I've always done, is that I just kind of put a bubble around myself, like a shield, an energetic shield. Because when I know I can't rely on those things,

I can only rely on me. And that's where we're all at right now. So what are the things that you can do that keep you stable keep you grounded keep you anchored and keep you happy and bring you joy because I know it feels like there aren't those things at the moment but I'm telling you that there are it's just about finding them so yeah my Instagram isn't called Kagi's World for no reason. I do sort of exist on another planet most of the time, but it kind of serves me quite well. So these are some of the things that I've learned over the last couple of months. And I guess over the last couple of years, but it's just been exaggerated now. I've always struggled with my mental health, even at the best of times.

And, you know, I talk quite a lot on the podcast about sobriety and how that helps and lots of little things that amount to me kind of staying stable I'm better than stable at the moment actually feeling like good in myself and one thing that I'm doing at the moment not to belittle my own existence but I sort of approach me as if I have a pet animal and by that like a dog and by that I mean if I had a dog what would I need to do for that dog to be happy and survive and And it sounds ridiculous, but I think so often we neglect ourselves. So I kind of have realized from being alone so much that there are so many different parts of me. There are so many different entities at play. You know, we have to be aware of our ego,

our demons, our inner child, you know, the internal critic, all these things, a child you know the internal critic all these things the sort of symphony of of people in one person all the time and this has been an opportunity for me to really decipher like who's who who's talking when and how to kind of manage them all because I say it's a symphony quite often everyone's out of tune and going at different beats but having the awareness of those parts of myself and really bringing them together and knowing what each one needs to flourish to be content to feel loved and so much like having a pet dog it's imperative for me that I get out every day and I go for a walk. I take myself for a walk and not to show off, but I've been averaging about 20,000 steps,

which is a little bit extreme. It's a little bit extreme. I'm not suggesting you'll go and do that, but perhaps 10,000, because also, you know, we've just gone past the shortest day of the year. also, you know, we've just gone past the shortest day of the year. Getting sunlight is so key, getting our vitamin D. It's just crucial. So walking, and there's this thing that I do, this is a little like happiness hack. I don't know if it's going to work for everyone, but it works for me. We spend so much time, right, physically constricted with our heads down in our phones quite rigid when I run I like to keep my um my chin up so I look upwards now I don't do it all the time because I'd probably run into a tree but it's something for some reason when I look up it's like it creates some sort of positivity in my mind it

makes me feel like I'm looking at the wonders of the world rather than like looking down you know when you see people that are depressed classically they're sort of like in movies and stuff they're all looking at the pavement with their heads down so it's like the opposite of that so when I'm feeling a bit funky I run and I look up every so often and I keep my head up. That's one thing that's kind of weird that I do. I also am such a believer that energy and emotion gets stored in our body. And when I run, I like to think of myself as a bit of an introvert. However, for one hour of the day when I go running, I'm most definitely an extrovert because I run around Hyde Park simultaneously dancing I have a playlist that I listen to it's mainly rap and I really go for it and I guess I'm a bit of an attention seeker

like that so if you see anyone running around Hyde Park like Phoebe from Friends it might be me um so getting out and stretching, moving your body in whatever way. And if you can't find the time to get out, definitely find a moment in the day to move. And I'm sure I know if people have kids and stuff, it's really, it's quite difficult, but so much of our attention gets stored and we need to find a way to release that, whether that's just stretching, whether that's dancing around your living room. So that's something that I really advise. Also, much like a pet dog, what are you feeding yourself?

