Scary Horror Stories by Dr. NoSleep - Six Days of Christmas Clues

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

What starts as an awkward office Secret Santa slowly unravels into a terrifying holiday countdown, as each strange gift pushes one man closer to the realization that someone at work knows him far too ...well. Fuel your nightmares with ⁠NoSleep Coffee⁠ — fresh, same-day roasted beans shipped right to your door. Use code NOSLEEP20 for 20% off your first order: ⁠https://nosleepcoffee.com⁠ BetterHelp: Sign up now and get 10% off at⁠⁠ betterhelp.com/dns⁠⁠. Writer: Jake Bible For more terrifying stories from this author, check out his latest release- All The Monsters: Ten NoSleep Stories, Volume One https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FY438TSV * * * CONTENT DISCLAIMER: This podcast contains explicit content not limited to intense themes, strong language, and depictions of violence intended for adults. Parental guidance is strongly advised for children under the age of 18. Listener discretion is advised. #creepypasta #horrorstories #drnosleep #scarystories Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:03 Day one, Monday. The first present I get for my secret Santa at work is nice. Not what I was expecting, but nice. Damn! Zach is peering over the top of my cubicle wall, his ever-present cup of coffee in hand. That looks old. Yeah, it does.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Zach considers himself my best buddy. I'm not sure why. I've told him repeatedly that we're just friendly co-workers. not best buddies. He doesn't listen, though. Once Zach has something in his head, it's locked in. I lift the gift out of the box, letting the torn wrapping paper flutter to the floor. Heavy, too. I looked the thing over. It's a candlestick, a very old, very ornate candlestick. Is that gold? Zach slurps his coffee, which, as far as I know, is the only way he knows how to drink coffee.
Starting point is 00:01:05 That can't be gold. Secret Sanders are supposed to keep the total under 100 bucks. Zach leans over the cubicle wall like it'll make whatever he says more confidential. I stopped telling him that everyone can hear everything in this office a long time ago. I kept my spending under 50. I got Linda and HR. After making us sit through six hours of sensitivity training, that woman doesn't deserve the full hundred. I can almost hear the eyes rolling from the other cubicles. Let me see it. Zach holds out his hand. He's not paying attention like usual,
Starting point is 00:01:41 and a big drop of his coffee sloshes up over the side of his mug. Splatting on top of the stack of reports, I just finished copying for this afternoon's end of year meeting. Ah, come on, Zach, watch it. I grabbed the first copy up before the coffee soaks into the rest of the pile. Now I have to redo this one. Crap, sorry, Matt. Want me to do it?
Starting point is 00:02:04 No. I'll make a new one in a minute. Zach snaps his fingers at me. What? The candlestick. Let me see it. Sure. Whatever. I hand him the candlestick and go to set the box on the floor. Then I pause. There's a folded piece of paper at the bottom. Wow. It is heavy. Dude. This may actually be gold. Hey me that letter opener.
Starting point is 00:02:31 I take the paper out of the box and unfold it. Zach bonks me on the top of my head with the candlestick. Earth to Matt, letter opener. What? I look out at him while I rubbed my head. And what the hell, Zach? That hurt. Sorry, man.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Just hand me that letter opener. Why? I want to see if it's gold. With a letter opener? Yeah, I'll just scratch it a little. If paint flakes off, then it's not gold. And if paint doesn't flake off? What then?
Starting point is 00:03:04 That doesn't mean it's made of gold. Just means it's not painted. Just give me the damn letter opener. It's better to go along with Zach than argue with him. I set the piece of paper on my desk and grabbed the letter opener from my mug of pens. I have no idea why every desk has a letter opener. I can't remember the last time I opened a letter at work.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Oh, sure. Lots of bills and crap mail. But at work? It's all email or slack or group text. Here, I hold out the opener. Zach looks at his left hand, the one holding the candlestick, then looks at his right hand, the one holding his coffee, then looks at me. Give it.
