Scheananigans with Scheana Shay - Book Talk, Broken Trust & Bravo Tea w/ RHONY’s Erin Lichy

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

This week, Scheana sits down with RHONY star, entrepreneur, and author Erin Lichy for a raw and relatable conversation about love, accountability, and why sometimes the messiest chapters make the best stories. Fresh off the success of her book She’s a Host: An Unbuttoned Cookbook for Elegant Entertaining, Erin shares what inspired her passion for hosting — and why she might think twice before writing another one. She also opens up about when cameras could start rolling again for the new season of RHONY, the tension between the OG and reboot casts (and which former Housewife she’d actually welcome back), and why her former costar Brynn blocked her on social media. Scheana and Erin dive deep into marriage, infidelity, and what it really takes to rebuild trust after betrayal — with Scheana sharing her own experience navigating Brock’s affair. The two swap stories about NYC nightlife, motherhood, and how Erin’s mezcal brand, Mezcalum, is shaking things up. Tune in! Follow us: @scheana @scheananigans Guest: @erindanalichy Purchase your very own copy of Erin’s new book SHE’S A HOST: AN UNBUTTONED COOKBOOK FOR ELEGANT ENTERTAINING on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local bookstore!Episode Sponsors:Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to TheRealReal.com/goodasgold.Check out squarespace.com/GOODASGOLD for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use GOODASGOLD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Don’t miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair’s Black Friday deals for up to 70% off.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hi, I'm Dr. Will Cole. As a leading functional medicine practitioner, I have had a unique position to see so many alchemize their pain and health problems to their purpose. Now I want the same for you. This podcast is the manifesto for a new breed of health seekers, where there is a fresh infusion of grace and lightness into wellness.

This is the art of being well. Join me every Thursday for a new episode. From Vanderpump rules to motherhood and everywhere in between. Warm up the kettle, it's time to spill some tea. Let's get into some shenanigans with Sheena Shea. Because we're good as gone. Because we're good as go. Because we're good as go.

Because we're good as go. Hello, everyone. And welcome back to shenanigans. We are back in New York. And I am with the woman who may not have brought Mezcal to America. But she did bring it to Bravo. She's the star of the Real Housewives of New York, a powerhouse. entrepreneur, real estate expert, Manhattan Native, and a stylish mom of four. And she's a host,

the author of The Gorgeous New Book. She's a host, an unbuttoned cookbook for elegant, entertaining. How are we doing, Erin? Good. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. I'm glad we're finally doing this. I know. We've been trying for a while. Yeah, because we met briefly at BravoCon two years ago. I think you were getting off the bus. I was getting on it and it was like ships passing in the night and I was like hi I love you yeah so cute yeah so I'm happy to be doing this how are you doing post book launch book tour oh my god what a freaking crazy thing yeah like I was on for five days literally nonstop it was so it was really intense I was like I would rethink writing another book because of the book tour

is so intense did five days like back to back back to back And it was like all day press, all night. All day press, all night. It was crazy. I didn't have a minute to think. My kids were, like, affected by it, I think, because I wasn't around. Right. Where all did you go?

Where did I go? Well, this was all in New York the first time. Oh, five days in New York. Five days in New York. I had an event every single night. Okay. I know. Yeah.

It's crazy. So now I'm going to Connecticut this tomorrow. Okay. And then I do Miami, Palm Beach, probably Chicago. Fun. Yeah. Yeah. We don't do Florida.

big following in Miami and Palm Beach, which makes sense. Yeah. Have you watched Palm Royale? Of course. Yeah. Of course. Oh, my God. What a great show.

So good. I was just at the premiere party. I cannot wait for the next season. Such a good show and so Palm Beach. So my mom actually moved to Palm Beach. Oh, okay. She's spending half her time in New York and in Palm Beach. So it's like perfect.

Yeah. It's really perfect. Oh, I love that. Yeah. What, how many more dates do you have for the book tour? Oh my God. Like six. seven okay yeah i think i had like 15 altogether yeah it was like five days and then i was home for

two and then five days and then home for two and then i brought the fam with me on the last leg smart yeah and then we came here after and celebrated and it was so fun i like that yeah i'm gonna bring i think my daughter to west palm yeah to fly into west palm yeah so four kids how do you do it and look this good honestly i think that this last pregnancy i don't think i don't think i really realized it until after. First of all, I was good. Like, I was really good. I wasn't like my third. It took me a year to lose the weight. And I was like, I'm not doing that again. But also after losing my dad, I think I was just stressed and I didn't realize it. You know what I mean? Like, I wasn't interested in overconsuming because I was just going through shit. But I don't know.

It's crazy. Honestly, it's crazy. It's like logistics are hard. But I feel like we've gotten into a really good group. We moved, which was a lot. That was really a lot. Two of my kids were at camp while while we moved, which is great at sleepway camp, really, really helped. But now we're like in a good groove. Like my kids are going to bed early. They have the bus that picks them up. You know, we have like dinner schedule. We have help. So it's fine. Yeah. We're good now. Can you all fit in one car to go to dinner? We have to get an XL. Okay. If we're bringing the baby, we need XL. Yeah. Yeah. Because in New York, do you guys even use car seats or is it just kind of like the booster ones? I'm like, I'm bad. I like put him in the carrier and I'm like, let's get in a cab.

It's so much easier for me. Right. It's like so much easier than bringing the freaking thing. Yeah. Although everybody loves a, I need to get a Duna. I don't have one. Oh, yeah. Those are great.

