Sawbones: A Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine - Sawbones: Hemorrhoids

Episode Date: October 9, 2016

Justin is not the hero Dr. Sydnee needs, but he's the one we all deserve. Because he's finally willing to admit the dark secret he's kept hidden for so long. Music: "Medicines" by The Taxpayers

Saabones is a show about medical history, and nothing the hosts say should be taken as medical advice or opinion. It's for fun. Can't you just have fun for an hour and not try to diagnose your mystery boil? We think you've earned it. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy a moment of distraction from that weird growth. You're worth it. that weird growth. You're worth it. Alright, time is about to books. One, two, one, not a sense, the escalant macaque for the mouth. Hello everybody and welcome to Saw Bones, Randall Turb, Miss Guy to medicine. I'm your co-host Justin McAroy and I'm Sydney McAroy

I'm ready Sydney You're you're ready? Yeah, I mean that's good. We've like started the show. We've started recording. You did the intro saying as we discussed I'm ready. I'm ready to touch a nation. What? Careful there. And will not like you asked permission first. No, I'm ready to touch the nation and inspire several generations of people with just several honesty and heroism. Not to come, only the current ones. The current ones. I'm realistic about my scope.

Okay. Do you feel like it's time to inspire people? Like, we need that right now. This has been a hard year, and I feel like now more than ever, people need to... I want to use a word. It's going to sound too strong, but it's the only one that's appropriate. Heroes. People need heroes. People use a word. It's going to sound too strong, but it's the only one that's appropriate heroes. You will need heroes. People need a hero.

They need the leader that they they need. Not the leader that they want. Leader Sydney. I don't know if I deserve that man. I just I'm gonna just say it. My name is Justin McGroy and I'm living with him. Royates. Justin, that was very brave of you. Thank you, Sydney. Do you have meetings where you have to stand up and say that? No, well, we can't, well, we actually stand up for the whole thing. So you don't actually have to stand up because there was already standing. Thank you for sharing that.

I know that was hard. Well, it's okay. I wanted to inspire generation. Good. Well, that's what, that's what we need right now. That's the kind of honesty that people are looking for. That's the kind of inspiration. We're a honesty.

Right. To stand up and say, I have butt balls. I don't actually know what they are. What hemorrhoids are? Yeah, it's the thing I know I got them for sure. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. You seem really convinced. sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm you seem really convinced.

Yeah, yeah, you got I don't know what they are. Well, you want to know? I guess. Okay. I'll tell you. I'll tell you I've come this far. Let's go. Thank you to everybody who suggested.

Thank you, people who wrote in and said dirty freaks. Please tell me about hemorrhoids. Grace and Matthew and Hannah and Rachel and Michael and Susan and Sarah. We got your number. We know what's up. Nasty dogs. This is this was a topic. I cannot believe we haven't covered yet. It was widely requested not just by these fine folks, but also on Twitter and Facebook. Lots and nasty people. Yeah, a lot of Twitter and Facebook. Lots and lots of people. Yeah, a lot of people want to know about hemorrhoids. The word hemorrhoids comes from the Greek for blood and flowing.

Gross. So hemorrhoid, hemorrhoid being the Latin prefix for blood. There you go. Good job. I know that from hemalurgy is, of course, one of the arts, the metal arts in this point series that has used transfer powers from one misborn to another or it can be, it's different from fair combiner, allomancy, different metal related metals.

Right. You may also note from like hemoglobin. Or hemostat or hemophilia. There you go. Yeah. Sure I know those. Or Hema stat. Or Hema. There you go. Yeah. Sure I know those.

Him a Ridge. Him a Ridge. We could go on. We could go on with other words with this route. I'm not sure which makes me feel like audio. That'll be another show where we just list all the words. This is for high five. Yeah.

They're also known as piles. Yeah, I've heard that name and it's the worst. It's a pretty bad name. And also, let me say this. I know that they are called that. I have never heard anyone in my real actual life call them that. Do you mean in your real actual doctor professional life or just like you're at all?

Or, well, not in my professional life. And not, I mean, outside of like books, I've read it. Is it a new year regional thing? I think it must be a regional thing. And I think it's also, I don't want to say it's outdated because I know some people still say it, but I think it's on its way out.

I think it is an older term that is less frequently used today. But it must be a regional thing because I have never heard anybody in my day to day talk about piles. That is, when I reference butt balls, that's because it comes from the Latin pila for balls. What is it? So a hemorrhoids.

