Sawbones: A Marital Tour of Misguided Medicine - Sawbones: Warts

Episode Date: May 27, 2014

Welcome to Sawbones, where Dr. Sydnee McElroy and her husband Justin McElroy take you on a whimsical tour of the dumb ways in which we've tried to fix people. This week: We pay you to eat our warts. Music: "Medicines" by The Taxpayers (http://thetaxpayers.net)

Guys, enough further, dude! My dough, my dough, my hands all over! Applause That's what I'm going to show you, my medical history. And not in the whole say, should we take an as medical advice for opinion? It's for fun. Can't you just have fun for an hour and not try to diagnose your mystery boil? We think you've earned it to just sit back, relax, and enjoy a moment of distraction from that weird growth. Your worth. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man.

You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man.

You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. You're not a bad man. I had it all. I was like, are you done now? Wow, okay, I'm just a macro. I'm Sydney Mac. This is all about the marital tour of Miss Guy and Medicine. Whew, that was unwinding, Sid. What, it is exciting. Hello everybody, how's it going, Dylan? What?

What? What? What? I'm here. I made people with guys out audience from New York today. I made those like out the house. I made ladies like out the house. I made people have been struggling with warts for the most of their adult life. You don't like it. That's the case. It's a safe space. You can just face you to tell me.

You girls had awards. Okay, some modest people. It's not. There's not a lot of people. That was kind of a weird icebreaker. It was a little weird. You guys are over that. I wanted to figure out a way to talk about awards.

And that was the best I could come up with. That was kind of weird icebreaker. It was a little weird icebreaker. Yeah. You guys are over that. I wanted to figure out a way to talk about awards. And that was the best I could come up with. That was kind of weird.

Of course, I encourage you if you want to share your personal or struggles with us. Not with us. Maybe in an email with easily-enorable subject on the snowman about mortgage rates perhaps. We're like eight forwards in front of us. Yeah, right. Yeah, look like something my mommy would send me. Yeah, shit. I don't feel in front of you. Yeah, right. Yeah, look, look, look like something in my nanny, what's that mean? Yeah.

Tell me. I don't feel pressured to help you. Yeah, it gets really good. I see. Let me go towards you. All right, we're going to talk about awards. Two people want us to talk about awards. Like it.

Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. OK. I know. OK, so who are going to start over? Sullivan and Brandy L. Thanks, with? Sullivan and Brandy L. Thanks, you're Sullivan and Brandy L. So what's a word?

What's a word? Yeah. Well, I mean, let's start with the fact that words had been around for a really long time. I would assume so. Nobody knows where they came from. We didn't discover them. Well, I mean, we discovered them on us. Well it's okay all right great at some point someone was the guy I said hey

I'll be there. It's less weird. And we've found them on mummies so they've been around that long. I don't know how they found words on mummies. What? How could you tell? I don't know. Everything is kind of... Yummy and delicious looking. Oh yeah. There we go. It's great, yeah. Toe.

It's good. It's a feast. Keep the feedback, go ahead, I really. It's like subtitles for people who never listen to this show. It's very good. Why are they here? I don't know. Sid Hors. So, the scientific term, Tom Maloma, is from the Greek word for knob or knuckle, because they

kind of look that way. And there are a whole bunch of different terms for them through history that used to call like, Ficus, because they thought they looked like a ficus. Look, the reports must have been way more heinous back then. It looks like a tree. It's disgusting. It's like, thymus because they thought it looked like time when the herb... Again, I don't know, so they're calling...

They just look like a bum. I mean, they're call flowers, like a little call flower. Yeah, they kind of do it. Oh, you've never seen a horn. So sorry. So sorry. And the most important thing I think we can say about words tonight is that they're not caused by frogs. OK, is that the common misconception?

Yes, yeah. Words are not caused by holding frogs or if they pee on you, although I wouldn't advise having frogs pee on them anywhere. Like, this is not like three-ringo, you know, get frog pee. Go for it. But that's not where they come from. They come from a virus. We know that now, the human petal of a virus.

That's all words, all words with their own hand or, you know. I don't know. Taking the other place. Your belt? I don't know. See the other place. Your belt? I don't know where. Down there. Oh, baby, oh, baby, sir. Yeah, the baby's there.

And they're common. They're very common. They're completely benign, so don't worry about it. And most of the time, they're going to go away on their own. But that has not stopped us for centuries trying to find out how can we get rid of them faster. Actually, King Henry VIII granted legal residence to anybody who had any ideas on how to get rid of war. Like, it didn't have to prove that it worked. Do you know? Okay.