Something that I always, the trap that I always fell into when I was, I mean, younger, when I was in my 20s, was when I was feeling down, I'd eat crap. I'd eat like, you know, things that made me feel better in the moment. And then the next day I'd feel worse and I'd feel sluggish and then I wouldn't exercise. And it became a sort of a snowball effect. And then I'd feel really, really bad. So now I try and be really balanced with my diet I think it's really important to give yourself things that are treats but just make it moderate and so for me it's really important

that I eat as you know mainly vegan I make really like nourishing meals and so perhaps something that you could do at this time is make your favorite meal. Like you need to set yourself tasks that are manageable and that give you joy in that experience rather than looking out and being like, I don't know when this is going to end. I don't know what's happening next. I don't know what's going on with my career. You just need to set yourself little manageable steps that give you that feeling of accomplishment because right now everything is uncertain. So what I have is I

have a whiteboard at home and I kind of write like almost like a school schedule on it, although it looks pretty crazy most of the time with the things that I want to do, the things I want to achieve. this time with the things that I want to do, the things I want to achieve. So whether that's, you know, making your favorite meal or finding a new favorite meal, something that you're like, okay, today I'm going to do that and I'm going to achieve it. Also, I do really lead into the esoteric at this, at times like these. These are the practices that I find grounding. And I think when everything feels as uncertain as it does, and the infrastructures around us feel like they're crumbling, I always feel like there's opportunity. There's a shift in the collective consciousness that's going on right now. And I can feel it. And and I lean into that I lean into the fantastical into

the dreamlike so one of the things that you can start doing is if you want to start reading up about this stuff just start learning be like I want to know what the winter solstice represents or I want to know what the age of Aquarius means or I want to know some of the practices the rituals that I can do, because all these things are going to nourish, in my opinion, your soul and your spirit. And that's what we need to really maintain at this time. So what's happening now in the sort of winter sources stuff, it's the light now comes back in. And what has been something that I've heard from lots of friends and things that I've seen on social media is we're really having to call in the light ourselves.

So a lot of people are struggling and you might be one of them. And so I hope that perhaps by this podcast or anything that I put on social media, it can find you with some comfort. you with some comfort. But if you do have enough in you and you can fill your own cup enough, being able to be there for people that are sitting in the dark right now is really important. And actually, the Age of Aquarius is all about humanity. We are really realizing that our connection to each other is the most crucial thing. We cannot survive without it. And we are being tested. We are being tested tremendously. We've had to endure more loneliness in this last year than we've ever thought would be possible. And we know we're wired for connection. I'm someone that's incredibly tactile. Like I need touch. I need hugs. And so that's something that I've struggled with.

hugs and so that's something that I've struggled with so again I've had to learn okay what do I need and I know I've likened myself to a pet dog which is a little bit belittling and also rather than that let's just say I've really tried to learn to be my own best friend and that is something that's going to serve you so well in life if you can do that. And if you can take this opportunity to be like, okay, how can I have my back? How can I have my back right now? What do I need to do? And so I have that slight separation of self in situations where I'm like, okay, what is going to be good for me? What is going to make me feel happy? What is going to make me feel complete? So having my little whiteboard and ticking those things off and being like, okay, tonight we're going to make this meal and we're going to watch

this movie and we're going to like make a hot chocolate and sit by the fire. Like all these things feel really nourishing for my soul and I can feel it energetically. And then that creates a sort of snowball effect because then you're filling up your own cup of self-love. And then the next morning you wake up feeling better. And for me, a massive indicator is how I feel the first time I open my eyes. And that is always a reflection of how I've lived the day before. So once you get into that rhythm and you wake up feeling that way, it kind of becomes a little bit addictive really, and you want to do more. So those are a couple of things. I'm meandering a little bit, but in terms of people feeling uncertain, you know know my family is they're sort of researchers they're academics and in times like these they want to know all the information they find all the information and I've noticed

that it's actually created a lot of anxiety whereas with me I'm like and we're going to shut down and like I said it's important to be. And sometimes I do feel a little bit disconnected from what's going on in the world. However, it has kind of served me because we're grasping for certainty when there is none. If everything is feeling upside down for you, when things fall apart, better things can come together. We would never have experienced, we never thought we'd experience anything like this. But what I'm thinking about it now is like, okay, how many times in your life have you just thought, I'm so caught up in the rat race. I'm doing this job that I don't like. I'm existing from day to day and all my time is being taken up by doing these things, seeing people, just being a hamster in a spinning wheel. How often

did you kind of think, I wish I just had a moment to really think about what I want to do and who I am? And we have that moment. We have that moment right now. It's just given us an opportunity to pause and to look inward and be like, okay, who am I? What do I want to do? What do I want to achieve? Who do I want to be? And how do I want to show up in the world? So I'd love it if you guys could get into journaling. If you're not sure what that thing is, just try journaling about like the things that light you up.