Hemorrhoids are little, they're vascular structures. So they're like dilated blood vessels inside the anal canal. And they're supposed to help maintain stool continents so that poop just doesn't come out. Like it passes through at a measured pace. Except for sometimes they can become really swollen and really inflamed. And that's usually because of increased pressure in those blood vessels,

just like you can get increased pressure in your legs and you can get like varicose veins and dilated veins in your legs. So you can get dilated veins in your anal canal too. And that can happen when you're pregnant. For instance, a lot of pregnant women develop hemorrhage. They can happen in liver disease. It could happen if you just have a lot of constipation and you strain a lot.

No, of course. So, and then sometimes they're just there. You just got them. Cause I'm overweight, I know that's an issue, right? That is one risk factor. Yeah, I did not, I did not maybe count on how singularly unpleasant. I was fine this to talk about. I'm empowering you. I'm giving you information about your own body.

I'm taking the locus of control from external to internal. All right, hit me. of control from external to internal. All right, him. So speaking of external versus internal, this is a two kinds of hemorrhoids. I didn't mean to set that up. Yeah. Now, how do you know if you've got internal or external hemorrhoids? Well, if you have internal hemorrhoids, you don't feel them. I got those. Okay. Cool. This is very pleasant for me as well. Internal hemorrhoids. You would know you have them because you may go to the bathroom. Maybe it's a time you do strain a little, you're a little constipated. And afterwards when you wipe, you see some blood on the toilet paper. And you didn't, you weren't hurting or anything, but there's some blood

or in the, or in that. Yeah, or in the stool. That's possible that that's, that that's an internal hemorrhoid. Or if you have a colonoscopy, sometimes the doctor will just tell you, A, by the way, you, you have internal hemorrhoids. Now, the ones that you feel, the ones that bother people more, probably are the external hemorrhoids. Those are the ones, and it's just because of where they're located, you can't feel pain in the same way with the internal ones in that location that you can with the external ones. Those are the ones that cause itching, and they can bleed too, but more commonly you're worried about the itching in the pain, and if they get really big, I mean, you can feel them as they prolapse or kind of stick out of the rectum, like

you can actually, you know, on exam, I can feel them and touch them and some people they get big enough or bothersome enough that when they sit, they can feel them. Yeah. In the US, they affect about 58% of people over the age of 40. They're extremely common. Hemorrhoids are extremely common. Do not be embarrassed or uncomfortable if you have hemorrhoids because many, many people have hemorrhoids.

I guess that makes you feel a little bit better. It's okay. There's no, there should be no stigma attached to them because I take care of people from all walks of life, all ages and, and genders and they have hemorrhoids. So it just happens. Even cool people maybe. Lots of cool people, the coolest people in fact how long we know about them We we have known about hemorrhoids the states all the way back to the code of homerabi

Where you see hemorrhoids described which makes me want to go read that code because I thought it had something to do with law and order Yeah, apparently my boys just like blowing it up on every front. It's like like a only my boys just like blowing it up on every front. It's like a poor Richard, it's all an act of it. Is that what it, because I thought it had something about like cutting somebody's hand off in it. It's got that, but it's also like. It also has the symptoms of hemorrhoids.

While I have your attention. Let me tell you what's going on in my butt. Here's what's up with my butt. The ancient Egyptians recorded a treatment for hemorrhoids all the way back in 1700 BCE on a papyrus. And here's a quote from this, thou shouldest give a recipe and ointment of great protection, Akashia leaves, ground, titurated, and cooked together, smear a strip of fine linen therewith and place in the anus.

And he recovers immediately. Immediately. Immediately. Huh. Or at least he says please stop putting those things in my anus. I think I'm feeling better, Doc. You know what? On second thought, I don't have a problem. Goodbye. That was good. I mean that doesn't sound unpleasant, I guess. Maybe it does work. Maybe that's where we get talks from. What, actually, some of, probably with some of these. I'm actually seeing what, there's one, well, okay, I don't wanna get ahead of you. We'll kinda get there.