I feel like those came out after I had my baby. Well, me too. This is like new, but I need, I definitely need one. Yeah, but I mean, it's just like the stroller, the car seat. Yeah. It's all in one. I mean, I'm not like in the car that much with him. I feel like I'm, like, if I go to the Hamptons, I'm in the car, but otherwise I'm going to walk to dinner.

Like, I'm not going to go that far with him. That's true. You know? He's also the fourth. So it's like he's lucky if he gets out, you know. Right. He's always so excited when he sees people because he's like, oh, people, I'm out, you know. What is the age difference from the youngest to the oldest?

From the youngest to the oldest 10 years. Okay. Yeah. Which is crazy. Uh-huh. Big difference. Yeah. My sister and I are 12 years apart, but there's none in between.

Wow. Yeah. And are you guys close? So close. Oh, that makes me happy. Yeah. That makes me really happy. And I have a younger brother that's 10 years younger.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And now we're really close. Yeah. That's good. And I'm like, I'm nowhere near ready for another if ever. Right. So I'm like, well, I'm basing it off the blueprint of having a huge gap and still being best friends. And that's fine. And in a way, she probably took care of you. I mean, like I took care of my siblings. Oh, she takes care of me now. Yeah. So I'm older. So as a kid, you know, I would help with her. But now, you're the oldest. I'm the oldest. Oh, you're like. Okay. So you're like me. But like now, I mean, she takes care of all my social media. Oh, wow. She edits the podcast. Oh, amazing. She does all my social clips, like all of that. So I'm like, I would be lost without my little sister.

Oh, that's really cute. Yeah. And we just opened up a cafe together with her boyfriend in Costa Mesa. Oh, my God. Where's Costa Mesa? Orange County. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's my brother-in-law, like her boyfriend.

It's his place. But we both invested in it. My sister's there all of the time. Wow. And she lives there? She lives there. They live in Costa Mesa. Yeah.

Anyway, back to you. It's not about me, even though it's my podcast. No, why? We should talk. I love talking. So what inspired the book? She's a host. And how did you come up with that title?

Good question. No one's asked me that. Oh, yeah. I just like, I'm just like always hosting. Like people are in and out of my house all the time. I have four younger siblings. I have a huge family. Abe has five siblings.

Like we're big family. Yeah. Love that. And I just grew up. It's funny. I was with Jenna the other day on a podcast and she was saying something. And I was like, wow, I never thought about like that. Like I just grew up with big family dinners.

Like it was every Friday. we have Shabbat. Like I'm sure you've been to Shabbat dinners. And it's just like... You know what? I never have been. And I really want to. Oh, I'll have you over. Yes. You have to come for a dinner. Okay. We have to plan that. Okay. But it's just like what we did. I mean, we grew up in the city. So like we'd go out after if we wanted to or we'd go out on a Saturday. But it's like, that was just like what was happening and it wasn't a question. So it's just like a really nice way to get everybody together and talk about our week. And I don't know. It just like became something that I always did. And I was always the one like having brunches. and having my friends over and cooking and food was such a big part of my life. And it was just such a normal thing that when I started, like when I got, you know, when I started doing it on the show, people were like, wow, like how do you do that? Like I'm so interested. And someone came to me with the idea, honestly.

And I was just like, okay, let's do it. And honestly, the way it happened, it was a placeholder title. And it was like a photo. And it was like on my post as a caption that I wrote. I was just like, oh, she's a host. I was holding a cocktail at my house. And they were like, let's just have that as a place older. We really like it, but we'll come up with something else.

And we never did. Yeah. And we were like, is this going to be the title? And everyone was like, we love it. I love it. And the book is gorgeous. Like the photos, everything. I love when you have stories that go with stuff.

So, no, it's so beautiful. Thank you. The box you sent me. It was so cute. I was like, oh, my gosh, like the tongs and the mitt. It's fun, right? It's so fun. And what's funny is the oven mitt matches the aprons my daughter and I wear when we cook.

my God, perfect. Yeah, we have like pink and white stripes. Oh, that's so cute. It was so perfect. It was really nice. I partnered with William Sonoma actually for the launch and they've been amazing. So good. They have everything. Yeah. They literally have. I didn't even realize. I'm like, you legitimately have every single thing you possibly need. I needed a gift for my friends Val Renewal the other day. And I was like, oh, just go there. There's so easy. Absolutely something. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. I love it. What do you think makes a dinner party feel special to you? Like, do you have any signature touches? I mean, always music. Yeah. Candles. Right. The lighting. Actually, it's funny.

At this dinner party, I had a guest come over and she was like, turn the lights off. And I was like, okay. Yeah. And so I turned off the lights and the candles were just lit and it was beautiful. Yeah. Lighting is important. And I like having, I, sometimes it's nice to have it plated. Yeah.

But sometimes I really like the family style approach. Just like easier. Like someone might want another spoonful. I don't know. I like that vibe. Yeah. Totally. And growing up with the big family, I'm sure.

And we were all like, we would go fast because we know the food would go fast. Yeah. So my husband says because he was the youngest of five. He's like, I'm lucky if I got food. Exactly. No, it's true. You have to like get it quickly. Uh-huh.

Yeah. And my mom was the fifth child. She was one of seven. So she grew up in a big family too. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And then I was just only child for 12 years. Yeah.

Wow. So, but were you so happy when you had your sister? So happy. Yeah. It was like eighth grade. My mom had my sister. And then I just felt like, you know, the cool big says. It was.

Yeah. I remember because I have a 10 year difference with my younger brother and he was like my baby. Yes. Yeah. It's fun. No, I loved it. And then it's like as you grow up, you know, it's like age. I feel like we're the same age because I'm still 28.