You want to speak English? Yeah, come on. Yeah, come on. You want to be a comedian? Come on. So as far as, so I told you what really causes words. But what did they think caused words? I always got, Jesus.

I just mean that generally speaking is just like a lot of times it seems like Jesus is mad at you too, he was a bummer. He's not like superman ever you. He's like he is mad. That's pretty close because they thought I'm actually... We're talking about the work of this if you're like Jesus forgives you for a sec. That's a cross stitch. That's a cross stitch. That's the other one. Actually, sort of, because they thought it was punishment for little boys and little

girls who engaged in solitary habits. Grading? We're back with the bathing suit area again. Oh, okay. There was also a theory that, and I didn't know that alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright that anyway. Also, again with eggs, if you would dip your hands into a water that eggs had been boiled then you could get worse. Which is different than if you dip your hands into water that potatoes had been boiling because then that would cure your warts.

Okay. Now if you're making potato or egg salad under the two or intermingle, your hands will fall off. Just do the eggs first. Okay, let's call you to the potatoes and your couch. No, it works for an afternoon. Um, then. To carry grip, it will be works for an afternoon.

Should we never do that? It's good, if I cap it up. That's why I said that to you. Cap and I brought up the colors. I think I'm doing six block acid. I don't know the list I'm stupid, I'm capric. Let's watch that signal you can't remember. I think I'm doing six block acid. I don't know the list, I'm obviously. Now it was understood pretty early on that somehow you could get worked to other people, like everybody got that idea.

And so a lot of the cures, as far as how to get rid of it, that we're going to go over are based on the idea that I have a ward, I don't want it. Good, maybe I can give it to you. Oh, so a transfer. Yeah, yeah, because they knew that you could give words to other people so they thought well maybe that was a way to either you know pass warts on and then get rid of it. Whether it's one in the person or an animal or just an object, something. So now before we go into because there are lots of ward remedies and you probably have all heard some and there are probably, I don't know, 10 times as many as

I was mentioned. But just so you know, we did figure out how warts are transferred, you know, by the virus, by a little bit of self-experimentation. This was back in 1907, a scientist, a cofo who took some material out of a wort and then inject a he ran through a filter that was so small that the only thing that could get through was a virus and then he injected it into himself and he got a wort. So there you go. Kind of a weird...

Kind of weird. Didn't have an extra energy, really. No. I mean, yes, very smart. Everybody thinks you're great. You't have an exercise strategy, really. No. I mean, yes, very smart. Everybody thinks you're great. You get a little positive about how you do. But you also have worse. Well, I have lots of exercise strategies for you now.

OK, I'm ready. So let's go through some work here. And this goes, like I said, as long as there have been more, it's people want to get rid of them. In Roman times, you could pay somebody to chew them off. That have a suing finish place. Right? You know there was somebody who just did it. We don't, we don't hurt on this show. There are things on this show that happened

that a child's head would melt. I, every, we, there's no swearing. It's great for kids. There's like arc of the covenant level by dance. Being open before your child's eyes. Sorry, good. That's what you mean. So, definitely, I don't know how to bring this up,

but I heard from a guy who heard from another guy. I don't know if I can give you five. Trial. I'm not there for it. Little back is up salt. I don't know. I'm not there for it. I'm not there for it. I'm not there for it. I'm not there for that. I'm not there for that.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you. Because then you could use that at any time. Then you would chew my warts off for me. Don't answer yet. Let me tell you where they are. And all these cures apply to all warts, I should say. Yeah. All warts, wherever they may be.

Yeah. And that may all work equally well in which I guess how to do so. That's not. Less exciting, they would also just burn them off. So just take a metal iron heated up and burn it off. I know that's not as good. Now let me ask you, if you burn the surface of a ward off, is that even going to work?

I mean you could burn it off. You know, you could colorize it off, yeah. We'll just grow back from below the skin again. If you burn, deep it off, no. Okay, well that's good. I'm going to really freeze them off so you can burn them off. I don't do this. But it would work.

No, they're a much less painful way to get rid of your work. Yeah. You know, Mark Twain was really into work here. Um. I find that much more upsetting than I will have three minutes ago. It's about magic at worst. Actually, we just subtitled a large joke. Tom Sawyer had a work here.

He said, just put your hands in the water. Hold on. I think we've run into a linguistic barrier. Let's just skip over. There's no way we could make that. I'll never get back clean tag on my tooth. I don't know any people got this. It's not like a spoon water well. What's well?