We'll kinda get there. We're investigating a few of the cures. You may know something. I've done some independent study. I just like that it's fine linen. Well, yeah, you don't want to use that high cotton, that high third count down there. Are you a picky toilet paper person, Justin? Yeah, I just went to consumer reports and I asked them what the best toilet paper is and I only buy that. I feel

like if you're going to sport somewhere, like don't cut corners there. You are, I know that about you. I just wanted you to have to share that. I was always, what is the cheapest person? That's like, it's, by the way, it's quilted northern, ultra plush. That's the cheapest or that's the best? No, I would never know what the cheapest is. I only treat my daily area to the finest. Here's the way you remember folks.

Here's a little pneumonic I use. We're looking for your cold-rored northern ultra-plush. We are not sponsored by that. We're not sponsored by the assistant. We're not sponsored by the assistant. We're looking for the purple wrapper to remind you to treat your butt like a king. You get that royal purple

and that's what you're gonna wanna take home with you. It's a little extra, but trust me, you're worth it. We won't give you medical advice, but we will give you advice on the brand of toilet paper to purchase. Listen, take it from me. Codes of Northern Ultraplush. Hypocrites also had some advice for hemorrhoids. He suggested that you take a needle to hold them in place and then tie them off with a thick one thread. Good treatment so far, Hippo. He made a point that you should a thick one thread. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Good treatment so far, hippo.

He made a point that you should always leave one behind. Leave one him right behind? I suppose that's what he means. That's great, because if you cure him so well, you forget you ever had them and then you get hubris. You want to always remember where you came from. With that one. That one.

And when you recover, then you put them on a course of hell bore which was something that would make you puke a lot I don't know if that's like punishment now I don't know I don't know you got rid of your hemorrhoids which actually the the idea of tying them off and letting them fall off which is basically what he's doing he's holding them in place with the needle and then just tying them really tightly at the base. That's not a crazy idea. Really? No, we'll get there, but that's not like, Hippocrates kind of had a good idea. I mean,

he had a few. Like, we'll give him some credit. He had more than one. Yeah. There was a Roman physician that we've talked about a lot, named Celsus, and he actually described even in more detail some of these like ligation and excision ways of kind of tying things off and then cutting them off even, and then some of the possible complications of them, which as we move forward, you'll see it's kind of, I mean, like we still do those procedures today. I mean, obviously we don't use like thick wool and thread and hellbore, but same kind of concept. Galen also wrote about hemorrhoids.

He talked a lot about trying to cut the connection between arteries and veins, and I don't know if this was some way to try to reduce them in size by making, I mean, you'd bleed a lot. But he thought this would avoid pain and also spreading of gangrene, which back then any surgery was going to increase your chances of that kind of thing. I wouldn't have recommended that. In addition, he specifically treated Marcus Aurelius for hemorrhoids. Oh, what an honor. Yeah, I know. That's a royal bud.

And any of you only ancient quilts of northern ultra blush for that area. I'm sure that's what he used. He used some honey in that effort. He also used an ointment that was made probably again with some honey and then and then various herbal remedies along with laxatives was a mainstay of treatment, and leeches applied to the hemorrhoids. A leech directly. I would rather not. No, thank you.

On your B hole. No, I'm good, actually. You gotta watch those suckers though, if you're gonna do that. Keep an eye on them. Which ones wash what exactly? Everything forever. Watch the leeches. No, watch them. Keep an eye on them. Don't let them go squirming around up there. You don't want them to get lost. Yeah, they're boys. Yeah control yourself.

That's what the original having the chipmunks is about. They were leeches. I don't think it was trying to be. Let's just know. It's true. I don't know where you're going. I think you're tired. We'll just move on, Pat.

No, I'm telling you that's what's happened. No. The original album and the chipmunks is about, Dave trying to keep three leeches that he had applied to his but hole, the ancient texts from the ancient texts. I don't know where you're going with this. I'm just telling you that this is the original album in the Chipmunks Drove is about three leeches.

I love that album in the Chipmunks movie where they race around the world in the hot air balloons against the chipets and you are ruining it for me right now. I'm so sorry, right. So sorry, right. Watch out, cause here we come, we can't stop sucking. No, don't.

I'm gonna go listen to where the girls have rock and roll after this. Okay. To cleanse my palate. Plenty. Our old pal, our old pal, Plenty the Elder. What's he got? Our fan, fan favorite, Plenty the Elder. Yeah. He gets lots of fan mail. Probably. His fan favorite. He had lots of lots of recommendations. Using onion as his suppository. No, thank you, Plenty. You're excused. Thanks. We'll get you next episode, my man.