Right. According to Function Health, I am 28 years old. I'm like, hey, we're the same age. She's like, wait, then I wonder how old I am. I was like, I don't know, but Function Health told me that I'm 28 years old and I'm going to. I want to do that. like a test? Yeah. So it's a blood draw. And they do two separate blood draws like a week apart. And it tests for over 160 biomarkers. So I found out I have high cholesterol genetically, but never knew

that. And wouldn't have known that without it. But is it like a problem? No. It could be eventually. I might have to get medicated for it. I just need to keep monitoring it. I'm on some like natural supplements right now that we'll see if they help. But yeah, it tells you your biological age. Love it. And my cardiovascular age, I guess, is, like, on par with my age. So I'm like, I mean, that's good. Right. But, yeah, wouldn't have known.

Got to do that. What's your go-to, easy but impressive hosting move when you're short on time? Like a buffet style, easy dishes. Like, I always have food in the house. So sometimes I, like, warm it up, honestly. Cabbage salad is a good salad to keep in your fridge for a while. And then you can add stuff to it. Uh-huh.

So I do, I have that always, ready and prepped. I'm like crazy though. I'm like very organized. So I have like everything in my like I have like the days of the week that I have things prepped and it's just like a whole system. I love that. But it makes it easier. I need. Especially when you have kids. Yeah. I need like. I think kids really need. They need a routine. They need to know what's going. They really do. Yes. And actually I had to go to my daughter's school the other day and pick her up early because I think kids like I think kids really need it. They need a routine. They need to know what's wrong on. They really do. Yes. And actually I had to go to my daughter's school the other day and pick her up early because I think. I think. She was feeling it like the one-on-one time. But also their schedules were off because I wasn't around and, like, I wasn't managing it honestly well. And, like, I had to go, like, have a sit-down with her and, like, one-on-one time and talk to her and be like, what's bothering you? And she was like, it's too great. Like, I need, you know, she was like, I needed normalcy. It's wild.

Yeah. No, kids do thrive on that. I've noticed that even just with the four-and-a-half-year-old. And I'm like, she has her routine and stick with it and they're good. Yeah. So true. Definitely. Do you have any hosting horror stories? I mean, when I had the girls at my house and they all complained the whole time for like four days,

it was like, this doesn't work, and that doesn't work. And I don't like this food. And why isn't there that food? And I'm hungry. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Hungry. The hungry. Who would be your dream dinner guest to host? Probably Oprah. Yeah. I just would have so many questions for her. Uh-huh. What would your first question be? What was your best interview? That's a good one. Yeah. I just think she's like, I mean, she's an icon. Yeah. Absolutely. What's your favorite kind of event to host? Um, I love a brunch. I love a long brunch because usually, I mean, like in the Hampton's ideal. Yeah. But I love to have my kids, like the kids go do something. Uh-huh. Just leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. And I don't know, have cocktails with my friends and just like have a long day

thing and so that it's not like night and I'm tired and it's late and I'm like get out of my house and then if you're day drinking you go to sleep earlier exactly I need eight hours I'm one of those girls I have my aura ring now and like being here my sleep score this morning was 61 and I'm like oh mine was 62 I have the eight sleep have you heard of that mattress cover mine was like 64 I'm like okay so I think is it called the sleep eight or eight sleep okay that's what my husband was talking about he wants to get I I am obsessed, send you one. Yeah.

So I'll connect you with them. Oh, amazing. I'm truly, and I'm not, they're not paying me anymore. Yeah. But like, it is amazing. Yeah, one of my friends has it. And we're just such different sleepers. I'm always cold.

He's always hot. Same. You control it. Yeah. And Abe, like, lowers it and I make mine hot. And it also makes the bed go up. Yeah. And that's what I need because I have acid reflux.

So I have to sleep elevated and I don't want any more wrinkles. So the way that you're supposed to. sleep is like, it's with your legs up a little bit and your head elevated. Like when you press sleep on it, it like adjusts it properly. Oh my gosh. You're not supposed to lay flat. I didn't know this. It's great. I love it. And I love seeing my sleep score. And it tells you like, yeah, like particulars of like your REM sleep. Yeah, that's what this does too. I need the bed. I love it. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm so excited for this. You got to get it. I didn't know that tracked all of that as well. Everything. And it sends you your sleep score in the morning. This is like

a full advertisement for this freaking break. Yeah. Now I'm not. I'm not. I'm so. I'm not. I'm I'm, like, obsessed. I'm like, I don't know if the aura ring is good or bad for my OCD, but I'm like, it does make me want to go to bed earlier, though. Yeah, I think that's good. Because I'm also a very competitive person. So my husband and I now are competing on our sleep scores. On who goes to bed earlier? I love that. I love going to bed early. Yeah. I know. I'm trying to get more used to it. It's hard, though, when I'm here because I'm on LA time. Oh, yeah, I know. So it's like 1.30 a.m. And I'm like, I would keep, I always try to keep my schedule, unless I'm going. on for a while. Yeah, but then it's easy for me to be up here at 4 a.m. Yeah, that's true. I don't. I know. Enjoy it. Exactly. Exactly. Jealous. Okay. I'm going to take a quick little break and then got some more questions.

Okay. All right. And this podcast today is brought to you by Squarespace. I've talked to y'all about Squarespace before, but I'm going to tell you about it again because it is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to succeed online. And I can tell you this from personal experience, because this is what I have used. When I'm selling things online, you need to design your website and do all of the things. Squarespace has what you need. Whether you're just starting out, maybe you're managing an already growing brand. But Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content, time, all in one place and all on your terms.

