SCP: Find Us Alive - 17: Monster Testing

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Site-107 conducts some monster tests. The Departments prepare for Psychology's morale project. Love has a secret. This episode was written by Anna Maguire and features the voices of Logan Laidlaw (Harley), Jackson McMurray (Lancaster), Tabi Bardall (Agent Love), Taschia Ritter (Klein) and Anna Maguire (Raddagher). Original music by Jackson McMurray. Follow us on Twitter @Site107 or visit findusalivepodcast.com for updates, info, art, and more. CONTENT WARNINGS: creature death, animal experimentation, needles. Join us on Patreon for exclusive behind-the-scenes content! Word of mouth is the best advertising, so be sure to share with your friends if you like the show! This podcast and all content relating to the SCP Foundation are released under a Creative Commons Sharealike 3.0 license. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Don't be such a baby. It hurts so bad. I still have broken ribs, you know. I see the light. I'm dying. No, you're not. It hurts more than being shot. No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. But it still stinks. Suck it up, Buttercup. I'm almost done. Stop moving around. You'll make it worse. Note, colon. Impact testing, period.

So, comma, it didn't do much, period, just as I thought, period. No marks left on the dash one, comma, but there was one on the main skip, period. It's still there, I think, period. We're going to test how long before it goes away, period. Because I hypothesize that it will fade eventually, period. Knock knock? Oh, where's love? Peeing.

Oh. Uh, well, hey, can you sign this for me? No. What is it? No. It's a petition. It's for my morale project. Shown told me that if I get a sweeping majority...

Do I get to be on Love's team? I thought you said you weren't going to sign it. I want to be on Love's team. Yeah. I mean, yeah, sure. You can be on her team. No problem. So, how are you guys doing?

It seems like you're getting along a lot better lately. Don't you have a job? Well, Ragger, it's 9.30. I get off at 5. And I, what would we spend? We're not getting paid in here. No, I don't have a job. Oh.

I'm just happy to see you making a friend. I just, I worry about you sometimes. Not friends, co-workers. Well, I'm happy to see you having co-workers. And I'm glad you're not by yourself anymore. Do you want me to leave you alone? Yes. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, we can't find a connection between surface variation and wildcard effects. I think it might be totally random after all. Not unheard of, unfortunately. All right, what do you guys think of for tomorrow? All right, I can sign off on that. You've talked to Alves about safety measures, including planning for breaches? Great. Tell me what you're planning on using first?

All right, that's a go for me. Don't make it yourselves, though. Have one of the D-Class take care of that. I don't think making the initial dash one is going to do any overt damage, but you can't be too careful. Wait, wait, on second thought, have one of them start the dash one and then make it back to safety before it completes itself.

If we do get a dash two, though, terminate immediately. I'm not up for monster tests until we have better safety measures. Great. Cool. Bye. Sit. No, sit. Stop moving around. Here, like this. No! Love, can I get you to take a look at this? What is that?

This is dump truck. What is dump truck? He used to be a potato. And then what happened? I carved a dash one into him. So which part is the front part? I don't... I don't think he has a front.

What does it do? Why did you... Why did you do this? I'm training him. Love, why? Look, I don't have to explain anything to you, okay? What do you get off my dick? Look, you're stressing him out.

How can you possibly tell? I can read him like a book. Okay. Like a book, Lancaster. Okay. Please don't tell Klein. I won't. If you sign this.

Thank you. Dump truck. Sick him. And good try, buddy. So, how to go? We found a beetle. Just one regular beetle? No, we dash two to beetle.

Yeah? How'd you manage that? We cut a dash one into its back. That does not sound like an easy task. Easy enough once you get the mark started, it finished by itself. It went surprisingly quickly, too. 32 seconds. Figure on bigger stuff it'd take 32 minutes, 3.2 minutes, that kind of thing.

Ah. Anyway, it went from like three centimeters to half a meter in size. So, becoming huge appears to be symptom. Like the spider. Just like the damn spider. What are you scratching at? Oh, it's just my new tattoo. Hey, you don't scratch those.

You'll screw up the ink. Wait, did you say new tattoo? What do you mean new tattoo? Where did you get a tattoo from? Agent Love gave it to me. It's just a little circle. Do I even want to know? I'm just doing a little experiment to my own, that's all.

All right, whatever. So, bugs then. is that something we should really be worried about, being underground and all? I don't know, maybe. Your spider was the only bug dash, too, we've had outside the testing chamber. I guess ants are the most common bug we have down here, but I don't know. You think it could do a whole colony at once? Yeah, I don't think I want to find out the answer to that one.