Starting point is 00:03:47 I take his coffee mug. Thanks! He snatches the letter opener from me and scratches the candlestick. No paint flakes off. Dude, I think this is real! He stares at me, eyes open wide, a twinkle in them that I don't want to be. Like, hey, I know a guy who can verify this. So can any pawnbroker in the city, or jeweler, or lots of people.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Yeah, well, my guy is really good. Whatever, take it to your guy. Cool, I'll... Crap! Zach drops the candlestick and disappears from view. His voice echoes up from the other side of my cubicle wall. Hand me the box, will you? I don't want to hurt it any more than I have.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Sorry. Sure. I hold the box over the wall, and he snags it, then pops up and hands me the letter opener. Coffee? I give him his mug back, then raise my eyebrows. What? Work. We should both be doing it.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Yeah, yeah. He laughs and salutes me with his coffee mug before walking off, humming some Christmas song mashup. I get back to work and dive into the myriad of spreadsheets I need to finish before the office closes down. for the holidays. It isn't until I get up to go fetch the new copy of the end of year report that I see the folded piece of paper sitting off to the side of my keyboard. Frowning, I pick it up and unfold it. A Christmas countdown. A very fun. Only five more days until you are done. Okay, weird. I tossed the paper into my trash can, then get up to go to the copier and fetch the redo of the report.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Zach smiles at me as I pass his cubicle. Could be real gold. I keep walking. Okay, great. Day two. Tuesday. The box is waiting on my chair when I get into the office. Plain red and green wrapping paper.
Starting point is 00:05:56 No bow or ribbon. I hang up my coat, set my briefcase down by my desk, and pick up the box. It's about the size of a shoe box, and much lighter than I thought it would be. tearing off the paper. I see it is a shoe box. Adidas. Nice ones. But it's not shoes inside.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Now, it's a... Rope? Is that a rope? Zach is suddenly standing at the wall of my cubicle, making me jump. Sorry, man. Didn't mean to scare you. He holds his coffee mug up in apology. What's with the rope?
Starting point is 00:06:33 I don't know. I lifted out of the box and blink a few times. unsure of what I'm seeing. I turn it this way, I turn it that way. No matter how I look at it, it is what it is. A noose. That's creepy. And I'd be screaming to HR if you weren't white as white can be.
Starting point is 00:06:55 What does that matter? Oh, come on. If you were brown or black or any color other than the very shade of pale that you are, I'd take that as a racial threat. You think this is a threat? Why? From who? Isn't it from whom? I stare at him. Right. Sorry. But no. I don't think it's a threat because why would a noose give into a ghost like you be a threat? I get it, Zach. I'm very white. You can say that again.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I'm Greek, so I wouldn't really know. Have you seen me tan in the summer? Yes, Zach. I have seen you tan in the summer. Everyone has, you don't stop talking about it. When you become a golden Adonis like I do come July, you would talk about it too. Adonis might be pushing it. He shrugs and slurps his coffee. So, what do you think is up with the news? I don't know, but I am taking it to HR. And saying what? You've been exposed as the grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan? What? The news? You being white. Maybe someone has found out your little clan secret. I don't have a clan secret. A few heads turn as some of our co-workers come into the office and walk to their cubicles. I wave, then realize I'm waving with the hand still holding the noose. Those heads turn away quickly.
Starting point is 00:08:27 It's some sort of gag gift. Give me that. Zach snatches the noose out of my hands. Before I can protest, he said. Hey, what's that in the box? I look down and see another folded piece of paper. I pick it up and set the box on my desk. What's it say? Hold on. I unfold the paper.
Starting point is 00:08:49 A Christmas countdown, how very fun. Only four more days until you are done. It's like the last one. Last one. There was a note in the other present? Yeah. It said the same thing. Just a different day count.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Be here. I know. I shake it off and sit down. What'd your guy say about the candlestick? Hmm? What? The candlestick. You said you had a guy who could verify if it was gold or not.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Oh, right, yeah. He wasn't in. I'll try again tonight after work. I shrug, not really caring about some old candlestick. I highly, highly doubt it's made of real gold anyway. Give me that box, too. I'll drop this off to Linda in HR. What?