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Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Sale ends December 7th. Okay. So speaking of sleep, you've got four kids, multiple businesses, a new book, a TV career. Like, how do you get eight hours sleep? I don't. Sometimes when I'm lucky, I actually, sometimes I make up my sleep. You ever do that? Like last night I got, I think six hours, which is not good for me. Yeah. But on Saturday, I slept until like 9.30 and I slept 11 hours. Oh, that's amazing. So I do that like once a week. Okay. So maybe I'll start doing that because I did it last week on accident. I fell asleep laying down with my daughter. And then my husband just didn't wake me up for a few hours. Then when he woke me up, it was like 11.30. And you went back to that. And I was like, oh, my contacts are just stuck to my eyeballs. And he knows like I can't just go to sleep with her. Right. A routine, you know, and wash my face and all that. And so I get up, I peel my contact.

And I was like, I'm just going to go to bed. And my head. sleep score was 92. Amazing. So I was like, maybe I need to do that at least. Amazing. Because I can easily fall asleep with her and her bed. I'm laying there. I try not to. I know.

But it's like, and I only have the one and they're only little for so long. I know. I know. I know. I hear the little pitter patter coming down the hall like 3 a.m. It's really sweet. It's so cute. It is really cute.

I know. Not anymore for me, but. Yeah. Like get the fuck out of my bed. Okay. Just go to your bed. So what does me time look like for you realistically? I feel like I'm craving this and I haven't had it

a while we were just talking about it earlier but like I need a girl's trip like that's real good me time yeah I just love being with my girlfriends and just laughing and like not thinking about my kids or things that I have to do like that's good me time I also have never done this but I feel like I should take a solo trip somewhere yes like I feel like I need to go to like I don't know upstate for like a night or two and just go do the spa thing like I've literally never done it need that. I think I need it. That's like good me time. That's good me time. I mean, I work out. That's like, that keeps me sane, honestly. Just like an hour to focus on myself. I don't know. I try to relax.

You need a little small get away. I do. I think I need that. Yeah. Especially after BravoCon. Yes. Oh my gosh. I know. I think I'm going to get a massage after this trip before BravoCon and then another, like, right after or maybe during. Oh, we should do that during. Right? Yeah. I mean, well, I'm not going to shout out what we're saying, Right. You know, they all know. I'm sure they congregate in the lobby. Yeah, that's true. They find us.

They know. They're waiting. Yeah. Vegas is about to be crazy. I know. It's going to be really fun now. What's your favorite part about BravoCon? Honestly, hanging out with so many Bravo people that are amazing.

Like, so many people on Bravo are great. Like great. I made so many good friendships. Yeah. Interesting. Like really amazing people. I mean, they're obviously like, but not that many. And people are always like, who are you from?

to see when you get to bravcon like i don't really have that you might have but who's going from your world i don't have that many people going like brin's not going oh right see yeah everyone's going and anyone who i have any beef with in the bravo world is going so i'm like what's andy going to do just like hey we're going to do a squash the beef with sheena you know the sheena edition we just line them up all of vpr is going not vpr all of the valley is going i don't really have beef with many of them just like one. So Bravo Kahn will be fun.

I've made so many good friends through the Bravo fam and it's like we all get it. We're all doing the same thing on a different you know scale but like it's all the same. It's all the same.

Yeah, I do. It's a wild world. Mm-hmm. I know and it's like I'm glad I'm still going even though I'm not currently on a show that they're still having me

because it's like They know that you will be. Yeah. I feel like anyone that they're bringing is like it's people that either will be eventually. I mean, you know who I found out is going? Carol Radzwell. Oh. So I'm sure they're planning something for her.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Which is really funny. Yeah. I know. There's always something up their sleep. Yeah.

For sure. But just going for like the fans. I mean, it's so fun. And they have an it's all happening room. I'm like, you can't have an it's all happening room and not invite me. Are you not invited? No, no. I'm going.

Okay. But I thought when I turned down the offer for the valley. that they were going to be like you're off bravo con you're not coming and they're like you're family of course you're still going oh that's really nice that makes me happy to hear yeah and it's like I've spoke to so many people at the network and I'm just glad they understood my decision for now I'm like I'm not saying it's forever right but season three of the valley with where my life is right now just didn't feel right and just take a break it's good to take a break I needed a break we've had many without even our choice right

What is the best advice you would give to a mom juggling all of the things, you know, the work, the businesses and just being a mom? Make your life easier with systems and schedules. Like, just make your own life easier. Prep things. I mean, I'm fortunate that I have help, but I work with my help to, like, on this night, this is what we're making for dinner. On that night, that's what we're making for dinner.

My assistant now prints out schedules, which you don't need an assistant to do. You can do that yourself, but I, like, print out every kid's schedule and my schedule and put it on a board so that everyone knows what's going on that week. And it's like those little things, which seem not, you know, that relevant are incredibly transformative. Yeah. We, I mean, obviously only have the one kid, but we just got a skylight calendar that we keep in the kitchen.

Yeah. And that just helps my husband keep my schedule and hers in order because he's like, wait, what do you have today? And then he wants to go into the office. But I'm like, no, you have to pick her up today. And I'm like, just look at the calendar. Right. Here's my schedule. And you don't even have to talk about it. You can work around it. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. No, it's true. I mean, then when you start adding like sports and she has dance. Exactly. The after school on the birthday parties and like it's. It's every day. It's like jujitsu Mondays. And then after school Tuesdays, dance Wednesday. Thursday improv. Friday gymnastics. They have something every day. Every day. And then

And we were going to do T-ball on the weekends and I'm like not in one break would be one break. And also I'm a very big football girly. I have season tickets to the Chargers. I like to go to games and I like to watch football. So I was like, I'm sorry, we're not doing T-ball this fall. It's on Sundays. Yeah, no. I was like, no.

