SCP: Find Us Alive - 53: Optional Fun

Episode Date: May 3, 2024

Harley teaches Raddagher how to go to a party. Lancaster hosts a movie screening. This episode was written by Anna Maguire and features the voices of Logan Laidlaw (Harley), Jackson McMurray (Lancaster), Tasch Ritter (Klein), Tabi Bardall (Love), and Anna Maguire (Raddagher). Original music by Jackson McMurray. Sign up for our newsletter at findusalivepodcast.com for updates, info, art, and more. Join us on Patreon for exclusive behind-the-scenes content! Word of mouth is the best advertising, so be sure to share with your friends if you like the show! This podcast and all content relating to the SCP Foundation are released under a Creative Commons Sharealike 3.0 license. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hello, listeners, it's me, Anna. Writer and Director of Find Us Alive and your Meme Studies Professor. You have ten shitposts do at midnight, and they'd better do numbers. We have some new patrons. Simping for the Piper? Raya. Ittrium I-2F? I think.

Silry. K.D.K. Narlie Elf. Ashmedai. Will. Dallas Nazar. Fox. Let Harley and Lancaster.

Kiss, you cowards, Cyrus, Joseph Dufour, and Jethins One. Thank you all for your generosity and support. We could not do what we do without your help. If you like this show and want to help keep roofs over our heads while we make it, check out our Patreon rewards at patreon.com slash find us alive, or you can make a one-time donation at find us alivepodcast.com under the support tab. That's patreon.com slash find us alive. Thank you for listening and enjoy the episode. I hate to say it. It's getting muggy. I feel bad for making fun of Harley now.

We'll be fine. I feel like I'm just a little bit out of breath all the time. Yep. I was expecting it to be hotter? Why? I don't know. You know how it feels when you sit under a blanket for a long time? I don't know.

Are you worried about the party? Yes. Harley's party, I mean. Oh, no. Really? Really? It's a lot of people in one room. Medical has plans to keep it from getting too bad in there. And they're going to have fans running, right?

All of them. As many as we've got. Welcome everyone to Dr. Harley's Party Time Academy. Did you bring the special guest? Right here. Excellent. We'll make use of him later. Officer Radiger, let us begin your first lesson. Hmm? I'm Dr. Harley. Nice to meet you.

I'm doing a... I'm confused. Okay, let's start over. You want to go to a party. My party. Yes. What are you hoping to get out of said party? I don't know.

Fun? What are we doing at it? I don't know yet. I still have some time to figure it out. Another question. Why this one? You don't usually go for this kind of thing. Has something changed?

I don't know. I like you. well, and security. Some of engineering is okay. The party is happening tomorrow night. How do you feel? Not great, huh? Hmm.

What are you nervous about? I don't know. The people... Yeah. And the situations. Yeah. Possibly the smells. A lot of the smells.

All of these are things we can deal with. I'm worried I won't have fun. Oh, fantastic news. Everyone worries about that. Really? Of course. We're adults. Every time we plan something fun, we spend about 70% of the time anxious that we're not having enough fun. Or the right kind of fun.

Oh. So if you're having any fun at all, you're already ahead of the curve. Okay. What do you think is fun? Reading. Good. Specifically about sailing ships. All right. I know you can talk about that a lot.

I can assume your knots are also part of that, correct? Yes. What else? What did you do in your free time on the outside? Not much, that's okay. Have you ever been to an aquarium? Once? Did you enjoy it?

Yes. What about movies? They're fine. Music? Dump truck. Shake. So there may be some bits and pieces of this party that are fun for you and some that are not. We'll figure it out, like we've done with all our other gatherings.

Oh, oh, he's shook. You picked up his foot. And he wiggled it. Good boy. We were. I mean, the original plan was to have my party and Harley's party on the same day. But everybody's worried about the air and, and I'm worried about the air. So it's tonight instead, which is fine.

I guess it'll be a little safer. I am nervous. I mean, not because I think any of the D-class are going to hurt me or anyone. else. I mean, we'll have security there, even if something goes wrong, but I don't think anything well. I just want everybody to have a good time. I want it to be fun for all of them. They haven't gotten to do much, and I just want it to be nice. I think I'm worried about the conference room looks nice. It's not like we have an infinite supply of decorations. We just, there's just a few streamers and things in some of the closets for birthdays and holidays.