Onions were thought to reduce swelling and inflammation. Eat garlic with wine, but then vomit it back up afterwards. You done. I don't do that part. Yeah. The other stuff is I'm sure great, but... Drink some wine, but don't do that part. Use a fresh root of rosemary and rub it on your butt, specifically on your anus, and then

you also recommended a cream that was made out of pig's lard and the rust from chariot wheels. I mean, he did have a flare for the dramatic. You have to give him that. This is Plenty's classic. An ointment made of what? He's the only person we regularly refer to who gives his cures in a fashion that sounds like a world of warcraft quests. You have to obtain, go kill tin rats and bring me back their tails and I'll cure your acne. In the middle ages, when we always know things got really gross, especially in Europe, a popular treatment for hemorrhoids had to do with coterization. So the idea that you could treat, I mean, a lot of things, a lot of wounds were treated

with coterization. Taking something really like a piece of metal that's really hot and putting it on it. There you go. As you choose to, pretty bad, huh? They also recommended that you could, again, onions were still popular, especially in oil. It's like, I'm assuming that maybe onions back then, if we're using them as suppositories, maybe this was pre-GMO, assuming we maybe we had some smaller onions Because when you say onions is depositories, it sounds like the plot of a renin Stimpy cartoon. It makes no sense

That you know neither of those things are shaped the way that that would lend itself to the scenario you've described Maybe like scallions perhaps scallions sweetheart perhaps scallions, sweetheart. Perhaps scallions. Or yeah, maybe they confused us with onions, but they were scallions. There's not green onions. They're onions. They are type of onion. Even scallions would be,

if you'll pardon the expression, a stretch. Okay. Onions have some properties that make them somewhat anti-inflammatory. That does not mean I'm advocating putting them on your butt. I'm just saying that is where that came from. Less pleasant, I think, though, than onions and oil was cutting them with a sharp knife, or like I said, this cotterization process. Now let's talk a little

bit about that. This was also when the millage is also when you recognize that your hemorrhoids may be the result of not paying enough respect to Saint Fia Cray, who was a seventh century Irish monk and the patron saint of hemorrhoids. I said no, will distinction. Yeah, if you didn't pray to him, maybe you would get hemorrhoids. And then as a result of that, you had to go to the monks and ask them to treat you and the way they would treat you.

And there are some amazing illustrations of this out there. Please tap a street you would not believe of monks with guys bent over and like lifting up their like their robes with their butts exposed and then I'm taking hot pokers and just directly inserting them into their anuses to cauterize the hemorrhoids. And that is that is how that was the accepted treatment. Just take a red hot poker and right up there. Or or if you didn't want to do that, you could also go this patron saint of hemorrhoids had a special rock, a special place that you could go to and sit on his rock and pray that sitting on a rock, okay, so their advice was sitting on a rock.

Which is probably the antithesis of what you should do. Like that's bad advice, sitting for a long time actually makes them worth. That is also why, for a while, they used to be known as St. Fiochray's Figs, which is a great name for him, Roy. On a side note, he's also the patron saint of people who have sexually transmitted infections,

Fistula's taxi cab drivers, box makers, florists, Hozier's, Pewterers, tile makers, and people suffering from infertility. That's like a wide... Quite the rose gallery you've got there. A Renaissance man there. Yeah, he's good for pretty much a little bit everything, huh?

Yeah. Taxi cab drivers, or hemorrhoids, or a florist. Anybody else, any other famous hemorrhoids suffers? You'd like to shame on our show? We're gonna get to that Justin but first why don't you follow me to the billing department? Let's go. The medicines, the medicines, that skill in my god for the mouth. So who else had hemorrhoids said? Well Justin Napoleon had hemorrhoids. I would guess that. That was my next guest. Why would you guess Napoleon had hemorrhoids. I would guess that. That was my next guest.

Why would you guess Napoleon had hemorrhoids? Just you seem angry. Other than odds are most people had hemorrhoids. Yeah, statistically most people had hemorrhoids. So Napoleon, not only did he famously suffer from hemorrhoids, on the day of the decisive battle of waterloo, Napoleon was in a lot of pain. Waterloo.