What like experiences do you want to do? You know, even things like how do you want to dress or, you know, what kind of friends do you want to have? So just getting really clear on what you want and also writing out how you're feeling. Because I'm a big believer that when you put things on a page, you sort of dispel them from your psyche. And otherwise they just kind of ruminate and we just go over them again and again and again whereas if you put them out on a piece of paper you can kind of get some clarity over like what needs to be changed if you had no one telling you you couldn't which you don't right now you really can do whatever you want to do what would you do Kirsty said on the podcast recently she said we

only ever dream a half dream and that really hit home for me and I think for everyone that listened it's like if you could fully dream if you could fully realize what you want what would that look like what would that feel like what would that be like? What would that be like? And everyone's definition of success is different. And I think, again, with everything that's going on, we have less comparison if we want. Of course, we can spend hours a day on social media, but you have a choice in doing that and you can choose not to. And you can choose to start studying things or looking up things that really light you up that perhaps before you didn't have the time to do

or that you thought your friends might think is weird. Like anything goes right now and take that as an opportunity for innovation, for creation. There's so much that you can be doing with this time. So use it wisely. There's something that I always say to myself when things are going well, and I also say the same thing when things are going badly. And it's this, do you want the good news or the bad news? Well, the good news is nothing lasts forever.

But the bad news is nothing lasts forever. So in the sentiment of this too shall pass, remember that this won't last forever. But what can you make this time mean? You have a choice in that. You have a choice of how you see yourself in the story and how you want it to play out. And yes, we don't have control of the outcome, but did we ever? And I think it's coming to that realization that actually it was all a bit of an illusion that things were that safe and secure and there is a dismantling of systems that's happening at the moment but there is energetically I think a lot of exciting stuff going on if you just tap

into that part of you if you just take a moment in the day for stillness. And like I say, it's so imperative that you nourish yourself during this time and find joy in the little things. The little things for me is like, you know, an evening routine of beautifying, of putting on like my favorite products of really taking my time with it or it's waking up and make it this is probably the highlight of my day every day regardless of what's going on but making a cup of tea in the morning and having a banana is literally all I need to be happy if that that was taken away from me, oh, this would be a very different episode. But that's kind of all I need.

And then, you know, the joy of being able to go out and being quite, living quite close to Hyde Park. If you live close to a park, like, go, go be out in nature. park if you live close to a park like go go be out in nature I honestly spent about 15 minutes smelling some hydrangeas today in high part I think they were hydrangeas I must have looked insane I mean that combined with me running like Phoebe from Friends is probably getting quite a lot of attention I hope um but yeah and then I'm trying to think of other things yeah so cut the whiteboard is a really good idea so if you want to buy a whiteboard off Amazon and then schedule out it doesn't have to be so rigid of like you know times but things that you would quite like to explore or achieve and they can be really simple they can be like you know every day at six or in the afternoon I'm going to call someone I love and I'm going to check in on them because it's so easy to fall into victim mentality right now you know it's very

easy to slip into that narrative and then it's like we start saying it to each other. But you have a choice in that. And there will probably never be another time when you don't have to sit opposite your Aunt Sue who's questioning why you're still single at 30 whilst eating your soggy Brussels sprouts. So if you are home alone, think about it. I was like, oh my God, it's going to be like home alone. If I am home alone, which is kind of cool. And I'm kind of into that because I've learned the power in having my own back. I really think that being able to self-master that part you know to be able to sit with the uh as Julia Samuels calls it the shitty committee sometimes it's a shitty committee of all the parts of you that you embody and really kind of accepting them and knowing what they need and what they want and how to keep certain parts at bay I mean we all have our demons and I think right now some of them will be stirring and moving and awakening and I definitely went through something a couple