Starting point is 00:09:38 No, I'll drop it off. Don't you have the Crosby report to finish? You know how Linda likes to gab. You'll get stuck in her office for half an hour at least. I think about it. He's not wrong. The only person worse than Zach is Linda. And if Linda gets on a roll,
Starting point is 00:09:57 you pray she only wastes 30 minutes of your day. Um, okay, thanks. Tell her to email me with her questions. We'll do, man. We'll do. He salutes me with his coffee mug and walks off humming a new Christmas song mashup. I sit down, start my day, and before I know it, it's lunchtime. Hey, what did Linda say? I asked Zach as I walk past his cubicle on the way to the kitchen to fetch my lunch from the fridge.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Linda? Yes, Linda, an HR. You took her that noose. Oh, crap. Totally forgot. I'll do it right now. Give it to me. I'll do it. No, no, you eat your lunch, man. I'll hurry and catch her before she steps out. She always goes to that overpriced cafe down the street for lunch.
Starting point is 00:10:46 He rushes out of his cubicle, then rushes back and snatches the box off his desk. I'm on it best, buddy. Don't you worry. He's gone and hurrying through the maze of cubicles and toward the hallway that leads to the human resources and executive offices before I can say anything. I shake my head. He's a handful and slightly delusional, but at least he's not boring. Picture this.
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Starting point is 00:12:27 The box I find on my chair this morning is the opposite of yesterday. It's heavy as hell. I carefully set it on my desk and tear off the wrapping paper. Are you kidding me? I pick the item up and look it over. What the hell? It's a pipe, about a foot long, and easily weighs well over a pound. Looking to change careers? I spin about and almost brain him with the pipe.
Starting point is 00:12:56 My arm is raised, with the pipe gripped tightly in my hand. And he stares at me, wide-eyed. Whoa there, killer. How about we dial it back a notch? He lifts his coffee mug. How much Java have you? had this morning. Stop sneaking up on me, Zach. I swear to God, you're going to get hurt one day. He frowns and looks at me, then at the pipe, then back at me. How about you put that down, Matt?
Starting point is 00:13:23 He glances past me to the box. Is there a note with this one too? I slowly lower my arm. Sorry, but seriously, stop sneaking up on me. Oh man, I'm not sneaking? If I was sneaking, You'd never know I was here. His frown turns into a grin, and he slurps his coffee. Is there a note or not? I shrug and look in the box, carefully setting the pipe by my keyboard. There is a note, and I pick it up, unfold it, and read it out loud. A Christmas countdown, how very fun.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Only three more days until you are done. I look up at Zach. What does done mean? Do you need a dictionary? No, what does it mean in this context? Done with what? Why in four days? Yeah, that's Saturday. Kinda inconvenient.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Your Secret Santa better deliver the last gift. Yeah, but done with what? That's the part that's got me a little freaked. Ah, don't be. I'm sure it's all part of some joke. You know how Secret Santas are. The presents can be funny. This is funny?
Starting point is 00:14:41 This? I give it a shake. Damn, it's heavy. Let me see. I give it to Zach. You ain't kidding. What is it made of? Lead?
Starting point is 00:14:53 Someone shouts from down the hall. Call the super. The men's room is flooding. A pipe broke or something. I looked at the pipe in Zach's hand. He looks at the pipe in his hand. We look at each other. No way.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Can't be. Then he tucks the pipe down his pants. But just in case, what are you doing? Getting rid of evidence. Evidence of what? I don't know. But someone gave you an old-ass pipe. And now the men's room is flooding.
Starting point is 00:15:24 How much you want to bet that all the pipes in this ancient-ass building are all lead? Probably been slowly killing us for years. He slurps his coffee and then salutes me with his mug. Can't wait to see what you get tomorrow. Then he's gone as the office. The office starts to fill with people. Most of them huddle at the end of the hallway, jabbering about the water quickly flooding out into the hall.