As mentioned in the famous song. You remember how one verse of the Abyssal Waterloo is by Hemeroids? Well, now you know why? There you go. So he actually had had some thromboster like like kind of clotted off hemeroids. Those can get exquisitely painful. So hemeroids are uncomfortable all the time, but if they actually become

exquisitely painful. Yes. like are you age are you? Yeah, that's like a that's a delicious. That's a common turn of phrase. Oh You're discovered this is No, we say that on the time it's exquisitely painful Exquisite pain. I will not take this. I. I know how to talk about pain better than you. Okay, that's fine. Anyway, his butt hurt real bad, Justin. How would you describe the pain?

Would you say, it's squizzing. Like Gary Oldman from Dracula, squizzing pain. I would say you're a jerky jerk butt face. Is what I would say. Fair enough going. So Napoleon was in a lot of pain

because his thrombos hemorrhoids so much, in fact, that he couldn't actually sit on his horse and survey the battlefield, which have made maybe a big difference in the outcome of said battle. I don't know. Maybe a lot of people like to talk about it that perhaps it did. Perhaps hemorrhoids changed the course of said battle. I don't know. Maybe a lot of a lot of people like to talk about it that that perhaps it did. Perhaps hemorrhoids change the course of human history. I'm sure they have

at some point or other. One would expect. During the 19th century hemorrhoids were often treated by a process called anal stretching. Now you probably don't need to have too wild of an imagination to figure out what that. No, yeah, I use my context clues. Now, I had this question and it took me a while to figure this out. If you're going to do anal stretching, how are you going to do it? Very carefully. That was too easy. What are you going to use?

I mean, these are like surgeons were doing this. This is a surgical procedure. Well, so you can use a dilator, like things used made specifically to fit inside the anus and stretch it, wider and wider. You can use like a pneumatic kind of balloon device that you like put in there and inflate, or four to six fingers.

Oh, digital approach. Digital approach. Were you gently massage and stretch until everything is stretched out? Mm-hmm. I think four to six is an interesting number of fingers to recommend because on one hand, a human has five generally speaking.

You're saying that the ultimate and MRI treatment would come from Count Rougan. It's really the only that's the only way to get proper and scratching. My name is the nigga. I have severe discomfort down there and I want to die. You're the only man who can help me. This was also known as the Lord's operation or Lord's anal stretch. Yeah. Now this is actually named...

The Lord's anal stretch is also the worst workout tape ever available, tracking down on VHS. This was actually named for a Dr. Peter Lord, not the Lord. Well, you couldn't tell me that three seconds ago, simple, my hilarious joke. Sheesh. Well, I figured people, anyway, the thing about it is that it can cause incontinence of stool afterwards or flatus. Go on. That's a doctor word.

Flatus? Dr. Word for Farts. Yeah. The best food all podcast. So it may have just made like Farts come out all the time. I guess I was saying it. So it actually could be somewhat effective. And it was even more so effective for fistulas, but it is kind of falling out of favor. This is not this was

There may still be places doing this actually. I mean this was used it definitely in the 80s It's just it's being replaced by better procedures now But anal stretching is not like completely out of it's not a crazy thing to do. Let me say that it is there might be better ways to do it But it actually would be effective. So there you go It is there might be better ways to do it, but it actually would be effective. So there you go. In the US we started in 1871 first trying out a carbolic acid. So this was the beginning of what we would think of as like a kind of sclerotherapy like inject something corrosive into the hemorrhoid to try to like

kill it so to speak make it die and then it would shrivel up and go away. Okay. And that not necessarily with carbolic acid, but that is something that is still in use today, the idea of sclerotherapy. In 1882, there was a doctor whitehead who came up with a different surgery to remove hemorrhoids, because in the extreme cases, the thought was, well, just take him out of there. I only mentioned this because the surgery he came up with

was very radical and it removed so much tissue that it actually had a lot of complications afterwards, including rectal eversion, meaning like everything inside kind of poked out. From that, you would get lots of bleeding and secretion. Okay. And that condition came to be known as white heads anus. What a proud moment. Can you imagine if that, if you're a doctor and you finally get something

named after you? That's a thing. And that's what it is. That's just, is a bloody secreting averted anus? That's just inspiration to work all the harder, you know, to try to come up with something else to have named after you. You're gonna really hit it twice this hard after that. Either that or just take up something else. Like, I'm gonna go into, you know, ship making or something after this.