I mean, I don't know. My son forced me to sign him up for basketball. And he has two games Saturday and Sunday. Oh my gosh. Each day. Yeah. Four games a weekend. That's a lot.

Yeah. I'm like, you're taking over everybody's weekend. But it's fine. It's like now the parents switch off. Yeah. I'm like I can't go to every game. Yeah. I know.

And it's like I want to be there for everything. But we also still have to work. It's impossible. You have three other kids. You've got a husband. You've got a lot going on. Abe and I never talk. That's what we always joke about.

Like we never be able. We're never able to have a conversation. One conversation I do want to ask you about, because you've been open about rebuilding trust in your marriage after discovering Abe sold Bitcoin without your knowledge. Every time I see like a meme on Instagram, I like DM a Tim and I'm like, do you see what it's at now? But I thought that was such a powerful thing to bring to the platform as they're teasing. And of course, you just think about like physical infidelity and something of that nature. But I mean, there are so many other kinds of ways that trust can be broken. And you know,

It's like financial infidelity. It's to do something big like that without your partner's knowledge. Yep. I thought was, you know, very powerful for you to bring up on the show because so many people can relate to that. So many people did. Absolutely. So many people did.

And it's funny because a lot of people that reached out to me, like a lot of women, they were like, I actually did that. So it doesn't, it doesn't always mean that the husband is doing it or the way. It's just someone in the relationship. People are scared to have these conversations. Yeah. finances are a scary thing. And sometimes I just want to, like, get rid of it without anyone knowing.

Yeah. But the beauty of all of that was in the very first episode of that season, I was just like a bitch to him. And he, like, later that night, he looked to me and he was like, no one's going to understand why you're being bitchy to me. Like, you just looked like an asshole. Would you like to talk about what happened? And I was like, are you okay with that? Yeah. Like, I had no idea that he would be open to having.

He was like, absolutely. like let's just let's clear the air yeah and so he made the decision to come out with it and I actually I really respected that because it was the reality of what was going on and that's the thing when you do open up about something like that I did a similar thing in my book I talked about my husband actually having a physical affair when I was pregnant wow and when I found out about it we were going into filming season 11 and there was a lot of anger and hatred I had towards him it was really fucking hard. Yeah.

I wasn't ready to talk about that. You know, I needed to figure out if I was strong enough to stay, if I was going to leave, what was going to be best for the family. It was two and a half years prior that he did this and like we built this life since then

and now you're telling me and. Wait, he. Mm-hmm. I didn't get that far. Wait. Yeah. He told you about it. Hold me about it.

He opened up. Yeah. And so then at season 11, I was like, we're just going to compartmentalize this. until I, like, am in therapy about it and, like, figure out what my next steps are. And so, like, when season 12 would have come around, then we would have opened up about it, but then they rebooted it.

And so now I was like, if we don't put it in the book and we, like, film about it on the show, or if it comes out in some other way, then it's like, I want to own your story. And it's so inauthentic because I didn't talk about a huge it. Exactly. I think that that's the right way to go. Yeah. It's your story to tell. It's not someone else's speculation.

and their version of it. And I respect that a lot. I really do. And also, what I respect about you is that we made a decision to be on a reality show. There's nothing that bothers me more that when people come on reality TV and try to alter it or like have a position or be a certain way, it's like that go on a scripted show. Right. Like you're not, you made a decision. You have, you have kind of a responsibility to the fans and people who watch these shows to be authentic.

Exactly. You, I mean, doing that and writing about it in your book, I think people probably really respected it. Yeah. And it wasn't an easy decision. It was a lot of conversations over like eight months back and forth. But ultimately he was like, I understand why you need to do this. That's good on him, honestly. Yeah. Totally. And same with Abe. How did you both work through that and like what tools or conversations helped you rebuild a foundation of trust? It's a good question. I feel like we. just had a lot of conversations about it, Abe, like, I think you have to know your partner. And for me, I know that he's a really good guy. You know what I mean? Like, I just know that he's a really good guy. And he, like, there are other dynamics that are involved in the situation where I can be really tough about things. And not that it makes it okay. But I think he just didn't want to

stress me like with my dad and everything that was going on and he knew that he was sick and like there was just a lot in my life and he didn't want to pour fire you know or poor gasoline on the fire not again that it excuses it but when you can have empathy and see another side it changes i think the dynamic and i don't know just a lot of conversation and also for abe to go and seek help and try to like work on his avoidant behavior spoke volumes. Yeah, that's huge. And he went, he got a therapist. Like, he's been, like, doing a lot of introspective work.

And he's been doing the work. So it's like, what else can I do to the guy? Like, I'm not going to divorce him over that. And I'm not going to, you know, like, it is what it is. He's flawed. Like, we all are. For better or worse, right? Yeah. It is what it is.

Sometimes there's the worst. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, marriage is hard regardless, you know, but then when there is the trust broken, it's like to be able. to rebuild it, to be able to talk about it on national television. I just think that's huge. So I also think that you have to really love your partner. Yeah. Like there has to be that

underlying. Like we are, we, we, we, we always say marriages go through seasons. Like we talk about on our podcast all the time. Marriages go through seasons. Like one season is amazing. Another season is shit. But at the end of the day, we have this like real underlying very, very deep love and connection where it's like sometimes we have sex and it's like whoa like we were 20s you know like it's so that happens and it's like okay this is still like such a powerful thing yeah so i think if like that's there and that isn't gone or someone doesn't lose interest and that like you know what i mean yeah then you can keep going back to it i mean i don't i i give you a lot of credit because i don't know that i like i respect that a lot yeah because i also think that people give up on relationships

too quickly yeah but how did you get through i'm curious genuinely it was not easy i just what was the reasoning can i ask you this yeah for sure um i was pregnant he has two older kids in australia from a previous marriage and uh he did not go about child support and everything in the right way it was like she stopped sending photos so he stopped sending child support and it was just it was a toxic relationship that he knew it was better if he wasn't in it anymore. She met someone else stepdad raising the kids. And he felt like fast forward a decade later, he didn't deserve another chance at being a dad.