I think, I think it's not terrible. But maybe it looks a little silly. Being something of an expert in the art of talking a lot, I'm going to give you some conversation tips. Okay. The best way to have a good conversation is to be fascinated with whoever you're talking to. I don't know what you mean. A fascinated, curious. You have to be more curious about them than you are concerned.

About yourself. I know you don't like talking to strangers. Yeah. Why not? Because they usually don't like me. And why is that? I don't know. Okay. Try with me.

Pretend I'm a stranger. Wow. I had such a great time on my vacation in Cancun. Blah! Don't make her ask about your dumb vacation. That's the worst kind of conversation. Okay. Okay.

Uh, how about... I just got a promotion. at my job. Okay. Say something else about it. Congratulations. Ask a... What is your job?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I designed those claw machines you see in arcades. I make sure they're rigged so you can't win. They're rigged so you can't win? Okay. You're asked about your conversation, partner. How do you rig them? Well, um...

With magic. Yeah, I use magic. What's your... Favorite kind of magic. Excellent. Now you're getting it. Yay. Okay.

Okay. It seems it looks okay. It looks okay. I've got a few more minutes before security brings them up, and I'm going to pretend I'm doing something of value by recording these. It doesn't, it won't matter in a couple of days anyway. But I'm just, I'm getting my thoughts straight. We reserve one of the smaller conference rooms.

I mean, there's only going to be, what, 11 people in here, including me and a couple of security guards. And there's not really anywhere we can move the conference table, so we're just going to sit around it. Put the movie on the projector with somebody's laptop. I mean, not that, I don't, it doesn't really matter if they watch the movie or not. It's not like it's anything good. I just, I don't, I don't really care if they end up just talking or eating the snacks or I, I, I just want everybody to have a good time, that's all. All the decorations are red and yellow.

I wanted it to look like a movie theater, but now I'm looking at it, it really just looks like a circus. I really don't want them to think it's insulting. I think it is insulting. Actually, this is stupid. It looks like a goddamn birthday party. It's juvenile. God, they're going to be here any second.

I don't want them to walk in. on me tearing everything down, but it looks so stupid. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. They're not going to care. All right, he's almost arranged. Do you have a wig lying around anywhere? There's a T-shirt on the floor. That'll work.

I don't think this is going to... We're experimenting. It's all part of the scientific method. Don't let the ends get tangled in his feet. I don't think he has enough of a foot for that to be an issue. And voila! Now he's ready. Wait, move the sunglasses down a little?

Yep. There. Ingrid, I'd like you to meet my friend. Dump Truxdiffer. Look into his eyes. He doesn't have eyes. Just pretend. I don't like looking at actual people's eyes.

We're using him as a stand-in for a person. But he's not a person. Just pretend, Ingrid. But it's not the same as talking to a person. Uh, actually, I think you're right. It's not the same. Love, I have an idea. Yeah, can I see you in the hall for a moment?

Sure. Up and bring that shirt and that hoodie over there. Okay. We'll be right back. Dr. Smith, nice to meet you. And I'm... I'm Dr. Uh... Aneurism.

My assistant and best friend... Dr. Anurism! Yep, that's me. Great party, isn't it? Yeah. So you're with security? What's that like? It's fine.

I drive a motorcycle. Where do you work? We're in research. Yeah, but I'm also a vigilante at nighttime, and I have a sword. Okay. Oh, and I have an anomaly, and I can shoot lasers out of my one good eye. I don't think anyone at this party will... Just go out that we're having fun.

But I can't... Do you have any powers, Dr. Smith? As a matter of fact, I... Engrid! Shit. Are you busy? I'm going at Masterson. Can you come to surveillance?

Not right now. I'm really busy with the yelling. Maybe after. When is the movie over? Early in love. Are you free? Okay, so what happened with your party training? Yeah, no, no, it's still going.

They're still watching the, yeah, yeah, it's still going. Why would I be scared of... No, no, no, no, I'm not scared. It's just... It's just... Yeah, one second. I'm just thinking. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, it, um, I looked in through the window and the door, and they,

and they actually looked like they were having fun. They were talking to each other and laughing, and, um, Burnett and Emanuel from security were kind of, they were squished in the corner. They weren't saying anything. And when I came back in, they all, like, it all stopped. Hey, is everything, is something wrong? Sure, but are you okay?