of weeks ago but again I'm like I know for me running is a way that I kind of exercise them out I guess and knowing that they're there and they're present and that that's okay rather than constantly I think trying to run from them is something that I found really useful looking up what have i been doing recently i've been looking up me and nora who's the astrologer of saturn returns i've been reading about the goddess kali and how that's sort of about death and rebirth and right now we are going through a rebirth we're not going to know what it means in the sort of history of time for a while and we're just in the thick of it and of course it's just it's a lot it's a lot we're having to deal with personally collectively everything but it's a shift that's happening you know whether we like it or not and like I say we choose whether we go

willingly with the tide or we fight against it and if we fight against it we create resistance and this creates upset, this creates depression. So how can you go more willingly with the tide? Now I empathize with those of you who are listening with screaming children thinking you have no idea what I'm dealing with. And I respect and appreciate that. I don't, I'm not going to pretend to. All I can say is for those who are alone, you can be alone and not be lonely. There's a difference because loneliness is a state of mind. I felt my loneliest in a crowded room. I'm alone right now, but I'm not lonely because I have a community of people

that I love, that love me. And one thing that I do when I find myself ever slipping is I write a gratitude page, which consists of writing down all the people that I feel I have a meaningful connection with and that I love and that love me. And this immediately shifts my perspective because we have to catch ourselves before we spiral. So it's a real because we have to catch ourselves before we spiral so it's a real moment

to take accountability and responsibility for yourself and it's going to serve you going forward when things do normalize if they ever do but also to remember that the things as they were were they really working were they really that good that good? If you've left a relationship or a job, like it's very easy to look back at things through rose tinted glasses and think that everything was perfect. But if you're truly honest with yourself, I know that it wasn't for me. And so I'm learning a massive lesson of mine in this last year is to surrender. Just let things unfold as they're supposed to and trust my intuition and my own internal guidance as I go. So get that whiteboard, make that list, make the cinnamon buns or whatever you want.

But remember to nourish your spirit, your body. And remember, you are not alone. Feel free to message me if you're struggling. You know, I feel like I can support a lot of you right now. Not all of you, I wish I could. And I am not a qualified therapist, but I would like to be there in any way that I can be because I know what loneliness feels like um so yeah that's kind of all I have for today I hope it helps and I'm sending lots of love to you all I'm really pleased that we've created this community together. It's actually been tremendously helpful for me in my own journey. And it's probably the most meaningful thing for me to feel like I have you guys. So I hope that you feel you have me too. not physically together there is an energetic connection in our community and it's something that I value tremendously so thank you very much I'm sending you love and if you're alone this

Christmas get in your underpants dance around the living room cook some marshmallows be grateful you don't have to see distant relatives that you don't like. It's not going to happen again. So I thought I would end this little note to you guys on a poem. I started writing it a while ago, actually, when I was in L.A. And then, like a lot of things that I started I didn't finish it until we went into our first lockdown it felt appropriate for the times so I hope it provides some of you with some solace or comfort it's called The Inbetween. Happiness is found in the in-between,

in the moments that make up your morning routine. It's in meeting your lover as they stir from a dream, your feet under cover sunlight's morning beam, or the grinding sound of your coffee machine. or the grinding sound of your coffee machine. Happiness is found in the in-between. It's waking up slow. It's tea with jam on toast. It's those deep belly laughs or your mum's Sunday roast. It's a stolen midnight gaze or a passing stranger's smile.

A quick turn of phrase from a friend you haven't seen in a while. It's knowing the greatest currency you'll ever truly need isn't printed on paper, but it comes for free. It's the kindness of strangers, just like you and me. Happiness is found in the in-between. It is not the things you wish to own, the car you drive or a bigger home. It's the little things that softly weave the fabric of life from which we breathe. So can you dream for more, but be content with less? Knowing some days you'll conquer and some you'll rest.

It doesn't have to be perfect. You're still doing your best. For life is a series of trials and tests, of ups and downs, and it's often a mess. And sometimes we'll get it wrong. But it's a dance we'll finesse. So take a deep breath. Place your hand on your chest. are here you are loved and for that you are blessed sending much love to you all and merry christmas