And he just did what he's always done and self-sabotaged. But then knew if he told me, I would have left 100%. And so he didn't tell me. He compartmentalized it. He said he would never do it. it again and he buried it was just like a random person yeah someone he knew from the gym in san diego oh and i mean not that i feel bad for him but i'm sure it was yeah it was hard for him too and so there were all these blind items coming out like post scandal that he was also with rickal

and like all of these things that he was worried what he actually did was going to come out and so that's why he told me And as he tells me, I'm like, we had literally just sat down and watched Real Housewives of New Jersey. It was like our Sunday routine. It was Easter. We had a great day with the family. And then we sit down and he starts telling me this. And I'm like, what are you doing?

Like, this is not funny. Like, I don't, I was so confused. And then I saw it in his eyes and I knew it was true. And I was just in shock. I, like, wanted to scream. But then I'm like, summer, sleeping upstairs. I'll wake her up. We have neighbors. We were living in like a little condominium complex at the time. So I'm just like, I don't know what to do. Like I called his sister immediately because I'm like, okay, someone I can trust, but I need to get this out now. And then made him sleep in the other room for a while. But then I was just like, okay, I'm either going to have to just hide this, fight through it and get through it or I'm going to blast it to the world. Like I don't see really an in-between. because once you tell one person another person,

it's going to get out somehow. So I called my manager, who was also my publicist at the time. And I was like, I just need you on high alert. If there are any blind items that come out, I want you to know it is true. But like,

we got to figure out a plan. Like, I don't know what to do. The next day I had to be on e-news. It was just like, and I just got through it like a fucking robot. And I went and got my eyelashes done that day because you can't get them wet for 48 hours and I already had an appointment.

I'm like, this will keep me strong. I'm not going to fuck up my new eyelashes. I was like any little thing I could to just stay strong. I did. And a lot of therapy, EMDR therapy. And after many months, you know, I'm going to do everything in my power to make this work. But it's still, I mean, it's work, you know, every day. Definitely affected. He seems like a really good guy. He is. He's the best. and he worships me and our daughter and he's such a good dad. He's hands on. He is incredible. But it broke the trust.

Of course. I already struggle. I have OCD. So just the intrusive thoughts. The trust being broken, wondering, would he ever do it again? I don't think he would. The physical intimacy was absolutely affected. Yeah.

And it's like we're still trying. Right. but it is work for I respect you for time you must be you must be flooded yeah with people like so grateful that you talk about it yeah I had someone recently come up to me at a chargers game and I'm standing in line with my friends and then the two friends started talking and the woman standing behind me she was like can I just say she's like oh my god I love you and I was oh thank you and so then like we're just having a little moment friends are distracted and she was like can I just, she goes, this is crazy right now.

She's like, I never thought I would have a moment in person to tell you this, but I feel like I need to tell you this. And I'm like, yeah, what is it? And she said that her husband also had an affair, and she stayed. And she goes, people don't talk about it enough. And she goes, and we're happier than ever. And she's like, but thank you for opening up about that. And we're like in tears at the football game.

and I just gave her a hug and I saw her later at the game and she was with their husband. Yeah, because it's not black and white. Exactly. It's just not. Like, there are different reasons and different people and different behaviors and different issues. So, like, you can't just be like, okay, you know, like, there has to be a little bit more to it. Yeah, for sure. I'm going to take one more break and then we'll be right back.

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kids actually take the train to school? Train. Like the subway. No. Okay. They take a school bus. Okay. Okay. Which every school gets. But are there kids who like get on the subway to go to school? Yeah. I mean, when they're older, they will. I mean, they probably won't because we're so close to the school. But when I was younger, I took the train. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I still take the train. Yeah. What was it like growing up here? Because I'm like, I grew up in L.A., but I mean, this is just such a big city and, oh, cool. So when I was, I mean, first of all, I didn't even think that this was weird or unusual until I got to college. And I was like, oh, I'm the freak. Like, I used to think that people that lived in the suburbs were weird. Yeah. I genuinely was like, what a strange life. Yeah. And then when I went to college, I was like, oh, I'm the unusual one. But growing up was great. Like, my childhood was great. Yeah. I never knew anything different. I thought it was just everybody ate, like, different types of food. And like, you know, I just was used to. You know, I just was used to. to it, but it started getting a little crazy when I was in high school because I was parting a lot. Oh, yeah. And like the access, like I was at Butter on Monday, Bungalow 8 all night, like I knew everybody. I was in like that crew. Ariana used to work there. At Butter? At Butter. At Butter. No way. Yeah. Isn't she at R age? So I'm 40. Oh, you are? Yeah. We're both 40.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So a little older than you. Basically. Basically. That's so funny. but like I was like 16 when I was going to that's when butter was big maybe it was like a little bit later maybe a little later yeah because she moved here like after college and I know she worked there how funny yeah but like you know all the club kids like that crew like that was my crew yeah I was going out all the time and actually I have a funny story at one point I we had like a way of doing it my girlfriends and I we would put our pajamas by our front door and we would put our pajamas on when we got back home so we'd get back late yeah and God forbid like one of our parents wake up and they're like, where were you? Oh, getting water, going to the kitchen. Yeah. One day I came back and my mom heard me and I had my pajamas on, thank God. And I like walked past her a little bit and she was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm getting water, you know, midnight water. And she's like, why do you have mascara all over your eyes? And I'm like, because I fell asleep with makeup and she was like, let me see you. And she got close and she saw that it was like, like I was going like I was out yeah and she said you went out to the clock do you and after that all the

parents started talking it was like a whole thing I'm like shit oh my god that's so funny it was kind of wild fun so fun yeah were you drinking mescal back in the day or no because you didn't know it was in America I was blacking out like every other idiot drinking vodka okay so tell me about the brand mescalum mescalum mescalum so basically like talooleum mescalum okay um what drew you to the world of mescalum being in Touloum. Yeah. That's why we named it after Toulom. We were into, we love to.