Starting point is 00:15:48 It's a couple of hours before the super arrives. At this point, someone found the water shut off, so the flooding is stopped. But it also means we have no water on the floor at all, not even in the women's room or kitchen. Where the hell did my wrench go? The super storms out of the men's room. Has anyone seen my wrench? No one has, and we all filter out of the office, heading out to have lunch and use the local facilities since the water doesn't look like it's coming back on anytime soon.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Day four. Thursday, I stand at the opening of my cubicle and stare at the new box. Same red and green wrapping paper, about the same size as the box from yesterday. I hang up my coat, set my briefcase down, and continue to stare at the box. When I shake my head and ignore the damn thing as I head off to the kitchen to get some coffee, instead of the pot brewing away like always, there are several large coffee containers set up on the counter with a large note hanging off the cupboard above them. Still no water.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Sorry! Coffee is on management! The note is signed, Linda, HR! I sigh and fill a mug. Damn, they didn't skimp. This is good coffee. When I return to my cubicle, I can already see Zach standing by my desk, of course. Hey, they splurged for the good stuff since the water is still off until they fix the pipes.
Starting point is 00:17:24 This time, I salute him with my mug. You better go get some before it's all gone. I have a feeling it's going to be popular. He looks at me, eyes narrowed. What? Anything you want to tell me, best buddy? Zach lifts the present up, which he has opened and is left. looking inside. Hey, you can't just open someone's present, Zach. Not cool. I hurry into my cubicle
Starting point is 00:17:50 and set my coffee down, taking the open box from it. It's pretty heavy. He steps back and crosses his arms over his chest. I look in the box. A wrench. The Supers shout yesterday about his missing wrench immediately comes to mind. I glance up at Zach. He's watching me closely. What? You don't think I took the wrench, do you? This is a gift to me, Zach, not from me. He scrunches his face up, then relaxes and laughs. Oh, right, duh.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Zach moves in close, and we both look down at the wrench. Do you think it's the same one, though? At this point, I don't know what to think. Zach leans closer. There's a note. Move the wrench, will you? I pick up the wrench, and there is a note at the bottom of the box. Zach grabs it, unfolds it, and reads it to himself.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Then he flips it around and shows me as I set the wrench back in the box. A Christmas countdown, how very fun. Only two more days until you are done. Zach hands me the note, then takes the box for my hands. I'll stash the wrench somewhere the super can find it. We don't want him on your ass. I didn't take it, Zach. No one is gonna be on my ass.
Starting point is 00:19:12 He shrugs, still taking the box. Better safe than sorry. I don't even know what to say. So I shrug and sit down at my desk. Go get some coffee first. It's damn good. We'll do. Thanks. I try to put it all out of my mind and get to work. But images of the candlestick, the rope, the pipe, and the wrench keep flitting through my mind.
Starting point is 00:19:36 I'm about to get up and take a break when a company-wide email. from Linda and HR comes through. I am very sorry to inform everyone that Michelle Dunst was found dead last night in her apartment. Due to the circumstances, foul play has been suspected. I know this is hard to hear, and we will all be mourning,
Starting point is 00:19:57 but the police will be coming by to ask questions later today. Please cooperate to the best of your ability. Thank you. Linda, HR. Wild stuff, right? Zach makes me jump yet again. Scaring me is like a hobby to him. Who would do such a thing?
Starting point is 00:20:16 Who would do what? I reread the email. Doesn't say what happened. Just that she died and foul play is suspected. Yeah, well, I can't say I'm sorry. Not after how she campaigned and got you pushed to the side when the supervisor position opened up. She was just as qualified. That's BS and you know it best, buddy.
Starting point is 00:20:37 you should have had that job. I shrug. Water under the bridge. I guess. But the position was yours, man. If she and the others hadn't colluded and spread that rumor about you, she wouldn't have gotten the job.
Starting point is 00:20:53 I look up quickly. My brow knitted so close together that it almost hurts. Wait, what rumor? The rumor that you have been fudging your numbers so that you can hit quarterly goals. You knew about that. Everyone was talking about it.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Not to me. Well, no, they wouldn't, would they? You could have? I thought you knew. I didn't want to bring it up and rub it in your face. I have never fudged a number in my life. My voice is a little high and loud, Zach looks about,
Starting point is 00:21:26 and I can tell he's seeing heads turning in our direction. Well, it doesn't matter now. The position is open again. Maybe you'll get it this time. I almost feel nauseous and shake my head slowly. I don't want the job now. Not this way. He shrugs and starts walking off.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Yeah, well, we'll see. What does that mean? I call after him, but he doesn't respond. The police arrived by lunch and start calling people into the small conference room off the kitchen. I'm the 10th or 11th person. Matthew Borgias. I nodded the thin detective when I sit. down. He looks at his partner, a plump woman, who is staring hard at me.