In 1888, Frederick Sam and the founder of St. Mark's Hospital, he came up with some better procedures for to combine like, excising and ligating, like, cutting them out or tying them off and that kind of thing. And from there, surgeries to remove them or to tie them off or basically to rid yourself of hemorrhoids, not just manage them, but rid yourself of them, got much better after that point. We've been perfecting those ever since.

Some kind of random things that you might find out there, or at least that I ran into, is a technique that is still recommended by some people, not necessarily doctors, but some people. For hemorrhoids is a shweeney mudru, which is a kind of like yoga, a kind of anal yoga, where you basically just like squeeze your butt muscles,

like squeeze your anal muscles to kind of exercise that area. They're like kegels, are you familiar with kegels? Sure, yeah. Do you know what they are? So, do you want to describe them then? Do you do the expert there, buddy? I was gonna give you a pass, but you say you know, go for it. Yeah, it's when you squeeze your vagina muscles, like as though you were trying to stop yourself from peeing, and you do that over and over again, until it's strong, like, bull. How do you know what kegels are?

Because I'm a man of the world. This is just a character I play on the podcast, Sydney. I'm actually very well-educated. Okay, well, that was a pretty good description. Well, these are kind of like kegels, except for you, bud. I don't know why you do them at all. In a million years I couldn't guess why, but I do know what they are.

Why you do kiggles? You cannot in a million years. To strengthen your pelvic floor, if you're having a urinary incontinence, especially a lot of women after childbirth could have like a weakened pelvic, the muscles in the bottom of their pelvis. Like a weakened pelvic floor?

Weekend. Weekend weekend? A pelvic floor. A weakened. A weakened. Not on the weekends. I suppose a weekly pelvic floor. That's very confusing for me. Go on. A weakened.

And there's like, I've had an interactive diagram online, by the way, if you're curious, how would you, how would you exercise your butt muscles? Well, imagine that you're trying to hold a fart in. Got it. That's, that's what you do. I always am. Do that. Hold it for like you know five, ten seconds and then let go and do that occasionally. I don't know several times a day. Anyway, there's an interactive diagram online which just shows a butt squeezing over and over. I can't imagine why it would be interactive but fine. What input do you need from me here? Some famous, some other famous.

Yes, do it. Squeeze that butt. You don't need my permission. This doesn't need to be interactive. It's a one way exchange. I don't think I don't think there's anything wrong with a little healthy exercise. So if you, even if you don't have hemorrhoids, maybe you want to exercise your butt muscles go for it.

So there's some famous hemorrhoids sufferers. We didn't mention. George Brett was a baseball player who had to leave a 1980 world series game because his hemorrhoids hurt so bad. He famously after he got surgery and got everything fixed and went back to playing, said I'm leaving those problems behind me.

It's pretty good. A walka walka. Glenn Beck also had hemorrhoids. Good. Did you know that? Yes, I did. I guess he made like a YouTube video about it. I don't know about that, but I I used to listen to him back when he was fun. You used to listen to Glenn Beck. You don't understand. There was a period back in the day. I'm talking like 15 years ago when it when he was fun. I can't with you. He got it got wet. I just can't.

I'm saying it you he used to be fun. Someone please back me up here. Glend back used to be fun. It used to be basically apolitical. Okay. There is supposedly there is somewhere allegedly there is a YouTube video of Glend back talking about his hemorrhoid surgery. If you like that kind of thing, I suppose I will never watch it because you know inclusion of Glenn Beck. So what do you actually do

for hemorrhoids? So if you do have hemorrhoids in their bothering you of course as I always say, you might want to talk to a doctor about it, especially if you've got a family doctor. Important for you is to stay regular. Okay, I'll do that. You want to have regular soft bowel movements, and I don't mean like runny diarrhea, but you also don't want to be straining or constipated. Regular soft bowel movements, so that means plenty of fiber, lots of water, exercise, all the things that help keep you regular.

Don't sit or stand for long periods of time. Those irritate hemorrhoids. So if you already know you have hemorrhoids and you spend all day sitting in a chair or all day standing on your feet, unfortunately those are both conditions that can make them worse. Sits bass or just bass where you sit in warm water can actually be very soothing, especially to inflamed hemorrhoids. So doing that once even twice day, can be really helpful. Obviously, there are all kinds of over-the-counter creams.