We're going this Christmas with our family, like, with like five families. We're getting a house. You like the crickets and stuff? No, but I will eat ant stuff. Oh. Like, on like, if they do a mescal tasting with ant salt, I think it is. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. We just love it there. And we rented a house this one year and this guy brought like nondescript bottles of mescalum, mescal. And we, I remember I over-served myself that night and it was so delicious. and not very smoky, which ours is not very smoky. So there's like a lot of different blends of this gal. Yeah. See, and that's what I don't like it when it's super smoky.

Have you tried mine? No, I haven't. I can't believe I forgot it. I know. I know. I'll messenger it to you today. It's so good. Yeah.

Like I literally, if I drink it all night, I do not get a hangover. And I'm not even kidding. It's wild. So this is the thing. Do you drink tequila? Yes, I do. So tequila only has to be 51% pure agave by Mexican law. So the rest are additives.

All these companies are getting sued right now. No, we were literally talking about. about that last night. That's what gives you a hangover. We wanted a tequila with no additives. That's what my friend was trying to order. But it doesn't really exist anymore and they lie. So my skull, by Mexican law, has to be 100% pure agave. So there's no, you can't lie. Oh. It has to be. It's the best product. Okay. So like a doctor, there are, you can Google this. Doctors will say like, obviously we don't recommend drinking, but if you do drink, you should drink my skull. It's the cleanest that there is. Okay. So our blend. And the other thing is, tequila is only made from blue Weber of gave, which is one type of

Vagave species. Yeah. My scala can be made from like 80 different types. Oh. So ours is a blend, which really is light on the smoke. Okay. And when I, I remember I drank this and I was like, I woke up the next day and I'm like, I don't understand.

I drank so much. Like, how am I feeling fine? I did a yoga class. I was like, this is not normal. And he was like, because you drink my scow. Wait, I love that. Okay. I'm going to totally switch.

And it, it completely, it converted me. I've converted a lot of people. I can't wait to try this because I normally hate Mascal. I'm telling you. It's so good. Okay. I'm so excited to try. So good.

Yeah. Because it, no, there was like olive oil I saw in the, I was like there was a bottle. Oh, cross. I couldn't send. Yes. No, I know. But, um. Trust me.

I would have. But no, I'm so excited to get into the whole box. And so then I'm some tequila when we're cooking. So good. Mezcal. What's your favorite drink? Yes. Um, I like, I really, it's so smooth.

You'll see. It's very smooth. It's delicious. I'm going to do it like on it down. You're going to pregame with it. Okay. I wish you were closer. We could come over and get dressed with me.

But I like it like on the rocks with any fruit that I have. Perfect. I just like to squeeze a little fruit and that's all I need. It doesn't even need anything. It really doesn't. I love that. Okay. If someone told you five years ago that you would be a real housewife, what would you have said?

I don't think I would fit into that crew. How did the reboot come about for you? Were you initially opposed? So fast and so random. Initially approached. So fast and so random. Remember how? how Lizzie was on the show.

Uh-huh. So she called me. She was living in Dallas. Okay. And she said, I need to find an apartment. Can you help me? And I'm like, sure. What are you moving for?

And she said, oh, I was actually going to be on Dallas Housewives. But now they're rebooting New York and I'm going to be on the New York one. And then while we were talking about it, I was like, that's so funny. She was like, you would actually be perfect. They're looking for more people. This was in like mid-May. Okay. I'm like, okay.

Like, I'll talk to them. I started talking to them by July 1st, which I will never forget because it was my 35th birthday. I got a call with the offer. So for me, it was like out of nowhere. Like, it just literally dropped out of nowhere into my hands. And I was just like, I'm a yes person. I say yes to too much. But.

Me too. It's a problem. I'm trying to be better about that. I'm like trying to say no. Yeah. Which I'm learning how to do. Yeah. When do you guys start filming again?

Like, you genuinely don't know. Generally, I do not. That's so frustrating. Like, I think I know, but I really don't know. I think you know, but you have no idea. I have no idea. Who from your cast do you see regularly? I see Jenna, Jessel, sigh.

I see Uba, but she like kind of lives far now. Yeah. Oh, she in Connecticut? Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Last season ended on a really tough note for your group. I'm just, I'm just so happy that people finally see it.

Yeah. Like, I can't even tell you. It's like everyone was betting on that horse. Yeah. But I mean, I thought you handled it really well. You know. Did I? I was like traumatized. I think you extended grace and empathy, but also you held certain behavior accountable. Right. So. Well, I loved her. Yeah. I mean, I really wanted the best for her. I really thought that I wanted her to win. Yeah. I really did. But it was just, it got to a point where it was just like, I can't defend this behavior. Yeah. I saw she posted she was walking away from the show. And you mentioned recently she blocked you on. social media as well. Mm-hmm.