What about animals? Aside from the lab mice and Masterson's birds, there aren't really any others in here that we know about. You're going to do a test on one of those mice? Maybe. Dash 2 outside containment, green level threat. We got people on that? Great. Effective as always, containment.

Is it terminated? Great. What was it? An ant? All right, cool. All right, bring it back to the chamber. Any sign of spatial distortion from that thing? Good.

All alert research that you're on your way. Well, yeah, but it's not research as... They're not trained for... Hey, alright, come on. I could catch that thing if I really want it to. I just... Don't want to. Yeah, yeah, whatever containment.

We'll see about that. Have you signed psychology's proposal? Good, because, respectfully, we're going to... Let me check my notes. Uh, yeah, hand you your own asses. Uh-huh, yeah, all right. Yeah, we'll see about that.

Hey, I'm working on getting botany and medical to sign, but they said they were going to need... Oh, stop. You can't just come in here looking like that and just start talking like everything is normal. What do you mean? Dr. Lancaster. What are you wearing? Cutoffs. Cutoffs?

Yeah, we're going to reset soon. Who cares? Containment won't sign off unless they're on this team because they can't cooperate with research. But we can't have security and containment. and maintenance all on the same team. Why can't you move maintenance? Security only signed because I told them they could be with maintenance, because they're friends now.

Okay, switch research with engineering. But then where do I put botany? In jail? No. Fine, hand me a pen, Daisy Dukes. They were going to kill it from the beginning. Research doesn't make dash twos without a plan to terminate them. That doesn't help.

Sorry. Why do they have to kill the ones that aren't even mean? It wasn't even doing anything. The dash twos? Yeah. From all kinds of anomalies, I mean. By nature, living anomalies don't fit into any ecological niche, so they could technically be categorized as invasive species and if left unchecked.

Yeah, I know, I know. I did the orientation, too. There's one starting in the west corner of the canteen. Dash one by the salad bar thing. Somebody go get it! Do you really buy all that stuff? What? Everything about how bad anomalies are.

Yes? Why? I've seen what some of them can do. When? Breach, at 17, last year. They outsourced remote feeds to some of us while they restaffed. Did you ever see anybody? Yes.

Frequently. I'm sorry. Don't be. It's how it works. Hey, did the shrink make you sign that thing? Yes. Well, are you actually going to do it? What the hell is all that?

Air duct blueprints. Nice! Nice. Hey, if I show you something, will you swear on your mom's life that you won't tell anyone? My mom's dead. Will you swear on her grave? Yes. All right.

I'll be back in a sec. And here we are again. From what I understand, the next reset should happen in a few hours. If the cycle continues, I'm anxious to see if my theory works. I'd like to be more useful if I can. Radiger showed me a still from the two that escaped. It was an ant, so it was about the size of a football, maybe. I could have punted that thing across the site with my good leg.

The others are getting ready for it. Psychology's big project. I opted for a unique role in the whole thing, so I'm just staying up here. Got my intercom, got my camera feeds, got a big bag, a microwave, Popcorn. Had to win a checkers game against Dr. Few for it. And now I'm just waiting. Waiting for however the hell this turns out.

Another cycle has gone and passed then. I hesitate to say anything that could jinx us, but this one didn't feel terrible. We'll see. Made some progress with the testing on the skip. Don't know what's going to come of that, though. Not a ton of information that will help us escape, but definitely some manner of interesting new discoveries. There really isn't anything quite like learning, is there?

When you break it all down to its bare essentials, we're still academics. Underneath all the shadows and supernatural phenomena, we're still kids watching bugs in a jar. Except for the times that we are kids burning ants under a magnifying glass, because sometimes we are. are that as well. But it's fascinating to watch all the... Oh, are we ready? The time has come. And, uh, under your eyes, that's... Ink of the ballpoint pen.

Research should study you next. The time for jokes has passed. There is only the game now. Does that mean everybody's ready and everything? All set up. Yeah, everything's all set up. You excited. Oh, you have no idea. You certainly look like it. Okay, go. Go hide or whatever. I'll get a...

started. I'll be a changed man when next we meet. Sounds good. Okay, see ya. A small foundation research site where monsters lurk, teams strategize, and all the lights have been turned off. Welcome

staff and personnel to the first of its kind. Welcome to Site 107, capture the flag. Episode 17 was written and produced by Anna Maguire. The voice of Harley is Logan Laidlaw. The voice of Lancaster is Jackson McMurray.

The voice of Klein is Tasha Ritter. The voice of Agent Love is Tabby Bardol. The voice of Radiger is Anna Maguire. If you like our show and want to support us, follow us on Twitter at Site 107 or visit find us alivepodcast.com. This podcast, along with all content relating to the SCP Foundation, is released under a creative comments share. like 3.0 license. Thank you for listening.