Starting point is 00:22:13 Borgious? Wasn't that a TV show? Crime family from the Renaissance. The patriarch was a pope at one point. Neat. The thin detective smiles at me. Any relation? Maybe. I shrug. I don't really know. I suppose you wouldn't. The thin detective clasps his hands together. Where were you Monday evening? Say, around 9pm. Um, home? I was watching TV. What were you watching? Netflix.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Some true crime show about family annihilators. You like that stuff? Shows about murder? Not specifically now. I clicked on it and it kept my attention. Anyone else with you? The plump, detective asks. Nope.
Starting point is 00:23:03 All by myself. How well did you know Michelle Dunst? I shrug. Well, as you can know anyone at work. What does that mean? The plump detective hooks a thumb at her partner. I know the whole family. Even that no-good bunch of second cousins.
Starting point is 00:23:20 They're the worst. So, do you know Michelle Dunst's second cousins? I don't know if she has cousins. I guess I didn't know her at all. But she got the supervisor position you wanted, right? That had to piss you off. It would piss me off. Make me so mad.
Starting point is 00:23:41 So mad that I might pay her a visit. Maybe get into an argument. Maybe pick up something in her apartment. Like a bowl or lamp or... The thin detective snaps his fingers over and over. Or a candlestick. Just grab it up. And without thinking, bash her over the head with it a few times.
Starting point is 00:24:01 More than a few times. True. Look like whoever killed her didn't stop hitting her until... Well, until there wasn't much left of her head. Not much left of her head. Gorge rises in my throat, but I breathe deep and swallow it down. Um, did you say candlestick? Why? Does that mean something to you?
Starting point is 00:24:26 I shake my head. The gorge rises again. I'm going to be sick. I jump from my seat, race out of the conference room and down the hallway to the men's bathroom. ignoring the out-of-order sign. I barely make it to the toilet before the really good coffee comes back up. When I'm done, I wipe my mouth with some toilet paper, then curse the fact that there's no running water.
Starting point is 00:24:50 When I open the bathroom door, the two detectives are standing there, waiting for me. The thin one holds out his card. We'll be in touch. Call us if you want to get anything off your chest. They both give me cold looks, and then walk off, headed back to the conference room. Slowly, I make my way back to my cubicle.
Starting point is 00:25:11 But I pause at Zach's first. The what? He slurps his coffee. Damn, this is good. The candlestick, Zach, what did you do with it? He shrugs. I gave it to my guy. I look about to make sure no one is listening.
Starting point is 00:25:29 Then move into his cubicle and crouch down. The cops say Michelle was killed with a candlestick. Zach's eyes go wide. Seriously? What are the eyes? odds. He puts his hand on my shoulder. I wouldn't worry about it, best buddy. Unless you did it. You didn't do it, did you, Matt? I recoil, and my ass bumps against his cubicle wall. What? No, of course not. My voice echoes through the office, and faces look up for monitors.
Starting point is 00:25:59 They are all turned in my direction. I back out of Zach's cubicle and hurry to mine. Gathering up my stuff, I dash off an email to Linda and HR, telling you, I'm not feeling well and taking a half day. Then, without looking at anyone, I walk quickly to the elevators, ready to be gone. I have no idea what is going on. I need to go home and think. Day 5. Friday. Despite still being a little freaked out, I come into work. It's the last day before the office shuts down until after New Year's, and I just have too much to do. I'm later than usual, and I avoid eye contact as everyone watches me walk to my cubicle. The present is waiting for me. This time, Zach is nowhere around. I look towards his cubicle, and he's not there.