Did something new happen off-camera? Nothing. Interesting. She's like, hello. So it was just like out of nowhere. Like, she's like, remember me? Yeah. She's trying to get my attention.

I don't know why she would do that. I have not done one thing or said anything. Interesting. It's just like, this is the erratic behavior that I'm just so like. And no insight from other friends of like. Everyone's like what? No one talks to her. No.

Interesting. The Roney OG sometimes throws shade at the, the reboot if one of them all the time oh if one of them were to be brought on to your cast who do you think would be the most organic fit maybe carroll that's what i was going to say yeah okay yeah i actually really like her if the show doesn't come back could you see yourself on a different show in this space i don't know maybe my own show yeah I don't think I would want that. Honestly, I don't think I would want it.

If you did your own show, though, would you do something more formatted with real estate design, like lifestyle, space, or? I think it would just be a natural part of my life. Like, I work so much that would just be a natural integration. But I have a huge family. Yeah. There's a lot of shit that goes on in my family. Right.

Like a lot. Like a lot. Yeah, but I don't see, I don't know if I would want it. Because it's scary. Yeah. And I feel like when you have your own show and you don't have the ensemble cast, It is a lot to carry. So much.

And you have to share so much. You do. But, you know, but I mean, in my family is very interesting. I would watch it. If it happens, I would watch it. Any advice you would give to the Vanderpump Rules newbies who are now joining an established legacy show. And that's for you to give.

Well, I'm just, no, but you're on a reboot show. Oh, I see. I see. You know, it's like they're joining a show with a loyal fan base who's. It's going to be tough. I saw every comment was negative on every post. It's going to be rough for them. Yeah.

It's going to be rough for them. Okay. I would say like, keep your head up. Yeah, keep your head up and just deal with it. And also like be friends with you guys. Yeah. That's what I would say. And I'm friends with a couple of the girls.

So they've asked me for advice. Yeah. Giving them entertainment lawyers to talk to. Also, I feel like you'll be their best like sounding board. Yeah. They'll need that. I wish we were closer with OGs at the time. Right.

They just didn't like us at all. Yeah. Yeah, you took their jobs. Yeah, well, sorry. All right, I'm going to rapid fire a few questions and then I'm going to wrap it up. What is one snack you hide so the kids don't find it? My popcorn. Favorite Halloween candy?

Twix. If you had to leave New York, where would you move? Miami. If you had to join the cast of another Bravo show, which one? Miami. Which castmate style inspires you the most? Castmate? Yeah.

For my show? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe Jenna. Okay. I like it. Taxi or Uber? Taxi.

Oh. Yeah. Then they can't trace you if someone kidnaps you. No one's kidnapping anyone. I know. Just love a yellow cab. The faster, they know how to drive. I like it.

Most up-and-coming New York neighborhood. They're all already there. But I'd probably say like Fidei. Okay. Go to karaoke song. Britney Spears anything. Yes. Or in sync.

I love rock and roll. Britney Spears is my go-to. Love. Like, I just am such a millennial. Yeah. Signature scent. Like a lemony, lemon grass. Like, I'm a very beechy scent kind of girl.

Last thing you bought from an Instagram or TikTok ad. I never do. But I, oh, oh my God, have you seen this? It's like the nail polish with a pen. No. I bought it for Layla. It's like a pen nail polish thing. And then you can, like, do designs, but you can actually paint your nails with a pen.

I'm going to need to get that too. She's going to love it. I love that. what is your most used emoji probably the heart eyes yeah biggest ick when like

from like a guy anything yeah well when people cough a lot I hate that disgusting and also when a guy is like just like two on top of you or in two is also disgusting

and meanwhile oh should we put him on speaker yeah Abe the babe how was the babe how was the marathon he didn't run that was from a few years ago

like I realized that people think we ran it. We both ran it. Wow. I'm in the middle of the podcast. You're aware. Oh, no. I was not aware. But hi. Check the schedule. Check the schedule. Okay, love you. Bye. I'm just so useless. All right. I'll talk to you later. Favorite dish from your book that always impresses? Probably schnitzel. Okay. So what's next for you? More books, new ventures? I don't know about more books. I can't do another book tour. I think I'm going to really hone in and focus now on Mescaloom. Yeah. It's like really becoming an incredible business. Yeah. It always was, but like now our

sales have just really skyrocketed. It's very exciting. It's really exciting. Can't we to try it later. Yeah. We have a booth at BravoCon. Oh, amazing. I will be going there as well. Yeah. Well, that's like, we always have a line around the corner because people want to drink. Can I skip the line? Yes, obviously. You can come behind the booth. Perfect. I think that's it like just yeah I love it you've got so much going on I hope to be able to watch more of it soon where can the listeners find she's a host um it's on amazon barns and noble all the local bookstores um but yeah order the book and I actually am doing a bravo con giveaway yay but it's like this probably won't be out in time okay right this comes out Friday okay well get it in on Friday because you send a screenshot of that you bought a book I'm putting like I'm giving away a ticket I love that. I did that too. You did? Well, not tickets.

I didn't think about that. You're giving away a ticket. But we did like give away things. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Send us screenshot to Julia at Arandanalici.com. Okay.

And you'll be, I mean, I have a bunch, but I'm going to select them. Maybe I'll select them Friday. I'll let this come out. I love that. That's so awesome. Well, thank you for being here. Thank you all for listening. And make sure to head to your favorite bookstore, retailer, scoop up your very own copy of

She's a host, an unbuttoned cookbook for Elegant Entertainment. And Aaron and I will all see you next week in a provocon. Yes. Thanks for listening to shenanigans with Shea Shea. Tune in next time for juicy updates from the world of reality TV, pop culture, and more. Download new episodes every week on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.