All right, and you wanted me up here? Well, good. I need, um, I need a distraction. I mean, it is, but, um, but... This is stupid. I feel like an asshole. Oh, shut up. I'm serious. I mean, this is gonna sound, I don't know, childish, okay? But I just, I wish it was going well with me there, with me there. Security says things livened up a lot after I left there, um,

I mean, they're staying out of the way, but they're sending me updates, and it seems like all the D-class are actually enjoying themselves. Yeah, it's great. It really is. It's great, and it just, it feels like shit that it makes me so... I guess... Mad isn't quite right. Maybe. I know, and that's why I feel bad, because there's a part of me that still kind of feels like it should be a little bit.

about me, like I put in so much work for them, and it's, I worried so much about how it would go. I don't know what I want. I worked really hard for this, and it just feels anticlimactic. Well, what I wanted was, I was hoping I could connect with some of them somehow, and I just, I, I failed that completely. Okay, you're not always a ray of sunshine yourself. Well, I don't pretend to be either. I'm just trying to write the wrongs. Yeah.

So what about you? Why are you already back in here? Okay, I doubt they were making fun of you. What happened? I mean, you know you don't have to do anything his way. Well, you don't have to talk to anybody or do anything at the party. You can just show up. Radiger, nobody will care if you just stand in a corner the whole time.

Nobody's watching you. Nobody's thinking about what you're doing. They're all going to be too busy worrying about themselves. Well, then, you can leave. We'll be happy to see you, even if you're only there for five minutes. You don't have to stay. You're fine doing things the way that you do things. Okay, I mean, I'll stop worrying about it if you stop worrying about it.

A quiet moment to myself. A few minutes to make something that passes for art on my prime real estate wall. I heard Rediger's feelings today. I didn't mean to. I started having a little too much fun with it. Love as well. I think things are mostly smoothed over now. Love told me they talked, but Ingrid isn't ready to speak to me yet. I'll apologize when she does. I do want her to have a good time. I want us all to have a good time.

And I think it will be. I've put a lot of work into this. I'm painting many stick figures. It's supposed to be us, one of the only things I can do. And it's giving me time to rack my brain about what to do at the party. What are you painting? Everybody, stick figures. Looks kind of cool. Yeah, that's not so bad. How would Lancaster's party go? Great, from what I hear.

From security. Lancaster left halfway through. Why's that? They didn't like him. He couldn't handle it. Oh, well, can't win them all. Yep. So, we're gonna need word on your final party plan.

Otherwise, we might be calling it off. Calling it off? And do what instead? I don't know. Twiddle our thumbs in our offices and wait for. the countdown. Can't do that. That's sacrilegious somehow.

Then what are we gonna do? Oh, that's the problem. With the O2 in such imminently short supply, I don't think we can afford most of our usual ideas. No games? They'd use up the air too quickly. No fight club? Same issue. Movie? That's a relatively O2 safe activity.

I think we'd get bored. We've done a lot of those, and I think we've already watched most of what we have. Hmm. We need something that is both new, but also very low impact, and preferably not non-destructive, something most people seem interested in already. Something quieter, probably. I need to make it up to Rattiger. And something I can put together in roughly 27 hours.

Well, you have fun thinking of something. I have to go brainstorm bird tests for next cycle. I don't know, maybe your stick person mural can be the focus. Well, the party can't be everyone standing around and looking at my... That's your what? I just had an idea. An idea for the rest of your mural wall? No.

Or, yes? I have to get to my office. I have to make an announcement. Can you just tell me now? No. Come on, why not? I don't want you to have a head start. Episode 53 was written and produced by Anna McGuire.

The voice of Harley is Logan Laidlaw. The voice of Klein is Tosh Ritter. The voice of Lancaster is Jackson McMurray. The voice of Agent Love is Tabby Bardol. The voice of Radiger is Anna McGuire. Original music by Jackson McMurray. If you like our show and want to support us, sign up for our newsletter at Find Usalifpodcast.com. This podcast, along with all content relating to the SCP Foundation, is released under a Creative Commons share-a-like 3.0 license.

Thank you for listening.