Starting point is 00:26:58 I look back at the present, same red and green wrapping paper, but this time the note is taped to the outside. A Christmas countdown, how very fun. Only one more day until you are done. I set the note down and slowly pick the present up. It's not as heavy as the last two, but it's not light. I give it a shake, and something solid slides back and forth. Then I tear the paper off and yank the box open. I'm not sure if I scream or not, but when I look around the office and see the stunned faces staring back,
Starting point is 00:27:34 I figure I must have. Inside the box is a dagger, a bloody dagger. Someone called the police. I clear my throat. Someone called the police! By the time the police arrive, someone in the office found an article online and shared it with the entire office.
Starting point is 00:27:53 I've read it at least a dozen times. Christmas Clue Killer on the loose is the headline, which makes no sense until I realize that what the reporter is talking about is the game Clue. The article goes on to explain how four people have been found murdered, all with items generally found in the game of clue, a candlestick, a rope, a leadpipe, and a wrench.
Starting point is 00:28:18 And considering the amount of blood on the dagger I found, they'll want to add it to the list. Needless to say, I'm the first one the detectives talked to. We're back in the conference room, the box with a dagger on the table between us. Anything you'd like to tell us, Mr. Borges? Um, yeah. And I proceed to tell them everything from the present with the candlestick to finding the dagger this morning.
Starting point is 00:28:45 They look at me with blank expressions the entire time. Are we going to find your fingerprints on this dagger, Mr. Borges? Not that your fingerprints are in the database, but I bet your HR department has them on file. Your firm handles a lot of business with important clients, so I'm sure there's a record of a background check. Come clean now, Mr. Borgias, and we may be able to help you out of this situation. What situation? I pointed the box. I haven't heard anyone.
Starting point is 00:29:16 I found that on my desk. I found all the items on my desk. The two detectives glance at each other, then smile. The plump one pulls out a file folder and opens it on the table. Inside are photographs. Photographs of my co-workers. My dead co-workers. Recognize these people, Mr. Borges?
Starting point is 00:29:37 You should. They all work with you. Yeah, I know. And from what we've gathered, you had beef with each of them. Beef? I don't have beef with any of them. I don't have beef with anyone. Although, as I think about it, I might have some beef with Zach. Where the hell is he? He could back me up on all of this. I mean, he took each of the presents with him, so... Oh God. Oh, dear.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Oh, crap! The detectives glance at each other again. The plump one gathers up the photos showing my dead coworkers, each killed with one of the secret Santa items. I'm thinking you just realized something. Care to share with us? And I do. I share it all.
Starting point is 00:30:24 I'd left Zach on the periphery of my first telling, but now I go deep into it, making sure I give them every tiny detail. When I'm done, I lean back in my chair. air exhausted. The thin detective takes out his phone and stands up. I hear him calling his precinct, asking for an officer to go to Zach's apartment. The plump detective leans forward, ready to ask me something, but he doesn't get a chance as a commotion out in the rest of the office pulls her attention away. The thin detective's voice changes tone suddenly as he talks on the phone.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Seriously? No, it's no coincidence. He looks at the dagger in the box. I think I know where the murder weapon is. Get forensics down here now. He hangs up and stands there for a minute. What? The thin detective's eyes land on me. The CEO of this company was just found stabbed to death in his apartment. Well, you're right.
Starting point is 00:31:22 I don't think it's a coincidence either. The thin detective points a finger at me. We've got enough to take you to the precinct right now and book you. But we're not gonna. You're not? I am genuinely surprised. I've watched enough true crime to know I'm pretty much screwed. You believe me?
Starting point is 00:31:42 Don't get ahead of yourself there, Mr. Borges. What my partner is saying is that after talking to you and seeing how you handle yourself, we're not convinced that you did this. The commotion out in the office grows, and I can hear people crying and sobbing. I look over my shoulder and see groups of my co-workers huddled together. News travels fast.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Probably Linda and HR. I look at the detectives. Helpless. Now what? Now you go home and stay there until we call you. Don't think of leaving town. That would be a bad idea. We'll have at least one squad car sitting outside your apartment building.