A lot of them are like steroid-based creams and those can be helpful as well. There are prescription medicines. So if these methods are not working for you or if you're having, certainly, if you're having bleeding in that kind of thing, go talk to a doctor. There are things we can prescribe

that can help as well. And worst case scenario, there are still ways to band them, like rubber band them, tie them off. No, thank you. There are still ways to do sclerotherapy where we kind of shoot stuff in them, let them die. There are laser therapies, there are surgeries where they remove hemorrhoids.

So there are ways to treat hemorrhoids if you need help go talk to a doctor. On a side note, I didn't talk about witch hazel, which is an herbal medicine that has been used for a super long time and is still around and you'll notice in a lot of tux pads, that's what's in there, witch hazel. Yeah, there's both kinds, I've noticed that. Yeah, there's like tux cooling pads

and there's tux witch hazel, but anyway, witch hazel is sold, especially topically to use for hemorrhoids, and it does have some anti-inflammatory properties that make it useful. So you can use some which hazel on your hemorrhoids. What I would always recommend though is that if there are lots of other things out there that they will tell you to take orally for hemorrhoids, like orbals supplements orally, I would not take any of those things without talking to a doctor first, because there are a lot of things that can make your blood

thinner and could be dangerous depending on your medical condition. So I think which hazel, typically, that's fine, but I would be really careful before taking anything orally. And in general, just go talk to your doctor. Okay. This is a podcast. This is a podcast. We can't hear you.

Thanks. Thank you all so much for listening. Thanks to the taxpayers for letting us use their song, Medicines, as the intro and outro of our program. And I guess the mid-tro too. I know that's not a thing, but if you get a taxpayer. band came calm you can find this song and so many others available for purchase. Thanks to maximumfund.org network for having us as a part of their extended podcasting family. By the way if you're bored this week I'm in a video game with my brothers doing commentary on a golf game called 100-foot-robot golf. It's on PS4 and you can get it this Tuesday if you're interested in golf or hearing

when me talk about one-third of a golf match, then you can get it. It's called 100-foot-robot golf. Robots play golf in it. There you go. There you go. And I think that's going to do for us in. Can we give a quick shout up to the kids at Carlisle Middle School? Yes, absolutely. We met your teacher, Leslie. Yes. But I don't, you probably don't call her by her first name. Yep. That's probably not appropriate.

But you know who I'm talking about. Because she assigns you this show for extra credit, which is cool. That's very cool. So thank you, kids for listening, stay in school and love science like I do. Well, I was saying thanks to folks. I want to say a quick thank you to Candace for the the really cool chemical salt shakers. Thanks to Michael from Michael has to call it called Delamort and Co. They make a whole lot of different magnets and different gifts like that. He sent us two plague doctor ornaments

and there's a human heart bottle opener and all kinds of really cool stuff. It's Delamort and Co. And that's D-E-L-L-A-M-O-R-T-E. I believe I'm spelling that correctly. But if you look for Del Morton Co. on Etsy, you're going to find it there and they make really cool stuff. Thank you to Kate for sending us the delightful book.

John sent us some frame stamps from Prince Albert's book. The crew is the boat trip where we discovered anaphylaxis. Yeah, and so thank you to everybody for sending that stuff along. You're very sweet. Yeah, thank you all. You're all the best and thank you to I already tweeted them but thanks to Julie and Leslie for the gifts they dropped off to us after the killing light show. Yeah, thank you all Okay, that's it. Let's see in the show. That is it.

You've got to say your name. My name is Justin McGrath. I'm Sydney McGrath. And as always, don't drill a hole in your head. Alright! Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture, Artists Don't Listen or Supported I love forget me noss

I'm Jesse. I'm Jordan. And we've been doing Jordan Jesse go for almost 10 years now And it's not gotten any easier to describe so we asked our fans to do it for us Jordan Jesse go is a weekly conversation with two best pals two hilarious friends the hilarious smart kids Talking about hilarious stuff that happens to them. I'm not really stupid stuff I'm not going to doanie goes insane tangents, heartfelt stuff. It's like being thrown in the middle of a hilarious conversation between you and your best pal.

It's a show that makes me laugh every week, which is pretty rare and wonderful. It might be the best thing on the internet. One of the funniest things you will hear. And it's the best part of my week and has kept me company for the past seven years through all sorts of lights. I love those guys. That's Jordan Jesse Go, the comedy podcast that's been named Best of iTunes.

Every Monday on Maximumfund.org or your favorite podcasting software. I love you, I guess you in love you. I love you. I love you, I love you.