SCP: Find Us Alive - 26: Voids and Ventures

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Let's play a game. This episode was written by Anna Maguire and features the voices of Logan Laidlaw (Harley), Jackson McMurray (Lancaster), Tabi Bardall (Agent Love), Taschia Ritter (Klein) and Anna Maguire (Raddagher). Original theme by Jackson McMurray. Additional music by Alexander Nakarada (www.serpentsoundstudios.com) Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License. CONTENT WARNINGS: animal death mention, blood. Follow us on Twitter @Site107 or visit findusalivepodcast.com for updates, info, art, and more. Join us on Patreon for exclusive behind-the-scenes content! Word of mouth is the best advertising, so be sure to share with your friends if you like the show! This podcast and all content relating to the SCP Foundation are released under a Creative Commons Sharealike 3.0 license. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey everybody, Anna here, writer and director of Find Us Alive. We have some new patrons to shout out today. A big thank you to Kevin Garcia, Marlboro's and Shine, The Bousan, and Mitchell Vivian. We appreciate you all very much. If you'd like to join them, go to patreon.com slash find us alive and check out our rewards. Thanks again and enjoy the episode. Good evening, everyone. Happy Saturday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you could make it. Oh, me too. All right. Did everyone read the rules I sent you? Yes.

No. I also did not read it. Whatever. It's not super hard. You'll get the hang of it. Can I have the triangle one? No. You only need these two.

Percentile dice. Then what do I use? We only have the two sets, so I get one and the rest of you will have to share. Why do you get your own? Because I'm the game master, which you would know if you read the PDF I sent you. Whatever. Let's get started. Harley, please introduce your character.

With pleasure, my character is an elven wizard named Glorndall Fences, arcane knight of the forest realm, defender of the helpless, beloved by... Oh, great. Radiger? Metal Construct Fighter. Does your character have a name? No. Cool. Uh, love, how about yours?

I'm a goblin ranger named Skunkass. Skunk ass. Yeah, but it means something different in the goblin length. Which. Oh, and she has an animal sidekick who's a big, huge wolf. And what's its name? Balto. Okay, so I am the minstrel of Mysteria who's...

Well, you don't know his real name yet. He's a human bard with a dark secret. And he killed Glorindoll's parents. Shut up. No, he didn't. What the hell, Harley? He didn't... I don't know what he's talking about.

All right, players. Welcome to Outer Kingdoms. The best fantasy tabletop role-playing game of 1996. We open on an ordinary tavern in a not-so-a-old town. The guard draws a sword and holds it to Glorndall's throat. That cave and everything therein belongs to the Stone King. I spit in his face and... The Stone King's corruption has long been a plague upon this land and its good people.

And I will not. I tell the guy to leave us alone. And how do you do that? Talk to him. All right. What's your social score? Uh, 60. 60?

Damn. I rolled high. Damn, all right. Roll social. I got an 01 and a 7. That's a 17. Whoa. Is that good?

Lower's better. Yeah, you talk to the shit out of that guard. In front of. of the Stone King's dungeon is a large stone statue of a knight, holding an enormous sword. It reads, no entry without the king's seal. Should we attack it? How big is it? It's about 20 feet tall.

Oh, yikes. Wait, wait, no, I have an idea. Go for it. The missile steps forward and he says, Mm-hmm. Do you have the king's seal? Oh, my God. What?

What accent is that supposed to be? It's Mysterian. I don't know. I didn't decide to do one until just now. You should stop. No, no, he should keep doing it. You are locked in, Lancaster. Bolto does a bite attack. Roll for combat. 89?

Bolto, the giant wolf, jumps at the troll snapping his jaws, but the troll leaps out of the way. Damn it! Bad luck. The troll makes a count. Honor attack, swinging its club at Balto. What's Balto's defense stat? 45. The troll got a 23.

No! Troll's club does eight points of damage. Eight? Fuck! How's Balto looking? He only has four left. Shit. Well, we'll see how the dice land.

Hey, well, it's your fault for picking the clash with a pet. I punched the minstrel. And this weird little mud creature looks at you and says, Please, noble heroes, do not mash me into a paste. I can tell you how to unlock the chamber. Glorndall flourishes his magical rapier and says, I say we show this foul muddling mercy. We wrought enough destruction upon his kind today.

We should keep him. What? We should keep him. He should join the party. No. Hi, my name is Skunkass. Want to join our party? I'm just here to tell you how to open this door.

What's your name? Oh. Pickles. My name is, uh, Ronaldo Futurnezzar. Honorable Ronaldo Futurerson, tell us how to open yonder big-ass door. It'll only open with the proper combination of pitches, your lords and ladyships. Oh, oh, that's a music thing. Lancaster!

Lancaster. What are you drawing? Hello! Or to Lancaster! Uh, yeah. I'm sorry, what did I miss? What are you doing? Uh, okay, I'm just doodling.

I don't know. Sorry, I'm listening. Great. Ronaldo Fusia Derson explains that only the correct pitches in the proper order will open the door. Does Rinaldo Future Derson have a family? What? No. He came out of the mud like three minutes ago.

Focus, dear companions. Lest we forget that the town. is counting upon us. The town can suck my balls. I'm here to get paid. Okay, so I've got this. I've got this. The minstrel raises his lute and... That's probably not it. Roll a general percentage. A two!