Starting point is 00:32:23 And maybe one around back too. So stay put. I nod up and down as if my life depends on it. Yeah, yeah, of course. I won't go anywhere. I'll stay in and order DoorDash. Good idea. His phone rings, and he takes the call.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I'll have an officer drive you home. I have my car in the parking garage. She stares at me. I gulp. Or your officer could take me home. Good idea. The way out of the office is a blur. The ride home in the back of the squad car is a blur.
Starting point is 00:32:58 My elevator ride up to my apartment is a blur. But it's not blurry enough. So the moment I'm inside my apartment, I head for the gin. I mix a pitcher of martinis and don't bother with a glass. A straw will do just fine. Day six. Saturday. Midnight.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Best buddy. Merry Christmas. The voice jolts me out of my drunken sleep. And I roll off my couch, the empty martini pitcher clattering and rolling across the floor. What? Who's there? I try to stand up. but the martinis still have me.
Starting point is 00:33:39 And my hands go out from under me. Here you go, Matt. Your last present. Through my drunken haze, I see a shape bend down and leave a smaller shape on my coffee table. I finally managed to get my hands under me and push up to a kneeling position, my body waving back and forth.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Open it! What the hell are you doing here? I finally recognize the larger shape standing over my coffee table. Then I recognize the smaller shape. on the coffee table. A present wrapped in red and green. Come on, open it. Better hurry, too. I already made the call. Call? What call?
Starting point is 00:34:20 The call that's going to get you that promotion! He leans down and I shrink back. He frowns as he pushes the present at me. Come on, Matt, open it. Play this right. And maybe you could be CEO. There's an opening, you know. Zach, what's going on? Just open it! It's the last one! There's a tone in his voice that slices through my drunkenness and helps my muddled brain get a little clear. You were my secret Santa? You said you had Linda from HR?
Starting point is 00:34:57 He shrugs. A little misdirection. It worked, right? You never knew, right? Uh, right. Open it, Matt! There's a pounder. on my door. Mr. Borgias, it's the police. Are you all right? Open up, please. Hurry, Matt. Open it before they get through the door. I have this all planned out, and timing is key. I don't move. Open it!
Starting point is 00:35:22 We're coming in, Mr. Borgias. The door shakes as something is thrown against it. I have five deadbolts, though. After being robbed a couple of years ago, I wasn't taking any chances. It might take the police a minute to get inside. Fine. I'll do it. Zach picks up the present and rips it open, tearing the paper and box apart in a fury of violence. Then he shows me what is inside by holding it up so that the light from outside my apartment catches it.
Starting point is 00:35:50 A revolver. I thought it'd be cool to do all of this using the theme of your favorite movie. My favorite movie? Pulp Fiction? He frowns, looks at the revolver, then looks at me. No, Clue! You said Clue was your favorite movie. He starts ticking off items.
Starting point is 00:36:10 The candlestick for Michelle, the rope for that asshole Roger in accounting, the lead pipe for Dan. You know Dan, right, in marketing? The wrench for Padma, whom I know you know, and the dagger for our CEO, Mr. Irons. They were all complicit in you not getting that promotion. So I took care of them. He scratches his temple with the barrel of the revolver as the middle of my front door cracks. Oh, crap.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Was it Mark who loves Clue? Damn it. I think it was. Oh, well. He points the revolver at me. Mr. Borges, stand away from the door. It cracks more. Why, Zach?
Starting point is 00:36:52 Why? Because I'd do anything to help you out, Matt. That's what best buddies are for. But I've told you, Zach, we aren't. The door shatters, and police pour through. Merry Christmas, Matt. Maybe they'll make you CEO. He turns the revolver towards the police, and my apartment erupts in gunfire.
Starting point is 00:37:13 When it's all done, the air is full of smoke. Cops are shouting at the bullet-ridden body of Zach, and also shouting at me. But I'm not paying attention to anyone. All I see is the folded note amongst the mess of the shredded wrapping paper and torn box. I pick it up and open it. Your Christmas countdown is all done. Now is the time for the real fun. You'll get that promotion I know you will.
Starting point is 00:37:37 A little Christmas good news to ward off any winter chill. Love you, buddy. Your best friend, Zach. Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed the story, be sure to follow or subscribe and share the show with a fellow horror fan. I'll see you in the next one.

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