It's water that collects in the hollow of a tree stump. Oh, OK, got it. No, not nearly as exciting as you thought it was going to be. So you have to do it at midnight. Of course. And then there's a champ that you said. And then after you're done with it. I feel like I'm hot, I feel like I'm having a home.

I feel like I'm having a divorce guy that goes. That was good. Thank you. We know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. when you get home, your boards are gone. Yeah. How did they bait a test this? How did they try that? You know what? I feel like I'm close to something, but I did talk to someone away home.

Maybe that's an extra factor. Let me do that tomorrow at midnight. Yeah. Huffin had a different idea though. It was much simpler. I don't know if it was lovelier, but you just take a dead cat and throw it in a graveyard. I think.

I think it's already dead. Like, don't kill him, the cat. He wasn't advocating for a car. That's just like, clean up. That's like municipal service. I think. You should have, they should extend that. I would see some trash line around. That's just like clean up. That's like municipal service. They should extend that. People see some trash lying around. You said, a girl is getting lots of disappear.

Go away, get me a bumping. That's why Mark Twenth and Dr. Schmitt are here. Mark Twenth as how old look? Stick around for one minute show. Twenth, a live-village. Start this in the background. I can just stop this and you can understand. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. This plays into a lot of the work, work mythology, I guess. So one thing you could do is take dust from crossroads and just rub it on your warts and that would make it go away. Or you could rub a sender on your wart and

then put in a little like package and tie it up and go bury it in a cross road and wait for somebody to walk through the crossroads and then they get the work from you. I don't know. Or you could cut a bean in half and then you could take some blood from your ward so you gotta like cut it and get some blood out of it and put it on half the bean and go bury that in the crossroads. Again, you have to do that one at midnight.

Sure. And then... Well, obviously. But this is, like I said, a lot of this was the idea that Sure. And then... Well, obviously. But this is, like I said, a lot of this was the idea that we know that warts, we know that sometimes we pass warts on to other people, so maybe we can do it through the comic gootoo. So, you can also buy and sell warts this way.

Like on a stock exchange. Like, our warts trading well? Yeah. Like hook them up cards. Now catch more. What? The warts. No, I think it was more like as a service, like you could say, like, hey.

I will take that opportunity, you say. Yeah. But give me your warts. I'll carry that. That's a weird thing, because you're kind of like, I'm assuming if you're the one without the wart, you're not going to pay for the warts. No, I'm assuming if you're the one without the word, you're not gonna pay for the word. No, you're saying, if you carry this war for me, it's like a surrogate baby word. You carry this war for me and I'll give you $30 or drop in our packets of soul and whatever time you're going to buy.

Let's just continue to deal and start. Yeah, that's an easier conversion. You could also, if you wanted to stay away from the whole crossroads, nonsense, and all that, you could rub your hand against the father of an illegitimate child. I'm weighing, having worse versus having that conversation. So were you two, when you were, were you, were you, were you just built your guy and say, hey, do you think you have any kids that you don't know about?

Can I, do you mind if I just, you know, that's almost worth playing the odds. Just start rubbing your fingers on guys. Figure on guys, guys, guys, guys is I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean?

I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean?

I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, you know what I mean? I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just like, you know what I mean? I mean, I was just and then you hang the slug on a thorn. How you have to murder the slug.

How do you be able to become an inconvenience in these people's lives or our perilous wars? Like seriously, how much of an issue is this for them? Is it a hobby at this point? It's like, we don't have TV yet. Well, everybody was trying to get into England, I guess. Yeah, we're like, hey. I got a lot of them.

I got one. It was also a source of employment if you were a vagrant in a town, and everybody probably wanted to get rid of you anyway, I guess, in a vagrant, like we don't want you here. One service you could provide is, hey, okay, I'll leave. And if you'll pay me, I will count all the wards in town. Like not a people with wards, all the wards.

And then I will write the number inside my hat and wear it out of town and take all the wards with me. That is actually how Fubu got it started. Now you know. There you go. That is how that was the first move we had. And after that, that's true. The first hat made by Fubu had the number of lords in a town

written on it, as a grand started in the 1700s and it's been flourishing and we're sitting in the middle of the clock. Yikes. Where does David Johnson come in with that? What? He discovered it later. The food we went to during for a few hundred years, he discovered later. I did not understand the dark power, the lower half of the man's body is calm and

was. So you're proposing wearing food food clothing as a treatment for warrants? What I'm saying to you. You're a highness. So Mag go in, why? So there's a lot of gross stuff people tried to rub on the words. Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not?