The door opens. Hey! Yes! The creature reaches down and smacks Renaudo Fusha Derson, swatting him through the air like... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Come on! Just had a break.

I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll be right back. I'm going to. All right, hurry back. Okay, okay, okay. I rally everyone to my side. Comrades! To me! I lay face down on the ground! We've been through many terrible events this dark week.

I know that the future looks dire. It really seems like we're heading into the fight of our lives after... I used the rest of my abilities on the mimic. Yeah, we're... We're pretty out of juice. I don't think Klein is going to let us... best before the big fight. Oh, I give him my last, uh, bard bonus.

How do you do that? I'll allow it. But I have faith in our party. I have faith in the bond of our friendship. And I know that together we will all see. Klein fudge more rolls to keep Love's dog alive. I'm not fudging rolls. The Stone Queen looks down at you.

I draw my... Rediger, you look like you've got an idea. Yes, I talk to her. What do you say? Um, they say that the world is okay, actually, and that she shouldn't let the Stone King kill everybody. I back them up. Do the voice.

But the robot person is, the robot person is right. You should, you should listen to them. All right, roll social. Big money, no amyce. The nameless robot never rolls wammies. Two. Two total? Yes.

Wow, that's a complete success. All right. Um, the Stone Queen considers your reasoning for a while. She leans forward stroking her chin. You really care about all these humans? In spite of all the terrible things they've done to you all? Yes.

Balto goes for the ankle. I want to get his Achilles tendon. 24! That's a hit. How much damage does Bolto's bite do? Six! Nice. Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Balto lands a hefty bite on the Stone King. I want to sever the tendon! I'm going to need a separate roll for that one. Seventy! Woo! The Stone King roars in anger and pain. Stumbling backwards as Balto's sharp teeth cut through the back of his leg.

Good boy, Balto! Nice work, skunkass! And the Stone King reels back his sword to strike at the wolf latched onto his leg. 62! That's a miss. Show us. What? Yeah, what? Show us the roll.

I'm not fudging rules. Malto hasn't gotten hit once since he dropped below half his HP. I just keep missing. Well then I don't see why there should be a problem with showing us the dice! I knew it! Damn it, Harley! You're gonna get my dog killed! Roll fudger!

Just want everybody to! The game has rules. It's about integrity. The rules can suck my balls. Everybody shut up! How much damage is it? Seven. How much does Balto... He's dead.

Not yet. Hold your horses. Roll a body safe. If he succeeds, he's just unconscious. Why are you so sweaty? I don't, I don't know. 41. Uh-oh.

That's a failure, love. I'm sorry. It's Harley's foe! I'm sorry! I want a sacrifice glove box to bring Balto back to life. Okay, my name's Glorindoll. Sacrifice! Wait, can I sacrifice myself? That's your turn, you tell me.

Glorindal sees Balto fall beneath the blade of the stone king and is overcome with grief and rage. He raises his staff and... Ow! Lancaster, what the fuck? Sorry. Was that your pencil? It was an accident.

I didn't. What happened? He fucking stabbed me. What? It was an accident. It was a accident. accident. I was just moving too fast. Oh, you're bleeding.

I know! Ow! Oh, come on. It's not that bad. I've got a band-aid right here. I'm so sorry. Do I need to give you a crayon or something instead, man? It was an accident. It was an accident. It's fine, whatever. You did that on purpose? No, no, I didn't.

I saw you. I didn't... Love, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Yes, you did. Whoa. All right, sit down. It's just a little scratch. Yeah, it's really not that bad. I was just exaggerating. What's wrong with you?

With me? What's wrong with you? Nothing. Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about. Liar! What's this? I don't know.

They're doodles. Why did you go all the way into the bathroom to draw this? Did you follow me to the bathroom? Something is wrong with you. Maybe we should take a break. Cool off a little bit. You don't believe me. He said it was an accident.

I should... No. Let her go. Do you feel better now? I'm angry. How is it? It stopped bleeding. I think there's a piece of lead in there, though. Do you really think it was an accident?

Yeah. Why are you so dead-said on thinking it was on purpose? I don't think it was an accident. Why not? Because I don't. Am I paranoid? What? I think he's acting weird.

Nobody else does. I don't think you're crazy or anything, if that's what you're worried about. I'm not. I know you're not. But I don't know how to answer that. Maybe? Maybe you're paranoid? Everything's fucked up all the time. Trying to tell when someone is acting weird in here is like

trying to get my colorblind brother to pick out of paint swatch. Something's wrong. Everything is wrong. Want to hold the boy? Maybe you'll feel better. Sure. Besides, you'll be fine anyway. Hmm?

If something is wrong, I won't let anything bad happen to you. Or, you know, anybody else. Oh. Plenty of shits fucked up in here. We've made it this far. We'll be all right. Promise. Yeah, promise.

Episode 26 was written and produced by Anna McGuire. The voice of Harley is Logan Laidlaw. The voice of Lancaster is Jackson McMurray. The voice of Klein is Tasha Ritter. The voice of Agent Love is Tabby Bardol. The voice of Radiger is Anna McGuire. original theme by Jackson McMurray. Additional music by Alexander Nakarata. If you like our show and want to support us, follow us on Twitter at Site107 or visit Find Usalivepodcast.com. This podcast, along with all content relating to the SCP Foundation, is released under a Creative Commons share-a-like 3.0 license. Thank you for listening.