Dove poop was popular. You're going to get that tobacco spit. Any dead mouse part will do. Oh, yeah. That's happening. No, it's anything. Spider webs, that's not as gross. That was one of the middle agents' curious, which

isn't gross enough, I think, for them. Yeah. These are like pig's blood, or minster blood, if you're out of pigs blood. Oh, great. Grab it on. No, more. Or there was a specific grasshopper

that actually the German name for the grasshopper means work-biter, because you could catch this grasshopper. It's a long-horned grasshopper. Try to get that to bite it off. Perfect. So, I know that's hard. This is a great day so far. I guess that's that math.

There were a lot of, like I said, a lot of this was tied to voodoo and witchcraft. So there were a lot of, I don't know, they said there were witches. You could go and pay them and then give you stones that they would put charms on. And then you'd be like, just rub this stone. Your warts go away. Okay.

That was a very popular business. See there's a lot of them. It was a great, big hit. It was a great hit. Yeah, right. Maybe we need to do that now. How about it alone? There are.

There are also a lot of ways to get them to courses. Oh, perfect. So if you're going to give warts to somebody, maybe you're like, Kate, my warts. Let me get down to the course real quick. So you could like, as you saw funeral processions passed by, you could like rub things on your word and throw them in their path. Take a, take a, take a, take a, take a, take a, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No fangilized song at. You can never ask what's second up there.

I saw you scrape your work fragments off. Throw that for a mask out. You can, you can take, I like this one. You can take a tick off a dog and put it on a work and leave it there for a couple days. It'll drink the worms. And he does, he drinks the worms. And then you take it off, but you gotta put it back on the dog.

I love the idea that you're going to make a dog. How well trained are these ticks? Nope, don't move right in the ear. Go nuts. I don't want to be a bar room man. I think the most romantic was to wash your hands in moonbeams. Which I was washing hands in moonbeams. So what they meant is you get a really well polished sink and then an open window in the light of the moon and just, I don't know.

You know what, I don't know. Fix what? I don't know. I'm good for the spirit. What do we do? What about now, Sid? Well, just as a note, in reality, I wouldn't do any of these things, but they probably all worked. Huh. In this thing like that. What? In the sense that words usually just go away. So if you wait long enough and you're doing any weird thing to award, it will probably go away after a while.

Eventually, right. So you don't have to put Mr. Blood on it or try to give them to dead people or anything. Don't. No. And one little note, it warts in seats. This is something a lot of people think that warts, have you heard this? Warts have seats. Too many of you heard that?

And your mom ever tell you got to get the seed out of the ward before it'll go away, especially the roots. Yeah, well, the same kind of thing, and like a planter's work on your foot, if you've ever seen those flat wards, they'll say the little black things, like all you got to get that out of there,

their roots are seeds or something, they're not, they're just clotted off blood vessels, and will not help you to pick them out so don't do that. You hear that? You chuckle heads. That was just shut up. You just got bent out by a physician. Come on, we got two minutes left. Okay. Tell me what we do now.

What do you do for words now? Tell me. Once you just leave them alone, live with them. They'll go away probably. Most of them go away. Two, you put duct tape on them that actually does work. You put duct tape over for like a week and then you take it off, rub it with a like a stone, like a pumice stone or something, leave it off for 12 hours, put the duct tape back on. It'll probably go away in a couple weeks. Leave it off for 12 hours, put the duct tape back on. It'll probably go away in a couple weeks. Easy.

No, seriously. You are the last message of crazy work here. I was just saying, I'm weird. You just said, like, it's when you're asked to up. I know, I think this one's legit. It feels perfect. No one takes four weeks. It's the truth.

And that is fair. They're probably going to go away anyway. If you don't like that, they can be frozen off. There's stuff over the counter and then your doctor can freeze them off with lipid nitrogen. I do that sometimes. And then there's salicylic acid. It's in a lot of the over-counter product. So there's a lot of this stuff you can buy now.

And then we can get rid of them with a, it's kind of like vinegar. So if you read online that you can hear words with vinegar, this is where it's coming from. There's a kind of acid called TCA that's related to vinegar, which we do use in the doctor's office and we'll get rid of, usually use them on, you know, the bathing suit words. Perfect. So who's going to go fishing or probably won't do it?

Who's going to go fix their words tonight? It's Saturday and I'm depressed. Thank you all so much for easy and super fun. If you, if this is your first almost in our show, we put a new one every Tuesday. And that's going to do it for us. Thank you for having us here. Thank you to the people from Feet or for having us. Thank you for coming. My name is Joseph Acker, but as always, don't drill a hole in your head.